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Speaker 1: Good. All right, break it down.

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Speaker 2: If you ever have feelings that you just won't Ay

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Speaker 2: and Cat gotcha, Cob and locking no brother Lady's fels?

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Speaker 2: Do you just follow an the spirit where it's on

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Speaker 2: the front and real stuff to the chill stuff and

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Speaker 2: am but Swayne.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes the best thing you can do it just.

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Speaker 2: You feel things. This is feeling things with Amy and Cat.

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Speaker 1: Happy Tuesday. Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy and I'm Cat,

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Speaker 1: and I got the feeling of the day, which I

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Speaker 1: don't know that it for sure is just like a

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Speaker 1: feeling feeling. But I just feel like I need to cry.

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Speaker 3: You don't look like you feel like you need to cry.

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Speaker 1: I know how crying releases feel good chemicals, whatever that is. Like,

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Speaker 1: I think I just need a good release, and I

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Speaker 1: don't really know how I'm gonna achieve that because I

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Speaker 1: have so much to do today, so it's like it'll

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Speaker 1: come when it needs to come. But do I need

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Speaker 1: a watch something later? But what I'm very much into

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Speaker 1: right now is all the Christmas feel good movies and

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Speaker 1: they don't make me want to cry.

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Speaker 3: Not even a happy tear. No, not a happy Do

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Speaker 3: you would ever shed a tear at the end of

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Speaker 3: a Hallmark movie when you're like, they're together and they're happy,

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Speaker 3: no have you? I think? So Okay, I cry really easily.

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Speaker 1: I mean Netflix is loading up all kinds of old

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Speaker 1: movies left and right. You know. We put together our

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Speaker 1: little Christmas movie list, which I think has been helpful

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Speaker 1: for a lot of people. It's on our Feeling Things

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Speaker 1: podcast Instagram. That's the handle Feeling Things podcast, and it's

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Speaker 1: got Hallmark schedule, Netflix schedule, Disney who like the schedule

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Speaker 1: of new releases for twenty twenty five. But Netflix, they

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Speaker 1: have been loading up like Christmas movies from who knows where.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know where they're getting these, maybe Hallmark

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Speaker 1: in Lifetime and now they've transferred over and they've got

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Speaker 1: the right to them. But they're from twenty twenty three,

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty four, stuff I've never even seen.

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Speaker 3: Can I put a PSA out?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I have been trying to figure out this Christmas movie

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Speaker 3: that I used to watch when Disney channel did I

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Speaker 3: think I must have was a Disney channel or what

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Speaker 3: was that Fox Family or ABC Family or whatever that

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Speaker 3: channel was that the twenty five Days of Christmas or

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Speaker 3: something an ABC Family? Okay, and there's this one movie.

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Speaker 3: This is all I remember about it, but I loved

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Speaker 3: this movie even though this is all I remember, and

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Speaker 3: there was an All I know is there was a

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Speaker 3: new maybe girlfriend or stepmom figure. She might have really

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Speaker 3: been in a robot but I were like an angel.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, Okay, I don't know because Christmas was

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Speaker 3: to the end, and all I remember from that movie

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Speaker 3: is she got a Christmas tree, but she put real

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Speaker 3: candles on the tree, and she almost burnt the house down,

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Speaker 3: but she was trying to do something nice. I think

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Speaker 3: she was like like an angel or something. She wasn't

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Speaker 3: a real person. Maybe I don't know, but I can't

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Speaker 3: figure out what this movie is and I want to

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Speaker 3: watch it. So if you know what I'm talking about,

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Speaker 3: she put stop looking.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm like thinking like, okay, yeah, we could google

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Speaker 1: angel or robot mom who I'm like, you haven't. You

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Speaker 1: haven't been able to find anything.

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Speaker 3: All I remember is she put you know, those like

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Speaker 3: little like candles that are on the little like olden days,

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Speaker 3: that she put them on the tree. But they were

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Speaker 3: real candles and they were like I think I think

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Speaker 3: they may be the tree caught on fire. So if

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Speaker 3: you know what I'm talking about. I know somebody does.

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Speaker 3: Damn sure, email us hey there at Feeling thingspodcast dot com.

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Speaker 1: Because Kat needs to watch this movie.

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Speaker 3: I need to watch it. Yeah, And that's what I

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Speaker 3: have for us today.

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Speaker 1: Your your feeling of your feeling is like eager to

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Speaker 1: find out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm sad because I haven't been able to

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Speaker 3: find it. And instead of watching that movie, I had

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Speaker 3: to watch the Jonahs brother's Christmas movie and it was

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Speaker 3: not the same vibe.

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Speaker 1: So should we watch that or not? Because I was

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Speaker 1: thinking about it.

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Speaker 3: Well, I have a thing for Joe Jonas, so yes.

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Speaker 3: Oh when I was little, I thought I was gonna

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Speaker 3: marry him. I thought that, like I had a certain

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Speaker 3: degree of separation. So I convinced myself that I was

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Speaker 3: going to meet him.

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Speaker 1: Oh so you know someone that knows him.

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Speaker 3: I knew somebody that knew somebody that sister played music with,

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Speaker 3: somebody that knew him.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so it was totally possible.

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Speaker 3: So I had this whole thing in my head of like,

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Speaker 3: oh my gosh, so and so is going to bring

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Speaker 3: me this concert and she's going to bring it backstage

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Speaker 3: and she's like, this is my my ex boyfriend's sister.

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Speaker 3: She is so cool, and then he was like, she's beautiful.

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Speaker 3: I want to date her, and then we were gonna

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Speaker 3: fall in love. And then it hasn't happened yet.

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Speaker 1: Well, thank goodness, because you've got Patrick.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I think it worked out for the best.

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Speaker 3: I know it did, it did. That's what.

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Speaker 1: I think. We're okay.

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Speaker 3: But what's crazy is in this movie Joe is like

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Speaker 3: searching for love because he's the only single brother now.

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Speaker 1: Tracks because you are now taken.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, sorry, you always want me. You can't have Joe.

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Speaker 3: You can't have me now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he's still searching.

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Speaker 3: I would watch it because it's so cheesy. I told

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Speaker 3: you earlier. When we watched it, we were like they

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Speaker 3: must have been paid so much money to make this

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Speaker 3: movie because they're cool, right, Like the Jonah brothers are

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Speaker 3: cool guys.

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Speaker 1: I think they've had our resurgence.

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Speaker 3: Well I think themselves, like they're cool, you know what

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Speaker 3: I mean.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I was like, you're about ten years

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Speaker 1: younger than me. So I just remember when the Jonas

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Speaker 1: brothers first got on the scene, Like I.

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Speaker 3: Was working like twenty for the pop.

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Speaker 1: Station in Austin, Like we were doing the Bobby Bone

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Speaker 1: Show and the Jonas brothers were coming to town and

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Speaker 1: we had no clue who they were, but girls were

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Speaker 1: gathered outside of the radio station like mobs of kids. Wow,

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Speaker 1: And we were like, okay, wow, these Jonas brothers, they

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Speaker 1: must be really taken off. And yeah they did. They

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Speaker 1: sure did.

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Speaker 3: So watch it because also there are a couple they're

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Speaker 3: like three or four new songs, original Christmas songs, and

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Speaker 3: they're pretty good.

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Speaker 1: Did jam it out?

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Speaker 3: Bops?

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Speaker 1: Is that we're not gonna cry watching it? Probably? It's probably,

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Speaker 1: but there was.

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Speaker 3: A sweet ending. Okay, it's the vibe of I'll be

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Speaker 3: home for Christmas with Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

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Speaker 1: Because they're trying, that's the whole g just trying to

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Speaker 1: get their flight got canceled or something.

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Speaker 3: Was trying to do a little Christmas magic.

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Speaker 1: All right, yeah, okay, so we're in the Christmas spirit

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Speaker 1: here clearly, and we're in the crying spirit. Like I

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Speaker 1: think we're big fans of like cry if you need

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Speaker 1: to cry, and I think that's what I need. I

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Speaker 1: told you this the other day that I got tears

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Speaker 1: in my eyes. Remember we were texting and I, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was like I think that I just need to cry.

