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Speaker 1: Hey to your Therapist listeners. It's Lori and Guy and

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Speaker 1: we have a quick update.

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Speaker 2: Many of you have told us that you get something

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Speaker 2: new out of each episode when you listen to it

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Speaker 2: again the second or third time. In fact, when we

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Speaker 2: listen to the episodes again, we also get takeaways we

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Speaker 2: didn't remember.

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Speaker 1: We're They're therapy is like that too. There are so

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Speaker 1: many learning moments in a session, and it's difficult to

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Speaker 1: absorb them all at once. So while we're not taping

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Speaker 1: new episodes right now, we are offering you our most

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Speaker 1: popular sessions as encores so that you can continue to

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Speaker 1: gain value from them.

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Speaker 2: We love doing the Therapists episodes, but we're each busy

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Speaker 2: with new and exciting projects that we hope you will love.

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Speaker 3: Just as much.

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Speaker 1: I have a new advice podcast called Since You Asked,

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Speaker 1: which you can get wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Speaker 2: And I have a new book coming out. It's called

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Speaker 2: Mind Overgrind, How to Break Free when work Hijacks your life,

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Speaker 2: and it will be published by Simon and Schuster. You

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Speaker 2: can find out more about it on my website.

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Speaker 1: You can learn more about these on our socials. And meanwhile,

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Speaker 1: we hope you find these Dear Therapists sessions as valuable

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Speaker 1: as we have making them for you. Hey, fellow travelers,

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Speaker 1: I'm Lori Gottlieb. I'm the author of Maybe You Should

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Speaker 1: Talk to Someone, and I write the Dear Therapist column

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Speaker 1: for The Atlantic.

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Speaker 3: And I'm Guy Winch. I wrote Emotional First Aid and

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Speaker 3: I write the Dear Guy column for Ted. And this

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Speaker 3: is Deo Therapists.

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Speaker 1: This week, a teacher talks to us about the challenges

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Speaker 1: of being physically separated from her students.

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Speaker 4: I have students who, when it comes up at the

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Speaker 4: end of the hour will say, I can't believe this

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Speaker 4: is almost over. This is the time during the week

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Speaker 4: that I don't feel lonely and that's just heartbreaking.

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Speaker 1: Listen in and maybe learn something about yourself and the process.

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Speaker 3: Deo Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute

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Speaker 3: medical advice and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnoe,

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Speaker 3: or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental

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Speaker 3: health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions

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Speaker 3: you may have regarding a medical condition. By submitting a letter,

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Speaker 3: you are agreeing to let iHeartMedia use it in Potter

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Speaker 3: and Full and We may edit it for length and

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Speaker 3: or clarity.

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Speaker 1: Hey Guy, Hi Laurie. So this week we got a

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Speaker 1: letter from a teacher, and I'm going to read it

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Speaker 1: to you. Dear Laurie and Guy. I am a teacher

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Speaker 1: who is now transitioning to online learning with all of

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Speaker 1: my ninth grade math and science students. Trying to be

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Speaker 1: a good teacher in the midst of this pandemic has

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Speaker 1: taken a toll on me. I love teaching math and science,

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Speaker 1: but I also became a teacher to be a source

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Speaker 1: of emotional support to kids because I recognize that students

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Speaker 1: can't learn well while stressed or distracted. For me to

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm teaching them well, I need to be

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Speaker 1: addressing a wide variety of needs. Teenagers don't often ask

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Speaker 1: for help verbally. Typically it is through behavior, But now

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Speaker 1: I can't really see changes in their behavior overhear comments

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Speaker 1: or pull them aside to check in, but I know

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Speaker 1: they need it. I feel bad about not being able

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Speaker 1: to offer my usual level of support to these kids,

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Speaker 1: and on top of that, I'm trying to take care

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Speaker 1: of myself. My boyfriend and I don't live in the

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Speaker 1: same town, so we spend several hours together online each night,

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Speaker 1: watching movies, shows, playing games, or researching future activities, and

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Speaker 1: I find that regular interaction very helpful. Overall, though, I'm

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Speaker 1: feeling very restless and feel a deep yearning for face

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Speaker 1: to face interaction. I've been organizing and cleaning, taking baths,

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Speaker 1: talking to friends on the phone or on video calls,

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Speaker 1: sitting outside, and going for walks. I also like to

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Speaker 1: plan ahead and have things to look forward to, and

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Speaker 1: not knowing when this will end feels very daunting. I

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Speaker 1: had trips to visit my boyfriend planned, as well as

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Speaker 1: trips to Australia and Indonesia. I'm finding that the stress

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Speaker 1: of not being able to help my students in the

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Speaker 1: same ways I used to, along with the need to

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Speaker 1: care for myself daunting. My question is how do I

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Speaker 1: do both well? And this is signed from Alison.

