WEBVTT - Latinas on Motherhood and Postpartum Depression 0:00:03.200 --> 0:00:06.760 Hello everybody, and welcome to cheek Ease and Chill. I 0:00:06.840 --> 0:00:10.760 have some very exciting news to share. So Apple Podcasts 0:00:10.760 --> 0:00:15.080 has this program called Spotlight. Basically, they pick one podcast 0:00:15.160 --> 0:00:17.960 they love and highlight it for an entire month so 0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:21.400 that more people can find it. That's right. Apple's editorial 0:00:21.440 --> 0:00:24.959 team listens to thousands of podcasts and they chose cheek 0:00:24.960 --> 0:00:27.880 Ease and Chill. It's the first I Heart podcast to 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:31.400 be highlighted, so I'm super excited about this. So if 0:00:31.400 --> 0:00:33.680 it's your first time listening to the show, welcome, and 0:00:33.720 --> 0:00:36.159 I'm so happy you're here. And if you've been with 0:00:36.200 --> 0:00:38.720 me for a while, you know how I feel about you. A. 0:00:39.400 --> 0:00:41.840 Chickens and Chill is my comfort zone. I talk about 0:00:41.880 --> 0:00:44.640 anything and everything. Since I have you here, I wanted 0:00:44.680 --> 0:00:47.159 to remind you of some of my favorite episodes. We 0:00:47.240 --> 0:00:50.040 have one on cheating a betrayal, losing my mom Jenny, 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:52.600 and a really important one with my fertility doctor on 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:55.560 freezing my eggs. And of course I've had interviews with 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:58.240 some special guests, so be sure to check those out too. 0:00:58.560 --> 0:01:01.560 New episodes drop every month to you guys, rage subscribe 0:01:01.600 --> 0:01:04.600 to Chickens and Chill, don't forget. Now let's start the show. 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:10.000 This is why I feel it's a little bit more 0:01:10.080 --> 0:01:12.759 quote unquote normal to a certain extent, you know, still 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:15.720 in like our Latino families, having children later on in 0:01:15.760 --> 0:01:19.399 life is kind of like it was therapy during the 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:23.480 pregnancy and then after pregnancy because of postpartum, and yes, 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:26.839 it is something that we don't talk about. My mom 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:31.679 would be like, no nap, and I would just think, 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:34.000 I really want my parents around when I have children, 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:45.840 you know. But then I thought I had plenty of times. 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:48.720 How is everyone doing. I'm feeling pretty good. It's another 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:51.320 day I get to take my Chickens and Chill podcast, 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:54.240 so I'm very happy. Today we're talking about family values 0:01:54.280 --> 0:01:57.120 in the Latin X community and some of the pressures 0:01:57.160 --> 0:01:59.440 that come along with that. This is something I know 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:01.360 a lot of people will have experienced. And I have 0:02:01.440 --> 0:02:04.240 the perfect guest for this episode, so let's jump right 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:12.840 into it. This is chick Ease and Chill today. I 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:16.400 have the pleasure of speaking with Evalency Garios. She's a 0:02:16.440 --> 0:02:19.880 good friend of mine and I call her and she's 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:25.080 also an on air personality. So me, how are you? 0:02:25.480 --> 0:02:29.160 I am so happy to be part of your podcast. 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:31.519 I love that you know, you always take the time 0:02:31.560 --> 0:02:34.520 to invite me and to include me to all your 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:38.440 amazing projects, and I just always learned so much from you. 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:40.960 So thank you for having me. And I love your 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:44.120 audience too, and I hope we can all just grow together. 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:47.040 Thank you, my love. No, it's a pleasure. I love 0:02:47.080 --> 0:02:49.360 what you do. You're good at it. So I was like, 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:51.680 I have to have my evalence on there because of 0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:54.160 the topic, obviously, but before we get there, just for 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:57.800 those that may not know who you are, Eencaios explained 0:02:57.840 --> 0:03:00.160 to me who you are, where you grew up up 0:03:00.240 --> 0:03:02.680 or explained to us Messana, where you from your family, 0:03:02.919 --> 0:03:05.040 and also how did you get into like the media space. 