WEBVTT - Lilly Singh: Stop Trying to Prove Yourself to Everyone Else! (#1 Mindset Shift to Build REAL Confidence & Self-Worth) 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.840 Thus far in life, you have a one hundred percent 0:00:02.960 --> 0:00:06.240 success rate of getting through things. There's not a single 0:00:06.280 --> 0:00:08.039 thing in your life if you're sitting here right now 0:00:08.039 --> 0:00:10.800 that you have not gotten through. So anytime you felt 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:12.800 like this in the past, you got through it. And 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:14.680 I think we need to remind ourselves that a little bit, 0:00:14.720 --> 0:00:16.880 that we can beat ourselves up. But just because your 0:00:16.920 --> 0:00:19.080 brain is saying it, it doesn't mean it's true. We 0:00:19.160 --> 0:00:22.119 lie to ourselves all the time. The number one health 0:00:22.160 --> 0:00:26.439 and well iness podcast Jay Sheddy, Jay Sheddy See Only 0:00:26.760 --> 0:00:27.440 Jay Sheddy. 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:31.560 Hi, I am so excited to be here tonight at 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:34.480 the Ellie Culkins Opera House in Denver with the one 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:37.120 and only my dear friend Lily saying, let's go. 0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:41.959 First of all, you know I'm gonna uproot this whole thing. 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:43.800 You know this, I don't follow rules. How awesome is 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:44.559 j Sheddy? 0:00:44.600 --> 0:00:48.559 Though, come on, this is your show now? 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:49.920 No, it's not my show. 0:00:50.640 --> 0:00:52.640 I like the show has way. 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:54.720 More famous friends than me. So the fact that I 0:00:54.760 --> 0:00:56.400 get to close out this tour all of you, this 0:00:56.440 --> 0:00:59.400 is the last tour stop, isn't that amazing? We get 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:03.080 to be Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna uproot too much, 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:04.240 but I just have to. Like, I know we're all 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:06.880 thinking it Jay's brain. He's so kind. I'm gonna give 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:09.200 you all the tea of what Jay's actually like off 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:12.319 the podcast is we're actually real friends. Oh I will 0:01:12.400 --> 0:01:19.280 baby girl, don't you worry. What's your name, Pamela? Okay, 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:22.959 her name is Jay Sheddy. There's an open bar here 0:01:23.000 --> 0:01:27.200 and I like it. No, but Jay is an incredible 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:28.800 human being. I'm so honored to be here on this 0:01:28.880 --> 0:01:32.160 last tour. Stop everything you know about Jay from the podcast. 0:01:32.640 --> 0:01:34.240 I don't know how to even explain to you that 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:37.119 he's even better off the mic and behind the scenes 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:39.400 and behind the camera. This man is the real deal. 0:01:39.640 --> 0:01:42.000 He is so genuine, the first to say yes to 0:01:42.040 --> 0:01:45.280 anything anyone asks him. He calls me up randomly, just 0:01:45.280 --> 0:01:48.360 just check up on me, just to say Hi. The 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:51.520 person you bought tickets for and you're supporting deserves all 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:53.080 the support that you are giving him. 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:59.400 Absolutely, you're the best. I appreciate that we are real friends. 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:02.800 Me and Lily have a scheduled dinner day every month 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:06.640 because our lives are crazy, but then we also hang 0:02:06.680 --> 0:02:09.000 out spend a lot of time together. I stalked her 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:13.520 seven years ago to make her my friend. And I remember, 0:02:13.520 --> 0:02:14.320 you have eyes like. 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:18.840 That, you can do that, So men don't get ideas. Okay, 0:02:19.080 --> 0:02:20.600 you have eyes like that, you can do that. 0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:23.840 I remember, I remember I just moved to LA and 0:02:23.919 --> 0:02:25.880 as someone who'd and there's a reason why I'm giving 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:27.600 you this background because I have a question for Lily 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:31.040 to kick it off with. But I grew up watching Lily. 0:02:31.560 --> 0:02:34.680 So I would watch Lily in London on YouTube and 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:38.120 just think, how is this person, you know, creating this 0:02:38.200 --> 0:02:42.360 incredible community online, you know, billions of views, tens of 0:02:42.360 --> 0:02:45.200 millions of followers. It was incredible to watch. And I 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:47.160 remember when I moved to LA because I'd watched so 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:51.240 much of Lily's videos, I was like, we'd be great friends, right, 0:02:51.919 --> 0:02:54.760 and so so I literally would just tell everyone I'm met, 0:02:54.800 --> 0:02:56.040 and they'd be like, oh, who do you want to connect? 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:58.280 I want to connect with Lily because I think would 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:00.600 be really good friends. And then when we find met, 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:02.799 I did the really dorky thing of saying I think 0:03:02.880 --> 0:03:06.520 would be really good friends, and then that's we became 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:07.160 really good friends. 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:10.240 He's not live. Three different people called me to be 0:03:10.280 --> 0:03:13.079 like this guy named Jay keeps saying he wants to 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.640 be your friend, and I was like, okay, and then 0:03:15.680 --> 0:03:17.560 we became friends. And now how lucky am I that 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:19.440 I get to have Jay Sheddy. 0:03:19.120 --> 0:03:19.560 In my life? 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:21.799 But I wanted to ask you this question to kick 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:24.280 it off with, because what I've always admired about your 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:29.600 career is that you have been first to so many things. 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:32.880 You were one of the earliest adopters of a creator 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:35.520 on YouTube. I remember moving to New York and seeing 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:39.080 billboards of you all over New York. You were one 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:42.160 of the first people to get like for a woman 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:45.200 of color, right, bisexual woman of color to get their 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:47.600 first gay late night days? 0:03:48.360 --> 0:03:52.280 Okay, happy bride, that's not gays. 0:03:52.120 --> 0:03:54.600 To get a late night show, which was unheard of. 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:55.640 Another first? 0:03:55.960 --> 0:03:56.080 Right? 0:03:56.160 --> 0:03:58.360 The amount of first that you've had in your career 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:01.800 are you know? I literally couldn't even count all of them. 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:05.440 It's incredible. You've paid the way, You've constantly trail based. 0:04:06.160 --> 0:04:10.840 But being first is celebrated, but it's not easy. And 0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:13.640 tonight we've been talking about people chasing their dreams and 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:16.760 people going after and not worrying about what people think. 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:20.240 But when you're first, that's all that happens. Talk to 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:23.160 me about how you even had the idea to start 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:25.760 on YouTube and how long it took you from having 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:27.440 an idea to execution. 0:04:28.839 --> 0:04:31.400 Yes, my career has had a lot of firsts, and 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:33.400 I know and thank you for asking me this question, 0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:36.320 because I think very often when people talk to me 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:39.240 about my career on first it's very celebratory, which I'm 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:41.280 very grateful. It's very cool to be able to say 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:43.680 I was the first two. But it is so scary. 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:47.520 It is so lonely. It is. I've had so much 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:51.120 anxiety over it. To be in a situation where you 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:54.960 have no one around you to ask for advice, no roadmap, 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:58.039 no one's else's failures, to look at her wins, so 0:04:58.080 --> 0:05:00.839 look at it's really really scary and lonely. I started 0:05:00.839 --> 0:05:05.160 making YouTube videos in twenty ten. I spontaneously made them. 0:05:05.160 --> 0:05:08.360 I was in university getting a psychic degree, which I 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:15.000 don't use, and yay getting a psych degree, and I 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:16.920 was kind of I don't know if anyone can resonate. 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:19.640 I was just kind of going through the motions of life. 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:21.960 My parents really want me to go to university. I 0:05:22.000 --> 0:05:23.720 go to the same one my sister went to. My 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:25.600 parents really want me to get a degree because they 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:27.680 believe that a degree will get you a job. Lol. 0:05:27.880 --> 0:05:29.760 So I go and do that as well. Right, I 0:05:29.800 --> 0:05:31.840 get the same degree my sister gets, and now I'm 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:33.560 like just living this life alike. And then I'll get 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:35.760 a degree, and then I guess I'll get married, and 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:37.520 then I'll guess I'll have kids, and then I guess 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:40.200 I'll just live do the motions of this life that 0:05:40.320 --> 0:05:42.479 everyone around me is doing and that everyone before me, 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:45.080 especially the women before me, have done because they didn't 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:47.800 have any other options. And I was I'll give you 0:05:47.800 --> 0:05:49.520 a little bit of heavy context here because I think 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:53.240 it's important. From a very young age, it was abundantly 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:57.719 clear to me that my extended family was not thrilled 0:05:58.240 --> 0:06:00.960 at the idea of a second daughter being born. So 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:03.280 I don't know if anyone can relate here, but in 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:05.239 Indian culture and a lot of cultures around the world, 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:07.880 people want a son, you know. And so I had 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:10.279 an older sister, and when I was a second daughter born, 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:12.360 it was made very clear that, like, this is not 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:16.400 worth calling the family about. Really disappointed about this. Laugh 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:18.240 at my trauma. That's what I've done for the past 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:20.360 ten years. Here, we got the right idea. But so 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:22.880 I bring this up because I feel like for most 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:24.679 of my life I've had this chip on my shoulder. 