1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:04,960 Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast. 2 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:14,320 Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in, rub dub dumb. Before 3 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:17,200 Speaker 2: we begin this Dear Bonia episode, I want to wish 4 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 2: a very happy birthday to Kate Stram, a big scrubber. 5 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 2: Her husband reached out and wanted us to give a 6 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,120 Speaker 2: shout out, which I think is the cutest thing ever. 7 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 3: So I love a cute husband. 8 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:31,760 Speaker 4: We love you, Kate. We hope you have the best 9 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:32,639 Speaker 4: day ever. 10 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,720 Speaker 3: And shout out to your husband Brian. 11 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 4: And shout out to Brian the Big two nine, last 12 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:38,559 Speaker 4: year of your twenties. 13 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 5: Live it up girl twenty nine has a husband. It's nice. 14 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:45,640 Speaker 4: You'll be thirty nine with a husband. 15 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,400 Speaker 3: Correct, Yes, yes, I will be. 16 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,160 Speaker 4: And I'll be never with a husband. That's true. 17 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:52,240 Speaker 3: That is true. 18 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 4: All right, let's get right into it. We said we 19 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:55,560 Speaker 4: are not waysing time for. 20 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:00,640 Speaker 3: Pace from Brook That requires you maybe reading faster. 21 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 2: Oh wow, okay, well that feels like she'sad wanted to 22 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,000 Speaker 2: say it for a minute. 23 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,960 Speaker 1: I have a very frustrating relationship with my in laws. 24 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,040 Speaker 1: My husband and I have been together nine years, and 25 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,319 Speaker 1: over that time I realized it's not me it's them. 26 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,000 Speaker 1: They are unkind people who spend all their time judging others. 27 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:21,520 Speaker 1: They usually keep their distance. I can ignore them, but 28 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,679 Speaker 1: they recently spend four days with us, the first trip 29 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:26,600 Speaker 1: to come to see us after we moved across the country, 30 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:28,880 Speaker 1: and I wanted to cry non stop after day two. 31 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,240 Speaker 1: My husband and I were so relieved when they left. 32 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:33,440 Speaker 1: But his brother is getting married in November, so we're 33 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,480 Speaker 1: gonna have to spend time with him. What can I 34 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:38,440 Speaker 1: do to let their unkind comments roll off my back 35 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,959 Speaker 1: and not be so sensitive about them. I've tried to 36 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,559 Speaker 1: be nice, but they just won't ever be nice people. 37 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:45,520 Speaker 1: How do you deal with people who make you uncomfortable? 38 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 2: You know, this is just one of those like classic 39 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,320 Speaker 2: things of it has nothing to do with you. 40 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 4: It's just who they. 41 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,760 Speaker 2: Are, and they're probably at an age where they're never 42 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 2: gonna change, unfortunately, And I hate to be like that 43 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 2: unhopeful person who's like they're too far gone. But I 44 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,720 Speaker 2: think at a certain age people just stop wanting to 45 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,160 Speaker 2: change or trying to change, and if they haven't made 46 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:12,680 Speaker 2: the effort this at this point, I don't know if 47 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,000 Speaker 2: you're ever gonna see them change and be like nice people. 48 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 4: But I think that you just have to do you. 49 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,519 Speaker 2: I don't think it means you stop being kind or 50 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:23,000 Speaker 2: empathetic or accommodating. I think you just don't bend your 51 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 2: break your back trying to get them to be nice, 52 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:27,800 Speaker 2: because I don't think you're ever gonna get what you 53 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 2: want from them. 54 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:33,200 Speaker 5: Yeah, it's interesting because I find myself being very much 55 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,960 Speaker 5: like you. I'm very affected and can be very affected 56 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:40,639 Speaker 5: by other people's behaviors. And it's very interesting. Robbie said, 57 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,520 Speaker 5: send something to me once. I'll never forget it. It 58 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:47,160 Speaker 5: was take people as they are. Just take people as 59 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 5: they are, and it really weirdly changed things for me, 60 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,640 Speaker 5: Like it was like, that's just how this person is. 61 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,640 Speaker 5: I'm never going to change them and has nothing to 62 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:56,880 Speaker 5: do with me, and you just take them for how 63 00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 5: they are, who they are, and it really helped me, 64 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 5: like not be upset by the way other people interact 65 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,920 Speaker 5: Yeah with me around. 66 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 3: Me, mm, it really helps. 67 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 2: I think you just try to avoid spending any unnecessary 68 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 2: time with them. 69 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 5: Right, I mean, these are your in laws, so you 70 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:13,880 Speaker 5: are going to have to spend time with them, but 71 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 5: it's just take them as they are. 72 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:16,920 Speaker 3: This is this is who they are. 73 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:21,120 Speaker 5: Take them for it and prepare mentally, prepare yourself when 74 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,359 Speaker 5: you know you're going to be around them, and that's 75 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,120 Speaker 5: the best that you can do. 76 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,079 Speaker 2: And I also feel like it's so nice your husband 77 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:30,119 Speaker 2: also understands. Yeah, yeah, because it sounds like he's also 78 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:34,680 Speaker 2: relieved when they like, You're very lucky that you're on 79 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 2: the same page about being pushed by them. 80 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 3: For sure, to get in your little cocoon together, zip 81 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:40,640 Speaker 3: it up. 82 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 2: You have each other if you get stuck. If one 83 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 2: of you gets stuck, seek out the other. 84 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, and get out of that situation. Onto excuse me, 85 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 4: it's not you, it's them. 86 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,600 Speaker 3: Literally literally Onto the. 87 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:55,520 Speaker 1: Next anonymous, My husband's self pleasure is with porn, and 88 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 1: it's kind of an issue in our relationship. I've asked 89 00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 1: him to abstain, but he has not been successful. Whenever 90 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 1: ask him if he's done it, he admits to it 91 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 1: and he's super apologetic, but he never offers to stop. 92 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 1: He's more of a night owl and works late into 93 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 1: the night and he'll do it after I'm asleep and 94 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 1: I'll tell him to wake me up. I'll help him out. 95 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,120 Speaker 1: Am I overthinking this? We're in a very committed to 96 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:15,640 Speaker 1: healthy relationship with open communication. And I know he's not 97 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 1: doing it because you're not attracted him he or he 98 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: doesn't love me. I don't feel like he's betraying me 99 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,320 Speaker 1: or cheating on me. It just feels taboo to me 100 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 1: because of my conservative upbringing. What do you think. 