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Speaker 1: I know I could be successful all by myself, but

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Speaker 1: it is that much better having a partner to do

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Speaker 1: it with. Dead Ass. I concur and on the days

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Speaker 1: that I'm lacking my business partner over here makes it

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Speaker 1: that much easier. Easy on the eyes too. Are you've

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Speaker 1: been flirting a light late? It's going normally? My mojo back, y'all. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and we're the ellis Is. You may know

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Speaker 1: us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading

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Speaker 1: each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll

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Speaker 1: make you need derby most days. Wow. And one more

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Speaker 1: important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created

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Speaker 1: this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most

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Speaker 1: taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about

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Speaker 1: through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead as

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Speaker 1: is the term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,

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Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about

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Speaker 1: to take pillow talk to a whole new level. Dead

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Speaker 1: Ass starts right now. I have so many stories of

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Speaker 1: times that we've worked together, but I think I'm going

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Speaker 1: to tell a story that has a balance of of

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Speaker 1: you and I doing something collectively but individually at the

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Speaker 1: same time, right, So this had to be I think

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Speaker 1: it was two thousand and fourteen. Two thousand and fourteen, yes,

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Speaker 1: because we're planning for my thirtieth birthday. It's around that time, mother,

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Speaker 1: your birthday. But during this time you had just booked

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Speaker 1: was it. It wasn't Puggle Trouble you had booked Oh no,

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Speaker 1: um Slick had just booked you as key here and

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Speaker 1: makeup for another project he was doing before Puggle Trouble.

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Speaker 1: And at the same time, I was working on Power

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Speaker 1: but also turning over to m pact Plex from Aviator

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Speaker 1: commercial series with him. Yes, and you was also doing

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Speaker 1: um Color and Contour by k. We were doing a

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Speaker 1: thousand things at one time. Yes, And it's important. It's

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Speaker 1: important to discussed this because Jackson was three, so we

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Speaker 1: were also balancing getting him prepared for uh preschool. And

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Speaker 1: we were living in the apartment in Crown Heights. But

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Speaker 1: my business at the time was in flat was close

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Speaker 1: by far Rockaway and we were moving it over to Canarsi.

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Speaker 1: And the reason why I'm telling this story is because

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Speaker 1: Codeine was working in Bushwick and had early mornings. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so this this story is hilarious. We're both exhausted because

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Speaker 1: Codeine was working color and contour by K, which means

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Speaker 1: she was still doing makeup artistry for weddings. I was

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Speaker 1: transferring my business from one gym to another. We still

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Speaker 1: had Jackson going to her parents house at night in Carnarsi,

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Speaker 1: and I was still taking clients super early in the morning.

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Speaker 1: I had Daniel Jane super early. I think it was

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Speaker 1: five o'clock training session. I took Daniel, came back six o'clock,

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Speaker 1: went to lay down. I was supposed to wait Cadine

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Speaker 1: up for her going to um her cold time, and

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Speaker 1: both of us knocked out. Then all I hear randomly

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Speaker 1: is and then I pop us that what happened? Cone goes,

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Speaker 1: I'm late you were supposed to be. Yeah, I kind

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Speaker 1: of woke up with like minutes to get to say

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Speaker 1: it was. It was like she was like she just

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Speaker 1: knew she was going to be ridiculous. And we had

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Speaker 1: Jackson sleep in the apartment and I was like, babe,

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Speaker 1: you can't, like you can't get on the train. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to have to just drive you. So as kid,

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Speaker 1: you not. Codean wakes up, She grabs all of her makeup,

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Speaker 1: everything and stuff like that. She called, who are you

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Speaker 1: working Peaches At the time, it says this was, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think this was your your confusing the years. This

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Speaker 1: is when we did do um Bruno. It was Bruno. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so it was bunch You sure it was Bruno? Okay,

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Speaker 1: So it was Bruno. So I'm confusing that we did

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Speaker 1: a lot of stuff. But imagine all the stuff we

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Speaker 1: have going on at the same time, and you wake

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Speaker 1: up in the morning and you're supposed to be a

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Speaker 1: set in fifteen minutes, and we had to go down

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Speaker 1: to all into bush with So she's getting ready, getting

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Speaker 1: made up, she's making phone calls. I'm grabbing all of

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Speaker 1: the makeup. She's telling me, I'm yelling it out. I

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Speaker 1: grabbed our three year old. I have him, I have

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Speaker 1: I have the makeup. I'm running downstairs. And the funny

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Speaker 1: thing about where we lived was we had alternate side

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Speaker 1: of the street parking and we always had to move

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Speaker 1: the car, so we had to we had to park

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Speaker 1: like a block and a half away. So I run

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Speaker 1: downstairs and I have the baby in the car seat

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Speaker 1: and I have to go outside, and it was cold,

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Speaker 1: it was cold, and I'm like, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: run outside with the makeup and the baby. So I

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Speaker 1: run downstairs. I'm in the four year part of our

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Speaker 1: building and I call upstairs. I'm like, hey, you know

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Speaker 1: what's up. I said, I can't take the baby to

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Speaker 1: the car. You gotta run downstairs. She runs downstairs, watch

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Speaker 1: the baby. I go run, get the car, bring the

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Speaker 1: car back in front of the building. Parked the car

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Speaker 1: in front of the building. Then I start moving the

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Speaker 1: baby in front the car. Let it warm up. I

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Speaker 1: moved the makeup. She runs back up stairs to get

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Speaker 1: finished done. She runs back downstairs. We jump in the car.

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Speaker 1: We're flying down Marcus Garvey Boulevard to get to UH

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Speaker 1: to get down to Bushwick. We then here's the crazy part.

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Speaker 1: She got to set. I think it was ten minutes

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Speaker 1: later than her cold time, but was still there before

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Speaker 1: everybody else. And the reason why I wanted to tell

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Speaker 1: that story is because when you're a business owner, you

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Speaker 1: have to know how to pivot, but you also have

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Speaker 1: to rely on your partners. We were both exhausted. I

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Speaker 1: had just had a client at five o'clock, came back

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Speaker 1: to take a nap. I was supposed to be able

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Speaker 1: to sleep during that time while she got up and

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Speaker 1: got things moving. But we both woke up late and

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Speaker 1: I end up having to jump up and help k

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Speaker 1: get there. And the best part about that story in

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Speaker 1: that day, I don't even know if you remember this,

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Speaker 1: was she got done later than she was supposed to

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Speaker 1: and I had another client, but I had Jackson. She

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Speaker 1: had to run back from set to meet me all

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Speaker 1: the way in at the apartment to reprieve me so

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Speaker 1: that I could get from the apartment all the way

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Speaker 1: over to aviator to take a client. That whole day

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Speaker 1: was just constant running through traffic, running here to get

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Speaker 1: times and beat deadlines and Codeina and I did it together,

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Speaker 1: like it seemed like a blur, and even telling the

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Speaker 1: story seems like a blur. But that was our day

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Speaker 1: that those were our like tuesdays, like that's just what

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Speaker 1: it was. And having a partner, someone you can rely

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Speaker 1: on even when you don't want to do things. It's

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Speaker 1: the best part of doing things with your spouse. Well,

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Speaker 1: we're moving on up duty side, looks in the sky,

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Speaker 1: we're moving on duty. Sad we foully got up piece

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Speaker 1: of the path, bitch, don't Friday to kitchen beings. Don't

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Speaker 1: burn on the grill. Took a lot to Ryan to

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Speaker 1: just get up. Now we're up in the bigg done.

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Speaker 1: Get my turn at best as long as wrong with that.

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Speaker 1: I love it, I love it. That's one of my

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Speaker 1: favorite songs. We moved down up together. That's that's part

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Speaker 1: about it all. Yes, we're moving from the fourth floor

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Speaker 1: apartment in the Heights to a home in Atlanta. Love it,

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Speaker 1: love it, love it all. Right, let's take a quick break.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna come back to storytime and dive into the show. Alright,

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Speaker 1: we're back, man, that story how many That was just

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Speaker 1: one story, but so many moments of us trying to

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Speaker 1: build and trying to work together, trying to be entrepreneurs

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Speaker 1: but also be parents and also these spouses and everything

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Speaker 1: else in between. And I'm thinking back to that moment

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Speaker 1: when I jumped up and I was like, damn, like

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Speaker 1: I'm about to be late. And it was like day

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Speaker 1: two of shooting him, like there's no way that the

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Speaker 1: key makeup artists and here stylus can be late to

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Speaker 1: set because you don't want to be the one responsible

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Speaker 1: for anybody being late to anything. Um, But it was

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Speaker 1: just perfect to be able to have my friend a

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Speaker 1: k a. My business partner, my husband jump into action,

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Speaker 1: because think about it, if I didn't have somebody to

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Speaker 1: do that with, what would that have looked like for me?

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Speaker 1: To be honest, I don't even even when I think

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Speaker 1: back when some of the things we have had to

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Speaker 1: do during that time, I don't know how we did it.

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Speaker 1: Like I don't. People ask me all the time, like

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Speaker 1: what you know, give me some tips on building a

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Speaker 1: business and give me some tips. You have to be

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Speaker 1: super resourceful, right, but at the same time, you have

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Speaker 1: to have like this unyiel olding ability to see things

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Speaker 1: before they come to fruition, like you and I used

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Speaker 1: to sit down and and this is important when you

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Speaker 1: have a business partner, right, you constantly have to have

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Speaker 1: check ins with your business partner. And I'm not talking

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Speaker 1: about your life partners, just your business partner. Because I've

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Speaker 1: had multiple businesses with different people and we used to

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Speaker 1: have checkens every other day, every two to three days.

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Speaker 1: It's okay, where is the business? How is your mental health?

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Speaker 1: Like what's going on? When your business partner is somebody

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Speaker 1: that you enjoy spending time with, it's easier to cultivate

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Speaker 1: a business in so many ways because that time that

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Speaker 1: you normally spend with your business partners can can typically

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Speaker 1: become contankerous if you don't like each other. Well, I think, yeah,

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Speaker 1: liking each other I think has a lot to do

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Speaker 1: with it, but also to having a common goal, right, yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: work you know, business partners. For the most part, if

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Speaker 1: you're going to be entering into the business space with someone,

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Speaker 1: you would like to think that they can get along,

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Speaker 1: they can work well together, and they have a common interest.

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Speaker 1: What's the common denominator going to be between the two

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Speaker 1: of them? They want to be able to make this

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Speaker 1: business lucrative. But I think what helps, particularly building a

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Speaker 1: business with your spouse, is that you can both see

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Speaker 1: the greater good for the entire family, for the legacy.

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Speaker 1: That was something that we always you know, it was

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Speaker 1: important to us to make sure that we were working

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Speaker 1: to build a legacy not for just ourselves and our

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Speaker 1: families to make them proud, but for our children and

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Speaker 1: our future family. Um. So at the time, we definitely

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Speaker 1: um kind of riley behind each other because in the

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Speaker 1: areas where I knew that I lacked, you had the strength. So,

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Speaker 1: for example, between the two of us. You have more

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Speaker 1: of the business acumen, right, I'm more of the administrative.

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Speaker 1: You know, give me the task to scape everything organized, structured,

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Speaker 1: So where you tend to be a little scattered, I

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Speaker 1: compliment with a lot of scattered. I tend to compliment

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Speaker 1: that with the organization. So that worked out for us.

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Speaker 1: So separating your work life from your home life can

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Speaker 1: be a struggle, especially now with a lot of people

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Speaker 1: working from home. So things have definitely taken a turn. Um.

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Speaker 1: I think people are trying to find new innovative ways

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Speaker 1: to start different businesses because you know, look at where

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Speaker 1: we've fit for the past two years, and that separation

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Speaker 1: only leaves more challenges when you work with the person

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Speaker 1: you live with. But I mean working towards a shared goal,

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Speaker 1: like I said, with your spouse has a lot of

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Speaker 1: lasting benefits for a marriage when it's done with love, intention,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of patience. So we did a podcast

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Speaker 1: a while back talking about how to separate, you know, um,

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Speaker 1: work from home. I don't want to talk about that today.

