Speaker 1: Oh good, All right, break it down. If you ever
Speaker 1: have feelings that you just wonsome Amy and Cat gotcha
Speaker 1: covin locking, no brother, the lady's quotes, you just follow
Speaker 1: Anna spirit Ware, tell the phone over real stuff to
Speaker 1: the chill stuff and the.
Speaker 2: M but Swayne. Sometimes the best thing you can do it.
Speaker 1: Jes stop you feel things.
Speaker 2: This is feeling things with Amy and Kat.
Speaker 3: Happy Tuesday. Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy, I'm Kat,
Speaker 3: and we're gonna kick things off with a quote like
Speaker 3: we used to on the Fifth Thing back in the day.
Speaker 3: I love so if you're an og listener, you'll you'll
Speaker 3: kind of get this. If you're new, welcome. Here's a
Speaker 3: quote that I saw today in my Anna Voss Whimsy newsletter.
Speaker 3: I love her newsletters so much, which we have a
Speaker 3: newsletter too. If y'all want to sign up, you can.
Speaker 3: The link is in the show notes. This quote is
Speaker 3: unknown and it's if you fail, congratulations. Most people don't
Speaker 3: even try.
Speaker 2: Amen.
Speaker 3: So good. Whatever you're doing, just go for it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're doing more.
Speaker 3: There are things that I've wanted to do recently and
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, I don't really want to pour myself
Speaker 3: into that. Because it's already seems hard, and what if
Speaker 3: we fail at it anyway? And now I'm walking in
Speaker 3: on some stuff and I'm dialed in and I'm like,
Speaker 3: it's okay, we're going to get this.
Speaker 2: Well, you know, it's so interesting to me and it
Speaker 2: helps me try. Is that a lot of times the
Speaker 2: reason we don't try is because we don't want to fail,
Speaker 2: and we don't want people to see us being a failure.
Speaker 2: A lot of times, yeah, well, a lot of times
Speaker 2: when people watch somebody try and fail, they're still in
Speaker 2: awe of them. Like if if you put yourself out
Speaker 2: there and did something and it didn't work out, I'd
Speaker 2: be like, good for her, And so actually failing works
Speaker 2: out for us, Like it's us that would be down
Speaker 2: on ourselves for it not working out.
Speaker 3: There people are like, yeah, but if someone happened to
Speaker 3: have other feelings, like oh they got some weird joy
Speaker 3: out of your failure, then that's a messed up thing
Speaker 3: that they should deal with. You don't need to worry
Speaker 3: about them anyways. The people do get joy out of
Speaker 3: or like huh, or I knew they weren't going to
Speaker 3: be able to do it, but I think that's their
Speaker 3: own fear.
Speaker 2: And that also they aren't gonna root for you if
Speaker 2: you do well. Neither are those same people.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, our feelings of the day. Mine is
Speaker 3: nervous because I watched that document around Netflix that you
Speaker 3: told us to watch a toxic love story, and now
Speaker 3: I'm nervous to date, get married anybody.
Speaker 2: Ever.
Speaker 3: Again, I don't want to say too much because there's
Speaker 3: some twists, okay for sure.
Speaker 2: But also there are some twists for sure, but there
Speaker 2: are red flags on everybody's part and I do not
Speaker 2: that could happen to anybody. And I clocked some things
Speaker 2: that if I saw happening with you, I'd be like
Speaker 2: Amy Knock, like open your eyes.
Speaker 3: Right, you probably wouldn't let it go to the point
Speaker 3: of where it went in these relationships, like so we
Speaker 3: wouldn't be buying condos or getting married.
Speaker 2: Or within a couple weeks two months.
Speaker 3: So no, I get it. There's definitely red flags, but
Speaker 3: it's just.
Speaker 2: It is scary, no, I mean, there's so many stories
Speaker 2: like that, remember the Tinder Swindler all those So okay.
Speaker 3: So I'm a little I'm just a little nervous, I said,
Speaker 3: And don't worry. I haven't made a LinkedIn profile or
Speaker 3: anything because Ceraently that's all the rage now.
Speaker 2: But don't give up on it just because because then
Speaker 2: that I'm gonna feel bad because I recommended you to
Speaker 2: watch that. Yeah, and then that would have backfired.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, well I'm not going to give up, but
Speaker 3: it's okay to having to work out there. Just like
Speaker 3: every week, I'm showing more clues of hell. It's the wild,
Speaker 3: wild West, and I should just enjoy my little life,
Speaker 3: me and my dog and my cat and my kids occasionally.
Speaker 3: I mean, I always like want my kids, but I
Speaker 3: don't have them all the time all the time.
Speaker 2: Uh. Well, I'm feeling frazzled because I almost died.
Speaker 3: Uh again, No, that was your baby fire. Your baby's
Speaker 3: almost died twice. But now you and the baby on
Speaker 3: this side.
Speaker 2: I guess she might not have made it either. So
Speaker 2: I was on my way here and you had just
Speaker 2: called me. So this is crazy. This is what got
Speaker 2: me thinking, really, is have you ever been somebody's like
Speaker 2: last phone call.
Speaker 3: Which let me set the scene for y'all. Kat walked
Speaker 3: in and she's out of breath and she's just feeling
Speaker 3: very frazzled. Is a good word, like you were frazzled
Speaker 3: and you were like you were almost the last person
Speaker 3: I ever talked to, and I'm like, tell me more.
Speaker 2: You were like hot in the zone.
Speaker 3: So I think I was working, yes, and I don't
Speaker 3: think it fully registered how much your life was in danger.
Speaker 3: So why don't you tell us?
Speaker 2: Well, it's not that. I mean, it's simple. I just
Speaker 2: was at a stoplight and a fire truck was coming
Speaker 2: from behind and I couldn't turn because there was oncoming
Speaker 2: traffic and also the the fire truck was not in
Speaker 2: my lane, but then right before it got in my lane,
Speaker 2: and then I was like, what am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2: Because you know, usually you pull off the side of
Speaker 2: the road. I was in the middle of the road.
Speaker 2: I couldn't pull off the side, and I couldn't turn,
Speaker 2: and it literally, you guys, can't if you're not watching
Speaker 2: this on YouTube, which you could watch this on YouTube
Speaker 2: if you wanted it. Last minute did this swerve like
Speaker 2: he was. They were coming full force at me. I
Speaker 2: literally was looking in my rearview mirror being like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, what do I do do I pull into
Speaker 2: the middle of the road and then it last minute
Speaker 2: went around me. And I almost died, so.
Speaker 3: First I could have flit. Second, you thought they were
Speaker 3: going to injure you on her way to an emergency, and.
Speaker 2: It didn't register at first, like I think, I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: that was crazy. And then as I was going to
Speaker 2: get food and I was walking out of picking up
Speaker 2: my food, and I was like, oh my gosh, Amy
Speaker 2: was almost the last person I ever talked to. That's wild.
Speaker 2: And it made me think about, like, what are the
Speaker 2: last texts that I've sent? What's the last thing I
Speaker 2: said to my husband, which was I miss you and
Speaker 2: few yeah, and that was this when at like eight o'clock.
Speaker 3: Wait, so he'd like left for work and you're already
Speaker 3: like I miss you.
Speaker 2: You left at like six something probably, but.
Speaker 3: And then at ate you just texted him I miss you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Oh that's sweet.
Speaker 2: But then I was thinking like Amy would be the
Speaker 2: last person that I talked to, Like what would she
Speaker 2: tell people about like how I was, because I don't
Speaker 2: think I was like super cheery, but I won't want
Speaker 2: people to know I was like in a good mood
Speaker 2: before I died.
Speaker 3: And then he offered to give me a salad.