101 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,560 Speaker 3: Do you mean to go sure? 102 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:32,080 Speaker 5: I think if it's affecting your sex life, then I 103 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 5: think you have all the right in the world to 104 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:36,400 Speaker 5: stand firm on it. And if you're not getting the 105 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,760 Speaker 5: sex or the pleasure, you're not partaking in it as 106 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 5: much as you want. He's doing this more than he's 107 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 5: pleasing you. I think it's a huge issue, But that doesn't. 108 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:46,479 Speaker 3: Seem to be the issue here. 109 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,719 Speaker 5: You said you have a very committed, healthy, healthy relationship, 110 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 5: which makes me feel like you're satisfied. So I feel 111 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,320 Speaker 5: like you just let him have his thing. 112 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 4: I don't know. 113 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,719 Speaker 2: I mean, I don't, I don't I don't like it, 114 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,920 Speaker 2: So I don't but that I don't like it either. 115 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 4: But I think if it's I think it's affecting her. 116 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,040 Speaker 2: She took the time to write into the podcast about it, 117 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,440 Speaker 2: So I whether it's affecting her sex life or it's 118 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,920 Speaker 2: just like bothers her and she's communicated that to him, 119 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:26,000 Speaker 2: then I think that's something worth potentially seeing like a 120 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:29,520 Speaker 2: couple's therapists about because I think that if it's affecting 121 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,680 Speaker 2: you and it's making you feel a certain way, no 122 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:36,160 Speaker 2: matter what that way is, I think it's important to handle. 123 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 5: I've had many conversations with men about this, various men, 124 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:42,120 Speaker 5: which might sound weird. 125 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 1: Because on the corner, because it's. 126 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,360 Speaker 3: So it's so different to men than it is to women. 127 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 3: Do you know what I mean? 128 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 5: Like when I when I would masturbate, I would have 129 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,120 Speaker 5: to think about like you have to, I have to 130 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,760 Speaker 5: think about something. With men, I feel like it's so 131 00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:02,280 Speaker 5: much more transactional, like they're not getting in there. 132 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 3: I mean, I have men in here so you can 133 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,440 Speaker 3: if I'm wrong. It's more mechanical. 134 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,680 Speaker 5: It's more like this, like I need to just get 135 00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:11,840 Speaker 5: get get the poison out. Where For women it's so 136 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:15,240 Speaker 5: it's so much so it's like we I can't it's 137 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,960 Speaker 5: hard for us to understand each other because it's just 138 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:20,920 Speaker 5: it's like two separate planets, do you know what I mean? 139 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: But what I don't understand is if she's offering to 140 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,599 Speaker 1: be there for his needs twenty four to seven. Why 141 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:29,960 Speaker 1: does he not take advantage of that? 142 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,760 Speaker 4: Up, do not wake me up? 143 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 2: I'm saying she cares enough about this to say, like, 144 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:39,479 Speaker 2: wake me up in the middle of the night and 145 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 2: I will do what you need me to do. And 146 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 2: he's still taking this fantasy like option over that, which 147 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:52,440 Speaker 2: I don't like. 148 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 5: I see it's I don't think it's fantasy like for 149 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:59,919 Speaker 5: men then, and he gets fantasy like for women then. 150 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 4: Why, I guess. 151 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 2: I guess I don't get why you want to take 152 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,040 Speaker 2: the real thing over what you're watching on a screen. 153 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 1: That's hard for me too, because I would always take 154 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:09,479 Speaker 1: the real thing if it were up to me. 155 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean to defend the dude, I guess. Masturbating 156 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 6: and sex with another person are very different experiences, Like 157 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 6: they are very different parts of your of you know, 158 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:26,800 Speaker 6: your sexuality, and uh, like, I don't think that you know, 159 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,720 Speaker 6: I don't think that you shouldn't you should never master 160 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 6: ate if you're like in a committed relationship. I think 161 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:35,200 Speaker 6: that's all she says that, like, oh, just wake me 162 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 6: up and I'll handle it. I don't think she would 163 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 6: actually like that if. 164 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:41,200 Speaker 4: That happened, but I would call that bluff. 165 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:45,559 Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, uh, that's what I think is happening. 166 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,000 Speaker 6: And also I think the dude is probably like, well, 167 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 6: I mean it's what. 168 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 1: One in the morning. 169 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:51,920 Speaker 6: Now, I'm like, like, I just kind of want to 170 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 6: get this hand, you know, it's all he's like lighting 171 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 6: candles and like putting up a picture of doing. 172 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:03,440 Speaker 3: Kind of like shower after I don't know, that's my story. 173 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,240 Speaker 1: I just like to look on your face sometimes after 174 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:06,920 Speaker 1: you say things that I receive. 175 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:10,800 Speaker 5: Like sometimes I'm like, like, you know, if he wants 176 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 5: to and I and I'm like, I just don't want 177 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:13,360 Speaker 5: to shower, I'll just be like, let me. 178 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 3: Just let me help you here, you know. Yeah, I 179 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 3: guess I just don't. 180 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 2: I might relate to her because I grew up with this, 181 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 2: like a very strong viewpoint on poorn, like a very 182 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 2: conservative Christian mindset on it, So it feels a lot. 183 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 4: I think it'll. 184 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 2: Always feel heavier to me than like it is for Like, 185 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 2: I think I think it is heavy for some people, 186 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 2: like I do think it becomes a problem for some people. 187 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 5: But I also think there is something to be said 188 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:40,560 Speaker 5: about having that conversation, being honest about how you feel him, 189 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 5: having an honest conversation about how he feels and then 190 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 5: maybe just understanding it. 191 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,160 Speaker 3: There's there's it is what it is? You know what 192 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 3: I mean? 193 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:49,199 Speaker 4: That's what I was gonna say. Is it really? 194 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,640 Speaker 2: Is it affecting you in your relationship? Or have you 195 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 2: been told that it does affect you in your relationship? 196 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: It's bad? 197 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 4: And then's wrong? 198 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,440 Speaker 1: Yeah? And does it come up because you're like, hey, 199 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:02,679 Speaker 1: shall we and he's like, oh, sorry, I a problem? Right, 200 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:04,520 Speaker 1: all right, we move on. 201 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,840 Speaker 3: I feel like we did with that nail that let's. 202 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: Step away, shall we? 203 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:13,559 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we got to regroup post breakup words of encouragement. 