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Speaker 1: Everyone says I'm a misogynist and my fiance is a

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Speaker 1: gold digger, but we're still getting married. Oh you know,

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Speaker 1: if you find the one. And this is a direct

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Speaker 1: submission to Okay storytime is one of you, guys.

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Speaker 2: Misogynist and gold digger.

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Speaker 1: Oh boy, My fiance female thirty three loves Reddit and

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Speaker 1: has wanted to post events from our life for a while,

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Speaker 1: but I male fifty have been reluctant to expose our

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Speaker 1: self to trolls as we have enough of those in

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Speaker 1: our lives already. As we have finally decided to get married,

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Speaker 1: I have relented as this is now our last opportunity

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Speaker 1: to get an independent view ahead of the big day.

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Speaker 1: Full disclosure. I am typing this, but my editor in

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Speaker 1: chief fiance is sitting right next to me. I am

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Speaker 1: also going to disclose the red flags we are accused

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Speaker 1: of in event order rather than a simplest as the

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Speaker 1: feedback will only go one way without context. By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from Blueberry frog O six on the r

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Speaker 1: slash Okay story Time subriddet And again, this is one

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Speaker 1: of you guys, And if you want to share your story,

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Speaker 1: go into the r slash Okay story time separate.

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Speaker 2: Column fourth blueberry frog O search yours we must see

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Speaker 2: you Number one the gold Digger Appeals.

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Speaker 1: I first met my fiance while doing Christmas shopping inherits

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Speaker 1: just doing the tourist thing while in London and wanted

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Speaker 1: to grab some branded souvenirs for family. I was on

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Speaker 1: the ground floor by the escalator, reading the big sign

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Speaker 1: next to it, which listed what was on each floor.

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Speaker 1: Some rude tourists who would not wait, barged down the

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Speaker 1: last few steps of the escalator and knocked a small

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Speaker 1: woman down the final couple of steps. She did not fall,

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Speaker 1: but did that staggered run forwards trying to not fall.

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Speaker 1: I did not catch her as my hands were full

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Speaker 1: of bags, but we did end up doing a rather

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Speaker 1: firm full frontal body check. She embarrassed, Lee said sorry,

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Speaker 1: and I replied that I knew it was not her

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Speaker 1: faults and made some joke along the lines of in

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Speaker 1: some goldiers, we would probably have to get married after that.

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Speaker 2: Smooth. I don't know exactly what that means. It was smooth.

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Speaker 2: That is pretty smooth. We went our separate ways.

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Speaker 1: A few days later, I received a DM on a

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Speaker 1: well known dating app which simply said, I think i'd

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Speaker 1: recognize your photo. Are you the person I'm supposed to

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Speaker 1: marry from Harrod's last week? What a colewinsons?

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Speaker 2: Was that smooth criminal? Yep, that's what this is.

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Speaker 1: So do you think it's all planned m or that

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Speaker 1: that's what you're saying?

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Speaker 2: No, I just think it's a smooth oh smooth Oh okay,

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Speaker 2: I was like what.

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Speaker 1: I checked the app for who sent it? And it

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Speaker 1: was the young lady from the previous encounter. This is

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Speaker 1: a cute little meet cute.

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Speaker 2: I love this.

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Speaker 1: In brief, we DMD for a few days, then exchanged

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Speaker 1: numbers and spoke on the phone. She was twenty five

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Speaker 1: at the time and I was forty two. Oh, but

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Speaker 1: she seemed unfazed by the age difference. We then started

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Speaker 1: seeing each other. This is where my family and friends

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Speaker 1: blue up.

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Speaker 2: They said.

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Speaker 1: The above sounded like a honey trap, someone hunting places

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Speaker 1: rich people hang out, trying to find a wealthy widow.

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Speaker 1: I have a house and a good job, but I

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Speaker 1: don't consider myself in the rich category. Plus, there was

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Speaker 1: a gorgeous twenty five year old wanting to date me,

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Speaker 1: so big brain did not have the deciding vote.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not getting gold digger vibes at all year. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: not yet, not yet. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I mean, like I haven't seen anything right now.

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Speaker 2: True. They just like to go to Harold's Arod's Arids.

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Speaker 1: I think it's like a fancy place in London, like

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Speaker 1: a fancy store.

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Speaker 2: Oh London.

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Speaker 1: Number two ear comes the misogynist during our second year together.

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Speaker 2: So they've been.

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Speaker 1: Together for about two years now.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: My fiance girlfriend at the time was holding down three

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Speaker 1: different jobs in the service industry to try and make

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Speaker 1: ends meet. She worked long hours and was often exhausted afterwards. Also,

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Speaker 1: trying to get any seasonal holiday dates off from all

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Speaker 1: three jobs at the same time was almost impossible. This

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Speaker 1: impacted the amount of quality time we could have together.

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Speaker 1: By comparison, I worked a fixed thirty five hour work week,

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Speaker 1: no night shifts or weekends, and a generous holiday allowance.

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Speaker 2: Okay, why is she working so hard?

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Speaker 1: Cause I don't know. I mean, I don't think he's

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Speaker 1: rich enough to maybe support both of them.

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Speaker 2: Why is she working well at this time?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they're not they're not they're not married, so I

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Speaker 1: think that's.

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Speaker 2: You know, and she's trying to make ends me that

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Speaker 2: is she living above her maybe, but her means yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think it's also this is like when you would

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Speaker 1: have a conversation with your partner and say, like, is

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Speaker 1: there anything that we can you know, I can help

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Speaker 1: you in terms of just like not even necessarily monetarily,

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Speaker 1: but is there any way that I can help you

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Speaker 1: find a better, you know, higher paying job? You know,

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Speaker 1: what what can I do to get you there? I

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Speaker 1: offered her the option of moving in. Okay, no rent,

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Speaker 1: but we share the bills. That way we could both

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Speaker 1: be better off financially.

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Speaker 2: That's fair, okay.

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Speaker 1: And also two years that's you know, that's a good

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Speaker 1: amount of time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think before moving in.

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Speaker 1: As a condition of that offer, I wanted her to

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Speaker 1: give up either one or two of her jobs so

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Speaker 1: we could have more quality time together. In exchange for

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Speaker 1: doing this, I would give her an allowance equal to

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Speaker 1: whatever amount her take home pay went down. In the

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Speaker 1: event that things did not work out and we broke up,

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Speaker 1: with no cheating, I would continue the allowance for six

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Speaker 1: months to allow her to find replacement work.

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Speaker 2: That's a really that's generous.

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Speaker 1: That's a very generous offer. The aim was to ensure

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Speaker 1: I was not financially trapping her with me after moving

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Speaker 1: in in the UK, paying a partner who predominantly stays

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Speaker 1: at home housekeeping, so they have money and their pocket

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Speaker 1: is quite traditional, and it doesn't seem like OPE would

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Speaker 1: be is saying like quit all of your jobs. It's

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Speaker 1: just like, hey, you're like you're working really hard. Why

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Speaker 1: don't you move in? Yeah, I'll help you out financially

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Speaker 1: and you can still work that one job or something

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Speaker 1: so we can see each other. I feel like that's

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Speaker 1: pretty fair.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, for sure.

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Speaker 1: Once her posts started to come to my house, it

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Speaker 1: quickly became apparent that she was struggling with credit card debt,

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Speaker 1: which maybe this is maybe she is living a little

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Speaker 1: bit above her means and living kind of in debt

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Speaker 1: to some people. Yeah, I'm talking about Sam to Sam

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Speaker 1: about this about like people who live just in like

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Speaker 1: thousands dollars of credit card debt.

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Speaker 2: It's tough, tough. I know, it's it's tough. I'm working

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Speaker 2: on it. Yeah, I don't have that much it used to.

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Speaker 2: I don't really have that tens of thousands of dollars

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Speaker 2: is wild.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, but I mean, as long as you're paying

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Speaker 1: it off and you're not like, obviously people are in

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Speaker 1: different cases and stuff, and it's it can be really

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Speaker 1: hard to pay off credit card debt. But yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: nice that he is helping her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah yeah.

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Speaker 1: In exchange, I would order a second card on my

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Speaker 1: credit card, which she could have. She would therefore still

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Speaker 1: have a card available if needed, but no new bills.

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Speaker 1: The agreement we made was that anything she bought on

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Speaker 1: the card without discussing with me first, she had to

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Speaker 1: pay for when the bill came in. Okay, if we

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Speaker 1: spoke first, we might come to an agreement to share

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Speaker 1: the cost or for me to pay the whole amount.

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Speaker 1: So he's trying to help her get the credit card.