Speaker 2: I did that, But then I was thinking like, have
Speaker 2: you ever been somebody's last Like, were the last person
Speaker 2: somebody talked to before they died? Were you with like
Speaker 2: your mom or your Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was with both of them when they died, but
Speaker 3: they were both unconscious. Oh both my mom we didn't
Speaker 3: have to unplug. She just slowly left her body over
Speaker 3: like a couple of days. And then my dad we
Speaker 3: had to unplug, and the doctor was like, this could
Speaker 3: take anywhere from three minutes to three days. My dad
Speaker 3: likes to go out, so he was pretty quick. He
Speaker 3: was less than three minutes, so it was pretty Oh wow.
Speaker 2: Well so that's a big Then I was just thinking,
Speaker 2: like that's a lot to carry that, like you were
Speaker 2: the last person.
Speaker 3: I mean we were talking to them as if they
Speaker 3: could hear us, but I didn't hear from them. But
Speaker 3: I think those were we knew they were dying situations.
Speaker 3: Some people, like in your case, this would have been
Speaker 3: a so an unexpected event.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think of that when I get on an airplane
Speaker 3: every almost every time I fly, I think, well, this
Speaker 3: could be it, but I don't. I don't assess the
Speaker 3: text messages that I've sent. I should start doing that,
Speaker 3: like take notes, like you're such an amazing person in front.
Speaker 3: Like every time I fly, I said like the nicest
Speaker 3: notes to everybody. So she just sent me the sweetest
Speaker 3: text and then she died. She was so thoughtful who
Speaker 3: she was. I'll always be remembered. I just did not
Speaker 3: like fifty texts.
Speaker 2: I'm feeling better actually, now that we're talking about I
Speaker 2: don't feel frazzled anymore.
Speaker 3: I just was. I see. So sometimes it's good naming it, yeah,
Speaker 3: and then talking about it, and then the feeling will go.
Speaker 2: They probably knew what they were doing. They probably knew
Speaker 2: they were going to do that swerve. I didn't know
Speaker 2: they were going to do that swerve. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I do have a question that doesn't come up, and
Speaker 3: this is something that you said before we hit record,
Speaker 3: and I made a mental note, yeah to ask you this. Okay,
Speaker 3: why did you say you were going to be a
Speaker 3: history major? Because before we hit record, Kat and I
Speaker 3: were just talking about the news article from a couple
Speaker 3: of weeks ago where in Arizona there's a college that
Speaker 3: has made influencing a major, and so this is just
Speaker 3: casual conversation and then we got sidetracked because other people
Speaker 3: were coming in and we were about to record. But
Speaker 3: you casually said, well, I was going to be a
Speaker 3: history major, and my dad said he wasn't going to
Speaker 3: pay for it. And I thought, in my head, Kat
Speaker 3: is a therapist. What would she have done with a
Speaker 3: history major, and why did you want to do that?
Speaker 2: Well, I think that's my dad's point is the question
Speaker 2: is asked, like, what are you going to do with that?
Speaker 2: So I didn't know what I wanted to be. I
Speaker 2: did not know what I wanted to major in. When
Speaker 2: I went to school. I was a nursing major, but
Speaker 2: that's just because I had no desire to be a
Speaker 2: nurse at all. But my mom was a nurse, that
Speaker 2: you could make a good living being a nurse. And
Speaker 2: I I liked my anatomy class and in high school,
Speaker 2: but I can't even look at a cut on my
Speaker 2: own hand.
Speaker 3: Seem like I pass out at the sight of blood.
Speaker 2: I could like cut my thumb open a couple of
Speaker 2: years ago, and I had to like change the bandage
Speaker 2: every day, and I couldn't even do it. Patrick had
Speaker 2: to do it. That's how bad I can't. So I
Speaker 2: took one nursing class or one intro and I was like,
Speaker 2: I got to change my major, but then I had
Speaker 2: never thought about it, so I think I changed it
Speaker 2: to like fashion merchandising at first, because that's like what
Speaker 2: cool girls were doing back then. But then I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm not really good at this, that's not for me.
Speaker 2: So then I was like, well, then I'll be a
Speaker 2: business major, like a just a marketing major or something,
Speaker 2: and then whatever. So then I took my intro your
Speaker 2: US History class in freshman year and I loved it.
Speaker 3: Loved it, really I.
Speaker 2: Loved it, except I do have one traumatic story from
Speaker 2: that class. But I loved learning about because I feel
Speaker 2: like in high school I never really paid attention to history,
Speaker 2: like you know, i'll read this and have this test,
Speaker 2: but I wasn't really realizing what I was learning is
Speaker 2: like real.
Speaker 3: Now, So was your professor really good? Do you think
Speaker 3: that played a role in it.
Speaker 2: I don't want to say that, though, because this professor
Speaker 2: made me cry.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, so is this a traumatic story?
Speaker 2: Yes, so I it's looking back, it's not that big
Speaker 2: of a deal, but it was a big deal to me. Then.
Speaker 2: It was one of those like big auditorium classes because
Speaker 2: everybody had to take it, and I had asked if
Speaker 2: I could take my midterm or my final early because
Speaker 2: I loved, really I loved six hours away from where
Speaker 2: I went to school, and I was trying to ride
Speaker 2: home with my sister and she was leaving earlier, and
Speaker 2: I was like, no big deal, Like who wants to
Speaker 2: take their test early? Like surely she'll be like, you're
Speaker 2: a good student for wanting to do that. She didn't
Speaker 2: reply to my email, and then she scolded me in
Speaker 2: front of the whole class how dare I do that?
Speaker 3: And asked that I but in an auditorium style class,
Speaker 3: she called you out.
Speaker 2: Well, here's the thing. She didn't say who did it,
Speaker 2: but she said I got an email from one of
Speaker 2: you asking she never responded to me, and then she
Speaker 2: responded to me without naming me in front of the
Speaker 2: whole class. But obviously I'm like bright red. And she
Speaker 2: was basically like, you knew the schedule before, Like it
Speaker 2: felt like the crime the punishment didn't fit the crime.
Speaker 2: Like I didn't understand her saying no, you can't, but
Speaker 2: why did you have to? It was mean, like she
Speaker 2: was angry. I don't know what was going on with
Speaker 2: her that day. She also she was British. I liked
Speaker 2: that about her to me, that's why I liked.
Speaker 3: She was British teaching American history.
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't know then later What's what's crazy is
Speaker 2: later when I was I was because I was a
Speaker 2: child and Family studies major, and so I had to
Speaker 2: work in the daycare on like the child development center
Speaker 2: on our campus. I had to care for her child.
Speaker 3: Oh, so what'd you do?
Speaker 2: Well? I didn't hurt the child, obviously, I cared for
Speaker 2: the child well, but I just was like, oh, I
Speaker 2: don't want to like this kid because your mom wasn't
Speaker 2: mean to me. But like she probably doesn't even remember,
Speaker 2: but it was like full circle. It's like I'm going
Speaker 2: to be the bigger person, you know, not put this
Speaker 2: child in danger anyway. So I can't all have to
Speaker 2: say I didn't. I don't like that teacher. I don't
Speaker 2: want I don't want to say it was her. I
Speaker 2: think it was the content. I just really liked learning
Speaker 2: about history. So I told my dad I want to
Speaker 2: be a history major, thinking I could be a professor.
Speaker 3: And you would be a nice one. If someone needed
Speaker 3: to take their exam early.
Speaker 2: I would totally let them because a what a good
Speaker 2: student and my Dad's response was, I'm not paying for that,
Speaker 2: because what are you going to do? I think his
Speaker 2: point was, I've never heard you talk about this before,
Speaker 2: so it's not like you grew up love going to
Speaker 2: museums and stuff and you're really enthralled in it. And
Speaker 2: I like it was very random, and he didn't want
Speaker 2: me to spend a lot of time and then have
Speaker 2: a major that I couldn't use to do what I
Speaker 2: really wanted to.
Speaker 3: Do, sort of a dead end.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which I didn't know what I wanted to do,
Speaker 2: so that was hard. And guys, that's okay. When you're
Speaker 2: a freshman, you don't really have to know.
Speaker 3: When did you realize you wanted to be a therapist?
