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Speaker 1: Hey, this is jonnas is Sam your og Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts. We have some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep the show alive. My best

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Speaker 2: friend sabotaged my wedding, so I cut her off for good.

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Speaker 3: Not your best friend anymore.

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Speaker 2: I thirty female, have been really good friends with someone

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Speaker 2: we'll call Ali thirty female over the last four years.

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Speaker 2: We met in our second degrees at university and became

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Speaker 2: good friends. We didn't have much in common, but we

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Speaker 2: had a similar sense of humor and being able to

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Speaker 2: have a good laugh bonded us. Ali is simply a

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Speaker 2: fun person to be around. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 2: from glum Value forty seven forty three and if you

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Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 2: slash Okay Storytime Separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and

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Speaker 2: I'm ke On, and we're here to give good advice goofully,

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Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 2: what we'd do, so let us know what you would

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Speaker 2: do in the comments. As time progressed, Ali told me

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Speaker 2: more about her life and her struggles with mental health.

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Speaker 2: I also struggle with mental health and have worked in

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Speaker 2: the field, so I felt comfortable discussing this. I really

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Speaker 2: liked Ali, and we had become such good friends that

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Speaker 2: of course I didn't mind being there. For there were

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Speaker 2: many nights where she would call me, usually intoxicated, because

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Speaker 2: she had had a hard time talking about feelings to

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Speaker 2: discuss whatever was bothering her. I found it stressful sometimes

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Speaker 2: since often she would call when it wasn't convenient. But

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Speaker 2: she was my good friend and I cared about her,

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Speaker 2: so I would always put whatever I was doing on

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Speaker 2: hold to talk over time. I noticed that when something

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Speaker 2: was bothering me and I wanted to talk, she wouldn't

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Speaker 2: make the same kind of time for me. If I

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Speaker 2: brought anything up that was going on with me, she

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Speaker 2: would quickly change the conversation after a few minutes. But

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Speaker 2: I chalked it up to her having a hard time

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Speaker 2: talking about emotions. I justified it by thinking it wasn't

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Speaker 2: because she didn't care, she just didn't know what to say.

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Speaker 2: When I was getting married to my partner of eight years,

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Speaker 2: Allie and I had become such good friends, I asked

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Speaker 2: her to be my bridesmaid. I'm still a student so

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Speaker 2: money is tight and I'm super busy, but I tried

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Speaker 2: to make being a bridesmaid as simple and stress free

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Speaker 2: as possible. The only thing I asked of my bridesmaids

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Speaker 2: was to buy their own dress, but they could choose

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Speaker 2: the style as long as it was any shade of

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Speaker 2: this particular color we were going with. Beyond this, everything

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Speaker 2: else was optional. Alie said she wanted hair and makeup done,

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Speaker 2: so I hired someone at a reasonable price, sixty dollars

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Speaker 2: for makeup, eighty dollars for hair, and if they wanted

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Speaker 2: it done, they could pay for it themselves. I asked

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Speaker 2: who wanted hair and makeup months in advance, told them

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Speaker 2: the prices, and signed the contract. There were no other

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Speaker 2: costs associated with the wedding, and I specifically said no gifts,

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Speaker 2: because their gift to me was just being my bridesmaid.

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Speaker 2: But I felt that Allie made every event of my

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Speaker 2: wedding about her, or made it unnecessarily stressful. My mom

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Speaker 2: flew in from out of town to come shopping for

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Speaker 2: my wedding dress and take my bridesmaids out for lunch

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Speaker 2: the day we went. Ali called about an hour beforehand

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Speaker 2: and said she didn't want to come because a guy

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Speaker 2: on a dating app had ghosted her at dress alterations

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Speaker 2: months later. She was so late she arrived just as

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Speaker 2: I was taking the dress off, despite being at home.

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Speaker 2: With no reason for the delay or the bachelorette, I

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Speaker 2: suggested she just going to the spa for a day.

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Speaker 2: Allie generously offered her family go cottage for a weekend.

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Speaker 2: I was excited, but when we got there, Alli and

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Speaker 2: Mandy hung out together, even leaving one day to go

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Speaker 2: into town for drinks without inviting me or anyone else.

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Speaker 2: At the cottage, we discussed wedding day transport. The wedding

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Speaker 2: was forty to fifty minutes out of town, so I

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Speaker 2: arranged a shuttle for guests safety. The shuttles were expensive,

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Speaker 2: so I asked guests to pay thirty bucks per person

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Speaker 2: to supplement costs. The wedding party could use it free,

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Speaker 2: but I needed to know ahead of time to book it.

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Speaker 2: Alli and Mandy said they wanted the shuttle. When I

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Speaker 2: got home, I booked a second shuttle since they put

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Speaker 2: me over the limit, costing an extra one thousand dollars.

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Speaker 3: Okay, but it was forty to fifty minutes.

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Speaker 4: I was like at that point just get an uber

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Speaker 4: for those truth, it'd be.

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Speaker 3: So much cheaper.

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Speaker 2: Probably the day we got back from the cottage, Ali

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Speaker 2: said that she felt bad for me because my maid

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Speaker 2: of honor did nothing. Ali said, my maid of honor

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Speaker 2: didn't plan anything and didn't seem to care that it

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Speaker 2: was my bachelorette. I felt like Ali was trying to

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Speaker 2: turn me against my maid of honor. But my maid

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Speaker 2: of honor did everything I wanted. I didn't want of

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Speaker 2: us made. I just wanted to have a chill weekend.

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Speaker 2: And Allie made me feel super stressed out because she

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Speaker 2: was concerned about the timeline of the wedding day and

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Speaker 2: made me feel that I didn't have enough things organized.

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Speaker 2: She asked why I hadn't brought umbrellas in case it

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Speaker 2: rained and we needed them for pictures, why I hadn't

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Speaker 2: got the bridesmaids to buy matching pjs for pictures in

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Speaker 2: the morning, and what we were going to cook the

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Speaker 2: night before the wedding in the airbnb. She was getting

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Speaker 2: me stressed about things I didn't care about, or things

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Speaker 2: that my maid of honor or I had already planned.

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Speaker 2: She said that she wanted to take over some of

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Speaker 2: the planning but I tried to assure her I had

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Speaker 2: it covered. About three weeks before the wedding, Ali asked

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Speaker 2: to see the document where I had the schedule for

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Speaker 2: the day. I sent Ali the Excel document. There were

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Speaker 2: lots of tabs in this document, with one clearly labeled

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Speaker 2: schedule and one labeled budget. I got a text from

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Speaker 2: Alie telling me she no longer wanted hair and makeup.

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Speaker 2: I was confused because she was the one that specifically

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Speaker 2: asked for hair and makeup. I told her that I

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Speaker 2: had already signed the contract, but she asked me to

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Speaker 2: ask the hair and makeup girl if I could remove her.

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Speaker 2: Then I got a phone call from Mandy. Mandy was

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Speaker 2: only getting part she'll make up done for forty bucks.

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Speaker 2: She called to tell me she didn't want it either.

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Speaker 2: I asked her why, and Mandy said that Allie had

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Speaker 2: called her and told her that Ali was going to

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Speaker 2: have to pay over two hundred dollars for hair and makeup,

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Speaker 2: so I'd advised Mandy to cancel too. At this point

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Speaker 2: I realized what had happened. Alli had looked at the

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Speaker 2: budget page of the Excel document. Because I was the

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Speaker 2: pride and I have trials, my hair and makeup was

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Speaker 2: significantly more expensive. At this point, I was a little annoyed.

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Speaker 2: I didn't understand why Alli hadn't just talked to me

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Speaker 2: instead of talking to Mandy. But I didn't say anything

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Speaker 2: and just explain what the actual price was and sorted

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Speaker 2: the misunderstanding. Okay, so Ali didn't even read the right thing.

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Speaker 4: Right, So Allie's just like thinking that the bridal hair

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Speaker 4: makeup is the price that they're all paying, which is

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Speaker 4: obviously more expensive.

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Speaker 2: And also like, you're stupid because OPI told you what

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Speaker 2: the prices were before.

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Speaker 4: Here, She's just gonna like change it on the day

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Speaker 4: of and be like, actually, it's two hundred dollars more.

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Speaker 2: But then the next day Ali texted me and told

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Speaker 2: me she and Mandy didn't want the shuttle anymore. I

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Speaker 2: was getting pretty annoyed now because that extra shuttle cost

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Speaker 2: me about an extra thousand. I asked her why they

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Speaker 2: didn't want the shuttle. My wedding was in early October.

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Speaker 2: In early November, Alli had an important exam. Alie said

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Speaker 2: she was going to leave early for my wedding and

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Speaker 2: go home and study for her exam and would drive

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Speaker 2: Mandy home too. I was devastated. I didn't understand at all.

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Speaker 2: I absolutely understand important exams. I am currently working on

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Speaker 2: my third degree and trying to get into medical school.

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Speaker 2: But even I thought this was ridiculous. She couldn't take

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Speaker 2: one night off of studying for an exam that was

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Speaker 2: going to be a month away from my wedding. At

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Speaker 2: this point, the exam was about a month and three

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Speaker 2: weeks away. We got into a huge fight over text message.

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Speaker 2: She told me that she didn't have to put her

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Speaker 2: life on hold for my wedding. I was hurt because

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Speaker 2: I didn't think I had asked very much. I tried

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Speaker 2: to call her, but she refused to answer my calls. Finally,

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Speaker 2: two weeks later, she called me after she got back

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Speaker 2: from vacation where she went to see a concert and

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Speaker 2: a baseball game. We sorted it out, mostly me apologizing

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Speaker 2: because I just wanted things to be okay for the wedding.

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Speaker 2: I had spent two weeks crying over this and I

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Speaker 2: just wanted us to be good. Told me I had

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Speaker 2: misunderstood and she wasn't planning on leaving early. The rehearsal

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Speaker 2: dinner was two days before the wedding. Allie had offered

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Speaker 2: to book the event room in her building about six

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Speaker 2: months prior for the event. A couple of days before

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Speaker 2: the rehearsal dinner, Allie told me she would be a

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Speaker 2: little bit late to the rehearsal because she had a

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Speaker 2: meeting at work. You said the meeting was optional, but

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Speaker 2: she wanted to go because it was at a new

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Speaker 2: job and it was the first meeting. She said, her

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Speaker 2: bosses knew she had the rehearsal dinner, so she would

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Speaker 2: only stay for a little while. Well, she missed the

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Speaker 2: entire rehearsal and just showed up at the very end

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Speaker 2: when the Justice of the Peace had already left. If

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Speaker 2: you're not even at the rehearsal, why are you even

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Speaker 2: a bridesmaid?

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Speaker 4: I want to know what she's actually done as a bridesmaid.

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Speaker 2: Seemingly nothing, She's just cast yeah money. I was annoyed,

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Speaker 2: but at this point I was just happy she was

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Speaker 2: there at all. After our big falling out, she didn't

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Speaker 2: say anything. The night before the wedding, we stay the

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Speaker 2: night in an airbnb so we could all get ready

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Speaker 2: together in the morning. The wedding day was very nice.

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Speaker 2: At around eight pm, I asked where Allie was. She

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Speaker 2: had gone home. I cried on my wedding day. This

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Speaker 2: is what I found out. Ali and Mandy had come

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Speaker 2: to the airbnb together the night before. The airbnb was

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Speaker 2: not in the greatest place, about fifteen minutes from the

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Speaker 2: venue and a little over an hour from our city

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Speaker 2: in another direction. The night before the wedding, Alli and

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Speaker 2: Mandy had driven to the venue without telling anyone. They

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Speaker 2: parked Alli's car about a fifteen minute walk away from

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Speaker 2: the venue where I wouldn't see it, and Mandy and

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Speaker 2: Ali had driven to the airbnb together. Then, basically right

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Speaker 2: after dinner at the wedding, Ali walked to her car

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Speaker 2: and drove home without saying goodbye. The day after the wedding,

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Speaker 2: Allie texted me saying that she had a great time

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Speaker 2: at the wedding and told me she loved me. But

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Speaker 2: I was so upset. I couldn't believe she had left

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Speaker 2: early and didn't even say goodbye. I told her I

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Speaker 2: needed some space because I was upset about it. She replied,

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Speaker 2: saying that she didn't say goodbye because she knew I

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Speaker 2: would be upset, but said nothing more. I needed about

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Speaker 2: a month to think it over. I came to the

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Speaker 2: conclusion that Ali didn't really care about me. I sent

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Speaker 2: her a message. It wasn't a nasty message. It simply

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Speaker 2: said that, after some time to reflect, although it really

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Speaker 2: hurt me, I couldn't be her friend anymore because of

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Speaker 2: her actions. All she said was that she was sorry

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Speaker 2: I was upset, and wished me good luck with life.

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Speaker 2: I have cried over this friendship breakup for months. I

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Speaker 2: thought that she would come to realize how much she

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Speaker 2: hurt me and she would apologize. It has been over

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Speaker 2: four months and she hasn't. So my first question is

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Speaker 2: am I wrong for ending this friendship over this. My

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Speaker 2: next question has to do with my books. I have

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Speaker 2: an extensive book collection. Allie was a reader too, and

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Speaker 2: we often exchanged books. After this exchange, I realized that

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Speaker 2: I had two of her books and she has two

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Speaker 2: of mine. I texted her and asked very politely if

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Speaker 2: she could drop the books off at my maid of

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Speaker 2: honor's door they live in the same apartment building, and

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Speaker 2: that I would drop her books off the next time

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Speaker 2: I was there. No reply. I dropped her books off

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Speaker 2: at her door with a note asking if she could

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Speaker 2: give the books to the Maid of honor. No reply.