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Speaker 1: So this has been since that was Thursday Fridays, so

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Speaker 1: four days ago. I think I told you I think

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Speaker 1: I just need to cry, and here we are. I

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Speaker 1: still haven't cried because I don't I don't know I

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Speaker 1: have been able to force it. But when I think

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Speaker 1: I just really needed my mom and she's not here,

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Speaker 1: so I don't even really know what I needed to

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Speaker 1: talk to her about. Maybe it was fresh because my

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Speaker 1: sister came to town and was meeting my boyfriend for

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Speaker 1: the first time. But all I knew is right when

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Speaker 1: I had the thought of I think I need my

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Speaker 1: mom and I texted you, I think I need my mom,

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Speaker 1: I got tears in my eyes and a lump in

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Speaker 1: my throat and I was like, okay, that must be

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Speaker 1: what it is like, ding ding ding, And then also

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Speaker 1: I think I just need to cry. I think some

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Speaker 1: of it today is a mixture of hormonal stuff.

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Speaker 3: Well, also, remember a couple of weeks ago, you were

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Speaker 3: like my mom's death ofversary and you said it didn't

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Speaker 3: hit you as hard, and you're like, I don't know why.

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Speaker 3: Maybe you're having a little bit of two like because

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Speaker 3: so much was going on right then, now you're starting

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Speaker 3: to feel it more and it's the holidays. So this

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Speaker 3: is a good example of like the highs and lows

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Speaker 3: of that of like some days you're okay, and you

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Speaker 3: were like, I don't think about my mom every day,

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Speaker 3: but like I was like, I think you might think

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Speaker 3: of her more than you think. It comes and it goes,

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Speaker 3: and there's certain times where it hits you at certain

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Speaker 3: times where it doesn't. And this is it's hitting you.

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Speaker 3: There's a lot of stuff going on in your life

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Speaker 3: and you might want to call her and tell her

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Speaker 3: about it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's probably it. I just love to talk to her.

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Speaker 1: So I know today, at some point or in the

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Speaker 1: next few days, I hope that tears flow and I

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Speaker 1: get those feel good chemicals and I sort of feel

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Speaker 1: a little bit back to normal. But that's my feeling.

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Speaker 1: My feeling of the day is like if only I

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Speaker 1: get just like cry. So however that's going to happen,

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Speaker 1: if somebody can make that happen, that'd be great.

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Speaker 3: I think maybe you watch something sad or nostalgic. I

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Speaker 3: don't want anybody to try to make you cry, because

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Speaker 3: that's what are they gonna say.

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Speaker 1: So give me an idea like should I go look

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Speaker 1: at old photos like what? I don't know. I haven't.

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Speaker 1: I haven't really had time to think about it. But

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Speaker 1: I did see an article talking about people who cry easily.

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Speaker 1: And what's so funny is I saw this article and

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Speaker 1: then you texted it to me and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I already submitted that through my show prep on the

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Speaker 1: Morning Show, and then you've sent it to me, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, we should tell people about this

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Speaker 1: in case they didn't know, because it's real. A Harvard

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Speaker 1: neurologist people who cry easily have a faster connecting brain.

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Speaker 1: Now here's my conundrum. Right now, I typically do cry easy,

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Speaker 1: but right now I'm having difficulty crying. So now I

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Speaker 1: don't know if I have a fast connecting brain at

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Speaker 1: the moment.

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Speaker 3: Wait, but you cry. If I were to tell you

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Speaker 3: something sad right now, you would you would cry with me.

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Speaker 3: I know that. Yeah, this feels different, like you have

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Speaker 3: like an emotional block right now to your own stuff.

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Speaker 1: Okay, but I.

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Speaker 3: Do think if you were to see a video, like

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Speaker 3: here's something you could do, get on TikTok or Instagram

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Speaker 3: and watch videos of like kids seeing their dads come

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Speaker 3: home after deployment, or like kids getting puppies for Christmas

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Speaker 3: or stuff like that, Like I'm always crying at that

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Speaker 3: kind of stuff.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so yeah, Or if you told me something about you, yes,

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Speaker 1: I know that I yes, okay, yeah, so yay, we

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Speaker 1: can still celebrate. We have fast connecting brains and the

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Speaker 1: reason behind this is brain scans show stronger bridge between

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Speaker 1: the amygdala, which is emotion, and the prefrontal cortex, which

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Speaker 1: is logic, and their feeling don't block their thinking, they

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Speaker 1: enhance it. When someone tears up, their nervous system is

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Speaker 1: processing emotional data in real time. They can read the

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Speaker 1: room before the room knows what it feels. Emotional responders

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Speaker 1: predict conflict forty percent more accurately and resolve it faster.

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Speaker 1: And there was a quote in the article that said

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Speaker 1: crying is not a loss of control. It's the nervous

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Speaker 1: system integrating faster than most people can think. If you

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Speaker 1: cry on a whim, just be like, yeah, I'm emotional.

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Speaker 1: This is not a loss of control. I just have

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Speaker 1: a faster connecting brain.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and yeah, we just feel I think at a

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Speaker 3: different level. Yeah, sometimes it does get in the way, though,

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Speaker 3: you know, they're crying sometimes. I yeah, sometimes I cry

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Speaker 3: everything everything, And I think that has changed as I

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Speaker 3: got as I've gotten older, because I used to be

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Speaker 3: able to be a brick wall with clients. More so, I.

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Speaker 1: Don't know how you do that. Like, quite honestly, if

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Speaker 1: I had clients telling me certain things, which I get it,

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Speaker 1: it's you're being a professional. You have to compartmentalize, but

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Speaker 1: you've gotta gosh if especially if they're crying, yeah, and

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Speaker 1: you just have to sit there.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I've started just crying and being like, I'm crying

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Speaker 3: with you. I think it's different depending on what they're

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Speaker 3: talking about. But sometimes, like if a client's share if

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Speaker 3: a family member has died and they're sharing that, I

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Speaker 3: think it's kind of awkward. If you're just staring at them,

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Speaker 3: it can be so if you shed a tear, they

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Speaker 3: might feel like more empathy. I mean, I know personally

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Speaker 3: when my therapist has cried with me, I've had that experience.

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Speaker 3: One time I shared something that happened and she started crying.

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Speaker 3: I was I kind of was like, what are you

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Speaker 3: crying for? And she said this, You've been waiting to

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Speaker 3: hear this. It was something that somebody said to me.

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Speaker 3: So you've been waiting to hear this your whole life, Like,

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Speaker 3: I'm so happy for you. And I kind of was like,

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Speaker 3: oh should I should I crush? Yeah? Yeah, So that

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Speaker 3: was very helpful because she was showing like, oh, that's

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Speaker 3: that's a big deal. And I think also if somebody

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Speaker 3: is that's one example, and then another is if something happens,

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Speaker 3: like somebody passes away or there is some kind of

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Speaker 3: tragedy or trauma, when somebody's sitting there and sharing that

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Speaker 3: motion with you, it feels safer, I think for me personally.

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Speaker 3: I know when I shared something with you a couple

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Speaker 3: of years ago, something with somebody's health in our family,

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Speaker 3: and I started crying and then you started crying. It

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Speaker 3: was actually very helpful.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so we were able to cry together, yes, and

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Speaker 1: be there for each other. That's the other thing we're

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Speaker 1: going to talk about, which this might be a good

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Speaker 1: tie in of friendships and inconvenience, Like sometimes it might

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Speaker 1: be not be very convenient for you to have a

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Speaker 1: hard conversation with a friend or even cry in that

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Speaker 1: moment with them. But I had seen a post about

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Speaker 1: normalizing inconveniencing yourself for your friends, and it was just

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Speaker 1: that text overlay over a reel of a girl making

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Speaker 1: a homemade cake for her friend's birthday, or maybe it

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Speaker 1: wasn't even a friend, but she was just like normalized

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Speaker 1: inconveniencing yourself for the people you love, and that, yeah,

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Speaker 1: is it the most convenient to make the cake? But no, no,

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Speaker 1: but if you can, let's try to bring some of

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Speaker 1: that back. And what's so funny is you saw something

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Speaker 1: like the exact staff. We must have the same algorithm

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Speaker 1: because we saw the crying thing and then we saw

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Speaker 1: the you saw something totally different about that.

