1 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:04,080 Speaker 1: Hello everyone. 2 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 2: This is the Cheese and Chill Podcast, your favorite podcast 3 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:10,680 Speaker 2: where you come to learn, to grow, and to glow. 4 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,160 Speaker 2: And one of the things that I like to do 5 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:16,560 Speaker 2: on this podcast is to explore topics about relationships. We 6 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:19,640 Speaker 2: just had a really great conversation on healing from heartbreak 7 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:22,599 Speaker 2: with grief and couple's therapists Eva. Let that be, And 8 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:26,320 Speaker 2: today we're going to talk about something our guest, Hope Woodard, 9 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:30,479 Speaker 2: calls boy sover. She's a comedian, a storyteller, and a creator, 10 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,280 Speaker 2: and she's going to tell us exactly what boy sober 11 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,519 Speaker 2: means and why she thinks seeking male validation is a 12 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 2: generational and societal issue. 13 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:40,120 Speaker 1: Welcome to the show. 14 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:40,400 Speaker 3: Hope. 15 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 1: I love your name, by the way. 16 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,040 Speaker 4: Oh thank you, thank you. You love it. 17 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,840 Speaker 3: Yes, I said to someone truly about an hour ago. 18 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 3: I was like, like, Hope isn't lost And she was 19 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 3: like like, when you say your name, do you think 20 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,760 Speaker 3: of yourself all the time? And I'm like, like it 21 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,400 Speaker 3: is a hard Yeah, totally. 22 00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:58,240 Speaker 1: I probably would. 23 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 3: As a spiritual thing, Hope is I think one of 24 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 3: the better things to like hold on to spiritually. Hope 25 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 3: and grace are two of the best ones, especially right now. 26 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 3: In this in this administration, I'm like holding on to it. 27 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,280 Speaker 4: It's it's an important thing, you. 28 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,840 Speaker 1: Know, absolutely, It's what's going to get us through, guys. 29 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:24,319 Speaker 2: So I love it. My niece, her middle name is Hope, 30 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:28,400 Speaker 2: Jayla Hope. So we have Jayla Hope. We have Genevieve Faith, 31 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,440 Speaker 2: we have Jordan Love, and then Julie and Joy. So 32 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:35,959 Speaker 2: my sister did all you Yeah, So like it's really. 33 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:36,400 Speaker 1: Special to me. 34 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:39,039 Speaker 2: And talking about my nieces because I think this is 35 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 2: an episode that I want to share with them. They're young. 36 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,880 Speaker 2: One is about to be sixteen. I still see her 37 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 2: as a baby, and the other one's eleven, and I 38 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 2: have another I think eleven year old. So anyway, they're young, 39 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,400 Speaker 2: but I think we need to talk about these things. 40 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,480 Speaker 2: The younger they are, the better because you're fairly young. 41 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 2: How young are you? 42 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:59,280 Speaker 4: I'm twenty nine, so a young girl. 43 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 1: I know, I'm we are isn't weird totally? 44 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:05,480 Speaker 4: I know, but like twenty nine does feel like. 45 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 3: I was working I have a little like bartending job, 46 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 3: and a girl walked in the other day and she 47 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,960 Speaker 3: had a shirt on that said like I've aged like 48 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:14,200 Speaker 3: fine wine, and I. 49 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 4: Was like, I love your shirt, and she said, I 50 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 4: bought this. 51 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 3: When I was twenty one, and we both just like 52 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,560 Speaker 3: laughed about how young it is to be twenty one, 53 00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 3: Like twenty nine is still young, and I'm like, this 54 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,960 Speaker 3: is the youngest I'll ever be, you know, but twenty 55 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:29,240 Speaker 3: nine is not twenty one. 56 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. 57 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:31,600 Speaker 1: I get what I mean, I feel you. 58 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:35,519 Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm I've been around the block. 59 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:39,280 Speaker 2: You know, I get you, and I well, for me, 60 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 2: I think that this is what what you're doing is 61 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:44,640 Speaker 2: beautiful because I know it went crazy like on TikTok 62 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 2: and like came super trendy, which I think is awesome 63 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,760 Speaker 2: because that's where a lot of the youth is is. 64 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,239 Speaker 2: So I want to talk about it. I want to 65 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 2: start off with how are you today? 66 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:55,920 Speaker 1: How are you feeling? 67 00:02:56,080 --> 00:03:00,000 Speaker 3: Oh my god, thank you so much for asking immediately, 68 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 3: I'm like, you've asked me that and I've like relaxed. 69 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:04,320 Speaker 4: How am I today? I'm good. 70 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:08,080 Speaker 3: I should say I've given up cigarettes and I'm thirty 71 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,280 Speaker 3: two days no nicotine. 72 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,079 Speaker 1: Congratulation. 73 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 4: Thank you so much. 74 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:16,519 Speaker 3: I'm telling everyone because I am really proud of myself, 75 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 3: Like that's awesome. 76 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:18,400 Speaker 4: It took me like a. 77 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,280 Speaker 3: Year and a half of being like I'm gonna quit, 78 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,799 Speaker 3: I'm gonna quit, I'm gonna quit to finally do it, 79 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 3: and now I'm like right there. But I will say 80 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,640 Speaker 3: these last couple of days, I've like woken up so 81 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 3: on the wrong side of the bed and I walked 82 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,920 Speaker 3: outside of my apartment yesterday and my neighbor was outside 83 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,080 Speaker 3: smoking a cigarette and he was like, do you want one? 84 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 4: And I like started crying because I was like, yeah, 85 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,920 Speaker 4: I do. But I also know that like. 86 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,760 Speaker 3: That quick fix isn't going to do anything, So like 87 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 3: how am I? 88 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 4: I am doing good? 89 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 3: I am grateful, happy, practicing, gratitude, all of that. But 90 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 3: like we sort of talked about like this day and age, 91 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,200 Speaker 3: like with the things I see on my for you page, 92 00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 3: not really heavy heavy good, but heavy good, but like 93 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 3: hopeful again to use my name, hopeful but aware. 94 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. 95 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that hopeful but aware. 96 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:15,240 Speaker 2: Oh my god, I totally get it, and like waking 97 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,680 Speaker 2: up on the other side of the bed or under 98 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:19,360 Speaker 2: the bed, because it's been happening to me as well. 99 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,599 Speaker 2: I think it's just the energy has been very heavy 100 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:26,760 Speaker 2: and having conversations like this help congratulations on that I 101 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 2: have a friend that right now is twenty three days 102 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 2: sober from alcohol and for her ride almost every day. 103 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 1: She says, I get so emotional. 104 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 2: I didn't realize it was a problem, and I just 105 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:42,400 Speaker 2: I think a lot of people are becoming more aware. 106 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,680 Speaker 2: And this is why I love this conversation because I'm like, Okay, 107 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 2: people are wanting I see more and more people younger 108 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 2: and younger becoming sober from alcohol, from. 109 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,120 Speaker 1: Cigarettes, from even sex. 110 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,680 Speaker 2: Yeah. So I think this is great. I think we're 111 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,279 Speaker 2: going in the right direction. And that's what keeps me 112 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,080 Speaker 2: hopeful because I'm like, there's so many things I don't 113 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 2: have control of. I need to have control of how 114 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,480 Speaker 2: I react and what I decide to do with my body. 115 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,640 Speaker 1: And this is why I decided. 116 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,120 Speaker 2: I was like, we need to have her on the 117 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:17,400 Speaker 2: podcast because and thank you for saying yes, by the way, duh, yeah. 118 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 3: Thank you. I always like, I'm always so happy to 119 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,320 Speaker 3: take because I'm sure as a host, like you are 120 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,920 Speaker 3: so familiar with being in the seat of the question asker. 121 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,880 Speaker 3: I'm in host mode so often it is nice to 122 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 3: switch rolls sometimes, you know. 123 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,840 Speaker 4: What I mean, Yeah, totally. 124 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 1: And if you have questions for me too. You can 125 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:35,599 Speaker 1: ask me whatever you want. 126 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,479 Speaker 3: Well, I was wonder Yeah, I'm like it's so funny 127 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,600 Speaker 3: because like the words sober like it's you know, sober, 128 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,800 Speaker 3: callie sober, boys sober, Like it's really entered the lexicon. 129 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:51,360 Speaker 4: And I think, like it is so of the moment to. 130 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,480 Speaker 3: Like be sober, you know, Like it's like all these 131 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 3: headlines are like worried about. 132 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 4: Gen Z because they're like gen Z isn't partying? Da 133 00:05:59,040 --> 00:05:59,279 Speaker 4: da da. 134 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,239 Speaker 3: You know, Like I feel like I see a headline 135 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:04,720 Speaker 3: like that all the time, but I'm wondering where you 136 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 3: are at with like that word and that are you 137 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,120 Speaker 3: sober or you. 138 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,360 Speaker 1: Know what I was. 139 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:17,960 Speaker 2: I wasn't drinking alcohol. I wanted to just for health purposes. 140 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,760 Speaker 2: And I just started recently drinking a little bit more. 141 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:24,160 Speaker 2: And again my body's telling me you need to take 142 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:27,479 Speaker 2: a break, and I know it, and I want to 143 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:30,359 Speaker 2: be completely sober. It's just it's been a process. So 144 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:34,159 Speaker 2: not doing like shows and stuff like that. I'm like, okay, 145 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 2: like my music shows, it helps me a lot, but 146 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,360 Speaker 2: now I have a little bit more time to see 147 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,920 Speaker 2: my friends and you know, you want to have a 148 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,200 Speaker 2: hotel and then one. 149 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,799 Speaker 1: Becomes three, you know always. 