Speaker 1: Um okay podcast starts now. Okay podcast starts now. Hello world,
Speaker 1: you are listening to a renowned podcast radio lab. George.
Speaker 1: How are you doing? Um? Happy? Nine eleven? Uh? He
Speaker 1: went there? Okay, dirt bag left, We're here. I had
Speaker 1: a moment today where I was like should I should
Speaker 1: I post about nine eleven? And then I was like, no,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? What would you have said?
Speaker 1: What was your post that you were bringing. I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna. I mean when nine eleven happened, my
Speaker 1: family lived in New Jersey and might add worked in Manhattan,
Speaker 1: so like I do distinct like not to you know,
Speaker 1: I was living in the area, and I have like
Speaker 1: a personal experience of it, and I remember, like, you know,
Speaker 1: not knowing if my dad was okay, and like waiting
Speaker 1: to be picked up at school. Then my mom came
Speaker 1: to school. Everyone else was getting picked up and my mom,
Speaker 1: like everyone else was getting picked up, and it was
Speaker 1: like okay, this family safe, this family safe. And my
Speaker 1: mom did not come early and came right when school ended,
Speaker 1: meaning I was waiting in the gym for like the
Speaker 1: entire school day, and then she came and I was
Speaker 1: like everyone else came and picked up their kids early.
Speaker 1: And she was like why and I was like, because
Speaker 1: of nine eleven and she's like, well, yeah, but I
Speaker 1: mean school was still happening, right. I love that in
Speaker 1: that story, you, as a child knew it was already
Speaker 1: nine eleven. I said, I said, haven't you heard it's
Speaker 1: nine eleven. It's not eleven, it's the nine eleven, the
Speaker 1: one I've been telling you is coming, and it's I know,
Speaker 1: And you know I can't legally talk about why I knew,
Speaker 1: but I did. Also, I just have to say, George,
Speaker 1: you know a running theme in this podcast is how
Speaker 1: absolutely piste off you are your bitch of a mom,
Speaker 1: and I to say, I have to go of that anger. Listen,
Speaker 1: you have called my mom a bit on this podcast
Speaker 1: over five times, and I have never said that. Look,
Speaker 1: I'm literally just interpreting what you're saying. I'm a mirror.
Speaker 1: I know you're bringing this very kind of like passive
Speaker 1: wasp energy where you're like, my mom, yeah, I've met her,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, you know, my mom and I
Speaker 1: have fights, then we work it out like it's a
Speaker 1: more healthy relationship. All I'm ever hearing from you is like,
Speaker 1: oh my bitch, mom this you know once again six times? Okay, Look,
Speaker 1: I'm literally just saying what you're telling me. The last
Speaker 1: time this happened, I was talking about how my mom
Speaker 1: like I was making coffee and my mom was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, the water doesn't go there, and then you
Speaker 1: were like, she sounds like a bit. Look, unfortunately, we
Speaker 1: have no way of looking this information up, so we
Speaker 1: don't know. Well, we delete the podcast episodes right when
Speaker 1: we post them. That way are more valuable. Sometimes our
Speaker 1: audience grows and we say, no, I'm scared of success.
Speaker 1: How about you? Yeah, me too. Um. You know, actually, pathetically,
Speaker 1: I did make a nine eleven post. Um, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: what was it? Well, it was you were you Prower
Speaker 1: against Um? It was a neutral take it just um.
Speaker 1: I said that when I was in when nine eleven happened,
Speaker 1: I was scared because I was in the third largest
Speaker 1: middle school in Ohio and we were sure, like, just
Speaker 1: statistically speaking, that was probably the next target. That's a
Speaker 1: really funny joke. Well, and that's true. You know, I
Speaker 1: remember being in the library and the kids being like, well,
Speaker 1: I mean think about it, like we are the that's
Speaker 1: the third biggest library or biggest middle school. Did people
Speaker 1: actually say that? People actually thought that, like, because you
Speaker 1: know how everyone wants to make something about themselves, Like
Speaker 1: these were sort of exercising early narcissism. That's really I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: it's really cool that can even happen in Ohio and
Speaker 1: not just you know Bushwick. Isn't it cool that narcissism
Speaker 1: exists throughout this great nation? You don't need to be
Speaker 1: coastal to have it. Yeah, no, there are well, no,
Speaker 1: it's just more sad if you're not. But there are
Speaker 1: different I think there are different flavors of narcissism, you know,
Speaker 1: the Midway. I feel like the narcissism of of an
Speaker 1: Ohio is kind of thinking that they are the real America. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is very true. And then the narcissism of like
Speaker 1: a Brooklyn is thinking, you know what is Ohio? Right,
Speaker 1: It's like I'm not, I'm European, like right, transcend New
Speaker 1: York is in Europe technically, I mean it's so close, right, um?
Speaker 1: But you know, can I tell you the really stupid
Speaker 1: joke I wanted to make for Yes, I I fully
Speaker 1: drafted it. I was about to screenshot it and send
Speaker 1: it to you and be like, should I post this?
Speaker 1: And the joke was she I barely remember a world
Speaker 1: before nine eleven. Oh wait, yes I do. It was yesterday?
Speaker 1: Uh nine a k A nine ten. And then I
Speaker 1: would put a bunch of laughing emojis and then hashtag
Speaker 1: Friday funny god on, just trying to lighten the damn move.
Speaker 1: It really is interesting that that joke not only didn't
Speaker 1: make it online, but didn't even make it to my
Speaker 1: personal texting, Like it didn't even you knew even just
Speaker 1: to send it to me was embarrassing. Yeah, well I
Speaker 1: knew you wouldn't appreciate it. It's really not your style,
Speaker 1: and um I respect that, and having to think it through,
Speaker 1: I thought it, do I need to be tweeting this? Which, yeah,
Speaker 1: well what do you? What do we think currently about? Um?
Speaker 1: Ironic bad jokes? Like to write something and then do
Speaker 1: like clapping emoji, laughing emoji. I think it can be
Speaker 1: fun when the like the timeline feels extremely toxic, like
Speaker 1: I was getting very annoyed that everyone was interacting with
Speaker 1: that dumb This is why are we doing a Twitter
Speaker 1: round up? Anyway, Everyone's interacting with that guy, uh, that
Speaker 1: writer who did like the Paul Kergman Yeah yeah, and
Speaker 1: I was like so annoyed and I was like, which,
Speaker 1: you know you did interact with And then I deleted,
Speaker 1: oh congrats because I said who am I? Who am I?
Speaker 1: Who am I? To talk back at Paul Kergman. Well,
Speaker 1: I was like, everybody like, dunking on this is like
Speaker 1: grow up? I know, I agree, and you know what
Speaker 1: I did grow up fast and Hollywood makes you um
Speaker 1: so I thought I would. That was sort of my
Speaker 1: anti dunking on that guy. Huh So do we love
Speaker 1: our Twitter roundup? Is this that all sounds great? I
Speaker 1: mean I'm really glad that I deleted a tweet and
Speaker 1: you didn't post yours. Another successful day? That is it?
Speaker 1: Um so should be bringing our guests, I guess, So,
Speaker 1: like what's that? What the only I'm trying to think
Speaker 1: of an interesting way to say that I've been watching tennis,
Speaker 1: but it's not an interesting thing. I mean it can be.
Speaker 1: I mean, has anything interesting happened in tennis? Yes, sir?
Speaker 1: You know Williams was is not didn't make the final?
Speaker 1: Oh I know, well I don't want to. You know,
Speaker 1: last night I had a moment where I was watching
Speaker 1: it by myself, and then our our good friend Josh
Speaker 1: Sharp was also watching and I just was in this
Speaker 1: text thread with him where after every point one of
Speaker 1: us would just be like whoo or like yikes or
Speaker 1: like oof, And I was like, what are we doing? What?
Speaker 1: What is the point of like texting a syllable after
Speaker 1: each point? Should I just be watching this match by myself?