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Speaker 2: I sent her a message over social media, hoping maybe

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Speaker 2: she blocked my number and somehow lost the note no reply,

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Speaker 2: I sent her, Yeah, oh, he's.

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Speaker 5: Like, I just bought these books.

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Speaker 3: You should not have given.

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Speaker 4: Those books back until you were there knocking on her door.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, to get those books back.

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Speaker 2: I sent her one more text message. Admittedly I was

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Speaker 2: mad and told her I thought it was ridiculous that

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Speaker 2: she couldn't be decent enough to drop off my books.

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Speaker 2: I said, I didn't even care about one of them.

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Speaker 2: Just one of them was important to me because I

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Speaker 2: had highlighted it, annotated it, and had referenced it in

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Speaker 2: several academic papers. So today, about three and a half

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Speaker 2: months since her last communication with me, I went to apartment.

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Speaker 2: I knocked. I saw her look through the people and

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Speaker 2: walk away.

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Speaker 5: I waited.

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Speaker 2: I knocked again. She finally opened the door. I politely said, hey,

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Speaker 2: I was wondering if I could get my books. She

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Speaker 2: told me she got rid of them and then closed

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Speaker 2: the door in my face. I was so overwhelmed that

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Speaker 2: I kicked her door. I regret this because it was

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Speaker 2: childish and too I think I may have broken my toe.

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Speaker 2: But my second question is also am I wrong for

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Speaker 2: showing up unannounced at her door and a man my books.

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Speaker 2: For those of you who read this, I appreciate you.

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Speaker 2: This is a long post. I have cried about this

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Speaker 2: friendship breakup for months, and it has led me to

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Speaker 2: question whether or not I overreacted. My husband and my

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Speaker 2: maid of honor both have said I am not overreacting,

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Speaker 2: but I worry they are saying this to be supportive.

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Speaker 2: I would love to have an outsider perspective. First off,

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Speaker 2: thank you for the overwhelming supports. I really didn't expect

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Speaker 2: to get so many nice comments on this. Reading your

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Speaker 2: comments has been so cathartic for me. Thank you each

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Speaker 2: and every one of you who took the time to

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Speaker 2: read this post and send some nice words. This was

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Speaker 2: what I needed to move on. I am closing this

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Speaker 2: door and trying to take it as a learning lesson.

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Speaker 2: You can tell who reads and who doesn't in these comments.

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Speaker 2: An extra thank you for those who understand my upset

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Speaker 2: about the book. For those of you who don't, I

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Speaker 2: absolutely understand why you wouldn't get it. I appreciate your

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Speaker 2: comments anyway. A few people have asked if I'm still

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Speaker 2: friends with many. The answer is no, it wasn't a

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Speaker 2: dramatic end. Like with Ali, I just simply cut contact,

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Speaker 2: which in retrospect is what I should have done with Ali.

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Speaker 2: But there is a little bit left to this story.

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Speaker 4: Any final thoughts, I have nothing to add. Really. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: it's a terrible situation, but I don't feel like there's

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Speaker 4: like you did nothing wrong.

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Speaker 2: You did nothing wrong. You did everything you could to

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Speaker 2: get your books back. She sucks. Get her out of

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Speaker 2: your life, and you know, find better friends.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: For those who said I should have seen it coming

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Speaker 2: and asked her to leave a long time ago, I

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Speaker 2: fully appreciate that, and I probably should have. But in

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Speaker 2: between the events I listed, there were so many other

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Speaker 2: times where we had positive interactions that had nothing to

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Speaker 2: do with the wedding. We were good friends and we

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00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:30,640
Speaker 2: hung out all the time, so these positive interactions muddied

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Speaker 2: the water for me and made it harder to see

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Speaker 2: her bad behavior. It wasn't until after the wedding that

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Speaker 2: I fully realized that she had actually made every event

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Speaker 2: about her. Some of you have pointed out that I

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Speaker 2: have a hard time setting boundaries, and this is absolutely true. Ironically,

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Speaker 2: Alli had said that to me many times. I am

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Speaker 2: the kind of person that tries to always be understanding

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Speaker 2: of my friends. Maybe that makes me a dormat, but

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Speaker 2: this is not something I plan on changing about myself.

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Speaker 2: I would rather the people who love me know that

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Speaker 2: I will always be there for them, even if some

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Speaker 2: people end up hurting me sometimes. But in the future

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Speaker 2: I'll try to be aware that some people will take

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Speaker 2: advantage of that. Thank you again, and that is the

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Speaker 2: end of that story. I think that's the takeaway, Opie. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think it's not like closing yourself off from other relationships,

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Speaker 2: but it is, you know, being more aware, just noticing

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Speaker 2: those red flags when they come up. Again.

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Speaker 4: My sister ruined our family because we didn't worship her boyfriend.

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Speaker 4: Is he got We have a trigger warning for mentions

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Speaker 4: of abuse. For background, my immediate family has always been

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Speaker 4: very close. My sisters and I have had ups and downs,

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Speaker 4: but we stayed close into adulthood. When I got married

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Speaker 4: five years ago, my youngest sister was literally my best person,

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Speaker 4: and she made a huge deal about how impressed she

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Speaker 4: was that I had found someone who meshed so well

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Speaker 4: with myself and our families. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 4: from Smooth Pension seventy one forty seven and If you

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Speaker 4: want usubmit your own stories, go to the r slash

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Speaker 4: Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon,

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Speaker 4: and we're here to give good advice goof, but we

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Speaker 4: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

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Speaker 4: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 4: Fast forward to a year later, and my youngest sister

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Speaker 4: is dating a guy who was a bit of a

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Speaker 4: surprise to everyone. My first real interaction with him wasn't

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Speaker 4: super positive. My sister was offered a paid graduate position

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Speaker 4: and his first response was we'd need to talk about

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Speaker 4: if that makes sense for you. She ended up not

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Speaker 4: going because I can't start a life if i'm in classes.

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Speaker 4: We got into an argument about it because she's in

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Speaker 4: a technical field and the program was pretty exclusive. Her

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00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:38,640
Speaker 4: entire reasoning for not going was that her boyfriend didn't

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Speaker 4: want to wait that long to start a life and

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00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,880
Speaker 4: had convinced her going into industry early would make her

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Speaker 4: more money long term than an extra degree.

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Speaker 3: After that, I wasn't really enamored.

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Speaker 4: With the guy, but he's her significant other and I

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Speaker 4: figured she'd get bored of him. They moved in together

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Speaker 4: after a year and seemed to have fallen into a

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Speaker 4: holding pattern.

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Speaker 2: I was gonna say, oh Peace, it's like, yeah, I

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Speaker 2: just figured they get bored. You know him, she's already

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Speaker 2: deciding to like give up to her whole life, you

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Speaker 2: know what she wanted. And also, to be clear, if

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Speaker 2: it wasn't, you don't have to go to school to

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Speaker 2: be successful, but in this case, she wanted to go

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Speaker 2: to college and is giving that up for boy.

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Speaker 4: Legitimately, he never talked to me if he could help

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Speaker 4: it and would make excuses to skip things. Two years ago,

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Speaker 4: my youngest sister asked me if they should get married, and,

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Speaker 4: wanting to be supportive, I told her if it made

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Speaker 4: her happy, she should. She talked with her boyfriend about

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Speaker 4: it and he was lukewarm on the idea. She called

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Speaker 4: me every other night for weeks to fret about it

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Speaker 4: while he was at the gym.

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Speaker 3: Because he wasn't really a planner.

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Speaker 4: She decided to plan a big trip to Europe to

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Speaker 4: give him the opportunity to propose. When she got home,

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Speaker 4: she literally called me crying to tell me that despite

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Speaker 4: all their conversations, he hadn't proposed and they had gotten

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Speaker 4: into an argument. After the argument, he agreed that he

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00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:02,520
Speaker 4: would propose no, and she myself and our other sister

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00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,200
Speaker 4: to help him with the engagement plan. For the first

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00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,920
Speaker 4: time in four years, I talked with the soon to

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Speaker 4: be fiance without my younger sister present. I was on

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Speaker 4: the call with our middle sister and my wife and

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Speaker 4: we asked him what he wanted to do. In the

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00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,480
Speaker 4: course of a half hour, he let us know he

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Speaker 4: didn't want to do anything special because it would set.

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Speaker 3: The bar too high for stuff later.

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Speaker 4: He just wanted to get it over with and he

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Speaker 4: thought special would be going to the beach. My youngest

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Speaker 4: sister hates the beach and he didn't understand why she'd

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00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:38,760
Speaker 4: want to do that family crap. The next day to celebrate,

376
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Speaker 4: I actually texted my middle sister during the conversation asking

377
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Speaker 4: if I was being crazy or if he sounded.

378
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Speaker 3: Like he didn't want to get engaged.

379
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,840
Speaker 4: I told him not to worry about anything fancy, just

380
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Speaker 4: make sure she feels special. He literally ended the call

381
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Speaker 4: with sure. Here is where I admit I fed up.

382
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,440
Speaker 4: I was really irritated by him during the call, and

383
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,640
Speaker 4: I didn't want to say something mean, and so I

384
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,640
Speaker 4: asked my middle sister to take over. She's always been

385
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,439
Speaker 4: more of the peacemaker, and my wife and I had

386
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,520
Speaker 4: our own things to do.

387
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,520
Speaker 3: We were trying for a kid at the time.

388
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:13,000
Speaker 4: I absolutely should have tried to re engage him, but

389
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,600
Speaker 4: he really got under my skin with the language he used.

390
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,000
Speaker 4: I debated telling her, but I didn't want to sit

391
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Speaker 4: her down and tell her that he was a bit

392
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,840
Speaker 4: of a wiener the whole time do that.

393
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Speaker 2: I don't understand why he's not doing that. I'd like again,

394
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,400
Speaker 2: it's not, oh, he's not like an a hole or anything,

395
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:30,720
Speaker 2: but I do think that if you have these concerns,

396
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Speaker 2: and your sister has said that she wants your advice,

397
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:34,040
Speaker 2: give it.

398
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,719
Speaker 4: My middle sister stepped up helping him location scout, come

399
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,159
Speaker 4: up with something to say, and pick a place to

400
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:44,520
Speaker 4: celebrate after the proposal during a scouting lunch, he literally

401
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,720
Speaker 4: told my middle sister, your brother's an a hole when

402
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,919
Speaker 4: she mentioned I could lend him a camera. When she

403
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,600
Speaker 4: asked why, he made a big deal about how I

404
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:56,359
Speaker 4: expected too much from people and made my sister miserable

405
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,800
Speaker 4: by making her think she should have more in life.

406
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:02,200
Speaker 4: Middle sister laws her cool and said he doesn't really

407
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:06,320
Speaker 4: like you either. After that meeting, my middle sister told

408
00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:09,240
Speaker 4: me he had gotten heated and said he didn't like me.

409
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,520
Speaker 4: I let it go since I didn't really care for

410
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,600
Speaker 4: him either, figuring he was stressed about the proposal. For

411
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,280
Speaker 4: the next four months, this guy would not give me

412
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:19,400
Speaker 4: the time of day. He came to a party at

413
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,800
Speaker 4: my house and literally sat on his phone at the

414
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:26,240
Speaker 4: table during dinner for three hours without looking up even

415
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:30,280
Speaker 4: to talk, despite me trying with him. Since I knew

416
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,840
Speaker 4: the engagement was coming up, well, this was happening. My

417
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:37,040
Speaker 4: youngest sister reached out to complain that her boyfriend never

418
00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:40,080
Speaker 4: planned anything yeah, and that she'd know it was the

419
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,280
Speaker 4: engagement since he.

420
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Speaker 3: Never wanted to go out.

421
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,680
Speaker 4: That week, they apparently had a fight and he planned

422
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,480
Speaker 4: an event to prove he was working on things. As

423
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:52,560
Speaker 4: a spoiler, it was the engagement, exactly as my middle

424
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:56,439
Speaker 4: sister helped him plan. His big change was switching the

425
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,160
Speaker 4: venue so he wouldn't need to dress up at all.

426
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,600
Speaker 4: The day of the engagement, my wife and I got

427
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,159
Speaker 4: the news that morning that we were going to have

428
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,800
Speaker 4: a kid. We went to the exhibit with them running

429
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,439
Speaker 4: a bit late but otherwise having a nice time. The

430
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:13,240
Speaker 4: boyfriend literally did not speak to me or my family

431
00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:16,040
Speaker 4: the entire time, and my middle sister was having a

432
00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:19,520
Speaker 4: rough day a friend had a family member pass so

433
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,320
Speaker 4: we stepped up to be as energetic as we could.

434
00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 4: The engagement went well with a cute speech on a pier,

435
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,480
Speaker 4: and we went out to dinner with both families after.

436
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,119
Speaker 4: My wife and I were a little lovey dovey, and

437
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:32,120
Speaker 4: overall I.

438
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:33,200
Speaker 3: Thought it went fine.

439
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,159
Speaker 4: That evening, we parted ways and I figured it was

440
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,480
Speaker 4: all good. The next evening, I got a five page

441
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,639
Speaker 4: text from my sister telling me she hated me and

442
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:47,159
Speaker 4: wanted me out of her life. Apparently I wasn't happy

443
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,240
Speaker 4: enough at her engagement, and I had bullied her boyfriend

444
00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:52,960
Speaker 4: so badly that he just wanted to get it over

445
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,919
Speaker 4: with and he didn't want to do such complex stuff

446
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,080
Speaker 4: and he knows you hate him. My middle sister got

447
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:03,480
Speaker 4: one too for me, a general witch at the engagement. Apparently,

448
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,159
Speaker 4: that evening they went home and she asked him what

449
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,399
Speaker 4: he had personally planned to do, and he broke down.

