WEBVTT - Lessons Learned From Our Exes 0:00:05.600 --> 0:00:08.480 What was good was popping into a Girl a Mada. 0:00:08.560 --> 0:00:12.280 And welcome to another episode, to another show of Exactly 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:18.520 a Mada. This is a production of My heart and 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:21.040 I am so grateful for them because they allow me 0:00:21.120 --> 0:00:24.599 to have this podcast where I can just be open, honest, 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:28.280 transparent with you. Guys. Have all types of crazy conversations, 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:32.559 educational conversation, fun conversations, a little bit of everything. So 0:00:32.680 --> 0:00:35.919 thank you so much for tuning in as usual, and 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:39.360 don't forget to subscribe and raid us and share this 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:42.160 podcast with all your friends and family, all the people 0:00:42.200 --> 0:00:44.599 that you know. If you think that it's funny, if 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:46.559 you think that it's informative, if you think that you 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:49.120 know somebody that can relate to the top to the topic, 0:00:49.479 --> 0:00:52.360 feel free to share this podcast and don't be stingy. 0:00:52.640 --> 0:00:57.080 Also leave comments. Leave comments. I always love to sit 0:00:57.120 --> 0:00:59.080 there and just read everything that you guys have to say, 0:00:59.160 --> 0:01:01.720 whether it's good or bad. Um or if you want 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:04.160 something specific like I'm not I'm going through a situation, 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:06.920 or I want to hear about this ballet, write it 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:09.199 in there. We're gonna check it out and we're gonna 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:17.280 make it happen. So today's episode it's about lessons that 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:19.480 can be learned from your ex or rather better the 0:01:19.560 --> 0:01:23.160 lessons that I learned from my ex um and to 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:26.319 talk about it. Look, I don't have to feel excited, 0:01:26.440 --> 0:01:32.240 depressed or confused battle. I need to balance who my 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:39.080 energy is, my producer, my friend, colleague, Alex, Alex, are 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:41.520 you in here. I'm so glad I'm here because the 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:43.920 beginning of that sounded like, Hey, am I bringing her down? 0:01:43.920 --> 0:01:46.360 Am I depressing a model? Right now? She's She's like, 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:48.320 I need him to bring me back. Yeah, I need 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:50.400 you to bring the balance to this because whenever you 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:54.360 hear the word X, you are ready, like you're honestly 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:56.560 always ready to be on the defense mode. And it 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:59.920 depends how soon it was, depends who it was, depends 0:02:00.000 --> 0:02:02.080 how you guys broke up, it depends how many things. 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:04.880 But I mean, hey, I'm still friends with a lot 0:02:04.920 --> 0:02:08.160 of xsmut. Really, we have some really great friends. We'll 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:10.800 talk about that towards the later part of the episode. 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:15.000 But I'm you know, yeah, I don't have one X 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:17.360 that I'm not Have you ever gone back to an X? 0:02:18.160 --> 0:02:20.119 But you guys broke up and then he went back 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:24.720 to them? No, No, every single time we got together, 0:02:25.120 --> 0:02:29.120 we ended things, but we still remained really good friends. No, no, no, 0:02:29.280 --> 0:02:32.560 I want excess to disappear, Like why are you still briefing? 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:37.280 Why are you still here? Like we just what's employee? 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:39.280 You're you know saying you already done enough? Damnage? Is 0:02:39.360 --> 0:02:44.560 time we used to go? But um, anyway, I mean 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:46.960 go out of my life. You know, if you're still 0:02:47.000 --> 0:02:50.000 here in the world damaging other women, that's on you. Bet. 0:02:51.520 --> 0:02:53.080 I just want you to disappear in my life and 0:02:53.080 --> 0:02:55.320 never see you again. And if so, I want to 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:57.240 see you doing terrible so I can look at you 0:02:57.320 --> 0:02:59.960 be like you see what I'm saying karmas a bit. Anyway, 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:03.920 let's get to you know what. Yeah, I wanted to 0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:06.920 know a matter when when did you really start dating? 