WEBVTT - Minisode: Parenting Lessons from Full House

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<v Speaker 1>Wow, we were actually synked in our little clay that are.

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<v Speaker 2>I know, I'm so proud of us. We're very very

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<v Speaker 2>slight synced up, synced up to. Yeah, I love it. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome back to how Rude Tanner Ritos. I'm Andrea Barber

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm Jody Sweeton, and today we have a fun

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<v Speaker 2>mini soode for you guys. We are talking about the

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<v Speaker 2>top ten best parenting lessons from Full House, which we

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<v Speaker 2>got from a website.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah right, we yes, we but but I we're you know,

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<v Speaker 1>gonna go through each of them and talk about them.

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<v Speaker 1>And I do think there's some really great parenting things

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<v Speaker 1>on here that Danny Tanner and full House definitely taught us.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, we can say thank you to Danny Tanner for

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<v Speaker 2>these great parenting lessons. You know, full House raised a

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<v Speaker 2>whole generation for you know, people feel like they don't

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<v Speaker 2>you get that all the time. People come up to

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<v Speaker 2>me all the time and say, I grew up with you,

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<v Speaker 2>and oh yeah, hi, yeah, like we're childhood best friends,

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<v Speaker 2>you know.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>It was.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, so many kids our age watched the show

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<v Speaker 1>and sort of you know, as we were going through

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<v Speaker 1>all of our life stuff, so were they and so

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<v Speaker 1>it felt very reflective of their experience. And again they're

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<v Speaker 1>you know, family sitcoms often didn't focus as much on

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<v Speaker 1>the kids, and so our show really focused on the

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<v Speaker 1>kids a lot, and on you know, how families get along,

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<v Speaker 1>and how different sorts of families get along, and you

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<v Speaker 1>know all that kind of stuff and different styles of parenting. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it was yeah, because there was you know, three different

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<v Speaker 1>people in the house and and helping.

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<v Speaker 3>Raise these kids.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, it was.

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<v Speaker 3>I really liked some of these though. These are are

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<v Speaker 3>good ones.

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<v Speaker 2>These are great ones. These are great ones.

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<v Speaker 3>Shall we dive in.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's dive in and learn from back and forth.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, let's just yeah, let's do it.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay. Number one, respect your children's boundaries, but also do

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<v Speaker 2>whatever it takes to help. And the website gives the

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<v Speaker 2>example of Danny reading a secret note that DJ had written.

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<v Speaker 2>I agree with this. I think kids need to feel

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<v Speaker 2>some autonomy. They need to feel like they have a

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<v Speaker 2>space of their own that's just for them. Absolutely, that's

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<v Speaker 2>protected from parents' eyes. I do. Yeah, unless you're concerned

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<v Speaker 2>that they're in danger or something, then you will obviously

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<v Speaker 2>can break the trust.

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<v Speaker 3>I have always told my kids.

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<v Speaker 1>I will respect your privacy, your friend's privacy, unless it's

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<v Speaker 1>something that's going to put you or someone else in danger.

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<v Speaker 1>Then then then I cannot keep those secrets.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, right, you know I said.

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<v Speaker 1>But yeah, especially like as kids get older, if they

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<v Speaker 1>don't feel like they have a space of their own

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<v Speaker 1>to like have their own experience and figure things out

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit, then I feel like sometimes they'll hide

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<v Speaker 1>stuff from you even more if you're constantly crossing that boundaries.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, it would definitely backfire if you were too nosy.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, some secrets are good.

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<v Speaker 1>It's so hard though, to like keep that in you

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<v Speaker 1>know what I mean. I mean like when you find

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<v Speaker 1>out something, you're like, oh I can't okay, what is

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<v Speaker 1>the what's the you know, right thing to do?

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<v Speaker 2>Like?

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<v Speaker 1>Do I not say anything and let them figure it out?

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<v Speaker 1>Do I say something?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Well Danny did a good job with trying to,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, remind his kids he'll.

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<v Speaker 3>Do whatever it takes.

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<v Speaker 2>But also, oh gosh, that was a lesson that knocked

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<v Speaker 2>you over the head. Yeah, those the three guys, all

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<v Speaker 2>of them really would do anything for the girls. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>like they were always That's that's something I think a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of people who didn't have that family support really

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<v Speaker 2>latched onto was just the unconditional love that this household

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<v Speaker 2>had for each other, and that they were always there

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<v Speaker 2>for each other too, almost to a fault. But yeah, right,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I think that's a great it's a great lesson. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>don't read their diaries as much as you want to

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<v Speaker 2>know it's going on right now, don't you just don't

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<v Speaker 2>go there, don't.

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<v Speaker 3>Go no, no no.

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<v Speaker 2>Uh.

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<v Speaker 1>Number two, it's important to remember you were a kid

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<v Speaker 1>once too.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so I get this this, I get this a lot.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel this a lot with teenagers, Yeah, because it's

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<v Speaker 2>so easy to trivialize their feelings, Like they're so insecure

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<v Speaker 2>and concerned about how they look, and I think nobody's

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<v Speaker 2>looking at you.

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<v Speaker 3>Worry about it.

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<v Speaker 2>Everyone's concerned about how they look, so they're not paying

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<v Speaker 2>attention to you. But we've got to remember that insecurity

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<v Speaker 2>that you know, they just they're always just hyper fixated

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<v Speaker 2>on themselves.

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<v Speaker 1>I always say too, like it's hard sometimes as a

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<v Speaker 1>parent when you get to that place where, uh, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>you finally have like a frontal lobe and some sort

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<v Speaker 1>of idea of like consequences and you know, all these

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<v Speaker 1>things that happen as you mature into your mid twenties,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean, Like the twenty four twenty five,

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<v Speaker 1>they don't think your frontal lobe is developed that has

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<v Speaker 1>the you know, consequences and long term thing late. So

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<v Speaker 1>I know, for me, sometimes it's really hard to like

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<v Speaker 1>go back to a time that that that my brain

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<v Speaker 1>didn't go, okay, well if.

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<v Speaker 3>This happens, then this is gonna happen.

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<v Speaker 1>Or if you stay up late, then you're gonna want

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<v Speaker 1>you know, and you're gonna be tired the next day.

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<v Speaker 1>Like kids don't that, they don't have that, they don't

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<v Speaker 1>have that. It doesn't connect, and it sometimes you're like

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<v Speaker 1>what is wrong with you? And you're like, nothing's necessarily

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<v Speaker 1>wrong with them. It's just their kid and their brain

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't work the same way. But it's so hard sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>to remember that, to remember that, like you were a

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<v Speaker 1>kid wants to and you were just just you know,

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<v Speaker 1>sort of weirdly self centered and not necessarily thinking of others.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think that's common childhood development. You know, they're

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<v Speaker 2>absolutely very narcissistic little people. That's absolutely the child development exactly.

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<v Speaker 3>But it's sometimes you just and especially as they get older.

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<v Speaker 3>You're like, oh, how do I m?

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<v Speaker 2>Why do I knock some sense into you? But you're like, no,

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<v Speaker 2>they're they're just kids. That's okay. Well Number three, let

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<v Speaker 2>your children have their own responsibilities. And the website gives

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<v Speaker 2>the example of doing chort charts for the girls, or

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<v Speaker 2>Danny teaching Michelle how to mop.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm so bad at this one?

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<v Speaker 2>Wait? Really? Yeah? How are you bad at? How are

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<v Speaker 2>you bad at this one? Could I could see you

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<v Speaker 2>like being like clean your rooms and do the dishes

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<v Speaker 2>and take the trash out.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean I do, I'm like, clean your room, do

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<v Speaker 3>the thing. But like it's.

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<v Speaker 1>It's hard and and and I think you'll understand this too.

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<v Speaker 1>When you have kids that go back and forth between

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<v Speaker 1>your house and dad's house, there's and my girls go

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<v Speaker 1>back quite a bit.

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<v Speaker 3>It's not even that there's different rules.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just that it becomes very hard to have like

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<v Speaker 1>sort of a regular chore thing of like, okay, you

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<v Speaker 1>do the dishes you Monday, Wednesday, Friday, because you're only

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<v Speaker 1>here every Wednesday and then every other Friday or that,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, like, yeah, it becomes hard and and and

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<v Speaker 1>more tedious.

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<v Speaker 3>And I just I also.

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<v Speaker 1>Like I will I have little chor charts and I

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<v Speaker 1>am great for like two weeks, but then my add

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<v Speaker 1>kicks in and I forget to have them do the

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<v Speaker 1>chor chart or I don't know where I put it,

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<v Speaker 1>or I'm like, oh, this isn't working, and I just

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<v Speaker 1>get rid of it. And so we've I will definitely

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<v Speaker 1>say I uh. That is one area at my house

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<v Speaker 1>that has is a struggle, is like getting everyone on

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<v Speaker 1>board with doing the same chores or like just you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's just it's a lot of arguing.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a lot of arguing. But I it's it's it's

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<v Speaker 2>hard being the disciplinarian all the time. You know, some kids,

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<v Speaker 2>I just want to have fun with you, especially if

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<v Speaker 2>you're yeah, if you split custody, just want to have

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<v Speaker 2>fun with it. It's yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>And my thing is always clean your room and like

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<v Speaker 1>just take trash out of your room.

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<v Speaker 3>Can you just take the trash out?

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<v Speaker 2>Get the cups? Don't want the cup the cups that multiply.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, why do they drink? They drink so much.

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<v Speaker 2>They're the most well hydrated children.

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<v Speaker 3>And yet they're not like they're hydrated. But nothing is

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<v Speaker 3>empty it's all gone.

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<v Speaker 1>Like they pour a gigantic glass of juice and then

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<v Speaker 1>drink that much and now you got a half. And

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, why do you guys pour so much juice?

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<v Speaker 1>I pour them a couple of juice. They're like, that's

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<v Speaker 1>so small. I'm like, you can refill it. But once

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<v Speaker 1>you poured it in there and you're drinking out of

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<v Speaker 1>it with your grubby little mouth, now now it's not.

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<v Speaker 2>Going back in. Pour it back in, but the cups.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Well, my kids are pretty good at their their

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<v Speaker 2>own personal responsibilities. Like they can clean their rooms, they

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<v Speaker 2>can do their own laundry, they can make their own

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<v Speaker 2>food if they don't like, yeah, good with that. But

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<v Speaker 2>like the household chores, I'm mad at. I'm bad at that.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm kind of like, I like the way I put

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<v Speaker 2>the dishes in the dish. They put the dishes away,

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<v Speaker 2>and they're bad at it. I swear it's learned in

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<v Speaker 2>common learned helplessness. Yeah, helpless that's what it is. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>they do it badly so that I don't ask him

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<v Speaker 2>to do it again.

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<v Speaker 3>It's true, it's true.