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Speaker 1: What I do want to talk about today is how

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Speaker 1: Codeine and I were able to build, Like how we're

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Speaker 1: able to sit down and say, let's create a business

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Speaker 1: that is going to be advantageous for both of us

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Speaker 1: to live the lifestyle we want to live. And I

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Speaker 1: want to talk about this because a lot of people

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Speaker 1: always ask me how did you get started, especially in entrepreneurship,

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Speaker 1: How did you get started? When did you know was

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Speaker 1: the right time for you to take the lead from

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Speaker 1: a nine to five to go on this? And when

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Speaker 1: I really sat back and thought about it, I was

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Speaker 1: never in a position to to working nine the five.

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Speaker 1: Neither one of us ever were. From the time we

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Speaker 1: were eighteen, we always talked about the life we wanted

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Speaker 1: to live. And I think that's the key that I

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Speaker 1: want people to understand when you meet someone and you

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Speaker 1: and you talking about your aspirations for life. Right, legacy

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Speaker 1: was at the forefront for both of us. You know.

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Speaker 1: We we talked about what we wanted individually, and one

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Speaker 1: thing Kadin and I always said was we wanted to

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Speaker 1: have autonomy over our time. That was like a paramount. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: like we we said we wanted to be able to travel.

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Speaker 1: We wanted to be able to take our children places

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Speaker 1: and travel, and we wanted to be able to give

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Speaker 1: our children something when they become adults to say here you.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to jump into the hamster wheel of

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Speaker 1: life in order to see your dreams come true. Mom

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Speaker 1: and Dad created this for you so you can take kit.

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Speaker 1: So the first thing I will say to people is

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Speaker 1: if you're you're dating someone, or you meet someone you're

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Speaker 1: in love with, or you're married, there has to be

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Speaker 1: a common goal that's legacy driven in order for it

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Speaker 1: to work. If it's not legacy driven, the business won't

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Speaker 1: work because if it's not legacy driven and you both

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Speaker 1: can't gain from it, there's always gonna be that resentment

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Speaker 1: for what we did this for you, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. So for example, and um, I had this

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Speaker 1: conversation with a young lady. Then I met south By Southwest.

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Speaker 1: She said she had a boy she has a boyfriend,

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Speaker 1: and her and her boyfriend both have They were at

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Speaker 1: the south By Southwest. I think it was tech. I

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Speaker 1: think it was the tech summit. And they were both

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Speaker 1: really good at tech. But they had different ideas and

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Speaker 1: they both wanted to use the other to help build

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Speaker 1: their idea And the reason why they struggled they couldn't

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Speaker 1: agree on which idea to do, which idea to do first,

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Speaker 1: Which idea was more important. So for two years they

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Speaker 1: both been working on their own ideas separately. But she asked,

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Speaker 1: She said, at what point did you and Codeine decide

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Speaker 1: which one was going to go first, your acting career

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Speaker 1: or her hosting career. And what I explained to her

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Speaker 1: was we let life decide which was gonna come first.

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Speaker 1: Right for us, it wasn't we have to do this

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Speaker 1: for Devout first and then Codeine, or we have to

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Speaker 1: do this for Cadein first and then Devout. When we

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Speaker 1: graduated from college, the NFL came. So at that point,

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Speaker 1: Codeine and I knowing that legacy was what we wanted

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Speaker 1: to put forth in the forefront. The NFL was never

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Speaker 1: my dream. Makeup was never Codeine's dream, but we knew

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Speaker 1: that we had to create a revenue stream to give

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Speaker 1: us autonomy over our time to face our dream. So

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Speaker 1: if the NFL was going to help us get autonomy

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Speaker 1: over our time, we both put all of our energy

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Speaker 1: in that direction. And I wanted to ask you, how

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Speaker 1: did it feel. Did you feel like your your dream

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Speaker 1: was being deferred or did you feel like this is

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Speaker 1: what we have to do in this moment to get

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Speaker 1: to where we want to be. It's a good question. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think that, like you said, having had certain things

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Speaker 1: happen in a certain time frame in order for us

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Speaker 1: definitely dictated how we had to defer or how we

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Speaker 1: had to divide our attention. Um. One thing that I

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Speaker 1: never felt ever was any kind of oppression when it

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Speaker 1: came to my goals or my dreams. I knew at

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Speaker 1: some point it would have to happen. If anything, there

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Speaker 1: was a conflict that I may have had internally, because

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Speaker 1: like we said, we have this list of things that

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Speaker 1: we should be doing by a certain time or a

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Speaker 1: certain age or a certain point where it's just like, man,

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Speaker 1: if I'm not actively working on this right now, then

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm failing or I'm not meeting those benchmarks in

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Speaker 1: this particular time frame. So if anything, I might have

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Speaker 1: felt a little bit like, damn, you know, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to lose my space in what could potentially be

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Speaker 1: the opportunity right now. But I also understood that the

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Speaker 1: field that I was getting into, those opportunitiptunities can come

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Speaker 1: and go. You just have to kind of get people

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Speaker 1: all start it. So how did you how did you

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Speaker 1: deal with that conflict? Like, because we have never we've

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Speaker 1: and guys, this is We've never had this conversation ever.

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Speaker 1: We're having it for the first time, so I'm actually interested, Like,

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Speaker 1: how did you deal with knowing that, okay, because you

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Speaker 1: wanted to be on TV and TV is a young

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Speaker 1: person's game, and it's like, well, de VAL's getting an

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Speaker 1: opportunity in the NFL now, and I'm going to support

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Speaker 1: him and that. How did you deal with saying, let

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Speaker 1: me just wait a little bit, or did you feel

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Speaker 1: like my time is gonna come, let me focus on

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Speaker 1: what I can do. I was okay with with sitting

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Speaker 1: back for a little bit. Um. I think I needed

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Speaker 1: the break. Haven't been in school for consecutive years since

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Speaker 1: I was like three years old, So I was okay

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Speaker 1: with taking a little bit of a break. I did

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Speaker 1: feel a little bit of a pressure from my parents, though,

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Speaker 1: because my mom and dad were expecting the minute she graduates,

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Speaker 1: she should be landing a job, she should be making

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Speaker 1: some money, she should be doing something and not sitting

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Speaker 1: around just kind of waiting for things to happen. Um.

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Speaker 1: But I already knew because you and I always kind

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Speaker 1: kind of had these horse blinders on whenever it comes

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Speaker 1: to us and dreams what we want. So those horse

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Speaker 1: blinders that I had on, I just felt like, this

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Speaker 1: is where we had to focus our energy. Develop is

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Speaker 1: in the position in this moment to optimize what could

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Speaker 1: potentially be the beginning, the nest egg, the foundation for

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Speaker 1: a lucrative life in the end or in the long run.

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Speaker 1: So I was totally cool with sitting back for a

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Speaker 1: little bit. UM. I felt like my time was going

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Speaker 1: to come regardless once I started to invest in that. UM.

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Speaker 1: But I know that's what you needed in that moment,

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Speaker 1: and you were the one that was in in a

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Speaker 1: in a situation that was already moving. So let me

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Speaker 1: just sit back and help you sprint through that movement,

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Speaker 1: you know. So this is what's what's crazy. If you

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Speaker 1: have been following us for years, you know that Codein

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Speaker 1: and I have discussed every part of our plan with

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Speaker 1: each other before we executed it, every single part. The

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Speaker 1: first date we went on UM, when she came to

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Speaker 1: my room on October with the two thousand and two,

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Speaker 1: I said to Codein that I wanted to be an actor,

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Speaker 1: and Codeine asked me at that moment, how how you

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Speaker 1: on doing that? And then Codeine and I sat down

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Speaker 1: this this is the first date, the very first day,

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Speaker 1: and I said, well, my plan is to graduate. Once

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Speaker 1: I graduate, I won't have any debt because I'm going

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Speaker 1: to school for free um IF And at the time,

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Speaker 1: the NFL wasn't a guarantee. But I had said to Codeine,

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Speaker 1: and I said, if I could make a practice squad,

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Speaker 1: I could make a hundred thousand dollars in four months.

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Speaker 1: Without a hundred thousand dollars, I could have a down

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Speaker 1: payment on a brownstone or a two family home. I

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Speaker 1: would want to live downstairs in the basement part of it,

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Speaker 1: rant out the upstairs part. This way I didn't have

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Speaker 1: to be a starving artist and then focus on my

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Speaker 1: craft of of being an artist. The reason why I

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Speaker 1: tell you that part of the story is because so said,

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Speaker 1: so done when it came to Codeine and I when

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Speaker 1: the opportunity came up. This was part of our plan

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Speaker 1: that we talked about when we were eighteen. The NFL

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Speaker 1: is here. Let's put all of our energy, not just

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Speaker 1: devows energy, Cadine's energy and house energy into preparing for

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Speaker 1: the NFL, Which means when I woke up early in

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Speaker 1: the morning for training sessions, Codeine was up making breakfast

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Speaker 1: when I had to drive to Paris and I was exhausted,

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Speaker 1: Codeine got in the car and drove with me to Parissy.

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Speaker 1: When I got injured or hurt. Codeine had invested all

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Speaker 1: of our energy into making sure that this part of

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Speaker 1: our dream. Even though this part of our dream wasn't

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Speaker 1: for both of us, this was for me to do

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Speaker 1: this part. We both were invested in it. And the

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Speaker 1: reason why I tell our stories because there's so many

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Speaker 1: times in business where your partner maybe the lead and

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Speaker 1: you have to be the person that aids and support

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Speaker 1: of that part of the business. And an issue that

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Speaker 1: a lot of people have with having a business partner

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Speaker 1: is everybody wants to be the lead all the time.

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Speaker 1: And I know firsthand that sometimes you're not going to

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Speaker 1: be the lead. Right case in point, when things flipped

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Speaker 1: when I was just building my business with Elite Prototype

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Speaker 1: Athletics and trying to build my business with my brother,

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Speaker 1: and I didn't have any money coming in, Codeine was

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Speaker 1: in a position to be the lead. She was going

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Speaker 1: to interview for her job at matt. I woke Codeine up,

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Speaker 1: we got her prepared, I drove her to her interview.

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Speaker 1: I sat outside and waited for her. She came right

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Speaker 1: out and said, I got the job. But at that point,

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Speaker 1: it was time for me to take a step back,

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Speaker 1: right Codeine was going to work every day and I

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Speaker 1: was at home with Jackson, being a stay at home dad.

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Speaker 1: And when you talk about knowing that you had to

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Speaker 1: defer your dream in a moment, because it was my

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Speaker 1: moment to be in the forefront those moments, I remember

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Speaker 1: sitting home and and if I'm being honest, it was

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Speaker 1: it was tough for me because I always number one

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Speaker 1: dealing with being a man. I felt like, man, I

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Speaker 1: should be doing more to help my wife, Like my

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Speaker 1: wife is outside working and I'm at home watching our son.

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Speaker 1: Like it just didn't. It felt like I was wrong,

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Speaker 1: you know. But I had to put my pride a

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Speaker 1: side and understand that we needed health insurance and Cadine

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Speaker 1: was the only way for us to get health insurance

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Speaker 1: with the child. So I had to be present in

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Speaker 1: that moment to just be home with Jackson. You know.