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:09.040 When did you jump into the dating scene? How old 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:11.280 were you when you knew you were on your very 0:03:11.360 --> 0:03:14.519 first I think I don't know, because like just like lunch, 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:18.200 lunch count as a date. Yeah, that's a date if 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:20.839 you're sitting there talking and yeah, but I'm plenty lunch 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:22.959 high school, like you know, you're in high school. Whatever 0:03:22.960 --> 0:03:25.840 you like? Look, you know what, yeah, because that is 0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:28.960 your that is your world that was where you were 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:31.119 in so as a teenager, and that's what we're gonna 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:34.240 talk about right now. As a teenager, do you remember 0:03:34.280 --> 0:03:38.640 your very first dates, last relationship and break up in 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:43.360 that world that you lived on. I remember, I remember, 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:46.880 Oh my god, this is so terrible. I remember having 0:03:46.920 --> 0:03:49.680 like high school dates, but it was more like, listen, 0:03:49.760 --> 0:03:53.280 our fourth period, we're gonna sit together in the same table, okay, 0:03:53.360 --> 0:03:55.840 and then we would have that half an hour of 0:03:55.960 --> 0:03:58.960 eating together whatever, and then we went our separate ways. 0:03:59.360 --> 0:04:01.720 We never did anything, but to me at that moment, 0:04:01.760 --> 0:04:03.600 that was like a big thing. You know, we're sitting 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:08.240 together in the lunch table or whatever. Um. And then 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:10.000 you know, later on in life, you know, I did 0:04:10.120 --> 0:04:14.560 date my teacher, but that's another conversation. Um. But yeah, 0:04:14.720 --> 0:04:16.839 like in the dating dating scene, I think I kind 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:20.640 of I started later on, say at the end of 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:24.040 high school or something like that. So more towards your 0:04:24.160 --> 0:04:26.839 the ending of your tea yeah, the ending of my teens, 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:29.080 the ending of my team of my teens. Because everything else, 0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:30.720 I think it was just kind of cute. I wouldn't 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:33.560 consider it like dating dating. I just thought it was cute. 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:37.159 Battle Um. Yeah, because you also could break up in 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:39.920 high school, you know, if you grab a pen from 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:43.440 someone who you know you're the person you're dating, thought 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:46.279 you you were flirting with because you grabbed their pen. 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:49.839 Breakups in high school hurt, you know. I remember breaking 0:04:49.880 --> 0:04:52.960 up with my girlfriend at the time and we were dating, 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:56.800 we were high school sweethearts, and everyone came out of 0:04:56.839 --> 0:05:00.640 the woodwork people. I never even talked to jock's cheerleader. Everything. 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:02.560 We're like, we're so sorry to hear, you know, but 0:05:02.680 --> 0:05:05.320 I'm like, what, yeah, I know again, when you first 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:08.240 start finding out what love is and we started liking someone, 0:05:08.640 --> 0:05:11.080 the beginning of those breakups is really like the most 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:14.120 hurtful ones ever. So I totally get I mean, I 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:17.400 get it, um, but I'll say this much. I'll say 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:19.120 that looking back, like if I really had to go 0:05:19.839 --> 0:05:25.000 out the studio, looking back into my dating life, I've 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:28.200 made the worst choices ever, and I haven't gotten any better. 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:32.240 Some people just aren't good at making uh, you know, 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:36.280 choices when it comes to their significant other. And I 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:40.600 also always think that that also comes with childhood traumas 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:43.400 you end up just picking the wrong person just because 0:05:43.440 --> 0:05:45.320 you want affection or because you want to be loved 0:05:45.560 --> 0:05:47.560 and you can see all the red flags, and then 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:50.599 you'll still stick around because you're just looking to feel that, 0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:54.680 you know, that empty spot. So so even so so 0:05:55.120 --> 0:05:57.640 moving away from from your teenage years because it sounds 0:05:57.640 --> 0:05:59.240 like you were just kind of like, okay, cool, yeah, 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:02.039 And then I also, girls, there's nothing really there wasn't 0:06:02.120 --> 0:06:05.080 there wasn't really nothing there to learn except your your 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:08.080 You were experimenting and seeing what you wanted. So let 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:10.760 me ask you something. You said that throughout the years 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:13.240 you've made mistakes and you kind of fall back on that, 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:16.240 on that blade again, over and over and over again. 