Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Donald Trump is. You know.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing about Donald Trump that I will admit
Speaker 1: that a lot of people don't even realize they feel
Speaker 1: about him. Is I think Donald Trump appeals to a
Speaker 1: thing that every human being has inside of them, and
Speaker 1: that is to live in a world where you can
Speaker 1: just say and do whatever you like, even if you
Speaker 1: don't like him. There are moments where you watch him
Speaker 1: and you're just like, man, it looks liberating. You've been impeached,
Speaker 1: there's a Senate trial, and you're on stage like dishwashers.
Speaker 1: What's the deal?
Speaker 2: Not enough water in the dish hushers?
Speaker 1: You got the toilet, you're flushing it so many ja
Speaker 1: so Manija, it doesn't flush it?
Speaker 2: Does it go down?
Speaker 1: Does it go down? He's just like he's living his life.
Speaker 1: He's just living his life. Oh man, all right, we're
Speaker 1: ready to do some sports. Yeah, We're to do it.
Speaker 1: Give it up for Roy and Michael. Everybody's the wildest.
Speaker 1: The wildest thing Trump said in that speech was he
Speaker 1: was at the rally and then he said he said
Speaker 1: to the audience, he said, he said, I can't believe it.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about Charlotte's showers, Fawcetts washing machines. It's not dignified.
Speaker 1: It's not dignified. I can't talk about this at the
Speaker 1: State of the Union.
Speaker 2: I can't.
Speaker 1: I would, but I can because I want them to
Speaker 1: say it was a great speech. I can't. You can't
Speaker 1: make a great speech if you're talking about washes and dishwash.
Speaker 1: No one's gonna say what a great speech. He spoke
Speaker 1: about dishwatchers, and I was like, that's that's actually a
Speaker 1: brilliant observation. It's true. I was thinking about it. The
Speaker 1: hold downs, like I think it is impossible to make.
Speaker 1: I don't who you like. Can you imagine like Martin
Speaker 1: Luther King, with all of his like speaking prowess. I
Speaker 1: doubt that he could be out there and he'd just
Speaker 1: be like, ah, flush that tos. So many times it
Speaker 1: never went down. I tried again and again, it never
Speaker 1: went down.
Speaker 2: It's just it's not like I don't care how great
Speaker 2: you are as a speaker dishwasher.
Speaker 1: There's no great dishwasher speech out there. There's no Nelson
Speaker 1: Mandela dishwashers speech where he's just like I believe in
Speaker 1: a dishwasher where that blurts, and that dishes where the
Speaker 1: balls and the cops are not saparata. Let that dish
Speaker 1: put to gather. Let that been next to that pots
Speaker 1: nor more sapata. All of that's nuts. President Trump did
Speaker 1: an interview with the Wall Street Journal, right and it
Speaker 1: was it was so batchit crazy that they basically just
Speaker 1: didn't release it. That's what they did. Here's one of
Speaker 1: my favorite parts. My favorite parts of the leaked interview
Speaker 1: was when Donald Trump was bragging about how he calls
Speaker 1: the leaders of other countries and he literally this is
Speaker 1: what he said. He said, you call places like Malaysia, Indonesia,
Speaker 1: and you say, you know, how many people do you have?
Speaker 1: And it's pretty amazing how many people.
Speaker 2: They have, and like and like, like if you if
Speaker 2: you forget for a moment, he's president, which is hard,
Speaker 2: but if you do, this is one of the cutest
Speaker 2: things you've ever heard.
Speaker 1: Like Trump just calls countries to learn about them. That's
Speaker 1: all he's doing. It's like a little kid doing a
Speaker 1: school project. Just phones other countries, like how many people
Speaker 1: in your country? What's your capital? How much is your
Speaker 1: money do you have? Mexicans?
Speaker 2: Okay, bye bye, Like that's insane that Donald Trump is
Speaker 2: just doing this all the I mean, think about no,
Speaker 2: think about it from the perspective of other leaders, because
Speaker 2: we go like, oh, we live with Donald Trump. He's crazy.
Speaker 1: But if you're a foreign leader. Back in the day,
Speaker 1: the phone would ring if the United States president was
Speaker 1: calling you. It was a huge deal. The red phone rings.
Speaker 1: You answers like the President of America is calling, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. People in Africa be like, it's
Speaker 1: the American president. Something important must be happening. And then
Speaker 1: now with Trump phoning, it's just gonna be Africans like,
Speaker 1: as they're President of America again, why don't you answer? No?