150 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:45,200 Speaker 2: So I'm like, yes, I just want to sit there 151 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:48,360 Speaker 2: and practice my willpower and really work it and just say, 152 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 2: you know what, no, I don't. I want to do 153 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 2: it because I want to do it, not because I 154 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,280 Speaker 2: need it or I'm suppressing, you. 155 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 3: Know, right well, it's just good to put things on 156 00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 3: the shelf sometimes, like. 157 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 4: Even if it's not. 158 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:04,480 Speaker 3: And every time I've ever like gone sober, given something up, whatever, 159 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:08,479 Speaker 3: this is something that I think I a step, a 160 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,560 Speaker 3: wrong step I took when it came to my whole 161 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:16,720 Speaker 3: boy sober situation. I had a timeline and I actually 162 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 3: think like I was like, I'm going to do this 163 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 3: for a year, you know, And I actually think like 164 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 3: when I am most successful in giving something up to 165 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:28,960 Speaker 3: like reevaluate my relationship with something, whether it's sex or 166 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 3: drinking or whatever, it's not having a timeline because if 167 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 3: you say a month, a week, a year, which a 168 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 3: year is too damn much, you know, like you're like 169 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,280 Speaker 3: waiting to get to that finish line instead of like 170 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:47,440 Speaker 3: every time I've been successful, it's been a thing of 171 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 3: like I will participate with this thing again when I 172 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 3: want to, you know, or like when I feel ready, 173 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,960 Speaker 3: like when I feel like I've done the work, and 174 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 3: that is I think a healthier mindset, like, oh, let 175 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 3: me get past this finish line. 176 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,920 Speaker 2: I agree, yes, because I've done that. I'll do forty 177 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 2: day clanses. I'll do ninety day clanses and it works 178 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 2: and I feel great. But then when you get back 179 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 2: into it, you kind of forget in a weird way. 180 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,000 Speaker 2: So it's like I think it's like a day thing. 181 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:16,880 Speaker 2: It's like, you know, like I mean they do that, 182 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:19,480 Speaker 2: I'm sure. And I've heard an AA where it's like, Okay, 183 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 2: it's just today today and you get through today. Well, 184 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,080 Speaker 2: tell us about boy sober, though I do want to 185 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:27,040 Speaker 2: tell us a little more. 186 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you so much. 187 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:29,600 Speaker 1: You know. 188 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 3: It's so interesting because the two year mark of like 189 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:36,439 Speaker 3: really feeling like I need to give up men, give 190 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,560 Speaker 3: up sex for a second will be October of this 191 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,960 Speaker 3: year because I was like the whole thing was sort 192 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:46,079 Speaker 3: of born out of like, oh, sober October, I think 193 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 3: I actually need to do this with sex, and you know, 194 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 3: almost two years ago. Now, the there's always an inciting 195 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:56,960 Speaker 3: incident for me, like when I give something up, like 196 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 3: never am I ever Just like things have been chill, but. 197 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,880 Speaker 4: Me just detail of course, It's like it's like no. 198 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 3: Like some people have been caught in my wake of 199 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,839 Speaker 3: the wake of my chaos, you know. And I had 200 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 3: this amazing ex boyfriend who like was in love with me, 201 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 3: and I just like was, I don't know if that 202 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 3: you have this dog in you, but when someone loves me, 203 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,120 Speaker 3: I'm like, you're insane, You're crazy, get away from me. 204 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,920 Speaker 4: Like that. 205 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:30,240 Speaker 3: That was the situation, and I just sort of realized, like, wait, 206 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 3: this guy loves me so much, and I'm like totally 207 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,960 Speaker 3: not treating him right. And I do love him, I'm 208 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,720 Speaker 3: just like not in love with him. But then I 209 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 3: was sort of asking myself this question of like why 210 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 3: am I sort of so self destructive? Why am I 211 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:48,120 Speaker 3: so obsessed? Why is it that I have to hold 212 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 3: on to him when I know he's not the one? 213 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,520 Speaker 3: And why do I chase people who I know don't 214 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 3: want me and run from people who I know do 215 00:09:56,120 --> 00:10:00,600 Speaker 3: Like it was just all of those things, and I 216 00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:04,040 Speaker 3: was thinking back. I was like thinking like, gosh, how 217 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,920 Speaker 3: long have I been doing this? Like how long have 218 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:10,240 Speaker 3: I been practicing these patterns? 219 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,720 Speaker 4: How long have I been doing this? 220 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:15,480 Speaker 3: Yeah? I started like being intimate with guys at like 221 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:20,160 Speaker 3: thirteen in middle school, which is like too young, I 222 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 3: think in my like looking back and like, dang, like 223 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 3: sometimes I'm jealous of late bloomers because I'm like, you 224 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 3: guys got to like grow without like men and boys 225 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 3: like in your life, you know, were like in your 226 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,560 Speaker 3: head kind of I'm like, who would I be, like 227 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,000 Speaker 3: if I hadn't wasted like all of my time and 228 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 3: adolescents like freaking out about a guy. 229 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 4: That who had this energy Totally, I'm like, what could 230 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:49,079 Speaker 4: I have created? What could I have done? Like who 231 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:49,839 Speaker 4: would I be now? 232 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,400 Speaker 3: And so I was just sort of like damn, Like 233 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,720 Speaker 3: what I've been doing has not been working. Like what 234 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:59,400 Speaker 3: I've been doing since I was thirteen has not been working, 235 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 3: you know. And since I was thirteen, I've been like 236 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:05,400 Speaker 3: having sex whatever because I've always been like a sex 237 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:09,240 Speaker 3: positive person and I'm from the South, which is like 238 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 3: a really Christian like I'm from the Bible bell you know, 239 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 3: and so like growing up, I was pretty like defiant 240 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,640 Speaker 3: of the idea that women were better or more pure 241 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 3: or more worthy if they weren't sexual, like, and I 242 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,880 Speaker 3: think I was really like resentful of that conversation. 243 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 1: That makes sense, yeah, I get that totally. 244 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,080 Speaker 3: And so I've always been extremely sex positive, but I 245 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,560 Speaker 3: think I had this realization where I was like, Okay, 246 00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 3: like having sex and hooking up does not actually equal 247 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:41,080 Speaker 3: like sexual empowerment. And I think there was a long 248 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,320 Speaker 3: time where like that was sort of the headline for women, 249 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:46,960 Speaker 3: like sleep with who you want. 250 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:47,400 Speaker 4: To sleep with? 251 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:50,080 Speaker 3: Hookup culture is okay, like you can have sex and 252 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,200 Speaker 3: be independent and da da da da da, and like yes, 253 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:57,600 Speaker 3: absolutely like and don't get me wrong, like I need 254 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,199 Speaker 3: a man in my bed from time to time, you 255 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:03,439 Speaker 3: know what I mean, you know, hold me and I'm yeah, hello, 256 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,200 Speaker 3: like every now and again, like I'm only human, you know. 257 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,080 Speaker 3: But I did just sort of have this realization where 258 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,360 Speaker 3: I was like, Okay, maybe actually the sex I've been 259 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:15,440 Speaker 3: having has not been empowering in the way that I 260 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 3: maybe wanted to believe that it was. 261 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:22,120 Speaker 2: Hmm, Okay, I totally understand. And see, here's the thing 262 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,240 Speaker 2: let's just talk about because you're from New York, right, 263 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,600 Speaker 2: So as you were speaking, I was thinking, like that 264 00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:30,640 Speaker 2: whole empowerment of having sex. I think of Miranda from 265 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,480 Speaker 2: Sex City. I don't know if you ever watched it, 266 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,079 Speaker 2: but she was just like she was successful, she knew 267 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:36,800 Speaker 2: what she wanted, she was an independent woman. She was like, 268 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,679 Speaker 2: I'm just gonna have sex because that's what it is. 269 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,000 Speaker 2: And I get that and I respect that. But then 270 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:46,800 Speaker 2: for me, if I would have saved myself a little longer, 271 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,120 Speaker 2: I feel like I would have saved myself from a 272 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,000 Speaker 2: lot of heartbreak. 273 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,320 Speaker 1: I wish I would have known. 274 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 2: A lot younger that having sex is sacred, it should 275 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,720 Speaker 2: be very We need to take care of who we 276 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 2: have sex with because it's energetic. And now I know 277 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:10,360 Speaker 2: that after years of you know, yeah, you know, but 278 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 2: you get me. So this is why we're having these 279 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:16,200 Speaker 2: conversations because I do think it's a beautiful thing to 280 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:18,760 Speaker 2: take the time and to pause and correct me if 281 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,120 Speaker 2: I'm wrong, if this is what you're doing where you're like, okay, wait, 282 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:24,600 Speaker 2: I want to pause and work on myself and really 283 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 2: figure out why I've been doing this and heal my 284 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 2: inner child. And and you know, cause I feel like 285 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 2: I'm on that journey right now, like healing my inner child. 286 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,679 Speaker 1: And I thought I was done with learning never. 287 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,280 Speaker 3: And that's like back to sort of like the fake 288 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,280 Speaker 3: finish line of like the finish line is not there. 289 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,000 Speaker 4: Like I hate to get dark, but like the finish 290 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,160 Speaker 4: line is like truly death, like you know what I mean. 291 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,720 Speaker 4: I'm like we will be like true. 292 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,000 Speaker 3: I'm like until the day we leave this earth and 293 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 3: pass over or whatever you believe in, like after this 294 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:59,080 Speaker 3: this experience of life like that is when you're learning stops. 295 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 3: That's when you're trying stops, like you can even think 296 00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:05,520 Speaker 3: about it, like working out, you know. I feel like 297 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,920 Speaker 3: sometimes we think about working out like oh, I only 298 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,640 Speaker 3: need to do this for ninety days so I can 299 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:11,560 Speaker 3: lose ten pounds and then I don't have to do 300 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:16,080 Speaker 3: it anymore. But lifestyle, yes, it is a con It's 301 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:20,800 Speaker 3: like you will have you have to upkeep forever emotionally, spiritually. 302 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,840 Speaker 3: Something I'm wondering is like, what were the conversations around 303 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:29,120 Speaker 3: like sex and love and men for you growing up? 304 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 1: Growing up? 305 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,240 Speaker 2: I think because I was also raised in a Christian home, 306 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 2: and I it was you have sex before marriage and 307 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,920 Speaker 2: you're going to hell and instead of me, obviously I was. 308 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,520 Speaker 2: I was scared, but then it also made me more 309 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,200 Speaker 2: curious or I can't do this, Oh I kind of 310 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,240 Speaker 2: want to try it. That's where I'm like, I don't 311 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 2: want to implement fear. It's just this is a choice, 312 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 2: you know. So for me growing up, I'm like, it's 313 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,600 Speaker 2: kind of sneaky and I would get like, you know, 314 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:02,480 Speaker 2: some type of ex with doing things I wasn't supposed 315 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,760 Speaker 2: to do because there was so much control in my household. 