Speaker 1: Was it fun? Yeah? I mean maybe you don't need
Speaker 1: to investigate these few Maybe you just I can't imagine. No, Okay, sure,
Speaker 1: let's bring in our guest. Well, I was trying to
Speaker 1: think of a fun way to talk about my gorgeous
Speaker 1: trip upstate. Um, but let's just bring in our guests. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: I don't think upstate or watching the US Open really
Speaker 1: qualify as next topics. That's a good point. Um, okay
Speaker 1: should we bring him in? Or okay, um, please give
Speaker 1: it up for our next guest. He is the inventor
Speaker 1: of the cotton gin. It is Joel can Booster. I
Speaker 1: love when you guys just sort of hit a wall
Speaker 1: and that's when you decide to bring guests in. Um,
Speaker 1: that is uh my favorite part of your podcast. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know what, Joel, thank you. We already ask
Speaker 1: this off, Mike, but I want you to be perfectly honest,
Speaker 1: ask someone who does listen to this podcast, what is it? Um?
Speaker 1: Where's it going? Um? I think it's going straight to
Speaker 1: the forever Dog now, you know you would think, And
Speaker 1: yet we have not gotten any emails. You know that
Speaker 1: is really incredible that we have not gotten that email.
Speaker 1: I think if fits right in with that network, which
Speaker 1: is just populated by podcasts that I listened to, because, UM,
Speaker 1: it makes me feel less alone, because it makes me
Speaker 1: feel like I'm hanging out with my good friends. UM.
Speaker 1: And that is what that network is to me personally,
Speaker 1: just me and my good friends hanging out. And that's
Speaker 1: what this podcast is to me. It's so crazy that
Speaker 1: you said that, because from the beginning we said we
Speaker 1: don't want this to feel like friends hanging out. We
Speaker 1: wanted to feel like it's actually out in something to
Speaker 1: the conversation. So I guess we've failed. We Yeah, I
Speaker 1: intrinsically sort of feel like this is an inside baseball
Speaker 1: podcast for our specific group text. That is how I
Speaker 1: feel about it, and I and in that way, I
Speaker 1: was deeply offended that it actually has taken this long
Speaker 1: for me to be invited on. UM. Well, here's the
Speaker 1: thing we have been UM Well, first of all, we
Speaker 1: didn't want to have you on, but second of all,
Speaker 1: we've been trying to kind of stretch out UM the
Speaker 1: game men that we have on. I see what you're
Speaker 1: doing with the guests. You're you're trying to go off
Speaker 1: the beaten path, You're trying to take it outside of
Speaker 1: the lost Cultures to cinematic universe. I get you're trying
Speaker 1: to go with some you know, you know, interesting guests
Speaker 1: that maybe people who don't listen to these podcasts haven't
Speaker 1: heard from before. You're you know, I don't know, like yeah,
Speaker 1: people like Matt Rogers or Bowen Yang And now me,
Speaker 1: I was, I was really nervous Sam when you were
Speaker 1: introducing me that you were actually going to list a
Speaker 1: credit because if I know, for now, we don't know
Speaker 1: any of you don't do that in this house, and
Speaker 1: so I would have been you haven't been in anything
Speaker 1: right right never? And I actually, um, it would have
Speaker 1: been actually humiliating for me if you had listed to
Speaker 1: credit and I'd been, well, yeah, I didn't want to
Speaker 1: say I mean, I could have said, you know, out
Speaker 1: of bounds comedy festival in Austin, Texas. But I just
Speaker 1: I didn't. I feel like that would almost be offensive
Speaker 1: to you. He's the host of UM, a monthly show
Speaker 1: at this and that UM but cut that's pre George.
Speaker 1: George was still coming up at Boston Open Mics when
Speaker 1: I was was being a bar show at this and
Speaker 1: that R I p in Williamsburg, Brooklyn that I love
Speaker 1: this and that is a classic UM or earlier Williamsburg
Speaker 1: venue name. Yeah, you know after that show was one
Speaker 1: of the drunkest times of my entire life. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: um which the bartender kept giving me free drinks and
Speaker 1: I was I remember talking to you and you were
Speaker 1: I was like, he just keeps giving free drinks and
Speaker 1: You're like, yeah, he's just gonna keep doing that. And
Speaker 1: I was like, well, this is great then, and I
Speaker 1: was like watch like kind of like doing it like
Speaker 1: a little trick, and I was like, watch me get
Speaker 1: a free drink. It was a nightmare. That was really
Speaker 1: that was a really great at a pack in I
Speaker 1: think comedy in the scene, like I remember George on
Speaker 1: one episode I think with with Drew Anderson, you're saying
Speaker 1: that New York comedy was just people singing Broadway songs now, um,
Speaker 1: and I and I get the sentiment, but I agree
Speaker 1: that like there was a time when that was not happening.
Speaker 1: In in fact, those impulses were shamed and people sort
Speaker 1: had to hide that. Um, absolutely for that. And I mean,
Speaker 1: much like all other industries, comedy used to be inhospitable
Speaker 1: to gay men, and now it's too hospitable. People are
Speaker 1: feeling a little too comfortable, you know what, I actually
Speaker 1: genuinely agree. I mean, no, it sounds okay, this sounds toxic,
Speaker 1: but I fully think we got to make some cuts.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I actually think if we were to make
Speaker 1: cuts now, I would be cut. I would be cut
Speaker 1: for sure. Really, I know, I think I think funny
Speaker 1: in months, I literally haven't. And I know that, babe.
Speaker 1: It's the pandemic of the pandemic. But the pandemic is
Speaker 1: here to stay, and so at this point, if you're
Speaker 1: not if you can't be funny in the pandemic, then
Speaker 1: you're just not funny. I think it's I no, no,
Speaker 1: it's true. But the thing is we have to the
Speaker 1: number of universal experiences is smaller during the pandemic, So
Speaker 1: the things you can make fun of are so are
Speaker 1: also similar. It's so I guess people have been making
Speaker 1: jokes about like relationships and jobs for decades, and there's
Speaker 1: also a lot of like, you know, I can't really
Speaker 1: talk about all of the really funny happenings going on
Speaker 1: at the speakeasies that I'm frequenting now, Yes, and that's
Speaker 1: really good, you know, like I can't a lot of
Speaker 1: slapstick humor in your speakeasy orgies. Yeah, there's no more
Speaker 1: wild talks about those parties were all at all the time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I I it really has sort of made me realize
Speaker 1: that the locust of my writing for the last two
Speaker 1: years has been drugs and orgies, which is reversal stuff.
Speaker 1: I've really managed to make it um really fun and
Speaker 1: universal for the people that I played too largely in
Speaker 1: the Midwest, which I also wanted to say that growing
Speaker 1: up in the Midwest during nine eleven, I remember my
Speaker 1: dad's stockpiling canned goods, and even at the age of
Speaker 1: like twelve, I was like, I don't even know where
Speaker 1: New York is right now, so why would they care?
Speaker 1: Why would they care? Plane feel Illinois. The Midwest really
Speaker 1: took that as an identity, like because it was. It
Speaker 1: was a very what I remember, here's what I remember
Speaker 1: from from Africa, because this is I feel like these
Speaker 1: are things that we were all just young enough to
Speaker 1: like not question, but old enough to really remember visc
Speaker 1: really do. Like there was such a rise in full
Speaker 1: on like nationalism, but in like a cute in like
Speaker 1: an a political way. Like I distinctly remember asking my
Speaker 1: parents to buy a little magnet for our car that
Speaker 1: said support our troops. Like it was like a yellow
Speaker 1: ribbon magnet, and I was like, this is a status symbol,
Speaker 1: like everyone has that. It's kind of the tel far
Speaker 1: bag of um a post nine eleven America, New Jersey
Speaker 1: or like I remember like buying a like a winter
Speaker 1: hat that was that had like an American It was
Speaker 1: all stars around the head and then stripes going up.
Speaker 1: I remember in youth group because I was school at
Speaker 1: the time, so I wasn't in school for this, but
Speaker 1: I remember in youth group we started folding the flag
Speaker 1: at the end of every youth group. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: in in the way that you're supposed to fold flags
Speaker 1: in the respectful way, like basically all of turning all
Speaker 1: of us into those messengers who like bring the flag
Speaker 1: to fallen soldiers homes at the end of the war. Um,
Speaker 1: that's how I felt. That's it felt like dragged to
Speaker 1: me every single day. It really was. It was like
Speaker 1: a way, weirdly enough, it was so accessible to be
Speaker 1: patriotic in that kind of surface level way that I
Speaker 1: found it to be a way that I could um
Speaker 1: relate to my to you know, my friends who had
Speaker 1: non immigrant parents. I was like, yeah, I love the
Speaker 1: American flag was huge. It was really like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: going to join the army. Like if I were like
Speaker 1: if I were like killing right now, I would absolutely
Speaker 1: join the army. If I wasn't in school and eleven,
Speaker 1: I would be joining the army. I remember. I mean
Speaker 1: I identified as a Republican until I was sixteen to
Speaker 1: oh that was your I absolutely did, because you don't know,
Speaker 1: there is somewhere out there a toxic essay that I
Speaker 1: wrote for like a one prize for like the local
Speaker 1: bookstore that's like pro George Bush, and it is like
Speaker 1: it will be released one day and I will like
Speaker 1: I was literally thirteen, and it was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't believe. I remember looking my a p U S.
