Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hi?
Speaker 2: Is this Lyle?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Who's this?
Speaker 2: This is Frank?
Speaker 1: Hey Frank. How's it going? Man?
Speaker 3: Good? How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm good? What are you doing?
Speaker 2: I am sitting here waiting to talk to you.
Speaker 1: Oh what are you waiting to talk to me about?
Speaker 1: Anything in particular?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, fucking my well, my uncle's fiance.
Speaker 1: Fucking your uncle's fiance. Okay, yeah, all right, tell me
Speaker 1: how that went down.
Speaker 2: Well, I was lonely and horny and my uncle wasn't
Speaker 2: paying any attention to said fiance. And one night me
Speaker 2: and my actual aunt went over to hang out with her,
Speaker 2: and she said something about never getting laid and made
Speaker 2: a cut. I said something about cooking, and she asked
Speaker 2: what that was and I explained it and she said, oh,
Speaker 2: I wish I'm not going to say my uncle's name,
Speaker 2: but would do that. And then I had a dream
Speaker 2: that I ate or asked that night and for some
Speaker 2: reason told her the next day and I kind of
Speaker 2: started things off, and then I ended up kissing her,
Speaker 2: and then like a half hour later, she was blowing
Speaker 2: me and the blood up was trash, and she looked
Speaker 2: at me and she was like, fuck me, And so
Speaker 2: obviously I fucked her.
Speaker 5: And then that happened probably I don't know, twenty more times.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I keep going.
Speaker 2: And then that whole time, she wasn't fun my uncle.
Speaker 2: And then as soon as I found out that they
Speaker 2: started fucking again, I was like, okay, I'm good, and
Speaker 2: I I stopped fucking her. And then a few months
Speaker 2: went by, I didn't talk to her. I didn't really
Speaker 2: talk to my uncle, and then he found out because
Speaker 2: I'm stupid, and unblocked her on Snapchat, and he went
Speaker 2: through her phone one night and saw the messages that
Speaker 2: she saved, which I told her not to save, but anyway,
Speaker 2: and then my mom had found out about it while
Speaker 2: it was going on, texted her and said, cut this
Speaker 2: shit out, blah blah blah blah, And he also found
Speaker 2: those messages, so he knew that everyone knew that it
Speaker 2: was happening except for him, and no one told him.
Speaker 2: So then he didn't talk to any of us for
Speaker 2: like six months. And then one of our family friends
Speaker 2: passed away and we all ended up at a party
Speaker 2: together and we were there, was like seven or eight
Speaker 2: of us smoking a blunt and then everyone else went
Speaker 2: inside and it was just us, and I was I
Speaker 2: like looked at him and I was like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: you know, like I feel like shit for what I did,
Speaker 2: and if I could, I don't do it. But like
Speaker 2: that's not going to change anything. And so that was
Speaker 2: I don't know, probably almost two years ago. And fast
Speaker 2: forward to now and we hang out with them every weekend,
Speaker 2: which is pretty awkward, and he actually just found out
Speaker 2: that she was cheating on him again with some other
Speaker 2: dude and now they're in the middle of splitting up.
Speaker 1: Okay, so this wasn't just like some porn you watched.
Speaker 1: This actually happened.
Speaker 2: No, no, this is this isn't my life. This is
Speaker 2: some fucked up shit that happened in real life.
Speaker 1: Okay, So when your uncle found out, what exactly was
Speaker 1: his reaction, because you're telling me that you said you
Speaker 1: were sorry to him, but I feel like we didn't
Speaker 1: quite get how he reacted.
Speaker 2: So it was he messaged me over. He sent me
Speaker 2: a message on Facebook messenger, and he basically said, you're
Speaker 2: lucky your family because if you weren't, you'd already be dead.
Speaker 2: And if you see me coming, you better fucking run.
Speaker 1: You guys need to grow up with the Facebook messenger
Speaker 1: on the snapchack. Do you guys have phones? Tex just
Speaker 1: text each other? Okay? All right, So I mean were
Speaker 1: you scared at that point that he was going to hurt.
Speaker 2: You kind of a little bit. Yeah, because I shouldn't
Speaker 2: have done what I did. He's got like he's crazy.
Speaker 2: It was it was not a good idea.
Speaker 1: Okay, Uh, he's crazy. Can you elaborate on that.
Speaker 2: Uh, he's just had he's had a lot of trauma,
Speaker 2: so he's just fucked up.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm mm hmm. And uh, he recently is splitting
Speaker 1: up with you said that this. You said that you
Speaker 1: had sex with his fiance two years ago and now
Speaker 1: he's recently and then just now he is.
Speaker 2: They had a kid since then and ship and yeah,
Speaker 2: but yeah, so they he's actually trying to get hurt
Speaker 2: him move out of his house right now, but she
Speaker 2: won't leave.
Speaker 1: They had a kid.
Speaker 2: They had a kid before too.
Speaker 1: They had a kid before you had sex with her.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: How old is the kid now?
Speaker 2: Like six or seven?
Speaker 1: Okay? Now the kid has no idea that his cousin
Speaker 1: fucker his mom.
Speaker 2: No, I don't think So, how do.
Speaker 1: You feel about this situation in a retrospective? What do
Speaker 1: you what do you wish you had.
Speaker 2: Done I wish I never would have done it.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. Uh, what do you feel like you could
Speaker 1: do to rectify this situation?
Speaker 2: I don't know that. See that That's really the main
Speaker 2: reason I called this because I feel like because it
Speaker 2: eats away at me every day in my life, Like
Speaker 2: I just I feel like a piece of fucking shit
Speaker 2: because I am because like we were so close that
Speaker 2: we like grew up together. He was more like my
Speaker 2: brother than my uncle. And I think about it every
Speaker 2: day about how much a scumbag I am for doing it,
Speaker 2: And I always want to say something to him about
Speaker 2: how sorry I am, but like I don't want to
Speaker 2: bring it up. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Is your uncle like close to you in age?
Speaker 2: He's eight years older.
Speaker 1: Okay. And how was the rest of the family's reaction
Speaker 1: to this?
Speaker 2: They were all pissed, Okay.
Speaker 1: And so I assume that this has been something you've
Speaker 1: been feeling guilty about for the past two years.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's been It'll be like four actually.
Speaker 1: Okay, four years.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: How they said this happened two years ago?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I meant four. Okay, it happened at the
Speaker 2: end of twenty eighteen beginning of twenty nineteen.
Speaker 6: Okay, so they were married for four more years after
Speaker 6: your uncle found out that is fiance cheated on him
Speaker 6: with you. Yeah, well, I guess that they're listen. I
Speaker 6: guess that their decision to stay together or to split
Speaker 6: up has really nothing to.
Speaker 1: Do with you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, that's out of your you know, scope of of
Speaker 1: business here. Okay, So yeah, what can you do to
Speaker 1: directify the situation? Well, okay, so you say that you
Speaker 1: have more things that you want to say to your uncle,
Speaker 1: but you haven't said them because you Oh, well, I
Speaker 1: don't want to bring it up. Yeah, okay, what are
Speaker 1: those things that you want to say?
Speaker 2: I don't see that. I don't even know what I
Speaker 2: want to say. I just because it'll I'll just sound
Speaker 2: like a broken record. You know, I've already said sorry?
Speaker 2: How many more times can I say sorry? You know?
Speaker 2: It's not like the only thing I can physically do
Speaker 2: to show him that I am sorry is not fuck
Speaker 2: his girl, Like, you know, what else am I going
Speaker 2: to do?
Speaker 1: I think that's a good stuf, right, I mean, clearly
Speaker 1: this girl is not right for your uncle if she
Speaker 1: slept with you and she also slept with another guy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but we're not talking. But you know what, we're not
Speaker 1: talking about her. We're not talking about him, We're talking
Speaker 1: about you. So uh, I mean, what can you do? Yes?