204 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 2: No, no, all right, we're back and we are keeping 205 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 2: the pace on this. 206 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 3: That's right, Mark, take it away. 207 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:44,319 Speaker 1: We're moving along to Sophia. I'm six months post breakup 208 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,320 Speaker 1: with someone who's been four years with and thought I 209 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 1: was gonna spend the rest of my life before being 210 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 1: blindsided with a breakup due to quote social incompatibilities. He's 211 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 1: very extroverted and social. I had trouble becoming close with 212 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,360 Speaker 1: his friends, while he became very close with my friends. 213 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:01,679 Speaker 1: I turned thirty four in a few weeks, and I'm 214 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:03,760 Speaker 1: feeling so much pressure to put myself back out there 215 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 1: even when I feel so heartbroken and devastated by this loss. 216 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 1: I'm going to therapy, I started piano lessons. I've been 217 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,480 Speaker 1: working really hard on trying new things and battling my 218 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:15,760 Speaker 1: social anxiety, but I still feel so sad. I tried 219 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,440 Speaker 1: getting back on dating apps and maybe feel worse. I'm 220 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,440 Speaker 1: looking for words of encouragement of ways that you've healed 221 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 1: and come out on the other side of a breakup 222 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:23,800 Speaker 1: feeling stronger. 223 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:30,720 Speaker 2: I think that you are not ready to put yourself 224 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,160 Speaker 2: back out there, and I think that's okay to not 225 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,120 Speaker 2: feel like you immediately need to get on the dating 226 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:38,280 Speaker 2: apps and go on dates, like regardless of turning thirty four. 227 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 4: Like it sounds like you need to let yourself heal. 228 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,920 Speaker 2: It sounds like you're trying to find new things that 229 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,520 Speaker 2: you love and you're doing things for yourself, and I 230 00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:48,920 Speaker 2: think that is such a beautiful thing to focus on 231 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 2: during this time, because you might not be ready to 232 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,920 Speaker 2: give your heart to someone again just yet, And that's okay. 233 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 5: On the flip side, it's a numbers game, and you're 234 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:00,840 Speaker 5: not if you're sitting on your couch and you're not 235 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 5: meeting anyone and you're not going to meet anyone, you know, 236 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 5: So I say, get back out there. It's a numbers game. 237 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 5: Just keep them coming. But masturbation is a beautiful thing. Sure, 238 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,320 Speaker 5: I have a great time with you, and it makes 239 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 5: you more confident. 240 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 1: I'm glad that we have a theme. But I think that, uh, 241 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,840 Speaker 1: dating apps can be depressing, and I get it as 242 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 1: soon as you open it up, Like I never wanted 243 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: to be on these again. I thought I was done 244 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:29,920 Speaker 1: with this nonsense. So maybe don't do the dating apps, 245 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: but you still got to get out there. 246 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,079 Speaker 3: I'm all for that end. 247 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,640 Speaker 2: But live your. 248 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:40,880 Speaker 1: Life, join social groups, play in anxiety. Well that's true. 249 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 1: I don't know that's a good point. 250 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, dating apps are made. 251 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,680 Speaker 2: For her, but she's trying new things to work on 252 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 2: the and I think that doing things for herself and 253 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 2: meeting new people could lead to her meeting someone. And 254 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 2: I don't think that getting on the apps. I think 255 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,719 Speaker 2: if she was like I've tried everything, I just want 256 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,000 Speaker 2: to meet someone. I want to go on dates. But 257 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,440 Speaker 2: I don't think she wants to go on dates right now. 258 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,679 Speaker 2: I think she's feeling sad and she's going through heartbreak. 259 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 4: I haven't known you six months past a breakup. 260 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:09,559 Speaker 3: So what do you mean. 261 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:13,280 Speaker 2: I haven't known you out of a four year relationship 262 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:17,360 Speaker 2: six months at that point. I know you for the 263 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,880 Speaker 2: trigger event and that was not you. 264 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:22,800 Speaker 3: Never knew me after Arizona guy. Oh wow, she was 265 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,960 Speaker 3: a pill day crying. But yeah she got back on 266 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,240 Speaker 3: the horse. Let me tell you many horses. 267 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:29,920 Speaker 4: She did get on. 268 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 3: Those horses. 269 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:41,720 Speaker 2: But I feel like there's a lot of tears and sadness, heartbreak, rejection. Yeah, 270 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,640 Speaker 2: I personally say, don't do that. I think your heart 271 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,720 Speaker 2: needs to heal. I think you're doing what you need 272 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,080 Speaker 2: to do for yourself. I think you work on going 273 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:53,920 Speaker 2: to things that aren't a romantic environment to challenge yourself 274 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:57,400 Speaker 2: with your social anxiety and and learn to love yourself 275 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,320 Speaker 2: so that when the time comes, you're ready to give 276 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,440 Speaker 2: that love to something you knew. 277 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 1: And also, don't you have to get into the mindset 278 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:08,520 Speaker 1: of that wasn't him. He's still out there. That wasn't it. 279 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 1: And maybe you dodged a bullet because that wasn't it. 280 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,839 Speaker 1: What if you married the guy that wasn't it? 281 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 3: Maybe he still is it. 282 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,520 Speaker 1: Oh, don't do that to her. 283 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 3: What maybe he is? 284 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 5: I hated when everybody said that to me, he broke 285 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,920 Speaker 5: up with you, it's over. I'm like, but it's not. 286 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 5: Inside me, I know it's not over. 287 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,199 Speaker 1: But she needs to move on. You can't. You can't 288 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,760 Speaker 1: hang on that true facts. 289 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 3: So I'm just saying it could it could be this guy. 290 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:36,480 Speaker 3: We don't know, That's what I'm saying. 291 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:39,040 Speaker 2: I don't think she needs to rush out there and date. 292 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,840 Speaker 2: I don't think she's she wants that. I think she wanted. 293 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,160 Speaker 2: I think she still wants it to be this guy. 294 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 2: And I think that in the right now it's it's 295 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 2: not him. 296 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:50,360 Speaker 5: Having a healthy mindset around it, I think is key 297 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 5: if you're dating. If you have a mindset of I 298 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 5: had to start dating again, that would be me, then 299 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,040 Speaker 5: the dates are going to suck. If you have the 300 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,080 Speaker 5: mindset of, like I have to start dating again, I 301 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 5: want to find someone and I want to spend my 302 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 5: life with someone. So here we go such a different 303 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:05,439 Speaker 5: mind I know. 304 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:08,040 Speaker 2: But I think you were just ready to find someone. 