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<v Speaker 1>And you know, I mean, we've all had that thing

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<v Speaker 1>when you're like Okay, come wash the dish, and they

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<v Speaker 1>wash it and then you look at it and you're.

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<v Speaker 2>Like that, let's not washed.

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<v Speaker 3>They don't even like sometimes they I'm like, did was

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<v Speaker 3>it a hot water?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh? Did you even put the little scrubby?

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<v Speaker 3>Did you use soap?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh?

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<v Speaker 3>What do you mean? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Tato is the worst. I mean, he's so great at

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like a for effort, you tried, but none.

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<v Speaker 3>They don't even try though. They just go, well, you'll

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<v Speaker 3>do it because you if you, you know, get sick

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<v Speaker 3>of it.

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<v Speaker 1>But like, I don't want to find after the fourth

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<v Speaker 1>time of washing the same dish, you'd think you would

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<v Speaker 1>do it properly.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, but I get it.

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<v Speaker 3>You just want to get it done.

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<v Speaker 2>I think this is one of those things. I mean

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<v Speaker 2>I've kind of like waved my white flag at the spot.

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<v Speaker 2>I know. Yeah, I'm like, but mine are nineteen and no,

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<v Speaker 2>mine are mine's almost twenty twight, it's gonna be twenty

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<v Speaker 2>next week. Oh my gosh, oh are twenty and seventeen.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm kind of like, Okay, when you're when you

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<v Speaker 2>have a roommate for the first time, that's where I'm at.

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<v Speaker 2>That's when you're gonna learn that you can't live the

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<v Speaker 2>way you've been living for the life.

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<v Speaker 1>And you know what, honestly, that's really when it kicks

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<v Speaker 1>in because when they are faced with someone else, not

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<v Speaker 1>their parent, nagging them or being disappointed in how they

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<v Speaker 1>are sharing their space.

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<v Speaker 2>When you really to pay to do your own laundry,

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<v Speaker 2>that's when you appreciate. Oh wow, it's great having a

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<v Speaker 2>laundry machine, right, you're at the house that you don't

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<v Speaker 2>have to pay for.

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<v Speaker 3>I would love if my kids did just did the laundry.

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<v Speaker 2>Just do it and fold it. Don't leave me the

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<v Speaker 2>dryer for a week, fold it and put it away,

0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:48.040
<v Speaker 2>or just put it away.

0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:48.920
<v Speaker 3>I see.

0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:52.280
<v Speaker 1>That's the thing is we're all all with me, and

0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:55.480
<v Speaker 1>the girls were just a little add mess, and so

0:10:55.720 --> 0:10:59.240
<v Speaker 1>we will start laundry and miscal's like, whose laundry is this?

0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:01.679
<v Speaker 3>Because it could sometimes cause it's mine. Yeah that's right,

0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:05.680
<v Speaker 3>Oh my god, that's right. I started that four days ago. Yeah,

0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:06.720
<v Speaker 3>so I can't.

0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:08.400
<v Speaker 1>That's the thing too, is like I can't even get

0:11:08.480 --> 0:11:11.400
<v Speaker 1>that mad because I totally do the same stuff and

0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:12.120
<v Speaker 1>like it.

0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:14.599
<v Speaker 3>It's just yeah.

0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:16.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's hard to teach lessons that you yourself are

0:11:16.960 --> 0:11:20.080
<v Speaker 2>not really abiding buy. So I get it. We're not perfect,

0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:20.559
<v Speaker 2>we're flawed.

0:11:21.040 --> 0:11:25.080
<v Speaker 1>It's okay, perfect, Okay, but they but once they get roommates, oh,

0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:25.920
<v Speaker 1>then they'll be clean.

0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:26.600
<v Speaker 2>I can't wait.

0:11:26.640 --> 0:11:27.640
<v Speaker 3>Once it's too late for us.

0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:31.240
<v Speaker 1>And then yeah, as you see when the parents go

0:11:31.280 --> 0:11:33.080
<v Speaker 1>to their their like I went to my kid's apartment

0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:36.760
<v Speaker 1>and they just leave every drawer open, the fridge open, everything.

0:11:36.760 --> 0:11:39.040
<v Speaker 1>They're like, just payback and you're like, yeah, you can't

0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:42.280
<v Speaker 1>look for that. It's gonna ye leave everything open and unplugged.

0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:44.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm like, how many roommates are going to move

0:11:44.720 --> 0:11:47.439
<v Speaker 2>out of the apartment. How many roommates are going to

0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:50.000
<v Speaker 2>go through before you learn the lesson? Hopefully not too many.

0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:52.600
<v Speaker 3>Well, but the roommates will probably be a mess too.

0:11:53.640 --> 0:11:54.360
<v Speaker 3>They'll figure it out.

0:11:54.679 --> 0:11:58.120
<v Speaker 2>They'll they always they always figure it out. Yep. Hopefully

0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:01.360
<v Speaker 2>by the time they're twenty five and the frontal has

0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:03.160
<v Speaker 2>developed has developed. Yeah, exactly.

0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:08.880
<v Speaker 1>Sure.

0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:17.640
<v Speaker 2>Number four, help your children resolve conflict on their own terms.

0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:21.880
<v Speaker 2>This is all Danny does. Like how many There were

0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:24.320
<v Speaker 2>no examples, by the way, but okay, I feel like

0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:25.920
<v Speaker 2>this is all Danny does. How many times have the

0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:28.560
<v Speaker 2>girls moved themselves in and out of the bedroom. Like

0:12:28.640 --> 0:12:33.280
<v Speaker 2>they are solving their own conflicts, you know, solving DJs,

0:12:33.320 --> 0:12:37.600
<v Speaker 2>moving down amazing companies. Yeah, the girls are very self reliant.

0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:38.679
<v Speaker 2>I'm saying they are.

0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:44.400
<v Speaker 1>They really are, actually, like they're they for three kids. Uh,

0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:47.839
<v Speaker 1>these three guys seem to always be doing a lot

0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:48.360
<v Speaker 1>of stuff.

0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:50.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, they had a lot of the kids are.

0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:53.960
<v Speaker 1>But I think this one's really important, like resolving conflict

0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:57.000
<v Speaker 1>on their own terms, because I know as a parent,

0:12:57.120 --> 0:12:59.480
<v Speaker 1>for me, it's so hard sometimes to want to jump

0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:05.439
<v Speaker 1>in and fix your kids problems or like especially friend problems.

0:13:05.840 --> 0:13:08.800
<v Speaker 1>You know. Yeah, like I've been there, I get it, Like, no,

0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:11.040
<v Speaker 1>this person needs to know this or you guys need

0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:15.160
<v Speaker 1>to you know. And it's like if you interject yourself

0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:18.640
<v Speaker 1>into their I mean again, unless someone's unsafe or like

0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:21.640
<v Speaker 1>severe bullying or something. But of course, but conflict like

0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:25.640
<v Speaker 1>between siblings or between friends, a lot of times you're like, oh, man,

0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:30.720
<v Speaker 1>I'll be your sounding board, but I can't fix this

0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:31.040
<v Speaker 1>for you.

0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:33.560
<v Speaker 2>That's the best. That's probably the best advice actually is

0:13:33.640 --> 0:13:36.160
<v Speaker 2>just to just to listen, like you don't Sometimes you

0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:38.680
<v Speaker 2>don't have to solve everything, and you shouldn't because kids

0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:41.240
<v Speaker 2>need to learn how to solve things themselves. But yeah,

0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:44.040
<v Speaker 2>just to listen, be a sounding board, being like, you know,

0:13:44.040 --> 0:13:47.240
<v Speaker 2>buying like their little therapists. Just just listen, just listen

0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:48.720
<v Speaker 2>and say, okay, well I'm here for you if you

0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:50.040
<v Speaker 2>want advice, which they don't.

0:13:50.160 --> 0:13:54.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, right, it's really hard sometimes too. I fall into

0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:56.040
<v Speaker 1>that trap all the time of being like, well, you

0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:57.760
<v Speaker 1>know when I was your but and I'm like, oh

0:13:57.760 --> 0:13:58.840
<v Speaker 1>my god, stop shut up.

0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:02.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I know we sound like our parents, you know.

0:14:02.559 --> 0:14:03.360
<v Speaker 3>I hate it.

0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:05.600
<v Speaker 2>It's it's the worst. It's the worst feeling.

0:14:05.600 --> 0:14:08.719
<v Speaker 1>And I realized that I'm like trying to relate to

0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:10.960
<v Speaker 1>them and that's probably what my parents were doing. And

0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:14.400
<v Speaker 1>I was like, you're so lame. But yeah, conflict resolution

0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:17.040
<v Speaker 1>is not easy. And if you don't let your kids

0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:21.720
<v Speaker 1>learn how to do it, they're never going to resolve conflict.

0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:24.600
<v Speaker 1>They're just going to either avoid it or create it

0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:25.560
<v Speaker 1>and walk away.

0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:28.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. No, they have to learn. They got to learn

0:14:28.760 --> 0:14:31.080
<v Speaker 2>those skills, and they're going to make mistakes and that's okay.

0:14:31.120 --> 0:14:34.120
<v Speaker 2>They're gonna they might lose a few friends, you know,

0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:37.200
<v Speaker 2>they might they might switch to a different best friend. Whatever.

0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:40.920
<v Speaker 2>That's that's called life. And you how you learn yeah.

0:14:41.040 --> 0:14:45.840
<v Speaker 1>And sometimes sometimes like like it's hard when your kid

0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:50.160
<v Speaker 1>has been maybe the one that kind of started the conflict,

0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:52.680
<v Speaker 1>or or they're getting you know, when their friend is

0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:53.960
<v Speaker 1>being mean to them and you want to jump in,

0:14:54.040 --> 0:14:57.240
<v Speaker 1>but like you need to start teaching them how to

0:14:57.400 --> 0:14:59.320
<v Speaker 1>you know, at a certain age, how to advocate for

0:14:59.360 --> 0:15:01.480
<v Speaker 1>themselves and has saying this hurt my feelings or this

0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:01.840
<v Speaker 1>is not.

0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:05.720
<v Speaker 2>Okay, and to set boundaries. Yeah. Yeah, it's all very

0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:10.840
<v Speaker 2>hard life lessons. I think with conflict with the kids,

0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:13.840
<v Speaker 2>I mean, at this point in my parenting journey, it's

0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:15.840
<v Speaker 2>again it's like waving a white flag. I'm like, I'm

0:15:15.880 --> 0:15:19.120
<v Speaker 2>too tired, like solve this yourself, kids, because I am

0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:20.760
<v Speaker 2>too tired to fix this well.

0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:22.920
<v Speaker 1>And it's also the same with my girls either at

0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:25.360
<v Speaker 1>an age now where it's like, okay, I'm not as

0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:29.320
<v Speaker 1>worried that like someone's gonna get hurt because they're you know,

0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:31.040
<v Speaker 1>being silly or wrestling around.