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Speaker 1: Miss Chabert says credit cards are bad if you aren't

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Speaker 1: paying them off. The interest is crazy exactly, and also

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Speaker 1: it affects your credit. After some initial issues, this has

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Speaker 1: worked well. My fiance had an issue with impulse purchases

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Speaker 1: and friends who would encourage her to spend, which maybe

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Speaker 1: is why she's in I mean, she could be in

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Speaker 1: debt for different reasons, but if she's around those types

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Speaker 1: of people who are like, oh, just put on your

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Speaker 1: credit card, she now often delays the purchase. To speak

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Speaker 1: to me to see if I will pay half. By

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Speaker 1: the time she now gets home, she has chained, changed

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Speaker 1: her mind and no longer wants it or can't be

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Speaker 1: bothered to go back to get it. Her impulse purchases

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Speaker 1: have reduced significantly. Friends and family know different things about

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Speaker 1: our life, so what follows is a summary. We have

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Speaker 1: not told our business to everybody. Her friends say I

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Speaker 1: am a misogynist for making her give up some of

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Speaker 1: her jobs and cutting up all her credit cards. I

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Speaker 1: think what he just said is that he said, maybe

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Speaker 1: you should cut them up so that you're not using

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Speaker 1: them so much.

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Speaker 2: To use that or think, oh, I get this.

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Speaker 1: It feels like this was a conversation that they had

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Speaker 1: as partners. Yeah, to figure out a way that she

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Speaker 1: would like to stop her from impulse spending.

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Speaker 2: Is helping her out. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And also it seems like maybe the friends that are

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Speaker 1: saying he's misogynistic are the ones that are telling her

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Speaker 1: to spend all of this credit card, you know, her

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Speaker 1: money on her credit card. Her friends believe this is

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Speaker 1: an attempt to get financial control and make her a

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Speaker 1: trad wife. My friends and family are continuing the GED accusations.

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Speaker 1: The gold digger accusation. The gold digger has moved in,

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Speaker 1: rent free, has an allowance, access to your credit cards,

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Speaker 1: and gets money if she leaves you. Three the gold

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Speaker 1: digger admits her motives. Oh, plot, I like that my

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Speaker 1: fiance is highly intelligent and we are able to sit

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Speaker 1: down and discuss anything without anyone taking offense that a

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Speaker 1: subject was raised. The next bit are her words when

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Speaker 1: we discussed my family calling her a gold digger and

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Speaker 1: why she's going out with me considering the age difference.

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Speaker 1: F If you ask me, did I go out with

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Speaker 1: you because you look like you had money, then the

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Speaker 1: answer is yes.

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Speaker 2: Beyonce said that.

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Speaker 1: Beyonce said this.

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Speaker 2: Oh wait, so she only went out with him because

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Speaker 2: it looked like he had money. That's what she just said.

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Speaker 1: Oh my, But if you ask me, am I with

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Speaker 1: you now because of your money? My answer is no? Okay,

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Speaker 1: So there was character developed. So I guess the family

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Speaker 1: was somewhat well, maybe I don't think she was probably

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Speaker 1: a honeytopping, but maybe she's.

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Speaker 2: I don't like this. If you get together with someone

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Speaker 2: because you thought that they had money, and then you

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Speaker 2: slowly realize this is a rom comp You slowly realize

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Speaker 2: that you love them, would you still be with them?

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Speaker 1: Okay, if you found out that your partner originally was

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Speaker 1: only with you for your money but then fell in

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Speaker 1: love with you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, would you stay together or not after hearing this?

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Speaker 2: Stay together or not?

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Speaker 1: I honestly, I think it would be pretty dependent on

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Speaker 1: a relationship now, because I feel like if it was

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Speaker 1: if they were like, yeah, that was my original thing,

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Speaker 1: but I grew to love you, and that is not

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Speaker 1: something that I feel now.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I want so much because absolutely absolutely,

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Speaker 2: and not because of my money now at that age,

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Speaker 2: at the age of fifty, depending on how genetics worked

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Speaker 2: out of the end, you may not be as attractive

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Speaker 2: and your money isn't attractive.

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Speaker 1: But I do think that I do think that sometimes

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Speaker 1: people are more attracted to which is not this is

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Speaker 1: not like the same for me, But I think that

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Speaker 1: people are sometimes attracted to like stability, and so maybe that.

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Speaker 2: She was like, oh it stability, and then you.

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Speaker 1: Grow it's like your initial thing, and then you're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I actually want to keep dating this person. Because so

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Speaker 1: I think that I would really depend on how the

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Speaker 1: relationship was going. And also yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and they were to together for two years.

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Speaker 1: Before she did move in, and she's being honest.

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Speaker 2: I honestly, you probably I think it.

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Speaker 1: Would be dependent. I think it would be dependent.

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Speaker 2: On other factory together. But at fifty it's different.

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Speaker 1: Frederick the murdiflies his attraction is attraction and regardless of

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Speaker 1: the money she assumed he had, she didn't know when

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Speaker 1: she reached out to be in with. This is true,

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Speaker 1: Jonica says one, but trust may be broken. Kimberly Fine

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Speaker 1: says she sees that fat wallet on the escalator. How

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Speaker 1: would you have known at the meat?

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Speaker 2: Sure, this is true.

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Speaker 1: Nobody goes out with anybody on day one for a

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Speaker 1: great reason. Dating apps let you choose someone purely by looks,

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Speaker 1: swiping left or right on a set of photos. I

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Speaker 1: had friends in school who chose to go out with

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Speaker 1: someone because they had a nice car, and another that

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Speaker 1: dumped a boyfriend for wearing sandals with socks. Why the

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Speaker 1: first day that happened is not as important as the

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Speaker 1: way you treat each other from the point forwards, having

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Speaker 1: things in common and enjoying spending time together. That's a

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Speaker 1: fair I mean they are by the way, you can

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Speaker 1: join us live every weekday on YouTube at three pm PST.

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Speaker 1: Just tap her profile. Many cultures have arranged marriages and

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Speaker 1: the men and those are often chosen because of their

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Speaker 1: ability to for a family. Why am I not allowed

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Speaker 1: to choose the same way? I want a man who

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Speaker 1: is not a laya about or a bum and who

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Speaker 1: can give me a good quality life. I think this

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Speaker 1: is all coming from Oh, okay, this is all the fiance.

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Speaker 1: Oh fiance, Now, this was all the fiance saying nobody

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Speaker 1: goes out with anyone on day one. It kind of

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Speaker 1: explaining your choices.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: Many cultures have arranged marriages and the men and those

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Speaker 1: are often chosen because of their ability to provide for

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Speaker 1: a family. Why am I not allowed to choose the

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Speaker 1: same way. I want a man who is not a

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Speaker 1: layabout or a bum and who can give me a

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Speaker 1: good quality of life. We've remained together now for all

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Speaker 1: the same reasons any other couple stays together. That aside,

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Speaker 1: if you cheat on me or treat me badly, I

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Speaker 1: will dump your butt. Trying to explain this to anyone

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Speaker 1: on my side of the family is pointless. They end

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Speaker 1: the conversation after the first admission, considering themselves fully justified.

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Speaker 1: So this is back topey. Okay, so after three years together,

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Speaker 1: are we the a hole for ignoring everyone and deciding

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Speaker 1: to get married and that is the end?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 1: The PS is just saying, enjoy commenting, but your vote

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Speaker 1: does not count. We love each other and are getting married. No,

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Speaker 1: I don't think you're the a hole. I think it

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Speaker 1: seems like you're both pretty honest about you know. It

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Speaker 1: seems like you're very communicative with each other about financial

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Speaker 1: stuff and about your initial reasons and attractions to each other.

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Speaker 1: I think not the ahole. Don't listen to everyone else.

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Speaker 1: If you guys are.

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Speaker 2: Happy, yeah, I would not be comfortable in this if

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Speaker 2: you're if you're comfortable enough to get over that fact

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Speaker 2: of I'm only here for the money and you're okay

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Speaker 2: with providing.

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Speaker 1: He's not only there for the money. She just originally

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Speaker 1: she was like, oh he seems yeah, that's money.

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Speaker 2: That first comment. If if I knew that, like if

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Speaker 2: if my partner comes to me it's like, oh, I

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Speaker 2: look like you had a lot of money. I wanted

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Speaker 2: to be with you just because of that, I would

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Speaker 2: feel hurt and not about it. If you can get

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Speaker 2: over that and you know, this is like the context

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Speaker 2: of your relationship, go for it. You see, you guys

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Speaker 2: both seem like you're happy, and it's really awesome that

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Speaker 2: you're helping her out like that. I that's that's awesome. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I could do that.

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Speaker 1: That's fair.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my opinions mote you guys getting married good, have

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Speaker 2: fun at the wedding. Take pictures to put it in

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Speaker 2: the discord.

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Speaker 1: I guess like another way to look at it also

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Speaker 1: is like, let's say you were older. I think that people,

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Speaker 1: especially like in our age, I don't think it's as

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Speaker 1: important to be financially like super well off, because you know,

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Speaker 1: we're young and we're just school, you know, student debt.

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Speaker 1: It's not like we're gonna be you know, we're a

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Speaker 1: lot of people are in debt. But I think when

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Speaker 1: you're older, there is kind of a desire to be

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Speaker 1: with someone who is financially stable.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so I agree, Yeah, I agree. I slept with

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Speaker 2: my brother's widow. I feel horrible, but I still want

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Speaker 2: to pursue her. WHOA, that's crazy. I've read a book

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Speaker 2: about that. I forgot what it was called. It was

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Speaker 2: a good book.

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Speaker 1: It was like it was elementary school, elementary school.

