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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the

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Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through

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Speaker 1: the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and

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Speaker 1: what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back

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Speaker 1: to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. It is

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Speaker 1: so great to have you here, back for another episode.

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Speaker 1: I have been really looking forward to this episode because today,

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Speaker 1: not only do we have our first guest for our

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Speaker 1: Netflix episodes if you are watching over there, but we

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Speaker 1: are talking about something a lot of us have experienced

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Speaker 1: in very small ways, but very few people have experienced

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Speaker 1: on a massive kind of life defining scale, which is

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Speaker 1: growing up on the Internet over the last two decades

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Speaker 1: as social media has become more omnipresent and hosting our

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Speaker 1: entire lives has become more normalized. I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of us are having this weird experience whereby our identity,

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Speaker 1: our mistakes, our awkward years, our best years, our relationships

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Speaker 1: are all documented not just for us, but for other people.

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Speaker 1: On a small scale, that might mean like embarrassing Facebook memories.

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Speaker 1: For others, it means like millions of people getting to

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Speaker 1: see you as you are still trying to figure out

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Speaker 1: your life, expecting you to be the same, expecting you

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Speaker 1: to grow in a certain way. And today's guest is

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Speaker 1: somebody who has lived through all of that and more.

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Speaker 1: She is one of the original YouTube creators, or I

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Speaker 1: would say YouTube it girls of our generation. And she

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Speaker 1: builds a platform where I think at a time when

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Speaker 1: nobody really understood what the Internet could really become. And

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Speaker 1: now as she enters her thirties, she is here to

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Speaker 1: talk to us about that experience and how it has

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Speaker 1: shaped her and her relationship to creating. Now, Arden Rose,

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Speaker 1: welcome to the Psychology of your twenties.

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Speaker 2: Hi, thank you so much for having me.

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited.

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Speaker 2: I'm so excited to be here. I feel like you

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Speaker 2: gave me a really nice setup.

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Speaker 1: Really like I like my intro. I really did, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Because I think it gave a good, h I don't know,

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Speaker 2: like a grounding of how I felt for a really

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Speaker 2: long time, but I never put it into words.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's what we always endeavored to do.

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Speaker 1: We're going to talk about it so much. But you

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Speaker 1: know what we were talking about on the elevator, Rapp,

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Speaker 1: is that you used to have a pub costs.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I did.

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Speaker 1: I did.

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Speaker 4: It was called Crash on My Couch and it was

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Speaker 4: really cute. It was me and my.

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Speaker 2: Husband doing it together before we were married, and we

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Speaker 2: would just talk about like random stuff, like he was

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Speaker 2: really into the idea of getting to eventually go on

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Speaker 2: a treasure hunt, which I think all straight cisman have

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Speaker 2: some kind of fantasy for. And so we used to

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Speaker 2: go on these like deep dives about like hidden treasures

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Speaker 2: that we might be able to find and stuff like that.

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Speaker 2: And then my segments were all about like animals that

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Speaker 2: were extraordinary in the news, very very diverse, very interesting

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Speaker 2: topics that we were tackling important stuff.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, wait, this gives me a business idea. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: any but there is money on the table for people

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Speaker 1: to do themed birthday parties for grown men where they

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Speaker 1: set up try to hunts.

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Speaker 2: For them add percent, it's kind of the same thing

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Speaker 2: as like an escape room and a lot of way yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you think about it that way.

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Speaker 2: They yearn for it, They yearn they yearn to be

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Speaker 2: trapped somewhere and to have to steal a golden niol,

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Speaker 2: the Indiana Jones of it all.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, would you ever do another podcast. I would.

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Speaker 2: I just I think I need a partner like you.

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Speaker 2: I need like a cool Galpalda to chat with podcast.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, really really what it is? You know, what

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Speaker 1: I've realized is that I didn't even let you introduce yourself.

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Speaker 1: So for people who may not know who you are,

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Speaker 1: can you briefly introduce yourself? Tell us about your work,

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Speaker 1: tell us about yourself and yeah, how do you think

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Speaker 1: most people know you? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Okay, Well my name's Arden Rose, so that is my name.

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Speaker 2: My actual name is Arden Rose Ricks, but I've always

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Speaker 2: used my middle name just because, like every basic white girl,

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Speaker 2: I have.

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Speaker 4: The middle name Rose.

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Speaker 2: And also my first name was so weird that I

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Speaker 2: feel like I needed like kind of a normal second

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Speaker 2: name to back it up.

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Speaker 1: Where is your first name from? You know what?

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Speaker 4: It's so funny it my mom came up with it.

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Speaker 2: She used to live in Texas while she was pregnant

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Speaker 2: with me, and she had a neighbor who used to

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Speaker 2: make her baked goods, who was like quite an older lady.

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Speaker 2: And I think her name was Arden or her second

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Speaker 2: name was Arden, or her last name was Arden. And

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Speaker 2: I'm assuming because I've looked it up a few times

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Speaker 2: that it has something to do with French spelling of arden,

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Speaker 2: which is like a R D E N N E s.

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Speaker 2: But my name is ard and like Garden without the

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Speaker 2: G is what I tell every barista that ever has

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Speaker 2: to write my name down.

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Speaker 1: That is a great namonic device. Yeah, because I've never

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Speaker 1: had the name Aarden before.

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Speaker 2: It's a weird one. Man, which it's a weird one.

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Speaker 1: If you had kids and not to like we were

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Speaker 1: literally talking about this before, would you give them a

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Speaker 1: unique name?

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Speaker 4: I totally would.

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Speaker 2: I think about it all the time because I think

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Speaker 2: it's like it's I think it's like really lame that

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Speaker 2: men are allowed to carry their names down and like

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Speaker 2: women don't have like as much of an okay to

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Speaker 2: do it. Because Ardene is such a cool name. Like

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Speaker 2: I remember being a kid who being like I've got

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Speaker 2: a cool name, you know what I mean. I wasn't

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Speaker 2: bullied for my name. Maybe I would hate it if

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Speaker 2: I was bullied for my name, but I like, I

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Speaker 2: really want it to be like my kid's name.

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Speaker 1: Now make the rules, maybe it will. You should totally

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Speaker 1: do it.

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Speaker 4: I'll do a Laura like Gilmore thing.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think that we must. Yeah, it's this post

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Speaker 1: the other day that was like middle names used to

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Speaker 1: be the way that women could pass down their names

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Speaker 1: to not be erased from the history of their children.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, so, I think it's going to

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Speaker 1: be the new trend.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's a good idea. I think Arden's

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Speaker 2: a good middle name too.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, beautiful middle name.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I completely interrupted you as you were talking about your beginning.

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Speaker 4: No, I appreciate it.

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Speaker 2: No, I so appreciate it. Well, I think it's so funny.

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Speaker 2: I think I have like different iterations of people who

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Speaker 2: have watched me, Like, there are some people who have

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Speaker 2: literally watched me since I was like fourteen years old

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Speaker 2: in my childhood bedroom in Little Rock, Arkansas, And to

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Speaker 2: those shouts out, y'all are the real ones out there.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, that's a very different crowd than the people

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Speaker 2: who probably found me in like their college years when

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Speaker 2: I had like just moved to LA and I was

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Speaker 2: like living with all of these girls. We had kind

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Speaker 2: of like a not a content house necessarily.

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Speaker 4: Because that was not a thing at the time, but.

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Speaker 2: It was like four girls who were all YouTubers living

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Speaker 2: together but doing like kind of separate things, and that

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Speaker 2: was an era of time that people might know me,

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Speaker 2: and then like as I grew up, then I started

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Speaker 2: traveling more and met my husband and eventually now have

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Speaker 2: immigrated to the UK.

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Speaker 1: What was it like in that content house, like this

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Speaker 1: YouTube past that you were in, Well, you said it

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Speaker 1: wasn't a content house, but I like.

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Speaker 3: It feels like content house like has a derogatory like

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Speaker 3: because I just think of like the hype house or

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Speaker 3: like Teams Dead, which now feels like the ancient texts,

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Speaker 3: like you know what I mean. Even though that was

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Speaker 3: like what ten years ago, it feels like it was

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Speaker 3: like twenty years ago, But it was.

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Speaker 4: It was really cool.

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Speaker 2: It was like kind of a funny thing because it's

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Speaker 2: playing off the theme of like growing up on the internet.

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Speaker 2: But I experienced a lot of like that what people

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Speaker 2: probably would have had in university or in college, like

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Speaker 2: that same socialization with people who were in the same

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Speaker 2: like peer group as you. But I was having it

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Speaker 2: visibly online with other girls that were also having it

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Speaker 2: visibly online while we were all maintaining friendships together. So

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Speaker 2: I think that was complicated because when you're eighteen and nineteen,

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Speaker 2: like that's a cop that's complicated relationships anyways, goodness and

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Speaker 2: so but I really enjoyed it. It was like yeah,

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Speaker 2: and then also, this is so random, but like the

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Speaker 2: whole reason that my husband and I got together was

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Speaker 2: because Rebecca Black of Friday right yeah, came over to

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Speaker 2: our house and like we had had a night out

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Speaker 2: the night before and she stayed over and the next

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Speaker 2: morning we were all having breakfast together and I was like,

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Speaker 2: who's this random British guy that keeps sliding into my dms?

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Speaker 4: Like who is this little?

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Speaker 2: Did I know that I had already met him and

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Speaker 2: I'd completely forgotten that I had met him, But she

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Speaker 2: like vouched for him and was like, oh no, he's

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Speaker 2: really cool and you two would totally hit it off,

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Speaker 2: like you guys should go on a date together. So

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Speaker 2: like way, yeah, so it's kind of butterfly effect. Like

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Speaker 2: if I hadn't, you know, lived with those girls, I

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Speaker 2: probably would have never I wouldn't be sat here probably,

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Speaker 2: I know.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Take me back to like your first YouTube video and before,

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Speaker 1: because I have a lot of questions about this era

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Speaker 1: of your life. But when did you post like your

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Speaker 1: first video online? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: You know what, It's so funny, It's like it's really

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Speaker 2: funny to think about how the history of YouTubers, like

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Speaker 2: the history of the Internet. Like I was kind of

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Speaker 2: not there for the creation of it, but I was

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Speaker 2: there watching people go from doing like makeup tutorials online

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Speaker 2: to being like personalities online and like how that transformed

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Speaker 2: and like why that shifted and changed. And I think

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Speaker 2: in my case, it happened really organically because I was

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Speaker 2: admiring all these like beauty gurus, you know, like the

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Speaker 2: the og beauty gurus of the time, like Juicy Star

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Speaker 2: O seven and all the you know, Blair Fowler and

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Speaker 2: el Fowler and like, you know, all these people and

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Speaker 2: Gigi gorgeous, Like.

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Speaker 1: I used to watch her religiously.

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Speaker 4: Girl, like so many different people. Bub's Beauty. I don't

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Speaker 4: know if you remember her.

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Speaker 2: She's like an I think she was Irish, but she

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Speaker 2: was like an amazing Michelle Hall.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, yeah I do. She had read is

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Speaker 1: this what I'm thinking of? Bugs? Beauty?

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Speaker 2: Bugs beauty I think is different than Bub's beauty, Okay, but.

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Speaker 4: I know it's just so fun. Everyone had such cute

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Speaker 4: user names.

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Speaker 2: I wish we stuck to use her names, but you know,

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Speaker 2: it was kind of the era still of like the

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Speaker 2: Stranger Danger era, which is so funny because now everyone

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Speaker 2: posts everything always, but I was just watching these people

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Speaker 2: and really loving it. And then I had a friend

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Speaker 2: named Kennedy who went to my school when I was

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Speaker 2: younger and then moved to Texas for I think for

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Speaker 2: her dad's job. And when she moved, we would watch

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Speaker 2: YouTube videos together, like in middle school, and so I

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Speaker 2: started sending her like we would make kind of like

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Speaker 2: fake beauty guru videos like to each other, like getting

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Speaker 2: ready in the morning and right, and.

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Speaker 4: So we would send it back and forth.

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Speaker 2: But then it became a bit of this thing where

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Speaker 2: like we both started getting followers from like people watching

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Speaker 2: us get ready for each other, and so it became

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Speaker 2: this thing where like that's kind of where it started.