0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:33.360
<v Speaker 3>Like I mean, they very well.

0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:37.160
<v Speaker 1>Good, but it's not like the fighting isn't like they

0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:40.360
<v Speaker 1>were when they were like seven and nine, or you know,

0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:42.360
<v Speaker 1>they weren't like they were just at each other and

0:15:42.400 --> 0:15:43.640
<v Speaker 1>now it's a little more like.

0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:45.960
<v Speaker 3>It's just verbal barbs.

0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:48.160
<v Speaker 1>You know, they they'll kind of throw or whatever, and

0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:52.000
<v Speaker 1>like they'll argue or maybe adorable slam, but nothing crazy.

0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:54.560
<v Speaker 3>And I'm like, you.

0:15:54.480 --> 0:15:56.680
<v Speaker 1>Guys, gotta figure this out, because yeah, you do you

0:15:56.720 --> 0:15:58.800
<v Speaker 1>get as a parent. You're like, I'm tired, I don't.

0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:02.760
<v Speaker 1>And you also realized losing battle. True, they just want

0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:05.040
<v Speaker 1>to they want to pick at each other.

0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:07.640
<v Speaker 2>They have to argue it out. Yeah, they want to

0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:10.880
<v Speaker 2>pick pick at each other and argue it out. Okay,

0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:12.440
<v Speaker 2>then figure it out, you know.

0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:16.000
<v Speaker 1>I find conflict resolution for the kids with friends is

0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:19.200
<v Speaker 1>always the you know, it's the place you want to

0:16:19.240 --> 0:16:21.400
<v Speaker 1>jump in because it's like some other kid.

0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:25.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you can't parent the other kids, right, right, so

0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:27.640
<v Speaker 2>you don't know, you gotta you gotta, Well, first you

0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:29.240
<v Speaker 2>have to figure out you have to put the filter on.

0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:30.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, okay, am I hearing about this through the

0:16:30.840 --> 0:16:33.800
<v Speaker 2>felicity filter, which like I didn't do anything wrong? I

0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:37.240
<v Speaker 2>didn't you huh okay, so okay, what did you do?

0:16:37.320 --> 0:16:38.080
<v Speaker 2>That may be added?

0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:40.040
<v Speaker 3>What's the situation? Right?

0:16:39.840 --> 0:16:42.960
<v Speaker 2>Right? So yeah, it's yeah, conflict resolution with friends is

0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:46.600
<v Speaker 2>way harder than than sibling conflict. I'm like, right, you'll

0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:48.200
<v Speaker 2>eventually love each other and get along.

0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:48.480
<v Speaker 3>You know.

0:16:48.560 --> 0:16:50.080
<v Speaker 2>It's the same way with me and my brothers.

0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:51.800
<v Speaker 3>So did you have a lot of conflict with your

0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:52.480
<v Speaker 3>brothers growing out?

0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:55.600
<v Speaker 2>Oh, my god, all the time, all the time. Well,

0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:58.120
<v Speaker 2>my my my brothers are a bit older. My brothers

0:16:58.160 --> 0:17:00.880
<v Speaker 2>are five years older than me and seven years older

0:17:00.880 --> 0:17:04.400
<v Speaker 2>than me. So there were times when like they weren't

0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:06.600
<v Speaker 2>Like I was almost an only child at one point

0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:08.960
<v Speaker 2>for like the high school years. But then Darren moved

0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:11.240
<v Speaker 2>back home when he was in law school to save money,

0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:13.719
<v Speaker 2>and so we were he was like an adult and

0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:17.000
<v Speaker 2>I was high schooler. We were sharing the same bathroom, oh,

0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:19.400
<v Speaker 2>and sharing the same laundry room everything. And he's just like, great,

0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:21.320
<v Speaker 2>you took all the hot water. Why do you get

0:17:21.359 --> 0:17:23.160
<v Speaker 2>in the shower right before I need it? You got

0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:26.440
<v Speaker 2>to move your your clothes laundry machines. I still talk

0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:28.560
<v Speaker 2>about it to this day. And my parents were just

0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:30.600
<v Speaker 2>like you figure it out, like you know, figure out, yeah,

0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:32.479
<v Speaker 2>this is you have to do laundry. You know, one

0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:34.199
<v Speaker 2>of you does laundry on Sundays, the other one does

0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:36.760
<v Speaker 2>laundry on Friday nights or whatever, right, and then work

0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:38.679
<v Speaker 2>out a bathroom schedule. You both have to get up

0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:41.160
<v Speaker 2>at the same time. You have to figure out who

0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:44.640
<v Speaker 2>gets to shower first. So we're still arguing about it now,

0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:45.840
<v Speaker 2>but now we can laugh about it.

0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:47.680
<v Speaker 3>But right now you can laugh about it. But yeah,

0:17:47.680 --> 0:17:47.959
<v Speaker 3>it is.

0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:50.119
<v Speaker 1>It's like at some point you just kind of gotta go.

0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:55.280
<v Speaker 1>You're gonna have to figure this out. And yeah, mom,

0:17:55.400 --> 0:17:58.040
<v Speaker 1>nagging you is not working anymore. Yeah, yeah, because then

0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:00.480
<v Speaker 1>it just we become the you know.

0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:03.439
<v Speaker 2>It's white noise. It is totally white noise. Agreed.

0:18:04.119 --> 0:18:06.520
<v Speaker 1>All right, Well, let's see what's next up on Danny

0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:08.720
<v Speaker 1>Tanner's life lessons list here.

0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:10.840
<v Speaker 3>Uh oh, this is a good one.

0:18:10.960 --> 0:18:11.360
<v Speaker 2>Okay.

0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:14.440
<v Speaker 3>It's important to make time for yourself too.

0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:18.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh heck yeah, self care, baby.

0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:21.800
<v Speaker 1>Yes, and self care doesn't necessarily look like, you know,

0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:25.359
<v Speaker 1>a vacation all the time or a spa weekend or whatever.

0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:28.600
<v Speaker 1>It can be ten minutes sitting in your car listening

0:18:28.680 --> 0:18:31.080
<v Speaker 1>to your favorite song before you walk in the house.

0:18:31.480 --> 0:18:33.359
<v Speaker 2>That's a great one. That's a really good one.

0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:36.160
<v Speaker 1>Or ten minutes meditating in your car before you walk

0:18:36.160 --> 0:18:37.880
<v Speaker 1>in the house, and that many times.

0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:42.399
<v Speaker 2>Oh, got to reset for yourself before going into battle

0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:45.400
<v Speaker 2>to see what's at home, waiting for you.

0:18:45.600 --> 0:18:48.520
<v Speaker 1>I mean right, like that transition time from like maybe

0:18:48.520 --> 0:18:50.359
<v Speaker 1>coming home from work or doing something and then like

0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:52.240
<v Speaker 1>walking in the house. Sometimes you just need a minute.

0:18:52.240 --> 0:18:56.360
<v Speaker 1>And that taking those five and ten minute moments for yourself,

0:18:56.680 --> 0:19:00.400
<v Speaker 1>I find to be just as important as taking an

0:19:00.400 --> 0:19:01.520
<v Speaker 1>afternoon where you're.

0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:03.280
<v Speaker 3>Like, guess what Mom's off Like I'm not.

0:19:03.359 --> 0:19:06.879
<v Speaker 1>I'm responding to nothing, those little ten minute things or

0:19:07.640 --> 0:19:09.480
<v Speaker 1>you know, saying like hey, this is something that brings me.

0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:11.000
<v Speaker 3>Joy that I'm gonna do for myself.

0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:14.120
<v Speaker 1>It's very important and it makes you a much more

0:19:14.200 --> 0:19:16.400
<v Speaker 1>balanced experience patient.

0:19:17.119 --> 0:19:21.199
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, understanding, Yeah, my self care is I love to

0:19:21.240 --> 0:19:23.920
<v Speaker 2>take my baths at night, you know, because I've I've

0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:25.479
<v Speaker 2>facetiped you from my bathroom.

0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:29.280
<v Speaker 3>Yes, yes, oh yeah, yep, I've yep yep.

0:19:29.480 --> 0:19:31.400
<v Speaker 2>Which sounds weird, but whatever, it's weird.

0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:32.040
<v Speaker 3>No, no, it's not.

0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:35.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's not weird. Bubbles are overcovered, you know, it's yes,

0:19:35.520 --> 0:19:36.560
<v Speaker 1>exactly weird.

0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:39.920
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, I find myself and they're like, why do

0:19:40.000 --> 0:19:41.720
<v Speaker 2>you like taking baths every night? And I'm like, well,

0:19:42.160 --> 0:19:44.400
<v Speaker 2>partially because I just shut and locked the door because.

0:19:44.359 --> 0:19:47.480
<v Speaker 1>Nobody is gonna come and bother me when I'm naked

0:19:47.520 --> 0:19:49.520
<v Speaker 1>in a bathtub and nobody, I mean.

0:19:49.400 --> 0:19:52.080
<v Speaker 3>They're not toddlers right at this point. Now they're like horrified,

0:19:52.240 --> 0:19:56.280
<v Speaker 3>like oh God, yes, I'm naked in the bathtub and

0:19:56.280 --> 0:19:57.159
<v Speaker 3>they're like, ah.

0:19:57.160 --> 0:20:00.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's so great. But yeah know it's just it's

0:20:00.920 --> 0:20:02.880
<v Speaker 2>a great way to just relax and do you compress,

0:20:02.880 --> 0:20:06.040
<v Speaker 2>and nobody talk to me for these twenty minutes or whatever.

0:20:06.160 --> 0:20:09.600
<v Speaker 1>Water is so healing. I yep, I also have a

0:20:09.600 --> 0:20:10.600
<v Speaker 1>little I got my.

0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:11.400
<v Speaker 3>Little bath tray.

0:20:11.440 --> 0:20:13.639
<v Speaker 1>I'll take a book in there, put my jazz on.

0:20:14.800 --> 0:20:18.160
<v Speaker 1>Now I've been seeing this whole uh bathroom e lait

0:20:18.320 --> 0:20:22.680
<v Speaker 1>like light trend. Apparently really we're like like a shower light. Oh,

0:20:22.920 --> 0:20:25.200
<v Speaker 1>like a little wireless lamp that's like a touch thing

0:20:25.240 --> 0:20:27.680
<v Speaker 1>and it's like a dim little night light lamp. People

0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:29.600
<v Speaker 1>are like putting them in their showers.

0:20:30.000 --> 0:20:31.320
<v Speaker 2>Mood lighting for your shower.

0:20:31.800 --> 0:20:34.240
<v Speaker 1>People that they're like, look look at me, create my

0:20:34.280 --> 0:20:36.240
<v Speaker 1>perfect bath and there. You know, it's like a you

0:20:36.320 --> 0:20:39.879
<v Speaker 1>got a lamp and a and a eucalyptus sprig and

0:20:39.920 --> 0:20:40.399
<v Speaker 1>all this stuff.