Speaker 1: History teacher in the eyes who wasn't like a vowed liberal,
Speaker 1: and being like, I'm so glad George W. Bush was
Speaker 1: reelected and he said why and I said, because I
Speaker 1: feel safe for now. Well, at least you were like
Speaker 1: evolved in your messaging. I would say you were really
Speaker 1: was the official line? Good for you? I Um, I
Speaker 1: remember very clearly thinking that I personally was smarter than
Speaker 1: George W. Bush and um asking asking my parents. I
Speaker 1: was like, I was basically making the argument like no
Speaker 1: matter what your beliefs are, like, he's not smart, Like
Speaker 1: I think I'm smarter than him, right, And I remember
Speaker 1: my dad being like, well, I mean, I don't know
Speaker 1: if you're smarter than him currently, like you are, um eleven,
Speaker 1: but but I see what you're saying. And then I
Speaker 1: also remember being part of the Young Liberals group in
Speaker 1: my middle school where we would um order Carrie buttons
Speaker 1: and wear them. Oh wow, woke bay. Yeah, it doesn't
Speaker 1: seem like it could sustain an entire club for very long.
Speaker 1: That's literally all it was. I don't we did nothing else,
Speaker 1: and it was it was in response to a Young
Speaker 1: Conservatives club that was started so then and I didn't
Speaker 1: know the words conservative and liberalist Republican and Democrat, and
Speaker 1: I remember being like, okay, liberal is democrat? Good, Like
Speaker 1: that's the synonym um. But yeah, this was when I
Speaker 1: was learning a lot of different words. For instance, one
Speaker 1: time someone asked me what my religion was, and I said,
Speaker 1: First of all, they said, are you Jewish or Christian?
Speaker 1: And I said Christian because that's how I was raised,
Speaker 1: and they were And then I was like, um, I'm
Speaker 1: Christian Orthodox because I was Greek Orthodox. And then the
Speaker 1: person goes, no, Orthodox is only for Jews, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, okay, well I guess I'm wrong. I
Speaker 1: you know, it's crazy is growing up in my church
Speaker 1: we would not even call Greek Orthodox Christians. We would
Speaker 1: not at all. That makes it Wait, what was your
Speaker 1: I don't know any of the names. Baptist? Okay, interesting,
Speaker 1: you just love youth group? Were you a freak for it?
Speaker 1: I was a freak for youth group. I was a
Speaker 1: youth leader. We would have to you would like. The
Speaker 1: thing is is my youth group was a franchised youth group,
Speaker 1: and so it was connected to a large camp in
Speaker 1: New York that you would go to every summer and
Speaker 1: compete in. You would also compete throughout the year in
Speaker 1: regional Bible quizzine competitions. This is oh I did know
Speaker 1: this about you? Yeah yeah. But also like it was
Speaker 1: also like speech and debate. So there would be like
Speaker 1: dramatic monologues you could form as Jesus, you could do
Speaker 1: a preaching Christians, you could do girls were allowed weren't
Speaker 1: allowed to do preaching. They were allowed to do storytelling
Speaker 1: for children, and then the boys had to be preaching.
Speaker 1: And then you would do like group drama like re enactments,
Speaker 1: and you would compete. And I competed in those as well,
Speaker 1: and I made it to nationals quite a few times
Speaker 1: doing monologues, which very competitive. I have to say, I
Speaker 1: can't imagine, um, you know, getting anything out of talking
Speaker 1: to a crowd of people on a stage, um, and
Speaker 1: even adding a competitive element to it. It sounds so immature. Um.
Speaker 1: You know. It was sort of the America's got talent
Speaker 1: for Bible people at the time. And I remember going
Speaker 1: to New York and competing at these camps and it
Speaker 1: was the most incredible experience of my entire fucking life.
Speaker 1: And every every summer I'd go to these camps, and
Speaker 1: every summer I would throw all of my secular CDs
Speaker 1: into a bonfire that I drink that, and then three
Speaker 1: months later I would I would renig and like, you know,
Speaker 1: by Avril Levine, you're not Yeah. Wow, so you did
Speaker 1: visit New York, so you are implicated. In nine eleven,
Speaker 1: should we do our first segment? Okay? Can I say,
Speaker 1: can we talk about the podcast? Will make the podcast? Yeah?
Speaker 1: We need we need we Actually I've been thinking about
Speaker 1: the Sam. We need to go back to our roots
Speaker 1: and be more avant garde. We've been having too many
Speaker 1: linear conversations. I mean tips, tricks, I mean, how do
Speaker 1: we lighten the damn mood? Oh wait, Sam, you just
Speaker 1: got suddenly very loud. Oh my god. Congrat Sam. You
Speaker 1: found your voice. Sam, you finally found your voice. I'm
Speaker 1: watching a season of Real Housewives where Carol is like, like,
Speaker 1: says two things and then people are like, you know,
Speaker 1: I like that you found your voice. I mean, I
Speaker 1: think that's so inspiring. And if I can find my
Speaker 1: voice within this podcast, I hope that all a little
Speaker 1: boys out there in the third biggest middle school in
Speaker 1: third world can can find a way to speak up
Speaker 1: and say I'm at risk of being in the next
Speaker 1: nine eleven. I think that's powerful. I hope your refugee's
Speaker 1: listen to this podcast they do. Wait, this is a
Speaker 1: different Okay, wait, maybe we should do our first topic
Speaker 1: because what I would say actually is a bad topic. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's just do our Let's just do our first segment.
Speaker 1: It'll losten us up, and then we'll be ready to
Speaker 1: only talk about surface level, non serious things. Oh thank god.
Speaker 1: And if it and if a conversation ever comes back
Speaker 1: to my family, I will completely shut down. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: totally me. Okay, Joe, we're not even going to introduce
Speaker 1: this segment because Joel is a podcast listener. Joel, well, actually,
Speaker 1: Sam go for you can go first. Um okay, Joel,
Speaker 1: this is straight Shooter just I'm not going to explain it,
Speaker 1: but here is the start of it. I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: you might want to just as a note, you might
Speaker 1: want to just in case someone's tuning in for this episode.
Speaker 1: Any other note, Joel, any other The section of the
Speaker 1: section of the episode where we ask you what you
Speaker 1: think of the podcast has already happened. Okay, go ahead, Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe I could break this tension with a uh ladle Okay,
Speaker 1: Straight Shooters is a segment in which we gauge the
Speaker 1: guests familiarity with the beautiful, gorgeous tapestry that is straight
Speaker 1: culture by asking them a series of rapid fire questions
Speaker 1: that's mostly just this thing or this thing. If they
Speaker 1: dare to ask a follow up, we get absolutely piste off.
Speaker 1: And if you're a new listener, then guess what I'm
Speaker 1: already piste off. You go? Okay, Joel? Here we go
Speaker 1: HBO's Girls or Amazon's The Boys, Amazon's the Boys? Whoa Joel?
Speaker 1: Natural wine or natural deodorant? Natural line? Okay, Joel? If
Speaker 1: a disease was named after you because you got it
Speaker 1: and you wore it so well, would you be flattered
Speaker 1: or offended? Flattered Joel? Raising awareness or raising the roof?
Speaker 1: Raising awareness? Joel? Louis Baton or Luis c K Joel.
Speaker 1: Homemade Granola or Homemade Dynamite by Lord the remix featuring College,
Speaker 1: Post Malone and Scissa Um Homemade Dynamite by Lord featuring Colleen,
Speaker 1: Sissa and and the other Post Malone. Pay attention, Pay attention.
Speaker 1: This is gonna be on the final Um Joel. What
Speaker 1: is more emotional seeing two people commit their lives to
Speaker 1: each other in marriage, or seeing two companies commit their
Speaker 1: profits together in merger, two people committing one thousand marriage
Speaker 1: Joel dried fruit or wet asked pussy. See wow, Joel,
Speaker 1: that was beautiful, And now, of course we give you.