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Speaker 1: I think the flip flop that tends to happen with

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Speaker 1: business and spouses is necessary. I also think that it's

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Speaker 1: helpful because there's list of the opportunity for resentment. I

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Speaker 1: feel like to kind of move in or for you

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Speaker 1: for one person to feel like they're doing more than

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Speaker 1: the other, or because that tends to be issue in

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Speaker 1: business all a lot, you know, one person feeling like

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Speaker 1: the other person is not pulling their weight or doing

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Speaker 1: their fair share, or what person feels overworked or underappreciated

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Speaker 1: or things like that. So I feel like having that

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Speaker 1: flip flop in our history definitely put both of us

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Speaker 1: in different shoes at each time. So we felt what

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Speaker 1: it was like to be at home and kind of

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Speaker 1: feel a little helpless, and then we also felt what

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Speaker 1: it felt like to be empowered and say I got this,

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Speaker 1: I had this for the and then we had the

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Speaker 1: support role we played which was also very important, and

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Speaker 1: Jackson got time with his parents in different capacities and stuff,

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Speaker 1: um which I know I always used to feel guilty

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Speaker 1: about because I felt like, damn, like I'm missing out

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Speaker 1: all this time with my son. And the way Develo

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Speaker 1: would put things in perspective for us, um and even

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Speaker 1: now to this day, is that you know there's years

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Speaker 1: that when the kids are younger, they're not necessarily remember

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Speaker 1: that's not being around and the grind and that sacrifice

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Speaker 1: but it will count to the years later when they're

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Speaker 1: older and we have the autonomy over our time. So

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Speaker 1: now that we're we can go to games and we

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Speaker 1: can pick up from and stuff. So that was also

431
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 1: a great benefit that we had from just you know,

432
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,920
Speaker 1: tag teaming and building along the way. And I'm glad

433
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 1: that you you brought up those years of grinding because

434
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 1: that's going to lead me into the next part of

435
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:46,359
Speaker 1: having a spouse. Right when you're building a business, there

436
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,679
Speaker 1: are gonna be years. I think the average business doesn't

437
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,240
Speaker 1: start to get into the black or make money until

438
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:57,640
Speaker 1: year three, which means and and listen to me, entrepreneurs, right,

439
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:01,119
Speaker 1: there is nothing wrong with having a nine to five

440
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 1: or a steady job, because that nine to five and

441
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:08,720
Speaker 1: steady job is what funded our business in the beginning.

442
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 1: I can't say that enough. So much, so many people

443
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 1: talk down about having a nine to five. There is

444
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:21,520
Speaker 1: nobody in this world unless you came from a wealthy

445
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 1: family that started a business without having a job. First.

446
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying, because in order to start

447
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:34,000
Speaker 1: a business, you need capital. In order to make capital,

448
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:37,359
Speaker 1: you have to work. And that's one of our Elis models.

449
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 1: The boys. If you ask them right now, why do

450
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 1: you go to work? They say, to build capital? Why

451
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 1: do you need capital to make your money work for you?

452
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 1: When you have a spouse or a partner, that's when

453
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 1: you're building a business. We see what the dream is.

454
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 1: We see what the dream is. Right, we're in alignment. Okay,

455
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:56,200
Speaker 1: So if you have to go to work to help

456
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:59,160
Speaker 1: with the alignment and I have to go to work

457
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 1: to help with the alliwe I meant we're doing this together.

458
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,280
Speaker 1: And the best part about having a spouse is those

459
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:06,720
Speaker 1: days where your spouse is sitting on the edge of

460
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 1: the bed like the fox standing out staring out the

461
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 1: window with the eyes bloodshot, having someone to rub your

462
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:19,360
Speaker 1: back and say come on, baby, come on baby, like

463
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 1: like we we know why we're doing this, we know

464
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 1: exactly what it is, and feeling like you're not alone.

465
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 1: One thing I'll say about having a great spouse is

466
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 1: I never step into anything, whether it being audition, a

467
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 1: new business practice, a new thought, a new idea, um

468
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 1: going even going to my kids school. I never feel

469
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 1: alone because I got someone with me. So because I

470
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 1: got someone with me at all time, I never feel

471
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,919
Speaker 1: like I can fail. You know what I'm saying, I

472
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 1: think it's that much easier for sure. Absolutely, absolutely. A

473
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:59,280
Speaker 1: lot of times there's risks that I want to take,

474
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 1: and I have a bad habit personally of talking myself

475
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 1: out of things and self sabotage and saying, you know,

476
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:07,960
Speaker 1: it's not really a big deal. I don't I'm not

477
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 1: going to do that anymore. It's not really gonna work out.

478
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,400
Speaker 1: And just being able to run it by someone who

479
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:16,200
Speaker 1: I know UM would be just invested as I would

480
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,680
Speaker 1: be in that particular process or whatever it may be,

481
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,240
Speaker 1: UM makes it just that much easier. And he's also

482
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 1: the one that will give me the kick in the

483
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 1: ass because you know, our work ethic and our drive

484
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,199
Speaker 1: and our discipline is different. That can be frustrating in

485
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,119
Speaker 1: itself when it comes to a business, which we've spoken

486
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 1: about before, but UM, I mean having you to do

487
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 1: it with his great I wonder how many husband and

488
00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: wife owned businesses there are there. I think the stats

489
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,760
Speaker 1: got the stats, because that's interesting to know how many

490
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 1: are are building businesses together. According to the National Federation

491
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,679
Speaker 1: of Independent Business, they're approximately one point two million husband

492
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:56,920
Speaker 1: and wife owned small businesses nationwide back in two thousand three,

493
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,919
Speaker 1: and after that probably has grown since definitely. Recent studies

494
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:04,080
Speaker 1: oh that the work related support from spouses contributes to

495
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 1: work family balance and is linked to higher family statisfaction

496
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 1: and satisfaction. However, these benefits are twice as great for

497
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 1: couples who share the same occupation or workplace than for

498
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 1: those who do not, and findings also suggests that couples,

499
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 1: including those not in the same work or the same

500
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:26,200
Speaker 1: occupation or workplace, can help foster stronger work life balance

501
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 1: by providing work life work related support. Learning about a

502
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,919
Speaker 1: spouse's industry or job role, particularly if it's unfamiliar in

503
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:38,120
Speaker 1: trying to socialize with each other's colleagues outside of the office,

504
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 1: can make it easier for couples to share their days.

505
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:44,639
Speaker 1: All right, So let's talk about this. I am going

506
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 1: to let people into a little secret, right of the

507
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:56,120
Speaker 1: power of women. M HM, Codeine and I go places together. Right,

508
00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 1: I walk in Codeine walks in Codein works the room

509
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 1: like nobody else. You want to know why women are

510
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 1: a lot more receptive to other women? Right? How many

511
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:12,199
Speaker 1: friends have you made? And then afterwards you'll be like yo,

512
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 1: her husband does X, Y Z. And then before we

513
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: knew it, we're on a full marriage play date and

514
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 1: I'm meeting her the husband and now we're starting a

515
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 1: business together. Now I got a blind date with Who's

516
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 1: Who's this dude? Corny? That's always the question. I'm like, Yo,

517
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:33,880
Speaker 1: whoever does I'm introduced? If they corny? I'm not trying

518
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 1: to do this. But you work rooms, and because in

519
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 1: spaces where this opportunity for networking, you just never know

520
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 1: who knows who, and then it becomes a point when

521
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 1: you need people to know who you are because there

522
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 1: are opportunities that can arise where he's like, yo, I

523
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: met a guy, I met, I met this lady and

524
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:55,640
Speaker 1: she might be the ones to be able to help

525
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 1: with whatever it may be. So yeah, that's usually how

526
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 1: it happens, because you know so, I like to say

527
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 1: the valid social butterfly. I'm good and I like people

528
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,680
Speaker 1: and I want to talk and make friends. Listen, I

529
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 1: I I am a social butterfly, and I'm not gonna

530
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 1: sit here and say that I wouldn't be successful on

531
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 1: my own. You the same way would be successful on

532
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 1: your own. But when you have a partner, like I

533
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,720
Speaker 1: don't think people understand how difficult it is to start

534
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 1: a business on your own. Like, it is extremely rare

535
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 1: to watch someone by themselves start a business. You either

536
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 1: need a partner for capital, you need a partner for

537
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,960
Speaker 1: business acumen, you need a partner for just support. So

538
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 1: when you have a wife or a husband who shares

539
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:44,959
Speaker 1: in the same values of business, things just happen at

540
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 1: a lot quicker pace. But I have to continue to

541
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 1: put emphasis gentlemen when you when you go with places,

542
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 1: you know how they have these in movies. There's always like,

543
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 1: you know, when you know you got to come with

544
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:56,960
Speaker 1: me to this event? You know why it's you know

545
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 1: there's going to be other spouses there. The reason why

546
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 1: they bring their spouses are to forge those relationships outside

547
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 1: of the workplace, because people typically tend to work with

548
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 1: people that they like. And I can't emphasize this enough.

549
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: That's either where it starts. Absolutely trust anybody. Do I

550
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 1: even like you enough to want to converse with you

551
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 1: on a fairly regular basis. So if you want to

552
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 1: write something down, write this down. Though. If you're looking

553
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 1: to build a business, the first thing you have to

554
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 1: build our relationships within the industry that you are trying

555
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 1: to build. Debate the business because you you don't understand

556
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 1: the ebbs and flows, the peaks and the valleys of

557
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:38,280
Speaker 1: this business. And unless you're willing to learn about the

558
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 1: business from people who have already been successful, you won't

559
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:44,680
Speaker 1: be successful in the business. And sometimes your personality, regardless

560
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 1: if you're an introvert or extrovert, may not fit with

561
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 1: the other person's personality. But if you have a spouse

562
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 1: who is different than you, some one of you are

563
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 1: going to know how to before affords that relationship and

564
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 1: create a bond that can help you build a business.

565
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 1: It's great. There's there's not that level of having to

566
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 1: penetrate and learn anybody. It's like, okay, don't give the

567
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 1: value business cards. Give it to me because by the

568
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 1: end of the night, little things like that, it's just like,

569
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:17,600
Speaker 1: oh um, you want this done like right now. Don't

570
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 1: ask it because she's gonna find something else to do

571
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:21,040
Speaker 1: before she gets it done. So give it to the

572
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 1: value you know. It's just it's just way where smoother

573
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:27,800
Speaker 1: when we can just know ahead of time who will

574
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,840
Speaker 1: be better equipped in what moment to do what. So

575
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 1: I get that, and I had I had an older

576
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 1: gentleman tell me a little tidbit. Remember when I was

577
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 1: working at pact Plex and then went into partial ownership

578
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:42,720
Speaker 1: with the gym in the court. I met a lot

579
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,880
Speaker 1: of successful businessmen during that time, and one thing they

580
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 1: told me was, you know, they tend to only want

581
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 1: to do business with someone who's married. And I was like, wow,

582
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 1: that's like, why, why would that have to be a prerequisite.

583
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:02,720
Speaker 1: And they said to me, play the simple people who

584
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:06,160
Speaker 1: are married and continue to be married, show that they

585
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 1: can communicate through adversity, show longevity, show mental fortitude, and

586
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 1: show discipline. And I was like, and then he said,

587
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 1: it's older, older, white gentleman. He said, a business is

588
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 1: no different than the marriage. They're gonna be ebbs of

589
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 1: ebbs and flows. They're gonna be times where there's miscommunications.

590
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 1: You can tell when someone knows how to communicate when

591
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 1: them and there, when them, them and their spouse come

592
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,440
Speaker 1: to an event and we don't know what happened in

593
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:40,800
Speaker 1: the house prior to, but that there is a unified front.

594
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:43,440
Speaker 1: That's someone who I would want to do business with

595
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 1: because I know, when it's all said and done, they're

596
00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:48,719
Speaker 1: going to protect the interests of the business as opposed

597
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 1: to trying to protect their own personal interests. And I

598
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 1: never thought about that. But listening to older wealthy people talk,

599
00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 1: it's very simple. They like, listen, nothing is to be

600
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 1: perfect in business, nothing is going to be perfect in

601
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 1: the marriage. But when you can put forth a unified

602
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 1: front and do what's good for the collective good of

603
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:10,800
Speaker 1: the entire business the same way you do it for

604
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 1: your family, that's someone I want to work with. And

605
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 1: I'm just like, wow, So marriage is really a practice

606
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 1: for being a good business partner. Because how many times

607
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 1: have we said that marriage marriage is a business. Lots

608
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:28,320
Speaker 1: of similarities there, and I want people to under like

609
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 1: to understand when we because this podcast, I want people

610
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 1: to have a takeaway because there's so many married couples

611
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 1: who say, I love my husband, I love my wife,

612
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:39,800
Speaker 1: but we just don't have time with the kids, and

613
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 1: we don't have time because we both work and no,

614
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: no, no no, no no, And I say, and they always

615
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 1: say to me, we're thinking about starting a business so

616
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 1: that we can have more time. But then they can't

617
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:52,920
Speaker 1: find a business to start, or they don't know even

618
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:55,480
Speaker 1: know how to start looking or how to start a

619
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 1: business with each other. I would say, you have to

620
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 1: think legacy first. You have to think about what is

621
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 1: going to require what what business has a low barrier

622
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:10,319
Speaker 1: of entry? And a low barrier barrier of entry right

623
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,160
Speaker 1: means that you know, how much is it gonna cost

624
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 1: for me to get into this business? How difficult is

625
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 1: it going to get for me to penetrate this market.