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Speaker 3: I wish I had Allison as my teacher. Yeah, A

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Speaker 3: lot of teachers feel like her in that they are

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Speaker 3: not going in to just impart academic knowledge. They really

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Speaker 3: want to connect with as students. That's an important part

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Speaker 3: of their jobs and I can just imagine how difficult

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Speaker 3: it must be to teach with the remote learning going

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Speaker 3: on to not be able to have that face to

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Speaker 3: face informal kind of connection with them and check ins

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Speaker 3: and be able to talk to them must be a

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Speaker 3: real loss for her.

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Speaker 1: I think what people are noticing during these times when

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Speaker 1: they can't go to work, like people in lallison situation,

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Speaker 1: is that they're noticing what was meaningful to them about

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Speaker 1: what they did every day. But a lot of times

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Speaker 1: we complain about work and you know, oh, I wish

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Speaker 1: I could take the day off. But I think we

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Speaker 1: actually get a lot of nourishment from the little things

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Speaker 1: and the big things. But some little things are talking

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Speaker 1: to our co workers in the hallways, or having lunch

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Speaker 1: with somebody, or the chit chat. And sometimes it's about

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Speaker 1: the work itself, like with Alison, where she gets so

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Speaker 1: much out of being the kind of teacher that matters.

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Speaker 1: She loses so much of this sense of purpose that

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Speaker 1: she had when she would go to work every day.

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Speaker 3: Yes, and I think that's a really profound loss of

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Speaker 3: this time. And she's got a bunch of them. I

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Speaker 3: mean these trips, these are not small trips Indonesia and Australia.

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Speaker 3: These are big trips that were probably planned for quite

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Speaker 3: a while. And I think she said that she enjoys

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Speaker 3: that process of planning as well. You get excited about

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Speaker 3: planning trips, and now you have to spend almost exact

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Speaker 3: amount of time trying to cancel everything. That is super depressing.

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Speaker 1: When you were talking about losing those vacations, I had

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Speaker 1: two reactions, and the first was the reaction that I

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Speaker 1: think a lot of us have, which is about she

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Speaker 1: could always go later. But then there's the other reaction,

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Speaker 1: which is that there's no hierarchy of grief. And we

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Speaker 1: talk about this with our patients all the time. People

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Speaker 1: will come in and they'll be talking about something and

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Speaker 1: they're embarrassed to bring it up. They'll say, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: have this problem, but hey, I know a lot of

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Speaker 1: people have it worse, and that prevents people from looking

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Speaker 1: at their problems. This isn't the Pain Olympics, this isn't

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Speaker 1: the grief Olympics. So right now, a lot of people

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Speaker 1: feel like if it's not about loss of life, loss

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Speaker 1: of health, or loss of a job or income, we

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Speaker 1: can't really talk about these losses like they're missing their

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Speaker 1: book club, the daily things of life, that the things

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Speaker 1: that make us feel human on a daily basis. I

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Speaker 1: think that sometimes because we worry that other people will

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Speaker 1: minimize our losses. We tend to do that to ourselves.

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Speaker 1: I know she said, I think they're making me depressed.

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Speaker 5: So that's good. That's good that she can acknowledge that

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Speaker 5: she's struggling. And I think it's appropriate to struggle given

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Speaker 5: the circumstance. Sometimes people are having bad days and they're

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Speaker 5: wondering whether they're failing at self care or whether they're

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Speaker 5: not managing, when in fact they're pretty much as well

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Speaker 5: as you can manage. You're listening to Deotherapists from iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 5: We'll get Alison on the phone after a quick break.

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Speaker 1: I'm Lori Gottlieb and I'm.

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Speaker 3: Guy Wench and this is Deotherrapists. So we talked about

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Speaker 3: Alison's letter about being disconnected from her students during the pandemic.

