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Speaker 1: Thus far in life, you have a one hundred percent

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Speaker 1: success rate of getting through things. There's not a single

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Speaker 1: thing in your life if you're sitting here right now

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Speaker 1: that you have not gotten through. So anytime you felt

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Speaker 1: like this in the past, you got through it. And

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Speaker 1: I think we need to remind ourselves that a little bit,

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Speaker 1: that we can beat ourselves up. But just because your

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Speaker 1: brain is saying it, it doesn't mean it's true. We

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Speaker 1: lie to ourselves all the time. The number one health

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Speaker 1: and well iness podcast Jay Sheddy, Jay Sheddy See Only

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Speaker 1: Jay Sheddy.

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Speaker 2: Hi, I am so excited to be here tonight at

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Speaker 2: the Ellie Culkins Opera House in Denver with the one

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Speaker 2: and only my dear friend Lily saying, let's go.

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Speaker 1: First of all, you know I'm gonna uproot this whole thing.

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Speaker 1: You know this, I don't follow rules. How awesome is

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Speaker 1: j Sheddy?

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Speaker 3: Though, come on, this is your show now?

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Speaker 1: No, it's not my show.

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Speaker 4: I like the show has way.

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Speaker 1: More famous friends than me. So the fact that I

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Speaker 1: get to close out this tour all of you, this

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Speaker 1: is the last tour stop, isn't that amazing? We get

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Speaker 1: to be Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna uproot too much,

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Speaker 1: but I just have to. Like, I know we're all

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Speaker 1: thinking it Jay's brain. He's so kind. I'm gonna give

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Speaker 1: you all the tea of what Jay's actually like off

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Speaker 1: the podcast is we're actually real friends. Oh I will

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Speaker 1: baby girl, don't you worry. What's your name, Pamela? Okay,

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Speaker 1: her name is Jay Sheddy. There's an open bar here

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Speaker 1: and I like it. No, but Jay is an incredible

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Speaker 1: human being. I'm so honored to be here on this

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Speaker 1: last tour. Stop everything you know about Jay from the podcast.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to even explain to you that

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Speaker 1: he's even better off the mic and behind the scenes

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Speaker 1: and behind the camera. This man is the real deal.

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Speaker 1: He is so genuine, the first to say yes to

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Speaker 1: anything anyone asks him. He calls me up randomly, just

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Speaker 1: just check up on me, just to say Hi. The

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Speaker 1: person you bought tickets for and you're supporting deserves all

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Speaker 1: the support that you are giving him.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, you're the best. I appreciate that we are real friends.

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Speaker 2: Me and Lily have a scheduled dinner day every month

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Speaker 2: because our lives are crazy, but then we also hang

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Speaker 2: out spend a lot of time together. I stalked her

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Speaker 2: seven years ago to make her my friend. And I remember,

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Speaker 2: you have eyes like.

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Speaker 1: That, you can do that, So men don't get ideas. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you have eyes like that, you can do that.

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Speaker 2: I remember, I remember I just moved to LA and

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Speaker 2: as someone who'd and there's a reason why I'm giving

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Speaker 2: you this background because I have a question for Lily

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Speaker 2: to kick it off with. But I grew up watching Lily.

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Speaker 2: So I would watch Lily in London on YouTube and

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Speaker 2: just think, how is this person, you know, creating this

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Speaker 2: incredible community online, you know, billions of views, tens of

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Speaker 2: millions of followers. It was incredible to watch. And I

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Speaker 2: remember when I moved to LA because I'd watched so

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Speaker 2: much of Lily's videos, I was like, we'd be great friends, right,

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Speaker 2: and so so I literally would just tell everyone I'm met,

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Speaker 2: and they'd be like, oh, who do you want to connect?

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Speaker 2: I want to connect with Lily because I think would

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Speaker 2: be really good friends. And then when we find met,

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Speaker 2: I did the really dorky thing of saying I think

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Speaker 2: would be really good friends, and then that's we became

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Speaker 2: really good friends.

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Speaker 1: He's not live. Three different people called me to be

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Speaker 1: like this guy named Jay keeps saying he wants to

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Speaker 1: be your friend, and I was like, okay, and then

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Speaker 1: we became friends. And now how lucky am I that

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Speaker 1: I get to have Jay Sheddy.

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Speaker 4: In my life?

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Speaker 2: But I wanted to ask you this question to kick

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Speaker 2: it off with, because what I've always admired about your

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Speaker 2: career is that you have been first to so many things.

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Speaker 2: You were one of the earliest adopters of a creator

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Speaker 2: on YouTube. I remember moving to New York and seeing

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Speaker 2: billboards of you all over New York. You were one

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Speaker 2: of the first people to get like for a woman

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Speaker 2: of color, right, bisexual woman of color to get their

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Speaker 2: first gay late night days?

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Speaker 1: Okay, happy bride, that's not gays.

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Speaker 3: To get a late night show, which was unheard of.

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Speaker 3: Another first?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 2: The amount of first that you've had in your career

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Speaker 2: are you know? I literally couldn't even count all of them.

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Speaker 2: It's incredible. You've paid the way, You've constantly trail based.

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Speaker 2: But being first is celebrated, but it's not easy. And

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Speaker 2: tonight we've been talking about people chasing their dreams and

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Speaker 2: people going after and not worrying about what people think.

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Speaker 2: But when you're first, that's all that happens. Talk to

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Speaker 2: me about how you even had the idea to start

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Speaker 2: on YouTube and how long it took you from having

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Speaker 2: an idea to execution.

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Speaker 1: Yes, my career has had a lot of firsts, and

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Speaker 1: I know and thank you for asking me this question,

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Speaker 1: because I think very often when people talk to me

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Speaker 1: about my career on first it's very celebratory, which I'm

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Speaker 1: very grateful. It's very cool to be able to say

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Speaker 1: I was the first two. But it is so scary.

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Speaker 1: It is so lonely. It is. I've had so much

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Speaker 1: anxiety over it. To be in a situation where you

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Speaker 1: have no one around you to ask for advice, no roadmap,

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Speaker 1: no one's else's failures, to look at her wins, so

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Speaker 1: look at it's really really scary and lonely. I started

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Speaker 1: making YouTube videos in twenty ten. I spontaneously made them.

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Speaker 1: I was in university getting a psychic degree, which I

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Speaker 1: don't use, and yay getting a psych degree, and I

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Speaker 1: was kind of I don't know if anyone can resonate.

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Speaker 1: I was just kind of going through the motions of life.

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Speaker 1: My parents really want me to go to university. I

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Speaker 1: go to the same one my sister went to. My

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Speaker 1: parents really want me to get a degree because they

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Speaker 1: believe that a degree will get you a job. Lol.

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Speaker 1: So I go and do that as well. Right, I

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Speaker 1: get the same degree my sister gets, and now I'm

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Speaker 1: like just living this life alike. And then I'll get

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Speaker 1: a degree, and then I guess I'll get married, and

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Speaker 1: then I'll guess I'll have kids, and then I guess

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Speaker 1: I'll just live do the motions of this life that

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Speaker 1: everyone around me is doing and that everyone before me,

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Speaker 1: especially the women before me, have done because they didn't

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Speaker 1: have any other options. And I was I'll give you

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Speaker 1: a little bit of heavy context here because I think

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Speaker 1: it's important. From a very young age, it was abundantly

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Speaker 1: clear to me that my extended family was not thrilled

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Speaker 1: at the idea of a second daughter being born. So

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Speaker 1: I don't know if anyone can relate here, but in

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Speaker 1: Indian culture and a lot of cultures around the world,

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Speaker 1: people want a son, you know. And so I had

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Speaker 1: an older sister, and when I was a second daughter born,

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Speaker 1: it was made very clear that, like, this is not

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Speaker 1: worth calling the family about. Really disappointed about this. Laugh

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Speaker 1: at my trauma. That's what I've done for the past

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Speaker 1: ten years. Here, we got the right idea. But so

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Speaker 1: I bring this up because I feel like for most

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Speaker 1: of my life I've had this chip on my shoulder.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not saying it's healthy, to be clear, I'm

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Speaker 1: just saying it's true. I've always had this chip on

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Speaker 1: my shoulder to prove I am worthy of being alive,

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Speaker 1: being in spaces, and to prove to other people like no,

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Speaker 1: I was born and I'm gonna do great things. Thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you. We do need this comments. So when I

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Speaker 1: started making YouTube videos, I was in a really dark

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Speaker 1: place because I was living this linear life. I didn't

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Speaker 1: feel like I was fulfilling my purpose. What a podcast

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Speaker 1: reference and I was just like, this can be what

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Speaker 1: life is about. There's got to be more to this.

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Speaker 1: I made my first YouTube video because I felt so

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Speaker 1: low and I felt so confused. And my first video

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Speaker 1: seventy people watched it, and I was like, well, damn,

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Speaker 1: I'm famous now. I don't know, I don't know so

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Speaker 1: how many people. But I just fell in love with

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Speaker 1: this idea of I get to say what I want

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Speaker 1: to say, and I've built this albeit small community of

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Speaker 1: people that are connecting with me, and I just felt alive.

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Speaker 1: I was doing something for myself for the first time,

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Speaker 1: breaking the rules for the first time. This wasn't a

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Speaker 1: path anyone else had done. And so that's why I

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Speaker 1: made my first YouTube video is because I was grasping

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Speaker 1: for connection and I was grasping to probably prove myself.

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Speaker 1: Now YouTube led to a bunch of other cool things.

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Speaker 1: You know, I've gotten to write two books. Neither of

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Speaker 1: them have sold as many copies as Jay's books, but

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Speaker 1: you know, we try. And the reason I'm being really

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Speaker 1: vulnerable to tell you this, I think the reason I

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Speaker 1: started YouTube, the reason I said yes to Late Night,

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Speaker 1: the reason I said yes to a lot of things,

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Speaker 1: again not saying it's healthy, is I knew one thing

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Speaker 1: people could understand, every extended family member, every man in

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Speaker 1: the family, everyone that doubted me. I knew they would

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Speaker 1: understand influence, and I knew they would understand fame and money.

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Speaker 1: And again I'm not saying that those things should be

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Speaker 1: the drivers. But when you're in a situation where you're

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Speaker 1: like nobody believes in me, and I'm surrounded by people

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Speaker 1: that don't think I can do something, I chase something

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Speaker 1: I knew they would understand. And it has been a

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Speaker 1: lifelong journey to teach myself to chase something else. I

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Speaker 1: don't think I've ever told you that.