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Speaker 2: Hi thirty seven, Mal, I'm alternating between feeling like a

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Speaker 2: giant a hole and feeling hopeful and excited about someone

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Speaker 2: for the first time. And while I am one of

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Speaker 2: four boys in my family, and I was the closest

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Speaker 2: throwing up to my brother Patrick, who was two years

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Speaker 2: younger than me. Patrick met his wife, Aaron when he

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Speaker 2: was fourteen, and he was completely committed to her from

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Speaker 2: that point on. I've always liked Aaron and viewed her

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Speaker 2: as a little sister since I've known her for so long.

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Speaker 2: At family guys, if you'd as a little sister, ew, yeah,

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Speaker 2: at family gatherings, she was one of my favorite people

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Speaker 2: to talk to because she's smart, interested in what's going

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Speaker 2: on in the world, and is a lawyer like me,

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Speaker 2: so we have a lot of commmanility, commonality, commonality, commonimality,

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Speaker 2: although she works in a way cooler practice area. I

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Speaker 2: thought she was perfect for Patrick because she helped him

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Speaker 2: think bigger for his life, and he in turn helped

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Speaker 2: her relax and enjoy herself more.

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Speaker 1: That's me and my lifeb He's like, Wow, Aaron's so cool.

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Speaker 1: She's like literally the best. She's really perfect for my brother.

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Speaker 1: I would love I would you know I could see

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Speaker 1: even my myself dating room.

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Speaker 2: Oh dude, this is about to get a messaging. By

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Speaker 2: the way, this comes from Lumpy Bit forty three point

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Speaker 2: fifty on the r slagh Okay storytime. So Aaron and

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Speaker 2: Patrick got married in their late twenties and I was

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Speaker 2: the best man. They had a baby girl name Madeline

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Speaker 2: together yay. But when she was around a year old,

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Speaker 2: Patrick passed away in an accident. Everyone was devastated, but

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Speaker 2: Aaron took it the hardest. My whole family, especially my mom,

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Speaker 2: tried to be there for her, but she wasn't herself

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Speaker 2: after at all, or around two years. She seems to

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Speaker 2: be doing much better now, but her entire life seems

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Speaker 2: to revolve around her job and taking care of Madeline.

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Speaker 2: I asked a few months ago if she's dated anyone

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Speaker 2: since Patrick's passed, and she went out with one person

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Speaker 2: casually for a few months, but that was it. Aaron

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Speaker 2: has a huge effort to keep in touch with my family,

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Speaker 2: who attends every single one of our holidays slash family

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Speaker 2: events or the sake of her daughter. Madeline is almost

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Speaker 2: six and she is incredibly close to my mother. We

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Speaker 2: all love her and Aaron and she still feels like

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Speaker 2: a part of our family. We also work in the

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Speaker 2: same area. Literally our buildings are across the street and

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Speaker 2: have several mutual friends and we get a pick quick

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Speaker 2: lunch together usually with other mutual friends around once a week. Again,

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Speaker 2: I always thought Aaron as a little sister and Patrick's wife.

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Speaker 2: I don't know why things change, but for the last

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Speaker 2: year or so, I've been thinking about her constantly. Okay,

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Speaker 2: real quick, poll stop or got stop her up?

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Speaker 1: I think it's gonna be what.

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Speaker 2: Would you do in the situation stop her up? Would

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00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,240
Speaker 2: you stop? Okay, sorry and step away? Or would you

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Speaker 2: keep going? I'd probably stop you stopped.

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Speaker 1: But however, I think that it's sometimes like when you

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Speaker 1: go through a traumatic event, sometimes you get.

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Speaker 2: Close with people.

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Speaker 1: I think it would probably make things easier for you, guys,

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Speaker 1: if you stop, if you go though, yeah, you mind

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Speaker 1: meet the love of your.

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Speaker 2: Life, Madeline. It's the same set of grandparents, It's true,

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Speaker 2: and you don't have to worry about Madeline going into

390
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,400
Speaker 2: a new family. Yeah, it's the uncle dadd and you

391
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Speaker 2: get uncle Dad, Uncle Daddy, Uncle Daddy, see uncle Daddy, Jessina.

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Speaker 2: While I'm not sorry, Okay, people are saying stop, people

393
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:48,960
Speaker 2: are saying go, Yeah, I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's necessarily like like an a whole move.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's bad, but I think it makes things.

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Speaker 1: I think it makes things really complicated, makes that I

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Speaker 1: don't think it's I don't think like I think that

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Speaker 1: is up to Ope's discretion. Okay, I think I would

399
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Speaker 1: personally not do it, just because I would be like,

400
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:07,479
Speaker 1: that's pretty complicated. But I think sometimes you you know,

401
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,959
Speaker 1: you fall in love with people you can't really help it.

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Speaker 2: It's definitely a wrom com right here. Yeah, I have

403
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,320
Speaker 2: heard from people. We've we did a call him one

404
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,560
Speaker 2: time and the caller had a kid with a guy

405
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,119
Speaker 2: and then they broke up and then she got together

406
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:24,000
Speaker 2: with the uncle with the guy's brother, and but they're

407
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,760
Speaker 2: totally fine with it. Well I know, and they just

408
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,040
Speaker 2: have like a nice little family going on.

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Speaker 1: Kay, it might work out.

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Speaker 2: Can really found adopt a wife?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

412
00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:35,600
Speaker 2: Can really fine? Well? Pharaoh told us about what about.

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Speaker 1: Her feelings about it? Though, that's the yeah, making you

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Speaker 1: up as I go.

415
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Speaker 2: Lots of Mormons do it, and Mormons have the most

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Speaker 2: land own land in America. So if you want more

417
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Speaker 2: Land do that Mary Mormon d No, no, No, Mary, your

418
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:55,399
Speaker 2: your dead brothers. Yeah. I want to hear more that.

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Speaker 1: I want to hear what's going on with this this

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Speaker 1: other girl, the girl though.

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00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:02,560
Speaker 2: I've been thinking about her constantly. I love our weekly lunches,

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00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,040
Speaker 2: enjoy seeing her, and just feel like she's one of

423
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Speaker 2: my best friends. Oh, he's in love, He's a love.

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Speaker 2: I've had a few girlfriends, but I've been focused on

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00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,400
Speaker 2: my career for most of my adult life, and I've

426
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Speaker 2: never been in a rush to get married or settle

427
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,120
Speaker 2: down with anyone. I'll say that in my life, I've

428
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:23,200
Speaker 2: only had this intention of a crutch on someone once.

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00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:26,280
Speaker 2: I've told myself time and time again, I can never

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Speaker 2: cross that line because I don't want to disrespect Patrick

431
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Speaker 2: or put Aaron in a strange position with my family.

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Speaker 2: But this weekend, one of our mutual friends got remarried.

433
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:39,439
Speaker 2: We were at the same table, both drink too much.

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00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,359
Speaker 2: I see you. I see you. In the comment people

435
00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:44,320
Speaker 2: are saying, go, let's keep that poll up. We'll see

436
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,920
Speaker 2: what people think. But I see you. We pretty much

437
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 2: sent spent the entire night talking and I have been

438
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,960
Speaker 2: having the best We were both hammered by the end

439
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,919
Speaker 2: of the night, and I offered to walk her to

440
00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:01,520
Speaker 2: the hotel room to make sure she got there safely.

441
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,880
Speaker 1: Make sure she get to the bed safely under.

442
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:07,359
Speaker 2: Goodbye at the door, and she didn't want to be

443
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,960
Speaker 2: alone and asked me to stay and watch a movie.

444
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:13,440
Speaker 2: Long story short, we ended up having spicy sleep.

445
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:22,399
Speaker 4: Oh wow, wow, I really Okay, Well, no, no, this

446
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,280
Speaker 4: has to go well because Opia has like feelings for her.

447
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,520
Speaker 1: This can't just be like a one time thing.

448
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,600
Speaker 2: Do you think she thought of Patrick during that? I

449
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,160
Speaker 2: hope not, like, oh, you remind me of him so much?

450
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,280
Speaker 1: I hope not. See that's the thing. If it is that,

451
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,640
Speaker 1: if it's like, oh, you're kind of replacement for Patrick,

452
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,080
Speaker 1: then don't pursue this relationship and they need to have

453
00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,399
Speaker 1: conversations about that. But if it's like I truly just

454
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,040
Speaker 1: you know, we went through a traumatic thing, I've realized

455
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,639
Speaker 1: that I really enjoy hanging out with you, then it's okay.

456
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,360
Speaker 2: Proximity doesn't hurt help at all. Okay, my thought, Yeah,

457
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,360
Speaker 2: there are so many other people in the world. There's

458
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,960
Speaker 2: so many other people that you can talk to. Sure,

459
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:02,360
Speaker 2: I get the the close proximity and seeing each other

460
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,080
Speaker 2: week after week and enjoying their presence and time together,

461
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:06,720
Speaker 2: and that you both have a lot in common. Is

462
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:07,480
Speaker 2: not helping her.

463
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:08,399
Speaker 1: He's always liked her.

464
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:11,479
Speaker 5: Yeah, but there's so many other people. Move go somewhere else.