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Speaker 2: And I lost all those videos, which I'm really sad about,

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Speaker 2: Like I think I privated all of them when I

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Speaker 2: was probably like eighteen, because I just thought I'm so

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Speaker 2: young in these videos. Even at eighteen, I was like,

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Speaker 2: I'm too young to be like have these videos on

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Speaker 2: the internet. Which is also really funny because even at

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Speaker 2: that time, when I was posting as like a fourteen

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Speaker 2: year old girl, I and I mean this sincerely never

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Speaker 2: had a creepy comment.

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Speaker 4: Not really, I was complete. I don't know what. I

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Speaker 4: don't know what was looking out for me really, but

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Speaker 4: I was completely sheltered from like pervs.

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Speaker 1: Will your parents worried about that? Would they? Did? They

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Speaker 1: ask you?

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Speaker 4: Well, they didn't exactly know about it initially.

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Speaker 2: That I the only reason I told my parents about

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Speaker 2: it when I was I think I was sixteen years

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Speaker 2: old when I finally told them. So, It'd been like

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Speaker 2: two years of very intermit and posting, like I would

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Speaker 2: post like a video and I would post like four

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Speaker 2: videos a week, and then I wouldn't post for like

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Speaker 2: two months.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, like just team stuff.

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Speaker 2: And then I Google ad Sense became a thing and

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Speaker 2: you needed to have a bank account and you need

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Speaker 2: to have your parents' permission if you were going to

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Speaker 2: sign up with you I was sixteen years old, and

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Speaker 2: I was like, I think I can make money doing this.

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Speaker 2: Like that was the first like wow inkling that anything.

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Speaker 2: And I think I probably had like twenty thousand followers

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Speaker 2: on YouTube wow at the time. Granted, also, the other

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Speaker 2: thing about YouTube at that time was that it was

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Speaker 2: such a small ecosystem that there weren't that many people

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Speaker 2: to watch that were making content like that, so like

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Speaker 2: it's so ubiquitous now anyone everyone has access to it,

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Speaker 2: and everyone feels.

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Speaker 1: Everybody's thought about it. Yeah, totally have to admit, like

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Speaker 1: everybody has thought about Yeah what I what if I

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Speaker 1: made YouTube videos? What if I posted tiktoks?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely so it was but it was like at the

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Speaker 2: time for me, it was like a thing like you

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Speaker 2: can make money doing that, you know what I mean? Like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 2: well that's interesting. So I remember I told them when

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Speaker 2: I was sixteen, and they were.

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Speaker 1: Like, well, you being safe?

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Speaker 4: Like not knowing what.

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Speaker 2: Question to really ask me for that, but like, are

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Speaker 2: you like an amorphous? Are you being safe? And I'm

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Speaker 2: like yes, I think, like I'm sixteen, like I don't know,

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Speaker 2: but I was. Also I'm one of four kids, so

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Speaker 2: I think they were just like happy that I wasn't,

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Speaker 2: you know, joining some kind of cults?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, doing something else nefarious.

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Speaker 1: It's so interesting that you're like, I never got a

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Speaker 1: creepy comment. But your first video you posted when you

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Speaker 1: were fourteen? Yeah, and what was that video? Was to

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Speaker 1: get Ready with Me?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? I think it was a get Ready with Me?

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Speaker 2: It also could have been like a review of something.

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Speaker 2: You know what it might have been. It might have been.

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Speaker 4: So like silly, like so lame now to think about.

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Speaker 2: But I think at the time, you know, Mac Cosmetics

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Speaker 2: was like huge, and I remember there was a significance

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Speaker 2: right and there was this brush called the back two

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Speaker 2: one seven brush that was like the blending brush everyone

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Speaker 2: was like obsessed with.

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Speaker 4: I can see it in my mind's like to this day.

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Speaker 1: Color was it black?

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Speaker 4: It was well all the.

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Speaker 2: Black like black handles, and then it had white, like

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Speaker 2: really soft bristles.

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Speaker 4: I remember this. I want this brush now, but maybe

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Speaker 4: they've changed it.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, but I remember I went to Mac

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Speaker 2: and I bought that, and I bought I think a

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Speaker 2: single eyeeshadow, and I came home and I did a

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Speaker 2: whole with my two items.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness and my heart.

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Speaker 2: I probably thought I was being so cool because Michelle

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Speaker 2: Fon used that brush.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, I got, well, this is what

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Speaker 1: I was going to ask you about. It was like,

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Speaker 1: what is it what was it like back then, which

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Speaker 1: you've kind of already answered, And what is it like

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Speaker 1: to watch those videos back now? Knowing what the internet

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Speaker 1: is these days, because back then it was such low

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Speaker 1: production value and it was really organic and now it's

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Speaker 1: this it's mega, Like yeah, literally people now realize like

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Speaker 1: being online can make you a millionaire, could make you

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Speaker 1: a billionaire in some situations. Maybe we're not at that

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Speaker 1: level yet, but pretty close. Like what was it before

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Speaker 1: that kind of what was it like before that took over?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting because it's like you're so right, people

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Speaker 2: just didn't really have like the means to figure out

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Speaker 2: that it was such a thing until it was, and

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Speaker 2: then everyone who could possibly exploit it kind of like

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Speaker 2: figured out how to work algorithms and stuff. I think

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Speaker 2: that was like a really interesting phase of YouTube.

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Speaker 4: But I think.

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Speaker 2: Before that point there was this real kind of like

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Speaker 2: OOI guy center core of people on YouTube that were

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Speaker 2: like kind of not anti social people because I think

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Speaker 2: that has like a negative connotation, but people that maybe

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Speaker 2: felt more comfortable being creative in their bedrooms on the internet,

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Speaker 2: which is like a very different thing than wanting to

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Speaker 2: make money on the internet, right, Like that's like those

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Speaker 2: are two different types of people. Oh yeah, and sometimes

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Speaker 2: even diagram exists. But for me, it was like I

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Speaker 2: didn't feel like I had a lot of friends at school,

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Speaker 2: my friend Kennedy had just moved. You know, I was

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Speaker 2: like joining cheer and I was like very awkward, and

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Speaker 2: I was just like I had a really bad haircut

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Speaker 2: at the time. And I think all of that to

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Speaker 2: be said, I think like I was looking to express

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Speaker 2: myself to someone or something like just like gab out loud.

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Speaker 2: I was kind of screaming into the void. Yeah, but

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Speaker 2: by just like showing mac eye shadows, you know, like

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Speaker 2: accept me.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Love me, except me, help me figure out how to

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Speaker 2: be like a young woman. So yeah, that was sort

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Speaker 2: of like the genesis of it. And then also like

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Speaker 2: I there were limitations as far as like set up,

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Speaker 2: like I had to wait for my dad to come

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Speaker 2: home because his crappy laptop had had a webcaminet.

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Speaker 1: You filmed on the oh yeah book.

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Speaker 4: It wasn't even a MacBook. It was like an HP.

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Speaker 4: It was so buggy, it was so bad.

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Speaker 2: I remember like there were months where I couldn't record

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Speaker 2: anything because he would get so many viruses on his laptop.

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Speaker 4: He would have to like go get it wiped.

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Speaker 5: Like I remember when that was a bag yes McAfee babe,

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Speaker 5: oh yeah, big time. So yeah, there was like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: just moments where like stuff like that would happen and

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Speaker 5: it was just kind of like an organic break. And

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Speaker 5: then but I remember there were times like that where

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Speaker 5: I would go on my comments section and you know,

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Speaker 5: there'd be like or five or six comments on a

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Speaker 5: video and one of them would be like, where's she

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Speaker 5: been all this time?

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Speaker 2: It's like, it's so funny to think that that was

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Speaker 2: the reason I wasn't there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you were, like I feel seene like people.

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Speaker 4: Miss me, miss all three of you watching coming back?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry, guys, I've been on the little break. I

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Speaker 1: just want to be completely transparent about what I'm doing

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Speaker 1: on Yes, let's address it.

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Speaker 2: Lots of stuff happening in my personal life, lots of

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Speaker 2: viruses on my dad's leftop.

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Speaker 1: What was the first video of yours that went like viral?

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Speaker 1: It was and was like virality even a thing back then?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it definitely was.

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Speaker 2: I think virality had had a different connotation, like I'll

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Speaker 2: use your Becca as an example, like Friday had a

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Speaker 2: very different virality than what viral is today. Like viral

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Speaker 2: today is something popular for a week, like viral back

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Speaker 2: then was popular for years, like talked about for years,

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Speaker 2: Like where have they been kind of vibes, you know,

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Speaker 2: like when you think about the Chocolate rain Guy, Tayson

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Speaker 2: Day or Beca for Friday or like all these people,

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Speaker 2: like they still have these like statements next to them,

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Speaker 2: like you know, Capital Chocolate Rain Guy, because they were like,

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Speaker 2: you know, integral parts of the Internet, whereas now it's

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Speaker 2: like nothing can really.

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Speaker 1: And nobody can trace it back to who's startled it.

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Speaker 2: No, exactly, yeah, and it's yeah, and I don't know,

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Speaker 2: we can't just anything nowadays, so it's just like hard

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Speaker 2: for anyone to like be one hundred percent on anything. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: we live in a really weird time. But at the time,

401
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Speaker 2: I think I did a video. This is so lame.

402
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Speaker 2: But so the bad haircut happened, and then I made

403
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Speaker 2: a video where I had researched a bunch of stuff

404
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Speaker 2: as it's probably fifteen year old's okay, sixteen year old,

405
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Speaker 2: maybe of ways that I could grow my hair back.

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Speaker 1: So wait, what was the hair cut? We need to

407
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Speaker 1: know the haircut. It was just a bob. It was

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Speaker 1: a bob, like it was just a bottle. It wasn't

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Speaker 1: like a funky little bob.

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Speaker 2: It was like a oh no, it wasn't chic. It

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Speaker 2: wasn't it wasn't French Claire, but it was fine. It

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Speaker 2: wasn't atrocious like I think. I was just like insecure

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Speaker 2: and I was, you know, a Southern girl fifteen sixteen, Yeah,

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00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:08,960
Speaker 2: exactly exactly. So I had made this video and it

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Speaker 2: went really really viral, like I think it had like

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Speaker 2: millions of views, which is so funny because it was

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Speaker 2: obviously just people like before I knew what SEO was.

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Speaker 4: Oh, it's like someone.

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Speaker 2: Just searching, Oh, I grow my hair back, and they're

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Speaker 2: getting some dumb ass sixteen year old and little Rock

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Speaker 2: Arkansas telling them how to grow that, like I know anything.

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Speaker 1: What was your advice? Was it? Like, I don't even remember.

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Speaker 1: It was bad.

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Speaker 2: You can barely hear it. The audio is so bad.

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Speaker 2: And again I'm recording it on like either do you

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Speaker 2: remember those flip cameras. Yes, it was either one of

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Speaker 2: those which sounded like you were it sounded and looked

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Speaker 2: like you were in the ocean, or it was my

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Speaker 2: dad's MacBook, which also looked like it was in the ocean.

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Speaker 1: So but being in the ocean, it's good for the heir,

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Speaker 1: you know it? So true?

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Speaker 4: Wit is like that it all come yeah.

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Speaker 1: It's so funny. This brings me so. I think the

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Speaker 1: real big question of this episode, which is, like what's

435
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Speaker 1: been the hottest part of growing up online? Like half

436
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:05,240
Speaker 1: of your life on the internet. Do you feel like

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Speaker 1: as you've entered your thirties, like people who know you

438
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Speaker 1: from back then have like expectations for your Uh.

439
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I have like a really interesting audience.

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Speaker 2: Like I said, I've like picked up these like little

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Speaker 2: core cool girl groups I'll say, like throughout time and space.

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Speaker 2: But for the most part, I have always had like

443
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:30,280
Speaker 2: a really intelligent, really emotionally mature and very kind audience.

444
00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:32,560
Speaker 2: Like I've always had really really sweet people follow me.

