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Speaker 1: Hey, alyssa sale and this is John. Welcome to the

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Speaker 1: Okay story Time podcast game show.

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Speaker 2: The show where you can hear the greatest stories on

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Speaker 2: ours and.

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Speaker 1: Luckily you've won the jackpot for listening to the best

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Speaker 1: stories your ears could listen to. All you have to

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Speaker 1: do is wait for two minutes through these messages from

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Speaker 1: our sponsors.

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Speaker 3: I refuse to accept my manipulative father's expensive gifts because

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Speaker 3: it feels.

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Speaker 4: Like a trap.

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Speaker 5: I don't want your gifts.

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Speaker 3: I grew up in the upper middle class. We took

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Speaker 3: vacations every year, had new clothes every school year. Everything

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Speaker 3: from grocery store was brand named. Healthcare was never a problem,

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Speaker 3: et cetera, et cetera. I've been out of the country

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Speaker 3: several times and had my college education paid for. By

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Speaker 3: the way, this comes from POI too wok and if

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Speaker 3: you want to.

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Speaker 6: Submit your own stories, just go to our slash Okay

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Speaker 6: story Time. That bret it So. I've been with my

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Speaker 6: fiance for three and a half years. He grew up

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Speaker 6: in poverty.

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Speaker 3: He never had the chance to go to college, and

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Speaker 3: he's only been on a plane twice in his life,

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Speaker 3: going to and from the same place. My parents disapprove

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Speaker 3: of him for a variety of reasons, but one of

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Speaker 3: them is financial. They don't think that he'll be able

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Speaker 3: to take care of me. When my parents were first together,

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Speaker 3: they weren't living a luxurious life, but eventually my dad's

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Speaker 3: career progressed to where it is now. Beyonce is just

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Speaker 3: not going to have that happen. The reality is that

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Speaker 3: while I may not have all the comforts of growing up,

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Speaker 3: once I start working full time, we will be just

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Speaker 3: fine together. Things can get tight now, but never near

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Speaker 3: poverty or anything. My parents don't seem to accept this.

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Speaker 3: My father has some serious control issues. He started being

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Speaker 3: very showy about his money whenever I'm around, and is

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Speaker 3: constantly asking how much money I have. Whenever I visit them,

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Speaker 3: he will splurge on some big, expensive thing like indoor skydiving,

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Speaker 3: steak dinners, and fancy boots. He'll ask me where I

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Speaker 3: think he should buy vacation home or talk about taking

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Speaker 3: oversea vacations.

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Speaker 6: It might sound like.

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Speaker 3: He's just being generous, but these gifts are always followed

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Speaker 3: the next day by a conversation about how he doesn't

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Speaker 3: want me moving into my fiance, something I did two

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Speaker 3: years ago. And paying bills there, something fiance has not

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Speaker 3: wanted me to do. He tried to get me to

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Speaker 3: tell him how much fiance is paying for rent and bills.

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Speaker 3: He's a manipulative person, and if not for my mom

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Speaker 3: and younger brother, plus the fact that they're still paying

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Speaker 3: for school, I wouldn't ever visit. We've never had a

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Speaker 3: healthy relationship. When he asked me if I wanted a

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Speaker 3: graduation present or a party a couple months ago, I

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Speaker 3: said that I'd like a cedar hope Chest. My mom

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Speaker 3: has one and I loved when she kept sheets and

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Speaker 3: blankets in it. My father offered a trip and I

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Speaker 3: said no, since I know he would not pay for

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Speaker 3: Fiance to go as well, not that fiance would want

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Speaker 3: my father paying for him, and I don't have any

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Speaker 3: close friends to go with. This morning, he messaged me

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Speaker 3: offering to send me to London for a week by

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Speaker 3: myself in May. I don't have a job lined up yet,

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Speaker 3: so that's not an issue. I also know that once

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Speaker 3: I'm financially independent from them, trips overseas will no longer

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Speaker 3: be a possibility. This is pretty much my last chance

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Speaker 3: to do so like this. There are some cool places

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Speaker 3: I'd like to visit London. Seems pretty safe for a

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Speaker 3: woman on her own, and it would be a great experience.

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Speaker 4: But I'm very conflicted.

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Speaker 3: I know he's revving up for another conversation about me

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Speaker 3: officially moving in with fiance. Plus he has a car

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Speaker 3: that I've been using, which he is supposed to sell

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Speaker 3: to me, but every time I try to talk about that,

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Speaker 3: it turns into the moving in conversation. I told him

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Speaker 3: originally that if he wanted to do something big for graduation,

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Speaker 3: to just sell.

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Speaker 5: Me the car.

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Speaker 3: We've had a deal for years about that car, and

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Speaker 3: now now he's trying to throw in a big London trip.

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Speaker 6: I also can't help but feel like.

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Speaker 3: This is just another way of him being showy with

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Speaker 3: money and offering me things that he knows fiance can't

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Speaker 3: give me in an attempt to get me to rethink

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Speaker 3: our future. And if I turn the trip down, he

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Speaker 3: will definitely blame the fiance for it. Plus I feel

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Speaker 3: like leaving fiance for a week or more while I

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Speaker 3: gallivant off to London is insensitive.

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Speaker 6: My father took a trip to Tampa alone recently.

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Speaker 3: And I thought it was very selfish of him to

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Speaker 3: leave his wife working from home alone while he went

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Speaker 3: and played in Florida. I know that some couples do

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Speaker 3: this kind of thing, but considering fiance has never once

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Speaker 3: left the country.

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Speaker 6: It doesn't seem fair to him.

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Speaker 3: Plus, he tends to get kind of depressed when my

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Speaker 3: father flaunts his money, since he is worried that I

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Speaker 3: would prefer a richer guy, and our money situation recently

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Speaker 3: has not been awesome. I don't want to go off

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Speaker 3: and have fun at the expense of the person who

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Speaker 3: loves and supports me being miserable at home. That's not

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Speaker 3: what supportive partners do. If I got an all expenses

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Speaker 3: paid trip to London with no strings attached, I would.

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Speaker 6: Certainly take it. But there are strings here.

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Speaker 3: It would be a great opportunity that I'll never have again.

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Speaker 3: But I'm not super attached to the idea and the

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Speaker 3: cons seem to outweigh the pros. Plus, my mom and

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Speaker 3: I are doing a weekend schrip, but at the end

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Speaker 3: of the month to see my grandma. That is a

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Speaker 3: lot of time away from home. So what should I do.

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Speaker 3: I haven't talked to my fiance yet about this, and

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Speaker 3: there are some comments, but what would your answer bet

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Speaker 3: agree with Opie.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts.

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Speaker 5: Actually, I think it's I think op is trying to

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Speaker 5: be really nice. But I think on the first point

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Speaker 5: of supportive partners, I think if your partner is supportive,

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Speaker 5: they shouldn't be feeling like you. Guys have different circumstances.

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Speaker 5: And yes, you are getting married, but this is a

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Speaker 5: gift that you were given. It's not like you're you know,

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Speaker 5: spending your mutual funds or anything.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: So, and also, this is something that you're never gonna be,

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Speaker 5: like you said, it might be once in a lifetime opportunity.

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Speaker 5: If your partner is supportive of you, they shouldn't be like, oh,

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Speaker 5: I can't go to London. It's like unfortunately they had

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Speaker 5: different circumstances growing up and it sucks. But as long

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Speaker 5: as you're not spending you know, a like a collective fund, yeah,

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Speaker 5: I think it's okay.

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Speaker 3: Let's see what the comments say. Comment number one says,

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Speaker 3: your father asked you about a present for your graduation,

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Speaker 3: and you asked for a certain thing. He then offered

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Speaker 3: you something different. That's his way of saying that he

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Speaker 3: knows better than you on what you want. The thing

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Speaker 3: he offered could have been something as simple as a

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Speaker 3: coffee table instead of the chest, or a bells and

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Speaker 3: whistles coffee maker. But the basis is the same. He's

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Speaker 3: telling you what you want and not listening to what

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Speaker 3: you say you want. It's infantilizing and a standard power

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Speaker 3: and control tactic hold out for the seater to hope

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Speaker 3: chest and start taking control back a bit at a time. Sure,

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Speaker 3: the trip's tempting, but it's not a gift at all.

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Speaker 3: It's a tool to make you feel grateful or guilty

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Speaker 3: at some point in the future when you argue with

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Speaker 3: him about something.

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Speaker 5: I don't know, I'm interesting take I disagree. I understand

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Speaker 5: that you probably might guilter about something if he's been

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Speaker 5: doing it, but like you're an adult, you can you

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Speaker 5: can just kind of say no and he has to

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Speaker 5: respect that. And also, it seems like if you were

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Speaker 5: like I don't want to go on this trip, this

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Speaker 5: trip sucks, like this is not what I wanted, I'd

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Speaker 5: be like, yeah, that is messed up that he's only

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Speaker 5: offering that and not the hope. But like, you clearly

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Speaker 5: want to go on this trip, right, I think like,

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Speaker 5: if you really want that test instead of going on

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Speaker 5: the trip, then you can just be like, hey.

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Speaker 6: Like I really really want this, Like, talk to him

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Speaker 6: about that.

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Speaker 3: I'd be like, it would honestly mean so much to

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Speaker 3: me if I got this rather than the trip. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: if you wanted the chest more than the trip, you'd

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Speaker 3: be like, okay, yeah, talk to him, right, But it

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Speaker 3: feels like you only want the trip less because of

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Speaker 3: all of these other things that you're thinking about.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Ninety nine percent of commenters saw things the same ways.

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Speaker 5: So interesting. I'm like, so like not like on a

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Speaker 5: trip to London, right, I'm just really excited about this gift.

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Speaker 4: You just really want to go to I want to

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Speaker 4: go to London.

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Speaker 3: Realizing that the trip offer was definitely away from my

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Speaker 3: father to continue manipulating me and drive a wedge between

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Speaker 3: me and my fiance, I told my fiance about my

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Speaker 3: father's offer, and he also recognized what was happening. Immediately, Predictably,

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Speaker 3: he got pretty sad about this latest attempt. I told

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Speaker 3: him that I was not going, not only because I

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Speaker 3: would be going alone, likely with my father having planned

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Speaker 3: out my itinerary and pre purchased tickets so he always

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Speaker 3: knew where I was, but also because I need to

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Speaker 3: use that time to apply to jobs.

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Speaker 6: Very true.

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Speaker 3: He was worried that he was preventing me from doing

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Speaker 3: something I really wanted to do, but I told him

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Speaker 3: that was not the case. I'd rather spend a week

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Speaker 3: with him playing video games and pajamas than spend a

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Speaker 3: week by myself in an unfamiliar city in obligation to

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Speaker 3: my manipulative father. I didn't bring up the offer to

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Speaker 3: my father until this morning, but I realized that if

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Speaker 3: I stayed silent on it, he might go ahead and

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Speaker 3: buy the tickets. So I messaged him and turn it down.

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Speaker 3: I did take a bit of a cowardly way out

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Speaker 3: and didn't confront him on not including my fiance in

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Speaker 3: the offer. Instead, I cited the fact that I need

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Speaker 3: to use that time to find jobs and brought up

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Speaker 3: the car agreement by saying it was crucial for me

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Speaker 3: to find a job so that I could pay car insurance.

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Speaker 3: I figured that he couldn't argue with me wanting to

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Speaker 3: find a job, and wanted to leave no wiggle room

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Speaker 3: and avoid an opportunity for him to insult my fiancees

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Speaker 3: some more. I don't want to do that crap Over

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Speaker 3: a Facebook messenger, he was clearly not but did not

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Speaker 3: try to push the issue. We are actually now in

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Speaker 3: the process of going through with the car agreement, so

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Speaker 3: that's a nice unexpected thing. I'm going to pay him

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Speaker 3: in full upfront, so that would not be a continuing debt.

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Speaker 3: By the way, what is a continuing debt.