Speaker 1: I want to I want to defend my answer for
Speaker 1: the Boys really quickly and say, have you seen pictures
Speaker 1: of Langston Kerman celebrated comic in The Boys? Yet? Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I didn't know he was on The Boys?
Speaker 1: Forced him still recovering from his appearance on Insecure Jack.
Speaker 1: And there's a picture on his instagram of it. If
Speaker 1: you're a fan of comedy, if you're a fan of
Speaker 1: gorgeous bodies, go to Langston Kerman's instagram and look at
Speaker 1: his still from the Boys, because it is outrageous. Wow.
Speaker 1: You know, Langston Kerman is has an m f A
Speaker 1: in poetry. Yeah, serious, Austin Comics. You love to get
Speaker 1: these advanced degrees. Lanson Kerman is too much. I mean
Speaker 1: the fact that his name is Langston and he has
Speaker 1: an m f A in poetry, and he taught he
Speaker 1: was a high school English teacher on the South Side. Yes, exactly.
Speaker 1: Jan is married to a beautiful, gorgeous woman. Yeah. Who
Speaker 1: So he is a doctor. I want to say, like, not,
Speaker 1: oh my god, enough has a PhD. I want to
Speaker 1: say they're kind of a um uh, they're like a
Speaker 1: plant to make heterosexuality like acceptable again. Yeah, well it's working.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of turning back me too. Actually, can I
Speaker 1: say that I have in recent years been like, maybe
Speaker 1: I missed something here. I agree. I've been thinking about
Speaker 1: like circling back and just grazing bisexuality for a second,
Speaker 1: just to that's the real horseshoe theory is that we're
Speaker 1: all going to be straight in two years. I would
Speaker 1: love for that to be true, that there's there's not
Speaker 1: enough of that. Do you think it's tough because bisexuality exists?
Speaker 1: But if it didn't, then do you think there would
Speaker 1: be many people that were that would like then do like, um,
Speaker 1: there would be like Rachel Dollar drawls for for homosexuality.
Speaker 1: You you so you're saying, would bisexual people exist if
Speaker 1: bisexuality didn't exist? You know what, let's nip this right
Speaker 1: in the bud. Do you remember when Cynthia Nixon said
Speaker 1: that you could choose your sexuality days of Cynthia Nixon.
Speaker 1: I do. But here's the thing the way she said
Speaker 1: it was not. She was just like, I choose to
Speaker 1: be with a woman. Yes, I know, I miss I'm
Speaker 1: intentionally misrepresenting it because it's funnier to say that Cynthia
Speaker 1: Nixon believes you can choose your sexuality. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: that's why she lost to the Blasio because of that comment.
Speaker 1: How do you think Cynthia Nixon would have handled the pandemic?
Speaker 1: Jams would have been open way soon. Here's the thing,
Speaker 1: It's really there is something really tough about these scenarios
Speaker 1: with the pandemic because, on the one hand, I want
Speaker 1: Cynthia Nixon to be governor. On the other hand, all
Speaker 1: these like ruthless, unethical, mobster like people such as Hillary
Speaker 1: Clinton or Bill de Blasio or whoever or else, when
Speaker 1: it comes to something as sweeping as a pandemic, I'm like,
Speaker 1: they're gonna make the spreadsheets. Okay, you started off very
Speaker 1: Jacoba and then you ended very New Republic. Yeah, I'm I'm,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm coming around to the New Republic point of view.
Speaker 1: I am shocked that that is your take. I'm genuinely surprised.
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't help but feel that she would
Speaker 1: obviously be doing a better job. She would love she
Speaker 1: loves a spreadsheet. It's true. Something Nick, Well, if you're
Speaker 1: gonna be a leftist, you need to be bisexual. No,
Speaker 1: that's it. I have nothing more to add. I don't
Speaker 1: actually think Deblasi is doing a good job. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: I'm trying to there's something in the kind of like,
Speaker 1: no matter how many people um wait, I'm also not
Speaker 1: talking about DEBLIGI, I'm talking about Cuomo. But but let's
Speaker 1: take the Blagia for instance, the fact that no matter
Speaker 1: how many people literally we are like telling him to
Speaker 1: resign every single day, he just keeps on doing the
Speaker 1: same thing. What if that thing was good? What if
Speaker 1: we could channel the energy of just like that blind
Speaker 1: faith in what you're doing. But then you had like
Speaker 1: good politics. And I don't know if um, someone like
Speaker 1: Cynthia Nixon would have that. I think she would be
Speaker 1: very influenced by what people around her were saying because
Speaker 1: of her empathy. She'd listen to her constituents exactly, she'd
Speaker 1: listen to her constituents. But sometimes constituents are bad. Some well,
Speaker 1: there are, there are too many of them, especially in
Speaker 1: a city like New York. Well, and that's why we
Speaker 1: have to make cuts right. We have to get rid
Speaker 1: of some constituents that's made aware of how how many
Speaker 1: people live in Wyoming. Um, just the other day stumbled
Speaker 1: across this information. Do you guys know crisis right rules?
Speaker 1: How many people are in Wyoming? How many people in
Speaker 1: the state of Wyoming. I'm guessing, Um, that sounds right?
Speaker 1: A hundred thousand is your guest? Wait? Hold on, hold on,
Speaker 1: you think hundred thousand people in Wyoming? A little? How
Speaker 1: about um, three hundred thousand? Okay, you bother her George
Speaker 1: wins prices right Rules because he's he got close. Is
Speaker 1: it literally like two million? No, it's it's five thousand. Um,
Speaker 1: But what I will say, your guest is more reasonable
Speaker 1: than Sam's one hundred thousand people. There's a hundred thousand
Speaker 1: people in green Point right now? No, you were you
Speaker 1: were You were like setting this up as like it's
Speaker 1: you will never believe how few people there are in Wyoming.
Speaker 1: So I was like, okay, are there five if not
Speaker 1: that many people? Think about how people live in New
Speaker 1: York City, I mean five thousand people sounds like a
Speaker 1: lot of people. Imagine you're throwing a party in your
Speaker 1: apartment and then you invite five thousand people, like I
Speaker 1: would be upset. I be like, this is a lot
Speaker 1: of people. I'd be like, there need to be some
Speaker 1: cuts made, Like does anyone have a list? Like therely
Speaker 1: invest in a V I P section always like the
Speaker 1: amount of people that went to the warp Tour one year,
Speaker 1: you know, like, I don't even think that, Like that
Speaker 1: is like an eighth of the population of New York.
Speaker 1: But doesn't that grind your gears? They get two senators?
Speaker 1: Oh that's what you're saying. Of course, of course, of
Speaker 1: course I'm so nervous that I said, in my efforts
Speaker 1: to be funny, basically expressed support for Bill de Blasio
Speaker 1: and Andrew Cuomo and Hillary Clinton and Hillary Clinton. And
Speaker 1: you know what, ultimately, if you look at if you
Speaker 1: look at everything I said literally and you kind of
Speaker 1: take it at face value, that is what I did.
Speaker 1: But I promise you I don't feel that way. Well, George,
Speaker 1: are you really did a good act? What I'm trying
Speaker 1: to say? You know what I'm gonna keep. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: keep a Biden this November. So you're saying women are
Speaker 1: too weak. I feel like men should get the vaccine first.
Speaker 1: Are you guys gonna get the Are you guys gonna
Speaker 1: get the first wave vaccine? Because I am. I'm gonna say,
Speaker 1: give it to me. I don't care. I don't care
Speaker 1: what it does to me October, Give me the vaccine.
Speaker 1: Give it to me earlier. I've signed up for every
Speaker 1: single trial of a vaccine that I can find. Do
Speaker 1: they pay you for the trials? I don't think so,
Speaker 1: And I don't need the money. I need the vaccine, Okay, honey,
Speaker 1: so that I can walk to subway without a mask on.
Speaker 1: That's what I want. Subway every day, like fucking Jarrett
Speaker 1: and get a sandwich. Isn't that sad? You do culture
Speaker 1: right there? When you were saying I would walk to
Speaker 1: the subway, I was like, Oh, he's like pretending he's
Speaker 1: still in New York. Like, ok, I just won't call
Speaker 1: him out on this, like, sure to go to the
Speaker 1: subway in l A. Oh the subway. You guys are
Speaker 1: adding roll back the transcript. I said, subway walk to
Speaker 1: subway way. This is sort of subway subway every day?