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:19.280 So this has been happening since you you were in 0:06:19.320 --> 0:06:22.240 your twenties up to now. What what are some of 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:25.000 the things that you think you've you you know that 0:06:25.080 --> 0:06:28.120 you've learned, but you continue to just put them aside 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:31.200 and and make the mistakes. Like when you look at 0:06:31.200 --> 0:06:34.479 the guy, you can already smell it. You can smell 0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:38.159 when they're all players. You can smell just a walking 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:42.000 redah when they're red flags, when they're too months into themselves, 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:44.800 when they are talking to too many women, when they 0:06:44.880 --> 0:06:48.280 break their neck to look at the girl that's walking by, 0:06:47.800 --> 0:06:52.200 or whatever. There's many red flags that you see, and 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:55.599 then you try to convince yourself became. You know, I'm 0:06:55.600 --> 0:06:57.360 just gonna let him be himself. I don't want to 0:06:57.360 --> 0:07:00.720 put too many pressure, you know, too much pressure. You know, Um, 0:07:00.920 --> 0:07:02.760 if he's dating me is because he really likes me. 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:04.680 He doesn't have to be with me, so I guess, 0:07:04.960 --> 0:07:07.599 and you just put up. You create these like excuses 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:12.160 yourselves to forgive bad behavior. That's that I find. I 0:07:12.200 --> 0:07:14.520 find that that's something that a lot of people do. 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:17.920 They find an excuse and just exactly the way you 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:21.560 said it to remove that bad behavior and think that's 0:07:21.560 --> 0:07:24.720 something might you blame yourself. You blame yourself like anytime 0:07:24.800 --> 0:07:26.760 something goes wrong, and it's something that women do for 0:07:26.800 --> 0:07:29.000 the most part. Like it's funny because when when a 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:32.360 man breaks up with a girl, you know, or let's 0:07:32.360 --> 0:07:35.320 say reverse, when a girl breaks up with a guy, 0:07:35.640 --> 0:07:38.880 you automatically say, oh, she's crazy or there's something wrong 0:07:38.920 --> 0:07:42.000 with her or that it's always the opposite person that 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:44.520 you blame women for the most part, if a man 0:07:44.600 --> 0:07:47.680 breaks up with us, where like, what did I do wrong? 0:07:47.800 --> 0:07:50.320 There must be something wrong with me. I must have 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:54.520 pushed him away, so it's like it's kind of hard, 0:07:54.720 --> 0:07:57.040 it's kind of hard to see where it's coming. Is 0:07:57.120 --> 0:08:00.360 that Is that something that you've learned from your relationships 0:08:00.360 --> 0:08:02.920 where a guy has gone out and done that and said, 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:05.240 oh my god, I'm crazy. Like, yeah, they're trying to 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:07.520 make you feel like, oh, okay, you've got problems. You've 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:09.880 got problems, or you've got self susteem problems, or you've 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:14.520 got insecurities because you just peep the red flag. And 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:16.560 I also believe that women, for the most part, we 0:08:16.600 --> 0:08:18.080 give a lot of warnings. We give a lot of 0:08:18.080 --> 0:08:20.080 warnings before we give up on something. Like when a 0:08:20.120 --> 0:08:23.280 woman is over something, that means that she's already tried, 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:26.440 she's already spoken this, that she's you know, she gave 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:29.080 out her warnings. A lot of guys don't actually pay 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:30.920 attention to them or don't think that that day is 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:34.040 ever going to come. They kind of get comfortable. So, yeah, 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:37.760 I've seen my warnings. So can you can pretty much 0:08:37.760 --> 0:08:40.800 say that you know for you as you for yourself here, 0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:44.800 do you see the person first and not your expectations 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:47.600 or do you reverse that? Do you have expectations of 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:50.560 that person and then start to see things developed with 0:08:50.600 --> 0:08:53.880 that person um in front. Unfortunately, I feel that sometimes 0:08:53.920 --> 0:08:58.280 I do have expectations for them because I like build 0:08:58.280 --> 0:09:00.560 the bears, I like build a guy. I want to 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:03.000 I want to train you like a puppy. I can 0:09:03.080 --> 0:09:06.760 fix you, like there's you have so much potential. I 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:10.080 can fix this. And that's the biggest mistake as women 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:12.760 as men is being in relationships with people that we 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:15.440 feel that we can fix them. You know, you have 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:17.800 to accept people for who they are as they are, 0:09:18.440 --> 0:09:21.160 and that's just what it is. They're not going to change. 