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Speaker 3: Let's talk to Alison herself. Hi Alison, Hi, Hi Alison, Hello,

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Speaker 3: thank you so much for coming on our show. We

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Speaker 3: read your letter and we were really impressed by how

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Speaker 3: dedicated you sound as a teacher, and I'd like to

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Speaker 3: hear a little bit more about what are your touch

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Speaker 3: points with students pre COVID when you're teaching them in person,

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Speaker 3: and what are the touch points you have with them

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Speaker 3: now when you're doing the remote learning? What are the differences?

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Speaker 4: So pre COVID, I spent both three hours with each

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Speaker 4: of my classes each day. I teach two separate Grade

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Speaker 4: nine classes. I teach both of them their math courses

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Speaker 4: and their science courses. And I consider it pretty significant

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Speaker 4: because it's more time than they spend with their parents

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Speaker 4: face to face each day. So I take that pretty seriously.

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Speaker 4: So throughout the day, I can check in on them,

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Speaker 4: I can observe any changes of behavior, i can overhear

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Speaker 4: their conversations, and I'm also seeing how well they're working

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Speaker 4: in class and how focused they can be, which is

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Speaker 4: often an indicator of how well they're doing overall. But

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Speaker 4: now that I have far less contact with them, and

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Speaker 4: from what I've heard from them, they are struggling and

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Speaker 4: they are looking for that connection, but they don't necessarily

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Speaker 4: know how to find it.

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Speaker 1: Can kids set up an individual time to talk with you.

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Speaker 4: They're definitely more than welcome to set up an individual

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Speaker 4: time to talk with me. But my office hours are

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Speaker 4: scheduled one hour on Tuesday and when on Thursday. But

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Speaker 4: what I'm fine most interesting is that during my office hour.

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Speaker 4: I have a group of kids that I would not

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Speaker 4: have picked out as the ones who had come to

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Speaker 4: my office hour, had I been asked to predict. And

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Speaker 4: they don't often actually want to talk about any of

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Speaker 4: the academic things. They'll ask me questions for the first

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Speaker 4: five or ten minutes, and then they want to show

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Speaker 4: me their room, or they want to show me their pet,

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Speaker 4: or they want to tell me what trouble they got

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Speaker 4: in with their parents. But it's not nearly the same,

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Speaker 4: and I know that they're craving it because I have

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Speaker 4: students who, when it comes up at the end of

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Speaker 4: the hour will say, I can't believe this is almost over.

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Speaker 4: This is the time during the week that I don't

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Speaker 4: feel lonely, and that's just heartbreaking.

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Speaker 1: They get so much out of connecting with you. It's

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Speaker 1: interesting because your concern and your letter is that you're

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Speaker 1: not able to give them that kind of support that

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Speaker 1: you normally would give them at school, and yet it

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Speaker 1: might not be the way that it normally happens. They

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Speaker 1: are saying, you matter so much to me, you make

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Speaker 1: me feel less lonely. Let me show you my dog,

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Speaker 1: let me show you my room. So I think sometimes

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Speaker 1: we don't realize the impact that we have on other

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Speaker 1: people just because it looks so different right now.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's true. I just worry about the kids who

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Speaker 4: don't have that self advocacy tool set. I used to

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Speaker 4: have class meetings with my homeroom and we would go

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Speaker 4: around and thank each other, and oftentimes they would thank

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Speaker 4: me for something that I had said two weeks prior.

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Speaker 4: You never know what little comment that you make that

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Speaker 4: makes a huge difference to them. And oftentimes it was

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Speaker 4: kids that I didn't feel personally that I had that

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Speaker 4: deep of connection with. But you learn that they really

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Speaker 4: take what you say pretty seriously and it does matter

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Speaker 4: to them quite a.

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Speaker 3: Bit, right And I think given this act of them

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Speaker 3: wanting to show you their room or their pets, that's

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Speaker 3: such a personal invitation into their lives. It's such a

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Speaker 3: trust thing for a kid to do. So it's very

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Speaker 3: clear they have this really strong connection with you if

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Speaker 3: they're doing that kind of thing.

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Speaker 4: Last week, I offered to show my house to them,

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Speaker 4: and I had the highest attendance that week.

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Speaker 1: Did you clean up?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yea, yeah, I sure you must have prepared.

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Speaker 4: So true.

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Speaker 1: I have a question about what happens during school you

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Speaker 1: said you might overhear something between classes, or you'll notice something.