450
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,840
Speaker 4: I immediately sent an apology and explained that I didn't

451
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 4: mean for him to feel that way and that I

452
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,960
Speaker 4: was confused he had decided I didn't like him since

453
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:19,720
Speaker 4: I'd never really talked to him.

454
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,800
Speaker 3: She proceeded to be.

455
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:24,800
Speaker 4: Frankly really cruel, dragging up crap just to be mean,

456
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,199
Speaker 4: and telling us we ruined what was supposed to be

457
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:29,800
Speaker 4: the most special day of her life. This went on

458
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,479
Speaker 4: for a few weeks, but eventually we made up and

459
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:35,639
Speaker 4: she cooled off. She told us her now fiance would

460
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 4: need time to cool off, but felt like it was

461
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,240
Speaker 4: water under the bridge. A few weeks later, she asked

462
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,800
Speaker 4: us to both be in her party. At this point,

463
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 4: I was really trying to be nice to him and

464
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,640
Speaker 4: be as supportive as possible. My wife and I were

465
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 4: also dealing with first trimester issues and some extra scans

466
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:56,240
Speaker 4: or doctors wanted. We delayed telling people because we didn't

467
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 4: want to steal the spotlight from her engagement. Fast forward

468
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 4: about six months and my sister picked a fight with

469
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 4: me about an uncle coming to the wedding. She basically said,

470
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,480
Speaker 4: I'm not paying for him to come and get wasted,

471
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 4: and I barely know him. I reminded her that my

472
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:14,119
Speaker 4: mom's brother is dry since he was a heavy drinker,

473
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 4: and that it would hurt our mother for her to

474
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:19,360
Speaker 4: make that decision. I reminded her that she literally invited

475
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,439
Speaker 4: three people for the gifts, and that while it was

476
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,520
Speaker 4: her decision, it was a bad one that would cause issues.

477
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,160
Speaker 4: She blew up at me. I told her I wasn't

478
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,399
Speaker 4: arguing about it, but my mom would be hurt. A

479
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,199
Speaker 4: month or two later, and it's the week of your

480
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,919
Speaker 4: wife's duty. My sister sat us down to complain that

481
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 4: she didn't feel special enough and that us having a

482
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,080
Speaker 4: child was taking away the joy she should be getting

483
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 4: from everyone because it wasn't about her.

484
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,720
Speaker 2: Get over it. You need to have a frank discussion

485
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,120
Speaker 2: with your sister where you just say get over it.

486
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 4: We talked for like three hours, and it turned out

487
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:53,360
Speaker 4: that her boyfriend still hadn't forgiven us for the bullying and.

488
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 3: Extreme pressure we put him under.

489
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,320
Speaker 4: Ah, so I apologized to his face in front of her.

490
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,639
Speaker 4: A few weeks after that, my kid would born, and

491
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:03,240
Speaker 4: despite a lot of prep, my wife ended up with

492
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,879
Speaker 4: a pretty unpleasant birth. Multiple units of extra blood were needed,

493
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 4: and we spent a month in the nicuw The baby

494
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 4: is all right now, but it was probably the most

495
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,840
Speaker 4: exhausting and terrifying.

496
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 3: Few weeks of our lives.

497
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,800
Speaker 4: My middle sister called me pretty much every day, but

498
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 4: my youngest sister barely reached out.

499
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:21,159
Speaker 3: She did make.

500
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 4: Soup and send it with my mom, which I appreciated.

501
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,960
Speaker 4: I won't pretend I was giving people regular updates during

502
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 4: that time, since my wife and I were spending our

503
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 4: time either next to a bassinette or crashing in a crappy.

504
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,480
Speaker 3: Hotel next to the hospital.

505
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 4: We got home a little before Christmas and we had

506
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 4: a few family members over in January to meet the baby.

507
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 4: My youngest sister came by herself and seemed to be

508
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:46,160
Speaker 4: getting along with everyone. I knew she was still mad

509
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,040
Speaker 4: that I had told her she couldn't be mean to

510
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:52,119
Speaker 4: our mother and not expect consequences, but I was hoping

511
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:52,720
Speaker 4: we could.

512
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:53,159
Speaker 3: Move past it.

513
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 4: Two weeks after that, she called myself, my middle sister,

514
00:22:56,200 --> 00:23:00,399
Speaker 4: and my wife separately to fire us from her wedding.

515
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,960
Speaker 4: She literally went off about how we don't like the

516
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:06,400
Speaker 4: fiance enough and he would be uncomfortable with us supporting

517
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,199
Speaker 4: her if we didn't also support him the same way.

518
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:12,760
Speaker 4: She said a lot of nasty stuff, particularly weird personal

519
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,679
Speaker 4: attacks about my wife and my income and lifestyle. She

520
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 4: kept going off on how we had no right to

521
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,359
Speaker 4: even be up there, since we were just pretentious and

522
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 4: always looking down on them. And here is where I

523
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 4: eft up. I literally said, I guess I'll go to

524
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 4: the next one. It was mean and frankly and called for,

525
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,960
Speaker 4: but I was tired, still stressed out, my kid was

526
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 4: safe to be home but needed extra care, and frankly

527
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 4: grossed out that she was kicking her siblings out because

528
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,720
Speaker 4: we didn't like her future spouse.

529
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,000
Speaker 3: I apologized for.

530
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,720
Speaker 4: It in the call, but I regret saying it rather

531
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 4: than just listening. I was so sick of the stupid drama,

532
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 4: and it was so clear to me that she was

533
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 4: deeply unhappy and blaming all of us for that. I

534
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 4: have been kicking myself over this for months now. I

535
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 4: know I shouldn't have said it, but after all the

536
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,159
Speaker 4: things my sister told me were important to her and

537
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,240
Speaker 4: all the bs he did, I really don't think they'll

538
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 4: be together very long. Since the engagement, she's been all

539
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 4: kinds of bitter. I honestly thought that after the dust settled,

540
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 4: she'd realize who her boyfriend was. What I wasn't expecting

541
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,240
Speaker 4: is that she does see it and thinks that if

542
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,160
Speaker 4: she just makes the environment perfect for him. He will

543
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 4: be the person she wants him to be. That was

544
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 4: the last time we spoke, and things have just gotten worse.

545
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 4: The day my parents paid off the venue for her,

546
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,639
Speaker 4: she kicked my father out of the wedding because he

547
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 4: didn't like her future spouse enough.

548
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, no one likes your spouse. Your spouse doesn't like you,

549
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 2: and this is not gonna.

550
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 4: Work, honestly though, Like, for sure, she's like bitter and stuff,

551
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 4: but this girl's just mean too, Like yeah, this youngest sister, Like,

552
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 4: I'm like, you're waiting till they pay off the wedding

553
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:48,119
Speaker 4: and then you're just.

554
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 3: Being like okay, bye exactly.

555
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 4: She sat down with my mother when my mother pushed

556
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 4: back and told her she should get a divorce from

557
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,200
Speaker 4: my father because she thinks the relationship is toxic.

558
00:24:58,359 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 3: A few weeks later, she kicked.

559
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,080
Speaker 4: My mother out of the wedding because my mother pushed

560
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,840
Speaker 4: back on uninviting my father. She bought a house and

561
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 4: didn't tell my parents because they should have asked if

562
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:08,119
Speaker 4: they wanted to know.

563
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:09,960
Speaker 3: It's all messed up right now.

564
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,720
Speaker 4: Only his side of the family is really going, with

565
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:16,119
Speaker 4: most of my family bowing out or uninvited those that

566
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 4: are going have talked with her about the choices she's made,

567
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 4: and they are all concerned about how she's talking. My

568
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 4: aunt literally said that it sounded like she was a

569
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 4: different person. The wedding is in a few weeks, and

570
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 4: I feel terrible. I can tell she's in a lot

571
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 4: of pain still based on what people are telling me.

572
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,680
Speaker 4: We have some mutual friends, but I don't think there's

573
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 4: anything I can do now that will help. So I've

574
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 4: just been reaching out every few weeks, offering to talk

575
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 4: if she needed someone to speak to. I guess I

576
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,399
Speaker 4: have to ask does this stuff get better after the wedding.

577
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 4: I don't have a ton of experience with drama at

578
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,879
Speaker 4: this level, and none of my friends went off the

579
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 4: deep end so aggressively when it came to their own weddings.

580
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,320
Speaker 4: I'd love some advice on how I can make it

581
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 4: up to her or improve things, but I really don't

582
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 4: know how to go about it. It's been a few

583
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:02,320
Speaker 4: years years of this show, and I've been trying to

584
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 4: figure out how I could have done a better job,

585
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:06,879
Speaker 4: or what I should do for my sister who is

586
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,199
Speaker 4: getting married in a month. I am definitely the a

587
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 4: hole here, but I'd love some advice on how to

588
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:12,400
Speaker 4: proceed and comments.

589
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:13,120
Speaker 3: Comment to one.

590
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:17,199
Speaker 4: Truthfully, although your sister is acting horribly. This sounds like

591
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 4: her boyfriend is making her pull away from family. This

592
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 4: is abuse. All you can do is continue to be

593
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 4: there for her in whatever capacity she will allow. He

594
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 4: will eventually try to cut her off completely from her

595
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 4: family and the rest of the world. There are some

596
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,440
Speaker 4: truly mucked up people out there. I hope she has

597
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 4: a job outside the home so she will be allowed

598
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,040
Speaker 4: to go into the world and not literally be locked

599
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,639
Speaker 4: in her house. He could and will take her phone,

600
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 4: monitor her phone calls, and never give her a moment

601
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 4: to herself. I can possibly see why she kicked you

602
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,439
Speaker 4: and your sister out. I don't agree, but mom and

603
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 4: dad for paying and letting feelings be known.

604
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,160
Speaker 3: Is a huge red flag. I wish you could stop.

605
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 4: This train wreck, but the only thing you can do

606
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 4: is be there when she reaches out for help.

607
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,480
Speaker 3: Good Luck and Opie says, I totally get that.

608
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 2: Honestly.

609
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 4: Up until my mom out, we thought she was just

610
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,360
Speaker 4: having a bad time and that we'd find a way

611
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:10,920
Speaker 4: to make it up to her and smooth it out.

612
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 3: Before the wedding. Oh my god, that's the end.

613
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 5: Good luck.

614
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 2: Ope, I don't I don't have much hope for you,

615
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 2: and no trying to figure this out.

616
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 4: I mean, if the sister does realize that it could

617
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 4: be like the very controlling partner and she does come back,

618
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 4: I don't.

619
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 2: Have to be her realization, right, not anything.

620
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:32,159
Speaker 4: On your My husband invited his long lost half brother

621
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 4: to our home without my permission.

622
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 5: We gotta check in with the wife. We gotta make

623
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,359
Speaker 5: the missus okay with it.

624
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,919
Speaker 4: Husband fifty plus found out around twenty twenty that he

625
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:45,879
Speaker 4: apparently had a long lost half brother who was at

626
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 4: least twenty years older than him. This man was given

627
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 4: up for adoption and apparently found the DNA connection via

628
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:56,880
Speaker 4: ancestry with my husband's full blood sister. By the way,

629
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 4: this comes from user nine nine nine eight eight eight

630
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 4: sevens he's own sixty six five five And if you

631
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 4: want us to make your own stories, go to the

632
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:06,440
Speaker 4: arslage Okay story time subreddit.

633
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 5: I'm Carly and I'm Banchie, and.

634
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 4: We're here to give good advice Goofily, but we don't

635
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 4: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

636
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:16,160
Speaker 4: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

637
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 4: He reached out and started a very awkward and very

638
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,879
Speaker 4: quick connection and was invited to our home. I was

639
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 4: not really thrilled about this. Back in twenty twenty.

640
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 3: They met.

641
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 4: We never saw any DNA, but my husband vows this

642
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 4: man is his brother. I was cordial with this meeting,

643
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 4: but felt very awkward since my husband and I have

644
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:39,280
Speaker 4: a fifteen year age gap, so his new brother is

645
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 4: near my father's age.

646
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 3: Visit came and went.

647
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 4: Then a few years later we moved cities, and not

648
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 4: long after we moved, without asking me, my husband invited

649
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:53,480
Speaker 4: this man to come live in our city and work

650
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 4: at a brand new business we had just opened. That

651
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 4: business was not making money at the time, so we

652
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 4: were basically going to be funding this man's life. He

653
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 4: stayed again at our home for a few weeks this

654
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 4: time and finally found his own place with the money

655
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 4: we paid him for a job that should never have

656
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 4: been given that early to opening. Not long into this move,

657
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,760
Speaker 4: we found out via the landlord that this man had

658
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 4: apparently been living in the basement of our new business,

659
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 4: the gigre Is. This business was under my name only,

660
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,360
Speaker 4: and I have no connection to this man other than

661
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:30,400
Speaker 4: we met now twice in very forced and awkward situation.