465
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,000
Speaker 2: There's so many other people in the world that you

466
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,920
Speaker 2: could be with. This just makes it messy.

467
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,200
Speaker 1: But what if someone told you about said that about Angie,

468
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,840
Speaker 1: they said there's so many other people you could be with,

469
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,120
Speaker 1: You'd be like, No, if she.

470
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:26,439
Speaker 2: Was my brother's dead wife. I she's your dead brother's

471
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,720
Speaker 2: my dead brother's wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but she's not.

472
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,320
Speaker 2: It's not. I don't know.

473
00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,280
Speaker 1: I I agree, it's really complicated.

474
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:34,960
Speaker 2: But I'm like, they like each other.

475
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:41,440
Speaker 6: Stop stop Sophie shop, this is omark, this is not

476
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:46,840
Speaker 6: itsmisses around the corner, and she's a busney, busy business lady.

477
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:47,400
Speaker 2: Not helping.

478
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 1: Actually, I don't know what I think about this.

479
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:52,119
Speaker 2: I know what you think. You are loving this, but

480
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:53,159
Speaker 2: you do not want to admit it.

481
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:56,080
Speaker 1: I don't know. Let's keep reading.

482
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:02,639
Speaker 2: Okay. Ended up having spicy sleep. It was fun in

483
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 2: the moment. We were both panicked when we woke up. No,

484
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:10,000
Speaker 2: Aaron felt horrible and was crying saying she's she's the

485
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,040
Speaker 2: worst person in the world. We talked for a while

486
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 2: and it turns out she's been feeling the same way

487
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,240
Speaker 2: as me. I told her I wanted to try things

488
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 2: if she did, but she said she was worried about

489
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:23,119
Speaker 2: Patrick and would think and oh, she's worried about what

490
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:26,560
Speaker 2: Patrick would think and about matter don relationship with me

491
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,120
Speaker 2: and the family. I told her that Patrick would want

492
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,480
Speaker 2: her to be happy, which is true, but she should

493
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 2: think about it, and we don't need to rush things.

494
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,359
Speaker 2: I gathered what we both want to try things, but

495
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:41,520
Speaker 2: we also feel icky. So I just don't want to disrespect.

496
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,240
Speaker 1: Patrick, which is I totally get that they're having so

497
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,480
Speaker 1: many complicated feelings about this, of like being interested in

498
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,240
Speaker 1: each other, but also knowing that there's a.

499
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 2: Lot of baggage that goes with that. Mm.

500
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,600
Speaker 1: I think it's just you kind of keep talking.

501
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:53,280
Speaker 4: Yeah.

502
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,520
Speaker 1: I don't think either way. They cannot go back to

503
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,840
Speaker 1: the way that they were. Yeah, so you can't just

504
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 1: ignore it. I think that they have to keep having

505
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 1: conversations of like, you know, is this gonna be Is

506
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 1: there too much baggage to continue this relationship? Do we

507
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,680
Speaker 1: kind of have to distance each other distance from each other.

508
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,680
Speaker 2: Okay, you're Patrick, Yeah, you're Patrick Crowning Patrick. You want

509
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,679
Speaker 2: someone to be happy in life. Wouldn't you want to

510
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,639
Speaker 2: give your significant other to your sibling?

511
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: Okay I'm not giving, but I'd.

512
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,879
Speaker 2: Be like, what do you want your significant other to

513
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,280
Speaker 2: be with? Sam? If you were dead? My boyfriend sim

514
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:29,119
Speaker 2: honestly like kind of doubt. Okay, Sam, Yes, I blessed

515
00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:32,840
Speaker 2: this union. He's great. By the way, he's awesome. He's great,

516
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:33,879
Speaker 2: He's great.

517
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 1: It's true.

518
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 2: Yes, I blessed the and then yes, yeah, I bless

519
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:40,359
Speaker 2: the union. I'm kind of on the same page too,

520
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 2: if I've always why are you still against it?

521
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 4: Here?

522
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 2: I would want my significant other to be like safe,

523
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 2: and I know that my brother is a safe person,

524
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,879
Speaker 2: but it's still icky just the thought of it. Like,

525
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,399
Speaker 2: I know, I would want them to be safe platonically.

526
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 1: Someone just said icky or sticky, which I think that's

527
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 1: a good I don't know if this is what you meant,

528
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 1: but maybe it's not achy so much as like a

529
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 1: sticky situation. You know, it's like a little bit hard

530
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:09,680
Speaker 1: to deal with.

531
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, here we go. Today I called my older

532
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,480
Speaker 2: brother and asked what he would think if Aaron and

533
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:21,600
Speaker 2: I try things. I didn't tell him about the spicy

534
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,399
Speaker 2: sleep or even that she is interested, because I didn't

535
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,359
Speaker 2: want to invade her promise, but was honest about the

536
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 2: fact that I had feelings for her. My brother alternated

537
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,600
Speaker 2: between saying he could see it working out and he

538
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,879
Speaker 2: couldn't do it to Patrick, and that we couldn't do

539
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:37,640
Speaker 2: it to Patrick as well as you can probably tell,

540
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 2: I am terribly conflicted. I know what I want, but

541
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,159
Speaker 2: but I don't know if it's the right thing. In

542
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 2: addition to disrespecting Patrick, I want Aaron to be happy

543
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 2: and part of me phils she might have an easier

544
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,520
Speaker 2: time starting fresh with someone new when she's ready to

545
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,480
Speaker 2: day again. We've had so many memories together that would

546
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 2: center around Patrick, and our bond was initially based on

547
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 2: our shared love for him. Am I the a hole?

548
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,400
Speaker 2: Please be honest. I'm going in circles here.

549
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,320
Speaker 1: I think what I was going to say is, I

550
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 1: don't think that you get to really decide how what's

551
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,160
Speaker 1: the web's name again, Aaron? I don't think you get

552
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 1: to decide how Aaron gets to feel about this if

553
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 1: she wants to pursue a relationship with you and you

554
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 1: want to as well, then I don't think you can

555
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 1: necessarily be like, oh well, it'd be easier for her

556
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:24,360
Speaker 1: if we didn't do this, because it's a two way thing.

557
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,199
Speaker 1: And I think that as long as you're having conversations

558
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:30,639
Speaker 1: about it and like talking to Aaron and making sure

559
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:35,399
Speaker 1: that you're not each replacing Pat, you know, Patrick with

560
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 1: the other person, then I think that's okay.

561
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, there were some real other comments, but they weren't like.

562
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 1: They weren't that relevant.

563
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, they were all right, But I don't know, man,

564
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:48,200
Speaker 2: you're against it? Uh? Yeah, I am sticky.

565
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:51,680
Speaker 1: My husband is infertile. I want to divorce him.

566
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 2: No, No, if you can't swim, can't be with me.

567
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 2: If yes, swim, get out of the water. I don't

568
00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:02,440
Speaker 2: agree with them. Make I twenty nine female. I've been

569
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 2: with my husband twenty nine, male, for six years, married

570
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:06,680
Speaker 2: for three.

571
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:10,280
Speaker 1: We both come from family oriented backgrounds and have always

572
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,919
Speaker 1: wanted kids. We're financially stable and can provide a child

573
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:17,119
Speaker 1: an amazing life. We've officially started trying for a baby

574
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:20,439
Speaker 1: in early twenty twenty three. After months of nothing, I

575
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 1: started to get worried. I wanted to get a fertility

576
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,359
Speaker 1: checked then, but he said I was being a worry rat.

577
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 1: Isn't it worry work? And let's wait a year of

578
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 1: trying before we get any testing. A year was in February,

579
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 1: and I scheduled our testing then. By the way, this

580
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 1: comes from ilocotrone seventy six oh five on the ar

581
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 1: slash Okay storytime Separated.

582
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 2: The results shocked us.

583
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 1: We were both ignorant and assumed I was the one

584
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 1: with the issue, if there was one. I mainly see

585
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 1: women talking about being infertile, so it didn't cross our

586
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 1: minds it could be something else. The doctor calls us and,

587
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,879
Speaker 1: in one of the worst days of our lives, tells

588
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 1: us that my husband has a condition called a zoospermia,

589
00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:00,600
Speaker 1: meaning he has no sperm. In his case, they say

590
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 1: that the surgery to extract directly from his testicle doesn't

591
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 1: seem that it will yield high results, but it wouldn't

592
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,919
Speaker 1: hurt to try. My husband and I were devastated. I

593
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:13,160
Speaker 1: wanted us to explore all routes him taking the medication

594
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 1: and getting the surgery, and if that fails, either a

595
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,920
Speaker 1: sperm donor or adoption. I understand this is life changing news,

596
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,639
Speaker 1: especially for my husband, but since February has he's refused

597
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 1: to do anything about it. He said he doesn't want

598
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 1: to take meds and get the surgery if it will

599
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 1: be a waste, like the doctor thinks that using a

600
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 1: sperm donor makes him feel emasculated, and he doesn't want

601
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 1: to raise my child with another man's DNA, even if

602
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 1: it's from a relative of his, and that adoption isn't

603
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:41,520
Speaker 1: something he's ever wanted.

604
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 2: It doesn't sound like he's negotiating.