Speaker 1: He probably just wants to know how toilet raff can get. No,
Speaker 1: don't don't outside the phone, don't auntside their phone, don't
Speaker 1: auntside their phone. We won't talk to him later. That's
Speaker 1: the one exciting thing about Donald Trump is that we're
Speaker 1: all learning about the country with him, Like this is
Speaker 1: the first time, Like, can I sell You're at the
Speaker 1: end of Donald Trump's psidency. We will all be as
Speaker 1: qualified to be president as he will. We will all
Speaker 1: have the same training, the same knowledge, the same experience,
Speaker 1: all of that shit. I'm like in Molument's clause divestment
Speaker 1: of business. Like I'm just I'm in the mix. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you know, because it's like Americans, because beforehand,
Speaker 1: be honest, Americans were like a little you know, a
Speaker 1: little apathetic about everything. Americans were like, yeah, President will
Speaker 1: handle that. It's okay, it's okay. You know. It's like
Speaker 1: Obama is driving the bus and everyone's like, yeah, he's
Speaker 1: a good driver. I trust him. I trust him. And
Speaker 1: then like Donald Trump's like albut and now everyone's like, okay,
Speaker 1: how did the breaks work? How did the breaks work? Okay,
Speaker 1: study people, He's gonna kill us. What would I ask
Speaker 1: Trump if I could meet him? Ha, That's a tough
Speaker 1: one because like, over time, I've come to realize that, like,
Speaker 1: like I understand Trump's formula, Like I know that he lies.
Speaker 1: I know what he lies about and why he lies.
Speaker 1: I know sometimes if he doesn't like the question, he's
Speaker 1: just gonna take it to a question that he wants
Speaker 1: to answer. So most of the time, it's like like today,
Speaker 1: they asked him about like why he did what he
Speaker 1: did with the Ukraine, and then he started talking about
Speaker 1: the markets and the economy, and then he started talking
Speaker 1: about Iran and then the fake media. So I'll be
Speaker 1: honest with you, I would try and be crazy before
Speaker 1: he can be crazy to see how he would respond.
Speaker 1: So like I would throw, I would just come in
Speaker 1: and I'll be like, yo, mister Trump, now you speak
Speaker 1: to a lot of world leaders. You have a great
Speaker 1: relationship with the Childa and Wakanda. So do you think
Speaker 1: do you think the US stands to gain vibranium from
Speaker 1: this deal? And then, knowing him, he'd be like, you know,
Speaker 1: we're looking at it. It's such a great deal. I've
Speaker 1: been a big fan. I love them so much, so much,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna look at it. You know, if I
Speaker 1: hadn't already lived through this before, I would be a
Speaker 1: little bit calmer or a little bit more shocked. But
Speaker 1: this is exactly what happens. I try and explain this
Speaker 1: to people. I go like, when I said Trump was
Speaker 1: an African dictator, it feels like people only focus on
Speaker 1: the joke and they didn't ask themselves what that comes with, right,
Speaker 1: Because in Africa that's what leaders do. This is how
Speaker 1: they go about dismantling the systems around them that they
Speaker 1: feel inhibit what they're trying to do, which is control
Speaker 1: everything with no accountability. My president. The parallels between my
Speaker 1: president Jacob Zuomer and South Africa and Donald Trump are insane.