662
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 4: My husband freaked out on the brother, fired him and

663
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,640
Speaker 4: made him get his stuff out of the business, and

664
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 4: that was that. He didn't speak for a while, and

665
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 4: I guess eventually slowly worked on a relationship. By the way,

666
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:46,400
Speaker 4: this brother is very much a grifter. He moves from

667
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 4: place to place and doesn't have a good relationship with

668
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 4: his own children, which really weirds me out. He has

669
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 4: been back with his second ex wife for a place

670
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 4: to stay, eventually got one child to have him for

671
00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:00,040
Speaker 4: a short time, then was living with his friend my

672
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 4: first ex wife's mother to help, but really for a

673
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 4: place to live.

674
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 3: Three days ago.

675
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 4: My husband announced his brother was going to be coming.

676
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 3: To stay with us for two weeks.

677
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 4: Why I flipped out since he didn't ask or discuss

678
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 4: this with me at all. The last time this man

679
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 4: was around, he actively screwed me and my husband over

680
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,880
Speaker 4: I've not personally spoken to the brother since then. Apparently,

681
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 4: my husband bought his flight that night and he arrived

682
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 4: the next morning. I was cordial when he came in,

683
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:34,320
Speaker 4: but my husband and I had fought the night before

684
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:37,320
Speaker 4: because I didn't want this man coming into our home

685
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 4: without agreeing on things, let alone.

686
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 3: For two weeks.

687
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 4: Since his arrival, my husband has basically only taken this

688
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 4: man's side. He is now calling me a demon because

689
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 4: I'm ignoring his brother, who was very religious, by the way,

690
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 4: but left his role at the church long ago, which

691
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 4: cost him his first wife. I believe my husband is

692
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 4: now doing the hypocritical religious talk about how he is

693
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 4: the lead blah blah when he is not a good

694
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 4: leader and has many issues I won't go into here,

695
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 4: but really misrepresenting the Bible and the truth of all

696
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 4: the situations. My husband keeps forcing our child nine to

697
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 4: interact with this uncle, even though my child can see

698
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:23,120
Speaker 4: I'm uncomfortable and is also uncomfortable himself. It's gotten to

699
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 4: the point where my husband and I had to had

700
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:29,840
Speaker 4: a blow up argument because said brother wanted to apologize

701
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 4: for his past wrongs, but I was being.

702
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:33,960
Speaker 3: So evil by ignoring him.

703
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 4: The second day came to a head where I told

704
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 4: his brother that I had no idea he was even coming,

705
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 4: and that my husband just brought him down without my

706
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 4: knowledge or approval, and is now basically forcing me to

707
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 4: be around a man that I don't really like. We

708
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:51,400
Speaker 4: have nothing in common. I find him strange and he

709
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 4: has done very questionable things since that fight.

710
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 3: I have left the house.

711
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 5: Oh wow.

712
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 4: I did bring my son to the house to put

713
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,600
Speaker 4: him to bed today, but my husband wanted this brother

714
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 4: to come into our child's room and read to him

715
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 4: like sit on his bed and what play a happy family.

716
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 4: That pushed me over the edge again. So I said

717
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 4: good night to my son and left the house with

718
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 4: my final comment at the brother, enjoy my family. I

719
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 4: just don't understand how I'm being the a hole in

720
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 4: this situation. My husband claims this is the only family

721
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 4: he has left and can offer our son.

722
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 6: This is factually false because he actually has a full

723
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:34,160
Speaker 6: blood sibling and three other half siblings on his dad's side,

724
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 6: but he's burned those bridges in the past.

725
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,480
Speaker 3: Basically, these two men are acting like me.

726
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 4: Being unhappy, uncomfortable, and cold towards them is the problem,

727
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 4: and not the fact that my husband brought a man

728
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 4: into our house who I still find sketchy and who

729
00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 4: is now causing marital issues and doesn't catch the hint

730
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:56,120
Speaker 4: since he is a grifter and this is where he

731
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 4: is trying to be for now. So am I the

732
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 4: a hole? Comment why did you leave your son? Who

733
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 4: cares if the blood test reveals this man is in

734
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 4: fact her husband's brother. He's creepy as heck and crossed

735
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:14,200
Speaker 4: so many lines. Her husband is such a trusting moron. Yeah,

736
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 4: after everything the so called brother has done, husband is

737
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 4: just letting him have total access to his life as

738
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 4: well as his home. Husband has crossed more boundaries, all

739
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 4: without his wife's knowledge, inviting the stranger to stay with them,

740
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 4: paying for his airfare, and giving him a job at

741
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 4: their business. He's even turned against his own wife. Op

742
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:37,200
Speaker 4: needs to leave her husband and punt them both out

743
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 4: of the house and get a lawyer who's a shark

744
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 4: and take everything from her husband.

745
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 3: There's no way I would put up with.

746
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 4: Any of this crap, especially with having a child in

747
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 4: the house. Husband has lost his mind literally. Maybe him

748
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 4: and the brother can become grifters together and disappear.

749
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 3: Comment or two.

750
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 4: Not the a hole, It's not the brother that is

751
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 4: causing marital problems. Sounds like you're marriage is rocky since

752
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 4: your husband never consults with you on anything or values

753
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 4: your opinion.

754
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 3: What are you the maid?

755
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,280
Speaker 4: There are so many issues I don't know where to start.

756
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 4: Most Importantly, it's not appropriate to bring a strange guy

757
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:16,000
Speaker 4: into the house when you have children. A nine year

758
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 4: old certainly not into his bedroom. Have a serious talk

759
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 4: with your husband. If nothing changes, leave with the kids.

760
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:23,879
Speaker 4: Don't leave your son there.

761
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:24,760
Speaker 2: You have an update.

762
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,479
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, I agree with those comments. There's undred

763
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:32,320
Speaker 5: percent agree. Yeah, this man is not to be trusted.

764
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 5: I think you need to follow your instinct, especially if

765
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 5: your kid also feels sketchy around the right, like nothing

766
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 5: that you've heard about his backstory seems reliable.

767
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,919
Speaker 4: I can't imagine being nine and like actively being like mom,

768
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:45,879
Speaker 4: this man is uncomfortable, and then he comes in.

769
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 5: To read me bedtime stories. Yeah because my but my

770
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:53,799
Speaker 5: dad's like, my dad isn't gonna stop this creepy man

771
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:55,440
Speaker 5: from me around me, Like.

772
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 2: Dad's encouraging it.

773
00:34:57,320 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 5: Exactly weird. I really hope this update is just like, oh, yeah,

774
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 5: he apparently is a total stranger, and my husband just

775
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 5: escaped with him and they fell in love and I

776
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 5: never have to see them again.

777
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:10,920
Speaker 3: As your update and more info.

778
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 4: My son had been with me all afternoon since school

779
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 4: that day, doing his activities. I took him home with

780
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 4: the intention of sleeping in the spare room next to

781
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 4: his but things escalated. As stated in the original post,

782
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:27,400
Speaker 4: he feels comfortable in his own room and bed, and

783
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:29,960
Speaker 4: at that point I wasn't trying to cause too much

784
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:33,320
Speaker 4: stress to his normal routines. He also very much loves

785
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:35,400
Speaker 4: his father as well. The house is set up so

786
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 4: that my child sleeps on the top floor and there

787
00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:41,320
Speaker 4: is one spare room up there. My normal master bedroom

788
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 4: is on the main floor, right next to the stairs.

789
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:47,800
Speaker 4: The brother was put to sleep down in the basement.

790
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 4: There are cameras I have placed for my own comfort

791
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:53,480
Speaker 4: within the house that cover anyone going up or down

792
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,440
Speaker 4: the stairs, and they directly linked to my phone. I

793
00:35:56,480 --> 00:36:00,480
Speaker 4: get motion activated alerts and they are always recorded. I

794
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 4: monitored the cameras and pretty much didn't sleep. I was

795
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:06,239
Speaker 4: also at the house early in the morning to get

796
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 4: my child ready for school like normal, trying not to

797
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,880
Speaker 4: break his routine. I also waited for him to arrive

798
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:15,360
Speaker 4: home from the bus later. Since this morning, my husband

799
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 4: has still been a problem, but I did finally confront

800
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 4: the brother. He offered hair for me to test, so

801
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:25,279
Speaker 4: that's a start. We did sit and speak without my

802
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:28,440
Speaker 4: husband at present, and now he understands where I was

803
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:31,560
Speaker 4: and where I'm coming from. I still find him an

804
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:35,239
Speaker 4: odd person, but he was understanding of my concerns and

805
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,120
Speaker 4: the fact that I'm not a confrontational person but have

806
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 4: been put into a very uncomfortable spot.

807
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:41,360
Speaker 3: Got a little bit more.

808
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 5: But uh oh, I don't know. I feel like since

809
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 5: there's more to this story, and the fact that OPI

810
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:51,840
Speaker 5: this whole time has been putting brother in quotations, yeah,

811
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:55,400
Speaker 5: I feel like we're gonna We're gonna get exactly what

812
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,080
Speaker 5: we've been thinking this whole time. I don't think it's

813
00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:59,439
Speaker 5: gonna be brother. I think that little piece of hair

814
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:02,800
Speaker 5: that he gave is not gonna prove that they're family.

815
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 4: I'm very introverted, so my home is my safe place.

816
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:09,200
Speaker 4: I left details out in the original because I've never

817
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,319
Speaker 4: posted anything like this before and also didn't want to

818
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 4: provide directly identifying info.

819
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:16,239
Speaker 3: That's my update for now.

820
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:21,040
Speaker 4: No. Hopefully that answers some questions and eliminates some negative

821
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 4: ones about me just abandoning my child. It might not

822
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 4: have been the best for everyone, but I am trying

823
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 4: not to upset him, and I have still been with

824
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 4: him at all times when he is awake and monitoring

825
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:35,759
Speaker 4: when he sleeps. Thanks for the info and comments, and

826
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:36,879
Speaker 4: that's the end of that.

827
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 5: No o, oh gosh, maybe this was posted really recently,

828
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:47,040
Speaker 5: but like, yeah, ah, that's so, I don't like it.

829
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:47,920
Speaker 5: I don't like it.

830
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:50,440
Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

831
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:51,959
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute

832
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:53,279
Speaker 1: break from ask for more sponsors.

833
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 5: My wife had a spicy awakening, but it's for another man.

834
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:02,040
Speaker 5: Oh that's wrong. My wife and I are thirty six

835
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,319
Speaker 5: and have been married for fifteen years. We were high

836
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:07,239
Speaker 5: school sweethearts, neither of us having slept with anyone else.

837
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 5: We grew up conservative, evangelical, and she was my first everything.

838
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:13,839
Speaker 5: We married at twenty one. By the way, this comes

839
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:18,160
Speaker 5: from monogamish too risky, and if you want to submit

840
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:20,239
Speaker 5: your own stories, go to the r slashocas story time.

841
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:23,160
Speaker 5: Separddit and I'm Angie, I'm Carly, and we're here to

842
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 5: give good advice goofily, But we don't have all the answers,

843
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 5: so we're just gonna guess what we would do in

844
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:30,200
Speaker 5: this situation. But if you would do anything differently let

845
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 5: us know in the comments. During our mostly long distance

846
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:37,480
Speaker 5: dating period, Our physical chemistry was intense, her libido was

847
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:40,880
Speaker 5: through the roof, and she constantly wanted to be intimate,

848
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 5: probably more than I was ready for. Thanks to our

849
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:45,799
Speaker 5: religious upbringing, I was looking forward to marriage and what

850
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:48,839
Speaker 5: I thought would be the craziest spicy related brat of

851
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 5: my life. Yeah, you know how this story goes. On

852
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 5: our honeymoon, we had a frequent but merely adequate spicy sleep.

853
00:38:56,600 --> 00:39:00,160
Speaker 5: Then came our brutal first year, living overseas with the

854
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:04,400
Speaker 5: language barrier, financial struggles, her unable to work legally, spending

855
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:07,760
Speaker 5: constant time together for the first time ever no support system.

856
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 5: I cried more that year than any other in my life.

857
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 5: The feeling of helplessness and rejection was overwhelming. We managed

858
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 5: spicy sleep every couple of weeks, but it wasn't good.

859
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 5: Our second year brought new challenges. I was taking a

860
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:24,240
Speaker 5: double course load to finish college quickly, while she worked tonights,

861
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 5: so we rarely saw each other. Spicy sleep continued to

862
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,720
Speaker 5: be an issue. Eighteen months into the marriage, I discovered

863
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:33,840
Speaker 5: text messages she had exchanged with two work colleagues, Messages

864
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:36,880
Speaker 5: about being disappointed when he wouldn't be at work, debating

865
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 5: whether she should visit his apartment because she didn't think

866
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,719
Speaker 5: that she could behave herself. When I confronted her, she

867
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 5: broke down and confessed. She said nothing physical happened beyond

868
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 5: extended hugs, and I've come to believe her, but I

869
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 5: felt betrayed seeing her expose her flirty, spicy side to

870
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 5: others when we didn't have that. We spent six months

871
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:00,800
Speaker 5: in therapy putting our relationship back together. We moved to

872
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 5: a new city for a fresh start things. It never

873
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 5: became as bad as those first two years, but they

874
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:08,719
Speaker 5: never became amazing either. For the next five years, I

875
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:12,279
Speaker 5: struggled trying to push our spicy related relationship forward, then

876
00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:15,240
Speaker 5: eventually just gave up. It's been static for the last

877
00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 5: twelve years. Our spicy life is decent, but vanilla and routine,

878
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:25,359
Speaker 5: weekly scheduled frequency she finishes. We use multiple positions, but

879
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:28,360
Speaker 5: the little details I left out, and because she doesn't

880
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,840
Speaker 5: enjoy giving or receiving, I have a higher libido, but

881
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:34,600
Speaker 5: not by much. My biggest problem was that she never

882
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 5: showed real interest in spicy sleep, never initiated, never wanted

883
00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 5: anything beyond vanilla in her course, remained awkward about parts

884
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 5: of it. The spicy sleep itself was usually decent once

885
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:45,880
Speaker 5: we got into it, but I stopped initiating because the

886
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 5: rejection felt too painful. She switched to scheduled spicy sleep,

887
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,120
Speaker 5: which I thought I had made peace with. A year ago.