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:08.240 So I grew up in al Serina, which is northeast 0:03:08.240 --> 0:03:12.760 del A. I come from a Mexican family. My parents 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:17.679 both are from Sinaloa State in Mexico. I grew up 0:03:17.720 --> 0:03:21.840 at home speaking Spanish. I actually went to school Elserina 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:24.480 Elementary Elcerina, whe I stayed in the same community until 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:26.720 basically I went to college. But at home you would 0:03:26.760 --> 0:03:30.359 just speak Spanish. That was my first language. And back 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:33.560 then there was like some type of law where you 0:03:33.600 --> 0:03:37.240 were able to have Spanish classes to like I had. 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:39.960 I was in Spanish classes to like third grade, so 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:44.000 I learned how to read, write, and speak Spanish before English. 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:46.760 So in fourth grade it was like, Okay, now it's 0:03:46.760 --> 0:03:48.520 all English, and I was so scared. I was like, 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:51.840 how is this gonna work? Same? But now I'm so 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:55.119 grateful for that because at home it's always been Spanish. 0:03:55.240 --> 0:03:57.880 At school, you know, the first years it was all Spanish. 0:03:57.880 --> 0:04:00.200 So I think that's helped me in my career. Now. 0:04:00.560 --> 0:04:03.080 I grew up very proud of it. But then when 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:05.200 I got to middle school, I was a little ashamed 0:04:05.680 --> 0:04:08.680 of like my dad pulling up dropping me off at school, 0:04:09.160 --> 0:04:16.320 listening to like no. And then you grew up that way, 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:19.080 and when I talk to young kids, I'm like it's normal. 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:21.680 Even to parents now, I'm like, it's normal. We all 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:24.120 go through that phase where we're like, can we just 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:27.960 kind of blend in with with everything with culture, But 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:30.800 once you grew up, you you're proud of it. So 0:04:31.160 --> 0:04:33.279 I grew up proud of it and then kind of 0:04:33.320 --> 0:04:35.800 like I just want to listen to and sync and 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:39.520 you know, Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears. And then once 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:41.760 I got to college, I went to cal State Northridge. 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:45.400 I really was just so proud of our food, of 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:48.560 our music. I you know, I was proud of saying 0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:51.720 where my parents were from. And it's just a beautiful thing. 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:53.479 And I think it's it's it's now that I'm older, 0:04:53.680 --> 0:04:56.440 I embrace it more. And what did your major in 0:04:57.000 --> 0:05:01.000 political science? So I wanted to be in immigration lawyer. 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:04.720 So when I first graduated from Kelsey Morthards, I actually 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:07.920 um worked at the courthouse for a few years helping 0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:13.800 people with cases of divorce domestic violence. And I loved 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:16.240 it at first, and then there was so much need 0:05:16.400 --> 0:05:18.800 for help. So I always felt like, what if my 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:21.320 parents needed this, I want to be that person that helps. 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:23.039 But then I got to a point where I was like, 0:05:23.040 --> 0:05:25.840 all right, I'm over it, Like I can't do this anymore, 0:05:25.880 --> 0:05:27.520 Like this is I got to a point where I'm like, 0:05:27.560 --> 0:05:29.760 I'm never gonna get married, Like people just end up 0:05:29.760 --> 0:05:32.480 fighting over the dogs and like the sofa. Try to 0:05:32.640 --> 0:05:36.039 get out of here. And I ended up starting to 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:39.240 help a friend with her PR company, and then she 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:43.040 started just having me organized her files and from there, 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:45.800 like the next week, I was writing media alert and 0:05:46.200 --> 0:05:50.039 PR like releases and I was like, I really like this, 0:05:50.640 --> 0:05:53.159 and she had artists that you know, She's like, okay, 0:05:53.160 --> 0:05:54.920 they have a red carpet, like go walk with them, 0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:57.479 and I'm like all right, Like I can't do that. 