0:09:21.240 --> 0:09:23.920 They can evolve from being who they are, but they're 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:27.600 not going to change. And that has been my biggest mistake. 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:31.440 I've always dated men that I feel that I can change, um, 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:34.600 that I can make better, and it hasn't worked out. 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:38.640 So have you not trusted your intuition and all these 0:09:38.720 --> 0:09:42.680 and all of these mishaps or I've trusted its trusted 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:46.320 I just disregarded it because deep down and said, you 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:49.240 know when a guy is no good or you know 0:09:49.320 --> 0:09:51.720 when you shouldn't date this person, like this person seems 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:57.000 like trouble. Like whenever they say, oh I'm single, you 0:09:57.040 --> 0:10:00.240 know you're like you're single? Like you mean today, like 0:10:00.400 --> 0:10:04.200 for now, Like you're really saying, I don't know, you 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:07.040 could be dating them and you could see suspicious movements, 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:09.720 the calls that I gotta go outside to pick up 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:13.920 this phone call, or the you know, I don't know. Um, 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:16.040 you're always and these are all and these are all 0:10:16.080 --> 0:10:19.120 things you've learned throughout the years from your excess in 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:21.640 your life. Yeah, basically because the only way you can 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:24.120 learn these things is through your own personal experience. Like 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:31.680 no matter how much people tell you, and how many 0:10:31.880 --> 0:10:35.679 would you say in a number of off the top 0:10:35.720 --> 0:10:39.800 of your head, excess wise boys and girls, because you've 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:43.520 explained on the show before the dated or seen women, Um, 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:46.559 where do you see number one? How many of these 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:51.079 excess you think you you can count that have taught 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:54.040 you a lesson or you've learned something from some of 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:56.800 them that will make you better all of them almos 0:10:56.920 --> 0:11:02.480 happening they made from one I learned, don't be so 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:06.719 financially open when as a woman, when you're so financially 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:10.560 open to me, if there's nothing wrong, if I make 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:13.520 I says, I'll be like, oh my god, bab I'm 0:11:13.559 --> 0:11:16.199 so excited. I just got this opportunity and made fifty grand, 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:20.240 this other person might not look especially if they don't 0:11:20.240 --> 0:11:23.080 make as much money as you do. UM. That's another 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:26.080 one that I learned. They look at you with like, oh, 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:29.360 you got money, so now you're no longer you know, 0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:32.120 paying for dinners or putting up money because you feel like, well, 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:37.079 you got it. Don't be financially open too. Definitely learned 0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:39.719 that don't ever date anybody and I and I used 0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:42.520 to like it because anytime I see those movies where 0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:46.600 I see people that you know, no, no, we worked 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:49.280 together and we built this empire. I always wanted to 0:11:49.320 --> 0:11:52.800 build an empire with somebody. But then I realized times 0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:55.200 have changed and things have changed, and everybody's the same. 0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:57.760 When you date someone that has less than you do, 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:02.439 especially being a woman, there's always a sense of competition, 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:05.120 whether they tell you or not. Deep down inside, there's 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:08.480 always a sense of like, you know, Cia Stanto, I 0:12:08.480 --> 0:12:12.160 gotta do tanto and she's driving a Maserati. I gotta 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:15.839 drive a Bentley and she there's always that sense of competition. 