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Speaker 2: Actually, I need to come over and give you a

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Speaker 2: hug right now. No, I can tell just what you're

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Speaker 2: saying is it's you know, because.

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Speaker 1: It's not a sexy thing to admit. I think, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's a lot of times people want me to talk about,

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I did it because I'm representation and passion.

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Speaker 1: Those things are true. That's not why I started. I

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Speaker 1: started because I was like, oh, you don't think I

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Speaker 1: can do this. You'll understand a million people watching my video.

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Speaker 1: You will understand the size of my house. You understand

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Speaker 1: those things. Then I got those things and don't do

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Speaker 1: me wrong. It felt really good, but then I still

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Speaker 1: felt really empty because I was trying to prove other

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Speaker 1: people right, when really what I try to do now

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Speaker 1: is I try to prove myself right. That's more important.

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Speaker 2: Well said, Well said, yeah, absolutely, give it up for Lily,

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Speaker 2: Absolutely absolutely.

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Speaker 4: I want to dive into the depths.

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Speaker 1: Of people who are like, we didn't know her, but

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Speaker 1: she's kind of smart. That's right. Let me win you over.

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Speaker 2: I want to dive into the depths of some of

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Speaker 2: that because I think even for what you're just saying

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Speaker 2: to obviously I know you so well, but for everyone

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Speaker 2: else here as well, to really understand what that upbringing

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Speaker 2: feels like, because I think, like you said, everyone here

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Speaker 2: has that in their own way. I think everyone feels

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Speaker 2: like they have something to prove. Everyone feels like it's

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Speaker 2: very rare that you were surrounded by people who believed

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Speaker 2: in you and thought your ideas were amazing. And if

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Speaker 2: you had that, that's incredible. But maybe that even came

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Speaker 2: with its own pressure because you had to live up

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Speaker 2: to certain expect Walk me through what those cultural expectations

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Speaker 2: did to you as a young girl, and I know,

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Speaker 2: as someone who's done a lot of self work, talk

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Speaker 2: me through how they kind of mirrored into your future

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Speaker 2: life and the kind of things you've had to peel

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Speaker 2: back on live.

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Speaker 4: Do you actually make sense to that?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And a lot of this are things I've realized

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Speaker 1: only as a full adult because I was so blind

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Speaker 1: to it growing up. You know, of course, there's silly

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Speaker 1: examples like girls aren't supposed to do this, girls dressed

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Speaker 1: like this, to silly things like my grandfather, God bless

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Speaker 1: his soul. But always girls are not supposed to whistle

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Speaker 1: like simple things. Girls shouldn't be so spoken, you know,

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Speaker 1: they should be generally timid and not not be the

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Speaker 1: center of attention at a family party. I loved dancing

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Speaker 1: growing up, and I was the captain of a dance team,

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Speaker 1: and the main reason my parents had a problem with

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Speaker 1: it was girls aren't supposed to dance at events or

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Speaker 1: get hired to dance. So there's a lot of what

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Speaker 1: you should and shouldn't do as a girl the box

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Speaker 1: are put in as a girl. But the deeper thing

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Speaker 1: that I actually subconsciously learned growing up was that if

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Speaker 1: someone tells you something about yourself, you just accept it.

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Speaker 1: For so much of my life, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you're saying this thing to me. I guess that is

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Speaker 1: now my burden. Oh you were telling me I should

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Speaker 1: be this way. Great, I will now work on ways

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Speaker 1: to be that way. Oh you're telling me I shouldn't

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Speaker 1: be this way. Great, I'm gonna work really hard because

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be that way. It wasn't until I

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Speaker 1: was a full adult, and there's a very specific experience

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Speaker 1: that taught me this lesson where I realized that I

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Speaker 1: could actually just say no, I'm good. I actually don't

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Speaker 1: need to accept this thing you're putting on to me,

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Speaker 1: like I actually have a choice in the matter. So choice,

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Speaker 1: the idea of deciding, did not occur to me. And

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Speaker 1: the experience that taught me this was in twenty nineteen.

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Speaker 1: I got a late night show, and I had two

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Speaker 1: seasons of a late night show. And when it was

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Speaker 1: brought to me, I'll be real, I didn't grow up

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Speaker 1: watching late night. My parents didn't watch late night. You know.

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Speaker 1: My parents are like mega brown Indians, and I don't

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Speaker 1: think they related to anything on late night. And so

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Speaker 1: I don't have that experience where a lot of people

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Speaker 1: were like, I grew up with it and you know

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Speaker 1: it raised me. I didn't have that, and so when

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Speaker 1: they asked me to do the late night show, I

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Speaker 1: actually said no. I was like, I don't really like

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Speaker 1: I didn't get into this to be a late night host.

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Speaker 1: I don't really know much about this, and so I

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Speaker 1: went away. Now I'm a big believer that the universe

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Speaker 1: teaches you lessons and brings things to you. And so

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Speaker 1: a month later they came back and they were like,

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Speaker 1: we are asking you for the second time to be

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Speaker 1: our late night host and I was like, Okay, let

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Speaker 1: me think about this properly, and again we go back

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Speaker 1: to me trying to prove myself. One of my team

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Speaker 1: members explained to me how historic this would be. They're like,

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Speaker 1: there's never been a late night host that looks like you.

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Speaker 1: It would be historic. It would, you know, be a headline.

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Speaker 1: And of course my ego is like a headline. I

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Speaker 1: do like a headline. I would of course I'd want

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Speaker 1: to make history. And of course the sentimental part of

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Speaker 1: me is also thinking, oh, I could like help a path,

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Speaker 1: then maybe I can open the door for someone else,

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Speaker 1: and I could do what I did with YouTube. And

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Speaker 1: so I said yes, And I did this late night

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Speaker 1: show for two years, and it was twenty years of knowledge.

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Speaker 1: When I tell you, it was the most difficult thing

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Speaker 1: I've ever done in my life, like mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically,

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Speaker 1: just in the worst shape of my life. It was

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Speaker 1: such a demanding job. We shot ninety six episodes in

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Speaker 1: three months in season one, with half of the writer's

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Speaker 1: room that a normal talk show would have half of

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Speaker 1: the writers with a quarter of the budget probably, and

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Speaker 1: both seasons took place during COVID, So for my first season,

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Speaker 1: because we banked those episodes when I was talking about

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Speaker 1: partying and making out and traveling, we were in COVID.

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Speaker 1: H you know, that was my first season, and my

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Speaker 1: second season was shot fully in COVID, so all the

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Speaker 1: interviews were on zoom. So it's a very challenging experience.

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Speaker 1: Experience ended, and for a year or two I just

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Speaker 1: beat myself up about it, like I couldn't do it.

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Speaker 1: I didn't do it justice. I only had two seasons.

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Speaker 1: I didn't even like a lot of the episodes I shot.

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Speaker 1: I remember walking to my monologue mark and being like,

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Speaker 1: this isn't good. What I'm about to sell right now

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Speaker 1: is not funny, and I'm gonna have to do this

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Speaker 1: for ninety six episodes and it's a horrible feeling. And

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Speaker 1: I beat myself up a lot of the time. But

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Speaker 1: during that process, people would literally come up to me

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Speaker 1: and say, verbatim, a billion people are counting on you,

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Speaker 1: Like all the Indians are counting on you. A billion

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Speaker 1: of us are counting. People would come up to me

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Speaker 1: and say like, oh, but of course every headline was

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Speaker 1: bisexual woman of color, And people are so mad at

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Speaker 1: me about the headline, like I wrote it, what I mean,

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Speaker 1: all the gays are counting on you, like all the

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Speaker 1: women are counting. I'm like, that's a lot of people

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Speaker 1: that are counting on me, you know what I mean. Like,

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Speaker 1: there's no way I could make all of these people proud.

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Speaker 1: There's just no way. And so for so long I

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Speaker 1: felt like crap about that that I let women down.

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Speaker 1: I let brown people down. I like queers down. I

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Speaker 1: let people with long hair down. I let dog moms down.

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Speaker 1: Everyone leave, bros. I let you down. Okay, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. I thank you, baby girl, thank you.

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Speaker 1: But only in the past three years that I realize

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Speaker 1: I was like, I now have the confidence and self

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Speaker 1: love to say that I actually could have said, actually,

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Speaker 1: it's not my job to make a billion people proud,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And I did not have

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Speaker 1: that thought at the time. I was like, of course, okay, yes,

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Speaker 1: when I was there writing the monologue, Okay, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: mention Indian. Okay, I'm gonna mention I'll be a little

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Speaker 1: gay over here, okay, and then I'll mention my I

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Speaker 1: was so fixated on, like how do it didn't even

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Speaker 1: occur to me to say, I actually don't have to

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Speaker 1: do that I actually don't have to live up to that,

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Speaker 1: and I think that's just my upbringings. I've always just

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Speaker 1: taken on the burden without question, you know.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I've definitely never heard you talk about it this.

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Speaker 1: Way and have no filter day you know this that's

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Speaker 1: the open book for better or for worse.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, But it's really resonating with me because as

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Speaker 2: I'm thinking of everyone who's sitting here as well, let's

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Speaker 2: say that's exactly what we're going through, where we feel

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Speaker 2: the pressure to carry the ban for our family, our friends,

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Speaker 2: for the children, like whatever it is, like, I think

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Speaker 2: we all carry so much weight and pressure of expectation

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Speaker 2: of showing up, and we can feel like we're carrying everything.

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Speaker 2: Was it going through the process that So here's the

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Speaker 2: interesting thing. Could you have got to where you are

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Speaker 2: today in that confidence without saying yes to something that

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Speaker 2: didn't work out the way you would have wanted it

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Speaker 2: to or was that the only way.

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Speaker 4: To get there?

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Speaker 1: Unfortunately for me, but very fortunately for my therapist who

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Speaker 1: now owns a yacht, I've had to go through every

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Speaker 1: challenging experience to get to where I am. I take

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Speaker 1: self growth very seriously. This as my friend. I'm really

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Speaker 1: dedicated to being a student for life. I want to

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Speaker 1: learn about myself. I have a ton of rituals in

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Speaker 1: my life to learn about myself. But there's no way

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Speaker 1: I would have any of that or be where I

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Speaker 1: was if it wasn't for the moments that kicked my butt.

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Speaker 1: You need to get your buck kicked a little bit

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Speaker 1: to learn some lessons. So when even people ask you regrets,

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Speaker 1: of course we all think of ones. But I bet

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Speaker 1: if you thought of any moment that was really horrible,

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Speaker 1: there's a silver lining where you're like and that made

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Speaker 1: me amazing because of this an x YSI. So I

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Speaker 1: really do feel like I had to go through late night.