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:02.440 So I kind of got to see the industry. And yeah, 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:10.760 they ended up giving me, you know, three to seven 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:14.559 pm radio l A for regional Mexican. But it's because again, 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:17.880 I love the music. When you grow up around music 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:20.760 all the time, I mean, you just know the sounds, 0:06:20.800 --> 0:06:28.800 like I mean, it becomes part of you, the instrumento 0:06:28.920 --> 0:06:37.359 and I've never I mean, I wish Peto, no No, Nona, 0:06:40.279 --> 0:06:50.080 lomeoes mass elego. I love it that you that's how 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:52.800 you started. That's that's freaking dope. That's interesting. And now 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:55.640 now you're a mommy I am, and a wife. Yes, 0:06:56.320 --> 0:06:59.200 the pandemic totally changed all of us, I feel in 0:06:59.240 --> 0:07:01.960 different ways. And in my case, I think I was 0:07:01.960 --> 0:07:04.120 on the go, go go go go, Yes, yes, yes 0:07:04.160 --> 0:07:06.719 for work, I'll travel here, I'll do this, Yes, I'll 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:09.400 cover that, no problem. And I was working a lot 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:11.440 and I'm glad I got to do that. But then 0:07:11.440 --> 0:07:13.360 when the pandemic came, I was like, all right, I'm 0:07:13.400 --> 0:07:15.720 thirty something. I'm not gonna say how how old I am, 0:07:15.800 --> 0:07:19.360 but I'm thirty something. And you and I had already 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:22.760 been talking about freezing our eggs and this, and you know, 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:25.680 you've been very open and vocal about that situation. So 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:27.280 I was like, you know what, like, let me know, 0:07:27.400 --> 0:07:29.240 cheecken is how that goes? Because I think I might 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:32.520 do it. And then the pandemic comes and I was like, 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:34.880 I really want to have kids, like this is it? Like? 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:38.320 I want them a family? So it's planned in my head. 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:45.000 It was my partners don't love it. You know, for me, 0:07:45.080 --> 0:07:47.440 it was important to me. It was like I'm ready, 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:51.840 like I want, I want this, and so when the opportunity, 0:07:52.240 --> 0:07:55.520 well not the opportunity, but when it was the right timing, 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:59.200 it happened. And now I'm a mom and work was priority. 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:02.120 Now my child was priority, your child, And we talk 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:03.840 about it a lot because you're like it's a lot 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:07.720 juggling being you know, a mother that works. Did you 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:11.520 wait later to have children later on in life? Was 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:14.760 it intentional? Was it because you were just more career oriented? 0:08:15.360 --> 0:08:18.600 I just don't think I ever met like the right 0:08:18.680 --> 0:08:21.800 person that was like in the right state of mind 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:24.200 for me to actually say, wow, I can see myself 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:27.080 having a child with this person. And I think with 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:29.120 you know, my current husband, because we got married during 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:32.679 the pandemic too, we just got along in the professional level, 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:35.760 and he actually believes in me and supports what I do. 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:38.360 So he was always very like, oh, yeah, go to 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:41.040 that concert, yeah that interview, and other people that I 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:43.240 dated were always kind of jealous, like, wait, you got 0:08:43.280 --> 0:08:46.640 too close to that artist. So I kind of was like, 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:48.600 all right, with this guy, I can really do it 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:51.240 because he believes in me, and he knows what I 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:53.640 do for a living, and he respects what I do 0:08:53.720 --> 0:08:55.840 for a living. You know, I'm around a bunch of 0:08:55.880 --> 0:08:57.640 guys all the time, and for someone to have the 0:08:57.679 --> 0:09:00.240 confidence to be okay with it, so yeah, I just 0:09:00.480 --> 0:09:02.840 I think I didn't do it before because of that, 0:09:02.920 --> 0:09:05.719 because I think it's very important and now more than 0:09:05.760 --> 0:09:13.640 ever I tell people Ikey Wilkin say, and because it's 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:17.600 honestly the most important job I think I will ever have. 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:21.840 He is now my responsibility to raise a little boy 0:09:21.960 --> 0:09:26.360 who is happy, who believes in himself, who respects others. 