Speaker 2: Probably not till I was a junior, because I ended
Speaker 2: up changing my major to Child and Family Studies, which
Speaker 2: I didn't know was a thing. That's the other You know,
Speaker 2: we probably have a lot of high schoolers listening, but
Speaker 2: like I didn't know all the options. That was part
Speaker 2: of my problem. That's joking, by the way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we maybe have one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So once I learned more, I had met somebody
Speaker 2: at a camp. I was working at a young life
Speaker 2: camp in the summer and my boss was a child
Speaker 2: of Family studies major. I'd never heard of that, and
Speaker 2: I was like, well, I want to do you working
Speaker 2: at Young Life Camp, I want to do that. I'll
Speaker 2: do that major, and so I changed my major to that.
Speaker 2: And then my advisor was also a therapist, and she
Speaker 2: encouraged me to take a marriage of family therapy class
Speaker 2: and I loved it, and so then I wanted to
Speaker 2: be a therapist.
Speaker 3: Which I know two people later in life that their adults,
Speaker 3: their moms that have since gone back to get their
Speaker 3: degree and whatever other things you need to do to
Speaker 3: become a licensed therapist. But it was a It wasn't
Speaker 3: something they did early on in their twenties. They pursued
Speaker 3: it later in their forties and they really love it.
Speaker 2: You know what I think because there was a couple
Speaker 2: in my class when I was in grad school. It
Speaker 2: wasn't all people that just graduated school. It was very
Speaker 2: it was pretty diverse. I think that being older going
Speaker 2: back because a lot of people don't want to restart.
Speaker 2: They think it's going to be so hard, which it
Speaker 2: is hard, but that keeps a lot of people from
Speaker 2: making changes. But what I saw from the people that
Speaker 2: were older and our cohort was they had a This
Speaker 2: is from my perspective, it was easier for them because
Speaker 2: when they were interns or new nobody assumed that they
Speaker 2: were new or interns because they were older, versus I'm
Speaker 2: twenty two trying to give therapy to a forty five
Speaker 2: year old, and that person's probably like, what the heck
Speaker 2: do you know? You know what I mean? But they
Speaker 2: come with a certain amount of life experience. But also
Speaker 2: I think just because they're older, just.
Speaker 3: The look of Lisnes, yes, the perceived Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I always was very jealous of them, like, dang it,
Speaker 2: I wish I was forty five.
Speaker 3: You'll get there. Yeah, when you were talking about the
Speaker 3: in school daycare and caring for your mean professor's child,
Speaker 3: and then also liking you as history, it made me
Speaker 3: think about the book that I'm reading right now, which
Speaker 3: is The Calamity Club. Now it's fiction, but you get it.
Speaker 3: There's some history intertwined. It's during the Great Depression, and
Speaker 3: there is a situation of someone having to care for
Speaker 3: someone else's child and that they don't.
Speaker 2: Like, they don't want the child or the well person.
Speaker 3: I don't want to give away too much, but it
Speaker 3: made me think of that storyline of having someone in
Speaker 3: your care and let's just say she's doing the opposite
Speaker 3: of you. You're like, no, I wasn't gonna treat the
Speaker 3: child any differently. That was not the case.
Speaker 2: I don't want to give myself that much credit because
Speaker 2: I was also getting graded.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so if you weren't getting graded, I.
Speaker 2: Hope I wouldn't. But you never know you.
Speaker 3: Wanted to pick her child up early, you'd be like, no,
Speaker 3: you can't pick her up early, keeping her you have to.
Speaker 3: You can't pick her up till five o'clock.
Speaker 2: You knew the hours, you knew four.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we already had. I'm already scheduled, did be here
Speaker 3: till five? So your kids staying here till five? You
Speaker 3: should have known better, and you make this big announcement. Okay,
Speaker 3: So that is Kat's journey to becoming a therapist and
Speaker 3: not a history professor.
Speaker 2: I think I would have been. I do think I
Speaker 2: would have really liked teaching. I will say that I
Speaker 2: would have liked teaching college. I don't think I would
Speaker 2: have liked teaching high school or middle school, eleentary school. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I saw something crazy. This is a callback from last week.
Speaker 2: We were talking about the Golden Girls thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because my friend wanted to know if I would
Speaker 3: live with her in a Golden Girls type house.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, so we talked about that, and we talked
Speaker 2: about I don't know if it was on that same
Speaker 2: episode or the Couch Talks episode that week, but we
Speaker 2: talked about Logan Uri. You remember that she's a dating
Speaker 2: coach and she has a Netflix show. I want to
Speaker 2: say it's called like Later Daters or something that I
Speaker 2: could have made that up, but it's about older people dating,
Speaker 2: like not like a twenty year old dating show. Okay,
Speaker 2: it was crazy. We talked about those two things. Guess
Speaker 2: what what she lives in a commune with her twenty
Speaker 2: best friends.
Speaker 3: She does, and she's like young, so she's single.
Speaker 2: I don't know that some of them have families because
Speaker 2: she talked about how they spend time with their kids
Speaker 2: and stuff.
Speaker 3: And right, it's not just girls the greatest friends. It's
Speaker 3: not like the Golden Girls where they've all ended up
Speaker 3: a single on the way in their life. So it's
Speaker 3: more of a compound, like the family compounds you see
Speaker 3: sometimes where everybody's living together and they have a shared pool.
Speaker 3: Like I saw something pop up on my Instagram the
Speaker 3: other day of like all these cousins that live on
Speaker 3: a bunch of property together and they built one huge
Speaker 3: pool in the middle of all this property, and there
Speaker 3: was probably it looks like a hotel, like twenty five
Speaker 3: lounge chairs, but all the cousins live there and then
Speaker 3: all of their kids, and they would all just yeah,
Speaker 3: it's not like, oh, we had to pay to put
Speaker 3: a pool in. You got to split it. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: you can make it really eight ways or however many. Yeah.
Speaker 3: The show is called The Later Daters.
Speaker 2: You write, it's cute. And so I watched her. Actually
Speaker 2: a client of mine told me about that show. So
Speaker 2: I watched a couple episodes, and there was a tip
Speaker 2: that I want, I want to give this to you,
Speaker 2: but also you might not need it, but also I
Speaker 2: want to give this because this is something that I
Speaker 2: can see helping. I mean, it's helped me, just as
Speaker 2: like a person who doesn't feel like they do the
Speaker 2: best with small talk. So she was talking to this
Speaker 2: sweet woman, oh my gosh, you have to watch at
Speaker 2: least one episode of this show.
Speaker 3: Oh, I totally will, and kind.
Speaker 2: Of coaching her on how to start the date and
Speaker 2: how to because she was I don't know what questions
Speaker 2: do I ask or what if there's an awkward silence or something,
Speaker 2: And so she said, a anti small talk technique is
Speaker 2: called in I don't know how this is really said
Speaker 2: because it's Latin, but in media res, which means in
Speaker 2: the middle of things. So she said, instead of sitting
Speaker 2: down and asking somebody like where are you from or whatever,
Speaker 2: she said, start talking about something that you were just doing.
Speaker 2: So it's like you are jumping into a conversation. So
Speaker 2: you sit down and you say hello, and you're like,
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, on the way here.
Speaker 3: I was almost died.
Speaker 2: That was an interesting way to start the conversation.
Speaker 3: But you were here. You were almost the last person
Speaker 3: I ever texted.
Speaker 2: She didn't give that example. She gave the example of
Speaker 2: I was on the way here and I was listening
Speaker 2: to this podcast and I heard this crazy thing. I
Speaker 2: want to share it with you. And then that just
Speaker 2: like gets you guys talking, and then you are learning
Speaker 2: about the person, like their personality versus just like facts
Speaker 2: about them. And then she said you can always once
Speaker 2: you go through that, like who knows where it will lead,
Speaker 2: you can always come back to the where are you from?