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Speaker 1: I had to go through a ton of stuff to

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Speaker 1: be the person I am now to fulfill the purpose

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Speaker 1: I am fulfilling right now. And now I take that

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Speaker 1: knowledge forward knowing that when another thing happens as challenging,

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Speaker 1: that is the thing that kind of holds me to

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Speaker 1: be Like, I know, somewhere in here is going to

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Speaker 1: be something that brings me closer to the person I'm

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Speaker 1: supposed to be.

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Speaker 2: If someone's in one of those situations right now, like

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Speaker 2: they're sitting here right now, and they're feeling stuck, They're

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Speaker 2: feeling like they're in the middle of one of those transitions,

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Speaker 2: which is always the hardest place to be in it.

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Speaker 4: What would you inc them to do? Is someone?

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Speaker 2: And by the way, I know that for a fact,

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Speaker 2: like your commitment to self work, your commitment to healing,

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Speaker 2: your commitment to everything I talk about, Lily is like

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Speaker 2: teaches pet for right, Like she's like the best student.

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Speaker 2: Like everything I talk about are things that you truly

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Speaker 2: live by. Have seen that in our friendship. But if

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Speaker 2: someone's right in the thick of it right now and

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Speaker 2: everything just feels like it's going wrong, it's falling apart,

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Speaker 2: they feel the weight of the world on them, what

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Speaker 2: would you encourage them to reflect on?

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Speaker 4: Do or build? What would you encourage them to do?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think we are our own harshest critics, right,

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Speaker 1: And if you're that person that like beats yourself up mentally,

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Speaker 1: you're not alone. Look to the person next to you.

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Speaker 1: They do the same thing. We're all just beating ourselves

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Speaker 1: up all the time. And I'm not the best at math,

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Speaker 1: but I know this one thing I'm about to say

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Speaker 1: is one hundred percent going to be correct, and it

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Speaker 1: is going to apply to every single person here, and

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Speaker 1: that is thus far in life, you have a one

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Speaker 1: hundred percent success rate of getting through things. There's not

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Speaker 1: a single thing in your life if you're sitting here

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Speaker 1: right now, that you have not gotten through. So anytime

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Speaker 1: you felt like this in the past, you got through it.

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Speaker 1: What I do is I actually journal and write about

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Speaker 1: some of those experiences. Lily, you were in this experience

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Speaker 1: in your eighth grade when you had late night, you

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Speaker 1: were with this smiss, you got through it. You have

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Speaker 1: one hundred percent. You feel like a failure, and you

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Speaker 1: have one hundred percent success. Right. That is the truth

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Speaker 1: of where you are right now. And I think we

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Speaker 1: need to remind ourselves that a little bit. That we

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Speaker 1: can beat ourselves up. But just because your brain is

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Speaker 1: saying it, it doesn't mean it's true. Right. Jay actually

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Speaker 1: taught me this that we lie to ourselves all the time.

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Speaker 1: Our brain lies to ourselves all the time. And you

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Speaker 1: just have to change that thought and go back and

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Speaker 1: relive all the things that you've gotten through. One hundred

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Speaker 1: percent success. Right, every single one of you give yourself

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Speaker 1: a round aplause congratulations.

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Speaker 5: Yes, it's true, it's true.

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Speaker 2: And I love the practical aspect of it, though, because

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Speaker 2: this is the part we skip. Sometimes we hear something

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Speaker 2: like that and we go, oh, I really like that idea.

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Speaker 2: That makes sense to me, but then we don't actually

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Speaker 2: do the practical piece. So what Lily just said there

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Speaker 2: was that idea of her journaling and actually thinking back

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Speaker 2: to all the things that she's overcome in her life.

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Speaker 2: That act of journaling, writing it down, reading it back.

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Speaker 2: That's the practice. If you really want to find confidence,

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Speaker 2: you only have to look at your past. If you

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Speaker 2: really want to find resilience, you only have to look

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Speaker 2: at your pain. If you really want to find that strength,

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Speaker 2: you only have to look back in the last ten

433
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,920
Speaker 2: years and think of all the things that you broke through.

434
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,080
Speaker 2: But you have to write it down, you have to

435
00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:43,680
Speaker 2: read it, and you have to remind yourself, because your

436
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,239
Speaker 2: mind will just remind you of all the times you

437
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:50,119
Speaker 2: didn't stay strong, all the times you didn't be brave,

438
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,360
Speaker 2: all the times you didn't do it. And so the

439
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,119
Speaker 2: act of writing it down, as Lily saying, is huge.

440
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,439
Speaker 2: And I don't want to undervalue just how powerful that

441
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:04,119
Speaker 2: piece of advice is. As you're breaking through that and

442
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 2: you're looking at some of the residue of childhood expectation

443
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,360
Speaker 2: that we all have. Right, I'll share one of mine,

444
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,480
Speaker 2: which is which is vulnerable for me too, And you

445
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,800
Speaker 2: know you've inspired me to want to open up as

446
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,920
Speaker 2: well in this conversation, and it's I remember, this was

447
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:21,959
Speaker 2: one of the big ones that was just hidden for

448
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:26,440
Speaker 2: so long. I was given a lot of love growing up,

449
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 2: but that love always had a little bit of guilt

450
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 2: in it. And what that meant was that I was loved,

451
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,520
Speaker 2: but I was made to feel guilty if I didn't

452
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:38,120
Speaker 2: love my caretakers back with that level of love, if

453
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,240
Speaker 2: not more so, I always felt like I wasn't loving

454
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 2: the people that loved me enough. And what I didn't

455
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,880
Speaker 2: realize is that when I first started dating my now wife,

456
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,520
Speaker 2: that's how I loved her. I over loved her, but

457
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:55,200
Speaker 2: then made her feel guilty for not loving me back enough.

458
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,439
Speaker 2: And what that did is it just pushed her away.

459
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,919
Speaker 2: It didn't make us close, so it didn't make her

460
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 2: love me more. It made her more shut down. And

461
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:07,480
Speaker 2: the reason I'm raising that is because this tiny thread

462
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,960
Speaker 2: or this tiny seed or weed that was planted when

463
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,239
Speaker 2: I was like four years old was affecting me in

464
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 2: my thirties. What has been something in your life that

465
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:20,439
Speaker 2: you've seen has just stayed And that's the thing that

466
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,120
Speaker 2: you're working on the most right now.

467
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:23,879
Speaker 1: I mean, how much.

468
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,080
Speaker 3: Time we got here? Jay?

469
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 1: Also? Can I have this? Can we have this delicious beverage?

470
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 4: Judy?

471
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 1: Oh my god, let me just I'm going to answer

472
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:33,959
Speaker 1: this question a second befirst. I just wanted to take

473
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:42,400
Speaker 1: a cheers, cheers, cheers. Oh my god, this refreshing beverage.

474
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 1: Hold on a backling to you with adapted is where

475
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:50,440
Speaker 1: do you get this?

476
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:50,720
Speaker 4: Joe?

477
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 1: Where do you get this delicious drink? Is it available

478
00:22:55,840 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 1: at Costco? Should every person? So delicious? Seriously? Thank you

479
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:12,399
Speaker 1: so much. You can give me a check later. No,

480
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: back to serious combo. Based off everything I just told

481
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:22,800
Speaker 1: you about me being so intense with proving myself, what

482
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:28,439
Speaker 1: comes along with that is unrealistically high expectations and standards

483
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:32,919
Speaker 1: for myself. So when you're fueled by proving people wrong

484
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,160
Speaker 1: and trying to prove yourself, the bar is so high

485
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 1: for yourself. Like when I say I'm my own biggest critic,

486
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,680
Speaker 1: I really am. I could do an amazing job at something.

487
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:44,399
Speaker 1: You better believe. I'm walking backstations like why did you

488
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 1: do that? Why did you say that word like that,

489
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 1: Like I am going over everything again, and so my

490
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 1: expectations are so high and now just based on what

491
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,680
Speaker 1: you said as well with Rody, I map that onto

492
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 1: other people. So now I'm in situations with friends and

493
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 1: relationships where I have such an unrealistically high bar for

494
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 1: them because that's what I have for myself and other

495
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,199
Speaker 1: people they're just trying to chill, they're just trying to

496
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 1: live their life, They're just trying to do their thing,

497
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,359
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, everything needs to be a hundred

498
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,359
Speaker 1: and amazing and perfect. And that has been a really

499
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:18,160
Speaker 1: big struggle for me because I associate expectations with love

500
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 1: and care and if they don't do it to a

501
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 1: one hundred, they don't love me, they don't care about me.

502
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 1: Then that means I'm not important, I'm not a priority.

503
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,879
Speaker 1: And I learned that that has a lot to do

504
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,720
Speaker 1: with how I treat myself. And one of the ways

505
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,239
Speaker 1: I've tackled that is just to really work on my

506
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:36,639
Speaker 1: self compassion, you know, is to allow myself to just

507
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 1: relax sometimes and it's okay. Not everything needs to be

508
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:44,919
Speaker 1: perfect one hundred a million again. I'm really nerdy, y' all.

509
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,680
Speaker 1: I hope you decided. I do a lot of practices

510
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 1: that have help. Maybe one that I've done. And when

511
00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:52,879
Speaker 1: I first started to do this, I was like, this

512
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 1: is so dumb, this is never gonna work. I was

513
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 1: literally like, this is so cringe. I have a notebook

514
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:03,879
Speaker 1: on my night table and I told myself that every

515
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,640
Speaker 1: day before I go to bed, I'm just gonna three

516
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:11,760
Speaker 1: bullets of ways I showed myself compassion or grace. Could

517
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 1: be so small, could be so big. The first couple

518
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 1: of days, I was like, I think I hate myself.

519
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,639
Speaker 1: I did nothing. And then that got me to think, like,

520
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 1: throughout the day is there's small, small ways that you

521
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,040
Speaker 1: showed your self compassion. So every day till this day,

522
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:27,960
Speaker 1: I write three things before I go to bed, And

523
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:31,920
Speaker 1: they could be really simple, like, hey, you were really

524
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:35,400
Speaker 1: tired and you delegated that task. Good job. You showed

525
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 1: yourself compassion. You were really sad about this thing, and

526
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 1: you texted a friend like, you showed yourself compassion. You

527
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,879
Speaker 1: drew a boundary with a family member even though it

528
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 1: was really scary, even it was really small, you did that.