0:09:26.559 --> 0:09:30.440 Like the world we live in, this generation of children 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:34.439 is going to change what's happening. So it's up to us, 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:38.160 the new parents, the people having kids now, to raise 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:41.800 kids that are loving, that are empathetic. That's exactly what 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:44.480 I need. So I'm I feel like there's a lot 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:47.000 of my plate right now. You know I've been and 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:49.400 that's what I was gonna tell you. You celebrated his 0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:51.959 his first year, his first year, and my first year 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:54.680 as a mom too, because I'm a whole different person now. 0:09:54.800 --> 0:09:57.439 You know I'm postpartum and I've told you this before. 0:09:57.559 --> 0:10:01.720 Postpartum really got got me good the first time. Yea, 0:10:01.960 --> 0:10:03.600 and a lot of people don't talk about it. There's 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:08.160 postpartum depression and postparton like anxiety, and you say postparton, 0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:10.880 people think, oh she was depressed. People do get that. 0:10:11.240 --> 0:10:13.320 In my case, I didn't get to that point, but 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:16.520 I was scared of everything. So it's only been a 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:19.960 few months that I started feeling better. And now I'm 0:10:20.000 --> 0:10:23.440 scared of having another one. But that's why I said 0:10:23.480 --> 0:10:25.720 I was good with one. And now that all of 0:10:25.760 --> 0:10:29.280 those feelings kind of are balanced, I'm like, Okay, do 0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:31.679 I want to have a second child because I'm getting 0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:34.440 older too. I'm glad I waited because now I'm I'm 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:37.400 in the right state of mind priority as my child, 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:41.240 but now having a second child, like, how how am 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:43.240 I going to balance? Am I just gonna go crazy? 0:10:43.679 --> 0:10:46.840 I don't know how moms did it before having five 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:50.800 six ten dude, my mom five kids? No mom is 0:10:51.520 --> 0:10:53.160 I don't know. I think times have changed, and this 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:55.480 is why I feel that it's a little bit more 0:10:55.600 --> 0:10:58.240 quote unquote normal to a certain extent, you know, still 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:01.360 in like our Latino families, having children later on in 0:11:01.360 --> 0:11:04.839 life it's kind of like you know what I mean, 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:07.800 And it's like, no, like you are in a good 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:10.559 state of mind where you're like, okay, I can I 0:11:10.600 --> 0:11:14.839 want to raise a good little human versus when we're younger, 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:16.839 we're still trying to raise ourselves, you know what I mean, 0:11:16.880 --> 0:11:19.199 Which is why I'm like, what's wrong with having kids 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:27.840 later on in life? One thing that really caught like 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:31.200 my attention right now was was postpartum because again, especially 0:11:31.280 --> 0:11:35.560 in our community, it's not spoken about enough. It's kind 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:38.960 of like a taboo. It's you're being weak a lot 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:41.720 of men, because I've heard it even in my extended family, 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:44.079 where it's like that it doesn't exist. It's like depression 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:51.240 like that. No, you guys, it really having a child 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:53.040 and I haven't had my own, but I lived with 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:55.920 my sister. Your hormones are out of whack for an 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:59.160 entire year, and when the baby comes out, you're just 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:01.839 like a man and having a child, a growing child 0:12:02.000 --> 0:12:04.719 in your body for nine months and they come out 0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:07.240 and they take all your nutrients and you gave them everything. 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:11.000 You feel a little depleted, is that correct? Very depleted? 0:12:11.679 --> 0:12:16.040 Like I said, your body, physical, emotional, spiritual. You are 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:19.480 shaken completely and a lot of these emotions are out 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:22.079 of your control. So that's why it's so important. I mean, 0:12:22.120 --> 0:12:24.959 I seek therapy. I even did therapy during my pregnancy 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:28.080 just because I was dealing with the whole Here's another thing, right, 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:29.840 Like it was hard for me too, even though I 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:32.880 was older, and even though I'm independent and I've always 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:38.280 had a job, my parents like for me. I was 0:12:38.360 --> 0:12:40.439 stressed over that, and I talked to my parents. I 0:12:40.520 --> 0:12:42.320 was like, listen, this is my choice. I've been wanting 0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:45.280 to have a child, and I'm happy with the decision. 