Speaker 2: Or what do you do for work? You can always
Speaker 2: come back to those questions, but it just is an
Speaker 2: easy way to jump in and feel like you guys
Speaker 2: kind of already know each other in a way.
Speaker 3: I feel like after watching a toxic love story, I
Speaker 3: would sit down and be like, so, I just watched
Speaker 3: this documentary a toxic love story, and I need to
Speaker 3: know your thoughts on this particular thing. The one thing
Speaker 3: that the guy is this is not going to be
Speaker 3: a spoiler of the show at all, whatsoever, because there's
Speaker 3: a lot happening in this love triangle situation. I will
Speaker 3: what I think is okay to say. If you don't
Speaker 3: want to know, I don't know, hit the fast forward button.
Speaker 3: Thirty seconds. He asked someone he was dating or married to,
Speaker 3: or whatever their relationship.
Speaker 5: Was to.
Speaker 3: That he wanted to watch her be with somebody else,
Speaker 3: and she had zero desire to do that. And also
Speaker 3: she said that sort of came out of nowhere. It
Speaker 3: really wasn't his. He was sort of she was girl
Speaker 3: next door. He was guy next door.
Speaker 2: If you look like a Disney adult, like wholesome.
Speaker 3: Wholesome, right, And then one day out of the blue,
Speaker 3: he hits her with that question. And she's saying no, no, no,
Speaker 3: no no, until I guess do people just get worn
Speaker 3: down and then they don't want to lose the person
Speaker 3: so they give in. And she ultimately gave in to
Speaker 3: his request because she thought, if I do this, then
Speaker 3: it'll he'll get it out of his system and we
Speaker 3: won't have to worry about it again.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Like so now I feel like my question is going
Speaker 3: to be, like, do you ever have this desire? Because
Speaker 3: if we do, like I'm out, let me know, let
Speaker 3: me know now, just let me know now. Because that
Speaker 3: just was such a I was shocked that she was
Speaker 3: so against it and then ultimately she was worn down
Speaker 3: and decided to do it. And I'm sure there's a
Speaker 3: lot of people they get in those situations where they
Speaker 3: end up doing stuff that they don't want to do,
Speaker 3: and they had a firm boundary to begin with. But
Speaker 3: if people are relentless and depending on the emotional abuse
Speaker 3: and a relationship or whatever's taking place.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think I could be wrong about this.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure she hadn't.
Speaker 3: Dated a lot, she correct, and she was young.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so she didn't know how Probably she didn't have
Speaker 2: the awareness she has now of like how abnormal and scary.
Speaker 2: That is not for somebody to request that so much,
Speaker 2: but for somebody to not listen to you and.
Speaker 3: Listen to what you're saying. Yeah, because she did say
Speaker 3: you're right. She did say maybe this is just how
Speaker 3: all relationships.
Speaker 2: Are because she had already built I think this is
Speaker 2: something because at first I'm like, why would you do that?
Speaker 2: But she had already built a lot of trust with
Speaker 2: this person, and so this is she thinks this way,
Speaker 2: So she's seen it through that lens of This is
Speaker 2: a good guy. He doesn't want to hurt me. This
Speaker 2: is just something he wants. So maybe if I give
Speaker 2: it to him, then we can move forward. Versus if
Speaker 2: that was a stranger or somebody you didn't have trust
Speaker 2: built with, and that's where a lot of manipulation happens.
Speaker 2: It's like, well, I already this is who I think
Speaker 2: this person is, so they can't be doing this to
Speaker 2: hurt me or because they don't care about me, or
Speaker 2: because they're a bad person.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So do you think that's a good eye spraker
Speaker 3: or no?
Speaker 2: You know what I actually do think it would be
Speaker 2: if you went on a date and you had just
Speaker 2: watched the show it would be funny to sit down
Speaker 2: and be like, oh my gosh, I just watched this
Speaker 2: documentary last night called a Toxic Love Story, and it's
Speaker 2: making me feel a little nervous to be here with you.
Speaker 2: Like to make a joke out of it, But if
Speaker 2: you sit down in your seriously like, have you ever
Speaker 2: wanted to watch your partner be intimate with somebody else? Seriously?
Speaker 2: I think he would have been like that person might
Speaker 2: be a little off put right.
Speaker 3: Then he's going to be like, how do I end
Speaker 3: this date?
Speaker 1: Pivot?
Speaker 3: What did you say the other day or like a
Speaker 3: couple last week or the week before you were talking
Speaker 3: about how you and one of your dates you went
Speaker 3: on it was thirty five minutes long.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, that one would probably end pretty sooner
Speaker 2: than that.
Speaker 3: So sometimes on dates you may have a little nightcap.
Speaker 3: But I have a new version of a night cap. Okay,
Speaker 3: Now the nightcap could be with you, your friends, someone
Speaker 3: you went on a date with, yourself, your kids, whatever,
Speaker 3: however you want to see this nightcap because really it's
Speaker 3: just the acronym of cap cap and it's good to
Speaker 3: do at night. Okay, So cap your day off with
Speaker 3: this see celebrate even the tiniest win. Maybe it's unloading
Speaker 3: the dishwasher that counts, So see for celebrate, that's.
Speaker 2: A big deal. I hate unloading the dishwasher. I will
Speaker 2: take one thing out of time. Out of a time, I'll.
Speaker 3: Take a couple of things out and then reload it
Speaker 3: with new stuff and run it again. Okay, A appreciate
Speaker 3: something from your day, no matter how small, like unloading
Speaker 3: the dish I didn't get hit by that fire.
Speaker 2: Try and if I did, that's so sweet that any
Speaker 2: would have been my last phone call.
Speaker 3: Yes, pee, prioritize one to three things for tomorrow so
Speaker 3: your brain can rest easy tonight. So that is your nightcap. Celebrate, appreciate, prioritize.
Speaker 2: I like it.
Speaker 3: I mean you probably don't want to do that with
Speaker 3: your date. I guess you could, or your husband you
Speaker 3: might be able to.
Speaker 2: You could do that, Like, you could do that after
Speaker 2: you're dating.
Speaker 4: You're like, I unloaded the dishwashers, like, oh, you're a winner.
Speaker 4: And then you're like you give something you appreciate, and
Speaker 4: then you're like, all right, what's our to do list
Speaker 4: for tomorrow? Really it's just a little prompt for you
Speaker 4: to have I like it. Cat which thinking of the
Speaker 4: things we like.
Speaker 3: Kat put some sentences that rewired this girl's brain. Alex
Speaker 3: Aubrey poetry on Instagram, and Kat listed all the ones
Speaker 3: that were her favorite, and I thought, Okay, Kat can
Speaker 3: go over this. But Kat is very, very pregnant, and
Speaker 3: she was like, can you read the sentences because I
Speaker 3: feel like I'm going to be out of bread. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so I can read them and then we can.
Speaker 2: Okay, I can tell you them, and I can tell
Speaker 2: you which one is my favorite.
Speaker 3: Okay, I already have my favorite, ok because I read
Speaker 3: over them as well. Okay, let's see if fars are
Speaker 3: the same thing. Okay, this is the first sentence that
Speaker 3: rewired Alex's brain. Never tell a person to be strong
Speaker 3: when they come to you to be weak.
Speaker 2: I really like that. I do too. Patrick and I
Speaker 2: were watching like a I think it was a TikTok.
Speaker 2: It did make me cry. It was like, oh, it
Speaker 2: was an Instagram carousel and it was like things that
Speaker 2: every man should know that nobody tells you about pregnancy
Speaker 2: or something. And one of them was like, when she's
Speaker 2: screaming in pain, don't tell her that it doesn't hurt.
