Speaker 1: You're real talk on vacation. Kadeen is a completely different person.
Speaker 2: That's the fact, Baby Cybar like your shades those a
Speaker 2: fancy for you.
Speaker 3: I love that. For me, travel is my love language,
Speaker 3: but traveling with you is top tier.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna tell y'all why dead ass.
Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 4: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Speaker 3: Boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Speaker 4: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 4: Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 1: li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth.
Speaker 4: And nothing but the truth. Were about to take philos
Speaker 4: off to our whole new level.
Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you guys a quick story about the
Speaker 1: last vacation we just went on.
Speaker 4: Went on a little.
Speaker 1: I don't know, if you call it a yacht cruise
Speaker 1: or we went yachting off the French Riviera with some friends.
Speaker 3: You can address me as YadA Yana from now on.
Speaker 4: Big YACHDI, big YACHTI, big YACHTI about that yacht.
Speaker 3: Life, Yeah, it's great.
Speaker 4: We went to a bunch of different places.
Speaker 1: We'll get into that, but my favorite place that we
Speaker 1: went to was Kopery.
Speaker 4: And you gotta say it like that.
Speaker 3: You can't be like a pri.
Speaker 4: No, let's say Copley.
Speaker 1: And the reason why is because it's a small little
Speaker 1: island right off the coast of Italy.
Speaker 4: And when we stepped out of.
Speaker 1: We went to like a little little bar. It wasn't
Speaker 1: a bar, it was a band playing. It was very
Speaker 1: it was very island. It reminded me of the islands.
Speaker 1: We go to Caribbean islands all the time. It was
Speaker 1: it was very island dish.
Speaker 2: We had. It had like the local ish, very at
Speaker 2: home vibe.
Speaker 1: Right then, and they had a local band. Local band
Speaker 1: was playing. Everybody was singing and dancing and having a
Speaker 1: good time. But as we walked down and we were
Speaker 1: walking back to the taxis to get back to the yacht,
Speaker 1: we just saw couples everywhere. There were couples just lean
Speaker 1: up against statues making out. There was couples holding hiss
Speaker 1: They were couple literally couples skipping down the streets of company,
Speaker 1: and the moon was huge. It was quiet, but there
Speaker 1: was a light rumble of people just in love.
Speaker 3: There was a nice breeze. It was just like a
Speaker 3: really perfect night.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was.
Speaker 1: It was a great night to just look at the
Speaker 1: person you love and just feel like nobody else existed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and we haven't had a moment like that in a
Speaker 1: long time.
Speaker 3: In a very long time.
Speaker 2: It was giving get me back to the boat so
Speaker 2: we can rock the boat, work the Meddle eight. It
Speaker 2: wasn't even karaoke time yet.
Speaker 5: When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza that.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 4: What's the second version begin?
Speaker 5: When the moon hits your rye like a big pizza.
Speaker 5: Supply that's some more.
Speaker 2: I'm so conflicted because for those of you who are
Speaker 2: not watching right now, your outfit is definitely not giving
Speaker 2: Italy vibes, just giving more of like Kingston, Jamaica tree
Speaker 2: very time trying to.
Speaker 4: My two thousands babies.
Speaker 2: I know what that is, absolutely Loly is giving very
Speaker 2: much shower ranks and the whole crew.
Speaker 4: Yes, it's all right.
Speaker 2: I'll take both, mister, love of that. Oh my god,
Speaker 2: so many people, those my PEOPLESO. I grew up on
Speaker 2: all that, So trust me, I give it. But let's
Speaker 2: go pay some bills because if we don't, I can't
Speaker 2: go on any more trips, and I'm gonna be a
Speaker 2: very very sad girl. Let's do that, and we're gonna
Speaker 2: come back and we're gonna talk more about vacations and
Speaker 2: why they're so so necessary for us.
Speaker 4: All right.
Speaker 1: So now we're back and we're going to move into
Speaker 1: the topic of the show, which is the reason for vacations.
Speaker 4: All right, So let's check this out.
Speaker 1: You know, I know you typically do these stats and
Speaker 1: matter of fact, you go ahead and do the stats
Speaker 1: of facts that put together.
Speaker 2: So pretty much we found some style Tripple found some
Speaker 2: stats about traveling together couples. What that looks like according
Speaker 2: to the US Travel Association eight and ten. So that's
Speaker 2: about seventy nine percent of couples believe that traveling together
Speaker 2: has a positive impact on their relationship. Travel together inspires romance.
Speaker 2: According to seventy two percent among couples that travel together.
Speaker 2: About sixty eight percent say that leisure travel is a
Speaker 2: necessary component of maintaining a healthy relationship. I concur one
Speaker 2: hundred percent more than seven to ten couples who travel together,
Speaker 2: seventy one percent say talking and reconnecting is an important
Speaker 2: reason to spend time alone together while on vacation, and
Speaker 2: couples who travel together report that they are more likely
Speaker 2: to communicate well with their partners than those who do
Speaker 2: not travel together.
Speaker 3: See if you don't, you're doing yourself a deservice, y'all right?
Speaker 2: And couples who travel together are less likely to say
Speaker 2: they wish their partner would do a better job sharing
Speaker 2: his or her feelings.
Speaker 3: So would just look at that.
Speaker 2: Let's discuss the This is what I This is the
Speaker 2: kind of stuff that I google before.
Speaker 3: I'm like, babies, you can't google none.
Speaker 4: That's what you're trying to take credit for. Trouble. She's
Speaker 4: trying to take credit for all the work you put in.
Speaker 3: I don't want to say I didn't say I google this.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, whenever I do think about man, I
Speaker 2: really could use a vacation with devll.
Speaker 3: Let me see how the facts is.
Speaker 4: That's you're looking it's.
Speaker 1: You be on TikTok, look at looking at top ten
Speaker 1: places to go, see where you get tand that's what
Speaker 1: that's what you.
Speaker 2: I do reference my saved, my saved reels and posts
Speaker 2: and stuff, so I can reference those hot spots me.
Speaker 1: On the other hand, I look at expenses, clearly expensive,
Speaker 1: but I also look at places where well, of course
Speaker 1: we also look at places for shopping, because you have
Speaker 1: to shop when you go.
Speaker 4: I don't have to.
Speaker 3: It depends on where it is. I don't have to.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, okay, that's fair, right, No, that's fair. But
Speaker 4: I also look at like food, Oh that's huge.
Speaker 1: I want to be able to do something good, but
Speaker 1: I also want to eat at places that are known
Speaker 1: for having good food. You know, Italy known for having
Speaker 1: great food. The French food is known for being great.
Speaker 4: If you had to choose between Italian food or French.
Speaker 3: Food, hands down, Italian food.
Speaker 4: To agree food, which is crazy.
Speaker 2: I feel like all of these like new found allergies
Speaker 2: of mine.
Speaker 3: I can go to Italy and be like fuck it.
Speaker 2: I probably won't be allergic because the food is so
Speaker 2: fresh and so pure out there that it's given.
Speaker 3: We need to move to Italy at least.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think Italian beef pause is the same as American
Speaker 1: beef beefing good for your blood apparently.
Speaker 4: So to take the wind out of my cell, I'm
Speaker 4: just saying, like.
Speaker 2: I can more. I'm now I'm abandoned banana boat. You
Speaker 2: can be catamaran.
Speaker 4: No, you just got to eat crustaceans.
Speaker 3: But we definitely had that in Italy, for sure.
Speaker 4: It was great.
Speaker 2: Seafood is fresh. You figure you're literally right by the water,
Speaker 2: so everything coming in. Like some days we went to
Speaker 2: restaurants and they were pretty much like, here's what's fresh.
Speaker 2: It's not like, oh, here's the menu. Yeah, of course
Speaker 2: they have the menu, but it's like, what was the
Speaker 2: fresh catch that they just brought in from the short
Speaker 2: It was good.
Speaker 4: But no.
Speaker 1: But seriously, I enjoy the most on vacation the time
Speaker 1: we spend we sit down to actually get a chance
Speaker 1: to talk, because Kadeen and I will be in this
Speaker 1: house every single day and we'll not see each other
Speaker 1: till twelve midnight, right unless we get some dedicated time
Speaker 1: to work out together. It's Kadeen wakes up, she gets
Speaker 1: the kids ready for school. I take the kids to school.