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Speaker 6: Is you have to listen to more episodes of full stories,

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Speaker 6: just like.

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Speaker 3: This Spotify Apple podcast iHeartRadio whatever your favorite one is,

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Speaker 3: and search Okay, storytime. You have to pay off the

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Speaker 3: debt you gotta, but there is a little bit more.

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Speaker 3: I'm just gonna roll right into it. I'm still on

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Speaker 3: his phone plan. I can't afford one of my own

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Speaker 3: right now, and my fiance is on a friends and

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Speaker 3: family discout plan with his brother in law, so I couldn't.

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Speaker 4: Be added to his.

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Speaker 3: Once I secure a job, I'll be able to back

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Speaker 3: out of that if necessary. Thank you everyone for your

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Speaker 3: comments and advice. Hopefully fiance and I can take our

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Speaker 3: own overseas trip someday soonish.

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Speaker 6: Anyone who wants to pets it let me know.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: But so it's good that she talked to him.

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Speaker 3: I'm glad that she did, because that's what I would

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Speaker 3: say if she if she's looking for advice on how

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Speaker 3: to move forward.

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Speaker 6: But yeah, she talked to him.

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Speaker 3: Uh, she's working to get off that phone plan, she's

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Speaker 3: getting the car.

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Speaker 6: I think she's she's going about it the right way.

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Speaker 6: Mm hmm, right job.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, keep having conversations with your partner about finances and

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Speaker 5: stuff because those are important too, you know.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, but that's the end of that story. We've got

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Speaker 6: another one for you. Stay tuned.

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Speaker 5: My mother complained to me about my father for years.

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Speaker 5: It ruined my relationship with him. Put all the family

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Speaker 5: burden on Opie. Yeah, that's what you do, put it

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Speaker 5: on the child. I always describe my relationship with my

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Speaker 5: dad to others as strained. Since I was around ten,

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Speaker 5: we have constantly fought. I thought for years that my

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Speaker 5: dad misheard me or misrepresented how I spoke with him.

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Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Lovable Nerd, and if

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Speaker 5: you want to submit your own stories, go to our

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Speaker 5: Slashookey storytime Separate it. So many times we would have

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Speaker 5: conversations where he wouldn't like my especially if I was

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Speaker 5: flippant and he would tell me offer it. I would

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Speaker 5: immediately remove myself from the conversation. But the grudge remained

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Speaker 5: over time. This led to us not speaking much or

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Speaker 5: relating to one another at all. For example, my dad

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Speaker 5: has always been a workaholic. Many of our fights happened

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Speaker 5: in the evenings when he would come home from work

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Speaker 5: only to keep working. When I would poke him about

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Speaker 5: being on the computer and ask him to come to dinner,

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Speaker 5: he would get upset and tell me bluntly to leave

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Speaker 5: him alone. I would ask him why he came home

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Speaker 5: from work just to keep working. He would get more

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Speaker 5: upset by that and yell at me. I'd walk away.

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Speaker 5: When I started high school, my mom and I became

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Speaker 5: very close. She was a stay at home mom for

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Speaker 5: my brother thirty mail, and me. We spent a lot

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Speaker 5: of afternoons together after school, running errands, watching shows, and

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Speaker 5: cooking together. Over time, it was easy to talk to

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Speaker 5: my mom. She loved to sit and listen to me

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Speaker 5: study for history tests, reciting facts and asking questions. She

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Speaker 5: engaged with me about my day to day at school

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Speaker 5: with genuine interest. She also gave me the space to

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Speaker 5: write and work. We've remained close, but things changed when

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Speaker 5: I went away to college. I struggled with anxiety, and

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Speaker 5: she was the only one who knew. We checked in

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Speaker 5: with one another every day if you text. She supported

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Speaker 5: me and helped me through a horrible breakup. I have

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Speaker 5: her to thank for sticking with my degree when I

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Speaker 5: desperately wanted to drop out. She encouraged me even when

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Speaker 5: I decided to attend university seven hours away from home.

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Speaker 5: She remained supportive when I pursued an M and ultimately

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Speaker 5: my PhD. My dad struggled with these decisions. As someone

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Speaker 5: in business, he doesn't see the value or necessity of

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Speaker 5: postgraduate degrees.

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Speaker 2: He has heckled me.

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Speaker 5: For it, been confrontational about it, and told me off

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Speaker 5: for being the smart one. He has told me to

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Speaker 5: my face that he doesn't know why anyone would pay

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Speaker 5: me to do what I do. Last year, my mom

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Speaker 5: was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I took the summer off

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Speaker 5: to help her with treatments, primarily keeping her company and

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Speaker 5: cooking for my parents while I stayed with them. She

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Speaker 5: became very dependent on me. When she finished treatment and

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Speaker 5: I went back to work and my PhD, she developed

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Speaker 5: really bad anxiety. She began complaining that my dad was

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Speaker 5: not understanding or helpful. More frequently, every conversation we had,

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Speaker 5: she would vocalize how frustrated she was with him. Despite

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Speaker 5: my pushing her to seek counseling and enjoy the break

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Speaker 5: in treatment, she barely left the house. She did not

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Speaker 5: go back to work. She traveled to see her family

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Speaker 5: and had a horrible time, so she was turned off

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Speaker 5: from traveling altogether. This past December, she received news that

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Speaker 5: her cancer had likely spread to surrounding lymph notes. In April,

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Speaker 5: she needed emergency surgery. I rushed home because her life

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Speaker 5: was in danger, and I have stayed with them since.

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Speaker 5: My mom was hospitalized for thirty five days. During that time,

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Speaker 5: I realized that she was pushing my dad further away.

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Speaker 5: He would try to hold her hand and pet her

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Speaker 5: in a soothing way, but she would slap his hand

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Speaker 5: away while being more than happy to hold mine. She

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Speaker 5: complained about almost everything my dad did, the way he spoke,

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Speaker 5: the way he drove, the way he engaged with her.

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Speaker 5: As I worked through my feelings with my own therapist,

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Speaker 5: I realized that my mom has always done this. I

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Speaker 5: have been a mediator between my parents for almost a decade,

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Speaker 5: at least when I was younger and my mom was

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Speaker 5: frustrated that my dad was still working at home. After

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Speaker 5: a long day at the office. I was the one

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Speaker 5: who confronted him about it. My dad also got frustrated

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Speaker 5: when my mom went back to work while I was

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Speaker 5: in college, and he pressed her to leave her job.

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Speaker 5: She told me how upset she was by this, and

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Speaker 5: I was the one who confronted him about it. Now,

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Speaker 5: with my mom's diagnosis, I have had to confront my

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Speaker 5: dad about a number of things and it's just made

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Speaker 5: things more fraught between us. I genuinely feel like my

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Speaker 5: dad has come to resent the friendship I have with Mom,

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Speaker 5: and he has confirmed this. My mom pushed herself to

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Speaker 5: take me out to lunch for my birthday, about a

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Speaker 5: week after an aggressive chemo treatment. Later that night, when

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Speaker 5: my dad got home from work, he told me he

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Speaker 5: was jealous but secretly happy that the lunch was cut

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Speaker 5: short so that hopefully the three of us could do

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Speaker 5: something on the weekend together. Oh, that's so sad to

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Speaker 5: hear from like your parent being like, I just want

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Speaker 5: to spend time with you, guys, because like watching a

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Speaker 5: partner kind of slowly, you know, get worse and worse. Right,

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Speaker 5: I will be leaving my parents' house and roughly a

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Speaker 5: week to go back to work. I'm a PhD student

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Speaker 5: and have teaching and program requirements that require me to

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Speaker 5: return to school eight hours away and most likely won't

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Speaker 5: be back until December for the holidays. I have been

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Speaker 5: at my parents since April when my mom was hospitalized,

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Speaker 5: and when I told my mom that I was leaving

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Speaker 5: roughly a month ago, she became extremely emotional. Any mentioned

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Speaker 5: that I'm leaving, example, discussions of my travel plans or

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Speaker 5: going back to work has her in tears. She's finally

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Speaker 5: seeing a counselor who is helping her work through her anxiety.

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Speaker 5: But I feel like it's not enough. She has no

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Speaker 5: close friends and we have no close family where they

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Speaker 5: currently live for her to lean on. I feel like

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Speaker 5: I am stranding her with my father and brother who

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00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,360
Speaker 5: just don't have a good relationship with her right now.

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Speaker 5: I also know that I absolutely need to get out

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Speaker 5: of the situation and that she will be okay when

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Speaker 5: I go. I've left briefly for a few days before

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Speaker 5: and two weeks for a work thing my dad and

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Speaker 5: brother stepped up. It is destroying me to be the

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Speaker 5: go between for my parents, and worse yet, I feel

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Speaker 5: like I am contributing to their communication problems and adding

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Speaker 5: to the growing distance between them. You are not this

359
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,920
Speaker 5: is this is not your fault. Your parents have their

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Speaker 5: own relationship and they're kind of putting you in the

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Speaker 5: middle of it. It's not your fault.

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Speaker 6: Absolutely.

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Speaker 5: I have been supportive of them speaking frankly to one

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Speaker 5: another about their problems. I've even found them resources to

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00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,760
Speaker 5: see counseling together and separately through the cancer clinic so

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00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,360
Speaker 5: all of their appointments are free. I have encouraged my

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Speaker 5: mom to be open to other people helping her through treatment,

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Speaker 5: especially because I feel so much pressure as a solo

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Speaker 5: caregiver tour. I also feel incredibly resentful that I'm in

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Speaker 5: this position, which only contributes to.

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Speaker 2: My own anxiety.

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Speaker 5: How do I gracefully extricate myself from this relationship in

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Speaker 5: the long run? How do I even begin to rebuild

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Speaker 5: a relationship with my dad? My parents have been married

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Speaker 5: for twenty seven years, been no discussion of separation. My

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00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,959
Speaker 5: mom is one hundred percent dependent on my dad, and

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00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,720
Speaker 5: he truly loves her with all of his heart. They

378
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Speaker 5: know they have some work to do on their marriage,

379
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,719
Speaker 5: but her illness has made pre existing problems one hundred

380
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Speaker 5: times worse. We're all flustered and there are some comments

381
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Speaker 5: and an update, But what are your thoughts.

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Speaker 3: That's just so much burden that Ope's yeah, putting on herself,

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Speaker 3: and that the parents are putting on you know years. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I mean probably because the parents have done that too.

385
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:36,159
Speaker 3: That's very That's just not something that you do with

386
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Speaker 3: your kid. No, Like you're you are there for your kid,

387
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Speaker 3: but your kid isn't supposed to be there for you.

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Speaker 3: Your kid is not your like, you know, therapist, You

389
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,239
Speaker 3: can't go to them to talk about your problems with

390
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Speaker 3: your partner, right, you should be you know, you want

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Speaker 3: them to be as neutral about issues with you guys

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Speaker 3: as possible. Yeah, but I think that you can you,

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Speaker 3: you know, just have talks with your dad and be like, hey,

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Speaker 3: I feel like, you know, I want to have a

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Speaker 3: relationship with you, and I know that's going to be

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00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,879
Speaker 3: hard because we've had our differences, but that is something

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00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,320
Speaker 3: important to me. Comments Comment one says, your post is

398
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Speaker 3: extremely similar to the situation I have had with my parents,

399
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,919
Speaker 3: minus the cancer. If I'm not misreading things, you're codependent

400
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:21,760
Speaker 3: with your mom. That needs to stop. You live eight

401
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,359
Speaker 3: hours away. That's a good first step. Stop talking to

402
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,640
Speaker 3: your mom every day. Do it every other day, every

403
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,320
Speaker 3: third day, build up to calling once or twice a week.

404
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,520
Speaker 3: Talk to her about little things and only talk to

405
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,600
Speaker 3: her about big important decisions. After you've already decided on

406
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,480
Speaker 3: what you're going to do, go into therapy specifically to

407
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:39,879
Speaker 3: deal with your relationship with your parents. You will need

408
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,840
Speaker 3: therapy to really start understanding how everything is working out.