Speaker 1: At this point. They both came in with charges of
Speaker 1: corruption against them and you know Trump University and my
Speaker 1: president had like seven hundred and eighty charges of corruption
Speaker 1: against him, and you know, sexual assault allegations. The same
Speaker 1: thing on my present side, his family getting money from
Speaker 1: the business. You see it with the Kushioners, you see
Speaker 1: it with Ivanka, you see with Eric and Donald. Same
Speaker 1: thing on my present side. These children were getting money
Speaker 1: because of their ties to the presidency. The one thing
Speaker 1: that was different was I was like, oh, well, I
Speaker 1: mean your guy hasn't fired the head, and then that's
Speaker 1: what happens. Yeah. The only thing, the only upside is
Speaker 1: like at least Donald Trump fired co me, my president
Speaker 1: Jacob Zuomer, the President of South Africa. He dismantled our
Speaker 1: FBI completely. He was just like, yeah, he looked this
Speaker 1: literally already said he said, they're always investigating, investigating, so
Speaker 1: much investing, Like let's do something else. And then he
Speaker 1: just shut the whole FBI down and then it was
Speaker 1: just gone. It was just the craziest thing ever. It
Speaker 1: was just like, yeah, they're gone our FBI. That was
Speaker 1: called the Scorpions. That's what they called it. They were
Speaker 1: called the Scorpions. And then they shut it down and
Speaker 1: then people complained, and then almost like he was patronizing
Speaker 1: about it. He was like, all right, we'll start a
Speaker 1: new one. He's like, we'll call it the Hawks. It's like,
Speaker 1: we didn't care about the animals had of it. We
Speaker 1: cared about what it does. This whole thing with Trump
Speaker 1: and the Democrats and the infrastructure meeting, for me, is
Speaker 1: really easy to understand if you understand Trumps as just
Speaker 1: a human being, which I know is hard. I know
Speaker 1: it's hard, But if you just think of him as
Speaker 1: a human being, you understand that he he can't compartmentalize, right,
Speaker 1: So like, fundamentally, look at what happened here. The Democrats
Speaker 1: had a meeting where they were talking about him possibly
Speaker 1: obstructing justice, investigating him, etc. And then the next meeting
Speaker 1: they have is with him to talk about infrastructure, and
Speaker 1: he's like, no, you can't. You can't just do that.
Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying, Like, Trump is Trump is
Speaker 1: Trump is Like you just you just said you're gonna
Speaker 1: investigate me and maybe impeach me, and now you want
Speaker 1: to talk to me about and he's like no, and
Speaker 1: then like yeah, that was a separate meeting. He's like no,
Speaker 1: h Like, fundamentally, it's it's it's like a relationship, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's like Trump is going like, no,
Speaker 1: like we just fought in the living room, and then
Speaker 1: now you're get in the bedroom and the Democrats are like,
Speaker 1: so you want to do infrastructure and Trump is like, no, no,
Speaker 1: I still want to talk about what happened in the
Speaker 1: living room. And then like Donald, that was the living room.
Speaker 1: He's like, I don't care. You're not getting any of
Speaker 1: this until we talk about that. That's that's fundamentally what
Speaker 1: it is. And I honestly get where he's coming from
Speaker 1: as a human being, like in that way, because like,
Speaker 1: what's weird it has been for me for a long time,
Speaker 1: especially with American politicians, but politicians in general, is they
Speaker 1: have this weird rhythm of how they deal with love
Speaker 1: and hate, you know, so like for a long time
Speaker 1: in America it's been that way. One party is trying
Speaker 1: to destroy another candidate or another person on the other side,
Speaker 1: and they still work with them. So, for instance, like
Speaker 1: Obama's a good example, Republicans ran around calling him a
Speaker 1: secret Muslim, although the sacred Muslim. He's a sacred Muslim,
Speaker 1: and then like like immediately the next day he would
Speaker 1: work with them on whatever project that they were working
Speaker 1: on together. Do you get what I'm saying. Yeah, he'd
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, I mean I don't like what they said,
Speaker 1: but I gotta work. We gotta work towards healthcare. We
Speaker 1: gotta do this thing. I mean, like they but they
Speaker 1: said that thing, and it worked the other way as well.
Speaker 1: It's not like it was a you know, it's a
Speaker 1: Democrat pro thing. It was the same thing the other
Speaker 1: way around. You know, Democrats accused George Bush of stealing
Speaker 1: the election, but then afterwards they were like, yeah, we're
Speaker 1: still gonna help you to invade Iraq, you know, And
Speaker 1: I mean that's pretty much what an American politics is.
Speaker 1: Trump is like, no, I remember what you said. Not nice.
Speaker 1: You guys are amazing, Thank you very much, everybody. So
Speaker 1: he was meant to do a press conference at three pm,
Speaker 1: and then three pm came and went and he wasn't
Speaker 1: holding the press conference, and then like four pm came
Speaker 1: and went and he wasn't. And by the way, this
Speaker 1: is not the first time he's done like Donald Trump
Speaker 1: is late to every single press conference. He's In fact,
Speaker 1: I realized when I was sitting looking at Donald Trump.
Speaker 1: Donald Trump is everything that people thought a black president
Speaker 1: would be. When you think about it, all the shit,
Speaker 1: all the shit people used to talk about a black president.
Speaker 1: Donald Trump has done it. Every single thing. People were like, oh, oh,
Speaker 1: the first black person. What is he gonna arrive at
Speaker 1: two hours late for a press briefing? Ah, and Donald
Speaker 1: Trump is doing that.