Speaker 2: And he was like, why would anybody's response to somebody
Speaker 2: being in labor be like it doesn't hurt or it's
Speaker 2: not that bad, and I'm like, I don't know, but
Speaker 2: somebody probably was saying that to be I mean, there's
Speaker 2: probably a somebody out there that was like, well, if
Speaker 2: I tell them that they're fine and it's the pain's
Speaker 2: not real, it's not that bad. I think that's what
Speaker 2: it was. It's not that bad, then maybe that will
Speaker 2: help them. And it's like that's It's the same kind
Speaker 2: of idea there where if somebody needs to acknowledge where
Speaker 2: they are and just like fall apart, there's a time
Speaker 2: and a place to remind somebody of their strength, and
Speaker 2: then there's also a time and a place to just
Speaker 2: let somebody fall apart.
Speaker 3: As a parent, that one really speaks to me as
Speaker 3: sometimes our kids need to just fall apart at home
Speaker 3: and they need to give them the space to do that.
Speaker 3: Next one, the world around you is beautiful when the
Speaker 3: world within you is peaceful. M I think that's the truth.
Speaker 3: Maybe you didn't get what you wanted because you deserved more.
Speaker 3: That's such a good one for reframing a situation.
Speaker 2: Yes, I love that one. I don't want to say
Speaker 2: it's my favorite because it sounds cliche, But the best
Speaker 2: cliches are cliches because they're true. Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, I think this is excellent for that's exactly what
Speaker 3: it is. It's a statement you can tell yourself to
Speaker 3: try to reframe a scenario. And I don't think it
Speaker 3: ignores what you went through, right, And that's the best
Speaker 3: type of reframing. You can still acknowledge what you didn't
Speaker 3: get and then say well, And it's even saying maybe, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: maybe maybe maybe you didn't get what you wanted because
Speaker 3: you deserve more, so go find it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I will say in those moments, I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: I don't care what I deserve. This is what I want,
Speaker 2: you know, like, I don't care if I deserve somebody better.
Speaker 2: This is the person I want to be with. You
Speaker 2: don't really feel the like, oh I get it until
Speaker 2: it happens, but I still love it.
Speaker 3: Next one, if your life for a twenty four hour day,
Speaker 3: it would only be seven am when you're thirty years old.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's a favorite one.
Speaker 3: Okay, explain that one.
Speaker 2: But I didn't do the math on it, but I
Speaker 2: guess because the day starts at twelve am. So when
Speaker 2: you're thirty, it's still only seven am, and then you
Speaker 2: have so much time left because I think a lot
Speaker 2: of people hit thirty or name whatever age it is
Speaker 2: and you're like, my life is almost over or I've
Speaker 2: lived a third of my life or whatever. But when
Speaker 2: you look at it like that, it's seven am.
Speaker 3: The day is my oyster Like at forty five, do
Speaker 3: I really need to give up and move in with
Speaker 3: my girlfriends in a golden girl's house because you probably
Speaker 3: only like ten of us like a whole another chapter
Speaker 3: with a partner somewhere now.
Speaker 2: I will say this one does backfire when you get
Speaker 2: to be like seventy, because then it's probably getting into
Speaker 2: the evening hours.
Speaker 3: Yeah, next one. I don't think bad things happen to
Speaker 3: good people. I think bad things happen to everyone, and
Speaker 3: the way good people respond is what makes them good.
Speaker 2: I like that.
Speaker 3: Aiming for a life full of we saw so many
Speaker 3: cool places together and not we have so many cool things,
Speaker 3: So it's more about experiences versus possessions.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which I think, Well, I don't know that the
Speaker 2: possessions thing fits, but I do think millennials are more
Speaker 2: like the Seeson moment sees the day travel do things
Speaker 2: while I can't spend the money, and we're seeing there's
Speaker 2: a lot of I feel like we get a lot
Speaker 2: of flak for that, but then we end up doing
Speaker 2: so many. Yeah, we might not have all of retirement
Speaker 2: saved up, but our life feels so full by like
Speaker 2: age thirty five, you.
Speaker 3: Know, next one, we don't see things as they are,
Speaker 3: We see things as we are.
Speaker 2: Is that your favorite?
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm gonna read them all and then I'm oh,
Speaker 3: my favorite. I thought we've you Okay, this is the
Speaker 3: final one? How long are you willing to postpone the
Speaker 3: life you want in exchange for the comfort of where
Speaker 3: you are currently at? That reminds me of like the
Speaker 3: one you like m the clock is ticking.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So which one is your favorite?
Speaker 3: Maybe you didn't get what you wanted because you deserved more.
Speaker 2: Oh sweet, that would probably be my second.
Speaker 3: It's just yeah, so good. Yeah, And it can apply
Speaker 3: to so many different things. It doesn't even have to
Speaker 3: be a romantic love. It can be with like or fertility, stuff, work,
Speaker 3: other opportunities.
Speaker 2: Anything, anything. Yeah. I like that. And again I think
Speaker 2: that's one where you have to like just believe it
Speaker 2: until it happens, because in the moment, you're going to
Speaker 2: be like, well, I wanted that job, or I wanted
Speaker 2: to have a baby that way, or I wanted to
Speaker 2: marry that loser.
Speaker 3: I do like the one about aiming for a life
Speaker 3: full of we saw so many cool places together versus
Speaker 3: we have so many cool things. I do. I do
Speaker 3: like that one.
Speaker 2: Okay, what do you got to go to Paris?
Speaker 3: Well, I know, I know, but when you look at
Speaker 3: how far out you're supposed to plan a trip like that,
Speaker 3: an international trip like that, you know, when I got
Speaker 3: word on my my next vacation was with not enough
Speaker 3: time to build a trip to Paris like I would
Speaker 3: want to build. So I'm still going to travel. I'm
Speaker 3: like ninety nine zero point nine percent sure at this
Speaker 3: point that I'm going to Ecuador to see my cousin Amanda.
Speaker 3: So I'm still leaving that. I'm still gonna go do that.
Speaker 3: But I don't have to get a hotel, I don't
Speaker 3: have to go places she lives there. I'm gonna be
Speaker 3: staying with her. She's telling me where to fly into,
Speaker 3: where to fly out of. I'm gonna be She's got
Speaker 3: our whole itinerary. We're going to go to her spa
Speaker 3: that she likes, go to her workout places. We're gonna
Speaker 3: hike like she has everything that We'll probably stay at
Speaker 3: her house a lot in our jammis and just talk
Speaker 3: because our moms would love that, because that's what our
Speaker 3: moms used to do together. Yeah, wake up, have coffee
Speaker 3: like that. Will That's an easy international trip that I
Speaker 3: don't have to think on, and I just think I
Speaker 3: need to be a little more proactive about figuring out, okay,
Speaker 3: when my vacations are going to be and then dial
Speaker 3: in because I don't I thought about doing the whole
Speaker 3: last minute thing, but that's a big investment to go
Speaker 3: all the way there and not have a sufficient plan.
Speaker 2: There are people I have a friend when we went
Speaker 2: to I've only been on one big trip like that,
Speaker 2: we went to Italy, so no expert in traveling. But
Speaker 2: I have a friend who literally will decide two days
Speaker 2: before and then take a flight and go to Europe.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been I know you're talking about, and I've
Speaker 3: been motivated by her before.
Speaker 2: No, this is a different one. I said more than
Speaker 2: one friend.
Speaker 3: Oh yes, she's okay, the girl you have so many
Speaker 3: friends who you're tut her.
Speaker 2: About does spontaneous stuff. But she did plan those couple trips.
Speaker 2: I have another friend she just her and her husband
Speaker 2: just travel everywhere. She like when I was telling her
Speaker 2: about my trip to Italy, I was asking her of
Speaker 2: like advice, and then I was like, wait, you're the
Speaker 2: person to ask because she's like, just show up in
Speaker 2: the city and see where you can stay. And I'm
Speaker 2: like absolutely not, Like, first of all, I don't know
Speaker 2: how to get there. I don't know how to get
Speaker 2: and I don't know so no.
Speaker 3: People they can live that way. That's amazing great not
Speaker 3: for me, but also I could try it out. But
Speaker 3: I just when you start to look at the price
Speaker 3: tag of everything, right, well that seems a lot.