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Speaker 3: I saw it was a post from the POC therapist

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Speaker 3: and she said it was just a it was a carousel,

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Speaker 3: and the first page just said friendships are inconvenient. And

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Speaker 3: that's something I talk about all the time. And I

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Speaker 3: think there's a difference between a friendship being something being

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Speaker 3: inconvenient and something being a burden because a lot of

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Speaker 3: times we don't want to ask for things because or

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Speaker 3: share things with people or whatever, because we don't want

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Speaker 3: to burden the people we love. And I don't think

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Speaker 3: you sharing something with me are asking me for something

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Speaker 3: wouldn't be a burden. But like I shared with you,

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Speaker 3: if you broke down the side of the road and

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Speaker 3: you needed me to come pick you up, and I

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Speaker 3: was doing something, it would be inconvenient for me to

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Speaker 3: have to drop that or drive thirty minutes to go

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Speaker 3: get you or whatever. But that wouldn't feel like a

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Speaker 3: burden to me, like you would want I would want

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Speaker 3: to do it. And that's what friendships are. And I

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Speaker 3: think that's what makes friendships deeper and more meaningful, is

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Speaker 3: that we do those things. It's not just like we

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Speaker 3: hang out and we have a good time. It's like,

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Speaker 3: I know if I needed something, you would be there,

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Speaker 3: vice versa.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and to create that that that understanding, like maybe

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Speaker 1: that hasn't happened yet, but there's just this all knowing that, like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: this person's going to show up for me, because some

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Speaker 1: of that feels lost.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, because I think there's this even down to like, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, if you're if you need your neighbor to help

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Speaker 1: you with.

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Speaker 3: Something like, oh, I still haven't met my neighbors.

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Speaker 1: You need to get on that.

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Speaker 3: Well, one of them hasn't moved in yet. It's not

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Speaker 3: my fault, but the other one, I don't know. I

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Speaker 3: think cookies or something in.

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Speaker 1: The Facebook group yet No, Oh, it's blowing my mind.

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Speaker 3: No, but yeah, I guess I could go say hi

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Speaker 3: to them. I could go do that. Yes, but I

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Speaker 3: do agree. I think part of the that lost is

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Speaker 3: we have overcorrected a little bit in the I don't

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Speaker 3: owe anybody anything, you know, oh.

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Speaker 1: Sort of like the boundaries of like, I know it's

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Speaker 1: your birthday, but I need to protect my mental health

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Speaker 1: and I'm feeling really tired right now, so I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna come like the pendulum swung way too too far

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Speaker 1: of like, oh, good for you, you're taking care of

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Speaker 1: your mental health. But also it's like, well, wait a second,

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Speaker 1: this is one of your really good friends, so you

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Speaker 1: may have to sacrifice menience.

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Speaker 3: Yes, And also if I want people to do that

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Speaker 3: for me, if I want people to show up for me,

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Speaker 3: why would I think that I wouldn't need to reciprocate

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Speaker 3: that to an extent, You're.

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Speaker 1: Right, and obviously there's cases in which that might totally

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Speaker 1: make sense. We're talking about the like it depends, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it depends.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So yes, if something happens, like if there is

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Speaker 3: like a tragedy or something, or you have the flu,

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Speaker 3: I don't expect you to come to.

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Speaker 1: My birth my mom died, I'm not going to be

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Speaker 1: able to come.

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Speaker 3: Like I say, Okay, I get it, we get it.

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Speaker 3: But if you're like, oh, I'm really tired because I

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Speaker 3: had to work today, well yeah, I'm tired too. Yeah

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Speaker 3: I'm tired all the time. So I do get that.

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Speaker 3: But and I think also that's a part of us learning,

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Speaker 3: is over correcting, because then we can say like, oh,

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Speaker 3: this doesn't totally feel right, let me try this version

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Speaker 3: of it so we can get back there. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think that that's oftentimes part of the process, like

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Speaker 1: you were saying, like certain things. For me when I'm evolving,

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Speaker 1: sometimes I do swing a little bit too far, but

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Speaker 1: it's almost necessary because I have to get into that

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Speaker 1: mindset and then I'm like, Okay, I can level back out,

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Speaker 1: like I had like a strict moment, very different than

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Speaker 1: you know, prioritizing my mental health. I guess I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: more of like my eating disorder recovery, like I've swung

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Speaker 1: so far of like the other direction that I felt

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Speaker 1: like I can't have any rules or boundaries around food

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Speaker 1: because I really really don't think I could at the time,

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Speaker 1: and now I can just for my overall health and

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Speaker 1: well being, Like I can think a certain way about

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Speaker 1: food or know that I'm not going to have that

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Speaker 1: at this time. But it was sort of like a

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Speaker 1: free for all for a while. Yeah, And I was

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Speaker 1: very passionate almost to not always rational about when I

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Speaker 1: would talk to people about things and thinking no, I

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Speaker 1: have to do it this way. Yeah, I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh gosh, I'm sort of embarrassed. But that was just

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Speaker 1: part of my journey to get back to the middle

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Speaker 1: ground where I am well.

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Speaker 3: I think when that happens, because that is very normal

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Speaker 3: in recovery is you have to open up all the

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Speaker 3: doors really wide. So in your recovery, the doors were

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Speaker 3: all in your eating disorder, the doors are all totally shut,

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Speaker 3: and so like we have to make sure that there's

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Speaker 3: like room to get in. So you open them really wide,

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Speaker 3: you go in, you see it fits, and you see

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Speaker 3: it doesn't. And then after you have normalized and have

385
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Speaker 3: habituated to a lot of these things, then you can

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Speaker 3: kind of see where you really fit in there. But

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Speaker 3: I think a lot of anti diet culture it when

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Speaker 3: I swung it swung.

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Speaker 1: It's I swung with it. Yeah, Like my recovery time

390
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Speaker 1: hit right around that swing, and I was like, all

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Speaker 1: on board. Remember one time Bobby and I were arguing

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Speaker 1: about carrots and French fries. I remember one time Bobby

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Speaker 1: and I were arguing about carrots and French fries, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, they're the same, They're the same, Like

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Speaker 1: a French fry is good, a carrot is good. Well,

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Speaker 1: first of all, food isn't good or bad because it's

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Speaker 1: not and there's no moral value on food. But obviously,

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Speaker 1: if you're thinking rationally, you can know someone is saying like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: the nutritional value of this particular food is not the

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Speaker 1: same as the nutritional value of this food. But I

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Speaker 1: was so like adamant that, like, will you eat enough

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Speaker 1: carrots and they're going to be bad for you? Which

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Speaker 1: is true. You have too much water and it could

404
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Speaker 1: be bad for you, Like there can be too much

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Speaker 1: of everything. But we got in a really big fight

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Speaker 1: about carrots and French fries, and we were taping something

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Speaker 1: for the Bobby Bone Show, and I remember him being like,

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Speaker 1: let's just throw that out, like this is it's like

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Speaker 1: I can't even talk to you. Yeah, you didn't have

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Speaker 1: a conversation with me, because anybody will tell you that

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Speaker 1: something fried is not gonna be the same thing as

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Speaker 1: a raw carrot.

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Speaker 3: The nutrient density is different, correct, And I also think

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Speaker 3: what was lost in this is like a whole nother

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Speaker 3: probably podcast we could do is which I'm very grateful for.

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Speaker 3: But in as the pendrlum swung and like anti diit culture,

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Speaker 3: like there was this whole revolution a couple of years ago,

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Speaker 3: five six, seven years ago, there was a lot of

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Speaker 3: talk about intuitive eating, which is very important. But one

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Speaker 3: of the pillars of intuitive eating is actual like mindful nutrition,

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Speaker 3: and so people didn't know that. They just heard intuitive

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Speaker 3: eating a lot, and like intuitive eating is eating when

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Speaker 3: you're hungry and stopping when you're full and listening to

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Speaker 3: what your body wants and all of that. But there

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Speaker 3: is there's pillars of it there, there are these different

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Speaker 3: parts of it. It's not just that. And part of

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Speaker 3: it is practicing mindful nutrition, which includes actually paying attention

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Speaker 3: to what your body needs and what it's like really

429
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Speaker 3: asking for internally and not just what we're wanting externally.