0:20:40.400 --> 0:20:43.200
<v Speaker 2>But hey, I've heard of the eucalyptus sprigs. Yeah, there's that.

0:20:43.200 --> 0:20:46.520
<v Speaker 2>That's definitely a thing. They're aromatics, but yeah, you know

0:20:46.560 --> 0:20:47.280
<v Speaker 2>what I noticed.

0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:50.720
<v Speaker 1>Actually that's an example of this important to make time

0:20:50.760 --> 0:20:54.240
<v Speaker 1>for yourself too. There's an episode that we watched recently

0:20:54.440 --> 0:20:59.639
<v Speaker 1>where I think, I think Danny maybe says hey to

0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:03.200
<v Speaker 1>joe when they're with the Friendship episode between Danny and Joey,

0:21:03.320 --> 0:21:06.040
<v Speaker 1>and he says, Hey, it's Jesse's night to watch the kids.

0:21:06.520 --> 0:21:08.720
<v Speaker 3>Do you want to go do something else?

0:21:08.760 --> 0:21:12.840
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, oh, okay, So this is implying that,

0:21:12.960 --> 0:21:15.359
<v Speaker 1>like the guys sort of have an agreement that hey,

0:21:16.119 --> 0:21:19.520
<v Speaker 1>one night a week one of us will watch the

0:21:19.600 --> 0:21:22.960
<v Speaker 1>kids and whatever while the other two get to go

0:21:23.280 --> 0:21:26.880
<v Speaker 1>do something or you know, kind of. I think that's

0:21:26.960 --> 0:21:32.159
<v Speaker 1>so valuable, super valuable. I think all parents, if you know,

0:21:32.200 --> 0:21:34.880
<v Speaker 1>I mean, and sometimes obviously you can't do it, yeah,

0:21:35.680 --> 0:21:38.280
<v Speaker 1>but if you you know, if you can even every

0:21:38.280 --> 0:21:40.720
<v Speaker 1>once in a while, like it's super important to allow

0:21:41.520 --> 0:21:43.760
<v Speaker 1>one or the other parent, especially if one or the

0:21:43.800 --> 0:21:46.320
<v Speaker 1>other parent is taking care of the kids a lot more,

0:21:46.400 --> 0:21:49.320
<v Speaker 1>to be like, hey, you you get like an afternoon

0:21:49.440 --> 0:21:50.000
<v Speaker 1>to yourself.

0:21:50.160 --> 0:21:52.520
<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, yes, that's right. That did. We did

0:21:52.600 --> 0:21:55.840
<v Speaker 2>just review that recently. That is a form of self care.

0:21:56.040 --> 0:21:58.840
<v Speaker 3>And they think they were They went and played basketball.

0:21:58.320 --> 0:22:00.600
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, before Danny threw it, but yeah, I know

0:22:00.680 --> 0:22:03.520
<v Speaker 2>that that was their former self left so just oh

0:22:03.640 --> 0:22:07.520
<v Speaker 2>his mom way Irene, grandma Irene watching the.

0:22:08.640 --> 0:22:10.760
<v Speaker 1>But but I do think I think that's a really

0:22:10.800 --> 0:22:14.040
<v Speaker 1>important one. And and you know, in a family that

0:22:14.480 --> 0:22:17.399
<v Speaker 1>there's seventeen people living in one house, it's very important

0:22:17.400 --> 0:22:17.840
<v Speaker 1>to take some.

0:22:17.720 --> 0:22:19.879
<v Speaker 3>Time for yourself. There's just no quiet, although not in

0:22:19.880 --> 0:22:22.199
<v Speaker 3>the bathroom because you'll have eight more people that need

0:22:22.240 --> 0:22:22.800
<v Speaker 3>to use it, so.

0:22:23.080 --> 0:22:25.400
<v Speaker 2>There's only one. There's only one in the whole full house.

0:22:25.520 --> 0:22:25.880
<v Speaker 3>That's it.

0:22:26.000 --> 0:22:30.960
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, and the website uses example for Danny. Danny's

0:22:30.960 --> 0:22:33.480
<v Speaker 2>self care is quiet cleaning time.

0:22:33.760 --> 0:22:35.480
<v Speaker 3>Yes, quiet cleaning time.

0:22:35.720 --> 0:22:39.239
<v Speaker 1>It's yeah, hey, you know it's buffing and polishing, it's

0:22:39.320 --> 0:22:42.159
<v Speaker 1>cleaning the grout is what his mee time is.

0:22:43.040 --> 0:22:45.800
<v Speaker 2>Hey, whatever floats your boat, that's the Sometimes that's what

0:22:45.840 --> 0:22:48.160
<v Speaker 2>you need is just to clean get all your aggression

0:22:48.160 --> 0:22:52.200
<v Speaker 2>out through that crowd. Yeah, okay, moving on number six.

0:22:53.200 --> 0:22:56.320
<v Speaker 2>There's nothing that a hug can't help.

0:22:57.280 --> 0:22:57.560
<v Speaker 3>Yep.

0:22:57.800 --> 0:23:00.520
<v Speaker 2>And there's no example because there's a hug in basically

0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:01.200
<v Speaker 2>every episode.

0:23:01.280 --> 0:23:04.000
<v Speaker 3>So and I mean it's pretty self explanatory.

0:23:04.200 --> 0:23:06.040
<v Speaker 2>Huh. I don't know, I feel this one was a

0:23:06.040 --> 0:23:10.200
<v Speaker 2>little Pollyanna for me. I'm like, I mean it's yeah, it's.

0:23:10.160 --> 0:23:12.560
<v Speaker 3>What if you don't like human touch.

0:23:13.320 --> 0:23:15.840
<v Speaker 2>Yes, And that's the other thing, like I was thinking of,

0:23:15.880 --> 0:23:18.560
<v Speaker 2>like making your kids hug, Like, oh, you've been fighting,

0:23:18.600 --> 0:23:19.760
<v Speaker 2>make your kids hug each other.

0:23:19.880 --> 0:23:20.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I don't like that.

0:23:21.000 --> 0:23:21.679
<v Speaker 2>I don't like that.

0:23:21.720 --> 0:23:24.080
<v Speaker 1>Although it's funny when you see it, like they're like

0:23:24.119 --> 0:23:26.439
<v Speaker 1>the in the same gigantic shirt or whatever, and you're like,

0:23:26.480 --> 0:23:30.840
<v Speaker 1>they have to get along. But there, you know, sometimes

0:23:31.160 --> 0:23:32.280
<v Speaker 1>I here's what I would say.

0:23:32.320 --> 0:23:35.080
<v Speaker 3>I'd say that there's an asterisk here at the end.

0:23:35.600 --> 0:23:39.960
<v Speaker 1>There's nothing that a hug can't help asterisk when the

0:23:40.000 --> 0:23:40.880
<v Speaker 1>time is right.

0:23:41.280 --> 0:23:44.640
<v Speaker 2>Okay, yes, when it's consensual and when the time is.

0:23:44.640 --> 0:23:48.160
<v Speaker 1>Right, when the time is right and both parties are

0:23:48.440 --> 0:23:53.400
<v Speaker 1>like a physical affection is something that would be helpful.

0:23:53.920 --> 0:23:57.800
<v Speaker 1>I think that's absolutely true that a hug it releases oxytocin.

0:23:58.080 --> 0:23:58.560
<v Speaker 2>That's true.

0:23:58.760 --> 0:24:03.480
<v Speaker 1>It's a chemical boost. It's a good way to you know,

0:24:03.560 --> 0:24:06.560
<v Speaker 1>create a bond with someone. But I will say I'm

0:24:06.560 --> 0:24:09.520
<v Speaker 1>one of those people that might not always want to

0:24:09.520 --> 0:24:09.960
<v Speaker 1>be hugged.

0:24:10.119 --> 0:24:12.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you've got it has to be the right time,

0:24:13.320 --> 0:24:15.520
<v Speaker 2>in the right place, and you also have to pay

0:24:15.560 --> 0:24:18.879
<v Speaker 2>attention to other people's cues, like Jesse is not his

0:24:18.960 --> 0:24:20.760
<v Speaker 2>love language is not hugging.

0:24:20.840 --> 0:24:21.600
<v Speaker 3>He's not a hugger.

0:24:21.680 --> 0:24:24.400
<v Speaker 2>He's not a hugger, but Danny is. So sometimes Jesse

0:24:24.520 --> 0:24:27.520
<v Speaker 2>will placate Danny because he knows that Danny just needs

0:24:27.560 --> 0:24:30.119
<v Speaker 2>a hug. But that's not going to solve Jesse's problems.

0:24:30.200 --> 0:24:32.240
<v Speaker 2>Jesse needs to talk it out. Jesse needs to come

0:24:32.240 --> 0:24:34.680
<v Speaker 2>to realizations on his own and talk it out. So

0:24:34.760 --> 0:24:37.760
<v Speaker 2>talking is important, and a hug can help if you've

0:24:37.760 --> 0:24:40.320
<v Speaker 2>already talked to it, if it's the right time, and

0:24:40.359 --> 0:24:42.800
<v Speaker 2>if it's the right time, Yeah, it's the right time. Okay.

0:24:42.840 --> 0:24:44.960
<v Speaker 2>So this is a lesson with an asterisk.

0:24:45.320 --> 0:24:47.359
<v Speaker 3>Yes, it's a Yeah, it's a it's a lesson with

0:24:47.400 --> 0:24:48.040
<v Speaker 3>a caveat.

0:24:48.320 --> 0:24:53.239
<v Speaker 2>Okay, yeah, okay, got it right? Uh you, I don't know,

0:24:53.280 --> 0:24:55.119
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I can remember you take it.

0:24:55.480 --> 0:24:57.320
<v Speaker 3>I'll take it. Uh seven.

0:24:58.359 --> 0:25:01.680
<v Speaker 1>Always let your children know how valuable they are.

0:25:03.040 --> 0:25:06.639
<v Speaker 2>And the examples our DJ doesn't feel pretty enough, Stephanie's

0:25:06.640 --> 0:25:09.880
<v Speaker 2>insecure about her glasses, and Michelle wants to play boy

0:25:10.000 --> 0:25:14.000
<v Speaker 2>activities and gets made fun of in later seasons.

0:25:14.320 --> 0:25:14.679
<v Speaker 3>Got it?

0:25:14.960 --> 0:25:18.280
<v Speaker 2>So, yeah, this is a big one self worth. Teaching

0:25:18.320 --> 0:25:22.439
<v Speaker 2>your kids that, yeah, self worth is important and you

0:25:22.480 --> 0:25:24.440
<v Speaker 2>love them just the way they are. It doesn't matter

0:25:24.440 --> 0:25:27.159
<v Speaker 2>if you wearing glasses or you don't feel pretty that day, whatever,

0:25:27.280 --> 0:25:29.240
<v Speaker 2>you are special just the way.