409
00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:45,480
Speaker 3: There is a certain level there is a certain level

410
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,800
Speaker 3: of objectivity required that is extremely difficult to achieve on

411
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Speaker 3: your own. As for rebuilding things with your dad, it

412
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,440
Speaker 3: sounds like it will be up to you. Is there

413
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:58,320
Speaker 3: anything he enjoys doing? Hiking, kayaking, football, So just doing

414
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,760
Speaker 3: it with them, Sit them down and straight up say

415
00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:03,480
Speaker 3: we have never had a good relationship and I would

416
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Speaker 3: like to change that. If he isn't interested, let it go.

417
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Speaker 3: Best of luck, and there is an update. The only

418
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:13,320
Speaker 3: thing I disagree with about that comment is how to

419
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Speaker 3: go about kind of distancing.

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Speaker 5: Yourself with your mom, Because, yeah, your mom has cervical cancer.

421
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:19,679
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that.

422
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Speaker 5: I think it's really important that you spend, you know,

423
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Speaker 5: a lot of time with her. I don't think that

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Speaker 5: living like calling once a week or once every two weeks.

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Speaker 6: That's I wouldn't I wouldn't.

426
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Speaker 5: Want to do that if my parent was you know,

427
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,119
Speaker 5: had a very.

428
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Speaker 2: You know, deadly disease.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that really does change things because I was gonna say,

430
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Speaker 3: like I even without that aspect, I think only in

431
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,159
Speaker 3: talking to her about like little things and like not

432
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Speaker 3: really big decisions, is like.

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Speaker 6: Well, I feel like you should still be able to

434
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Speaker 6: talk to your mom.

435
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,000
Speaker 5: I talked to my mom like I talked to my

436
00:19:56,080 --> 00:20:00,399
Speaker 5: parents almost every day. Yeah, And I I think the

437
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,480
Speaker 5: parents should be I mean, I understand that this is different,

438
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,320
Speaker 5: but like they should be someone that you feel comfortable, yeah,

439
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,800
Speaker 5: talking to about like big things in your life, because

440
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Speaker 5: that's why they're a good parent. Is there to guide

441
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 5: you through because they've gone through this life.

442
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:14,919
Speaker 2: You know.

443
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,640
Speaker 3: I could see if the mom is a little dependent

444
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:21,359
Speaker 3: on op if like you wanted to kind of change

445
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:24,040
Speaker 3: that a little bit, Yeah, then I could see, like,

446
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,920
Speaker 3: you know, maybe not talking every day, maybe like every

447
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:27,359
Speaker 3: other day.

448
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:27,679
Speaker 2: Or something of that.

449
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,760
Speaker 3: But yeah, even then, I think I think the main

450
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 3: problem with their relationship is that the mom goes to

451
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:35,320
Speaker 3: ope with her emotional.

452
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:36,719
Speaker 5: That's I think that's the issue here. I don't think

453
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,760
Speaker 5: ope is overly you know dependent. I think the mom

454
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 5: clearly has like anxiety problems. So yeah, it may mean

455
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,880
Speaker 5: it may mean that you can't talk to her every day,

456
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,480
Speaker 5: but I do think the circumstances are a little more

457
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:54,800
Speaker 5: complicated than this commentary is. Yeah, you know, definitely making

458
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,679
Speaker 5: out to be, but there's nothing as scheduled. I returned

459
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,959
Speaker 5: to my apartment and my job at the start of August.

460
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,840
Speaker 5: The last week with my parents was probably one of

461
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,560
Speaker 5: the worst ones I've had in a while.

462
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,000
Speaker 6: No, my mom's.

463
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:09,360
Speaker 5: Anxiety related to her cancer and my impending departure had

464
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 5: her hyper emotional and extremely sensitive. She unloaded her stresses, fears,

465
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,800
Speaker 5: and deep unhappiness onto me every day, along with a

466
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,680
Speaker 5: near constant barrage of complaints about my dad. See that's

467
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,080
Speaker 5: when maybe you would want to distance yourself and be

468
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:22,960
Speaker 5: like mom.

469
00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:24,360
Speaker 6: No exactly.

470
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 5: Nowhere in these conversations was their discussion of how I

471
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,560
Speaker 5: felt or how what she was saying made me feel.

472
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,520
Speaker 5: On my previous post, everyone commented that my mom and

473
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,879
Speaker 5: I were codependant, were right. The moment I started to

474
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 5: put some distance between us, things grew even more difficult.

475
00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 5: In the last few days before I left, I scheduled

476
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 5: a bunch of dinners with friends to get out of

477
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:47,159
Speaker 5: the house. Two days before I left, I spent longer

478
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,040
Speaker 5: than expected out with a friend catching up. My brother

479
00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 5: picked me up late and we got back to the

480
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:55,440
Speaker 5: house and it was complete chaos. I had and checked

481
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,400
Speaker 5: my phone while we were driving, and it turns out

482
00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:00,480
Speaker 5: that my mom had gotten confused about dinner, me to

483
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 5: be home by six, at which point I would cook

484
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 5: and everything would be fine. Before leaving, I had let

485
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,560
Speaker 5: her know that there was dinner in the fridge and

486
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 5: if I was late or she was hungry before I

487
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,240
Speaker 5: got home, all she had to do was heated up

488
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,760
Speaker 5: in the microwave. Well, she forgot, and when my dad

489
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,920
Speaker 5: walked in after a day at work, he freaked out

490
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 5: that she was needy and hungry and the means to

491
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,199
Speaker 5: make dinner were not immediately available. We walked in the

492
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 5: door close to nine pm and he was just heating

493
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 5: up the leftovers. He was short with me, and I

494
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 5: was exasperated. In the midst of all that my brother's

495
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 5: dog jumped on my mom's lap, landing on a tender

496
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 5: spot for her cancer treatments. She started wailing uncontrollably, and

497
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,480
Speaker 5: my dad lost it. He slammed his work bag in

498
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:42,920
Speaker 5: the counter, looking ready to unlive something. Meanwhile, my mom

499
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,640
Speaker 5: screamed at my dad for being so upset. My brother

500
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:47,720
Speaker 5: scooped up his dog and we retreated to the yard

501
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,040
Speaker 5: for a bit while things cooled down. Next day, I

502
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 5: took my driver's license road test and failed because I

503
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 5: got too nervous. The day after that, I left as planned.

504
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,560
Speaker 5: My dad apologized for what happened when we drove down.

505
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 5: I shrugged it off, focused on getting beyond the chaos.

506
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,399
Speaker 5: I now have been back in my apartment for a month,

507
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 5: seeing my therapist regularly and working pretty effectively. They confirmed

508
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,119
Speaker 5: the problem is codependency, along with the sense that I

509
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:13,879
Speaker 5: had been more of a partner to my mom than

510
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 5: my father in the last decade, which put me in

511
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 5: the position of being a mediator between them and her

512
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,879
Speaker 5: advocate at the expense of a good relationship with other people.

513
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,879
Speaker 5: It became more evident to me that my mom uses

514
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,679
Speaker 5: me to vent discuss major life choices and be a

515
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 5: close friend as gone far beyond a regular mother daughter relationship.

516
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 5: More so, I was just done with it. So maybe

517
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:37,359
Speaker 5: that commentary was way more on the money than Yeah,

518
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,360
Speaker 5: I put the brakes on daily phone calls. I limited

519
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 5: our messages. It hurt a lot to do it, but

520
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 5: I realized I didn't need to fill her in on

521
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 5: every detail of my day every day. Curbing the impulse

522
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 5: was hard, and while it helped, I continued to feel

523
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 5: guilty about it. I've struggled to understand when I should

524
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 5: message her and about what. In the middle of August,

525
00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 5: we talked on the phone for the first time in

526
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,440
Speaker 5: three weeks, and she vented for forty five minutes about

527
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:03,200
Speaker 5: my dad again.

528
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 6: Gosh.

529
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 5: I did everything I could to redirect her to other topics,

530
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,680
Speaker 5: to focus on fun things she had seen or done,

531
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:11,399
Speaker 5: but it just continued until I made an excuse to

532
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:14,399
Speaker 5: end the call. It was so draining to hear it,

533
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:16,199
Speaker 5: and while I tried to defend my dad for the

534
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:19,359
Speaker 5: first time, I didn't succeed. I also kept telling her

535
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,240
Speaker 5: over and over to tell him or complains about him herself,

536
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 5: but she didn't listen to me. So our messages stopped again,

537
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:27,480
Speaker 5: to the point of going a few days with only

538
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 5: a good morning text. Then I realized I wasn't getting

539
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 5: any messages about her cancer appointments at all. Last week,

540
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 5: I figured We had another week until she would get

541
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,880
Speaker 5: the results of a series of scans assessing her treatments progress.

542
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 2: Then my dad.

543
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 5: Called me into a family conference call for the rest

544
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 5: results on Tuesday, and I felt like I got hit

545
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 5: by a truck. I had no idea. Her follow up

546
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:52,119
Speaker 5: appointment was that day, and the news hit me doubly hard.

547
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:55,119
Speaker 5: The results were mixed, there was no new spread, and

548
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:58,199
Speaker 5: all but one of her tumors had shrunk. Problem is

549
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 5: the main tumor is the one that did and shrink,

550
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:04,800
Speaker 5: and it currently poses the greatest problems. Bigger problem is

551
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 5: that the main tumor actually grew a bit, so they

552
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,879
Speaker 5: stopped her current treatment protocol to reassess. My mom was

553
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 5: again extremely emotional on the phone, which I get, but

554
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,480
Speaker 5: in some ways she was hyper focused on the one

555
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 5: bit of bad news. She spoke about the appointment like

556
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 5: her doctors had told her there was nothing more they

557
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 5: could do, which wasn't true. They were merely pausing to

558
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 5: reevaluate her course of treatment. Our family is certainly in

559
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 5: a different position than we were eight months ago when

560
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,160
Speaker 5: the reoccurrence was evident. We are now facing some difficult

561
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 5: conversations about the benefits of treatments versus the side effects,

562
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,719
Speaker 5: but there are many options. Last week, I felt lost

563
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,639
Speaker 5: after that conversation. I felt railroaded that I hadn't been

564
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:45,400
Speaker 5: told the appointment was even coming, and the news hit

565
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 5: me doubly hard. It became evident that I needed to

566
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,120
Speaker 5: find a better way to communicate that was effective, and

567
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,440
Speaker 5: to figure out some tools to keep my mom's complaints

568
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 5: at bay. Yes, which is I think kind of what

569
00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:59,359
Speaker 5: I was thinking earlier. Just to pause it really quick,

570
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,679
Speaker 5: because because I think we've learned that that commentary was

571
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 5: pretty right on, you know, the codependency and needing to

572
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 5: get back. But also I think that I, you know,

573
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,840
Speaker 5: the fact that this cancer diagnosis is still a thing

574
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,920
Speaker 5: means that you can't completely do that unfortunately.

575
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 6: Right, It really does complicate things, Yeah, a lot.

576
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, Because if this was a normal situation where you

577
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 5: were codabed and your mom and your mom was completely healthy,

578
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 5: you probably could just come back and then slowly that

579
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,960
Speaker 5: relationship may become more healthy. But here it's so much

580
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:33,879
Speaker 5: more complex because she is obviously putting a lot of

581
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:37,040
Speaker 5: emotional weight on you, but also, to be fair to her,

582
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:42,280
Speaker 5: she's going through just something unimaginable of being scared that

583
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:45,119
Speaker 5: you might pass away. I started with small messages to

584
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 5: my brother and my dad, and even a few phone

585
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 5: calls with my sister in law. They, in turn, have

586
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,680
Speaker 5: kept me in the loop with a few messages a day.

587
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 5: My messages with my mom stop when she turns negative.