529
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,400
Speaker 1: You showed your self compassion. Now this sounds so lame,

530
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,120
Speaker 1: and I'm well aware of this, and for the first

531
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 1: two weeks three weeks, I was like, this is dumb.

532
00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:00,040
Speaker 1: And then something amazing happened. Two months into this. My

533
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 1: friend was late. Now, if anyone knows anything about me,

534
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,199
Speaker 1: that's the type of thing that would send me Okay,

535
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,880
Speaker 1: you don't show up late to LI, but you were saying,

536
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,679
Speaker 1: like Jay knows that you show up late. It's like

537
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 1: you don't love me, you don't care about me, you

538
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 1: didn't plan your day in accordance to being here, Like

539
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:20,760
Speaker 1: it's the spiral. My friends showed up late, and genuinely

540
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 1: I was like, that's okay. I was somehow able to

541
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 1: channel grace towards this person. And then it kept happening.

542
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,439
Speaker 1: Suddenly my friend didn't do the thing they said they

543
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 1: were gonna say, and I was like, oh, my brain

544
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 1: didn't go automatically too, they don't love me. It automatically

545
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: went to like maybe this thing happened in their day.

546
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 1: And that's why I was starting to give people grace

547
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:44,200
Speaker 1: solely because I just monitored the grace I gave myself

548
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 1: and that has changed my life. So the expectations is

549
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,439
Speaker 1: really hard. But now I'm just kind of like, it's okay.

550
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,840
Speaker 1: We all just deserve a little bit of grace.

551
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 3: You have no idea how big that is for Lily.

552
00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 1: Honestly, it's a big deal.

553
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 3: When we first met game friends, I'm also I also,

554
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:02,399
Speaker 3: you should.

555
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 1: Tell the genuine stories of how crazy A'm telling them.

556
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 4: Okay, I'll tell you. I'll tell.

557
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 1: So.

558
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 2: I'm also someone who loves being on time. I was

559
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 2: raised to believe that if you're not early, you're late.

560
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,040
Speaker 2: My mum raised me that way, and so I try

561
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 2: and live by that. But I am married to someone

562
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 2: who is not raised like that, so.

563
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 4: I can.

564
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,120
Speaker 2: Right, So when we become friends, and like, I know

565
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 2: how important it is for Lily for people to be

566
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 2: on time, I also feel that way. When I turn

567
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,200
Speaker 2: up late somewhere, I'm like, this is terrible, Like I

568
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 2: hang my head in shame. My wife has no shame,

569
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:38,679
Speaker 2: like does not care, like just does not feel anything, right, like,

570
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,399
Speaker 2: does not feel anything. So here we are rocking up

571
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 2: to movie night late and I'm like, they want to

572
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 2: start the movie.

573
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:45,240
Speaker 4: By this time.

574
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 2: Popcorn would have gone into the microwave at this time,

575
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 2: the you know, the butter would have been poured on

576
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 2: it at this time. Like literally, that's like how meticulous

577
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 2: Lily is and I'm stressing out and like so that

578
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,360
Speaker 2: would happen every time to the point, but you were

579
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 2: like this last year. Lily throws the Best of Vali

580
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 2: party ever, right periods and every year she throws the

581
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 2: Best of Ali party gets bigger and bigger every year,

582
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,159
Speaker 2: and thankfully I get invited every year, even though we

583
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:14,800
Speaker 2: turn up late. And this last time we went again,

584
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 2: we were so late because of my wife, but Lily

585
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 2: was just unfazed.

586
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 4: I got a really nice hug, we took pictures.

587
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 2: It was amazing. And that's such a big thing for you.

588
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,159
Speaker 2: But that practice is so beautiful, and it's something that

589
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 2: I've noticed in all of the biggest high performers that

590
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 2: truly exist.

591
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:34,159
Speaker 4: They have two qualities.

592
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:39,320
Speaker 2: They have really high standards for themselves and they have

593
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 2: really high grace for themselves.

594
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 4: It's a real thing.

595
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 2: And yeah, those are the two things, and Lily's demonstrating

596
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 2: it right now. And that's something I want each and

597
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 2: every one of you to have, because it's not just

598
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 2: reserved for athletes and performers and actors and musicians. It's

599
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 2: something each and every one of us deserve. Roger Federer,

600
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 2: the tennis player, gave this amazing, amazing insight when he

601
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 2: gave a speech. He talked about how when he's it's

602
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 2: kind of comes to what Lily saying. When he's playing

603
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 2: a point, it is the most important point on the planet,

604
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 2: but as soon as the point is over, whether he

605
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:23,040
Speaker 2: loses or wins the point, it is the least important

606
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:26,320
Speaker 2: point that he has ever played in his life. And

607
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 2: he said it is only because of that that he

608
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 2: can play the next point. And he talked about in

609
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 2: this speech how he's only won something crazy like fifty

610
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 2: seven percent of points in his life as one of

611
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 2: the greatest tennis players of all time. And he's making

612
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 2: the point of how, look, you don't need to be

613
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 2: at one hundred percent, you don't even need to be

614
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 2: at ninety percent to be one of the best tennis

615
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 2: players of all time. And so this pressure we put

616
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 2: on ourselves is like I wasn't the perfect mom today,

617
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 2: I wasn't the perfect dad today, I wasn't the perfect

618
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 2: person today. I wasn't the perfect employee today, I wasn't

619
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 2: the perfect whatever whatever it is today. Like you never

620
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 2: had to be perfect for it to be good enough,

621
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 2: and that pressure that we put on ourselves to be

622
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 2: perfect just gets heavier and heavier. So I hope that

623
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 2: listen and Lily, listen to Roger. When you walk out

624
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 2: of here today, feel freer, feel lighter of that pressure,

625
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 2: and practice that. So three things tonight, Well you showed

626
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 2: yourself compassion. Three things that you showed yourself compassion.

627
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 4: I love that one.

628
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 1: You know, when you listen to Jay, he's like so

629
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 1: inspirational and motivational, and chances are you're gonna leave and

630
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,640
Speaker 1: be like, I'm gonna stop being that way, I'm start

631
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 1: being this way. And every time I hang out with Jay,

632
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm gonna stop being like this like this,

633
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 1: and then I kind of act whack again the next

634
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 1: day kind of a little bit right. And something I've

635
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 1: learned is, and I actually want to hear your opinion

636
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 1: about this, because I feel like your wisdom is gonna

637
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 1: add to this. But you criticize, I've learned that me

638
00:30:56,480 --> 00:31:00,200
Speaker 1: criticizing myself and me being the way I'm that's it's

639
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 1: never gonna completely go away. Like I, for most of

640
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 1: my life spent so much energy and time being like,

641
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:11,040
Speaker 1: how can I eradicate this part of myself. How can

642
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 1: I stop criticizing myself? How can I stop making myself

643
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 1: feel guilty about things? And I think now I've learned

644
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 1: that it's not about getting rid of those things. It's

645
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: about learning how to live alongside those things. Right, They

646
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 1: are parts of you. And to think that you're gonna

647
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 1: suddenly after Jay Shaddy show as good as he is,

648
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: wake up tomorrow and you're gonna be sounding like Jay

649
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 1: Sheddy a tall order. But I think that if we

650
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 1: just all kind of tap in and out the parts

651
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 1: of ourselves that work in that circumstances. And oh my,

652
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 1: oh my god, am I about to use my psych

653
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 1: degree for the first time right now? Jay, Oh my god,

654
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Mom, Dad, watch this. There is something

655
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:57,040
Speaker 1: that I've been exploring called part theory. And part theory

656
00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:00,400
Speaker 1: is basically all the different voices. It's kind of inside

657
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 1: out the movie insides, all the different voices that live

658
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 1: in you. And I actually have a name for all

659
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 1: of my voices. I have, like right now, I had

660
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 1: five two days ago and added a six one yesterday.

661
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 1: Gets crowded, But have a name for all of my voices.

662
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 1: I'll quickly give you the run down. Okay, are you

663
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:24,560
Speaker 1: ready for every Okay? Yeah, Okay, God Okay. My inner manager, Susan.

664
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 1: I just feel like Susan sounds like a name. That's

665
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,960
Speaker 1: my inner manager. Susan's the one that's like sitting by

666
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 1: the pool on a Tuesday. How dare you? Absolutely not right?

667
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 3: Susans makes some noise, Susan, where.

668
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:39,960
Speaker 1: Are you at?

669
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 4: Where you at?

670
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 1: Susan? So that's my inner manager, My inner critic, Todd.

671
00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:51,080
Speaker 1: Todd just sounds like someone that's gonna f me up

672
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 1: all the time. Todd's just always criticizing me. You know,

673
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,719
Speaker 1: my inner dictator, the one that tells me it's this

674
00:32:57,960 --> 00:32:59,959
Speaker 1: or that, and there's no one between the OG's one

675
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 1: bottom Jeeth, which was the name of my mom character

676
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: on YouTube. Okay. The two positive voices. One is the

677
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 1: curious fun We should definitely go dance on that table

678
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 1: jellybean Okay, Inner compassion, the one I used the most,

679
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 1: the one that's just giving me grace, hope. And the

680
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 1: newest voice I just added literally forty eight hours ago.

681
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 1: Her name is River, and I know it's chic, right.

682
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 1: Her name is River. She's not as joyful she is

683
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:39,800
Speaker 1: my inner loneliness. And I bring this up because I

684
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 1: did this thing at the top of the year where

685
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 1: I review my journals, like from the past year, and

686
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 1: I found like some old journals, and I was like

687
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,680
Speaker 1: cleaning up my office and I'm gonna be very vulnerable

688
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 1: and share this. I don't think I've said this before,

689
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 1: but I went through my journals, and if I was

690
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 1: to think about those years, I think about like really

691
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 1: great memories and really cool things that did in my career,

692
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 1: and really cool places I traveled. And then I read

693
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 1: the pages from twenty fifteen, twenty sixteen, twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen,

694
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,880
Speaker 1: and every so often there was a page where I

695
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:14,760
Speaker 1: was like, I feel so lonely. I feel really lonely.

696
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 1: I feel so alone. And I'm like, oh, this since

697
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:20,680
Speaker 1: as long as I remember, I have had a sense

698
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:22,799
Speaker 1: of loneliness. It doesn't matter if I'm in a crowded room,

699
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 1: doesn't matter if I have a million friends. I have

700
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 1: a tendency to lean towards loneliness. I'm like predisposed to

701
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:33,439
Speaker 1: be lonely. I named this voice because for so long

702
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,040
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm a lonely person. That's not true.