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Speaker 1: What's an example of something where maybe you overheard a

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Speaker 1: conversation or you just noticed something because you were physically there.

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Speaker 4: I could hear anything from the a couple has broken up,

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Speaker 4: or someone's parent lost a job, or someone's father's in

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Speaker 4: the hospital, or just really anything. You find out so

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Speaker 4: much about these kids' lives. I often say that the

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Speaker 4: parents would be mortified if they knew how much I

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Speaker 4: knew about their home life.

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Speaker 3: You mentioned travel in your letter. You had a trip

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Speaker 3: to Indonesia to Australia that you've had to cancel. Can

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Speaker 3: you tell us a little bit about what travel means

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Speaker 3: to you and maybe mention one of the meaningful experiences

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Speaker 3: you've had in travel That bit he resonates with you.

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Speaker 4: So last year I had my first really big trip,

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Speaker 4: and I actually went with my dad. My mom passed

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Speaker 4: away unexpectedly about two years ago, and so he and

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Speaker 4: I planned a really big trip together. And so that

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Speaker 4: kind of gave me just a taste for the travel

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Speaker 4: bug in terms of going outside of North America. And

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Speaker 4: so this summer I was planning to go to Australia

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Speaker 4: and Indonesia with a friend of mine. We had spent

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Speaker 4: hours and hours planning and I put aside a whole

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Speaker 4: bunch of money for this trip and I was to

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Speaker 4: celebrate my thirtieth birthday. And so it's been a huge

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Speaker 4: loss for me because I've lost a whole bunch of

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Speaker 4: money and I just have so much time to think

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Speaker 4: about it now that we're in COVID and there's not

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Speaker 4: a ton of structure to my day. I definitely am

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Speaker 4: someone who likes to plan and look forward to things.

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Speaker 4: I still, fortunately have had the trips with my boyfriend

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Speaker 4: because we have decided that it's just more important for

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Speaker 4: both of our mental health and just our overall well being,

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Speaker 4: and we're just extremely careful.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm hearing so much of and what

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Speaker 1: you just said and what we were talking about with

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Speaker 1: your students is the sense of loss. I think that

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Speaker 1: when we think about going to work right A lot

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Speaker 1: of times maybe people think, oh, I wish I could

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Speaker 1: sleep in or I wish I didn't have to go

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Speaker 1: every day, but we get so much out of going

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Speaker 1: to work. For you, a lot of it is your

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Speaker 1: connection with your students, in addition to what you like

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Speaker 1: about teaching the academic side of things. I imagine you

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Speaker 1: have relationship with your coworkers and you miss seeing them

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Speaker 1: as well. There's the routine of our lives that we're losing,

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Speaker 1: and here with the travel you mentioned, you experienced, first

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Speaker 1: of all, a huge loss. A couple of years ago

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Speaker 1: you lost your mother, and your mother now in this

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Speaker 1: time is not here. So I think that that is

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Speaker 1: a big loss to go through something so incredibly difficult

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Speaker 1: and not have your mother here to talk to.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it is. I think about it quite a bit.

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Speaker 4: There's just a lot of things, whether it's how to

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Speaker 4: follow a certain recipe or how to do something in

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Speaker 4: my house that she would normally know. There's a significant

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Speaker 4: loss there, and I've really tried to build that up

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Speaker 4: with a variety of people in my life to kind

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Speaker 4: of piece together what I've lost, But it will never

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Speaker 4: be the same.

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Speaker 1: What do you imagine you would be talking to her

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Speaker 1: about right now?

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Speaker 4: Oh, I'd probably call her multiple times a day and

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Speaker 4: it would just be about a different project or She

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Speaker 4: would often give me creative ideas of what to do

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Speaker 4: with my students. She often knew all of my students

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Speaker 4: by name. She looked forward to the crazy stories of

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Speaker 4: the things they get up to, but really just everything

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Speaker 4: and mathing at the same time.

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Speaker 1: The thing about this pandemic is that sometimes it brings

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Speaker 1: up other big losses that we've had, And so I

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Speaker 1: imagine that it's not just not being able to talk

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Speaker 1: to your mom right now, but it might bring up

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Speaker 1: what it was like a couple of years ago when

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Speaker 1: you lost her, and you were talking about your relationship

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Speaker 1: with your dad and how much traveling with him felt

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Speaker 1: so good, how much you get out of planning and

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Speaker 1: anticipating these trips. And now you've had this other trip

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Speaker 1: canceled that was not only just a trip, which is

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Speaker 1: fun in and of itself, but it was a trip

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Speaker 1: to celebrate your thirtieth birthday. And so there are all

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Speaker 1: these layers of loss in here.