305 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,959 Speaker 2: I think you were ready for that phase of your 306 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,760 Speaker 2: life to meet someone and settle down. 307 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,600 Speaker 3: Correct, And I think she is as well. 308 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,920 Speaker 2: Is going to be her guy for four years and 309 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:20,000 Speaker 2: it wasn't him, So she's having to grieve the thought 310 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:21,960 Speaker 2: of it not being the person she had planned her 311 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 2: life with. 312 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 1: And isn't the mentality also now that we have to 313 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 1: get into this whole work on yourself therapy, great the 314 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 1: reason best person of you and good things will come. 315 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,360 Speaker 2: The whole reason he into things is because there was 316 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 2: this incompatibility of her not wanting to be social. So 317 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:42,400 Speaker 2: work on being social. Put yourself out there, see what people. 318 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,320 Speaker 2: He might come back and you might be like, I 319 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,280 Speaker 2: don't want you anymore. I've moved on. 320 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:53,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, so this is the time to work on yourself. 321 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, and masturbate a little. 322 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:57,880 Speaker 1: Okay, sure, Anonymous. 323 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,760 Speaker 5: It gives you the what am I trying to say? 324 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 5: It gives you the mojo? 325 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,880 Speaker 3: H it does? 326 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,120 Speaker 1: High Mark Eastern Beka, Tanya, look at me with the 327 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: top building there. Thank you very much, Anonymous. My boyfriend 328 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,680 Speaker 1: and I have a lot of friends in another city. 329 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:13,560 Speaker 1: We visit a few times a year, but while we're there, 330 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 1: we stay with our best friends. They're a married couple 331 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 1: and they insist we stay with them because they have 332 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,720 Speaker 1: a great house with plenty of room in a large 333 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 1: guest suite and they miss us since we moved away. 334 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:25,320 Speaker 1: But their gaft bed sucks. The mattress is lumpy and 335 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,400 Speaker 1: it's caving in, and the pillows are too thick, and 336 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,680 Speaker 1: less time we slept there, my or ring said, I 337 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,120 Speaker 1: got nine minutes of rem it's. 338 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,160 Speaker 3: That bad that would send me What. 339 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:36,120 Speaker 1: Would you do? Would you risk offending them by telling 340 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 1: their bed sucks or getting an airbnb instead? And do 341 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 1: we suck it up? They are by far our best 342 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,080 Speaker 1: friends and have by far the most space to host us, 343 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 1: so staying with someone else doesn't make any sense. 344 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,040 Speaker 2: You guys, the money that you would spend on an airbnb, 345 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 2: buy them a mattress. 346 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 3: Hey, Hey, they're your best friends. 347 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,760 Speaker 5: Like if I spent them at Becca's house and it 348 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,560 Speaker 5: was horrible sleep, I'd be like, Becca, you need a 349 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 5: new mattress because that thing is wha I think. 350 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 4: I would tell my friend be like, yeah, that's rough. 351 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 4: Have you ever slept in that bad that? 352 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 5: I would send you a screenshot of my aura rings 353 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,160 Speaker 5: and say, look what you did to me? 354 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 1: Are they sensitive? Because I feel like this is a 355 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:12,960 Speaker 1: funny conversation to. 356 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,800 Speaker 2: Have, But I also feel like you could be like, hey, 357 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,960 Speaker 2: since we're the ones staying there, when we come visit, 358 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 2: we'll go have these with you, Like, let's go if. 359 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,880 Speaker 4: Your bestie of in yourself a new mattress. 360 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, nine minutes of rhyme is criminal. 361 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:27,920 Speaker 4: That makes me want to throw I would throw up. 362 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:28,960 Speaker 4: I'd be so sick from that. 363 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,280 Speaker 5: If I wake up with less than twenty percent of REM, 364 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 5: it's not a good day. 365 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,000 Speaker 1: I think you get to I think you make it 366 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:38,160 Speaker 1: seem like it's something serious. Okay, we have to have 367 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,520 Speaker 1: a talk. We love you guys, but we need to talk. WHOA, 368 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:46,280 Speaker 1: what's going on? Oh my gosh, have you there? They haven't, 369 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:47,120 Speaker 1: you know they haven't. 370 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:48,400 Speaker 4: Yeah. 371 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,080 Speaker 1: I think it's I think it's funny. I think you 372 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 1: make it work. 373 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,840 Speaker 2: You could say, hey, if you're if you don't feel 374 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 2: good about doing that, can we sleep in your bed 375 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,760 Speaker 2: and y'all can sleep in the trade visit. 376 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, but I like the idea going in on a 377 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:00,239 Speaker 1: bed with him done. 378 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 3: Or just like get some bed bugs and slip them 379 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,320 Speaker 3: in there and be like, oh my gosh, you have 380 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 3: bed bugs. 381 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,440 Speaker 1: That feels terrible idea? 382 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,080 Speaker 3: How a bad idea? 383 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:06,320 Speaker 2: Yeah? 384 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 1: Right? 385 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:07,960 Speaker 3: We should have ended it online. 386 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:11,000 Speaker 1: From a Mama to Bee Hi, Becca, Tana Easton and 387 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,040 Speaker 1: Mark Okaya got top billing and Tany was misspelled. So 388 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,159 Speaker 1: I'm the matron of honor and my friend's wedding and 389 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,520 Speaker 1: currently planning her bachelorette party, and I just found out 390 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,119 Speaker 1: I'm pregnant. I'll be about ten weeks a long at 391 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,879 Speaker 1: the bachelorette party, but I'm not sure I want to 392 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,520 Speaker 1: tell anybody at that point. I can hide drinking at 393 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 1: the Airbnb, but worry how I can manage this at 394 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 1: the wine tastings I have planned that is more challenging. 395 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 1: Should I tell the bride and have her help me cover? 396 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:37,760 Speaker 1: I don't want to make it a big thing and 397 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,240 Speaker 1: be about me, so I'm hesitant. I'll be about thirty 398 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:43,640 Speaker 1: six weeks pregnant at her wedding, which also makes me nervous. 399 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,960 Speaker 1: What should I do? 400 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,639 Speaker 3: One hundred percent you should tell the bride. 401 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,639 Speaker 2: I definitely think you should tell the bride, and I 402 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:53,440 Speaker 2: think you just say, hey, I, this is the only 403 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:56,199 Speaker 2: thing that this that I'm going to tell you that 404 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,439 Speaker 2: will be about me this weekend because I need you 405 00:17:58,480 --> 00:17:58,800 Speaker 2: to know. 406 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,840 Speaker 4: But I she's gonna be so. 407 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,560 Speaker 2: Excited for you, first of all, Yeah, but also just say, 408 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,040 Speaker 2: I'm not ready to tell everybody, so I just want 409 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:07,880 Speaker 2: you to know why I'm not going to be drinking 410 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:12,199 Speaker 2: at the wine tastings and you know, help if you 411 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,320 Speaker 2: can help me cover it up without letting anyone know. 412 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,960 Speaker 5: My tasting's a tough one because it's like I'm like 413 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,879 Speaker 5: nobody's really I don't feel like nobody notices that somebody's 414 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,959 Speaker 5: not drinking unless you make a point to be like, no, 415 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:22,679 Speaker 5: not drinking. 