626
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,120
Speaker 1: So when you look at the barrier of entry, it's

627
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 1: like m say, for example, I want to get into marijuana.

628
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 1: There that's a high barrier of entry because you have

629
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 1: to have at least seven figures to UM get a license.

630
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 1: You have to have someone with political capital, and then

631
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 1: you also have to have someone with I think it's

632
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 1: social social equity, so you have to have someone that's

633
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:45,440
Speaker 1: related to you, has to have already done time in

634
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 1: the federal penitentiary for UM a marijuana based crime. Because

635
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:51,680
Speaker 1: what they're doing first is they're giving those people an

636
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 1: opportunity to reap the benefits from marijuana now that it's legal,

637
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 1: after having done time. So that and I just use

638
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 1: it as an example of all of the barriers that

639
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 1: may stop you from getting into an industry if you

640
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 1: don't know. So you can't just wake up and just say, oh,

641
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:08,759
Speaker 1: I want to just get into the marijuana business. You

642
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 1: have to research. See where there's a deficit. I feel

643
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 1: like by now we should have been able to get

644
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 1: into something with the baby relations and baby products because

645
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 1: we have so many damn kids. I'm like, ship, we

646
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 1: should have started some business inventors when I go with

647
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:24,919
Speaker 1: every sorry this is so totally sidebar, but with every

648
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 1: damn baby that we have, there's something new out there.

649
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 1: De Vo's new favorite is which product? Which one? What's

650
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:33,920
Speaker 1: your favorite product with the CODA that we didn't have

651
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:37,760
Speaker 1: with other Oh the nasal spray. Well, that's my favorite

652
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:41,879
Speaker 1: car seat. Oh that car seat is fired because it's

653
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:43,839
Speaker 1: just a car seat that when you pull it out,

654
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:45,840
Speaker 1: you hit a button and the wheels fly out and

655
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 1: it's a strolling so I never have to transfer from

656
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:51,920
Speaker 1: the car seat to the stroller and then the folds

657
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:53,279
Speaker 1: up and put it in the trunk. I don't gotta

658
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,360
Speaker 1: do that anymore. There's no base bumble and bumble with

659
00:35:55,400 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 1: a double. But you know what's funny, that's that's a

660
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:04,400
Speaker 1: great segue. If you, as a married couple, look at

661
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:06,799
Speaker 1: your life right and you say to yourself, what could

662
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 1: make my life better? That's a business you might want

663
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 1: to look into getting into. See because you know, it's

664
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 1: something that it's something that you know you need, which

665
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 1: means if something you need, there's a great chance that

666
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:22,880
Speaker 1: a lot of people needed And if you haven't found

667
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,799
Speaker 1: anything in the market that can help you with it,

668
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,520
Speaker 1: maybe that should be a business you can create. And

669
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 1: in order to be it's important for people to know

670
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:33,480
Speaker 1: it's in order to be a successful business, you have

671
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:37,600
Speaker 1: to create a product or a service that's in high demand. Right,

672
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,759
Speaker 1: write this down right. It doesn't matter if you're doing

673
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:44,359
Speaker 1: a business by yourself or with your spouse, but if

674
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 1: you're creating a business, it has to be in high demand.

675
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,720
Speaker 1: And I don't mean high demand amongst you and your friends,

676
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:55,879
Speaker 1: I mean high demand amongst the world out there at

677
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:58,720
Speaker 1: some point to see who exactly would be interested? Yes,

678
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 1: just be out here creating ship and then starting business

679
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:07,000
Speaker 1: is all really knew, who's gonna want that? Anyway? Who's

680
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:09,239
Speaker 1: going and people people do that. People just say I'm

681
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,959
Speaker 1: gonna start this business, and it's like, why I'm gonna

682
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 1: make a sport business? Why are you making a sport business?

683
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:20,680
Speaker 1: I like sports, and I don't see a lot of sports.

684
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 1: You know, I don't see a lot of sports because

685
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:23,839
Speaker 1: you don't only need in the world. I like sports.

686
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:27,120
Speaker 1: Nobody else eats with sports after six years old. Okay,

687
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:30,279
Speaker 1: do not start a sports actually really cool. They're the

688
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,880
Speaker 1: best for fruit cups because you can kind of stick it,

689
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,600
Speaker 1: you know what. I think about sports, But I think

690
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 1: about the sports fights we used to have in the

691
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 1: cafeteria where you bend the tip of the sports cause

692
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:42,439
Speaker 1: and then you snap it and you try to break

693
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 1: the other person's sports all that was a big deal

694
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 1: for about four You create this in the strong sports.

695
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:55,600
Speaker 1: But we're getting off topic here, but I think it's

696
00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:58,319
Speaker 1: important for people to realize that starting a business with

697
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 1: your spouse is imperative if you want to build a

698
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,800
Speaker 1: legacy for your family, because you're you're if you just work.

699
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,680
Speaker 1: This is the truth. The American dream is not about

700
00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:14,479
Speaker 1: working until you're sixty five and retiring. The American dream

701
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 1: has always been about ownership. Right. So the only way

702
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,719
Speaker 1: you can really pass something down to your children so

703
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 1: that they don't get stuck in the same cycle that

704
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:27,960
Speaker 1: you live in is if you own your business. Right.

705
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:33,399
Speaker 1: There's a difference between owning a business and just being

706
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:37,640
Speaker 1: a quote unquote an entrepreneur. Right, Like, for example, Codeine

707
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:43,879
Speaker 1: worked at mac and she was makeup artist. And you're

708
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,480
Speaker 1: a makeup artist, a freelance makeup artist. You're an entrepreneur.

709
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,120
Speaker 1: But if you didn't own Color and Contour by K

710
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:53,360
Speaker 1: and create your own program and create your own products,

711
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 1: you wouldn't have owned that business. The business would have

712
00:38:56,120 --> 00:38:59,840
Speaker 1: died when you died. Same thing with Prototype. Right. I

713
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:02,840
Speaker 1: created Prototype and I was training. I was an entrepreneur,

714
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 1: but I didn't have access to my own time because

715
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:08,640
Speaker 1: I had to train people on their time, which means

716
00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 1: ultimately I didn't have an employee, but I had clients.

717
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:17,279
Speaker 1: I can't pass that business down to my kids if

718
00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 1: I don't create a business around training. See a business

719
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 1: structure building, And this is where I want to, you know,

720
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:28,239
Speaker 1: take us to the next part before we start to

721
00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 1: wrap up. But owning and creating a business with your

722
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 1: partner is not just creating something where you just make

723
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 1: your own money. It's creating something that's transferable between the

724
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 1: two and then your kids if something were to happen

725
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 1: to you. And you have to understand how important that is,

726
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,359
Speaker 1: because I could be a great trainer and I could

727
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:51,960
Speaker 1: make seven figures training people, and it's my own business. Right,

728
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 1: But if I'm building a business with my partner, and

729
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:57,280
Speaker 1: my partner doesn't train people, and I don't duplicate myself,

730
00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 1: and I don't have other trainers to train. If I

731
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 1: don't get a ant mortar spot and create a gym

732
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 1: or something, if I die, the business dies with me.

733
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:08,319
Speaker 1: And I think it's important for people to understand that

734
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 1: what businesses is that if you really want to be

735
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 1: a business person, you have to own it. You have

736
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:14,680
Speaker 1: to own the licensing, you have to own the building,

737
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 1: you have to own the programs, and it has to

738
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:20,560
Speaker 1: be transferable between you and your partner and then your children.

739
00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 1: That is a part of business that people don't understand

740
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 1: because I do have a lot of a lot of men,

741
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:27,600
Speaker 1: but your own my own business. Men. I'm an entrepreneur,

742
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:29,440
Speaker 1: I'm a trainer, I have my own time. And I

743
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 1: said that do you really own your business? Hm? And

744
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:34,840
Speaker 1: they say, well, what do you mean? I said, well,

745
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:38,960
Speaker 1: you're bragging about not having an employee because you train

746
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 1: in the park. But if you're clients has to meet

747
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 1: at a different time, you're you're stuck, right, you have

748
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,680
Speaker 1: to do something. If it rains outside, where are you

749
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 1: gonna train? And then they're just like, I didn't think

750
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:54,959
Speaker 1: about that. I said, do you so, do you really

751
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:59,040
Speaker 1: own your business? Do you really own your time? And

752
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: owning your business? And one in your time is also

753
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 1: about the the the time value of money. And I

754
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:12,279
Speaker 1: have to uh, I have to attribute this to my

755
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 1: one of my best friends, blow Right Balau, worked at

756
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,160
Speaker 1: black Rock for years, which is the number one financial

757
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 1: firm in the world, and he makes a lot of money.

758
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 1: And he was just like development, I'm you know, I

759
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:28,040
Speaker 1: got to do something else. And I was like, I

760
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:31,000
Speaker 1: was like, broa you make And this was before anything

761
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 1: ever took off for us. And I was like, you

762
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:35,160
Speaker 1: make over half a million dollars a year. What are

763
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:36,319
Speaker 1: you talking about? And he said, but you know how

764
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,279
Speaker 1: much time I put into this work. I don't go

765
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:41,200
Speaker 1: to sleep until late and I have to wake up early.

766
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 1: So what's the time value? Like, what's what's the time value?

767
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 1: And I was like, what do you mean? He says,

768
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:47,799
Speaker 1: I may make a lot of money, but if it

769
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:49,359
Speaker 1: takes me a lot of hours to make a lot

770
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 1: of money, it is it? Thank you? Is it worth it?

771
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 1: So he was like, what you have to do is

772
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:56,840
Speaker 1: figure out how many hours you want to work in

773
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 1: a day. And this is going to bring us to

774
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,040
Speaker 1: working with your partner. When you figure out how many

775
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,200
Speaker 1: hours you want to work in the day, how much

776
00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:06,759
Speaker 1: money do you want to make during those hours? So

777
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:08,840
Speaker 1: what is the value of the hour you want to

778
00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:10,879
Speaker 1: put in the day? Is the value of the hour

779
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 1: you want to put in the day fifty an hour,

780
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:15,400
Speaker 1: which may be good for some people, or is it

781
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,319
Speaker 1: five hundred dollars an hour? Because the more value you

782
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:20,399
Speaker 1: put on each hour and the more money you can

783
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 1: make during that amount of time, the more money you

784
00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 1: can make in less amount of time, ultimately giving you

785
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:30,400
Speaker 1: autonomy over the time you don't want to work. And

786
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 1: that's when they started to hit me when it came

787
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,520
Speaker 1: to training. And I'm gonna tell you how Codeine and

788
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 1: I apply this very principle to our businesses. I think

789
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,840
Speaker 1: we were applying it not knowing that we were applying

790
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 1: it at this time, Right is now that I think about,

791
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, wait, this was after we had this. I'm

792
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:46,799
Speaker 1: gonna tell you how you applied it and didn't even

793
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:49,319
Speaker 1: realize it. Codeine was doing makeup and I'm gonna give

794
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 1: you round numbers. Right, she was doing makeup, she was

795
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 1: doing brides and bridemaids, bridesmaids, and she was just like, Okay,

796
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:58,880
Speaker 1: it may take me an hour to do a bride.

797
00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:01,480
Speaker 1: It may take me already minutes to do a bride's maid.