Speaker 1: I agree you can. You cannot have sex with your
Speaker 1: uncle's girlfriends in the future. That's a good step. One
Speaker 1: listen and like it sounds, it sounds as the go ahead.
Speaker 1: What are we gonna say?
Speaker 2: I like, I've started my own family, Like I've moved
Speaker 2: on from that, you know, like, I have no interest
Speaker 2: in going backwards.
Speaker 1: You've started your own family. You have a you have
Speaker 1: a wife and a child. Yeah, Okay, how long has
Speaker 1: that been a thing?
Speaker 2: Almost three years? So like towards the end of twenty
Speaker 2: nineteen we got together.
Speaker 1: Wow, so you had sex with your uncle's wife and
Speaker 1: then almost immediately got into another relationship.
Speaker 2: No, it was like it was like nine months.
Speaker 1: Okay, does she know that this all happened? Just kids?
Speaker 2: Oh, she knew about it before we got together because
Speaker 2: we met through friends and I told my friend that
Speaker 2: was the mutual friend, and she told her, and she
Speaker 2: knew about it before we even got together, but she
Speaker 2: didn't really know who it was. But then I told
Speaker 2: her the story, and she's like, oh, so this is that, dude.
Speaker 1: Okay, what was your wife's reaction when you told her
Speaker 1: about this?
Speaker 2: She just kinda shook her head. But now she's annoyed
Speaker 2: that we see them every weekend and she doesn't like her.
Speaker 2: And also she's like super attached to my kid, which
Speaker 2: is super fucking annoying.
Speaker 1: Your well, your aunts is super attached to your kid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's like every time we go there, she just
Speaker 2: needs to hold them in. She always said, like we
Speaker 2: were there this past weekend, she was like, my baby,
Speaker 2: Shut the fuck up, bitch. It's not your baby, it's
Speaker 2: my baby.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's got to be a pretty weird room to
Speaker 1: be in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's awkward, and she makes it awkward. And October
Speaker 2: of twenty twenty one, my mom got married, and she
Speaker 2: was confer besting her love for me then so to
Speaker 2: more than two years, almost three years after it happened,
Speaker 2: she was still saying, no, she loves me.
Speaker 1: So three years after she cheated on your uncle with you,
Speaker 1: she still was telling you that she.
Speaker 2: Loves you, not me, not me. She was saying it
Speaker 2: to her friend, and her friend told my mom.
Speaker 1: She was telling her friends that she loves you. So
Speaker 1: you heard through the grapevine that she is still in
Speaker 1: love with you?
Speaker 7: Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay? And did you did you tell your uncle that?
Speaker 2: No? Okay, But like at this, at this point in time,
Speaker 2: it doesn't even matter, you know, is she what is
Speaker 2: between me and my uncle has nothing to do with
Speaker 2: her at this point in time, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 2: Because like he doesn't want to be with her. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because you know what I'm saying, He just wants her
Speaker 2: out of his life. Other than you know, it's the
Speaker 2: parent of his kids. But he doesn't want to be
Speaker 2: with her.
Speaker 1: Okay. Well, I'm glad that your uncle had his his
Speaker 1: his epiphany about her.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 1: It sounds as though you have like something unresolved to
Speaker 1: talk about with you and your uncle, Like when when's
Speaker 1: the last time I mean, you're in the room, you're
Speaker 1: visiting this your fucking uncle, uh, consistently enough that you
Speaker 1: know his wife or ex wife is holding your baby
Speaker 1: and talking about how much she loves you. Like this
Speaker 1: guy's in your life. From what you're telling me, when
Speaker 1: is the last time you sat down with him and
Speaker 1: had a conversation about this?
Speaker 2: Oh, it's not since the first and only conversation we've
Speaker 2: had about it.
Speaker 1: You've only had one conversation about it, Yeah, and that
Speaker 1: was four years ago, uh.
Speaker 2: Like three years ago? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Does any part of you sense that he still has
Speaker 1: animosity towards you about this?
Speaker 2: Of course? How like wouldn't you?
Speaker 1: I think you would probably benefit from having another conversation
Speaker 1: with him about this, okay, right, because I mean he
Speaker 1: sounds like he has some shit he wants to say
Speaker 1: to you. You sound like you have some shit you
Speaker 1: want to say to him, And it's probably a scary
Speaker 1: thing to initiate, but I think I think it would
Speaker 1: be a good idea if you've only talked about it
Speaker 1: one once?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: You sure this wasn't a porn?
Speaker 2: It's not a porn?
Speaker 1: What kind of porn do you do? You watch? Like
Speaker 1: step like? You know what's funny is I'm like every
Speaker 1: time I watch porn, I'm like, why is every fucking porn?
Speaker 1: I have to have like a mom aunt like incest
Speaker 1: angle to it. Who's watching it? And now I know who?
Speaker 1: It's you?
Speaker 2: It's not do you?
Speaker 7: Is that?
Speaker 1: You?
Speaker 7: Do?
Speaker 1: You watch that? Like the step mom and uncle type
Speaker 1: of porn?
Speaker 3: And ship?
Speaker 2: No? I don't.
Speaker 1: You should just have that. You should have a conversation
Speaker 1: with your uncle.
Speaker 2: Okay, I could do that, do you.
Speaker 1: Hmm? Okay, so you have a child, now you have
Speaker 1: a family. Yeah, how is that going for you?
Speaker 8: That's great?
Speaker 1: Okay, good listen, you want to know what you here's
Speaker 1: here's here's I mean, what I'm thinking is, no, you
Speaker 1: cannot take back you having sex with your uncle's wife.
Speaker 1: But all you can really do moving forward is have
Speaker 1: a conversation with your uncle about it. That'll go however
Speaker 1: it goes. And then just focus on being a good
Speaker 1: dad and a good husband however you can. Because at
Speaker 1: the end of the because now that you have a family,
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, whether or not you feel like
Speaker 1: a piece of shit, you you you have. The good
Speaker 1: news for you is that you have greater things to
Speaker 1: serve now your son and your your your own family.
Speaker 1: And so you know, the road to no longer thinking
Speaker 1: of yourself as a piece of shit is gonna be
Speaker 1: a long one. But in the meantime, you can kind
Speaker 1: of lose yourself in serving your family. True, And if
Speaker 1: your uncle does get another girlfriend, do not have sex
Speaker 1: with her.
Speaker 2: I will not do that.
Speaker 1: And if you're thinking about doing that you can go
Speaker 1: watch a porn because there's lots of porns about that
Speaker 1: and you can kind of fulfill your fantasies that way.
Speaker 1: I was wondering why they make those porns, and now
Speaker 1: I understand. So thank you for the clarity I've given me.
Speaker 3: No problem, Frank.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 1: people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 2: I have a story about a couple of times I
Speaker 2: fought my cat. Is you want to hear those? I
Speaker 2: think I'm okay, Okay, Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna call
Speaker 2: back with that one.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 3: All right, Bye, Thank you, Frank.
Speaker 1: I feel like here's the thing, and no offense to
Speaker 1: Frank is. I feel like after the story about fucking
Speaker 1: his aunts, I don't I don't know if he's gonna
Speaker 1: top it with the cat thing. And I'm afraid that
Speaker 1: the story involves him fucking the cats, and I don't
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm in a good headspace to
Speaker 1: hear about that. Hello, uh hello.
Speaker 4: Hello, hi, hello, Hello?
Speaker 1: Am I in a car? What's going on here?
Speaker 9: You are in a car?
Speaker 4: Yeah, turn left and you're gonna turn right.
Speaker 9: You are almost where you need to be.
Speaker 4: I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 1: Oh that's where?
Speaker 5: Where?
Speaker 1: Where do I need to be?
Speaker 4: Uh? You need to be in Wilson, North Carolina. I said,
Speaker 4: you're never making it back to New York tonight.
Speaker 1: Winston, North Carolina.
Speaker 8: You say, Wilson, North Carolina.