416 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,119 Speaker 2: I feel like a lot of places they maybe have 417 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:29,240 Speaker 2: non alcoholic wine, like I had a non alcoholic champagne 418 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,679 Speaker 2: or like a maybe they have like a sparkling cider 419 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,919 Speaker 2: or something that you can sip on so it doesn't 420 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,400 Speaker 2: look like just water in a glass. 421 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:40,560 Speaker 5: Yeah, but yeah, maybe get the wine cellar. 422 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, call them and see if they have anything, or 423 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,960 Speaker 2: you bring some of your own and they can serve 424 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:45,280 Speaker 2: that tea. 425 00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:47,639 Speaker 3: Yeah, just like, hey, I'm pregnant and I haven't told anybody. 426 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:48,639 Speaker 3: You can help a sister out. 427 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,600 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. And she's 428 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,320 Speaker 2: gonna be thirty six weeks at her wedding. 429 00:18:55,359 --> 00:19:01,560 Speaker 5: That makes me notice too, feels very tight. Yeah across 430 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 5: that bridge when we get there. 431 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:04,120 Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, let's talk in thirty six weeks. 432 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, that feel good. Next Mark next time. 433 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,200 Speaker 1: Here we go from anonymous. I've been a lawyer listening 434 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,600 Speaker 1: to your podcast. I appreciate the thoughtful advice you give. 435 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:13,680 Speaker 1: I related to a listener who recently wrote in about 436 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:17,400 Speaker 1: struggling to communicate the need for alone time to their partner. 437 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,720 Speaker 1: I'm thirty three, I'm engaged. We've been together six years. 438 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,119 Speaker 1: He has an amazing relationship with my ten year old son. 439 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,040 Speaker 1: We built a great life together. He is loving, he 440 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 1: always wants to be around me. He's a great communicator. 441 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,200 Speaker 1: I love him so much. But why do I feel 442 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,439 Speaker 1: like he's more into me than I'm into him? Is 443 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,879 Speaker 1: it normal for one person in the relationship to be 444 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,879 Speaker 1: on a higher scale than the other. I value my 445 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,359 Speaker 1: alone time. While he respects that, I don't think he 446 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 1: truly gets it. I even get excited when he goes 447 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,639 Speaker 1: on work trips so I can have some space. I 448 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,439 Speaker 1: struggle with this nagging thought, and it's exactly what Beca 449 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,200 Speaker 1: said to this previous listener. Maybe he isn't my person. 450 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,440 Speaker 1: The thought of ending this relationship kills me because it 451 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,840 Speaker 1: would ruin our family, and my son would be devastated, 452 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 1: as well as my friends and family. I feel crazy 453 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:02,280 Speaker 1: for even half having these thoughts and my overthinking and 454 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,360 Speaker 1: self sabotaging. What is wrong with me? Any advice would 455 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:06,040 Speaker 1: be appreciated. 456 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,160 Speaker 3: I just have one thing to say. 457 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,080 Speaker 1: Here comes Tana, Here she comes. 458 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,159 Speaker 5: If you're questioning not being in this relationship because it's 459 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:18,920 Speaker 5: gonna hurt your son and your family, that's momentary versus 460 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:23,440 Speaker 5: your life, your life, your life, yeah, and your forever. 461 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:24,800 Speaker 4: Yeah. 462 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:30,680 Speaker 2: With that being said, I think that there's a lot 463 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:34,720 Speaker 2: of people who would resonate with this. I also don't 464 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,040 Speaker 2: have kids, so I don't know the dynamic of like 465 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,320 Speaker 2: always having a child who is like needing you constantly 466 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 2: and like you're having to give, give, give, and then 467 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,880 Speaker 2: also having a partner who's like needing a lot from 468 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,040 Speaker 2: you and you're having to give, give, give, So I 469 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:52,000 Speaker 2: don't know that I really am able to like chime 470 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:55,359 Speaker 2: in on this. I just feel like I always thought. 471 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,119 Speaker 2: I mean, you can listen to old episodes of the 472 00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,240 Speaker 2: podcast where I was like, I want to date someone 473 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,840 Speaker 2: who travels so that I can have my owlone time, 474 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,320 Speaker 2: And now when Haley and I have spent any time 475 00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:08,720 Speaker 2: a part I'm like miserable. So I do know that 476 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,960 Speaker 2: there's a world where you can where you don't feel 477 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:13,399 Speaker 2: this way. 478 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,200 Speaker 5: I think, yeah, and you're speaking the wrong girl, because 479 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 5: I need no space. 480 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,320 Speaker 1: Well that's the thing. So I think she would regret 481 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:26,119 Speaker 1: ending this relationship. I think she's overreacting to these feelings 482 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:30,800 Speaker 1: she's having. I think everything's actually fine. Patti Rodriguez, remember Patty, Yes, 483 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,880 Speaker 1: she used to work here. She had a theory that 484 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,960 Speaker 1: the healthiest relationships the woman is a no, the guy 485 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,720 Speaker 1: is a little bit more into the woman than vice versa. 486 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:45,359 Speaker 1: And I think there is something to this theory. I 487 00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:48,560 Speaker 1: think those are the best relationships. I don't know, I 488 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,960 Speaker 1: don't know. I can't explain it, but I think she's right. 489 00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:53,439 Speaker 1: I think it's okay that he's a little bit more 490 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,679 Speaker 1: into you. Now, if that becomes a gap, a big chasm, 491 00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 1: then we got a real problem. But I think it's okay. 492 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,679 Speaker 1: I think everything is okay here. Everything I read on 493 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:02,560 Speaker 1: this thing is okay. And as long as you're not 494 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,680 Speaker 1: feeling a need to escape the relationship, you just need 495 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,360 Speaker 1: some time every once in a while, I think everything's fine. 496 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,280 Speaker 2: She said, I value my alone time, and while he 497 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,800 Speaker 2: respects that, I don't think he truly understands that. So 498 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:17,640 Speaker 2: maybe it's a conversation of really explaining to him that 499 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,920 Speaker 2: when you get what you need, which is your time 500 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 2: by yourself, you're going to be able to give more 501 00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:26,159 Speaker 2: to him and show up better in the relationship. And 502 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,399 Speaker 2: maybe he feel like maybe he's like, oh, yeah, I 503 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,040 Speaker 2: get it, you need your alone time, but like, maybe 504 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,480 Speaker 2: you really solidify what that looks like and block it 505 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,080 Speaker 2: out in your schedule where you have time to where 506 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:39,439 Speaker 2: you do something just by yourself. Do you think do 507 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,480 Speaker 2: you feel like Robbie's more obsessed with you than you 508 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,399 Speaker 2: are with him, or do you find it to be equal. 