588
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:57,439
Speaker 5: I think that yeah, and I continue to start with

589
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 5: positive discussions about things she's seen or done that she anged.

590
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:04,120
Speaker 5: Fast forward today, a week later from my family conference call,

591
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:05,920
Speaker 5: I just got off the phone with my dad after

592
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 5: an hour long discussion. For the first time in my life,

593
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,400
Speaker 5: my dad opened up to me about his fears about

594
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 5: how much he's struggling, but most of all, about how

595
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 5: flustered he is by the thought that he's ruined our

596
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 5: relationship beyond repair with his workaholism. Turns out, my brother

597
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 5: and he had been talking, and my brother is brought

598
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 5: to his attention some of the issues I have with him.

599
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,480
Speaker 5: He confessed that he didn't immediately realize how hurtful his

600
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:31,000
Speaker 5: actions have been towards me, but he wants to work

601
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 5: on this. I told him I was figuring a lot out,

602
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 5: but that I knew I wanted to fix our lack

603
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 5: of relationship too. He continues to see a counselor I

604
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 5: had referred to him through the cancer clinic, and it's

605
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 5: insane how much progress he's made in a few weeks

606
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 5: on his biggest flaw just being aware that what he

607
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,640
Speaker 5: says and does can be hurtful, especially when he comes

608
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:51,840
Speaker 5: home from work pent up with frustration and takes it

609
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 5: out on us. My dad ended our call by saying

610
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 5: that he was going to ask his boss for a

611
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 5: leave of absence at work to investigate the option.

612
00:27:59,080 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 2: Wow.

613
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:04,359
Speaker 5: Just huge, huge change. He's not sure how it would

614
00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 5: work financially just yet, but this is an opening I

615
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:10,159
Speaker 5: never would have conceived of just a month ago. My

616
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:12,879
Speaker 5: dad's job has always been his life. Things with my

617
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 5: mom remained difficult. I feel stuck because of her cancer.

618
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,960
Speaker 5: There is, in some ways no time to waste, but

619
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,120
Speaker 5: I also need space, and I haven't found the best

620
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 5: way to externalize our phone calls or handle them when

621
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:25,879
Speaker 5: they come in a way that won't involve me just

622
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:29,680
Speaker 5: hanging up. But there is a way forward in slowly

623
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,719
Speaker 5: refocusing what we talk about and how, as well as

624
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 5: how I deal with her complaints about my dad. And

625
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 5: by the way, we hope that you never have complaints

626
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 5: about how many full episodes we have with stories just

627
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 5: like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your

628
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:46,400
Speaker 5: favorite podcast app in search of Booky Street Time. But

629
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:49,480
Speaker 5: there is a little bit left. My final thought, and

630
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 5: I would love to hear yours is or one of

631
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 5: them at least is four op to be there for

632
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 5: her mom in an effective way. She needs to take

633
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 5: care of her mental health, and so I think, yeah,

634
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 5: I think it's pretty smart to like know when she

635
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 5: needs to take a break and a breather and realize,

636
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 5: you know, you don't have to feel guilty about about

637
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 5: needing that yeah time and space for yourself.

638
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 4: Yeah.

639
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 3: I think it's it's a very smart improvement to like

640
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 3: not kind of respond to the negativity, still.

641
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 5: Text her and still message her and talk.

642
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, but just try to like kind of veer

643
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 3: it away from that stuff.

644
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:27,280
Speaker 6: And that's great that the dad is.

645
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 3: Feeling this way, because if if OPI wanted to ask

646
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 3: if this was, like, you know, I forget if it's

647
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 3: the comments or OPI that said that, you know, an

648
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 3: option is to talk to the dad about, like, you know,

649
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 3: what kind of things you guys can do together, like

650
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 3: how to repair your relationship it's like I.

651
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:45,720
Speaker 6: It seems like the dad wants to which is great.

652
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think taking leave of BAP since like

653
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 3: because if he is noticing how his relationship with op

654
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 3: has been affected by his workoholism, maybe he'll think the

655
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:55,240
Speaker 3: same way with his wife.

656
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, and then things can just overall improve. That's the hope.

657
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 5: And it seems like the dad's therapy is working already.

658
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 6: So it's great.

659
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, But of course we don't have all the answers,

660
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 5: so you know, take this one day at a time

661
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 5: and get therapy. But there is a little bit more overall.

662
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 5: I just wanted to thank everyone here for assessing my

663
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:15,160
Speaker 5: rant of a post the first time and for giving

664
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 5: me names for issues I've come to recognize plague my life.

665
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 5: Today for the first time, I see a way forward.

666
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 5: This is the kind of opening I want to seize,

667
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 5: even though there's a lot of crap coming with my

668
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 5: mom's cancer and whatever her next course of treatment brings.

669
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 5: Thank you. Wow, that's a tough story.

670
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 3: That's a Yeah, that's a complicated, complicated situation.

671
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:39,800
Speaker 5: Wow, which cancer, unfortunately us, usually is.

672
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

673
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 5: And for anyone who's affected by that, love, love and

674
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 5: hearts and you know for you because it is really

675
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 5: hard for everyone involved.

676
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 3: Yes, but sounds like they're working on it, Yes, putting

677
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 3: in the work because they at the end of the day,

678
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 3: they do care about each other absolutely So.

679
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 2: Clearly, John here og host. We're gonna get back to

680
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 2: these stories, but a quick three minute break from hoss

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682
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 4: My boyfriend's friend lied about having an intimate pass with me.

683
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 4: It ruined our relationship.

684
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,480
Speaker 2: Your boyfriend's friend did a fib.

685
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 4: He probably misses your boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have

686
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 4: been dating for about ten weeks now. When he officially

687
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 4: asked me to be his girlfriend, we mutually agreed to

688
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 4: think things slow. Now, after almost three months, we decided

689
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:28,080
Speaker 4: it was time to meet each other's closest friends. By

690
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 4: the way, this comes from Invisible Bid ninety five And

691
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:31,600
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692
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:34,479
Speaker 4: our sage okay stories, I'm supright, and so I know

693
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 4: he has told his guy friends about me before, but

694
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 4: it was always very vague. They just knew he was

695
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 4: seeing someone. On Monday, my boyfriend and I were hanging

696
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 4: out when I noticed he was being distance. For example,

697
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 4: when I snuggled up next to him, he wouldn't hug

698
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 4: me or show any affection like he usually does. I

699
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 4: thought he was just having a bad day, so I

700
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 4: initiated some spicy sleep, thinking it would lighten his mood.

701
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 4: After that, I asked him if he was hung and

702
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 4: if he wanted to order some food, to which he

703
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 4: shrugged and said, don't know. I don't really care. At

704
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 4: that moment, I kind of snapped at him and told

705
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,240
Speaker 4: him he should just tell me if he wanted to

706
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 4: leave instead of treating me like this. He was silent

707
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 4: for about twenty seconds, and then he asked me if

708
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 4: I knew one of his guy friends, let's just call

709
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 4: him Alex. I told my boyfriend that I knew of

710
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:20,760
Speaker 4: him from when we talked about his friends, but I

711
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 4: never actually met him before. He asked me if I

712
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 4: was sure, and I said yes, one hundred percent, because

713
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 4: I was absolutely certain. I've never met this guy before

714
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:31,960
Speaker 4: in my life. My boyfriend was silent again, then looked

715
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 4: at me and said fine before starting to put his

716
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 4: shoes on and jacket. I asked him what's wrong where

717
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 4: he was going? He said, I would have been fine

718
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 4: with you hooking up with one of my friends before,

719
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 4: but the lining is something I'm not willing to put

720
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 4: up with. I'll go for a walk, and I want

721
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 4: you to be gone when i'm back, before slamming the

722
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 4: door in my face. I literally stood there in shot,

723
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 4: questioning if this was some kind of sick prank. After

724
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 4: about three minutes, when I realized he was actually gone,

725
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:00,360
Speaker 4: I called my best friend and told her what had

726
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 4: just happened. I was so confused I couldn't even cry.

727
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:05,480
Speaker 4: I was just in shock. My best friend told me

728
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 4: it was probably best to give him space and time,

729
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,800
Speaker 4: so I eventually packed my stuff and left. She picked

730
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 4: me up at his place and we drove straight to

731
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 4: her since she didn't want me to sleep alone. That night,

732
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 4: I texted him, I just want you to know that

733
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,520
Speaker 4: I have no idea what you were talking about earlier.

734
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 4: I'm not lying and I do not know, Alex. I'm

735
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,959
Speaker 4: very confused right now, but I want to give you

736
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 4: the time and space you need. Please call me when

737
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 4: you are ready to talk. I don't want to lose

738
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 4: you over something like this. I love you. I turn

739
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 4: off my phone, so I went to stare at it

740
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 4: every two minutes, hoping he would reply. Obviously, I couldn't

741
00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 4: sleep that night So around three AM, I turned my

742
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:44,240
Speaker 4: phone back on and saw a link the text from him.

743
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,960
Speaker 4: He mainly stated how disappointed he was and how much

744
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 4: I had hurt him. He told me he wanted to

745
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,440
Speaker 4: talk the next day at his house. Okay, my thoughts

746
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 4: are real quick. Are you gonna believe Keon or a

747
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 4: girl you've been seeing for about three months?

748
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 2: I'm gonna believe Keon. Oh man, I've been through this.

749
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 2: Believe Keon. That's always. But Keon is not gonna lie

750
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 2: to me either.

751
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 3: Yeah.

752
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, but Keon, this is evil Keon. That's what I'm saying.

753
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:10,080
Speaker 4: If he sends you that lengthy test saying how you

754
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:12,320
Speaker 4: know disappointed is if I was her in the situation,

755
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 4: I would take a step back, be like, all right,

756
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:16,760
Speaker 4: believe your friends. This is just who I am.

757
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:18,719
Speaker 2: I think we should call it Quitto's all right, she's

758
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:20,560
Speaker 2: hooked up with your friend, or she's hooked up with

759
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:23,359
Speaker 2: another guy who you don't know. What's the difference. What's

760
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:25,959
Speaker 2: the difference? There's no difference, So why does it even

761
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 2: matter in the first place.

762
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:29,359
Speaker 4: At around four PM, my best friend drove me back

763
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 4: to his house and wanted to wait in the car

764
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 4: for me. My boyfriend was already waiting for me, and

765
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:35,880
Speaker 4: I wanted to hug him, but he asked me not

766
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:38,160
Speaker 4: to touch him. I wrote down, crying in that moment,

767
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 4: I couldn't get a word out. He tried to calm

768
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 4: me down and eventually started talking. He told me that

769
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:44,600
Speaker 4: he had been hanging out with five of his guy

770
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 4: friends when he casually mentioned that we were official now

771
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:49,319
Speaker 4: and that he wants me to join them on the

772
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 4: next time the other guys brought their girlfriends. They congratulated him,

773
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 4: and some of them asked questions like how old I was,

774
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 4: where we met, et cetera. Alex then asked my boyfriend

775
00:34:57,960 --> 00:34:59,640
Speaker 4: to show him a picture of me, which he did.

776
00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 2: That's why Mo.

777
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 4: One of the other guys looked at Alex, and Alex

778
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 4: just asked my boyfriend if he was joking. My boyfriend

779
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:08,160
Speaker 4: asked why he would be joking, and Alex basically told

780
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 4: him that he and I used to hook up occasionally

781
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 4: for five months two years ago. Moe immediately accused my

782
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 4: boyfriend of breaking bro code, saying there was no way

783
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 4: he didn't know. The other guys joined in, saying it

784
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 4: wasn't breaking bro code because Alex just banged me and

785
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 4: it was nothing serious. My boyfriend was mortified and told

786
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 4: him he never knew Alex had been with me and

787
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 4: that I never told him, even though I had seen

788
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:33,600
Speaker 4: Alex before in pictures my boyfriend had shown me and

789
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 4: snaps Alex sends him. My boyfriend asked Alex if he

790
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 4: didn't recognize me earlier from the things he had told

791
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 4: the guys about me, or from what he posted candid

792
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 4: pictures of me, like me walking in front of him.