316 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:11,080 Speaker 3: Duh, it's rebellious and of course, and because also it's 317 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:15,600 Speaker 3: like it's a thing that is natural. It's like you're 318 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:21,479 Speaker 3: a teenager, like duh, like your hormones, your brain, like whatever, 319 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:25,720 Speaker 3: your crushes, Like, nothing is more intense than when you're sixteen, 320 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 3: and that's everything, you know what I mean. That's like happiness, sadness, 321 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,760 Speaker 3: like you're so like you're that's like the era that 322 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 3: your brain is in is it's like experience everything really intensely. 323 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 3: And so what frustrated me, like looking back and thinking 324 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,360 Speaker 3: about all of this and sort of reevaluating where to 325 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:46,360 Speaker 3: hold sex in my life is like there is good 326 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:51,360 Speaker 3: reason to not have sex, but the reason is not purity. 327 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:54,280 Speaker 3: The reason is not to save yourself. The reason is 328 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,960 Speaker 3: not to avoid hell, Like, the reason is to like 329 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:01,160 Speaker 3: be with yourself and understand that you are making a 330 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:05,000 Speaker 3: choice in again sort of like empowerment, not like in 331 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:11,560 Speaker 3: a choice of scarcity or fear or Yeah, that's just 332 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,040 Speaker 3: something that I had to like pull apart. I think, 333 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:17,400 Speaker 3: like to separate, sort of like the Christian shame of 334 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:21,760 Speaker 3: it and like the actual goodness of just like taking 335 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,440 Speaker 3: a breather and waiting, yes, you. 336 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,560 Speaker 4: Know, yeah? 337 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 2: And are you are you deciding to? Like is there 338 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,800 Speaker 2: a moment? Is there there's no timeline? Is you're waiting 339 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,400 Speaker 2: for the right person? Are you waiting till marriage? 340 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,800 Speaker 1: Have we all know? 341 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,560 Speaker 4: I am not waiting till marriage. I don't think I'll 342 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:38,600 Speaker 4: ever get married. 343 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:42,040 Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, God, like, I don't know about you, 344 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 3: but marriage for me, I'm like, I don't know. 345 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:47,240 Speaker 4: My parents are divorced. 346 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,600 Speaker 1: And so I just I was so scared of marriage. 347 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, are you okay? 348 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:52,240 Speaker 3: Wait? 349 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:53,000 Speaker 4: Are you married? I should? 350 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:53,600 Speaker 1: I am married? 351 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,520 Speaker 4: Okay? And how and how is it? 352 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,920 Speaker 2: I had to go through a lot of shit to 353 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:02,480 Speaker 2: be honest. I So you know when earlier you said, 354 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 2: have you ever felt like, oh, I don't deserve this person, 355 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 2: this person like I don't love you the way you 356 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,679 Speaker 2: love me. I felt like that with my partner for 357 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:14,440 Speaker 2: a long time and until I needed to heal some 358 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:18,840 Speaker 2: really deep things that I was ignoring, and then I 359 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,600 Speaker 2: was ready to receive love and that I mean, that's 360 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,800 Speaker 2: after going I've already I've been divorced this guy, you know, 361 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:30,000 Speaker 2: so okay, okay, and I after that first one, I 362 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,120 Speaker 2: was like, I don't ever want to get married again. 363 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,399 Speaker 2: I don't want to think about having kids, like I 364 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,359 Speaker 2: I'm good, I'm chilling. That traumatized the hell out of me, 365 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 2: but I had I had to learn and unlearn a 366 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:46,040 Speaker 2: lot of things like your hat said about myself and 367 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,240 Speaker 2: about what I wanted and didn't want. But before then, 368 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:52,199 Speaker 2: because I experienced so much separation and divorce in my 369 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,600 Speaker 2: family with my mother, I was like, f. 370 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:55,879 Speaker 4: This, like totally you know. 371 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:58,960 Speaker 2: And even then it was I was fine with not 372 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:02,600 Speaker 2: getting married. But my husband was kind of like, hey, 373 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:05,199 Speaker 2: like I've never been married, and like I now I 374 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,280 Speaker 2: really want to marry you, and I'm like, okay, cool, 375 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,800 Speaker 2: Like but he's a great guy. Honestly, I have We're good, 376 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,840 Speaker 2: we're chilling. It's not perfect, but it's a lot better 377 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,040 Speaker 2: from than when I than where I come from. 378 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 3: Like a relationship, there's just absolutely no way a relationship 379 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,159 Speaker 3: can be perfect because you're two humans, and to be 380 00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:25,199 Speaker 3: human is like not it's to not be perfect, you know. 381 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,159 Speaker 4: Yeah, I wanted to ask you. 382 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:30,520 Speaker 3: I've been thinking a lot about healing, you know, and 383 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:34,119 Speaker 3: like how to really do it because I think one 384 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,560 Speaker 3: of the things that happened with me and the whole 385 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:37,760 Speaker 3: boy Sober. 386 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,320 Speaker 4: Journey the moment online. 387 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,960 Speaker 3: Is it was really a moment of healing for me, 388 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:48,480 Speaker 3: and I was like sharing it with the public and retrospectively, 389 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:52,399 Speaker 3: I'm like, Okay, I don't know if that is something 390 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:58,359 Speaker 3: I would suggest to like heal something so vulnerable, like, 391 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 3: because I did sort of realize like along the way, 392 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:04,359 Speaker 3: like oh, that's why AA is anonymous, you know. 393 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,520 Speaker 4: What I mean, Like when you're like, yeah. 394 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,240 Speaker 3: When you're trying to give something up and really sort 395 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:14,680 Speaker 3: of like reckon with addiction or bad habits or whatever, 396 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:20,040 Speaker 3: inviting in public opinion is just like tricky territory. It's 397 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 3: decided because the exciting thing about it was like so 398 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:27,360 Speaker 3: many women resonated with it, right, So it's like there 399 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,440 Speaker 3: are so many women who felt really seen and were 400 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:36,520 Speaker 3: inspired to like take a moment to learn about themselves 401 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:40,240 Speaker 3: to reevaluate. But I think along the way, I was like, Okay, 402 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,000 Speaker 3: I think I need. 403 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,720 Speaker 4: A little bit of privacy to heal. 404 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:47,840 Speaker 3: And so over the last maybe like couple of months, 405 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:51,359 Speaker 3: I've been like healing in sort of a different way. 406 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,760 Speaker 4: Yes, And so I wanted to just ask. 407 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,520 Speaker 3: You about like your process of healing, you know what 408 00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:58,240 Speaker 3: I mean, like give me advice please? 409 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 1: So no, Yeah, I got you. 410 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:04,480 Speaker 2: It's I totally understand because I think in the position 411 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:07,480 Speaker 2: that we're in and you've shared, and you're being vulnerable 412 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,760 Speaker 2: and you're sharing your experience and everything, I think there's 413 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,679 Speaker 2: a lot of strength in that, and it also helps 414 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 2: you heal to share it, right, But you also are 415 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,199 Speaker 2: exposing yourself to people's opinion and we have to be 416 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,159 Speaker 2: ready for that. That's that, right, That helps, That's a 417 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,720 Speaker 2: part of healing. But you also do need Now that's 418 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,280 Speaker 2: what I'm doing as well this year, and I'm choosing 419 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,760 Speaker 2: to step back and share certain things, but share them 420 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,199 Speaker 2: after the fact, not what I'm going through it. 421 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:35,440 Speaker 1: I had to go and. 422 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,399 Speaker 2: Kind of do a retreat, a spiritual retreat where I'm like, 423 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:40,240 Speaker 2: I need to spend time with myself and stop worrying 424 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:44,760 Speaker 2: about It's good because it keeps us accountable with having 425 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,000 Speaker 2: our social media, you know, Okay, it keeps us accountable 426 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,399 Speaker 2: with our process, but also that privacy. There's something with 427 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:55,720 Speaker 2: silence and just thinking and encountering yourself that is life changing. 428 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 2: And I think that's where you are, and I think 429 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,679 Speaker 2: that's exactly how and just I mean, I'm sure you 430 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,760 Speaker 2: know this, but what you're doing and you're like, Okay, 431 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,359 Speaker 2: I need some time, I'm gonna chill. I'm gonna like 432 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:09,119 Speaker 2: be private. That's your intuition and you gotta just freaking 433 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,480 Speaker 2: follow it and not feel pressured, you. 434 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:15,160 Speaker 3: Know, totally to absolutely listen to your intuition. You want 435 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,200 Speaker 3: to know what like to be totally honest, like, I'm 436 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,520 Speaker 3: still in the thick of figuring out how to like 437 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:24,160 Speaker 3: separate myself from like how to stop being so obsessed 438 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:28,040 Speaker 3: with men. It's been like a two year. It's like 439 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,480 Speaker 3: so embarrassing that I'm like, I mean, as we said 440 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,280 Speaker 3: again and again and again, like it's a lifetime project. 441 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:38,719 Speaker 3: But like a couple of months ago, like honestly, I've 442 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:42,960 Speaker 3: had to like sort of restart the process because it 443 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:46,120 Speaker 3: became so I had this crush where I was just 444 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 3: like everything I was doing, I was posting on my 445 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 3: Instagram story for him, I was like up just like 446 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 3: everything was a casting the net you know what I mean, 447 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,080 Speaker 3: every song I listened to, I was thinking about him, 448 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,040 Speaker 3: every movie that came on, and like, I was on 449 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:02,800 Speaker 3: a dance floor dancing, and I was like, if he 450 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:07,800 Speaker 3: could see me right now? Like everything, Yeah, I'm like 451 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:11,199 Speaker 3: you like, out with my friends on a dance floor, 452 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,480 Speaker 3: nowhere in sight. 453 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 4: He's nowhere in sight and I'm like, if he could 454 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:16,199 Speaker 4: only see me, you know. 455 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,200 Speaker 1: So that's the seeking validation part. 456 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:24,880 Speaker 3: No, right, Like what is that? And like so then 457 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,520 Speaker 3: I finally sort of asked him. I was like, I 458 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,400 Speaker 3: texted him and I was like, what do you want 459 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:30,119 Speaker 3: from me? You know? 460 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:34,960 Speaker 4: And he said nothing, Oh my gosh. 461 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:35,520 Speaker 3: No. 462 00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:36,720 Speaker 4: In the moment. 463 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:40,000 Speaker 3: First of all, I was drunk off bottomless mimosas, Like 464 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,679 Speaker 3: you talk about one, two, three drinks like I'm sober 465 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:47,159 Speaker 3: sober again, like from drinking because bottomless mimosas will absolutely 466 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,080 Speaker 3: do it to me, like will absolutely make me act. 467 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,879 Speaker 4: In a way where I have to maybe take a second. 