0:12:45.679 --> 0:12:47.760 You guys made your life choices, and they were fined 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:49.679 by my dad. You could tell it was a little bothered. 0:12:49.960 --> 0:12:52.360 I mean, I'm thirty five already, you know, it was 0:12:52.400 --> 0:12:55.960 like a pot com. So it takes a while for 0:12:56.000 --> 0:12:59.080 them because the culture is different, the mentality is different, 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:02.520 and um, I was dealing with that, like, Okay, when 0:13:02.520 --> 0:13:04.800 I tell my parents that I'm pregnant, my mom was 0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:07.760 perfectly fine. When I tell them, How am I going 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:11.199 to handle their reaction? I kid did go to therapy 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:14.360 for that through my pregnancy, and it helped me because 0:13:14.440 --> 0:13:16.960 when I did get a certain reaction, I was like, 0:13:17.040 --> 0:13:20.320 I'm fine, I'm happy, I'm at peace. He'll come back around, 0:13:20.320 --> 0:13:23.120 and he did. They get over it, and then now 0:13:23.200 --> 0:13:25.320 I'm sure he's all in love with the baby. Oh yeah, 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:34.920 of course it is myste unquote being. But well I'm assuming, like, yeah, 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:36.760 you know, you had you got pregnant first, and then 0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:39.240 you guys got married, right, we did during the pregnancy. 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:41.000 I actually I was like, we don't have to do 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:43.960 it just you know, because I'm pregnant, and he's like, no, like, 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:46.280 let's do it because when the baby is born, you 0:13:46.360 --> 0:13:48.640 have my last name, and you know, we're a married couple. 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:51.080 And we were able to make decisions together at the 0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:54.440 hospital and thereafter, you know, not we're a family, and 0:13:54.520 --> 0:13:57.680 so now it's like, oh, we should have a big wedding, 0:13:57.760 --> 0:13:59.640 and I'm like, you know what, I'm happy. Like then 0:13:59.679 --> 0:14:04.160 I'm on the tracas. He's healthy, I'm getting back to 0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:08.160 my rhythm, back to kind of work, dealing with leaving 0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:21.280 the baby for fear. I still cried this morning that 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:23.600 the moment you have to go back to work. I mean, 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:25.960 I've have friends that say they were really happy to 0:14:25.960 --> 0:14:28.080 go back to work because those hours give them like 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:31.960 freedom and independence. In my case, I still struggle. You know, 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:34.600 it hurts because you're like, what if he feels like 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:38.200 I'm a band didn't No, Yeah, I can just imagine. 0:14:38.280 --> 0:14:40.960 So it was therapy during the pregnancy and then after 0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:44.760 pregnancy because of postpartum, and yes, it is something that 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:47.360 we don't talk about. When it was happening to me, 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:50.040 I was asking my cousin's like, why did you guys 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:51.920 say this? Oh, because we don't want you to like 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:56.240 start stressing over during your pregnancy, but we need to 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:59.080 know these things, yes, because then you probably think, imagine, 0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:00.640 if we don't talk about it enough, then you think, 0:15:00.640 --> 0:15:03.160 oh my god, I'm going crazy. And like I lived 0:15:03.160 --> 0:15:06.120 it with Jackie, my sister. I remember I was on 0:15:06.160 --> 0:15:07.840 the other side of the house and the baby was 0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:09.720 yelling on the top of her lens. I was like, 0:15:09.800 --> 0:15:12.560 what is happening. I went to the room. The baby 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:17.680 was in her little bassonet crying and this was her 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:20.720 first child, and she was like what twenty one I 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:23.040 think it was, and actually twenty years old. And she 0:15:23.120 --> 0:15:25.360 was sitting on the floor and she was just like 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:27.440 this face that I'll never forget and was looking at 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:29.200 the floor and she was just and I'm like, Jackie, 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:33.440 what's wrong. She's like, I don't know, like not crying nothing. 