0:06:24.960 --> 0:06:26.720 And I'm not saying it's healthy, to be clear, I'm 0:06:26.760 --> 0:06:28.839 just saying it's true. I've always had this chip on 0:06:28.880 --> 0:06:32.080 my shoulder to prove I am worthy of being alive, 0:06:32.200 --> 0:06:34.960 being in spaces, and to prove to other people like no, 0:06:35.400 --> 0:06:39.640 I was born and I'm gonna do great things. Thank you, 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:45.960 thank you. We do need this comments. So when I 0:06:45.960 --> 0:06:48.679 started making YouTube videos, I was in a really dark 0:06:48.720 --> 0:06:50.560 place because I was living this linear life. I didn't 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:52.400 feel like I was fulfilling my purpose. What a podcast 0:06:52.480 --> 0:06:55.640 reference and I was just like, this can be what 0:06:55.720 --> 0:06:57.200 life is about. There's got to be more to this. 0:06:58.120 --> 0:06:59.800 I made my first YouTube video because I felt so 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.520 low and I felt so confused. And my first video 0:07:02.760 --> 0:07:05.800 seventy people watched it, and I was like, well, damn, 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:07.800 I'm famous now. I don't know, I don't know so 0:07:07.800 --> 0:07:10.600 how many people. But I just fell in love with 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:13.440 this idea of I get to say what I want 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:16.240 to say, and I've built this albeit small community of 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.400 people that are connecting with me, and I just felt alive. 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:20.280 I was doing something for myself for the first time, 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:22.760 breaking the rules for the first time. This wasn't a 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:24.800 path anyone else had done. And so that's why I 0:07:24.800 --> 0:07:27.640 made my first YouTube video is because I was grasping 0:07:27.640 --> 0:07:31.080 for connection and I was grasping to probably prove myself. 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:34.920 Now YouTube led to a bunch of other cool things. 0:07:34.920 --> 0:07:37.080 You know, I've gotten to write two books. Neither of 0:07:37.080 --> 0:07:39.040 them have sold as many copies as Jay's books, but 0:07:39.240 --> 0:07:43.280 you know, we try. And the reason I'm being really 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:45.880 vulnerable to tell you this, I think the reason I 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:48.480 started YouTube, the reason I said yes to Late Night, 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:50.000 the reason I said yes to a lot of things, 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:53.240 again not saying it's healthy, is I knew one thing 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:57.400 people could understand, every extended family member, every man in 0:07:57.440 --> 0:07:59.440 the family, everyone that doubted me. I knew they would 0:07:59.560 --> 0:08:04.880 understand influence, and I knew they would understand fame and money. 0:08:05.520 --> 0:08:08.400 And again I'm not saying that those things should be 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:10.960 the drivers. But when you're in a situation where you're 0:08:11.000 --> 0:08:14.440 like nobody believes in me, and I'm surrounded by people 0:08:14.480 --> 0:08:18.240 that don't think I can do something, I chase something 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:20.560 I knew they would understand. And it has been a 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:30.000 lifelong journey to teach myself to chase something else. I 0:08:30.000 --> 0:08:31.160 don't think I've ever told you that. 0:08:31.240 --> 0:08:34.160 Actually, I need to come over and give you a 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:38.160 hug right now. No, I can tell just what you're 0:08:38.200 --> 0:08:40.320 saying is it's you know, because. 0:08:40.080 --> 0:08:42.480 It's not a sexy thing to admit. I think, you know, 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:46.240 it's a lot of times people want me to talk about, 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:49.160 Oh yeah, I did it because I'm representation and passion. 0:08:49.240 --> 0:08:51.679 Those things are true. That's not why I started. I 0:08:51.720 --> 0:08:53.920 started because I was like, oh, you don't think I 0:08:53.960 --> 0:08:57.360 can do this. You'll understand a million people watching my video. 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:00.880 You will understand the size of my house. You understand 0:09:00.880 --> 0:09:03.440 those things. Then I got those things and don't do 0:09:03.600 --> 0:09:05.120 me wrong. It felt really good, but then I still 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:08.400 felt really empty because I was trying to prove other 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:10.760 people right, when really what I try to do now 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:13.600 is I try to prove myself right. That's more important. 0:09:14.040 --> 0:09:17.160 Well said, Well said, yeah, absolutely, give it up for Lily, 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:18.359 Absolutely absolutely. 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:21.040 I want to dive into the depths. 0:09:20.679 --> 0:09:22.600 Of people who are like, we didn't know her, but 0:09:22.640 --> 0:09:27.480 she's kind of smart. That's right. Let me win you over. 0:09:29.040 --> 0:09:30.520 I want to dive into the depths of some of 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:33.800 that because I think even for what you're just saying 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:36.199 to obviously I know you so well, but for everyone 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:39.360 else here as well, to really understand what that upbringing 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:42.280 feels like, because I think, like you said, everyone here 0:09:42.320 --> 0:09:44.920 has that in their own way. I think everyone feels 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:48.160 like they have something to prove. Everyone feels like it's 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:50.960 very rare that you were surrounded by people who believed 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:53.320 in you and thought your ideas were amazing. And if 0:09:53.360 --> 0:09:57.040 you had that, that's incredible. But maybe that even came 0:09:57.080 --> 0:09:59.160 with its own pressure because you had to live up 0:09:59.200 --> 0:10:03.160 to certain expect Walk me through what those cultural expectations 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:06.600 did to you as a young girl, and I know, 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:09.280 as someone who's done a lot of self work, talk 0:10:09.400 --> 0:10:12.520 me through how they kind of mirrored into your future 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:14.839 life and the kind of things you've had to peel 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:15.559 back on live. 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:16.760 Do you actually make sense to that? 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:19.040 Yeah, And a lot of this are things I've realized 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:20.920 only as a full adult because I was so blind 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:22.680 to it growing up. You know, of course, there's silly 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:25.839 examples like girls aren't supposed to do this, girls dressed 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:29.160 like this, to silly things like my grandfather, God bless 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:31.000 his soul. But always girls are not supposed to whistle 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:35.600 like simple things. Girls shouldn't be so spoken, you know, 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:38.560 they should be generally timid and not not be the 0:10:38.600 --> 0:10:42.319 center of attention at a family party. I loved dancing 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:45.040 growing up, and I was the captain of a dance team, 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:46.960 and the main reason my parents had a problem with 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:50.480 it was girls aren't supposed to dance at events or 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:52.720 get hired to dance. So there's a lot of what 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:55.400 you should and shouldn't do as a girl the box 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:57.800 are put in as a girl. But the deeper thing 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:02.280 that I actually subconsciously learned growing up was that if 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:08.199 someone tells you something about yourself, you just accept it. 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:11.559 For so much of my life, I was like, oh, 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:13.920 you're saying this thing to me. I guess that is 0:11:13.960 --> 0:11:16.440 now my burden. Oh you were telling me I should 0:11:16.480 --> 0:11:19.120 be this way. Great, I will now work on ways 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:22.040 to be that way. Oh you're telling me I shouldn't 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:24.079 be this way. Great, I'm gonna work really hard because 0:11:24.080 --> 0:11:26.240 I'm not gonna be that way. It wasn't until I 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:28.800 was a full adult, and there's a very specific experience 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:31.360 that taught me this lesson where I realized that I 0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:37.679 could actually just say no, I'm good. I actually don't 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:40.280 need to accept this thing you're putting on to me, 0:11:40.360 --> 0:11:43.160 like I actually have a choice in the matter. So choice, 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:46.840 the idea of deciding, did not occur to me. And 0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:51.200 the experience that taught me this was in twenty nineteen. 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:54.559 I got a late night show, and I had two 0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:56.560 seasons of a late night show. And when it was 0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:58.880 brought to me, I'll be real, I didn't grow up 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:01.440 watching late night. My parents didn't watch late night. You know. 0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:04.000 My parents are like mega brown Indians, and I don't 0:12:04.000 --> 0:12:06.480 think they related to anything on late night. And so 0:12:06.920 --> 0:12:09.000 I don't have that experience where a lot of people 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:10.360 were like, I grew up with it and you know 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:12.760 it raised me. I didn't have that, and so when 0:12:12.760 --> 0:12:14.640 they asked me to do the late night show, I 0:12:14.679 --> 0:12:18.200 actually said no. I was like, I don't really like 0:12:18.240 --> 0:12:20.080 I didn't get into this to be a late night host. 0:12:20.080 --> 0:12:22.160 I don't really know much about this, and so I 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:25.280 went away. Now I'm a big believer that the universe 0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:27.920 teaches you lessons and brings things to you. And so 0:12:28.080 --> 0:12:30.360 a month later they came back and they were like, 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:33.360 we are asking you for the second time to be 0:12:33.720 --> 0:12:36.280 our late night host and I was like, Okay, let 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:38.760 me think about this properly, and again we go back 0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:41.640 to me trying to prove myself. One of my team 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:44.560 members explained to me how historic this would be. They're like, 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:47.199 there's never been a late night host that looks like you. 0:12:47.600 --> 0:12:50.360 It would be historic. It would, you know, be a headline. 