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Speaker 3: So that got lost in the sauce, and then intuitive

431
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Speaker 3: eating turned into something that it really wasn't. And at

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Speaker 3: the same time, I will say, as somebody in recovery.

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Speaker 3: You needed to normalize French fries. You needed to think

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Speaker 3: that for a little bit of time.

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Speaker 1: And I was really, you could hear, what about anybody

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Speaker 1: listening that we're going to hear that French fries were bad?

437
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:38,480
Speaker 1: Because I was like, I don't want someone to not

438
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:42,040
Speaker 1: eat French fries today because of this conversation. Like it,

439
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,480
Speaker 1: I felt like it was like a response, they eat

440
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,560
Speaker 1: the fries, right, and I'm not responsible for their journey

441
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:48,760
Speaker 1: and if they want to eat the fries or not.

442
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:53,000
Speaker 1: I just it was exhausting. I was exhaust I was

443
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 1: exhausting to people. And it's almost like in my eating disorder,

444
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,080
Speaker 1: I was exhausting to people.

445
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:57,480
Speaker 2: Yeah.

446
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:02,600
Speaker 1: Ough, Like did I tell you that my nieces and

447
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:06,320
Speaker 1: nephews talked about this one time. I think I hosted Thanksgiving?

448
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,879
Speaker 1: Did you make call for I made all kinds of

449
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 1: horrible things, So let me tell you. They were just

450
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,440
Speaker 1: I thought were equal substitutes, which I get. If you

451
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:19,159
Speaker 1: have to substitute something for your like your digestion or

452
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,960
Speaker 1: an allergy or what not, go for it. Nobody in

453
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,960
Speaker 1: my family had an allergy, including yourself, including me. But

454
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:30,040
Speaker 1: I was like right there making every gluten free vegan.

455
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,120
Speaker 1: You know, so everything's no dairy. I mean it's Thanksgiving.

456
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,680
Speaker 1: It's like what are what is this mac and cheese?

457
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,840
Speaker 1: I don't even know. But my sister has four kids.

458
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 1: They came from Colorado to Nashville. I'm hosting, and this

459
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:45,680
Speaker 1: is what I'm serving everybody, like my dad, my sister,

460
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:50,040
Speaker 1: her husband, my husband. Like nobody was into it, but

461
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 1: nobody really said anything at the time. But now it's

462
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,239
Speaker 1: like the family joke, like now that BB's what they

463
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,359
Speaker 1: call me. Now that BB's healthy and in recovery and

464
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,879
Speaker 1: we're all better now, they're like, remember, apparently it's something

465
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 1: talk about at their house, like they bring up often,

466
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 1: like remember Bebee's meal, and like what I created for people,

467
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 1: Like I just sucked the joy Right now.

468
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,199
Speaker 3: We were sitting there being like, yes, I got everybody

469
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:11,840
Speaker 3: to eat this healthy meal, and they're loving it. They're

470
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:13,879
Speaker 3: gonna go home and make these recipes. Meanwhile, they're like

471
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:15,720
Speaker 3: shoving the food under the table.

472
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 1: Yes, Like I was thinking, Wow, I pulled one over

473
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,679
Speaker 1: on them, like just as good as the real stuff.

474
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 1: And it was like, looking back, I bet if I

475
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 1: were to make that now, I'd be like and no,

476
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,440
Speaker 1: but things also tasted different to me. Yeah, like it

477
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,399
Speaker 1: actually probably did taste good to me because that's what

478
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 1: I was used to or my I was, yeah, playing

479
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 1: a little game convincing myself that it was good. But yeah,

480
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:46,200
Speaker 1: thankfully now I think that pendulum went from one area

481
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 1: of blah to another area blocked and it landed right

482
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:51,200
Speaker 1: in the middle of like I can be a joy

483
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:52,440
Speaker 1: to be around with food.

484
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, And for anybody who's listening, this is to give

485
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 3: give grace to the people going through recovery that they

486
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,639
Speaker 3: might have a little bit of that they need that

487
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:05,000
Speaker 3: space to like explore, and then also give grace to

488
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 3: yourself if you're going through that, Like you're not going

489
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,359
Speaker 3: to be like, oh, I want to find recovery or

490
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 3: I want to help heal this part of me, and

491
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,359
Speaker 3: then in a week you're like, oh, look I can

492
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,359
Speaker 3: do all this stuff. Like you're going to have to

493
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 3: explore and see what feels right, and it's not something

494
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 3: I think through that whole shift sometimes, and I think

495
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 3: part of it was because that's when like TikTok and

496
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:30,960
Speaker 3: there was a whole resurgence and social media and stuff

497
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 3: and it was starting to change, So there was a

498
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:35,680
Speaker 3: lot of information that was given in very simple ways,

499
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,880
Speaker 3: and I might have been part of the problem too,

500
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,879
Speaker 3: But I think because of that, people thought it was

501
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 3: going to be it should be easier and more simple,

502
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,639
Speaker 3: or like I just snap my fingers, and it's not

503
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,920
Speaker 3: like that. So give yourself grace.

504
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 1: There's like, let may be a story of hope one

505
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:02,119
Speaker 1: day day one day. I never thought that. I don't know,

506
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 1: I guess I just there was a time where I

507
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,360
Speaker 1: guess I thought, well, this is just my life. It's

508
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 1: just going to be exhausting and miserable. And now I'm

509
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 1: still exhausted a little bit, it's just for different reasons.

510
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:13,440
Speaker 1: I'm not miserable though.

511
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:17,639
Speaker 3: Okay, so that's progress forward, progress, progress, yea.

512
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 1: And yeah, I mean I'm glad we brought up because

513
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,720
Speaker 1: even the friend thing, like if your friends are going

514
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 1: through something hard, that might be another inconvenience for you.

515
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,920
Speaker 1: Of like when your friends are going through something, that

516
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 1: might be a time where you might need to show

517
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,359
Speaker 1: up a little bit more. But you're right, it's an inconvenience,

518
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:33,960
Speaker 1: but it's not a burden. And if it feels like

519
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 1: a burden, that's information to pay pay attention to. Like

520
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,720
Speaker 1: if deep within your soul. You are annoyed by the

521
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 1: whole thing, then maybe you need to take a hard

522
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:44,199
Speaker 1: look at yourself or.

523
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:45,479
Speaker 3: Have a conversa.

524
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,879
Speaker 1: That friendship is that well, I don't know, is that

525
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:52,639
Speaker 1: information that maybe that friendship's not that there's it depends.

526
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 3: I think it depends. I think it's information. We don't

527
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 3: know what the information is.

528
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,159
Speaker 1: I think, like in a romantic relationship, it could be information,

529
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,480
Speaker 1: like if it's your boyfriend, like it could be information

530
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,240
Speaker 1: of like why am I not wanting to show up

531
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:06,919
Speaker 1: for this person? Like that could be some data. Although

532
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 1: I inconvenienced to myself for my boyfriend the other day

533
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 1: he needed a ride from the airport, but I couldn't

534
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 1: like hang out with him at all after And I

535
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:15,959
Speaker 1: mean he could have easily had somebody else to pick

536
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,359
Speaker 1: him up or take it uber, but I was like, no, no,

537
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 1: I got you. I got you because you wanted to,

538
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:22,000
Speaker 1: because I wanted to. So I went, which I don't

539
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,880
Speaker 1: live anywhere near the airport, and I don't really live

540
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,680
Speaker 1: near him either, but I had to get right back

541
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:28,720
Speaker 1: to my house, so I left and it probably took

542
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:30,920
Speaker 1: the whole trip was about an hour and a half.

543
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 1: So I left my house, went to the airport, picked

544
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 1: him up, drove from the airport to his house, then

545
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:37,879
Speaker 1: from his house came back to mine. That's it. It

546
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,440
Speaker 1: was like hi hahi, by welcome back, you know. But

547
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:45,919
Speaker 1: apparently in the car ride I was sort of negative.

548
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 3: Killing the vibe.