Speaker 1: Why because I know how much is in it and
Speaker 1: it is healthy for you. Are you in the running
Speaker 1: to be the next spokesperson. I cannot confirm nor deny
Speaker 1: the next pedophile to be representing America's next pedophile representing
Speaker 1: subway banks. Oh you know, remember when okay, this is
Speaker 1: not okay whatever, I'm gonna try talking about it. Remember
Speaker 1: when Jared Vogel got arrested and then everybody was like, wait,
Speaker 1: that's not the right name, and it is okay, that
Speaker 1: is the right name. Uh, And everybody like made the
Speaker 1: same joke on Twitter where it was like I hope
Speaker 1: he's taken a foot long in prison or something, and
Speaker 1: it was like all so bad and stupid. But there
Speaker 1: was one guy who was like a failed open micer
Speaker 1: who made a Facebook post where he was like clearly
Speaker 1: trying to get to the computer and type the joke
Speaker 1: as quickly as possible, and he wrote if you to
Speaker 1: be in shape to catch the kid, which like, wait,
Speaker 1: he wrote, what if you to be in shape to
Speaker 1: catch the kid? That was that was the whole sentence.
Speaker 1: That's so funny. It was clearly I see what he's doing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and he just it was full of typos and he
Speaker 1: couldn't you know, it's all about timing. He was like,
Speaker 1: I gotta get this out before anybody else. Remember about
Speaker 1: the week that Jared Fogel was arrested. Is I believe
Speaker 1: I could be making this up, but I believe it
Speaker 1: was the same week that Facebook reacts came out, and
Speaker 1: I just remember smashing that and they created those you
Speaker 1: know how how YouTube was created after um, after Janet
Speaker 1: Jackson you know, had had her words amountfunction, But in fact,
Speaker 1: the react buttons were created because people were so angry
Speaker 1: about Jared Fogel that they needed something other than a like, Sam,
Speaker 1: here's the question, and that is on everyone's lips. Now
Speaker 1: that we've brought up Jared Fogo. I can hear your
Speaker 1: listeners clamoring to get inside and no, would you smash?
Speaker 1: I draw a line, and I have to draw the line.
Speaker 1: There your type, but not at Dr Phil. I sent
Speaker 1: you a video of Dr Phil today and you got
Speaker 1: a chub. Sam, I do think Dr Phil is a
Speaker 1: step too far? No, okay, but you have to you
Speaker 1: have to put yourself in the full Like the full
Speaker 1: fantasy was Dr Phil doing a TikTok where he's saying like,
Speaker 1: like people are calling me daddy online and then he
Speaker 1: says in this weird voice, like kind of southern kind
Speaker 1: of scolding in a way that's sure. I mean it's like,
Speaker 1: I ain't your daddy. And I was like, oh, like,
Speaker 1: come on you. I just imagine you on your knees,
Speaker 1: Dr phil and him looking down and just saying I
Speaker 1: ain't your daddy. Oh does that not turn you guys
Speaker 1: on a little? Sam? When you first said you were
Speaker 1: attracted Dr Philip, I was not into it. But when
Speaker 1: I found out that it was because of a TikTok,
Speaker 1: I'm on board. Oh yeah, we are all pro TikTok
Speaker 1: here where pro TikTok? I am pro uh Cynthia Nixon
Speaker 1: and not Bill the Blastio and Andrew Cuomo and saying
Speaker 1: I'm i am anti Jared Fogel, Yes, and I'm you know,
Speaker 1: I would say I see both sides. With the Jared
Speaker 1: Fogo situation. How do you think he would handle the pandemic? Well,
Speaker 1: you know, he really you can't say he's not disciplined.
Speaker 1: Here here's the point I was trying to make, and
Speaker 1: I actually think this is why Jared would handle the pandemic. Well,
Speaker 1: is is the pandemic is such a like it's you
Speaker 1: just have to have tunnel vision and and just be
Speaker 1: like every single person is the same, and we're going
Speaker 1: to get every single person the vaccine. So if you
Speaker 1: are just without even considering anything else. Ideally, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that is what anyone is currently doing, but the
Speaker 1: ideal situation is that it should be like an equalizing
Speaker 1: force and that every single person is just as susceptible
Speaker 1: to it, and every single person deserves a vaccine. So
Speaker 1: then what you need is someone who is so uh
Speaker 1: single minded that they can just focus on that one task.
Speaker 1: And Jared has only done one, well two things, but
Speaker 1: one thing in his life, which is that he has
Speaker 1: lost weight by eating subway sandwiches. And I feel like
Speaker 1: if he could channel that kind of single mindedness to
Speaker 1: something like dealing with the pandemic, we could really have something.
Speaker 1: Whereas Cynthia Nixon, it's like she's an actress, she's a politician,
Speaker 1: she's bisexual. Jared Fogo would make a better I think
Speaker 1: what you're describing is a tzar. You think that Jared
Speaker 1: Fogo would be a good pandemics are yes and yeah,
Speaker 1: get him in Fauci's role. Yeah, Jared Folo is the
Speaker 1: new Faucci. Let's get a trending. I speaking of you,
Speaker 1: know nine eleven things as kids that we interpreted weird.
Speaker 1: Jared Fogel, I remember being a kid and being like
Speaker 1: truly inspired and being like, Wow, anything is possible, dared
Speaker 1: to believe like this man lost weight by eating subway. Well, Sam,
Speaker 1: I have to tell you, as a very fat kid,
Speaker 1: I the whole thing. Ill. It made me think that
Speaker 1: to to lose weight with something that if I really
Speaker 1: put my mind to it, I can do in the
Speaker 1: span of like two months, I just needed to find
Speaker 1: the right sandwich chain. So that's why I kept putting
Speaker 1: it off. Yeah, well I can see that that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Did they not have quiz nos in Micanos
Speaker 1: or wherever the funk you were? Well, first of all,
Speaker 1: this was when I was in New Jersey and they
Speaker 1: most certainly had quiz nos there. Um. So Joel, we
Speaker 1: have this. We have asked you to have come prepared
Speaker 1: with the topic. Yeah, and I'll say, um, the topic
Speaker 1: I am I've come to prepared to talk to you
Speaker 1: about is spiders and bugs. Um. And it's a topic
Speaker 1: that I think and I was really struggling with this
Speaker 1: because I thought, for a second, there is something feminine
Speaker 1: about spiders. Spiders are often sort of like we project
Speaker 1: like the female gender onto them, and spiders are girls,
Speaker 1: sort of canonically hugs are boys, but dealing with them
Speaker 1: is a boy's job. Is it's a straight male job.
Speaker 1: And I'll say this, so the reason I really thought
Speaker 1: about this is because I was really thinking about like
Speaker 1: the last messages of my own heterosexuality. And it was
Speaker 1: when I was like eight years old, and there was
Speaker 1: a time in my life where I really wanted to
Speaker 1: be an entomologist. Like that was like my first big
Speaker 1: career aspiration was to be an entomologist, and I like
Speaker 1: fascinated with bugs, and I was specifically and this this
Speaker 1: hurts my heart to say, but I would. I would
Speaker 1: capture spiders and put them in containers together and make
Speaker 1: them fight. And then I developed empathy and realized and
Speaker 1: it was sort of a crossroads of like, you know,
Speaker 1: you either graduate from spiders to real animals or you become,
Speaker 1: you know, a person with empathy. And thankfully I developed
Speaker 1: empathy and realized how horrific that is. But I think
Speaker 1: making Spider's fight is very straight making spiders fight. Making
Speaker 1: Spider's fight is definitely sort of you lashing out, you know,
Speaker 1: I I see that as you trying to fit in
Speaker 1: with straight it feels so. But to me, making spider's
Speaker 1: fight is very like if spiders are girls, is you're
Speaker 1: Andy Cohen. We're kind of Andy Cole and your route Paul,
Speaker 1: and you're making them lips thing for their lives like
Speaker 1: this does not seem to me. I mean, imagine growing
Speaker 1: up in a household with no barbies, what are you
Speaker 1: gonna do? You have to find anything? Spiders were my barbies. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and luckily I had two sisters, so barbies were my barbies.