Speaker 1: What's tell me what's so great about Wilson, North Carolina.
Speaker 4: They have a motel that's halfway between Florida and New York.
Speaker 1: They have a hotel that's halfway between Florida and New York.
Speaker 1: Is it is there? Are you current?
Speaker 7: Well?
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm like taking this journey with you
Speaker 1: guys in this car. Are we going from Florida to
Speaker 1: New York? From New York to Florida?
Speaker 4: We are going from Florida to New York?
Speaker 1: Okay? And what is uh? What is sparking this journey?
Speaker 9: It's my fault. I was working over the summer on
Speaker 9: a pirate ship, staying with my sister in Florida, and
Speaker 9: now I gotta go back up to school names.
Speaker 1: You're working on pirate ship? Who are you? Guys? First?
Speaker 1: Let's start there. Who are you guys? How many other
Speaker 1: five of you? Are there? Two of you? Is there? One?
Speaker 1: Of you doing separate voices. What's what?
Speaker 10: Where?
Speaker 4: What?
Speaker 1: Paint the scene of where I am right now?
Speaker 9: There's okay, so there's two of us. You're in a
Speaker 9: black twenty eleven here rio That sometimes works. I'm with
Speaker 9: my mom jeans, although I don't follow up, and I'm NICKI.
Speaker 1: Okay, you're with your mom. She's driving you from She's driving?
Speaker 1: Or are you driving?
Speaker 9: Yeah? She's driving because I don't like driving in the dark.
Speaker 4: M mm hmm, all.
Speaker 1: Right, So what is uh? How? How has the drive been.
Speaker 9: Tiring?
Speaker 4: And very rainy, very very rainy?
Speaker 1: And Jane, what uh uh? Is this the first time
Speaker 1: you've driven from Florida to New York? Or have you
Speaker 1: taken long road trips like this in the past.
Speaker 4: I have taken many, many long road trips like this
Speaker 4: in the past.
Speaker 1: Okay, And how does this one rank amongst the others?
Speaker 4: Anytime I can keep this child of mind tapped it
Speaker 4: in the car and talking to me makes it a
Speaker 4: great trip.
Speaker 1: Oh that's beautiful. Do you guys feel like it says
Speaker 1: here that Nicky is eighteen, so she's kind of just
Speaker 1: now on the cusp of leaving leaving the nest. Do
Speaker 1: you feel as though, do you feel as though you
Speaker 1: have not been spending as much time together as you
Speaker 1: have in the past.
Speaker 4: Well, that's true because Nicky is actually not getting ready
Speaker 4: to leave the nest. They've been up starting your junior
Speaker 4: year in college.
Speaker 9: I've already, I've.
Speaker 1: Already kind of like, yeah, you're starting your junior year.
Speaker 1: What did you go to start? Were you one of
Speaker 1: those kids that graduated high school when they were like sixteen?
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly like that.
Speaker 1: Yes, Oh wow, wow, So you had to so you
Speaker 1: had to say goodbye a little bit earlier than most
Speaker 1: parents do.
Speaker 9: I mean I did. I did a year community college.
Speaker 9: I did live at home for a little bit longer,
Speaker 9: but I moved. I went to college when I was seventeen.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, so mm hmm. What kinds of things have
Speaker 1: you guys been talking about on this on this long journey.
Speaker 4: Well, the latest thing we were talking about is Nicky
Speaker 4: introduced me to you. So we've been listening to several
Speaker 4: of your podcasts. So I have been able to help you,
Speaker 4: and I hope you appreciate it by yelling advice and
Speaker 4: guidance to some of your callers over the years.
Speaker 1: Well, oh, well, so, so you you're you're you're new
Speaker 1: to listening to the podcast.
Speaker 4: I am okay to her today.
Speaker 1: So so, Jane, tell me if you can remember in
Speaker 1: particular any callers, uh whose whose things you you you
Speaker 1: sort of had you said you've been yelling out advice
Speaker 1: and and commentary. Is is there any commentary that you've
Speaker 1: had on any callers you've heard on the podcast that
Speaker 1: you want to share with us right now?
Speaker 4: Well, what about that prison lady?
Speaker 9: We've been letting to a lot of old ones, and
Speaker 9: there was one lady who like had a pental in
Speaker 9: prison yep, but like he had gone to down for
Speaker 9: raping someone like.
Speaker 8: Mm hmm.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we were. We were yelling out some much harsher
Speaker 4: guidance than you were giving out about one forest run one,
Speaker 4: do not walk, do not pass go, do not feel
Speaker 4: like two hundred dollars, get away, get away?
Speaker 1: Yes, I do remember. I do remember gently telling her
Speaker 1: that she, uh, she she should back away from that situation.
Speaker 1: So you guys are starting from the Well, Jane, what
Speaker 1: do you think about the podcast? Do you have any
Speaker 1: you know, just overall commentary, any uh anything, anything you
Speaker 1: think I could be doing better? Any just thoughts in
Speaker 1: particular that you want to share. I'm very curious about
Speaker 1: your your input.
Speaker 4: Well, I think that and I think that you would
Speaker 4: agree that many people seem to be calling you as
Speaker 4: a therapist, which you make very clear that you are not.
Speaker 4: And it always amazes me that despite you telling people,
Speaker 4: you know, I'm not a doctor, I don't play one
Speaker 4: on TV, that people continue to seem to call in
Speaker 4: with that same thing. So how you to use that,
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 8: I think you do a.
Speaker 4: Great job actually being very patient with people and seeing
Speaker 4: them through. But it's a funny thing to listen and
Speaker 4: some of the situations that people get themselves in. That's
Speaker 4: probably the best part of the job I would get
Speaker 4: is people are just fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're interesting fun, it's very it's very interesting too.
Speaker 1: And the people listening, I mean, they get this as
Speaker 1: much as I do, because they're here listening to the calls,
Speaker 1: like diving into the dramas of people's lives for like
Speaker 1: ten minutes at a time and then you know, slurping
Speaker 1: right back into reality.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: The amount of drama, I have to say, amazes or
Speaker 4: astounds me. I'm not sure which one it is. Yeah,
Speaker 4: And that people seem to enjoy.
Speaker 3: Drama they do.
Speaker 1: Do you now, when you say people seem to enjoy drama,
Speaker 1: do you mean people listening or the people engaged in
Speaker 1: the situation seem to be enjoy it? Interesting? So you
Speaker 1: think the people calling in there like enjoying the marinading
Speaker 1: in their own conflict.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that they live their lives to attract it,
Speaker 4: not unlike somebody who's addicted to drugs or alcohol or
Speaker 4: eating or whatever else. I think it can be for
Speaker 4: many people, almost in addiction.
Speaker 1: Have you felt that in your own life? You know,
Speaker 1: at any point in your life where you felt as
Speaker 1: though you were addicted to conflict?
Speaker 5: Who?
Speaker 4: No, I don't do cos I don't know.
Speaker 9: You do kind of look quite a bit of.
Speaker 1: That you Well, now, Jane, you say you don't do conflict.
Speaker 4: I don't do draw. I will tell you. I will
Speaker 4: if you and I are having a disagreement, I will
Speaker 4: tell you how I feel about what you're doing. Okay,
Speaker 4: you can tell me as well, and we move on.
Speaker 4: And of course it's very different. Nicky sees me as
Speaker 4: her parents, which is it's a different role than I
Speaker 4: would have with a friend or you know, any other associates.
Speaker 4: So we all we tend to pigeonhole people and how
Speaker 4: this is the only way I know you ergo. This
Speaker 4: is how you are always and that's not necessarily true.
Speaker 1: Okay, So so would you say that NICKI would agree
Speaker 1: with you in that it with the idea that you
Speaker 1: do not entertain conflict.
Speaker 9: Yeah, that's true, but you don't.
Speaker 1: Oh well, okay, So that's what I was gonna ask you.