605
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 1: There's no compromising with him, and that at that point,

606
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 1: if op wants a child, then it's then I understand

607
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 1: that this isn't like, oh, he's infertile, I'm breaking up

608
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:54,679
Speaker 1: with him. This is he's infertile. I'm trying to find

609
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 1: a solution that works for both of us where we

610
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 1: can have still have a child, which seems like they

611
00:26:59,359 --> 00:26:59,880
Speaker 1: both want.

612
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:00,360
Speaker 2: Yeah.

613
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 1: I think that's yeah, I think that maybe divorce. I

614
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,679
Speaker 1: would say divorce, yeah, if he's not willing to try any.

615
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 2: If you and I'm pretty sure they had conversations, I'm

616
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 2: assuming that they had conversations beforehand of how many kids

617
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 2: they wanted.

618
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, it seems like if they were trying to

619
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: you know if they were talking about fertility doctors, they

620
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:19,360
Speaker 1: probably both wanted kids mm hmm, and that adoption isn't

621
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,920
Speaker 1: something he's ever wanted unfortunately, Like, if you can't have kids,

622
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,119
Speaker 1: then you have to figure out. If you can't have

623
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 1: kids like you know, with yoursperm, then go yeah, got

624
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 1: it else. I have no one to talk about this

625
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 1: in real life too, since he doesn't want his diagnosis

626
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 1: out there. It's been affecting me really bad mentally. There's

627
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,119
Speaker 1: nothing more I want than to be a mom. I

628
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 1: begged him to go to therapy and he refuses, saying

629
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:46,120
Speaker 1: he accepts it. I'm the one that isn't. Every time

630
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,440
Speaker 1: I try to start a conversation, he shuts it down

631
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,160
Speaker 1: by saying that we will never have a child together. Wow,

632
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 1: you will never be able to be a real dad.

633
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 2: To move on.

634
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 1: I just really don't love this frame of mind, like

635
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 1: this mindset of saying like you're not a real dad

636
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,399
Speaker 1: unless it comes from you biologically, and also just to

637
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 1: completely shut down your partner's you know, dreams.

638
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I don't like this month set either.

639
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 1: I know what I want for myself, that's motherhood. I

640
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:15,119
Speaker 1: am willing to go down any avenue to motherhood, but

641
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to. I realized this past summer that

642
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 1: he's right. We will never have a child together. I

643
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 1: had one final conversation with him, since he avoids the

644
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 1: topic like the plague, last night, I sat him down

645
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 1: and said, I empathize, empathize with him about this life

646
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,199
Speaker 1: changing diagnosis and that he doesn't want to get the surgery,

647
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,119
Speaker 1: which I respect, or use a donor or adopt, but

648
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 1: that I want to be a mom and I'm not

649
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:39,240
Speaker 1: getting any younger. And if he isn't willing to explore

650
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 1: any avenue or go to fertility therapy, that I want

651
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 1: a divorce, which is hard, but I feel like that's again,

652
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,719
Speaker 1: this is what OP wants. They went into this relationship,

653
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 1: or at least progressed this relationship with the idea that

654
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 1: they would have kids, yep, And if he's not willing to,

655
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 1: you know, make any concessions to do that. Then he

656
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 1: broke down, saying he can't believe I would be willing

657
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 1: to walk away from our marriage over this, that if

658
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 1: the shoe was on the other foot, he would never

659
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,080
Speaker 1: leave me for being infertile. Again, she is not leaving

660
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:07,080
Speaker 1: him for being infertile.

661
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 2: That's not that's not a problem.

662
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 1: That's not the problem. He says, I'm a horrible person

663
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 1: and that I'm punishing him for something he can't control.

664
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 1: I told him it's not for being infertile, that I

665
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 1: can work. I could work with that, but that it's

666
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 1: because he's refusing to go down any route to become

667
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 1: a parent, knowing that's something we both wanted. He says

668
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 1: that I never loved him, otherwise I would never contemplate

669
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 1: divorce over kids that don't exist. Yet he cried about

670
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 1: it afterwards and refused for me to console him. I

671
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 1: feel so horrible, but what else can I do? Continue

672
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 1: begging him to change his mind or speak to a professional.

673
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 1: He only wants bio kids and refuses to do the

674
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:44,560
Speaker 1: surgery because it's too much prep daily vitamins, meds, no

675
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: hot showers, et cetera.

676
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:49,959
Speaker 2: Am I the ahole pole? And there are some relevant

677
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 2: comments divorce or not pole?

678
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 1: I think divorce. I think this is a This is

679
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: a big thing for Opie, Miss Chaber. It says, having

680
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 1: kids is something you can't compromise on. Yeah, in the

681
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 1: same way that like if you were in a relationship

682
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 1: and you were thinking about getting married and one person

683
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 1: didn't want kids, you shouldn't be you know, forcing them

684
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 1: to have kids if they don't want them. Yeah, you

685
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 1: should also in the same way not be you know,

686
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 1: not depriving a person who really wants kids.

687
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 2: I say, naw, I think there is a no divorce.

688
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 2: I think no divorce. I think therapy is the move.

689
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 2: There's something in the husband's head that is that makes

690
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 2: him feel if he raises a kid that is not

691
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 2: from his own seed, that he is not a man.

692
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, he's talking about like, oh, it's masculating. He's

693
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 1: feeling this shame. He definitely needs to go to therapy

694
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 1: for this, because this is not like obviously infertility can

695
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 1: be kind of stigmatized and stuff, but this is not

696
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 1: something you should be ashamed of. This is just something

697
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 1: that you have to find a new path forward for.

698
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, you were born this. I don't know if you

699
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:49,560
Speaker 2: were born this way or not. This is just what

700
00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:50,160
Speaker 2: happened to you.

701
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 4: Yeah.

702
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 1: Jessicatza Graul says, if he's refusing to go to therapy,

703
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 1: she can't make him. That's true. The thing is if

704
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 1: she suggests therapy and he's like no, no, no, no, no,

705
00:30:57,720 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 1: then maybe the route is divorced.

706
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 2: If he's yeah, yeah, I agree.

707
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 1: Kimberly Fines says, give it time for him to process

708
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 1: and reevaluate. Does kind of seem like, uh, Op, he

709
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 1: has been, you know, trying a lot of different routes.

710
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:11,880
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think us give it a second. See

711
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 1: if he will go to therapy. But if he's not

712
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 1: doing any of that and he's not willing to make

713
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,400
Speaker 1: any of those concessions, then Lindsay says, yeah, I think

714
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 1: Riley's got a good point. I've felt the same. Infertility

715
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 1: is hard. Well, no, I think you do have a

716
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 1: good point. It's it's sometimes you go like you find

717
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 1: something out about yourself and you're like kind of stuck

718
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 1: in that like kind of depressed mindset of like I

719
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,120
Speaker 1: don't want to do anything this I just found out

720
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 1: this kind of life altering you know news.

721
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there are.

722
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 1: Some relevant comments. This is OP, like one comment from

723
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 1: OP should we do that one?

724
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 4: Yeah?

725
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 1: But before then, before that, you can join us live

726
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 1: on YouTube every weekday at three PMPST. Just tap her profile.

727
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 1: Merrabi says, just hopping on this top comment to ask,

728
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 1: are you really really sure he didn't have a aseectomy

729
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 1: and has been lying to you this whole time, Oh

730
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 1: my god, asking you to wait a year before seeking

731
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 1: out testing, refusing to explore for options for himself, and

732
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 1: flat refusing even familial sperm donation or adoption. Just feel

733
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 1: suspicious or I've been spending too much time on Reddit.

734
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:09,600
Speaker 2: That's possible. Well, I do think we learned that.

735
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 1: I mean he went to the doctor and was diagnosed,

736
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 1: So I feel like the doctor would have said, you know,

737
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 1: he's that of exectomy. Yeah, OHP says I've never even

738
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 1: considered him getting of a sectomy possibility. Isn't that something

739
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 1: he would need to recover from. I've never noticed any

740
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 1: signs or discomfort. He also really wanted to have kids.

741
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: We've spoken extensively. I don't think so. Okay, I don't

742
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 1: think so either. I think they'll say again they went

743
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 1: to the doctors about this.

744
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 2: They're spending too much time on a Reddit commonery.

745
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 5: Yeah.

746
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 3: I caught my fiance cheating on me, so I left

747
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 3: without a.

748
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 2: Single word, ghosting them.

749
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 3: I mail twenty five. Met my now ex fiance in

750
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,520
Speaker 3: my first year of college. We were both eighteen, and

751
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 3: it went from friends to lovers pretty quickly. We clicked

752
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 3: so well, and everything was so easy and effortless. We

753
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 3: had a really good relationship. It's the kind of relationship

754
00:32:59,040 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 3: that everyone wishes they.

755
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 2: I love other inflating this so much. Yeah, and we

756
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 2: know where this is going.

757
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 3: We had to weak this up and make it look

758
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 3: real beautiful in the beginning, the kind of relationship that

759
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 3: people idolized and said if those two broke up, then

760
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 3: love doesn't exist.

761
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 5: You get the picture.

762
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from user big at eighty

763
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 3: two thirty nine on the r slash ok storytime subreddit.

