1 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to stuff Mom Never Told You from how Stuff 2 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:13,680 Speaker 1: Works dot Com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I'm 3 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:18,160 Speaker 1: Caroline and I'm Kristen. We Kristen and I talked about 4 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,560 Speaker 1: them phobia not too long ago, and it got a 5 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:24,840 Speaker 1: really strong response from people. Everybody had stories to share 6 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:27,800 Speaker 1: of how they had maybe felt like that in the past, 7 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:31,040 Speaker 1: they had as women, they had bad relationships with other women, 8 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,640 Speaker 1: or just hated the feminine things in life. Well, so 9 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,479 Speaker 1: this got the ball rolling on a slightly different topic, 10 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:42,400 Speaker 1: but but related, and that is women hating on women 11 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: in general. But then that led to a whole other thing, 12 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,800 Speaker 1: which is the queen Bee syndrome, which we will explain. 13 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: And it sounds ridiculous, but basically it's this idea that 14 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:58,000 Speaker 1: women in positions of power are holding down women in 15 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:02,520 Speaker 1: subordinate positions because they're so afraid, they're so threatened by 16 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 1: these young women who need help, that they're just going 17 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 1: to make your life a living hell. Now. The term 18 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: queen Bee syndrome was coined in nineteen seventy three by 19 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 1: a trio of researchers who were looking into the way 20 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: some women interact, particularly in the workplace, and they came 21 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,880 Speaker 1: up with Queen Bee syndrome to denote the alpha female 22 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:29,319 Speaker 1: who wants to preserve her power at all costs. Because 23 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:31,840 Speaker 1: if you think about the Bee hive, there could only 24 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: be one queen. That's right, there can only be one Highlander, 25 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:41,360 Speaker 1: miss highlander. Um. Yeah, this it also sort of encompasses 26 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,399 Speaker 1: this whole idea and attitude, particularly at the time that 27 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:47,680 Speaker 1: they coined this term. Obviously that maybe sort of across 28 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:51,640 Speaker 1: the board, all lady bosses were the B word, you know, 29 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 1: not queen Bee. You know what I mean, Um, that 30 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,480 Speaker 1: all of these women are just like clawing at each 31 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 1: other to get to the top and trying to sabotage 32 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,440 Speaker 1: each other. I just feel like there's this pervasive idea, 33 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:04,800 Speaker 1: and I feel like there's even some residue of that 34 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:09,000 Speaker 1: that still hangs on today. There's absolutely residue of that, 35 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,520 Speaker 1: I mean, because yeah, it makes total sense for them 36 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 1: to come up with this concept in ninety three when 37 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 1: women were still you know, just making those initial inroads 38 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 1: in the workplace. But if we're talking about from a 39 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:26,680 Speaker 1: top down perspective, Uh, I don't have the statistics in 40 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 1: front of me, but in terms of CEOs of fortune companies, 41 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:34,040 Speaker 1: what like twenty five of them are headed by women, 42 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 1: and every time it happens, it's this huge deal. And 43 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 1: every time you read, uh, you know, a profile about 44 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 1: a powerful woman in business, it's like they're looking for 45 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:48,480 Speaker 1: Queen Bee syndrome. Like Marissa Meyer, who was recently named 46 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:53,520 Speaker 1: CEO of Yahoo, has been dissected in so many different 47 00:02:53,560 --> 00:03:00,920 Speaker 1: ways because she is not, you know, publicly all lady 48 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:04,320 Speaker 1: pro lady fist bump. You know, she doesn't want to 49 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,519 Speaker 1: talk about her pregnancy, she doesn't want to take a 50 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,120 Speaker 1: lot of maternity leave, she doesn't want to call herself 51 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,960 Speaker 1: a feminist. She just wants to fix Yahoo and make 52 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: a b jillion dollars and live in her penthouse in 53 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 1: San Francisco. That's right. Um, Yeah, This whole idea is 54 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,200 Speaker 1: basically that, you know, female bosses could feel more threatened 55 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 1: and less generous about sharing their positions of power as 56 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:29,800 Speaker 1: there are fewer opportunities for them. But that that's kind 57 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,800 Speaker 1: of dumb. Well, there there are studies that have found 58 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 1: that women working under women are more stressed out than 59 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 1: men working under women. And there was a study that 60 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:44,400 Speaker 1: I found published in the British Journal of Social Psychology 61 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: that I wanted to call out because this is something 62 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 1: that we've talked about before on the podcast and something 63 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:51,640 Speaker 1: that comes up a lot when it comes to gender 64 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,840 Speaker 1: in the workplace. So it's published in September two thousand four, 65 00:03:55,200 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 1: and it suggested that the gender gap in stem fields 66 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 1: those science, tech, engineering, math were attributed to queen b syndrome, 67 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 1: and the researcher is right. Individual upward mobility i e. 68 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: Of female faculty implies distancing the self from the group stereotype, 69 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 1: which not only involves perceiving the self as a non 70 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,560 Speaker 1: prototypical group member, but may also elicit stereotypical views of 71 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:29,279 Speaker 1: other in group members. In other words, if you are 72 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 1: in a sea of men competing for a slot, you 73 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:38,480 Speaker 1: don't want to you know, you want to get along 74 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,560 Speaker 1: with them. You don't want to seem biased towards women, 75 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 1: and you might inadvertently uh not help out other women 76 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:49,560 Speaker 1: in the process because it took so much elbowing to 77 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 1: get there. But another study shows that this whole queen 78 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:57,000 Speaker 1: be thing is totally a myth and that women are 79 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,240 Speaker 1: actually more likely to help out their their homies. This 80 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 1: was June study by Catalyst UH of women they found 81 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:10,680 Speaker 1: who received career development support are now developing new talent 82 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 1: compared to fifty six of men. They also found that 83 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 1: seventy of the women developing new talent are developing women specifically, 84 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 1: compared tot of men. And so Eileen Lang, who's the 85 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:27,080 Speaker 1: president and CEO of Catalyst, says, the notion that women 86 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 1: executives are queen bees who are unwilling to support other 87 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:33,160 Speaker 1: women needs to be put to rest. And I agree 88 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 1: that the queen bee thing, if you apply it as 89 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:40,320 Speaker 1: an across the board women are terrible bosses thing, is ridiculous. 90 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,279 Speaker 1: Obviously it is. I will say that I have worked 91 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 1: for a queen bee, though, yeah I've I've maybe been 92 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,720 Speaker 1: stung by queen bees here and there. Um. But I 93 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 1: think too though, like if we're talking about and I 94 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:55,000 Speaker 1: feel like I'm playing a little bit of Devil's advocate 95 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 1: for a second. But bear with me. Um. Now, this 96 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:03,280 Speaker 1: study is not examining the quality of how a female 97 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:08,840 Speaker 1: executive gets along with her employees. This is specifically about 98 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:14,640 Speaker 1: career development, and in reporting on the study, UH, the 99 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 1: Washington Post pointed out that these were mid level women. 100 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:23,400 Speaker 1: The catalysts followed UH from two thousand and eight to 101 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 1: two thousand ten, so as they were, you know, working 102 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: upward in their career, whereas the most persistent queen Bee 103 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:33,799 Speaker 1: syndrome that we hear about, at least according to other research, 104 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:39,880 Speaker 1: happens at the senior level where the women it's really there, 105 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 1: where the women are, you know, they're the only females 106 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:48,960 Speaker 1: with a corner office. And maybe again, like the it 107 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,360 Speaker 1: happens inadvertently where they have reached that position of power 108 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:56,920 Speaker 1: and probably coming up you know in uh times when 109 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,839 Speaker 1: uh it was more it was harder for women to 110 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: make inroads in the workplace. So I think that maybe 111 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,040 Speaker 1: it happens more, which is also why there's a notion 112 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,480 Speaker 1: that maybe queen Bee syndrome is less relevant to say 113 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: you or I of a newer generation, where I think 114 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 1: it's pretty common career advice for women who want to 115 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 1: advance to find a female mentor specifically, I've been told 116 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 1: that before. Like you, you seek out the woman who 117 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:27,280 Speaker 1: will give you a hand up. Um. But for uh, 118 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,680 Speaker 1: for older women, maybe the story is a little bit different. 