Speaker 2: Now Donald Trump people were saying those things, Oh shit, man,
Speaker 2: first black president.
Speaker 1: He be bringing his whole family to the White House. Sit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is my brother in law, this my.
Speaker 1: Sister, this my donna, this my son.
Speaker 2: They all in and now Trump.
Speaker 1: Is like, all of them are in. This is if
Speaker 1: I get this is like every single thing that they said.
Speaker 2: The guy eats fried chicken on his plane.
Speaker 1: Do you realize that Donald Trump? Donald Trump eats fried
Speaker 1: chicken on a plane taking pictures and everyone's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is fun and cool. And then Obama was like professional, professional,
Speaker 1: I'm professional and people were like, yeah, whatever, man, But
Speaker 1: if he did one of those things. Can you mention
Speaker 1: if Obama AKFC on a plane. I'll be honest with you,
Speaker 1: it's entertaining to watch Joe Biden roast Trump, But I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's the rights approach for two reasons. One,
Speaker 1: that's Trump's game through and through, Like you might be
Speaker 1: able to do that for one speech. Trump has literally
Speaker 1: done that his entire presidency, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: That's all he knows how In fact, I think Trump
Speaker 1: would prefer it if the race stays in a world
Speaker 1: of just roasting people and making jokes and being disparaging,
Speaker 1: because then you never have to get into policy, you
Speaker 1: never have it, you have to get into ideas, you
Speaker 1: never have to get into the details of how you're
Speaker 1: going to run the country. Trump loves that shit. So
Speaker 1: if it's just about, like, you know, roasting people, he's
Speaker 1: gonna be in that game. He's never gonna get tired,
Speaker 1: he's never gonna look inept, you know. I honestly think
Speaker 1: it plays into his favor, you know, whereas Budajet has
Speaker 1: had an interesting technique I know where if you saw him,
Speaker 1: they were like, what do you make of Trump insulting you?
Speaker 1: And he was just like I He's like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't do that. He's like yeah, I mean he can.
Speaker 1: He can have his little childish insults, but I don't
Speaker 1: do that, and it like deflates everything because it's like
Speaker 1: like you remember in school, if like one kid was
Speaker 1: pushing another one, another kid just walked away and was
Speaker 1: like no, then the kid pushing looked like an asshole.
Speaker 1: You're like, ah, he s'ould stuff. But if that kid
Speaker 1: was like, I'll push you back, then we're like fight
Speaker 1: fight fight, fight bye. And that's what I think can
Speaker 1: happen here because Joe can't do that for you, and
Speaker 1: he can't nobody really can. Remember when Marco Rubio tried
Speaker 1: that failed dismally thought he was gonna jump into Trump's game.
Speaker 1: He was like, no, I don't insult. I don't insult,
Speaker 1: and then he snapped and he was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: screw it. Donald Trump is a small dick. And then
Speaker 1: the media was like Marco, how could you say this, baby,
Speaker 1: and they're like, no, marcol that's disgusting. And then Trump
Speaker 1: came back in the debates and he was like, by
Speaker 1: the way, big dick over here, and then people like
Speaker 1: that's just Trump be Trump. That's what he does. Suns
Speaker 1: it like it is no people like him or they
Speaker 1: don't like him. They've shown that people are swing voters,
Speaker 1: in particular, people who voted for maybe Obama and then
Speaker 1: switched to Trump. Those people are intrigued by a lot
Speaker 1: of Democratic policies. You know, they do want healthcare. You know,
Speaker 1: they don't want to be crippled by student debts. They
Speaker 1: do want job security, they do want to like, they
Speaker 1: want a lot of the policies. So if you tell
Speaker 1: them about the policies, they they're intrigued. They're like, wait, wait,
Speaker 1: what's that. I don't have to choose between having a
Speaker 1: house and paying for for my kidney. Oh, tell me more.
Speaker 1: But then if you just go like Trump's a bad guy,
Speaker 1: then I can whatever. And then this Trump gets to
Speaker 1: do his thing. That's who I am doing. My sleepy
Speaker 1: Joe mentally slows down, and he's not wrong. Everyone slows
Speaker 1: down except him. Like if we look at ourselves from
Speaker 1: three years ago, we're all slower than we were then,
Speaker 1: and Trump is the the one who's still like that.