468 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:54,160 Speaker 1: And you're a. 469 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,960 Speaker 3: Bartender, yeah, which is so funny. 470 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:58,000 Speaker 4: No, I know. 471 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,920 Speaker 2: I mean, you know you're practicing your power, You're really 472 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:01,800 Speaker 2: exercising it there. 473 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:05,560 Speaker 3: Bartenders are like one of two things. Either alcoholics are 474 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:09,639 Speaker 3: recovering alcoholics. Like, if I'm being honest, oh, after that rejection. 475 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:13,280 Speaker 3: First of all, I think rejection is a really good thing, 476 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,640 Speaker 3: you know, especially. 477 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:16,920 Speaker 1: It is God's protection. 478 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:22,600 Speaker 3: That's okay, yes, write it down. I'm like no, literally, 479 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,560 Speaker 3: like okay, I love the way that you just said that, 480 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:30,560 Speaker 3: because he has actually been sneaking back into my mind's eye, 481 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:31,680 Speaker 3: and you're right. 482 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:32,879 Speaker 4: Like rejection is protection. 483 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,679 Speaker 3: Like I have to really work so hard to be 484 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,840 Speaker 3: like keep him like at a safe distance, you know. 485 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:44,720 Speaker 3: But after that rejection, I have, I think started like 486 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:48,400 Speaker 3: a new process of healing where I am like that's 487 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,880 Speaker 3: why I gave up drinking, I've given up weed, I've 488 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,960 Speaker 3: given up nicotine, and I'm like really trying to just 489 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:58,560 Speaker 3: feel everything, which is not, oh my. 490 00:23:58,560 --> 00:23:59,439 Speaker 4: God, not easy. 491 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:02,480 Speaker 3: Like I started going to yoga for the first time 492 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,879 Speaker 3: in my life, and my yoga instructor, like when we 493 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,040 Speaker 3: laid down at the end to just breathe, it was 494 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,160 Speaker 3: like the first time I had been in my body 495 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,600 Speaker 3: I felt like in a really long time, and I 496 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,000 Speaker 3: just like fully started crying on that mat, just like 497 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:17,040 Speaker 3: fully like. 498 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:20,960 Speaker 1: You're feeling, oh my god, yeah, this is great. So 499 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,320 Speaker 1: is it? Alcohol and weed and everything? Also thirty two 500 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:24,760 Speaker 1: days or is it okay? 501 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:25,879 Speaker 4: Thank you for asking. 502 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:30,959 Speaker 3: I'm like fifty five days no weed, no alcohol, and 503 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:37,200 Speaker 3: I'm like thirty two days no nicotine. And it's like again, 504 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:39,760 Speaker 3: it's this thing of like who knows how long this 505 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 3: is because I'm not like an aa girl, like like 506 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:48,440 Speaker 3: I've never almost lost my life or something from my addiction. 507 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:51,320 Speaker 3: It's it's just like the chaos that's brought into my 508 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:55,400 Speaker 3: life is not always worth it. So I don't know 509 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 3: for how long or when or where. I think it 510 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,440 Speaker 3: again just goes back to like, Okay, I feel like 511 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:09,160 Speaker 3: I've done the work, And. 512 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 2: Do you feel better like mentally, like do you have 513 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:14,440 Speaker 2: more mental clarity? Because I know emotionally a lot is happening, 514 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,359 Speaker 2: and I get that because it's only normal. 515 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:20,160 Speaker 3: First of all, I've been angry, Like I think anger 516 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,719 Speaker 3: is like a difficult emotion, especially maybe for women, like 517 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:28,000 Speaker 3: we're really not allowed to be angry. Like in my 518 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:31,479 Speaker 3: house growing up, like being polite and being nice and 519 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:36,880 Speaker 3: being soft was absolutely the most important thing a woman 520 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,280 Speaker 3: could do. A girl could do, like to be any 521 00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:42,560 Speaker 3: kind of like harsh or mean or. 522 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,280 Speaker 1: A ladylike I got that so. 523 00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:49,919 Speaker 3: Much, absolutely absolutely, and like you know, what there is 524 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:55,240 Speaker 3: something absolutely like important to being sweet, like to being polite, 525 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:59,240 Speaker 3: like I like to be polite and kind, but it 526 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:05,560 Speaker 3: tips it into sort of like making yourself small too often, 527 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:10,040 Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, Like, yeah, there's a very 528 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:10,720 Speaker 3: fine line. 529 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:15,720 Speaker 2: Yes, I think being soft and being ladylike is great, 530 00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:19,719 Speaker 2: you know, but then there's also like being unapologetically yourself, 531 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:24,800 Speaker 2: like yes, someone is treating you unfairly, or someone's doing 532 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,160 Speaker 2: something that you don't appreciate it. I think that's where 533 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,800 Speaker 2: you use your voice and like, hey, it's all how 534 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:30,320 Speaker 2: we deliver our message. I say that a lot on 535 00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:33,840 Speaker 2: the podcast. I've been trying to find that balance because 536 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:37,680 Speaker 2: I get you from that type of background. It say, wait, okay, 537 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,320 Speaker 2: I'll just stay quiet, and then we suppress so much 538 00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:41,239 Speaker 2: and it's not good for us. 539 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:45,640 Speaker 3: Yes, I agree completely, and so has it been good 540 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:49,760 Speaker 3: for me? Like I have actually been loving the anger 541 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:53,800 Speaker 3: I've been feeling, Like I'm like, uh, I don't want 542 00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:56,800 Speaker 3: to smoke cigarettes right now, because I just like anger 543 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,879 Speaker 3: is like a signal, right, Like yeah, it's not it's 544 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:03,359 Speaker 3: like a secondary emotion whatever. And it's like to be 545 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:07,840 Speaker 3: angry with someone is not productive, Like there's a great 546 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:11,159 Speaker 3: book by this woman who was like a psychologist in 547 00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:14,360 Speaker 3: the really popular psychologist in like the eighties, and it's 548 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,800 Speaker 3: called The Dance of Anger, and it talks a lot 549 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 3: about how like, yeah, when you're using your anger like 550 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:23,840 Speaker 3: in relation with someone, it's not exactly productive, right because 551 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:28,199 Speaker 3: we're like we're lashing out, we're taking swings. We're not 552 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:32,280 Speaker 3: really in sort of like fix negotiate mode. 553 00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:35,800 Speaker 4: We're just like in burn it all down mode, you know. 554 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:41,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, But like the anger, I've been feeling like I've 555 00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 3: enjoyed it because I'm like, you know what, like there's 556 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,280 Speaker 3: a fucking lot to be angry about right now, Like 557 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:47,920 Speaker 3: there's like so much. 558 00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,600 Speaker 2: And I love that you're being honest and you're being vulnerable, 559 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,880 Speaker 2: because yes, that's the truth, right, It's life, guys, totally. 560 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,600 Speaker 2: It's rollercoaster of emotions. 561 00:27:56,440 --> 00:28:00,160 Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, And it's not a matter of like not 562 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:04,679 Speaker 3: feeling it. It's just a matter of like, okay, where 563 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:05,880 Speaker 3: do you go with it now? 564 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:06,840 Speaker 1: Yeah? 565 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:10,920 Speaker 2: So yeah, And I've learned now now that i'm older, 566 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:12,920 Speaker 2: being part you know, I feel like I can now 567 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,960 Speaker 2: say I'm myself, whether people like it or not when 568 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:17,320 Speaker 2: people ask me, how are you doing today? 569 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,560 Speaker 1: I'm like, you know what, I'm in a bad mood today? Yeah, 570 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:20,400 Speaker 1: me too good? 571 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:25,760 Speaker 2: You know I don't, Yeah, you know, because I've caught 572 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:28,880 Speaker 2: myself doing that in the past, where oh I'm good 573 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,080 Speaker 2: because I have to keep it all together because everything's fine, 574 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,480 Speaker 2: and that's what I was taught, Like, oh no, I'm 575 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,879 Speaker 2: not great today and that's yeah. 576 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:39,480 Speaker 3: No, I think it's actually too like so much relief 577 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:43,880 Speaker 3: to it. I mean, every emotion is universal, you know 578 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:46,239 Speaker 3: what I mean. We all are walking around with like 579 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:51,120 Speaker 3: the big the big emotion sadness, joy, anger or whatever, 580 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,480 Speaker 3: and like when somebody really kind of opens that door 581 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,640 Speaker 3: of honesty, like it's such a relief. Like I'm sure 582 00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 3: you experienced this too, Like if you say to someone like, damn, 583 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 3: you know, today's actually been kind of tough. I feel 584 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:07,520 Speaker 3: like I always feel like a like a an ex 585 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:10,040 Speaker 3: hel you know what I mean, like a like a 586 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:14,280 Speaker 3: relief when I say that to somebody, because it's like wait, yeah, no, 587 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:17,080 Speaker 3: like things are not always perfect. 588 00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, for sure. 589 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,440 Speaker 2: I think I can probably tell you now that I'm 590 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:25,560 Speaker 2: one thing that I feel like i'm pretty sober of 591 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:26,440 Speaker 2: is people pleasing. 592 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:28,080 Speaker 3: Yeah. 593 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:31,600 Speaker 1: You just get to an age where You're just like, 594 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:33,800 Speaker 1: f this totally how I really feel. 595 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,640 Speaker 2: But what has been the feedback you've received from men 596 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,760 Speaker 2: and women? Has it been more from one side than 597 00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:44,800 Speaker 2: the other. And do you feel like people are more 598 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:46,120 Speaker 2: voice sober because of you? 599 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,840 Speaker 3: Okay, absolutely people are voicober because of me, because like 600 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:52,360 Speaker 3: I'll get these dms or like these comments. 601 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:53,800 Speaker 4: Yeah, like it. 602 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:57,800 Speaker 3: That is what makes it absolutely so worth it to me, 603 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:03,320 Speaker 3: like as somebody who is like somewhat in the public eye, 604 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:06,560 Speaker 3: you know what I mean. The thing that I love 605 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,040 Speaker 3: the most about it is when I get to hear 606 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,960 Speaker 3: somebody say like, oh, I kind of changed my life 607 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,080 Speaker 3: in this way for the better, because you. 608 00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:15,840 Speaker 4: Know what I'm saying. 609 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:19,360 Speaker 3: Yes, And I've gotten a couple of comments from girls 610 00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:21,480 Speaker 3: or I'll like I'll get one maybe like once a 611 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,600 Speaker 3: month or every so often of them being like, oh 612 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:25,880 Speaker 3: I went boysover because of you and like my life 613 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:27,240 Speaker 3: is so much yeah. 614 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,240 Speaker 4: And so to know that. 615 00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:32,280 Speaker 3: Those stories are out there is like absolutely make so 616 00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:35,280 Speaker 3: much of it worth it to me. The feedback from 617 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:39,680 Speaker 3: a men is two sided. It's like I think a 618 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:43,840 Speaker 3: lot of men do not know how to be alone. 