509 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 1: I think you're more obsessed than he is with you. 510 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,160 Speaker 4: Really, I don't. 511 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:52,199 Speaker 3: I just but you only see me. He's pretty obsessed 512 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:52,439 Speaker 3: with me. 513 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 2: I do find him to be pretty obsessed with her, 514 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:59,840 Speaker 2: like weirdly okay, but so I think we're pretty equally 515 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,000 Speaker 2: obsessed with each other. 516 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,080 Speaker 5: But I feel like I've never been the type of 517 00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:06,719 Speaker 5: person that needs space right just in general, I'm not 518 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 5: like a space neater when he's out of town, when 519 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:15,720 Speaker 5: we're apart, I'm not like devastated door cra correct. 520 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:17,639 Speaker 3: I'm fine. I like, I do enjoy it. 521 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:19,760 Speaker 5: I'll like sit in a song, I'll do my workouts, 522 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,880 Speaker 5: so I'm not like sad, but I don't like need it, 523 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:27,399 Speaker 5: Like I'm not like go right right, just not me. 524 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:28,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I. 525 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:33,840 Speaker 2: Think it's human to enjoy doing your own thing by yourself. 526 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,439 Speaker 2: Like I don't think that that means that he's not 527 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 2: your person just because you need that time for yourself 528 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,760 Speaker 2: and I I just think that if you're only with 529 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,320 Speaker 2: him because you don't want your son or family or 530 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 2: friends to be sad, that's something to think about. 531 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:53,480 Speaker 3: I'm still thinking about Mark's judgment of my relationship. 532 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 1: I know I'm not. 533 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,960 Speaker 2: I have felt like I always felt that about Tom, 534 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:04,439 Speaker 2: but then I've seen like the way he responds to 535 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,679 Speaker 2: her text and how he speaks to her and like 536 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,280 Speaker 2: the things that he does, and I'm like, oh, I 537 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 2: think he's. 538 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,159 Speaker 4: I think it's a very equal obsession. 539 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,959 Speaker 3: Yeah, he's just not as vocal. 540 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,440 Speaker 4: Yeah, we don't have a podcast where he talks about it. 541 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,360 Speaker 3: Right, But like I do like say same, Like he'll 542 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,720 Speaker 3: say things and I'm just like what it looks like. 543 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:25,800 Speaker 2: I would say, yeah, it's it's pretty cute. 544 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:26,600 Speaker 3: It is pretty cute. 545 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,119 Speaker 1: But I just asked him, so good, how did you 546 00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:29,520 Speaker 1: phrase it? 547 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:31,600 Speaker 5: Do you think I'm obsessed with you more or you're 548 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:32,560 Speaker 5: obsessed with me more. 549 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,639 Speaker 4: That's such a great I would say it's equal. 550 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:38,600 Speaker 2: I would say it's pretty equal. That's what I think 551 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,240 Speaker 2: he's going to say. Okay, what do you all think he's. 552 00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:41,520 Speaker 4: Going to say. 553 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,600 Speaker 6: Yeah, he's going to be like right down the middle. 554 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 1: I think he's gonna be a new phone. 555 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:50,600 Speaker 2: Who is I think I'll say fifty to fifty or equal? 556 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:54,080 Speaker 4: Okay, did we do give you good advice on Yeah? 557 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,040 Speaker 1: I think we did. He's really expert. 558 00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,919 Speaker 4: But she's a fiance, so like this. 559 00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:02,240 Speaker 1: Is marry him. We won't regret it. Wow, that's my advice. 560 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,400 Speaker 5: He said, I think it's equal. Mind's more quiet obsession, 561 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 5: Yours is more blatant. 562 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:14,359 Speaker 1: Blatant. That's your autobiography right there, Laton really obsessed. 563 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:17,959 Speaker 3: I've got three dots. I'm not sure if there's more 564 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,879 Speaker 3: than well, you know what. 565 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,680 Speaker 1: We'll find out the rest. 566 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 4: Right, we're back. Did we get an update? 567 00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:46,399 Speaker 5: We've got an update. So the first part was I 568 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,280 Speaker 5: think it's equal. Mind's more quiet obsession, years is more blatant. 569 00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:51,040 Speaker 5: And he said, like, I don't stare at you while 570 00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:54,560 Speaker 5: we're watching TV, but in my mind, I'm obsessed that 571 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:55,959 Speaker 5: I just get to lay next to you. 572 00:25:56,200 --> 00:26:01,440 Speaker 4: Oh, I'm so cute. 573 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,040 Speaker 3: I know I can't handle it. 574 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,440 Speaker 1: All right, great, all right, one more? We got two more? 575 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:08,840 Speaker 3: Last one? Do the last one? 576 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:08,879 Speaker 2: No? 577 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:09,439 Speaker 4: We got two more? 578 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:09,880 Speaker 3: Oh we do? 579 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:10,119 Speaker 2: I No. 580 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:11,960 Speaker 1: I'm asked my husband as a new colleague that I 581 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:13,920 Speaker 1: am not a fan of if. I met her once 582 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:15,720 Speaker 1: and she was nice, but my husband told me about 583 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:17,119 Speaker 1: something else she said to him, and it rubbed me 584 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,560 Speaker 1: the wrong way. At a reason lunch meeting, he went 585 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,600 Speaker 1: to shake her hand, and she responded by saying, oh, no, 586 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:24,600 Speaker 1: we're on a hug basis now. I told him that 587 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,400 Speaker 1: I would like him to set some boundaries as well 588 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,040 Speaker 1: as not hug her. He said he has, but it's 589 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,199 Speaker 1: hard not to hug her when everyone else in the 590 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,640 Speaker 1: office is hugging. No, I personally don't hug my colleagues, 591 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,840 Speaker 1: but I do understand some people hug after they've known 592 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,680 Speaker 1: each other for some time. Is my request ridiculous? 593 00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 4: Oh? 594 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:46,040 Speaker 2: This is so hard because I totally get her side 595 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,840 Speaker 2: of being like, set the boundaries, But. 596 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,560 Speaker 4: I totally get him being at work being like, I 597 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:51,359 Speaker 4: can't hug you. 598 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,680 Speaker 3: Right, I'm this girl, I am the hugger girl. 599 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,480 Speaker 2: Me too. I'm a hugger as well, and it makes 600 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,919 Speaker 2: me think I need to be aware of who I'm hugging. 601 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,480 Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, yeah, I hug everyone. 