119 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 1: Maybe that's where the queen Bee syndrome happens more. Right, Yeah, 120 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,920 Speaker 1: it could be. There's also the idea you know you 121 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 1: mentioned like higher level versus mid level there's also this 122 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 1: idea of just women being in roles that maybe aren't 123 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:49,800 Speaker 1: traditionally for them being over women who are in more 124 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:54,560 Speaker 1: you know, quote unquote traditionally female jobs. And so we 125 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 1: found this study. It's from November. Joe Williams, who's a 126 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,160 Speaker 1: law professor at University of California, was talking about this. 127 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:06,040 Speaker 1: She says, the tension between female secretaries and female lawyers 128 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: comes up because of this shift in dynamics. The study 129 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,360 Speaker 1: was of legal secretaries who said that they preferred to 130 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:17,040 Speaker 1: work for men. They expressed gender bias in the study, 131 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,040 Speaker 1: and they point out that this could be because of 132 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:23,280 Speaker 1: the conflict where the traditional female role of secretary versus 133 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 1: the non traditional role of lawyer kind of they there's 134 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,400 Speaker 1: just conflict there. She said that all professional women find 135 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 1: themselves walking a tight rope between masculinity and femininity, and 136 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:38,320 Speaker 1: when people choose different approaches to how they walk the 137 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:41,720 Speaker 1: tight rope, that conflict often breaks out. Yeah, and there's 138 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:48,359 Speaker 1: also gendered interpretation of uh, someone in power getting frustrated 139 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:51,720 Speaker 1: or expressing discontent if you and this is something too 140 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,679 Speaker 1: that I feel like. The this episode about Queen b 141 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,960 Speaker 1: Syndrome ties together a lot of different things that we've 142 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:01,080 Speaker 1: talked about before. Uh. In one of those things is 143 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:05,600 Speaker 1: that a powerful woman or really a woman in general, uh, 144 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:11,040 Speaker 1: in the workplace, specifically expressing anger or discontent is labeled 145 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:17,199 Speaker 1: as uh, what's another word for a female dog? Whereas 146 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:19,880 Speaker 1: and and and it's also considered a sign of weakness. 147 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: It's them showing emotion, whereas a guy doing the same thing, 148 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,520 Speaker 1: he's just being a mad guy. He might be kind 149 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,600 Speaker 1: of a jerk, but there's still more respect for the 150 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:36,680 Speaker 1: jerk than for the emotional, you know what. That's right. 151 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,800 Speaker 1: So you know, we we've discussed like, uh, is it 152 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,440 Speaker 1: better to work for a man or a woman who 153 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 1: likes who likes working for men? Better? Apparently a lot 154 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 1: of people, but uh. David mom Ay in January Social 155 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 1: Science Research Research Research cited several studies that found basically, 156 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:58,840 Speaker 1: men's competence as leaders is assumed. It's assumed that if 157 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,319 Speaker 1: you're a man, you're a leader, you deserve to be there, 158 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:07,479 Speaker 1: you're competent, just as women's incompetence is pretty much assumed. 159 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:12,199 Speaker 1: So female supervisors and male supervisors are evaluated in our 160 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:16,760 Speaker 1: minds as workers differently. Yeah, because until we and I 161 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 1: think this would I would I would like to see 162 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 1: this on an industry by industry basis, because if you 163 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:27,439 Speaker 1: take a more pink collar industry, I wonder if those 164 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:31,679 Speaker 1: kind of gender biases are as prevalent as if you 165 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 1: look at it and say, uh, let's talk about Wall Street, 166 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:38,280 Speaker 1: you know where, Yeah, there are fewer women and especially 167 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:42,800 Speaker 1: fewer women in positions of like the sea level power, 168 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 1: whether or not those ideas are more prominent, like prevalent 169 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:51,040 Speaker 1: that men are inherently competent in women. If they are 170 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,200 Speaker 1: in power, they've had to fight their way there. So 171 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 1: that's constantly you know, it's just this constant struggle. Yeah. Well, 172 00:10:57,160 --> 00:11:00,400 Speaker 1: there's also they point out our heat David or David 173 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: Mommy points out there's this conflict again because there's in congruity, 174 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 1: he says, between their lower status as women and their 175 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:11,640 Speaker 1: higher status as leaders. So like you know, ingrains social 176 00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:15,240 Speaker 1: perceptions of your proper place and how when that's turned 177 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,199 Speaker 1: on their head, it's like, oh, well, but you're a woman, 178 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 1: you're not supposed to be telling me what to do. Yeah. 179 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 1: And I also I do get frustrated with hearing that 180 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:27,160 Speaker 1: um in the arguments for why it's better to work 181 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 1: for a man um you know, like men are less 182 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:33,440 Speaker 1: threatened and they're less emotional and they just have more power. 