Speaker 1: That's I was gonna ask you because Nikki just said
Speaker 1: that you don't walk away from conflict because as you
Speaker 1: maneuver life as a human being, you run into infinite
Speaker 1: opportunities to engage in conflict. But you say that you
Speaker 1: don't do conflict. Does that mean that you walk away
Speaker 1: when you see a thing coming and you do a
Speaker 1: lot of conceding because you believe it's not worth it. Like,
Speaker 1: what is your method of avoiding conflict?
Speaker 4: It depends on what the conflict is and who the
Speaker 4: conflict is with. So I do a myriad of things. Sometimes,
Speaker 4: if it's not worth it, you walk away. Sometimes I
Speaker 4: try to jolly people out of it, and sometimes I'll
Speaker 4: snap at your heels.
Speaker 1: What do you now when you say snap at your heels?
Speaker 1: What does that mean.
Speaker 4: That I would go toe to toe. If we want
Speaker 4: to have an argument, we can have an argument.
Speaker 1: Okay, what kinds of now? What kinds of things?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 4: You?
Speaker 1: Okay, So you're generally pretty conflict avoidance and this is
Speaker 1: a good thing, and you you you pick and choose.
Speaker 1: You're like, I'm not going to fight every single battle
Speaker 1: that presents itself to me to fight. I'm gonna really
Speaker 1: pick carefully the conflicts I get into. Now, I ask you,
Speaker 1: what kinds of conflicts are the ones that you cannot
Speaker 1: walk away from? What is? What kinds of conflicts are
Speaker 1: the ones where you're like, I have to break heels
Speaker 1: for this one, all right?
Speaker 4: And I think you're probably too kind to me there,
Speaker 4: But I think it's more that I try to avoid.
Speaker 4: I try to avoid, I try to avoid, and then
Speaker 4: there's that one straw that breaks the camel's back and you.
Speaker 1: Get it interesting.
Speaker 4: So the one person that you know you constantly content, Okay,
Speaker 4: I can't take it anymore. We're done before that.
Speaker 9: You're just like passive aggressive about it.
Speaker 4: I can't be Yes, you know, I'm ready to blow
Speaker 4: when I go into passive aggressive.
Speaker 1: Okay, do you do you have an example when?
Speaker 9: Yes?
Speaker 4: May I?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I would love to hear an example of a
Speaker 1: time where you tried to avoid it but you just
Speaker 1: couldn't any longer.
Speaker 4: Was down with my daughter, my granddaughter too, and Mickey
Speaker 4: down in Florida. And my granddaughter is only three years
Speaker 4: younger than Mickey. So they were being what I perceived
Speaker 4: is a little dismissive, rude, ill mannered, unwelcoming, and many
Speaker 4: other adjectives. And I got there and put up with
Speaker 4: it the first day. I up with it the second day,
Speaker 4: and the third day I awoke to it and became
Speaker 4: past progressive. No, I don't need to go anywhere with you.
Speaker 4: I'm staying here. You guys, do to your thing sor
Speaker 4: right now. I have no desire to be with you people.
Speaker 4: And I was really really angry at them, and when
Speaker 4: they came back, so that is when I kind of
Speaker 4: laid into them that said, this is the way you're
Speaker 4: treating me. I don't like it. I don't need to
Speaker 4: put up with it anymore. You either owe me an
Speaker 4: apology and we go on from here, or I'm out
Speaker 4: of here and we're leaving today.
Speaker 1: Mmm mmmm. They were.
Speaker 4: Not unruly, just rude and disrespectful and dismissive.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. And this is this is interesting. So this
Speaker 1: this is your your you said your your your granddaughter or.
Speaker 4: Your your Yeah, my granddaughter and Mickey, my other child,
Speaker 4: my youngest, my baby.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. So it's is it? Is it a thing
Speaker 1: where situations in your family where where as you kind
Speaker 1: of alluded to earlier in this conversation, you take an
Speaker 1: authoritative role, and an authoritative role such as a parental figure,
Speaker 1: you you you are faced with having to engage a
Speaker 1: conflict from time to time. Exactly would you say that
Speaker 1: that in that authoritative role is typically where you most
Speaker 1: find yourself engaging in conflict.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, in the final analysis, nobody matters but your family, Nikki,
Speaker 4: Do you know matter? Nobody matters enough to me in
Speaker 4: my life for me to really argue with them or
Speaker 4: confront them more than my family, which is kind of
Speaker 4: a sick kind of thing to say. Perhaps, but I'm
Speaker 4: not invested in anyone else as much as invested in
Speaker 4: my family.
Speaker 9: With Jewelery, Yes, I mean I'd say that about my
Speaker 9: best friend too, though, like I mean, he is my family.
Speaker 10: Much m hmm.
Speaker 1: So there we have that, you know what, Jane, I
Speaker 1: think that that is smart, right, because when you engage
Speaker 1: in conflict with somebody, you're in a way it shows
Speaker 1: that they matter to you. So you're not just gonna
Speaker 1: You're not just gonna engage with anyone. You're only gonna
Speaker 1: really engage with people who matter to you, uh, such
Speaker 1: as your family. So I think I think that's a
Speaker 1: smart way to go about that. I think that makes
Speaker 1: a lot of sense. I think, well, Jane, thanks for
Speaker 1: sharing that with us.
Speaker 4: Well, you're welcome. And can I ask you you think
Speaker 4: that people seem addicted to drama? And obviously not every people, But.
Speaker 1: Do I think that people are addicted to drama?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean every everyone does. Every single you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know if every single person that calls in
Speaker 1: with a thing is I definitely no, I know what
Speaker 1: you mean, though, I know you mean. I think drama
Speaker 1: and conflict can totally be an addiction. I think there
Speaker 1: are people out there who love getting into fights, they
Speaker 1: love arguing. There there is a little bit of a
Speaker 1: weird adrenaline rush that you get when you're in a
Speaker 1: kind of a fuck you, no fuck you, no fuck
Speaker 1: you kind of a kind of a conflict that people
Speaker 1: do get addicted to. Because there's a rush there, and
Speaker 1: I think that.
Speaker 4: Isn't there also the fall, you know, the up and
Speaker 4: the down, the high in the world. I would think
Speaker 4: that there would be, and that the low would feel
Speaker 4: so crappy you wouldn't want that high.
Speaker 9: I think people just like having a common enemy, the
Speaker 9: one that they can are, something that they can complain
Speaker 9: about and be friends about because they have something to
Speaker 9: complain about.
Speaker 4: It's nothing that unites people more than a common enemy.
Speaker 1: That is very true. People love a common enemy. Uh,
Speaker 1: they like to fight. And you know, look, I think
Speaker 1: that I mean, it's an addiction like any just like
Speaker 1: any other addiction. It's like finding something outside of yourself
Speaker 1: to fill a hole. That's some real therapy shit that
Speaker 1: I myself am and I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: are are trying to, uh to fix But you're you're
Speaker 1: definitely right about it. Jada and Niki, Is there anything
Speaker 1: else you guys wanna want to say to the people
Speaker 1: of the computer. I appreciate you guys talking to me
Speaker 1: for this long. I know, well, I mean, I guess honestly,
Speaker 1: both you guys seems like you kind of have nothing
Speaker 1: better to do because you're trapped in a car for
Speaker 1: infinite hours. But thank you.
Speaker 9: Still, I have one joke for you.
Speaker 1: Oh you have a joke. What do you call a
Speaker 1: dog with no legs?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What do you call a dog with no legs?
Speaker 9: It doesn't matter what you call.
Speaker 4: Them, he's not gonna come.
Speaker 1: Jane, NICKI, thank you guys for calling.
Speaker 4: Thank you for taking our call.