0:25:29.280 --> 0:25:34.960
<v Speaker 1>Well that your value, that you have value, inherent value,

0:25:35.200 --> 0:25:40.000
<v Speaker 1>no matter what inherent value on the inside. Yes, your

0:25:40.080 --> 0:25:43.040
<v Speaker 1>value isn't how you look person. Your value isn't how

0:25:43.040 --> 0:25:45.600
<v Speaker 1>you look is It isn't what you can give. It

0:25:45.760 --> 0:25:49.000
<v Speaker 1>isn't not what you wear, what you wear, or how

0:25:49.080 --> 0:25:51.960
<v Speaker 1>much money you have that your Let your children know

0:25:52.520 --> 0:25:56.880
<v Speaker 1>their inherent value just being present.

0:25:57.640 --> 0:25:58.800
<v Speaker 2>That's that big enough.

0:25:59.280 --> 0:26:00.000
<v Speaker 3>It is a big one.

0:26:00.119 --> 0:26:02.520
<v Speaker 2>That's a really big one. I like it lesson a

0:26:02.560 --> 0:26:05.560
<v Speaker 2>lot and it's not easy to teach either. No, they

0:26:05.600 --> 0:26:08.520
<v Speaker 2>have to come to a lot of self actualization themselves.

0:26:08.600 --> 0:26:11.240
<v Speaker 1>I think this is I think this is a lesson

0:26:12.160 --> 0:26:15.720
<v Speaker 1>that I would even say, always let your family know

0:26:15.800 --> 0:26:18.080
<v Speaker 1>how valuable they are. Like it's not even just kids,

0:26:18.359 --> 0:26:22.320
<v Speaker 1>you know, I think let adults in your life know

0:26:22.440 --> 0:26:25.320
<v Speaker 1>how valuable they are, Know that you're they're appreciated, know

0:26:25.560 --> 0:26:26.760
<v Speaker 1>that they.

0:26:26.600 --> 0:26:27.520
<v Speaker 3>Don't have to you know.

0:26:27.560 --> 0:26:29.520
<v Speaker 1>And I feel like I see this in the show

0:26:29.600 --> 0:26:32.800
<v Speaker 1>with amongst the guys sometimes too, like, hey man, it's

0:26:32.840 --> 0:26:35.360
<v Speaker 1>not you know, I don't care what you can, what

0:26:35.400 --> 0:26:38.080
<v Speaker 1>you're bringing, or what you're you know, it's not about that.

0:26:38.200 --> 0:26:40.119
<v Speaker 3>It's about that I love you as part of my

0:26:40.160 --> 0:26:41.240
<v Speaker 3>family or my friend.

0:26:41.680 --> 0:26:42.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:26:42.280 --> 0:26:45.400
<v Speaker 1>I think this is definitely a lesson that we hit

0:26:45.480 --> 0:26:48.400
<v Speaker 1>home a lot in the show with you know, and yeah,

0:26:48.520 --> 0:26:50.520
<v Speaker 1>like teaching the kids. You know, so what do you

0:26:50.560 --> 0:26:54.040
<v Speaker 1>wear glasses? It doesn't matter if it's this. You are

0:26:54.080 --> 0:26:56.560
<v Speaker 1>important for many many other things.

0:26:56.800 --> 0:27:00.439
<v Speaker 2>This is a universal lesson for all ages, all unders,

0:27:00.600 --> 0:27:03.639
<v Speaker 2>all everything is that, Yeah, you need to That's so

0:27:03.720 --> 0:27:06.520
<v Speaker 2>important because it's easy to be down on yourself and

0:27:06.560 --> 0:27:09.240
<v Speaker 2>to criticize yourself, and you know, it's so easy to

0:27:09.280 --> 0:27:12.280
<v Speaker 2>fall into that that vortex, that whole ough.

0:27:12.880 --> 0:27:13.160
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:27:13.200 --> 0:27:15.840
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, no, it's important. It's important for children, equally

0:27:15.880 --> 0:27:29.439
<v Speaker 2>important for adults too. Yeah, very good. Yeah, you're important. Okay.

0:27:30.080 --> 0:27:34.280
<v Speaker 2>Number eight, it's important to have fun with your kids.

0:27:34.880 --> 0:27:37.480
<v Speaker 2>And the example is Danny being involved with the Honeybee

0:27:37.480 --> 0:27:40.160
<v Speaker 2>troop and he's ridiculous dad puns.

0:27:41.600 --> 0:27:43.440
<v Speaker 3>The dad jokes are strong with Danny.

0:27:43.320 --> 0:27:44.760
<v Speaker 2>Dad, the dad jokes are very strong.

0:27:45.040 --> 0:27:45.200
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:27:45.240 --> 0:27:47.760
<v Speaker 2>I think this is a good one too. And my

0:27:47.760 --> 0:27:50.800
<v Speaker 2>my therapist talks about this a lot, because it's so

0:27:50.920 --> 0:27:53.480
<v Speaker 2>easy to get up in the transactional side of parenting,

0:27:53.520 --> 0:27:55.600
<v Speaker 2>where it's like did you do your homework and did

0:27:55.640 --> 0:27:57.639
<v Speaker 2>you make your bed and did you do and my

0:27:57.680 --> 0:27:59.640
<v Speaker 2>therapist is like, okay, stop, you have to stop being

0:27:59.640 --> 0:28:03.480
<v Speaker 2>the trans actional parent for once and just have fun,

0:28:03.680 --> 0:28:07.000
<v Speaker 2>like let your hair down, go see a movie, you know,

0:28:07.119 --> 0:28:10.359
<v Speaker 2>go kick the soccer ball around, whatever it is, have

0:28:10.480 --> 0:28:12.360
<v Speaker 2>fun with your kids. It's so easy to forget when

0:28:12.359 --> 0:28:14.440
<v Speaker 2>you're I'm like a checklist, a check.

0:28:14.680 --> 0:28:16.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm too, I'm a check Did you do the thing

0:28:16.359 --> 0:28:20.200
<v Speaker 1>and the thing and the thing and the thing and yeah.

0:28:20.320 --> 0:28:22.679
<v Speaker 1>I learned that lesson with Zoe when we went to

0:28:22.720 --> 0:28:26.119
<v Speaker 1>Disneyland for her birthday. Was it was, you know, putting

0:28:26.119 --> 0:28:29.159
<v Speaker 1>aside that transactional parenting of did you do all of

0:28:29.200 --> 0:28:30.880
<v Speaker 1>the things that I need you to do for your

0:28:30.920 --> 0:28:33.840
<v Speaker 1>sort of you know life stuff.

0:28:34.240 --> 0:28:36.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but this was just pure fun.

0:28:36.240 --> 0:28:36.919
<v Speaker 3>Let's have fun.

0:28:37.240 --> 0:28:39.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's you just feel like a boss sometimes, like

0:28:40.000 --> 0:28:43.000
<v Speaker 2>it's like, no, your relationship is way deeper than yeah,

0:28:43.040 --> 0:28:45.720
<v Speaker 2>than just being your boss or your manager, you know,

0:28:45.760 --> 0:28:47.040
<v Speaker 2>the house manager, or.

0:28:47.080 --> 0:28:49.520
<v Speaker 1>Just right and freaking out over all the cups in

0:28:49.560 --> 0:28:54.680
<v Speaker 1>your room, right, the cup collector. Yeah, I've made the

0:28:54.760 --> 0:28:57.440
<v Speaker 1>joke one time that it was like like the movie

0:28:57.560 --> 0:29:00.800
<v Speaker 1>Signs in their Room, But I don't nobody really got it.

0:29:00.840 --> 0:29:02.680
<v Speaker 2>Can you remember the movie Signs Signs?

0:29:02.840 --> 0:29:04.440
<v Speaker 3>Oh, well, this is there we go.

0:29:04.760 --> 0:29:07.600
<v Speaker 2>It's also ask what do they doing science?

0:29:07.880 --> 0:29:10.080
<v Speaker 1>In Signs, it's about the aliens and the little the

0:29:10.680 --> 0:29:14.040
<v Speaker 1>girl is always leaving these cups of water around the

0:29:14.080 --> 0:29:17.160
<v Speaker 1>house and it drives her dad crazy. But then come

0:29:17.200 --> 0:29:19.040
<v Speaker 1>to find out at the end of the movie, the

0:29:19.160 --> 0:29:21.960
<v Speaker 1>aliens if you throw water on them that they can't

0:29:22.200 --> 0:29:25.480
<v Speaker 1>get wet. Oh, so all of a sudden, all of

0:29:25.520 --> 0:29:28.440
<v Speaker 1>those cups of water become very handy all over the place.

0:29:28.680 --> 0:29:29.680
<v Speaker 2>It's like self defense.

0:29:29.800 --> 0:29:32.760
<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, but nobody knew obviously that it was going

0:29:32.800 --> 0:29:34.720
<v Speaker 1>to be that until anyway.

0:29:34.480 --> 0:29:36.960
<v Speaker 2>That's a dark twist like that is I'm not surprised

0:29:36.960 --> 0:29:39.040
<v Speaker 2>this is where you're going. Your brain has gone here.

0:29:39.120 --> 0:29:41.560
<v Speaker 1>Oh it's just walk in there and there's seventeen half

0:29:41.560 --> 0:29:43.000
<v Speaker 1>empty cups of various liquids.

0:29:43.000 --> 0:29:44.840
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, what are we waiting for? The alien invasion?

0:29:45.120 --> 0:29:45.680
<v Speaker 3>Just in case?

0:29:45.920 --> 0:29:49.680
<v Speaker 2>You know, the kids have clearly watched that movie over

0:29:49.760 --> 0:29:50.080
<v Speaker 2>and over.

0:29:50.600 --> 0:29:52.400
<v Speaker 1>No, they're like what are you talking about, old woman?

0:29:53.440 --> 0:29:56.920
<v Speaker 1>But no, it's like having fun and just being silly

0:29:57.120 --> 0:30:00.240
<v Speaker 1>is And I find outside of the house sometimes too, like.

0:30:00.200 --> 0:30:01.960
<v Speaker 2>Oh, you gotta get it's easier to.

0:30:02.160 --> 0:30:07.040
<v Speaker 1>Like have fun with them away from the home base.

0:30:07.240 --> 0:30:10.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, cause all I'm so guilty of this. When I'm

0:30:10.320 --> 0:30:12.160
<v Speaker 2>in the house, all I see are things that they

0:30:12.160 --> 0:30:14.800
<v Speaker 2>need to be to be done. Yeah, I'm like, no,

0:30:14.960 --> 0:30:16.560
<v Speaker 2>get me out of here, Like I don't want to

0:30:16.600 --> 0:30:18.440
<v Speaker 2>look at I walk in the door and might be done.