Speaker 1: When we come back, Kadeen got amash to run or
Speaker 1: I got erro shran. Before we know what, the kids
Speaker 1: got to get picked up, Jackson got practiced, this one
Speaker 1: got to go to this event. And then they come
Speaker 1: back home after practice. Practice gets done at eight thirty
Speaker 1: sometimes nine o'clock. We come back home, Kadeen is putting
Speaker 1: the little ones to bed. Then she's getting Jackson's dinner ready.
Speaker 1: I'm helping them with his contacts. Me and jack spend
Speaker 1: some time together. We put them to bed at ten thirty.
Speaker 1: Then if we didn't get our workout in, you and
Speaker 1: not going to gym, we get our workout in and
Speaker 1: before we know what, it's twelve o'clock.
Speaker 2: It's midnight, just in time to do it all over again. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and we are literally, as we said, ship's passing for
Speaker 2: real in the house together and we don't even realize
Speaker 2: that the talking that we do, because at one point
Speaker 2: de Val and I we would get into it because
Speaker 2: he'd be like, bro, like you haven't you barely like
Speaker 2: gave me a kiss.
Speaker 3: In like a couple of days, Like.
Speaker 4: Are you won't even kiss me?
Speaker 2: And he's just like I'd be like, no, I feel
Speaker 2: like every minute you're like I see you, like you
Speaker 2: be here, but we're not.
Speaker 3: We're not connected, right, like actually.
Speaker 2: Connecting with someone, being affectionate, having conversation uninterrupted, Like those
Speaker 2: are things that I was taking for granted because I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: Davalla's here.
Speaker 1: And those are things I need, yeah, for sure, like
Speaker 1: this and this is this is part of like a
Speaker 1: new form of masculinity where when you will you were
Speaker 1: brought up as a man to feel like, don't say
Speaker 1: that you need your your woman.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. Just be why I didn't
Speaker 4: deal with it.
Speaker 1: Nah, bro yep, Nah, I'm man enough to say I
Speaker 1: need my wife's attention at some point, like I need
Speaker 1: a hug, I need some kisses, I need to squeeze
Speaker 1: some booty, and I need to talk about what our
Speaker 1: future is. And when I mean the future, I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about a five year plan all the time. It's like, yo,
Speaker 1: what is our plan for this weekend? Like what is
Speaker 1: our plan for tomorrow? So that we can get on
Speaker 1: the same page. Because when I don't feel like we're
Speaker 1: vibing on the same page or not even in the
Speaker 1: same book.
Speaker 4: I'm not in a good place. Definitely. You know, I'm
Speaker 4: not in a good place, and I'm honest with that.
Speaker 4: I need that.
Speaker 3: No, I love that you're honest with it.
Speaker 2: And I think that these stats are very spot on
Speaker 2: because the positive things that they say come out of
Speaker 2: spending time via a vacation, and a vacation sometimes is
Speaker 2: not feasible for all people, right, so financially may not
Speaker 2: be feasible. You may not have the time to take
Speaker 2: from work, for example, to do something extended, to go abroad.
Speaker 2: Believe it or not, some people, especially as black people,
Speaker 2: don't even have a passport, you know, so vacation can
Speaker 2: look like so many different things to people. We did
Speaker 2: a really nice week out in Italy, but sometimes it
Speaker 2: requires that. I see de Val is kind of losing steam.
Speaker 2: I feel like we need to reconnect or disconnect from
Speaker 2: the world to reconnect, and I'll be quick to book
Speaker 2: a staycation and he'll laugh at me because he was like,
Speaker 2: we have this big house, and you know, we can
Speaker 2: take some time at night just to like as a win, like,
Speaker 2: when are we actually going to take time.
Speaker 3: I'm going to book a.
Speaker 2: Hotel in the city and we're gonna go for dinner
Speaker 2: and we're going to stay a weekend and make it
Speaker 2: a staycation, because it's sometimes impossible, even though the intentions
Speaker 2: are good, it's sometimes impossible to say that we are
Speaker 2: able to get the time that we need and deserve
Speaker 2: from each other being at home, because it's always going
Speaker 2: to be a distraction. So sometimes that vacation or that
Speaker 2: vacation might look like a staycation and it could be
Speaker 2: something as simple as an overnight or two.
Speaker 1: Now, I feel like when you take the vacations as
Speaker 1: well is important. It's not just about taking a vacation,
Speaker 1: it's when right. We learned this summer that everything we
Speaker 1: did on our vacation that we thought was going to
Speaker 1: recharge us for the family vacations just just went away
Speaker 1: as soon as we dove right into family vacation and
Speaker 1: an extended family vacation. One thing we have learned is
Speaker 1: that we should close out our summer with a vacation,
Speaker 1: or do a vacation at the top of the summer,
Speaker 1: and then to do a vacation at the back end
Speaker 1: of the summer once the kids are all settled. Sure,
Speaker 1: because those family vacations have nothing to do with us.
Speaker 1: And we took moments at the end of the night,
Speaker 1: and I tell you, moments thirty minutes were the only
Speaker 1: moments we got when we went downstairs, had a couple drinks,
Speaker 1: put the phones down.
Speaker 4: There was no TV.
Speaker 1: Matter of fact, on vacation for those two and a
Speaker 1: half weeks, we didn't watch We didn't watch television at all. No,
Speaker 1: we were too busy running after the kids and at
Speaker 1: night it was a time to unwind.
Speaker 4: But those were the best moments for me.
Speaker 1: Right, you put your phone down, Right, you look into
Speaker 1: your partner's eyes, you talk about the future. For Kadeen
Speaker 1: and I, having a plan has always been what's brought
Speaker 1: us together.
Speaker 3: Yah.
Speaker 4: Right. I think we talked about this in another.
Speaker 1: Podcast that the first five years of our marriage was
Speaker 1: very difficult because it was stressful. What I didn't realize
Speaker 1: was the first five years of our marriage we didn't
Speaker 1: go on vacations because we was in money saving mode.
Speaker 3: We're in super money saving mode.
Speaker 1: The only staycation we went on was year one of
Speaker 1: our anniversary.
Speaker 4: We went to the Conrad. That's the only.
Speaker 1: Staycation we had in the first five years, Which makes
Speaker 1: sense why we were so like rattled and on edg
Speaker 1: so true.
Speaker 2: It makes so much sense because you know, if you're
Speaker 2: not like to travel together, then chances are you're going
Speaker 2: to have a difficult time sharing feelings or you're not
Speaker 2: going to have time to maintain a healthy relationship. So
Speaker 2: that's actually a prime example of how that affected us.
Speaker 1: But the only thing that kind of kept us going
Speaker 1: was that we had a plan, and we had a
Speaker 1: common interest. We had Jackson, and we had both made
Speaker 1: a decision and we were like, listen, we don't like
Speaker 1: each other right now, but I love Jackson so much
Speaker 1: and I love you so much, and I'm not leaving.
Speaker 4: And you were like, yeah, I love jack so much
Speaker 4: and I love you. I'm not lying.
Speaker 3: I think that was the only common thing.
Speaker 4: That the only common thing at that time.
Speaker 1: We were twenty seven years old trying to figure out
Speaker 1: what this marriage thing was, and we was both like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm not leaving, and I was like, well, I love
Speaker 1: you so much, I'm not going to ask you to leave.
Speaker 4: And we figured it out.
Speaker 1: But it was in the moments where we sat down
Speaker 1: and was still and didn't let the world get involved
Speaker 1: everything else, and we could look at each other and say,
Speaker 1: this is the person I fell in love with kind
Speaker 1: of brought us back and to be honest, if you
Speaker 1: don't have vacations throughout the year. Because Kadein and I
Speaker 1: have talked about this, We said every quarter we were
Speaker 1: going to go somewhere. That's that was the plan.
Speaker 3: That was the plan.
Speaker 1: And when work started to pick up and TV started
Speaker 1: to pick up, and then we have more kids, that
Speaker 1: every quarter turned into every year, right, you know, And.
Speaker 2: Sometimes we wouldn't even be able to make it for
Speaker 2: our anniversary because our uri for the past couple of
Speaker 2: years we were at essence Fest. You know. Essence Fest
Speaker 2: is always that first weekend in July, and to me,
Speaker 2: I'm always like, well, it's irresponsible to leave behind a
Speaker 2: potential opportunity to make money for our family to just
Speaker 2: go on vacation, you know. And then after essence Fest,
Speaker 2: we'd just be so tired that we're like, damn, we've
Speaker 2: been away from the kids for five days. Is it
Speaker 2: now selfish of us to then now extend that and
Speaker 2: go away for a week together from essence Fest. And
Speaker 2: then we'd fall into that guilty parent mode of saying,
Speaker 2: you know what, will be all right, We'll just wait
Speaker 2: until and then whenever the next you know, milestone moment
Speaker 2: was and then there was always something else that popped up.