Speaker 1: Bye bye, take care guys. That was interesting. I liked
Speaker 1: tearing from Jane and NICKI. Uh, they seem like they
Speaker 1: have a good relationship with each other. And I liked
Speaker 1: hearing Jane's perspective on conflict that, Uh, there's something to
Speaker 1: glean from that, right, Like choose carefully who and what
Speaker 1: you engage with as you maneuver around the world. Right,
Speaker 1: Like you've ever been in traffic and some guy does
Speaker 1: some fucking thing to piss you off, and you go, ah,
Speaker 1: fuck you. You're like, you're engaging with this person, but
Speaker 1: they don't deserve it. There's just some random motherfucker in
Speaker 1: a car, you know, Like, really pick your spots, right,
Speaker 1: And Jane was picking good spots. Right. She's a mother,
Speaker 1: she's a grandmother, Her children are doing things that are
Speaker 1: pissing her off. She's trying to set a good example.
Speaker 1: She's trying her best to be a good authority figure,
Speaker 1: and so that's a conflict that she'll engage with. She'll
Speaker 1: engage with because it's an important conflict to engage with.
Speaker 1: I think that's a good principle to follow. I try to,
Speaker 1: you know, remind myself of that anytime I want to
Speaker 1: get pissed off about something or engage in an argument
Speaker 1: or a fight, I'm like, is this worth it? Is
Speaker 1: this person that I'm about to fight with important enough
Speaker 1: to me that I fight with them? Is this cause
Speaker 1: important enough for me that I engage with this conflict?
Speaker 1: Because if you don't do that, if you don't have
Speaker 1: a I want to say, if you don't have a
Speaker 1: standard by which like, if this conflict does not meet
Speaker 1: my standard, I will not engage with it. If you
Speaker 1: don't have that, then you just get whisked away by
Speaker 1: any possible thing that could could take your attention to
Speaker 1: to fuck around with it. And that's how you get
Speaker 1: tired and exhausted with the world. So thank you Jane
Speaker 1: for having that conversation with me. Hey, folks, these last
Speaker 1: couple of calls are from a live stream that I
Speaker 1: did with an adult film star named Kazumi. A quick
Speaker 1: bio of Kazumi. She's a massive onlyfan star. She's been
Speaker 1: on a bunch of other podcasts. We met at the
Speaker 1: Avnxpo and I had her on my stream. She's very
Speaker 1: funny and if you'd like to watch the full episode
Speaker 1: I did with her, you can find it on my
Speaker 1: YouTube channel YouTube dot com slash lie forever. All right,
Speaker 1: let's get into it.
Speaker 5: Hello, O wa.
Speaker 10: Hi Jackson.
Speaker 8: I'm so excited me. Hey guys, how are you doing.
Speaker 10: I'm doing great. I'm really excited to talk to you.
Speaker 10: You're taking my lyle virginity right now?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Jackson. It says here that you have an irrational
Speaker 1: fear of holding babies.
Speaker 10: I agree with that.
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's what that's what I said. Yeah. Sorry, hold on,
Speaker 8: I'm holding a baby righted, right now, let me kind
Speaker 8: of compose myself.
Speaker 1: Sure, tell us why you have a fear of holding babies?
Speaker 8: Yeah, so, I guess my train of thought. I I
Speaker 8: have a bunch of cousins right now who are my age,
Speaker 8: who are having babies. They're married and having children, and
Speaker 8: they're they're newborns like they were just born the couple
Speaker 8: months ago. And I just what happens is as these
Speaker 8: new mothers, especially cousins I've been hanging out with for
Speaker 8: a really long time, they really they offer me and
Speaker 8: like the rest of my family when we come and visit,
Speaker 8: they offer for me to hold the baby. And honestly,
Speaker 8: I just, I mean, I can kind of understand it.
Speaker 8: They want to share. I mean, this is a new
Speaker 8: member of my family and they're adorable, and I don't
Speaker 8: hate babies. I just I think I would love to
Speaker 8: enjoy it from afar, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1: So this, I feel like this kind of ties into
Speaker 1: what we were just talking about.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: Do you have a fear of saying no when people
Speaker 1: ask to hold the baby?
Speaker 8: Are you asking me? I'm asking you, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 8: I Sometimes I'll say no and sometimes I'll say yes,
Speaker 8: Like it really depends on how insistent or really, I
Speaker 8: don't know. Sometimes I really don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
Speaker 8: Sometimes I feel like they just take it personally when
Speaker 8: I'm like, no, I just don't want to hold your baby.
Speaker 10: There's an evolutionary study that says that you know back
Speaker 10: that the reason why we like hug and squeeze things
Speaker 10: that are cute is because way back in the day,
Speaker 10: we would see those things as a fret. We would
Speaker 10: see a cute, little furry animal, and we would want
Speaker 10: to hold it tight, like so tight it explodes because
Speaker 10: we want to get rid of it. You feel, do
Speaker 10: you feel like when you hold a baby you just
Speaker 10: want to squeeze it so hard it explodes, so that
Speaker 10: way you are the cute it's not part of the family.
Speaker 8: I mean, it's not quite that, because I know that
Speaker 8: feeling that you're talking about. I definitely felt that before,
Speaker 8: more towards like dogs or cats, just how you honestly
Speaker 8: they or if that makes sense. But for the baby,
Speaker 8: I just I just get stressed out when I just
Speaker 8: I don't know. It's like my dark in truce is thoughts.
Speaker 10: I know exactly.
Speaker 8: I don't want to be responsible if something happened, like
Speaker 8: if I was in charge of the baby and I
Speaker 8: got distracted or I just wasn't paying attention and I
Speaker 8: accidentally did something.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be in charge of that.
Speaker 1: I will say this, if you take what Kazumi just
Speaker 1: said about the history of how people would squeeze babies
Speaker 1: in order to kill them, and you told that to
Speaker 1: whoever is asking you to hold a baby. They might
Speaker 1: not let you hold the baby anymore, which would solve
Speaker 1: your problem.
Speaker 10: Problem solved.
Speaker 8: Yeah, but there's also like that, I mean.
Speaker 10: There's also like no go ahead. Those intrusive thoughts mean
Speaker 10: that you just cherish the people around you, because there's
Speaker 10: a study that you know, like we've all had that
Speaker 10: fought where it's like we're driving down the highway and
Speaker 10: we just want to snare and drive, or like if
Speaker 10: I'm holding my keys, I just want to throw it
Speaker 10: down the gutter, or like, see you, I value our
Speaker 10: friendship so much I fantasize about spitting in your face,
Speaker 10: knowing that it would ruin everything. And that intrusive thought
Speaker 10: is what keeps me grounded to this planet, you know,
Speaker 10: like it may It makes me realize like I'm human
Speaker 10: and I'm feeling all the things i want to feel,
Speaker 10: and I care about this baby, So do not let
Speaker 10: me hold it because I'm afraid of what I'm capable of.
Speaker 1: How would you feel about telling that to the to
Speaker 1: these people that want you to hold their babies?
Speaker 8: Jackson, You know what, well are you saying? Telling people?
Speaker 8: Just admitting that this is an intrusive thought I have?
Speaker 1: And yes, no, no, like what would like, look what
Speaker 1: happened if you just told the truth about and you
Speaker 1: were like, listen, I don't want to hold this baby because,
Speaker 1: just for whatever reason, whenever I'm holding your baby, I
Speaker 1: am also thinking about dropping it and crushing it and
Speaker 1: then potentially eating it afterwards.
Speaker 10: I definitely wouldn't let you hold my baby out way
Speaker 10: and that way you want to say it.
Speaker 8: I don't want to beat that blunt about it.
Speaker 10: Then you can just drop the baby, Psycho.
Speaker 8: If you dropped it, I can't do that.
Speaker 10: I never have to hold a baby again.
Speaker 1: That's a legitimate point. That's true. If you do one,
Speaker 1: you never have to do it ever again.
Speaker 10: Maybe trying like a baby put.
Speaker 8: Also costs like three thousand dollars probably and maybe jail wait.
Speaker 10: Drop.
Speaker 1: Can I ask where you got that number from? Jackson?
Speaker 8: I would I mean medical bills? If I like, okay,
Speaker 8: what do you mean?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 10: I thought like you meant if I go on the
Speaker 10: dark web. But I ask, like, for a hit on
Speaker 10: a baby, it would cost three thousand dollars. That's that's
Speaker 10: where my twisted. I was like, oh, it's only three k.
Speaker 1: That's five dollars. I mean to kill a baby's pretty
Speaker 1: good rating.
Speaker 8: It's pretty low for a hit. Yeah, I know, that's really.
Speaker 10: Six hundred dollars.
Speaker 1: Abortions are only six hundred dollars.
Speaker 10: Wortions are six hundred dollars without insurance, So you know.
Speaker 8: What, I didn't think about it like that.
Speaker 10: Yeah, I mean, you can save a lot of money,
Speaker 10: but just having your family aboard.
Speaker 1: Jackson's anything else you wanted to say to the people of.
Speaker 8: The computer before.
Speaker 6: Someone.
Speaker 8: Yes, I I did smoke a little bit before I
Speaker 8: got on the podcast, so I was And I'm really
Speaker 8: glad I got to talk to you, Lyle.
Speaker 10: Look Jackson, no one can tell when you're high, but
Speaker 10: everyone can tell when you're insecure.
Speaker 1: I like that.
Speaker 8: Oh you know what, I'll take that. I'll take that
Speaker 8: to hurt for sure. Glad I got to talk to
Speaker 8: both of you, because, um, I'm I'm I take pride
Speaker 8: and as wards taking your gecky, I will I will
Speaker 8: wear that at the badge Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, take care of Jackson.
Speaker 8: Have a good night, guys.
Speaker 1: I like your idea of basically taking u your intrusive
Speaker 1: thoughts and like, really because you don't want to examine them, right,
Speaker 1: you don't want to examine the fat But if you
Speaker 1: face them and you were all like, what if you
Speaker 1: were honest about them? But you told you listen, I
Speaker 1: just have the thing and I'm not in control of it.
Speaker 1: But it's telling me to drop your baby, and you're
Speaker 1: just honest, like you're not a bad guy for the
Speaker 1: thoughts that come into your head.
Speaker 10: You're a bad guy if I tell you that and
Speaker 10: then you make me hold your baby exactly like you
Speaker 10: knew I was about to drop your fucking baby exactly.
Speaker 1: That's on them if they give me.
Speaker 10: Whenever I meet someone and I think they're really cool,
Speaker 10: like when I meet you, I always imagine just freaking
Speaker 10: curb stomping them because I know that you wouldn't forgive
Speaker 10: me after, and that fear makes me just act right
Speaker 10: like I'm just like, I just can't do that.
Speaker 1: That would be fucked up. Our brains want to sabotage
Speaker 1: things for not just because they're sadistic.
Speaker 10: I think wherever fear is, that there is your task.
Speaker 10: And once you face fear, you will learn so much
Speaker 10: more about yourself and you know you have to battle
Speaker 10: those intrusive thoughts.
Speaker 1: I like that.
Speaker 10: Yeah, I wish I could die for the attention.
Speaker 1: Do you think you get a lot of attention on that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: when you were in school, did you ever imagine your
Speaker 1: own funeral and imagine how sad people will?
Speaker 10: I committed suicide on Instagram like in high school, like
Speaker 10: i'd like wrote, I wrote like a like a suicide
Speaker 10: letter on Instagram and just logged off for like a
Speaker 10: week comments just well yeah, because people were being me
Speaker 10: in and then they stopped. They I think when I
Speaker 10: didn't die, they were kind of like, dude.
Speaker 1: Were they either? They must have been like I mean,
Speaker 1: it's that's because you go from everyone is like remembering
Speaker 1: you and then they're fucking pissed. Yeah.
Speaker 10: Yeah that was not l move, not not like the
Speaker 10: best thing I did. But I like the attention. I
Speaker 10: wish I but that's you recover from that.
Speaker 1: I feel like people would just be.
Speaker 10: I transferred schools.
Speaker 3: I did.
Speaker 4: Who.
Speaker 1: Hi, that's a good question.
Speaker 7: Hello.
Speaker 1: How's it going? Man?
Speaker 7: It's going? How are you guys?
Speaker 10: Hey? Are you less nervous to talk to women because
Speaker 10: I'm a gecko?
Speaker 2: Maybe a little bit? You look a little less intimidating.
Speaker 10: Yeah, I look I look like less hot maybe tanner.
Speaker 1: It says here that you're han't heard of anxiety talking
Speaker 1: with women after having just gotten out of a four
Speaker 1: year relationship, and you were unsure how to get back
Speaker 1: into the dating scene. Do you want to tell us
Speaker 1: more about this?
Speaker 7: Yeah, So I got into a relationship when I was
Speaker 7: like eighteen nineteen. I was with her for four years.
Speaker 7: It was a pretty good relationship.
Speaker 2: We had a really good breakup.
Speaker 7: It was no almost heard, it was mutual. And this
Speaker 7: was probably like two or three months ago. And recently
Speaker 7: I've been wanting to get back out there and talk
Speaker 7: to girls, get back in the dating scene. And then
Speaker 7: I also just moved and started college, so I lost
Speaker 7: a lot of my friends while I was in that relationship.
Speaker 7: So I've been trying to make new friends, and lately
Speaker 7: I had just been striking out. Every time I see
Speaker 7: a girl and I want to go up to her
Speaker 7: and talk to her or anything like that, I just
Speaker 7: get overwhelmed with anxiety. And yeah, kind of my anxiety
Speaker 7: is kind of takes over and I end up not
Speaker 7: doing it well.
Speaker 10: I have the ultimate RIZ tip for you. I was
Speaker 10: in a relationship from thirteen to seventeen, so almost four years.
Speaker 10: So I get you when you say, like getting back
Speaker 10: into the market, and it's like your formative years and
Speaker 10: like you're starting college. It feels like you don't understand
Speaker 10: people for a while. My best advice when navigating the
Speaker 10: opposite sex is realizing that despite what the Internet may
Speaker 10: tell you, men and women are not much more alike
Speaker 10: or different than you actually think. And the best way
Speaker 10: to have a conversation with a woman is by being present, Like,
Speaker 10: you're not gearing to have sex with me, You're not
Speaker 10: even gearing to go on a date with me. You're
Speaker 10: just gearing to get to know me and finding things
Speaker 10: that you like to do and that empower you. So
Speaker 10: let's say, if you have a hobby or if you're
Speaker 10: going for a major that you're passionate about, I would
Speaker 10: make sure that you are really good at those things
Speaker 10: and you feel really good about yourself. So that way
Speaker 10: you attract people who have shared values and shared interest
Speaker 10: in hobbies, and that's the best way to find someone
Speaker 10: compatible with you.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about that, Tanner?
Speaker 7: You know, that's that's some pretty good advice, and I
Speaker 7: think I could use that. But I get in this
Speaker 7: situation and I just let my anxiety take over, Like
Speaker 7: I can't I feel like, I don't know if it's
Speaker 7: a fear of rejection. I don't know if it's I
Speaker 7: don't really know.
Speaker 2: What it is.
Speaker 3: But you tell a couple of days ago, no, go ahead,
Speaker 3: go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 7: A couple a couple of days ago, I was at
Speaker 7: Zoomies and I was picking up some stuff and me
Speaker 7: and the girl behind the counter where we were just vibing,
Speaker 7: and I really wanted to ask for a number. I
Speaker 7: was thinking it. There was no one else there, and
Speaker 7: I was so close, and then I just didn't do it.
Speaker 7: And then I just walked out, and I just was like, fuck.
Speaker 3: A hard.
Speaker 1: But I didn't see that's such. That is a tough
Speaker 1: scenario because you want to be respectful of the fact
Speaker 1: that she's working, and shit.