764
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 3: So for the purpose of this post, let's call my

765
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 3: ex Ashley.

766
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,360
Speaker 5: Ashley. It was everything I was looking for in a woman.

767
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 3: Funny, smart, tractive, down to earth and family oriented. She

768
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:30,560
Speaker 3: wanted to build a life together. Our families got close

769
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:32,480
Speaker 3: over the course of our relationship. It was like we

770
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 3: were already one big family before even getting married. It

771
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 3: was so perfect until it wasn't as planned. I popped

772
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 3: the question a year ago, not knowing that it would

773
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 3: change everything. She said, yes, of course, But things started

774
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 3: the change. Uh oh, slowly but surely. Over the months,

775
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,560
Speaker 3: she became more distance. I tried to ignore it and

776
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 3: chalk it up to nervousness, you know, cold feet before

777
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 3: taking the big marriage plunge. I should have trusted my instincts.

778
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 3: She always went out with her group of friends on

779
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 3: the weekends.

780
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 4: Uh.

781
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 3: Oh, I've been on these outings before. Usually it's clubbing

782
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 3: and drinking. It's not my scene. But I trusted my girl,

783
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 3: so I had no problem with her going out with me.

784
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 3: These outings became much more frequent after I popped the question,

785
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 3: Oh there's a correlation here.

786
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:16,240
Speaker 2: See.

787
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 3: I tried to ignore my gut feeling that something was

788
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 3: wrong about this. I should have listened. Last week, I

789
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 3: get a text from one of her girlfriends.

790
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,799
Speaker 2: Oh, one of her girlfriends, Oh, this is a this

791
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:27,880
Speaker 2: is a good person. Hopefully.

792
00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:29,800
Speaker 5: I mean, let's see what the girlfriend says.

793
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:32,799
Speaker 3: She said she feels super guilty about what's been going on.

794
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:33,759
Speaker 2: What's been going on?

795
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:36,880
Speaker 3: According to her, Ashley has been worried about getting married.

796
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,160
Speaker 3: She feels that she hasn't had a chance to explore

797
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 3: other options, and the prospect of getting locked down for

798
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 3: life made her really anxious. On these outings, she will

799
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 3: frequently flirt with guys, dance with them, grind on them,

800
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 3: make out with them. Since she wasn't having spicy sleep

801
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:55,360
Speaker 3: with them. She didn't consider it cheating.

802
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:55,760
Speaker 5: Girl.

803
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,280
Speaker 2: This is a logic that I don't get behind.

804
00:34:58,600 --> 00:34:59,879
Speaker 5: Girl, this is a lot.

805
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,880
Speaker 3: To just imagine telling all her friends that it's not cheating.

806
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 5: Guys.

807
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 3: I've made out with a couple guys them. Yeah, it

808
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 3: wasn't cheating. I didn't have spicy sleep, so it wasn't cheating.

809
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:10,960
Speaker 2: There we go.

810
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:12,799
Speaker 5: I'm still so excited to get married. Guys.

811
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:14,840
Speaker 3: You guys gotta be my maid. Who's gonna be my

812
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,880
Speaker 3: maid of honor? Guys gonna catch the book. According to

813
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 3: the friend, she also gave one guy a sloppy toppy

814
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 3: in the club bathroom. She sent me pictures and videos

815
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 3: from some of the escapade. My heart sank. I felt

816
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:29,560
Speaker 3: like I died that day. I thank the friend for

817
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,840
Speaker 3: telling me and told her to keep it between us.

818
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 3: For me, any form of cheating is a big no.

819
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 5: No. I knew it was over.

820
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:38,200
Speaker 3: What makes this worse is that I have a past

821
00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 3: with cheating. She knows about my high school ex who

822
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:43,680
Speaker 3: cheated on me, and being a stupid teenager, I tried

823
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 3: to end it all. This just makes the whole situation

824
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,640
Speaker 3: cut even deeper. She knows how much hurt she could

825
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:53,000
Speaker 3: cause and still went ahead with it. Literally, I wanted

826
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:54,959
Speaker 3: to crawl into bed and cry for a month.

827
00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 5: I wanted to be weak. I felt weak.

828
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 3: I decided I would give myself the chance to mourn

829
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:03,279
Speaker 3: and cry over this after I protect myself before we

830
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:03,840
Speaker 3: get into this.

831
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 2: My heart hurts. I feel like I got punched in

832
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 2: the gut.

833
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 3: I got punched with the gut and then kicked on

834
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,840
Speaker 3: when I was on the ground, and then spat on

835
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 3: and got laughed at.

836
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:15,240
Speaker 5: I feel bad.

837
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, this is tough.

838
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 3: This is tough, Like this was like your everything. The

839
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 3: fact that Opie talked so highly about her at the

840
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 3: beginning must have been so hard.

841
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 2: Yea, and everything was good, everything was great, and like

842
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:31,240
Speaker 2: someone was eating at him any news.

843
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:34,240
Speaker 3: If you're instinct, if your gut, like if your partner

844
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,760
Speaker 3: that you've known forever, is like, this is odd behavior,

845
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 3: there's a reason that this is odd behavior.

846
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,320
Speaker 5: Your gut, your gut knows for a reason.

847
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, props to the girl.

848
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:44,360
Speaker 5: I was gonna say, props to the friend.

849
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,680
Speaker 3: She knew she probably was friends with the fiance and

850
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 3: with op And yeah, you like this is this is

851
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:55,280
Speaker 3: fed up, especially when her friend was like, this isn't cheating,

852
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 3: and the fact that there's video proof is insane.

853
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 2: That is pretty insane because people would be on Snapchat like,

854
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:04,719
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, there's so crazy Ashley, Oh my god,

855
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 2: oh my god.

856
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:06,240
Speaker 3: Do it for the vine?

857
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, And nothing about them going out. I mean, I

858
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:10,359
Speaker 2: don't have any problem with my girl going out because

859
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:11,759
Speaker 2: I know she trust me. But if I had an

860
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 2: inkling of like something.

861
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,319
Speaker 3: For work, she's distancing herself away from me, or she's

862
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 3: doing it frequently.

863
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 5: And not inviting me out, Like if she.

864
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,719
Speaker 3: Was already out, like we're going out, come on, let's celebrate.

865
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:22,879
Speaker 2: I'd be unsettled a little bit.

866
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:24,440
Speaker 3: Good on the friend it should have been done a

867
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,360
Speaker 3: lot sooner, but maybe she didn't want to lose. But

868
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,439
Speaker 3: good on the front of doing it sooner than later.

869
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,799
Speaker 3: Me and my fiance share an apartment that we both

870
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,359
Speaker 3: pay rent for fifty to fifty. I decided to take

871
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 3: two days off work and covertly started to move my

872
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 3: things out to my brother's house across the city. He

873
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:42,840
Speaker 3: knows about everything and immediately offered his place to me.

874
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:45,359
Speaker 3: The first day, I moved non essential items out. When

875
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 3: Ashley got back from work, she made a comment about it,

876
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 3: but I brushed it off by saying I sold some

877
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,239
Speaker 3: stuff and took some more stuff to a storage unit

878
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,400
Speaker 3: to tidy and clear up space in our apartment. Okay, okay,

879
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 3: this guy, this guy's trying to be sneaky here, he is.

880
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 3: I like this plan, Steve pays off.

881
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 5: She didn't question it.

882
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 3: I was furious on the inside about everything that I

883
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:07,319
Speaker 3: found out about, but kept cool to avoid suspicion. She

884
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 3: noticed I was a bit withdrawn, but I told her

885
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:11,839
Speaker 3: I was just tired and stressed from work. The second day,

886
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 3: while she was at work, my brother and his wife

887
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 3: came over to help me pack everything else, and I

888
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:19,840
Speaker 3: was fully moved out by three pm that day.

889
00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 2: Which is when you could join us live every weekday

890
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:23,800
Speaker 2: through VMPST just to have her profile.

891
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 3: I've avoided every single form of communication sent by my ex.

892
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 3: I've completely cut her off. I refused to talk to

893
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,800
Speaker 3: her or her family. I don't even want to confront

894
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 3: her about what happened. She came home that day and

895
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 3: saw everything was gone. She texted all my friends and family,

896
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 3: who in turn texted me, but I only responded to

897
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 3: my parents, who are fully behind me and my decision.

898
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,480
Speaker 3: Her family and friends are blowing up my phone and

899
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 3: saying that I'm an a hole for leaving without a word.

900
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 3: They've even been blasting me on social media. I don't

901
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:53,319
Speaker 3: really care. She knows what she did to me. She

902
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:56,399
Speaker 3: is dead, she doesn't exist power to do it. Because

903
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 3: of all this backlash, my brother and his wife are

904
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:00,880
Speaker 3: now also questioning if it was right of me to

905
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,720
Speaker 3: completely ignore everyone. This has caused me to doubt myself

906
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:06,560
Speaker 3: a bit. So here I am am I the ahole.

907
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 3: There is an update. An overwhelming amount of people have

908
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 3: convinced me to reach out to her parents and give

909
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 3: them an explanation to clear my name.

910
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 5: Solid.

911
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:18,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, you need to least explain yourself why you're ghosting. Yeah,

912
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 3: I mean give it a couple of days, sure, but

913
00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 3: you need to explain yourself. I will update when I

914
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,440
Speaker 3: get a chance to tomorrow. Thank you for the responses.

915
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:29,280
Speaker 3: Here's the update. After an overwhelming amount of people screamed

916
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 3: at me in the comments to speak out, I decided

917
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 3: to break my silence. I didn't want to make this

918
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:36,440
Speaker 3: whole thing public. Despite what she did, some part of

919
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:38,919
Speaker 3: me still cares for her. I was with her for

920
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:42,480
Speaker 3: six years. Oh you can't just throw that away overnight.

921
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:45,759
Speaker 3: Like I said, this guy's being torn apart emotionally and

922
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 3: I get it and mentally. I came to the conclusion

923
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:51,200
Speaker 3: that the right thing was to talk to her parents.

924
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:54,120
Speaker 3: Only her family needed to know. Everyone else could have

925
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 3: whatever opinion they want of me. I don't care.

926
00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 5: I mean the people you know you.

927
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 2: Best tie with the family as well.

928
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't need to care about her side of

929
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,719
Speaker 3: the you know, it's pretty smart. You're cutting your ties whatever. Yeah,

930
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,239
Speaker 3: the people who truly know me and are close to

931
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:10,920
Speaker 3: me are the only ones I care about.

932
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:11,680
Speaker 5: Called it.

933
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 3: I sent a detailed message of what happened to my

934
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:18,240
Speaker 3: closest friends and family, all of them, of course, believe

935
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 3: me right away. No pictures needed. I didn't feel like

936
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:24,520
Speaker 3: it was necessary or appropriate to spread those pictures of her,

937
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 3: so I didn't. So Alpie still has a little bit

938
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:28,920
Speaker 3: like he doesn't want to talk to her, but like

939
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 3: he's respectful. Oh yeah, which is good on op Yeah.

940
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:32,799
Speaker 2: Yeah.

941
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 3: Now that the people I cared about were sorted, I

942
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 3: moved on to her parents. I messaged her mom, who,

943
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 3: by the way, I had gotten so close to I

944
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:44,560
Speaker 3: considered her a second mom, and she considered me a son.

945
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 5: Again.

946
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 3: She did this to herself, and she's gonna rue the

947
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 3: day You're just get you You fed up girl, and

948
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 3: this is gonna be on your conscience for the rest

949
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,640
Speaker 3: of your life. She was very upset with me, but

950
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 3: agreed to meet up. I felt like this needed to

951
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 3: be in person conversation rather than a nuke. I drop

952
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 3: in an email with everyone that they know.

953
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:03,920
Speaker 5: C seed.

954
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:05,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just like a mom. Good choice.

955
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,360
Speaker 3: I met her mom and her dad at a diner

956
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:11,840
Speaker 3: we used to frequent for breakfast. I know, so cliche.

957
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:15,400
Speaker 3: It was quite emotional. They were understandably upset. They didn't

958
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:17,080
Speaker 3: do anything wrong, and I cut them out of my

959
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 3: life like nothing happened. I understood why they were upset,

960
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:22,880
Speaker 3: so when they were confronting me, I was very quiet

961
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 3: and just listening, letting them get it all out. I

962
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,280
Speaker 3: admit I was cheering up with them, that is until

963
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:31,480
Speaker 3: they accused me of some things. Oh oh, they accused

964
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:35,800
Speaker 3: op of something interesting. It's been a whole week since

965
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 3: all of this went down. In that week, a lot happened, apparently,

966
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:44,799
Speaker 3: according to her parents. My ex convinced everyone that I

967
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 3: cheated and she kicked me out, and I haven't been

968
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 3: answering anyone because I was so ashamed of what I

969
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:51,840
Speaker 3: had done.

970
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's smart to go ahead and like say what

971
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 2: happens so they can't spray lies about you, because whatever

972
00:41:58,160 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 2: news you get first is what you believe.

973
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, what I had done? Lol, I literally laughed out loud.

974
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 3: I responded by saying that I'm sorry and I wish

975
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:08,799
Speaker 3: them a happy life and walked out. I was so

976
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 3: freaking upset. I couldn't even even have imagined of being

977
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:14,479
Speaker 3: accused of this. What a freaking joke. I can't believe

978
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:16,799
Speaker 3: her parents would believe her and throw me under the

979
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,839
Speaker 3: bus so fast. I walked out because I'm pretty sure

980
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:22,200
Speaker 3: I would have said some things i'd regret to her parents.

981
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 3: I didn't want to do this, but she left me

982
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:27,240
Speaker 3: no choice. I activated the nuclear option.

983
00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:30,840
Speaker 2: Oh we know that is oh boy?

984
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 5: I mean, oh no, you girl.

985
00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 3: You had his respect and then you wanted to throw

986
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:38,600
Speaker 3: him under the bus and lie about him. You could

987
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 3: have just walked away from this. You could have been like,

988
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,320
Speaker 3: I messed up, Give it to me. I went home,

989
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 3: made an email titled for your reading pleasure, Oh no,

990
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:53,160
Speaker 3: and attached every picture her friend sent me, including screenshots

991
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:55,239
Speaker 3: of the chat with her friend, where she expressed how

992
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 3: guilty she felt about the cheating. I also attached the

993
00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 3: videos of her grinding and making out with other guys.

994
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:06,240
Speaker 3: I included a long explanation detailing everything that has happened

995
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:09,400
Speaker 3: since D Day. I ended the email by saying that

996
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:11,360
Speaker 3: I do not wish to be contacted and that I

997
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:14,799
Speaker 3: expect my ring back at some point. I attached her

998
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:18,319
Speaker 3: her parents' andy friend I could think of, and a

999
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 3: co worker that I just so happened to.

1000
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 5: Know as well. Fit.

1001
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:26,760
Speaker 3: Oh my god, revenge is the best dish served cold.

1002
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:28,280
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

1003
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:29,200
Speaker 5: He didn't have to do it.

1004
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:30,920
Speaker 3: She literally like read him and weep and he's like,

1005
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 3: oh honey, get ready. So that's where I'm at now.

1006
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 3: I may be the a hole for sending that email,

1007
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:40,800
Speaker 3: but she really tested my frickin' limits when I found

1008
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:44,759
Speaker 3: out what she was telling people. I have zero regrets

1009
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:48,280
Speaker 3: currently crashing at my brother's place on the pullout couch.

1010
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 3: He's helping me get through this as much as one can.

1011
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,360
Speaker 3: I guess who knows what kind of falloout that email

1012
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:57,719
Speaker 3: will create. Either way, I'm gonna sit back and enjoy

1013
00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:02,240
Speaker 3: it with popcorn whilst sobbing. Oh there's a second update.

1014
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I want to dude, this is crazy.

1015
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:06,759
Speaker 5: What update number two?

1016
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:08,640
Speaker 3: I wanted to take a quick moment to think everyone

1017
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:10,920
Speaker 3: that reached out to me and offered kind words of

1018
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:13,480
Speaker 3: support and advice. The reason it took me two months

1019
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:15,120
Speaker 3: to be able to come back here and write an

1020
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,560
Speaker 3: update is because so much has happened in such a

1021
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:20,759
Speaker 3: short span of time. Oh boy, I bet it has that.

1022
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:23,840
Speaker 3: Even I'm having trouble processing it. The fallout after I

1023
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:27,839
Speaker 3: sent that nuke of an email was catastrophically hilarious.

1024
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 2: Oh.

1025
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 3: My phone was blowing up with my ex's friends and

1026
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:33,080
Speaker 3: family asking me tons of questions.

1027
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 5: Dude, he probably had.

1028
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:37,200
Speaker 3: Such a smug like smile, but also like so many

1029
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 3: tears down his face. Oh. Before I had sent that email,

1030
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:42,840
Speaker 3: everyone was under the impression that I was a cheater

1031
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 3: and was kicked out. That email not only cleared my name,

1032
00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:49,520
Speaker 3: it basically turned everyone against my ex.

1033
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:51,760
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, Rumors.

1034
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 3: Of what had happened started circulating at her job. I

1035
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:56,520
Speaker 3: attached one of her coworkers to the email. If you

1036
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 3: remember from my last update, Apparently she couldn't taken BA

1037
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:03,880
Speaker 3: and ended up quitting. Her parents were less than impressed

1038
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:06,439
Speaker 3: and refused to take her back in. They reached out

1039
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 3: to me and apologized for the way things went down.

1040
00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 3: They recognized that they didn't have all the facts and

1041
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 3: judge me too quickly. Yeah, I mean, that's what if

1042
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:15,080
Speaker 3: your child comes to you and like this is what.

1043
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:17,319
Speaker 2: You're gonna be kid right off?

1044
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 5: I'm cool with them. Now.

1045
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:21,200
Speaker 3: Can you imagine just like second mom and second dad,

1046
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:23,760
Speaker 3: We're gonna get dinner. Yeah, they're gonna buy me dinner.

1047
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 2: That'd be so fun.

1048
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 5: We're gonna go We're gonna have a barbecue.