Speaker 2: So we started to or at least I started to
Speaker 2: make sure that we prioritized the time together and the
Speaker 2: time away. And Devalo said to me point blank on
Speaker 2: our last family trip that he just wanted to see
Speaker 2: me do things that were deliberate for him, and that
Speaker 2: was almost like it pretty much was an argument that
Speaker 2: evolved into just a conversation about just doing things deliberate
Speaker 2: for him, and I told him that moving forward, I'm
Speaker 2: no longer going to sacrifice that because you know, it's
Speaker 2: easy to plan a trip knowing, okay, these are the
Speaker 2: things that I like and want to do and just
Speaker 2: have him come along. But it's different when I really
Speaker 2: try to curate a place that can have experiences for
Speaker 2: both of us to enjoy. Like one of the questions
Speaker 2: Tribble has here is since our first vacation as a couple, however,
Speaker 2: our trips and traveling personalities evolved, and for me, I
Speaker 2: used to just look at it as any opportunity to
Speaker 2: get on some sand, get in the beach, you know,
Speaker 2: or get by a pool side so I can lay
Speaker 2: out and just tan all day. Trying to drag de
Speaker 2: Val out early mornings to sit in the sun to bake,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, that's not fun for him either, So
Speaker 2: vacations aren't fun when it's lopsided and we're only thinking
Speaker 2: about what one person's interests are and not the other.
Speaker 1: I just want to point out how much we've evolved. Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: even even on this podcast. If people listen to season one, yeah,
Speaker 1: season two, this podcast, it was a lot of us
Speaker 1: telling the other person what we needed.
Speaker 3: Therapy, y'all.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: We joke about it in the show opening that we
Speaker 2: get on each other as a form of therapy. In
Speaker 2: this podcast, Yeah, but it literally like you guys have
Speaker 2: literally walked through and sat through therapy sessions where we've
Speaker 2: talked things out together. And I guess kind of indirectly,
Speaker 2: Triple has been our therapist because of the questions and
Speaker 2: the facts and the stats that she provides. You know,
Speaker 2: that gives us kind of like a map or a
Speaker 2: blueprint to speak and have these conversations openly.
Speaker 1: Well no, but but I remember us talking about a
Speaker 1: vacation on like season three, and it was a funny
Speaker 1: debate about what you need and require on a vacation
Speaker 1: and what I need and require on a vacation and
Speaker 1: I even did a video about it after Essence Fest
Speaker 1: when I was just like, listen, I'm gonna do I'll
Speaker 1: do whatever you want to do during the day as
Speaker 1: long as that night you busting it wide open, right,
Speaker 1: And that's.
Speaker 4: That's where it was.
Speaker 1: You We was like, well, I want to ten, I
Speaker 1: want to get up early, and I was like, fine,
Speaker 1: I'll do all of that just so that when you
Speaker 1: get back to the room, we can do what I
Speaker 1: want to do. And now it's evolved to you telling
Speaker 1: you saying I know that a DEVO doesn't like this,
Speaker 1: so on vacation, I will curate the experience around the
Speaker 1: fact that I know that these are things going to
Speaker 1: make him happy. And now I'm talking about, well, I
Speaker 1: know you need this, Like that's just the evolution. And
Speaker 1: you get there too by vacations, right by knowing what
Speaker 1: your partner likes and what they don't like. And at
Speaker 1: first you start with, well, I'm going to do things
Speaker 1: this way because it's what I need. Vacation is also
Speaker 1: a vacation for me, so I'm going to get what
Speaker 1: I get. But now it's evolved into this vacation is
Speaker 1: for her or this vacation is for him.
Speaker 4: Let me curate this experience for her.
Speaker 1: And when you have two people, let me curate this
Speaker 1: experience for him thinking about the other person. You both
Speaker 1: get what you want for sure, and it happens selflessly.
Speaker 1: And that's when you can fall into someone when you
Speaker 1: go into a vacation and thinking, on this vacation, I'm
Speaker 1: going to make sure my partner gets everything they want.
Speaker 1: And I think that's that's like the subtlety of maturity,
Speaker 1: you know, of realizing that everything ain't about me all
Speaker 1: the time. But you only become mature if you actually
Speaker 1: sit down with someone on a vacation and listen to
Speaker 1: what they're saying.
Speaker 2: No, absolutely, you know what I'm saying, one hundred percent
Speaker 2: agree with you. And it's funny. I had a friend
Speaker 2: recently let me know that, you know, her and her
Speaker 2: husband were kind of at odds, and it was seemed
Speaker 2: after speaking to her that it was just more of
Speaker 2: her like a desperation to just spend time with him.
Speaker 2: And she said that they have tried in a certain moments,
Speaker 2: you know, to have someone come and watch the kids
Speaker 2: and go for dinner, and like that just wasn't enough
Speaker 2: for her. You know, and I think when you're in
Speaker 2: a relationship and you feel like there's a deficit, you know,
Speaker 2: feeling comfortable to be able to say, baby, you know what,
Speaker 2: I think I need this.
Speaker 3: Let me find a way to make it happen.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: It's so it's so much more beneficial because a lot
Speaker 2: lot of times the other in the group or in
Speaker 2: the part in the in the duo may not even
Speaker 2: see it. You know. For example, there were so many
Speaker 2: times that your head was down and you were just working,
Speaker 2: and you were working, and you were working and you
Speaker 2: were working, and I was just like, Devo, like you
Speaker 2: have to take a break. And you were like, how
Speaker 2: can I take a break when we have all of
Speaker 2: these things that we're trying to accomplish.
Speaker 4: Like, there's no way that's true.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, but I would like for you to
Speaker 2: be around and healthy and alive and refreshed. You need
Speaker 2: to clock out sometimes, you need to turn your brain
Speaker 2: off sometimes. And that's kind of where she was, And
Speaker 2: that was the conversation I kind of encouraged her to
Speaker 2: have with her husband, Like it was really also out
Speaker 2: of a place of concern, though she felt like she
Speaker 2: was being selfish wanting him to just kind of clock
Speaker 2: out for a bit and tend to her. She's like,
Speaker 2: I'm concerned that he's going to burn himself out. So
Speaker 2: I encourage her to say, you know what, even if
Speaker 2: financially things are a little tight, find a way, even
Speaker 2: if it means sending the kids away, yeah for a weeknd.
Speaker 1: A vacation, you know, that's that's a good point. A
Speaker 1: vacation doesn't always mean you have to go somewhere. A
Speaker 1: vacation also means, let's say these kids somewhere for a
Speaker 1: couple of days, and let's just do what we do
Speaker 1: in our own house.
Speaker 3: Baby. The house be different when nobody in it knew
Speaker 3: be different.
Speaker 4: It's different, you know.
Speaker 2: And I agree that sometimes people will need the change
Speaker 2: of scenery because sometimes you need that too. You got
Speaker 2: to get out of your space of you know, mundane
Speaker 2: you know, day to day activities, but sometimes just trying
Speaker 2: to find a way to recreate a space within your
Speaker 2: home where there it's like a picnic in the backyard,
Speaker 2: or like bringing a chef to cook, like that's a
Speaker 2: cute moment too. Sometimes where you can just take a
Speaker 2: day or two or even an overnight with just no
Speaker 2: distraction so.
Speaker 4: I'll say this too.
Speaker 1: I noticed when we're on our vacations as opposed to
Speaker 1: like family vacations or even vacations with friends where you're hosting.
Speaker 1: Right when you don't have to worry about anybody else
Speaker 1: except for you, You just you're in a lighter mood.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, like not having on a schedule or like
Speaker 2: following a timeline.
Speaker 4: Things like that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But also just when there's not a child attached to
Speaker 1: your ankle or your boob or your back or wanting something,
Speaker 1: it's like I get to see you be a little
Speaker 1: bit more relaxed, you know. And I know, and I'm
Speaker 1: not big on this, like masculine feminine energy. I really
Speaker 1: don't get it right, but I will notice that you're
Speaker 1: when you're in mom mode.
Speaker 4: When you're in mom mode, like your.
Speaker 1: Feminine energy is way different than when you're in wife mode.