602 00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:08,280 Speaker 4: How does he set the boundary now that they've established 603 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:08,760 Speaker 4: a hug? 604 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:10,080 Speaker 3: He can't. 605 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,360 Speaker 1: He can't, But also can he just avoid it? Can 606 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,000 Speaker 1: he just be like hey, kind of walk past her, 607 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:15,040 Speaker 1: like there's nobody's in a hugg but. 608 00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:17,840 Speaker 4: She's like, come here, You're not getting by without a hug. 609 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:19,399 Speaker 3: No, But you can also be like, oh, I'm a 610 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:20,440 Speaker 3: little sick fist bump. 611 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:20,840 Speaker 2: Yeah. 612 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,240 Speaker 1: Maybe tiny's the huggiest person I know, but she didn't 613 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:27,320 Speaker 1: hugg me every day. We hug before we leave for Christmas, 614 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,760 Speaker 1: you know, like I'm bra it's not much more than that, Like, oh, 615 00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:31,960 Speaker 1: I'm not going to see it for a few weeks, 616 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:33,200 Speaker 1: have a good time, you know. That sort of thing 617 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:34,880 Speaker 1: is a no. 618 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:37,680 Speaker 5: But like not daily at work, but like if if 619 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,879 Speaker 5: we have like a jingle ball or festival, hug you 620 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:40,800 Speaker 5: when I see you at. 621 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,320 Speaker 1: Like something like that out in the wild. 622 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:44,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, So it's like. 623 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:47,240 Speaker 5: Less in the office more if I see you outside 624 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:47,719 Speaker 5: the office. 625 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 1: Yes, So I think maybe this will fizzle out because 626 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:54,359 Speaker 1: she can't keep that forever. Hugging every person every day. 627 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:57,960 Speaker 2: If she if for whatever reason, the wife's feeling is correct, 628 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:02,320 Speaker 2: and this woman has ill and and she does make 629 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:04,359 Speaker 2: an effort to hug him every day, doesn't matter. 630 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:05,480 Speaker 4: But she doesn't. 631 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:08,200 Speaker 5: Trust her husband, I mean at the end of the day, 632 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,120 Speaker 5: and like, yeah, there's some certain things he can do. 633 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:14,840 Speaker 2: You don't think he should be like, hey, like I 634 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 2: I want to be respectful to my relationship. 635 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:24,240 Speaker 5: No weird, it would make her look weird to his coworkers. 636 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:26,480 Speaker 3: I think yes, And I. 637 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:29,640 Speaker 5: Don't care she doesn't want to have and I don't 638 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,280 Speaker 5: think it's a look that you want your husband to 639 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,520 Speaker 5: have with his colleagues that like, I can't hug you 640 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:36,840 Speaker 5: because my husband thinks my wife thinks it's weird. 641 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:40,240 Speaker 2: Okay, So the advice is you try to just avoid it. 642 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,360 Speaker 2: Otherwise you just trust him and know that it's just 643 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:44,120 Speaker 2: I'll ask. 644 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 5: Him to just say like, hey, I'm a little sick, 645 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:46,760 Speaker 5: fist bump and maybe that. 646 00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:48,040 Speaker 2: Yeah. 647 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 1: But also, it doesn't matter what her intentions are. If 648 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:52,040 Speaker 1: you trust your husband, it doesn't matter if you hug 649 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:53,360 Speaker 1: you once in a while at work. It's not the 650 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:54,440 Speaker 1: end of the world. I don't think. 651 00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 4: I mean, I don't know. I think I think men 652 00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:01,440 Speaker 4: are easily seduced to do really yes. 653 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:06,360 Speaker 2: Really, yes, it's still on him, I know, but if 654 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 2: he could set the boundary of not hugging someone that 655 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 2: makes his wife uncomfortable. 656 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,640 Speaker 1: But we should get into that this men are easily seduced. 657 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:18,960 Speaker 1: That's interesting what you said, because it also puts the 658 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:20,440 Speaker 1: blame not on him. 659 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:25,480 Speaker 2: I think it's I think there's equal parties. But I 660 00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:28,200 Speaker 2: think she doesn't care about his The woman coming in 661 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:29,400 Speaker 2: does not care about. 662 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,160 Speaker 4: His marriage or his wife. True, she doesn't care. 663 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,080 Speaker 1: That might be overstating it. Though she's just a hugger 664 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,320 Speaker 1: like Tanya hugs me. Doesn't mean she doesn't care about 665 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:37,720 Speaker 1: my wife. 666 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,280 Speaker 2: No, but I'm saying that she's not gonna like think 667 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:44,239 Speaker 2: about like Tonya is not hugging you, thinking like, oh 668 00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:45,000 Speaker 2: it's Mark's wife. 669 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:46,960 Speaker 4: She's just like, oh I love Mark, I'm gonna hug Mark. 670 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:48,560 Speaker 1: Yeah right right. 671 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,480 Speaker 2: So but I'm saying, if there's ill intention in that, 672 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:53,920 Speaker 2: then she's like I don't. 673 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:55,280 Speaker 4: Care, like I like this guy. 674 00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:55,880 Speaker 3: Yeah. 675 00:29:56,080 --> 00:30:00,560 Speaker 4: Fact, wait, I ca I'm in with ill. 676 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:05,600 Speaker 3: That's the example is me. But let's just go with it. 677 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,480 Speaker 2: But I'm saying, if you're if you were not with 678 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,200 Speaker 2: Robbie and you had ill intentions and you wanted Mark, 679 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:12,720 Speaker 2: then you coming into hug. 680 00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:17,680 Speaker 4: Mark, what is just would be like you? 681 00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:20,160 Speaker 2: You wouldn't be like, oh no, I'm worried about what 682 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:21,120 Speaker 2: his wife thinks. 683 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 4: Facts, you would just be like but it doesn't. 684 00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:25,960 Speaker 1: I don't. I'm just saying, it doesn't matter if the husband, 685 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,040 Speaker 1: If you trust your husband and he's a reliable guy, 686 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,840 Speaker 1: nothing ever as bad as going to happen. People's thoughts 687 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:31,560 Speaker 1: are people's thoughts. 688 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:35,360 Speaker 4: Facts, I agree. I'm just saying I there's a lot 689 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:36,480 Speaker 4: of facts being thrown. 690 00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:38,880 Speaker 1: Out my wife when we first started dating, even I 691 00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:41,040 Speaker 1: was in an improv goog call comedy sports and improv 692 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,760 Speaker 1: people tend to be this way, and so every time 693 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,960 Speaker 1: you showed up for a show, everybody hugged everybody, and 694 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:47,720 Speaker 1: that took her a minute like, Okay, this is weird 695 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,640 Speaker 1: because she wasn't raised like that, she wasn't like that 696 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,440 Speaker 1: with her friends. So it was bizarre to her that 697 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:53,920 Speaker 1: every guy and girl in the room got a hug 698 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:56,480 Speaker 1: when I arrived, and then the next person arrives hug hug, hug, 699 00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 1: zug hugs it's weird. So I understand where she's coming 700 00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:02,520 Speaker 1: from if it's not her way of being, but they 701 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:03,280 Speaker 1: get too. 702 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,960 Speaker 3: I totally get it. I get the uncomfortableness. 703 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,160 Speaker 1: So your question is not ridiculous. Dance your question. 704 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:09,840 Speaker 4: No, I don't think you're ridiculous. 705 00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:14,480 Speaker 2: I just think it's an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved. 706 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,720 Speaker 4: Now, yeah, maybe for future people coming in. 707 00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:23,160 Speaker 3: I just say, like germs like it's no. 708 00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:25,600 Speaker 5: I used to be such a hugger before COVID, and 709 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:27,680 Speaker 5: I feel like since COVID, I've become like way less 710 00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:28,160 Speaker 5: of a hugger. 