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Speaker 4: There are a lot of layers. My dad actually ended

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Speaker 4: up in the ICU last week in critical condition, and

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Speaker 4: he's home now, but he was there for ten days

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Speaker 4: and it was a bit touch and go, and that

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Speaker 4: certainly spiked a lot of fear in me and a

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Speaker 4: lot of memories of losing my mom. But it was

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Speaker 4: all the more difficult because I just don't have people

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Speaker 4: around me right now.

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Speaker 3: I think that's one of the real hardships that everyone

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Speaker 3: is going through at the moment, is that when life

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Speaker 3: events happened, like your dad ends up in the hospital

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Speaker 3: in the ICU, you can't be with anyone, and you

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Speaker 3: also probably can't go and really visit him. Were you

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Speaker 3: able to visit, I don't know if you live close enough,

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Speaker 3: is that something you could do.

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Speaker 4: We actually live on opposite sides of the country. But

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Speaker 4: when he went into the hospital, I certainly had my

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Speaker 4: eye on a plane ticket. I had had a similar

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Speaker 4: experience with my mom past. She was on a cruise,

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Speaker 4: and so I had to really quickly find my way

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Speaker 4: to to be with my dad. So it just kind

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Speaker 4: of seemed like, Okay, here we go again. But at

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Speaker 4: the end of this one, I might not have any

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Speaker 4: parents left. Thankfully that didn't happen, but I was. I

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Speaker 4: was really expecting to have to go home and take

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Speaker 4: care of my brothers and just kind of fix everything out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. So that's trauma that activates trauma that sounds like

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Speaker 3: you've really been through a rough, rough couple of weeks.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, which makes teaching and being emotionally present and available

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Speaker 4: for my students even more difficult.

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Speaker 1: I'm wondering, as you're talking about this, who's taking care

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Speaker 1: of you?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? I mean, right now, it is just me physically here.

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Speaker 4: I'm pretty drained from video chat at this point. It's

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Speaker 4: really just not the same and it's pretty hard. But

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Speaker 4: I have an incredible group of friends. I've collected a

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Speaker 4: lot of really wonderful people in my life, and then

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Speaker 4: my boyfriend's pretty seemed to so he and I spend

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Speaker 4: a number of hours on the phone each night, and

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Speaker 4: that really helps me.

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Speaker 3: Anderson, you're turning thirty.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, don't tell anybody, no.

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Speaker 3: No, we'll keep it secret.

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Speaker 1: It's just a podcast.

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Speaker 3: Sweet for a living. How did you celebrate?

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Speaker 4: My boy friend sent me a pretty extravagant gift that

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Speaker 4: took me a while to like fully work through. And

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Speaker 4: basically he sent me a puzzle. I really love puzzles,

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Speaker 4: And he bought me a thousand piece puzzle, put it

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Speaker 4: together himself, and flipped it over and wrote me a

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Speaker 4: secret message on the back, and then took it apart

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Speaker 4: and sent it to me. But parts of it were missing,

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Speaker 4: and so then when he arrived for his trip, he

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Speaker 4: brought the rest of the puzzle pieces and I got

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Speaker 4: to finish the letter, So that was probably the best

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Speaker 4: part of my birthday.

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Speaker 1: That is beautiful and so creative, and that made you

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Speaker 1: feel so seeing because that was such a specific kind

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Speaker 1: of gift, which is the best kind of gift where

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Speaker 1: it specifically meant something to you in a way that

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Speaker 1: it would not to anybody else.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. He even sent me the glue so I could

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Speaker 4: glue it together and then well, so.

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Speaker 3: I thought through one thousand pieces that didn't happen in

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Speaker 3: one sitting, for sure, and so that's an amazing gift.

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Speaker 1: We could see why you miss being with him.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's pretty significant too that he's willing to

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Speaker 4: travel during a pandemic to see me, So I'm thankful

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Speaker 4: for that as well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so what do you think turning thirty will be

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Speaker 1: like now without these trips.