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:20.000 Definitely learned that. UM, I learned do you do you 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:25.720 count that as a a problem? A break in communication 0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:30.360 within the relationship where you maybe UM, are expressing too 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:32.400 much or too little? How do you see that? And 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:35.800 when you in the communication of a know that they 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:39.400 that you should be completely open with your partner Today's today, 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:42.560 after my experiences in life today, I would say you shouldn't. 0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:45.360 I feel that no matter what, you should still preserve 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:48.559 some things for yourself, you know, and always be clear 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:51.360 in the fact that you're two separate individuals. You know, 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:55.319 you have you, I have me. We have us, but 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:58.040 you have you can't lose yourself in the midst of that. 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:01.800 And that also includes financially. We can have an account together, 0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:05.079 and we both have to have our individual things. So 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:07.880 you can't express everything that you have, everything that you own. 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:10.800 I don't. I just don't think that it's healthy. And 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:13.359 it should be, but I don't think that it's healthy. 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:24.400 So let me ask you somewhere where did it go 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:26.160 wrong for you? How come you have not been able 0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:28.080 to pick up these patterns or have you and you 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:30.960 just ignore them, the patterns of these certain lessons that 0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:33.640 I don't realize that I am following a pattern til 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:36.600 after I'm in it, you know, after I'm in it, 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:39.679 when I realized, damn, I did it again. You know, 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:42.800 I did the build the bear to fix, you know, 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:46.000 make a guy, you know, um, the with the oh 0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:48.760 he has potential, he's so great. And now I'm and 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:51.560 now I feel like my mom was right. My mom 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:56.240 always says together because you already have your stuff together, 0:13:56.600 --> 0:13:58.680 or at least for the most part, you're more put 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:02.200 together than a lot of women out there. So you know, 0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:05.360 you have to find somebody that's gonna lift you up. 0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:08.720 And I'm always trying to lift other people up, you know, 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:12.760 So no, I'm not doing that anymore. Sorry. And what 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:16.600 about if you were to talk to someone um or 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:19.280 have you been in a situation where the person is 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:21.520 trying to fix themselves? Is that a red flag for 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:24.080 you or is it something that you could think you 0:14:24.080 --> 0:14:27.440 could take on and be helpful with. No, Bobby, when 0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:29.960 you finished working on yourself hot at me the end 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:32.160 when you feel that you get your life together, and 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:33.960 so it talk to me because I did that for 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:37.000 a very long time. And what ends up happening, Ladies, 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:39.800 tell me if I'm right or wrong. For the most part, 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:42.600 girls like me that are fixers that you want to 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:45.040 fix men and you want to build them, you wind 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:48.240 up building them for the next bitch, you end up 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:51.600 building them for the next woman because after you get them, 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:54.400 when the confidence is low, you let them know how 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:58.080 amazing they are. You clean them off. You you clement, 0:14:58.400 --> 0:15:02.600 You fix them up the quest soon as they know them. Like, yeah, 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:04.720 the same thing happens with guys that get girls that 0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:08.760 are get on FATA. Right. You got money, you get 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:11.400 