Speaker 3: Because that shit ain't soft, man, They be talking about.
Speaker 2: This soft like soft soft parenting. Don't get it twisted. Okay,
Speaker 2: when I'm in mom mode, and I think it's in
Speaker 2: part two, just the way we parent, Like yes, I'm
Speaker 2: going to be nurturing and I'm going to be motherly,
Speaker 2: but like we have these boys in line, you know,
Speaker 2: so you see a different side of feminine there. Absolutely
Speaker 2: Then when you get like your girlfriends like Kadeen, the
Speaker 2: girlfriend Kadeen, like my person, Kadeen, you know, my sex partner,
Speaker 2: Like that's complete too, completely different different.
Speaker 4: Now it is you even different?
Speaker 1: Like when we were out when our only vacation one night,
Speaker 1: you had on a turtleneck.
Speaker 4: He was in the fucking Bahamas.
Speaker 1: It was one hundred and eighty seven degrees outside and
Speaker 1: you had on a turtleneck.
Speaker 3: It was not a turtlight. It might have been like
Speaker 3: high necked.
Speaker 1: It was a high neck something. But I thought she's
Speaker 1: going to pass out. And I was like, you're gonna
Speaker 1: wear sleeves out. He was like, you know, the boys
Speaker 1: are here, and I was just like, yeah, I'm worried
Speaker 1: about the heat. Made like it's hot, Like I get it.
Speaker 1: I get to see cleavage, I get it. I'm talking
Speaker 1: about I'm worried, and you just like yeah, but the boys,
Speaker 1: And it's just it's different to watch you be a mom.
Speaker 1: And sometimes I don't even think people understand why when
Speaker 1: I post videos of you sometimes and you look sexy,
Speaker 1: it's because you don't walk around like that all the time,
Speaker 1: Like a lot of times you have on sweatpants and
Speaker 1: you look like a mom.
Speaker 4: Right you know what I'm saying, Like what.
Speaker 3: I look like now right here?
Speaker 4: Pulled out you you either got the big robe on.
Speaker 3: I love that. It's just a place of comfort for me.
Speaker 2: You know how some people just feel like, oh, this
Speaker 2: just feels like a hole.
Speaker 1: You got to stop people stealing people's bar robes when
Speaker 1: you go on vacations. We got about seven, We got
Speaker 1: about seven bar robes from the ritz fumlike all these places,
Speaker 1: and you can't tell me to stop.
Speaker 4: The last video I posted it had writs on it.
Speaker 3: Now you're gonna have me banned from the writs.
Speaker 4: They can't ban this from the rits.
Speaker 2: You know, to me, it's just a party and gift
Speaker 2: some times. And I'm thinking most of the times, if
Speaker 2: they don't see the robe any of that, they'd probably
Speaker 2: just charge your room for it anyway. But the one
Speaker 2: robe that I did fall in love with was the
Speaker 2: road that you got on that last film that you
Speaker 2: did in Canada, and you were gonna leave it behind,
Speaker 2: and I was like, leave this rode behind with the hood.
Speaker 3: And it's funny. It just feels like a hug and
Speaker 3: sometimes I need that if you're not here. And that's
Speaker 3: what the robe is for.
Speaker 1: Mean about to create an international incident stealing robes from Canada.
Speaker 4: It's a Canadian road, baby.
Speaker 3: No that you were gifted that robe from Netflix.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, don't putt talking about you from the No,
Speaker 2: I did not take it from the hotel.
Speaker 3: You see hear me making me out to be a
Speaker 3: one big teeth.
Speaker 4: I told y'all's the genile man.
Speaker 1: She don't ever spend a bad I am not a
Speaker 1: Jeni steal some stuff she liked.
Speaker 2: That's not okay to me. Is I'm spending my good,
Speaker 2: good money up in there. If I have a parting
Speaker 2: gift or too, Oh well deal with it.
Speaker 4: By women be the biggest thieves. I hope y'all know that. No,
Speaker 4: no there.
Speaker 3: Do you remember that time? I remember that.
Speaker 4: Time there was a study on who steals the most? Right,
Speaker 4: a study? You know who steals the most?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 4: Lie, older white women?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Do you remember that time? Back in Brooklyn? We
Speaker 3: went to Red Lobster for lunch one day and there
Speaker 3: was it looked a mother and daughter.
Speaker 2: It looks like a mother and daughter duo because one
Speaker 2: was significantly older than the other, and there were two
Speaker 2: white ladies. It was like gateway Red Lobster that like
Speaker 2: no white people normally, like.
Speaker 3: That's our hood, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: And they were sitting across from us and they were
Speaker 2: eating their food, but they had on sunglasses and dad hats,
Speaker 2: eating in red lobsters of course, very unassuming. Right, So
Speaker 2: we're sitting there, sitting there. They eventually get up and leave,
Speaker 2: and we're not really paying much attention to them. And
Speaker 2: then when you see the server come back and was like, no,
Speaker 2: the fuck they did not, and that they walked out.
Speaker 4: On the bill.
Speaker 2: They walked out on the bill, And I was so
Speaker 2: hurt and upset in that moment. Somebody, I know what
Speaker 2: they were gonna do on a trip, thet little asses on.
Speaker 1: The way and stealing looking old kadeens privileged and stealing
Speaker 1: robes from Red Lobster.
Speaker 2: I'm definitely not old, nor am I white, So I
Speaker 2: don't know how I feel in that category.
Speaker 4: Robes you'll be stealing.
Speaker 3: No, I mean stealing chadababy biscuit mixed.
Speaker 1: There's never there's never been a biscuit made like a
Speaker 1: cheda baby biscuit.
Speaker 3: That's a fact.
Speaker 1: That's I'm still do yourself a favor, right, go on
Speaker 1: to vacation the red Lobster, get your get your wife
Speaker 1: or your girl from Chainna Baby Biscuits.
Speaker 4: She's gonna fall in love with you.
Speaker 2: I think they even have the mix now in supermarkets.
Speaker 2: I got to go look for that. I don't know
Speaker 2: if I would do it before I do my detax.
Speaker 2: I can't have cheddar cheese. I'm allergic.
Speaker 4: Dang your life.
Speaker 3: Oh bro, what am I shark? What are my shark
Speaker 3: hooterie boards?
Speaker 4: Josh laugh in the background.
Speaker 2: I love how y'all laugh at my demise right now,
Speaker 2: it's not your demise.
Speaker 4: You're gonna feel and look great.
Speaker 2: So when I bring a vegan shark hooterie board to
Speaker 2: your next event, y'all get excited.
Speaker 3: Get excited, get excited.
Speaker 4: You better make a regular excited because I can't. I
Speaker 4: can't do that. I can't do vegan cheese.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Do you think we've ever had a bad vacation where
Speaker 2: we didn't get along or anything.
Speaker 1: No, I can't remember one time we've ever been on
Speaker 1: vacation just you and I and had a bad time.
Speaker 1: I remember being broke in college and staying at the
Speaker 1: ram Inn because the Ada or Ramata had fell off
Speaker 1: the hotel, so we was calling.
Speaker 4: It the ram Inn.
Speaker 3: And that's exactly what we did.
Speaker 4: That's what we did. But we enjoyed our shot.
Speaker 3: It was given those kind of vibes.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we were.
Speaker 2: That was I think that was my first trip out
Speaker 2: of the state with someone other than my parents.
Speaker 3: But we had such a time.
Speaker 2: We got in my little toil to wrap four we
Speaker 2: called the Green Machine, and packed it up for a
Speaker 2: nice little weekend.
Speaker 3: This printed out the map quest.
Speaker 1: About to say, this is how pre uh tech this was.
Speaker 1: There was no iPhones, Nope, there was no GPS that
Speaker 1: you could just attached to your car. We had to
Speaker 1: print out the map quest physically printed out, and we
Speaker 1: marked off all of the mild markers where we had
Speaker 1: to exit, and we set the odometer to zero, and
Speaker 1: every time we got to that mild mark we got
Speaker 1: seventeen miles before I exit, and every.
Speaker 4: Time we get there, we would set it and.
Speaker 1: We were looking at seventeen that we go bout and
Speaker 1: we reset it to zero, and we would just keep
Speaker 1: hitting the marks.
Speaker 3: And we didn't have.
Speaker 2: Ways to alert us of cops, so I would be
Speaker 2: on the lookout like all right, babe, this is a stretch.
Speaker 3: There's some rails here, so you good.
Speaker 1: No popo noo, I'll be doing like ninety five in
Speaker 1: the rap four because it did not go past night accelerated.
Speaker 4: It was like hm, it was.
Speaker 1: Like coughing, like please, don't take these gas no more.
Speaker 1: But those so fun, I think about it. We found
Speaker 1: out about the foundation we have as a couple. Were like, okay,
Speaker 1: we got to get to Virginia. Let's go to map Quest,
Speaker 1: let's print this out. You had your job, I had
Speaker 1: my job. It was like we had a camaraderie, a.
Speaker 2: Teamwork, and that goes to show that we had so
Speaker 2: much fun and we were able to do this vacation
Speaker 2: on you know.
Speaker 4: A couples money had no money.
Speaker 2: So Divell and I were able to vacation throughout the
Speaker 2: course of our almost twenty one years in so many
Speaker 2: different way shapes and forms that we always had a
Speaker 2: good time about how we got.
Speaker 4: The money for that.
Speaker 1: Remember my father used to give me one hundred dollars
Speaker 1: every month, and then my brother would give would split
Speaker 1: his pel check. Yes, so I would get a thousand
Speaker 1: dollars in the beginning of the semester and I just
Speaker 1: put a little bit of moneyside and said, I'm going
Speaker 1: to cover the hotel and he was like, I'll cover gas,
Speaker 1: gas and co and food.
Speaker 4: And it's literally the same way we live our life.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 4: It's like, okay, I'll.
Speaker 1: Cover room and boarding and you handle all the incidental
Speaker 1: stuff activities.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're still been.
Speaker 4: Doing it since nineteen Come on, baby.
Speaker 2: I love that is that we know our strengths and
Speaker 2: weaknesses too, Like you know your thing is like, all right,
Speaker 2: you plan all the logistics. I don't know if you
Speaker 2: ever asked a vowel, if you ever catch him on
Speaker 2: the door on the way to the airport, and if
Speaker 2: you were to stop him and say the volt where
Speaker 2: you going to say?
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 3: The most devow will know is maybe the country or
Speaker 3: the island that we're going to. But did I don't
Speaker 3: know how we get in there? You don't know flight time,
Speaker 3: like numbers. He don't have to know that because I do.
Speaker 3: I'll just be walking and dragging bag.
Speaker 1: No, this is what I asked, how many bags do
Speaker 1: we have total? Because I'm the one responsible for a bag,
Speaker 1: so I'll be like, okay, we got four big bags.
Speaker 1: I got help here. I got Jackson. You take that one,
Speaker 1: Cairo take this one. I'll get these two. If the
Speaker 1: bag is too big for Cairo, I'm like, yo, Jackson,
Speaker 1: you got that bag, I'll give these three. Kay, We'll
Speaker 1: have her chades on everybody's documentation.
Speaker 4: That walking off, that's it wokeing off fast.
Speaker 1: And it's been me, hey, follow your mother, father, motherly mother, mother,
Speaker 1: I'm that pushing the stroller.
Speaker 4: You check everybody in. I'm just giving the bad tags.
Speaker 4: We have our system, we have a sister.
Speaker 3: It's a lot.
Speaker 2: It's a lot to like approach a TSA agent and
Speaker 2: then you got six people, and then the TSA agents
Speaker 2: never know what they want. So as some people want
Speaker 2: you to open it to the passport page, some people
Speaker 2: want you to give them all the passports at one time.
Speaker 2: Some people want each person holding their respective passport.
Speaker 3: So you just never know.
Speaker 2: It's like it's like a surprise every time you go
Speaker 2: through TSA. Some days take your laptops out, some days don't.
Speaker 2: So nothing is ever consistent. So that's why I feel
Speaker 2: like I need to be the one in control of
Speaker 2: those things, because you at least can kind of bring
Speaker 2: up the rear, right, you.
Speaker 4: Know, I don't mind bringing up the real baby.
Speaker 3: What would be your.
Speaker 4: As long as you bring the ray on vacation.
Speaker 2: Listen, the rear ain't going nowhere. Clearly, clearly this is
Speaker 2: for life.
Speaker 3: What would be a dream vacation you have, like a
Speaker 3: dream place or a dream activity, or like.
Speaker 4: What my dream vacation would be.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm all about being a genie, and I'm.
Speaker 1: All my dream vacation would be going where we were
Speaker 1: supposed to go on my thirty fifth birthday. I want
Speaker 1: to go to Cairo and see the Pyramids. I want
Speaker 1: us to do that on our own. I don't want
Speaker 1: to take the kids because I don't want to. I
Speaker 1: can't enjoy an experience when I have to watch you
Speaker 1: and for a little people. For sure, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Strictly, I'm in dad security mode and I'll
Speaker 1: be missing a lot of stuff because I'm like.
Speaker 4: Okay, the person who's the person who got a bathroom.
Speaker 1: Who's hungry, stop running over there, get off the edge.
Speaker 1: That's not ours, that's not ours.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. It's like I'm always saying.
Speaker 3: Something, Oh is that person at the top of the sphinx.
Speaker 4: Oh that's Cairo, Cairo.
Speaker 2: Down the side of the sphinx that he just climbed
Speaker 2: and then he's gonna come down.
Speaker 4: Dad, it was easy. Oh you're not supposed to do it.
Speaker 1: I don't care if it was easy, absolutely, But I
Speaker 1: want to go to Cairo.
Speaker 3: And that would.
Speaker 2: Be probably a mix of little education, like being out
Speaker 2: because we don't necessarily when we're on vacations kind of
Speaker 2: venture out sometimes because I feel like we.
Speaker 4: Always remember when we went to Saint Lucia.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we did.
Speaker 4: We did.
Speaker 1: When we say Lucia, we went to Dominican republics, we
Speaker 1: did the zip line it like, that's my thing. When
Speaker 1: with us too, just us too, we do go out
Speaker 1: and venture off. When we just let you sleep in first, Yes,
Speaker 1: certain days, because some days you want to get up
Speaker 1: early in ten. I'm like, fine, I'll get up, I'll
Speaker 1: find me an umbrella with shade. I'll lay back down
Speaker 1: and let her ten.
Speaker 2: Or let you sleep in and I'm like, baby, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna get my coffee beat me at the pool.
Speaker 4: Like, well, I don't. I don't do the sleeping thing
Speaker 4: no more. I used to remember, I used to.
Speaker 3: That's one way we evolved.
Speaker 4: We have evolved.
Speaker 1: We used to, but now I like being up early
Speaker 1: because I want to get the sun.
Speaker 4: You want to enjoy the I want to enjoy the day.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I'll sleep when it's dark outside, but I no longer
Speaker 1: want to miss the beauty of what the day is.
Speaker 1: I think in my youth, it was always like, oh,
Speaker 1: you'll have time, just get sleep.
Speaker 4: You'll have time to get sleep.
Speaker 1: But now, even when I'm home, when I used to
Speaker 1: go in the theater and watch films and watch movies,
Speaker 1: so watch I'm Now I'm like, Yo, Matt, Josh, it's
Speaker 1: nice outstide.
Speaker 4: Let's go on the man, Let's go outside. You know
Speaker 4: what I'm saying. Let's let's do something.
Speaker 1: If I'm a smoke, I'm a smoke outside on the balcony,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: But it's that video.
Speaker 1: I'd rather just be outside enjoying what's happening and to
Speaker 1: be inside. So I've evolved. I like to get up
Speaker 1: early on vacation. Now I also like to watch you
Speaker 1: learn stuff. I'm the one to watch documentaries. I'm the
Speaker 1: one that will learn about stuff because that's just how
Speaker 1: my mind works, and I feel like sometimes you just
Speaker 1: like to enjoy being out and not having it do anything.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I like not having to think sometimes about it.
Speaker 2: Who has to be weird and how and what?
Speaker 1: But I also enjoy watching you enjoy new experiences, you know,
Speaker 1: Like I know you don't like doing a lot of
Speaker 1: physical stuff, but when we walked up the piton when
Speaker 1: we were in Saint Lucia, you were like, you were like, wow,
Speaker 1: that was great. You know what I'm saying. It was
Speaker 1: just all of different experience. I feel like, open up
Speaker 1: new things, trying.
Speaker 2: New things, right because I feel like, if I'm going
Speaker 2: to try something new, why not do it in the
Speaker 2: comfort of your company, right? You know that for me
Speaker 2: is always the best way to make a memory, to
Speaker 2: experience something new, to have someone there to motivate me
Speaker 2: along the way. If I'm apprehensive, like yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2: Like I even think of my sister and her fiance now,
Speaker 2: like he's a super traveler, Like he'll just he just
Speaker 2: picked up and went to Scotland by himself, and I'm
Speaker 2: like Scotland, like what's out there?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 2: But it's just he's actually gotten her out of her
Speaker 2: comfort zone to be able to just travel and enjoy
Speaker 2: things and know that every vacation or every vacation is
Speaker 2: not just going to be a luxury experience where you're
Speaker 2: on a resort all day laying out, but you know,
Speaker 2: trying to mingle with the locals a bit, you know,
Speaker 2: trying to stay somewhere that's different than just your typical
Speaker 2: resort or hotel, like maybe staying somewhere that's like in
Speaker 2: you know, airbb Airbnb or something that's a little bit
Speaker 2: more in the city so that you can experience things
Speaker 2: like the locals, because I like to do that, especially
Speaker 2: when I go to the islands. That's actually one of
Speaker 2: my bucket list things, not necessarily my dream vacation, but
Speaker 2: a bucket list thing for me is to touch every
Speaker 2: island in the Caribbean. So I have a couple that
Speaker 2: I still have to get to, but I think it
Speaker 2: would be dope to do that. I think my dream vacation,
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of where I'd love.
Speaker 3: To get to.
Speaker 2: A couple parts in Africa, South Africa being one this year. Yeah,
Speaker 2: South Africa, though I love to experience with the boys,
Speaker 2: just to see it.
Speaker 4: Why we can't do vacation and then the boys, we absolutely.
Speaker 3: You asking me why we can't We absolutely can.
Speaker 2: You know I'm never going to say no, we can
Speaker 2: even go and like test it out first and then.
Speaker 4: Why don't we just do that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, somewhere we should go first, see what it's like
Speaker 1: and then take them see if it's even worth because
Speaker 1: sometimes I wouldn't want to take a five year old
Speaker 1: some places because he's not going to care right and
Speaker 1: the quote is.
Speaker 2: Too young to enjoy some anything. That's the only downside
Speaker 2: with having kids with such a big age difference. It's
Speaker 2: like some things that we know Jackson will appreciate and
Speaker 2: learn from and know Coda is not going to do it,
Speaker 2: so we're gonna have to probably double back on some
Speaker 2: places once he's older. Because Cairo's been dying to get
Speaker 2: to Egypt. Even when we went to Barnes and Nobles
Speaker 2: to get what's this summer, he was like in the
Speaker 2: Egypt section, like that's my name. My name came from
Speaker 2: here and there when they want to see the pyramids,
Speaker 2: like he's excited to see that, So I think it'll
Speaker 2: be dope. And then keeping up with the family while
Speaker 2: we're away. So although we are disconnected to an extent.
Speaker 4: We are not disconnected.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I shouldn't say disconnected. Every night we're in a
Speaker 3: different location.
Speaker 4: I facetimed them kids every night. There's not.
Speaker 1: That I don't say, hey, I'm just telling you I
Speaker 1: love you when we wantedly it was a six hour difference,
Speaker 1: I believe.
Speaker 4: And every night, I don't care if it was three
Speaker 4: in the morning.
Speaker 1: Our time, our time, I'll be like, yo, yo, don't
Speaker 1: go to sleep without saying a night to your dad.
Speaker 4: No, for sure, night to your mom.
Speaker 2: Absolutely So texting, facetiming, sending.
Speaker 4: Pictures technologies made it that much easier.
Speaker 3: It's so great. Like we went support a Fino while
Speaker 3: we're in Italy, and the kids loved the movie Luca.
Speaker 3: So while I was there Albert.
Speaker 2: So while I was there, I took a ton of
Speaker 2: like photo and video and sent it to Jackson. I
Speaker 2: was like, show you brothers, this is where Luca was
Speaker 2: inspired by. So that's super fun. So moral of the
Speaker 2: story is, y'all, if you gott obey vacate with them
Speaker 2: for sure. All right, We're gonna take a quick break
Speaker 2: and move into listen letters after we get into some ads,
Speaker 2: So stick around, y'all.
Speaker 4: All. Right, We're back.
Speaker 3: We are back.
Speaker 4: Let's take these.
Speaker 3: Save those for Leida ya. Those are cute. Save tho.
Speaker 3: Are your eyes adjusted?
Speaker 4: All right?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 3: Why your eyes adjusted? I'll read the first one? All right?
Speaker 2: Hey, getting a naval Want to start off by saying
Speaker 2: thanks for your transparency and sharing your family with the
Speaker 2: world and being a great example of real life things.
Speaker 2: You are very welcome. Thanks for following us. Thanks for
Speaker 2: supporting us. I hate to say following thanks for supporting.
Speaker 2: I am twenty nine years old from DMV and married. Sorry,
Speaker 2: I'm pregnant with my first child. I'm currently five months
Speaker 2: pregnant and starting to show more now. My boyfriend has
Speaker 2: some years on me and has a nineteen year old daughter. Wow,
Speaker 2: so they're only ten years apart. Okay. We've been together
Speaker 2: for over a year and I love everything about our
Speaker 2: relationship and him. Your podcast has taught me to not
Speaker 2: only have some grace, but also give grace to my
Speaker 2: boyfriend and pick my battles. We respect each other and
Speaker 2: love each other, and he has been the most supportive
Speaker 2: partner I've had in my twenty nine years of living.
Speaker 2: My only problem now is sex while pregnant in the
Speaker 2: first trimester. We were going at it all the time,
Speaker 2: and it was great, very much, not like me first
Speaker 2: trimester I was out. Now I feel like I'm not
Speaker 2: attractive enough because he's avoiding me. I try to be sexy,
Speaker 2: you rub on him the whole nine, but this negro
Speaker 2: is denying me.
Speaker 3: Gaths. I love when y'all be putting like little inserts
Speaker 3: and stuff in.
Speaker 2: There a whole me. I'm wondering if men. I'm wondering
Speaker 2: if do men get this with their women when they're pregnant.
Speaker 2: Is this normal to feel this way? What can I
Speaker 2: do or say to change this? Because it's a little irritating,
Speaker 2: and I'm trying to have a peaceful pregnancy as a
Speaker 2: first mom. Pretty much, she's trying to be peace first
Speaker 2: time mom. She's trying to get the d so she
Speaker 2: could be a good mom, all right. I know after
Speaker 2: birth I'll have to wait another few weeks or even
Speaker 2: months before doing anything. I'm a very sexual person, and
Speaker 2: I and I just miss us and that aspect of us.
Speaker 2: What would love to hear what you both have to say?
Speaker 2: Pretty much help a sister out. Well, girl, I don't
Speaker 2: know what that's like is when I'm pregnant I'd be like,
Speaker 2: don't touch me.
Speaker 3: Don't touch me.
Speaker 2: Why would I want something else in my body while
Speaker 2: I'm growing a human? Well, personally, my first trimester, I'm
Speaker 2: always out for the county, like, don't look at me,
Speaker 2: I'm puking, imnauseous. Second trymester, I get my mojo back.
Speaker 2: So second trimester is always good for us. It's almost
Speaker 2: like I'm not pregnant, yeah, because it's at that point
Speaker 2: now five months, it's like you kind of show, but
Speaker 2: you're not really showing. And then once you know the
Speaker 2: third hits, it's just like, get this baby out of me,
Speaker 2: don't touch me.
Speaker 3: You know I will say though.
Speaker 2: For you or in my experience with you, each time
Speaker 2: I was pregnant, you've never made me feel as if
Speaker 2: you weren't attracted to me or did not want to
Speaker 2: have sex.
Speaker 3: I don't care what it is, what trimester it is.
Speaker 3: We could be about to have the baby, and Deva
Speaker 3: just like, well I.
Speaker 2: Heard that, if I heard that, if we did it,
Speaker 2: and you know, I knowed it in there, and that's
Speaker 2: going to break down the lining of the service.
Speaker 3: I did hear it, and.
Speaker 1: The fact a scientific thank you. I'll be here with
Speaker 1: the science, the science.
Speaker 2: But I say that to say, who would think in
Speaker 2: that moment that you would still find me attractive enough
Speaker 2: to want to do anything? So speak from the male perspective,
Speaker 2: because she's trying to get that insight.