798
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: What I can do is I can charge the bride'smaids

799
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:09,279
Speaker 1: a certain amount fifty dollars per face, and I can

800
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:11,879
Speaker 1: charge the bride a hundred dollar. I'm using point. You know,

801
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:15,960
Speaker 1: don't make artist to charge. Yeah, don't don't, but I'm

802
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:19,359
Speaker 1: just doing it for them to understand. So you have

803
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:23,160
Speaker 1: ten bridesmaids at fifty five hundred dollars and then you

804
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 1: have your bride us a hundred dollars. That's an extra

805
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:28,879
Speaker 1: hundred dollars. That's six hundred dollars you made, right. So

806
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:32,920
Speaker 1: now it may take you five to seven hours to

807
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,280
Speaker 1: do all of that and you can't do another wedding

808
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:39,320
Speaker 1: in that day. Or you can teach your sister Sakari

809
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:43,560
Speaker 1: how to do makeup, and she took the bride'smaids using

810
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 1: your program and your style so that they got the

811
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:50,640
Speaker 1: same person doing their face, duplicating yourself, duplicating yourself. And

812
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 1: then you paid Sakari her portion for that hour so

813
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,080
Speaker 1: that you can get it done faster and then take

814
00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:59,360
Speaker 1: another wedding. This way, you duplicated the amount of money

815
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:01,640
Speaker 1: you can make in one day, which means you made

816
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 1: more money in that hour by duplicating yourself and did

817
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 1: less work. And that's how you build a business because

818
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 1: now the business is not dedicated or predicated on just

819
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 1: your talent. It's on your mind. The real talent is

820
00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 1: in your mind. And if you can teach people how

821
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 1: to do what you do and learn to relinquish that

822
00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 1: power to them, you can duplicate the business. Yeah, because

823
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:25,880
Speaker 1: a lot of times it doesn't see you think that

824
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,520
Speaker 1: it's a money grab, Like let me see how many

825
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:30,560
Speaker 1: you know things I could do in a certain amount

826
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:32,319
Speaker 1: of time where it's a day I'm gonna run here,

827
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 1: I'm gonna run the inn, and you run yourself ragged.

828
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:38,399
Speaker 1: Not putting together a business structure or a model can

829
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,440
Speaker 1: help you to be more efficient, have more time. It

830
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 1: may cost you a little bit to investment. Yeah, that's

831
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 1: the investment which you're paying out, but in the return

832
00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:49,799
Speaker 1: is larger because you can take on more. And it's

833
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,759
Speaker 1: important that you if you have a business partner right,

834
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 1: Codeine was able to invest in her sister and the

835
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:58,960
Speaker 1: first couple weddings probably didn't make as much money as

836
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:00,440
Speaker 1: she would have and she's done it by so. But

837
00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 1: when you have a business partner who has another stream

838
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,239
Speaker 1: of revenue coming in, you're not so focused on the

839
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:09,400
Speaker 1: money grab You're letting the business build. Because the greatest

840
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 1: asset to a business is not marketing that you put

841
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:15,719
Speaker 1: on the internet or commercials. It's word of mouth. It

842
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 1: is the great experience that people have to each and

843
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 1: every time. You have to provide a service that people

844
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 1: are willing to talk about and share with other people.

845
00:45:25,239 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 1: And if you do that, your business is going to grow.

846
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 1: But it's difficult to do that if you're trying to

847
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:33,360
Speaker 1: do the business by yourself, because now you have to

848
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:36,839
Speaker 1: worry about every single dollar. One thing I will say

849
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:40,440
Speaker 1: about business is the more time you put into building

850
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 1: the business is better than the energy you put into

851
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:51,040
Speaker 1: making money. It's the more time you put into building

852
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:53,399
Speaker 1: the business is more important than the energy you put

853
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:56,400
Speaker 1: into just making the money. When you have a partner

854
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,759
Speaker 1: who's also making money and can provide on the back

855
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 1: end while you build a business, it allows the business

856
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 1: to grow. Coadine was working at MAC and had all

857
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:06,880
Speaker 1: of the finances covered if we needed her to cover them.

858
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 1: While I was building Prototype. The first year and a

859
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 1: half of Prototype, I made no money, but I invested

860
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:15,239
Speaker 1: tens of thousands dollars and buying laptops from my brother

861
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:17,360
Speaker 1: and I to be able to get everything together, building

862
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:20,640
Speaker 1: the program, taking clients for free, so that I at

863
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:23,520
Speaker 1: least have a baseline to show people this is what

864
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:25,840
Speaker 1: my work is. And I wouldn't have been able to

865
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:27,840
Speaker 1: do that if I didn't have a partner who was

866
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 1: bringing in revenue on the other side. So I had

867
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:33,160
Speaker 1: the comfort to take a chance on that absolutely tagging

868
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:35,360
Speaker 1: each other in. And I think that it's important for

869
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:37,120
Speaker 1: people to know that when you have a spouse and

870
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:40,280
Speaker 1: you can put these these little bits and pieces together

871
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:44,840
Speaker 1: and continue to work and and bounce ideas off, but

872
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,920
Speaker 1: most importantly encourage each other. That's how you get a

873
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:51,840
Speaker 1: business to grow. But make no but, but make sure

874
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:55,080
Speaker 1: if you're ever building a business, especially with a spouse,

875
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 1: make sure that the business is transferable so that if

876
00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:01,759
Speaker 1: something happens to you or your spouse, the business can

877
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:04,080
Speaker 1: continue to go on. You know, we just talked about

878
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 1: Dr Grossman, our dentist just recently passed away. Rest in peace,

879
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:11,000
Speaker 1: Dr Grossman. But he created a great business model to

880
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:13,360
Speaker 1: where his brother was able to step in and the

881
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:16,319
Speaker 1: business is able to thrive still under his brother because

882
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 1: he didn't make the business about about him exactly. Love

883
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:23,319
Speaker 1: that tips for success real quick before we get into

884
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:25,800
Speaker 1: these listener letters. When it comes to working or building

885
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:27,800
Speaker 1: a business with your SMU, not just working but building

886
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:31,319
Speaker 1: a business um, money is a large reason a lot

887
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 1: of people divorce, y'all, So having an emergency fund in

888
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:37,360
Speaker 1: places necessary if cash flow tends to be one of

889
00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:40,359
Speaker 1: the number one challenges for new businesses, right. I agree

890
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 1: with that, And don't be afraid to invest in your

891
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:44,799
Speaker 1: partner if you believe in their dream and idea. I've

892
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 1: invested in Codein. Codina has invested in me. And investment

893
00:47:48,680 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 1: doesn't always mean money. You can invest time into a

894
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:54,400
Speaker 1: business to help. Investing time means when I'm going to

895
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 1: do it administ If I'm going to do a program

896
00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 1: and Codeine sits there and does all the administrative work

897
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:02,680
Speaker 1: from the parents while I'm doing tours. She didn't give

898
00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 1: me any money, but she invested time and she did

899
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:06,560
Speaker 1: it for free, so I didn't have to pay her

900
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 1: as an employee. Keeping it in that so there are

901
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:11,640
Speaker 1: ways to help invest in your partner's business without giving

902
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 1: money given exactly. Also, be clear about your strengths and weaknesses.

903
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 1: Always be very clear about your strengths and weaknesses and

904
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:20,719
Speaker 1: how you'll manage them Between the two of you. The

905
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:23,919
Speaker 1: temptation is to struggle, is to juggle as many hats

906
00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:26,160
Speaker 1: as possible in the beginning. But if you both believe

907
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:28,239
Speaker 1: that there are roles that you can't handle, you need

908
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,719
Speaker 1: to seek help, which I like to always defer if

909
00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:33,399
Speaker 1: I have to, because the last thing you both want

910
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:35,120
Speaker 1: to do is be burnt out, especially in the start

911
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 1: up stage. This is something I will say that I've

912
00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:40,640
Speaker 1: learned extremely early in starting my business is right relinquished

913
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:44,560
Speaker 1: power to those who are better than you at doing

914
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,759
Speaker 1: what you don't want to do or know how to,

915
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:51,440
Speaker 1: because you know how I am a control free When

916
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 1: I first started, I'll do administration, I'll create the pamphlet,

917
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 1: I'll create the programs, I'll train the kids. And then

918
00:48:57,040 --> 00:49:00,480
Speaker 1: after about thirty days I was burnt out. Cadeen was

919
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:02,080
Speaker 1: just like, dude, you're not gonna be able to continue

920
00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 1: like this, And having a partner pointing out to me

921
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 1: and say the vow you're terrible at administrative work, why

922
00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:12,440
Speaker 1: are you standing up there trying to collect names and

923
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:15,359
Speaker 1: addresses from people? Let somebody else do that? And you

924
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 1: need a different perspective to tell you sometimes that you're

925
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:21,600
Speaker 1: not good at this, so you don't be afraid to

926
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:25,279
Speaker 1: relinquish power to those who are better at You're doing

927
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,320
Speaker 1: things that can help make your business grow, for sure.

928
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:29,880
Speaker 1: And if you're not good at something, please also know

929
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:33,799
Speaker 1: to observe and compliment each other very three because appreciation

930
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:36,920
Speaker 1: goes a long way with your spouse. Okay, it's an

931
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:39,680
Speaker 1: excellent way to just show that you care, you observe,

932
00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:43,200
Speaker 1: you see. Um. It's a great strengthen your working relationship

933
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:46,280
Speaker 1: and allow you both to shine individually within the business union,

934
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:49,040
Speaker 1: especially once your team starts to expand do you want

935
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:51,120
Speaker 1: to explain your team yet? But remember that the root

936
00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:53,400
Speaker 1: of it is you, guys. So I have to say this.

937
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:58,279
Speaker 1: That is important because spouses typically just say, well, that's

938
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 1: my wife, she's supposed to be doing that. The wives

939
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 1: never get to thank you, or the husbands who want

940
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 1: to backend working on things never get to thank you.

941
00:50:04,680 --> 00:50:07,440
Speaker 1: You know, the spouse typically thanks everyone else who is

942
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:10,200
Speaker 1: not in their relationship because they feel like they don't

943
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:13,640
Speaker 1: have to because they understood thing right. But no, your

944
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:16,480
Speaker 1: spouse don't have to either, So make sure that you

945
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:18,920
Speaker 1: complement your spouse and let them know that they're appreciated

946
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:21,040
Speaker 1: for the work that they're putting in. No one has

947
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:24,120
Speaker 1: to or it has to feel obligated to do these things,

948
00:50:24,120 --> 00:50:27,000
Speaker 1: so always let your spouse know they appreciate it. Ye.

949
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:29,920
Speaker 1: Make sure you both agree on the vision and the

950
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:33,240
Speaker 1: bigger picture being on the same page before even launching

951
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:36,080
Speaker 1: and diving in together. Make sure you both agree that

952
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:38,920
Speaker 1: this is something you guys want. List to your successful

953
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:42,960
Speaker 1: business list. What's your successful business affords the both of

954
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:46,799
Speaker 1: you in the long term. Communicate legacy yep. Communicate if

955
00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:49,000
Speaker 1: you ever start to see things differently, to ensure that

956
00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 1: the business stays on track to achieving whatever the end

957
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:55,680
Speaker 1: gold is. And we talked about all that. Next, work

958
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:58,719
Speaker 1: life balance, making sure that the work life balance is

959
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 1: a priority so you both can always walk into work

960
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 1: with great synergy and walk out of work with great synergy.

961
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:11,160
Speaker 1: Because we hadn't had a lot of those moments where

962
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:14,800
Speaker 1: business has taken over and I had to say, Okay,

963
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:17,319
Speaker 1: I need to devout my business partner to clock out,

964
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 1: and I need my husband to clock and leave it

965
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:21,799
Speaker 1: at this doorstep here because we're not talking about it

966
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:23,520
Speaker 1: no more for the rest of the night. We talked

967
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 1: about this before. I'm just gonna say it again. There

968
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:29,360
Speaker 1: are gonna be times in your business and your marriage

969
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:32,960
Speaker 1: where you're not going to agree, understand and learn what

970
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:37,759
Speaker 1: your partner's processes, and respect that you chose someone that's

971
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 1: going to be able to deliver through their own process.