her boobs done, you get her three sixty life or 0:15:11.400 --> 0:15:14.880 her bibyl hair done, expensive bags that they don't. You 0:15:14.960 --> 0:15:17.840 started taking her to expensive dinners that she's never been to, 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:23.600 you know, surrounding her around different environments of people. You 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:26.560 know what your trash. I can do this without you 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:30.400 and don't say they forget where they started. So that's 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:32.560 that's kind of hard, right, Like sometimes you're trying to 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:35.800 when you're trying to gauge someone and and learning about them, 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:38.200 you really don't know upfront because a lot of people 0:15:38.200 --> 0:15:40.400 won't be up front if they're fixing themselves, right, and 0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:44.320 that you know, I would think that from your past excess, 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:47.240 did you have one or two or three maybe that 0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:50.440 you knew we're going through something like that, or or 0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:53.720 were you always the one to want to build the guy? No, 0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:57.680 I and in some occasions I didn't know. You know, 0:15:57.720 --> 0:15:59.960 you started seeing it later on because a lot of people. 0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:05.600 And that's another thing. Um, guys, ladies, jen's um stop 0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:08.720 doing that, Like if you don't got it, just don't 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:12.800 have it. Stop trying to pretend. In the beginning, you know, 0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:15.200 you show you show like that character, like the good 0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:17.960 side of you, you know the game, I'm so perfect, 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:20.400 and they get don't fart, you know what I'm so 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:23.120 I don't do nothing. No from the beginning, show me 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:25.920 all your flaws, me that I wake up late, I'm dirty, 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:27.640 I never pick up it, I don't do this, you know, 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:31.560 I don't know. Show me everything. Then you decide, you 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:33.680 know what, I think I can deal with this, I 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:35.720 can fix this, or I want to you know that's cool. 0:16:35.960 --> 0:16:37.800 But in the beginning, I've had guys that have shown 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:40.320 me the moods and the stars gase perfect though, and 0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:42.920 later on with time you start to realize, wait, all 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:48.280 of this was a facade. So that's that's terrible, that's crazy, 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:53.240 That's that's insane. I would say, sometimes you gotta love yourself, 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:56.720 um a little bit more than to settle with something 0:16:57.600 --> 0:17:01.960 uh detrimental that could bring mental breakdown. For yourself and 0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:06.080 in more anguish towards the relationships and learn stop settling. 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:10.200 Don't settle. I was a settler. I'm not doing it anymore. 0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:12.920 Sometimes did you stay with them because you were comfortable? 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:15.280 That happens a lot too. It's like marriages a lot 0:17:15.280 --> 0:17:17.880 of times. To stick with somebody not because you are 0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:20.560 in love anymore, it's just because I'm comfortable. I already 0:17:20.560 --> 0:17:22.479 know you. I don't want to start all over again. 0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:25.040 You know you've already seen me naked, you already know 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:28.200 everything about me. Is like, all right, I'm just gonna 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:31.120 stick around and be here. And then you realize you 0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:34.440 left the best years of your life being with somebody 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:37.399 just because you didn't want to put the effort of 0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:41.199 starting all over again. So don't settle. If you know 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:43.600 that you're with somebody that you should be doing better, 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:46.360 or this person doesn't deserve you, or you're with someone 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:48.119 because you don't want to be by yourself, which is 0:17:48.119 --> 0:17:50.000 something that happens a lot. You don't want to be 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:54.000 lonely and all, been there, done that, don't do it. 0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:58.520 Not