793
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,879
Speaker 4: Alex said no, claiming I had it changed a lot,

794
00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 4: which is true. I lost about fifty pounds and I

795
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,840
Speaker 4: wear my hair differently now. Then, my boyfriend said, Alex

796
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:57,239
Speaker 4: knew oddly specific things about my body, like tattoos that

797
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 4: aren't visible unless I'm in underwear, scars. At this point,

798
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:02,879
Speaker 4: I was freaking out because I honestly had no idea

799
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,600
Speaker 4: how Alex knows about these details about me.

800
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:09,320
Speaker 2: That is cancer. Wait, what, OPI's sure they didn't forget

801
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 2: about Alex and Alex claims that they didn't recognize Ope, okay,

802
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 2: but knows secrets. Is there someone else that hooked up

803
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 2: with OP that knows Alex?

804
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 4: My boyfriend said it hurt him to find out this

805
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,359
Speaker 4: way but he would have gotten past it because he

806
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 4: understands me feeling uncomfortable about telling him that I had

807
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 4: a history with one of his friends. However, he couldn't

808
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,600
Speaker 4: forgive me lying straight to his face. I know my

809
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:38,319
Speaker 4: boyfriend has some trauma regarding lies and dishonesty, which is

810
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 4: why I would never lie to him. I told him

811
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,479
Speaker 4: that exactly, but he didn't believe me, and I can't

812
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,840
Speaker 4: blame him. Everything Alex said sounds real. While I'm desperately

813
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:49,239
Speaker 4: trying to win my boyfriend back, I'm also freaking out

814
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,600
Speaker 4: about the fact that Alex somehow knows what I look

815
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:54,399
Speaker 4: like unclothed. My boyfriends told me he doesn't know if

816
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:56,279
Speaker 4: he can move on from this. I asked him if

817
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 4: he wanted to break He just said, I don't know.

818
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 4: I apologized, and now, looking back, I realized that probably

819
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,320
Speaker 4: made him think I was admitting to it. I left

820
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 4: his place and broke down crying my best friend's car again.

821
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:09,799
Speaker 4: It's been two days and he hasn't said anything. This

822
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 4: uncertainty is unliving me and I honestly don't know what

823
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 4: to do right now. How do I fix this relationship?

824
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 2: I think you cut your losses dude, that is a

825
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 2: trash way to respond to that m to make it

826
00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:25,399
Speaker 2: like a test. It becomes a conversation of like, well,

827
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,360
Speaker 2: Alex told me that y'all did hook up, So it's like,

828
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:28,920
Speaker 2: why do you feel like you can't tell me that

829
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 2: it's not Oh you failed to test, slam door and face.

830
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:33,839
Speaker 2: Don't let me see you here when I get back

831
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:35,840
Speaker 2: from a walk. It's like, that's not how you have

832
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:36,879
Speaker 2: a conversation about this.

833
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 7: Someone said, must have stocked your social media.

834
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, something.

835
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:42,080
Speaker 7: In today's age, Like I would kind of do the

836
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 7: same thing if someone's like, oh, dating this girl because

837
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 7: it's serious, Yeah, let me check her out and like

838
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 7: see like their profile and like they have to have

839
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 7: a car like an internet footprint, and if they don't,

840
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:52,240
Speaker 7: that's even a bigger red flago.

841
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:54,479
Speaker 4: This is weird. I did not sleep with my ex

842
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 4: boyfriend's friend. I'm not lying. I know everyone I've ever

843
00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:59,759
Speaker 4: slept with, and he's not one of them. In the

844
00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:02,720
Speaker 4: day after my initial post, when my ex went radio

845
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:04,760
Speaker 4: silent at all the time in the world to reflect

846
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 4: on this relationship, I started realized that there were only

847
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 4: two options. Either my ex was lying to me or

848
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 4: Alex was lying to him. I stopped reaching out to

849
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,759
Speaker 4: my ex, and I guess I made him suspicious. Three

850
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:16,840
Speaker 4: days after my post, my ex reached out to me

851
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:20,360
Speaker 4: through text, asking if we could talk. At this point,

852
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 4: I wasn't sad, but mad. I texted a message basically

853
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 4: saying that I am not insane. I know what I

854
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 4: did and what I didn't do, and that either Alex

855
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 4: is ruining a relationship or he my ex, is lying

856
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 4: to me. I told him I was done being framed

857
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,360
Speaker 4: as a bad person when I've done nothing wrong. I

858
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:40,719
Speaker 4: also told him at this point there was no going

859
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,400
Speaker 4: back for me, especially as I realized I was starting

860
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:45,879
Speaker 4: to build resentment towards him for sleeping with me right

861
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:49,279
Speaker 4: before everything blew up. I'd rather wrap this breakup up

862
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 4: as fast as possible. He read this message and was

863
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:54,480
Speaker 4: typing for like twenty minutes before calling me. He was

864
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:57,160
Speaker 4: crying and asked if we could meet up. I agreed,

865
00:38:57,239 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 4: but only under one circumstance that he brings all my

866
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:03,400
Speaker 4: stuff because I was not playing games anymore. I'm currently

867
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:05,920
Speaker 4: staying at my parents' house. So he drove here, still

868
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,040
Speaker 4: crying when he arrived. Honestly, I just wanted him to

869
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:10,720
Speaker 4: drop off my staff and leave, because I was scared

870
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:12,759
Speaker 4: I was going to cave in. Eventually, he asked me

871
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:15,280
Speaker 4: if he could come inside so he could explain himself.

872
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:18,359
Speaker 2: No, hey, explain yourself out here, dude, trying time to explain. Oh,

873
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 2: now we want to talk. We want to have conversations now,

874
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 2: not that somebody to do quiet a weepy boy.

875
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,680
Speaker 4: I asked what there was to explain, but he insisted

876
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 4: I deserve the truth before we broke up completely. So

877
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 4: I let him in and we sat down to talk

878
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:34,680
Speaker 4: in my room. He told me that Alex did say

879
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:37,920
Speaker 4: he supped with me, that I'm not WiFi material and

880
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 4: my ex should break up with me. Alex told my

881
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 4: ex to just ghost me because he didn't need to

882
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 4: justify himself and that I didn't deserve closure. My ex, however,

883
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,120
Speaker 4: wanted me to admit sleeping with Alex, so he came

884
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 4: up with his playing to test me. He lied about

885
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,400
Speaker 4: Alex knowing about my scars or tattoos.

886
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:56,400
Speaker 2: Wow, somehow even dumber. Let me give you a test

887
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,919
Speaker 2: you can't pass. I'm gonna give you a test that's

888
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:02,880
Speaker 2: designed to fail. This is the Kobayashi muru.

889
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:04,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, Jos, he was lying.

890
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 2: Bro.

891
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:09,040
Speaker 4: When you're in a relationship, you have to protect your

892
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:13,240
Speaker 4: partner and that is one of your main prerogative goals.

893
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:15,799
Speaker 4: And the fact that you were exposing her a feel

894
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 4: like she is unsafe. Dude, you're going on my list, man,

895
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 4: you were going on my list and there's like a

896
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:24,240
Speaker 4: few people on it, but you're definitely on it, man.

897
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:28,760
Speaker 4: And this fires me up. Dude, Oh my gosh.

898
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:31,880
Speaker 2: And then to have that response to which he's like, no,

899
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 2: and how does he know that? You go, oh, you're

900
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 2: a liar, Actually, sir, I hope you took a walk

901
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:40,399
Speaker 2: to a mirror and looked at it and realized that

902
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:41,240
Speaker 2: that was the liar.

903
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:44,800
Speaker 4: Okay, So he lied about Alex knowing about my scars

904
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:47,319
Speaker 4: or tattoos to see how I would react and get

905
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 4: a definite answer.

906
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 2: He said.

907
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:52,280
Speaker 4: My reaction to telling me felt like I was lying

908
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:54,640
Speaker 4: and that Alex was telling the truth my ex oldest

909
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,240
Speaker 4: friends about breaking up with me, And that's when Alex

910
00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 4: started freaking out at him for telling me that he

911
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,359
Speaker 4: had claimed we slept together. They argued back and forth

912
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 4: until my AX finally asked him if he was lying.

913
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:09,799
Speaker 4: Alex said he wasn't lying, but he just doesn't want

914
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:12,760
Speaker 4: his business out there like that, and that he swore

915
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:15,960
Speaker 4: to me he would never tell anyone about sleeping with me.

916
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,319
Speaker 4: At this point, I interrupted my axe and asked him

917
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,799
Speaker 4: if he seriously believed that. He said no, and that's

918
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:23,279
Speaker 4: when he realized Alex was lying to him. I ex

919
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:25,399
Speaker 4: said he drove to Alex's place to talk things out

920
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 4: in person, but Alex's roommates wouldn't let him in since

921
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,000
Speaker 4: he was too upset, so he drove to one of

922
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,720
Speaker 4: his other guy friends, who was also there when Alex

923
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:34,320
Speaker 4: made the claim.

924
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:38,440
Speaker 2: Okay, dude, this friend group is so pathetic. Yeah, you

925
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 2: should have known that this guy was not out for

926
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 2: your best interest when you were like, yeah, I told

927
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:46,399
Speaker 2: my girlfriend that y'all slept together, And then he goes,

928
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:48,440
Speaker 2: why would you tell her that? Like that would not

929
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 2: be the response. The response would be like, yo, like

930
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:53,120
Speaker 2: did you get rid of the girls lying to you?

931
00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:55,280
Speaker 2: Like if that's your real bro, If your real bro's

932
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 2: your real bro, and he really thinks this girl's lying

933
00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:59,040
Speaker 2: to you, he's going to be like, let's go, did

934
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,759
Speaker 2: she admit it? Like that's all he's not going.

935
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 4: And what like in the fact that you showed up

936
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,400
Speaker 4: at Alex's place at this guy showed up at Alex's

937
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,800
Speaker 4: place and his roomates wouldn't even let you see Alex

938
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:10,920
Speaker 4: because he was too upset.

939
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:12,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's also these are children.

940
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 4: Without going into much more detail, my ex and his

941
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:18,400
Speaker 4: friends had a long talk. The friends told him that

942
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 4: Alex had always talked crap about my ex for dating me.

943
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:25,560
Speaker 4: For context, I'm black on my ex and his friends

944
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:28,920
Speaker 4: except one or why Alex would make jokes or share

945
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 4: memes about black witches and how no white dude and

946
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,439
Speaker 4: his right man would turn to a black woman. Okay,

947
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:38,360
Speaker 4: so is he just he said some pretty other disturbing

948
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:40,799
Speaker 4: stuff I won't share here. My ex's friends thought it

949
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:43,880
Speaker 4: was weird, but didn't pay much mine because it's always

950
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:48,320
Speaker 4: been Alex's humor to make discriminatory or jokes. They thought

951
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,880
Speaker 4: he was just frustrated about being single. Well, now my

952
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:53,399
Speaker 4: ex now believes Alex did all of this because he's

953
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 4: low key discriminatory and didn't want one of his friends

954
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,799
Speaker 4: the day outside of their race. I asked him what

955
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 4: this is low key and how irresponsible it was to

956
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 4: not warn me and also subject me to people like this.