Speaker 1: Da da da da da d d dadda. She's like, Jesus,
Speaker 1: where do you get the energy? He just never stops.
Speaker 1: But if you get him in policy, I promise you
Speaker 1: now just be like, hey, man, let's talk about the numbers,
Speaker 1: let's talk about the economies, talk about actual policy then
Speaker 1: and be like, I'm so sleepy. Who would I vote
Speaker 1: for the person who's running against Donald Trump? I mean,
Speaker 1: if I was voting for jokes, i'd vote for Donald Trump.
Speaker 1: But I'm tired of him now. It's like I thought
Speaker 1: Donald Trump was gonna be like crazy a little bit,
Speaker 1: and then we get to talk about other things in
Speaker 1: the world, and he just he doesn't want to not
Speaker 1: be the story. That's what frustrates me about him, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? So like you go like, man,
Speaker 1: just be a little bit crazy and go away. Then
Speaker 1: be a little bit crazy, then go away. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Let us like, you know, like indulgent likely.
Speaker 1: It's like it's like a like a show. Imagine if
Speaker 1: like Game of Thrones was like daily, you'd be like,
Speaker 1: I'm tired of these dragons. Dragons once a week, wow,
Speaker 1: dragons every day. You're like, that's true. He doesn't understand that, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like it's too much. It's just it's
Speaker 1: just too much. I'm tired and just because he's always no,
Speaker 1: because like even now the you know, you have the
Speaker 1: rallies and you have the caucuses, and you have the
Speaker 1: primaries taking place. Who was in Iowa for no reason?
Speaker 1: Donald Trump? Do you get what I'm saying? New Hampshire
Speaker 1: is going to be tomorrow? Who's holding a rally in
Speaker 1: New Hampshire the exact same time. He just cannot stand
Speaker 1: to not be the news, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like if Donald Trump was like at somebody's bridal shower,
Speaker 1: he'd just be like, I'm also pregnant, be like no,
Speaker 1: like you're you're not pregnant. I am totally pregnant, so pregnant.
Speaker 1: I'm happy that you're getting married, but I'm pregnant and
Speaker 1: I'm marrying my baby twice the announcements, You're like, no,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Man? It just has to be
Speaker 1: about him? So yeah, so any And I hope that's
Speaker 1: the thing where I do think Republicans have a more
Speaker 1: what's the word I'm looking for. It's not even realistic,
Speaker 1: but they have a more cutthroat way of thinking about
Speaker 1: an election. Is I understand that many Democratic voters can
Speaker 1: get to the point where because it's a binary system.
Speaker 1: You like, I don't like one, I don't like the other,
Speaker 1: I hate the other, I don't like one. On what
Speaker 1: am I gonna I'm not gonna vote. But Republicans last time,
Speaker 1: what do they say, I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: hold my nose and vote for Trump. They were like,
Speaker 1: this man is many Republicans like, he's despicable, he's crude,
Speaker 1: he doesn't represent us, he's this is not I'm here
Speaker 1: for the fiscal numbers and this and the data. And
Speaker 1: they're like, but I can't get anyone else. I'll vote
Speaker 1: for him, hold my nose. And then a lot of
Speaker 1: Democrats are like, no, I'm not voting at all. And
Speaker 1: then it's like what people don't seem to realize is
Speaker 1: then you get all of nothing as opposed to some
Speaker 1: of something. Do you get what I'm saying? It's not
Speaker 1: a romantic you know. One of my one of my
Speaker 1: favorite moments, randomly in hosting the show was I saw
Speaker 1: a was it? What do they call them? Do they
Speaker 1: call them? A truth social that that like fake Twitter
Speaker 1: that no one even the right wingers are on really
Speaker 1: a truth right? I don't know what it is anyway.
Speaker 1: What no, It's like at this called truth social I
Speaker 1: think no one cares anyway. The points is the points is.
Speaker 1: Trump sent out one of his thingies, I don't know
Speaker 1: what they called, and it said it was like Trevanoa
Speaker 1: was never funny, John Stewart was only slightly better. And
Speaker 1: then like he goes on like a rant and he's
Speaker 1: just like these people don't realize if they moved more
Speaker 1: to the center like me, they would have more followers.
Speaker 1: Then I'm like center like you. I'm like, my man,
Speaker 1: you think you're in the middle. But what was funny?
Speaker 1: I was like someone was like, oh, he said that
Speaker 1: you're not funny and well and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I read that. But I was like, oh, so you're watching.
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