619 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:44,440 Speaker 1: For sure. 620 00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,640 Speaker 4: I went to the beach by myself the other day, 621 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:48,120 Speaker 4: which I love to do. I'm like, I love a 622 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:48,960 Speaker 4: solo beach day. 623 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,440 Speaker 1: That is so cool, you know, I love I love 624 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:52,360 Speaker 1: solo dates. 625 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:54,200 Speaker 3: Like I did to right, and but like going to 626 00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,080 Speaker 3: the beach is like such a spiritual thing for me, 627 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:59,600 Speaker 3: kind of like the water, the ocean whatever, like the 628 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:00,840 Speaker 3: salt sand, you know. 629 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, what's your sign? Sorry, I'm sorry to interrupt you. 630 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:04,800 Speaker 4: I just needn't know I'm a cancer. 631 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:08,680 Speaker 1: I freaking knew what I was talking. 632 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,760 Speaker 2: I was like, dude, I feel so much of this 633 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:11,360 Speaker 2: girl's energy. 634 00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:11,920 Speaker 1: I'm a cancer. 635 00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:16,960 Speaker 4: To June twenty six, you're lying, is it yours too? 636 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:18,040 Speaker 4: Fuck offline? 637 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:22,960 Speaker 1: If you're swear, we're gonna fuck off together. Oh my god, guys, 638 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,280 Speaker 1: they're so crazy. I did not know this. 639 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:28,800 Speaker 4: June twenty six, Well, I have butterflies right now. I 640 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 4: have butterflies. 641 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:31,000 Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, she's so where at 642 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:32,320 Speaker 1: the ocean and how it heals her? 643 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:32,440 Speaker 3: And this. 644 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:34,040 Speaker 1: I was like, she has to be a cancer. 645 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 3: Yes, okay, we're like we're kindred spirits. 646 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:38,880 Speaker 4: That's amazing. 647 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:42,640 Speaker 3: I love to hear this because also, a June cancer 648 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:46,200 Speaker 3: is different than a July cancer, Like June cancer's customers 649 00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:46,800 Speaker 3: like say. 650 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 4: That we're different. Sorry, we're just so different. 651 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,120 Speaker 1: I'm sorry we are. 652 00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:55,360 Speaker 3: But the thing was was like I was looking around 653 00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:56,600 Speaker 3: and I was like, oh my gosh, there are like 654 00:31:56,680 --> 00:32:00,880 Speaker 3: so many women here like doing that thing, like being alone, 655 00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:04,000 Speaker 3: enjoying their time, thinking whatever. 656 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:05,480 Speaker 4: And they were like no men there. 657 00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:08,320 Speaker 3: And I do think I don't know if it's cultural 658 00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,400 Speaker 3: permission or I don't know if it's just like women 659 00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:12,640 Speaker 3: are so often hurt by men that. 660 00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:15,600 Speaker 4: We have had to figure out how to like process 661 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,520 Speaker 4: things on our own. But I don't think men know 662 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:19,200 Speaker 4: how to do it. 663 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:22,680 Speaker 3: So I've had a few guys in my DMS and 664 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,720 Speaker 3: my comments or even friends in my life who have 665 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,200 Speaker 3: been like, you know, i've been girl sober for a while, 666 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,400 Speaker 3: or like I feel like I need to be because 667 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,400 Speaker 3: they're like addicted to the romantic validation as well, or 668 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 3: they don't know how to deal with things without a woman. 669 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,400 Speaker 3: And I know a lot of times in like cis 670 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:44,280 Speaker 3: kind of hetero female male relationships whatever, like a woman 671 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,560 Speaker 3: does a lot of the emotional processing for the man. 672 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:49,320 Speaker 4: We will often this is. 673 00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:52,280 Speaker 3: Another thing that psychologist Harriet Lerner talks about. It's like 674 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:57,479 Speaker 3: we will overproduce emotionally for them, and then like we'll 675 00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:01,920 Speaker 3: get exhausted doing it and then they like underproduce and 676 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,640 Speaker 3: and it's actually like we're doing the work for them, 677 00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:07,480 Speaker 3: and even though we're mad that we're doing it, it's 678 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,040 Speaker 3: like both parties are sort of like this is how 679 00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:14,080 Speaker 3: we process. It's like cultural stuff and who's allowed to 680 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:18,000 Speaker 3: do what and all of that. But I just think 681 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:22,200 Speaker 3: that like so many men, they don't have the same 682 00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:25,880 Speaker 3: sort of structures to be alone, and they don't know 683 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,840 Speaker 3: how to like and they do have the sort of 684 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,840 Speaker 3: patriarchal structures like more money, more this, more that, but 685 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:37,280 Speaker 3: emotionally they do not have the same wherewithal so a 686 00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:39,760 Speaker 3: lot of men have reached out being sort of like 687 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:41,760 Speaker 3: I need to learn how to do this, I need 688 00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:42,720 Speaker 3: to know how to do this. 689 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:48,200 Speaker 4: And then totally and then the other side. 690 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:50,240 Speaker 3: Of it is like I have never in my life 691 00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,959 Speaker 3: had more men in my DMS than the time I 692 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 3: was like publicly being like I'm giving up men, I'm celibate, 693 00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:01,000 Speaker 3: I'm this, I'm that. The boys we're going out they 694 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:02,440 Speaker 3: were freaks for it. 695 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,000 Speaker 1: Of course for it. 696 00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:08,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure it made them real horny. 697 00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:10,960 Speaker 1: Yes, I want to be the one to break it 698 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:12,400 Speaker 1: like they. 699 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:16,879 Speaker 3: Love that so like I will sometimes tell girls, I'm like, absolutely, 700 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:20,360 Speaker 3: you should like take that off the table if you 701 00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:25,320 Speaker 3: want it yus like so often like if you sneaky 702 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:26,640 Speaker 3: want somebody up in. 703 00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,160 Speaker 4: Those dms, just let everybody know you've given up on men, 704 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:35,080 Speaker 4: like somebody will come knocking on your door. So that's 705 00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:38,319 Speaker 4: been like the reaction they love challenges. 706 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:48,040 Speaker 2: Yes, And do you feel the pressure of having to 707 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:51,480 Speaker 2: keep this up because people are kind of counting on 708 00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:55,359 Speaker 2: you or how have you like processed that part of it? 709 00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:55,879 Speaker 4: Wow? 710 00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:59,640 Speaker 3: Thank you so much for asking. There was a ton 711 00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:03,480 Speaker 3: of pressure at the beginning. The first sort of headline 712 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:06,880 Speaker 3: to come out about it, when it moved from sorry 713 00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:10,400 Speaker 3: traffic outside is excus sorry, I know, right, thank you. 714 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:14,360 Speaker 3: When the first headline came out about it, it was 715 00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:19,839 Speaker 3: all about celibacy, and that made me feel a lot 716 00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:25,280 Speaker 3: of pressure. I think emotionally internally I got like pretty 717 00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:29,600 Speaker 3: small and I'm angry and sort of resentful. 718 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,680 Speaker 4: But I was trying to like keep on keeping on, 719 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:32,879 Speaker 4: keep on keeping on. 720 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:36,319 Speaker 3: And at some point that just sort of like came 721 00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:39,920 Speaker 3: to a head, you know, And it wasn't a question 722 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:44,480 Speaker 3: of like if I felt like I should keep it 723 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:45,600 Speaker 3: up or shouldn't. 724 00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:49,000 Speaker 4: It was just that like I couldn't really anymore. 725 00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:53,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, because maybe you get this as like sister zodiac signs, 726 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:58,240 Speaker 3: as cancers. It's like we do like a little attention, 727 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:01,319 Speaker 3: a little light, a little something, but like ultimately, like 728 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,600 Speaker 3: I want to like hide in my shell sometimes, you know. 729 00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:09,600 Speaker 3: And it feels sometimes disingenuous to be someone who's online 730 00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:12,960 Speaker 3: and who also says like I don't always love the attention, 731 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:17,440 Speaker 3: but it was definitely just something I had to adjust to. 732 00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:20,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, And as. 733 00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:22,239 Speaker 3: Like a girl from the South, like you said, who's 734 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:24,360 Speaker 3: always been told to be polite, and as like a 735 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:29,400 Speaker 3: chronic people pleaser, internalizing all of those like messages and 736 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:34,200 Speaker 3: comments and ideas and who says what and how to Honestly, 737 00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:39,640 Speaker 3: the whole voiceover project idea journey was like a reckoning 738 00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:44,960 Speaker 3: with how to trust my intuition and not do the 739 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:47,960 Speaker 3: dance for everybody, like, oh, you think it should be 740 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,040 Speaker 3: about this, Oh you should think it should be about that. 741 00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:52,399 Speaker 3: You think I'm cheating if I flirt with a guy 742 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,320 Speaker 3: at a bar, So maybe it is, you know what 743 00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:57,359 Speaker 3: I mean? Like, and you know, I invited that, like 744 00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:01,799 Speaker 3: I invited the public sort of debate, which it was 745 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:05,480 Speaker 3: like fun and cool and exciting, but it did just 746 00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,560 Speaker 3: reach a moment where, like I sort of said earlier, 747 00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,879 Speaker 3: like let me take a minute. 748 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:14,000 Speaker 4: To see like what this actually is for me. 749 00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:16,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, yes, you have to kind of just 750 00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:18,200 Speaker 2: go back and say, Okay, wait, this is why I'm 751 00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:20,120 Speaker 2: doing it. This is the reason why, And I tell 752 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,879 Speaker 2: you that's what keeps it going, you know, right, And that's 753 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:24,359 Speaker 2: what I want to tell people to say, Okay, this 754 00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,440 Speaker 2: is your journey, and everyone's journey is different, and if 755 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,520 Speaker 2: you find this incredible dude tomorrow and you feel it, 756 00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:32,040 Speaker 2: then that's what it's going to be. 757 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:32,920 Speaker 1: And we don't know. 758 00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:34,719 Speaker 2: That's why I think it's beautiful that we're like we're 759 00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:37,160 Speaker 2: not putting a timeline. It's just I'm going to know, 760 00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:37,799 Speaker 2: you know. 761 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:42,480 Speaker 3: Because also, like the unfortunate truth is like I am. 762 00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:43,239 Speaker 4: Always with me. 763 00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:48,320 Speaker 3: So even if I take two, three, four years away 764 00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:50,839 Speaker 3: from sex and dating and men, if I become a nun, 765 00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:54,200 Speaker 3: if I join a monastery, whatever, like some dude can 766 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:56,880 Speaker 3: come back in my life and the potential of it 767 00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:58,600 Speaker 3: all unraveling is there. 