711 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:30,640 Speaker 1: Hugging was fine during COVID because your germs are going 712 00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:31,960 Speaker 1: out the back whatever. 713 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,320 Speaker 4: It all just actually felt safer than the handshake. 714 00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:37,800 Speaker 6: Sure did you see on Dancing with the Stars of 715 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:40,040 Speaker 6: the first episode, the palm moll Horseky I can remember 716 00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:42,360 Speaker 6: his name, but he they showed him in the package 717 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,160 Speaker 6: like the pro was like, I'm a hugger, and he's like, 718 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,000 Speaker 6: I'm a shaker the handout. 719 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:51,400 Speaker 4: He has a girlfriend, and I like that cool? What 720 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:52,600 Speaker 4: are your where are your thought? 721 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:59,680 Speaker 3: No one's watching Dancing with the Time. Although we should, 722 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:00,240 Speaker 3: I feel. 723 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,640 Speaker 6: I mean, you shouldn't have to hug everybody damn like 724 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,440 Speaker 6: you know, like, uh, just because someone wants to hugg 725 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:08,959 Speaker 6: he doesn't mean you have to do it. 726 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:13,280 Speaker 2: Alison said, I I feel weird about Becca and I 727 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:14,360 Speaker 2: don't want you hugging her. 728 00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,120 Speaker 4: And but we had already established that we hug What 729 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 4: would you do so hard? 730 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,640 Speaker 6: I'd have to say I. 731 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,360 Speaker 1: Was just I was just carefully deflected. 732 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:25,880 Speaker 6: I guess I wouldn't say I was sick, but I'd 733 00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:27,600 Speaker 6: be like, you come in for the hug, and I'd 734 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 6: have to put out the fist or. 735 00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:34,080 Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's just weird, like because if he said 736 00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:35,840 Speaker 5: that to you, if he's just like my wife doesn't 737 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,680 Speaker 5: really want me hugging other girls, like. 738 00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,720 Speaker 4: I mean, I guess I would be more like, oh, 739 00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:43,880 Speaker 4: I get it. Respect respect her. 740 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,200 Speaker 3: I'd be like, I'm not trying to hit on you. 741 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:50,960 Speaker 3: Yeah if go maniac. 742 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:53,720 Speaker 6: If my wife said that, I wouldn't put it on her. 743 00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:56,840 Speaker 6: I'd be like, Hey, I you know I'm not really 744 00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:57,760 Speaker 6: hugging kind of guy. 745 00:32:58,200 --> 00:32:58,680 Speaker 1: Can we. 746 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:08,600 Speaker 2: Okay? Okay, great, I'm not gonna yeah, all right. We 747 00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:11,080 Speaker 2: didn't pay some one my bad, but we didn't all agree, 748 00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:12,160 Speaker 2: which that helped. 749 00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:13,280 Speaker 4: That hurts with the pacing. 750 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:18,000 Speaker 1: True, all right, what more from Rico. Firstly, I wanted 751 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:19,960 Speaker 1: to say, you guys did an amazing job at Epicon. 752 00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:23,400 Speaker 1: I hope there's another crossover with call it what it is. Secondly, 753 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,480 Speaker 1: so obviously, well, we all know if Banya was a 754 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,760 Speaker 1: real human, she would be exuding modern woman energy. But 755 00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,640 Speaker 1: what else should we know about her? What does she 756 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:35,280 Speaker 1: look like? What's her personality? What is her line of work? 757 00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:37,520 Speaker 1: Is she single? Dating? Mary? Divorce? Does she? And the men? 758 00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:40,440 Speaker 1: Women are both can't wait to hear more about Bonya 759 00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,239 Speaker 1: the person I love you all? Well we know it's 760 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:43,719 Speaker 1: a hat. 761 00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:48,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, Bonya has a cone shaped hat on a bonnet 762 00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:55,120 Speaker 2: shaped wool hat. She has brownish blondish hair, is bron 763 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:56,040 Speaker 2: she's a bronde. 764 00:33:56,080 --> 00:34:01,960 Speaker 3: She's a brond blue eyes. Sure about mid tit length, the. 765 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:06,440 Speaker 2: Old mid tip mid length, Yeah, yeah, the old md L. 766 00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:09,239 Speaker 3: I'd say she's. 767 00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:11,160 Speaker 4: I would say she's like. 768 00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:15,640 Speaker 2: A dear abby like call uh, she like writes in 769 00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:18,000 Speaker 2: the she's a journalist. 770 00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:21,160 Speaker 3: Oh, journalists to a scientists because she's smart. 771 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:23,600 Speaker 4: No, no, no, she's a journalist. She's a good writer. 772 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:24,360 Speaker 4: She gives advice. 773 00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:29,600 Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, fine, she's into men and women's yea into both. Yeah, 774 00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:32,120 Speaker 5: she's uh more about the person. 775 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:37,279 Speaker 2: She's dating, married or divorced or single dating I would 776 00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:38,040 Speaker 2: say dating too. 777 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:43,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's about she has like cool style. 778 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:45,439 Speaker 4: She's like cool girl. 779 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:47,160 Speaker 3: She's a cool girl. But she can also get down 780 00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:47,800 Speaker 3: on like sweats. 781 00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:52,840 Speaker 4: Yeah you know nice. Yeah, we got really creative with these. 782 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:55,360 Speaker 3: And uh. 783 00:34:55,480 --> 00:35:02,240 Speaker 5: She enjoys eyebrow, jel okay and gold hoots and her dogs. 784 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:04,600 Speaker 3: Loves her dog, loves her dogs. 785 00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:11,160 Speaker 4: She has a and yes, multiple dogs. She has a palm. 786 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:11,720 Speaker 3: Yeah. 787 00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:20,200 Speaker 5: Wants children, go either way, either way. Wants to get married. 788 00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,120 Speaker 4: But anyway. She's a good gal. She's the best gal. Yeah, 789 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:31,240 Speaker 4: we have no notes for old Banya. 790 00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:33,600 Speaker 3: Everybody wants to be friends with Bonya. 791 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, everyone wants to be they everyone comes to Bonya. 792 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:40,720 Speaker 5: Yes, she's like the neighbor that everybody borrows sugar from. 793 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,560 Speaker 3: Yes, watches your dog when you leave town. 794 00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:46,200 Speaker 4: Yeah, she's there for you. 795 00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:50,200 Speaker 3: Stalks your ex when you don't need to look. She 796 00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:50,719 Speaker 3: does it all. 797 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:52,799 Speaker 4: She does it all. That's one thing about Bonya. 798 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:53,319 Speaker 3: And that's one thing about her. 799 00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:57,440 Speaker 2: Bonnie Oh yeah, Bonnie for short, well not for short, 800 00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:58,840 Speaker 2: that's just her nickname. 801 00:35:59,719 --> 00:35:59,960 Speaker 5: For sure. 802 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:05,040 Speaker 4: That should be your grandma name. 803 00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:08,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it. It's cute. 804 00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,200 Speaker 4: Sister. Oh no, what was that so called. 805 00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:12,680 Speaker 6: Buying Secrets of the Sister. 806 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:14,319 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know what. 807 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:19,480 Speaker 4: Really came out quick. Well, that's it for this week. 808 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:22,440 Speaker 2: You guys and girls, we love you so much and 809 00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,200 Speaker 2: we hope you have a wonderful weekend. 810 00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:27,440 Speaker 3: Yes, we love you, Love you.