183 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:40,320 Speaker 1: Because that's only ladies, women, men, any who know every 184 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:48,280 Speaker 1: that is that's doing everybody um a disservice. Because when 185 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:52,439 Speaker 1: when you eliminate the queen beast syndrome and you actively 186 00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:57,080 Speaker 1: like mentor the women and you bring women into your organization, Uh, 187 00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:00,720 Speaker 1: it is better for It is better for everybody. And 188 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,440 Speaker 1: just in case, I think the dollars can speak louder 189 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,959 Speaker 1: than words, since we're talking about the workplace after all. 190 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:11,079 Speaker 1: One thing that that Catalyst study found was that those 191 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:14,080 Speaker 1: who took an active role, these bosses they were looking at, 192 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,720 Speaker 1: these mid level bosses who took an active role in 193 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:20,320 Speaker 1: developing others men or women in their organizations saw a 194 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:25,360 Speaker 1: twenty five thousand dollar difference in additional compensation. So if 195 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:30,640 Speaker 1: you help other people out, then you're helping yourself at 196 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:33,400 Speaker 1: the end of the day. Now. Susannah Breslin, in a 197 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:37,960 Speaker 1: column for Forbes way back in June, had some advice 198 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:42,480 Speaker 1: for working for a female boss, and she basically says, like, 199 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:44,559 Speaker 1: can we just go to work? Like, can we just 200 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,920 Speaker 1: can we just work and not have to be BFFs 201 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:52,240 Speaker 1: because we're female, ladies, people humans. Can we just do 202 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,240 Speaker 1: our jobs well. She was also the author of the 203 00:12:55,360 --> 00:13:00,400 Speaker 1: column why I'd rather work for a man than a woman. Uh, 204 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,280 Speaker 1: you know, and I get what she's saying, like in 205 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: terms of let her wear the pants, you know, it 206 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:07,240 Speaker 1: doesn't it doesn't matter. Let's just do our jobs. We 207 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 1: don't like you said, we don't have to be bff 208 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 1: um and don't play to her weaknesses, though, she says 209 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 1: the single best way to climb up their ranks, to 210 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 1: get the queen bee who replaced the alpha male in 211 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,600 Speaker 1: the corner office, to promote, mentor and reward you is 212 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:26,000 Speaker 1: to make yourself indispensable to her. You can interchange like 213 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 1: whatever pronoun you want, though, if you want to do 214 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,920 Speaker 1: well at work, you make yourself indispensable. It doesn't matter 215 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:35,840 Speaker 1: who is giving you, like cutting your check. Yeah. Do 216 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,679 Speaker 1: I sound angry. I feel like I sound angry. I 217 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 1: feel like I sound like a queen bee right now, 218 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,200 Speaker 1: you sound like a podcaster who has a point. I 219 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,920 Speaker 1: guess I just get um. I get frustrated with these 220 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:50,520 Speaker 1: These are very real issues that I have experienced in 221 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: the workplace. I understand that they happen, but I still don't. 222 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:58,640 Speaker 1: I don't know. It's there comes a point when just saying, 223 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:03,040 Speaker 1: like when categorized seeing all female bosses as one thing, 224 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 1: you know, that's not what's that doing for anybody? Yeah? Well, 225 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,839 Speaker 1: She also brings up sisterhood, which was a word that 226 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,680 Speaker 1: came up a lot when we were reading stuff about 227 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:15,840 Speaker 1: the fimphobia. She says, if the sisterhood and women supporting 228 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 1: each other is supposed to be the path to women 229 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,560 Speaker 1: getting ahead, how come decades of telling women to do 230 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:24,080 Speaker 1: it isn't working. You're a woman making less than your 231 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:27,160 Speaker 1: male peer. Maybe that's because you're trying to be everybody's 232 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 1: friend and as a consequence, nobody sees you as a 233 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 1: serious competitor. Or maybe you should reinterpret your idea of 234 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 1: sisterhood and use that as a way to find a mentor, 235 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 1: a female mentor or a male mentor. It doesn't really 236 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,720 Speaker 1: matter to then work your way up, because the old 237 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:47,000 Speaker 1: boys club is a saying for a reason. Guys have 238 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,240 Speaker 1: been going out for scotch and cigars and wheeling and 239 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:53,840 