445
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:34,880
Speaker 2: I've never felt bullied by my audience, and I've never

446
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,480
Speaker 2: felt like put on the back foot. And I think

447
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,320
Speaker 2: part of that is because I've never been someone who

448
00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:43,840
Speaker 2: has like that serious viral fame that usually comes with

449
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:47,879
Speaker 2: some kind of outrage or you know, like I don't know,

450
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,080
Speaker 2: Like I always just think about how like as women,

451
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:53,720
Speaker 2: you if you get to a certain point of virality,

452
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,440
Speaker 2: there will always be like a guillotine waiting for you,

453
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,200
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Like chapelone is a great

454
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,879
Speaker 2: example right now, Like even get me started on that,

455
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 2: because I could go on for so long about that.

456
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:07,240
Speaker 2: But so I've had kind of like this weird privilege

457
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,480
Speaker 2: where because I've been a bit of a middling creator

458
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:12,320
Speaker 2: in the sense that like I've you know, I still

459
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,480
Speaker 2: have like millions of followers, but people have tens of

460
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,440
Speaker 2: millions of followers now, people have like hundreds.

461
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:19,120
Speaker 4: Of millions of followers.

462
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:19,360
Speaker 1: Now.

463
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,880
Speaker 2: I've always been able to maintain this like cool, smart,

464
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,680
Speaker 2: sweet group of people all the way through and that's

465
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:27,720
Speaker 2: been like such a blessing.

466
00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:31,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I honestly relate to that a lot. I have

467
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,960
Speaker 1: this full theory that it's like an elevator. It's it's

468
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,359
Speaker 1: a Taylor swift lyric. Okay, it's like an elevator that

469
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:39,000
Speaker 1: rats swifty. Yeah, elevator that rits is too fast, like

470
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 1: never lasts. And I genuinely do believe it. Where it's

471
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,639
Speaker 1: like a lot of people will get online and be

472
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,520
Speaker 1: like I want to be famous, and I want this

473
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:46,960
Speaker 1: and I want that, and it's like be careful what

474
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,960
Speaker 1: you wish for. Like the slow burn of like really

475
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 1: caring and about what you're doing is going to take

476
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,200
Speaker 1: you so much further. Yeah, And it's really interesting something

477
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,359
Speaker 1: you said before of like you started YouTube, because like

478
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,720
Speaker 1: it sounds like you just really wanted to make because

479
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,360
Speaker 1: you just liked it, and you know, you were waiting

480
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 1: for your dad to get home, and you were trying

481
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,040
Speaker 1: to communicate with your long distance friend and you were

482
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 1: just like enjoying it as a craft. And I think

483
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:15,920
Speaker 1: that's something that people these days don't have. Yeah, people

484
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,959
Speaker 1: always like how do you start a podcast? Like how

485
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,680
Speaker 1: did you make money off your podcast up above? And

486
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,919
Speaker 1: it's like you don't start at wanting to make money? Yeah,

487
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,720
Speaker 1: Like that's literally you've already lost like the moment you're like,

488
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,280
Speaker 1: I want to do this so that I can be famous. Yeah,

489
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 1: if you're like one percent of people who have that intention,

490
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,399
Speaker 1: maybe it happens, but it like drops off so quickly.

491
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,160
Speaker 1: It's like this whole easy crazy things.

492
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:38,560
Speaker 2: You don't have the inner well to keep up the

493
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,520
Speaker 2: energy to keep doing stuff. If that's the main goal,

494
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 2: then once you get famous or once you get enough money,

495
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:46,080
Speaker 2: then like where's the spark to continue it?

496
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:48,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's nowhere. Or once you get your first like

497
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 1: have you ever had any controversy? Because I feel like

498
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,200
Speaker 1: once you get your first thing like that.

499
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:53,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, then it knocks you off.

500
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:57,000
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I haven't

501
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,200
Speaker 2: really ever had like a big controversy. I like, I

502
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,920
Speaker 2: I stream video games, so I do, like I play

503
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:03,960
Speaker 2: cozy games online.

504
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,080
Speaker 4: Really yeah, I didn't know that. Oh yeah in the twitch.

505
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:10,640
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, and like especially on I used to play

506
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 2: a lot of animal crossing, so, like animal crossing was

507
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 2: my big game all through Lockdown and during like the

508
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,439
Speaker 2: whole Black Lives Matter movement. I raised a bunch of

509
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,680
Speaker 2: money for the Bail Project, like the most money I've

510
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,040
Speaker 2: ever raised for charity, and it was like such a

511
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 2: big deal to me. But my family's very conservative, and

512
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,840
Speaker 2: so the only controversy as I have ever been in

513
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,880
Speaker 2: are with interpersonal relationships.

514
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,080
Speaker 4: I'm I I'll feel really good about.

515
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:34,880
Speaker 2: Something that I've done online, and I'll be like, I'm

516
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,480
Speaker 2: really glad that I did that, and I feel really

517
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 2: proud of like my audience to be able to do

518
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,000
Speaker 2: something like that, and then I get like pushback from

519
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 2: my personal of the reverse.

520
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, that is really interesting totally.

521
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,199
Speaker 2: So it's like a weird thing of sort of just

522
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 2: being like, you know, having to kind of be my

523
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,440
Speaker 2: own best friend in that situation.

524
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, well, and it's often because people will find,

525
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 1: you know, controversy online and seek protection in your family,

526
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 1: and it's like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, she's doing

527
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:09,680
Speaker 1: it different. Can we talk about something a bit more personal,

528
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,560
Speaker 1: which was you? Obviously she had a lot of you know,

529
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,720
Speaker 1: sheared some of your experiences going through an eating disorder

530
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 1: when you were online.

531
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 4: Yeah.

532
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:20,400
Speaker 1: Do you think that, like being online at a young

533
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,239
Speaker 1: age kind of contributed or do you think it was

534
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 1: already there and just kind of followed you through those

535
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 1: early years of the journey.

536
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's so funny, Like, I mean, nothing

537
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:30,640
Speaker 2: about eating.

538
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,199
Speaker 4: Disorders is funny, but sometimes you go to.

539
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 2: It's I think for me, I think I think disordered eating,

540
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:44,919
Speaker 2: but a lot of like less understood but very culturally

541
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:49,480
Speaker 2: prevalent mental disorders are or like mental health problems are

542
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 2: things that people broadly understand but don't but like the

543
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 2: minutia of them are kind of like complicated. And so

544
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 2: for mine, I had such like a combo where I

545
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,200
Speaker 2: I felt really out of control when I was growing

546
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,920
Speaker 2: up and when I was like a teenager, like felt

547
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,120
Speaker 2: very isolated from people in my school. And I also

548
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:11,880
Speaker 2: have tricotellemania, which is like a hair pulling disorder. It's

549
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,640
Speaker 2: so bad right now, Like I have no eyelashes, but

550
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:15,359
Speaker 2: I used.

551
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,120
Speaker 1: To do that as well, but I started getting fake lashes. Yeah,

552
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:20,720
Speaker 1: and it helped me. Well you have trick. Well, I

553
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,159
Speaker 1: would just do my eyelashes. I was just it was

554
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 1: just like a nervous thing. But I never really identify

555
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 1: this happening. I would just pull my Yeah, yeah.

556
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 4: I pulled my ashes out too. Yeah, it's funny.

557
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,679
Speaker 2: It's it's it's that's a weird one because it's like

558
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 2: it's like you know, because like you understand like clinical psychology,

559
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:39,199
Speaker 2: but there's so many like layers and cross layers of

560
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,160
Speaker 2: what things could be. Right. So when I was younger,

561
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 2: I was like, I think I have OCD because I

562
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 2: do this hair pulling thing.

563
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:44,719
Speaker 4: It's compulsive.

564
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,239
Speaker 2: And I also my eating disorder was very wrapped up

565
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 2: around like threes. Like I would tell myself I could

566
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:55,639
Speaker 2: only eat three things. So it was like I remember,

567
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 2: for a while, it was like apples, triscuits, and cheese,

568
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,359
Speaker 2: and I ca as much of it as I wanted,

569
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 2: but I just needed to eat those three things and

570
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,400
Speaker 2: there was no reason, like there was no religious reason,

571
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:08,919
Speaker 2: which threes are usually kind of a religious thing, and

572
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 2: there was no like doom spiraling OCD. If I don't

573
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 2: do this, something bad's going to happen. But I just

574
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 2: had this like feeling of control that was really important

575
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 2: to me. So that's what my eating sort of kind

576
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 2: of like started out as. And then as the Internet developed,

577
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:31,159
Speaker 2: veganism got really big because of conspiracy and again completely

578
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,840
Speaker 2: think that is so like valid. But then there was

579
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,800
Speaker 2: this huge, like the way the pendulum swings, there was

580
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 2: like that banana lady.

581
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 4: What was her really?

582
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:44,159
Speaker 1: She used to girl? Just sorry girl, fun fact she

583
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 1: lives still near where I grew up.

584
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:48,680
Speaker 4: That's so scary, that's so dark sided.

585
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:53,119
Speaker 1: She she lives actually like deep in the rainforest of Australia.

586
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:54,440
Speaker 4: She always looked like she did.

587
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, like she and all those bananas.

588
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,240
Speaker 1: But I don't know, And now the whole thing is

589
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:00,040
Speaker 1: like drinking.

590
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,359
Speaker 2: No, because she's just started posting again, didn't she.

591
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, sorry, sorry we had getting off topic.

592
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 1: And with you sharing sensitive stuff, I'm sorry, but yeah,

593
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,160
Speaker 1: so freely the banonaca. I think she genuinely not to make,

594
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:15,040
Speaker 1: you know, irreputable claims, but triggered a lot of people.

595
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 4: I say that was not great, I think so.

596
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 2: I think part of the problem was that she was

597
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:23,639
Speaker 2: a very visibly thin woman who was like attractive by

598
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 2: societal standards, and was also had the craziest fucking diet

599
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:30,439
Speaker 2: you've ever seen, Like that was a crazy diet, and

600
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 2: so I think it did like push a lot of people,

601
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:36,239
Speaker 2: like both this sort of rise in veganism and this

602
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,719
Speaker 2: kind of moral guilt of eating animal by products, and

603
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 2: then also this rise of like this conventionally attractive person

604
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:48,239
Speaker 2: with a crazy diet I think pushed me and I

605
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,679
Speaker 2: started eating vegan. And again, I have vegan friends who

606
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:55,400
Speaker 2: eat very healthily and eat so well and take care

607
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 2: of themselves.

608
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,120
Speaker 4: I was not doing that. I was like restricting.

609
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 2: I don't think I had a solid bowel movement for

610
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:04,919
Speaker 2: like three years.

611
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 1: Like beside the people aren't talking about people don't talk

612
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 1: about it.

613
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:08,440
Speaker 4: It's growth.

614
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, you eat a salad, you poop a salad. It's

615
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 2: like it's really something.

616
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 4: You can put that strap line in this episode, a salad, you.

617
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:17,400
Speaker 1: Poop a salad.

618
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:20,199
Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, just like in general, it was just

619
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 2: like I again, it became this way of controlling, and

620
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 2: then it became also this like moral thing as well.

621
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 2: Where people associated me on the internet with like eating

622
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:32,120
Speaker 2: vegan food, and I don't think.

623
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 4: It was healthy either, because I think I was too thin.

624
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 2: At that point and I was showing other girls that

625
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 2: the way to be thin boop yourself every day was

626
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 2: by eating vegan, and like I wasn't doing it well.

627
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 4: I wasn't giving like whole meals. I wasn't showing people

628
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 4: how to do it right.

629
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:48,720
Speaker 2: I was just you know, picking the thing that was

630
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 2: the most vegan on a menu, even if it was

631
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 2: like the cucumber salad with no protein and no carbs

632
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 2: and nothing but a cucumber, you know. So that's kind

633
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,919
Speaker 2: of like where I was like, I kind of need

634
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:02,840
Speaker 2: to do something else with this because I'm having headaches

635
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:04,920
Speaker 2: all the time and I'm really tired and I can't

636
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 2: stop pooping. Yeah, so, and you know, I think I

637
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:09,679
Speaker 2: really messed up my digestive system. That's the other thing

638
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 2: that like people don't really talk about is like even

639
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,119
Speaker 2: now to this day, I have so many digestive issues

640
00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 2: because of all the eating, the disordered eating that I

641
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 2: was doing in my developmental years from when I was

642
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 2: like fourteen or thirteen even until you know, maybe six

643
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 2: years ago.