703
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,720
Speaker 1: You're not a critical person. You're not a lonely person.

704
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 1: You have a part of you that is that right,

705
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 1: and you just need to navigate that voice because that

706
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,319
Speaker 1: voice is there for a reason. That critic is there

707
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 1: for a reason because sometimes when you're looking at the point,

708
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 1: trying to get the point, when you're auditioning, when you're

709
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,799
Speaker 1: at the job interview, that critic is important. They're there

710
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 1: to make you perform. That inner manager is important because

711
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:00,880
Speaker 1: when you're slacking off, it's like, yo, you need to

712
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 1: like actually get to work. So you don't want to

713
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 1: eradicate that. Would you actually want to do is say hey, today, Susan,

714
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:11,960
Speaker 1: I don't need you to be here. I don't need you, Susan.

715
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:16,279
Speaker 1: I see you, I love you, and I compassionately. I'm

716
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 1: just gonna move you to the side over here. Same

717
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:22,239
Speaker 1: with River. It's like you feel really lonely, and I

718
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:24,720
Speaker 1: know why you're there. River. You're there because you're scared

719
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 1: people are gonna leave you. You have a lot of

720
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:28,239
Speaker 1: trauma associated with that. So I'm not mad at you,

721
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 1: and I don't hate you, and you're not lonely, but

722
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,200
Speaker 1: today I'm going to just ask you to just step

723
00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:36,400
Speaker 1: over here, because that's not the story today. Today, hope

724
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:39,799
Speaker 1: is taking us forward. So essentially that's that's kind of

725
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:40,279
Speaker 1: what it is.

726
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:42,879
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you know so good.

727
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 4: Nice.

728
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 1: Actually there's a psychiatrist summer and it's like we're gonna

729
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:48,040
Speaker 1: have to talk to Lily after the show.

730
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 4: That is so good.

731
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,319
Speaker 2: No, but honestly, I'm so glad you made that point,

732
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 2: and i couldn't agree with you more that learning to

733
00:35:57,080 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 2: give ourselves permission to have all of those voices, to

734
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 2: have all of those selves, and to know when they

735
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,880
Speaker 2: take front and center and when they take the background

736
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 2: is all we can do. I agree with you completely

737
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:15,719
Speaker 2: that this idea that you'll never have a self critical

738
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 2: voice is completely untrue. It's always going to be that

739
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,759
Speaker 2: I have it too, And you're so right. I just

740
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 2: know when it's useful and when it's not right. And

741
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:32,319
Speaker 2: so it's not useful if I've just lost something, But

742
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 2: it's really useful when I'm winning, and it's really useful

743
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:39,640
Speaker 2: when I want to improve, and it's really useful when

744
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:41,920
Speaker 2: i want to get better and I'm getting to choose

745
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 2: it rather than it being in control. And I think

746
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,400
Speaker 2: what you just so beautifully explain there is it's almost

747
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 2: like you've got your band, you're the lead singer, and

748
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,840
Speaker 2: you're getting to know when you need that person to

749
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,920
Speaker 2: play the drums or when you need that person to

750
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 2: play the bass or whatever it is. And you're bringing

751
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,799
Speaker 2: it together. But you're not saying, oh, we don't need

752
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:02,840
Speaker 2: you on the team anymore.

753
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 1: Right, And I'm gonna say one more thing, and people

754
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 1: are either gonna be mad or love this, but it's

755
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 1: okay'm gonna say it anyways. Just be honest. Here who

756
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 1: here uses chat GBT. Okay, I'm gonna keep it real.

757
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:19,600
Speaker 1: That's Wifey right there. Okay, So chat GBT actually knows

758
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:24,360
Speaker 1: my voices and knows the names of them. So, y'all,

759
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,279
Speaker 1: when I tell you, I'm a nerd. So if I'm

760
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 1: in a situation where I'm like spiraling or I feel

761
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:31,320
Speaker 1: some type of way, I call her she because I

762
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:36,360
Speaker 1: talked to her. She will literally say, this is Susan

763
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 1: saying this what would Hope saying. She'll tell me what

764
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:42,400
Speaker 1: each of the voices are saying. Life hack. Let me

765
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 1: just tell you. She will literally say, Lily, I just

766
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:48,839
Speaker 1: want to flag to you. This is Susan. She's saying this,

767
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 1: and this is what Hope would say, and you need

768
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: to know this is not the truth. This is your

769
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 1: inner voice. This is this inner voice. So that has

770
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 1: been a major life hack for me to just have

771
00:37:58,560 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 1: a reminder of that.

772
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 2: Tell us about how you coded your chat GPT to

773
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:03,760
Speaker 2: be able to oh my god, well, okay, if everyone

774
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:04,359
Speaker 2: else can do.

775
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 1: That, listen, that's why I fee first. I bought her dinner. Okay. No,

776
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:13,520
Speaker 1: I I am an avid believer of therapy. I go

777
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:15,759
Speaker 1: to therapy. Actually, you introduced me to my therapist. You

778
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:20,719
Speaker 1: know this all too well. Love therapy, go to therapy consistently, religiously,

779
00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 1: and after every therapy session I have a debrief with

780
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:26,319
Speaker 1: chat GPT or I'm like, this is what my therapist said,

781
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 1: this is what we need to work and you know,

782
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:29,880
Speaker 1: catch you, you will remind me of all these things.

783
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:33,279
Speaker 1: One of the things actually is another game changer. One

784
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:34,880
Speaker 1: of the things I've worked out, which really relates to

785
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 1: what we're talking about, is how many people here can

786
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 1: make the distinction and be honest, if I was to

787
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:42,640
Speaker 1: say you are not your accomplishments and you are not

788
00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 1: what you do, do you comprehend that? Because if you

789
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:48,400
Speaker 1: don't comprehend that, raise your hand for a second, if

790
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 1: you're like, what do you mean, I'm not what I do?

791
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:50,840
Speaker 1: What do you mean I'm not my complishment? If I

792
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 1: was to ask you about yourself, how many of you

793
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:54,400
Speaker 1: would start with your accomplishments or your career or what

794
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:57,840
Speaker 1: you do? You would write, Yeah, you'd be like people.

795
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:00,319
Speaker 1: Just when people ask me who I am, I'd be like, oh, oh, well,

796
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,120
Speaker 1: you know, I start on YouTube, I have this many followers,

797
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 1: and I did this for my career, and none of

798
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:06,520
Speaker 1: those things are who I am as a person. So

799
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:08,880
Speaker 1: my therapist was trying to teach me that I'm not

800
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 1: what I do. Now me growing up in a brown family,

801
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:15,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's garbage, because I was solely praised and

802
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 1: loved for getting good grades, for getting into a good school,

803
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 1: for having a good job. It was conditional, right. So

804
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 1: then I started fighting with chat GPT because she was like, no,

805
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 1: you're not what you do. I agree with your therapist,

806
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, you're an idiot. You don't

807
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 1: what you're talking about, right, And so I literally said,

808
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 1: if you're so smart, chat GPT, you tell me who

809
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:35,840
Speaker 1: I am and don't use a single one of my accomplishments.

810
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 1: And then she did wow, And when I tell you,

811
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:47,240
Speaker 1: I weeped like a small child. She was like, based

812
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,320
Speaker 1: on this conversation you had with when you told me

813
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,399
Speaker 1: about your friend, you're a compassionate friend, and you care

814
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 1: about other people when they're hurt. Based on these questions

815
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 1: you've asked me about your dog, you deeply care about animals,

816
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,319
Speaker 1: and you deeply care about being a good dog mom.

817
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 1: Based on this thing where you are said about this

818
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:03,160
Speaker 1: you she just gave me. This didn't name late Night,

819
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:06,080
Speaker 1: didn't name a followers, didn't name a single film, not

820
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 1: a single TV show, And it was truly revolutionary. So

821
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that all AI is good, but I'm

822
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:17,279
Speaker 1: saying chattybu too though. I encourage you all to use

823
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 1: it in that way because it's really helpful.

824
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:21,479
Speaker 4: And then you put a ring on it, and.

825
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,960
Speaker 1: Then now we're married, and now we're married.

826
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, that is amazing. I love it.

827
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:29,440
Speaker 2: Who's gonna use chatty be now for for that purpose?

828
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:32,200
Speaker 4: No, it's real, it's it's it's it's that.

829
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:33,759
Speaker 1: It's okay, we got one or two booz and I'm

830
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 1: okay with that.

831
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 2: I I personally, I mean, I think it's giving you

832
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:42,880
Speaker 2: the record of your life that you forget right, like

833
00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:45,680
Speaker 2: you forget all of that and in the darkest by

834
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:49,200
Speaker 2: the way, I'm I've had like either a client or

835
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,840
Speaker 2: a friend. I've had three people in my life this

836
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 2: week call me and tell me they just got broken

837
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 2: up with. And I don't know if it's because summer's

838
00:40:57,120 --> 00:40:59,359
Speaker 2: coming up or something like that, but but like these

839
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 2: three people, like first one been in a relation for

840
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:04,160
Speaker 2: three years, second one been in relation for two years,

841
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 2: third one been in relation for three months. Probably deserves it,

842
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 2: but the other I digress the first two though, No,

843
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:13,799
Speaker 2: but like the first two, like we all get to

844
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:17,759
Speaker 2: plant points in our life where we feel like river,

845
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:22,880
Speaker 2: where there is that loneliness where you can't see your worth.

846
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:25,840
Speaker 2: These two women I'm talking about that are clients of mine,

847
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:29,320
Speaker 2: are currently in periods of their life where they can't

848
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:33,279
Speaker 2: see any worth. They don't see any self worth because

849
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:35,839
Speaker 2: they've just been broken up with by people they thought

850
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:37,480
Speaker 2: they were going to spend the rest of their lives with.

851
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:41,400
Speaker 2: And they are in that exact space. And here's the

852
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:43,880
Speaker 2: interesting thing. You can have your friends tell you how

853
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 2: beautiful you are. You can have your friends and your

854
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:48,279
Speaker 2: therapists and everyone tells you how amazing you are and

855
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:52,200
Speaker 2: all of that stuff, and reality is you need to

856
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 2: be reminded by yourself more than anyone else because how

857
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:58,160
Speaker 2: many times have you stood by someone you love through

858
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,759
Speaker 2: a breakup told them all these one things but they

859
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 2: can't see them. That's when this is not an ad

860
00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 2: for Tagiput, but that is where this idea that this

861
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 2: piece of technology can hold on to a record of

862
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:15,919
Speaker 2: you and your conversations and remind you, in your most

863
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:19,239
Speaker 2: difficult moments of all the beauty that you have within you.