Speaker 1: dealing after you know, nine to five hours for a 240 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:57,720 Speaker 1: long time, so women just do it too. Well, I 241 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:02,200 Speaker 1: don't think I don't know, maybe her perception that she 242 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 1: has here that maybe she's experienced in previous workplaces is that, 243 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 1: you know, girls are getting together and just giggling and 244 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:12,480 Speaker 1: talking about the boys and stuff like that. But I 245 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 1: think it's a shame to totally dismiss women getting together 246 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,280 Speaker 1: and helping each other, right, because I think that we 247 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,800 Speaker 1: can acknowledge that there are perhaps differences in the ways 248 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:28,200 Speaker 1: that uh, men and women tend to socialize. Like myself, 249 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:32,240 Speaker 1: I'm not a very workplace social person. That's not where 250 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:37,760 Speaker 1: my uh, that's not where I get my chuckles. But um, 251 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 1: you know, telling telling women that in order to succeed 252 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:45,320 Speaker 1: you have to just be like a man only reinforces 253 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,960 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, Queen Bee syndrome, does 254 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 1: it not. That's why I sound like I'm like pulling 255 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,320 Speaker 1: my hair out. And not only does it seem to 256 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:58,360 Speaker 1: feed this mythology of queen Bee syndrome, but there's also 257 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 1: a touch of female misogyny and femphobia and saying like 258 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,160 Speaker 1: I don't want to be your bff sisterhood of the 259 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 1: traveling what you know, Like like well why why so? 260 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:16,440 Speaker 1: Why so down on on being a gal? Yeah, yeah, 261 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:20,720 Speaker 1: exactly this. This is so very related to our Fimphobia podcast. 262 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 1: And it's funny because on on TV Tropes dot Org 263 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 1: it's a great website, they talk about the female misogynist 264 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:32,560 Speaker 1: character or just figure and you know, they're acting like guys. Uh, 265 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:36,120 Speaker 1: some go so far as being almost considered guys. They're 266 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 1: portrayed as feminists, but they actually hate all things women 267 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:47,400 Speaker 1: pretty much. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, they're like the bro girls 268 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,680 Speaker 1: who you know, they're the honorary dudes because they're so 269 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 1: cool and they don't then they don't have female friends. Um. 270 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 1: And then on the other end of the spectrum is 271 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,360 Speaker 1: the extremely conservative housewife who thinks that when men are 272 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,399 Speaker 1: just simply inferior two men that should be there should 273 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:09,159 Speaker 1: be some subservience there as well. And some people have 274 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 1: h have called out I don't want to get political, 275 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:15,119 Speaker 1: but some people, such as Audrey Beardsley over the Daily Cause, 276 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 1: have cited conservative female politicians as examples of queen bees 277 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:27,560 Speaker 1: who are not advocating for things like reproductive rights and 278 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:33,480 Speaker 1: expanded healthcare UM and expanded benefits for single mothers and 279 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 1: closing the gender wage gap US because they don't they 280 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,959 Speaker 1: don't want other women to to get ahead. Now, I 281 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:45,240 Speaker 1: don't know that's that's a big statement to make, but um, 282 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,920 Speaker 1: but but I think it's a compelling one. But yeah, 283 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:51,040 Speaker 1: it is interesting to take the queen bee stereotype and 284 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:54,480 Speaker 1: and look at look outside of the workplace, look at 285 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 1: female politicians, look at you know, just women on the 286 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 1: street or characters on a TV show, things like that, 287 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:06,680 Speaker 1: because that the stereotypes and those viewpoints are very prevalent. Yeah. 288 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:11,680 Speaker 1: And also, like my closing question with all of this is, 289 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:17,560 Speaker 1: don't dudes do this too? Do what I don't like, 290 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,560 Speaker 1: don't guys get on a powered trip as well? We 291 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:24,040 Speaker 1: say alpha male for a reason. Well, now that that 292 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 1: goes back to all the stuff we were talking about 293 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,679 Speaker 1: with it being more socially acceptable for a guy to 294 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:33,520 Speaker 1: be tough instead of a woman. Yeah, and maybe one 295 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:36,400 Speaker 1: of the reasons why we're still seeing with all these 296 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:41,560 Speaker 1: studies reports of people preferring to work under a man 297 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,840 Speaker 1: than a woman is because like we have all of 298 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:46,400 Speaker 1: this stuff stirring around in our brain of like how 299 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,720 Speaker 1: we're going to be perceived and you know, what we 300 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 1: need to do to maintain our power, and oh, but 301 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:53,400 Speaker 1: don't be too powerful. You don't want to come off 302 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:56,359 Speaker 1: as a queen bee, and maybe it's just mucking things 303 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,800 Speaker 1: up in a way where we should just be confident 304 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:03,959 Speaker 1: and be indispensable. Yeah, rely, I mean rely on your skills. 