768 00:37:58,640 --> 00:37:59,480 Speaker 4: Like do you know what I mean? 769 00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:04,120 Speaker 3: Like we are always with us and so just like, yeah, 770 00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:08,880 Speaker 3: understanding that, Like, as people always say, healing is not linear, 771 00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:12,759 Speaker 3: like and every era of life is going to bring 772 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:16,200 Speaker 3: you something new, Like I'm twenty nine now, who knows 773 00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,399 Speaker 3: what I'm gonna need when I'm thirty nine, when I'm 774 00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,040 Speaker 3: forty nine, when I'm fifty nine. I'm like, we don't 775 00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:26,080 Speaker 3: know those versions of ourselves and we have no idea 776 00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:29,120 Speaker 3: what's true today won't be true then or whatever. 777 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:33,040 Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, and you're not dating at all, right, or. 778 00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:37,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, I tried, like, first of all, full transparency. 779 00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:38,880 Speaker 4: I'm like, I need a man to pay for my 780 00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:39,680 Speaker 4: dinner these days. 781 00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:44,040 Speaker 3: I'm like, in it's right now, Hey, yeah, hello, and 782 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:45,200 Speaker 3: Trump's America. 783 00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:47,480 Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm broke and I need a man to 784 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:48,360 Speaker 4: pay for my dinner. 785 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,879 Speaker 3: And so the other day, like I let a guy 786 00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:54,440 Speaker 3: take me on a day and he paid for my dinner. 787 00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:58,399 Speaker 4: I would love your opinion on this because he. 788 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:02,759 Speaker 3: Was talking about his ex girlfriend the entire time, and 789 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:06,840 Speaker 3: I'm like, red flag, here's my thing. If you mentioned 790 00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:10,279 Speaker 3: your girlfriend, if it comes up briefly, no bigs, We've 791 00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,600 Speaker 3: all been with other people. I get it, But you 792 00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:15,719 Speaker 3: talk about her on our way to the date, you 793 00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:18,000 Speaker 3: talk about her at the date, you talk about her 794 00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:18,960 Speaker 3: after the date. 795 00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:20,200 Speaker 4: It's a red flag. 796 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,000 Speaker 1: It is he's probably still in love. 797 00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:26,279 Speaker 3: And I told him, I said hey, I said, hey, 798 00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:29,680 Speaker 3: it's a red flag that you kept talking about your girlfriend. 799 00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:30,640 Speaker 4: On the date or your ex. 800 00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:33,040 Speaker 3: And he was like, oh, I actually think it's more 801 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:34,600 Speaker 3: of an orange flag whatever. 802 00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:36,680 Speaker 4: But this is what I. 803 00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:39,880 Speaker 3: Want your opinion on because I'm like, he's a freak 804 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:40,319 Speaker 3: to me. 805 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:42,880 Speaker 4: I'm like, it's a no for me. It's no for me. 806 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:44,000 Speaker 1: It's not ready to date. 807 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,399 Speaker 2: And yeah, you can mention her, oh I just got 808 00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,480 Speaker 2: out of a long relationship or whatever the case may be. 809 00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:50,840 Speaker 2: But talking about her the entire time, I think he 810 00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:55,040 Speaker 2: has some unresolved emotions that he needs to resolve before 811 00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:57,719 Speaker 2: he invites another person. 812 00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:58,200 Speaker 4: In his life. 813 00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:00,200 Speaker 3: And that is my thing is like this is you know, 814 00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:02,799 Speaker 3: like snow white Cinderella situation, Like I do not have 815 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,319 Speaker 3: my broom. I am not there to like, you know, 816 00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:09,279 Speaker 3: clean up whatever mess is still going on with you. 817 00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:10,920 Speaker 4: So am I dating. Here's the thing. 818 00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:14,360 Speaker 3: Last week, literally last week, I was like, let me try. 819 00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:16,480 Speaker 3: And then I gave him a couple of chances because 820 00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:18,600 Speaker 3: the day after our date, he brought coffee to my 821 00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:22,240 Speaker 3: door the next morning, and I was like, that's nice. 822 00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:26,960 Speaker 3: That's a green flag. But then it just sort of 823 00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:29,920 Speaker 3: kept being like red flag, red flag. Like he's one 824 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:31,160 Speaker 3: of those guys that likes. 825 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:32,920 Speaker 4: To tickle peep girls. 826 00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,440 Speaker 3: And he was like tickling me in a flirtatious way 827 00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:37,200 Speaker 3: and I said please stop, and then he didn't stop. 828 00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:39,879 Speaker 1: Ah, that's another red flag. 829 00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:43,120 Speaker 4: No red flag. Da da da da da. 830 00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:46,200 Speaker 3: I was like the whole thing crashed and burned. And 831 00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:48,520 Speaker 3: so now I'm in this headspace of just like, actually, 832 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,440 Speaker 3: I do kind of think it's time for me just 833 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:53,120 Speaker 3: to like take a second on the bench again, because 834 00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:55,840 Speaker 3: and what I said to him is I was just like, 835 00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:00,760 Speaker 3: I'm just not ready to be someone's girlfriend. Yeah, and 836 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,080 Speaker 3: I do not want to be in a situationship. That's 837 00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:05,279 Speaker 3: one thing that the whole voysover thing has taught me 838 00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:08,600 Speaker 3: is like I am not a situationship girl. I'm like 839 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:12,760 Speaker 3: not interested, can't handle it. It makes me crazy. 840 00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:13,480 Speaker 4: Same. 841 00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:19,120 Speaker 2: I need clarity, I need ability. I'm sorry because it's 842 00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,759 Speaker 2: like no, I'm with you. Yeah, one foot in, one 843 00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:23,600 Speaker 2: foot out does not work for me. And I think 844 00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:26,800 Speaker 2: this being sober has taught you so much about yourself, 845 00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,000 Speaker 2: and I did a little small one, not two years, 846 00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:31,200 Speaker 2: but I tell the six month thing before I met 847 00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:33,799 Speaker 2: my parson, And that's what it taught me. The most 848 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:36,279 Speaker 2: of it was like, I know, I want something serious and 849 00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:39,839 Speaker 2: that's okay. Like I am a monogamous person. I like that, 850 00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:43,640 Speaker 2: and I'm going to just not share my body and 851 00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:46,800 Speaker 2: my lips are in any way with the mel until I'm. 852 00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:49,719 Speaker 1: Completely ready for it. But it taught me so much 853 00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:50,400 Speaker 1: about myself. 854 00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:51,719 Speaker 4: Well, that's the thing. 855 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:55,160 Speaker 3: It's like when you are alone, when you are taking 856 00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:58,399 Speaker 3: time away from it all, like you do not have 857 00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:02,200 Speaker 3: to bend or or adjust. And I do just think 858 00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:07,400 Speaker 3: like women who are just like kind and loving, like 859 00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:12,719 Speaker 3: we want to what's the word compromise, it's like to love, 860 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,120 Speaker 3: like to be in a relationship. To be with someone 861 00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:20,080 Speaker 3: is to compromise, because it's like a relationship is two people. Yeah, 862 00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:22,840 Speaker 3: but like being alone, I don't think enough of us 863 00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:25,600 Speaker 3: have spent the time alone to figure out what it 864 00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:27,920 Speaker 3: is we want before the compromise. 865 00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:32,080 Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, absolutely one hundred percent. And you know what 866 00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:32,640 Speaker 1: this is. 867 00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,480 Speaker 2: I think this is a perfect opportunity for you to 868 00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:38,319 Speaker 2: speak to my listeners, if you would please just tell 869 00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:41,239 Speaker 2: them if they are thinking about it, give them some 870 00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:44,759 Speaker 2: tips as to how to go about it. And when 871 00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:48,320 Speaker 2: maybe like an indication that's like Okay, maybe I need 872 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:52,160 Speaker 2: to try this something that maybe will be recurring. 873 00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,239 Speaker 1: I don't know any type of advice that you may have. 874 00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:57,719 Speaker 3: Well. The one of the things that also made me 875 00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:01,680 Speaker 3: think like, holy cow, let me like take some time 876 00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,400 Speaker 3: away from this is I realized like a lot of 877 00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:07,000 Speaker 3: women in my life were talking to me on the phone, 878 00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:11,799 Speaker 3: like my sister's long distance friendships whatever. We'd have these 879 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:15,120 Speaker 3: thirty minute conversations on the phone, and they would talk 880 00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:18,440 Speaker 3: about the man in their life that's causing them heartbreak 881 00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:22,080 Speaker 3: or havoc or whatever. They would talk to about them 882 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,960 Speaker 3: our entire conversation, and I just thought, like, what a 883 00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:29,000 Speaker 3: waste of time, Like we're not talking about each other, 884 00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,440 Speaker 3: We're not learning anything about each other. So I think 885 00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:35,720 Speaker 3: if you find yourself wasting so much time just talking 886 00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:39,360 Speaker 3: to people you love about a man that is like 887 00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,399 Speaker 3: not serving you, it's like maybe you need to let 888 00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:46,239 Speaker 3: that go. And you do not have to be a 889 00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:50,280 Speaker 3: serial monogamist to sort of like be obsessed with someone. 890 00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:54,919 Speaker 4: And also you are not always single. When you say 891 00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:55,640 Speaker 4: you're single. 892 00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,960 Speaker 3: For a long time, I said to myself, I'm single, 893 00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:04,000 Speaker 3: but I was all ways texting someone obsessed with someone, 894 00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:07,360 Speaker 3: like somebody was taking up space in my mind. 895 00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:11,759 Speaker 2: Or you needed that or I need it. Yes, you 896 00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:13,799 Speaker 2: need that in order to feel good. 897 00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:18,319 Speaker 4: Yes, literally, or just to feel something. 898 00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:20,799 Speaker 3: That's the thing too, It's like, how good are you 899 00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:24,759 Speaker 3: really feeling in these like situationships. It's like I think 900 00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,880 Speaker 3: we go towards them because you feel something, and to 901 00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:31,000 Speaker 3: feel something is to like, you know, it's nice to 902 00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:34,239 Speaker 3: even if your heart broken, it's like the you know, 903 00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:38,000 Speaker 3: that's like the delicious thing about love is like your 904 00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:40,200 Speaker 3: heart broken and then they lift you back up and 905 00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:43,040 Speaker 3: it's just like that roller coaster that we like to ride, 906 00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:43,440 Speaker 3: you know. 907 00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:46,400 Speaker 1: That becomes addicting totally. 908 00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:48,080 Speaker 4: The high and the loonere course. 909 00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:52,160 Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, And so like I guess those are the 910 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:56,160 Speaker 3: things I would say if you are to like maybe 911 00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:59,640 Speaker 3: consider giving up. It's like if you're finding yourself more 912 00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:04,480 Speaker 3: upse sessive than you are enjoying, you know, and if 913 00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:09,280 Speaker 3: you find yourself like wasting time talking about someone who 914 00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:12,680 Speaker 3: is not serving you too much to people who are 915 00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:15,359 Speaker 3: in your life that do love you and do want 916 00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:17,560 Speaker 3: to be with you. It's like when we become obsessed 917 00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:19,799 Speaker 3: with a romantic thing, it's like we can't even see 918 00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:21,759 Speaker 3: our friends, like even when they're with us, you know 919 00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:24,480 Speaker 3: what I'm saying, Like you're not even there with them 920 00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:28,000 Speaker 3: because you're like on your phone thinking about someone else. 921 00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,960 Speaker 4: So yeah, and then just like be honest with yourself 922 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:31,440 Speaker 4: about that. 923 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:33,920 Speaker 3: I mean, right, what is it that they say, Like 924 00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:37,360 Speaker 3: to change something, you have to admit it first. 