888
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:54,640
Speaker 5: I made a comment about her wearing sun dresses because

889
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 5: I find them schmecksha. She got upset and offended. I

890
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 5: told her that I wasn't going to spend my life

891
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,440
Speaker 5: with someone who got upset, that I saw them as

892
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,319
Speaker 5: a spicy being, that we needed to work on this.

893
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 5: She agreed and said that she'd get counseling. Then. For

894
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 5: reasons I don't understand, I completely forgot about this conversation.

895
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 5: A month ago, I would have said that our relationship

896
00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 5: was solid, good communication and trust, similar goals and outlooks.

897
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 5: We have a young child, great careers, were upper middle

898
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:25,359
Speaker 5: class and reasonably attractive. Things seemed good. A few weeks ago,

899
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:27,359
Speaker 5: I got home from a trip and she wanted to talk.

900
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 5: At a work conference, she had felt intensely spicily attracted

901
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:34,360
Speaker 5: to a married colleague. They discussed the tension, and he

902
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,799
Speaker 5: indicated that his relationship was somewhat open. She told him

903
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 5: that ours wasn't and they agreed that nothing should happen.

904
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 5: He did kiss her neck during a hug.

905
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 3: That's something happening.

906
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 5: That is something happening for sure, for sure, which I

907
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:52,080
Speaker 5: immediately said was a boundary violation. Yeah yeah, She agreed

908
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 5: and apologized, But then she told me that this encounter

909
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 5: made her realize that our relationship was missing spark and spun.

910
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:04,160
Speaker 5: She wanted to explore being a monogamish, feeling that she

911
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:06,480
Speaker 5: had missed out on sleeping with other people and exploring

912
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:10,319
Speaker 5: her spicy procolativity. She wanted an arrangement where we could

913
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:13,640
Speaker 5: play with others a few times a year while traveling

914
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:17,439
Speaker 5: for work. She was no longer satisfied with the status quo.

915
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:21,560
Speaker 5: Initially I was interested. I've never slept with anyone else either,

916
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 5: and had always mourned missing that experience. But after soul searching,

917
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 5: I told her I couldn't do it. I didn't feel

918
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,359
Speaker 5: loved or secure enough to watch her with someone else.

919
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:33,680
Speaker 5: She was disappointed, but understood, though she also felt that

920
00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:36,520
Speaker 5: she couldn't continue the status quo. It became clear that

921
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:39,479
Speaker 5: she was intensely attracted to this guy and had really

922
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 5: wanted to pursue it. She told him that she decided

923
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,440
Speaker 5: not to pursue anything. The more we talked, the more

924
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 5: I realized a hard truth that we've both been avoiding

925
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:51,319
Speaker 5: for fifteen years. She's not all that spicily attracted to

926
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:54,520
Speaker 5: me and hasn't been for our entire marriage. She isn't

927
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 5: repulsed by me either, which is why we don't have

928
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,040
Speaker 5: a non existent bedroom, but she thinks that she she

929
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:03,120
Speaker 5: should feel something more than what she does. This was

930
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:06,520
Speaker 5: brutally difficult to deal with, especially compared to her butterflies

931
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:08,759
Speaker 5: and the stomach feeling for the other man. If not

932
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 5: for the overall strength of our relationship and our daughter,

933
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,960
Speaker 5: I would have bailed rather than endure being married to

934
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 5: someone who's okay with sleeping with me but really wants

935
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,399
Speaker 5: to sleep with someone else. But it gets more complicated.

936
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 5: Talking over the past weeks revealed something surprising. My wife

937
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,759
Speaker 5: has been going through a spicy related awakening for a year,

938
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,799
Speaker 5: and I completely missed it. When I told her a

939
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:30,440
Speaker 5: year ago that I needed to be with someone who

940
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:33,640
Speaker 5: recognized herself as a spicy person, she took it to heart.

941
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:38,040
Speaker 5: She read extensively about a spicy proclivity and how evangelical

942
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:42,400
Speaker 5: purity culture distorts healthy spicy related attitudes. She asked me

943
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:45,719
Speaker 5: to attend a marriage retreat her therapist recommended, which I

944
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:48,640
Speaker 5: blew off. She started wanting more physical affection, which I

945
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 5: also just missed. She began following adult content on social

946
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 5: media and asked if we could watch corn together. Until then,

947
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:56,400
Speaker 5: I thought that she hated the idea of corn and

948
00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:58,719
Speaker 5: would be devastated if she knew that I watched it.

949
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:01,719
Speaker 5: All of this happened over nine months, and I still

950
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:04,719
Speaker 5: didn't recognize that she was changing. Maybe I ignored the

951
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:07,680
Speaker 5: signs to avoid getting my hopes up. We had worked

952
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 5: on this in our early marriage with no change, which

953
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 5: led me to give up on her ever changing. Yeah,

954
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 5: because I guess that is true. I forgot about that,

955
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,680
Speaker 5: because when I was reading that, I was thinking, like, so,

956
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 5: you've been wanting this the whole time, and you've just

957
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:20,840
Speaker 5: been ignoring her. But that is a good reminder. He

958
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 5: did like try to Uh. He was saying that he

959
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:26,400
Speaker 5: like didn't want to get rejected more so I stopped

960
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:27,319
Speaker 5: initiating it.

961
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 4: Did It does seem like though that maybe the biggest

962
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 4: issue was that he forgot that conversation and then she

963
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 4: wentn't actually like was like, Okay, I'll put in the work,

964
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:38,759
Speaker 4: like I'll do it, sure, and then they totally just

965
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:41,800
Speaker 4: switched roles in like she was getting rejected.

966
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:44,879
Speaker 5: Now right, yeah, oh my gosh. But since she brought

967
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:47,400
Speaker 5: up the open marriage idea and I rejected it, things

968
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:51,760
Speaker 5: have been different. She's buying schmeckshy clothes, including sun dresses,

969
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:55,480
Speaker 5: and is enthusiastic about it. We did an online compatibility

970
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:57,440
Speaker 5: quiz and she had more items on her list than

971
00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 5: I expected. We went to a spicy club. We've been

972
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,920
Speaker 5: having more and better spicy sleep. She said that she

973
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 5: feels more spicily aware and open that for the first

974
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 5: time in her life, she feels like ace spicy being. However,

975
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 5: she doesn't feel attracted to me. I think she's confusing

976
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:17,560
Speaker 5: the infatuation feeling that she had for that guy with

977
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:20,360
Speaker 5: what she expects to feel from me. If you're completely

978
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 5: unattracted to someone, do you get aroused with them and

979
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:27,640
Speaker 5: have loud doing spicy sleep? In detail, I know you

980
00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 5: can't have new relationship energy with someone that you've been

981
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 5: married to for almost half your life. She's still bums,

982
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 5: so she can't do anything with the other man and

983
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 5: can't ever sleep with other people. I think she's still

984
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 5: in crush mode and craving those feelings. So I'm kind

985
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 5: of getting what I always hoped for, my wife having

986
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:47,759
Speaker 5: a spicy related awakening and wanting to explore her spicy proclivity,

987
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:52,120
Speaker 5: including with me. Okay, Unfortunately it's not happening on my terms.

988
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:54,480
Speaker 5: Maybe it won't last. Maybe she'll want things I'm not

989
00:45:54,520 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 5: comfortable with most frighteningly, maybe she'll continue feeling spicyly bored

990
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 5: by monogamy and eventually insists that we open the marriage

991
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:07,080
Speaker 5: or she'll leave or cheat. Is she changing to be

992
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 5: more spicy positive and can I regain her attraction or

993
00:46:11,239 --> 00:46:13,759
Speaker 5: do I already have it but she's confusing it with

994
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 5: new relationship energy or am I lying to myself And

995
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 5: what's actually happened is she's having massive spicy chemistry with

996
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:24,279
Speaker 5: the other man and I'm just getting a spillover and

997
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:27,959
Speaker 5: there is an update. April was definitely the darkest month

998
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 5: of my life. During the first couple weeks, I got

999
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:33,759
Speaker 5: clingy and anxious and asking for reassurances from her. I

1000
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:36,439
Speaker 5: didn't get them. To her credit, she refused to tell

1001
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 5: me what I wanted to hear. That left me with

1002
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 5: an uncomfortable truth that I'd been avoiding for fifteen years

1003
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:44,960
Speaker 5: of my life. My wife is not really attracted to me.

1004
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:48,400
Speaker 5: She's not repulsed by me either, which I think is

1005
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:51,200
Speaker 5: why we don't have a dry bedroom. But I don't

1006
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 5: really get her motor running. I realized since day one,

1007
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:56,719
Speaker 5: I've asked my wife to carry an impossible burden, to

1008
00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:59,160
Speaker 5: use her body to validate me as a husband and

1009
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 5: as a man. I've asked her to soothe me with

1010
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:05,319
Speaker 5: spicy sleep to reassure me when I get reactive. But

1011
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 5: I'm a bottomless pit of need and it was never enough.

1012
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 5: So being needy and clingy is incredibly unattractive. Growing up

1013
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 5: in purity culture, getting married young and not having spicy

1014
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:19,759
Speaker 5: sleep and living overseas by ourselves for our first year

1015
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:23,040
Speaker 5: was a disaster, especially for her. She went from college

1016
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:26,640
Speaker 5: and friends in control over her life to living overseas

1017
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:30,279
Speaker 5: with a spicy, needy guy who constantly pressured her for

1018
00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 5: spicy sleep and was passive aggressive when he didn't get it.

1019
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:36,399
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's that's a okay, there we go.

1020
00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 5: That's not Yeah, No, that's terrible. That's definitely terrible. I

1021
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:44,960
Speaker 5: can't defend you all night there. That's the worst. No

1022
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:49,160
Speaker 5: wonder her desire evaporated overnight. My wife wants to want me,

1023
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 5: But that's not how it works. It's not her faults.

1024
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 5: The duty spicy sleep she's provided for fifteen years was

1025
00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:58,000
Speaker 5: doing damage to her psyche that I didn't realize because

1026
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:02,680
Speaker 5: it's not a duty my guys exactly exactly. She basically

1027
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:05,600
Speaker 5: shut down her spicy side because dealing with it was

1028
00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:09,160
Speaker 5: too overwhelming. I'm not entitled to anything from her. Nothing.

1029
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:12,960
Speaker 5: She doesn't owe me love, companionship, intimacy, or spicy sleep.

1030
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:15,879
Speaker 5: If my needs aren't being met, I can communicate them

1031
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:19,760
Speaker 5: clearly or walk away. But I literally never considered leaving

1032
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:22,840
Speaker 5: her over this until now. I can't control or change

1033
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:26,160
Speaker 5: anything other than myself, not her, not this marriage. I

1034
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:28,400
Speaker 5: need to be assertive about my needs and boundaries and

1035
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:31,120
Speaker 5: be willing to walk away if they aren't met. I

1036
00:48:31,239 --> 00:48:34,400
Speaker 5: make a good income, and when thinking about how betrayed

1037
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:36,319
Speaker 5: I felt, I kept coming back to how I'm a

1038
00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:38,600
Speaker 5: great husband because I take care of her and our kid.

1039
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 5: I'm kind and financially successful. But those are table stakes,

1040
00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 5: not turn ons. She needs more than that to be

1041
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:48,120
Speaker 5: attracted to me. We don't have the egalitarian relationship I

1042
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 5: thought we did. She manages our social life, calendar, everything

1043
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:54,120
Speaker 5: to do with our daughter, the household. I just let

1044
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:58,279
Speaker 5: her take on everything except finances. She's responsible for all

1045
00:48:58,320 --> 00:49:01,680
Speaker 5: the emotional neighbor of managing it. Overall, I haven't been

1046
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:05,040
Speaker 5: a great partner. I want intimacy mainly for validation. I

1047
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:07,319
Speaker 5: am not a good listener. Don't do kind things with

1048
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:10,840
Speaker 5: no expectation of return. I am not particularly interested in

1049
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:13,960
Speaker 5: various aspects of her life. Over the years, I started

1050
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 5: taking her for granted and giving her the leftovers of

1051
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:19,800
Speaker 5: my time, energy and attention. So here's what I'm doing now.

1052
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:22,240
Speaker 5: The night she told me about the attraction and suggested

1053
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:25,480
Speaker 5: opening up the relationship, I started thinking about dating prospects

1054
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 5: if I were single. My first thought was, I need

1055
00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:30,319
Speaker 5: to get my crab together. If I suddenly felt the

1056
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:32,839
Speaker 5: need to be attractive to hook up with strangers, why

1057
00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:36,040
Speaker 5: hadn't I been doing it for my wife for fifteen years.

1058
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:38,640
Speaker 5: I've been coasting with my dad bod and jeans and

1059
00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:41,799
Speaker 5: T shirts for years. While my wife is hot, does

1060
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:44,399
Speaker 5: cross of it, has great style, and carries herself well.