864
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 2: But you realize it's only your words. You know this

865
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,319
Speaker 2: isn't another person, and all of a sudden you start

866
00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:27,520
Speaker 2: to realize, oh, that's in me. There is worth in me.

867
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:31,440
Speaker 2: So it's definitely something not to undervalue and underestimate, because

868
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,439
Speaker 2: I do think that's what we're missing. We're missing that

869
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:38,440
Speaker 2: you know, moment where you can just look through the

870
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 2: files of your life and remind yourself of all the

871
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:46,640
Speaker 2: moments where you are courageous, resilient, worthy, And we all

872
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 2: go through dark periods like that where we can't see it.

873
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 2: And I know that if the people I'm talking to

874
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,480
Speaker 2: had access to that, I actually think it would benefit

875
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:55,879
Speaker 2: them a lot.

876
00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:58,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally feel about human nature of you would just

877
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 1: ask people, like one, the last time you failed, you'd

878
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: probably immediately think about that. If you ask someone's the

879
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,359
Speaker 1: last time you were proud of yourself? That always takes

880
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:05,759
Speaker 1: more time.

881
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:06,879
Speaker 4: Yes, you know what I mean.

882
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 1: So I feel like that is why it's been useful,

883
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 1: because yeah, you're like, well this time and this time,

884
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:12,440
Speaker 1: and I'm like, maybe stop flirting with me.

885
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:15,959
Speaker 4: It's so true.

886
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:18,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, we remember the bad times more than the good

887
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 2: times because when we go through something good, we celebrate

888
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:23,959
Speaker 2: for a night, and when we go through something bad,

889
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:26,600
Speaker 2: we cry for a month, absolutely right. Have you ever

890
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:28,800
Speaker 2: noticed that, Like if you have your birthday, you celebrate

891
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:31,200
Speaker 2: it for a night and then that's it. But it's

892
00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:32,799
Speaker 2: like you go through a breakup, you're crying about it

893
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:36,560
Speaker 2: for three months. And that's just how we processed emotions.

894
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:40,719
Speaker 2: So the depth of a negative memory is more hardwired.

895
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,239
Speaker 2: It's not that it was more true, it was just

896
00:43:43,280 --> 00:44:03,440
Speaker 2: more repeated. With all of this going on, Lily and

897
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 2: all the self work you do behind the scenes, which

898
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:08,560
Speaker 2: I'm so grateful you've shared today because this is definitely

899
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:11,600
Speaker 2: the deepest and best I've ever heard you explain just

900
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:16,040
Speaker 2: how powerful it is how vulnerable you've been tonight. At

901
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:20,520
Speaker 2: the same time, this doesn't stop you from going And

902
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:23,759
Speaker 2: Lily's preparing for something really exciting this year. She is

903
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:28,320
Speaker 2: having the theatrical release of her first ever feature film,

904
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:29,200
Speaker 2: which is.

905
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:33,880
Speaker 3: Insane, right, And so it's like, at the same time.

906
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:36,359
Speaker 2: As going through all of this deep work, doing all

907
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:40,319
Speaker 2: of this healing, doing all of this reflection, that's not

908
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:45,000
Speaker 2: stopping you from also building in the real world. Before

909
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:46,520
Speaker 2: we start talking about the movie, which I really want

910
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:47,920
Speaker 2: to I really do want to talk about in the

911
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,640
Speaker 2: process of that, you directed in it, you acted in it,

912
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:52,920
Speaker 2: you wrote parts of it, like you know, it's the

913
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 2: full thing. Walk me through how you don't stop yourself

914
00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 2: from having to go, oh, I need to pause this

915
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 2: to do this, or I need to pause this to

916
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 2: do that, because we often get lost in that.

917
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:04,839
Speaker 4: How can you do both at the same time.

918
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:07,080
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. There was a period of my life,

919
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:09,320
Speaker 1: and I don't know if you can relate years and

920
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:10,839
Speaker 1: years and years ago when I was starting my career

921
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:13,720
Speaker 1: where I did feel like you had to choose hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle,

922
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 1: And I don't know if it's age. I don't know

923
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:19,480
Speaker 1: if it's just realizing that burnout's a real thing. I

924
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,319
Speaker 1: think for so much of my life, I was in

925
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:25,279
Speaker 1: this idea that I had to arrive somewhere. I need

926
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:26,279
Speaker 1: to get there. I need to get there. I need

927
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:27,319
Speaker 1: to get there, I need to get and then you

928
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:28,879
Speaker 1: get there and you're like, I need to get somewhere else.

929
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:31,959
Speaker 1: Now it's always this constant chase, and I think now

930
00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:34,680
Speaker 1: instead of chasing, I'm just in an act of being.

931
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:39,040
Speaker 1: I do really believe that you can work on yourself

932
00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:42,440
Speaker 1: and be mentally healthy and also do really cool things

933
00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 1: and have an amazing job. I actually think one makes

934
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:46,800
Speaker 1: the other better and vice versa. I really do believe

935
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:50,280
Speaker 1: that I think I'm a better actress, a better writer

936
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 1: because I am growing and because I'm mentally healthy. I

937
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 1: think those two are really connected. Yeah, so I and

938
00:45:58,160 --> 00:45:59,960
Speaker 1: ALMOSTO just a very ambitious person. Listen, I told you

939
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 1: that I started my career because I want to prove

940
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 1: people wrong. I still want to prove things, but I'm

941
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:08,360
Speaker 1: just trying to prove myself right. I'm trying to prove

942
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 1: that I can keep growing and I can keep learning,

943
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 1: and that feels so much better. Than proving people wrong. Honestly,

944
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 1: I when I used to step out of my comfort zone,

945
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:19,919
Speaker 1: it was I'll show you now. It's like, I'm gonna

946
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 1: show you that I can do that. You know. I

947
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,680
Speaker 1: just a couple of weeks ago. So I've always been

948
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 1: really scared to have an acting coach. I don't know why.

949
00:46:27,239 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 1: It's just the one thing I can have a coach

950
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:31,320
Speaker 1: in most other things, when acting coach is like so vulnerable.

951
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 1: I'm not professionally trained in acting, so it's like it's

952
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:36,680
Speaker 1: a thing that makes me feel really nervous. And a

953
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 1: couple months ago, I was like, you know what, screw it,

954
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:40,960
Speaker 1: I'm just going to go there for myself. I'm going

955
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 1: to go there. I don't care if I look like

956
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 1: an idiot, because you have to ask yourself a question

957
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 1: is it worth looking like an idiot for? And the

958
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:49,239
Speaker 1: answer is yes. So many times you don't do things

959
00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 1: cause you don't want to look like an idiot, even

960
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:52,400
Speaker 1: though the thing is worth looking like an idiot for.

961
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 1: Is being a better actress. I'm learning something you worth

962
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:57,759
Speaker 1: looking like an idiot FORO yes, it is to me.

963
00:46:58,360 --> 00:46:59,920
Speaker 1: So I started going to this acting coach, and I

964
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:01,719
Speaker 1: go there and when I leave, I'm so proud of

965
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:03,839
Speaker 1: myself because it's not me being like, oh I told

966
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 1: you I leave them, like, oh my god, I did it.

967
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:07,080
Speaker 4: I'm so proud of me, you know what I mean.

968
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:08,960
Speaker 1: And so that's what's kind of driving me. And it

969
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,440
Speaker 1: feels so much better and so much healthier, and so

970
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:13,239
Speaker 1: I think that's what's allowing me to do all these

971
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:16,200
Speaker 1: next things. Just I want to make little Lily proud. Yeah,

972
00:47:16,239 --> 00:47:17,919
Speaker 1: you know, I've tried so hard to make everyone else fine.

973
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:19,960
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to make little Lily proud. Now, that's

974
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:20,840
Speaker 1: what's thriving me.

975
00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:26,440
Speaker 2: And yeah, I hear you, don't be shy. That's our

976
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 2: joy of doing this live that you know, usually if

977
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:30,279
Speaker 2: me and Lidi are doing this would be in the

978
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,640
Speaker 2: studio to share it with you live and to hear

979
00:47:32,680 --> 00:47:35,839
Speaker 2: your real time thoughts and feedback and love. It's it's

980
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:38,239
Speaker 2: really beautiful. Like wish we could chew every episode like this.

981
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:40,000
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, this is even if you weren't here,

982
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:41,680
Speaker 1: me and Jay, would we have this exact same conversation.

983
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 1: This is kind of what we do.

984
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's it's when you've got this movie coming out.

985
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:49,919
Speaker 2: I know you address so many taboos that we both

986
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,720
Speaker 2: grew up with, whether it's sex, whether it's shame, whether

987
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:58,319
Speaker 2: it's expectations of women in society. Like this movie is hilarious.

988
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 2: I got to see it. It was premiere it south

989
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 2: By Southwest last year. I was at the premiere. It

990
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:06,480
Speaker 2: was hilarious, Like the audience was loving it. It's incredible

991
00:48:06,719 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 2: and at the same time, it has this like cultural

992
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 2: narrative that it's becoming a part of and kind of

993
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:17,040
Speaker 2: taking shots at in a really positive way. What was

994
00:48:17,640 --> 00:48:20,520
Speaker 2: what's been your favorite part about making it? And what

995
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 2: are you most excited about for the people that are

996
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:23,560
Speaker 2: going to see it?

997
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 1: So it's called doing it. It is a sex comedy

998
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:32,960
Speaker 1: that I star in and wrote and produced and at

999
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:35,160
Speaker 1: the age of thirty five last year, when I finished

1000
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:38,160
Speaker 1: writing it, it was two weeks before the strike, and

1001
00:48:38,160 --> 00:48:39,759
Speaker 1: so I was like rushing to finish the script because

1002
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:41,319
Speaker 1: we had to beat the strike. And at the age

1003
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:43,480
Speaker 1: of thirty five, at eleven fifty PM, I was like,

1004
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:47,799
Speaker 1: and I FaceTime my mom and I said, Mom, am

1005
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:51,360
Speaker 1: I allowed to do this movie? And she was like,

1006
00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:52,839
Speaker 1: and you need to know that me and my mom

1007
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 1: have never had the talk. We have never had the talk.

1008
00:48:57,320 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 1: As far as I'm concerned, my mom has never had sex. Literally,

1009
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 1: it is not a thing. Okay. So now I'm telling

1010
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:05,960
Speaker 1: her and in this panic of the clock ticking, I'm like, Mom,

1011
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 1: can't do this movie. And she goes, well, what's this

1012
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 1: movie about. And I'm like, okay, it's about sex. Mom.