972
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:43,359
Speaker 1: If you're trying to micromanage them to do things through

973
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:46,520
Speaker 1: your process, you're going to do yourself and your partner

974
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 1: a disservice. If you love them for their process, let

975
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:53,640
Speaker 1: them use their process to help you. For sure, celebrate

976
00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:55,799
Speaker 1: all of your goals and successes together and be sure

977
00:51:55,840 --> 00:51:58,040
Speaker 1: to try to keep the mood light and humorous. You know,

978
00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:00,279
Speaker 1: if you're building a business with your best friend, yes,

979
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:05,200
Speaker 1: you know, doing it in the processes and this is

980
00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:07,480
Speaker 1: this is something I say that we do not just

981
00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:12,479
Speaker 1: with us, because now building our business has become something

982
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 1: we do with all of our friends. Yeah, it's just

983
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 1: a podcast, flies in Josh, Matt, Dave, They're all here

984
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:24,720
Speaker 1: and we try to make sure everything is light because

985
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:27,960
Speaker 1: you don't want people to come to work and feel heavy.

986
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:29,799
Speaker 1: You know, you don't want them to come to work

987
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:32,560
Speaker 1: and oh god, I gotta deal with this motherfucker. You

988
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:35,040
Speaker 1: want them to enjoy it, you know. And and people

989
00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:39,200
Speaker 1: work harder for you when they know that you're working

990
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:41,520
Speaker 1: with them for the greater good of not just themselves

991
00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:43,799
Speaker 1: in the business, but for everyone. So if you have

992
00:52:43,880 --> 00:52:47,680
Speaker 1: a partner or partners who have their own individual goals,

993
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:51,160
Speaker 1: make sure that you also empower them through their own

994
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 1: goals while helping you get to yours. Don't diminish the

995
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:57,359
Speaker 1: people who are working with you goals to make your

996
00:52:57,360 --> 00:52:59,040
Speaker 1: goal more important so that you can get the most

997
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 1: out of them. That's one thing I also learned when

998
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:04,520
Speaker 1: I was working UH at another location. I'm not going

999
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:07,160
Speaker 1: to say, but when I first started, the owner like

1000
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:11,080
Speaker 1: to diminish everyone else's dreams to make them feel as

1001
00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 1: if they needed to be at his location to have

1002
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 1: a sense of purpose or to be successful. And what

1003
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:18,759
Speaker 1: a lot of people did. Will start to come to

1004
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:20,879
Speaker 1: work and grow resentment because they're like, man, you're right,

1005
00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:22,920
Speaker 1: you're you know, I do need you. You're making all

1006
00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:24,480
Speaker 1: this money, but I don't I don't want to have

1007
00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:27,080
Speaker 1: to always need you. And I was just like, damn,

1008
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:29,640
Speaker 1: why would he make people feel that way? And people

1009
00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 1: do that to their spouse. To know what I'm saying,

1010
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:33,360
Speaker 1: you need me, you want to live this life, you

1011
00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:35,200
Speaker 1: need to do what I say. You know what I'm saying.

1012
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:38,240
Speaker 1: It's like, Yo, why would you make your spouse feel

1013
00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:41,480
Speaker 1: that way and then expect them to come help you

1014
00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:44,120
Speaker 1: build a dream that you claim is for the both

1015
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 1: of you? But constantly remind them like you need this.

1016
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:50,040
Speaker 1: You know you can't. It doesn't work. You know, it's

1017
00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:53,000
Speaker 1: okay to hold them accountable at times if you feel

1018
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 1: like they're slacking, but don't just downplay people's importance to

1019
00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:59,359
Speaker 1: make yourself feel bigger or make them feel like they

1020
00:53:59,400 --> 00:54:01,600
Speaker 1: need to be there next. That is back, They don't

1021
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:04,839
Speaker 1: absolutely because business is something that is definitely optional. It

1022
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be a thing, doesn't have to be

1023
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:10,320
Speaker 1: a thing. But what's not optional it is me getting

1024
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 1: into them listening letters because you know, I will never

1025
00:54:13,239 --> 00:54:16,080
Speaker 1: leave y'all out. I'll never leave y'all behind. So let's

1026
00:54:16,080 --> 00:54:18,959
Speaker 1: take a quick break. I'm gonna go clear my throat.

1027
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:24,400
Speaker 1: These allergies are killing me and be back and getting

1028
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:37,560
Speaker 1: into the listening letters. Stick around, let's get into these

1029
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 1: listening letters. Sure, I'll get in. I feel like my

1030
00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 1: voice is very moody today, isn't it Okay? Hey, getting

1031
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 1: into val. I haven't following you both ever since seeing

1032
00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:50,480
Speaker 1: you on Black Love. Yeah, it's been a minute ago

1033
00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:52,360
Speaker 1: now after years ago with Black Love. Now it was

1034
00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:59,759
Speaker 1: before in six months and we might have and seventeen

1035
00:55:00,719 --> 00:55:04,120
Speaker 1: five years as a matter of fact, yes, wow, because

1036
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:08,359
Speaker 1: you weren't. We filmed it so that I don't think

1037
00:55:08,360 --> 00:55:10,640
Speaker 1: I know I was pregnant either, just I didn't know. Yeah,

1038
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:12,680
Speaker 1: I think we found out right after. Or he might

1039
00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:18,320
Speaker 1: have been because Christening was in April. No, it was

1040
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:20,799
Speaker 1: over this summer and I was like, it was like

1041
00:55:21,239 --> 00:55:24,600
Speaker 1: it was May. So it was May, um Black Levels.

1042
00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:29,000
Speaker 1: Before that, it was March. Yes, five years ago, Oh

1043
00:55:29,080 --> 00:55:33,800
Speaker 1: my goodness, insanity. IV admired and appreciated your relationship for years.

1044
00:55:33,840 --> 00:55:36,600
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. So I'm looking for some advice.

1045
00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:39,239
Speaker 1: I've been with my boyfriend for nine years, yes, nine

1046
00:55:39,239 --> 00:55:42,240
Speaker 1: whole years, no engagement, no marriage. Were in our early thirties.

1047
00:55:42,560 --> 00:55:43,959
Speaker 1: We have a house and a child. But I feel

1048
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:46,319
Speaker 1: like he takes me for granted. He doesn't help with

1049
00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:49,760
Speaker 1: any household chores, paying for groce frees or our daughter's

1050
00:55:49,840 --> 00:55:52,440
Speaker 1: medical bills. He really takes her to and from school,

1051
00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:55,440
Speaker 1: none of that. He's a new full time entrepreneur and

1052
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:58,399
Speaker 1: a mom's boy, so I feel like his priorities are

1053
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:01,360
Speaker 1: to work and his mom. He goes to see his

1054
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:03,360
Speaker 1: mom several times a week and comes home late at

1055
00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:06,520
Speaker 1: night when our daughter and I already sleep. Yes, he's

1056
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:09,239
Speaker 1: really at his mom's house. I've done driving by a

1057
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:14,640
Speaker 1: few times to make sureous. I just feel so unappreciated

1058
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:17,680
Speaker 1: and exhausted. We split the household bills fifty but I

1059
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:20,480
Speaker 1: feel like I'm being overlooked. I think if he was

1060
00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:23,120
Speaker 1: making an effort to take me on dates or planning

1061
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:25,800
Speaker 1: something for us, it made me feel a little bit better.

1062
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:30,080
Speaker 1: I've resorted to retreating to my imagination where I have

1063
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:32,600
Speaker 1: a husband who loves me, and as a result, I've

1064
00:56:32,600 --> 00:56:36,920
Speaker 1: lost attraction to my boyfriend. I guess my question is

1065
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 1: can I get to him? He gotta do better, he

1066
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:43,440
Speaker 1: gotta do bet not so No, No, I don't even

1067
00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 1: want to read no more. I don't heard enough. She said.

1068
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:48,839
Speaker 1: I love y'all, go and pick up on herself. Oh

1069
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:53,680
Speaker 1: she's like ya, you have to pick up yourself then

1070
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:58,600
Speaker 1: sixty nobot I make him take your fippy? All right?

1071
00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:06,920
Speaker 1: About the no um, he got to do better. Bro.

1072
00:57:08,480 --> 00:57:11,480
Speaker 1: If once once you have a lady and she has

1073
00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:14,560
Speaker 1: your children, your mom cannot be first, all right? Do

1074
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:18,040
Speaker 1: they have this debate on Instagram all the time? Who

1075
00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:22,640
Speaker 1: comes first? Your your mom, your wife, or your daughter? Listen,

1076
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:29,960
Speaker 1: the woman who bared your children come first, regardless, regardless,

1077
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,760
Speaker 1: like first of all. These dumb debates don't even make

1078
00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 1: any sense to me. Okay, it's like who will get

1079
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:37,760
Speaker 1: the last piece of chicken at dinner? You know your mom,

1080
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:40,160
Speaker 1: whoever the is hungry, is gonna get the piece of chicken. Right,

1081
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:42,880
Speaker 1: that's number one. But we're talking about, right, we're talking

1082
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:47,440
Speaker 1: about in totality, right, the vast majority of your energy

1083
00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:50,360
Speaker 1: must go to the woman who you are creating a

1084
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:54,320
Speaker 1: life with. Period. Your mom had someone who she was

1085
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:56,919
Speaker 1: creating your life with, and that's your dad. That's where

1086
00:57:56,920 --> 00:57:59,360
Speaker 1: her energy should be. Now that you're a grown ass man,

1087
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:02,600
Speaker 1: them to need to be doing that. And if he

1088
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:05,280
Speaker 1: if your dad's not around, she should be focusing on

1089
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:07,600
Speaker 1: her own happiness and not trying to pull her son

1090
00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:11,520
Speaker 1: away from his responsibilities. And when I say responsibilities, I'm

1091
00:58:11,520 --> 00:58:15,360
Speaker 1: not talking about paying bills. If y'all agreement is to pay,

1092
00:58:15,360 --> 00:58:17,200
Speaker 1: that's fine if that works for you, But he has

1093
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:19,880
Speaker 1: a responsibility to continue to court that woman and be

1094
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:23,880
Speaker 1: a father exact period. Because I would think I would

1095
00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:26,280
Speaker 1: find it strange if one of our boys was sitting

1096
00:58:26,280 --> 00:58:31,000
Speaker 1: at home on my couch. Oh, woman and a child,

1097
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:33,640
Speaker 1: why why are you here? I guess it would raise

1098
00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:35,680
Speaker 1: questions for me to be like, Okay, so is something

1099
00:58:35,680 --> 00:58:38,280
Speaker 1: going on or you guys have a problems, Like that's

1100
00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:41,040
Speaker 1: the bigger issue. So here's the bigger issue. There was

1101
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 1: a reason why he's running back to his mom because

1102
00:58:43,720 --> 00:58:47,280
Speaker 1: if he were getting what he needed at home, he

1103
00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:50,120
Speaker 1: would be at home. And that's for them to figure out,

1104
00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:52,320
Speaker 1: because she did say when I asked him, he says,

1105
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:55,160
Speaker 1: there's no problem. I'm trying to figure out if maybe

1106
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:58,600
Speaker 1: I'm not doing something. Am I missing something manly that

1107
00:58:58,640 --> 00:59:02,320
Speaker 1: he needs me to you to make him feel fulfilled? No, no, no,

1108
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:05,959
Speaker 1: no like this. He has to find fulfillment on his own.