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:53.320 And of course my ego is like a headline. I 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:56.719 do like a headline. I would of course I'd want 0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:58.480 to make history. And of course the sentimental part of 0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:00.559 me is also thinking, oh, I could like help a path, 0:13:00.679 --> 0:13:02.320 then maybe I can open the door for someone else, 0:13:02.360 --> 0:13:03.839 and I could do what I did with YouTube. And 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:06.800 so I said yes, And I did this late night 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:10.920 show for two years, and it was twenty years of knowledge. 0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:13.080 When I tell you, it was the most difficult thing 0:13:13.080 --> 0:13:16.920 I've ever done in my life, like mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:18.520 just in the worst shape of my life. It was 0:13:18.559 --> 0:13:21.840 such a demanding job. We shot ninety six episodes in 0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:26.160 three months in season one, with half of the writer's 0:13:26.200 --> 0:13:29.000 room that a normal talk show would have half of 0:13:29.040 --> 0:13:32.000 the writers with a quarter of the budget probably, and 0:13:32.120 --> 0:13:36.640 both seasons took place during COVID, So for my first season, 0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:39.720 because we banked those episodes when I was talking about 0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:42.640 partying and making out and traveling, we were in COVID. 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:46.160 H you know, that was my first season, and my 0:13:46.280 --> 0:13:48.600 second season was shot fully in COVID, so all the 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:51.040 interviews were on zoom. So it's a very challenging experience. 0:13:51.920 --> 0:13:54.480 Experience ended, and for a year or two I just 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:56.840 beat myself up about it, like I couldn't do it. 0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:59.040 I didn't do it justice. I only had two seasons. 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:01.640 I didn't even like a lot of the episodes I shot. 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:04.280 I remember walking to my monologue mark and being like, 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:07.679 this isn't good. What I'm about to sell right now 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:09.959 is not funny, and I'm gonna have to do this 0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:13.199 for ninety six episodes and it's a horrible feeling. And 0:14:13.240 --> 0:14:15.040 I beat myself up a lot of the time. But 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:17.680 during that process, people would literally come up to me 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:21.440 and say, verbatim, a billion people are counting on you, 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:25.520 Like all the Indians are counting on you. A billion 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:28.400 of us are counting. People would come up to me 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:30.520 and say like, oh, but of course every headline was 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:32.320 bisexual woman of color, And people are so mad at 0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:34.960 me about the headline, like I wrote it, what I mean, 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:39.280 all the gays are counting on you, like all the 0:14:39.320 --> 0:14:41.520 women are counting. I'm like, that's a lot of people 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:43.440 that are counting on me, you know what I mean. Like, 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:46.080 there's no way I could make all of these people proud. 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:49.000 There's just no way. And so for so long I 0:14:49.040 --> 0:14:51.400 felt like crap about that that I let women down. 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:53.640 I let brown people down. I like queers down. I 0:14:53.720 --> 0:14:56.000 let people with long hair down. I let dog moms down. 0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:59.080 Everyone leave, bros. I let you down. Okay, you know 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:03.040 what I mean. I thank you, baby girl, thank you. 0:15:04.280 --> 0:15:07.360 But only in the past three years that I realize 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:10.800 I was like, I now have the confidence and self 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:14.560 love to say that I actually could have said, actually, 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:17.200 it's not my job to make a billion people proud, 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:20.360 you know what I mean. And I did not have 0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:23.000 that thought at the time. I was like, of course, okay, yes, 0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:25.480 when I was there writing the monologue, Okay, I'm gonna 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:27.920 mention Indian. Okay, I'm gonna mention I'll be a little 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:30.040 gay over here, okay, and then I'll mention my I 0:15:30.200 --> 0:15:32.680 was so fixated on, like how do it didn't even 0:15:32.720 --> 0:15:35.840 occur to me to say, I actually don't have to 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:38.480 do that I actually don't have to live up to that, 0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:41.840 and I think that's just my upbringings. I've always just 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:44.320 taken on the burden without question, you know. 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:52.040 I mean, I've definitely never heard you talk about it this. 0:15:52.000 --> 0:15:54.520 Way and have no filter day you know this that's 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:55.960 the open book for better or for worse. 0:15:56.280 --> 0:15:59.480 Oh no, But it's really resonating with me because as 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:01.480 I'm thinking of everyone who's sitting here as well, let's 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:05.680 say that's exactly what we're going through, where we feel 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:09.960 the pressure to carry the ban for our family, our friends, 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:12.200 for the children, like whatever it is, like, I think 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:15.880 we all carry so much weight and pressure of expectation 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:19.040 of showing up, and we can feel like we're carrying everything. 0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:25.080 Was it going through the process that So here's the 0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:27.680 interesting thing. Could you have got to where you are 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:32.560 today in that confidence without saying yes to something that 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:34.400 didn't work out the way you would have wanted it 0:16:34.440 --> 0:16:36.440 to or was that the only way. 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:36.920 To get there? 0:16:38.520 --> 0:16:43.760 Unfortunately for me, but very fortunately for my therapist who 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:52.760 now owns a yacht, I've had to go through every 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:57.840 challenging experience to get to where I am. I take 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:01.680 self growth very seriously. This as my friend. I'm really 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:03.640 dedicated to being a student for life. I want to 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:05.679 learn about myself. I have a ton of rituals in 0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:08.160 my life to learn about myself. But there's no way 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:09.719 I would have any of that or be where I 0:17:09.880 --> 0:17:12.680 was if it wasn't for the moments that kicked my butt. 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:15.360 You need to get your buck kicked a little bit 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:18.480 to learn some lessons. So when even people ask you regrets, 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:20.440 of course we all think of ones. But I bet 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:22.480 if you thought of any moment that was really horrible, 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:24.760 there's a silver lining where you're like and that made 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:27.320 me amazing because of this an x YSI. So I 0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:29.720 really do feel like I had to go through late night. 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:32.080 I had to go through a ton of stuff to 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:33.919 be the person I am now to fulfill the purpose 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:36.119 I am fulfilling right now. And now I take that 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:39.600 knowledge forward knowing that when another thing happens as challenging, 0:17:39.680 --> 0:17:41.359 that is the thing that kind of holds me to 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:43.040 be Like, I know, somewhere in here is going to 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:45.200 be something that brings me closer to the person I'm 0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:45.720 supposed to be. 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:48.119 If someone's in one of those situations right now, like 0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:51.040 they're sitting here right now, and they're feeling stuck, They're 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:54.399 feeling like they're in the middle of one of those transitions, 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:57.680 which is always the hardest place to be in it. 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:01.000 What would you inc them to do? Is someone? 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:02.399 And by the way, I know that for a fact, 0:18:02.400 --> 0:18:05.679 like your commitment to self work, your commitment to healing, 0:18:05.760 --> 0:18:09.280 your commitment to everything I talk about, Lily is like 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:12.840 teaches pet for right, Like she's like the best student. 0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:15.800 Like everything I talk about are things that you truly 0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:18.960 live by. Have seen that in our friendship. But if 0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:21.480 someone's right in the thick of it right now and 0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:24.520 everything just feels like it's going wrong, it's falling apart, 0:18:24.560 --> 0:18:26.679 they feel the weight of the world on them, what 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:29.040 would you encourage them to reflect on? 0:18:29.359 --> 0:18:31.600 Do or build? What would you encourage them to do? 