Speaker 10: There's a plot twist when I didn't. I don't sugar
Speaker 10: baby anymore. But I've been a sugar baby to a
Speaker 10: lot of guys who are really awkward, and I always
Speaker 10: got lucky with my sugar daddy's being guys who are
Speaker 10: just twenty six, twenty seven, Like they weren't old guys.
Speaker 10: They were always just guys of weird, insecure handouts and
Speaker 10: lots of anxiety, and they practiced on me how to
Speaker 10: talk to girls like I and I would just unabashedly
Speaker 10: say like you're being really weird or like hey, like
Speaker 10: you need that is not how you go down good
Speaker 10: to have that feedback that we had actually like great
Speaker 10: feedback loops on like hey, like you know, like maybe
Speaker 10: you should read this book or or something. And even
Speaker 10: on my only fans to this day, I feel like
Speaker 10: I help practice. I help men practice how to talk.
Speaker 10: I'm a real woman, but how to talk to women
Speaker 10: in their lives and realize I'm not that much different
Speaker 10: than y'all. You know, it's like you want to talk
Speaker 10: to me like a person. When I'm in public, the
Speaker 10: best way a guy talks to me is not really
Speaker 10: by introducing themselves and saying, hey, I'm lile to get go,
Speaker 10: but kind of like just talking about the situation at hand,
Speaker 10: like whoa, Like this line's taking forever, huh, crack a joke.
Speaker 10: You know, you're just segueing yourself in there, and that
Speaker 10: way it feels natural and not like you're a freaking predator.
Speaker 10: You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: When you say that your anxiety takes over. What does
Speaker 1: that like look like? What do you mean by that?
Speaker 5: I guess.
Speaker 7: I really just start second guessing myself a lot, and
Speaker 7: I almost.
Speaker 2: Just get scared.
Speaker 7: I feel like I'm just scared to ask for their number.
Speaker 10: Do you have a little female friends?
Speaker 7: I don't know, because honestly, since I've moved up to
Speaker 7: where I moved to for school and everything, I honestly
Speaker 7: have like no friends right now.
Speaker 10: I would practice before looking for I wouldn't say a mate.
Speaker 10: I would practice on working on yourself so that way
Speaker 10: you're an attractive person both two men and women that
Speaker 10: they want to hang out with you. And then when
Speaker 10: you practice human connections like that, people of all genders
Speaker 10: will be attracted to you, both as a friend and
Speaker 10: both sexually and romantically. Okay, because I think it'd be
Speaker 10: hard to have a girlfriend if you have no friends, Yeah,
Speaker 10: I agree.
Speaker 7: Yeah, And I'm not even going into it with like
Speaker 7: really looking for I'm not even going into it really
Speaker 7: looking for a girlfriend. Like I am almost going into
Speaker 7: it just looking for friends almost. And I just started.
Speaker 7: I just moved up here like two weeks ago, so
Speaker 7: I haven't had too many chances to go out, but
Speaker 7: like I've thought about going to like bars by myself.
Speaker 7: But like at the end of the day, like talk
Speaker 7: myself out of it. I end up just getting high,
Speaker 7: sitting in my room and watching Gecko on the TV.
Speaker 10: Yeah, do you have a Gecko addiction? Are you a addiction?
Speaker 1: I will ban you from my child gecko addiction?
Speaker 7: Oh please don't Gecko.
Speaker 1: I won't ban you from from listen. If you want
Speaker 1: me to less, if you want me to help to you,
Speaker 1: I would addiction.
Speaker 7: No, no, no, no, no, don't don't ban me.
Speaker 8: Funk.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say something good to you. Oh oh,
Speaker 1: the whole going out to bars by yourself thingird? Okay, well,
Speaker 1: hold on. I think the fact that it's kind of
Speaker 1: weird is what is compelling about it, because it's like,
Speaker 1: can you put yourself in like an uncomfortable situation and
Speaker 1: be okay. I don't know if that's it's that's like
Speaker 1: a difficult thing to do, to go up to put
Speaker 1: to a bar by yourself, I think.
Speaker 10: Or friends, it's hard when there's nothing I can see
Speaker 10: that can relate us to one another, you know, Like
Speaker 10: I it's easy when I'm in social situations like a
Speaker 10: school club, like if we're both in chess club, or
Speaker 10: we're both in a sport, or for both in class
Speaker 10: and we have a common interest in a common some
Speaker 10: type of commonality to have a conversation about before we
Speaker 10: get deeper with one another. But I feel like sometimes
Speaker 10: like bars and clubs can be difficult because I have
Speaker 10: no idea what we have in common, and and sometimes
Speaker 10: it's it feels like, Okay, you're just trying to have
Speaker 10: sex with me, so I just want to go away.
Speaker 10: But that's like, as a woman speaking speaking on that,
Speaker 10: I think your best bet and like finding friends would
Speaker 10: be like you know, like joining a club and like
Speaker 10: you know, becoming contributing to your community in like a
Speaker 10: fulfilling way.
Speaker 2: Okay, else to say?
Speaker 1: Is there anything you want to say to the people
Speaker 1: of the computer or to me, or to Kazumi or
Speaker 1: to Miles Davis before we go?
Speaker 10: Who's Miles Davis? Uh?
Speaker 2: Who is Miles Davis?
Speaker 7: I love you both.
Speaker 2: If anyone in the chat gets the opportunities, definitely do
Speaker 2: some mushrooms in your.
Speaker 3: Life, dude.
Speaker 1: Shrims are the best take care of tenn.
Speaker 7: I love shrims.
Speaker 10: I love you, Bye bye, I love you. I had
Speaker 10: a shroom trip where I experienced an ego death probably
Speaker 10: two years ago, and it made me a way cooler person.
Speaker 10: And people have recommended ayah juska or whatever ayahuasca ayahuasca
Speaker 10: to me, but I'm afraid to see more of myself.
Speaker 10: I think I'm really happy with where I am.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think still relatable.
Speaker 10: That's the thing. Yeah, I'm weird as fuck and I
Speaker 10: have weird opinions, but I'm still relatable and grounded. I
Speaker 10: feel like if I take ayahuasca, I would cross that
Speaker 10: threshold of like, dude, you're a weird guy.
Speaker 1: What's your weirdestinion?
Speaker 10: I think my weirdest opinion is honestly, anything between consenting adults.
Speaker 10: Is there a business?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah? Is Why do you feel like that's a
Speaker 1: weird opinion.
Speaker 10: I think it's weird because people will decide for people
Speaker 10: have a hard time distinguishing Hey, I wouldn't personally do
Speaker 10: that versus hey, someone is doing this thing, yes, you know, Like, okay,
Speaker 10: I personally going back to scat porn. I personally wouldn't
Speaker 10: shit on myself on camera right and record it. But
Speaker 10: I don't really care if you do. That's gotten fucking
Speaker 10: nothing to do with me if it's not hurting you, right.
Speaker 1: It's where I feel like I've been thinking about this.
Speaker 1: I do feel like most people operate under the idea
Speaker 1: that you should be able to do whatever you want
Speaker 1: in life until you infringe upon somebody else's ability to
Speaker 1: do whatever they want in life. And where they really
Speaker 1: differ is whether or not something is uh, you know,
Speaker 1: affecting their life that somebody else is doing.
Speaker 10: Yeah, I feel like the Internet were innundated with everyone's
Speaker 10: opinions or becoming a meme, which used to be my
Speaker 10: worst fear. My worst fear.
Speaker 1: You were afraid of becoming a meme.
Speaker 10: I was afraid of becoming I'm now I'm a total
Speaker 10: meme bro.
Speaker 1: But like, why is why were you afraid of becoming
Speaker 1: a meme?
Speaker 10: Okay, here's the first meme that ever was of me.