957
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:11,080
Speaker 4: He apologized profusely, saying he never really saw until now,

958
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 4: which I find really hard to believe. I was honestly

959
00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 4: speechless about how my ex lied me, tested me, and

960
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:21,839
Speaker 4: how he was occasionally hanging out with discriminatory My ex

961
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,759
Speaker 4: went on telling me how amazing I am and how

962
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:27,640
Speaker 4: he can't believe he ruined everything for another five minutes

963
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:29,800
Speaker 4: or so until I asked him if there was anything

964
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,200
Speaker 4: important he needed to tell me, or if anything was

965
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 4: still unset. He said no, and that he didn't want

966
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:38,680
Speaker 4: to be selfish, but all he could ask was for

967
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:42,120
Speaker 4: me to consider the possibility of mending this relationship with

968
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 4: the help of God. I didn't say anything, just got up,

969
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:46,560
Speaker 4: opened the door, and asked him if he had my

970
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:48,640
Speaker 4: stuff in his car. He said yes, So we went

971
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,359
Speaker 4: downstairs and I got my stuff out of his car.

972
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:52,279
Speaker 4: He asked if he could hug me. I said I

973
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 4: didn't know, so he hugged me and told me he

974
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:54,680
Speaker 4: was sorry.

975
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 2: I imagine OPE should have been like, can God help

976
00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:59,840
Speaker 2: you get my stuff out of your car? Can he

977
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 2: help with that?

978
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:02,759
Speaker 4: I think the Lord needs to help you get my

979
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:03,799
Speaker 4: stuff out of your car.

980
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:06,280
Speaker 2: I don't think we need the Lord to salvage our relationship.

981
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:08,200
Speaker 2: I think we need to help you get my stuff

982
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 2: out of the trunk. Let's go.

983
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 4: Let's go. Then I went inside again to call my

984
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 4: best friend. My ex has reached out to me about

985
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:18,520
Speaker 4: ten times until I finally blocked him everywhere. One of

986
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,320
Speaker 4: his guy friend's girlfriends even reached out to me, saying

987
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 4: that she feels for me and that she met Alex

988
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 4: and that he never once said something like this in

989
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,719
Speaker 4: front of her. How we've all been deceived. I told

990
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 4: her that, as good as her intentions might be, she

991
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:34,440
Speaker 4: tell my ex that if he still has any respect

992
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 4: for me, he would make sure that neither he nor

993
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,800
Speaker 4: any of his acquaintances ever reached out to me again.

994
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 4: As weird as it may sound, finding out all of

995
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 4: this just made it easier for me to move on

996
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,879
Speaker 4: from him. I am still in shock and I'm still hurt,

997
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 4: but I realized in the time we were dating, I

998
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,720
Speaker 4: never really knew him or his family. In the past weeks,

999
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 4: I've really started to heal and reflect on myself and

1000
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:58,439
Speaker 4: my attachment style. As some of you suggested, I've never

1001
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 4: been single. We're not dating anyone for longer than a month,

1002
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:03,279
Speaker 4: and I tend to get wrapped up in my emotions

1003
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 4: pretty easily. I realized that I was always a little

1004
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 4: scared to be completely single, and you will never be

1005
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 4: completely by yourself. If you go to your favorite podcast platform,

1006
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:14,080
Speaker 4: search up Okay, story time and boom, you can hear

1007
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:16,080
Speaker 4: us and we'll be with you anywhere where you go.

1008
00:45:16,239 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 4: We have stories just like this. That's right, and yeah,

1009
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:21,840
Speaker 4: that's pretty solid advice. What were you say to go to?

1010
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:23,719
Speaker 4: Have you ever been with someone for like two and

1011
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:25,600
Speaker 4: a half months? Yeah? How did you move on from it?

1012
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 2: You just kind of broke up?

1013
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 4: They actually moved and ooh, I mean we kind of

1014
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 4: knew that it was gonna happen.

1015
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 2: What was up? And chick? She sent me a really

1016
00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 2: nice message at one point. You just move, You continue

1017
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:39,359
Speaker 2: to put one foot in front of the other. And girl,

1018
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:40,959
Speaker 2: if you haven't been single for more than a month,

1019
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:42,120
Speaker 2: be single for a year.

1020
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:43,440
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1021
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 2: You need to find yourself. Yeah, you really do need

1022
00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 2: to get in touch with what you want and what

1023
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 2: you are. It's the grace.

1024
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:52,880
Speaker 7: I hate to say, but you gotta focus on yourself.

1025
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:54,759
Speaker 4: On top of that, I tend to fall for people

1026
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 4: who carry a lot of emotional burdens themselves, so I'm

1027
00:45:58,200 --> 00:45:59,800
Speaker 4: working on that in the moment. I'm sorry if you

1028
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,880
Speaker 4: died a dramatic plot twist of me omitted to sleeping

1029
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 4: with Alex or anything like that. Thank you guys again

1030
00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 4: for all the comments. No, that was pretty dramatic. I

1031
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:08,600
Speaker 4: was not expecting that.

1032
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:12,160
Speaker 2: Sam here oghus. We're gonna get back to these stories.

1033
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 2: But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors. First, my

1034
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:22,440
Speaker 2: boyfriend destroyed a sentimental item from my deceased sister. I'm devastated.

1035
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 4: Sounds like you need a new boyfriend.

1036
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:27,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, you mean your ex boyfriend. Didn't mean for this

1037
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 2: to get so long, but it seems it has. Thank

1038
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:33,879
Speaker 2: you in advance for reading me. Twenty four female significant other,

1039
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,720
Speaker 2: twenty seven male whose name will be Eugene. My sister

1040
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:39,680
Speaker 2: female deceased for two years Carrie. By the way, this

1041
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:42,719
Speaker 2: comes from user Candle throwaway one and if you want

1042
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 2: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

1043
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:48,200
Speaker 2: Okay storytime suburding. So here's some background about my sister.

1044
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 2: Two years ago, my sister was in a fatal car accident.

1045
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:53,320
Speaker 2: She was riding with a friend to the mall. The

1046
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 2: friend's parent was driving and a teenage boy plowed through

1047
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 2: a red light while texting on his phone and hit

1048
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:02,759
Speaker 2: the car. My sister, Carrie was in trigger warning we

1049
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 2: were having descriptions of a fatal car accident right at

1050
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:09,799
Speaker 2: the top of this story. Harry was unalived instantly, and

1051
00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:12,040
Speaker 2: her friend June was in a coma for three weeks

1052
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 2: before her parents took her off of life support. When

1053
00:47:14,719 --> 00:47:17,680
Speaker 2: Carrie passed, I was devastated and angry and just not

1054
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 2: in a good place. Carrie and I had been extremely close,

1055
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 2: despite a seven year age gap between us. We enjoyed

1056
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:26,840
Speaker 2: a lot of the same shows. We went to concerts together,

1057
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:29,759
Speaker 2: we volunteered together, and I took it upon myself to

1058
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:32,920
Speaker 2: guide to Carrie like any big sister would do. Our

1059
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:36,160
Speaker 2: parents were extremely busy with work most days, and Carrie

1060
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:38,359
Speaker 2: and I would often cook together and do crafts when

1061
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 2: we weren't too busy with schoolwork. Carrie wanted to be

1062
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:42,560
Speaker 2: a nick you nurse when she grew up, and I

1063
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:45,200
Speaker 2: helped her find a volunteer position at a local hospital

1064
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 2: to help her gain some experience being around patients. In short,

1065
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,920
Speaker 2: Carrie was my sister and best friend, and when she passed,

1066
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,920
Speaker 2: I was a mess. The last craft Carrie and I

1067
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:57,320
Speaker 2: made together was a set of candles. We bought the

1068
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,560
Speaker 2: wax at a local craft store and we both made

1069
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 2: each other a candle and decorated the jar it was in.

1070
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:05,800
Speaker 2: That was the day before she passed away. At her funeral,

1071
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:08,040
Speaker 2: Carrie was buried with the candle I made her.

1072
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:09,360
Speaker 4: Dang stuff.

1073
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:11,799
Speaker 2: The candle carry made me sits on my desk next

1074
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 2: to my favorite picture of her and I together at

1075
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 2: the beach, or it did until last week. Here's some

1076
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:19,440
Speaker 2: background about my boyfriend. I met my boyfriend about a

1077
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 2: year and a half ago, about six months after Carrie passed.

1078
00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:24,760
Speaker 2: I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was still grieving

1079
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:28,360
Speaker 2: my sister's passing. But Eugene came along and it was

1080
00:48:28,600 --> 00:48:32,040
Speaker 2: love at first sight. He was extremely supportive, let me

1081
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:35,160
Speaker 2: cry when I needed to, didn't push me into getting

1082
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:40,000
Speaker 2: over grieving or anything. He was extremely gentlemanly about everything

1083
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 2: and very very patient. After six months of seeing each

1084
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:46,919
Speaker 2: other pretty regularly, we made it official. Eugene came into

1085
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:49,600
Speaker 2: my life at a very low point and he has

1086
00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:53,280
Speaker 2: always been very respectful of sentiments I keep from my sister,

1087
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:55,839
Speaker 2: never asking me to take them down and always giving

1088
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:59,240
Speaker 2: me space when I needed to cry. Eugene, along with most,

1089
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:01,880
Speaker 2: if not all, of my friends and family, know about

1090
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,799
Speaker 2: Carrie's candle. There was a point after she passed away

1091
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:07,080
Speaker 2: where I would take the candle with me everywhere out

1092
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:09,319
Speaker 2: of fear that someone might light it or steal it,

1093
00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:12,040
Speaker 2: or who knows what point is. That candle was and

1094
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:14,239
Speaker 2: still is a very important part of my life and

1095
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 2: something that my sister made for me and me alone.

1096
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:18,279
Speaker 4: Makes sense.

1097
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:22,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally fair, one hundred percent fair. When Eugene and

1098
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:25,640
Speaker 2: I moved in together about four months ago, I packed

1099
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 2: away most of the reminders of my sister and put

1100
00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:30,360
Speaker 2: out the candle and picture on my desk. I feel

1101
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:33,360
Speaker 2: that this was a huge step because when I'd lived

1102
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 2: just by myself, I had pictures everywhere and a few

1103
00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 2: knickknacks lying around from my sister. I wanted to make

1104
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:42,400
Speaker 2: Eugene and ize home our home with just a small

1105
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 2: part of my sister there. Eugene understood and was very supportive.

1106
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:50,840
Speaker 2: This better be I don't even have words yet. Okay,

1107
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 2: here we go the issue. Last week we had a

1108
00:49:54,040 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 2: massive winter storm that knocked out power. Buddy, this is

1109
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:04,280
Speaker 2: not a shoes are meant to be worn type scenario. Okay,

1110
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:05,200
Speaker 2: it's a candle.

1111
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:07,680
Speaker 4: The candle needs to serve its purpose.

1112
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:10,360
Speaker 2: I swear to god, dude, we didn't have power for

1113
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 2: three days. The power was knocked out at Eugene and

1114
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:15,920
Speaker 2: I's house while I was at work, which did not

1115
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:18,440
Speaker 2: lose power. Eugene texted me that he was going to

1116
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 2: light some candles and try to get a generator so

1117
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 2: we could have some form of power or at least

1118
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:26,120
Speaker 2: be able to charge our phones and use lights, et cetera.

1119
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 2: Now we probably have thirty plus candles in our house.

1120
00:50:30,719 --> 00:50:33,279
Speaker 2: I'm a huge fan of sales and when Bath and

1121
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:35,280
Speaker 2: Body Works hows a candle, say oh, I like stock

1122
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:38,400
Speaker 2: up and get a range of scents. We have candles

1123
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:41,400
Speaker 2: scattered all over our house. In the room where my

1124
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:44,359
Speaker 2: desk is, there are no candles aside from the one

1125
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:48,120
Speaker 2: carry made me, None at all, and there never has been.

1126
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:51,600
Speaker 2: This room is also downstairs, where Eugene doesn't spend a

1127
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:54,120
Speaker 2: lot of his time. His desk is upstairs. When I

1128
00:50:54,239 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 2: arrived home from work last week, I noticed a bunch

1129
00:50:56,239 --> 00:50:58,880
Speaker 2: of candles burning in our living room, safely, always monitored

1130
00:50:58,920 --> 00:51:00,680
Speaker 2: and not near anything that could ignore one of these

1131
00:51:00,719 --> 00:51:03,919
Speaker 2: candles was the candle that Carrie had made me. Wow.