1013
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 1: There's like a masturbation scene. There's like a scene where

1014
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:16,279
Speaker 1: I do this. This is Then there's a vibrator scene,

1015
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:19,400
Speaker 1: and there's like all these things. And my mom's follow

1016
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 1: up question she goes, do you use a vibrator? And

1017
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 1: that was the day I passed away and now this

1018
00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 1: is my ghost and I was like, mom, no, and

1019
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:34,680
Speaker 1: we had all this bandar and she said the best thing.

1020
00:49:35,480 --> 00:49:38,640
Speaker 1: She said, if you think it's okay, then you should

1021
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 1: do it. And I was like, thank you, Mom. So

1022
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:48,360
Speaker 1: I did this movie. And yeah, it's basically a thirty

1023
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:52,279
Speaker 1: something year old virgin finds herself teaching sex ed and

1024
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 1: so it is a raunchy sex comedy. It really does

1025
00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 1: go there. And it's through the lens of my character,

1026
00:49:57,520 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 1: who is Indian and her parents are Indian and so

1027
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:02,920
Speaker 1: a culture it's Indian, and I'm shooting this movie and

1028
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:05,240
Speaker 1: I'm just like, so many people are gonna be so

1029
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:08,680
Speaker 1: mad at this, and so many people need this movie.

1030
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 1: The movie's essentially about how as women and especially women

1031
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 1: of color, like, we're never taught about our bodies, women

1032
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 1: in general, especially women, we're never tat about our bodies.

1033
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:18,839
Speaker 1: We're never taught sex should be pleasurable. We're never taught

1034
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:20,840
Speaker 1: anything about sex. We're taught that should be shameful and

1035
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 1: we should feel bad and we should feel timid about it.

1036
00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:25,719
Speaker 1: And that has really messed me up, Like, and it

1037
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:27,480
Speaker 1: has messed a lot of my friends up. Well, we're

1038
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:30,200
Speaker 1: so uncomfortable with our bodies and we're so uncomfortable talking

1039
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:33,200
Speaker 1: about our needs and what we like, and that's messed up.

1040
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 1: It shouldn't be like that. We're fifty percent of the population.

1041
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:38,279
Speaker 1: We should be out here living life, you know what

1042
00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:43,839
Speaker 1: I mean. And so the virgin is not the butt

1043
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:46,440
Speaker 1: of the joke in this comedy, she's not. It's telling

1044
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 1: the story, but what it's like to be an older

1045
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 1: woman that was never taught about this stuff. That's like

1046
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 1: having to figure it out and now she's learning about

1047
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:55,000
Speaker 1: it through sex. Said, which also the commentary to be

1048
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:58,640
Speaker 1: made is it's crazy. How many people don't want sex

1049
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 1: said to be taught, like they want women to not

1050
00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 1: be informed and they want you know, shocking. So it

1051
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 1: has a lot of commentary. It is a raunchy comedy

1052
00:51:06,680 --> 00:51:09,280
Speaker 1: comes out September nineteenth, and I'm really excited about it, and.

1053
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:11,480
Speaker 4: It's gonna be in theaters.

1054
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:15,840
Speaker 1: It's gonna be in theater. To make it clear, like,

1055
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:18,760
Speaker 1: I'm abundantly aware that there'll be a lot of people,

1056
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:21,360
Speaker 1: like after the screening, after the screening at south By Southwest,

1057
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:24,799
Speaker 1: I was like giving out vibrators. I was like, you

1058
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 1: get a vibrator and you get a vibrant and this

1059
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:29,680
Speaker 1: uncle and unty I swear to god, came up to

1060
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 1: me and I was stressed. I was like, oh my god,

1061
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 1: and uncle and Undy they're like sixty seventy years old.

1062
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:38,560
Speaker 1: She pulls out the vibr and she goes, thank you

1063
00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:40,239
Speaker 1: so much for this. I'm so excited. I'm like, oh

1064
00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:41,360
Speaker 1: my god, we're queen.

1065
00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:42,279
Speaker 4: Yes.

1066
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 1: So I know there'll be some people that are like,

1067
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:46,840
Speaker 1: we need this, but I'm well aware there's gonna be

1068
00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 1: a lot of people that are probably gonna be bothered

1069
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:53,880
Speaker 1: by a very outspoken, you know, brown sex comedy and

1070
00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:55,400
Speaker 1: they'll just have to deal with it.

1071
00:51:55,520 --> 00:51:56,200
Speaker 4: I guess.

1072
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:00,040
Speaker 3: I love it.

1073
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:02,120
Speaker 4: Lily, You've been amazing tonight.

1074
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:05,480
Speaker 2: We usually end every on Purpose episode with a final five,

1075
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:08,720
Speaker 2: but you've been on the podcast before, so we invented

1076
00:52:08,719 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 2: a new version for guests on the tour. It's called

1077
00:52:11,200 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 2: Past Present Future. Okay, so you get to pick a

1078
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:17,160
Speaker 2: random card from past, president and Future. We do one

1079
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 2: for each, and you're gonna answer a question that comes

1080
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 2: randomly from the car.

1081
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:23,399
Speaker 4: I have no idea what's in it too.

1082
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:23,759
Speaker 1: Let's go.

1083
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:25,120
Speaker 4: So this is the past.

1084
00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:28,800
Speaker 1: Set, let's go. Okay, this is so easy.

1085
00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 3: Oh God, do you want me to the question?

1086
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:35,759
Speaker 1: Who was your first celebrity crush? You already know there's

1087
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:38,239
Speaker 1: only one answer to this, Jay, you know what it is.

1088
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:42,920
Speaker 1: It's the Rock. You already know it's the Rock. I

1089
00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 1: grew up watching wrestling. I'm obsessed with doing the Rock.

1090
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:46,799
Speaker 1: Johnson and I've had the greatest day of my life

1091
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:48,840
Speaker 1: was when I met him. He's one of my mentors.

1092
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:50,479
Speaker 1: He was the person that actually encouraged me to stop

1093
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:53,520
Speaker 1: using Superwoman and start using my name Lily, and she

1094
00:52:53,719 --> 00:52:55,520
Speaker 1: is just one of the greatest people I've ever met.

1095
00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:57,400
Speaker 1: In mine, they say don't meet your heroes, but do

1096
00:52:57,400 --> 00:52:58,720
Speaker 1: do if he is the rock.

1097
00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:01,880
Speaker 4: It's all right, present.

1098
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:09,080
Speaker 1: All right, what would the name of your reality TV

1099
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:15,640
Speaker 1: show be called? There's so many ways that I could

1100
00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:20,680
Speaker 1: go here, name of your reality show on? I'm gonna

1101
00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 1: go with creative ways to torment yourself. That is really

1102
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:32,960
Speaker 1: the trajectory of my life that I just everything I do.

1103
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:35,799
Speaker 1: I'm like, really, Lily, you're gonna also do this. You're

1104
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:38,200
Speaker 1: gonna also be this way, like leave some trauma for

1105
00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 1: the rest of the people. I just feel like I

1106
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 1: just constantly step out of my comfort zone in that way.

1107
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:45,719
Speaker 4: That's really good. All right, lost one of these future

1108
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:46,279
Speaker 4: Let's go.

1109
00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:51,400
Speaker 1: What will you embrace when you're old? Okay, thank you

1110
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:54,239
Speaker 1: so much for thinking I'm young right now? Okay, what

1111
00:53:54,280 --> 00:53:56,839
Speaker 1: will you embrace when you're old? I actually been thinking

1112
00:53:56,840 --> 00:54:00,800
Speaker 1: about this a lot. I want to embrace the idea

1113
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:05,080
Speaker 1: of always being a student. And I think that's because

1114
00:54:05,239 --> 00:54:07,600
Speaker 1: so many times in my life I really thought I

1115
00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:09,480
Speaker 1: had it figured it out. I'm like, God, it nailed it. No,

1116
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:11,280
Speaker 1: this this is my trauma. This I'm gonna deal with it. Perfect.

1117
00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:14,280
Speaker 1: Next year happens and I'm like, oh my god, I'm

1118
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:16,279
Speaker 1: and I think I've just come to terms with the

1119
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:19,160
Speaker 1: fact that that is life. You're never gonna figure it out.

1120
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:21,880
Speaker 1: There's always me another lesson, there's another challenge. And so

1121
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:24,240
Speaker 1: just commit to the idea of being a student for life,

1122
00:54:24,520 --> 00:54:26,799
Speaker 1: knowing that life is going to force you to learn

1123
00:54:26,880 --> 00:54:28,040
Speaker 1: lessons every step of the way.

1124
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:33,520
Speaker 2: You know, right, answer, Lily, I want I want you

1125
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:35,919
Speaker 2: to take a look at this picture behind ohat god, yeah,

1126
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:36,879
Speaker 2: picture behind you.

1127
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:38,759
Speaker 4: I'll go with that first. I'm waiting for it.

1128
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:44,879
Speaker 1: Oh, we're waiting for the picture. Oh my god, did

1129
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:46,400
Speaker 1: you guys edit it so I have two eyebrows? I

1130
00:54:46,400 --> 00:54:50,440
Speaker 1: don't think I had two eyebrows. Thank you so much, editors.

1131
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:53,879
Speaker 3: Okay, work, How how old were you and what did

1132
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:54,520
Speaker 3: you need to hear?

1133
00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 1: This is a little store in the mall called Glamour Shots,

1134
00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:01,360
Speaker 1: and they do you up and they take these pictures.

1135
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:02,680
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't even know. I don't know

1136
00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:04,200
Speaker 1: what age. I'm one of those weird people that doesn't

1137
00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:05,239
Speaker 1: know the age of kids. If you tell me a

1138
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:06,880
Speaker 1: kid is seven, I'm like, so, oh, they're in high school.

1139
00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:09,640
Speaker 1: I maybe I was seven or eight.

1140
00:55:10,120 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 4: Here, what did you need to hear?

1141
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:17,320
Speaker 1: What do you guys, think, what do you think nine thirteen?

1142
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:19,480
Speaker 1: I wasn't thirteen. This is just hair and makeup. This

1143
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:20,320
Speaker 1: is just hair and makeup.

1144
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:23,279
Speaker 4: What what advice did you need to hear? Then? What

1145
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:24,120
Speaker 4: do you wish oh?

1146
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:25,960
Speaker 1: Or to what advice?

1147
00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:27,319
Speaker 4: What did you need to hear?