1061
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:47,400
Speaker 5: I stepped back and asked myself. If I were an

1062
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:50,239
Speaker 5: attractive woman, would I want to sleep with me? The

1063
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:53,400
Speaker 5: answer was no, not really. I immediately started lifting and

1064
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:55,920
Speaker 5: eating clean. After a month, I switched across it and

1065
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 5: added yoga. In six weeks, I've dropped eleven pounds and

1066
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 5: added muscletuf. I got micro needling for acne scars, bought

1067
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:06,799
Speaker 5: new clothes, started a full skincare routine, got braces, and

1068
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 5: improved my haircut. Oh, he's going full makeover.

1069
00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:13,960
Speaker 4: Yes, honestly, the looks aspect I don't even think was going. Like,

1070
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:15,880
Speaker 4: I think you could have done way more, Just like

1071
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:18,520
Speaker 4: emotional how I treat my wife for it over this

1072
00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:21,080
Speaker 4: stuff Like great, I'm glad that you are feeling better

1073
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:23,440
Speaker 4: and happier about your own appearance. But like, yeah, I

1074
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 4: think she still would have loved you, dude. I think

1075
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 4: it's how you treat her very possible.

1076
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 5: Yeah. I'm also building a social life, reaching out to

1077
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:33,160
Speaker 5: guy friends, joining groups, planning solo trips, switching from a

1078
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:36,520
Speaker 5: solo office to a coworking space. I'm taking ownership of

1079
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 5: family responsibilities that I had left entirely to my wife,

1080
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 5: our daughter's school, social calendar, household management, everything for a

1081
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:45,560
Speaker 5: spicy sleep. I've been initiating when I'm in the mood,

1082
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:47,719
Speaker 5: usually a few times a week. I've made it clear

1083
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:50,439
Speaker 5: that I don't want duty spicy sleep, and if she's

1084
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,319
Speaker 5: not up for it, she should say no. She's been

1085
00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:55,239
Speaker 5: more receptive, but when she's not, I cheerfully move on.

1086
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:58,200
Speaker 5: Oddly enough, our spicy sleep life is the best it's

1087
00:50:58,239 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 5: ever been, I think, mainly because we're being honest with

1088
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:04,320
Speaker 5: ourselves and each other. She's been exploring her spicy side,

1089
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 5: trying to get over religious shame. We've watched corn together,

1090
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:13,640
Speaker 5: added dirty talk, been rougher id spicy sleep in other rooms,

1091
00:51:13,719 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 5: got new toys. I know her heart isn't fully in

1092
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:18,600
Speaker 5: it yet, and she feels anxious about some of it.

1093
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:21,760
Speaker 5: But I haven't pushed for any of this. She's pushing herself.

1094
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:24,920
Speaker 5: I'm not trying to be needy or clingy. I've stopped

1095
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 5: mapping her mind or monitoring her moods. I don't ask

1096
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 5: what she's thinking or feeling, don't ask for commitments, don't

1097
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:33,919
Speaker 5: snoop if she's going to leave or cheat, she's going

1098
00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:36,719
Speaker 5: to leave or cheat. When this started, the possibility of

1099
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:40,200
Speaker 5: divorce felt like devastating. I couldn't fathom it. After a

1100
00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:42,440
Speaker 5: few weeks, I started thinking about my life after her.

1101
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:45,440
Speaker 5: I calculated alimony and child sport, looked at my budget,

1102
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:47,680
Speaker 5: thought about how it might be fun to sleep around,

1103
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:50,680
Speaker 5: take solo vacations, get a dog. If I get divorced,

1104
00:51:50,719 --> 00:51:53,279
Speaker 5: I'll be an attractive, high income single man in my

1105
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:54,800
Speaker 5: late thirties in a major city.

1106
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:55,839
Speaker 2: How bad could that be?

1107
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:56,640
Speaker 3: And you lost me again?

1108
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:59,160
Speaker 5: Ope, my forties and beyond are going to be a

1109
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 5: spicily fulfilling one way or another. Either we build a

1110
00:52:02,640 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 5: spicy sleep life that we're both excited about, or we

1111
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:07,520
Speaker 5: move on. I'm no longer willing to put my needs

1112
00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:09,720
Speaker 5: on the back burner like I have for fifteen years,

1113
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:11,959
Speaker 5: and I'm no longer willing to tolerate a wife who

1114
00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:16,600
Speaker 5: only tolerates me. Basically, I'm not trying to rebuild a marriage.

1115
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:19,200
Speaker 5: I'm rebuilding a man. If she wants to come along

1116
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:21,760
Speaker 5: and put the same level of work into herself, awesome.

1117
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:24,360
Speaker 5: But either way, this train is leaving the station. My

1118
00:52:24,520 --> 00:52:28,000
Speaker 5: first marriage is gone. There's a slim chance I can

1119
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:30,279
Speaker 5: build a new one with this same person, But either way,

1120
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:33,520
Speaker 5: I'm going to have an amazing life going forward. But

1121
00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:36,560
Speaker 5: we do have a second number eleven weeks after the

1122
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 5: open marriage bombshell. No huge changes in our relationship, but

1123
00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:45,000
Speaker 5: we're slowly moving forward internally and externally. I am becoming

1124
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:49,040
Speaker 5: a different person. Our spicy life is trending in the

1125
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 5: wrong direction. Unfortunately.

1126
00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:53,640
Speaker 3: Ah, We're so close. We're always so close.

1127
00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:59,880
Speaker 5: We averaged three to four times monthly before, had spices

1128
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:02,959
Speaker 5: six times in April, but only four times in May

1129
00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 5: and once so far in June.

1130
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:07,160
Speaker 4: I've got another piece of advice for you, op stop

1131
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:08,560
Speaker 4: tracking it, Stop tracking it.

1132
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:10,760
Speaker 5: What is this? Why do you remember?

1133
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:12,760
Speaker 3: I don't We're pretting so much pressure on numbers.

1134
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 5: Stop tracking it, Stop doing that. I've been getting shot

1135
00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:18,319
Speaker 5: down more when I initiate. I suspect we had an

1136
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:21,200
Speaker 5: initial burst of motivation that's now feeling like a slog.

1137
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:25,799
Speaker 5: I've suddenly developed premature finishing issues, which I've never had.

1138
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:29,239
Speaker 5: I think it's due to not being with myself as

1139
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:33,440
Speaker 5: much as spicy sleep having more meaning now, and increased

1140
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:36,640
Speaker 5: anxiety about being in my head during spicy sleep. I

1141
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:39,640
Speaker 5: went from thinking this was about general attraction to wondering

1142
00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:41,960
Speaker 5: if it's about the style of spicy sleep and her

1143
00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:45,440
Speaker 5: wanting more dominance and variety that she thinks only someone

1144
00:53:45,480 --> 00:53:48,400
Speaker 5: else could provide. Despite this, the spicy sleep we're having

1145
00:53:48,480 --> 00:53:51,719
Speaker 5: has been above average for us. We're communicating better and

1146
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:54,720
Speaker 5: she seems more into it. We've been continuing to flirt

1147
00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:58,239
Speaker 5: and she sent me a spicy text while traveling. Our

1148
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:00,800
Speaker 5: day to day dynamic is one of the bright spots.

1149
00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 5: We've been spending time together, laughing, flirting, hugging and kissing

1150
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 5: multiple times per day, going to bed at the same time.

1151
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:09,960
Speaker 5: This helps me feel like there is something worth saving.

1152
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 5: We've had three sessions with an ASECT certified spicy sleep

1153
00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:17,239
Speaker 5: therapist who's fantastic. We're also doing a four day intensive

1154
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 5: with doctor David Schnarch in Colorado, which should be challenging

1155
00:54:22,280 --> 00:54:26,760
Speaker 5: but hopefully breaking through inducing for physical attractiveness. In ten weeks,

1156
00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:29,880
Speaker 5: I've lost twenty plus pounds of fat. Wow, my stomach

1157
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 5: is flat and I can see my abs starting. I've

1158
00:54:32,560 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 5: had two rounds of micro needling for acne scars, got braces,

1159
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:39,920
Speaker 5: upgraded my wardrobe significantly. People have been commenting on how

1160
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:43,080
Speaker 5: much better I look in dress. I've detected more flirtatiousness

1161
00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:46,239
Speaker 5: from women, something that rarely happened before. I'm building a

1162
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:49,520
Speaker 5: social life with other men and taking on more parenting responsibilities.

1163
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:52,240
Speaker 5: We had a frank conversation about her lack of attraction

1164
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 5: to me. She said that if she met me as

1165
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:56,560
Speaker 5: a stranger, she'd find me attractive, but our history and

1166
00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:59,359
Speaker 5: her religious shame make it hard for her to desire me. Now,

1167
00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:01,880
Speaker 5: there is a little bit more to the story. But okay,

1168
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:04,480
Speaker 5: it was a little bit of like a summary on

1169
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:06,440
Speaker 5: like how he's improving himself from before.

1170
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:11,000
Speaker 4: I totally understand that she's having trouble getting past everything

1171
00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:12,720
Speaker 4: that's previously.

1172
00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:15,839
Speaker 5: Happened, for sure. I mean that was pretty like, that's

1173
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:17,879
Speaker 5: a lot, that's a lot of stuff that happened before.

1174
00:55:17,920 --> 00:55:19,719
Speaker 5: But there is a little bit more to this story.

1175
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:22,879
Speaker 5: I've given myself seventeen months from the crisis to see

1176
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:26,240
Speaker 5: real change. At month two and a half, the changes

1177
00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:28,920
Speaker 5: I'm making need to be for me, not to manipulate

1178
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:31,680
Speaker 5: her feelings. I can't control whether she stays or goes.

1179
00:55:31,760 --> 00:55:33,719
Speaker 5: When she talked about wanting to flee the marriage and

1180
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:38,000
Speaker 5: experience what she missed, I stayed calm, I listened, slept fine,

1181
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:40,600
Speaker 5: and had a good workout the next morning. I've learned

1182
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:42,840
Speaker 5: that when I freak out, she shuts down. When I

1183
00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:45,760
Speaker 5: stay steady, she opens up. The bottom line is simple,

1184
00:55:45,960 --> 00:55:48,880
Speaker 5: I'm not trying to rebuild a marriage. I'm rebuilding myself.

1185
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:51,600
Speaker 5: My forties are going to be different, whether she's a

1186
00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:53,359
Speaker 5: part of them or not. And we got a little

1187
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 5: bit of that in the last update. But that's what

1188
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:55,919
Speaker 5: we end it with too.

1189
00:55:56,080 --> 00:55:56,480
Speaker 2: Okay.

1190
00:55:56,680 --> 00:55:58,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think there's a lot of just focus on

1191
00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 4: individuality and that for sure. Okay, but that potentially be

1192
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:06,160
Speaker 4: leading you more to divorce. Yeah, yeah, because there's not

1193
00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:08,560
Speaker 4: that focus. I fully agree that you need to work

1194
00:56:08,560 --> 00:56:11,040
Speaker 4: on yourself. You need to be happy with yourself. But yeah, like,

1195
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:14,000
Speaker 4: if your ultimate goal is to make a marriage work,

1196
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:16,360
Speaker 4: it needs to still be together, which it is you

1197
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:17,760
Speaker 4: guys are doing together work.

1198
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:21,120
Speaker 5: Yeah. I really do have hope for you. Yeah, I

1199
00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:24,000
Speaker 5: feel like, yeah, we've seen a lot of things improving.

1200
00:56:24,320 --> 00:56:26,239
Speaker 5: I do think, you know, there are just some things

1201
00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:29,160
Speaker 5: that seem to be missing. Just keep being patient, might do.

1202
00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:32,600
Speaker 5: Keep being patient. I think I think you have some

1203
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 5: work to do. I think you, I mean, okay, you're

1204
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 5: doing work, but I think you have work to do

1205
00:56:36,920 --> 00:56:42,800
Speaker 5: in possibly your religious upbringing. Yeah, if the upbringing affected

1206
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:45,960
Speaker 5: your idea of like, oh, my wife needs to provide

1207
00:56:45,960 --> 00:56:48,239
Speaker 5: me with this spicy act, you know what I mean,

1208
00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:51,120
Speaker 5: Like if that's the case. If it's not, then like

1209
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:54,719
Speaker 5: don't do that, but or like it doesn't you don't

1210
00:56:54,719 --> 00:56:57,440
Speaker 5: need to, you don't need to. But yeah, focus on

1211
00:56:57,480 --> 00:56:59,800
Speaker 5: the emotional stuff now now that you're getting physical stuff

1212
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:04,800
Speaker 5: and all that kind of stuff. When there's spicy sleep problems,

1213
00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:08,480
Speaker 5: I feel it's like usually not from what I've heard anyway,

1214
00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 5: and from this what this story confirms, I feel like

1215
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:16,160
Speaker 5: it's the lack of the emotional It's not about attraction,

1216
00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:19,360
Speaker 5: it's so many other things that go into it. So

1217
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:22,040
Speaker 5: keep doing what you're doing, and I hope you guys

1218
00:57:22,280 --> 00:57:22,880
Speaker 5: work it out.

1219
00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 3: Good luck.

1220
00:57:23,840 --> 00:57:28,880
Speaker 5: Opy. That was a roller coaster for sure, But that

1221
00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:31,320
Speaker 5: is the end of that story. Hey, it's Sam.

1222
00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:32,960
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three

1223
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:36,560
Speaker 1: minutes of bads from our sponsors. My girlfriend's sister hates me,

1224
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:41,320
Speaker 1: and I don't know why. That's rough, Buddy, tell me why.