Speaker 1: I can't speak from the male perspective. I can speak
Speaker 1: from the devour perspective. It was nothing about you, ever
Speaker 1: that was not attractive to me. But I do have
Speaker 1: friends and people that I know who when their wife
Speaker 1: is pregnant, they're just not into that. And sometimes it's
Speaker 1: for fear.
Speaker 3: Of not into sex or not into their women.
Speaker 4: No, not into having sex.
Speaker 1: It's like my wife is carrying my baby, and I
Speaker 1: don't want to mess nothing up, so.
Speaker 3: Feeling like they may hurt the baby or that kind
Speaker 3: of thing.
Speaker 4: Okay, Like some men just just not into that.
Speaker 1: They're just like baby you all right, like children had
Speaker 1: a baby, and then we can get back to our
Speaker 1: regular schedule program. Then I can't speak for like the
Speaker 1: male species because you know what I'm saying, and some
Speaker 1: of these things it's hard to generalize because every case
Speaker 1: is so different. You know, we don't know what she
Speaker 1: looks like when she's pregnant, what she doesn't look like
Speaker 1: when she's pregnant, so or what she looks like when
Speaker 1: she's not pregnant. I say that to say is that
Speaker 1: she might not have changed at all, but she may
Speaker 1: be taking it as because now that she's pregnant, she
Speaker 1: looks different and we don't know. Yeah, we don't know
Speaker 1: if she looks any different. He may just be turned
Speaker 1: off by the thought that his child is in there,
Speaker 1: or he may not be interested because she might have
Speaker 1: gained weight.
Speaker 4: Like, we don't know.
Speaker 1: So my thing is it's hard for me to give
Speaker 1: her advice based on, you know, a paragraph. But what
Speaker 1: I will say is, like I tell everyone else, do
Speaker 1: not listen to anybody else.
Speaker 4: Our advice doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: Speak to your partner, have conversations and find out what's
Speaker 1: going on. And if he or she tells you how
Speaker 1: they feel, don't judge them for how they feel or
Speaker 1: what they're saying.
Speaker 4: Try to listen and understand where they're coming from.
Speaker 1: For example, if he says, bebe, I'm not comfortable having
Speaker 1: sex with you while you're pregnant because I don't want
Speaker 1: to bother anything. No no, no, no respect his decision, But
Speaker 1: tell him, yo, I need some because this is what
Speaker 1: I require in this moment, can we find a way
Speaker 1: to compromise, you know, because that's what we did. You
Speaker 1: weren't always into having sex in on every moment, but
Speaker 1: she was like, I know Devo needs something, so let
Speaker 1: me take care of him this way.
Speaker 4: That's how the compromises happened.
Speaker 2: The compromise was lockjaw. That was pretty much the lock
Speaker 2: jaw compromise. Yeah, put the shades back on m hm,
Speaker 2: because that was the only option. I did not want
Speaker 2: anything in or around me. But I know he required
Speaker 2: a certain kind of experience. And I will say by Dakota,
Speaker 2: I was I'm mastered.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, you were. You were a master. It was
Speaker 4: like you got so good at you was like, I
Speaker 4: ain't gonna be here.
Speaker 3: Let me tell you.
Speaker 4: You will put that baby.
Speaker 3: It was literally like a like a thing like it just.
Speaker 1: You will put the belly. You just dropped the belly
Speaker 1: right here, and you'd be like just standing right.
Speaker 3: Here, just pretend like you don't see this belly drop down.
Speaker 3: I don't know. At that point, it was just like
Speaker 3: fac and titties.
Speaker 4: That's it.
Speaker 1: But no, but but seriously, it's like pregnancy is a
Speaker 1: difficult time for people when it comes to sexual like
Speaker 1: being sexual. Some people are not into pregnancy. Some people
Speaker 1: are into pregnancy. Some women's sex drive increased during pregnancy.
Speaker 4: One of my homework, I'm like, yo.
Speaker 1: My wife be on me all day and I'll be
Speaker 1: like yo, like you pregnant, like chill. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying him, And well, he wasn't really loving it
Speaker 1: because his biggest fear was like I don't want to.
Speaker 4: Like this is too much.
Speaker 1: I just don't want to do anything, like I just don't.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, bro, that's what I told him. I said, Bro,
Speaker 1: your wife requires certain things. You guys agreed to be
Speaker 1: in this marriage together. You can't just tell her no
Speaker 1: because you don't want to. What if at some point
Speaker 1: she just decides she's going to tell you no because
Speaker 1: she don't want to. And he was like, I never
Speaker 1: thought about it like that. I said, we don't. We
Speaker 1: don't ever think about a woman's needs sexually. It's always
Speaker 1: you have to provide for what a man needs sexually.
Speaker 1: But when a woman need something sexually, it's almost like
Speaker 1: she'll figure it out.
Speaker 4: That's not fair. It's not fair.
Speaker 1: We don't think it's fair when they do it to
Speaker 1: us because she's pregnant.
Speaker 4: If she requires that, yo, and do that right, I
Speaker 4: can do that. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Like, and maybe he doesn't want to do intercourse, Hey,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to go down there and handle your business.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, Ain't nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 3: Get creative, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You created to find some ways. But talk to each other,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Continuously let each other know
Speaker 1: how you feel, what you need and make it work.
Speaker 2: And pregnancy is a particularly vulnerable moment for women, so
Speaker 2: we just be in our feelings all the time because
Speaker 2: the hormones are like all over the place, so it
Speaker 2: could also be a little bit of useis just kind
Speaker 2: of being you know, self conscious about your body and
Speaker 2: the changes taking place. So we would say that all
Speaker 2: to say, have the conversation with him, take the guesting
Speaker 2: out of it, and just ask him directly, like you
Speaker 2: know what's going on, you.
Speaker 3: Know, good luck to you.
Speaker 1: Hopefully he'll be honest about it, because everyone's going to
Speaker 1: be honest about it.
Speaker 4: He may have to learn how to open up. They've
Speaker 4: only been together for a year.
Speaker 3: They have been together for a year, but just don't
Speaker 3: judge him for what he says in his response. Receive it,
Speaker 3: you know, for what it is.
Speaker 2: And I think that ultimately what you want is to
Speaker 2: try to have that open line of communication. So make
Speaker 2: it an atmosphere where he feels comfortable opening up and
Speaker 2: don't take it personally.
Speaker 1: And shout out to you man for still trying to
Speaker 1: take care of your man and take care of yourself
Speaker 1: while pregnant and not saying I'm going to.
Speaker 2: All the best with baby. Yeah, congrats Hakadeen and Duval.
Speaker 1: I'm a huge fan of you both and your willingness
Speaker 1: to be open about your journey. And thank you for
Speaker 1: giving us all hope. I we appreciate you. Thank you
Speaker 1: just giving y'all love. I've been in a relationship for
Speaker 1: about a year, and we've dated for about five months
Speaker 1: before making it official. We're extremely familiar with each other's families,
Speaker 1: taking international trips together, lots of date nights, linking with friends,
Speaker 1: planning our futures, and just really taking care of each other.
Speaker 1: I just want an outside perspective to make sure I'm
Speaker 1: not blindsided, blinded by love. His birthday recently passed and
Speaker 1: I got him Usher tickets in Vegas. Yeah, he's a
Speaker 1: big fan of written love letters. So I searched his
Speaker 1: phone because I got a new one for the keyword
Speaker 1: day to make a oh boy, to make a collage
Speaker 1: of our acute love message. However, I found messages in
Speaker 1: his fraternities group chat about him saying he ran into
Speaker 1: Bay because he didn't know they worked closely, and how
Speaker 1: he's got to be low out here, but she yelled
Speaker 1: his name and it threw them off. I don't want
Speaker 1: to waste my time, but I don't want to navigate.
Speaker 1: I don't want to negate my feelings. But I also
Speaker 1: don't want to be lied to by someone who says
Speaker 1: confidently how good of a liar he is? Oh wow,
Speaker 1: is this something you both think is worth addressing?
Speaker 3: Worth addressing? What addressing? And then let us know what happened.
Speaker 4: Only thing I will say is this right? He gave
Speaker 4: you his phone and access to it.
Speaker 3: Well, she said I searched his phone. He didn't say
Speaker 3: that he gave access, so that could have happened in
Speaker 3: this way.
Speaker 1: If this dude is moving wild crazy like that, she
Speaker 1: not gonna have easy access to his phone like that.
Speaker 4: That's That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: It could be, as she put it on him, he's
Speaker 3: sleep he knocked out.