925 00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:40,080 Speaker 4: Like let yourself. 926 00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:45,120 Speaker 3: Like it is okay if you've got a little bit 927 00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:47,799 Speaker 3: of something you need to change, Like we said, we 928 00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:48,239 Speaker 3: all do. 929 00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:49,680 Speaker 4: We all do. 930 00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:53,360 Speaker 3: And so it's like be open to understanding what you 931 00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:57,400 Speaker 3: need to work on, Like don't don't let your pride, 932 00:45:57,760 --> 00:45:59,879 Speaker 3: don't let anything. 933 00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:00,560 Speaker 4: Sort of get in the way. 934 00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:03,920 Speaker 3: Like because also, and this is a cliche too, you 935 00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:07,640 Speaker 3: are the only person you can change. Like you want 936 00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:09,960 Speaker 3: a man to change, You want men to change, You 937 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:13,520 Speaker 3: want something else to change, anything outside of you, not 938 00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:15,520 Speaker 3: your business, not your circus. 939 00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:16,440 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. 940 00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:18,080 Speaker 1: Like love that. 941 00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:19,920 Speaker 4: I'm preaching now, I love. 942 00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:23,560 Speaker 1: It, love it, go go girl. 943 00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:26,920 Speaker 3: No, But I'm like, you are the person who is 944 00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:28,800 Speaker 3: in charge of like the steps you're taking. 945 00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:36,400 Speaker 2: I need to send this episode to a friend of 946 00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:41,400 Speaker 2: mine who just has so much casual sex right the 947 00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:44,799 Speaker 2: amount of times that she texted me and is like, 948 00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,440 Speaker 2: I feel so lonely and why do these guys just 949 00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,840 Speaker 2: want me for sex and they just use me? And 950 00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,680 Speaker 2: I'm like, you need to stop. I was like, practice 951 00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:56,840 Speaker 2: abstinence and just love yourself and just say I don't 952 00:46:56,920 --> 00:47:00,239 Speaker 2: need this. You need to get to a point where 953 00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:02,880 Speaker 2: it's like if you need the validation, and was like, 954 00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:04,680 Speaker 2: I need a man to love me and want me 955 00:47:04,719 --> 00:47:06,799 Speaker 2: in order to love myself. That's a huge problem in 956 00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:10,759 Speaker 2: my opinion. Absolutely you want that because not because you 957 00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:13,560 Speaker 2: need it, because you want it, Like it's like absolutely, 958 00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:15,640 Speaker 2: That's why I feel it's an issue. 959 00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:17,960 Speaker 3: Well, and something else I'm kind of thinking about is 960 00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:20,720 Speaker 3: like the comparison again to sort of like the whole 961 00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:21,680 Speaker 3: drinking of it all. 962 00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:23,680 Speaker 4: If we're like, if we're comparing. 963 00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:27,319 Speaker 3: Like sex to alcohol whatever, there are some people who 964 00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:30,320 Speaker 3: can have a drink and enjoy that glass of wine, 965 00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:33,640 Speaker 3: and then there are other people who are like really 966 00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:36,680 Speaker 3: using that as like an escape. And I think what 967 00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:39,480 Speaker 3: sex can be for so many people is it's it's never. 968 00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,839 Speaker 3: I don't want to say never, but often it is 969 00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:44,280 Speaker 3: not about the sex. 970 00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:44,919 Speaker 4: It's like that. 971 00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:49,919 Speaker 3: We're looking for closeness, right, Like even if we tell 972 00:47:49,920 --> 00:47:52,400 Speaker 3: ourselves like, oh, I don't need anything from them, I 973 00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:54,040 Speaker 3: don't need any of this, I don't need anything of that, 974 00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:56,799 Speaker 3: I do think it's that is really hard to do 975 00:47:56,920 --> 00:48:00,520 Speaker 3: in practice. Yeah, it's like I was saying earlier, you 976 00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:03,080 Speaker 3: want it to be an empowering thing. It's like I'm 977 00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:05,799 Speaker 3: empowered by this. I'm having sex because I want to. 978 00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:12,320 Speaker 3: It's like be real, like like be real with yourself, 979 00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:16,960 Speaker 3: you know, and it is okay, and you are not 980 00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:21,239 Speaker 3: bad and you can still be a feminist and you 981 00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:25,440 Speaker 3: can still be in power and understand that like you 982 00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:28,239 Speaker 3: are using something for something other than what it is. 983 00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:28,480 Speaker 3: You know. 984 00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:32,480 Speaker 4: Yep, okay, but wait my advice to actually give it 985 00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:35,240 Speaker 4: up because I get it. It's not easy. 986 00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:38,000 Speaker 3: First of all, there will be an inciting incident, you 987 00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:41,960 Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like there's there's a guy, there's 988 00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:44,800 Speaker 3: a night, there's a situation where you wake up the 989 00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:48,319 Speaker 3: next morning or that night or whenever, and you're like shit, 990 00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:51,600 Speaker 3: Like I was out of alignment with myself on that 991 00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:54,560 Speaker 3: and I have been left in a place that is 992 00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:57,439 Speaker 3: not leaving me where I want to be. I think, 993 00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:00,160 Speaker 3: like you just have to take those moments seriously and 994 00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:01,399 Speaker 3: then ask yourself, like. 995 00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:03,680 Speaker 4: How long do I want to be doing this. 996 00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:08,080 Speaker 3: I'm lucky because I'm the youngest of four kids, right, Like, 997 00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:11,560 Speaker 3: I've got three older siblings, and so I have been 998 00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:14,919 Speaker 3: able to watch them mess up in a way that 999 00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:17,359 Speaker 3: I can take notes about, you know what I'm saying, Like. 1000 00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:19,239 Speaker 1: That's what my younger siblings say. 1001 00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:20,160 Speaker 4: Yep, totally. 1002 00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:23,000 Speaker 3: And so it's like the thing is is like as 1003 00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:25,160 Speaker 3: humans is like we really can go the rest of 1004 00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:27,839 Speaker 3: our lives like doing the thing that is not good 1005 00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:31,359 Speaker 3: for us, right. And you might think like, oh, I'll 1006 00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:33,479 Speaker 3: change when i'm thirty. Oh I'll change when I have kids. 1007 00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:34,120 Speaker 3: Oh I'll change. 1008 00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:36,120 Speaker 4: Da da da da dah. 1009 00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:37,680 Speaker 3: But it's like the matter of the fact is like 1010 00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:40,359 Speaker 3: you could go forever doing this thing. 1011 00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:44,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, And so it's like maybe just like. 1012 00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:45,520 Speaker 1: You got to recognize it. 1013 00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:49,080 Speaker 3: Recognize that, and also recognize that like time is so precious. 1014 00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:50,600 Speaker 1: Yeah. 1015 00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:52,839 Speaker 3: My best friend, one of my best friends, she says 1016 00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:54,880 Speaker 3: this all the time. Is just like yeah, like time 1017 00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:58,360 Speaker 3: is something you cannot get back. And if you're wasting 1018 00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:01,919 Speaker 3: your time spinning your wheel about like who you've slept with. 1019 00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:04,920 Speaker 3: I don't know, get that time back. What are you 1020 00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:07,759 Speaker 3: going to do with it? And so how do you 1021 00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:08,680 Speaker 3: actually give it up? 1022 00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:10,080 Speaker 4: Be real with. 1023 00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:13,480 Speaker 3: Yourself about how much time you're wasting on it. And 1024 00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:17,120 Speaker 3: also like get into other things that you think you 1025 00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:23,960 Speaker 3: can enjoy, like find pleasure in other things. And the 1026 00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:27,759 Speaker 3: people who have problems with like having sex, that is 1027 00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:33,920 Speaker 3: maybe like leaving us feeling emotionally you know, empty. 1028 00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:36,720 Speaker 4: Like just a wreck. Whatever is like we are looking 1029 00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:37,720 Speaker 4: for escape. 1030 00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:41,560 Speaker 3: We've got something going on, something in our childhood, something 1031 00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:42,240 Speaker 3: in our life. 1032 00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:43,920 Speaker 4: Maybe you looked at your four you page for too 1033 00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:46,040 Speaker 4: long and that has like say you know what I mean? 1034 00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:49,919 Speaker 3: Like that it's so right, Like like I said, plenty 1035 00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,080 Speaker 3: of reason to be angry these days, plenty of reason 1036 00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:53,560 Speaker 3: to look for escape these days. 1037 00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:58,399 Speaker 4: But like find your escape in something else. I don't 1038 00:50:58,400 --> 00:50:59,000 Speaker 4: know what it could be. 1039 00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:00,920 Speaker 3: Maybe it's going to the movies for an hour and 1040 00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:04,239 Speaker 3: a half, right, totally, Like maybe it's going to the 1041 00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:05,680 Speaker 3: beach for a day by yourself. 1042 00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,680 Speaker 4: You can find something else. It's just gonna take a 1043 00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:09,200 Speaker 4: little bit. 1044 00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:12,320 Speaker 1: Of work, yes, and it takes time to figure it out, yes. 1045 00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:14,359 Speaker 4: Right, And don't put a timeline on it. 1046 00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:16,280 Speaker 1: That's a good one. That's a great advice. 1047 00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:18,560 Speaker 3: Do not put a timeline on it. Do not say 1048 00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:20,080 Speaker 3: I'm going to give up men for a week. I'm 1049 00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:22,959 Speaker 3: going to give up men for a month. Day by day, 1050 00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:29,840 Speaker 3: today I am noticing what I like when I'm alone. Today, 1051 00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:32,160 Speaker 3: I am noticing how many times I look at my 1052 00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:35,359 Speaker 3: phone and wish I had a man texting me, Like 1053 00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:37,600 Speaker 3: I could say this to myself. Today I checked my 1054 00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:40,719 Speaker 3: Instagram story views six times for the same name. 1055 00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:44,080 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, like like. 1056 00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:44,840 Speaker 1: Like get you. 1057 00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:47,319 Speaker 3: You just gotta like clock stuff like that and be 1058 00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:51,280 Speaker 3: easy on yourself. I'm not quick to call myself an expert. 1059 00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:54,800 Speaker 3: It's just that, like I am in the trenches with everybody. 1060 00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:57,360 Speaker 3: Oh there was something else I wanted to say, but 1061 00:51:57,400 --> 00:51:58,600 Speaker 3: I think I've lost it. 1062 00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:00,759 Speaker 4: That's all right, that's all right. 1063 00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:04,279 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. But they can also hear 1064 00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:07,360 Speaker 2: your podcast. They can listen to your podcast called voiceover. 1065 00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:13,279 Speaker 3: H Yes, voiceover on iHeart. Yes, it's been good. It's 1066 00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:14,200 Speaker 3: a fun podcast. 