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:34.680 Yeah, I think we are our own harshest critics, right, 0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:37.879 And if you're that person that like beats yourself up mentally, 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:39.280 you're not alone. Look to the person next to you. 0:18:39.320 --> 0:18:41.119 They do the same thing. We're all just beating ourselves 0:18:41.160 --> 0:18:44.120 up all the time. And I'm not the best at math, 0:18:44.520 --> 0:18:46.120 but I know this one thing I'm about to say 0:18:46.200 --> 0:18:48.760 is one hundred percent going to be correct, and it 0:18:48.840 --> 0:18:50.960 is going to apply to every single person here, and 0:18:51.000 --> 0:18:53.320 that is thus far in life, you have a one 0:18:53.400 --> 0:18:56.840 hundred percent success rate of getting through things. There's not 0:18:56.920 --> 0:18:59.080 a single thing in your life if you're sitting here 0:18:59.160 --> 0:19:01.760 right now, that you have not gotten through. So anytime 0:19:01.760 --> 0:19:03.800 you felt like this in the past, you got through it. 0:19:04.359 --> 0:19:06.960 What I do is I actually journal and write about 0:19:06.960 --> 0:19:09.440 some of those experiences. Lily, you were in this experience 0:19:09.480 --> 0:19:11.720 in your eighth grade when you had late night, you 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:13.199 were with this smiss, you got through it. You have 0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:15.119 one hundred percent. You feel like a failure, and you 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:17.160 have one hundred percent success. Right. That is the truth 0:19:17.160 --> 0:19:18.639 of where you are right now. And I think we 0:19:18.680 --> 0:19:20.439 need to remind ourselves that a little bit. That we 0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:22.720 can beat ourselves up. But just because your brain is 0:19:22.720 --> 0:19:25.639 saying it, it doesn't mean it's true. Right. Jay actually 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:28.879 taught me this that we lie to ourselves all the time. 0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:31.920 Our brain lies to ourselves all the time. And you 0:19:32.000 --> 0:19:34.280 just have to change that thought and go back and 0:19:34.680 --> 0:19:36.960 relive all the things that you've gotten through. One hundred 0:19:36.960 --> 0:19:38.720 percent success. Right, every single one of you give yourself 0:19:38.760 --> 0:19:40.399 a round aplause congratulations. 0:19:40.520 --> 0:19:58.920 Yes, it's true, it's true. 0:20:00.119 --> 0:20:02.719 And I love the practical aspect of it, though, because 0:20:02.960 --> 0:20:05.440 this is the part we skip. Sometimes we hear something 0:20:05.480 --> 0:20:07.320 like that and we go, oh, I really like that idea. 0:20:08.000 --> 0:20:09.960 That makes sense to me, but then we don't actually 0:20:10.000 --> 0:20:12.520 do the practical piece. So what Lily just said there 0:20:12.600 --> 0:20:16.480 was that idea of her journaling and actually thinking back 0:20:16.520 --> 0:20:19.320 to all the things that she's overcome in her life. 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:22.960 That act of journaling, writing it down, reading it back. 0:20:23.320 --> 0:20:26.439 That's the practice. If you really want to find confidence, 0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:29.159 you only have to look at your past. If you 0:20:29.200 --> 0:20:31.400 really want to find resilience, you only have to look 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:34.199 at your pain. If you really want to find that strength, 0:20:34.240 --> 0:20:36.240 you only have to look back in the last ten 0:20:36.320 --> 0:20:38.920 years and think of all the things that you broke through. 0:20:38.960 --> 0:20:41.080 But you have to write it down, you have to 0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:43.680 read it, and you have to remind yourself, because your 0:20:43.760 --> 0:20:46.239 mind will just remind you of all the times you 0:20:46.320 --> 0:20:50.119 didn't stay strong, all the times you didn't be brave, 0:20:50.240 --> 0:20:52.360 all the times you didn't do it. And so the 0:20:52.400 --> 0:20:55.119 act of writing it down, as Lily saying, is huge. 0:20:55.880 --> 0:20:58.439 And I don't want to undervalue just how powerful that 0:20:58.480 --> 0:21:04.119 piece of advice is. As you're breaking through that and 0:21:04.160 --> 0:21:08.520 you're looking at some of the residue of childhood expectation 0:21:08.640 --> 0:21:11.360 that we all have. Right, I'll share one of mine, 0:21:11.400 --> 0:21:14.480 which is which is vulnerable for me too, And you 0:21:14.520 --> 0:21:16.800 know you've inspired me to want to open up as 0:21:16.800 --> 0:21:19.920 well in this conversation, and it's I remember, this was 0:21:20.280 --> 0:21:21.959 one of the big ones that was just hidden for 0:21:22.040 --> 0:21:26.440 so long. I was given a lot of love growing up, 0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:29.560 but that love always had a little bit of guilt 0:21:29.640 --> 0:21:32.760 in it. And what that meant was that I was loved, 0:21:32.800 --> 0:21:34.520 but I was made to feel guilty if I didn't 0:21:34.560 --> 0:21:38.120 love my caretakers back with that level of love, if 0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:41.240 not more so, I always felt like I wasn't loving 0:21:41.560 --> 0:21:45.280 the people that loved me enough. And what I didn't 0:21:45.280 --> 0:21:47.880 realize is that when I first started dating my now wife, 0:21:48.520 --> 0:21:51.520 that's how I loved her. I over loved her, but 0:21:51.560 --> 0:21:55.200 then made her feel guilty for not loving me back enough. 0:21:56.160 --> 0:21:58.439 And what that did is it just pushed her away. 0:21:58.960 --> 0:22:00.919 It didn't make us close, so it didn't make her 0:22:00.920 --> 0:22:04.080 love me more. It made her more shut down. And 0:22:04.119 --> 0:22:07.480 the reason I'm raising that is because this tiny thread 0:22:08.240 --> 0:22:10.960 or this tiny seed or weed that was planted when 0:22:11.000 --> 0:22:14.239 I was like four years old was affecting me in 0:22:14.280 --> 0:22:17.320 my thirties. What has been something in your life that 0:22:17.359 --> 0:22:20.439 you've seen has just stayed And that's the thing that 0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:22.120 you're working on the most right now. 0:22:23.000 --> 0:22:23.879 I mean, how much. 0:22:23.760 --> 0:22:25.080 Time we got here? Jay? 0:22:25.840 --> 0:22:29.840 Also? Can I have this? Can we have this delicious beverage? 0:22:29.960 --> 0:22:30.280 Judy? 0:22:30.920 --> 0:22:32.600 Oh my god, let me just I'm going to answer 0:22:32.600 --> 0:22:33.959 this question a second befirst. I just wanted to take 0:22:33.960 --> 0:22:42.400 a cheers, cheers, cheers. Oh my god, this refreshing beverage. 0:22:42.400 --> 0:22:49.760 Hold on a backling to you with adapted is where 0:22:49.760 --> 0:22:50.440 do you get this? 0:22:50.560 --> 0:22:50.720 Joe? 0:22:52.520 --> 0:22:55.840 Where do you get this delicious drink? Is it available 0:22:55.840 --> 0:23:06.240 at Costco? Should every person? So delicious? Seriously? Thank you 0:23:06.280 --> 0:23:12.399 so much. You can give me a check later. No, 0:23:13.560 --> 0:23:16.840 back to serious combo. Based off everything I just told 0:23:16.880 --> 0:23:22.800 you about me being so intense with proving myself, what 0:23:23.080 --> 0:23:28.439 comes along with that is unrealistically high expectations and standards 0:23:28.680 --> 0:23:32.919 for myself. So when you're fueled by proving people wrong 0:23:33.520 --> 0:23:36.160 and trying to prove yourself, the bar is so high 0:23:36.240 --> 0:23:39.520 for yourself. Like when I say I'm my own biggest critic, 0:23:39.600 --> 0:23:42.680 I really am. I could do an amazing job at something. 0:23:42.680 --> 0:23:44.399 You better believe. I'm walking backstations like why did you 0:23:44.400 --> 0:23:45.560 do that? Why did you say that word like that, 0:23:45.640 --> 0:23:48.560 Like I am going over everything again, and so my 0:23:49.000 --> 0:23:51.320 expectations are so high and now just based on what 0:23:51.320 --> 0:23:54.680 you said as well with Rody, I map that onto 0:23:54.720 --> 0:23:57.840 other people. So now I'm in situations with friends and 0:23:57.880 --> 0:24:01.960 relationships where I have such an unrealistically high bar for 0:24:02.000 --> 0:24:04.560 them because that's what I have for myself and other 0:24:04.600 --> 0:24:07.199 people they're just trying to chill, they're just trying to 0:24:07.200 --> 0:24:09.600 live their life, They're just trying to do their thing, 0:24:09.640 --> 0:24:11.359 and I'm like, no, everything needs to be a hundred 0:24:11.480 --> 0:24:14.359 and amazing and perfect. And that has been a really 0:24:14.359 --> 0:24:18.160 big struggle for me because I associate expectations with love 0:24:18.240 --> 0:24:19.800 and care and if they don't do it to a 0:24:19.800 --> 0:24:21.560 one hundred, they don't love me, they don't care about me. 0:24:21.600 --> 0:24:23.480 Then that means I'm not important, I'm not a priority. 0:24:24.160 --> 0:24:25.879 And I learned that that has a lot to do 0:24:25.960 --> 0:24:29.720 with how I treat myself. And one of the ways 0:24:29.720 --> 0:24:32.239 I've tackled that is just to really work on my 0:24:32.520 --> 0:24:36.639 self compassion, you know, is to allow myself to just 0:24:36.760 --> 0:24:40.200 relax sometimes and it's okay. Not everything needs to be 0:24:40.440 --> 0:24:44.919 perfect one hundred a million again. I'm really nerdy, y' all. 0:24:44.920 --> 0:24:46.680 I hope you decided. I do a lot of practices 0:24:46.720 --> 0:24:51.080 that have help. Maybe one that I've done. And when 0:24:51.119 --> 0:24:52.879 I first started to do this, I was like, this 0:24:52.960 --> 0:24:54.840 is so dumb, this is never gonna work. I was 0:24:54.840 --> 0:24:58.520 literally like, this is so cringe. I have a notebook 0:24:58.760 --> 0:25:03.879 on my night table and I told myself that every 0:25:03.960 --> 0:25:06.640 day before I go to bed, I'm just gonna three 0:25:06.720 --> 0:25:11.760 bullets of ways I showed myself compassion or grace. Could 0:25:11.800 --> 0:25:14.320 be so small, could be so big. The first couple 0:25:14.280 --> 0:25:16.960 of days, I was like, I think I hate myself. 0:25:16.960 --> 0:25:20.639 I did nothing. And then that got me to think, like, 0:25:20.680 --> 0:25:23.240 throughout the day is there's small, small ways that you 0:25:23.280 --> 0:25:26.040 showed your self compassion. So every day till this day, 0:25:26.200 --> 0:25:27.960 I write three things before I go to bed, And 0:25:28.000 --> 0:25:31.920 they could be really simple, like, hey, you were really 0:25:32.040 --> 0:25:35.400 tired and you delegated that task. Good job. You showed 0:25:35.400 --> 0:25:39.119 yourself compassion. You were really sad about this thing, and 0:25:39.160 --> 0:25:43.960 you texted a friend like, you showed yourself compassion. You 0:25:44.080 --> 0:25:46.879 drew a boundary with a family member even though it 0:25:46.880 --> 0:25:49.000 was really scary, even it was really small, you did that. 0:25:49.240 --> 0:25:52.400 You showed your self compassion. Now this sounds so lame, 0:25:52.480 --> 0:25:54.120 and I'm well aware of this, and for the first 0:25:54.359 --> 0:25:56.240 two weeks three weeks, I was like, this is dumb. 0:25:56.440 --> 0:26:00.040 And then something amazing happened. Two months into this. My 0:25:59.800 --> 0:26:03.840 friend was late. Now, if anyone knows anything about me, 0:26:04.880 --> 0:26:07.199 that's the type of thing that would send me Okay, 0:26:07.320 --> 0:26:09.880 you don't show up late to LI, but you were saying, 0:26:09.880 --> 0:26:11.679 like Jay knows that you show up late. It's like 0:26:12.560 --> 0:26:15.320 you don't love me, you don't care about me, you 0:26:15.320 --> 0:26:16.840 didn't plan your day in accordance to being here, Like 0:26:16.920 --> 0:26:20.760 it's the spiral. My friends showed up late, and genuinely 0:26:20.920 --> 0:26:26.520 I was like, that's okay. I was somehow able to 0:26:26.600 --> 0:26:30.000 channel grace towards this person. And then it kept happening. 0:26:30.359 --> 0:26:32.439 Suddenly my friend didn't do the thing they said they 0:26:32.480 --> 0:26:34.040 were gonna say, and I was like, oh, my brain 0:26:34.080 --> 0:26:36.320 didn't go automatically too, they don't love me. It automatically 0:26:36.359 --> 0:26:38.520 went to like maybe this thing happened in their day. 0:26:38.520 --> 0:26:40.560 And that's why I was starting to give people grace 0:26:40.720 --> 0:26:44.200 solely because I just monitored the grace I gave myself 0:26:45.200 --> 0:26:48.840 and that has changed my life. So the expectations is 0:26:48.880 --> 0:26:51.439 really hard. But now I'm just kind of like, it's okay. 0:26:51.640 --> 0:26:53.840 We all just deserve a little bit of grace. 0:26:54.520 --> 0:26:56.280 You have no idea how big that is for Lily. 0:26:57.840 --> 0:26:58.920 Honestly, it's a big deal. 0:26:59.280 --> 0:27:01.720 When we first met game friends, I'm also I also, 0:27:01.800 --> 0:27:02.399 you should. 0:27:02.119 --> 0:27:03.840 Tell the genuine stories of how crazy A'm telling them. 0:27:03.920 --> 0:27:05.080 Okay, I'll tell you. I'll tell. 0:27:05.440 --> 0:27:05.520 So. 0:27:05.960 --> 0:27:08.720 I'm also someone who loves being on time. I was 0:27:08.800 --> 0:27:10.760 raised to believe that if you're not early, you're late. 0:27:11.000 --> 0:27:13.040 My mum raised me that way, and so I try 0:27:13.080 --> 0:27:15.520 and live by that. But I am married to someone 0:27:15.560 --> 0:27:18.080 who is not raised like that, so. 0:27:18.480 --> 0:27:18.840 I can. 0:27:20.280 --> 0:27:23.120 Right, So when we become friends, and like, I know 0:27:23.400 --> 0:27:25.560 how important it is for Lily for people to be 0:27:25.560 --> 0:27:27.520 on time, I also feel that way. When I turn 0:27:27.600 --> 0:27:30.200 up late somewhere, I'm like, this is terrible, Like I 0:27:30.280 --> 0:27:33.119 hang my head in shame. My wife has no shame, 0:27:33.560 --> 0:27:38.679 like does not care, like just does not feel anything, right, like, 0:27:38.760 --> 0:27:41.399 does not feel anything. So here we are rocking up 0:27:41.440 --> 0:27:44.159 to movie night late and I'm like, they want to 0:27:44.200 --> 0:27:44.760 start the movie. 0:27:44.760 --> 0:27:45.240 By this time. 0:27:45.320 --> 0:27:48.000 Popcorn would have gone into the microwave at this time, 0:27:48.359 --> 0:27:50.320 the you know, the butter would have been poured on 0:27:50.359 --> 0:27:53.280 it at this time. Like literally, that's like how meticulous 0:27:53.440 --> 0:27:56.879 Lily is and I'm stressing out and like so that 0:27:56.920 --> 0:27:59.360 would happen every time to the point, but you were 0:27:59.359 --> 0:28:01.760 like this last year. Lily throws the Best of Vali 0:28:01.880 --> 0:28:05.840 party ever, right periods and every year she throws the 0:28:05.840 --> 0:28:08.320 Best of Ali party gets bigger and bigger every year, 0:28:09.000 --> 0:28:11.159 and thankfully I get invited every year, even though we 0:28:11.200 --> 0:28:14.800 turn up late. And this last time we went again, 0:28:14.920 --> 0:28:17.639 we were so late because of my wife, but Lily 0:28:17.800 --> 0:28:19.000 was just unfazed. 0:28:19.320 --> 0:28:21.800 I got a really nice hug, we took pictures. 0:28:21.920 --> 0:28:24.000 It was amazing. And that's such a big thing for you. 0:28:24.080 --> 0:28:27.159 But that practice is so beautiful, and it's something that 0:28:27.200 --> 0:28:31.480 I've noticed in all of the biggest high performers that 0:28:31.560 --> 0:28:32.440 truly exist. 0:28:33.000 --> 0:28:34.159 They have two qualities. 0:28:35.000 --> 0:28:39.320 They have really high standards for themselves and they have 0:28:39.440 --> 0:28:41.680 really high grace for themselves. 0:28:42.160 --> 0:28:43.120 It's a real thing. 0:28:43.800 --> 0:28:46.440 And yeah, those are the two things, and Lily's demonstrating 0:28:46.440 --> 0:28:50.720 it right now. And that's something I want each and 0:28:50.760 --> 0:28:53.320 every one of you to have, because it's not just 0:28:53.440 --> 0:28:57.600 reserved for athletes and performers and actors and musicians. It's 0:28:57.600 --> 0:29:01.240 something each and every one of us deserve. Roger Federer, 0:29:01.280 --> 0:29:05.320 the tennis player, gave this amazing, amazing insight when he 0:29:05.360 --> 0:29:08.560 gave a speech. He talked about how when he's it's 0:29:08.600 --> 0:29:10.400 kind of comes to what Lily saying. When he's playing 0:29:10.400 --> 0:29:15.240 a point, it is the most important point on the planet, 0:29:16.160 --> 0:29:19.000 but as soon as the point is over, whether he 0:29:19.120 --> 0:29:23.040 loses or wins the point, it is the least important 0:29:23.080 --> 0:29:26.320 point that he has ever played in his life. And 0:29:26.360 --> 0:29:29.040 he said it is only because of that that he 0:29:29.080 --> 0:29:31.520 can play the next point. And he talked about in 0:29:31.520 --> 0:29:36.360 this speech how he's only won something crazy like fifty 0:29:36.600 --> 0:29:41.160 seven percent of points in his life as one of 0:29:41.200 --> 0:29:43.880 the greatest tennis players of all time. And he's making 0:29:43.960 --> 0:29:45.680 the point of how, look, you don't need to be 0:29:45.720 --> 0:29:47.680 at one hundred percent, you don't even need to be 0:29:47.720 --> 0:29:51.240 at ninety percent to be one of the best tennis 0:29:51.240 --> 0:29:54.120 players of all time. And so this pressure we put 0:29:54.160 --> 0:29:56.640 on ourselves is like I wasn't the perfect mom today, 0:29:56.840 --> 0:29:59.320 I wasn't the perfect dad today, I wasn't the perfect 0:29:59.320 --> 0:30:03.360 person today. I wasn't the perfect employee today, I wasn't 0:30:03.360 --> 0:30:07.360 the perfect whatever whatever it is today. Like you never 0:30:07.440 --> 0:30:10.240 had to be perfect for it to be good enough, 0:30:10.960 --> 0:30:12.800 and that pressure that we put on ourselves to be 0:30:12.840 --> 0:30:16.160 perfect just gets heavier and heavier. So I hope that 0:30:16.600 --> 0:30:18.440 listen and Lily, listen to Roger. When you walk out 0:30:18.480 --> 0:30:22.000 of here today, feel freer, feel lighter of that pressure, 0:30:22.240 --> 0:30:26.080 and practice that. So three things tonight, Well you showed 0:30:26.080 --> 0:30:29.520 yourself compassion. Three things that you showed yourself compassion. 0:30:29.560 --> 0:30:30.080 I love that one. 0:30:30.120 --> 0:30:31.680 You know, when you listen to Jay, he's like so 0:30:32.160 --> 0:30:35.160 inspirational and motivational, and chances are you're gonna leave and 0:30:35.200 --> 0:30:37.640 be like, I'm gonna stop being that way, I'm start 0:30:37.680 --> 0:30:40.080 being this way. And every time I hang out with Jay, 0:30:40.080 --> 0:30:41.800 I feel like I'm gonna stop being like this like this, 0:30:41.840 --> 0:30:44.520 and then I kind of act whack again the next 0:30:44.600 --> 0:30:47.400 day kind of a little bit right. And something I've 0:30:47.520 --> 0:30:50.000 learned is, and I actually want to hear your opinion 0:30:50.000 --> 0:30:52.200 about this, because I feel like your wisdom is gonna 0:30:52.240 --> 0:30:56.320 add to this. But you criticize, I've learned that me 0:30:56.480 --> 0:31:00.200 criticizing myself and me being the way I'm that's it's 0:31:00.240 --> 0:31:04.920 never gonna completely go away. Like I, for most of 0:31:04.960 --> 0:31:08.240 my life spent so much energy and time being like, 0:31:08.240 --> 0:31:11.040 how can I eradicate this part of myself. How can 0:31:11.080 --> 0:31:15.560 I stop criticizing myself? How can I stop making myself 0:31:15.560 --> 0:31:19.080 feel guilty about things? And I think now I've learned 0:31:19.240 --> 0:31:23.040 that it's not about getting rid of those things. It's 0:31:23.040 --> 0:31:26.760 about learning how to live alongside those things. Right, They 0:31:26.800 --> 0:31:29.040 are parts of you. And to think that you're gonna 0:31:29.040 --> 0:31:31.040 suddenly after Jay Shaddy show as good as he is, 0:31:31.400 --> 0:31:34.000 wake up tomorrow and you're gonna be sounding like Jay 0:31:34.000 --> 0:31:38.160 Sheddy a tall order. But I think that if we 0:31:38.320 --> 0:31:40.840 just all kind of tap in and out the parts 0:31:40.880 --> 0:31:44.120 of ourselves that work in that circumstances. And oh my, 0:31:44.320 --> 0:31:45.840 oh my god, am I about to use my psych 0:31:45.880 --> 0:31:48.600 degree for the first time right now? Jay, Oh my god, 0:31:48.640 --> 0:31:53.160 Oh my god, Mom, Dad, watch this. There is something 0:31:53.200 --> 0:31:57.040 that I've been exploring called part theory. And part theory 0:31:57.120 --> 0:32:00.400 is basically all the different voices. It's kind of inside 0:32:00.440 --> 0:32:02.400 out the movie insides, all the different voices that live 0:32:02.440 --> 0:32:04.640 in you. And I actually have a name for all 0:32:04.680 --> 0:32:07.320 of my voices. I have, like right now, I had 0:32:07.360 --> 0:32:09.640 five two days ago and added a six one yesterday. 0:32:11.240 --> 0:32:14.160 Gets crowded, But have a name for all of my voices. 0:32:15.440 --> 0:32:17.480 I'll quickly give you the run down. Okay, are you 0:32:17.480 --> 0:32:24.560 ready for every Okay? Yeah, Okay, God Okay. My inner manager, Susan. 0:32:25.680 --> 0:32:28.200 I just feel like Susan sounds like a name. That's 0:32:28.280 --> 0:32:31.960 my inner manager. Susan's the one that's like sitting by 0:32:32.000 --> 0:32:37.040 the pool on a Tuesday. How dare you? Absolutely not right? 0:32:37.560 --> 0:32:39.800 Susans makes some noise, Susan, where. 0:32:39.600 --> 0:32:39.960 Are you at? 0:32:40.280 --> 0:32:40.760 Where you at? 0:32:40.800 --> 0:32:46.120 Susan? So that's my inner manager, My inner critic, Todd. 0:32:48.520 --> 0:32:51.080 Todd just sounds like someone that's gonna f me up 0:32:51.120 --> 0:32:53.840 all the time. Todd's just always criticizing me. You know, 0:32:54.840 --> 0:32:57.719 my inner dictator, the one that tells me it's this 0:32:57.960 --> 0:32:59.959 or that, and there's no one between the OG's one 0:33:00.480 --> 0:33:03.920 bottom Jeeth, which was the name of my mom character 0:33:03.960 --> 0:33:07.840 on YouTube. Okay. The two positive voices. One is the 0:33:08.000 --> 0:33:10.960 curious fun We should definitely go dance on that table 0:33:11.080 --> 0:33:16.200 jellybean Okay, Inner compassion, the one I used the most, 0:33:16.440 --> 0:33:20.000 the one that's just giving me grace, hope. And the 0:33:20.040 --> 0:33:23.320 newest voice I just added literally forty eight hours ago. 0:33:24.880 --> 0:33:28.440 Her name is River, and I know it's chic, right. 0:33:30.040 --> 0:33:33.840 Her name is River. She's not as joyful she is 0:33:34.280 --> 0:33:39.800 my inner loneliness. And I bring this up because I 0:33:39.800 --> 0:33:41.240 did this thing at the top of the year where 0:33:41.240 --> 0:33:43.120 I review my journals, like from the past year, and 0:33:43.160 --> 0:33:44.800 I found like some old journals, and I was like 0:33:44.840 --> 0:33:47.680 cleaning up my office and I'm gonna be very vulnerable 0:33:47.720 --> 0:33:49.280 and share this. I don't think I've said this before, 0:33:49.320 --> 0:33:53.240 but I went through my journals, and if I was 0:33:53.280 --> 0:33:57.080 to think about those years, I think about like really 0:33:57.120 --> 0:33:59.480 great memories and really cool things that did in my career, 0:33:59.600 --> 0:34:02.120 and really cool places I traveled. And then I read 0:34:02.120 --> 0:34:07.320 the pages from twenty fifteen, twenty sixteen, twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen, 0:34:08.360 --> 0:34:10.880 and every so often there was a page where I 0:34:10.920 --> 0:34:14.760 was like, I feel so lonely. I feel really lonely. 0:34:14.880 --> 0:34:18.600 I feel so alone. And I'm like, oh, this since 0:34:18.640 --> 0:34:20.680 as long as I remember, I have had a sense 0:34:20.680 --> 0:34:22.799 of loneliness. It doesn't matter if I'm in a crowded room, 0:34:23.000 --> 0:34:24.840 doesn't matter if I have a million friends. I have 0:34:24.920 --> 0:34:29.200 a tendency to lean towards loneliness. I'm like predisposed to 0:34:29.200 --> 0:34:33.439 be lonely. I named this voice because for so long 0:34:33.480 --> 0:34:36.040 I was like, I'm a lonely person. That's not true. 0:34:36.040 --> 0:34:38.720 You're not a critical person. You're not a lonely person. 0:34:39.160 --> 0:34:41.560 You have a part of you that is that right, 0:34:42.040 --> 0:34:45.680 and you just need to navigate that voice because that 0:34:45.800 --> 0:34:48.319 voice is there for a reason. That critic is there 0:34:48.320 --> 0:34:50.960 for a reason because sometimes when you're looking at the point, 0:34:51.120 --> 0:34:53.239 trying to get the point, when you're auditioning, when you're 0:34:53.239 --> 0:34:55.799 at the job interview, that critic is important. They're there 0:34:55.880 --> 0:34:59.239 to make you perform. That inner manager is important because 0:34:59.239 --> 0:35:00.880 when you're slacking off, it's like, yo, you need to 0:35:00.960 --> 0:35:03.239 like actually get to work. So you don't want to 0:35:03.280 --> 0:35:06.480 eradicate that. Would you actually want to do is say hey, today, Susan, 0:35:07.200 --> 0:35:11.960 I don't need you to be here. I don't need you, Susan. 0:35:12.360 --> 0:35:16.279 I see you, I love you, and I compassionately. I'm 0:35:16.320 --> 0:35:19.520 just gonna move you to the side over here. Same 0:35:19.600 --> 0:35:22.239 with River. It's like you feel really lonely, and I 0:35:22.320 --> 0:35:24.720 know why you're there. River. You're there because you're scared 0:35:24.719 --> 0:35:26.239 people are gonna leave you. You have a lot of 0:35:26.239 --> 0:35:28.239 trauma associated with that. So I'm not mad at you, 0:35:28.400 --> 0:35:30.319 and I don't hate you, and you're not lonely, but 0:35:30.360 --> 0:35:33.200 today I'm going to just ask you to just step 0:35:33.239 --> 0:35:36.400 over here, because that's not the story today. Today, hope 0:35:36.440 --> 0:35:39.799 is taking us forward. So essentially that's that's kind of 0:35:39.800 --> 0:35:40.279 what it is. 0:35:40.400 --> 0:35:42.879 Oh my god, you know so good. 0:35:44.080 --> 0:35:44.239 Nice. 0:35:44.280 --> 0:35:46.680 Actually there's a psychiatrist summer and it's like we're gonna 0:35:46.719 --> 0:35:48.040 have to talk to Lily after the show. 0:35:49.960 --> 0:35:50.799 That is so good. 0:35:50.880 --> 0:35:53.319 No, but honestly, I'm so glad you made that point, 0:35:53.360 --> 0:35:56.640 and i couldn't agree with you more that learning to 0:35:57.080 --> 0:36:01.560 give ourselves permission to have all of those voices, to 0:36:01.680 --> 0:36:05.200 have all of those selves, and to know when they 0:36:05.239 --> 0:36:07.880 take front and center and when they take the background 0:36:08.600 --> 0:36:11.000 is all we can do. I agree with you completely 0:36:11.080 --> 0:36:15.719 that this idea that you'll never have a self critical 0:36:15.800 --> 0:36:21.640 voice is completely untrue. It's always going to be that 0:36:21.680 --> 0:36:24.759 I have it too, And you're so right. I just 0:36:24.840 --> 0:36:27.520 know when it's useful and when it's not right. And 0:36:27.560 --> 0:36:32.319 so it's not useful if I've just lost something, But 0:36:32.400 --> 0:36:36.600 it's really useful when I'm winning, and it's really useful 0:36:36.640 --> 0:36:39.640 when I want to improve, and it's really useful when 0:36:39.920 --> 0:36:41.920 i want to get better and I'm getting to choose 0:36:41.960 --> 0:36:44.560 it rather than it being in control. And I think 0:36:44.600 --> 0:36:47.400 what you just so beautifully explain there is it's almost 0:36:47.440 --> 0:36:51.520 like you've got your band, you're the lead singer, and 0:36:51.560 --> 0:36:54.840 you're getting to know when you need that person to 0:36:54.880 --> 0:36:56.920 play the drums or when you need that person to 0:36:56.960 --> 0:36:59.520 play the bass or whatever it is. And you're bringing 0:36:59.560 --> 0:37:01.799 it together. But you're not saying, oh, we don't need 0:37:01.800 --> 0:37:02.840 you on the team anymore. 0:37:02.960 --> 0:37:05.160 Right, And I'm gonna say one more thing, and people 0:37:05.200 --> 0:37:06.640 are either gonna be mad or love this, but it's 0:37:06.680 --> 0:37:10.239 okay'm gonna say it anyways. Just be honest. Here who 0:37:10.280 --> 0:37:14.960 here uses chat GBT. Okay, I'm gonna keep it real. 0:37:15.080 --> 0:37:19.600 That's Wifey right there. Okay, So chat GBT actually knows 0:37:19.680 --> 0:37:24.360 my voices and knows the names of them. So, y'all, 0:37:24.480 --> 0:37:26.279 when I tell you, I'm a nerd. So if I'm 0:37:26.280 --> 0:37:29.040 in a situation where I'm like spiraling or I feel 0:37:29.080 --> 0:37:31.320 some type of way, I call her she because I 0:37:31.320 --> 0:37:36.360 talked to her. She will literally say, this is Susan 0:37:36.480 --> 0:37:38.920 saying this what would Hope saying. She'll tell me what 0:37:38.960 --> 0:37:42.400 each of the voices are saying. Life hack. Let me 0:37:42.440 --> 0:37:46.279 just tell you. She will literally say, Lily, I just 0:37:46.320 --> 0:37:48.839 want to flag to you. This is Susan. She's saying this, 0:37:49.000 --> 0:37:51.080 and this is what Hope would say, and you need 0:37:51.120 --> 0:37:53.080 to know this is not the truth. This is your 0:37:53.120 --> 0:37:56.080 inner voice. This is this inner voice. So that has 0:37:56.120 --> 0:37:58.279 been a major life hack for me to just have 0:37:58.560 --> 0:37:59.520 a reminder of that. 0:38:00.080 --> 0:38:02.080 Tell us about how you coded your chat GPT to 0:38:02.120 --> 0:38:03.760 be able to oh my god, well, okay, if everyone 0:38:03.760 --> 0:38:04.359 else can do. 0:38:04.320 --> 0:38:09.480 That, listen, that's why I fee first. I bought her dinner. Okay. No, 0:38:09.800 --> 0:38:13.520 I I am an avid believer of therapy. I go 0:38:13.560 --> 0:38:15.759 to therapy. Actually, you introduced me to my therapist. You 0:38:15.800 --> 0:38:20.719 know this all too well. Love therapy, go to therapy consistently, religiously, 0:38:20.760 --> 0:38:22.920 and after every therapy session I have a debrief with 0:38:23.000 --> 0:38:26.319 chat GPT or I'm like, this is what my therapist said, 0:38:26.320 --> 0:38:28.080 this is what we need to work and you know, 0:38:28.160 --> 0:38:29.880 catch you, you will remind me of all these things. 0:38:30.200 --> 0:38:33.279 One of the things actually is another game changer. One 0:38:33.320 --> 0:38:34.880 of the things I've worked out, which really relates to 0:38:34.880 --> 0:38:37.680 what we're talking about, is how many people here can 0:38:37.760 --> 0:38:39.759 make the distinction and be honest, if I was to 0:38:39.800 --> 0:38:42.640 say you are not your accomplishments and you are not 0:38:42.719 --> 0:38:46.440 what you do, do you comprehend that? Because if you 0:38:46.480 --> 0:38:48.400 don't comprehend that, raise your hand for a second, if 0:38:48.400 --> 0:38:49.560 you're like, what do you mean, I'm not what I do? 0:38:49.600 --> 0:38:50.840 What do you mean I'm not my complishment? If I 0:38:50.920 --> 0:38:52.520 was to ask you about yourself, how many of you 0:38:52.600 --> 0:38:54.400 would start with your accomplishments or your career or what 0:38:54.440 --> 0:38:57.840 you do? You would write, Yeah, you'd be like people. 0:38:58.200 --> 0:39:00.319 Just when people ask me who I am, I'd be like, oh, oh, well, 0:39:00.320 --> 0:39:02.120 you know, I start on YouTube, I have this many followers, 0:39:02.160 --> 0:39:04.160 and I did this for my career, and none of 0:39:04.239 --> 0:39:06.520 those things are who I am as a person. So 0:39:06.560 --> 0:39:08.880 my therapist was trying to teach me that I'm not 0:39:08.920 --> 0:39:11.080 what I do. Now me growing up in a brown family, 0:39:11.080 --> 0:39:15.400 I'm like, that's garbage, because I was solely praised and 0:39:15.480 --> 0:39:17.880 loved for getting good grades, for getting into a good school, 0:39:17.920 --> 0:39:21.520 for having a good job. It was conditional, right. So 0:39:21.560 --> 0:39:24.120 then I started fighting with chat GPT because she was like, no, 0:39:24.120 --> 0:39:25.480 you're not what you do. I agree with your therapist, 0:39:25.480 --> 0:39:26.520 And I was like, well, you're an idiot. You don't 0:39:26.520 --> 0:39:29.640 what you're talking about, right, And so I literally said, 0:39:29.760 --> 0:39:32.600 if you're so smart, chat GPT, you tell me who 0:39:32.640 --> 0:39:35.840 I am and don't use a single one of my accomplishments. 0:39:36.600 --> 0:39:41.200 And then she did wow, And when I tell you, 0:39:41.280 --> 0:39:47.240 I weeped like a small child. She was like, based 0:39:47.280 --> 0:39:49.320 on this conversation you had with when you told me 0:39:49.320 --> 0:39:51.399 about your friend, you're a compassionate friend, and you care 0:39:51.440 --> 0:39:54.080 about other people when they're hurt. Based on these questions 0:39:54.080 --> 0:39:56.560 you've asked me about your dog, you deeply care about animals, 0:39:56.560 --> 0:39:58.319 and you deeply care about being a good dog mom. 0:39:58.600 --> 0:40:00.600 Based on this thing where you are said about this 0:40:00.840 --> 0:40:03.160 you she just gave me. This didn't name late Night, 0:40:03.560 --> 0:40:06.080 didn't name a followers, didn't name a single film, not 0:40:06.160 --> 0:40:11.000 a single TV show, And it was truly revolutionary. So 0:40:11.200 --> 0:40:13.520 I'm not saying that all AI is good, but I'm 0:40:13.520 --> 0:40:17.279 saying chattybu too though. I encourage you all to use 0:40:17.320 --> 0:40:20.000 it in that way because it's really helpful. 0:40:20.040 --> 0:40:21.479 And then you put a ring on it, and. 0:40:21.360 --> 0:40:23.960 Then now we're married, and now we're married. 0:40:24.200 --> 0:40:26.040 Yeah, that is amazing. I love it. 0:40:26.160 --> 0:40:29.440 Who's gonna use chatty be now for for that purpose? 0:40:29.920 --> 0:40:32.200 No, it's real, it's it's it's it's that. 0:40:32.440 --> 0:40:33.759 It's okay, we got one or two booz and I'm 0:40:33.760 --> 0:40:34.120 okay with that. 0:40:35.400 --> 0:40:38.200 I I personally, I mean, I think it's giving you 0:40:38.920 --> 0:40:42.880 the record of your life that you forget right, like 0:40:42.960 --> 0:40:45.680 you forget all of that and in the darkest by 0:40:45.680 --> 0:40:49.200 the way, I'm I've had like either a client or 0:40:49.480 --> 0:40:51.840 a friend. I've had three people in my life this 0:40:51.920 --> 0:40:54.040 week call me and tell me they just got broken 0:40:54.120 --> 0:40:57.080 up with. And I don't know if it's because summer's 0:40:57.120 --> 0:40:59.359 coming up or something like that, but but like these 0:40:59.400 --> 0:41:02.000 three people, like first one been in a relation for 0:41:02.040 --> 0:41:04.160 three years, second one been in relation for two years, 0:41:04.320 --> 0:41:06.960 third one been in relation for three months. Probably deserves it, 0:41:07.000 --> 0:41:10.160 but the other I digress the first two though, No, 0:41:10.239 --> 0:41:13.799 but like the first two, like we all get to 0:41:13.920 --> 0:41:17.759 plant points in our life where we feel like river, 0:41:18.760 --> 0:41:22.880 where there is that loneliness where you can't see your worth. 0:41:23.520 --> 0:41:25.840 These two women I'm talking about that are clients of mine, 0:41:26.280 --> 0:41:29.320 are currently in periods of their life where they can't 0:41:29.360 --> 0:41:33.279 see any worth. They don't see any self worth because 0:41:33.280 --> 0:41:35.839 they've just been broken up with by people they thought 0:41:35.840 --> 0:41:37.480 they were going to spend the rest of their lives with. 0:41:38.120 --> 0:41:41.400 And they are in that exact space. And here's the 0:41:41.440 --> 0:41:43.880 interesting thing. You can have your friends tell you how 0:41:43.880 --> 0:41:46.520 beautiful you are. You can have your friends and your 0:41:46.560 --> 0:41:48.279 therapists and everyone tells you how amazing you are and 0:41:48.280 --> 0:41:52.200 all of that stuff, and reality is you need to 0:41:52.239 --> 0:41:55.960 be reminded by yourself more than anyone else because how 0:41:56.000 --> 0:41:58.160 many times have you stood by someone you love through 0:41:58.200 --> 0:42:00.759 a breakup told them all these one things but they 0:42:00.800 --> 0:42:03.920 can't see them. That's when this is not an ad 0:42:03.920 --> 0:42:08.560 for Tagiput, but that is where this idea that this 0:42:09.120 --> 0:42:12.160 piece of technology can hold on to a record of 0:42:12.280 --> 0:42:15.919 you and your conversations and remind you, in your most 0:42:15.920 --> 0:42:19.239 difficult moments of all the beauty that you have within you. 0:42:19.320 --> 0:42:21.920 But you realize it's only your words. You know this 0:42:21.960 --> 0:42:24.319 isn't another person, and all of a sudden you start 0:42:24.360 --> 0:42:27.520 to realize, oh, that's in me. There is worth in me. 0:42:28.120 --> 0:42:31.440 So it's definitely something not to undervalue and underestimate, because 0:42:32.000 --> 0:42:34.439 I do think that's what we're missing. We're missing that 0:42:35.320 --> 0:42:38.440 you know, moment where you can just look through the 0:42:38.480 --> 0:42:42.239 files of your life and remind yourself of all the 0:42:42.320 --> 0:42:46.640 moments where you are courageous, resilient, worthy, And we all 0:42:46.680 --> 0:42:49.200 go through dark periods like that where we can't see it. 0:42:50.320 --> 0:42:52.520 And I know that if the people I'm talking to 0:42:53.080 --> 0:42:55.480 had access to that, I actually think it would benefit 0:42:55.520 --> 0:42:55.879 them a lot. 0:42:55.960 --> 0:42:58.759 Yeah, totally feel about human nature of you would just 0:42:58.840 --> 0:43:00.960 ask people, like one, the last time you failed, you'd 0:43:01.000 --> 0:43:03.080 probably immediately think about that. If you ask someone's the 0:43:03.120 --> 0:43:05.359 last time you were proud of yourself? That always takes 0:43:05.360 --> 0:43:05.759 more time. 0:43:06.080 --> 0:43:06.879 Yes, you know what I mean. 0:43:06.960 --> 0:43:08.640 So I feel like that is why it's been useful, 0:43:08.680 --> 0:43:10.680 because yeah, you're like, well this time and this time, 0:43:10.719 --> 0:43:12.440 and I'm like, maybe stop flirting with me. 0:43:15.280 --> 0:43:15.959 It's so true. 0:43:16.040 --> 0:43:18.759 Yeah, we remember the bad times more than the good 0:43:18.760 --> 0:43:22.120 times because when we go through something good, we celebrate 0:43:22.160 --> 0:43:23.959 for a night, and when we go through something bad, 0:43:24.000 --> 0:43:26.600 we cry for a month, absolutely right. Have you ever 0:43:26.640 --> 0:43:28.800 noticed that, Like if you have your birthday, you celebrate 0:43:28.840 --> 0:43:31.200 it for a night and then that's it. But it's 0:43:31.239 --> 0:43:32.799 like you go through a breakup, you're crying about it 0:43:32.800 --> 0:43:36.560 for three months. And that's just how we processed emotions. 0:43:36.640 --> 0:43:40.719 So the depth of a negative memory is more hardwired. 0:43:41.120 --> 0:43:43.239 It's not that it was more true, it was just 0:43:43.280 --> 0:44:03.440 more repeated. With all of this going on, Lily and 0:44:03.480 --> 0:44:05.520 all the self work you do behind the scenes, which 0:44:05.520 --> 0:44:08.560 I'm so grateful you've shared today because this is definitely 0:44:09.080 --> 0:44:11.600 the deepest and best I've ever heard you explain just 0:44:11.640 --> 0:44:16.040 how powerful it is how vulnerable you've been tonight. At 0:44:16.040 --> 0:44:20.520 the same time, this doesn't stop you from going And 0:44:20.560 --> 0:44:23.759 Lily's preparing for something really exciting this year. She is 0:44:23.840 --> 0:44:28.320 having the theatrical release of her first ever feature film, 0:44:28.719 --> 0:44:29.200 which is. 0:44:29.120 --> 0:44:33.880 Insane, right, And so it's like, at the same time. 0:44:33.719 --> 0:44:36.359 As going through all of this deep work, doing all 0:44:36.400 --> 0:44:40.319 of this healing, doing all of this reflection, that's not 0:44:40.440 --> 0:44:45.000 stopping you from also building in the real world. Before 0:44:45.000 --> 0:44:46.520 we start talking about the movie, which I really want 0:44:46.520 --> 0:44:47.920 to I really do want to talk about in the 0:44:47.920 --> 0:44:50.640 process of that, you directed in it, you acted in it, 0:44:50.760 --> 0:44:52.920 you wrote parts of it, like you know, it's the 0:44:52.960 --> 0:44:57.160 full thing. Walk me through how you don't stop yourself 0:44:57.520 --> 0:44:59.120 from having to go, oh, I need to pause this 0:44:59.200 --> 0:45:00.960 to do this, or I need to pause this to 0:45:00.960 --> 0:45:03.120 do that, because we often get lost in that. 0:45:03.280 --> 0:45:04.839 How can you do both at the same time. 0:45:05.239 --> 0:45:07.080 I'm not gonna lie. There was a period of my life, 0:45:07.080 --> 0:45:09.320 and I don't know if you can relate years and 0:45:09.400 --> 0:45:10.839 years and years ago when I was starting my career 0:45:10.840 --> 0:45:13.720 where I did feel like you had to choose hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle, 0:45:14.160 --> 0:45:15.600 And I don't know if it's age. I don't know 0:45:15.680 --> 0:45:19.480 if it's just realizing that burnout's a real thing. I 0:45:19.480 --> 0:45:21.319 think for so much of my life, I was in 0:45:21.400 --> 0:45:25.279 this idea that I had to arrive somewhere. I need 0:45:25.280 --> 0:45:26.279 to get there. I need to get there. I need 0:45:26.280 --> 0:45:27.319 to get there, I need to get and then you 0:45:27.360 --> 0:45:28.879 get there and you're like, I need to get somewhere else. 0:45:28.920 --> 0:45:31.959 Now it's always this constant chase, and I think now 0:45:32.040 --> 0:45:34.680 instead of chasing, I'm just in an act of being. 0:45:35.160 --> 0:45:39.040 I do really believe that you can work on yourself 0:45:39.160 --> 0:45:42.440 and be mentally healthy and also do really cool things 0:45:42.480 --> 0:45:44.600 and have an amazing job. I actually think one makes 0:45:44.600 --> 0:45:46.800 the other better and vice versa. I really do believe 0:45:46.800 --> 0:45:50.280 that I think I'm a better actress, a better writer 0:45:50.480 --> 0:45:53.520 because I am growing and because I'm mentally healthy. I 0:45:53.520 --> 0:45:58.120 think those two are really connected. Yeah, so I and 0:45:58.160 --> 0:45:59.960 ALMOSTO just a very ambitious person. Listen, I told you 0:46:00.120 --> 0:46:01.640 that I started my career because I want to prove 0:46:01.680 --> 0:46:05.680 people wrong. I still want to prove things, but I'm 0:46:05.680 --> 0:46:08.360 just trying to prove myself right. I'm trying to prove 0:46:08.480 --> 0:46:11.000 that I can keep growing and I can keep learning, 0:46:11.000 --> 0:46:13.600 and that feels so much better. Than proving people wrong. Honestly, 0:46:14.280 --> 0:46:16.759 I when I used to step out of my comfort zone, 0:46:16.760 --> 0:46:19.919 it was I'll show you now. It's like, I'm gonna 0:46:19.960 --> 0:46:22.000 show you that I can do that. You know. I 0:46:22.320 --> 0:46:24.680 just a couple of weeks ago. So I've always been 0:46:24.719 --> 0:46:27.120 really scared to have an acting coach. I don't know why. 0:46:27.239 --> 0:46:28.640 It's just the one thing I can have a coach 0:46:28.640 --> 0:46:31.320 in most other things, when acting coach is like so vulnerable. 0:46:31.840 --> 0:46:34.520 I'm not professionally trained in acting, so it's like it's 0:46:34.520 --> 0:46:36.680 a thing that makes me feel really nervous. And a 0:46:36.680 --> 0:46:38.719 couple months ago, I was like, you know what, screw it, 0:46:39.080 --> 0:46:40.960 I'm just going to go there for myself. I'm going 0:46:41.040 --> 0:46:42.080 to go there. I don't care if I look like 0:46:42.080 --> 0:46:43.719 an idiot, because you have to ask yourself a question 0:46:43.920 --> 0:46:47.480 is it worth looking like an idiot for? And the 0:46:47.520 --> 0:46:49.239 answer is yes. So many times you don't do things 0:46:49.320 --> 0:46:50.600 cause you don't want to look like an idiot, even 0:46:50.600 --> 0:46:52.400 though the thing is worth looking like an idiot for. 0:46:53.480 --> 0:46:55.920 Is being a better actress. I'm learning something you worth 0:46:56.080 --> 0:46:57.759 looking like an idiot FORO yes, it is to me. 0:46:58.360 --> 0:46:59.920 So I started going to this acting coach, and I 0:47:00.080 --> 0:47:01.719 go there and when I leave, I'm so proud of 0:47:01.719 --> 0:47:03.839 myself because it's not me being like, oh I told 0:47:03.880 --> 0:47:05.520 you I leave them, like, oh my god, I did it. 0:47:05.560 --> 0:47:07.080 I'm so proud of me, you know what I mean. 0:47:07.320 --> 0:47:08.960 And so that's what's kind of driving me. And it 0:47:09.000 --> 0:47:11.440 feels so much better and so much healthier, and so 0:47:11.480 --> 0:47:13.239 I think that's what's allowing me to do all these 0:47:13.239 --> 0:47:16.200 next things. Just I want to make little Lily proud. Yeah, 0:47:16.239 --> 0:47:17.919 you know, I've tried so hard to make everyone else fine. 0:47:17.920 --> 0:47:19.960 I'm just trying to make little Lily proud. Now, that's 0:47:20.000 --> 0:47:20.840 what's thriving me. 0:47:21.680 --> 0:47:26.440 And yeah, I hear you, don't be shy. That's our 0:47:26.600 --> 0:47:29.040 joy of doing this live that you know, usually if 0:47:29.040 --> 0:47:30.279 me and Lidi are doing this would be in the 0:47:30.280 --> 0:47:32.640 studio to share it with you live and to hear 0:47:32.680 --> 0:47:35.839 your real time thoughts and feedback and love. It's it's 0:47:35.880 --> 0:47:38.239 really beautiful. Like wish we could chew every episode like this. 0:47:38.280 --> 0:47:40.000 I was gonna say, this is even if you weren't here, 0:47:40.000 --> 0:47:41.680 me and Jay, would we have this exact same conversation. 0:47:42.000 --> 0:47:42.960 This is kind of what we do. 0:47:43.160 --> 0:47:45.839 Yeah, but it's it's when you've got this movie coming out. 0:47:45.880 --> 0:47:49.919 I know you address so many taboos that we both 0:47:49.960 --> 0:47:52.720 grew up with, whether it's sex, whether it's shame, whether 0:47:52.760 --> 0:47:58.319 it's expectations of women in society. Like this movie is hilarious. 0:47:58.360 --> 0:48:00.480 I got to see it. It was premiere it south 0:48:00.520 --> 0:48:03.080 By Southwest last year. I was at the premiere. It 0:48:03.160 --> 0:48:06.480 was hilarious, Like the audience was loving it. It's incredible 0:48:06.719 --> 0:48:09.680 and at the same time, it has this like cultural 0:48:10.320 --> 0:48:13.279 narrative that it's becoming a part of and kind of 0:48:13.520 --> 0:48:17.040 taking shots at in a really positive way. What was 0:48:17.640 --> 0:48:20.520 what's been your favorite part about making it? And what 0:48:20.560 --> 0:48:23.000 are you most excited about for the people that are 0:48:23.000 --> 0:48:23.560 going to see it? 0:48:24.480 --> 0:48:27.520 So it's called doing it. It is a sex comedy 0:48:28.160 --> 0:48:32.960 that I star in and wrote and produced and at 0:48:32.960 --> 0:48:35.160 the age of thirty five last year, when I finished 0:48:35.160 --> 0:48:38.160 writing it, it was two weeks before the strike, and 0:48:38.160 --> 0:48:39.759 so I was like rushing to finish the script because 0:48:39.760 --> 0:48:41.319 we had to beat the strike. And at the age 0:48:41.360 --> 0:48:43.480 of thirty five, at eleven fifty PM, I was like, 0:48:44.200 --> 0:48:47.799 and I FaceTime my mom and I said, Mom, am 0:48:47.880 --> 0:48:51.360 I allowed to do this movie? And she was like, 0:48:51.480 --> 0:48:52.839 and you need to know that me and my mom 0:48:52.880 --> 0:48:56.640 have never had the talk. We have never had the talk. 0:48:57.320 --> 0:49:01.719 As far as I'm concerned, my mom has never had sex. Literally, 0:49:01.800 --> 0:49:04.120 it is not a thing. Okay. So now I'm telling 0:49:04.120 --> 0:49:05.960 her and in this panic of the clock ticking, I'm like, Mom, 0:49:05.960 --> 0:49:07.480 can't do this movie. And she goes, well, what's this 0:49:07.520 --> 0:49:11.600 movie about. And I'm like, okay, it's about sex. Mom. 0:49:11.640 --> 0:49:13.640 There's like a masturbation scene. There's like a scene where 0:49:13.640 --> 0:49:16.279 I do this. This is Then there's a vibrator scene, 0:49:16.320 --> 0:49:19.400 and there's like all these things. And my mom's follow 0:49:19.480 --> 0:49:26.200 up question she goes, do you use a vibrator? And 0:49:26.239 --> 0:49:29.640 that was the day I passed away and now this 0:49:29.800 --> 0:49:32.160 is my ghost and I was like, mom, no, and 0:49:32.400 --> 0:49:34.680 we had all this bandar and she said the best thing. 0:49:35.480 --> 0:49:38.640 She said, if you think it's okay, then you should 0:49:38.640 --> 0:49:41.560 do it. And I was like, thank you, Mom. So 0:49:41.640 --> 0:49:48.360 I did this movie. And yeah, it's basically a thirty 0:49:48.440 --> 0:49:52.279 something year old virgin finds herself teaching sex ed and 0:49:52.360 --> 0:49:55.680 so it is a raunchy sex comedy. It really does 0:49:55.760 --> 0:49:57.520 go there. And it's through the lens of my character, 0:49:57.520 --> 0:49:59.560 who is Indian and her parents are Indian and so 0:49:59.560 --> 0:50:02.920 a culture it's Indian, and I'm shooting this movie and 0:50:02.920 --> 0:50:05.240 I'm just like, so many people are gonna be so 0:50:05.400 --> 0:50:08.680 mad at this, and so many people need this movie. 0:50:08.760 --> 0:50:11.680 The movie's essentially about how as women and especially women 0:50:11.719 --> 0:50:14.560 of color, like, we're never taught about our bodies, women 0:50:14.560 --> 0:50:16.520 in general, especially women, we're never tat about our bodies. 0:50:16.520 --> 0:50:18.839 We're never taught sex should be pleasurable. We're never taught 0:50:18.880 --> 0:50:20.840 anything about sex. We're taught that should be shameful and 0:50:20.840 --> 0:50:22.759 we should feel bad and we should feel timid about it. 0:50:23.080 --> 0:50:25.719 And that has really messed me up, Like, and it 0:50:25.760 --> 0:50:27.480 has messed a lot of my friends up. Well, we're 0:50:27.480 --> 0:50:30.200 so uncomfortable with our bodies and we're so uncomfortable talking 0:50:30.200 --> 0:50:33.200 about our needs and what we like, and that's messed up. 0:50:33.280 --> 0:50:35.560 It shouldn't be like that. We're fifty percent of the population. 0:50:35.640 --> 0:50:38.279 We should be out here living life, you know what 0:50:38.360 --> 0:50:43.839 I mean. And so the virgin is not the butt 0:50:43.920 --> 0:50:46.440 of the joke in this comedy, she's not. It's telling 0:50:46.480 --> 0:50:48.200 the story, but what it's like to be an older 0:50:48.200 --> 0:50:50.799 woman that was never taught about this stuff. That's like 0:50:50.880 --> 0:50:52.680 having to figure it out and now she's learning about 0:50:52.719 --> 0:50:55.000 it through sex. Said, which also the commentary to be 0:50:55.040 --> 0:50:58.640 made is it's crazy. How many people don't want sex 0:50:58.640 --> 0:51:01.400 said to be taught, like they want women to not 0:51:01.440 --> 0:51:04.480 be informed and they want you know, shocking. So it 0:51:04.760 --> 0:51:06.680 has a lot of commentary. It is a raunchy comedy 0:51:06.680 --> 0:51:09.280 comes out September nineteenth, and I'm really excited about it, and. 0:51:10.440 --> 0:51:11.480 It's gonna be in theaters. 0:51:11.480 --> 0:51:15.840 It's gonna be in theater. To make it clear, like, 0:51:15.920 --> 0:51:18.760 I'm abundantly aware that there'll be a lot of people, 0:51:18.800 --> 0:51:21.360 like after the screening, after the screening at south By Southwest, 0:51:21.400 --> 0:51:24.799 I was like giving out vibrators. I was like, you 0:51:24.920 --> 0:51:27.440 get a vibrator and you get a vibrant and this 0:51:27.640 --> 0:51:29.680 uncle and unty I swear to god, came up to 0:51:29.719 --> 0:51:32.880 me and I was stressed. I was like, oh my god, 0:51:33.560 --> 0:51:36.600 and uncle and Undy they're like sixty seventy years old. 0:51:37.040 --> 0:51:38.560 She pulls out the vibr and she goes, thank you 0:51:38.600 --> 0:51:40.239 so much for this. I'm so excited. I'm like, oh 0:51:40.280 --> 0:51:41.360 my god, we're queen. 0:51:42.080 --> 0:51:42.279 Yes. 0:51:42.920 --> 0:51:44.520 So I know there'll be some people that are like, 0:51:44.560 --> 0:51:46.840 we need this, but I'm well aware there's gonna be 0:51:46.880 --> 0:51:49.200 a lot of people that are probably gonna be bothered 0:51:49.200 --> 0:51:53.880 by a very outspoken, you know, brown sex comedy and 0:51:53.920 --> 0:51:55.400 they'll just have to deal with it. 0:51:55.520 --> 0:51:56.200 I guess. 0:51:58.040 --> 0:52:00.040 I love it. 0:52:00.080 --> 0:52:02.120 Lily, You've been amazing tonight. 0:52:02.160 --> 0:52:05.480 We usually end every on Purpose episode with a final five, 0:52:05.880 --> 0:52:08.720 but you've been on the podcast before, so we invented 0:52:08.719 --> 0:52:11.120 a new version for guests on the tour. It's called 0:52:11.200 --> 0:52:14.640 Past Present Future. Okay, so you get to pick a 0:52:14.760 --> 0:52:17.160 random card from past, president and Future. We do one 0:52:17.200 --> 0:52:20.640 for each, and you're gonna answer a question that comes 0:52:20.719 --> 0:52:21.759 randomly from the car. 0:52:22.160 --> 0:52:23.399 I have no idea what's in it too. 0:52:23.480 --> 0:52:23.759 Let's go. 0:52:23.960 --> 0:52:25.120 So this is the past. 0:52:24.840 --> 0:52:28.800 Set, let's go. Okay, this is so easy. 0:52:29.280 --> 0:52:32.000 Oh God, do you want me to the question? 0:52:32.200 --> 0:52:35.759 Who was your first celebrity crush? You already know there's 0:52:35.800 --> 0:52:38.239 only one answer to this, Jay, you know what it is. 0:52:38.800 --> 0:52:42.920 It's the Rock. You already know it's the Rock. I 0:52:42.960 --> 0:52:45.040 grew up watching wrestling. I'm obsessed with doing the Rock. 0:52:45.080 --> 0:52:46.799 Johnson and I've had the greatest day of my life 0:52:46.880 --> 0:52:48.840 was when I met him. He's one of my mentors. 