644
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,199
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well it is a big thing. Right your

645
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 1: stomach starts to eat itself basically totally, which is again

646
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,120
Speaker 1: like I think a lot of people and these days

647
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:36,400
Speaker 1: with skinny talk, it's like you just don't understand what

648
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 1: you're doing to your body's on top? Can I actually

649
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 1: come back to this? This what sounds like kind of

650
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 1: a big realization for you, which is like maybe I

651
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 1: wasn't doing this the right way? Like how have you

652
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:51,040
Speaker 1: kind of felt about that as you've gotten older? Being

653
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 1: like I don't know, not to say you misguided people,

654
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: but have you ever been like I don't know, like

655
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 1: how do you feel about it now?

656
00:28:58,240 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 2: Yeah?

657
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't want to say set an example for

658
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 1: other people because I don't think you just have to

659
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 1: feel like guilt about it, but yeah, how do you

660
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 1: feel about it? That that was like something you live

661
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 1: through online?

662
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 2: Like I still I feel really guilty about certain videos

663
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 2: I posted.

664
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 4: There was like I remember there was one video that

665
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 4: I posted.

666
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 2: It was supposed to be kind of like a clickbaity

667
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 2: title that then I would flip it on its head

668
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:20,600
Speaker 2: and I'd be like, you don't need to worry about

669
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 2: this because this is stupid, And it was like five

670
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 2: ways to look thinner, But it was when you got

671
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:27,200
Speaker 2: into the video, I was like, this is so dumb,

672
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 2: like the way that people do this, Like these are

673
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 2: I basically like gathered all these different ways that people

674
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 2: talk about it online and then was like, this is

675
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 2: how people are trying to look thinner online.

676
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 4: Isn't this so silly?

677
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 1: Like this is so like journalism, like a real like

678
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 1: journalistic video journalism.

679
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I took it down because that video got

680
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 2: crazy views. And what I realized in the comments was

681
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 2: like my audience at the time was like nineteen year

682
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 2: old girls, and they weren't reading it the way that

683
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 2: I was posting about it, if.

684
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 4: That makes sense.

685
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 2: They saw the title and they clicked it so that

686
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 2: they could actually get advice, and I was pushing them

687
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 2: into these corners of the Internet that were basically skinny

688
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 2: talk before skinny talk existed Tumblr pages like talking about stuff,

689
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 2: you know, and like I didn't even realize it until

690
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:12,479
Speaker 2: I got older. And I remember when I first posted

691
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 2: that video, I was sort of like, Wow, this video

692
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 2: is doing really well. It's getting millions of views, and

693
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 2: like kind of ignored the moral complication of it and

694
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 2: then sounds so crazy but Amy Poehler had a production

695
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,960
Speaker 2: company and she I think she probably still does. She

696
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 2: might run her podcast through it. But I had a

697
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,160
Speaker 2: meeting with her production company because I was like, would

698
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 2: love to just do something with you, anything, if you

699
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,280
Speaker 2: needed like a host to do something whatever. It was

700
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 2: just one of those like Hollywood things that I was having,

701
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 2: And I remember I sat down with one person from

702
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 2: her production team and the only thing she said to me,

703
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 2: as like a twenty year old, was she was like,

704
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 2: we can't work with you because your content doesn't align

705
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:50,320
Speaker 2: with us.

706
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 4: And I was like, what what.

707
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 1: Do you mean?

708
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 2: My content doesn't align with you? And it was fat video.

709
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 2: She had seen the thumbnail, she had seen the title

710
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 2: of it, and she was like, this girl is promoting

711
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 2: eating disorders, Like this girl is promoting like yeah, like yeah,

712
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 2: and so like I was, So I remember like my

713
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 2: stomach dropping and like me trying to explain it, and

714
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:12,959
Speaker 2: I remember being really mad about it afterwards. But like,

715
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,600
Speaker 2: and that was before the era of like clickbait titles

716
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:17,960
Speaker 2: are the only thing that you read, like when you

717
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 2: only read a headline, right, I feel like now that's

718
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 2: so prevalent, Like I'm even bad about that. So I

719
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 2: was kind of annoyed at her that she didn't take

720
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 2: the time to like look at the context of the video.

721
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 2: But after that meeting, I immediately went home and took

722
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 2: it down. It was like one of my most viewed videos,

723
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 2: and I was like taking that down and also feeling

724
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:37,040
Speaker 2: like so ashamed and so horrible for like, you know, months,

725
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,120
Speaker 2: but also feeling like righteous fury where I was like.

726
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 4: She doesn't even know me, she doesn't even know me.

727
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 2: But I was like, that's defensiveness, like that was that

728
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:44,760
Speaker 2: was actually probably a good thing that she had said

729
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 2: that to me, because I'm really glad that I had

730
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,240
Speaker 2: a chance to like fix that, if that makes sense.

731
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 1: But it's so interesting because it's like I see your intention, right,

732
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 1: I see your intention of being like if somebody is

733
00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 1: going through this or is going to look for this, yeah,

734
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 1: this is kind of like a reverse psychology thing of

735
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 1: like I'm going to lure them into like.

736
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 2: Don't Yes, that's exactly what I was trying.

737
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 1: To do exactly, but it was ahead of its time totally.

738
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 2: But also it's coming from the wrong person. I'm not

739
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:13,240
Speaker 2: the person that should be talking about that period, you

740
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 2: know what I mean. It's this like funny place where

741
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 2: I'm the person that they're going to listen to about

742
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:18,600
Speaker 2: that kind of thing because i'm their age and I

743
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 2: like look like them, but also I'm not the person

744
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:22,480
Speaker 2: that should be giving.

745
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 1: But also i'm your their age and I look like them. Yeah,

746
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 1: like that's the thing. It's like wait, yeah, yeah, Because

747
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 1: at that time, had you been open about the fact

748
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 1: that you were maybe struggling with disordered eating.

749
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:33,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I had talked about that a lot

750
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:35,880
Speaker 2: on the internet that mooin, Like, I think that had

751
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 2: been something. And I think that was also a time

752
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 2: when a lot of people were starting to talk about

753
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 2: body positivity. But then also I think I resonated less

754
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 2: with that because so much of my disorder eating, like

755
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 2: I said, was about control, and so it was like

756
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 2: like everything numbers was really important to me. My tricko

757
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 2: till Maania was really bad, Like you know, I was

758
00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 2: just like struggling with all of my other mental problems,

759
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 2: and then like then the eating disorder was the way

760
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 2: to kind of like gain a bit of control back,

761
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:08,640
Speaker 2: you know. So I couldn't really understand, Like I don't know,

762
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 2: I feel like I was coming at it from like

763
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 2: a like a I felt like it was a really

764
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,520
Speaker 2: like personal angle when in reality that's how like a

765
00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 2: lot of people deal with eating disorders, Like that's a

766
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 2: very common way to be introduced into an eating disorder

767
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:25,719
Speaker 2: is like lacking control. But it definitely opened my eyes

768
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 2: like to what like body neutrality could look like, and

769
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 2: that seemed to.

770
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 1: Be that's freedom. Genuinely, everybody tries to. Body positive is fine.

771
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 1: Body neutrality is the best. I really love it. I

772
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 1: could seek my teeth into that anything.

773
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:42,800
Speaker 2: Oh it's delicious, Yeah, I don't eating yeah, oh yeah.

774
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 2: And as I get older, I think that's the other

775
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:48,080
Speaker 2: thing too, is like I think I also like being

776
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 2: in Hollywood and going on auditions and stuff because I

777
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 2: was auditioning and I was acting from when I was sixteen,

778
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 2: so I would go like That's how I originally kind

779
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 2: of got slightly bigger on YouTube because I got picked

780
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 2: up by this like show called Awesomest TV, which was

781
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 2: oh my.

782
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 1: Goodness, flashback, I remember that, yeah, and they would do

783
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 1: like all these TV shows, but on YouTube, right.

784
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:14,360
Speaker 2: It was like I think it was backed by Nickelodeon

785
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:15,920
Speaker 2: y yeah, and so it was basically like supposed to

786
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 2: be like a tween like in the same way that

787
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:19,960
Speaker 2: Nickelodeon has always done a really good job of making

788
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 2: tween content, they.

789
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 4: Tried to do that for YouTubers.

790
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 2: So I became and I lived like down the studio,

791
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 2: like down the road from the studio, and so I

792
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:30,800
Speaker 2: used to just walk to work to like film episodes

793
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,439
Speaker 2: with them, and da da da da. But that being

794
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 2: kind of like my jump off point, I started auditioning

795
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,400
Speaker 2: and doing all this stuff and being critiqued as like

796
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 2: a twenty one year old, a twenty year old.

797
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 4: On your body, your looks, like everything.

798
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,800
Speaker 2: Like I remember walking into auditions where they would just

799
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:48,839
Speaker 2: like immediately turn off the camera, like they wouldn't even

800
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 2: they like they would let me go through with the

801
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:51,719
Speaker 2: whole thing. And then I would look and I realized

802
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 2: the camera was never on because I was just not

803
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:55,839
Speaker 2: the look. And that's fine. But there's just like an

804
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 2: ego death that happens like every time. So I think

805
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 2: that that was also just like I was in a

806
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 2: unique circumstance in that way as well.

807
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,360
Speaker 1: I think this is something that you wouldn't know unless

808
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:10,320
Speaker 1: you were in industries that ale in entertainment industry or

809
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 1: tangentle It's like there is always this thought of like,

810
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:15,920
Speaker 1: would I be most successful if I was skinny you totally? Totally.

811
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 1: I have thought about that. I think about that all

812
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:18,399
Speaker 1: the time.

813
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, completely.

814
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 2: And it's also like I think it's again, it's kind

815
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 2: of a control issue because when you're in industries like

816
00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 2: that where there is literally nothing else is in your control.

817
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:30,960
Speaker 2: You are not the NEPO baby that can have the

818
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,239
Speaker 2: like mom and dad call to make sure that like

819
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:35,360
Speaker 2: someone actually pays attention to you in a room or

820
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 2: like sees your name on a sheet. So if there

821
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,280
Speaker 2: is anything that you can control, it's learning your lines

822
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:42,240
Speaker 2: and starving.

823
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:44,120
Speaker 4: Yourself like that. That seems to be like the two

824
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 4: things that.

825
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 2: At the time I thought I had control over, which

826
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:47,319
Speaker 2: is not.

827
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:50,719
Speaker 1: And if then everybody's gonna look at you like that's

828
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:55,680
Speaker 1: the thing, it's like you're going to be noticed. Yeah more. Yeah,

829
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 1: it's such a such a mind fulw Yeah.

830
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 2: It's funny though, because I think that, and then I

831
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:02,759
Speaker 2: think about, like, because sometimes I think about like what

832
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 2: I would do now if I was in that same situation,

833
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 2: I'm like, I actually think I would have looked a

834
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 2: lot more unique, and I think I would have been

835
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 2: a lot more castable had I just been like very normal.

836
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,360
Speaker 2: I think if I had just been like very normal,

837
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:16,560
Speaker 2: I could let the NEPO babies be like the really

838
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 2: hot thin people, and then I could be like the

839
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 2: normal girl, which is usually what I got cast for anyways.

840
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, so do you do much acting these days? No,

841
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 1: I've you kind of been like I'm done with that.

842
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 2: We'll kind of done with it again. I keep coming

843
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 2: back to this problem of control. But like, even when

844
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 2: you do get cast, there's like a very good chance

845
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:38,160
Speaker 2: the person who cast you is like a man who

846
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,480
Speaker 2: likes you in some way, and so it's just like

847
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 2: it's just not I don't know. Like my husband's a

848
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 2: filmmaker and a writer and a director, so he is

849
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 2: totally in on that, and like I love the writing

850
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 2: side of things now.

851
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 1: Yeah. Interesting.

852
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I've always said like I would do acting again,

853
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 2: but only if I had like.

854
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:58,480
Speaker 4: A lot of control over it.