0:30:18.560 --> 0:30:20.440
<v Speaker 3>There's dishes in the seak and this needs to Did

0:30:20.480 --> 0:30:21.800
<v Speaker 3>you get the laundry? Did you do the thing?

0:30:21.840 --> 0:30:22.040
<v Speaker 1>Did you?

0:30:22.560 --> 0:30:25.240
<v Speaker 2>Uh? Yeah? No, I'm very guilty of the being like

0:30:25.400 --> 0:30:28.400
<v Speaker 2>just and nobody else. Is everyone blind to this? They

0:30:28.400 --> 0:30:29.920
<v Speaker 2>don't see it. Like there's a piece of trash on

0:30:29.960 --> 0:30:32.320
<v Speaker 2>the floor for like two days, and I'm like, does

0:30:32.400 --> 0:30:35.400
<v Speaker 2>nobody see this? Does nobody want to pick this up

0:30:35.440 --> 0:30:35.920
<v Speaker 2>and put.

0:30:35.760 --> 0:30:37.560
<v Speaker 3>It in the trash because they know that you'll do

0:30:37.600 --> 0:30:38.560
<v Speaker 3>it once you forget all this.

0:30:38.800 --> 0:30:41.760
<v Speaker 2>I know it's a vicious cycle, such a vicious cycle,

0:30:41.800 --> 0:30:44.080
<v Speaker 2>but yeah, have fun, have fun outside, have fun.

0:30:44.120 --> 0:30:45.760
<v Speaker 1>Do you know what next time plays soccer with that

0:30:45.800 --> 0:30:47.640
<v Speaker 1>piece of paper on the floor and just be like, hey,

0:30:47.960 --> 0:30:49.320
<v Speaker 1>then start kicking it around the house.

0:30:49.800 --> 0:30:51.600
<v Speaker 2>See how it goes. It's a game who can get

0:30:51.600 --> 0:30:53.040
<v Speaker 2>it in the trash first.

0:30:53.600 --> 0:30:55.600
<v Speaker 3>Right, and they're just be like, mom, what's wrong with you?

0:30:55.720 --> 0:30:56.840
<v Speaker 2>That works when we were two?

0:30:57.120 --> 0:31:03.360
<v Speaker 1>But right, yeah, exactly, yeah, clean up cleaning, shut up women.

0:31:05.400 --> 0:31:06.000
<v Speaker 3>Number nine.

0:31:06.320 --> 0:31:09.240
<v Speaker 1>Okay, I will say I struggle with this, well, not

0:31:09.280 --> 0:31:11.800
<v Speaker 1>really sometimes, but here.

0:31:11.680 --> 0:31:14.520
<v Speaker 3>It is it's okay to get.

0:31:14.360 --> 0:31:19.920
<v Speaker 2>Tough sometimes sometimes. Whoever wrote this does not have teenagers

0:31:19.960 --> 0:31:23.000
<v Speaker 2>like you have to be tough all the time. You

0:31:23.040 --> 0:31:24.560
<v Speaker 2>have to be consistently tough.

0:31:24.840 --> 0:31:28.280
<v Speaker 3>I that's when I'm live. That's what happened.

0:31:28.320 --> 0:31:29.200
<v Speaker 2>I just it's hard.

0:31:29.280 --> 0:31:30.000
<v Speaker 3>They'll wear me down.

0:31:30.120 --> 0:31:32.920
<v Speaker 2>They know how to wear you down. It's it's so true.

0:31:32.920 --> 0:31:33.720
<v Speaker 2>And sometimes you.

0:31:33.760 --> 0:31:36.640
<v Speaker 3>Just like they wear you down, and they they they

0:31:36.680 --> 0:31:37.720
<v Speaker 3>pick a time at the end.

0:31:37.640 --> 0:31:39.760
<v Speaker 2>Of the day, usually to where you do because at

0:31:39.800 --> 0:31:41.040
<v Speaker 2>ten o'clock you're trying to go to bed.

0:31:41.120 --> 0:31:45.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, and they're just starting the evening and you're like, oh, yeah, fine, fine,

0:31:45.520 --> 0:31:48.880
<v Speaker 1>go way. But having to get tough, Oh, it's the

0:31:49.040 --> 0:31:53.400
<v Speaker 1>hardest thing. What are did they give examples for this one?

0:31:53.640 --> 0:31:55.160
<v Speaker 2>They did not give any examples. I do.

0:31:55.400 --> 0:31:58.400
<v Speaker 1>I feel like there were well, I feel like we

0:31:58.440 --> 0:32:00.760
<v Speaker 1>had that whole episode about Joey getting tough with the

0:32:00.840 --> 0:32:01.360
<v Speaker 1>karate too.

0:32:01.560 --> 0:32:04.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's that's the whole that was named Joey gets tough.

0:32:04.600 --> 0:32:06.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Joey gets tough. And that was one where we

0:32:06.840 --> 0:32:07.480
<v Speaker 1>went a little that.

0:32:07.480 --> 0:32:10.960
<v Speaker 2>Was too tough, right because she had to miss an

0:32:11.000 --> 0:32:14.280
<v Speaker 2>extracurricular commitment and you're like, you're letting the whole, the

0:32:14.280 --> 0:32:17.000
<v Speaker 2>whole dojo down. Yeah, that's right, but but it is.

0:32:18.360 --> 0:32:21.760
<v Speaker 1>It's the worst when you're like, if you don't do this,

0:32:21.920 --> 0:32:24.200
<v Speaker 1>you're not going to get to do this. Yeah, and

0:32:24.240 --> 0:32:27.440
<v Speaker 1>then when they don't do the thing, it's really hard

0:32:27.440 --> 0:32:29.000
<v Speaker 1>to be like, well, now we're not getting to do this.

0:32:29.880 --> 0:32:32.320
<v Speaker 2>But it's the only currency. It's the only currency you have,

0:32:33.080 --> 0:32:35.040
<v Speaker 2>Like you have. This is how this is how I parent.

0:32:35.120 --> 0:32:37.200
<v Speaker 2>I say, if you don't do this, you can't. Now

0:32:37.240 --> 0:32:40.440
<v Speaker 2>it's now that Felicity's driving. It's the car that's the right. Well,

0:32:40.440 --> 0:32:42.760
<v Speaker 2>that's the best part of our driving. You can't use

0:32:42.800 --> 0:32:44.680
<v Speaker 2>the car if you don't do the things you were

0:32:44.680 --> 0:32:47.080
<v Speaker 2>supposed to do. So that's easy. I just take the key.

0:32:47.120 --> 0:32:49.840
<v Speaker 2>That's like, it's fantastic. This is once they start driving,

0:32:49.880 --> 0:32:51.080
<v Speaker 2>your life becomes much true.

0:32:52.040 --> 0:32:55.040
<v Speaker 1>Once you have something that's like a valuable you know,

0:32:56.000 --> 0:32:59.760
<v Speaker 1>going out with friends or whatever, the phone there, whatever

0:32:59.760 --> 0:33:03.160
<v Speaker 1>they're currency is, it's sometimes you've got to get tough

0:33:03.200 --> 0:33:05.800
<v Speaker 1>and you' it's and I it's hard.

0:33:06.160 --> 0:33:07.920
<v Speaker 2>And it's hard. I'm going to go back to the

0:33:08.000 --> 0:33:11.280
<v Speaker 2>whole divorce thing too. It's hard as a single parent.

0:33:11.360 --> 0:33:14.920
<v Speaker 2>Well not like you're recoupled. I'm recoupled. So yeah, we

0:33:14.960 --> 0:33:17.000
<v Speaker 2>have partner, We have partners who are helping us parents,

0:33:17.000 --> 0:33:19.080
<v Speaker 2>but it's still not the same because like you're the

0:33:19.120 --> 0:33:22.560
<v Speaker 2>primary parent in the house and they know it, and

0:33:22.600 --> 0:33:25.479
<v Speaker 2>so they are going to wear you down knowing that

0:33:25.520 --> 0:33:28.640
<v Speaker 2>you can't just like throw the football to the the dead,

0:33:28.840 --> 0:33:30.600
<v Speaker 2>you know, it's like, no, it's all on you. So

0:33:30.680 --> 0:33:33.760
<v Speaker 2>it's it's even harder in a split home situation like

0:33:33.800 --> 0:33:36.560
<v Speaker 2>that because they know if they just keep pecking, you

0:33:36.560 --> 0:33:38.320
<v Speaker 2>feel like you're pecked to death by hens.

0:33:38.800 --> 0:33:41.360
<v Speaker 1>But my mom used to say that being that being

0:33:41.360 --> 0:33:43.800
<v Speaker 1>a parent is like being pecked to death by ducks

0:33:44.880 --> 0:33:47.239
<v Speaker 1>because ducks have a round bill, so it doesn't it's

0:33:47.320 --> 0:33:49.400
<v Speaker 1>not like a hen where it really hurts and kills you.

0:33:49.480 --> 0:33:51.280
<v Speaker 2>It's just this dull pecking.

0:33:52.680 --> 0:33:57.080
<v Speaker 1>Just think, Yeah, a.

0:33:57.120 --> 0:33:59.280
<v Speaker 2>Duck pecking you to death and five hours later you

0:33:59.360 --> 0:34:00.720
<v Speaker 2>have a bruise that will never go away.

0:34:00.800 --> 0:34:02.440
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, exactly right, And that's right.

0:34:02.480 --> 0:34:04.080
<v Speaker 1>And I was, and I didn't get it when I

0:34:04.120 --> 0:34:06.360
<v Speaker 1>was again, and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, because it's

0:34:06.360 --> 0:34:08.239
<v Speaker 1>not you know, it's not like ow.

0:34:08.520 --> 0:34:12.800
<v Speaker 2>It's just like a dull adult annoys dull pecking of

0:34:12.800 --> 0:34:16.480
<v Speaker 2>a doctor. Janice Sweeten speaks the truth, man, Chance sweet

0:34:16.520 --> 0:34:17.719
<v Speaker 2>And was right about everything.

0:34:18.080 --> 0:34:22.360
<v Speaker 1>Man, you know she really was. Uh, she'll hear that

0:34:22.400 --> 0:34:24.600
<v Speaker 1>when she gets to this episode because she's just started listening.

0:34:24.680 --> 0:34:25.560
<v Speaker 3>But but yeah, you were.

0:34:25.600 --> 0:34:28.920
<v Speaker 1>You were right about a lot of right about everything. Well,

0:34:29.000 --> 0:34:31.359
<v Speaker 1>it's a lot of things. I love you a lot

0:34:31.360 --> 0:34:31.720
<v Speaker 1>of things.

0:34:31.880 --> 0:34:32.880
<v Speaker 3>No, I'm just kidding.

0:34:32.880 --> 0:34:34.839
<v Speaker 1>You were right about mouth things. But it is it's

0:34:34.840 --> 0:34:37.000
<v Speaker 1>hard to get tough and hold those boundaries.