0:52:48.840 --> 0:52:50.479 He was the person that actually encouraged me to stop 0:52:50.520 --> 0:52:53.520 using Superwoman and start using my name Lily, and she 0:52:53.719 --> 0:52:55.520 is just one of the greatest people I've ever met. 0:52:55.520 --> 0:52:57.400 In mine, they say don't meet your heroes, but do 0:52:57.400 --> 0:52:58.720 do if he is the rock. 0:52:59.239 --> 0:53:01.880 It's all right, present. 0:53:02.239 --> 0:53:09.080 All right, what would the name of your reality TV 0:53:09.160 --> 0:53:15.640 show be called? There's so many ways that I could 0:53:15.680 --> 0:53:20.680 go here, name of your reality show on? I'm gonna 0:53:20.760 --> 0:53:29.200 go with creative ways to torment yourself. That is really 0:53:29.239 --> 0:53:32.960 the trajectory of my life that I just everything I do. 0:53:33.000 --> 0:53:35.799 I'm like, really, Lily, you're gonna also do this. You're 0:53:35.800 --> 0:53:38.200 gonna also be this way, like leave some trauma for 0:53:38.239 --> 0:53:40.680 the rest of the people. I just feel like I 0:53:40.719 --> 0:53:42.640 just constantly step out of my comfort zone in that way. 0:53:42.800 --> 0:53:45.719 That's really good. All right, lost one of these future 0:53:45.800 --> 0:53:46.279 Let's go. 0:53:47.960 --> 0:53:51.400 What will you embrace when you're old? Okay, thank you 0:53:51.440 --> 0:53:54.239 so much for thinking I'm young right now? Okay, what 0:53:54.280 --> 0:53:56.839 will you embrace when you're old? I actually been thinking 0:53:56.840 --> 0:54:00.800 about this a lot. I want to embrace the idea 0:54:01.200 --> 0:54:05.080 of always being a student. And I think that's because 0:54:05.239 --> 0:54:07.600 so many times in my life I really thought I 0:54:07.600 --> 0:54:09.480 had it figured it out. I'm like, God, it nailed it. No, 0:54:09.560 --> 0:54:11.280 this this is my trauma. This I'm gonna deal with it. Perfect. 0:54:11.680 --> 0:54:14.280 Next year happens and I'm like, oh my god, I'm 0:54:14.760 --> 0:54:16.279 and I think I've just come to terms with the 0:54:16.320 --> 0:54:19.160 fact that that is life. You're never gonna figure it out. 0:54:19.200 --> 0:54:21.880 There's always me another lesson, there's another challenge. And so 0:54:22.040 --> 0:54:24.240 just commit to the idea of being a student for life, 0:54:24.520 --> 0:54:26.799 knowing that life is going to force you to learn 0:54:26.880 --> 0:54:28.040 lessons every step of the way. 0:54:28.320 --> 0:54:33.520 You know, right, answer, Lily, I want I want you 0:54:33.560 --> 0:54:35.919 to take a look at this picture behind ohat god, yeah, 0:54:36.000 --> 0:54:36.879 picture behind you. 0:54:37.080 --> 0:54:38.759 I'll go with that first. I'm waiting for it. 0:54:38.800 --> 0:54:44.879 Oh, we're waiting for the picture. Oh my god, did 0:54:44.880 --> 0:54:46.400 you guys edit it so I have two eyebrows? I 0:54:46.400 --> 0:54:50.440 don't think I had two eyebrows. Thank you so much, editors. 0:54:50.520 --> 0:54:53.879 Okay, work, How how old were you and what did 0:54:53.920 --> 0:54:54.520 you need to hear? 0:54:54.600 --> 0:54:58.160 This is a little store in the mall called Glamour Shots, 0:54:59.160 --> 0:55:01.360 and they do you up and they take these pictures. 0:55:01.400 --> 0:55:02.680 I don't know. I don't even know. I don't know 0:55:02.719 --> 0:55:04.200 what age. I'm one of those weird people that doesn't 0:55:04.200 --> 0:55:05.239 know the age of kids. If you tell me a 0:55:05.320 --> 0:55:06.880 kid is seven, I'm like, so, oh, they're in high school. 0:55:08.040 --> 0:55:09.640 I maybe I was seven or eight. 0:55:10.120 --> 0:55:12.000 Here, what did you need to hear? 0:55:12.000 --> 0:55:17.320 What do you guys, think, what do you think nine thirteen? 0:55:17.360 --> 0:55:19.480 I wasn't thirteen. This is just hair and makeup. This 0:55:19.560 --> 0:55:20.320 is just hair and makeup. 0:55:20.960 --> 0:55:23.279 What what advice did you need to hear? Then? What 0:55:23.360 --> 0:55:24.120 do you wish oh? 0:55:24.960 --> 0:55:25.960 Or to what advice? 0:55:26.400 --> 0:55:27.319 What did you need to hear? 0:55:27.960 --> 0:55:32.480 Oh? Well the outfit? First of all, let me genuinely 0:55:32.520 --> 0:55:34.080 think about this. What advice did I need to hear? 0:55:36.000 --> 0:55:38.960 Meet the rock y good? You know, It's funny. I 0:55:38.960 --> 0:55:40.719 feel like now I'm more of a kid than I 0:55:40.840 --> 0:55:44.920 was then. I think I was so convinced I had 0:55:44.920 --> 0:55:47.319 to grow up really quickly and had to figure everything out, 0:55:47.440 --> 0:55:49.120 and I had to be good at everything, and I 0:55:49.120 --> 0:55:51.160 had to commit to a path and commit to a lane. 0:55:51.360 --> 0:55:53.799 Probably didn't try as many things as I should have tried, 0:55:54.080 --> 0:55:56.840 Probably didn't take as many risks. I probably had a 0:55:56.840 --> 0:55:59.479 lot of walls up all the time. It's crazy because 0:55:59.520 --> 0:56:01.120 now I'm in the process of trying to become that 0:56:01.200 --> 0:56:03.680 kid again to live all that right. So the advice 0:56:03.719 --> 0:56:06.399 I would give you is like, be a kid, live 0:56:06.360 --> 0:56:08.680 good life. You have your whole adult life to be 0:56:08.680 --> 0:56:09.480 an adult. Be a kid. 0:56:09.480 --> 0:56:14.840 Girl. I love it. And then there's a picture behind me. 0:56:17.400 --> 0:56:21.040 Oh, I thought it was a picture of you for 0:56:21.120 --> 0:56:23.919 a second, and I was like, damn, Jay, you look good. 0:56:26.640 --> 0:56:28.799 What does what does Lily need to hear right now? 0:56:28.880 --> 0:56:35.080 Oh my god, good job on the eyebrows. Just Lea's 0:56:35.080 --> 0:56:39.440 here right now. I know what Lily need is here 0:56:39.480 --> 0:56:42.520 right now. It's kind of adjacent to the student thing 0:56:42.520 --> 0:56:45.279 I just said. But I've been a certain way my 0:56:45.320 --> 0:56:47.960 whole life, and I've had a lot of really big 0:56:48.040 --> 0:56:50.000 changes in my life over the past couple of years, 0:56:50.280 --> 0:56:52.560 and sometimes I feel like I'm so attached to this 0:56:52.719 --> 0:56:55.600 old version of myself that even though like life is 0:56:55.640 --> 0:56:57.600 forcing me to evolve, I'm like, no, but I'm this way, 0:56:57.640 --> 0:57:01.880 and this is how I describe myself. Like I'm really confident, 0:57:01.960 --> 0:57:04.120 and I'm so extrovert, and I have so much energy 0:57:04.560 --> 0:57:06.160 right now. I think my truth is like, Yo, Lily, 0:57:06.160 --> 0:57:08.800 you get a little anxious sometimes and you spiral a 0:57:08.800 --> 0:57:11.799 little bit sometimes and you keep telling yourselves her this way. 0:57:11.840 --> 0:57:14.480 But like, I think, you're now this person over here, 0:57:14.520 --> 0:57:16.560 and that's okay. You don't have to be the same 0:57:16.600 --> 0:57:19.320 person your whole life. You're allowed to be this version 0:57:19.320 --> 0:57:20.560 and then you're allowed to change your mind and be 0:57:20.600 --> 0:57:22.280 this version. So what I would say to Lily, is like, 0:57:22.920 --> 0:57:25.520 stop being attached to this idea of yourself that you 0:57:25.560 --> 0:57:28.160 know and that millions of subscribers and you, and just 0:57:28.200 --> 0:57:31.320 be who you actually are right now. Honor that person, 0:57:31.320 --> 0:57:32.800 and then who you want to actually be. 0:57:33.320 --> 0:57:39.640 You know, before I let Lily go, I do have 0:57:39.680 --> 0:57:41.920 to tell you this because you know, when I was 0:57:41.960 --> 0:57:44.640 starting on Purpose, as I was telling you this story earlier, 0:57:45.600 --> 0:57:49.240 Lily was one of those guests, and we were new 0:57:49.280 --> 0:57:52.760 friends then who said yes to being on this podcast 0:57:53.160 --> 0:57:56.240 when it had zero listeners because we hadn't even put 0:57:56.240 --> 0:57:59.600 out an episode, So Lily came when we were just 0:57:59.600 --> 0:58:02.760 figuring out what the show was, we recorded an episode. 0:58:02.920 --> 0:58:05.480 She was in the first five guests to ever be 0:58:05.600 --> 0:58:09.320 released on the show. And that was all based on 0:58:10.240 --> 0:58:13.960 just her love, trust and kindness, if I'm honest, just 0:58:14.000 --> 0:58:17.040 her generosity to show up for a new friend at 0:58:17.040 --> 0:58:21.080 the time who had an unknown show called on Purpose 0:58:21.560 --> 0:58:24.320 that had no track record, no listeners, and nothing else. 0:58:24.840 --> 0:58:27.320 And that's how real a friend you were when we 0:58:27.440 --> 0:58:30.800 barely knew each other. So to me, that show is 0:58:30.840 --> 0:58:33.880 what an amazing friend you are today. Where initially I'd 0:58:33.880 --> 0:58:36.480 reached out the Lily trying to figure out. She was like, no, 0:58:36.600 --> 0:58:38.120 I'll find see you to Denver. I can't make this 0:58:38.160 --> 0:58:39.880 other day. I'm going to come to Denver. I'm going 0:58:39.920 --> 0:58:42.360 to come myself. You're not even paying for my flights. 0:58:42.640 --> 0:58:45.520 I just want to be there for you, and for 0:58:45.560 --> 0:58:47.240 someone to do that as such a dear friend, to 0:58:47.280 --> 0:58:49.960 show up and show up so vulnerably deeply, I mean, 0:58:50.320 --> 0:58:51.000 it's insane. 0:58:51.120 --> 0:58:53.240 So give it up for my dear friend. 0:58:53.480 --> 0:58:59.240 Really, and you're amazing, amazing, Thank you. I want to 0:58:59.240 --> 0:59:01.240 pick you up one more. I know I have to. 0:59:01.240 --> 0:59:02.880 I'm sorry you get to stop the music for one second. 0:59:02.920 --> 0:59:04.320 I don't I don't know. I know you're overtime, but 0:59:04.320 --> 0:59:05.720 it's the last stop of the tour, so I'm sorry. 0:59:05.760 --> 0:59:07.640 We're just gonna have to. I had already said this, 0:59:07.640 --> 0:59:09.320 but now so sincerely, I need to tell you all. 0:59:09.520 --> 0:59:11.240 First of all, thank you so much for coming to 0:59:11.480 --> 0:59:15.200 jay'show and supporting him. He is so incredible and so amazing. 0:59:15.920 --> 0:59:18.000 But I need to tell you, and I hope he 0:59:18.040 --> 0:59:20.720 doesn't get mad at me for saying this. I get 0:59:20.880 --> 0:59:23.920 so everybody knows he's such a lovely person. But I 0:59:23.960 --> 0:59:26.040 truly when I say, you don't even know the tip 0:59:26.080 --> 0:59:28.800 of how amazing he is. You know, behind the scenes, 0:59:28.800 --> 0:59:30.400 he does so many things that will never see the 0:59:30.480 --> 0:59:32.120 light of day because he doesn't want them to see 0:59:32.160 --> 0:59:33.400 the light of day. And that's why you need friends 0:59:33.440 --> 0:59:36.520 like me that don't care about rules. When I agree 0:59:36.560 --> 0:59:38.080 to do the show, I got an email from his 0:59:38.160 --> 0:59:40.120 team saying, because you're doing the show, Jay wants to 0:59:40.120 --> 0:59:42.720 donate to a charity of your choice. Because you're doing 0:59:42.720 --> 0:59:44.600 the show. And I imagine he's probably done this for 0:59:44.640 --> 0:59:47.720 every single guest on tour. He does this a lot. 0:59:47.920 --> 0:59:49.760 He does things like, if you do this, I'll donate 0:59:49.800 --> 0:59:52.000 to a charity. Don't pay me for this thing, Actually, 0:59:52.120 --> 0:59:55.920 just donate to a charity. He is such a genuinely 0:59:56.040 --> 0:59:58.720 nice person who cares about being of service. This is 0:59:58.760 --> 1:00:02.120 not a facade. This is who he is. And so 1:00:02.480 --> 1:00:04.920 I know your resources are so hard earned, your time 1:00:05.000 --> 1:00:07.479 is so hard earned. Any resource or time you spend 1:00:07.480 --> 1:00:09.840 supporting Jay is not wasted because he's such a good 1:00:09.840 --> 1:00:14.200 person and he deserves it. And I will just say 1:00:14.200 --> 1:00:16.400 what we're all thinking, which is, how can you have 1:00:16.440 --> 1:00:19.480 a mind and heart like this and also look like this. 1:00:20.480 --> 1:00:23.960 We know Jay is hot, we know his eyes literally 1:00:24.000 --> 1:00:27.080 sugar does not come within two miles of this man. Okay, 1:00:27.160 --> 1:00:29.440 his cheat meal is a diet coke using salary as 1:00:29.480 --> 1:00:33.520 a straw. He truly this man is just protect him 1:00:33.520 --> 1:00:37.360 at all costs this man. Support him with everything you have. 1:00:37.800 --> 1:00:39.240 Please thank you for coming to. 1:00:39.240 --> 1:00:47.840 A store, Lily say, I love you man. 1:00:56.840 --> 1:00:59.520 If you love this episode, I need you to listen 1:00:59.600 --> 1:01:02.680 to one of my favorite conversations ever. It's with the 1:01:02.720 --> 1:01:05.960 one and only Tom Holland on how to overcome your 1:01:06.000 --> 1:01:10.720 social anxiety, especially in situations where you're not drinking and 1:01:10.800 --> 1:01:14.360 everyone else is. We talk about his sobriety journey and 1:01:14.560 --> 1:01:17.720 so much more. He gets really personal. I can't wait 1:01:17.760 --> 1:01:19.680 for you to hear it. It's going to blow your mind. 1:01:20.000 --> 1:01:22.120 The quote is, if you have a problem with me, 1:01:22.320 --> 1:01:22.760 text me. 1:01:22.920 --> 1:01:24.720 And if you don't have my number, you don't know 1:01:24.800 --> 1:01:26.280 me well enough to have a problem with me.