549
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 1: I killed the vibe. And so when we got to

550
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,159
Speaker 1: the when I got to the airport to pick him up,

551
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 1: I got out and went and got in the passenger

552
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:54,359
Speaker 1: seat and he got in the driver's seat. So he

553
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 1: was driving and there was someone that was recklessly driving

554
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:00,920
Speaker 1: near us, and he kind of gave them a look,

555
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 1: and then he had some road rage happen. And I'm like,

556
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,720
Speaker 1: where in my car I fear retaliation. I don't want you.

557
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 3: Such a fear of retaliation?

558
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 1: Really do were in every everything where? Does this a

559
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:17,359
Speaker 1: negative review? I won't leave one a tip You're getting

560
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 1: a good one?

561
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,640
Speaker 3: Like does this come from somewhere? I'm sorry I'm derailing

562
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 3: your story, but the news I don't know. Okay, So

563
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:25,719
Speaker 3: nobody's ever retaliated at you, and this is like your

564
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 3: response to like, I can't ever have that again.

565
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I haven't personally experienced retaliation because not on my watch,

566
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 1: I'm good, like I think, okay, that could happen.

567
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 3: I don't think, okay, just the interesting like that's one

568
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:43,359
Speaker 3: of I feel like I hear about that more than

569
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 3: any other fear of yours. Yeah, okay, so you're.

570
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 1: In the car and I have no interest in changing

571
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,879
Speaker 1: that fear. By the way, there's no problem because like

572
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 1: why would I. The minute I decided to change, I

573
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 1: get retaliated.

574
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 3: On that's true, like no, yeah, no, thank you.

575
00:26:55,840 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: So he gives this woman a look and then you know,

576
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,920
Speaker 1: when you're driving, okay, we're taking an exit, like she's

577
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,199
Speaker 1: aggressively driving towards us, like there's like a game happening.

578
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 1: So then we are taking an exit, she speeds up,

579
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 1: scoots over in front of us in the exit, and

580
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 1: slows way down. So now we're having to go really slow.

581
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 1: It's not even her exit, so last minute as she can,

582
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 1: she zooms back onto the high stop.

583
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:24,200
Speaker 3: Yes, okay, this reminds me of the show Beef. Okay,

584
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 3: well have you seen it?

585
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 1: Yes?

586
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 2: Yeah?

587
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 1: Does that? Well? Yeah, exactly, like do you see that

588
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 1: is the dominoes just keep falling and then yeah, it's

589
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 1: not good.

590
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 3: Also, have you seen the video that went around on

591
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 3: Instagram where somebody pulls they they cut somebody off, and

592
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:45,200
Speaker 3: then they pump on their brakes and then they put

593
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 3: their car and reverse and smash into that car, so

594
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 3: it looks like that car hit them.

595
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,160
Speaker 1: Yeah. See, I have no interest in that game, don't.

596
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: I don't want to part of it.

597
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:53,639
Speaker 3: It's happened.

598
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:55,919
Speaker 1: If he hadn't looked at her and just let her

599
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:57,639
Speaker 1: do her thing and slowed down and let her go

600
00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 1: on her very way, we wouldn't have been in this

601
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 1: yeh little car Wars situation. And I was really worked up.

602
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 1: And then he was like sorry, I mean, he was

603
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 1: coming off a trip. He's like, I just haven't gotten

604
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 1: a lot of sleep. And then honestly he's like, this

605
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 1: whole car it has not been that much fun because

606
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:21,400
Speaker 1: you've just been negative like and I was like, oh wait,

607
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 1: And I said, so let me get this clear. You're

608
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:27,800
Speaker 1: now blaming your road rage attitude and your reaction to

609
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,240
Speaker 1: her in this little game you're playing that put our

610
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,159
Speaker 1: lives at risk by the way, on me.

611
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 3: And he said he said, well no, no, he said.

612
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 1: I have to take responsibility for my action. I mean

613
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 1: he realized that that's sort of what he was doing.

614
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:43,800
Speaker 1: He's like, I have to take responsibility for my action.

615
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 1: And then we paused, pause, pause, pause, take a deep breath, breath, breath,

616
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 1: breath out. And then I said, also, I am sorry

617
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 1: for being negative. And then I saw some article the

618
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 1: other day. I talked about it on the Bobby Bone Show.

619
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,960
Speaker 1: I don't know if it was hard or something like

620
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 1: that tell tells, but they were talking about I know

621
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 1: this is loose information, take at risk, Yeah, take it

622
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 1: for what you will. But she was talking about how

623
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 1: feelings take about ninety seconds to like fully process through

624
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 1: your body, and then it's what you decide to do

625
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: after that that can keep them blooping. So it's your

626
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 1: response to the feeling and then whether or not you

627
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 1: want to keep ruminating on it, and then it's living

628
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:33,680
Speaker 1: rent free.

629
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 3: Okay.

630
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 1: So I in that moment, I had some feelings happening,

631
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 1: and I recalled that article and I was like, Okay,

632
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 1: this is uncomfortable. R. Now, I'm gonna give it about

633
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 1: ninety seconds. I'm gonna give about ninety seconds and then

634
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 1: we're gonna we're gonna move on because he's out of town.

635
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 1: I really wanted to go get him. It should have

636
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:53,959
Speaker 1: been fun. I was negative, I'm sorry, So I need

637
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 1: to own that, and then he can own his road

638
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 1: rage and then we will forget about this and move on.

639
00:29:58,040 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 1: And then the rest of the day was okay because

640
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 1: I was dropping off at home but going back to

641
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 1: my house to cook dinner because we had people coming

642
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 1: over and him and his kids were coming over. And

643
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 1: then by the time like we got to his house

644
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 1: and he got out of the car, like everything was fine. Yeah,

645
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 1: but that's one of those things. If I, if I

646
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 1: maybe wasn't thinking about that and I didn't let the

647
00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 1: feeling just like go through my body and give myself

648
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,680
Speaker 1: the ninety seconds, like we could have turned that into

649
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 1: like a real you're not even coming over dinner later, Yeah,

650
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 1: just forget about it, Just forget about it.

651
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,200
Speaker 3: Well, I'm not being a good time. Just forget about it.

652
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 3: You don't have to come over tonight.

653
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 1: Don't worry about it, right, And then he would be like,

654
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 1: come on, please stop being ridiculous, and I'd be like, no, serious,

655
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:39,880
Speaker 1: this is really serious. We're done.

656
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 3: I think you could go that far. Yeah, do you

657
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:46,440
Speaker 3: ever like get in a fight kind of and then

658
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:48,959
Speaker 3: like you start laughing. You have to keep yourself from

659
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 3: laughing because in your head you're like, so stupid, but

660
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 3: like at the same time you're like, no, I'm mad.

661
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you know, sometimes laughing when I'm in a

662
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 1: really intense situation as one of my trauma responses. Oh

663
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 1: so it's probably for a different way and me probably,

664
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 1: But also I guess I could do that. If I'm

665
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 1: being ridiculous, then I might be like, Okay, this is dumb.

666
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 1: But I actually have been a very probably the one

667
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 1: of the most intense situations of my life. I'm not

668
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 1: going to get into it. I've not shared it publicly,

669
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 1: but it's one of the darkest nights of my life.

670
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 1: No reason for laughter, none whatsoever. I can't even imagine

671
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 1: laughing now thinking back on it. But there I was.

672
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:34,719
Speaker 3: Was it a giggle or a hysterics?

673
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 1: No, not hysterics, just like I couldn't like, I couldn't

674
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 1: help but laugh at the situation, almost just like a

675
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: I can't believe this is I can't believe this is happening.

676
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 1: I'm laughing. And then that made things worse. You don't

677
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 1: there's other people there, and my sister was like, what

678
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 1: are you doing?

679
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 2: Stop?

680
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,320
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't know, and so then with

681
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 1: my therapist, I told her that because I felt like

682
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 1: a crazy person.

683
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,959
Speaker 3: Sociopath, because you weren't feeling funny.

684
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:09,240
Speaker 1: No, if anything, I felt so sad and hurt and anger. Yeah,

685
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 1: all of my emotions were no laughter, no laughter in

686
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: the mix. And Janet, who you respect? Am I allowed

687
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 1: to say that? You know that she was my therapist?