1109
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:08,320
Speaker 1: But the fact that they don't he she doesn't know,

1110
00:59:08,720 --> 00:59:11,800
Speaker 1: and they're not communicating, that's a problem, right, And it's

1111
00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:15,760
Speaker 1: been nine years, nine years of this. So here's here's

1112
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:18,240
Speaker 1: a I don't want to say red flag, but I

1113
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:21,680
Speaker 1: would call it a red flag typically, And I hate

1114
00:59:21,720 --> 00:59:23,680
Speaker 1: doing the whole typically or generally, because you don't want

1115
00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:26,440
Speaker 1: to speak generally about any one situation because everything is

1116
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:30,200
Speaker 1: so different. But typically men have said the reason why

1117
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:34,360
Speaker 1: they haven't proposed yet, or gotten engaged or got married

1118
00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:36,560
Speaker 1: is because they want to make sure they are where

1119
00:59:36,600 --> 00:59:39,400
Speaker 1: they need to be financially to sustain the house. But

1120
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:41,560
Speaker 1: you already have a child and bought a home together,

1121
00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:44,760
Speaker 1: so finances don't seem to be an issue. And with

1122
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:48,240
Speaker 1: that being said, why hasn't he made you his wife yet?

1123
00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:51,200
Speaker 1: And why is he continuing to run home to his mom.

1124
00:59:51,560 --> 00:59:54,040
Speaker 1: These are things that we don't have enough context to create,

1125
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:56,320
Speaker 1: so I'm not going to try to guess, but these

1126
00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:58,400
Speaker 1: are things that she needs to sit him down and

1127
00:59:58,480 --> 01:00:01,520
Speaker 1: have a conversation for about. You know, that would be

1128
01:00:01,520 --> 01:00:04,080
Speaker 1: the best place to start. Don't don't tell me nothing

1129
01:00:04,160 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 1: is wrong when you're not home and you with your mom.

1130
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:08,760
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, she said when she asked him,

1131
01:00:08,760 --> 01:00:10,680
Speaker 1: he doesn't see a problem with anything, So basically, it's

1132
01:00:10,720 --> 01:00:13,560
Speaker 1: her problem to figure out on her own. And and

1133
01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 1: here's the truth. He may feel that way. If she

1134
01:00:16,680 --> 01:00:18,120
Speaker 1: don't want to live that way, you know what she

1135
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:23,160
Speaker 1: can do. Chuck the deuces, Chuck chucking the numb, chuck

1136
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:25,640
Speaker 1: him up right, because it's like, where exactly are things going? Right?

1137
01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:27,040
Speaker 1: You know, you want me to be at home with

1138
01:00:27,080 --> 01:00:28,960
Speaker 1: your child while you go home and be with your mom.

1139
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:32,880
Speaker 1: Like that doesn't make any sense? You know what? He

1140
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:37,360
Speaker 1: he got at a piss complex. You know what that's from.

1141
01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:39,840
Speaker 1: I've read that book. Did you read? Have you ever read? No,

1142
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:43,720
Speaker 1: I've actually never read it, but I'm talking about baby

1143
01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:47,640
Speaker 1: Guns and butter. Yeah. I remember reading that trilogy when

1144
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:52,960
Speaker 1: I was cool. Shout out to Tyres and ving Range, Complax,

1145
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:56,600
Speaker 1: that's not your woman, that's mom woman. And that's what

1146
01:00:56,680 --> 01:00:58,960
Speaker 1: you know what's funny? If his mom is single, right

1147
01:00:59,320 --> 01:01:01,600
Speaker 1: when she get in man, that's when he's gonna be

1148
01:01:01,640 --> 01:01:04,520
Speaker 1: messed up because when that man start coming around and

1149
01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:06,360
Speaker 1: being like, yo, why is your growing ass son here?

1150
01:01:06,960 --> 01:01:08,400
Speaker 1: And then she's gonna be like, I don't know, baby,

1151
01:01:08,400 --> 01:01:13,880
Speaker 1: you gotta go because you know overhead said that's what's

1152
01:01:13,880 --> 01:01:18,080
Speaker 1: gonna happen. Trust, all right, mama, have a conversation with

1153
01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:22,120
Speaker 1: be honest, don't care about his feelings. He should have

1154
01:01:22,120 --> 01:01:23,800
Speaker 1: a conversation with you and be honest and don't care

1155
01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:26,320
Speaker 1: about your feelings, because y'all have to say what's really

1156
01:01:26,320 --> 01:01:28,840
Speaker 1: going on, because it's just not cool to see that,

1157
01:01:29,080 --> 01:01:31,600
Speaker 1: especially for that that young baby not having a dad

1158
01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:35,480
Speaker 1: at home. Number two. Hi to Valin Cadeen. I hope

1159
01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:38,280
Speaker 1: you all and your family are doing well. My husband

1160
01:01:38,280 --> 01:01:40,400
Speaker 1: and I have been together for nine years total, with

1161
01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:42,640
Speaker 1: a loot of nine years going on here, married for

1162
01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:45,760
Speaker 1: two congratulations. We recently turned thirty or another one thirty,

1163
01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:48,920
Speaker 1: been together since the early age, and are looking towards

1164
01:01:48,920 --> 01:01:51,760
Speaker 1: our next steps. The issues we are The issue is

1165
01:01:51,800 --> 01:01:54,640
Speaker 1: we aren't too sure on our next step. Neither of

1166
01:01:54,720 --> 01:01:56,919
Speaker 1: us were certain we wanted children and figured we would

1167
01:01:56,920 --> 01:01:58,840
Speaker 1: be able to make a decision when the time came.

1168
01:01:59,200 --> 01:02:02,160
Speaker 1: All the time has come. The thought of raising children

1169
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:04,880
Speaker 1: in today's society is daunting, to say the least. You're

1170
01:02:04,960 --> 01:02:08,080
Speaker 1: talking to the choir um. We are comfortable financially, we

1171
01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:10,160
Speaker 1: have a really strong relationship, and we have no doubt

1172
01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:12,040
Speaker 1: we would be the best parents for our child. However,

1173
01:02:12,320 --> 01:02:14,480
Speaker 1: we have a huge fear of what will happen outside

1174
01:02:14,480 --> 01:02:18,040
Speaker 1: of our household? Wasn't I just talking about this last night? Um?

1175
01:02:18,080 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 1: I know you can't protect your children from everything, but

1176
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:22,520
Speaker 1: I can't lie. Seeing the world as it is makes

1177
01:02:22,600 --> 01:02:25,160
Speaker 1: me not want to subject a child to it at all.

1178
01:02:26,520 --> 01:02:28,400
Speaker 1: What advice would you give a couple struggling with the

1179
01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:30,760
Speaker 1: decision to start a family. I feel like I need

1180
01:02:30,760 --> 01:02:34,000
Speaker 1: to make a decision because I can, uh, metaphorically, here

1181
01:02:34,080 --> 01:02:37,200
Speaker 1: my clock today. Thanks. And one thing about that clock,

1182
01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:43,240
Speaker 1: it's gonna take. It's gonna take. I would say, it

1183
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:46,200
Speaker 1: seems as if you've had your mind made up based

1184
01:02:46,200 --> 01:02:48,480
Speaker 1: on everything that she said leading up to this, because

1185
01:02:48,920 --> 01:02:51,920
Speaker 1: I have heard more frequently now from a lot of people,

1186
01:02:51,960 --> 01:02:55,120
Speaker 1: men and women, that they are just not interested in

1187
01:02:55,160 --> 01:03:00,000
Speaker 1: having children for this very reason. Um. But my question

1188
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:02,840
Speaker 1: in this, my question is are you going to feel

1189
01:03:02,840 --> 01:03:07,320
Speaker 1: remiss if you didn't have a child at all? You know? Um,

1190
01:03:07,360 --> 01:03:09,680
Speaker 1: that would be where you'd have to start, because I know,

1191
01:03:09,760 --> 01:03:11,840
Speaker 1: for me, for example, the one thing that I knew

1192
01:03:12,280 --> 01:03:15,080
Speaker 1: without of doubt since I was young is that I

1193
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:18,360
Speaker 1: wanted to be a mother and that was just what

1194
01:03:18,440 --> 01:03:20,560
Speaker 1: was going to happen. And I felt like us having

1195
01:03:20,640 --> 01:03:24,320
Speaker 1: children together gives me that fulfillment, and we just do

1196
01:03:24,400 --> 01:03:26,080
Speaker 1: the best that we can on a day to day basis.

1197
01:03:26,440 --> 01:03:29,480
Speaker 1: Before we even get into that, I just want to

1198
01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:32,600
Speaker 1: give people perspective that I heard from my grandmother. Okay,

1199
01:03:32,600 --> 01:03:34,920
Speaker 1: we always want to hear her grandmother to say, Nana,

1200
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:38,880
Speaker 1: probably one of the wisest people, Della May Perry Ellis

1201
01:03:40,120 --> 01:03:42,080
Speaker 1: said to me we were talking about having kids. This

1202
01:03:42,160 --> 01:03:44,000
Speaker 1: was this is when we were getting married, and I

1203
01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:46,400
Speaker 1: said I was nervous about bringing kids into the world

1204
01:03:46,400 --> 01:03:48,480
Speaker 1: because the world is so different and dangerous. And she

1205
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:52,600
Speaker 1: was just like dangerous to who to look, how different

1206
01:03:52,600 --> 01:03:54,360
Speaker 1: the world is now than when you grew up, Nana?

1207
01:03:55,560 --> 01:03:58,400
Speaker 1: And she said, excuse me, but I grew up during

1208
01:03:58,480 --> 01:04:02,360
Speaker 1: Jim Crowe. I grew up during a time when my

1209
01:04:02,680 --> 01:04:06,880
Speaker 1: grandparents were telling us stories of babies were being killed

1210
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:09,200
Speaker 1: at birth because their parents didn't want them to grow

1211
01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:13,320
Speaker 1: up in slavery. Mm hm, So how how dangerous is

1212
01:04:13,360 --> 01:04:22,480
Speaker 1: your world? And I was like touchet because because here

1213
01:04:22,520 --> 01:04:24,760
Speaker 1: in my in my little world, in my perspective, my

1214
01:04:24,880 --> 01:04:27,200
Speaker 1: narrow view of what I thought the world was, it

1215
01:04:27,280 --> 01:04:29,760
Speaker 1: was you know, imagine, you know, getting on the bus

1216
01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:31,760
Speaker 1: and have to worry about kids picking on you or

1217
01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:34,040
Speaker 1: you know you made you know, growing up in Brooklyn,

1218
01:04:34,080 --> 01:04:36,240
Speaker 1: someone made rob your sneakers. And then she said to me,

1219
01:04:36,280 --> 01:04:38,440
Speaker 1: imagine growing up in that same world, and if you

1220
01:04:38,480 --> 01:04:40,360
Speaker 1: look at a white woman, you can be hanging from

1221
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:42,520
Speaker 1: a tree and they'll have a picnic around you and

1222
01:04:42,560 --> 01:04:45,280
Speaker 1: make postcards about it, and can't nobody do anything about it?

1223
01:04:46,680 --> 01:04:48,440
Speaker 1: So it was the world really worse now than it

1224
01:04:48,560 --> 01:04:51,800
Speaker 1: was then? Imagine imagine living during the time when the

1225
01:04:51,960 --> 01:04:56,000
Speaker 1: entire world was at war. Mhm. And I had to

1226
01:04:56,040 --> 01:04:57,800
Speaker 1: really sit back and think about the fact that the

1227
01:04:57,840 --> 01:05:00,760
Speaker 1: world isn't any worse off now all than it was

1228
01:05:00,920 --> 01:05:04,200
Speaker 1: during those times. It's just technology gives us access to

1229
01:05:04,280 --> 01:05:06,440
Speaker 1: all of the funked up things that are happening on

1230
01:05:06,480 --> 01:05:09,560
Speaker 1: a daily basis, But that doesn't mean that those things

1231
01:05:09,640 --> 01:05:12,560
Speaker 1: weren't happening. So if you're going to not have children

1232
01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:14,840
Speaker 1: with the mindset that the world is worse and only

1233
01:05:14,840 --> 01:05:18,680
Speaker 1: going to get more worse, it's a very skewed vision

1234
01:05:18,760 --> 01:05:21,960
Speaker 1: to have. That we're old enough to even understand the

1235
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:24,080
Speaker 1: concept of what's happening in the world is why we

1236
01:05:24,120 --> 01:05:27,240
Speaker 1: feel that way. Thank you, Thank you, because as a

1237
01:05:27,320 --> 01:05:29,520
Speaker 1: kid growing up, you grew up in a messed up world.