855
00:36:58,760 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

856
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:02,400
Speaker 2: I Like, so I got to work on a comedy

857
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:05,919
Speaker 2: for four years. That was really amazing. It was so fun. Yeah,

858
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 2: it was really really cool. It kind of got like

859
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:10,879
Speaker 2: put into the bin of history because it was like

860
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 2: it was for one of those like apps where it

861
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:16,479
Speaker 2: has like a weird timing of like a run time

862
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 2: for each episode, Like it wasn't a half hour and

863
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 2: it wasn't split into quarters, so it was kind of

864
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:23,880
Speaker 2: a weird one to play. What was the comedy It

865
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:25,360
Speaker 2: was called mister Student Body President.

866
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 1: Oh my god, mister student Body President. Okay, everybody go

867
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 1: and get this woman's royalty.

868
00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 4: I have no idea where it's playing. I don't know

869
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 4: if I've ever gone a rules before. You can find it.

870
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 2: But the guy, my good friend, Jeremy Shada, who's the

871
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:41,399
Speaker 2: voice of Finn from Adventure Time.

872
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 1: He was the lead.

873
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 2: So I became like really good friends with him because

874
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:47,440
Speaker 2: we hung out so much for the last like four years.

875
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:49,280
Speaker 4: So it was like really good things that would happen

876
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:50,919
Speaker 4: in tandem with.

877
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 1: Like terrible stuff. Yeah stuff, Yeah, yeah, that makes so

878
00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 1: much sense, And you know what, the segues into the

879
00:37:57,239 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 1: next questions have been so smooth because Hey, this is

880
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:01,439
Speaker 1: what I was going to ask you about next, which

881
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:05,400
Speaker 1: is like, how is your relationship to like the media

882
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:07,960
Speaker 1: and social media and your career, Like how have things

883
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:12,239
Speaker 1: changed in recent years? Have you felt more of a

884
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 1: desire to be online? Like I'm sure there was a

885
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 1: period when you were actor where you were kind of

886
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:19,520
Speaker 1: like maybe I shouldn't be online as much, like maybe

887
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 1: I should have the small professional look, like I'm putting

888
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 1: words in your math. How How how has it changed

889
00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 1: for you.

890
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna be honest, because I did social

891
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:32,080
Speaker 2: media from when I was a kid, and I did

892
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 2: it like without earning money and enjoyed it so much,

893
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 2: and it was like my emotional release.

894
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:37,799
Speaker 4: It was like my.

895
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:41,720
Speaker 2: Social release, and it gave me like all my friends,

896
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 2: it gave me my future, like all these amazing things.

897
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:47,879
Speaker 2: I stopped wanting to do it for a while because

898
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,279
Speaker 2: I hated the idea that like I was just doing

899
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:53,840
Speaker 2: this now to make money like that. Like yeah, that

900
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:56,680
Speaker 2: that inverse relationship between like making money and posting on

901
00:38:57,080 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 2: like authentic content like became really unbalanced, where I was like,

902
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 2: I'm doing this because I need to like make my rent.

903
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 2: I'm not doing this because I necessarily want to be

904
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 2: posting these things. Yeah, it kind of got to that point,

905
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:13,920
Speaker 2: and I've had like ebbs and flows of that, and

906
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 2: I think when it came to the acting stuff, I

907
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 2: always really loved the I was really passionate about it,

908
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:20,719
Speaker 2: and I think of it as like an art form obviously,

909
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:23,719
Speaker 2: and filmmaking as an art form, and if there was

910
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 2: ever a world where I could have actually done that

911
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,400
Speaker 2: and made money and like felt secure in that, I

912
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:30,240
Speaker 2: think I would have thrown my phone into the ocean

913
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:33,799
Speaker 2: and like never posted anything ever again. But that's just

914
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 2: also not realistic because that didn't happen, and that's like

915
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:40,759
Speaker 2: a you know, like a retrospective fantasy. But I think nowadays,

916
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,680
Speaker 2: I think that's like not how that would have gone. Yeah,

917
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,320
Speaker 2: Like I think I probably still would have posting stuff

918
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:48,120
Speaker 2: just because you loved.

919
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:48,399
Speaker 1: It so much.

920
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And I'm like, I'm a blabbermouth.

921
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:52,480
Speaker 4: As you can tell.

922
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:53,840
Speaker 1: This is what I'm saying. You need to start a

923
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 1: new podcasts. It is the ultimate medium blabbermouth. Yeah, it's amazing.

924
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:00,960
Speaker 1: So do you think you going to keep posting for

925
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,120
Speaker 1: like the rest of your life? This is something people

926
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:04,400
Speaker 1: ask me probably.

927
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, like it wouldn't shock me. Yeah.

928
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 2: Well because also like not to like segue too early,

929
00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:10,160
Speaker 2: but because.

930
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:11,400
Speaker 1: You were doing my job for me, and it is

931
00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 1: this is what I'm saying, It was your dapto. Yeah.

932
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:17,919
Speaker 1: Are you looking at the new question as.

933
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:21,239
Speaker 2: I wanting to segue into the neck notWe Yeah, I've

934
00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 2: just realized how important it is, and like I've gone

935
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:27,719
Speaker 2: from being kind of resentful of like feeling like this

936
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 2: is the only way that I can make money. Because

937
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 2: also I'm not college educated. I didn't go to college,

938
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:32,400
Speaker 2: Like I.

939
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:35,479
Speaker 1: What was that decision? Like quickly, well, your parents are.

940
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:36,920
Speaker 4: Like, well, okay.

941
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 2: So it's so funny because it's like it's the political

942
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:44,719
Speaker 2: burblings of like what conservatives were valuing in like two

943
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 2: thousand and eight Obama era, which was like, actually we

944
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 2: don't like college anymore, like the anti intellectualism kind of

945
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 2: started popping off. But also it's so funny because all

946
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 2: three of my siblings are really highly educate, hated, Like

947
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 2: two of them went to grad school, So I'm like,

948
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:03,879
Speaker 2: I don't know where one of them went to law

949
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:05,239
Speaker 2: school when I went to grad school, so I'm like,

950
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:06,520
Speaker 2: I don't know where the hell.

951
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:08,399
Speaker 4: I became the one.

952
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 2: But but also I think part of it was that

953
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:15,319
Speaker 2: my parents were like our like middle class Arcansas and

954
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:16,800
Speaker 2: they were like, oh, one of them doesn't want to

955
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:19,320
Speaker 2: go to college. That's kind of cool, and she's already

956
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 2: making money. And like my dad was the one who

957
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 2: would fly me to La and like be with me

958
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:25,839
Speaker 2: when I would do like the Oustmoast TV stuff and

959
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:27,960
Speaker 2: like when I would get these little for Ostma's TV.

960
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:31,239
Speaker 2: I was getting six hundred dollars a week to like

961
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 2: come in on the weekend.

962
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,680
Speaker 1: And then that is low.

963
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:38,280
Speaker 4: Huge, huge for a teenager.

964
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, but like you, we're huge for a teenage but

965
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:41,880
Speaker 1: but not alive.

966
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:43,520
Speaker 4: Yeah no, yeah totally.

967
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,719
Speaker 1: But like in my working in the weekends like doing

968
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 1: all this crazy stuff. Oh yeah, And so it is

969
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:49,800
Speaker 1: for a teenage like wow, totally.

970
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:52,560
Speaker 2: And also that being said, it would be once a month,

971
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:55,120
Speaker 2: So it was six hundred dollars a month, yeah, to

972
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:56,759
Speaker 2: get flown out, And I thought it was the most

973
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 2: glamorous thing in the entire world.

974
00:41:58,280 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 1: It was.

975
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 2: But like I was like, I've got my own money.

976
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,880
Speaker 2: I could pay rent because I've been saving all my money,

977
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:06,759
Speaker 2: Like I wasn't what was I spending my money on

978
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 2: in Little Rock, Arkansas. So I would just like save

979
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 2: all my money. So I have this like little fat

980
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 2: pad from when I was sixteen until I was like

981
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 2: eighteen to be able to get rent and da da

982
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 2: da dah. And so I applied to NYU, yeah, and

983
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 2: I applied to UCLA.

984
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, and those are the only two schools that I

985
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 4: applied to.

986
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:28,879
Speaker 2: And I got waitlisted at UCLA and I didn't get

987
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:29,480
Speaker 2: into NYU.

988
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:31,160
Speaker 4: So I was like, well, I guess I'm gonna fly to.

989
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:33,279
Speaker 2: California and see what happens, because like, maybe I'll get

990
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:33,920
Speaker 2: into UCLA.

991
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:36,160
Speaker 4: Maybe they'll oh so sweet to think about.

992
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:37,839
Speaker 1: Way, I actually love that. I love think you were

993
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:38,880
Speaker 1: like the big unies.

994
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like, they're gonna let me in?

995
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 1: Yeah? Do they not know who I am?

996
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 4: And they want awesome to CV come on?

997
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 2: But yeah, So I ended up getting like a really

998
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:50,960
Speaker 2: shitty apartment at this place called Park Librea.

999
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:52,960
Speaker 1: Where what pot of LA is it in?

1000
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,200
Speaker 2: It's okay, if you know La, you will know this

1001
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:57,640
Speaker 2: place it is, and if you visit you will know it.

1002
00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 2: It's it's in West Hollywood. It's or it's in Hollywood,

1003
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 2: and it's right by the grove. It's like right down

1004
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:07,800
Speaker 2: the Yeah, it's those giant towers always saying like, cheap apartments,

1005
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 2: cheap apartments. The reason why they're cheap, allegedly is because

1006
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:14,880
Speaker 2: they are absolutely I can't tell you how many cockroaches

1007
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:15,840
Speaker 2: and how many bed bugs.

1008
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 4: Oh, oh my god.

1009
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 1: The bed bugs are the one cockroaches. I can live

1010
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 1: with bed bugs crazy maybe probably.

1011
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:23,880
Speaker 2: Now listen, you can live with a cockroach until they

1012
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 2: start coming out of your faucet like a horror movie.

1013
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:29,719
Speaker 4: Like it is a devious quite devious.

1014
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 2: And also the other thing I didn't understand about the

1015
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 2: apartment sory I'm going on rand please, but they also

1016
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 2: their windows were so high. I lived on the thirtieth

1017
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:41,840
Speaker 2: floor and the windows didn't have uh screens on them.

1018
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 2: Oh girl, you're asking for someone take a take a dumble.

1019
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:47,960
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Like somebody could just have an eke

1020
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 1: full through that is crazy.

1021
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:53,239
Speaker 2: It always freaked me out, like you know, like I

1022
00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:55,319
Speaker 2: think that's where my fear, like a large fear of

1023
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,319
Speaker 2: like heids has come from. You know, when you're like

1024
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 2: looking over something really high and you're like, I could

1025
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 2: just fall off this right now, or like I could

1026
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 2: just jump.

1027
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 4: Like there's something about staring like into that that.

1028
00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 2: I remember doing that a lot when I was in

1029
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 2: my apartment, not like in a creepy way, but just

1030
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 2: in like a like I really don't want that to happen.

1031
00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:13,759
Speaker 2: Like I kept like having dreams about acidentally slipping out

1032
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 2: of the window.

1033
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 1: I feel like that's very ears d card to be

1034
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:18,920
Speaker 1: real with you, like this obsession around like, yeah, it

1035
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:21,160
Speaker 1: could happen, it could happen. What's I used to have

1036
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:23,359
Speaker 1: this where I'd be like, what's to say that I

1037
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 1: actually didn't fall yesterday? And this has just been anyways,

1038
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:28,319
Speaker 1: we'll not get Oh sorry, I should not put that

1039
00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:29,120
Speaker 1: in people's heads.

1040
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:30,279
Speaker 4: Whoa, oh I got.

1041
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:33,319
Speaker 2: I guess it's been excited to mull over later.

1042
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:35,239
Speaker 1: I know we'll hopefully you live on a thirty four

1043
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:36,760
Speaker 1: the third floor.

1044
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:40,520
Speaker 5: Way better, very much safe, way happier about bafer.

1045
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, how's your career? What are you doing now? I

1046
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 1: feel like you're kind of in this period of like

1047
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:53,440
Speaker 1: starting fresh. Yeah, does it like to start afresh as

1048
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:54,240
Speaker 1: like you enter thirty.