0:34:36.680 --> 0:34:39.759
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, being being because it's sometimes it's easier just to

0:34:39.800 --> 0:34:44.360
<v Speaker 2>give in. It's so much easier and less confrontational just

0:34:44.440 --> 0:34:46.279
<v Speaker 2>to give in. But once to give in, once they're

0:34:46.320 --> 0:34:48.239
<v Speaker 2>going to expect it the next time, and then it's

0:34:48.280 --> 0:34:49.560
<v Speaker 2>even harder to get back to.

0:34:49.760 --> 0:34:52.239
<v Speaker 1>I will zero say the thing I struggle with though,

0:34:52.320 --> 0:34:54.840
<v Speaker 1>And sort of it's kind of like the Joey episode

0:34:54.840 --> 0:34:55.440
<v Speaker 1>where it's.

0:34:55.280 --> 0:34:57.600
<v Speaker 3>Like you.

0:34:56.719 --> 0:34:58.680
<v Speaker 1>Go, you get real tough, and you're like, all right,

0:34:58.719 --> 0:34:59.879
<v Speaker 1>that's and I'm holding the line.

0:35:00.040 --> 0:35:00.799
<v Speaker 3>I'm holding a line.

0:35:00.840 --> 0:35:02.799
<v Speaker 1>But then sometimes you have this moment where you go, wait,

0:35:04.239 --> 0:35:06.240
<v Speaker 1>why I'm being ridiculous?

0:35:06.239 --> 0:35:07.960
<v Speaker 2>Why am I doing? Why am I Why am I

0:35:08.000 --> 0:35:08.239
<v Speaker 2>doing it?

0:35:08.280 --> 0:35:09.279
<v Speaker 3>And that's the thing I like.

0:35:09.320 --> 0:35:12.960
<v Speaker 1>I often find that I will be like no, I remember,

0:35:13.120 --> 0:35:15.640
<v Speaker 1>and then I'm like, wait, yeah, what I just My

0:35:15.680 --> 0:35:17.480
<v Speaker 1>first response was I don't want to. It was more

0:35:17.520 --> 0:35:18.759
<v Speaker 1>that I don't I don't want to deal. I just

0:35:18.800 --> 0:35:19.880
<v Speaker 1>don't want to do I don't want to make a

0:35:19.920 --> 0:35:21.120
<v Speaker 1>decision right now. I don't want to deal with it.

0:35:21.160 --> 0:35:21.640
<v Speaker 3>I don't want no.

0:35:22.080 --> 0:35:23.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know.

0:35:23.120 --> 0:35:26.719
<v Speaker 1>And then I'm like, but wait, that really it's not

0:35:26.840 --> 0:35:31.000
<v Speaker 1>that there's anything particularly that you know is preventing them

0:35:31.000 --> 0:35:32.520
<v Speaker 1>from doing it. It's just I'm like, I don't want to,

0:35:32.520 --> 0:35:33.640
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to drive, I don't deal.

0:35:33.640 --> 0:35:36.680
<v Speaker 3>I don't want to. And that that's hard.

0:35:36.480 --> 0:35:38.080
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes because then I feel like I go back and

0:35:38.120 --> 0:35:40.600
<v Speaker 1>I go, Okay, you know what, here's I was being unreasonable.

0:35:41.400 --> 0:35:43.640
<v Speaker 2>Yes, When your kids get older and they're able to like,

0:35:44.160 --> 0:35:47.080
<v Speaker 2>they're able to like they're like little lawyers like not

0:35:47.120 --> 0:35:49.400
<v Speaker 2>just negotiate, but they're really they can point out when

0:35:49.440 --> 0:35:51.520
<v Speaker 2>you're wrong and they're right about it too.

0:35:51.560 --> 0:35:55.600
<v Speaker 1>It's like, yeah, no, it sucks and they find the loopholes. Yeah,

0:35:56.120 --> 0:35:59.040
<v Speaker 1>it's hard having smart kids. You know, it's really hard

0:35:59.080 --> 0:36:00.000
<v Speaker 1>having smarts.

0:36:00.080 --> 0:36:04.920
<v Speaker 2>God bless her litigators of the top here. Yes, they

0:36:04.960 --> 0:36:05.560
<v Speaker 2>could ligate.

0:36:06.600 --> 0:36:09.480
<v Speaker 1>And you know, like three years ago when you let

0:36:09.520 --> 0:36:11.040
<v Speaker 1>my brother do blah blah blah blah.

0:36:10.880 --> 0:36:13.879
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, like the history remember from five years ago?

0:36:14.000 --> 0:36:15.359
<v Speaker 3>Yeah right, yeah, so.

0:36:15.280 --> 0:36:19.360
<v Speaker 1>They keep receipts for that stuff, not for any of

0:36:19.360 --> 0:36:20.280
<v Speaker 1>their own behavior.

0:36:20.560 --> 0:36:26.440
<v Speaker 2>Totally totally. Closing this out with number ten. Always be

0:36:26.600 --> 0:36:30.920
<v Speaker 2>emotionally available to help your children with their feelings. And

0:36:31.000 --> 0:36:34.360
<v Speaker 2>the examples they give are the earthquake episode and the

0:36:34.400 --> 0:36:39.840
<v Speaker 2>episode when Papouli dies. Yeah, and letting children feel their feelings. Yeah,

0:36:40.040 --> 0:36:43.640
<v Speaker 2>this is Yeah, this is important. I feel like very important.

0:36:43.719 --> 0:36:46.439
<v Speaker 2>I excel at this. I am I am my kids.

0:36:46.480 --> 0:36:49.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm like they know they the dad's a disciplinarian, but

0:36:49.239 --> 0:36:51.000
<v Speaker 2>I am the I am the therapist that you come

0:36:51.040 --> 0:36:54.160
<v Speaker 2>to me. You can talk about anything, anything, and I

0:36:54.160 --> 0:36:56.880
<v Speaker 2>promise I won't get mad. Yes, but whatever you have

0:36:56.960 --> 0:36:58.560
<v Speaker 2>to say about how you messed up or how you

0:36:58.560 --> 0:37:01.200
<v Speaker 2>straight up or how you feel whatever, like, yeah, got

0:37:01.200 --> 0:37:03.840
<v Speaker 2>to talk about it. That that's super served me. Well,

0:37:03.920 --> 0:37:07.399
<v Speaker 2>now that the kids are older, that they're making big mistakes, now,

0:37:07.440 --> 0:37:10.880
<v Speaker 2>you know, it's it's really important to be open.

0:37:10.920 --> 0:37:12.520
<v Speaker 3>That's super important.

0:37:12.520 --> 0:37:16.239
<v Speaker 1>And I think and it can be really hard because sometimes,

0:37:17.600 --> 0:37:20.399
<v Speaker 1>you know, and I think we also as parents need

0:37:20.440 --> 0:37:23.799
<v Speaker 1>to be able to recognize the times when we're like, ah,

0:37:24.160 --> 0:37:26.680
<v Speaker 1>like I'm here for you right now. But like if

0:37:26.719 --> 0:37:28.640
<v Speaker 1>it's you know, a death in the family or something

0:37:28.719 --> 0:37:30.520
<v Speaker 1>like that, sometimes it can be really hard if you're

0:37:30.560 --> 0:37:33.400
<v Speaker 1>having your own emotions to go through stuff and sometimes

0:37:34.040 --> 0:37:37.200
<v Speaker 1>you know, you telling your kids like I'm also having

0:37:37.200 --> 0:37:39.239
<v Speaker 1>some feelings about this, so like I you know, and

0:37:40.080 --> 0:37:42.080
<v Speaker 1>I know my kids and I when we've like gotten

0:37:42.120 --> 0:37:43.879
<v Speaker 1>in you know, maybe an argument or something like that,

0:37:43.960 --> 0:37:47.160
<v Speaker 1>sometimes taking a moment and going let's both give ourselves

0:37:47.160 --> 0:37:50.359
<v Speaker 1>a couple of minutes and like, let's just we'll come

0:37:50.400 --> 0:37:52.480
<v Speaker 1>back when we when we're both because it is it's

0:37:52.480 --> 0:37:54.239
<v Speaker 1>so hard sometimes as a parent when you're going through

0:37:54.280 --> 0:37:57.520
<v Speaker 1>your own emotional roller coaster. I didn't think about that,

0:37:57.640 --> 0:38:01.120
<v Speaker 1>but you're right, put that aside and be available for

0:38:01.760 --> 0:38:04.520
<v Speaker 1>your kids. Feelings and to hold their space. And I

0:38:04.520 --> 0:38:07.640
<v Speaker 1>think it's just parents. We want to fix it, right,

0:38:07.719 --> 0:38:10.240
<v Speaker 1>Like I want to make my job as a parent

0:38:10.320 --> 0:38:14.319
<v Speaker 1>feels like to make you not cry or not make

0:38:14.360 --> 0:38:16.359
<v Speaker 1>you not cry, but just to stop you from crying,

0:38:16.400 --> 0:38:18.399
<v Speaker 1>to stop you from being upset and from being hurt.

0:38:19.040 --> 0:38:21.640
<v Speaker 1>And as they get older, you realize it's not My

0:38:22.000 --> 0:38:26.440
<v Speaker 1>job isn't to prevent it. It's to allow you to

0:38:26.520 --> 0:38:29.280
<v Speaker 1>figure out how you're going to get through it. Yeah,

0:38:29.520 --> 0:38:31.759
<v Speaker 1>and it sucks because I want to put a band

0:38:31.760 --> 0:38:33.640
<v Speaker 1>aid on it and be like, look, everything's better now,

0:38:34.480 --> 0:38:36.320
<v Speaker 1>But like that's not life.

0:38:36.520 --> 0:38:39.400
<v Speaker 2>It's important to not stuff those feelings away. It's important

0:38:39.440 --> 0:38:42.520
<v Speaker 2>to feel them in order to get through them. If

0:38:42.560 --> 0:38:44.960
<v Speaker 2>you feel like crying, cry because guess what, you feel

0:38:44.960 --> 0:38:47.759
<v Speaker 2>better when you're done. But yeah, I didn't think about that.

0:38:47.800 --> 0:38:51.160
<v Speaker 2>I I'm reminded of when my mom was in hospice

0:38:51.920 --> 0:38:53.600
<v Speaker 2>that last week of her life and the kids were

0:38:53.680 --> 0:38:55.360
<v Speaker 2>so like they couldn't come see her because it was

0:38:55.400 --> 0:38:57.400
<v Speaker 2>right in the middle of COVID and they were so anxious,

0:38:57.520 --> 0:38:59.719
<v Speaker 2>like what's going on? Where? Like what is she is?

0:38:59.719 --> 0:39:00.239
<v Speaker 2>She is?

0:39:00.320 --> 0:39:00.560
<v Speaker 3>She does?