1238
01:05:30,120 --> 01:05:33,440
Speaker 1: We we grew up during the eighties and the nineties

1239
01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:36,560
Speaker 1: in in Brooklyn during the Crack epidemic, bed style do

1240
01:05:36,640 --> 01:05:41,240
Speaker 1: a die. It seemed fine to us, right, But now

1241
01:05:41,360 --> 01:05:43,560
Speaker 1: you don't want your kids to grow up in Brooklyn

1242
01:05:43,640 --> 01:05:48,160
Speaker 1: because of of GS nine and and gangs. But we

1243
01:05:48,200 --> 01:05:51,600
Speaker 1: grew up during the Crack epidemic, you know what I'm saying.

1244
01:05:51,640 --> 01:05:54,720
Speaker 1: So it's like, don't don't think that's your view of

1245
01:05:54,760 --> 01:05:58,480
Speaker 1: the world is the only view that makes sense. And

1246
01:05:58,520 --> 01:06:01,440
Speaker 1: don't make decisions about what you want to do in

1247
01:06:01,480 --> 01:06:05,400
Speaker 1: life based on only what you see. Let's talk to people,

1248
01:06:06,160 --> 01:06:07,800
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying before you make a decision

1249
01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:12,760
Speaker 1: about birthing or childbirthing about the world. Really open up

1250
01:06:12,760 --> 01:06:15,720
Speaker 1: your mind. Here's another thing. Don't look at your phone

1251
01:06:16,120 --> 01:06:18,680
Speaker 1: and think that what you see on your Instagram, your Twitter,

1252
01:06:18,840 --> 01:06:22,280
Speaker 1: your Facebook is the real world. This is just the

1253
01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:25,720
Speaker 1: people you chose to follow, and the things you're seeing

1254
01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:30,240
Speaker 1: is something you curated in your mind, your curated version

1255
01:06:30,280 --> 01:06:32,560
Speaker 1: of what the world is. That's not really the world.

1256
01:06:33,520 --> 01:06:35,520
Speaker 1: What you follow or what you look at what you like,

1257
01:06:37,400 --> 01:06:42,160
Speaker 1: So you have no Seriously, if you follow I'm just

1258
01:06:42,160 --> 01:06:45,200
Speaker 1: gonna just gonna give you give an example. Say you

1259
01:06:45,240 --> 01:06:48,840
Speaker 1: follow or you click on stuff that happens with police

1260
01:06:48,840 --> 01:06:54,240
Speaker 1: officers killing young black people, right, and that's what you

1261
01:06:54,320 --> 01:06:59,120
Speaker 1: choose to follow. Right. Every day you wake up, your

1262
01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:01,600
Speaker 1: phone is going to the algorithm is going to send

1263
01:07:01,640 --> 01:07:05,840
Speaker 1: you videos and pictures and reminders that this event or

1264
01:07:05,840 --> 01:07:09,600
Speaker 1: these events are happening. What that will do is then

1265
01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:13,520
Speaker 1: create a fear in your mind that that's going to

1266
01:07:13,600 --> 01:07:16,919
Speaker 1: happen to you or your your kids. It's a self

1267
01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:20,360
Speaker 1: fulfilling prophecy. Right now, I'm not saying to ignore it.

1268
01:07:20,440 --> 01:07:22,600
Speaker 1: You have to be aware that these things are happening.

1269
01:07:23,040 --> 01:07:26,040
Speaker 1: But because of the phone, and because of all of

1270
01:07:26,080 --> 01:07:28,560
Speaker 1: these apps and the fact that they can force feed

1271
01:07:28,600 --> 01:07:31,800
Speaker 1: you information. Seven, when you click on things, or you

1272
01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:34,800
Speaker 1: follow things, or you like things, you're then helping them

1273
01:07:34,880 --> 01:07:38,520
Speaker 1: curate this world and also curating your mind and ideas

1274
01:07:38,560 --> 01:07:42,760
Speaker 1: of what's happening. So how about you click on something motivational,

1275
01:07:42,880 --> 01:07:46,960
Speaker 1: click on something positive, follow people who can expand your

1276
01:07:46,960 --> 01:07:50,080
Speaker 1: mind to think differently as opposed to just this one

1277
01:07:50,240 --> 01:07:53,800
Speaker 1: narrow minded view of the world. Right. And this is

1278
01:07:53,840 --> 01:07:55,800
Speaker 1: where this is how I got this. My grandmother used

1279
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:57,760
Speaker 1: to say to my aunts and my mom. Why do

1280
01:07:57,840 --> 01:07:59,640
Speaker 1: y'all sit up here and just watch the news at

1281
01:07:59,640 --> 01:08:02,560
Speaker 1: five talk every day? The news is only going to

1282
01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:04,560
Speaker 1: show you the worst of the worst of what's going

1283
01:08:04,600 --> 01:08:07,560
Speaker 1: on in the world. They may do a puff piece

1284
01:08:08,080 --> 01:08:10,600
Speaker 1: about puppies at the end, but all you're gonna hear

1285
01:08:10,640 --> 01:08:13,920
Speaker 1: about is death, murder, robbery, And then your mindset is

1286
01:08:13,920 --> 01:08:16,439
Speaker 1: going to be that that's going to happen to because

1287
01:08:16,479 --> 01:08:20,080
Speaker 1: this is all I see. And I was just like, no,

1288
01:08:20,160 --> 01:08:22,880
Speaker 1: Nana is right, Why do I focus so much on

1289
01:08:22,960 --> 01:08:26,719
Speaker 1: the negative when I can utilize my mind to focus

1290
01:08:26,720 --> 01:08:29,880
Speaker 1: on all the positive things that can happen. And if

1291
01:08:29,880 --> 01:08:31,719
Speaker 1: you think of the world like that, you'd be excited

1292
01:08:31,720 --> 01:08:34,240
Speaker 1: about bringing children into the world because then you'll be

1293
01:08:34,280 --> 01:08:37,720
Speaker 1: excited about curating a lifestyle and curating a life for

1294
01:08:37,760 --> 01:08:40,240
Speaker 1: them that they can see the world bigger than you

1295
01:08:40,320 --> 01:08:43,640
Speaker 1: see it. And you can be the adult in that

1296
01:08:43,720 --> 01:08:47,160
Speaker 1: and be responsible because I mean, as adults too, you

1297
01:08:47,200 --> 01:08:49,200
Speaker 1: want to protect your children and shells with them from

1298
01:08:49,200 --> 01:08:51,599
Speaker 1: certain things. So that's why it's your responsibility to then

1299
01:08:52,280 --> 01:08:55,280
Speaker 1: make sure that you are curating is a good word,

1300
01:08:55,640 --> 01:08:58,120
Speaker 1: curating a life for your children, and if that means

1301
01:08:58,200 --> 01:09:00,320
Speaker 1: keeping them sheltered from certain things until you feel like

1302
01:09:00,320 --> 01:09:03,040
Speaker 1: they're old enough to experience it, then so be it.

1303
01:09:03,640 --> 01:09:06,559
Speaker 1: That's exactly why Jackson don't have a TikTok or Instagram.

1304
01:09:06,800 --> 01:09:09,240
Speaker 1: A matter of fact, Triple write this down. The next

1305
01:09:09,280 --> 01:09:12,599
Speaker 1: podcast we're gonna do is gonna be why my pre

1306
01:09:12,680 --> 01:09:17,800
Speaker 1: adolescent teenager or preteen is not getting social media. I'm

1307
01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:20,639
Speaker 1: I want to do a podcast on that because Jackson

1308
01:09:20,680 --> 01:09:23,439
Speaker 1: definitely asked. Jackson asked, and people keep asking why the

1309
01:09:23,479 --> 01:09:25,600
Speaker 1: kids don't have their social media. I want to do

1310
01:09:25,640 --> 01:09:27,719
Speaker 1: a whole podcast on why they're not getting a social

1311
01:09:27,760 --> 01:09:30,200
Speaker 1: media and it's going to be predicated on that, right there,

1312
01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:34,160
Speaker 1: I hear that. All right, y'all, If you want to

1313
01:09:34,160 --> 01:09:36,400
Speaker 1: be featured as a listener letter, be sure to email

1314
01:09:36,439 --> 01:09:39,280
Speaker 1: us at dead s Advice at gmail dot com. That's

1315
01:09:39,360 --> 01:09:41,320
Speaker 1: d E A d A S S A d V

1316
01:09:41,560 --> 01:09:44,680
Speaker 1: I C E at gmail dot com. All right, we

1317
01:09:44,800 --> 01:09:46,679
Speaker 1: keep it really sure for the moment of truth because

1318
01:09:46,720 --> 01:09:48,880
Speaker 1: we spoke a lot about business, We spoke about doing

1319
01:09:48,920 --> 01:09:51,720
Speaker 1: it with your spouse, um, so many things that we

1320
01:09:51,800 --> 01:09:54,160
Speaker 1: covered in today's episode. Do you have a moment of truth? Yeah?

1321
01:09:54,160 --> 01:09:56,640
Speaker 1: I do have a moment. My moment of truth is this.

1322
01:09:57,120 --> 01:09:59,599
Speaker 1: If you're going to establish a business with your spouse,

1323
01:09:59,640 --> 01:10:02,240
Speaker 1: there are out of great advantages. But the main thing

1324
01:10:02,240 --> 01:10:05,320
Speaker 1: I want people to remember is that that that business

1325
01:10:05,640 --> 01:10:09,599
Speaker 1: must be transferable to your spouse and your children. If

1326
01:10:09,600 --> 01:10:12,680
Speaker 1: you're really building something about legacy, If you're trying to

1327
01:10:12,720 --> 01:10:14,720
Speaker 1: build something for yourself and it's going to be all

1328
01:10:14,760 --> 01:10:18,200
Speaker 1: based about you, that business is gonna die when you die.

1329
01:10:19,080 --> 01:10:21,240
Speaker 1: So if you're building a business, build a business with

1330
01:10:21,400 --> 01:10:26,000
Speaker 1: legacy at legacy at its foundation, in its root. Sounds

1331
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:28,519
Speaker 1: good to me, and for me, it's gonna be pretty simple.

1332
01:10:28,600 --> 01:10:32,599
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say, learn when to lean into your

1333
01:10:32,640 --> 01:10:35,679
Speaker 1: partner whenever they have their strengths, and when to defer

1334
01:10:35,760 --> 01:10:40,320
Speaker 1: because it's a weakness. No sense in struggling outsourcing for help.

1335
01:10:40,360 --> 01:10:43,679
Speaker 1: Whenever you need help. It may require you outsourcing because

1336
01:10:43,680 --> 01:10:46,360
Speaker 1: neither of you know something about a particular area of

1337
01:10:46,400 --> 01:10:50,280
Speaker 1: the business. So just leaning on each other when needed. Um,

1338
01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:52,080
Speaker 1: if you can make it a fun experience where you

1339
01:10:52,120 --> 01:10:55,840
Speaker 1: can laugh and you can enjoy the process, that in

1340
01:10:55,960 --> 01:10:58,559
Speaker 1: turn will just help the money to flow and things

1341
01:10:58,600 --> 01:11:03,280
Speaker 1: will flourish. So so first, so good ellis dap me up? Yeah?

1342
01:11:04,120 --> 01:11:07,200
Speaker 1: All right, y'all, please continue to listen, follow us on

1343
01:11:07,280 --> 01:11:10,719
Speaker 1: social media at dead aster podcast and of course I'm continued,

1344
01:11:10,760 --> 01:11:12,439
Speaker 1: I am and I'm devout. And if you're listening on

1345
01:11:12,520 --> 01:11:18,760
Speaker 1: Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe. Dead

1346
01:11:18,800 --> 01:11:21,559
Speaker 1: Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network

1347
01:11:21,600 --> 01:11:24,679
Speaker 1: and is produced by the Noor Opinion and Triple Follow

1348
01:11:24,720 --> 01:11:27,480
Speaker 1: the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcasts

1349
01:11:27,560 --> 01:11:28,479
Speaker 1: and never miss a Thing