Speaker 2: That's my big thing is I am gonna we spent
Speaker 2: a good amount of money on that trip. I want
Speaker 2: to make sure it's what I want it to be, yes,
Speaker 2: versus just like hope it works out.
Speaker 5: And I want to know like the the you really
Speaker 5: off the beaten path places to go, Like I sure
Speaker 5: there's some big like the Louver, lad to go there,
Speaker 5: there's the Okay, I want to see the Eiffel Tower,
Speaker 5: Like there's some big ticket things where it's like those are.
Speaker 3: Easy boxes to check. Yeah, but I also want to know.
Speaker 3: I just I was talking to my sister's mother in
Speaker 3: law when I was in Colorado, and I think that's
Speaker 3: what made me shift from like I probably should be
Speaker 3: a little more patient with my planning and and try
Speaker 3: to do Paris right because she was talking about all
Speaker 3: the places she loves to go, and I want to
Speaker 3: pull people and talk to people and figure out, Okay,
Speaker 3: you give me this restaurant, not just googling like, oh,
Speaker 3: this is the best restaurant to go to, Yeah, it
Speaker 3: has all these reviews. I have people in my life
Speaker 3: that have gone multiple times and go to different shops
Speaker 3: there and look at antiques and see other historic things.
Speaker 3: Like I don't know, I just want to mill about
Speaker 3: on the streets.
Speaker 2: I walk to mill.
Speaker 3: About and see those So uh. Another one made that
Speaker 3: made me think of some decluttering tips that I know
Speaker 3: that you have had in our Google dog for a while.
Speaker 3: So I was like, maybe we give Kat the opportunity
Speaker 3: to go over the decluttering tips because we see so
Speaker 3: many cool places together versus we have so many cool things.
Speaker 3: That's like we need to not buy more things we
Speaker 3: need to declutter and then not just replace it with
Speaker 3: more stuff, because I know you've been in a big
Speaker 3: nesting phase. You've told us about it with the baby
Speaker 3: coming and trying to get everything ready, and so I
Speaker 3: was like, hey, these decluttering tips might come come in
Speaker 3: clutch for some people, and I think I would like
Speaker 3: to well, yeah, I know that.
Speaker 2: In there because I was like, I think that was
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks ago when I was like, all
Speaker 2: I want to do was throw everything out, and like
Speaker 2: that's also not the way.
Speaker 3: That's not the answer because then you end.
Speaker 2: Up throwing things out that you actually cared about. You know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just a little behind the scenes baseball though, because
Speaker 3: I like when stuff ends up, like we have this
Speaker 3: Google doc and we add things take away, like cat
Speaker 3: has a folder, I have a folder, and then we
Speaker 3: have dates of episodes and they've got a folder and
Speaker 3: this is one that has bounced around and so I've
Speaker 3: dropped it in there and I'm like, we're doing it well.
Speaker 3: Three tips on decluttering.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, let me give them to you straight. Then
Speaker 2: give it to me. Tip number one, use every cleaning
Speaker 2: opportunity as a chance to rid your life. You know what,
Speaker 2: you just did what you tricked me because I asked
Speaker 2: you to read the things before. I just started reading
Speaker 2: that sentence and I was like, I'm out around.
Speaker 3: I can read them for you, but I wanted to
Speaker 3: give you the credit of putting them in.
Speaker 2: I can try. I try. Use every cleaning opportunity as
Speaker 2: a chance to rid your life of unnecessary possessions. My
Speaker 2: favorite minimalist move is to constantly be decluttering instead of
Speaker 2: trying to figure out where everything should go. Always declutter
Speaker 2: as I clean. It's easier to get rid of something
Speaker 2: than create a new organizational system for it to fit
Speaker 2: in your home. Which I like that. So like, as
Speaker 2: you're cleaning, you don't have to have a declutter day
Speaker 2: where I'm gonna throw stuff out. But as I'm cleaning,
Speaker 2: if I don't have a home for something, instead of reorganizing,
Speaker 2: ask myself, do I actually need this? Or do I
Speaker 2: can I get rid of this? Because what I do
Speaker 2: is I say I don't have a home for this,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna shove it in this drawer. Then one day
Speaker 2: the drawer stops shutting, you know, So that's tip number one.
Speaker 2: Number two, have as many blank surfaces as you can.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, this is so hard for me. Stop
Speaker 2: filling every shelf and see how you feel when there's
Speaker 2: more room to breathe. Stop filling every shelf and see
Speaker 2: how you feel when there's more room to breathe. Because
Speaker 2: when you enter now, you don't want your house to
Speaker 2: be blank. You know, you want there to be stuff.
Speaker 2: You want there to be yes, yeah, but you feel
Speaker 2: different when you're in a house when there's stuff everywhere,
Speaker 2: and when it's you know, there's a method to the madness. However,
Speaker 2: Patrick and I were just talking about this because we
Speaker 2: were We're almost done with the nursery and I was
Speaker 2: I haven't hung anything up, and he was like, Catherine,
Speaker 2: you need to leave blank space on the wall. He
Speaker 2: was like, I'm worried that every part of the wall
Speaker 2: is going to have something on it. And I was like,
Speaker 2: but I have so many things to put up, and
Speaker 2: he was trying to tell me you don't need to
Speaker 2: do that.
Speaker 3: So that was on the nursery wall.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm gonna put this on this wall, and
Speaker 2: i want a shelf on this wall, and I want
Speaker 2: this mirror on this wall. And he was like, this
Speaker 2: room is really small. You're going to make this he
Speaker 2: said it a nice way. But then you know he
Speaker 2: doesn't have the best design taste, so so what do
Speaker 2: you know? Yeah, I gave him one thing. I told
Speaker 2: you about this, the tree. I said Patrick could pick
Speaker 2: one thing out for the nursery because I felt back
Speaker 2: because I feel like I made every decision, and I
Speaker 2: wanted to put an olive tree in the corner.
Speaker 3: I've seen that olive tree.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I've seen that in there behind my head
Speaker 2: right now. Yeah, and we both have a He said
Speaker 2: he didn't like the look of the olives, so I said, okay,
Speaker 2: well then you can pick out a tree to put here,
Speaker 2: and he ordered a seven foot ficus tree, which I
Speaker 2: sent it to you.
Speaker 3: That's all right, but it's not what I would pick out.
Speaker 2: It's huge, and it is either going back or it's
Speaker 2: definitely going somewhere else anyway.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not like the delicate, dainty baby vibes. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's definitely.
Speaker 2: It was a hearty tree.
Speaker 3: It's not going to fit. Yeah, but you've worked really
Speaker 3: hard to curate and create.
Speaker 2: Try to get I was trying to be cool. I
Speaker 2: was trying to like, do you pick it out whatever
Speaker 2: you want, It's okay. You tried. Yeah, I did try.
Speaker 2: I just want him to He doesn't really care that much,
Speaker 2: but I want him to feel like he's a part
Speaker 2: of things, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sure he's fine with like not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he picked out some baskets in the closet for
Speaker 2: the glossic.
Speaker 3: He picks some baskets that aren't going to be seen.
Speaker 2: They're actually really cute, Actually they're really they're pretty all right.
Speaker 2: The third tip, remove some of your storage. The more
Speaker 2: shelves and drawers and bins you have, the more you
Speaker 2: fill them with stuff. Don't fall into the trap of
Speaker 2: thinking that your organizational system is going to save you
Speaker 2: from your clutter. Less storage means fewer belongings. I have
Speaker 2: so much stuff in my garage, you know, on shelves
Speaker 2: that I probably will.