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Speaker 4: I have a bit of a bucket list, and one

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Speaker 4: of the items on my bucket list is to snarkle

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Speaker 4: the Great Barrier Reef and that was what my immediate

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Speaker 4: family gave me money for to do on that trip

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Speaker 4: to Australia, So that was what I was really looking

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Speaker 4: for far too. So it's kind of a thirtieth birthday

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Speaker 4: celebration event plus a bucket list item. So in my mind,

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Speaker 4: I fully intend to still go to Australia at some point.

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Speaker 1: We want to offer you some suggestions to the first

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Speaker 1: thing is that we know that it's important for you

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Speaker 1: to be there for your students and you can still

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Speaker 1: do that even if you can't catch them in the

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Speaker 1: hallway for a chat. And so what we'd like you

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Speaker 1: to do is to think about maybe sending videos to

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Speaker 1: your kids, like maybe make a video once a week

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Speaker 1: for them with maybe a tip, maybe some humor, maybe

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Speaker 1: some reassurance, whatever you would offer them in person. That

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Speaker 1: becomes something fun for them and a way for you

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Speaker 1: to connect with them and then get them involved. So

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Speaker 1: it's not one way, so it's not just you're putting

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Speaker 1: out a video, but you get their feedback, Like you

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Speaker 1: can put out a question to them like how are

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Speaker 1: you coping? Do you have tips for your classmates and

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Speaker 1: they can post them with the video. Are there any

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Speaker 1: other subjects you'd like me to cover and then have

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Speaker 1: them suggest, like what the topic of next week's video

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Speaker 1: will be. And that will also help you to get

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Speaker 1: a window into what maybe is going on in their

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Speaker 1: hearts and minds as well. So there's a real sense

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Speaker 1: of community, a sense of fun, a sense of the

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Speaker 1: students communicating with each other and communicating with you and

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Speaker 1: getting them to participate. And maybe that would feel even

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Speaker 1: though it's not the same as spontaneously running into them

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Speaker 1: at school, it would be a new way of connecting

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Speaker 1: with them that isn't just and here's your algebra assignment.

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Speaker 4: So great, yea.

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Speaker 3: And we also think you know them well enough that

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Speaker 3: even if they're not telling you some of the things

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Speaker 3: they're struggling with, you can probably anticipate and address them

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Speaker 3: without naming any students, but just in those general videos

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Speaker 3: that you send, and thereby know that you're actually touching

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Speaker 3: them in that way. Yeah, definitely, So, Adison, we have

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Speaker 3: another piece of advice for you. Since you love trips

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Speaker 3: and the planning and the traveling, and since you were

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Speaker 3: planning to have a real celebration of your thirtieth birthday

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Speaker 3: with your friend in Australia and Indonesia and in snarkling

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Speaker 3: the Great Barrier reef, which you won't be able to do,

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Speaker 3: one thought we had is that there might be a

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Speaker 3: way to take some virtual trips with your friends, perhaps

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Speaker 3: perhaps even with a friend with whom you were going

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Speaker 3: to go to Australia and Indonesia. And one way be

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Speaker 3: thinking of how you might do that is to choose

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Speaker 3: a destination one you haven't chosen so far, that isn't

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Speaker 3: on your list, and then to plan an evening where

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Speaker 3: you both agree on a recipe and cook together a

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Speaker 3: recipe from the area that you'll be visiting. That you

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Speaker 3: each dress up in whatever the local garb is and

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Speaker 3: then do a reveal and kind of show each other

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Speaker 3: how you got dressed up, and then take a virtual

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Speaker 3: tour in a local museum or heritage site. A lot

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Speaker 3: of those have virtual tools that you can take and

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Speaker 3: then even learn a phrase in the local language or

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Speaker 3: if it's English, a local dialect or accents, pronunciations, whatever

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Speaker 3: makes it fun and teach it to the other person.

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Speaker 3: But if once a month you have some kind of

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Speaker 3: virtual travel planned, it can keep your travel routine alive

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Speaker 3: and well even during the pandemic and the shutdowns.

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Speaker 1: What's fun about this is there are some surprises built

439
00:24:40,919 --> 00:24:43,119
Speaker 1: into it that make it different. So when you are

440
00:24:43,439 --> 00:24:46,239
Speaker 1: thinking of I'm going to teach my friend or my

441
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:49,960
Speaker 1: boyfriend a phrase in the language of that country, find

442
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,879
Speaker 1: something that's very personal, just like the puzzle was for

443
00:24:52,919 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 1: your birthday, and it's almost like giving them a gift

444
00:24:55,679 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 1: in another language. The point is to just have some

445
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:03,600
Speaker 1: kind of adventure and surprise that's in connection with somebody

446
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:07,440
Speaker 1: else on a regular basis, so that it does kind

447
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,479
Speaker 1: of break up the routine in the mina and it

448
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 1: also gives you that pleasure that you lost of planning

449
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,600
Speaker 1: and anticipation, which seems really fun for you.