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:37.120 She's like I don't want her. Can we just take 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:38.840 her to the fire station? I just can't do this. 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:42.640 And that's when I heard about postpartum. And then my 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:45.120 mom when we said, she's like, oh, it's postpartum. It's normal, 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:48.440 like hello, Like okay, well tell us, you know what 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.000 I mean. And it was a little bit more talked about, 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:53.360 but thank goodness, it just lasted a few months, but 0:15:53.400 --> 0:15:56.040 it's very real. And I think one day we need 0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:58.640 to have like a panel of women talking about postpartum 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:03.080 because no, cissy, they said, low. She said, I feel 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:04.840 like I'm going crazy. I can't do this. My life 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:06.600 is changing. It was just too much all at once. 0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:09.840 Her hormones are everywhere. So you know, I do appreciate 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:20.440 you sharing that. No, I just felt like, okay, can 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:23.080 I do this? Like? Who am I do? I still 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:25.320 like the same things that I used to like. And 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:28.240 it's hard because even now, I mean the baby, like 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:31.520 I said, he's fourteen months now, but I still don't 0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:33.440 go out with friends. I still don't do things that 0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:36.720 I used to do all the time before. And I 0:16:36.720 --> 0:16:38.000 don't want to be that way. I want to be 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:40.000 able to have a balance because you still want to 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:42.560 hang on to the old you because you're fun and 0:16:42.600 --> 0:16:46.360 you felt free. But you also love motherhood, you know, 0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:50.200 having a little mini you run around and you know 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:53.640 someone that motivates you and it inspires you. Yeah, it's 0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:56.200 all about balance. And it took my my sister a while, 0:16:56.200 --> 0:16:57.360 and I would have to tell her book, get your 0:16:57.400 --> 0:16:59.080 nose down, little things. It doesn't have to be to 0:16:59.120 --> 0:17:01.160 leave the baby all night. I think it's just it's 0:17:01.200 --> 0:17:03.880 question the you know, it's only been fourteen months and 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:06.119 and a little by little you'll get your little the 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:09.560 rhythm going. But before, like you had your baby boy. 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:12.240 He's so cute. You guys, did you feel pressure from 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:14.840 your parents or from your family or your cousins like 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:19.080 I did. I felt a lot of pressure, but then 0:17:19.080 --> 0:17:21.400 it got to a point where they wouldn't even ask anymore. 0:17:21.720 --> 0:17:29.120 Like my mom would be like no, and I would 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:31.199 just think, I really want my parents around when I 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:33.400 have children, you know. But then I thought I would think, 0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:35.560 like no, well, maybe it's not the right time. Although 0:17:35.600 --> 0:17:37.960 being in my mid thirties, I still felt like I 0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:40.240 had plenty of time, but I did. I felt a 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:43.159 lot of pressure since my twenties, and now all my 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:46.480 girl cousins, the ones that are under twenties, I'm like nothing, 0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:52.639 no thing, because I know I have nothing in my system. 