1049
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:57,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's I think it's been like a cool that's

1050
00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:01,400
Speaker 2: been really it's felt like like an appropriate time to

1051
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:05,399
Speaker 2: start something new, you know, like yeah, a turning over

1052
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:08,719
Speaker 2: of a leaf really, especially since like turning thirty is

1053
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 2: the time when you're supposed to like shrivel up and

1054
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,920
Speaker 2: turn into like an old hag and I don't know,

1055
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 2: maybe start performing hexes on people. I don't know what,

1056
00:45:16,239 --> 00:45:18,759
Speaker 2: like the general consensus is, it sounds I'm already doing that,

1057
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:20,400
Speaker 2: so I'm.

1058
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:22,680
Speaker 4: Already way ahead of you guys.

1059
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:26,200
Speaker 2: But I think it's just like funny to like step

1060
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 2: across the threshold of thirty and not like immediately pass away.

1061
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:32,839
Speaker 1: You seem pretty healthy, you see, you seem happy, You're

1062
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:34,000
Speaker 1: feeling really good.

1063
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that's the secret is that. And

1064
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:38,400
Speaker 2: my mother in law has told me this because she

1065
00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:41,279
Speaker 2: was like, was and is the most fabulous woman. But

1066
00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 2: she was like, your thirties are like the best years

1067
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:46,359
Speaker 2: of your life, easily, and then she was like, but

1068
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,560
Speaker 2: actually your forties are the best, but actually your fifties

1069
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 2: er like it only gets better, I think for women

1070
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 2: as we get older. I've yeah, like I really do

1071
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,360
Speaker 2: had this and I feel that, like I feel it

1072
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:55,839
Speaker 2: in my bone.

1073
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:56,480
Speaker 4: How old are you?

1074
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 1: I'm twenty six now.

1075
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's only going to get so much better.

1076
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,520
Speaker 1: You know what. I also feel like I've documented my

1077
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 1: entire twenties. Yeah, so I've literally been doing this podcast

1078
00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:08,440
Speaker 1: for since I was twenty one. That's so so, I

1079
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 1: honestly think that thirty is going to be a not

1080
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 1: like a liberation, but like a whole new chapter. I

1081
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: don't know to go. Yeah, yeah, to make this about me,

1082
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,400
Speaker 1: but like I just think it's going to be you know,

1083
00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:23,319
Speaker 1: I turned thirty. It's like a new chapter of life

1084
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:25,399
Speaker 1: that maybe I don't document and I do just get

1085
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:27,719
Speaker 1: to live and like, yeah, so many things.

1086
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:30,400
Speaker 2: That don't it's very transformative, just like I'm excited again.

1087
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:32,480
Speaker 2: And maybe it's also on my OCD, but like having

1088
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 2: a number where I'm like, oh, this is when things

1089
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 2: start or whatever.

1090
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 4: It was like very freeing for me.

1091
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 2: Like before I left LA, I was twenty eight, and

1092
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:48,839
Speaker 2: I was like, I feel really sad that I haven't

1093
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:51,200
Speaker 2: oil painted in like a really really long time. Like

1094
00:46:51,239 --> 00:46:53,719
Speaker 2: I hadn't done an oil painting in probably ten years.

1095
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:58,080
Speaker 2: And I used to do like semi competitive oil painting

1096
00:46:58,120 --> 00:46:58,720
Speaker 2: in high school.

1097
00:46:58,719 --> 00:46:59,399
Speaker 4: If that's a thing.

1098
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,200
Speaker 1: Everything can be competitive.

1099
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 4: Everything can be competitive.

1100
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 1: If you're a hiva, if you try hard enough.

1101
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,359
Speaker 2: But I used to do these conservation paintings for this

1102
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:12,799
Speaker 2: thing in Arkansas called the Four Age Center where it

1103
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:16,719
Speaker 2: was like a fish and wildlife conservation and so I

1104
00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 2: used to do these like hyper realistic oil paintings of

1105
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 2: endangered species and sometimes charcoal, sometimes chalk pastel. But I

1106
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 2: would just like do these, like I learned how to

1107
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:30,160
Speaker 2: kind of like replicate nature in a way that was

1108
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 2: really cool. And I was really competitive, so that that

1109
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 2: was something that I did all throughout high school and

1110
00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:37,920
Speaker 2: I loved it. It got to the point where I

1111
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:41,279
Speaker 2: had from the little bit of money that I had

1112
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 2: been making from Austin's TV, I had asked my art

1113
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:47,399
Speaker 2: teacher if I could come to her studio that she

1114
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:49,399
Speaker 2: would work out of with all these other like cool

1115
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:52,560
Speaker 2: adult artists, and I basically got a little corner of

1116
00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:55,280
Speaker 2: her like studio with my friend Sarah, who also wanted

1117
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,359
Speaker 2: to do the same thing, and we would oil paint

1118
00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,720
Speaker 2: together like in this like adult studio and if so cool,

1119
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 2: like you know, to come on Thursday and like oil paint.

1120
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:06,560
Speaker 2: So anyways, but that was like such a positive memory

1121
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:08,760
Speaker 2: for me and something where I really got into flow state.

1122
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:11,000
Speaker 4: And then as I.

1123
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:14,000
Speaker 2: Got older and I was living in tinier studio apartments,

1124
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 2: I was like, I just don't have room for this, yeah,

1125
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 2: And so I would just put it off and put

1126
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:20,160
Speaker 2: it off and put it off, and I would do,

1127
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:22,480
Speaker 2: you know, like watercolor paintings.

1128
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:24,680
Speaker 4: I would do anything that was like not messy in

1129
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:25,280
Speaker 4: my apartment.

1130
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:29,480
Speaker 2: And then when I got to the point where I

1131
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 2: was living in LA and I could like buy my

1132
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:35,080
Speaker 2: own house. I bought a house and still didn't oil paint,

1133
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 2: even though I had the space for it. And I

1134
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 2: was like, well, this is like stupid, Like you're just

1135
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:41,799
Speaker 2: you've literally created a barrier for yourself and now you're

1136
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:44,520
Speaker 2: just not breaking it because you are nervous about being bad,

1137
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:47,640
Speaker 2: like cause it's been so long. It was like I

1138
00:48:47,719 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 2: had such a competitive spirit for it when I was younger,

1139
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 2: that the idea of going back to something and being

1140
00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 2: bad at it immediately because I.

1141
00:48:53,719 --> 00:48:55,759
Speaker 4: Was going to be bad. Oh yeah, like that's just

1142
00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:56,319
Speaker 4: how it's going to be.

1143
00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:59,920
Speaker 1: How liberating, Yeah, exact me crap and just get it.

1144
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:01,840
Speaker 4: Try be bad, just try.

1145
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:05,880
Speaker 2: And so then when I started painting again, I started

1146
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:09,000
Speaker 2: recording myself painting and kind of told the story of

1147
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 2: what I just told you, which is that I used

1148
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:12,640
Speaker 2: to really love doing this and then I felt really

1149
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,440
Speaker 2: like a lot of shame around being bad at it eventually,

1150
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 2: and so kind of trying to like re reinvigorate my

1151
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:27,000
Speaker 2: like artistic side of myself. And that also coincided with

1152
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:29,799
Speaker 2: us realizing that we were going to be very kind

1153
00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:32,960
Speaker 2: of last minute and unexpectedly going to be moving to London.

1154
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:36,239
Speaker 1: Wait, that was just like a last minute. That was

1155
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:37,040
Speaker 1: a quick decision.

1156
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:39,320
Speaker 2: That was something that was we knew was going to

1157
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:41,640
Speaker 2: probably happen in like the next couple of years, but

1158
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:45,719
Speaker 2: for like unforeseen personal reasons, it ended up being like

1159
00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:50,920
Speaker 2: I had like two and a half months of like, oh,

1160
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:52,919
Speaker 2: I think we're moving, and then it was like, oh,

1161
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:55,719
Speaker 2: I'm trying to get my visa now, like oh, we're

1162
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:57,480
Speaker 2: like in process, and I was kind of in denial

1163
00:49:57,520 --> 00:49:59,080
Speaker 2: of it the whole time that it was happening.

1164
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:01,240
Speaker 4: I I know, it was just like all.

1165
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 2: These things like that felt very like left behind because

1166
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:07,000
Speaker 2: even like when I bought my house, I bought basically

1167
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,000
Speaker 2: half a house, which is like so weird to say,

1168
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:09,440
Speaker 2: but it was.

1169
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:12,440
Speaker 4: Like under construction. Oh really yeah, because that's what I

1170
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:13,799
Speaker 4: could afford in the area.

1171
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:16,040
Speaker 2: But my dad's a builder, and so I was like,

1172
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:19,040
Speaker 2: I'm going to be the person that like can make

1173
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:21,040
Speaker 2: money off this house because I'm gonna flip it, like

1174
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm gonna do it, and then I'm going

1175
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:24,879
Speaker 2: to live in it and I'm gonna feel and then

1176
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 2: everything was like three hundred thousand dollars like a minimum

1177
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:29,040
Speaker 2: for everything, and I was like, cool, so that's just

1178
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:29,880
Speaker 2: never gonna happen.

1179
00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:31,919
Speaker 4: So we ended up living in kind of like half

1180
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:33,759
Speaker 4: a house for like the entire time that we were

1181
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:34,920
Speaker 4: living in LA.

1182
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 2: That was also praying on me because I was like, oh,

1183
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:39,120
Speaker 2: this is such a failure, Like I wanted to be

1184
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 2: able to redo this house and like all these things.

1185
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:44,640
Speaker 2: And so in the middle of this, while I was

1186
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:47,800
Speaker 2: waiting to get my visa, I had started oil painting,

1187
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:50,360
Speaker 2: and I started I went around my neighborhood and I

1188
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 2: started taking film photos of all of my favorite houses

1189
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:58,120
Speaker 2: in the neighborhood, and then I set myself up outside

1190
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:01,840
Speaker 2: and painted my view from my window so that I

1191
00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:04,160
Speaker 2: could see like what my neighborhood looked like when I

1192
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:07,759
Speaker 2: lived there, and then also did like personal portraits of

1193
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:11,040
Speaker 2: all of the houses around me. And it became like

1194
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:14,520
Speaker 2: the way that I kind of like exercised that feeling

1195
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:17,960
Speaker 2: of being sad about leaving and also memorialize them and

1196
00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:21,319
Speaker 2: then also like could kind of tap back into my

1197
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 2: artistry in a way that felt really like therapeutic. Yeah,

1198
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:27,879
Speaker 2: it was really nice, But then also I felt really

1199
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:30,239
Speaker 2: good because somehow I managed to do all of that

1200
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 2: and film it, which is not normally Like that's the

1201
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:35,160
Speaker 2: other thing about doing art and filming it.

1202
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:35,920
Speaker 4: And you probably know.

1203
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 2: This, like it's it feels like you take a bit

1204
00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:39,680
Speaker 2: of the soul out of it if you have to

1205
00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:40,120
Speaker 2: film it.

1206
00:51:40,520 --> 00:51:40,920
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1207
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:44,560
Speaker 2: Sometimes Yeah, But I think because I was so comfortable

1208
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:47,520
Speaker 2: like filming myself, that I could kind of like get

1209
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:50,320
Speaker 2: past that and just be like, this is another example

1210
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:53,400
Speaker 2: of being able to hopefully help other people feel like,

1211
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,520
Speaker 2: if you haven't done this artistic pursuit, whatever that may

1212
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 2: be for a real long time, it's like never too

1213
00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:01,960
Speaker 2: late to come back to it and be bad. And

1214
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,399
Speaker 2: so I think that's what like the first video that

1215
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:07,239
Speaker 2: did like well about my art on YouTube was it

1216
00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:09,400
Speaker 2: was called like it was something like it's okay to

1217
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:10,000
Speaker 2: be bad.