450
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, that sounds like a really fun idea, just to

451
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 4: go to different places and save me a lot of money.

452
00:25:26,879 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 1: That's right. We have one last piece of advice. We

453
00:25:29,679 --> 00:25:33,159
Speaker 1: feel like we enumerated the losses for you, but we

454
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 1: don't know how much you've enumerated your losses to other people.

455
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:41,600
Speaker 1: And it's really important to acknowledge what you're going through

456
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 1: with the people who care about you, because then it

457
00:25:45,159 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 1: kind of lightens you up. You're not carrying that burden

458
00:25:48,159 --> 00:25:51,199
Speaker 1: inside and wondering why you're feeling the way you're feeling,

459
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,919
Speaker 1: and you'll get a lot of support and compassion when

460
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,880
Speaker 1: you talk to your boyfriend or your friend, your family

461
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 1: about what you're actually experiencing. So we just want you

462
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:03,679
Speaker 1: to be able to have one conversation with a friend

463
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:07,719
Speaker 1: about Hey. You know what, even though I'm doing relatively well,

464
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 1: I have some hard days and here are some of

465
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 1: the things that I notice that they don't have in

466
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,119
Speaker 1: my life anymore. I just see what it feels like

467
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:17,400
Speaker 1: for someone to mirror back to you. Yeah, I get it,

468
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:20,759
Speaker 1: I see you, hear you, I understand you.

469
00:26:21,399 --> 00:26:24,440
Speaker 3: So how does that all sound to you?

470
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:30,960
Speaker 4: But I mean it sounds good, sounds like there's some

471
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 4: structure to be added, which is something that I create,

472
00:26:34,399 --> 00:26:38,159
Speaker 4: and it all sounds pretty fun. I think my kids

473
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,119
Speaker 4: with like a video for sure, So I'm sure that

474
00:26:41,159 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 4: they will will respond pretty positively to that.

475
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 3: That's a great idea, wonderful all right, Edison, It's been

476
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 3: a pleasure speaking with you, and we look forward to

477
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,919
Speaker 3: hearing how things go for you this week. Thank you.

478
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's been awesome.

479
00:26:54,520 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for sharing this with us. Allison. You're

480
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,080
Speaker 1: listening to Dear Therapist from my Heart Radio. We'll be

481
00:27:07,159 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 1: back after a quick break. So, guy, we heard back

482
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 1: from Alison.

483
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,640
Speaker 3: Oh great. Remember we only asked her to get back

484
00:27:24,679 --> 00:27:27,200
Speaker 3: to us about the assignment for her students. The other

485
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,239
Speaker 3: suggestions were for her to do on her own time.

486
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 1: Ready, let's take a listen.

487
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 4: So I decided to make a little video of myself

488
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:38,240
Speaker 4: sitting on my couch talking about how bored I am

489
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:41,639
Speaker 4: at home and how much I'm missing my students. And

490
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 4: I talked about how we were likely in day six

491
00:27:44,679 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 4: thousand if I have counted correctly, and so they must

492
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,679
Speaker 4: be just as bored as I am. And I asked

493
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,959
Speaker 4: them some questions about what they're doing, see if they

494
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 4: could provide anyone else some suggestions on how to stay

495
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,919
Speaker 4: busy and connected during this pandemic. And I also asked

496
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,239
Speaker 4: them to do something kind for a family member and

497
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:10,200
Speaker 4: to reply with how that went if they're comfortable. And

498
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 4: I was posting this on my Google classroom, and I

499
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 4: posted it just as an option for them. They didn't

500
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 4: have to do it, they didn't have to watch my video.

501
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 4: But I got the most immediate response then compared to

502
00:28:24,399 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 4: any of the other actual assignments of post and most

503
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,439
Speaker 4: of them responded as though they were talking directly to me.