Speaker 3: Never Well, that's the thing that a lot of people
Speaker 3: before you give birth, maybe if the nesting like really
Speaker 3: kicks in and I know that you're a little out
Speaker 3: of breath from top, But if you and Patrick and gosh,
Speaker 3: it's just summer and it's so hot in the garage's
Speaker 3: the only thing that's like a negative for you right
Speaker 3: now to go out there and tackle it. But before
Speaker 3: the baby comes because the next thing you know, you're
Speaker 3: raising a child or multiple children for the next eighteen
Speaker 3: plus years and you're not going to get to it,
Speaker 3: and more stuff is going to add and pileon and
Speaker 3: pile on. But that's where I was, like when my
Speaker 3: parents passed away, my mom specifically, like having to go
Speaker 3: through all of these things that I wish she would
Speaker 3: have taken a little more time to declutter, because then
Speaker 3: now I have to make this. It's like this emotional
Speaker 3: heaviness and responsibility of now deciding, like now I have
Speaker 3: to get rid of it, but I want to hold
Speaker 3: on to it because it was my mom's. But if
Speaker 3: she would have just done it for me, then I
Speaker 3: would have been left with only important things I don't
Speaker 3: want to keep, but to do it before they grow
Speaker 3: up and then you die and they have to do
Speaker 3: it for you.
Speaker 2: And it is true, the more space you have, the
Speaker 2: more stuff off you're keeping. Yes, So that's why in
Speaker 2: like my last house, we didn't have barely any storage,
Speaker 2: but now I have all these spaces I can keep things.
Speaker 3: Well, don't add to it. Yeah, take this advice and
Speaker 3: don't add to it just because you have what.
Speaker 2: A else fails to hire somebody to come help you
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 3: You know what I really want to do, and I'm
Speaker 3: going to have to hire somebody or have a friend
Speaker 3: to help me because it's just not my gift. Is
Speaker 3: I want a photo gallery or a picture gallery up
Speaker 3: my stairs? Oh yeah, where it's different sized frames, different
Speaker 3: colored frames, like everything's really mismatched. Maybe it's family photos
Speaker 3: mixed with art mixed with like everything. It looks like
Speaker 3: it doesn't go together, but that's intentional.
Speaker 2: And you see, this is the thing about that is
Speaker 2: like you can do I can do that on my own.
Speaker 2: It will look like this doesn't go together, and it
Speaker 2: doesn't go together. But if somebody else does, like you're saying, like,
Speaker 2: hire somebody's help, they can make it look like this
Speaker 2: doesn't go together, but it does. Like I don't. I
Speaker 2: don't have that gift either. I've tried to do a
Speaker 2: gallery wall in mine.
Speaker 3: I took a screenshot of one. I don't know if
Speaker 3: something popped up in my for you page, it wasn't
Speaker 3: even about the gallery wall, but it was some woman.
Speaker 3: Her page popped up and she had any walking up
Speaker 3: her stairs to go show something else, and I took
Speaker 3: a screenshot of her gallery wall, and I'm like, that's it. Now,
Speaker 3: I at least have the inspo and I can show
Speaker 3: someone who can like help me and has that gift.
Speaker 3: And you know those people that will actually like get
Speaker 3: construction paper and they'll cut out the size of the
Speaker 3: picture frame and put it on the wall and trace
Speaker 3: it and they like everything is mapped out or there's
Speaker 3: blue tape or something like, I'm just a stick of
Speaker 3: hammer in the wall and send a prayer. Yeah, but
Speaker 3: I feel like with a wall like that, I can't.
Speaker 3: I'll end up with holes everywhere. If I was just
Speaker 3: hanging one thing above, like the toilet, Okay, that's pretty easy,
Speaker 3: because you can't. You can feel like I have AYE
Speaker 3: all above your toilet. I know that's what many think
Speaker 3: of it. In my guest bathroom, this horse photo photo
Speaker 3: this piece of art horse But the frame is metal
Speaker 3: and it's very heavy, and the type of nail that
Speaker 3: I chose isn't strong enough to hold it. So then
Speaker 3: you'll also notice that there was like sticky what's that
Speaker 3: command strip command strips stuck on the wall because I
Speaker 3: then I just decided to stick the metal frame on
Speaker 3: the wall and it all It lasted for a few
Speaker 3: months and then one day I walked in and it
Speaker 3: had fallen on the toilet. Oh it fell Yeah, so
Speaker 3: that's why it's still there looking. So I just need
Speaker 3: to figure out like a drill situation.
Speaker 2: Okay, you should. We should have somebody come do that, right. Okay.
Speaker 2: You also have perfect staircase for the gallery wall, so
Speaker 2: I'm co signing that for you.
Speaker 3: I agree. I think it'll really change the vibe of
Speaker 3: the room because you know, in the last couple of
Speaker 3: weeks I've been trying to move everything around and figure
Speaker 3: stuff out, which you haven't understood. But I'm not trying
Speaker 3: to buy more, or if I do buy more, it's
Speaker 3: like it's like we're in the club. We got a clicker. Yeah,
Speaker 3: if something's coming in, something's going out.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I saw a very interesting study recently I want
Speaker 2: to share with you that surprised me. It was a
Speaker 2: study from Harvard and this was from I can't take
Speaker 2: credit for this, obviously, but this was posted by my
Speaker 2: Max Life speaker on Instagram and it was just a
Speaker 2: title of what makes children Successful? So when you think
Speaker 2: about like what makes did you do? You know what
Speaker 2: I'm about to tell you now, Okay, perfect, When you
Speaker 2: think about, like what makes kids successful later in life?
Speaker 2: What would you think are like the markers.
Speaker 3: What level of like responsibility were they given or like
Speaker 3: what was expected of them in their home? You're like
Speaker 3: very close, say the question again one more time.
Speaker 2: What do you think helps to make children successful later
Speaker 2: in life? Yeah?
Speaker 3: What was expected in their home? Because I feel like
Speaker 3: when everything's given to a kid, yeah, or when everything's
Speaker 3: done for them. That's what I've heard the most as
Speaker 3: a parent, is like you have kids have to learn
Speaker 3: to do things for themselves if you swoop in and
Speaker 3: do it every time. And that's something that I had
Speaker 3: to yeah, because like when okay, speaking of unloading the
Speaker 3: dishwasher or loading it, I have a particular way I
Speaker 3: want it loaded. I have particularly I want it unloaded
Speaker 3: where everything goes, And so I would just be like,
Speaker 3: it's faster, it's faster. Just put your dish in the sink,
Speaker 3: like I'll handle it because it's faster for me at least,
Speaker 3: and I would micromanage, and I really need to be like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 3: will you wash your dish and put in the dishwasher
Speaker 3: and then not be so particular.
Speaker 2: Do you do your kid's laundry?
Speaker 3: They have learned to do it. I will at times,
Speaker 3: but no, they both pretty much do their own now.
Speaker 2: As a kid, I did my own laundry, but not
Speaker 2: because I think my mom might have done everybody else's laundry.
Speaker 2: But I wouldn't let her wash any color with a
Speaker 2: color that didn't match it. So I've had one yellow shirt.
Speaker 2: I would have like a meltdown if she washed it
Speaker 2: with like a blue shirt. So that means my mom
Speaker 2: let me wash a yellow shirt by itself, which I
Speaker 2: guess it was better than my meltdown. I don't know. Okay,
Speaker 2: so you're very close. So Harvard did a seventy five
Speaker 2: year long study on what makes children successful and found
Speaker 2: it wasn't grades, test scores, or extracurriculars. It was something
Speaker 2: that parents generally, which this also shocked me, stop doing,
Speaker 2: stop making their kids do by age ten. It was chores.
Speaker 3: Parents are in parents age ten.
Speaker 2: Yes, which that is what shocked me, is that I'm
Speaker 2: I wait, at ten you start doing the chores. I
Speaker 2: feel like that's when I would start giving them the try.
Speaker 2: So I might have read that wrong when I was
Speaker 2: reading it, but yeah, it said to grow up happy
Speaker 2: and successful, a child needs both love and work ethic,
Speaker 2: which I think is what you were kind of speaking to.
Speaker 2: He said, work ethic comes from doing chores. Clear the plate,
Speaker 2: take out the trash, feed the dog, fold the laundry.