Speaker 10: If we're gonna talk the semantics of a meme. A
Speaker 10: meme is a is a a cultural thing. It can
Speaker 10: be a form of video or sound or or text
Speaker 10: that is shared amongst the community, almost as an inside joke,
Speaker 10: something that bonds people as you know, a cultural representative
Speaker 10: of something. So the first meme of myself that was
Speaker 10: ever created was me going to a pool party and
Speaker 10: there was just a lot of guys there and they
Speaker 10: said something like Hey, who's next? And I raised my hand.
Speaker 10: I was like me, and they picked me up. They
Speaker 10: threw me on the lawn and I sucked all their dicks.
Speaker 10: It was a lot of ptises.
Speaker 1: How is that a meme?
Speaker 10: No? No, so I'll tell you. So I look up
Speaker 10: and people were recording it. And at the time I
Speaker 10: had a normal office girl job, so I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 10: I did not consent to being recorded to sucking fifty dicks.
Speaker 10: Not fucking cool. I was on an OnlyFans girl. I
Speaker 10: was not doing a porn girl lo and behold on Twitter,
Speaker 10: someone posts a video and says something like, these Valley
Speaker 10: girls are something else barf emoji. It got retweeted, quote retweeted,
Speaker 10: hundreds of thousands of views.
Speaker 1: Wait wait, so somebody wrote that these Valley girls something
Speaker 1: else bar over over a video of you sucking fifty dicks.
Speaker 10: I wouldn't say fifty, but it was like a just
Speaker 10: like an ex well, yeah, several dicks, And so it
Speaker 10: became this me. First of all, I'm not from the
Speaker 10: fucking Valley. I'm from northeast LA. But it was a
Speaker 10: meme and when I went to work, everyone saw it,
Speaker 10: and everyone talked about it, and it was like my nightmare.
Speaker 10: I did not want to be known for that. I
Speaker 10: did not want to be condensed into an easily digestible,
Speaker 10: like one note thing. I am not from the valley,
Speaker 10: Like what, like.
Speaker 1: So, how did you overcome the how did you then
Speaker 1: start to build upon that momentum to be something more.
Speaker 10: A lot of my people on my work knew about
Speaker 10: it and had seen this video. Also, I'm not cute
Speaker 10: in this video. I mean I've been a select my
Speaker 10: whole life, Like people have shaved me and told me
Speaker 10: to go die in a ditch over liking sucking dick
Speaker 10: all the time. But I mean, your mom got cream pie.
Speaker 10: We're all full grown. I don't fucking care if you
Speaker 10: think it's gross. I didn't die. And like, I feel
Speaker 10: like people get offended over seeing content like that because
Speaker 10: they see themselves in it, and they see that my
Speaker 10: joy in it is a reflection of like, hey, like
Speaker 10: this is how to like look look at what the
Speaker 10: world's become. If we're coming to this type of hedonism,
Speaker 10: I don't want to identify that. I'm scared of the
Speaker 10: world if we accept behavior like this. And I'm like, dude,
Speaker 10: I am not fucking president I am. I'm not the
Speaker 10: representative of sluts everywhere. I just sucked dick. It's my right, God,
Speaker 10: and it became a meme. But I was really good
Speaker 10: at my job, so it didn't matter. So swag.
Speaker 1: You feel like people see themselves in it. I wonder
Speaker 1: that too, because I really I.
Speaker 10: My biggest meme ever was when I went on a
Speaker 10: jumper and I talked about fucking those fifty guys and
Speaker 10: how I had a body count of one million bill jillion,
Speaker 10: and people got really mad. And at first you'd think,
Speaker 10: why is anyone mad over a gang bang? Shouldn't everyone
Speaker 10: be happy? That means I got love for everybody. I've
Speaker 10: never been mean to a guy ever. I love men,
Speaker 10: and like I love like my fans and I have
Speaker 10: a discord and I'm nice to them. I've like never
Speaker 10: even like been a dickhead to a guy. But I
Speaker 10: feel like people see it and they see it as
Speaker 10: a representative of like woman. They're like, oh, look, what
Speaker 10: if this girl is successful and happy? What does that
Speaker 10: mean for the common girl?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 10: If she exists and she's successful, does that mean that
Speaker 10: all girls everywhere are gonna get gang bank? Like my
Speaker 10: wife is gonna get gang bank.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, it's well I hate when that because
Speaker 1: there's different people want different things.
Speaker 10: Yeah, Like you're the person you're dating doesn't have to
Speaker 10: be a gang bank queen like what like you you
Speaker 10: will attract exactly what you are. And if you're a
Speaker 10: guy who's a one woman type of guide and you're
Speaker 10: gonna hopefully attract a girl that's a one guy type
Speaker 10: of right.
Speaker 1: It's like the people who want to like do their thing,
Speaker 1: do their thing. The people who want to gang bank
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 10: Think the world is smaller even though it's way bigger.
Speaker 10: Like for example, like I've been in a lot of
Speaker 10: media affiliated with Andrew Tate in his community, but honestly,
Speaker 10: in real life, I've never really met those people. I
Speaker 10: don't surround myself with those people for entertainment purposes. The
Speaker 10: controversy and the je position is great views, and that's
Speaker 10: why we we collaborate with together together. But that's something
Speaker 10: we consciously do because we know it creates discussion, and
Speaker 10: that's how we created.
Speaker 1: Meme memes are crazy.
Speaker 10: Memes are memes are propaganda.
Speaker 1: Memes. Memes are a little propaganda.
Speaker 10: Memes are propaganda, and I there was a realization sometime
Speaker 10: last year when I realized that liking me wasn't cool.
Speaker 10: So I decided to Yeah, because like people were like, ew,
Speaker 10: I hate this tree who doesn't shower, And I realized
Speaker 10: I had to make Kazumi a cool thing. And I
Speaker 10: think it's finally becoming cool. I'm a gecko. I made it.
Speaker 10: I got my blue track. Life is good.
Speaker 1: Why do you think it was not cool to like you?
Speaker 10: I was in I was affiliated with a lot of
Speaker 10: media that, although made me a lot of money, because
Speaker 10: it was so false, like it was controversial. Yeah, it
Speaker 10: was controversial. It got a lot of views and it
Speaker 10: created and I was outsourcing my audience to people that
Speaker 10: definitely didn't agree with people like me. I had to.
Speaker 10: I had to change my image and clean it up
Speaker 10: so that way people would kind of get where I'm
Speaker 10: coming from. Like, I never want to let go of
Speaker 10: the fact that I'm a slutty, dirty girl. That is
Speaker 10: not something that I want to kill or even a race.
Speaker 10: It's something that I want to show can still exist
Speaker 10: while being a multifaceted human being with a lot of opinions.
Speaker 1: Well, I strongly agree with the idea that no one
Speaker 1: part of yourself defines any other.
Speaker 10: Part of Yeah, like I freaking am as normal as
Speaker 10: apple pot. You know, like I'm a pretty normal girl.
Speaker 10: I like, you know, I love Shrek. I like dress
Speaker 10: from my Gecko costume. I eat three crunchy rolls.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm to feel more connected to Shrek by
Speaker 1: being green and being green.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 10: My first party I ever threw was a Shrek party.
Speaker 10: Really had that also sex, No, No, this was I
Speaker 10: just liked Shrek. We had like green mac and cheese
Speaker 10: to represent his ears, and we had a lot of
Speaker 10: onion rings and we watched Shreks one, two, three, Puss
Speaker 10: in Boots and Shrek the Musical and Billie Eilish's brother
Speaker 10: phineas there.
Speaker 1: This was like a This must have been like a
Speaker 1: seven hour long party.
Speaker 10: This was a really long party that started at eleven
Speaker 10: am and was done by like eight.
Speaker 1: Literally, Get goes on the line making his phone calls
Speaker 1: every night.
Speaker 3: Mraphy, Get goes to on his ride.
Speaker 10: He's teaching you a loud in the lid of your life,
Speaker 10: but he's not really an expert.