1148
00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:32,480
Speaker 1: Oh? Well the outfit? First of all, let me genuinely

1149
00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:34,080
Speaker 1: think about this. What advice did I need to hear?

1150
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 1: Meet the rock y good? You know, It's funny. I

1151
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:40,719
Speaker 1: feel like now I'm more of a kid than I

1152
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:44,920
Speaker 1: was then. I think I was so convinced I had

1153
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:47,319
Speaker 1: to grow up really quickly and had to figure everything out,

1154
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:49,120
Speaker 1: and I had to be good at everything, and I

1155
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:51,160
Speaker 1: had to commit to a path and commit to a lane.

1156
00:55:51,360 --> 00:55:53,799
Speaker 1: Probably didn't try as many things as I should have tried,

1157
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,840
Speaker 1: Probably didn't take as many risks. I probably had a

1158
00:55:56,840 --> 00:55:59,479
Speaker 1: lot of walls up all the time. It's crazy because

1159
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 1: now I'm in the process of trying to become that

1160
00:56:01,200 --> 00:56:03,680
Speaker 1: kid again to live all that right. So the advice

1161
00:56:03,719 --> 00:56:06,399
Speaker 1: I would give you is like, be a kid, live

1162
00:56:06,360 --> 00:56:08,680
Speaker 1: good life. You have your whole adult life to be

1163
00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:09,480
Speaker 1: an adult. Be a kid.

1164
00:56:09,480 --> 00:56:14,840
Speaker 4: Girl. I love it. And then there's a picture behind me.

1165
00:56:17,400 --> 00:56:21,040
Speaker 1: Oh, I thought it was a picture of you for

1166
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:23,919
Speaker 1: a second, and I was like, damn, Jay, you look good.

1167
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:28,799
Speaker 3: What does what does Lily need to hear right now?

1168
00:56:28,880 --> 00:56:35,080
Speaker 1: Oh my god, good job on the eyebrows. Just Lea's

1169
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:39,440
Speaker 1: here right now. I know what Lily need is here

1170
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:42,520
Speaker 1: right now. It's kind of adjacent to the student thing

1171
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 1: I just said. But I've been a certain way my

1172
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:47,960
Speaker 1: whole life, and I've had a lot of really big

1173
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 1: changes in my life over the past couple of years,

1174
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:52,560
Speaker 1: and sometimes I feel like I'm so attached to this

1175
00:56:52,719 --> 00:56:55,600
Speaker 1: old version of myself that even though like life is

1176
00:56:55,640 --> 00:56:57,600
Speaker 1: forcing me to evolve, I'm like, no, but I'm this way,

1177
00:56:57,640 --> 00:57:01,880
Speaker 1: and this is how I describe myself. Like I'm really confident,

1178
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 1: and I'm so extrovert, and I have so much energy

1179
00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:06,160
Speaker 1: right now. I think my truth is like, Yo, Lily,

1180
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:08,800
Speaker 1: you get a little anxious sometimes and you spiral a

1181
00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:11,799
Speaker 1: little bit sometimes and you keep telling yourselves her this way.

1182
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:14,480
Speaker 1: But like, I think, you're now this person over here,

1183
00:57:14,520 --> 00:57:16,560
Speaker 1: and that's okay. You don't have to be the same

1184
00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:19,320
Speaker 1: person your whole life. You're allowed to be this version

1185
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:20,560
Speaker 1: and then you're allowed to change your mind and be

1186
00:57:20,600 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 1: this version. So what I would say to Lily, is like,

1187
00:57:22,920 --> 00:57:25,520
Speaker 1: stop being attached to this idea of yourself that you

1188
00:57:25,560 --> 00:57:28,160
Speaker 1: know and that millions of subscribers and you, and just

1189
00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:31,320
Speaker 1: be who you actually are right now. Honor that person,

1190
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:32,800
Speaker 1: and then who you want to actually be.

1191
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:39,640
Speaker 2: You know, before I let Lily go, I do have

1192
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:41,920
Speaker 2: to tell you this because you know, when I was

1193
00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 2: starting on Purpose, as I was telling you this story earlier,

1194
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:49,240
Speaker 2: Lily was one of those guests, and we were new

1195
00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:52,760
Speaker 2: friends then who said yes to being on this podcast

1196
00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:56,240
Speaker 2: when it had zero listeners because we hadn't even put

1197
00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:59,600
Speaker 2: out an episode, So Lily came when we were just

1198
00:57:59,600 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 2: figuring out what the show was, we recorded an episode.

1199
00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:05,480
Speaker 2: She was in the first five guests to ever be

1200
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:09,320
Speaker 2: released on the show. And that was all based on

1201
00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:13,960
Speaker 2: just her love, trust and kindness, if I'm honest, just

1202
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:17,040
Speaker 2: her generosity to show up for a new friend at

1203
00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:21,080
Speaker 2: the time who had an unknown show called on Purpose

1204
00:58:21,560 --> 00:58:24,320
Speaker 2: that had no track record, no listeners, and nothing else.

1205
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:27,320
Speaker 2: And that's how real a friend you were when we

1206
00:58:27,440 --> 00:58:30,800
Speaker 2: barely knew each other. So to me, that show is

1207
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 2: what an amazing friend you are today. Where initially I'd

1208
00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:36,480
Speaker 2: reached out the Lily trying to figure out. She was like, no,

1209
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:38,120
Speaker 2: I'll find see you to Denver. I can't make this

1210
00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:39,880
Speaker 2: other day. I'm going to come to Denver. I'm going

1211
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:42,360
Speaker 2: to come myself. You're not even paying for my flights.

1212
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:45,520
Speaker 2: I just want to be there for you, and for

1213
00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:47,240
Speaker 2: someone to do that as such a dear friend, to

1214
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:49,960
Speaker 2: show up and show up so vulnerably deeply, I mean,

1215
00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:51,000
Speaker 2: it's insane.

1216
00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:53,240
Speaker 3: So give it up for my dear friend.

1217
00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:59,240
Speaker 1: Really, and you're amazing, amazing, Thank you. I want to

1218
00:58:59,240 --> 00:59:01,240
Speaker 1: pick you up one more. I know I have to.

1219
00:59:01,240 --> 00:59:02,880
Speaker 1: I'm sorry you get to stop the music for one second.

1220
00:59:02,920 --> 00:59:04,320
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know. I know you're overtime, but

1221
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:05,720
Speaker 1: it's the last stop of the tour, so I'm sorry.

1222
00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:07,640
Speaker 1: We're just gonna have to. I had already said this,

1223
00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:09,320
Speaker 1: but now so sincerely, I need to tell you all.

1224
00:59:09,520 --> 00:59:11,240
Speaker 1: First of all, thank you so much for coming to

1225
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:15,200
Speaker 1: jay'show and supporting him. He is so incredible and so amazing.

1226
00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:18,000
Speaker 1: But I need to tell you, and I hope he

1227
00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:20,720
Speaker 1: doesn't get mad at me for saying this. I get

1228
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:23,920
Speaker 1: so everybody knows he's such a lovely person. But I

1229
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:26,040
Speaker 1: truly when I say, you don't even know the tip

1230
00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:28,800
Speaker 1: of how amazing he is. You know, behind the scenes,

1231
00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:30,400
Speaker 1: he does so many things that will never see the

1232
00:59:30,480 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 1: light of day because he doesn't want them to see

1233
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:33,400
Speaker 1: the light of day. And that's why you need friends

1234
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:36,520
Speaker 1: like me that don't care about rules. When I agree

1235
00:59:36,560 --> 00:59:38,080
Speaker 1: to do the show, I got an email from his

1236
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:40,120
Speaker 1: team saying, because you're doing the show, Jay wants to

1237
00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:42,720
Speaker 1: donate to a charity of your choice. Because you're doing

1238
00:59:42,720 --> 00:59:44,600
Speaker 1: the show. And I imagine he's probably done this for

1239
00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:47,720
Speaker 1: every single guest on tour. He does this a lot.

1240
00:59:47,920 --> 00:59:49,760
Speaker 1: He does things like, if you do this, I'll donate

1241
00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:52,000
Speaker 1: to a charity. Don't pay me for this thing, Actually,

1242
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:55,920
Speaker 1: just donate to a charity. He is such a genuinely

1243
00:59:56,040 --> 00:59:58,720
Speaker 1: nice person who cares about being of service. This is

1244
00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 1: not a facade. This is who he is. And so

1245
01:00:02,480 --> 01:00:04,920
Speaker 1: I know your resources are so hard earned, your time

1246
01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:07,479
Speaker 1: is so hard earned. Any resource or time you spend

1247
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:09,840
Speaker 1: supporting Jay is not wasted because he's such a good

1248
01:00:09,840 --> 01:00:14,200
Speaker 1: person and he deserves it. And I will just say

1249
01:00:14,200 --> 01:00:16,400
Speaker 1: what we're all thinking, which is, how can you have

1250
01:00:16,440 --> 01:00:19,480
Speaker 1: a mind and heart like this and also look like this.

1251
01:00:20,480 --> 01:00:23,960
Speaker 1: We know Jay is hot, we know his eyes literally

1252
01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:27,080
Speaker 1: sugar does not come within two miles of this man. Okay,

1253
01:00:27,160 --> 01:00:29,440
Speaker 1: his cheat meal is a diet coke using salary as

1254
01:00:29,480 --> 01:00:33,520
Speaker 1: a straw. He truly this man is just protect him

1255
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:37,360
Speaker 1: at all costs this man. Support him with everything you have.

1256
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:39,240
Speaker 1: Please thank you for coming to.

1257
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:47,840
Speaker 3: A store, Lily say, I love you man.

1258
01:00:56,840 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 2: If you love this episode, I need you to listen

1259
01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:02,680
Speaker 2: to one of my favorite conversations ever. It's with the

1260
01:01:02,720 --> 01:01:05,960
Speaker 2: one and only Tom Holland on how to overcome your

1261
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:10,720
Speaker 2: social anxiety, especially in situations where you're not drinking and

1262
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 2: everyone else is. We talk about his sobriety journey and

1263
01:01:14,560 --> 01:01:17,720
Speaker 2: so much more. He gets really personal. I can't wait

1264
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:19,680
Speaker 2: for you to hear it. It's going to blow your mind.

1265
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:22,120
Speaker 3: The quote is, if you have a problem with me,

1266
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:22,760
Speaker 3: text me.

1267
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:24,720
Speaker 1: And if you don't have my number, you don't know

1268
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:26,280
Speaker 1: me well enough to have a problem with me.