688
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 3: Did you know that I'm allowed to?

689
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 1: I never know you therapists and your hip hop but whatever.

690
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 1: She she told me that that was my trauma response

691
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 1: and that she gave me the green light. That was

692
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 1: a okay, and I am not the only person in

693
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 1: the world that would be in that situation laughing.

694
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like, thank you. So you're like, there's

695
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 3: nothing wrong with me, that's just like And.

696
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 1: Then I thought back to sometimes when I get spanked

697
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 1: as a kid and I was in trouble with my parents,

698
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:50,960
Speaker 1: they would spank me and I would laugh.

699
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:54,760
Speaker 3: That probably backfired on you.

700
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 1: Oh well, backfiring and the laughing situation I had as

701
00:32:57,280 --> 00:32:59,720
Speaker 1: an adult that backfired on me. It made everything worse.

702
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, But but I was like, I don't know if well,

703
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 3: if I was spanking my kid, I don't think I'm

704
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 3: going to be doing that and they laughed. I think

705
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 3: I'd be like what am I doing? I'm like, this

706
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 3: isn't funny, and like also what am I doing? Right?

707
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 1: But also I don't know, I know, I know, but

708
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 1: it wasn't like a laugh like hahaha, but it was

709
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,719
Speaker 1: the laughter like I had with and I remember as

710
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 1: a kid kind of feeling like am I like the

711
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 1: devil or something? Why am I laughing? Like what's wrong

712
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 1: with me?

713
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 3: I felt like it's a demon inside me.

714
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 1: I felt like, you know, weird about it. But then

715
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 1: I got affirmed from my therapist, which I don't know

716
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 1: if y'all are just supposed to do that to your clients,

717
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 1: Like is.

718
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:45,960
Speaker 3: There ever weird?

719
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 1: Well, like I know you are, but like what if

720
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 1: I was literally doing something that wasn't normal? Like how

721
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 1: would Janet say that to me? Like I know you

722
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 1: can't speak for her, but I'm just saying loosely, let's

723
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 1: just hypothetical. I'm talking to a therapist and I'm doing

724
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 1: something that is like that's actually a worrisome response, like

725
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 1: she was saying my laughing was a trauma response and

726
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,600
Speaker 1: I should feel okay with that and don't think it

727
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:11,800
Speaker 1: it's a coping thing. What if I was responding in

728
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 1: some way that is very dangerous and not good and

729
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:15,319
Speaker 1: it is.

730
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 3: I think we would share that with you.

731
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you would say, you wouldn't affirm me. You'd

732
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:21,359
Speaker 1: be like, okay, well you just did what you needed

733
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 1: to do.

734
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,279
Speaker 3: No, no, And I actually think sometimes there's like a

735
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 3: like we were talking before, sometimes we therapists have overcorrected

736
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 3: and we affirm too much, and like there is a

737
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 3: clinical we have clinical judgment, and what might be okay

738
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 3: for somebody, it's not always okay. That's why I say

739
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 3: it depends all the time. What is worrisome for one

740
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 3: client might not be worrisome for another. And then there

741
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 3: are things that are worrisome all around. But yes, there

742
00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 3: are things that we'd have to be like, okay, So

743
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,400
Speaker 3: like let's talk about why this is how you responded,

744
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:54,320
Speaker 3: and why this might be hurtful or this might be scary,

745
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 3: or this might be dangerous, or this might not be

746
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 3: the most adaptive healthy coping skill. So let's see if

747
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 3: we can find some healthier ones. You know, like your

748
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:04,840
Speaker 3: eating disorder is a coping skill, and that's not a

749
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:07,399
Speaker 3: healthy coping skill. So she's not like, oh, don't worry

750
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 3: that you've made all of this vegan thanks gaming food,

751
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:11,920
Speaker 3: because that's you were just taking care of yourself. Like

752
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:16,479
Speaker 3: we would have a conversation about like okay, like why

753
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 3: is We wouldn't use why, but we would talk about

754
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:20,400
Speaker 3: are you about to say that no?

755
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 1: Keep going in and I have a thought?

756
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,840
Speaker 3: Would we would have a conversation about like what feels

757
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:25,919
Speaker 3: important about this and what is this keeping you from

758
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,640
Speaker 3: and all of that versus just being like that's bad.

759
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 1: Well, it's reminding me back to the word of inconvenience.

760
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 1: Like I what I did that Thanksgiving is I decided

761
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 1: to inconvenience in my family and serve them a meal

762
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,240
Speaker 1: that was like I wasn't a hostess to the mostess

763
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:44,120
Speaker 1: at all whatsoever in that situation, as opposed to inconveniencing

764
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:48,279
Speaker 1: myself for a day and serving our family recipes or

765
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 1: something that they would actually enjoy.

766
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, Grace, we grow.

767
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 1: So Shannon found the Harvard brain scientist doctor Jill Taylor

768
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 1: talking about the ninety seconds. Here's what the research showed.

769
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 1: Ninety seconds is all it takes to identify an emotion

770
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,279
Speaker 1: and allow it to dissipate while you simply notice it

771
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:23,360
Speaker 1: when you're stressed, pausing ninety seconds and labeling what you're feeling, like,

772
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 1: for example, I'm getting angry. This tampers down activity in

773
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 1: the amygdala MRI. Studies of the brain show that this

774
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 1: emotion labeling calms the brain region involved in angry outbursts

775
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 1: and helps you regain control. So, yeah, I gave myself

776
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:44,520
Speaker 1: that ninety seconds in the car case study proof, experiment,

777
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 1: data done. It worked, and my boyfriend is typically really

778
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:50,919
Speaker 1: good at that, like he's the one that stays more calm,

779
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 1: but he that was the first time I saw the

780
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:54,080
Speaker 1: road rade situation come out, and I.

781
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:57,719
Speaker 3: Was like, whoa, I can't see him doing that. Yeah,

782
00:36:58,440 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 3: it was a.

783
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,719
Speaker 1: Shockered me too, And I'm like, well, I guess I

784
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:05,239
Speaker 1: learned more about you today. And he was like, well,

785
00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 1: this car right has just not been fun?

786
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:08,000
Speaker 3: All right, sucks.

787
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, sorry, I inconvenienced myself and

788
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,800
Speaker 1: drove all the way here to get you from the airport.

789
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:17,840
Speaker 1: And then I was negative, Nancy, what oh dang it,

790
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 1: what dang it? What?

791
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 3: Okay? Well, I saw something being highlighted in our dock

792
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 3: and I read the word holiday and Christmas, and I

793
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 3: thought she hadn't found the movie, but she didn't dang it.

794
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,600
Speaker 3: So nothing came up in a Google search. See, it's

795
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 3: like I can't find it all right?

796
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,760
Speaker 1: Sorry, Well, Christmas is our next holiday in the books

797
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 1: because Thanksgiving is out? Check.

798
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:46,960
Speaker 3: Can I offer a stocking stuffer for all you people

799
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:47,359
Speaker 3: out there?

800
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 1: Yeah?

801
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 3: And in the room, everybod it's like, yes, okay, So

802
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:56,360
Speaker 3: usually this doesn't happen to me, but I got worked.

803
00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:58,239
Speaker 3: I feel like you're rubbing off on me in a

804
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:00,880
Speaker 3: good way because you know I'm here, and they're like,

805
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,920
Speaker 3: don't buy into things you see on the internet and

806
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:07,799
Speaker 3: you're kind of over here. I kept seeing this ad

807
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:14,399
Speaker 3: for a black cherry Clinique lip gloss. Has anybody else

808
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 3: seen this ad? No?

809
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:17,400
Speaker 1: Why do I keep But I'll probably get it now

810
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 1: that you're saying it. I feel like I have bad

811
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 1: memories with Clinic, but I'll tell you about that later.

812
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:24,360
Speaker 1: I mean, Clinic is still good. It's a good brand,

813
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 1: but it's like speaking of childhood trauma. Yeah.

814
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:29,320
Speaker 3: I was like, why is this getting fed to me?

815
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,720
Speaker 3: Because one, I don't think I've gotten something from Clinique

816
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,839
Speaker 3: since I was fifteen years old. But good for them.