Speaker 1: Have I told the story on this podcast about how
Speaker 1: one time my grandmother saw me playing with the barbie
Speaker 1: and then immediately went outside and chain smoked for like
Speaker 1: three hours. My parents were never prouder of me than
Speaker 1: when I would run around and saying I wanted to
Speaker 1: be a bug scientist. Um, and what the fund do
Speaker 1: bug scientists are? What exactly are they doing today? You? Like?
Speaker 1: Do I hope they feel proud of themselves that they
Speaker 1: went into such a useless fucking field, Like we're going
Speaker 1: through a global fucking pandemic and you're studying how crickets
Speaker 1: nate for you for what reason? Literally? Why? Counterpoint? I
Speaker 1: think I I knew one in college who studied ants,
Speaker 1: and she was like, aunts are the most collaborative creatures
Speaker 1: and if we could all channel ants, then we would
Speaker 1: live in a socialist utopia. What do you have to
Speaker 1: say about that? How are we gonna do that? Like
Speaker 1: download their damn brain? I'm picked off? And ants are
Speaker 1: also the most crushable creatures too, Okay, yes, it's called
Speaker 1: vulnerable radical vulnerability. They're also extremely strong, they are. Do
Speaker 1: you know who's gay? Grasshoppers? Why? Because they're hopping around?
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen a straight person be like They
Speaker 1: also all do sort of seem like they're wearing accessories,
Speaker 1: like you can that's the thing. Yeah, really easily picture
Speaker 1: a grasshopper and a top hat in a monocle, was
Speaker 1: um any sort? And which are all three very gay
Speaker 1: accessories as we know. Did I ever tell you about
Speaker 1: the time I met Anthony wearing a monocle? Oh? No? Yeah.
Speaker 1: I opened for John for Jonathan van ness Um at
Speaker 1: the improv and to to his credit, I will say
Speaker 1: this about Jonathan vaness doing stand up. You know for
Speaker 1: a fact that there's no jokes, you know, going in
Speaker 1: that there's no jokes, there's no hard set sold out
Speaker 1: like five shows. Um, and every time he opened his
Speaker 1: mouth just uproarious laughter. And to his credit, I will say,
Speaker 1: at one point in the middle of his set, he
Speaker 1: literally um was like, you guys are just laughing at
Speaker 1: everything I say, even the stuff that's not supposed to
Speaker 1: be funny. Why are you doing that? And then they
Speaker 1: laughed at that even harder, and you could tell he
Speaker 1: was sort of in his own nightmare at that point,
Speaker 1: Like it was like a very Twilight Zone moment where
Speaker 1: he was like, I've gotten my greatest wish, but I
Speaker 1: hate it. And then he was he literally turned to
Speaker 1: a woman in the front room and he's like, are
Speaker 1: you eating pizza? Like applause break up, an applause break.
Speaker 1: That's literally verbatim when he said, he said, are you
Speaker 1: eating pizza? Applause break? And then he said, what are
Speaker 1: you guys doing? Wing? Uh? So it was incredible to
Speaker 1: watch someone sort of realized that like they just couldn't
Speaker 1: they knew that they weren't good, but like they also
Speaker 1: could do no wrong. And most of the other Queer
Speaker 1: Eye guys were there, and in between shows, we were
Speaker 1: in the green room and Tan was very nice. He
Speaker 1: was like he treated us, like the people that were
Speaker 1: opening for Jonathan, like we were selept. He was like,
Speaker 1: I can't believe what you do. It's incredible. And Anthony
Speaker 1: was like very like, no one looked at me, but
Speaker 1: he kept being like, I'm where. I was like, why
Speaker 1: are you? We were all sort of like, why are
Speaker 1: you wearing um this monocle? And he said, because I
Speaker 1: don't want people to know who I am. And it's
Speaker 1: like you've put a target on your face. Uh no,
Speaker 1: that's what he said. What a disguise, What a disguise?
Speaker 1: A monocle? Um and Pete Davidson and um Ariana Grande
Speaker 1: were also up there, and they were they are on
Speaker 1: a very nice I did approach her and say I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm gay and I have to say this, but I
Speaker 1: love you, and she was very and she, you know,
Speaker 1: it was very sweet about it. And then she was like,
Speaker 1: we're actually going to home to play quip blash and
Speaker 1: watch Harry Potter. Um. So that's a little window into
Speaker 1: what that relationship was. I think it's really cool that
Speaker 1: you felt the need to say that you're gay while
Speaker 1: you're opening for the Queer Eye Cast. I felt the
Speaker 1: need to say I was gay, so that like she
Speaker 1: knew why I was approaching her. Um, not, I don't know, George, listen, Joel.
Speaker 1: I think it's beautiful that you open with that. I
Speaker 1: think that is it's honest. That's actually how I approach
Speaker 1: women at the gym. When I when I would go
Speaker 1: to the gym and I would like need to work
Speaker 1: in with the worm, I would say, I have to. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I did go through a phase where I was like,
Speaker 1: I didn't know that, you know, it was obvious that
Speaker 1: I was gay, So I so I felt that every
Speaker 1: time I talked to a woman, I thought I didn't
Speaker 1: want her to think I was hitting on her. So
Speaker 1: it would be very common for you to be like,
Speaker 1: first of all, like I'm gay, so let's get that
Speaker 1: out of the way. I always hated when, like, like,
Speaker 1: I know, straight guys get annoyed when girls are like
Speaker 1: my boyfriend, like really early in the conversation. But I
Speaker 1: would get like super annoyed when they would be like,
Speaker 1: well my boyfriend, because I was like, yeah, fine, like
Speaker 1: I'm not, I'm literally not hitting on you, Like stop
Speaker 1: saying your boyfriend, Like I don't care. God, girls can
Speaker 1: be so cruel to gaze ever talked about that. People
Speaker 1: are always talking about gay misogyny these days, but they
Speaker 1: never talked about this. They never talked about straight homophobia.
Speaker 1: Why are we not talking about straight homophobia? Remember when
Speaker 1: everyone was where it was cool to be like bachelorette
Speaker 1: parties in gay bars. Is like Nazi Germany. I do
Speaker 1: not remember that comparison being popular. They don't remember it either,
Speaker 1: And I do think there there is like such a
Speaker 1: weird like they're like, gay people aren't persecuted anymore. Um,
Speaker 1: we all know that, and I think that a lot
Speaker 1: of kids we were still um, and so that's like
Speaker 1: their one go to is that, well, what happens is
Speaker 1: the gay people that are persecuted are like being resilient
Speaker 1: and you know, being extremely strong, and the gay people
Speaker 1: that aren't persecuted are writing uh books about being persecuted. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well also, um, people are being persecuted don't have time
Speaker 1: because they're being persecuted, right Exactly, If you're actually being persecuted,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't be writing a book or kind of having
Speaker 1: an audible original. Well, gay people today is kind of
Speaker 1: like the Midwest during nine eleven, where it is not
Speaker 1: about you at all. You're chilling but they're still like,
Speaker 1: do you see what could happen to me? Like? What
Speaker 1: that's that you hit the nail on the head. Urban
Speaker 1: gay people today with homophobia are like the Midwest with
Speaker 1: nine eleven. It has nothing to do with you. Stop
Speaker 1: making this about you. Yes, canned goods and stop you.
Speaker 1: They just want to come into the bars. M um.
Speaker 1: So bugs, I'm honestly surprised that you liked them. Do
Speaker 1: you still feel comfortable around I'm tortured. The other reason
Speaker 1: I brought up spiders is because so I live by
Speaker 1: a river currently very close to river. I won't say
Speaker 1: which one because people to find me. It's the river wild.
Speaker 1: And because of that, there are a lot of bugs.
Speaker 1: And I live in a spider haven. There are no
Speaker 1: less than five spiders in every room of my apartment
Speaker 1: right now, and it is um it's terrifying. And my neighbors,
Speaker 1: who I live in a duplex and I share a
Speaker 1: backyard with my neighbors, and there they begged me every
Speaker 1: day not to kill the spiders. These other spiders are
Speaker 1: so important to the ecosystem because they kill the other bugs.
Speaker 1: And I famously have a joke where I say I
Speaker 1: don't want to work with the bugs to get rid
Speaker 1: of the bugs. You know, I don't want to work
Speaker 1: the community to get rid of the other bubbles um.
Speaker 1: But that's how I feel, because it just doesn't seem
Speaker 1: worth it. And also they're constantly telling me they're like,
Speaker 1: the spiders are more afraid of you than you are
Speaker 1: at them. And to that, I say, prove that, because
Speaker 1: it gets like if they're afraid, then they should leave. Yes, exactly.