1225
00:57:42,560 --> 00:57:45,760
Speaker 1: I Female thirty six and my fiance, female forty eight

1226
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:48,640
Speaker 1: have been together for four and a half years ish.

1227
00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:53,320
Speaker 1: We both had previous difficult relationships and experiences. My now fiance,

1228
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:56,560
Speaker 1: who I'll call Fran, supported me when I left my ex.

1229
00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:59,120
Speaker 1: It was a challenging time for me and I had

1230
00:57:59,120 --> 00:58:02,400
Speaker 1: to work through some complicated custody arrangements with my daughter,

1231
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 1: who I'm still in contact with love and enjoy having

1232
00:58:06,040 --> 00:58:09,360
Speaker 1: over By the way, this comes from user cautious Coyote

1233
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:11,280
Speaker 1: fifty to two ten. If you want to submit your

1234
00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:13,760
Speaker 1: own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime separated

1235
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:16,960
Speaker 1: and oh, he says, I supported Fran when she was

1236
00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:20,240
Speaker 1: ending her previous relationship as well. Her disability left her

1237
00:58:20,280 --> 00:58:23,640
Speaker 1: with a severe concussion and reduction in mobility, and now

1238
00:58:23,640 --> 00:58:26,880
Speaker 1: she has multiple diagnosis involving memory and mobility issues.

1239
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:27,240
Speaker 2: Oho.

1240
00:58:27,880 --> 00:58:29,880
Speaker 1: As you may have noticed, my partner and I were

1241
00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:32,680
Speaker 1: friends before we got together. I knew her sister back

1242
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:34,720
Speaker 1: then too. Brand has told me that her sister, who

1243
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:37,480
Speaker 1: I'll call Claire, said we would make a good couple.

1244
00:58:37,880 --> 00:58:40,080
Speaker 1: We both have the same sense of humor and are

1245
00:58:40,200 --> 00:58:42,960
Speaker 1: kind and caring. We all work together, so got to

1246
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:44,160
Speaker 1: know each other pretty well.

1247
00:58:44,560 --> 00:58:47,360
Speaker 2: But that was a butt, always a butt.

1248
00:58:47,680 --> 00:58:50,760
Speaker 1: But then we got together and what should have been

1249
00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 1: a wonderful time shouldn't have devolved as it did with

1250
00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:57,480
Speaker 1: Claire Fran had her own flat, which I moved into,

1251
00:58:57,720 --> 00:59:01,040
Speaker 1: but not straight away. Fran always tells me, saffis move fast,

1252
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:03,760
Speaker 1: but I'm by and never had a female relationship before,

1253
00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:06,640
Speaker 1: so I went at a pace I felt comfortable with.

1254
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:10,320
Speaker 1: I moved in after a few months. Claire was happy

1255
00:59:10,360 --> 00:59:13,720
Speaker 1: we got together, but due to Franz's disability, she had

1256
00:59:13,720 --> 00:59:17,160
Speaker 1: put herself into a mother head and roll. I didn't

1257
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:19,200
Speaker 1: mind it at first because I didn't know all the

1258
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:22,560
Speaker 1: ins and outs of Fran's situation. Over time, Fran wanted

1259
00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:24,880
Speaker 1: me to be with her at doctor's appointments, which is

1260
00:59:24,920 --> 00:59:27,720
Speaker 1: fair since her relationship was getting more serious and she

1261
00:59:27,760 --> 00:59:31,800
Speaker 1: wanted her partner with her through these times. Claire, on

1262
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:33,920
Speaker 1: the other hand, did not like how I was imposing

1263
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:38,320
Speaker 1: on her mother headness per se. So Fran sat her

1264
00:59:38,320 --> 00:59:40,959
Speaker 1: down and discussed this with her. She nodded her head

1265
00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:45,400
Speaker 1: and smiled, and inside she was screaming a lot.

1266
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:48,160
Speaker 2: How do you know? She was screaming, Oh you said that? Yeah,

1267
00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:50,000
Speaker 2: I thought a p said that. I was like, how

1268
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:50,640
Speaker 2: did you know that?

1269
00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:52,160
Speaker 1: I'm a psychic? Yeah.

1270
00:59:52,680 --> 00:59:54,760
Speaker 7: I don't think Fran's too happy or she's going like

1271
00:59:54,800 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 7: happy mm hmmm. He had's fine past, and the snarky

1272
01:00:01,200 --> 01:00:05,800
Speaker 7: comments and backhanded insults continued from Claire. If Frand and

1273
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:08,440
Speaker 7: I had a little argument, Claire would rerate me and

1274
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:10,520
Speaker 7: try to get into Fran's head that we.

1275
01:00:10,560 --> 01:00:16,000
Speaker 1: Shouldn't be together now. Oh where another sit down happened again.

1276
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:21,080
Speaker 1: Claire sat there, nodded her head and she'd behave, well,

1277
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:21,640
Speaker 1: you know what.

1278
01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:23,840
Speaker 2: I will say, It's good that is it?

1279
01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:25,880
Speaker 1: Fran the girlfriend, Brand is the girlfriend, and Claire is this.

1280
01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:28,880
Speaker 2: It's good that Fran is, you know, confronting Claire every

1281
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:31,080
Speaker 2: time this happens. You know, she's not just being like,

1282
01:00:31,520 --> 01:00:34,080
Speaker 2: oh pee, that's just Claire deal with it. Like she's

1283
01:00:34,120 --> 01:00:36,400
Speaker 2: actually saying like, hey, you need to stop Clair.

1284
01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:44,720
Speaker 1: Stop with the backhanded compliments or the backhanded comments Claire bear. More.

1285
01:00:44,760 --> 01:00:46,760
Speaker 1: Time passed to the point where Fran was happy to

1286
01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:49,720
Speaker 1: give Claire a spare key to the flat for just

1287
01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:53,200
Speaker 1: in case situations. Brand doesn't work so she always home,

1288
01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:55,200
Speaker 1: but as a habit of sleeping in late and needed

1289
01:00:55,200 --> 01:00:57,760
Speaker 1: to help walking the dog in the morning, which became

1290
01:00:57,880 --> 01:01:01,280
Speaker 1: Claire's job. When I was at work. One afternoon, Frand

1291
01:01:01,280 --> 01:01:03,200
Speaker 1: and I decided to lock our flat door so we

1292
01:01:03,200 --> 01:01:07,919
Speaker 1: can have some intimate time to go. Oh oh oh

1293
01:01:08,040 --> 01:01:09,000
Speaker 1: by some monopoly.

1294
01:01:09,520 --> 01:01:10,200
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1295
01:01:10,280 --> 01:01:13,520
Speaker 1: It was going well until Claire knocked on the door.

1296
01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:18,600
Speaker 1: Wait to ruin the moment, Claire trying to get spicy in,

1297
01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:22,680
Speaker 1: trying to pass go, trying to pass go. Fran shouted

1298
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:25,160
Speaker 1: out to hold on a minute. Then we heard the

1299
01:01:25,240 --> 01:01:25,919
Speaker 1: key in the lock.

1300
01:01:26,040 --> 01:01:30,760
Speaker 2: Oh wait, wait wait wait wait, do stop.

1301
01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:35,080
Speaker 1: I'm unclothed. Fran yelled that she was coming to the

1302
01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:38,400
Speaker 1: door as she started getting dressed, but it was too late.

1303
01:01:38,840 --> 01:01:41,000
Speaker 1: Claire was in the flat. Fran told her to stay

1304
01:01:41,040 --> 01:01:43,320
Speaker 1: by the door, but Claire asked what she said and

1305
01:01:43,440 --> 01:01:44,160
Speaker 1: came closer.

1306
01:01:44,320 --> 01:01:46,960
Speaker 2: Oh, Claire, Clare, stop.

1307
01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:47,760
Speaker 1: Claire, get a clue.

1308
01:01:47,880 --> 01:01:48,760
Speaker 2: I think that's when you go on.

1309
01:01:49,760 --> 01:01:52,600
Speaker 1: That's when we got out. It's okay to say that

1310
01:01:52,640 --> 01:01:55,080
Speaker 1: you're you're yeah, it's her sister.

1311
01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:57,840
Speaker 2: Say I get out, Claire.

1312
01:01:58,560 --> 01:02:00,880
Speaker 1: We were both still undressed, but it's having to cover up.

1313
01:02:01,280 --> 01:02:05,120
Speaker 1: Bran yelled again to stay by the door, but Claire

1314
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:08,680
Speaker 1: Claire said she couldn't hear and was now in our bedroom.

1315
01:02:08,880 --> 01:02:11,920
Speaker 2: She said, she said, don't move, and then Claire said, sorry,

1316
01:02:11,960 --> 01:02:12,720
Speaker 2: what was that?

1317
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:13,840
Speaker 5: Move? Move?

1318
01:02:13,960 --> 01:02:14,240
Speaker 2: Come in?

1319
01:02:15,360 --> 01:02:17,400
Speaker 1: She said, come in, okay, don't come in?

1320
01:02:17,920 --> 01:02:19,760
Speaker 2: What I can't hear you.

1321
01:02:19,880 --> 01:02:20,840
Speaker 5: I'm away.

1322
01:02:20,960 --> 01:02:24,800
Speaker 2: She doesn't know she's trying to What is she doing,

1323
01:02:25,160 --> 01:02:28,280
Speaker 2: you little freak? How's your sister?

1324
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:31,320
Speaker 1: I had just gotten under the covers to hide my

1325
01:02:31,720 --> 01:02:34,479
Speaker 1: naked self while Fran was still putting on her top

1326
01:02:34,560 --> 01:02:37,240
Speaker 1: and pushed her sister out. Claire and Fran were both

1327
01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:39,840
Speaker 1: now in the kitchen, with Fran yelling at Claire for

1328
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:43,040
Speaker 1: coming in without listening to clear instructions and for using

1329
01:02:43,040 --> 01:02:46,400
Speaker 1: her key without permission. Claire was yelling at Fran for

1330
01:02:46,440 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 1: being traumatized by what she had walked into and not

1331
01:02:49,280 --> 01:02:53,840
Speaker 1: understanding why Fran was yelling at her. You dummy, You dummy, Claire,

1332
01:02:54,280 --> 01:02:57,560
Speaker 1: Come on, like, what the heck she's traumatized while I'm

1333
01:02:57,640 --> 01:03:02,320
Speaker 1: still freaking unclothed. I don't like swearing, well, I do,

1334
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:05,240
Speaker 1: just not around strangers. Brand took the key from Claire

1335
01:03:05,960 --> 01:03:08,560
Speaker 1: then and there. All this because Claire needed measurements for

1336
01:03:08,640 --> 01:03:11,600
Speaker 1: uniforms since they were both teachers in the local Sea Cadets.

1337
01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:14,640
Speaker 1: Cool Fran told her that wasn't a good enough reason

1338
01:03:14,680 --> 01:03:17,240
Speaker 1: to use the key. Over the years, We've had sit

1339
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:20,000
Speaker 1: down conversations with Claire and I've had some one on

1340
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:22,800
Speaker 1: one conversations with her about why she doesn't like me

1341
01:03:23,120 --> 01:03:26,680
Speaker 1: and our relationship. Basically, she's acting preemptively in case we

1342
01:03:26,760 --> 01:03:28,800
Speaker 1: split and she has to pick up all the pieces

1343
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:31,600
Speaker 1: with Fran, and she has done in the past. She's

1344
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:34,400
Speaker 1: also jealous because we're happy and she can't find herself

1345
01:03:34,400 --> 01:03:38,840
Speaker 1: a boyfriend. Dang, Fran and Claire is straight, which sounds

1346
01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:42,480
Speaker 1: weird now that I've mentioned it. Why why? Why is

1347
01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:45,640
Speaker 1: that weird? Now we're making it weird now Claire needing

1348
01:03:45,640 --> 01:03:47,840
Speaker 1: the mother Fran, Claire needing to pick up the pieces

1349
01:03:47,840 --> 01:03:51,120
Speaker 1: when Fran's relationships fail. People have asked Frand off Claire

1350
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:53,200
Speaker 1: is her girlfriend in the past because of how Claire

1351
01:03:53,240 --> 01:03:56,320
Speaker 1: acts with her. Brands misses it with disgust, stating that

1352
01:03:56,320 --> 01:04:00,240
Speaker 1: Claire is her sister. Also, they're not blood related at all.

1353
01:04:00,680 --> 01:04:03,360
Speaker 1: They're longtime friends who said their relationship is so close

1354
01:04:03,560 --> 01:04:06,320
Speaker 1: they could be sisters and have called each other's sister

1355
01:04:06,520 --> 01:04:07,400
Speaker 1: for many years.

1356
01:04:07,520 --> 01:04:09,960
Speaker 2: What you guys aren't even sisters?

1357
01:04:10,360 --> 01:04:12,640
Speaker 1: I feel like that was very important context at the

1358
01:04:12,640 --> 01:04:14,200
Speaker 1: beginning of the story.

1359
01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:16,600
Speaker 2: Okay, you lie, I don't care if you guys are

1360
01:04:16,720 --> 01:04:21,080
Speaker 2: like feel like sisters. You lied to Sop, You lied

1361
01:04:21,120 --> 01:04:22,680
Speaker 2: this whole time, and I hear set.