1132
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:09,080
Speaker 2: I burst into tears, and when Eugene heard me crying,

1133
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:11,840
Speaker 2: he came out from the bedroom where he was lighting

1134
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:14,400
Speaker 2: more candles and asked what was wrong. I was a

1135
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:17,680
Speaker 2: wreck and couldn't get any words out. When he tried

1136
00:51:17,719 --> 00:51:20,000
Speaker 2: to calm me down, I shoved past him and locked

1137
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,840
Speaker 2: myself in the room where my desk was and just cried.

1138
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 2: Don't know how he could be so he knew, and

1139
00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 2: I thought he understood how sentimental the candle was and

1140
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:33,480
Speaker 2: how much I cherished having a candle that my now

1141
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 2: deceased sister had spent time making with me just a

1142
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:38,919
Speaker 2: day before she passed. I haven't been able to speak

1143
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:41,440
Speaker 2: to Eugene since it happened Tuesday of last week. He

1144
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:44,279
Speaker 2: has tried to explain why he did it, because he

1145
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 2: needed candles to be able to see.

1146
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:49,520
Speaker 4: Yep, she's meant to be worn, caud did. That's why

1147
00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:51,880
Speaker 4: we stock up. That's why we go to back some

1148
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:55,080
Speaker 4: body works every two weeks and stock up on candles.

1149
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:57,439
Speaker 7: Guys, you do the winter sales, buy three, get two.

1150
00:51:57,680 --> 00:52:00,200
Speaker 2: But I just can't wrap my head around it. He

1151
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:03,879
Speaker 2: hadn't gotten into the large candle stash I have upstairs

1152
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:07,480
Speaker 2: right by the living room where Carrie's candle was, but

1153
00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:11,440
Speaker 2: went downstairs out of the way to grab the most sentimental,

1154
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:14,320
Speaker 2: cherished item I have. The candle was burning most of

1155
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:15,759
Speaker 2: the day while I was at work, and has now

1156
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 2: melted and pretty much gone. I do still have the

1157
00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:20,719
Speaker 2: jar it was in, but I can't look at it

1158
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:24,560
Speaker 2: without bursting into tears. Reddit What do I do? Eugene

1159
00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 2: says that it was an accident, but I just don't

1160
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 2: believe that, and you shouldn't, because that is nonsense. Solutioneers,

1161
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:32,600
Speaker 2: you break up with Eugene because either it's an accident

1162
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 2: and he's the dumbest person you could possibly be with,

1163
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 2: or it wasn't an accident and he's the cruelest person

1164
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:40,440
Speaker 2: you could possibly.

1165
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:42,000
Speaker 7: Be guarantee you. He's like, I don't want to light

1166
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:44,200
Speaker 7: those single wick or the three wick candles you got

1167
00:52:44,239 --> 00:52:47,359
Speaker 7: from Bath and Body because they make my head hurt

1168
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:49,759
Speaker 7: because there's too many cents in the house. So I

1169
00:52:49,760 --> 00:52:52,400
Speaker 7: go on with for that one specific candle that's not scented.

1170
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:54,919
Speaker 2: He said he was getting around to lighting the candle

1171
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:57,479
Speaker 2: surplus we have upstairs, but just hadn't gotten there yet.

1172
00:52:57,560 --> 00:53:00,480
Speaker 2: After being home for six hours alone with no power,

1173
00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:03,240
Speaker 2: I'm heartbroken and feel like this is a major slap

1174
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 2: in the face. I feel disrespected, I feel like he

1175
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:08,879
Speaker 2: disrespected my sister, and I just don't know what to do.

1176
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:10,839
Speaker 2: I don't feel like I can forgive him for this,

1177
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 2: can or should I try to work past this?

1178
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:16,640
Speaker 4: Low key, If you really want this to work out,

1179
00:53:16,800 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 4: what I would do is probably like go to a

1180
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 4: counselor cary and work this out. See what this is,

1181
00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:26,279
Speaker 4: understand everyone's emotions. Get this out is a very sentimental thing.

1182
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:28,000
Speaker 4: But if you want to work it out, that's the brow.

1183
00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:29,560
Speaker 4: If you don't want to work it out, be with

1184
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:31,560
Speaker 4: yourself for a little bit more, break up with him.

1185
00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:33,520
Speaker 4: Then it makes me think like, Okay, if I get

1186
00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:36,120
Speaker 4: married to this dude, what other stuff he's gonna do?

1187
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 2: Comment one. This may be the wrong idea and it

1188
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:41,160
Speaker 2: may not help, but as a sentimental crafter, I have

1189
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 2: a thought. First, I'm so sorry about the candle. From

1190
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:47,040
Speaker 2: what you said about your boyfriend, I think he just

1191
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:49,799
Speaker 2: wasn't thinking. Might not have even occurred to him to

1192
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 2: remember that candles are consumable and the wax would melt

1193
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:56,640
Speaker 2: completely away onto the next step. Maybe good idea. It

1194
00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:58,759
Speaker 2: is so so clear that you're still grieving over the

1195
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:00,839
Speaker 2: loss of your sister. Is still have the jar on

1196
00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:03,200
Speaker 2: her birthday or the anniversary of her passing. If that

1197
00:54:03,239 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 2: feels right, make a new candle in the jar. Pick

1198
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:08,160
Speaker 2: her favorite color or something. When you make the candle,

1199
00:54:08,239 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 2: pour in all of your love for her along with

1200
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:12,839
Speaker 2: the wax. Focus on that love when you're pouring. Think

1201
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 2: of the new candle as containing all of that love.

1202
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:17,600
Speaker 2: Think of it now as something you made together. She

1203
00:54:17,680 --> 00:54:19,959
Speaker 2: made the vessel and you made the love. Just a thought,

1204
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:23,600
Speaker 2: maybe cheesyans but maybe not. Op says I actually teared

1205
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:26,480
Speaker 2: up at work reading this. I never thought to make

1206
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:29,160
Speaker 2: a new candle. I really appreciate the idea, and we'll

1207
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:31,440
Speaker 2: definitely think about it. She made the vessel, you made

1208
00:54:31,480 --> 00:54:33,839
Speaker 2: the love that really got me. I am not over

1209
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:36,600
Speaker 2: losing her because she was the one constant happy in

1210
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:40,000
Speaker 2: my life and it's been hard. I will definitely consider

1211
00:54:40,040 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 2: a new candle to show my love for her. Reply.

1212
00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:45,040
Speaker 2: Maybe skip the wick this time, so something like this,

1213
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:48,440
Speaker 2: whether accidental or intentional, won't happen again. And a reply.

1214
00:54:48,680 --> 00:54:50,960
Speaker 2: I actually think she should keep the wick and consider

1215
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 2: using this candle to light on her sister's birthday and

1216
00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:55,680
Speaker 2: the anniversary of her passing. When the candle burns down,

1217
00:54:55,719 --> 00:54:58,040
Speaker 2: create another one in the container. I commemorate both my

1218
00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:00,400
Speaker 2: parents this way, lighting candles and drinking at time. I

1219
00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:02,080
Speaker 2: think it would be super cool to be able to

1220
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:04,400
Speaker 2: do it with a candle that they had helped create

1221
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:08,000
Speaker 2: and comment to Has he apologized sincerely or just blown

1222
00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:10,520
Speaker 2: it off? The magnitude of his remorse should be your

1223
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:12,799
Speaker 2: guide in how to take this. If he was just

1224
00:55:12,880 --> 00:55:15,680
Speaker 2: an absent minded adult, yeah, a mistake, but a more

1225
00:55:15,719 --> 00:55:19,000
Speaker 2: deliberate action would have him showing little to no remorse. Oh,

1226
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:22,759
Speaker 2: he says he actually has not apologized, but instead tried

1227
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:25,240
Speaker 2: to defend his actions by saying he needed the candle

1228
00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:27,120
Speaker 2: for light, and then moved on to saying it was

1229
00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:29,799
Speaker 2: an accident. But thinking back, I don't think he's apologized

1230
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:30,440
Speaker 2: for it at all.

1231
00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:33,719
Speaker 4: So now we're going back throw him, cast him into

1232
00:55:33,760 --> 00:55:34,160
Speaker 4: the fire.

1233
00:55:34,440 --> 00:55:39,680
Speaker 7: Yeah fire, look at that, no return, It's it's overdue.

1234
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:42,239
Speaker 2: And even if you are an absent minded adult, I

1235
00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:44,760
Speaker 2: don't want to date you, Yeah, because that's a level

1236
00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:47,000
Speaker 2: of absent minded dultery. That can't condone.

1237
00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:49,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, don't put that, don't reply, says.

1238
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:51,880
Speaker 2: The other part that bothers me is that he actually

1239
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:55,520
Speaker 2: hasn't given you an explanation. It was an accident, isn't

1240
00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:58,759
Speaker 2: an explanation? How did it happen? I think until he

1241
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 2: actually explains it to you, you aren't going to be

1242
00:56:01,200 --> 00:56:03,000
Speaker 2: able to get over it because you will always believe

1243
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:05,040
Speaker 2: he did it on purpose, which is what I believe

1244
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 2: right now. Personally, here's what I would try. If you

1245
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:11,640
Speaker 2: can't speak to him in person, text him, email him whatever. Eugene,

1246
00:56:11,719 --> 00:56:15,400
Speaker 2: it is unfathomable to me how you could possibly have

1247
00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:18,320
Speaker 2: burned my sister's candle on accident. There were a million

1248
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:21,240
Speaker 2: other candles in the house, but only one on my desk.

1249
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 2: You knew the candle on my desk was my sister's

1250
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:26,040
Speaker 2: and that it was extremely precious to me. If this

1251
00:56:26,120 --> 00:56:29,760
Speaker 2: was an accident, please explain how it happened. If it wasn't,

1252
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:31,920
Speaker 2: then why did you do it? The only reason for

1253
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:33,640
Speaker 2: him to do this on purpose would be to help

1254
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:36,320
Speaker 2: you get over your sister's passing. That's literally the only

1255
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:39,600
Speaker 2: reason I could think of, and even that makes no sense.

1256
00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:41,640
Speaker 2: We have a third comment. This may be an off

1257
00:56:41,719 --> 00:56:44,200
Speaker 2: base theory, but you met this guy six months after

1258
00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:46,759
Speaker 2: her passing while you were still grieving, and he was

1259
00:56:46,840 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 2: extremely supportive. Is it possible he had some sort of

1260
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:52,440
Speaker 2: savior complex where he came in to help a grieving

1261
00:56:52,440 --> 00:56:55,120
Speaker 2: woman past her sorrows. Then when two years later you

1262
00:56:55,200 --> 00:56:57,280
Speaker 2: still kept the candle on your desk, he was upset

1263
00:56:57,320 --> 00:57:00,080
Speaker 2: you hadn't moved past it as he saw fit. If

1264
00:57:00,080 --> 00:57:02,240
Speaker 2: he moved in solely because you were sad and grieving

1265
00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 2: and thus a project for him, then felt like the

1266
00:57:04,239 --> 00:57:06,719
Speaker 2: candle meant he was not finished yet, So he lights it,

1267
00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:08,799
Speaker 2: which he thinks will force you to fully move past

1268
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:11,960
Speaker 2: the event, which haha, fat chance. It just makes no

1269
00:57:12,040 --> 00:57:14,680
Speaker 2: sense why he goes downstairs out of his way to

1270
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:17,840
Speaker 2: get and light Carrie's candle exactly. A power outage is

1271
00:57:17,840 --> 00:57:19,880
Speaker 2: not a freak out emergency. I have been in many.