0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:56.119 Obviously there's like girls Trips that I would love to join. 0:17:56.800 --> 0:18:01.000 But I do a lot of crazy things before having 0:18:01.480 --> 0:18:04.000 my baby, and so I don't regret anything. I think 0:18:04.040 --> 0:18:06.840 I did it as perfect timing. I think I accomplished 0:18:06.840 --> 0:18:10.480 a lot in my career. I was able to experience 0:18:10.520 --> 0:18:13.520 and enjoy a lot of things, and I dated a lot, 0:18:13.760 --> 0:18:15.920 and I think it was a perfect timing. My mid 0:18:16.000 --> 0:18:19.359 thirties were the perfect timing for me. For some people, 0:18:19.400 --> 0:18:22.160 with their late thirties. For some people is their early forties. Now. 0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:25.080 I just think someone in their twenties you should really 0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:38.000 discover and explore and learn and make mistakes. You're free, 0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:40.840 you can do whatever you want and whatever you put 0:18:40.880 --> 0:18:44.359 you set your mind to. I'm a really firm believer 0:18:44.560 --> 0:18:49.119 that we are unstoppable, especially like Latina women. Man, we 0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:53.359 have everything going for ourselves. Hell yeah. I mean power 0:18:53.400 --> 0:18:59.439 to everyone that had kids in their twenties these the 0:18:59.480 --> 0:19:08.080 best is yet to come. I mean, if that's your prerogative, 0:19:08.480 --> 0:19:10.359 more power to you. You know, if you want to 0:19:10.400 --> 0:19:13.240 get married young. I I just in my personal experience, 0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:15.800 I mean growing up my grandparents, especially because I was 0:19:16.000 --> 0:19:23.879 the oldest grandchild, it was okay, and I'm like, uh 0:19:24.080 --> 0:19:28.360 when they see me, and I felt like a lot 0:19:28.400 --> 0:19:31.080 of pressure, Like but I'm like, oh my god, Like 0:19:31.119 --> 0:19:33.320 I helped my mom with the kids, and how am 0:19:33.359 --> 0:19:35.440 I going to juggle it? And I at a point 0:19:35.480 --> 0:19:40.280 I'm like, well, okay, well maybe I should to please them. 0:19:40.320 --> 0:19:42.720 And personally, I'm glad that I didn't. I mean, it 0:19:42.720 --> 0:19:44.560 would have been a blessing regardless, but I'm glad that 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:47.160 I that I waited because the one that's gonna take 0:19:47.200 --> 0:19:50.040 care of the baby is me, you know what I mean. Like, 0:19:50.320 --> 0:19:53.520 so I was like, I'm glad and I'm okay with now, 0:19:54.040 --> 0:19:56.600 because for a long time I felt guilty, I felt selfish. 0:19:57.119 --> 0:19:59.119 Someone in my family once told me, well, that's what 0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:00.960 you're here for, that's what you were made for, is 0:20:00.960 --> 0:20:04.560 for you to reproduce. And I'm like, excuse me, that's 0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:06.720 not all I am, you know what I mean. And 0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:09.320 and now I'm like, I'm good with my decision. I'm 0:20:09.359 --> 0:20:11.040 probably going to be that girl that's going to have 0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:14.399 her baby and her late thirties, her early forties, and 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:16.720 I'm okay with that. That's like, I feel like the 0:20:16.800 --> 0:20:18.280 new thing. And it needs to be a little bit 0:20:18.280 --> 0:20:22.800 more normalized in our culture because I see, because of 0:20:22.800 --> 0:20:28.280 that pressure, how many divorces there are, and because you 0:20:29.119 --> 0:20:32.280 marry the wrong person to please your family, how many 0:20:32.359 --> 0:20:36.240 people stay in relationships for their children. So many people 0:20:36.240 --> 0:20:38.560 in the family that I know are miserable, but they're like, 0:20:39.320 --> 0:20:44.440 you know, you know, they haven't feel you just see 0:20:44.480 --> 0:20:47.680 it in our culture so much, and and people are miserable. 0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:50.720 For me, I'm in a good place where now I 0:20:50.720 --> 0:20:52.480 can say, you know what, I'm able to have my 0:20:52.480 --> 0:20:55.920 little casa for my child, pay for daycare. I'm able 0:20:55.960 --> 0:20:58.200 to give them the time. Um, you know, if if 0:20:58.200 --> 0:21:00.399 I want to, I can travel with with my child. 0:21:00.800 --> 0:21:14.679 There's no pressure from anyone anymore. It's kind of like exacto. 0:21:16.040 --> 0:21:18.520 I graduated to hear the cal State Northridge. I always 0:21:18.560 --> 0:21:20.320 felt like I can get whatever job I want, I 0:21:20.320 --> 0:21:24.240 can go anywhere. We're bilingual. To man, it's a blessing. 0:21:24.359 --> 0:21:26.760 We can do so many things. So many women with 0:21:26.800 --> 0:21:30.040 their own businesses now, you know. So I feel like 0:21:30.080 --> 0:21:34.119 it's important to establish that and then after that, you know, 0:21:34.240 --> 0:21:43.360 it's okay to have kids after that. Yeah, I agree. 0:21:43.880 --> 0:21:46.879 I'm gonna be honest, I don't know right now, in 0:21:46.920 --> 0:21:51.280 this moment if I can conceive ever because of my endometriosis. 0:21:51.359 --> 0:21:53.080 Because the last time I went to see my fertility 0:21:53.080 --> 0:21:56.359 doctor he said that I have no say I'm not 0:21:56.440 --> 0:22:00.720 producing enough egg. You know, I person gonn elite. Don't 0:22:00.800 --> 0:22:02.480 let that affect me, because you know, I believe in God, 0:22:02.520 --> 0:22:07.280 and I'm like, look, it's going to happen. If God 0:22:07.320 --> 0:22:08.880 wants me to get pregnant and have a child, I'm 0:22:08.880 --> 0:22:11.640 going to have it no matter what doctors say, I'm 0:22:11.680 --> 0:22:13.560