305 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,520 Speaker 1: I've worked for women and men. I've worked for an 306 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:10,800 Speaker 1: amazing uh lady supervisor who knew her stuff. You know, 307 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,639 Speaker 1: she wasn't there to boss you around or anything or 308 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: make you feel bad about yourself. She just knew her 309 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:19,119 Speaker 1: stuff and was a great supervisor. I've worked for another 310 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,439 Speaker 1: woman who did abuse her power and did use it 311 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,879 Speaker 1: to actually make people feel really bad about themselves. But 312 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,800 Speaker 1: I mean, it's all just it's got a look at 313 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,440 Speaker 1: the draw if you get a good boss, regardless of 314 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,600 Speaker 1: that person's gender. Yeah, and I can I can definitely 315 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:41,640 Speaker 1: understand a generational aspect of something akin to queen Bee syndrome, 316 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:46,360 Speaker 1: of those those early female pioneers in the workplace who 317 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,960 Speaker 1: did have to uh you know, go tooth and nail 318 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 1: to get where they are. And we are, as younger women, 319 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,920 Speaker 1: we do enjoy some privilege from that. But I think 320 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:02,240 Speaker 1: it's time for us to buzzle from the queen Bee 321 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 1: syndrome conversation and let's maybe focus on our work or 322 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,600 Speaker 1: maybe I'm being too flip about it. I really do 323 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:13,200 Speaker 1: want to hear from from listeners out there. Um am 324 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:16,080 Speaker 1: I just in podcast La La Land or does it 325 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:19,480 Speaker 1: seem like the Queen Bee syndrome it needs to die? 326 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,720 Speaker 1: I think it needs to die. I think it's one 327 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 1: thing to have a like a terrible boss who happens 328 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,199 Speaker 1: to be a woman. I don't think we need to 329 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,360 Speaker 1: have this idea of a queen be syndrome that applies 330 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:35,520 Speaker 1: to somehow applies to all female leaders, you know, in 331 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:39,600 Speaker 1: positions of power. I agree, but let us know your 332 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:44,080 Speaker 1: thoughts any women in power out there too, if we've 333 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 1: got some managerial level ladies out there, or or if 334 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,200 Speaker 1: Hillary Clinton is listening, can you tell us how your 335 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,440 Speaker 1: situation is going. Just text us, just text us, yeah please, 336 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,119 Speaker 1: um yeah, I'm curious to know if if you're in 337 00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,400 Speaker 1: a managerial position as a woman, if you feel those 338 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:03,600 Speaker 1: kinds of negative stereotypes, let us know Mom Stuff at 339 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,080 Speaker 1: Discovery dot com, or you can head over to our 340 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,560 Speaker 1: Facebook and leave a comment there. Now, before we head 341 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,000 Speaker 1: into listener letters, just a quick word to let you 342 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,360 Speaker 1: know that this episode of Stuff Mom Never Told You 343 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,600 Speaker 1: is brought to you by Jack Threads. Jack Threads is 344 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:22,960 Speaker 1: quickly become the online shopping destination for dudes. And I 345 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,439 Speaker 1: know that there dudes out there listening. So if you 346 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:29,719 Speaker 1: are in need of some awesome new clothing for the 347 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 1: colder months, head on over to Jack threads dot com 348 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:37,280 Speaker 1: splash mom so they know that we will have sent you, 349 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,159 Speaker 1: and there you will find everything on the site up 350 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:44,720 Speaker 1: to eighty percent off. 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We've got a couple 359 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:19,400 Speaker 1: of emails here about our episode on INFL football watching 360 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:23,520 Speaker 1: among women's. Uh So, I got one here from Pete 361 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,600 Speaker 1: and he said, I'm a lifelong Seahawks fan and I 362 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:30,600 Speaker 1: won't comment about the call you guys reference in your program. However, 363 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,280 Speaker 1: I will say. Many of the women in my life 364 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,199 Speaker 1: are NFL fans. You talked about how the NFL and 365 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,359 Speaker 1: many men don't necessarily call women fans. They don't expect 366 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,560 Speaker 1: that women understand and know the game, and they think 367 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,880 Speaker 1: that women will be more interested in fashion or the snacks. 