Speaker 1: They I don't share a bed with people I'm afraid of. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: it can be hot to be a little scared. Yeah, Jo,
Speaker 1: that's that one we're not on board with. We were
Speaker 1: like with you until the very end. You ever thought
Speaker 1: that the bugs think it's hot to be scared of
Speaker 1: you and therefore they get in your bed? Maybe? You know?
Speaker 1: I hate I hate it when the first thing people
Speaker 1: bring up with spiders is how many spiders you eat
Speaker 1: in a year? And I feel like, during the pandemic,
Speaker 1: we're all eating so many more spiders than we normally would, right,
Speaker 1: I do what. I would love to know the logic
Speaker 1: on that. Wait, I have a question, what even is
Speaker 1: the whole like, um, we eat this many spiders in
Speaker 1: a year? I feel like someone just made that up once. No,
Speaker 1: I believe it because have you ever woken up with
Speaker 1: a spider on your face? I know I've woken up
Speaker 1: with a giant cockroach on my back. Congrats, So you've
Speaker 1: woken up with a spider on your face many times?
Speaker 1: Have you never? Never creeping on your face? And sort
Speaker 1: of like you never once? Oh my god, you guys
Speaker 1: are gaslighting me right now. This is a this is
Speaker 1: a human experience that many people share. No, what's gaslighting
Speaker 1: is everyone being like, yeah, you eat a number of
Speaker 1: spiders in your lifetime, and it's like, where's the data?
Speaker 1: Why it's in there? That's what I wonder. Why would
Speaker 1: they go in there? Well, they're attracted to moisture. Oh
Speaker 1: are they? I don't know, but that makes sense you
Speaker 1: an entomologists. Maybe I think this is a total and
Speaker 1: complete urban myth. I think I've worked it up and
Speaker 1: I think it's a lie. And I the fact that
Speaker 1: it spread is because it's such a juicy piece of
Speaker 1: gossip that everyone talks about it. But it's not true.
Speaker 1: I would say that it is my experience that I
Speaker 1: have woken up with enough spiders on my face to
Speaker 1: believe that I personally have eaten a number of spiders
Speaker 1: in this very month alone. Probably how many times a
Speaker 1: year do you wake up with spiders on your face?
Speaker 1: It's a monthly occurrence. I would say, Oh, this is
Speaker 1: absolutely Joel. This think something is up with you. You
Speaker 1: are like you are like one with the spiders, like
Speaker 1: I don't like spider Man. Yeah no, wait, I'm not Actually,
Speaker 1: I'm not making this up, and I actually am wondering
Speaker 1: if you guys are like you've never You've literally never
Speaker 1: woken up. I've promised you. I have never had a
Speaker 1: spider on my face, Joel, look at me and listen.
Speaker 1: Of course, I love to gaslight people, but right now
Speaker 1: I'm not gaslighting. I have never once had a spider
Speaker 1: on my face that I've don't know, people right into
Speaker 1: Stradio lab at gmail dot com. Yes, that is actually, um,
Speaker 1: and tell me if you've ever woken up with a
Speaker 1: spider on your face, because that is an experience that
Speaker 1: I thought was I thought I was going to come
Speaker 1: on the pot and you'd be like, yes, of course,
Speaker 1: that experience that we all share. No. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: so crazy because even I, as everyone knows, I'm in
Speaker 1: the midst of a cockroach infestation. In fact, my way
Speaker 1: of dealing with it is moving and um despite that,
Speaker 1: I've never woken up with bugs except for that one
Speaker 1: notable exception with bugs on my person. Spider. But you
Speaker 1: know what, I don't actually know if New York is
Speaker 1: a spider town. That's true, that's true. Like when was
Speaker 1: the last time you even saw a spider? You know what?
Speaker 1: That's I will agree with you there. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: think of all the other various places I've lived if
Speaker 1: I've ever woken up with a spider on my face.
Speaker 1: I mean I lived in like a gross sort of
Speaker 1: spidery basement when I was in college, and never once
Speaker 1: so I wake up with a spider on my face.
Speaker 1: Well that was in Michigan, right, Virginia. They're not They're
Speaker 1: it's not the same type, you don't you? Is this river?
Speaker 1: Are they just in l A? Are they all trying
Speaker 1: to make it? I that that might actually be honestly possible,
Speaker 1: because the thing is, I've never experienced spiders like I've
Speaker 1: experienced spiders in l A. It's living next to the
Speaker 1: river like I have, Well, they might be the river
Speaker 1: and I wait, retently, walking through webs and I always
Speaker 1: and always I'm contually walking through webs. This is like
Speaker 1: a y a novel, like literally like Stranger Things, and
Speaker 1: you're just walking through like sheets of webs. Well and
Speaker 1: they're supposedly I found this out. You're not supposed to
Speaker 1: clear away webs because the spiders eat their webs for
Speaker 1: sustenance when they're not catching enough bugs. Which to that,
Speaker 1: I say, not my problem. If you didn't get it,
Speaker 1: if you didn't get it in the night before, like
Speaker 1: you're supposed to spiders eating their own webs. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: that's very like you know, eating your own cup exactly,
Speaker 1: kind of like that. Okay. Also, I think you should
Speaker 1: take take away the webs, because you know, it's sort
Speaker 1: of like you want to motivate those spiders to not
Speaker 1: just sort of depend on eating their web. You want
Speaker 1: to say, hey, no, you can't have the safety net
Speaker 1: get out there and eat bugs, well literal safety new
Speaker 1: I will say. I will say that I am I'm
Speaker 1: constantly screaming at them because a lot of the spiders
Speaker 1: will choose web areas that are like near the ground,
Speaker 1: and famously most of the bugs are in the sky,
Speaker 1: and so I'm I say, what are you doing down there.
Speaker 1: Of course you need to eat your own webs. And
Speaker 1: I and I just it's so frustrating because they're not
Speaker 1: the whole reason we're not killing the bugs the spiders
Speaker 1: is because they're supposed to be killing these flying the
Speaker 1: mosquitoes and the dangerous disnease carrying bugs and they're not
Speaker 1: doing it because they're on the ground so base. There
Speaker 1: are no bugs in my house too. That's the other thing.
Speaker 1: What are they doing what they're doing in my house?
Speaker 1: Maybe they're lifestyle spiders. I mean, it's like, how you know,
Speaker 1: what are we doing? Not per creating, I don't know,
Speaker 1: living our lives? That is true, that is true. We
Speaker 1: are God's spiders. We are gods will endorsed spiders. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean all we do is eat our own We
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm just like, here's the thing. If I
Speaker 1: was like, if you knew a person, it's like, okay,
Speaker 1: everyone else or like many people are having sex and
Speaker 1: there was just one person and only ate his own Come,
Speaker 1: it's not your place to judge him. That's just like
Speaker 1: what he does. And these spiders don't catch but because
Speaker 1: they just eat their own webs. But that's not what
Speaker 1: they're supposed to be doing. Wow, current problematic line of
Speaker 1: reasoning is overshadowing my um my that you were. I
Speaker 1: have this entire time in thinking how I can edit
Speaker 1: out that part to make myself sound less like I
Speaker 1: support Cuomo. I don't think there's a way to do it.
Speaker 1: You literally said that Cynthia Nixon was too weak willed
Speaker 1: to handle. I mean I didn't kind of say that,
Speaker 1: and I don't have her own sexuality, but she can't
Speaker 1: fight her way out of a pandemic Cynthia Nixon, Well,
Speaker 1: I'm really glad she's attached to the next Ryan Murphy project.
Speaker 1: I'll say that she is. Yeah, she's thrown in the towel.
Speaker 1: She's not going. There's already a trailer for it. Oh,
Speaker 1: is it Nurse Ratchet or whatever something like that. Okay,
Speaker 1: Nurse Ratchet. I don't think it's actually called Nurse Ratchet.
Speaker 1: That's my latest single, Megan Stallion Nurse Wait, so you
Speaker 1: have a heart out, So we need to do um
Speaker 1: um our final segment. I forgot all about that, I know.