1218
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:15,000
Speaker 1: Honestly, a very profound statement that you realize the older

1219
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:17,239
Speaker 1: you get of just like being bad is. I feel

1220
00:52:17,239 --> 00:52:18,680
Speaker 1: like we've talked a lot about control and then a

1221
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,319
Speaker 1: lot about freedom in this episode. Yeah totally, And this

1222
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:24,000
Speaker 1: is what I'm hearing. I'm hearing you'd be like, wait,

1223
00:52:24,239 --> 00:52:27,359
Speaker 1: like this journey towards just letting yourself be bad at things,

1224
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:31,080
Speaker 1: letting yourself explore old hobbies in a way that doesn't

1225
00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 1: sound as like restrictive anymore as it probably was at times.

1226
00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:36,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's true.

1227
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 2: Ooh, we're finding we're finding themes here.

1228
00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 1: Really psycho to like dig into. I have one final

1229
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:48,360
Speaker 1: question for you. This is a question that I was

1230
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:50,719
Speaker 1: going to ask you about moving to London. Actually, let

1231
00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 1: me ask you about it. Okay, everybody else can cheue out.

1232
00:52:53,719 --> 00:52:55,920
Speaker 1: This is this is a me question because I've just

1233
00:52:56,080 --> 00:53:00,360
Speaker 1: moved to London, and how do you enjoy it? Because

1234
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:03,040
Speaker 1: I'm really struggling with it. And I'm sure a lot

1235
00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 1: of people have moved to cities and been like, oh,

1236
00:53:06,719 --> 00:53:08,920
Speaker 1: I had this whole romantic idea of what this was

1237
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:11,200
Speaker 1: going to be and it's not that. So somebody who's

1238
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 1: just moved to London, I em or somebody listening, Yeah,

1239
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:15,319
Speaker 1: what's like some advice that you would have?

1240
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:18,920
Speaker 2: What would you say is what are you struggling with?

1241
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:21,399
Speaker 2: Do you feel like the social situation is a thing.

1242
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:24,600
Speaker 1: I've gotten so lucky. I've made so many friends really quickly.

1243
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 1: It's actually funny. I like went out and was like,

1244
00:53:29,320 --> 00:53:31,440
Speaker 1: I'm a very practical person, and I had been here

1245
00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:32,680
Speaker 1: for a month or two, and I was like, great,

1246
00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:34,320
Speaker 1: So I need to make some friends. So I booked

1247
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:37,840
Speaker 1: like seven like friendship making activities in one weekend was

1248
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:40,480
Speaker 1: and just made all my friends on one week and

1249
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:42,239
Speaker 1: now I'm like good to go. So and I was,

1250
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:45,640
Speaker 1: but I think it's just like realizing this isn't what

1251
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:47,399
Speaker 1: I thought it was going to be and like making

1252
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:49,440
Speaker 1: peace with that. Yeah yeah, what did you think it

1253
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 1: was going to be? I think I love how oh

1254
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,360
Speaker 1: to at the tables? Oh no, I think that I

1255
00:53:54,360 --> 00:53:56,759
Speaker 1: thought it was going to be a lot more like

1256
00:53:56,880 --> 00:54:00,000
Speaker 1: exciting and go go go and like easy, and I

1257
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:01,399
Speaker 1: you know what I think I thought. I didn't think

1258
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 1: the city was this big, right, I thought that things

1259
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:06,080
Speaker 1: were going to be closer, And maybe that's what it

1260
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:07,200
Speaker 1: is where I was like, oh, there's gonna be so

1261
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:09,840
Speaker 1: many opportunities to do things. It's like there are, but

1262
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:11,880
Speaker 1: it takes you two hours, so you actually can't do

1263
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:13,240
Speaker 1: it all because of a commute.

1264
00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:15,799
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, you're not wrong, Like is that not how

1265
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:16,400
Speaker 4: Sydney is?

1266
00:54:16,440 --> 00:54:18,880
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no. Well also I would never go

1267
00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 1: over the bridge, so like there's two sides of Sydney.

1268
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:23,920
Speaker 1: It was like three technically.

1269
00:54:23,440 --> 00:54:23,600
Speaker 2: But.

1270
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:27,440
Speaker 1: I don't know, like I lived where like in the

1271
00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:30,080
Speaker 1: heart of it. Yeah, No, it's not how Sydney is. Like.

1272
00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:32,440
Speaker 2: But you know what's funny is even you saying like

1273
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:35,480
Speaker 2: I don't go over the bridge in Sydney's that is

1274
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:36,520
Speaker 2: the knowledge that you.

1275
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:37,640
Speaker 4: Will have of London.

1276
00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:40,759
Speaker 2: Like yeah, in like three or four months, you'll be like, oh,

1277
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 2: I don't go to I don't go there because I

1278
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:44,279
Speaker 2: don't like my connections there, Like you know what I mean.

1279
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,960
Speaker 2: Like you will have moments where you go, you'll know

1280
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:49,960
Speaker 2: the city. It just takes you know, it's like you

1281
00:54:49,960 --> 00:54:52,520
Speaker 2: have to carve your little mark in the city by

1282
00:54:52,560 --> 00:54:54,360
Speaker 2: experiencing it until you get to the point where you

1283
00:54:54,440 --> 00:54:56,799
Speaker 2: understand the grooves and you can like figure out where

1284
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:57,239
Speaker 2: you're going.

1285
00:54:57,480 --> 00:54:58,200
Speaker 1: Oh I love that.

1286
00:54:58,520 --> 00:55:01,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really beautiful and well it's like you

1287
00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:03,920
Speaker 2: know your your pathways where you end up, like going

1288
00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:05,040
Speaker 2: the most is kind of.

1289
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 1: Like river run. Yeah totally. Yeah.

1290
00:55:08,719 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 4: But I found it, okay.

1291
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:12,440
Speaker 2: I think like in a similar way to you, I

1292
00:55:12,480 --> 00:55:16,120
Speaker 2: found my friends really quickly because my husband was the

1293
00:55:16,239 --> 00:55:19,120
Speaker 2: entire reason I came to London. Like we were long

1294
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:21,400
Speaker 2: distance for years and years and years, and we started

1295
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:24,600
Speaker 2: dating when I was nineteen, I want to say, and

1296
00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:27,880
Speaker 2: he was twenty twenty one.

1297
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 4: A little older than me. What can I say? I

1298
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:30,759
Speaker 4: love it older men.

1299
00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:35,960
Speaker 2: But because he is from London, I basically kind of

1300
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:39,080
Speaker 2: got to like plug into his whole friend group. And

1301
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:41,040
Speaker 2: what's really cool about my husband is that he is

1302
00:55:41,120 --> 00:55:44,160
Speaker 2: like I mean, this is like the most positive way.

1303
00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:47,399
Speaker 4: He's like, mister Alli, We're like, yeah, like our entire

1304
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:50,000
Speaker 4: friend group is queer people. So that was really cool.

1305
00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:52,240
Speaker 2: So, like I don't know, coming from Little Rock, Arkansas,

1306
00:55:52,239 --> 00:55:54,480
Speaker 2: where I was like so sheltered to them, living in

1307
00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:57,000
Speaker 2: Los Angeles where like my mind was expanding a little bit,

1308
00:55:57,040 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 2: and then moving to London and being like in the

1309
00:55:59,239 --> 00:56:03,080
Speaker 2: epicenter of like just cool people was just such a

1310
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:06,120
Speaker 2: different I don't know. I think I really liked moving

1311
00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:09,279
Speaker 2: here because it was I was just absorbing so much.

1312
00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:11,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is what I need to do. I need

1313
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:14,240
Speaker 1: to get out of there, find my I found definitely

1314
00:56:14,280 --> 00:56:16,040
Speaker 1: found great people, but I think I need to like

1315
00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:19,800
Speaker 1: focus on experiencing the city for what it has to offer. Yeah,

1316
00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:22,759
Speaker 1: and that being like it's a big horizon expanded. Yeah.

1317
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:24,640
Speaker 2: And I also think that people are very locked in

1318
00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:27,640
Speaker 2: on their burrows, like have noticed like big time, Like

1319
00:56:27,920 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm a big, Like like I used to

1320
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:31,960
Speaker 2: live in Southwest London, which was great, but it's like

1321
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:32,680
Speaker 2: the sleepiest place.

1322
00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:34,400
Speaker 1: Let's give me a suburb.

1323
00:56:35,160 --> 00:56:39,840
Speaker 2: It's like near Hammersmith, like notting Hill would be southwest

1324
00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:41,040
Speaker 2: like you know what I mean, Like that kind of

1325
00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:42,640
Speaker 2: like area like a lot of.

1326
00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:43,480
Speaker 1: My friend geography.

1327
00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:46,439
Speaker 2: Well yes, right, yeah, West West in general, I feel

1328
00:56:46,480 --> 00:56:48,640
Speaker 2: like it's just like very sleepy now but like no

1329
00:56:48,719 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 2: hate to West, West, East.

1330
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:51,319
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1331
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:54,080
Speaker 2: But then like I hadn't really explored a lot of

1332
00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:58,799
Speaker 2: the other boroughs, and then I, yeah, I have just

1333
00:56:58,840 --> 00:57:01,799
Speaker 2: been spending a lot more time kind of like east

1334
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:04,080
Speaker 2: and North and a little bit of time in South,

1335
00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:05,840
Speaker 2: kind of like expanding my horizons.

1336
00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 4: But here's the thing, Like you just got here.

1337
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 2: I just started doing that. I've been coming back and

1338
00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:10,760
Speaker 2: forth here for like ten years.

1339
00:57:10,840 --> 00:57:11,840
Speaker 4: So what excuse do I have.

1340
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:14,200
Speaker 1: I don't know. I need to get in on it.

1341
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:16,600
Speaker 1: I need to. This is this is like the wiser

1342
00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:19,880
Speaker 1: you are, the wiser version of me, like like that.

1343
00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:21,440
Speaker 1: But no, but like I need to. I need to.

1344
00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:24,040
Speaker 1: I need to take a bigger bite of London. I think, yeah,

1345
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,280
Speaker 1: well we can, we can do that together. We'll get

1346
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:27,040
Speaker 1: dinner in the east.

1347
00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:29,200
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, I'm always trying to like pull people in

1348
00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:30,040
Speaker 2: different directions.

1349
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:31,840
Speaker 1: Like all my friends are in the East, by the way,

1350
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:33,880
Speaker 1: and I'm like yeah, and I'm like, what have I

1351
00:57:33,880 --> 00:57:35,880
Speaker 1: done because I don't like the Northwest, and I'm like

1352
00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:39,240
Speaker 1: love where I live. Yeah, but every all my neighbors

1353
00:57:39,240 --> 00:57:42,920
Speaker 1: are either very old or very famous, right, and we

1354
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:45,080
Speaker 1: are neither of those things. So it's like I think

1355
00:57:45,120 --> 00:57:47,600
Speaker 1: they're sometimes confused as to why we are there.

1356
00:57:47,960 --> 00:57:48,280
Speaker 4: Totally.

1357
00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:50,600
Speaker 1: I don't think I've met anybody who lives in my neighborhood.

1358
00:57:50,600 --> 00:57:53,080
Speaker 1: Wo's under the age of thirty five right right, very

1359
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:55,640
Speaker 1: right under like the income level of thirty five.

1360
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:57,800
Speaker 4: Million, right right, right, right right, And.

1361
00:57:57,760 --> 00:57:59,080
Speaker 1: I feel like we just kind of messed up. But

1362
00:57:59,120 --> 00:58:01,600
Speaker 1: also we have like this really apartment that is technically

1363
00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:03,840
Speaker 1: not living, Like I don't really think you meant to

1364
00:58:03,960 --> 00:58:04,600
Speaker 1: live there.

1365
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:05,840
Speaker 4: I love that about London.

1366
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:08,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, sometimes it's just like, yeah, we just live in

1367
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 2: this like rat hole. Yet we live in a bucket

1368
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:14,240
Speaker 2: and like it's three thousand pounds, but like exactly at us.

1369
00:58:14,480 --> 00:58:16,320
Speaker 1: I remember Landla when we moved in. I was like, so,

1370
00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:17,840
Speaker 1: what happens if there's a fire? He's like, well, there

1371
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:20,520
Speaker 1: should be a ladder on the roof. There should be

1372
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:23,320
Speaker 1: a ladder on the roof. I can't, but we don't

1373
00:58:23,360 --> 00:58:26,080
Speaker 1: know where that is, Like where is it? Technically?