Speaker 1: Let me let me tell you something and she went
Speaker 1: to town. Let me tell you something about there's a way.
Speaker 1: But let me tell you something about dudes who proclaimed
Speaker 1: to be good liars. They be on top of their games.
Speaker 1: They be on top of the game, all right. And
Speaker 1: I'm saying this to say this, I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: he's not lying. I'm saying it definitely needs to be addressed.
Speaker 1: But don't be surprised if it's nothing when it's addressed.
Speaker 2: And he's just like, right, yeah, Or it could just
Speaker 2: be his friends, like if it's the fraternity group chat,
Speaker 2: y'all be ragging on each other all the time about
Speaker 2: random things.
Speaker 1: But and I'm not making excuses. I do think it
Speaker 1: needs to be address because the ship does sound crazy.
Speaker 4: But don't be.
Speaker 1: Surprised if he looks at you stupid, if you like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is baby, because this is the girl that I
Speaker 1: had a crush on or something something something, and yeah,
Speaker 1: we're not fucking but I saw.
Speaker 4: Her, and you know what I'm saying, like that was
Speaker 4: my name for her at the time, that her in
Speaker 4: our group chats when we got to move.
Speaker 1: People who move funny, the first thing they're gonna say
Speaker 1: when they post something in the group chat is yo,
Speaker 1: y'all better delete that.
Speaker 4: I'm being honest.
Speaker 1: Like, if a dude is moving foul, right and he
Speaker 1: goes in the group chat, and he'd be like, Yo,
Speaker 1: da da da, y delete these messages asap. Somebody who
Speaker 1: moving foul like that is not going to have a
Speaker 1: group chat with all their friends putting all their information
Speaker 1: and letting the girl have access.
Speaker 4: To their phone.
Speaker 3: I'm you know better than I do, because I don't be.
Speaker 4: Women women are the best liars. Women women be trying
Speaker 4: to I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2: I'm thinking in their case in her group chat, dev
Speaker 2: I'm not talking about a generalization.
Speaker 1: No, what I'm saying is is she said that this
Speaker 1: man proclaims to be the best liar in the world.
Speaker 1: That seems extremely frivolous from a god who claims to
Speaker 1: be the best lie.
Speaker 3: Let me tell my girl that I'm a great liar.
Speaker 1: That yes, but I also do think that the stories
Speaker 1: sound crazy and she needs to be like, yo, what
Speaker 1: is this? Like?
Speaker 3: What is this that we can agree on?
Speaker 1: What is this? And he may lie about it right.
Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is if he tells you the
Speaker 1: truth and be like, yeah, this is right, he's being honest.
Speaker 2: About it because the brother could be homegirl from college
Speaker 2: days or whoever, Like you know what I'm saying, anybody
Speaker 2: like it could be anybody, So we won't always assume
Speaker 2: the worst.
Speaker 4: Don't assume the worst, but it does need to be addressed.
Speaker 1: It.
Speaker 3: It does definitely address that joints and then right back to.
Speaker 1: Us to let us know what you know that right
Speaker 1: back to us and let us know. But let's let's think.
Speaker 1: Let's think they've been together for how long.
Speaker 4: Did you say?
Speaker 3: Let me see what is my thing that's scrolling? What
Speaker 3: the hell? Ye oh, yes, about a year? She said.
Speaker 4: It says they've been against for about a year.
Speaker 2: Uh huh m hmm, Well a relationship for about a year.
Speaker 2: We've dated for about five months before making it official.
Speaker 4: Okay, Okay, so let's see exactly what he says. Let's
Speaker 4: break this down.
Speaker 1: I just want an outside of perspective to make sure
Speaker 1: I'm not blinded by love. His birthday recently passed Musha tickets. Okay,
Speaker 1: So she put in the word bay to make a
Speaker 1: collage I don't know. I found messages in his fraternities
Speaker 1: group chat about him saying he ran into Bay because
Speaker 1: he didn't know they were closely and how he's got.
Speaker 4: To be low out here. That sound like.
Speaker 3: What I don't know?
Speaker 4: You tell me, I'm asking you.
Speaker 1: That sounds like an admission of cheating. You gotta bewdy.
Speaker 1: But she yelled his name out and it threw him off.
Speaker 1: I don't want to waste my time. Got to be
Speaker 1: low out here. Let me ask you what you think.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's given that you need to have a conversation.
Speaker 2: Sis right, because what he got to be low for
Speaker 2: is he being low to Bay and you're like the
Speaker 2: side piece or vice versa.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think that because he said he said,
Speaker 1: I didn't know that they were closely?
Speaker 4: Oh where he ran into Bay because he didn't know
Speaker 4: they were So it's not his Bay. How does he
Speaker 4: not know that his babe closely to him? True? You
Speaker 4: see what I'm saying. That's why it doesn't make that much.
Speaker 2: It is Bee just like a person. For example, there's
Speaker 2: people that you have in your group chats with guys
Speaker 2: or whatever. It may be a photo of a woman
Speaker 2: and we're like oh we call her Bay. Oh shoot,
Speaker 2: I ran in today.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm trying to realize is that don't be
Speaker 1: surprised if what you think is something is actually nothing.
Speaker 1: But then he's gonna be asking you why you're going
Speaker 1: through my phone because because and the reason why I
Speaker 1: say that is because no man and I know that
Speaker 1: it's going to be an admission of cheating in a
Speaker 1: group chat, is going to leave it in the group
Speaker 1: chat and then have is this girl potentially to his phone?
Speaker 4: Like potent? Like we have to start thinking logically.
Speaker 3: All right, it could be logical until she asked him.
Speaker 1: And right, and could it could be a funny thing.
Speaker 1: For example, how many uh I G. Chicks do we follow?
Speaker 1: And you'd be like, that's Bee.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what I'm saying. You'd be like, that's babe.
Speaker 1: One thing I'm gonna tell you most men don't say
Speaker 1: a woman that they would is if that's Bee unless
Speaker 1: it's a joke.
Speaker 4: I'm just being honest. No man says to another man, yo,
Speaker 4: that's Bee. Nobody really does that.
Speaker 3: But we'll see.
Speaker 1: I think it needs to be addressed. And you do
Speaker 1: have to write back to us now that you heard
Speaker 1: this listening letter played on the show. You got to
Speaker 1: write back to us and tell us what you.
Speaker 3: Found out the outcome of the conversation.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I'm just I'm just saying based on context clues. Okay,
Speaker 4: got you. If he is cheating, he's not.
Speaker 3: A good cheating and he's not a good liar, so
Speaker 3: we can take that cap away from him. All right, Guys,
Speaker 3: if you want to be featured as a listener letter,
Speaker 3: email us at dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 4: That's D E A D A S S A d
Speaker 4: V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: My moment of truth is very simple when it comes
Speaker 3: to vacations. Book it. Book it.
Speaker 4: That's it.
Speaker 3: Book it, do it.
Speaker 2: It's it's let me tell you if you haven't been
Speaker 2: on one, if you're in need of one, if your
Speaker 2: partner is in need of one, or see that plan ahead.
Speaker 2: There's so many ways to enjoy each other's company, and
Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be super elaborate and expensive. Sometimes
Speaker 2: it's just a change of scenery. That can be something local,
Speaker 2: it could be a road trip. Just that disconnecting to
Speaker 2: reconnect is so important, So book it.
Speaker 4: Copy.
Speaker 1: I will say this when you book vacations matter more
Speaker 1: than just booking a vacation. If you book a vacation
Speaker 1: right before a family vacation, everything you did on that
Speaker 1: vacation is just gone swept under the rug. And because
Speaker 1: Kadeen was exhausted recovery after the first vacation, then we
Speaker 1: went on the extended family vacation and she don't even
Speaker 1: remember anything we did on the vacation. So I would say,
Speaker 1: either bookend vacations, one of the beginning and one on
Speaker 1: the end, and that you can only afford one at
Speaker 1: the end. Make your vacation be the last thing you
Speaker 1: do before you send them kids back to school.
Speaker 3: That'schol oh Man, all right, y'all.
Speaker 2: Be sure to find us on Patreon to see exclusive
Speaker 2: dead Ass podcasts, video content, and so much more of
Speaker 2: the Ellis family, all deca devous truth, all that good stuff,
Speaker 2: and you can find us on social media at dead
Speaker 2: Ass the podcast on Instagram, you can find me Kadeen
Speaker 2: I am on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 4: And I am Devo.
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review,
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