504
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 4: I called a few students out in my video about

505
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:37,680
Speaker 4: specific things that I miss about them, and in future videos,

506
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 4: I'm planning to eventually mention each student in my homeroom

507
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 4: class and something that I'm missing about them, and it

508
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 4: was pretty incredible to see their reaction and to see

509
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:52,160
Speaker 4: that they are seeking that connection and that they still

510
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 4: they're missing school. Despite kids notoriously saying that they don't

511
00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 4: like school, I think they really do, and I think

512
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 4: they are missing it big time right now. It really

513
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,280
Speaker 4: helped me as well, because it helped me to feel

514
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 4: connected to them and helped me feel like I was

515
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 4: still connecting and doing a good job for them. So

516
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 4: it was really great advice.

517
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 1: Wow, that was beautiful. She took the suggestions and then

518
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:31,760
Speaker 1: used her intuition as a teacher to really know how

519
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 1: to reach her students. So I love that part where

520
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,719
Speaker 1: she called out specific students and that she's going to

521
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 1: call out her whole homeroom and talk about what she

522
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:43,999
Speaker 1: appreciates about them, but also the piece about where she

523
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:47,720
Speaker 1: asked them to do something kind for someone else during

524
00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 1: this time, because she knows intuitively as a teacher that

525
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 1: when we reach out and do something for someone else,

526
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 1: it actually boosts our own sense of well.

527
00:29:56,800 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 3: Being absolutely, And I think when she said at the

528
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 3: end that that video got the quickest response from her students,

529
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 3: I tend to think that teachers sometimes underestimate the impact

530
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,999
Speaker 3: they have on their students, underestimate the meaningfulness of the

531
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 3: connection they do have with their students, and maybe don't

532
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:22,759
Speaker 3: quite realize how powerful that connection is. You know, students

533
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 3: want to show her their rooms. She's showing them her apartment.

534
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:30,480
Speaker 3: I really hope she realizes how significant a role she's

535
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 3: playing in their lives and in many lives.

536
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:35,799
Speaker 1: Also. It's interesting we gave her an assignment and to

537
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 1: watch a teacher do an assignment, and she did it

538
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 1: so beautifully because she did it from the heart, and

539
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 1: she added her own specific pieces to the assignment, and

540
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 1: she got something out of it. Her students got something

541
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 1: out of it. And I think if we were to

542
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 1: grade her on her assignment, not that we great people

543
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:59,799
Speaker 1: on what we do here, but she would get an

544
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 1: A plus.

545
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 3: Hey, fellow travelers, if you've used any of our advice

546
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:11,080
Speaker 3: from the podcast Our Own Life, send us a quick

547
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:15,000
Speaker 3: voice memo to luridguy at iHeartMedia dot com and tell

548
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 3: us about it. We may include it in a future show.

549
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:20,519
Speaker 3: That brings us to the end of our show for

550
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:24,000
Speaker 3: this week. Thank you so much for listening. If you're

551
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 3: enjoying the show, please take a moment to rate and

552
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 3: review it.

553
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 1: You can follow us both online. I'm at Lorigottlieb dot

554
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 1: com and you can follow me on Twitter at Lorigottlieb

555
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: one or on Instagram at Lorigottlieb Underscore Author.

556
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:41,720
Speaker 3: And I'm at Guywinch dot com. I'm on Twitter and

557
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,560
Speaker 3: on Instagram at Guywinch. If you have a dilemma you'd

558
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 3: like to discuss with us, big or small, email us

559
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,400
Speaker 3: at Lorianguy at iHeartMedia dot com.

560
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:55,960
Speaker 1: Our executive producers, Christopher Hasiotis were produced and edited by

561
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,959
Speaker 1: Mike Johns. Special thanks to Samuel Benefield and to our

562
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 1: podcast Fairygodmother Katie Couric.

563
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 3: Next week, a new father worries that his parents' constant

564
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 3: criticisms could be as damaging to his child as they

565
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 3: were to him.

566
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:12,880
Speaker 6: I called my mom and it was a snotty, crying

567
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 6: mess and told her, when you say those things, it

568
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:17,840
Speaker 6: makes me feel really bad, and I've been working really

569
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:22,479
Speaker 6: hard to accept myself and love myself and it just

570
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 6: really hurts. I appreciate it if you didn't. And her

571
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 6: response was something along the lines of you think you've

572
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 6: got problems, get over it.

573
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,200
Speaker 1: Dear Therapist is a production of iHeartRadio