1272
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:22,520
Speaker 2: It goes out, you glare at you're now dark computer screen,

1273
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,280
Speaker 2: wait for it to come back on quickly. If it

1274
00:57:24,320 --> 00:57:26,520
Speaker 2: doesn't and it happens at night or grows dark, you

1275
00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:29,040
Speaker 2: go get some candles and flashlights. Nothing makes you panic

1276
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:31,600
Speaker 2: during a power outage. There's no reason to forget the

1277
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:35,560
Speaker 2: sentimental candle's value. If anything, they're pretty boring. There were

1278
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:37,400
Speaker 2: more candles on the main level for him to light.

1279
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:39,960
Speaker 2: I don't know my suggestion about his motives and treating

1280
00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:42,080
Speaker 2: you as a project might be wrong, just tossing out

1281
00:57:42,080 --> 00:57:44,200
Speaker 2: an idea. But I don't see how this was an accident.

1282
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:46,320
Speaker 2: He had no reason to go downstairs then move Carrie's

1283
00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:48,800
Speaker 2: candle upstairs. None. He wasn't even using it to light

1284
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:51,480
Speaker 2: the room he was in. That was intentional, and there

1285
00:57:51,520 --> 00:57:51,840
Speaker 2: is an.

1286
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:54,439
Speaker 4: Update, So we should have an investigation go out.

1287
00:57:54,720 --> 00:57:57,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's get the police involved. No, just break up

1288
00:57:57,160 --> 00:57:57,440
Speaker 2: with him.

1289
00:57:57,600 --> 00:57:59,480
Speaker 4: Well, I mean, what are you doing? Probably should look

1290
00:57:59,480 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 4: in more.

1291
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:01,960
Speaker 2: And he's not an accident. I guarantee you this is

1292
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,000
Speaker 2: exactly what he thought. You ready, This is gonna make

1293
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:05,920
Speaker 2: her get over it and it's gonna be fine, and

1294
00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:09,120
Speaker 2: she's gonna thank me later. He lit that candle thinking

1295
00:58:09,160 --> 00:58:12,120
Speaker 2: that he was being some sort of savior god complex whatever.

1296
00:58:12,240 --> 00:58:16,320
Speaker 2: She gets home immediately breaks down. So he goes, oh,

1297
00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:18,520
Speaker 2: I've made a mistake. I must now say it was

1298
00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:21,160
Speaker 2: an accident. That's the hill out one. He'll never admit

1299
00:58:21,240 --> 00:58:23,480
Speaker 2: it now because he knows how wrong he was. But

1300
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:24,720
Speaker 2: that's exactly why he did it.

1301
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:27,880
Speaker 7: Yeah, everyone's saying it's weaponized and competence and he's going

1302
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:30,240
Speaker 7: to just do it again again like we confirmed.

1303
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:31,000
Speaker 4: Yum.

1304
00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:34,600
Speaker 2: Anyway, let's get into the update. My original post was

1305
00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:37,360
Speaker 2: the day before Thanksgiving. Eugene and I had planned to

1306
00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:40,080
Speaker 2: spend Thanksgiving with my parents, but that did not end

1307
00:58:40,160 --> 00:58:42,600
Speaker 2: up happening. On my way home from work, I stopped

1308
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 2: at a local craft store to pick up supplies to

1309
00:58:44,840 --> 00:58:47,480
Speaker 2: make a new memorial candle for Carrie. Thank you to

1310
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:51,960
Speaker 2: the user who suggested this amazing, heartfelt idea. My parents

1311
00:58:51,960 --> 00:58:54,600
Speaker 2: and I spend a day remembering Carrie and making a

1312
00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:57,360
Speaker 2: new candle using some of the wax from the original candle.

1313
00:58:57,440 --> 00:59:00,480
Speaker 2: I also ended up purchasing a locket and having some

1314
00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:03,080
Speaker 2: of the remaining wax from the candle put inside and

1315
00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:05,000
Speaker 2: the locket welded shut by a friend.

1316
00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:06,160
Speaker 4: That's so sweet.

1317
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:08,400
Speaker 2: That is sweet. So on the evening of my post,

1318
00:59:08,600 --> 00:59:11,280
Speaker 2: I got home and Eugene said he wanted to talk.

1319
00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:14,080
Speaker 2: I agreed that we needed to clear the air before Thanksgiving,

1320
00:59:14,200 --> 00:59:16,440
Speaker 2: so we sat in the living room and started to talk.

1321
00:59:16,560 --> 00:59:18,880
Speaker 2: I was not ready for what he told me. A

1322
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:21,360
Speaker 2: few commenters from my original post seemed to hit the

1323
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:23,560
Speaker 2: nail on the head in a way. Eugene told me

1324
00:59:23,600 --> 00:59:26,040
Speaker 2: that when we first met, he was extremely turned on

1325
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:28,720
Speaker 2: by the fact that I was essentially a damsel in distress.

1326
00:59:28,880 --> 00:59:30,760
Speaker 2: I just lost my sister recently. I was in a

1327
00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:33,640
Speaker 2: massive depression. I wasn't myself, and that turned him on,

1328
00:59:33,880 --> 00:59:36,800
Speaker 2: both spicily and in a protective way. I'm a yuck

1329
00:59:36,880 --> 00:59:41,040
Speaker 2: that youm dude, what are you doing? That's second that

1330
00:59:41,040 --> 00:59:43,439
Speaker 2: that's like something you go to therapy to figure out.

1331
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:46,880
Speaker 2: Over the past few months, I've started to become more myself.

1332
00:59:47,160 --> 00:59:49,440
Speaker 2: I got promoted at my job. I've joined a cooking

1333
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:52,840
Speaker 2: class and have gone out more, and I've definitely moved

1334
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:54,840
Speaker 2: away from being a damsel in distress in the eyes

1335
00:59:54,880 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 2: of Eugene. He went on to explain that he burned

1336
00:59:56,840 --> 00:59:59,320
Speaker 2: the candle in hopes that it would throw me back

1337
00:59:59,440 --> 01:00:02,640
Speaker 2: into that phase because that is the only time he

1338
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:05,400
Speaker 2: felt he was attracted to me. That's worse than anything

1339
01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:08,880
Speaker 2: I could have possibly guessed. Oh dude, I'm burying you.

1340
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:13,280
Speaker 2: Are you serious? That is very crazy. They're gonna have

1341
01:00:13,400 --> 01:00:15,760
Speaker 2: to find you if I'm in this.

1342
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:16,920
Speaker 4: That's crazy, dude.

1343
01:00:17,040 --> 01:00:18,240
Speaker 2: Wow, that's a new one.

1344
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 4: I have to sleep tonight.

1345
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:23,280
Speaker 2: Dang, would you realize that about yourself? You shouldn't go

1346
01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:25,760
Speaker 2: all right? I figured out my kink. There you go.

1347
01:00:25,960 --> 01:00:29,480
Speaker 2: I need to go unpack thatt therapy and find a

1348
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:33,760
Speaker 2: more appropriate and healthy vehicle of attraction.

1349
01:00:34,200 --> 01:00:37,280
Speaker 4: Two things must have happened. One thought of the idea

1350
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:38,919
Speaker 4: of like, how do I get back with her? Power

1351
01:00:38,960 --> 01:00:41,360
Speaker 4: outage happened? Boom he was able he figured it out.

1352
01:00:41,480 --> 01:00:44,840
Speaker 4: Or Two he made the power outage happen. Yeah, didn't

1353
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:46,760
Speaker 4: happen at work while you were not at work, while

1354
01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:48,480
Speaker 4: you were at home and your girlfriend was at home.

1355
01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:52,560
Speaker 2: Dang, dude. So when I prodded for more information, he

1356
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:54,640
Speaker 2: told me that everyone prior to me that he had

1357
01:00:54,680 --> 01:00:57,720
Speaker 2: dated had either just experienced a loss or was in

1358
01:00:57,760 --> 01:00:59,960
Speaker 2: need of rescuing. Eugene told me he was no longer

1359
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:02,960
Speaker 2: attracted to me. He dreaded having spicy sleep with me

1360
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:04,960
Speaker 2: because he could no longer be the hero that was

1361
01:01:05,040 --> 01:01:07,280
Speaker 2: rescuing me, which is what turned him on in the

1362
01:01:07,280 --> 01:01:09,080
Speaker 2: first place. He didn't like to go in public with

1363
01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:11,280
Speaker 2: me because I had started to put myself together more

1364
01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:13,320
Speaker 2: like not just wearing a T shirt and jeans like

1365
01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:16,680
Speaker 2: when I was depressed. And that attracted the stairs of

1366
01:01:16,720 --> 01:01:19,000
Speaker 2: other men that he saw as a threat taking away

1367
01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:21,520
Speaker 2: his damsel in distress. Eugene had a whole laundry list

1368
01:01:21,560 --> 01:01:23,920
Speaker 2: of things he hated doing now. Because I wasn't in

1369
01:01:23,960 --> 01:01:27,040
Speaker 2: a funk anymore, I told them, if that was the case,

1370
01:01:27,280 --> 01:01:29,480
Speaker 2: then we needed to break up. He agreed and said

1371
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:31,160
Speaker 2: he would go stay with a friend until he could

1372
01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:33,680
Speaker 2: make new living arrangements. My name is the only one

1373
01:01:33,760 --> 01:01:35,480
Speaker 2: on our house, and I told him I would give

1374
01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:37,840
Speaker 2: him sixty days to vacate the house, which he agreed

1375
01:01:38,240 --> 01:01:40,440
Speaker 2: was fair. And by the way, I think it'd be

1376
01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:43,880
Speaker 2: fair if you listen to full episodes with stories like this.

1377
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:47,520
Speaker 2: And you do that by going to Apple Podcasts or

1378
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:50,360
Speaker 2: iHeartRadio or Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts, you

1379
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:53,240
Speaker 2: search OK story Time, and there you will find all

1380
01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:56,160
Speaker 2: of the stories we have ever told. There's twelve hundred

1381
01:01:56,160 --> 01:01:58,320
Speaker 2: hours of them. So go ahead and take a little

1382
01:01:58,320 --> 01:02:00,640
Speaker 2: listen to that. We have a little bit more storyline left. Hmmm.

1383
01:02:00,920 --> 01:02:04,160
Speaker 4: Riley, dude, I'm just glad you got this out of

1384
01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:07,280
Speaker 4: your life, this thing holding you down, and you can

1385
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:09,880
Speaker 4: already see how beneficial it is not having it in

1386
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:10,400
Speaker 4: your life.

1387
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:10,760
Speaker 2: Wow.

1388
01:02:11,040 --> 01:02:13,360
Speaker 4: I did not know people like this existed. I knew

1389
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:15,480
Speaker 4: there were bad people, I knew there were horrible people,

1390
01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:16,040
Speaker 4: but this is.

1391
01:02:16,040 --> 01:02:19,840
Speaker 7: Just like some disgusting people I've never even thought twisted.

1392
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:21,960
Speaker 4: This is like I've never even thought this could ever

1393
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:22,920
Speaker 4: be a possibility.

1394
01:02:23,040 --> 01:02:25,200
Speaker 2: Over the past few weeks, I've spent a lot of

1395
01:02:25,240 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 2: time with my parents and with close friends. I don't

1396
01:02:27,840 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 2: really feel like I've been dumped or broken up with someone.

1397
01:02:30,680 --> 01:02:33,000
Speaker 2: I just feel like me, which is good because you

1398
01:02:33,040 --> 01:02:34,840
Speaker 2: didn't really get dumped to break up with someone, you

1399
01:02:34,920 --> 01:02:37,760
Speaker 2: left a creature you did. Carrie's Candles sits on my

1400
01:02:37,840 --> 01:02:40,600
Speaker 2: desk where the original was, and I wear the locket

1401
01:02:40,720 --> 01:02:43,840
Speaker 2: every day. Thank you read it for listening. I appreciate

1402
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:47,840
Speaker 2: it more than you know, and that, I believe is

1403
01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:49,320
Speaker 2: the end of that story.