Speaker 1: So we do a final segment um for the listeners
Speaker 1: listening for the first time. I guess I'll explain it
Speaker 1: to you because somebody left a review on our podcast
Speaker 1: that said it's a little too inside baseball. Sometimes somebody
Speaker 1: actually said that, you know, somebody did say that. There's
Speaker 1: one review that said that, and I said, wait, I'm
Speaker 1: blinging it up right now. Should be said, game, bitch,
Speaker 1: that's why you're mad. Yeah, don't be fucking mad. Moved
Speaker 1: to New York, dumb moved from an ault comedian. And
Speaker 1: then if you listen to our podcast and you're not
Speaker 1: an alt comedian in New York, we do not want
Speaker 1: your business. This is a boutique podcast that is put
Speaker 1: out by us and us alone. Not even Forever Dog
Speaker 1: contame us. Oh there it is. First of all, the
Speaker 1: title of this review is beige, and then it says
Speaker 1: flashes of wit. But it all seems like an inside
Speaker 1: joke that I'm not privy to. I might be missing
Speaker 1: some of some of nuances since I don't live in
Speaker 1: New York though, mhmm. Here's what I will say. I
Speaker 1: guarantee you that most people who live in New York
Speaker 1: also are podcasts, also are not privy to some kind
Speaker 1: of inside joke. I okay. To their credit, this podcast
Speaker 1: is definitely an intermediate level podcast. Actually, I actually have
Speaker 1: you listened to some of Have you listened to Karamo's podcast?
Speaker 1: Come on, no, Joe, I have not listened to Karamo's podcast.
Speaker 1: What do you I'm doing sitting around listening to the
Speaker 1: damn Queer Eye guys podcasts. I've been saying that like
Speaker 1: this podcast is infinitely better than like Chasen's podcast or
Speaker 1: likely for instance, I would rather listen to this for
Speaker 1: ten hours straight than listen to one episode of pod
Speaker 1: Save Well, I would have to agree. Shots fired, you've heard. Wait,
Speaker 1: we we have to we have to do um what's
Speaker 1: our final segment called? Oh shout outs? That's right, shout
Speaker 1: out and we give a shout out to something that
Speaker 1: we like in the style. I just really take this
Speaker 1: to be like an like an m t V t
Speaker 1: r L situation, and some guys think it's radio and
Speaker 1: it's really interesting to see what Well, we haven't decided
Speaker 1: which one it is, and once again I'm I personally
Speaker 1: don't decide as I'm doing it, what what I'm trying
Speaker 1: to go for. I think it's open to interpretation, and
Speaker 1: I think George again it's good at it, but he
Speaker 1: is uh he the low He comes in with his
Speaker 1: low um sense of self and it's help his team.
Speaker 1: Shut up. Shut up, actually shut up? You know, actually
Speaker 1: shut up. I have I have one today and I'm
Speaker 1: ready for it. Okay, great, then you can start what's up? Listeners?
Speaker 1: I want to give a quick shout out to Chasti
Speaker 1: and Buddha, Jedge Karamo, Jonathan van Ness, John Lovett from
Speaker 1: Pot Save American all other prominent gay men. I think
Speaker 1: what you're doing is so good, and you're opening doors
Speaker 1: for me left and right. I can't even I don't
Speaker 1: have time to go through each of these doors. Every
Speaker 1: day I wake up and I go through each door
Speaker 1: and I say this one, maybe this one. If anything,
Speaker 1: there are too many options with me as for me
Speaker 1: as a young gay man in media, splash entertainment, and
Speaker 1: I wish some of them would close along with the
Speaker 1: people who opened up. Okay, I'll go now, what's up? Listeners? UM?
Speaker 1: I just want to give a quick shout out to
Speaker 1: toxic parance everywhere. Um. I just rode on an airplane,
Speaker 1: Yes it's allowed, who cares? Live it up? Yellow? And
Speaker 1: there was a parent behind me who was absolutely going
Speaker 1: off on the flight attendant. It was quite rude, and
Speaker 1: I don't know why they were so mad, but they
Speaker 1: kept condescending to her, and she was being really nice,
Speaker 1: and they kept saying, what's her last name, what's your
Speaker 1: last name? I'm gonna report you. I'm gonna report you.
Speaker 1: And it was like, literally, just make your kids sit
Speaker 1: and see. That's all she's asking me to do. And
Speaker 1: he wouldn't stop talking to her for the entire hour flight.
Speaker 1: And she was nice and she was funny, and her
Speaker 1: presentation was original, and I cared for this woman. And
Speaker 1: I tried to smile at her when I left and
Speaker 1: said thank you, but I was wearing my mask and
Speaker 1: so she couldn't see my smile. And I don't think
Speaker 1: my eyes are that expressive. And that is is the
Speaker 1: truth that I have to live with. I love you,
Speaker 1: by At, I hate you evil parents. It was your
Speaker 1: choice to have kids and no one else had them.
Speaker 1: By what a journey. Hey, guys, what's up? I just
Speaker 1: want to send out a quick shout out to my barber.
Speaker 1: He is back in business and his warped sense of
Speaker 1: celebrity as as I am one of his celebrity clients.
Speaker 1: Along with his other celebrity clients. Zendeia's mom, the celebrity clients,
Speaker 1: me and Zendia's mom. I love him so much. I
Speaker 1: love the way he cuts my hair and constantly feels
Speaker 1: me on him Today's greatest conspiracy theories. I did not
Speaker 1: know about the Wayfair one until I got my hair
Speaker 1: cut by my barber, and he is constantly, yes, constantly, constantly,
Speaker 1: constantly referring to them or they, and he refuses to
Speaker 1: elaborate on who they are. I love them, ray that
Speaker 1: he makes me feel uncomfortable, but I cannot find anyone
Speaker 1: else to cut Asian hair, so I keep going back,
Speaker 1: even though he is much better than my last barber,
Speaker 1: who would constantly show me right porn on his phone
Speaker 1: while he was gutting my hair. And then I finally
Speaker 1: came out to him after a year and he just
Speaker 1: started showing me weirder porn, not showing me more at all.
Speaker 1: So in that way, Mr Barber, even though he does
Speaker 1: believe that children are being trafficked through Wayfair cabinets, is
Speaker 1: much better than my last barber, and I love him
Speaker 1: and I just want to say thank you. Wait, I
Speaker 1: didn't know that Wayfair thing. You didn't know that it's
Speaker 1: a classic. Apparently, um the name of Wayfair cabinets aligns
Speaker 1: with the names of missing girls, and if you order
Speaker 1: a specific Wayfair cabinet, you're ordering that missing girl. I
Speaker 1: think I explained that correctly, but I mean, like third
Speaker 1: hand through my barber, who is not I don't know.
Speaker 1: He clearly doesn't understand what's happening. So I'm not sure
Speaker 1: why you will look into this well and enjold to
Speaker 1: your to your former barber. I just say, I feel
Speaker 1: like all barbers are straight and currently horny. They I've
Speaker 1: never had showing men. It's not authentic. He he. He
Speaker 1: literally went from just showing me like what he jerked
Speaker 1: off to the night before, to showing me like weird
Speaker 1: check like not checked fantasy, but like check like guys
Speaker 1: painting with their dicks and oh yeah, I've gone down
Speaker 1: that rabbit hole. Well that seems pretty inclusive. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean he was trying, he was doing his best. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and the ally of the week goes to Joel's former barber. Um. So, Joel,
Speaker 1: I guess thank you for doing the pod. Incredible montime
Speaker 1: coming um first time long time. I'm really excited to
Speaker 1: see you know where you guys land with this US too,
Speaker 1: And we have been kind of crash landing for a
Speaker 1: few months now, and I could that way to see
Speaker 1: where the final destination is, hopefully the Forever Dog Offices.
Speaker 1: Maybe your Wolf you know, Headgun? Oh sure, why not?
Speaker 1: Why not? I say all of them, All of them
Speaker 1: are possibilities, and I can't say anymore, Honey, as long
Speaker 1: as I can buy a brown Stone at the end
Speaker 1: of this, I'm set. What if we Oh my god, Sam,
Speaker 1: imagine if we can't buy a brown Store from Brown Store,
Speaker 1: a brown Store from our podcast money. That would be
Speaker 1: really sad. I I've been told by many, many people
Speaker 1: that I will be able to buy a brown Stone
Speaker 1: at the end of this. I need to buy a
Speaker 1: brown Store, which is a store where I sell only
Speaker 1: objects that are shades of brown. And I think you can, okay,
Speaker 1: should be Should we go? Then? Do you guys get
Speaker 1: the end of your podcast or what? No Queen By