1362
01:04:22,520 --> 01:04:25,680
Speaker 1: With they're sissies, And now this makes a lot more

1363
01:04:25,680 --> 01:04:29,080
Speaker 1: sense because you're taking her bff away from her. Yes,

1364
01:04:29,120 --> 01:04:30,840
Speaker 1: the the sister part was like, okay, I get it,

1365
01:04:30,960 --> 01:04:33,280
Speaker 1: but now it makes a lot more sense that like, yeah,

1366
01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:38,400
Speaker 1: they were bff's and you took the time away from Claire. Yeah,

1367
01:04:38,480 --> 01:04:39,640
Speaker 1: you took Fran away from Claire.

1368
01:04:39,800 --> 01:04:41,600
Speaker 5: She's jealous, a little jelly.

1369
01:04:41,760 --> 01:04:43,480
Speaker 1: Claire has always been there to pick up the pieces

1370
01:04:43,480 --> 01:04:47,040
Speaker 1: for Fran, helped remove horrible excess from her life. Literally

1371
01:04:47,120 --> 01:04:49,240
Speaker 1: drove them out of town with their car packed and

1372
01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:52,200
Speaker 1: dropped them off at their parents' house, no questions asked.

1373
01:04:52,520 --> 01:04:54,840
Speaker 1: Over the past year or so, Claire has been stepping

1374
01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:57,280
Speaker 1: back and not coming around as often, which Frand and

1375
01:04:57,360 --> 01:05:00,360
Speaker 1: I both enjoy since Claire usually comes over with something

1376
01:05:00,360 --> 01:05:02,840
Speaker 1: that's not needed for our home. If she does come

1377
01:05:02,840 --> 01:05:05,960
Speaker 1: with treats and food, it's only for Fran. I'm not

1378
01:05:06,040 --> 01:05:08,920
Speaker 1: even thought of. Claire has complained to her now adult

1379
01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:11,840
Speaker 1: children about me, and it got so bad that they

1380
01:05:11,880 --> 01:05:14,480
Speaker 1: even stopped coming around because of what she was saying.

1381
01:05:14,800 --> 01:05:16,680
Speaker 1: They didn't like me because their mom didn't like me.

1382
01:05:17,320 --> 01:05:19,960
Speaker 1: Fran spoke to them about it and we're okay now.

1383
01:05:20,200 --> 01:05:23,480
Speaker 1: But Claire, personally, I have no issues with her. She's

1384
01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:28,120
Speaker 1: a lovely lady, kind and considerate emotionally, though she's damaged me.

1385
01:05:28,240 --> 01:05:31,000
Speaker 2: Okay, so you do have issues with her. That seems

1386
01:05:31,040 --> 01:05:34,560
Speaker 2: pretty paradoxical. You can't say that you don't have issues

1387
01:05:34,560 --> 01:05:39,000
Speaker 2: with her, but she's also cousin you emotional damage. That's

1388
01:05:39,040 --> 01:05:40,080
Speaker 2: an issue, Opie.

1389
01:05:40,520 --> 01:05:43,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, an issue. She's made me venomous against her due

1390
01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:46,280
Speaker 1: to all the venoms she spat towards me for just

1391
01:05:46,320 --> 01:05:49,640
Speaker 1: being Fran's girlfriend for no other reason. She's been a

1392
01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:53,040
Speaker 1: walking contradiction. She wants to see her sister happy and

1393
01:05:53,080 --> 01:05:56,320
Speaker 1: settle down. Then she's always on high alert, prepared for

1394
01:05:56,520 --> 01:05:59,600
Speaker 1: to fail so she can swoop in and save the day.

1395
01:06:00,040 --> 01:06:02,560
Speaker 1: If Fran and I have a disagreement, she'll be negative

1396
01:06:02,560 --> 01:06:04,720
Speaker 1: about me and try to push Fran towards leaving me.

1397
01:06:05,120 --> 01:06:06,960
Speaker 1: Frand has snapped it Claire and told her that I

1398
01:06:06,960 --> 01:06:09,280
Speaker 1: am the love of her life, that she wants to

1399
01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:12,760
Speaker 1: marry me. We've been together much longer than her other relationships,

1400
01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:15,840
Speaker 1: and yes we bigger, but not enough to break up

1401
01:06:16,000 --> 01:06:18,400
Speaker 1: over those arguments. It has come to the point where

1402
01:06:18,400 --> 01:06:21,160
Speaker 1: Frand is thinking about cutting Claire out of her life.

1403
01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:22,040
Speaker 5: I might have to.

1404
01:06:22,120 --> 01:06:25,400
Speaker 2: Honestly, if Claire keeps trying to disrupt you guys's relationship,

1405
01:06:25,440 --> 01:06:25,960
Speaker 2: I feel like.

1406
01:06:26,280 --> 01:06:28,320
Speaker 1: Or so negative about you, Yeah.

1407
01:06:28,080 --> 01:06:29,560
Speaker 2: You can't. I mean, if this is the person that

1408
01:06:29,560 --> 01:06:31,040
Speaker 2: you want to marry and you have a friend who's

1409
01:06:31,080 --> 01:06:35,720
Speaker 2: constantly negative about them and causing trouble and emotional damage

1410
01:06:35,720 --> 01:06:37,880
Speaker 2: towards Ope, then yeah, I don't think that's a friend

1411
01:06:37,880 --> 01:06:38,720
Speaker 2: that you can keep in your life.

1412
01:06:38,760 --> 01:06:40,680
Speaker 1: Are just stressing you guys out. It's seem like it's

1413
01:06:40,720 --> 01:06:44,200
Speaker 1: stress stressing you out, which stresses Fran out, which stresses

1414
01:06:44,240 --> 01:06:46,400
Speaker 1: everyone out much, and it's just too much stress. Fran

1415
01:06:46,480 --> 01:06:49,440
Speaker 1: has always said she doesn't do ultimatums because the person

1416
01:06:49,480 --> 01:06:52,840
Speaker 1: that issues them won't win, but Claire's behavior over the

1417
01:06:52,920 --> 01:06:57,040
Speaker 1: year is becoming the ultimatum. Fran has had enough. I

1418
01:06:57,080 --> 01:06:59,560
Speaker 1: want her out of our lives, but Fran feels obligated

1419
01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:01,880
Speaker 1: to do all the years of friendship and all the

1420
01:07:01,920 --> 01:07:04,240
Speaker 1: hardships they've been through together. I keep contact to a

1421
01:07:04,240 --> 01:07:06,640
Speaker 1: minimum with Claire at this point. She's just a dull

1422
01:07:06,720 --> 01:07:09,160
Speaker 1: ache at the back of my head. The slightest touch

1423
01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:11,120
Speaker 1: and I'm ready to explode when it comes to her

1424
01:07:11,160 --> 01:07:13,520
Speaker 1: some background and fell on Claire. She's older than both

1425
01:07:13,560 --> 01:07:16,320
Speaker 1: Frand and me, a single parent whose body is falling apart,

1426
01:07:16,560 --> 01:07:18,760
Speaker 1: but she's still working. She has too much going on

1427
01:07:18,800 --> 01:07:20,720
Speaker 1: in her life and feels that if she slows down

1428
01:07:20,840 --> 01:07:23,600
Speaker 1: or stops, she will stop completely. I that her body

1429
01:07:23,680 --> 01:07:26,240
Speaker 1: is telling her to slow down. She has no cartilage

1430
01:07:26,240 --> 01:07:29,280
Speaker 1: in her knees, but still insists on walking and being everywhere.

1431
01:07:29,320 --> 01:07:33,280
Speaker 1: Brand calls her a level five arder and it's horrendous. Luckily,

1432
01:07:33,320 --> 01:07:35,760
Speaker 1: no rats yet, but I wouldn't be surprised. He has

1433
01:07:35,760 --> 01:07:38,320
Speaker 1: mental issues that she refuses to get treated. Not that

1434
01:07:38,360 --> 01:07:40,760
Speaker 1: she won't admit them, she's happy to do that, but

1435
01:07:40,840 --> 01:07:43,320
Speaker 1: she's doing so much for everyone else that she physically

1436
01:07:43,320 --> 01:07:44,600
Speaker 1: has no time for herself.

1437
01:07:44,720 --> 01:07:47,280
Speaker 2: I think you gotta nix this friend.

1438
01:07:47,560 --> 01:07:51,920
Speaker 1: Well, it's hard because again now with all that context on, okay,

1439
01:07:51,960 --> 01:07:55,520
Speaker 1: you actually need help, Like, yeah, I would be. It's

1440
01:07:55,560 --> 01:07:58,360
Speaker 1: hard because it's annoying and it stresses you out. Like

1441
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:00,760
Speaker 1: you said, like the thought of her is a lot,

1442
01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:02,600
Speaker 1: but I feel like you have to have like a

1443
01:08:02,880 --> 01:08:04,640
Speaker 1: ot least frame of her. And they've had so many

1444
01:08:04,640 --> 01:08:06,560
Speaker 1: sit down conversations like this should be like the last

1445
01:08:06,560 --> 01:08:08,800
Speaker 1: one like hey, I want to help you. You need help.

1446
01:08:08,880 --> 01:08:10,640
Speaker 1: You need to actually focus on yourself.

1447
01:08:10,840 --> 01:08:13,320
Speaker 2: But I think that if they're as close as they are,

1448
01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:17,919
Speaker 2: or were at least, I think Opie's girlfriend could employ

1449
01:08:18,120 --> 01:08:21,200
Speaker 2: like Claire's family members to do that and say like, hey,

1450
01:08:21,280 --> 01:08:21,960
Speaker 2: she needs help.

1451
01:08:22,200 --> 01:08:24,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think she has a kid or kids.

1452
01:08:24,880 --> 01:08:27,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, would you like, like, I feel like there's are

1453
01:08:27,160 --> 01:08:30,439
Speaker 2: other ways that you can, you know, be there for

1454
01:08:30,680 --> 01:08:35,000
Speaker 2: Fran that aren't necessarily being in her life.

1455
01:08:34,720 --> 01:08:38,559
Speaker 1: Someone someone said a helicopter like around France.

1456
01:08:38,640 --> 01:08:40,519
Speaker 2: Yeah, like you can help her out, but it's still

1457
01:08:40,560 --> 01:08:42,519
Speaker 2: not be the same type of because it's just not

1458
01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:43,439
Speaker 2: benefiting you guys.

1459
01:08:43,720 --> 01:08:46,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not reliving her.

1460
01:08:46,720 --> 01:08:49,040
Speaker 2: She's so jealous that she can't like get out of this.

1461
01:08:49,320 --> 01:08:49,559
Speaker 2: You know.

1462
01:08:50,160 --> 01:08:54,920
Speaker 1: It would be like hey Claire, as Fran would be like, listen,

1463
01:08:55,520 --> 01:08:58,360
Speaker 1: I have op Now she's going to take care of me.

1464
01:08:58,880 --> 01:09:01,400
Speaker 1: She's here for me. I mean I want you here

1465
01:09:01,439 --> 01:09:03,360
Speaker 1: from me too, But you need to be there for

1466
01:09:03,400 --> 01:09:05,400
Speaker 1: yourself first before anyone else.

1467
01:09:05,600 --> 01:09:05,840
Speaker 2: Yep.

1468
01:09:06,240 --> 01:09:10,920
Speaker 1: And if she keeps pushing that that goalpost of no no,

1469
01:09:11,439 --> 01:09:13,519
Speaker 1: hmmm mmm, maybe cut it off.

1470
01:09:14,040 --> 01:09:14,360
Speaker 2: Agreed.

1471
01:09:14,920 --> 01:09:17,519
Speaker 1: So we've told her to slow down because her body

1472
01:09:17,600 --> 01:09:21,200
Speaker 1: is falling apart and she needs to find herself again,

1473
01:09:21,880 --> 01:09:25,240
Speaker 1: but she won't. Oh and she literally gives a two

1474
01:09:25,280 --> 01:09:28,479
Speaker 1: minute walk from our place. She keeps tabs on Fran's

1475
01:09:28,479 --> 01:09:31,760
Speaker 1: car since Fran can't drive, but I can, and she

1476
01:09:31,920 --> 01:09:33,880
Speaker 1: knows I'm not home when the car isn't in the

1477
01:09:33,920 --> 01:09:36,680
Speaker 1: parking spot. Yes, I've moved the car spot a few

1478
01:09:36,720 --> 01:09:38,760
Speaker 1: times to see if she'll come around if she can't

1479
01:09:38,760 --> 01:09:41,320
Speaker 1: see the car and I'm home. That was a fun

1480
01:09:41,360 --> 01:09:44,840
Speaker 1: few months. Can someone save my sanity? It's been four

1481
01:09:44,880 --> 01:09:48,160
Speaker 1: and a half years of sly comments, witching, and just

1482
01:09:48,200 --> 01:09:50,639
Speaker 1: feeling like garbage for doing nothing but having a happy

1483
01:09:50,680 --> 01:09:55,000
Speaker 1: relationship with my wonderful girlfriend. Any advice would be appreciated.

1484
01:09:55,120 --> 01:09:55,280
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1485
01:09:55,280 --> 01:09:56,920
Speaker 2: I think it's just a boundary thing. I think your

1486
01:09:56,920 --> 01:09:59,719
Speaker 2: girlfriend needs to make a lot stronger boundaries.

1487
01:09:59,800 --> 01:10:03,000
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, and I hate the ultimatum thing, but it's

1488
01:10:03,040 --> 01:10:05,720
Speaker 1: going to be like you might have to do it, yeah,

1489
01:10:05,840 --> 01:10:09,320
Speaker 1: to to really let that sink in, which sucks.

1490
01:10:10,360 --> 01:10:11,080
Speaker 2: Indeed it does.