1067 00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:16,120 Speaker 4: I'm very lucky to work with like a group of 1068 00:52:16,120 --> 00:52:18,359 Speaker 4: girls who are just. 1069 00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:23,279 Speaker 3: Like brilliant and dedicated and sharp and it's yeah, it's 1070 00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:23,759 Speaker 3: a good time. 1071 00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:24,800 Speaker 1: That's awesome. 1072 00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:28,400 Speaker 2: So guys, make sure you tune in to her podcast 1073 00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:31,080 Speaker 2: called Voiceover, and also if you could share where they 1074 00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:33,480 Speaker 2: can find you in social media, all that good stuff. 1075 00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:38,320 Speaker 3: Yes, my Instagram handle is just Hopeen spelled h O 1076 00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:42,879 Speaker 3: P I n along and yeah, thank you. I came 1077 00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:44,840 Speaker 3: up with that as a freshman in high school. 1078 00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:47,080 Speaker 4: Oh you right now? Oh my god? Okay, good good, 1079 00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:48,480 Speaker 4: I'll follow you back here. 1080 00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:55,160 Speaker 3: And the podcast Instagram is just boysober dot Pod. 1081 00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:56,680 Speaker 1: I love that. 1082 00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:59,160 Speaker 4: Yeah, easy, easy, easy, gosh. 1083 00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:02,080 Speaker 1: I really we enjoyed this conversation. I need to are 1084 00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:02,799 Speaker 1: a ray of light. 1085 00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:06,239 Speaker 2: Your energy is awesome. I wish this thing he was 1086 00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:08,440 Speaker 2: a person. But hopefully soon I'll be able to go 1087 00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:09,520 Speaker 2: on your podcast or something. 1088 00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:10,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, all about it. 1089 00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:11,959 Speaker 4: We can talk. 1090 00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:17,160 Speaker 3: I want to know more about your healing era, like yeah, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1091 00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:19,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah yeah, I would love to talk all about 1092 00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:23,000 Speaker 2: it again, like you, I'm I'm I have ups and downs, 1093 00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:24,759 Speaker 2: and some days I feel great about it. The other 1094 00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:26,759 Speaker 2: days I'm just saying, why the hell did am I choosing. 1095 00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:27,879 Speaker 4: To do this? But totally it's okay. 1096 00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:30,000 Speaker 2: It's a process, guys, we have to trust the process. 1097 00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:31,399 Speaker 2: And trust the progress as well. 1098 00:53:31,680 --> 00:53:33,840 Speaker 4: Wait, there's one thing I remember, I want what I 1099 00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:35,799 Speaker 4: wanted to say. Yeah, and I'm sorry. I know we're 1100 00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:36,759 Speaker 4: I know we're wrapping up. 1101 00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:38,200 Speaker 1: No, no, no, You're good. 1102 00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:43,600 Speaker 3: Love and sex is so different than giving up a substance, 1103 00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:46,720 Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, Because like we are human 1104 00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:50,919 Speaker 3: and like we want connections so bad. So I think 1105 00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:53,960 Speaker 3: that's why, like this journey has been so long winded 1106 00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:56,720 Speaker 3: for me and so filled with ups and downs, because 1107 00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:59,759 Speaker 3: it's like love is the first thing that you can 1108 00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:03,520 Speaker 3: get addicted to. Like you can be an elementary school, 1109 00:54:03,960 --> 00:54:07,120 Speaker 3: you can be on the playground, you know, as a 1110 00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:10,759 Speaker 3: kid and like have a crush and like feel that 1111 00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:13,759 Speaker 3: joy and that chase and whatever. 1112 00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:14,160 Speaker 4: Like. 1113 00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:17,480 Speaker 3: So if if you are someone like your friend maybe 1114 00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:23,200 Speaker 3: who is struggling with like finding a practice with love 1115 00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:27,719 Speaker 3: and sex, that isn't bringing chaos to their life, like, yeah, 1116 00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:30,960 Speaker 3: just go extra easy on yourself. I think, yeah, because 1117 00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:33,279 Speaker 3: it's not like not having a drink. It's not like 1118 00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:35,440 Speaker 3: giving up cigarettes. It's like, I don't I'm not gonna 1119 00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:38,960 Speaker 3: I'm not gonna feel isolated without a cigarette, you know 1120 00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:42,000 Speaker 3: what I mean. I'll just feel empowered every day. But 1121 00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:45,120 Speaker 3: I think the detox from like romance or sex or 1122 00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:48,600 Speaker 3: whatever could potentially feel a little bit lonelier because you 1123 00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:53,880 Speaker 3: really have to rewire so much in your brain. So 1124 00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:55,480 Speaker 3: that was my last thing that I wanted to say. 1125 00:54:55,480 --> 00:54:56,960 Speaker 3: It's just like go extra easy. 1126 00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:57,680 Speaker 1: Remember that. 1127 00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:00,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, because it's it's true. And 1128 00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:04,440 Speaker 2: quick question, do you feel that when we're seeking love 1129 00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:07,680 Speaker 2: outside of ourselves, do you feel like it is because 1130 00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:09,839 Speaker 2: we're lacking some type of self love? 1131 00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:14,239 Speaker 3: I mean, of course, you know, like because I think 1132 00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:16,080 Speaker 3: so many of us do not have like a self 1133 00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:18,719 Speaker 3: love practice, because I think so many of us were 1134 00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:22,160 Speaker 3: not told that that was important, like especially young women. 1135 00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:24,879 Speaker 3: Like for me growing up, it was like my role 1136 00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:28,360 Speaker 3: was to make sure other people felt seen, other people 1137 00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:31,480 Speaker 3: felt loved. Everything as a lady, to be lady like, 1138 00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:34,719 Speaker 3: to be a polite, gentle, sweet southern girl. It was 1139 00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:37,320 Speaker 3: my job and my only job to make sure everyone 1140 00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:38,960 Speaker 3: around me felt seen and loved. 1141 00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:42,600 Speaker 4: But it's seen as like self It has. 1142 00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:46,000 Speaker 3: Been seen as so selfish to make sure that's happening internally. 1143 00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:49,480 Speaker 4: Also, it's true. 1144 00:55:49,239 --> 00:55:52,560 Speaker 3: That's how I felt for a long time totally, And 1145 00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:55,799 Speaker 3: to like be to be self loving does not mean 1146 00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:59,440 Speaker 3: to just be like indulgent. Like to be self loving 1147 00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:02,880 Speaker 3: is to be like it's like how Bell Hooks kind 1148 00:56:02,920 --> 00:56:06,919 Speaker 3: of has that definition of love and all about love. 1149 00:56:06,960 --> 00:56:12,120 Speaker 3: It's like commitment, honesty, like safety, like all of these things. 1150 00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:15,720 Speaker 3: Like to be self loving is to like really reckon 1151 00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:18,399 Speaker 3: with who you are and what you need, and what 1152 00:56:18,440 --> 00:56:21,160 Speaker 3: you need is not always what you want, you know what. 1153 00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:26,439 Speaker 2: I and being honest with yourself saying you know what, 1154 00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:29,320 Speaker 2: I don't really like this about myself. 1155 00:56:28,960 --> 00:56:29,880 Speaker 1: I'm going to change it. 1156 00:56:30,200 --> 00:56:33,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, Or I really like this about myself even if 1157 00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:36,400 Speaker 2: people don't like it. That's also self love and giving 1158 00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:38,400 Speaker 2: yourself time and taking walks on the beach. 1159 00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:40,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, there's so many. 1160 00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:43,640 Speaker 2: It's so it's so broad that it's not as easy 1161 00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:45,759 Speaker 2: as people think, and it is a tough journey, but 1162 00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:49,120 Speaker 2: it's one that I think is so gratifying when when 1163 00:56:49,160 --> 00:56:50,839 Speaker 2: you finally feel like, Okay, I've gotten to a place 1164 00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:52,840 Speaker 2: where I'm like, Okay, I love myself Now I'm ready 1165 00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:54,239 Speaker 2: for a person to come into my life. 1166 00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:54,840 Speaker 4: Mm hmmm. 1167 00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:57,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think I'll be there one day and 1168 00:56:57,560 --> 00:56:58,680 Speaker 3: I'm gonna call you when I am. 1169 00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:01,920 Speaker 1: Don't trip you. You are such a beautiful like you're 1170 00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:02,480 Speaker 1: so beautiful. 1171 00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:05,200 Speaker 4: By the way, Oh my god, I look a mess today. 1172 00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:08,759 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, you're naturally pretty. You're naturally pretty. So 1173 00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:10,640 Speaker 2: I'm sure all these guys are in your DMS want 1174 00:57:11,640 --> 00:57:12,320 Speaker 2: like no. 1175 00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:17,200 Speaker 3: No, literally, I'm like, I'm like, yeah, I'm just not ready. Yeah, 1176 00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:20,360 Speaker 3: I'm just like I yeah, am back in this era 1177 00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:24,640 Speaker 3: of like I still have not done it yet, you 1178 00:57:24,640 --> 00:57:26,960 Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. And it's like it's like that's 1179 00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:28,640 Speaker 3: sort of as we've said that. I've said this one 1180 00:57:28,680 --> 00:57:30,720 Speaker 3: hundred times in the last hour. But it's just like 1181 00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:33,600 Speaker 3: you know when you've done the work, and you know 1182 00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:36,080 Speaker 3: when you haven't, and you know when you need to, 1183 00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:39,240 Speaker 3: and like if you can start letting yourself do it 1184 00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:40,800 Speaker 3: little by little by little, you'll. 1185 00:57:40,680 --> 00:57:41,880 Speaker 4: Be so proud of yourself. 1186 00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:42,560 Speaker 2: Yep. 1187 00:57:42,800 --> 00:57:45,000 Speaker 3: And I think people who are afraid to give something 1188 00:57:45,080 --> 00:57:49,280 Speaker 3: up it is scary because just change is scary. But like, ooh, 1189 00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:51,520 Speaker 3: You're gonna feel so proud of yourself when you like 1190 00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:53,840 Speaker 3: feel yourself stack in your days, you know what I mean, 1191 00:57:54,000 --> 00:58:00,280 Speaker 3: Like when I like that accomplishment totally totally like aret 1192 00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:03,800 Speaker 3: small and then like watch it grow and then you 1193 00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:06,120 Speaker 3: can really just like trust you can start to trust 1194 00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:06,800 Speaker 3: yourself too. 1195 00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:08,280 Speaker 4: I think that's what it is, like. 1196 00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:10,720 Speaker 1: That's key, start slow, little bit little. 1197 00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:13,160 Speaker 4: I have to meet your friend. I'm like, oh my. 1198 00:58:14,640 --> 00:58:17,120 Speaker 1: Absolutely absolutely, I need to go on your pod. 1199 00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:18,360 Speaker 4: You my friend. 1200 00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:20,840 Speaker 2: Well there's anything that I can help you with as 1201 00:58:20,880 --> 00:58:23,800 Speaker 2: far as like healing or you know, I am here 1202 00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:24,160 Speaker 2: for you. 1203 00:58:25,120 --> 00:58:25,560 Speaker 1: Yeah. 1204 00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:28,200 Speaker 2: I really enjoyed the conversation and I'm sure a lot 1205 00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:30,720 Speaker 2: of the listeners mis hoope gave you guys, hope she 1206 00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:31,000 Speaker 2: give me. 1207 00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:35,880 Speaker 1: I love it, cliche, I know, whatever, but I love it. 1208 00:58:35,920 --> 00:58:39,040 Speaker 4: I was like, thank your name, thank you, thank you, but. 1209 00:58:39,040 --> 00:58:41,760 Speaker 2: Thank you so much, thank you for being on listeners. 1210 00:58:41,840 --> 00:58:44,000 Speaker 2: I love you guys, Thank you for listening. I hope 1211 00:58:44,040 --> 00:58:46,280 Speaker 2: you guys enjoyed this conversation as much as I did. 1212 00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:48,840 Speaker 2: Your energy, hope is great for. 1213 00:58:48,880 --> 00:58:52,040 Speaker 4: All you too. You too, This has been so much fun. 1214 00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:55,680 Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you, guys, and I'll catch you on 1215 00:58:55,880 --> 00:59:02,600 Speaker 2: the next episode of Chickens and Chill Bye. This is 1216 00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:07,200 Speaker 2: a production of iHeartRadio and the Microdura podcast Network. Follow 1217 00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:09,960 Speaker 2: us on Instagram at Michael Doura Podcasts. Then follow me 1218 00:59:10,080 --> 00:59:13,160 Speaker 2: Chiky's That's c h I t U I S for 1219 00:59:13,280 --> 00:59:17,480 Speaker 2: more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, 1220 00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:19,840 Speaker 2: or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast.