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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Samp this is John.

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Speaker 2: We're the ancient two case Storytime podcast hosts, and we

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Speaker 2: have some ancient wisdom in the stories coming up. If

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Speaker 2: you want to hear the wisdom from two old heads

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Speaker 2: that know more than they know what to do with,

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Speaker 2: you're gonna have to wait for a quick message from

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Speaker 2: our sponsors for the next two minutes or so.

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Speaker 3: I had a huge fall out with my sister and

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Speaker 3: now our parents are getting involved.

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Speaker 1: They're gonna get divorced.

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Speaker 3: My sister twenty four female, and I twenty five female,

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Speaker 3: have had a relatively good relationship since leaving home.

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Speaker 1: You've gotten along very well.

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Speaker 3: However, when we were younger, we would argue a lot,

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Speaker 3: and it would almost always result in her winding me

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Speaker 3: up to a point that I lashed out, and I'd

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Speaker 3: always be the only one apologizing. Always felt on edge

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Speaker 3: and had to tread lightly when bring up anything she

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Speaker 3: might disagree with. We're also very different people, which adds

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Speaker 3: to the problem. By the way, in this country, muser,

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Speaker 3: you can read it, and if you want to submit

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Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the our slash Okay Storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 3: The other week, we went on holidays skiing for a

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Speaker 3: long weekend, me and my partner, a friend of ours,

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Speaker 3: my sister and one of her friends. All was fine

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Speaker 3: beforehand and no signs of issues at all. We have

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Speaker 3: quite a different sense of humor compared to my sister

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Speaker 3: and her friend, which caused some awkwardness, but nothing major.

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Speaker 3: To start with the theme, I was quite stressed in

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Speaker 3: the car drive from the airport, as we nearly got

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Speaker 3: lost a few times. When we finally arrived and my

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Speaker 3: partner left the car to get the key for the

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Speaker 3: hotel gate, my sister said, I don't know why he

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Speaker 3: stays with you, You're so annoying. I'm quite used to

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Speaker 3: these sorts of comments, so I just left the car. Then,

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Speaker 3: over the course of the next few days, my sister

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Speaker 3: just acted like we were there to serve her.

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Speaker 1: She would constantly ask.

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Speaker 3: Us to carry our bags or take them up to

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Speaker 3: the apartment with no pleases or thank you. Our friend

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Speaker 3: gave them a lift to get their shoes from the

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Speaker 3: ski shop, and while her friends were super thankful and

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Speaker 3: carried his bags, my sister didn't say thank you or

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Speaker 3: show any gratitude whatsoever. Also an example is that the

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Speaker 3: coffee machine leaked all over the counter and when I

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Speaker 3: found it and raised it, she didn't make a move

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Speaker 3: to help me clear it up, just sat and watched.

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Speaker 3: Another little thing was that we got coffee on the

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Speaker 3: first day and they just left their coffee cups in

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Speaker 3: the middle of the ski slope, just assuming someone else

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Speaker 3: would clean up after them. Also, over the weekend, we

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Speaker 3: had a tab set up where we'd add anything we spent,

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Speaker 3: and the idea was to split it at the end

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Speaker 3: of the.

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Speaker 1: Holiday to save half.

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Speaker 3: My sister did not once offer to pay for anything,

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Speaker 3: even when we were scrambling to find our cards to

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Speaker 3: pay for some drinks.

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Speaker 1: She just sat there and watched her peasants fumble about.

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Speaker 3: Added to this, when we went out for dinner, they

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Speaker 3: ordered a thirty dollars bottle of prosecco out of the blue,

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Speaker 3: which prompted us to deliberately pay separately, as we knew

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Speaker 3: they would want to split equally. Don't get me wrong, me,

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Speaker 3: my partner, and my friend all earn good wages, as

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Speaker 3: does my sister's friend. However, my sister doesn't earn a lot,

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Speaker 3: so we'd let all out of the stuff slide. Due

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Speaker 3: to this, this then came to a head on the

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Speaker 3: last day in the morning, they mentioned the idea of

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Speaker 3: getting a lift to drop their skis back at the

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Speaker 3: hire shop. My friend and my partner were the only

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Speaker 3: ones who could drive the hire car, and they said maybe,

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Speaker 3: but they'll probably be going for drinks after skiing, so

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Speaker 3: don't rely on it. It got to the end of

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Speaker 3: the day and they'd gone for those drinks, so they

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Speaker 3: couldn't give a lift. I said this to my sister

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Speaker 3: and said that there is a free shuttle bus right

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Speaker 3: to the ski shop that takes marginally longer than driving.

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Speaker 3: This resulted in a massive strop and she was really

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Speaker 3: pissed off, which ended up with me telling her that

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Speaker 3: it's their holiday too, and they're not here to drive

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Speaker 3: you around. We then got the bus with them to

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Speaker 3: sort their skis, suggesting we could go for drinks and

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Speaker 3: food afterwards to make it less rubbish for them. They

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Speaker 3: were both super quiet and grumpy. When finishing our drinks

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Speaker 3: at the bar, they made a comment that they could

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Speaker 3: just leave and not pay. Our friend went up to

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Speaker 3: cover our drinks and my partner made a comment to

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Speaker 3: them that it was their round.

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Speaker 1: They still hadn't paid by this point.

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Speaker 3: They then walked off and my friend didn't pay for

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Speaker 3: their drinks, resulting in the bar owner calling them back

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Speaker 3: to pay, slightly awkward. Then, when they'd left us later,

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Speaker 3: I added the car rental to the tab with the

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Speaker 3: idea of splitting that equally. My sister then deleted it

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Speaker 3: without any message. I asked why, and she replied that

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Speaker 3: we could speak about it tomorrow, and she also asked

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Speaker 3: me to get my partner and my friend to explain

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Speaker 3: why they thought they hadn't paid for anything. They then

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Speaker 3: settled there part of the tab after deleting a rental

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Speaker 3: car from the payment split.

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Speaker 1: This really annoyed.

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Speaker 3: Our friend messaged in the group we had, calling it

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Speaker 3: out and saying that her cavalier attitude was insulting. Nothing

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Speaker 3: happened after this until the morning when my sister message

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Speaker 3: saying she was really upset by the message and that

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Speaker 3: she hopes I don't agree with it. She did also

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Speaker 3: ask to meet up, but I felt backed into a

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Speaker 3: corner of disagreeing with what my friend had sat or

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Speaker 3: replied saying I don't want to fall out, but the

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Speaker 3: way she's acted over the holiday has been really hard,

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Speaker 3: but that we should just leave it and move on.

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Speaker 3: She then came back to the apartment with her friend.

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Speaker 3: Our friend had already left for skiing that day. Also

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Speaker 3: in the apartment were some builders fixing some stuff. When

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Speaker 3: I walked out of our room, she came storming out,

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Speaker 3: clearly furious, just repeating what haven't we paid for?

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Speaker 1: What haven't we paid for?

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Speaker 3: And completely shutting me down and bullying me to try

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Speaker 3: and get me to apologize for what our friend had said.

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Speaker 1: How can you let him say that?

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Speaker 3: It was really astonishing how dominant and aggressive she was,

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Speaker 3: particularly in front of complete strangers walking in and out.

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Speaker 3: I tried multiple times to diffuse the situation, saying we

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Speaker 3: should just talk about it and it's just how we felt.

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Speaker 3: I then go back to our room with my partner

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Speaker 3: waiting there. She then follows minutes later and forces herself

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Speaker 3: into our room. When my partner then tries to defend me,

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Speaker 3: she says, don't speak, which completely set him off. It's

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Speaker 3: worth noting he was hung over and still in bed.

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Speaker 3: She'd started crying by this point and was shaking in anger.

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Speaker 3: I again tried to hug it out to neutralize it all,

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Speaker 3: but she just did.

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Speaker 1: Nothing and they left.

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Speaker 3: I like to again imagine that as you hugged her

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Speaker 3: and then her arms just went out and she wouldn't

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Speaker 3: hug you all the way.

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Speaker 4: I cannot do it by my Where is my arm

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Speaker 4: wrap around her?

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Speaker 1: Where is my elbow bend? I do not bend my

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Speaker 1: own elbow. I have not.

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Speaker 3: Spoken to her since, but she went back home the

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Speaker 3: weekend after and apparently was really upset about it all.

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Speaker 3: I spoke to my mom extensively on the phone, and

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Speaker 3: she came to visit and we talked some more. I

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Speaker 3: was quite clear in my position that I need an

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Speaker 3: apology from her for how she spoke to me and

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Speaker 3: my partner. I also talked more about how it's really

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Speaker 3: a trigger for my mental health, and I think the

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Speaker 3: way she used to treat me as a kid has

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Speaker 3: really impacted my anxiety in my adult years. But now

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Speaker 3: my issue is my dad's message. He's coming over today

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Speaker 3: to talk about it all, and I know they're going

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Speaker 3: to try and get me to apologize or let it

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Speaker 3: go completely. I feel like I need to stick to

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Speaker 3: what I know is real and stand up for myself,

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Speaker 3: as I don't want her to think that the way

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Speaker 3: she acted was acceptable at all. My friend has made

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Speaker 3: some good points here. They are I can't apologize for.

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Speaker 1: The way she made me feel. It's her problem, not mine.

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Speaker 3: I can't apologize for the way other people were made

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Speaker 3: to feel by her. Again, that's her problem. My love

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Speaker 3: for my sister isn't unconditional. I deserve to be respected

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Speaker 3: by my family as you would a friend. I'm incredibly

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Speaker 3: nervous about speaking to my dad. He won't admit it,

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Speaker 3: but my sister has him around her little finger and

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Speaker 3: she is totally his favorite, a fact I've come to

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Speaker 3: terms with, but I worry this will cloud the chat later.

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Speaker 3: Just looking for some general advice. Am I doing the

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Speaker 3: right thing? There's an edit here. I forgot to mention

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Speaker 3: that she did transfer their share of the bill for

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Speaker 3: the rental car later that day after they left, but

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Speaker 3: no message accompanying it.

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Speaker 1: There's a second edit. I ended up meeting with my dad.

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Speaker 3: I know a lot of you felt I shouldn't have,

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Speaker 3: but it felt like a bit too late to call

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Speaker 3: it off, given he lives an hour away, and I

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Speaker 3: feel like it would have made everything a lot worse.

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Speaker 1: I had in my.

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Speaker 3: Head that I would go off what all of you

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Speaker 3: and my friend had said and stick to my stick.

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Speaker 3: I'm really happy that I did stick to the plan.

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Speaker 3: The main bit that stings is that my parents see

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Speaker 3: the fact that I agreed with my friend's messages as

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Speaker 3: almost on par with the way that my sister behaved

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Speaker 3: both before and after. He said that if a friend

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Speaker 3: on a family holiday had said something like that in

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Speaker 3: a group chat, they'd all rally around the family member

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Speaker 3: no matter what. I fundamentally disagree with this, and as

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Speaker 3: someone who isn't good at standing up for themselves, it

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Speaker 3: was really difficult to get that across. I've read the

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Speaker 3: message back and it's three sentences saying that her cavalier

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Speaker 3: attitude is insulting and that he doesn't expect someone to

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Speaker 3: get angry because he's enjoying his holidays. I still don't

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Speaker 3: understand that, would Papa, This is still just mad. You know,

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Speaker 3: your sister's vocabulary is very weak. While accepting that I

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Speaker 3: wasn't going to apologize for anything, he also felt it

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Speaker 3: was unfair to ask my sister to do the same.

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Speaker 3: I do think I could have replied to my sister

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Speaker 3: that morning in maybe a better way, but they said

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Speaker 3: they thought I should have just left it and said

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Speaker 3: that my friend's message was out of order to basically

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Speaker 3: lie to keep the peace.

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Speaker 1: That message wasn't out of order at all. It was

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Speaker 1: in order. He was so in order. The elevator's going

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Speaker 1: up and down.

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Speaker 3: Next steps now are that my dad is going to

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Speaker 3: talk to my sister eye Rol and explain everything I've said.

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Speaker 1: He then wants us.

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Speaker 3: All to meet up again and go out for dinner,

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Speaker 3: but that requires traveling and also deciding where I want

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Speaker 3: to take this next. I think I'm going to try

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Speaker 3: and get a counseling session in before thinking about it.

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Speaker 3: To be honest, I'm feeling pretty sore about it all,

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Speaker 3: and really appreciate all the advice here. I've got a

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Speaker 3: lot to think about. I mostly want this part done

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Speaker 3: and dusted so I can stop building the relationship back

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Speaker 3: my own two And there's a third edit here. My

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Speaker 3: dad eventually messaged me asking if I had thought about

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Speaker 3: going to see my sister this week with him, and

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Speaker 3: suggested another weekend in a few weeks too. I said

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Speaker 3: no to anything this week and that it's my partner's

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Speaker 3: birthday the other weekend. Full message, It's quite a pity

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Speaker 3: we can'tsult something out, in which case would you be

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Speaker 3: able to text your sister let her know when you're

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Speaker 3: in town next, perhaps suggests that you meet up. It

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Speaker 3: would also be lovely if you could suggest that you

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Speaker 3: will buy her a drink or something. I know that

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Speaker 3: you have always been generous with her in this way

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Speaker 3: in the past, but there is a risk of money

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Speaker 3: issues now being a problem between you. An offer like

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Speaker 3: this from you would probably put an end to this entirely.

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Speaker 3: I know I'm asking a lot by suggesting that you

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Speaker 3: get in touch with your sister in this way, but

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Speaker 3: I feel that we have made so much progress in

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Speaker 3: the last few days and this seems like a relatively

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Speaker 3: easy way to break the ice and draw a line

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Speaker 3: under this episode.

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Speaker 1: Would you do that for me?

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Speaker 3: After all your replies on my last post, I'm realizing

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Speaker 3: how biased and one sided all of this is. I'm

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Speaker 3: not sure why I'm the one who a has to

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Speaker 3: get in touch and b pay for the drinks, given

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Speaker 3: it's my sister who caused these issues in the first place.

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Speaker 3: I feel like I'm being guilted into sorting this out,

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Speaker 3: and I'm very nearly at a point of falling out

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Speaker 3: with my dad. This has really pissed me off, and

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Speaker 3: now we have an update. I did reply to my

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Speaker 3: dad's message above in a super firm and decisive way,

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Speaker 3: especially for me.

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Speaker 1: Then I need an apology, but that it's.

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Speaker 3: Not worth the stress to cling on to the argument

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Speaker 3: so much much, so I asked him to leave it be.

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Speaker 3: He then proceeded to send a really long email, which

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Speaker 3: ship for the most part, was fairly reasonable and I

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Speaker 3: understand a lot of the comments on here about how

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Speaker 3: my dad shouldn't be involved at all, which I agree with,

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Speaker 3: but at this point it's futile. I'm applied to this

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Speaker 3: saying basically the same thing that I really need an apology,

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Speaker 3: but would be okay moving on from this, and would

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Speaker 3: be open to talking to her depending on the circumstances.

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Speaker 3: My parents went to visit my sister this weekend and

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Speaker 3: I've just heard back that she should be getting in

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Speaker 3: touch soon. However, apparently she also feels like she needs

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Speaker 3: an apology for what. I'm not sure. My dad keeps

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Speaker 3: referencing mistakes being made on both sides.

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Speaker 1: Oh those bad people on both sides.

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Speaker 3: Classic tiki torch, both sides are bad argument. I'm not

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Speaker 3: really struggling to argue this, as I didn't even say

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Speaker 3: anything horrible, just that I agreed with what my friend

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Speaker 3: had said. Explained she'd been a pain, but that it

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Speaker 3: wasn't a big deal and not worth falling out about.

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Speaker 3: I haven't had the chance to get to counseling yet

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Speaker 3: due to work restrictions, but got some flex this week,

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Speaker 3: so hoping to get it moving soon. Appreciate that there

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Speaker 3: will have been mistakes made by me in this process,

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Speaker 3: but overall I'm feeling relatively okay about it, as it's

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Speaker 3: the first time I've really stood up for myself and

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Speaker 3: not backed down straight away.

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Speaker 1: And that is the end of story. And I'm proud

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Speaker 1: of you, op for doing me.

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Speaker 3: With all this top down pressure on you, you got a

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Speaker 3: little bit lent. Yeah, you held your ground, you stood strong,

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Speaker 3: You did a brave heart.

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Speaker 4: My twin kept eating all my food and leaving nothing

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Speaker 4: for me.

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Speaker 1: Well, uh, you snooz, you lose princess.

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Speaker 4: I am twenty three female and he's twenty three male.

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Speaker 4: Note that female and male are the only differentiating factor.

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Speaker 4: Ever since I was eighteen the start of the pandemic,

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Speaker 4: I've been cooking all my own meals. We are a

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Speaker 4: six person household, my mom, brother, aunt, grandmother, grandfather, and me.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from Homeruchen twenty twenty five,

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Speaker 4: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 4: to the r slash Okay storytime, separate it.

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Speaker 1: My mom cooks her own meals.

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Speaker 4: I cook my own meals, and my grandmother cooks for

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Speaker 4: her self and my grandfather and my aunt. We do

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Speaker 4: this because we're all very picky about food preferences and

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Speaker 4: we like the taste of her own food best. But

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Speaker 4: guess who doesn't have to cook his own meals? Guess

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Speaker 4: who has to cook for him?

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Speaker 1: You freaking got that right.

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Speaker 4: Since age eighteen, I have had the responsibility of cooking

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Speaker 4: for myself and my brother.

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Speaker 1: That's ridiculous.

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Speaker 4: I accepted this arrangement at first, not that I had

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Speaker 4: much of a choice, to be honest, so that it

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Speaker 4: would take some burden off my mom, who would have

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Speaker 4: took cook for him and herself otherwise. Ever since then,

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Speaker 4: I've been cooking for him pretty much every day. Whenever

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Speaker 4: he's home. I'm going to university from home while he's

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Speaker 4: living in a dorm and his university in a different state.

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Speaker 4: Whenever he comes home for breaks, I always have to

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Speaker 4: cook for him. Here are the various problems. One, I

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Speaker 4: am a vegetarian, and he is not. I have been

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Speaker 4: expected to cook him chicken from the start, three nights

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Speaker 4: a week on average. It made sense of the time

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Speaker 4: when I was also not vegetarian. But I have been

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Speaker 4: vegetarian since age twenty, and in fact, I'm considering going

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Speaker 4: vegans soon. I loathe the touch and smell of meat,

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Speaker 4: but I am still expected to cook chicken for him

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Speaker 4: because that's what he like too. Whenever I make food

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Speaker 4: for him, I generally go out of my way to

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Speaker 4: make something that he likes. To make things simpler, I

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Speaker 4: usually make the same vegetable and carb and then make

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Speaker 4: him chicken and meat towfood. Not every day, but this

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Speaker 4: is my standard formula. So for example, if my brother

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Speaker 4: asks for lemon chicken with potatoes and broccoli, if I'm

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Speaker 4: in the mood for an Asian sturfry or butterprenier that night,

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Speaker 4: then I'm out of luck.

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Speaker 1: It always has to be about him. Three.

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Speaker 4: I have a formula where I make four servings of

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Speaker 4: food each night. This means that we get one serving

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Speaker 4: each for dinner and then one serving each for lunch

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Speaker 4: the next day. That way, I only have to cook

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Speaker 4: once per day. Breakfast is managed on our own, usually

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Speaker 4: something quick like oats or cereal. Keep in mind that

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Speaker 4: he knows full well this is my formula. If this

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Speaker 4: is ever deviated from, then I have to cook something

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Speaker 4: the next day for lunch, and again for dinner, and

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Speaker 4: day after that's lunch. Now, in all fairness, I should

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Speaker 4: also add that my brother is generally appreciative of what

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Speaker 4: I cook.

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Speaker 1: Not always. Sometimes he has complained about what I make.

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Speaker 4: I remember one time I made him cornbread as a tweet,

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Speaker 4: something I know he likes very much, but since I

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Speaker 4: didn't tolm I was making that, he griped at me.

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Speaker 4: I also got scolded.

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Speaker 1: By my mom later.

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Speaker 5: Ooh.

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Speaker 4: Normally, however, he generally thanks me for what I make.

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Speaker 4: Even so, I'm not sure he understands how much energy

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Speaker 4: it takes to cook every night, not just for myself

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Speaker 4: but for him as well. So anyways, last night I

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Speaker 4: made pasta for myself. My mom told me not to

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Speaker 4: make it because he might not want it, but I

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00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,360
Speaker 4: was in the mood for pasta for once. I decided

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Speaker 4: to do something for me, so I made a pasta,

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Speaker 4: cheese and vegetable bake. OL thing took about forty minutes

360
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Speaker 4: to make, and my mom was wrong. He was very

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Speaker 4: appreciative of what I made and loved it. I also

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Speaker 4: loved it and was looking forward to having some bunch today.

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Speaker 4: But today, when I went to eat lunch, I discovered.

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Speaker 1: There was no pasta left. I was completely.

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Speaker 4: Confused because I had made exactly enough for four servings,

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Speaker 4: two for him, two for me, So clearly he ate

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Speaker 4: two servings all on his own and left me with nothing.

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00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,040
Speaker 4: My grandmother fell sorry for me and gave me some

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Speaker 4: of her leftover food. As nice as that was, I

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00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,840
Speaker 4: still fell of upsets. I had really been looking forward

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Speaker 4: to pasta, but it was all gone. I didn't say anything,

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Speaker 4: but it probably showed on my face that I was upset.

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Speaker 4: My grandfather told me that I was being dramatic and

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Speaker 4: making a big deal out of it. I didn't say

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Speaker 4: anything after that. I just ate my food and then

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Speaker 4: disappeared to my room, where I have remained since. So

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00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,160
Speaker 4: what do you think am I the ale for getting

378
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,440
Speaker 4: upset when my brother ate the food I made for myself?

379
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Speaker 4: Side note? Do you think this will destroy my relationship

380
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Speaker 4: with my brother? I am thinking of limiting my contact

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Speaker 4: with the rest of my family once I graduate and

382
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,360
Speaker 4: have financial independence. But I do still want a relationship

383
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Speaker 4: with my brother, and it would be sad if I

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Speaker 4: don't have it.

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Speaker 1: What do you think? And there are some comments there's

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Speaker 1: a very easy fix to this. You just stop cooking

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00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,320
Speaker 1: for him. Easy fix.

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Speaker 4: And also, if you have a good relationship with your brother,

389
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Speaker 4: or at least any sort of relationship, go to him

390
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:47,239
Speaker 4: and say, hey, you're an adult now, I'm not gonna cook.

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Speaker 1: For you anymore. Ah, help you'd learn? Yeah, I'd get

392
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Speaker 1: a couple of recipes up and running. Here, let's let's

393
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,040
Speaker 1: get some easy recipes.

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Speaker 4: We're gonna teach you how to make freaking chicken ben baby,

395
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Speaker 4: and you get brecky going to learn so quick. But

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Speaker 4: I want to have a good relationship with you, and

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Speaker 4: I can't if I'm making you food all the time.

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Speaker 1: Palm and one.

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Speaker 4: What I read is my misogynistic family are making me

400
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Speaker 4: the personal caterer and chef of my brother of the

401
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:15,120
Speaker 4: same age, no disabilities mentioned, just because he's a man

402
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,080
Speaker 4: and I, as a woman, am expected to serve him.

403
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:20,800
Speaker 4: And basically your family is coddling him and setting him

404
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,240
Speaker 4: up to be a useless human.

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Speaker 1: For the rest of his life.

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Speaker 4: Cook for yourself, and if you have the budgets, start

407
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:28,000
Speaker 4: getting groceries for yourself. That way, Mom can't tell you. You

408
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,080
Speaker 4: use our growth thries. So you cook for your brother.

409
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,040
Speaker 4: What exactly is your mom and your grandparents expecting to

410
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,920
Speaker 4: accomplish with this to create a mama's boy who's incapable

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00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,160
Speaker 4: of surviving on his own. Let me guess he barely

412
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,640
Speaker 4: does laundry while at college and gets home with loads

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00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,160
Speaker 4: of laundry for you or your mom or your poor

414
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,120
Speaker 4: grandma to do. Because baby boy can't be expected to

415
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:49,960
Speaker 4: lift a finger. Stop being his unpaid made and cook

416
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,200
Speaker 4: and if he wants one, let him pay for one

417
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,360
Speaker 4: that or take care of his own. Stop letting this

418
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,680
Speaker 4: family use you. Comment two, girls, Stop he's a grown man.

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00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,920
Speaker 4: He should cook his own food. Reply not doing a

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00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,160
Speaker 4: a favor, but not making him learn to cook. Most

421
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,680
Speaker 4: twelve year olds can cook. Is he expecting a wife

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00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:05,440
Speaker 4: to cook for him?

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00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,919
Speaker 1: Comment three? Not the ale?

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Speaker 4: But have you considered that maybe your mom was mad

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Speaker 4: about you not cooking towards your brother's wants and tossed

426
00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:14,560
Speaker 4: either both or just your servings of the PASTA Just

427
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,199
Speaker 4: something to consider it before outright accusing your brother, and

428
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,959
Speaker 4: to peacefully talk to him ply. I hadn't thought of that.

429
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Speaker 4: I think the best bet is for Opie to sit

430
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,919
Speaker 4: down with her brother and ask him why he ate

431
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,200
Speaker 4: her share. If he denies it, you should go ask

432
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Speaker 4: the mother what happened to the extra share. I suspect

433
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,720
Speaker 4: that mom would be truthful with him, but she won't

434
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,440
Speaker 4: be with the daughter. If you did eat her share

435
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,520
Speaker 4: for lunch, then I would refuse to cook him dinner

436
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,440
Speaker 4: that day and tell him he already had a share

437
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,720
Speaker 4: for the day. And there is an update, folks, thank

438
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:41,760
Speaker 4: you all for the well wishes. I spoke to my

439
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,879
Speaker 4: brother and straight out asked him if he ate it.

440
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,600
Speaker 4: He admitted it and apologized.

441
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:49,600
Speaker 3: Apparently he did realize it's my Wait, that's kind of endearing.

442
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,200
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, I ate it. It is really good.

443
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:53,439
Speaker 1: Is it really tastes?

444
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:53,920
Speaker 3: I like it?

445
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,720
Speaker 1: And I thought, I thought, I don't have it. Don't

446
00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:00,240
Speaker 1: give him that, don't give him the satisfaction. You know,

447
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,560
Speaker 1: he's a baby, a baby, he's a baby, right, he's

448
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,840
Speaker 1: a baby. I have it because he's a really good

449
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,880
Speaker 1: and I didn't know it was yours. I didn't realize.

450
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:09,600
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.

451
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:11,320
Speaker 3: When you pivot, you go hey, Bud, you want to

452
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,919
Speaker 3: learn how to make that all by yourself?

453
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,480
Speaker 1: No, you do it for me. You do it for me.

454
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:21,760
Speaker 4: He says, No, it tastes better when my sissy makes it.

455
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,000
Speaker 1: You make it with love like no, I actually don't.

456
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,840
Speaker 4: Apparently he didn't realize it was mine, even though he

457
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,119
Speaker 4: had chicken left over from another night and knows I

458
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,119
Speaker 4: cannot eat chicken, So why didn't he eat his chicken

459
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,919
Speaker 4: and give me the pasta? But after he apologized, he

460
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,440
Speaker 4: started acting like the victim and complained.

461
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:39,639
Speaker 1: That you were yelling at me.

462
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,200
Speaker 4: My mom then stepped in, and then she agreed to

463
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,800
Speaker 4: cook his meals and let me cook my own. Unfortunately,

464
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:47,720
Speaker 4: the story does get worse. My mom doesn't just insist

465
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,879
Speaker 4: I cook. She and my grandfather also shamey for the

466
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,760
Speaker 4: food choices I make. But I made pasta. My grandfather said,

467
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:55,960
Speaker 4: you're an audiating healthy note that he never said that

468
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:56,600
Speaker 4: to my brother.

469
00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 1: I just go no, Grandpa, are gonna put you in

470
00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:01,680
Speaker 1: that home? Grandpa?

471
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,720
Speaker 4: One day, the two of them shame me for putting

472
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,480
Speaker 4: dates in my breakfast smoothie because apparently they're too high

473
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,080
Speaker 4: in sugar. Dates are so good for you, even though

474
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:11,080
Speaker 4: it was only made of fruits, vegetable oat, milk, and

475
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,480
Speaker 4: cooked oats, not a drop of added sugar. But no

476
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,480
Speaker 4: one said anything when my brother ate a big stack

477
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:16,760
Speaker 4: of chocolate chip pancakes.

478
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,480
Speaker 1: Oh, pea stilly o. Pee, that's because you're a woman.

479
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 3: Oh, this is a standard classic American breakfast of change.

480
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,800
Speaker 1: And no, he did not make those pancakes himself. My

481
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,760
Speaker 1: mother made them for him. I constantly get comments about

482
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 1: what I eat, to the point where I don't even

483
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,399
Speaker 1: want to eat anymore. No no, no, no, no, no,

484
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:36,119
Speaker 1: no cay that, no, no do that?

485
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:36,520
Speaker 6: No?

486
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,880
Speaker 1: Oh pee. Genuinely, if that is that last.

487
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:43,080
Speaker 3: Sentence, literally like full degenerate is where I would be

488
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,960
Speaker 3: going with my Like Grandpa's like you shouldn't eat that,

489
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,879
Speaker 3: I'd be like, you should go back to the century

490
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 3: you were born in, Grandpa.

491
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,840
Speaker 1: And then Mom would be like, oh, I can't believe

492
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:53,359
Speaker 1: you'd say that.

493
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,560
Speaker 3: I'd be like, I can't believe you are still yapping

494
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,200
Speaker 3: at me. Get away from me, Go cook more meals

495
00:19:59,240 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 3: for my brother.

496
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,960
Speaker 4: Also another point, I don't have the finances to buy

497
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:06,200
Speaker 4: my own groceries. Both my brother and I live entirely

498
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,960
Speaker 4: off our own our family's money. Neither of us have

499
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:11,600
Speaker 4: jobs yet. I'm gonna get a job this upcoming semester,

500
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 4: my last semester, but I won't be financially independent until

501
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:15,440
Speaker 4: I save enough.

502
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:15,919
Speaker 1: Ohpee.

503
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:19,359
Speaker 4: I would recommend trying to get a job right now. Yeah, Like,

504
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:20,880
Speaker 4: if you have any free.

505
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 1: Time at all, try and get a job right now. Like,

506
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 1: it's gonna be. It's gonna be tough.

507
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 4: It's gonna stuck because you're gonna have to you know,

508
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,600
Speaker 4: you're gonna have a lot less free time if you

509
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,240
Speaker 4: have any. Hopefully you do, but start saving up money immediately,

510
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:35,000
Speaker 4: because the longer that you're under your parents'.

511
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:35,920
Speaker 1: Roof, worst it's gonna be.

512
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:38,959
Speaker 4: I graduate in January and hopefully we'll go to graduate

513
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,760
Speaker 4: school the August after. Because my brother and I are

514
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,240
Speaker 4: dependent on my mother, we both have to deal with

515
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 4: her controlling behavior. It's not a situation I'm gonna get

516
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,760
Speaker 4: out of for a long long time. Yeah, I think forever.

517
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,440
Speaker 1: It's a long long time. I really hope that it's

518
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,120
Speaker 1: not true and that you do get out of it soon.

519
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:58,359
Speaker 1: You're probably capable of more than you expect. Yeah, I mean,

520
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,520
Speaker 1: you're already cooking two meals, like it seems.

521
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,880
Speaker 4: Like the most that, which I don't want to discredit

522
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,280
Speaker 4: how sucky it is, but it feels like the most

523
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,920
Speaker 4: that your mom's gonna give you is just complaining rather

524
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,400
Speaker 4: than like I'm gonna kick you out of the house

525
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,800
Speaker 4: if you don't do this. So, if you can stop

526
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,520
Speaker 4: making your brother meals, it's gonna cut down the amount

527
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 4: of time that you're spending on this. Try and get

528
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,960
Speaker 4: that extra job, even if it's just like a part

529
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,720
Speaker 4: time job, anything that brings in money, and like start

530
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,200
Speaker 4: saving up at least, you know, buy your own groceries

531
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:26,080
Speaker 4: something like that.

532
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,080
Speaker 3: I got the cops called on my neighbor and it

533
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:34,399
Speaker 3: got my sister in trouble. Woo woo, you're under rest background.

534
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,760
Speaker 3: I forty female. I'm unmarried with no kids. My sister

535
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,800
Speaker 3: forty five female, is married with three kids. And bought

536
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 3: a house about three or four years ago in the

537
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 3: super nice suburb in our town. It's a great area

538
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:48,719
Speaker 3: with lots of parks, trails, really good school system.

539
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 1: I found and bought a house in the same neighborhood.

540
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,120
Speaker 1: I loved it for the size of the yard.

541
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,160
Speaker 3: It's great for my dog, love how I can walk

542
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,440
Speaker 3: or jog to all the trails in the local lake.

543
00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,000
Speaker 3: It is, however, very suburban and most of the people

544
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,840
Speaker 3: we'll here have families, making me a little bit of

545
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:03,040
Speaker 3: an outlier, but I'm.

546
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 1: Fine with that. I don't really care. By the way,

547
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,360
Speaker 1: this comes from user apprehensive can ten oh eight.

548
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 3: And if you want to go to to beat your

549
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 3: own stories, don't you go to the r slash okay

550
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 3: storytime sub reddit.

551
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,040
Speaker 1: I live in the house by myself.

552
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,120
Speaker 3: Neighbors have been nice, but most of them hang out

553
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 3: with each other and have playdates with the kids. There

554
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 3: are neighborhood barbecues that I have been to.

555
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:20,480
Speaker 1: A week ago.

556
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,960
Speaker 3: I'm watching TV at home around nine pm, and all

557
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 3: of a sudden, my dogs start going crazy. My doorbell

558
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 3: rings multiple times and then rapid knocking. I jump off

559
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 3: of my couch and look at my ring doorbell and

560
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:33,119
Speaker 3: it's a stranger male knocking at my door. That's horrifying.

561
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 3: I have no idea who he is, and he just

562
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,400
Speaker 3: keeps banging on my door. My dogs are freaking out,

563
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 3: so I called the cops. He goes away after about

564
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,240
Speaker 3: five to seven minutes. The cops show up twenty minutes later.

565
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,159
Speaker 3: I showed them the video. They told me they know

566
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,159
Speaker 3: who it is and wouldn't tell me and then laughed.

567
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:50,119
Speaker 3: The next day, I get a phone call from my sister.

568
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,159
Speaker 3: She is super pissed that I called the cops on

569
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:55,640
Speaker 3: Dave and how could I do that in this community?

570
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 1: I'm confused. Who is day? Oh?

571
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:00,679
Speaker 3: It's apparently the local neighborhood watch guy in school teacher

572
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,960
Speaker 3: and he thought I was driving too fast down the

573
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:06,879
Speaker 3: street and wanted to talk with me. I was flabbergasted.

574
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 3: First of all, there isn't any way to drive fast

575
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,919
Speaker 3: in this neighborhood. There are stop signs everywhere, cops everywhere,

576
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,159
Speaker 3: they literally have their own police force, and there are

577
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,040
Speaker 3: speed bumps every two blocks number two?

578
00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 1: Why didn't he call text email.

579
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:20,680
Speaker 3: Before knocking on the door at nine pm on anyone's house,

580
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,879
Speaker 3: much less a single woman at home. Sister said that

581
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 3: my reaction was totally over the top, and you don't

582
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 3: live in the hood anymore. People visit other people. I

583
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 3: stand by my right to be safe and not get

584
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,879
Speaker 3: asked by my neighbor. Sister is pissed because there was

585
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,679
Speaker 3: no danger whatsoever, and apparently this was the discussion at

586
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,919
Speaker 3: the recent PTA meeting, and since I wasn't there, why.

587
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,440
Speaker 1: Would I go to a PTA meeting.

588
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 3: She was charged with defending me, and now she looks

589
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:47,960
Speaker 3: bad by association. She also brought up that I walk

590
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 3: my dogs without a brawl on all the time, and

591
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:52,120
Speaker 3: that's just not good.

592
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:56,199
Speaker 1: Oh my god, there's blood running through the streets. Your

593
00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:00,840
Speaker 1: memories are not encased within a brazil. Oh boy, she's

594
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 1: on weed.

595
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:05,119
Speaker 3: She wants me to reach out to Dave and apologize

596
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 3: and say that I'm absolutely sorry for calling the cops

597
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,640
Speaker 3: and driving fast. She told me I needed to play

598
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:11,640
Speaker 3: nice with the neighbors unless I wanted to be moving

599
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 3: in a year. Maybe I did overreact, but I am

600
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,119
Speaker 3: just so annoyed that I don't want to do anything

601
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:18,200
Speaker 3: related to that, and maybe that makes me the A

602
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 3: whole thoughts, No, you're not the ahole.

603
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,399
Speaker 1: We've got some comments here from Tater Sprout, not the

604
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 1: a whole.

605
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 3: What Dave did was highly inappropriate, and you being discussed

606
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,159
Speaker 3: at a PTA meeting was also inappropriate. Is this an hoa?

607
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,200
Speaker 3: Actually no, there is no hoa. This is partially why

608
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:35,359
Speaker 3: I brought this here. The PTA meetings apparently just have

609
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,640
Speaker 3: slowly become a neighborhood meeting because everyone is there.

610
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:39,920
Speaker 1: I guess per my sister.

611
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 3: There are a few other people here that don't have

612
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,119
Speaker 3: kids or aren't married, but I don't know what they do,

613
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:46,400
Speaker 3: nor do I care. Deleted says not the A hole.

614
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,399
Speaker 3: I'd get a sign from my door that said f

615
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,880
Speaker 3: off and get a life, Dave. Also, the no broth

616
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 3: thing is creepy, and I would get this sleaziest dog

617
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 3: walking outfit I could find. Now, I advise you not

618
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 3: to drink the kool aid at the neighborhood barbecues. You

619
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,680
Speaker 3: might turn mental like these busy boddies. Opie replies to

620
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:03,680
Speaker 3: this comment. The more I think about it, the more

621
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 3: I think it's my sister talking. When she's talking about

622
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,880
Speaker 3: the dog walking bra thing. She said, And by the way,

623
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 3: walking your dog without a bra and it's just weird

624
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:11,760
Speaker 3: and needs the dressing.

625
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 1: Get up bra that dog, man, get up bra on

626
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 1: that dog. Put a bra on your dog.

627
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 4: Your dog's tatas are swinging, everyone's seeing them.

628
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,359
Speaker 3: Put up bra in that Come on, where are we

629
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 3: Danna Carvey playing Bill Clinton at the beginning of that

630
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 3: one show.

631
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 1: I don't know.

632
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 3: Maybe she's more of approved than I realized. Half Life

633
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 3: nine to seven six says, not the A hole, Dave

634
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 3: needs to keep his nose out of people's business and

635
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,880
Speaker 3: learn to knock politely. Busybodies are the worst. I would

636
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,399
Speaker 3: move out of step food if I were you. That

637
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 3: small town mentality is toxic. I will walk my dog

638
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 3: Braless today, and your runner, op says, go braless. Honestly,

639
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,400
Speaker 3: walking a dog Braless wasn't even something that crossed my mind.

640
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 3: I walk them early in the morning in my pajamas

641
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 3: with a cup of coffee in my hand. That commenter replies,

642
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 3: they need something to talk about, and you're the only

643
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 3: unordinary element in their very ordinary world. Tell them to

644
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,360
Speaker 3: start swinging on you. If the boredom is that bad,

645
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,120
Speaker 3: leave you out of their discussion. Interesting how your sister

646
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 3: is on their side. Did she always forego loyalty just

647
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,440
Speaker 3: to fit in with new friends, Opie says, She's always

648
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 3: been something. Half the reason I moved here is because

649
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 3: she loves it here. She's constantly talked about how great

650
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 3: the neighborhood was, how nice the parks were, how great

651
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 3: it was to be able to just walk everywhere, and

652
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 3: the local bakery is super nice.

653
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

654
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 3: So this is her fault that her pig headed little

655
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,200
Speaker 3: sister is ruining her reputation. Honestly, I feel like I

656
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:33,120
Speaker 3: should just go to the next PTA meeting to see

657
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:34,640
Speaker 3: if it is as big of a deal as she's

658
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 3: saying it is. She sometimes blow things way out of proportion.

659
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,680
Speaker 3: Why didn't OPE look before calling the police? Honestly, I

660
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 3: didn't even think to do so. I rarely use the

661
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,639
Speaker 3: ring thing to do much more than watch my mailman

662
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,480
Speaker 3: drop off the mail. Literally, my dogs started barking. I

663
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,440
Speaker 3: got up off the couch, and then the doorbell rang

664
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 3: in rapid succession, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong.

665
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,400
Speaker 3: I'm trying to grab my phone to see and grab

666
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,920
Speaker 3: the dogs. Then bang ing, ring, ming bang on my door.

667
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,400
Speaker 3: I saw someone I don't know banging on my door aggressively,

668
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 3: so I just I just ran upstairs and called the cops.

669
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,640
Speaker 3: And there's an update here. I think I'm doing this right.

670
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 3: I made acquaintances with my neighbors next door, the gardeners.

671
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 3: They're empty nesters. That's what happens when you have whoopsie

672
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,679
Speaker 3: kids twenty one. My neighbor they're very nice people. They

673
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:14,679
Speaker 3: told me that the PTA meeting is nothing more than

674
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,240
Speaker 3: a reason for a bunch of people to get together

675
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 3: for food and drinks, and if you really had something

676
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 3: to talk about, you go to the real school board meeting.

677
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 3: They told me win and wear, and I went low

678
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 3: and behold, it's like a neighborhood barbecue. They all gather

679
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,879
Speaker 3: at someone's house and order pizza and bring drinks and

680
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 3: maybe a couple of pies or desserts. Not everyone comes, really,

681
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 3: just the neighbors in that area, and then it rotates.

682
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:35,200
Speaker 3: I had a warm welcome, and no one really talked

683
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 3: about school or kid stuff. My sister was there, but

684
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 3: she avoided me. I ended up talking to a couple

685
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 3: people and gently, aka very indirectly, brought up Dave. And

686
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 3: everyone here was right. Everyone knows Dave. The general consensus

687
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,119
Speaker 3: is he's a busybody, has reported half the neighborhood to

688
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 3: I don't even know.

689
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: Nothing ever comes of it, and he's kind of a nuisance.

690
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 3: He does have a loyal group of neighbors that defend him,

691
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:58,399
Speaker 3: but mostly just stay clear of it. I ended up

692
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 3: telling my neighbor about what happened, and she laughed, saying

693
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 3: that she would have done the exact same thing, and

694
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 3: her husband chimed in though, if you open the door

695
00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 3: for Dave, the only thing.

696
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 1: To fear is that you will be talked to death.

697
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:09,960
Speaker 3: So all in all, no one seemed to care about

698
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:11,960
Speaker 3: what happened, and honestly, no one even seemed to know.

699
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:13,920
Speaker 1: But I don't want to listen to any more of

700
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 1: what Dave has to say.

701
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, literally, I think I vote actual farts pray, but

702
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,879
Speaker 3: I I knowe arts pray. You open your door, you go,

703
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 3: and then.

704
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,480
Speaker 4: You does seem like your sister is making this whole

705
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 4: big deal about stuff that just her and Dave are

706
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:28,399
Speaker 4: going over, because it seems like the rest of the

707
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 4: neighborhood is like what I Yeah, Dave's a freaking nuisance. Yeah,

708
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 4: it seems to don't worry about them, ignore them, be like, no, sorry,

709
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 4: I'm going to not open the door, you know, late

710
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 4: at night for a stranger.

711
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 1: I'm not going to open the door for you late

712
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 1: at night, not if you're knocking like that. Nope, nope, nope.

713
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,320
Speaker 1: I assume they're dating, the sister and Dave. It got

714
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 1: to be together. Why else would she be like so

715
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 1: involved with Dave because she's got a crush on Dave.

716
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 3: So I went over to my sister's since she's the

717
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 3: only one that seems to be making this into a

718
00:28:56,840 --> 00:29:00,680
Speaker 3: big deal. Long story short, she is she doesn't like

719
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 3: that I moved here, and that's it.

720
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 1: Really, she convinced you to come. She's like, now she's

721
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: compying my like home. Now she's here, and I actually

722
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 1: don't want her to be here. It's like copying my

723
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 1: whole life.

724
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 3: She just really didn't think I would ever move to

725
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 3: the suburbs, and when I did it, she really didn't

726
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:15,600
Speaker 3: want to be lumped together with me.

727
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 1: We got into kind of a fight over it.

728
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 3: Also, she wanted to run for school board and Dave

729
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 3: sits on the school board, so he was pissed that

730
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 3: I called the cops, and she felt like I was

731
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 3: getting her in trouble. We currently aren't talking. What a

732
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 3: wonderful life. That must bad You not have to talk

733
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 3: to the most annoying people in your life.

734
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, wonderful. Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back

735
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 1: to these stories.

736
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 2: But here's three bits of ads from our sponsors that

737
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 2: keep the show alive.

738
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 6: My husband is infuriated by my schedule because I can't

739
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 6: cook them dinner.

740
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,000
Speaker 1: Well, that doesn't seem fair to me, Sugar.

741
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 6: Warning her blue. I feel too old for the sun,

742
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 6: but it's cheaper than the therapist, so here it goes.

743
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:53,560
Speaker 6: I'm also incredibly upset and and frustrated right now, and

744
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 6: I'd like some feedback about what has been going on

745
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 6: issue with my marriage with an otherwise very reasonable man.

746
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 6: I'm married for nine together for fourteen. By the way,

747
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 6: this comes from fed up. Won't feed us and if

748
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 6: you want us to your own stories, go to the

749
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 6: art slash Okay storytelling stubredit. I'm a high school teacher

750
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 6: as well as a professor in the same subject at

751
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 6: a local community college. This means two days a week,

752
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 6: after school ends at one pm, I drive an hour

753
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 6: to the community college and have classes and office hours.

754
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 6: My husband works a government job that allows him to

755
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 6: work midnight shifts. While it's hard on him, this is

756
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 6: always allows him to pick up our daughter at school

757
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 6: and look after our toddler. Combined with the commute as

758
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 6: I hit traffic, I get home for my second job

759
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 6: around seven pm. I'm exhausted from the day and still

760
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 6: have lots of grading to do from all the classes

761
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 6: I teach. I'd also like to turn in at a

762
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 6: reasonable hour, as I'm usually up at quarter to five

763
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 6: getting ready for school that starts at seven a m.

764
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 6: When I'm busy and tired like this, I asked my

765
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:53,160
Speaker 6: husband to make dinner that night, usually the night before,

766
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 6: though I don't ask as much anymore. He always refuses

767
00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:59,520
Speaker 6: cause he says he hates cooking and that if I

768
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 6: manage my time better, I could cook for us and great.

769
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 6: I get upset because I feel he's being selfish and

770
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 6: not respecting the hard work I do, and he gets

771
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 6: upset because I'm not doing what he wants. He's bad

772
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 6: a lot of resentment ever since I got the job

773
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 6: at the college last year. The thing is, I don't

774
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 6: expect him to be Julia child. He can cook something

775
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 6: quick and easy if he doesn't like it, I mean,

776
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,280
Speaker 6: come on, it's a necessary life skill. I also don't

777
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 6: mean to devalue his working midnight shifts as as a

778
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 6: sacrifice I appreciate very much from him. But he's around

779
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 6: the house all day. Why can't he cook? If I

780
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 6: do cook, I end up very behind on work, as

781
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 6: well as agitated.

782
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 1: When I absolutely can't.

783
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 6: Be behind, we end up ordering takeout as usual on

784
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 6: these nights, which I dislike because I want our kids

785
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 6: eating as healthy as possible. I'd also don't like them

786
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 6: eating so late, especially as our toddler's normal bedtime is seven.

787
00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 6: He should be going to bed, not eating dinner. Aside

788
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 6: from my son's sleep schedule, which has begun impacting the

789
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,680
Speaker 6: speed at which I'm able to return assignments to students.

790
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 6: It's also a big I'm totally willing to cook when

791
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 6: I don't have to teach at the community college, so

792
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 6: it's not as if I never cook or if I'm

793
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 6: not pulling my weight. I also bring home food fast

794
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:12,240
Speaker 6: from work, I suppose, but I really want McDonald's and

795
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 6: junk like that just to be a treat for my kids,

796
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 6: not a staple of their dying. It's the straw that

797
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 6: broke the camel's back, though. Was tonight The day is

798
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 6: the day I teach, and traffic was bad tonight due

799
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 6: to the accidents. I got home at around seven forty

800
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:28,800
Speaker 6: five instead of seven. Dinners still hasn't been made, and

801
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 6: the kids were starving. He's always said when we thought

802
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 6: about this, that he wouldn't let them not eat past

803
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 6: seven thirty if I was late, which was why I

804
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 6: didn't think to stop on the way home, but I

805
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 6: guess I was wrong. I even texted him traffic was

806
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 6: out of stop. Please feed the kids. I will be

807
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 6: home for a while. This was the whole reason we

808
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 6: kept boxed mac and cheese in the house for emergencies.

809
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 6: I was furious he hadn't fed them. He got angry

810
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 6: at me and told me that since he's the bread winner,

811
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 6: he gets to dictate who cooks and when I'm so

812
00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 6: angry that he used his status against me, And it's

813
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 6: not like my salaries are just pennies, by the way,

814
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 6: he makes a lot more than me. The children did

815
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 6: get fed, but I am so so frustrated and don't

816
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 6: want to speak to him right now. I feel like

817
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 6: he's being incredibly selfish and unreasonable.

818
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:15,239
Speaker 1: We got an edit.

819
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:18,360
Speaker 6: Well, I really, really, I do appreciate your solutions to

820
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 6: the cooking part of this problem. My problem does go

821
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 6: deeper than that. I feel disrespected and I have a

822
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 6: problem with his attitude. Advice on how to communicate with

823
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 6: him better would be appreciated, as well as advice regarding

824
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 6: the actual cooking issue. Update. First of all, I guess

825
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 6: I should probably go more to detail about some common

826
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 6: misconceptions from my last posts. I would really really rather

827
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,880
Speaker 6: not quit my second job, because once I complete this semester,

828
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 6: it's extremely likely I'll be offered a full time position

829
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 6: at the community college for more money on less hours

830
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 6: than my job at the high school.

831
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:53,000
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, So we have a game plan here, Okay,

832
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 1: because I'm saying.

833
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 6: I don't know if this is on the husband. If

834
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 6: he's there during the day, all he needs to do

835
00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 6: is like make sure the kids get fed and just

836
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 6: stick it up, Like if you ate cooking. Is that

837
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 6: big of a problem, you know, Just like get a

838
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 6: game plan here, so then you know how to communicate. Communicate,

839
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 6: Oh my god, communicate. My husband will also be able

840
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:11,439
Speaker 6: to work from the day shift most days, as we'd

841
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 6: be home with our son. This is a temporary, but

842
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,319
Speaker 6: very difficult situation that will I think, end up being

843
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,880
Speaker 6: for the best second of all, In order to accommodate

844
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:22,399
Speaker 6: my husband as much as possible in the sacrifice he's

845
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 6: making working midnight shifts, I do all of the chores

846
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:28,040
Speaker 6: on his days off. I do ninety nine point nine

847
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 6: percent of the childcare. The point one percent is picking

848
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:34,800
Speaker 6: up our daughter school on Fridays, as our son sees

849
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,960
Speaker 6: his OT slash speech therapist that day and one hundred

850
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:41,279
Speaker 6: percent of the housework, he has openly said, and when

851
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 6: he is home with our son he usually keeps him

852
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 6: in his playpen most of the time so we can

853
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:48,800
Speaker 6: sleep or play Xbox and that stupid online Capture the

854
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 6: Flag game. So I really don't appreciate people making up

855
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 6: complete bogus schedules and posting them to be like, gotcha,

856
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 6: You're a witch. Thanks to a terrible turn yesterday, I

857
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 6: decided that, using a lot of the advice I got here,

858
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 6: i'd make extra for dinner the night before, easily prepared

859
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 6: meals like sandwiches Tuesdays and Thursdays, it's still requiring him

860
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:11,080
Speaker 6: microwaving or symbling together some bread and sandwich material since

861
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:13,480
Speaker 6: I was going to insist on our son going to

862
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 6: bed at his normal time before seven, but no reasonable

863
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 6: person would object to that, right ron, I had the

864
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 6: conversation with him. I first he see him receptive as

865
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 6: I stayed calm and told him how much I appreciate

866
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 6: the fact that he works nights, but I don't want

867
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,279
Speaker 6: the kids eating so late, and I really need him

868
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 6: to help me out here. He said okay and asked

869
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:31,839
Speaker 6: what I had in mind. As soon as I told

870
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 6: him he was going to have to microwave food or

871
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 6: throw together sandwiches or a salad, he totally changed. He

872
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 6: began throwing a tantrum to rivel, our two year old,

873
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,439
Speaker 6: yelling and stomping and beating the countertops. I've never ever

874
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:46,800
Speaker 6: seen him like this. I could barely even tell what

875
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:49,360
Speaker 6: he was saying. I did hear things like that should

876
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,359
Speaker 6: be your job and lazy witch, and then I never

877
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 6: want to kids.

878
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:54,840
Speaker 1: You forced me into this woo.

879
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,799
Speaker 6: That was certainly news to me. Whenever we first kind

880
00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:59,800
Speaker 6: of gauge, I talked to him down from his original

881
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:02,239
Speaker 6: to I hired four kids too, And just six months

882
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 6: ago we fought again because he wanted the third kid

883
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 6: and I don't. When I asked him to please calm

884
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,800
Speaker 6: down so we could have an actual productive conversation, he

885
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:12,720
Speaker 6: threw his adult Sodo bottle and stormed out of the house.

886
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 6: This was even before I got to the part about

887
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 6: us and needed to go to counseling, or the issues

888
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,879
Speaker 6: surrounding his respect for me. He still has to come home,

889
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 6: and I have no idea where he is. He won't

890
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:24,920
Speaker 6: answer his phone. Even though I'm absolutely furious with him,

891
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:27,240
Speaker 6: I'm also very worried, so I guess my main question

892
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,680
Speaker 6: is how do I deal with possibly being left by

893
00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 6: my husband because he didn't want to microwave some leftovers

894
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 6: for ninety seconds. I'm way too embarrassed to tell my

895
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:38,160
Speaker 6: friends or family this yet we got an update. Bye

896
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:41,320
Speaker 6: to all of you, and thanks for shaking some Cincinnaty.

897
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 6: Someone said this was a police matter, and I decided

898
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 6: to make it one. I just got back from finally

899
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,960
Speaker 6: a report with the police, telling them that my husband

900
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 6: had thrown a bottle and abandoned the family, leaving me

901
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 6: unable to reach him. They are very nice and good

902
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,439
Speaker 6: about everything, to my own surprise. I'm going to see

903
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:57,400
Speaker 6: a law your first thing tomorrow morning when it opens,

904
00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:00,000
Speaker 6: and will talk to the legality of changing my mind

905
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:03,520
Speaker 6: locks divorce and primary custody. I also left a final

906
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 6: voicemail on my husband's phone telling him all of this.

907
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 6: On a less important note, also acquired a siter. One

908
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 6: of the secretaries at the high school I'm acquaintances with,

909
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 6: had her daughter come in to take a break from

910
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 6: college this semester. After doing badly last fall and I

911
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:18,320
Speaker 6: arranged it within the past hour and now shoot babysit

912
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 6: for me, though I do intend on taking tomorrow off

913
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 6: at least from work. Thanks for everyone for your help

914
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 6: and concern.

915
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:23,359
Speaker 3: Edit.

916
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,719
Speaker 6: In light of some new legal information I've googled and

917
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 6: found out from here, we are going to a hotel

918
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 6: around forty minutes away for now instead of staying at

919
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,400
Speaker 6: the house. If I'm unable to change the locks, I

920
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:34,960
Speaker 6: will probably end up renting a place via Craigslist. We're

921
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:37,239
Speaker 6: somewhere in order to give the kids a more stable home.

922
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 1: Wow, dang, there we go.

923
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 5: Ah yeah, because at first I was like, Okay, maybe

924
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 5: this is the kind of thing where it's like she

925
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 5: like wants to stay. She just like doesn't understand why

926
00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:48,879
Speaker 5: he's being like this and like not doing his part.

927
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 5: How can we do this without just going straight to divorce?

928
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 5: And then I started thinking of like petty things she

929
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:56,799
Speaker 5: could do, like only making food for the kids, yeah,

930
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 5: and like really not making any food for him at all.

931
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 1: I saw earlier that he.

932
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 6: Needs to take an MRI because sometimes brain tumors happen,

933
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 6: uh go off the road.

934
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:09,520
Speaker 5: Yeah maybe yeah, But then he like started throwing things

935
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 5: and hitting things, and then I was like, Okay, well,

936
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 5: if he's doing that from just this, you can't really

937
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 5: mess with him more.

938
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:17,400
Speaker 1: Because it could be dangerous. Dude, so good, she did

939
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 1: the right thing, but you didn't.

940
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:20,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, I wonder I wonder if it's some sort of

941
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 5: like genuine mental thing that obviously you know, still doesn't

942
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 5: have to put up with, but it could explain things.

943
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I also wonder if it was, like, really.

944
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 5: Something she did say was out of nowhere, but a

945
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 5: lot of the stuff of like taking care of the

946
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 5: kids seemed like that's kind of.

947
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:34,600
Speaker 1: How it has been.

948
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:37,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, their whole lives, which isn't very many years, but

949
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:40,320
Speaker 5: still enough. I think my husband is cheating on me.

950
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:44,359
Speaker 5: There's something fishy about his coworker, and we're not at

951
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 5: a fish market. My husbend forty two male and I

952
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,720
Speaker 5: forty female, have been together for five years now. Everything

953
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 5: is great overall. We compliment each other nicely. I'm a

954
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 5: social butterfly, he's more introverted. The thing is, I'm wary

955
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 5: of one of his coworkers. I'm not the jealous type,

956
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:02,239
Speaker 5: but I don't know why. There is something that bothers me.

957
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:05,080
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from a smoochi and if

958
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 5: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

959
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 5: r slasha Okay, story Time's Upbreddit. I have access to

960
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 5: his phone and I don't know why, but one day

961
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 5: I checked her messages. There was nothing much. They don't

962
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 5: speak every day and mostly about work related things. But

963
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 5: one message got my attention. She was asking what he

964
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 5: thought about her, and he said that she would always

965
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:23,799
Speaker 5: be beautiful to him. I was uneasy, tried to find

966
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 5: something else, but I didn't. I let it go as

967
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 5: I two am sometimes very familiar with my coworkers. Now,

968
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 5: a few days ago, I decided to check again, and

969
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:34,600
Speaker 5: I'm crushed by what I saw. She asked, what is

970
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 5: his taste for something random? He just answered you, what

971
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:42,600
Speaker 5: do you think I should do? He was allegedly cheated

972
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:45,200
Speaker 5: on by his ex and was making a big deal

973
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:48,840
Speaker 5: about being faithful. Now I'm second guessing everything he told me.

974
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:50,880
Speaker 5: I don't know if I need to keep digging or

975
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 5: just confront him. We have kids, live together, and I

976
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 5: thought we were happy. I cannot believe what's happening right now.

977
00:39:56,719 --> 00:39:59,239
Speaker 5: I guess it happens a lot, especially at work, but

978
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 5: dang hurt updates so being the transparent self that I am.

979
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:06,439
Speaker 5: I couldn't hold it back, so I confronted him yesterday morning. First,

980
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:09,279
Speaker 5: he was so confused and kept saying what what? So

981
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,400
Speaker 5: I asked him to be honest, but he kept being oblivious.

982
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 5: I proceeded to ask him if he was thinking that

983
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 5: that was okay to ask a coworker, showing him the

984
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:20,560
Speaker 5: pick of the conversation with the you thing mind you.

985
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 5: I also found a message a bit later saying jokes aside,

986
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:26,200
Speaker 5: when are we getting together?

987
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 1: Note together as a couple.

988
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 5: The coworker just said this was so random, as the

989
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 5: previous message was okay, just put.

990
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 1: A meeting whenever, blah blah blah.

991
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:38,040
Speaker 5: I was already finding the previous message is hurtful, but

992
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:41,320
Speaker 5: this one is out of the world. In what universe

993
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:44,120
Speaker 5: would you say that to someone else other than your partner.

994
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:47,239
Speaker 5: So we talked a lot, like three hours the first time,

995
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,720
Speaker 5: then again for one hour and more in the evening.

996
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,640
Speaker 5: Basically the whole day. He repeated a huge amount of

997
00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 5: times that there was nothing going on physically or mentally,

998
00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:57,560
Speaker 5: and that he wasn't interested in her at all, and

999
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 5: he loves me and only me, he said the first message,

1000
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 5: telling her that she's beautiful is because she has self

1001
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:04,959
Speaker 5: esteem problems and is off and down.

1002
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,279
Speaker 1: So as his favorite coworker, there are only three I know.

1003
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 5: The other one is a jack butt and his boss.

1004
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 5: He just was trying to make her feel better. He

1005
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:16,000
Speaker 5: also added later that it's his first coworker of his age.

1006
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 5: Before he was only working with older people, so it

1007
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 5: was new and fun to have someone similar, but that

1008
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 5: as he's a bit awkward with social interactions, he understood

1009
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:26,759
Speaker 5: that he messed up. I mean, I let that one

1010
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:30,320
Speaker 5: go anyway. So moving on second message, he said that

1011
00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:33,520
Speaker 5: it was joke. Sometimes he says something like this to

1012
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 5: pick on her and see the reaction. Now, for him,

1013
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:39,320
Speaker 5: it was okay because there were no intentions underneath whatsoever,

1014
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,360
Speaker 5: and that she knows it's a.

1015
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 1: Joke because she laughs every time.

1016
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 5: They also joke a lot at the office with everybody

1017
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 5: and anybody, so for him, it was just the continuation

1018
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 5: of that.

1019
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:52,319
Speaker 1: As far as I'm concerned, joking at the office is okay.

1020
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,360
Speaker 5: I do the same, but it's different when it's in

1021
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 5: private messages with just two people. He also said that

1022
00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:59,919
Speaker 5: I'm missing context because they mainly text before and after

1023
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:02,040
Speaker 5: of the days that they are at the office, which

1024
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 5: is two days a week, and that might be a

1025
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 5: reference to something that they said earlier. They don't text

1026
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 5: every day, sometimes not even once in a week. That's true,

1027
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,440
Speaker 5: or it has been deleted, but this would be a

1028
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 5: tedious work. So that's how we explained the when will

1029
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:17,200
Speaker 5: we be together thing. He says that he doesn't even

1030
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:20,799
Speaker 5: remember it, but he guesses something related was told during

1031
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 5: the day and that's why it came so randomly in

1032
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:25,239
Speaker 5: the conversation. He promised me that this would never happen again,

1033
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 5: and that he wouldn't speak to the coworker other than

1034
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 5: for work, and that I was all that mattered. He

1035
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 5: also texted her, although I didn't want to, to clarify

1036
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 5: that there was nothing on his side, and then it

1037
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:34,720
Speaker 5: was jokes.

1038
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:35,160
Speaker 1: Of course.

1039
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 5: She replied that she knew it was jokes and she's

1040
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 5: very happy with her husband and I don't need to

1041
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 5: be worried. I don't like the way she answered, though,

1042
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 5: she was really dismissive, like it's not a big deal

1043
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:45,920
Speaker 5: and there's no need to think about breaking up or anything.

1044
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 5: Even if she understood it could have been taken.

1045
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:48,480
Speaker 1: The wrong way.

1046
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:50,760
Speaker 5: I don't have a good feeling about her as a person.

1047
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 5: I don't know why I don't care about her. I'm

1048
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 5: hurt by my husband, but the fact that it's only

1049
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 5: them to in the conversation and none of them realize

1050
00:42:58,280 --> 00:42:59,760
Speaker 5: it's inappropriate is bs.

1051
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 1: I brought up his.

1052
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 5: Previous relationship and questioned the person who cheated. He looked legit, hurt,

1053
00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:06,120
Speaker 5: and proposed that I call.

1054
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 1: The X to check who cheated on who.

1055
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,920
Speaker 5: I believe now there was no actual cheating involved. He's

1056
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:14,799
Speaker 5: always home, they do work at noon, but I'm still

1057
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 5: on the fence. He says there are no grounds in

1058
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:19,400
Speaker 5: what he said and that he doesn't have bad intentions

1059
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:22,800
Speaker 5: when messaging those things. He says that he's not interested

1060
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 5: in a woman who isn't vegan because we are, and

1061
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,439
Speaker 5: that he wouldn't plan big things with me et cetera,

1062
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 5: like we have a huge trip coming up, or work

1063
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:33,440
Speaker 5: on making the relationship evolve even more if he was

1064
00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 5: interested in someone else. He says that he realizes now

1065
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 5: that he effed up. Although I believe there was no

1066
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:41,839
Speaker 5: actual cheating, I still don't think what happened is okay.

1067
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 5: I think it's rude to me and inappropriate on so

1068
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 5: many levels. I feel betrayed because those things should not

1069
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:48,279
Speaker 5: be said to anyone but me.

1070
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:49,279
Speaker 1: That makes sense.

1071
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:51,400
Speaker 5: At first, he wouldn't understand what I was saying and

1072
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 5: always brought it back to the cheating part. After so

1073
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 5: many you don't understand. I think he got it because

1074
00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:59,360
Speaker 5: he explained it again to me with his own words,

1075
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:01,320
Speaker 5: what I I was trying to say to him. He

1076
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:03,560
Speaker 5: promised again that it would not happen again in the future.

1077
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:05,720
Speaker 5: I asked him what if I saw that to a coworker,

1078
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 5: and he agreed that he wouldn't have appreciated it.

1079
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:09,359
Speaker 1: I said that I was still hurt.

1080
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 5: He acknowledged that and realized it was wrong, but he

1081
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 5: said that he couldn't change the past and could only

1082
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 5: work to make me forgive him if I let him.

1083
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,960
Speaker 5: I underlined the fact that having been cheated on before,

1084
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 5: he should have been even more aware of what this

1085
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 5: could cause, and he agreed.

1086
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:25,400
Speaker 1: He's just agreed to get out of this conversation.

1087
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 6: Possibly I'm just saying whatever he can to get out

1088
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 6: of this conversation.

1089
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's flirting with another woman more than once. Yeah.

1090
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:36,279
Speaker 1: Is he honest or am I just blindsided? What do

1091
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 1: you think of this? How do I get past this.

1092
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:41,360
Speaker 5: We slept apart and I asked for a day to myself,

1093
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 5: though I can think, but stranger's input is valuable to me.

1094
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:47,640
Speaker 5: Thank you for your support and previous answers already and

1095
00:44:47,719 --> 00:44:50,800
Speaker 5: we do have a second up day good and not

1096
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 5: so good ahead, all right, So I took some time

1097
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:56,520
Speaker 5: to myself those past two days, was no contact with

1098
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 5: him to think about it. Yesterday we talked it all

1099
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:01,440
Speaker 5: out again with most of your points. I told him

1100
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,360
Speaker 5: that whether he realizes it or not, it was florided.

1101
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:06,960
Speaker 5: He was caught and for me, it was a form

1102
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:09,239
Speaker 5: of cheating. He insisted that it wasn't what he was

1103
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 5: going for, but accepted my view. He has no choice anyway.

1104
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 5: He explained that he didn't want to be dismissive at

1105
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,360
Speaker 5: the beginning, but as he was taken him back. This

1106
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 5: was his initial reaction, but reflecting on it, he understands

1107
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:22,839
Speaker 5: how bad it is. I also pointed out the half

1108
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:26,239
Speaker 5: budded excuses such as we're both vegan or we have

1109
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:29,360
Speaker 5: things planned. He understood, but added that since we know

1110
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:32,400
Speaker 5: each other, he always mentioned hating one night stands or

1111
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 5: meaningless spicy sleep, which is true. It doesn't help much,

1112
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 5: but at least he's nothing but consistent. I told him

1113
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 5: I didn't believe his coworker at all and thought that

1114
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,320
Speaker 5: she was just fishing for some compliments, et cetera, and

1115
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:45,080
Speaker 5: that she probably knew what she was doing.

1116
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:46,719
Speaker 1: We will come back on that later.

1117
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:48,880
Speaker 5: I told him the trust was broken and I didn't

1118
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:50,920
Speaker 5: want to be paranoid every single time he's going to

1119
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,440
Speaker 5: the office, so we promised several things, and I'll list

1120
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:55,279
Speaker 5: them below. I also asked him if it was an

1121
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 5: attention issue. He thought about it, but it doesn't think

1122
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 5: it is. He says that he has enough for me

1123
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:02,480
Speaker 5: and that that's all that matters. He said that he

1124
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:04,960
Speaker 5: went online to try to find some clarity and help

1125
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:07,359
Speaker 5: and realized what he said was completely out of line,

1126
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 5: but again it was too late, so all he could

1127
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,399
Speaker 5: do was work on getting back my trust every single day.

1128
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:14,839
Speaker 5: He said that he tried to find why he would

1129
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:17,399
Speaker 5: do this, but couldn't really find an answer. The only

1130
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 5: thing he could think of is that he's awkward socially,

1131
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 5: which is true, and that he never had a female

1132
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 5: friend before, so maybe he talked to her like he

1133
00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:27,799
Speaker 5: talked to any other girl, except he was pursuing all

1134
00:46:27,880 --> 00:46:29,840
Speaker 5: the other girls, so the convos shouldn't have.

1135
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:31,880
Speaker 1: Been the same. I know it's a stretch.

1136
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 5: I told him if we were going to try to

1137
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:36,719
Speaker 5: work through it, it was a one time thing and

1138
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 5: I would not tolerate another debacle like this, and he agreed.

1139
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:43,120
Speaker 5: As he and her said the department was joking like

1140
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,160
Speaker 5: that all the time. I asked who else he was

1141
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:46,759
Speaker 5: talking to you like that, But he only spoke to

1142
00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:49,440
Speaker 5: that colleague on social media, so I cannot compare because

1143
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 5: the others are men.

1144
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 1: So even if he did, I doubt I would have

1145
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,279
Speaker 1: found something. I said.

1146
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:56,240
Speaker 5: I was thinking about meeting the coworker plus her husband

1147
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 5: to talk it out. I decided not to do it

1148
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 5: because of what's next. Finally, I asked to read the

1149
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:05,120
Speaker 5: whole conversation. This is where it's bad, you guys.

1150
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 1: I felt like I was reading a tender conversation.

1151
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 5: Nothing was okay since the beginning that they started talking,

1152
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 5: but it only came from him. Actually, the coworker looked

1153
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:17,239
Speaker 5: like she was avoiding answering and would emoji laugh to

1154
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 5: avoid being rude or something. And I now don't think

1155
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 5: that she was fishing for something. That was yet another

1156
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 5: hurtful experience. I must add that he went low contact

1157
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,880
Speaker 5: several times during the year two and she was the

1158
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 5: one coming back, like it's been a while, you don't

1159
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:32,800
Speaker 5: talk to me anymore, et cetera. But again she was

1160
00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:36,200
Speaker 5: not inappropriate. So I showed him along the way all

1161
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 5: the inappropriate messages. Some were small, others bigger, but I

1162
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:42,319
Speaker 5: found around twenty inappropriate messages over the last year. More

1163
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:44,400
Speaker 5: I went on, the more he was breaking down. By

1164
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 5: the end, he was crying because he said that he

1165
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:48,839
Speaker 5: just wanted to be nice and supportive, and nobody ever

1166
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:50,479
Speaker 5: told him that it was inappropriate before.

1167
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:51,920
Speaker 1: He looked truly pained.

1168
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:54,640
Speaker 5: Anyhow, if we want to have any kind of chance

1169
00:47:54,680 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 5: to salvage the relationship, I asked what he would put

1170
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:59,320
Speaker 5: in place. So he decided he won't speak to the

1171
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 5: coworker anymore, sent her a text to let her know

1172
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 5: that contact was done so she wouldn't reach out. Goes

1173
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 5: to the office twice a week. He has one day

1174
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,560
Speaker 5: on site mandatory, but can choose the other one, so

1175
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,360
Speaker 5: he will go a day that she's not there. I

1176
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:12,640
Speaker 5: get full access to his phone, and he gave me

1177
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:14,880
Speaker 5: access to his tablet as well. He offered to put

1178
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:17,600
Speaker 5: a tracker in his phone so I could see conversations live.

1179
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:20,640
Speaker 5: No afterworks it was already the case. But also he

1180
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:22,759
Speaker 5: would never leave home late, and if it happened, he

1181
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:24,880
Speaker 5: would send and proof for something. We booked an appointment

1182
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 5: for a couple of therapy, and he will also go

1183
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:29,239
Speaker 5: by himself. What is hard is when I speak with him,

1184
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:31,759
Speaker 5: he seems true and genuine. So either he's honest or

1185
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:34,200
Speaker 5: he's a masterclass actor. And I still have a doubt

1186
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:36,880
Speaker 5: scepth that he never gave me any reason to doubt him.

1187
00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 5: I can't throw the last five years that were good

1188
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:41,680
Speaker 5: without giving him the benefit of the doubt once. I

1189
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:44,480
Speaker 5: also found here on Reddit posts of guys flirting who

1190
00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:48,080
Speaker 5: had no intention to cheat. The comments were also going like,

1191
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:51,760
Speaker 5: I'd be your girlfriend, I would never believe you, et cetera.

1192
00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:54,680
Speaker 5: But Opie's it don't have a reason to lie here,

1193
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,880
Speaker 5: so I guess in some rare situations it can happen anyway.

1194
00:48:57,960 --> 00:48:59,800
Speaker 5: He said it was an electro shock, and he just

1195
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 5: wanted the chance to prove to me that he's fully

1196
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:04,640
Speaker 5: dedicated to the relationship and will work to gain back

1197
00:49:04,719 --> 00:49:06,920
Speaker 5: my trust. He said the past couple of years counted,

1198
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 5: and that he hopes that I can give him a

1199
00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:11,080
Speaker 5: chance based on what we already lived together and the

1200
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:13,040
Speaker 5: adjustments we made in order to go further.

1201
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:14,440
Speaker 1: I want to give him a chance.

1202
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:16,600
Speaker 5: So I will monitor the situation in the next weeks

1203
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 5: and months, and I, of course will keep you updated

1204
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 5: on if it was a good decision or not.

1205
00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:24,920
Speaker 1: Any new thoughts are also welcome. I think, maybe leave him.

1206
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,280
Speaker 1: Maybe leave him because I don't like how you're being Ope.

1207
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, this is a toxic, codependent relationship that I don't know.

1208
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 1: It's not healthy for either of you.

1209
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, get some more evidence played out, get evidence, see

1210
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 6: what he's doing, and then probably I don't know. Yeah,

1211
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:40,839
Speaker 6: little pow, put some food in it, wrap it up,

1212
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:42,319
Speaker 6: get a stick and walk on out.

1213
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 2: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1214
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:46,040
Speaker 2: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1215
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:46,919
Speaker 2: that keep the show going.

1216
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:50,359
Speaker 4: My wife has full control of our finances and it's

1217
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:51,480
Speaker 4: ruining our marriage.

1218
00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:53,840
Speaker 1: The women should never be in charge of the money.

1219
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:57,280
Speaker 4: In the early days of our relationship, I felt deeply

1220
00:49:57,560 --> 00:50:01,080
Speaker 4: in love. We move between different countries together, traveled twenty

1221
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:04,040
Speaker 4: some odd countries and many dozens of cities. We built

1222
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:07,240
Speaker 4: a family and shared years of experiences. There were challenges,

1223
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 4: but I believed in our partnership and love. I sacrificed

1224
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 4: for our family, took on jobs abroad, accepted risk, poured

1225
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 4: myself into parenting, and worked irelessly to.

1226
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 1: Build a better life.

1227
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from Softburry eight four six one,

1228
00:50:19,239 --> 00:50:20,719
Speaker 4: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1229
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:23,239
Speaker 4: to the r slash Okay. Storytime suppered, but over time

1230
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:26,400
Speaker 4: the fractures deepened. The first major blow was discovering that

1231
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:29,240
Speaker 4: she had lied about a trip to Vancouver and stayed

1232
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 4: with an ex boyfriend.

1233
00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:31,360
Speaker 1: Yikes.

1234
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:34,279
Speaker 4: I only found out because her friend she claimed to

1235
00:50:34,320 --> 00:50:36,880
Speaker 4: be traveling with had no idea about the trip. It

1236
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:39,640
Speaker 4: wasn't even good. Lot later I found phone calls to

1237
00:50:39,719 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 4: her ex at three am. The ex lived in Vancouver.

1238
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:46,280
Speaker 4: It shattered something in me. You denied it for years

1239
00:50:46,400 --> 00:50:49,600
Speaker 4: until I caught her cheating again, this time emotionally and

1240
00:50:49,719 --> 00:50:51,800
Speaker 4: possibly more with a man from her home town. I

1241
00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 4: only found out because she was constantly on her phone

1242
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:56,359
Speaker 4: and I saw her sweet carrying messages to him while

1243
00:50:56,360 --> 00:50:58,759
Speaker 4: I was suffering from a migraine at home. I signed

1244
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:01,279
Speaker 4: into her social aw my lap and read everything. I

1245
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:05,680
Speaker 4: confronted her. She denied, minimized, promised to stop, and broke

1246
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:09,480
Speaker 4: those promises again and again, while getting sneakier hiding it.

1247
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:10,440
Speaker 1: I told her to leave.

1248
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:12,800
Speaker 4: Her mom, who was staying with us, found at the details,

1249
00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:15,680
Speaker 4: also told her to leave. Came back a day later,

1250
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 4: the kids neath her mommy, she pleaded. Even after all that,

1251
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:22,480
Speaker 4: I tried to stay for the kids, for the hope

1252
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:24,680
Speaker 4: that we could repair what had been broken. But every

1253
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:27,560
Speaker 4: time I reached out emotionally, I was met with coldness,

1254
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:29,280
Speaker 4: on ascension or rejection.

1255
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:31,840
Speaker 1: My interests like music were mocked or dismissed.

1256
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:34,399
Speaker 4: She said she hated the guitar. She left the room

1257
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:36,360
Speaker 4: when I sang. She got upset when I planned to

1258
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:39,000
Speaker 4: buy myself a new, used guitar for an amount that

1259
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:41,520
Speaker 4: was about five to six percent of my monthly income.

1260
00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:44,200
Speaker 4: She claimed that she didn't spend money on herself except

1261
00:51:44,239 --> 00:51:47,880
Speaker 4: her tennis rackets, her excessive solo travel, and her leisure.

1262
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:50,440
Speaker 4: I had to ask permission for simple things like buying

1263
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 4: a secondhand amp or supplements for exercise. Meanwhile, she'd spend

1264
00:51:54,280 --> 00:51:57,040
Speaker 4: freely and justified as not spending much on herself most

1265
00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:59,600
Speaker 4: days it feels like I'm doing the parenting on my own.

1266
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:02,520
Speaker 4: Up the boys, make breakfast, get them ready, take them

1267
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:06,000
Speaker 4: to school, handle homework, bedtime routines the day in day

1268
00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:08,920
Speaker 4: out of raising kids. I potty train them, taught them

1269
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:11,280
Speaker 4: to read, taught them to ride bikes. I build legos

1270
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:13,719
Speaker 4: with them, game with them, read to them. I take

1271
00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:16,360
Speaker 4: them for ice cream and barbecue and Friday hot chocolate

1272
00:52:16,360 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 4: at the school cafe. When they need direction or discipline.

1273
00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:21,160
Speaker 4: I'm the one who steps in, who's present, but more

1274
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:23,440
Speaker 4: like background noise than a co parent. She says that

1275
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:26,440
Speaker 4: because she gave birth, she's already done her part. She cooks,

1276
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 4: does laundry, and takes pride and keeping our home clean,

1277
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 4: but not without assistance. I scrub pots and pans daily,

1278
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:34,480
Speaker 4: set and clean the dining table, et cetera. I ensure

1279
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:37,239
Speaker 4: the kids tidy up most of their messes, organize their

1280
00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:41,240
Speaker 4: library and such. We have a dishwasher, robot, vacuum, mop, washer, dryer,

1281
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:43,239
Speaker 4: and she hires a cleaner once or twice a month

1282
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:45,479
Speaker 4: for deep clean. But I work full time and still

1283
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:49,560
Speaker 4: shoulder most of the emotional labor and physical tasks of parenting. Meanwhile,

1284
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:52,920
Speaker 4: she has most of the day to herself, going to yoga, dance, tennis,

1285
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:55,279
Speaker 4: painting at home in her art studio room. Will I

1286
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:58,200
Speaker 4: grind through work and then come home to a second shift.

1287
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:00,480
Speaker 4: And when she's not around, it's not just for a

1288
00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:04,759
Speaker 4: few hours. She's away, traveling solo for weeks at a time,

1289
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:07,320
Speaker 4: one hundred and twenty days without the kids and me

1290
00:53:07,520 --> 00:53:12,000
Speaker 4: in the last twenty months. Dude, that's like almost half

1291
00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:15,279
Speaker 4: of the year she's away. Yeah, Okay, at this point,

1292
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:18,359
Speaker 4: you really, I mean, she's controlling your finances, she's doing

1293
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:21,200
Speaker 4: nothing for the kids. So are you really even dang

1294
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:23,080
Speaker 4: for the kids at this point? Yeah? And I'm here

1295
00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:27,000
Speaker 4: and trying to be everything, provider, protect her present father.

1296
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:29,239
Speaker 4: I took one week away for myself in that same

1297
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 4: twenty month span, plus three work trips of three days each.

1298
00:53:32,239 --> 00:53:34,719
Speaker 4: I'm often invited to speak out conferences. During the one

1299
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:36,759
Speaker 4: week I was away, she flew her mother down from

1300
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:38,360
Speaker 4: the other side of the country to help her with

1301
00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:40,239
Speaker 4: the kids. I brought them along to one of my

1302
00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:42,680
Speaker 4: work trips for travel. I don't mind being the study one.

1303
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:45,360
Speaker 4: I love my boys deeply, but I'm tired, not just

1304
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:48,240
Speaker 4: from the load, but from the loneliness of parenting, besides

1305
00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:50,400
Speaker 4: someone who doesn't seem to want to share the journey.

1306
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:53,719
Speaker 4: I create an environment where learning, consistency, and affection go

1307
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:55,920
Speaker 4: hand in hand. When she's home, it feels like a

1308
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:57,400
Speaker 4: completely different household.

1309
00:53:57,480 --> 00:53:59,840
Speaker 1: Then split up. Do you usually sleeps in?

1310
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:02,560
Speaker 4: Lets them play on the iPad or Xbox all day

1311
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:04,720
Speaker 4: if I don't make them stop, says she doesn't believe

1312
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:07,320
Speaker 4: in homer, or at least not enforcing it herself, And

1313
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:09,040
Speaker 4: on a few days where she has had to take

1314
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:11,719
Speaker 4: them to school, she just doesn't. She allows them to

1315
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:14,320
Speaker 4: miss school if she doesn't feel like handling the morning.

1316
00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:16,799
Speaker 1: The kids know this. If she does intervene, she gives

1317
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 1: up quickly. Today I told the kids fifteen.

1318
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:20,840
Speaker 4: More minutes of screen time and went to have a

1319
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:23,480
Speaker 4: warm bath to soothe my back because I fractured it

1320
00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:26,279
Speaker 4: two months ago. I came up forty minutes later. She

1321
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:28,000
Speaker 4: was on the bed and the kids were still playing.

1322
00:54:28,040 --> 00:54:30,160
Speaker 4: Why are the boys still playing games? I asked, I

1323
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 4: don't know. I told them to stop. You're blied without

1324
00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:35,239
Speaker 4: looking up from her phone. Her style is permissive and disengaged.

1325
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:37,360
Speaker 4: It leaves me feeling like I must always be the

1326
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:40,960
Speaker 4: one to discipline, structure, and uplift. Often with no backup.

1327
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:44,200
Speaker 4: I'm the fun one and the strict one. I seldom

1328
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:46,759
Speaker 4: get breaks. There's no day off from parenting. But I

1329
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:49,120
Speaker 4: take pride to the fact that I can and do

1330
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 4: handle it all.

1331
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:53,920
Speaker 1: Handle it away from her. If you divorce her, you

1332
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:55,240
Speaker 1: have the financial freedom.

1333
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:55,439
Speaker 6: Again.

1334
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 1: She has to provide child support because she's not going

1335
00:54:57,600 --> 00:54:58,399
Speaker 1: to take care of the kids.

1336
00:54:58,520 --> 00:54:59,880
Speaker 4: And you can prove that to the court and say

1337
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:01,880
Speaker 4: I want full custody of these kids because she's not

1338
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:04,759
Speaker 4: here at all, right, and in you can set and

1339
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 4: you could show all the days that the kids have

1340
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:08,360
Speaker 4: missed and been like, this is what she was supposed

1341
00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:10,360
Speaker 4: to take them exactly, not taking them to school.

1342
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, it made like, you know, we didn't You couldn't

1343
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 5: call the doctor or something like that and be like, yeah,

1344
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:17,640
Speaker 5: see we didn't even call in Like it's not like

1345
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:18,600
Speaker 5: they were sick or something.

1346
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:21,400
Speaker 1: Nope, they were just missing this. They just missed. They

1347
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:22,080
Speaker 1: just missed.

1348
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 4: And she's gone one hundred and twenty days a year. Yeah,

1349
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:27,480
Speaker 4: you know, you have probably had proof of all of this. Yeah,

1350
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:29,400
Speaker 4: it's pointless, But I take pride to the fact that

1351
00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:32,200
Speaker 4: I can and do handle it all. I'm present, consistent,

1352
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:35,800
Speaker 4: and fully committed to raising our sons with love and values.

1353
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:38,000
Speaker 4: I don't need help. I just need her to stop

1354
00:55:38,120 --> 00:55:41,799
Speaker 4: undermining what I build every day. Last weekend, everything boiled over.

1355
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:44,040
Speaker 4: I finally laid out the four main problems that I've

1356
00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:48,280
Speaker 4: been corroding our relationship. No financial transparency or access. Several

1357
00:55:48,400 --> 00:55:51,320
Speaker 4: years ago, I made some poor financial decisions involving crypto

1358
00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:54,280
Speaker 4: and an eight K line of credit, which I mishandled

1359
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:55,280
Speaker 4: and initially.

1360
00:55:54,960 --> 00:55:57,160
Speaker 1: Hid, damaging her dress. Not great dude.

1361
00:55:57,239 --> 00:55:59,920
Speaker 4: Since then, she's insisted on full control of our finance,

1362
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:01,960
Speaker 4: is threatening not to bring our kids to live with

1363
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:03,960
Speaker 4: me when I got an unless I agreed. For the

1364
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:06,719
Speaker 4: past four years, I've sent her ninety percent of my

1365
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:11,320
Speaker 4: income without any access, oversight, or knowledge of our financial situation,

1366
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:13,160
Speaker 4: despite consistently being the.

1367
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:14,560
Speaker 1: Sole earner and contributor.

1368
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:17,120
Speaker 4: No one to miss you or spicy connection once or

1369
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:20,319
Speaker 4: twice per year for the last seven years. Too much

1370
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:23,680
Speaker 4: solo travel, unemployment, and total freedom over her time. After

1371
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:26,520
Speaker 4: breaking trust in past, why am I the only one

1372
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:29,840
Speaker 4: paying for failures? Her response was dismissive and venomous. You

1373
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:31,799
Speaker 4: want me to get a job, let you access the money,

1374
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:34,839
Speaker 4: travel us and have spicy sleep with you. I'd rather

1375
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:37,719
Speaker 4: pass away. This is how you treat women. And then

1376
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:40,719
Speaker 4: she threw a bottle across the room. Now I'm emotionally

1377
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:43,279
Speaker 4: prepared for divorce. It's not a threat, it's not a

1378
00:56:43,360 --> 00:56:45,919
Speaker 4: bargaining chip. It's a direction one I need to take

1379
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:48,600
Speaker 4: to protect my sense of self, my emotional well being,

1380
00:56:48,719 --> 00:56:51,680
Speaker 4: and my son's future stability. What I want from divorce

1381
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 4: full legal and physical custody of our sons, with visitation

1382
00:56:55,200 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 4: rights granted her on a reasonable structured basis, I e.

1383
00:56:58,320 --> 00:57:00,920
Speaker 4: Whenever she wants, with reasonable note not as long as

1384
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:03,720
Speaker 4: it isn't disrupting the kids' lives. I will be fully

1385
00:57:03,800 --> 00:57:10,120
Speaker 4: financially responsible for our sons. That includes their private school tuition, clothing, food, insurance, extracurriculars,

1386
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:11,040
Speaker 4: and anything.

1387
00:57:10,719 --> 00:57:11,239
Speaker 1: Else they need.

1388
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:14,000
Speaker 4: I will waive my right to child support from her.

1389
00:57:14,080 --> 00:57:17,080
Speaker 4: I will not pay alimony. Our financial independence must be mutual,

1390
00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:19,320
Speaker 4: and I'm paying for the kids. I propose we split

1391
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 4: our current finances equally, but truthfully, she can keep it

1392
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:23,000
Speaker 4: all if it means peace.

1393
00:57:23,120 --> 00:57:24,040
Speaker 1: I can always earn more.

1394
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,480
Speaker 4: What I can't afford anymore is the emotional cost of

1395
00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:28,720
Speaker 4: keeping this marriage alive. All I want is for this

1396
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:30,960
Speaker 4: to be over, for her to be gone, for our

1397
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:33,320
Speaker 4: home to be peaceful, for my sons to thrive in

1398
00:57:33,360 --> 00:57:38,000
Speaker 4: a space filled with consistency, love and boundaries, not tension,

1399
00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:41,200
Speaker 4: avoidance and apathy. I'm not seeking revenge. I'm not even

1400
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:41,920
Speaker 4: angry anymore.

1401
00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:44,720
Speaker 1: I'm just done. Am I the ale and there is

1402
00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:45,320
Speaker 1: an update.

1403
00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:49,800
Speaker 4: I'm looking for a local lawyer that can handle transnational divorce.

1404
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 4: I've also been developing a paper trail, particularly in relation

1405
00:57:53,320 --> 00:57:55,720
Speaker 4: to my children. I am the default parents. Their mom

1406
00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:58,720
Speaker 4: has missed one of two PTC meetings at school last year,

1407
00:57:58,800 --> 00:58:00,800
Speaker 4: and I have her text saying she doesn't want to go.

1408
00:58:01,480 --> 00:58:03,040
Speaker 4: You can tell me about it at home later. You

1409
00:58:03,120 --> 00:58:05,520
Speaker 4: also missed their student lend conference last week. I asked

1410
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:07,400
Speaker 4: her an hour before, and she told me next time,

1411
00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:10,520
Speaker 4: tell me earlier. I'm doing laundry, which can't be done

1412
00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:12,960
Speaker 4: any other time. It has to be done right.

1413
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:16,120
Speaker 1: Now, right. I mean they'll get wrinkled, and I freaking

1414
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:16,920
Speaker 1: bet it's.

1415
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:22,680
Speaker 4: Just her laundry, honestly, honestly that despite several messages from

1416
00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 4: school and teacher, he doesn't bother to check school communications

1417
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:27,960
Speaker 4: because I do it all.

1418
00:58:28,040 --> 00:58:29,960
Speaker 1: He's traveling again this week to see a friend in

1419
00:58:29,960 --> 00:58:31,320
Speaker 1: another city. Leaves tomorrow.

1420
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:34,000
Speaker 4: We'll be back early Wednesday to attend the school concert

1421
00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:36,400
Speaker 4: where my children will perform. If I hadn't told her

1422
00:58:36,400 --> 00:58:38,400
Speaker 4: about it, she would know. She's been Addley's speek with

1423
00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:42,200
Speaker 4: me lately, suspicious. Maybe she's catching on. Probably she probably

1424
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:43,880
Speaker 4: knows that she messed up, and she's like, oh no,

1425
00:58:44,080 --> 00:58:46,240
Speaker 4: he's gonna leave me and take all the money. Yeah,

1426
00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:47,880
Speaker 4: that's supplying my lifestyle.

1427
00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:50,000
Speaker 1: So I'll just like travel all the time, act the

1428
00:58:50,040 --> 00:58:52,000
Speaker 1: part a little bit, so like I get you to stay.

1429
00:58:52,080 --> 00:58:55,920
Speaker 1: Don't trust her, girl, don't dang girl, as in okay.

1430
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:59,919
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like she wants to be like that typic

1431
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:03,160
Speaker 5: fifties thing where like, you know, the husband take cares

1432
00:59:03,200 --> 00:59:05,400
Speaker 5: of the finances and the woman doesn't have to work.

1433
00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:07,840
Speaker 5: But it's like, but she's not doing it, Like yeah, yeah,

1434
00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:10,720
Speaker 5: she's still housewive stuff, right, Like you gotta still contribute

1435
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:13,960
Speaker 5: in taking care of our living, breathing children.

1436
00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:16,640
Speaker 1: You up, we're just doing literally anything at all.

1437
00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:18,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, And honestly, like that would be a really good

1438
00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:21,360
Speaker 5: thing to teach the kids too, like by just getting

1439
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:23,680
Speaker 5: divorced with this woman, because if she is letting them

1440
00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:25,840
Speaker 5: skip school and not do homework and stuff, then they're

1441
00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:28,600
Speaker 5: learning from that. Yeah, but if he is like, well,

1442
00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:31,120
Speaker 5: this is like if they later find out like, hey,

1443
00:59:31,560 --> 00:59:34,800
Speaker 5: I literally divorced your mom because she wasn't doing that, Yeah,

1444
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:36,840
Speaker 5: you guys can't get away in life.

1445
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:39,080
Speaker 1: With doing that, like exactly. You know, folks, that's the

1446
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:39,960
Speaker 1: end of that story.

1447
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:40,520
Speaker 4: It is