817
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 3: It was everywhere, and I kept seeing it over and over,

818
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,840
Speaker 3: so finally I was like, I want to buy something today.

819
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:43,239
Speaker 3: I'm going to buy this lip gloss. I'm wearing it now.

820
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 1: It is.

821
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:47,920
Speaker 3: It's like a color, but it's not like a lipstick,

822
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 3: so it's not like thick. Does that make sense. It's

823
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 3: like not a stain, but it's not a lipstick. But

824
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,400
Speaker 3: it's not a chapstick. But it's not actually a gloss.

825
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:00,719
Speaker 3: What is bomb? It's a bud, It's a ball. It's

826
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:01,080
Speaker 3: a ball.

827
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:01,719
Speaker 1: It's a ball.

828
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:05,080
Speaker 3: Okay. Anyway, it looks like this, and it is. It's

829
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:07,400
Speaker 3: really dark, but it doesn't show up that dark on

830
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:09,879
Speaker 3: your lips and you can like layer it and stuff too.

831
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,800
Speaker 3: I love it. And apparently it's like universally beautiful on people.

832
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,320
Speaker 1: Because it's a pH responder or what.

833
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:18,320
Speaker 3: I don't know if it is one of those Bobby

834
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,320
Speaker 3: Brown has a really good one that responds to PhD.

835
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 1: No, we got it in New York.

836
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 3: Well remember that one color I really liked on me,

837
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,120
Speaker 3: but you didn't like on you. It was like completely

838
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:28,759
Speaker 3: different and it was crazy. But they also this comes

839
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 3: in and a lip oil too, so if you are

840
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 3: wanting to put a little stocking stuff for somewhere. I

841
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:35,839
Speaker 3: feel like Clinq is back.

842
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 1: Is Clinic back? I mean it might be. I think

843
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 1: it might be because like j Cruise back, Banana Pelop's back,

844
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 1: like all those brands that we went away bent. I mean,

845
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 1: they've always been around, but I think they're just having

846
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:51,919
Speaker 1: a resurgence, like another moment, and maybe for some people

847
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 1: that never went away. I don't think it's bad if

848
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,399
Speaker 1: you've always been a fan. But one time my dad

849
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 1: in high school bought me Clinique powder, and my stepma

850
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:02,239
Speaker 1: for reaked out like that he spent that kind of

851
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 1: money on my powder because I should be getting maybe

852
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,239
Speaker 1: Lene from the drug store. She said that to your

853
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,279
Speaker 1: face or she said it to my dad, and like

854
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 1: I heard it was maybe on the phone or were you.

855
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:12,319
Speaker 3: Like you can have eye.

856
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,719
Speaker 1: Just remember we were at the mall and I really

857
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 1: wanted this Clinic powder, you know, was in the green

858
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 1: case and the perfect little sponge, and he got it

859
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:24,279
Speaker 1: for me, and then it became an ordeal, like.

860
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,360
Speaker 3: So did he share with you that she said that?

861
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:26,880
Speaker 3: Do you remember?

862
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 1: I think it was he. We must have gotten in

863
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 1: the car and he was on the phone with her

864
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:35,319
Speaker 1: and it just was not Oh good. I was trying

865
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 1: to do something sweet, but I think she was just

866
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:38,800
Speaker 1: sort of like, you don't need to spend that on

867
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 1: a kid, Like how old were you? Probably fifteen, fourteen,

868
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just remember probably freshman year of

869
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 1: high school or something.

870
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 3: Good time, we go to the clinic and we should

871
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:52,239
Speaker 3: I should have bought this, like.

872
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:54,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna buy whatever powder i'll want and.

873
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,239
Speaker 3: We create a memory. But also I should have bought

874
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 3: this at the store because I could have gotten the

875
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 3: gift with purchase that they always do. Yeah, they still

876
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 3: do that.

877
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 1: The gifts with purchase were legit. My mom would buy

878
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:08,960
Speaker 1: makeup for her and give me the gift yellow moisturizer.

879
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:12,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, so much that, But also all those little like

880
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 3: make a bag.

881
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, good times.

882
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 3: Just go to the mall. I love going to the mall.

883
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 1: I love it. Remember the last time we went and

884
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 1: picked out pajamas and I love.

885
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:25,040
Speaker 3: Going to the mall at Christmas, Yes, we did, and

886
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 3: then Patrick didn't like those pajamas and I was like,

887
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 3: I don't even care. I love the mall at Christmas.

888
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 3: We should go and we have to get Anti Ann's pretzels.

889
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,320
Speaker 1: Okay, I gotta say I used to be upset with

890
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 1: those or not upset. I used to be obsessed with those,

891
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 1: And I was kind of upset the last time I

892
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:41,759
Speaker 1: got one because it didn't hit right.

893
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:44,480
Speaker 3: They've changed, They're not as good, but I mean you

894
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 3: still have to get them, maybe just like carry it around.

895
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 1: But what happened, Like did they change the recipe?

896
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:51,320
Speaker 3: Because I think everything has been not as good, like

897
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:56,280
Speaker 3: Chili's used to slap and now Chili sucks shouting Chipoli,

898
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 3: chicken crispers and their skillet case. Are you kidding me?

899
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 1: I used to love the uh chicken egg rolls at Chili's.

900
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:05,479
Speaker 3: Southwest e Girls.

901
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, the Southwest Chicken. Oh in college, yes I live. Yes.

902
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,600
Speaker 3: So I just think that chains like that. I think

903
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:16,160
Speaker 3: they get bought. I mean, I'm making this up. I

904
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 3: don't know what really happens. By yeah, they get they

905
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:21,080
Speaker 3: get bought, and like they have to lower food costs,

906
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:22,840
Speaker 3: so they have to like skimp on the quality. And

907
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:24,960
Speaker 3: so then we're with these We have these pretzels that

908
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 3: aren't really that good, but you keep eating them because

909
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:32,080
Speaker 3: nostagatas they're good. Anyway, We'll just get them and hold

910
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:36,160
Speaker 3: them and then maybe have one or two and then one.

911
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 1: Or two pretzels.

912
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:38,839
Speaker 3: Well, because we're not gonna really want them, because they're

913
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 3: not gonna be that good. But I just want the

914
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 3: process of going to the ball getting them.

915
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,120
Speaker 1: I was just thinking, have you ever had two pretzels

916
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 1: in a row?

917
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 3: Okay, I'll probably eat the whole thing anyway, me too.

918
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:47,600
Speaker 1: I will eat the whole thing.

919
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:49,719
Speaker 3: But I know if you bought the pretzels sorry, the

920
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,200
Speaker 3: little nuggets, Oh, you'll eat one or two nugget.

921
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 1: I've seen the big twisty pretzel and You're like, we'll

922
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,319
Speaker 1: eat one or two, and I'm like, first of all,

923
00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 1: they're not even that great, and now you're committing to

924
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 1: eat too.

925
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:04,160
Speaker 3: No, sorry, than any ones. I always got the little

926
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,399
Speaker 3: like nugget a little Did you get the salty ones

927
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 3: or the cinnamon sugar salt all day long cinnamon sugar.

928
00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:13,399
Speaker 1: I want a salty one with a diet coke.

929
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:15,080
Speaker 3: Okay, well you'll get that, and then I'll get the

930
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 3: cinnamon sugar and we can like share.

931
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 1: Look, can we go to the mall at the like

932
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:19,720
Speaker 1: right when it opens so it's not busy.

933
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 3: No, that's part of the Christmas cheer. What is people

934
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:25,879
Speaker 3: everywhere and you're hustling and bustling with all your bags

935
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,640
Speaker 3: and you're like excuse me, ma'am, and then like, yeah,

936
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 3: that's part of the fun. Yeah, okay, I'll go.

937
00:43:31,719 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 1: I want to go inconvenience myself and go with you

938
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 1: to the mall during a busy time and we will

939
00:43:38,239 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 1: tear it up.

940
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 3: Okay, but because that.

941
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:43,200
Speaker 1: Will bring you joy, yes, yes, And I'm sure in turn,

942
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:45,239
Speaker 1: like right now it's sort of freaking me out, but

943
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,719
Speaker 1: I will probably leave there with joy because you had fun,

944
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 1: and then I'll have fun and.