368 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,440 Speaker 1: I'm interested in snacks always. The women I know would 369 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:52,160 Speaker 1: eat these people as their game snacks. They know their stats, 370 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:55,159 Speaker 1: they scream at the TV. They would kill referees for 371 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,520 Speaker 1: bad calls. They don't buy jersey to wear it because 372 00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 1: it has pink. They buy it because it's a jersey 373 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,320 Speaker 1: that presents their team. I bet there are a lot 374 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:05,000 Speaker 1: of women like the women I know. I think painting 375 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,520 Speaker 1: things pink isn't necessarily the best way to reach out 376 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 1: to women. I love the fact that women in my 377 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,359 Speaker 1: life are NFL fans. As a Seahawks fan, I wish 378 00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:17,000 Speaker 1: they weren't mostly Oakland Raiders fans. Well, you know, you 379 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,199 Speaker 1: can't have it all, Pete, or maybe you can have 380 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,920 Speaker 1: it all. That's for another podcast. This is an email 381 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:27,439 Speaker 1: from Abbey, same topic NFL fans. She has an opinion 382 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,639 Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen. She says, while I won't touch the 383 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:34,240 Speaker 1: pink jersey topic with a tin foot pole because flames 384 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,480 Speaker 1: flames on the side of my face. I will talk 385 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,359 Speaker 1: on my experience as a lady fan, she says. I'm 386 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:44,200 Speaker 1: born and raised in Kansas City, Chiefs fan football every Sunday, 387 00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,920 Speaker 1: and yes, I have the perfect taco dip recipe that 388 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,120 Speaker 1: gets passed through my family. I have tons of gear 389 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:53,160 Speaker 1: and love wearing my jerseys around Midwest Ohio. It gets 390 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,080 Speaker 1: a lot of random attention that usually boils down to oh, 391 00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:57,960 Speaker 1: you're a girl and don't know any better and a 392 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:02,200 Speaker 1: sympathetic look. Last winter, I was sporting my favorite Chief's jacket. 393 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,840 Speaker 1: It's down, crisp, white and arrowhead on the front and 394 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:08,919 Speaker 1: Chiefs emblazoned on the back. I was pumping gas one evening, 395 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:10,520 Speaker 1: minding my own business, and the man at the other 396 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,880 Speaker 1: pump called out to me. He asked that the Chiefs jacket. 397 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,480 Speaker 1: I responded with a big smile and confirmed that it was. 398 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,879 Speaker 1: His response was, so you just like the design of 399 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,760 Speaker 1: the jacket, right? You know, ladies aren't really football fans, 400 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:25,680 Speaker 1: let alone such an odd team. The smile faded from 401 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,320 Speaker 1: my face. It is one of those life moments where 402 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:31,080 Speaker 1: you think to yourself, is this conversation really happening. I 403 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,080 Speaker 1: told the man that I was, in fact a Rabbi 404 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,879 Speaker 1: Chiefs fan and felt the need to start stat dumping 405 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,760 Speaker 1: to back the position up. No one questions a man 406 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,399 Speaker 1: in a Dolphins jacket in this town, but a twentysomething 407 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,639 Speaker 1: woman in a Chief's jacket is just in it for 408 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:47,520 Speaker 1: the fashion. Also, why just ask a stranger something like that? 409 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,280 Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't know. Man, I believe you're a 410 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,639 Speaker 1: football fan. You like the jacket. That guy was not 411 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,639 Speaker 1: his business, So thank you Abby. Speaking of jackets, I 412 00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,960 Speaker 1: did think when I was a kid that started jackets, 413 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:03,920 Speaker 1: the football starter jackets were super cool, but I never 414 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,760 Speaker 1: got one. Maybe I can live a dream now A 415 00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:11,639 Speaker 1: good story. Thanks, I'll tell it again sometimes. Mom Stuff 416 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:15,119 Speaker 1: at discovery dot com is where you can send your emails, 417 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,240 Speaker 1: and you can also head over to Facebook. Of course, 418 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,720 Speaker 1: tweet us at Mom's Stuff podcast, and follow us on 419 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:25,080 Speaker 1: tumbler Stuff Mom Never told You dot tumbler dot com, 420 00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:28,560 Speaker 1: and if you would like to get smarter during the week, 421 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:31,840 Speaker 1: head over to our website, It's how stuff works dot 422 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:37,200 Speaker 1: com for more on this and thousands of other topics. 423 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:43,720 Speaker 1: Does it how stuff works dot com