doing it anymore? NOTO. What's what's one of the 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:02.160 biggest lessons you've learned? For one particular excite. Is there 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:04.280 someone in your in your life that stands out the 0:18:04.320 --> 0:18:06.879 most that you're like, damn, Like you always kind of 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:09.480 think about it. You know, everyone has that, Everyone has 0:18:09.480 --> 0:18:12.560 that one person they're like, damn you know, um, maybe too, 0:18:12.640 --> 0:18:16.680 But for yourself, do you is anyone on the back 0:18:16.720 --> 0:18:19.679 of your mind that you knew that that lesson that 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:21.920 you learned from that person? You cannot commit again. You 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:26.240 don't have to name them, but the situation um lesson 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:28.880 learn Whenever they say they're gonna pull out, don't listen 0:18:28.920 --> 0:18:30.720 to them. It's a lot. You gotta put it out yourself. 0:18:31.200 --> 0:18:33.400 You gotta put it out yourself or wrap it up. 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:42.320 Don't trust that. Ladies don't trust it. Wow, and and 0:18:42.320 --> 0:18:47.080 and and I'm assuming I'm not gonna assume that is 0:18:47.119 --> 0:18:50.360 a that is a lesson learned from your from your 0:18:50.480 --> 0:18:53.720 from your younger years, from when you were first learning 0:18:53.720 --> 0:18:58.840 about And that's crazy. Just the tip or don't believe 0:18:58.880 --> 0:19:00.879 none of that. Don't believe out of it. You can 0:19:00.880 --> 0:19:04.119 get in trouble. Um. I was saying, that goes both ways. 0:19:04.359 --> 0:19:06.720 Guys out there listening to this podcast, if a girl 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:11.240 tells you just do it, it's fine, you be careful. UM. 0:19:11.320 --> 0:19:14.040 I will also say, hey, I'll be joking around, but 0:19:14.359 --> 0:19:17.000 it's real for a lot of people. UM. I would 0:19:17.040 --> 0:19:20.800 also say, when you start dating someone, if you really 0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:23.600 like them, make sure that they're single. If they tell 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:25.760 you that they're single. I don't think that these days 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:27.919 you can no longer just believe the fact that they 0:19:27.960 --> 0:19:31.159 said that they're single. I need proof and evidence. I 0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:35.520 need to investigate the situation. You know, um if you 0:19:35.640 --> 0:19:37.840 say that you're Because that's another thing. When guys want 0:19:37.880 --> 0:19:41.080 to get it, they'll be like, oh, you know, I'm married, 0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:44.800 but we're separated. You know, we have for having problems 0:19:44.920 --> 0:19:48.320 right now, things aren't working. You know, I'm getting a 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:52.359 divorce or I'm already a divorce in the process of 0:19:53.000 --> 0:19:57.840 she doesn't want me. Okay, I need facts and evidence, 0:19:58.160 --> 0:20:01.119 please Texas bitch right now and say something sweet to 0:20:01.119 --> 0:20:03.040 her to see how she's gonna answer you back. And 0:20:03.119 --> 0:20:07.880 she says, Bobby this and that you're lying, and she's like, 0:20:07.920 --> 0:20:10.520 what the fund do you want? It sounds like my girl? 0:20:10.760 --> 0:20:12.800 All right, So that's it. But what if you have someone, 0:20:12.880 --> 0:20:15.439 what if you have an exit? Actually literally like still 0:20:15.920 --> 0:20:17.720 you know, not in the sense of love love, but 0:20:17.840 --> 0:20:19.720 loves you to death. You know you've had that. Really, 0:20:20.119 --> 0:20:21.919 I don't know. I don't know. I need to have 0:20:21.960 --> 0:20:24.680 some type of proof that you're actually single, because these 0:20:24.760 --> 0:20:27.120 days everybody says that they're single and they're really not. 0:20:27.240 --> 0:20:29.680 They just want to have face time and walk around 0:20:29.680 --> 0:20:31.920 your face time and walk around your house. Open all 0:20:31.920 --> 0:20:35.119 the drawers. Can you please open your medicine cabinet? Let 0:20:35.160 --> 0:20:38.640 me see open is an extra toothbrush. As a matter 0:20:38.640 --> 0:20:41.439 of fact, ladies, here's another one. When you go to 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:44.439 the shower, do you have some bed bath and beyond 0:20:44.840 --> 0:20:49.640 jelly fruity shit? No, that's no, that's the sign you're 0:20:49.680 --> 0:20:53.560 not using this part of metro? What's wrong with stuff? 0:20:53.680 --> 0:20:55.760 Something is off? Do you have some like you know, 0:20:56.200 --> 0:21:00.199 girly pink shaver or something? I need to know or 0:21:00.280 --> 0:21:03.359 I really put my feelings into it because you can't 0:21:03.400 --> 0:21:07.080 trust these days, and that's the thing people be having 0:21:07.080 --> 0:21:09.720 these double lives. I just feel like, be honest. Look, 0:21:09.760 --> 0:21:11.439 if you're just so you can say so you can 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:14.800 say lesson learned. Maybe is that well, yeah, that's happen, 0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:17.000 that's will definitely happened to me. But I just feel like, 0:21:17.080 --> 0:21:19.680 be honest. Like, because I might still want to funk 0:21:19.760 --> 0:21:22.639 with you if you're honest, if you're like, Look, I'm married, 0:21:22.720 --> 0:21:25.199