945
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 3: Like we'll go look at Santa and the kids getting

946
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:53,440
Speaker 3: their pictures with Santam, like they're so cute.

947
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:55,640
Speaker 1: That sounds horrible to me, but.

948
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 3: Sorry, wrench, No, it just like we'll fight for a

949
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:07,400
Speaker 3: parking spot. Okay, No, we'll get a good deal on

950
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 3: something because there's sales.

951
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 1: Yeah that I like.

952
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,320
Speaker 3: Smell all the candles at bath and body Works.

953
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 1: Ye oh my, I'm not the only one that it

954
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:19,879
Speaker 1: sounded like a double Elkushannon.

955
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,279
Speaker 3: Okay, I know it's not the best place to get

956
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 3: a candle, but it's nostalgia. When I was thirteen, I

957
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 3: was doing that and getting a body glitter stick and

958
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:32,400
Speaker 3: a lip gloss and an air freshener. Are you kidding me?

959
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:36,160
Speaker 1: Yeah? I just the art brand.

960
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 3: Did you ever have that?

961
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 1: You know? Speaking of ads, I almost ordered you a

962
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:43,160
Speaker 1: Christmas present the other day off an Instagram ad. But

963
00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:45,759
Speaker 1: I don't know how they did this, but I think

964
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:48,360
Speaker 1: it was a scam because you'd think it would be legit.

965
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:50,920
Speaker 1: But I went through and I ordered on like I

966
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: clicked on it, and then I justd Apple Pay and

967
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:55,160
Speaker 1: everything should have checked out, and then it didn't send

968
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:57,239
Speaker 1: me a receipt, and I'm like, did this not go through?

969
00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 1: Then I got an email from them and they're like,

970
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:02,240
Speaker 1: complete order. But if they send me now an email

971
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 1: and I have to click a different external link. Now

972
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:08,440
Speaker 1: they're offline of Instagram where they probably had everything approved,

973
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 1: and now they're in my email where they can get

974
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 1: a little shady.

975
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:12,000
Speaker 3: What was it?

976
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:14,359
Speaker 1: I don't want to tell you in case I find

977
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:18,319
Speaker 1: it somewhere else. But I always got scammed. Well, there's

978
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:23,280
Speaker 1: present surprise for your present. But Christmas being our next holiday,

979
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 1: I do have and we can wrap with this things

980
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:28,479
Speaker 1: that you don't owe your family for the holidays because

981
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 1: it's overcorrect, right, because you can inconvenience yourself, for your

982
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 1: friends and your family and your loved ones. And it depends,

983
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 1: and you can have boundaries. And this is from doctor

984
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:43,399
Speaker 1: Allison Kella Maguire. She's a licensed therapist, and she said

985
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 1: that family or not, you don't owe anyone access to

986
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:48,839
Speaker 1: your piece, your time, or your healing. It can feel

987
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,719
Speaker 1: heavy to unlearn the guilt, but protecting your well being

988
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 1: is not selfish. It's necessary. And again all of this

989
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 1: is under the it depends. Got yeah, like read all

990
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: of this. It depends. So here are some things you

991
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:05,919
Speaker 1: absolutely don't owe your family unlimited access to your time,

992
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 1: forgiveness without accountability, excuses for their harmful behavior, emotional labor,

993
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: to keep the peace, silence when something is wrong, agreeing

994
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:20,560
Speaker 1: with unhealthy patterns and sacrificing your well being for their comfort.

995
00:46:21,239 --> 00:46:23,000
Speaker 3: You know what we need to do?

996
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 1: What?

997
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 3: And this is a little teaser for you guys. This

998
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 3: reminds me, I think, because there needs to be conversation

999
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:32,479
Speaker 3: around like the nuance and the independs of this, because

1000
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:33,680
Speaker 3: this is one of those things to can be like

1001
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 3: I don't owe you anything, I'm not showing up. But

1002
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:40,320
Speaker 3: like also there's give and take in relationships and families

1003
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:42,359
Speaker 3: more difficult than that, and we can't just cut everybody off.

1004
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 3: We're going to do the drama triangle. Yes we are.

1005
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 3: I've been talking to you about doing that, and I

1006
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 3: think this is the perfect time of time to do that,

1007
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:53,440
Speaker 3: especially because yes, Christmas is coming up and you're probably

1008
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:58,280
Speaker 3: just been around family a lot, and there the drama triangle.

1009
00:46:58,360 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 3: I think we've probably mentioned it before, but it is

1010
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:04,239
Speaker 3: just a pattern of unhealthy communication that we all tend

1011
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:05,439
Speaker 3: to get involved in at times.

1012
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:06,400
Speaker 1: I've been every character.

1013
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:08,920
Speaker 3: Everybody has been every character, even if they don't want

1014
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 3: to be, or if they don't want to admit it,

1015
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:12,040
Speaker 3: like we all have, I have, I still do it.

1016
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 1: It's a triangle. So there's three main players.

1017
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:16,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know so much about this.

1018
00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 1: I learned about it and my so Ben and I

1019
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 1: before we got divorced, we did a year of couple's

1020
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 1: therapy and that's when I was first introduced to the

1021
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:28,400
Speaker 1: drama triangle.

1022
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:29,760
Speaker 3: Cartman Cartman triangle.

1023
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:32,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and our therapist like drew it on the

1024
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 1: board and then we stood up and we did some

1025
00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:37,000
Speaker 1: activities with like some hula hoops and stuff, and yeah,

1026
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,000
Speaker 1: I was like, oh wow, Yeah, yeah, I can get

1027
00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 1: this mode. But I also that's when I realized too,

1028
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:44,919
Speaker 1: like how it was showing up in certain friendships as well,

1029
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:48,120
Speaker 1: and it was like a light bulb went off. Yeah,

1030
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:50,719
Speaker 1: it's like a couple of the sessions. I should have

1031
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:52,520
Speaker 1: been there focusing on Ben and I was focusing on

1032
00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:56,280
Speaker 1: other relationships because like, oh my gosh, this is mind blowing.

1033
00:47:56,520 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 1: How we've been dancing in this triangle for so long

1034
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:01,280
Speaker 1: and no wonder, I'm so exhausted.

1035
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:03,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, and if you don't notice it, you can't get

1036
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:04,239
Speaker 3: out of it.

1037
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 1: Yeah. I have no idea until it was so enlightening. Yeah,

1038
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:11,960
Speaker 1: it can be very powerful and just good information for

1039
00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:14,960
Speaker 1: you to have right and evaluate.

1040
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we'll do that. How will we do that

1041
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 3: next week?

1042
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:19,960
Speaker 1: Okay, drama triangle coming up?

1043
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:20,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, stay too.

1044
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,920
Speaker 1: Uh huh. Which something we do have up per y'all's

1045
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:27,080
Speaker 1: feedback is the crew neck sweatshirt of how the Day

1046
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:28,560
Speaker 1: you need to have, because we're about to say that

1047
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 1: that's our our ending is have the Day you need

1048
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 1: to have every episode, and we put that on a

1049
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:38,000
Speaker 1: T shirt and asking you shall receive a crew neck

1050
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:40,919
Speaker 1: was requested, so we put it like a monochromatic blue

1051
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:45,000
Speaker 1: on blue like a DNEMI type color, but on a sweatshirt.

1052
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:47,800
Speaker 1: It's not a DNIM sweatshirt. I don't want to be confusing.

1053
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:51,080
Speaker 1: And then navy letters and it's so cute. So if

1054
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:52,960
Speaker 1: you're a part of our newsletter, you've already seen it.

1055
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:55,560
Speaker 1: If you're not, we'll join the newsletter. It's in the

1056
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:58,040
Speaker 1: show notes how to sign up. It's easy, or you

1057
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:00,920
Speaker 1: can see stuff on social media. Feeling Things podcast is

1058
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:05,360
Speaker 1: the handle, and also Feeling Things podcast dot com is

1059
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:07,200
Speaker 1: where you can shop, and we'll link that in the

1060
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:11,759
Speaker 1: show notes. And with that said, we hope you have

1061
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:13,759
Speaker 1: the day you need to. Bye bye