Speaker 2: Another study traced kids at four points in their life,
Speaker 2: and the strongest predictor of success by twenty five was
Speaker 2: whether the child did chores at age three or four,
Speaker 2: which is interesting. At first, I was like, three or four,
Speaker 2: they can't do anything, But then I was reading, I
Speaker 2: was like, they can. They can help feed the pets,
Speaker 2: they can carry their plate to the sink, they can
Speaker 2: put clothes in a hamper, like there are little things
Speaker 2: that they could do, and so it said. This was
Speaker 2: also you might relate to this because you said it
Speaker 2: was kind of hard for you to like let your
Speaker 2: kids do it. Eighty two percent of parents chores as kids. However,
Speaker 2: only twenty eight percent of those people's kids do chores.
Speaker 3: Wow, what causes that?
Speaker 2: I don't know?
Speaker 3: Drastic drop, I wonder, because it's like, if chores were
Speaker 3: expected of you, why would you not expect that of
Speaker 3: your kids? And we all parent differently, we should parent differently,
Speaker 3: like hopefully at each generation you get a little bit better.
Speaker 3: But in knowing what chores bring about. I wonder if
Speaker 3: because there's more, is there more I don't know if
Speaker 3: there's more or less, like be making this up, but
Speaker 3: I'm like, is there more help outside the house, like
Speaker 3: or if both parents are working, then is there someone
Speaker 3: that's helping clean so the kids don't have to.
Speaker 2: Or it's much more common these days for both parents
Speaker 2: to work. Therefore, it is much more common to have
Speaker 2: somebody clean the house or do the things that a
Speaker 2: typical mom that stays home or dad that stays home
Speaker 2: would do. So that actually makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 3: I know, but that means other things that a lot
Speaker 3: of people may not. Or if the moms or the
Speaker 3: dads are staying home, are they just deciding to do it?
Speaker 3: I mean the kids who are definitely a lot more
Speaker 3: busy with five different activities.
Speaker 2: And when I think a lot of people think that
Speaker 2: if I put my kid in all these activities, that's
Speaker 2: what's going to help them be successful is have them
Speaker 2: volunteer here and play this sport and learn this instrument.
Speaker 2: And it's it's less about having stuff for them to
Speaker 2: do and more about them feeling needed. And sometimes when
Speaker 2: you have a chore or a task like that, you're
Speaker 2: part of the system and you're contributing. Yes. So they
Speaker 2: gave three rules that actually work when it comes to
Speaker 2: doing chores. They recommend One, start kids early three to four.
Speaker 2: They can put away toys, carry a plate, feed the dog,
Speaker 2: so don't wait until they can mow the grass to
Speaker 2: ask them to do something. Two show them how do
Speaker 2: it together first, and then let them takeover. So if
Speaker 2: it's feeding the dog, it's like, let's fill this water
Speaker 2: bowl up together, or let's scoop the food together, and
Speaker 2: then eventually you can say, hey, can you give the
Speaker 2: dog some food? And number three don't This was interesting
Speaker 2: to me. Don't pay for chores. Pain turns it into
Speaker 2: a transaction. Keep allowance is separate, So then I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: I guess you don't allowance.
Speaker 3: It's tricky iding. That's hard, I mean, or is it?
Speaker 3: We went back and forth with it. I think we
Speaker 3: had seasons when Ben and I were married and together
Speaker 3: where we did know charts with the kids. If they
Speaker 3: wanted certain things, they had to get a certain amount
Speaker 3: of stars. Like when we first got them, we had
Speaker 3: this big whiteboard and we'd have things that they could
Speaker 3: This is all pre COVID. Yeah, so it feels I
Speaker 3: feel like my life with the kids there was like
Speaker 3: pre COVID and Ben and I were still together, and
Speaker 3: then after like twenty twenty twenty twenty, some separations started.
Speaker 3: Twenty twenty one, we were fully separated. And so then
Speaker 3: they've got however they do it at Ben's hous and
Speaker 3: however they do it at mine, And I think we
Speaker 3: just like Stevenson wanted some extra spending money for something
Speaker 3: the other day, and so I gave him a list
Speaker 3: of things to do and he earned that money. But
Speaker 3: he still will feed the dog, walk the dog, and
Speaker 3: do his laundry, and I don't pay him for that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we didn't have growing up. We didn't have specific chores,
Speaker 2: but there were things we were expected to do, like.
Speaker 3: For your allowance, probably well no, our allowance was we
Speaker 3: would get This is crazy because it probably doesn't feel
Speaker 3: like a lot of money now, but it was a
Speaker 3: lot to us back then.
Speaker 2: We got twenty dollars when we got to middle school,
Speaker 2: we got twenty dollars a week.
Speaker 3: Oh wow.
Speaker 2: We could either use that money to buy lunch every
Speaker 2: day at school, or we could pack our lunch and
Speaker 2: keep that twenty dollars. So what do you think we
Speaker 2: did packed.
Speaker 3: Your lunch and kept the money.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that had nothing to do with like our chores.
Speaker 2: They were just things we were expected to do, Like
Speaker 2: we were expected to help clean the dishes after dinner.
Speaker 2: We did our own laundry. From what I remember that,
Speaker 2: at least in high school, we had day we had
Speaker 2: like cleaning days where like we would clean the whole
Speaker 2: house as a family and we would each get like
Speaker 2: a space to start and we would do that together.
Speaker 2: But I didn't. We had a dog, but I don't.
Speaker 2: I didn't help with the dog.
Speaker 3: That wasn't your thing.
Speaker 2: Well, so my parents got the dog. It really, I
Speaker 2: feel like was a gift. It was gift to all
Speaker 2: of us kids, but it was really I feel like
Speaker 2: for my little brother. I think we were supposed to
Speaker 2: take care of the dog. But the dog loved my
Speaker 2: dad more than anybody else. And I think my dad
Speaker 2: just that's what the.
Speaker 3: Kids say about both our pets, our dog and our cat.
Speaker 3: They're like, but the cat, and that they love you
Speaker 3: because we got these pets. Got the dog for the kids.
Speaker 3: And then Stashira it was her cat. It's her birthday present.
Speaker 3: One year and she's like, but they love you.
Speaker 2: You probably spend the most time with them, do you think.
Speaker 2: I guess yeah, my our dog could care less about
Speaker 2: me love my dad because.
Speaker 3: I'm like, why am I I'm like constantly caring for
Speaker 3: these animals and they're yells and then they're like we
Speaker 3: they want more animals and I'm like no.
Speaker 2: No, But I do think that's interesting, like keep the
Speaker 2: keep the chores separate from from money, so it feels
Speaker 2: like they're a part of Yeah, they're needed.
Speaker 3: I feel like we're a really diverse episode. We got
Speaker 3: comfort a night ap dating ah sentences that have changed
Speaker 3: that girl's life, whoever she is the girl?
Speaker 2: Do you follow her on Instagram or some suggested posts?
Speaker 3: Oh I love my suggested must come up that like
Speaker 3: hit hosts with me.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, because a lot of times they're suggested
Speaker 2: that and I'm like, get this off my page. I
Speaker 2: don't follow this person, which that should be. Can you
Speaker 2: block that stuff? I'm sure I could, but it's like
Speaker 2: too much work. But this I was like, well, thank
Speaker 2: you very much, Instagram.
Speaker 3: I think by swiping right through it, you're sending a
Speaker 3: message to the algorithm.
Speaker 2: Sure.
Speaker 3: We also have what makes children successful. Three dcluttering tips.
Speaker 2: We have it all here.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we got you covered. What stage of life are you?
Speaker 3: And we're good? But don't forget to try out your
Speaker 3: nightcap tonight, Celebrate, appreciate, prioritize.
Speaker 2: Not on a first date, yeah unless unless you want to.
Speaker 3: You want to, But wherever you are, we hope you
Speaker 3: have the day you need to have. Bye Bye,