0:39:00.600 --> 0:39:02.840
<v Speaker 2>And I'm like and I'm me right, I got to

0:39:02.880 --> 0:39:06.319
<v Speaker 2>put myself first because I'm watching my montor right, and

0:39:06.360 --> 0:39:08.920
<v Speaker 2>so I was That's when I had to rely on

0:39:08.920 --> 0:39:11.719
<v Speaker 2>my village, you know, or just like take And I

0:39:11.760 --> 0:39:13.320
<v Speaker 2>told their dad, I'm like, you got to take the

0:39:13.400 --> 0:39:16.680
<v Speaker 2>kids and just distract them or whatever comfort them anyway,

0:39:16.719 --> 0:39:18.719
<v Speaker 2>can't because I got to take care of me and

0:39:18.760 --> 0:39:21.560
<v Speaker 2>then try to take care That was the hardest thing, was, yeah,

0:39:21.600 --> 0:39:24.520
<v Speaker 2>trying to manage my own emotions and not in the

0:39:24.560 --> 0:39:26.240
<v Speaker 2>kid's emotions too. Yeah.

0:39:26.440 --> 0:39:28.520
<v Speaker 1>And I feel like this really probably something that Danny

0:39:28.560 --> 0:39:29.919
<v Speaker 1>had to deal with with the loss of Pam.

0:39:30.120 --> 0:39:32.279
<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, Yeah, it really is.

0:39:32.480 --> 0:39:35.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, but that but being you know, and and

0:39:35.680 --> 0:39:38.720
<v Speaker 1>we do see that in a couple of the episodes

0:39:38.719 --> 0:39:40.960
<v Speaker 1>when the girls start talking about well, we saw it

0:39:40.960 --> 0:39:42.759
<v Speaker 1>in the I think the last episode that we did

0:39:42.800 --> 0:39:45.000
<v Speaker 1>with the one of the last episodes.

0:39:44.680 --> 0:39:47.160
<v Speaker 3>With the recap where they're all watching the family movies.

0:39:47.280 --> 0:39:51.800
<v Speaker 1>Oh gosh, yes, yeah, and that was a really great

0:39:51.840 --> 0:39:57.080
<v Speaker 1>example of I think the guys sort of realizing and

0:39:57.320 --> 0:39:59.200
<v Speaker 1>again they even say it like, oh wow, we didn't

0:39:59.239 --> 0:39:59.520
<v Speaker 1>want to.

0:39:59.480 --> 0:40:02.160
<v Speaker 3>Talk about it because we thought it would upset you.

0:40:03.360 --> 0:40:05.640
<v Speaker 1>But we see sort of the beauty of them all

0:40:05.640 --> 0:40:09.480
<v Speaker 1>being emotionally available to talk about all the good things

0:40:09.520 --> 0:40:12.160
<v Speaker 1>and all the memories and all that stuff and like that.

0:40:12.160 --> 0:40:14.680
<v Speaker 1>That was a really, I think beautiful example of this

0:40:14.920 --> 0:40:19.160
<v Speaker 1>lesson on the show about being emotionally available to do

0:40:19.239 --> 0:40:21.200
<v Speaker 1>your kids, to help them walk through stuff and to

0:40:21.480 --> 0:40:24.279
<v Speaker 1>recognize like, oh, wow, you know I thought I was

0:40:24.640 --> 0:40:27.200
<v Speaker 1>I was trying to help doing this, but maybe I wasn't.

0:40:27.280 --> 0:40:30.680
<v Speaker 3>And Okay, well let's let's talk about it now. You know,

0:40:31.040 --> 0:40:32.320
<v Speaker 3>it's never never.

0:40:32.480 --> 0:40:35.799
<v Speaker 1>Too late to go back and be like, okay, let's

0:40:35.800 --> 0:40:38.080
<v Speaker 1>try it, let's do this a different way.

0:40:38.200 --> 0:40:40.480
<v Speaker 2>That's I just got goosebumps. You're right. That was a

0:40:40.480 --> 0:40:43.319
<v Speaker 2>beautiful It was not only the guys saying hey, we

0:40:43.320 --> 0:40:47.279
<v Speaker 2>were wrong and we're going to course correct, but then yeah,

0:40:47.440 --> 0:40:50.760
<v Speaker 2>watching the movies with them and just meeting the girls

0:40:50.800 --> 0:40:53.600
<v Speaker 2>where they were where they were at that It was.

0:40:53.760 --> 0:40:55.680
<v Speaker 2>That was a great That was a great episode, man,

0:40:56.400 --> 0:40:59.920
<v Speaker 2>it really was. It really was example of this you're.

0:40:59.800 --> 0:41:03.960
<v Speaker 1>Right, and yeah, I think that was definitely like a

0:41:04.840 --> 0:41:08.799
<v Speaker 1>really great family moment for for everybody to kind of

0:41:08.840 --> 0:41:12.719
<v Speaker 1>come together and you know, remind each other that they're

0:41:12.719 --> 0:41:13.760
<v Speaker 1>there for each other, yeah.

0:41:13.640 --> 0:41:16.600
<v Speaker 2>And work work through it together. Nobody Sometimes you don't

0:41:16.600 --> 0:41:18.759
<v Speaker 2>have all the answers, but you can. You can hold

0:41:18.800 --> 0:41:20.040
<v Speaker 2>your hand and walk them through it.

0:41:20.800 --> 0:41:24.080
<v Speaker 1>And I think as a parent, sometimes it's really important

0:41:24.120 --> 0:41:28.480
<v Speaker 1>for your kids to hear you say, you know, I

0:41:28.560 --> 0:41:30.319
<v Speaker 1>might have been wrong about that, or I was wrong

0:41:30.440 --> 0:41:32.239
<v Speaker 1>or I didn't think about it that way, or that's

0:41:32.280 --> 0:41:37.840
<v Speaker 1>a good point because kids need that validation too, that

0:41:38.000 --> 0:41:42.680
<v Speaker 1>sometimes adults make mistakes and that's okay, and there's and

0:41:42.680 --> 0:41:43.200
<v Speaker 1>that's okay.

0:41:44.200 --> 0:41:47.319
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, no, such important lessons. This is a this is

0:41:47.360 --> 0:41:49.600
<v Speaker 2>a really good one, and it's hard. I think it's

0:41:49.600 --> 0:41:53.160
<v Speaker 2>hard for people. Maybe us as mothers, women were more

0:41:53.200 --> 0:41:55.719
<v Speaker 2>emotionally available, but it was so Yeah, it was so

0:41:55.800 --> 0:41:59.480
<v Speaker 2>powerful to see that with the three men Yeah goodbye

0:41:59.520 --> 0:42:02.399
<v Speaker 2>mister Bhaer episode. That was because it's.

0:42:02.280 --> 0:42:05.440
<v Speaker 1>Hard sometimes I like, I am not always a super

0:42:05.480 --> 0:42:09.600
<v Speaker 1>emotional person and so sometimes it does like I have

0:42:09.640 --> 0:42:13.440
<v Speaker 1>to be like, okay that I am uncomfortable, like you know,

0:42:13.640 --> 0:42:16.520
<v Speaker 1>with like someone's really crying or really like and my

0:42:16.520 --> 0:42:18.080
<v Speaker 1>first instance like how do we make this better and

0:42:18.080 --> 0:42:20.480
<v Speaker 1>make it up? But I'm like, no, this is you know,

0:42:20.600 --> 0:42:23.640
<v Speaker 1>sometimes we have to just be present and be.

0:42:23.680 --> 0:42:24.200
<v Speaker 3>There with it.

0:42:24.239 --> 0:42:26.799
<v Speaker 2>So such a good lesson.

0:42:27.480 --> 0:42:29.480
<v Speaker 3>I'm sending you a big hug right now, Ab.

0:42:29.520 --> 0:42:32.719
<v Speaker 2>I'm sending because a big hug because my feelings.

0:42:32.239 --> 0:42:34.480
<v Speaker 3>Now, you know, like number six, there's nothing that a

0:42:34.520 --> 0:42:35.160
<v Speaker 3>hug can't help.

0:42:36.760 --> 0:42:39.840
<v Speaker 2>I will accept your virtual hug over the airways.

0:42:39.840 --> 0:42:41.560
<v Speaker 1>I wish there was a way to send it over,

0:42:41.680 --> 0:42:43.560
<v Speaker 1>but I feel like if I start doing too much, I'm.

0:42:43.440 --> 0:42:45.480
<v Speaker 2>Going to release balloons. They send you a balloon.

0:42:46.040 --> 0:42:48.560
<v Speaker 3>Balloons. Okay, I'll take it. You gave me balloons. That's it.

0:42:49.239 --> 0:42:49.960
<v Speaker 2>There's a hug.

0:42:50.440 --> 0:42:51.040
<v Speaker 3>Thank you.

0:42:51.200 --> 0:42:55.480
<v Speaker 2>Zoom needs to create a hug. What you know something

0:42:55.560 --> 0:42:58.120
<v Speaker 2>to do where you feel a hug through the airwaves.

0:43:00.640 --> 0:43:03.480
<v Speaker 1>Well, everybody, thank you so much for joining us for

0:43:03.560 --> 0:43:06.759
<v Speaker 1>this episode, our little minisode of Howard Sanrito's.

0:43:06.800 --> 0:43:07.479
<v Speaker 3>It was super fun.

0:43:07.760 --> 0:43:10.120
<v Speaker 1>Make sure you follow us and dm us on Instagram

0:43:10.160 --> 0:43:13.640
<v Speaker 1>at Howard podcast or send us some emails at Howard

0:43:13.680 --> 0:43:17.680
<v Speaker 1>podcast at gmail dot com. And yeah, we'd love to

0:43:17.680 --> 0:43:20.120
<v Speaker 1>hear some of your parenting tips. What are some of

0:43:20.120 --> 0:43:22.919
<v Speaker 1>the parenting things that you've learned from the show, things

0:43:22.960 --> 0:43:26.000
<v Speaker 1>that you've applied you know, the show really it helped

0:43:26.080 --> 0:43:30.160
<v Speaker 1>raise a generation of kids and probably some adults too.

0:43:31.520 --> 0:43:33.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, I would love to hear those stories from fans.

0:43:33.880 --> 0:43:36.239
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, well, thank you everybody for joining us.

0:43:36.520 --> 0:43:38.600
<v Speaker 1>Make sure you're liking it, subscribing to the podcast wherever

0:43:38.640 --> 0:43:40.319
<v Speaker 1>you're listening so that you can make sure and get

0:43:40.400 --> 0:43:42.319
<v Speaker 1>all the newest episodes as soon as they come out.

0:43:42.760 --> 0:43:46.279
<v Speaker 1>And remember, everybody, the world is small, the house is full,

0:43:47.440 --> 0:43:57.280
<v Speaker 1>and boom,