1374
00:58:26,200 --> 00:58:29,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, anyway, yes, awesome, No, that's like such a thing.

1375
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:31,640
Speaker 2: But but no, you'll have to You'll have to come

1376
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:34,800
Speaker 2: hang out with me over on my side town done

1377
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:38,440
Speaker 2: elsewhere and see maybe someone under the age of thirty.

1378
00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:40,960
Speaker 1: I don't think they exist. I don't know, do they not?

1379
00:58:41,160 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 4: I don't know.

1380
00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, I'm not going to hold up that statistic, but

1381
00:58:44,920 --> 00:58:46,280
Speaker 2: I'll find someone who can thirty.

1382
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:48,320
Speaker 1: I feel like thirty is the new twenty five. Hey. Thanks,

1383
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:50,680
Speaker 1: I've been saying that to my friends. Thanks. Final question

1384
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:53,760
Speaker 1: we asked this of every single guest on the podcast,

1385
00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:56,000
Speaker 1: which is what is the biggest lesson that you have

1386
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:57,120
Speaker 1: learned in your twenties?

1387
00:58:57,680 --> 00:59:00,360
Speaker 2: Ooh, I think you know what again? And I think

1388
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:02,320
Speaker 2: it comes back to everything we've been talking about. But

1389
00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:07,840
Speaker 2: I think the biggest lesson I learned was that people

1390
00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:10,640
Speaker 2: aren't really looking at me like that, you know what

1391
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:14,320
Speaker 2: I mean. Everyone's like so obsessed with themselves, and I think,

1392
00:59:14,400 --> 00:59:18,200
Speaker 2: like I was so worried all the time, like as

1393
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:20,000
Speaker 2: someone who was like bullied in high school that I

1394
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:22,600
Speaker 2: was like going to be always kind of watching my

1395
00:59:22,680 --> 00:59:24,480
Speaker 2: back or like always saying the wrong thing or always

1396
00:59:24,480 --> 00:59:27,320
Speaker 2: being kind of awkward. And then I realized like, actually,

1397
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:30,280
Speaker 2: no one, literally no one cares, and that was very

1398
00:59:30,320 --> 00:59:32,400
Speaker 2: freeing in so many ways. Like I think I had

1399
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:36,240
Speaker 2: a lot of like guilt and like negative feelings around

1400
00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:40,560
Speaker 2: just like like being a person in being perceived, not

1401
00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:44,280
Speaker 2: even like a social media perception, but just like interpersonal perception.

1402
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:46,600
Speaker 2: I think I actually cared less about what people thought

1403
00:59:46,680 --> 00:59:48,760
Speaker 2: about me online than people think about me in person.

1404
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:53,800
Speaker 2: But I think I've just like completely like itxnained that.

1405
00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:56,920
Speaker 1: Oh God, I wish you could bottle that feeling and

1406
00:59:57,000 --> 00:59:57,520
Speaker 1: pass it out.

1407
00:59:57,680 --> 00:59:58,800
Speaker 4: I want to so badly.

1408
00:59:58,960 --> 01:00:01,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I think about that sometimes for like people

1409
01:00:01,680 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 2: in their early twenties, because I'm like, oh girl, yeah,

1410
01:00:04,360 --> 01:00:06,200
Speaker 2: I feel so bad for you, like women in their young,

1411
01:00:06,480 --> 01:00:08,800
Speaker 2: like early twenties, Like I don't think I would ever

1412
01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:09,200
Speaker 2: go back.

1413
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:09,800
Speaker 4: To being twenty one.

1414
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:12,600
Speaker 2: You could not pay me no unless I had my

1415
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:14,840
Speaker 2: brain now and I could be like none of this shit.

1416
01:00:14,760 --> 01:00:17,040
Speaker 4: Mad, Yeah, I'd be fine.

1417
01:00:17,160 --> 01:00:20,240
Speaker 1: I think about that with dating all the time. I'm like, brick,

1418
01:00:20,280 --> 01:00:22,000
Speaker 1: I wish I could be dating as like a twenty

1419
01:00:22,080 --> 01:00:24,520
Speaker 1: year old. Obviously I love who I'm with. Sorry, yeah

1420
01:00:24,560 --> 01:00:27,000
Speaker 1: sha my beautiful boyfriend, and yeah, love of my life.

1421
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:29,080
Speaker 1: But like sometimes I'm like, I wish that I had

1422
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:30,840
Speaker 1: the brain that I have now and could have dated

1423
01:00:30,920 --> 01:00:33,560
Speaker 1: back then and actually had fun because I never had

1424
01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:35,320
Speaker 1: fun dating until I met my boyfriend.

1425
01:00:35,360 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 4: Totally, I totally know what you mean. I feel the

1426
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:37,520
Speaker 4: same way.

1427
01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:39,640
Speaker 2: It's kind of that whole thing about like what's this

1428
01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:41,080
Speaker 2: Sylvia Plath fig Tree.

1429
01:00:41,280 --> 01:00:43,200
Speaker 1: We literally just did an episode on that the other day.

1430
01:00:43,280 --> 01:00:45,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's similar where, yeah, you know, well less depressing

1431
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:48,560
Speaker 2: when you're talking about dating, but like, yeah, I agree,

1432
01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:50,440
Speaker 2: just like being able to enjoy stuff because you know,

1433
01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:52,880
Speaker 2: like it doesn't matter. But you know what, that's also hindsight,

1434
01:00:53,720 --> 01:00:56,200
Speaker 2: like you know exactly. I get really nervous and like

1435
01:00:56,200 --> 01:00:58,480
Speaker 2: anxious about things now. It doesn't mean that like in

1436
01:00:58,520 --> 01:00:59,800
Speaker 2: five years, I'm not gonna be like I wish I

1437
01:00:59,840 --> 01:01:01,120
Speaker 2: just didn't care when I was thirty.

1438
01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:02,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I probably will still say that.

1439
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:03,160
Speaker 2: You know.

1440
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:05,080
Speaker 1: It brings it back to that thing you said before

1441
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:06,960
Speaker 1: of like getting older is like such a privilege. And

1442
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:09,560
Speaker 1: I look at like my mom for example, and like

1443
01:01:09,720 --> 01:01:12,360
Speaker 1: my aunt's and I also think it's so important to

1444
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:13,680
Speaker 1: have friends who are a few years older than you

1445
01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:15,840
Speaker 1: as well. Yeah, like, and I also a few decades

1446
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:18,080
Speaker 1: older than you, because it just seems like it gets

1447
01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:20,760
Speaker 1: better and better. It looks so much fun.

1448
01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:24,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, crazy, what perspective can do. Like when you meet

1449
01:01:24,320 --> 01:01:26,640
Speaker 2: someone who's like still rocking it and looking so cool

1450
01:01:26,680 --> 01:01:29,000
Speaker 2: and like doing like the best kind of life and

1451
01:01:29,040 --> 01:01:30,320
Speaker 2: they're like twenty years older than you.

1452
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:33,920
Speaker 1: I'm playing for some gray hair. I know I'm going

1453
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:36,440
Speaker 1: to do full gray if it happens, I'm clown.

1454
01:01:36,840 --> 01:01:38,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so down to clown, I know.

1455
01:01:38,720 --> 01:01:41,120
Speaker 4: Like, do you remember that show it was called There.

1456
01:01:41,360 --> 01:01:43,640
Speaker 2: There was a woman named Stacy London who was like

1457
01:01:43,680 --> 01:01:46,520
Speaker 2: a stylist on the t on TLC. It was like

1458
01:01:46,520 --> 01:01:48,600
Speaker 2: a thing in America. But she you need to look

1459
01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:50,760
Speaker 2: her up later. She had this show it was called

1460
01:01:50,800 --> 01:01:53,880
Speaker 2: What Not to Wear, and it was not great. It

1461
01:01:53,920 --> 01:01:56,560
Speaker 2: didn't age well. It was a lot of things being

1462
01:01:56,640 --> 01:02:00,200
Speaker 2: flattering or unflattering or frumpy or not frumpy, like not

1463
01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:01,720
Speaker 2: great body discussions happening.

1464
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:05,640
Speaker 4: But she had the most fabulous streak of gray in

1465
01:02:05,720 --> 01:02:08,640
Speaker 4: her hair from when she was like at like our

1466
01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:11,600
Speaker 4: age into her forties and she still like maintains it

1467
01:02:11,640 --> 01:02:13,000
Speaker 4: and she looks so cool.

1468
01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:15,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is going to be the new trend. I

1469
01:02:15,320 --> 01:02:17,600
Speaker 1: think gray hair is going to be where it's at. Yeah.

1470
01:02:17,680 --> 01:02:20,240
Speaker 1: I think it's signd of like being it's a sign

1471
01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:23,520
Speaker 1: of total self acceptance and like push back against like

1472
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:25,200
Speaker 1: the aging propaganda.

1473
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:25,320
Speaker 4: One hundred percent.

1474
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:25,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1475
01:02:25,720 --> 01:02:27,560
Speaker 2: I think that's also like being able to move your

1476
01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:29,200
Speaker 2: face is the same thing, you know.

1477
01:02:30,440 --> 01:02:36,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

1478
01:02:36,640 --> 01:02:37,680
Speaker 1: I hope you had a great time.

1479
01:02:37,800 --> 01:02:38,240
Speaker 2: I did.

1480
01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:39,520
Speaker 4: Thank you for having me.

1481
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:41,080
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed this chat.

1482
01:02:41,280 --> 01:02:43,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, let me know if you ever want me back.

1483
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:45,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. Well maybe people are going to be

1484
01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:48,320
Speaker 1: like and hopefully they think we have a good vibe. Yeah,

1485
01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:50,240
Speaker 1: where can people find you? And what is something you're

1486
01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:52,240
Speaker 1: really excited about going on in your career in your

1487
01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:53,919
Speaker 1: life right now you want people to know about.

1488
01:02:54,080 --> 01:02:57,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I'm on all my socials as per huge.

1489
01:02:58,600 --> 01:03:02,840
Speaker 2: I also just released a collection with Lisa Saysga, which.

1490
01:03:02,720 --> 01:03:05,640
Speaker 1: You are wearing if you were watching on Netflix. Literally

1491
01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:07,360
Speaker 1: you walked in and I was like that that shirt

1492
01:03:07,440 --> 01:03:10,200
Speaker 1: is phenomenal. Yes, and you painted that thing. Yeah, this

1493
01:03:10,280 --> 01:03:12,240
Speaker 1: is my painting. I think the saturation has been bumped

1494
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:14,360
Speaker 1: up a little bit. But yeah, I did a trip.

1495
01:03:14,120 --> 01:03:17,120
Speaker 2: Deck of blossoms in a field kind of like all

1496
01:03:17,200 --> 01:03:20,600
Speaker 2: uh money. It was my mone copy, not nearly as good. Unfortunately,

1497
01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:23,880
Speaker 2: he's kind of a master, so that's kind of my

1498
01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:26,080
Speaker 2: attempt of it. But it made a fabulous shirt.

1499
01:03:26,280 --> 01:03:28,680
Speaker 1: It does, it actually does. Okay, I'm going to get

1500
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:30,560
Speaker 1: people to check that out. You can find Join the

1501
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:34,080
Speaker 1: on Socials as always, guys, thank you so much for listening.

1502
01:03:34,240 --> 01:03:36,400
Speaker 1: You can also find the Psychology of your Twenties on

1503
01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:39,520
Speaker 1: Socials in the episode description down below. If you want

1504
01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:41,440
Speaker 1: to follow us on substack, Instagram, all those things I

1505
01:03:41,440 --> 01:03:44,280
Speaker 1: feel like every single episode, I give you a longer list,

1506
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:46,800
Speaker 1: but it's all down below. And of course you can

1507
01:03:46,840 --> 01:03:50,600
Speaker 1: also find Arden and see more of what she's up

1508
01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:53,960
Speaker 1: to by following the links in the description. But until

1509
01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:56,360
Speaker 1: next time, be safe, be kind, and be gentle to yourself.

1510
01:03:56,560 --> 01:04:02,680
Speaker 1: We will talk very very soon.