1049
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 2: I would enjoy it.

1050
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, Just to rub it in her face, they told

1051
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:31,880
Speaker 3: me that my ex was struggling to make payments for

1052
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 3: her half of the rent, which I covertly moved out.

1053
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 3: Moved out and I contacted our landlord. Exsplayed the situation.

1054
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:39,640
Speaker 3: We only had three months left on the lease, so

1055
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:42,000
Speaker 3: I paid my half for those three months. So I'm

1056
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:45,839
Speaker 3: in the clear. W you just know how to get

1057
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:50,359
Speaker 3: like me. You may be emotionally just not there right now,

1058
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 3: but boy, oh boy, you know to do revenge. Honestly,

1059
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 3: it was worth it, even though I'm not living there.

1060
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:00,399
Speaker 3: Our mutual friends also didn't take too kindly to being

1061
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 3: lied to and basically being manipulated to hate ope for

1062
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:06,120
Speaker 3: when I've heard most of our shared friends don't talk

1063
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:08,839
Speaker 3: to her anymore. Even some of her girlfriends who had

1064
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:11,279
Speaker 3: been happening be on my back stop talking to her,

1065
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:14,760
Speaker 3: which is a little ironic if you ask me. Yeah,

1066
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:17,239
Speaker 3: I guess now that everything was public, no one wanted

1067
00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 3: to be associated with her. And speaking of her friends,

1068
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 3: remember the one that initially came forward to me about

1069
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 3: this because she felt so bad. Uh oh yeah, so

1070
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:27,760
Speaker 3: we're dating now.

1071
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:30,759
Speaker 2: Oh my god, he's dropping.

1072
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:31,719
Speaker 5: Nukes left and right.

1073
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:34,839
Speaker 3: This guy again, he could have just done it.

1074
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:36,759
Speaker 5: He was like, this is it. We're good.

1075
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:41,240
Speaker 3: I did my piece. He bomb after bomb after bomb.

1076
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:44,799
Speaker 3: He was like, you want revenge, This is revenge.

1077
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:45,839
Speaker 5: He Oh my.

1078
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,319
Speaker 2: Dude, I don't know if I would date her, but

1079
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:51,000
Speaker 2: I mean, I mean, hey, now, hey, it's been two months,

1080
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 2: I guess, but wow, two months after the wow, Wow,

1081
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,840
Speaker 2: Now I have questions about the friend's motives. Crazy.

1082
00:46:58,160 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 5: This is insane, I guess.

1083
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 3: Through all the trauma, drama and craziness, we started texting

1084
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:06,400
Speaker 3: more and more. At first, she was just very supportive.

1085
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:09,160
Speaker 3: She comforted me and helped me help me come to

1086
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:10,760
Speaker 3: terms with what had happened.

1087
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:11,680
Speaker 2: I bet she did.

1088
00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:15,319
Speaker 3: But slowly and surely we became closer and closer and

1089
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:19,040
Speaker 3: started to talk about our lives, our interests, our dreams.

1090
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:21,360
Speaker 3: We realized we had a lot in common. We are

1091
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:23,560
Speaker 3: also both single and young. It kind of just fell

1092
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:25,320
Speaker 3: right into it naturally.

1093
00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1094
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:29,800
Speaker 3: Well, that wasn't natural. Let's be honest, this was not natural.

1095
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:32,440
Speaker 3: Trama bond, That's okay, that's okay.

1096
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:34,239
Speaker 2: But I would have gave it. I would give it

1097
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 2: a little bit more time.

1098
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:37,399
Speaker 5: Hey man, Yeah, I think you just wanted to rub

1099
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:38,480
Speaker 5: it in more. Yeah.

1100
00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:38,920
Speaker 2: True.

1101
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:42,840
Speaker 3: She's honestly so great, very kind and loving. I'm aware

1102
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:45,000
Speaker 3: that some people may think this is just a rebound,

1103
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:47,279
Speaker 3: but I'm really enjoying my time with her, and things

1104
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 3: are going great. I feel great, all right good. Since

1105
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:54,759
Speaker 3: everything went down, I have had no contact with my ex.

1106
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:57,400
Speaker 3: I've heard through multiple friends that she's livid that I

1107
00:47:57,440 --> 00:48:00,399
Speaker 3: ghosted her and won't even talk to her. She says

1108
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:02,759
Speaker 3: what I'm doing to her is torture because I won't

1109
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:04,760
Speaker 3: even give our relationship closure.

1110
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:06,040
Speaker 5: Girl, you made the closure.

1111
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:08,319
Speaker 3: I just laughed, because if she thinks what I'm doing

1112
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:11,399
Speaker 3: is torture, then she's clueless about what she put me through.

1113
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:13,480
Speaker 3: I'm honestly good. I will go the rest of my

1114
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 3: life without ever talking to her again. Call me petty,

1115
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:18,400
Speaker 3: call me dumb. I am who I am, and I

1116
00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:21,279
Speaker 3: feel this is right. So it looks like there's a

1117
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:22,959
Speaker 3: little bit left Riley, what do you think?

1118
00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:25,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, great, great thing to do. If you don't feel

1119
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:28,239
Speaker 2: comfortable talking to her, you don't have to give her

1120
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:31,400
Speaker 2: closure and can give closure whenever you feel comfortable.

1121
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:35,880
Speaker 3: No, she did what she did and she deserved everything.

1122
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:37,560
Speaker 3: The fact that she said it with her chest.

1123
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:38,280
Speaker 5: This isn't cheating.

1124
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:43,840
Speaker 3: She got what she deserved, especially action consequences, and especially

1125
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:46,879
Speaker 3: with her lies. I love that she like, I'll lie

1126
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:49,000
Speaker 3: about it. He's the bad guy wild.

1127
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:50,040
Speaker 5: You deserved it.

1128
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 2: He deserved it. But yeah, good, good for you, Op.

1129
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 5: Good for you.

1130
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:54,799
Speaker 3: I think it would maybe a little bit too soon

1131
00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:56,879
Speaker 3: to get back into a relationship, especially with a lot

1132
00:48:56,920 --> 00:49:00,239
Speaker 3: of her friends. But hey, man, if you're doing right,

1133
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:02,760
Speaker 3: keep it up, keep it up. You deserve to be happy.

1134
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 3: As for me, life is looking good. I'm dating an

1135
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:08,120
Speaker 3: amazing girl. I've gotten so much support from my family

1136
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:10,839
Speaker 3: and friends. It's nice to see who the real ones are,

1137
00:49:11,280 --> 00:49:13,320
Speaker 3: you know, the ones that actually stuck with me throughout

1138
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:16,239
Speaker 3: this whole ordeal. And best of all, I feel like

1139
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:17,759
Speaker 3: I'm really moving on from this whole thing.

1140
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:18,200
Speaker 2: Nice.

1141
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 3: Hope this update gives you all closure. So many of

1142
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:23,200
Speaker 3: you messaged me and needing an update. It just took

1143
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 3: me a sec to gather myself to be able to

1144
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:28,000
Speaker 3: write this in the midst of all the craziness. Take

1145
00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:28,840
Speaker 3: care of yourselves.

1146
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:33,400
Speaker 5: That's it, all right. So he got closure.

1147
00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:35,879
Speaker 3: He got closure, dude, he got a new girl, got

1148
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:40,240
Speaker 3: closure and made his cheating ex who lied about everything

1149
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:41,439
Speaker 3: a living hell.

1150
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:44,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it was deserved.

1151
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 5: He went about it as maturely as he could have.

1152
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:49,960
Speaker 3: I mean he just went and just like I'm done,

1153
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 3: I don't want to talk to you, and then doubled

1154
00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:54,799
Speaker 3: down like if you're gonna lie about it, I'm going

1155
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:57,799
Speaker 3: to clear my name and that whoever wants to believe

1156
00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:02,040
Speaker 3: it believes it. And boy, oh boy, she definitely she

1157
00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:03,240
Speaker 3: definitely got her two cents.

1158
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 2: My wife and my best friend betrayed me. I don't

1159
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:07,719
Speaker 2: know what to do.

1160
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:08,680
Speaker 5: Leave them, they're done.

1161
00:50:08,719 --> 00:50:10,839
Speaker 2: I've been living in a nightmare for more than two

1162
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:12,960
Speaker 2: weeks now. I don't know what to do and I'm

1163
00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:16,080
Speaker 2: absolutely desperate for advice, which is why I'm posing this.

1164
00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:18,880
Speaker 2: I'll start at the beginning. Apologies for a long post.

1165
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:20,360
Speaker 2: By the way. This comes from user name on the

1166
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:22,920
Speaker 2: r slash Okay story time Suburd. So, my wife forty

1167
00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:24,680
Speaker 2: one has been having an affair with one of my

1168
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 2: best friends. I would call him my second best friend

1169
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 2: for a year. We have four children, two of whom

1170
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:32,840
Speaker 2: are autistic. We've been married for fourteen years. She is

1171
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 2: Canadian but lives with me in England on a marriage visa.

1172
00:50:36,680 --> 00:50:38,880
Speaker 2: My wife and my friend have been getting very close

1173
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:41,760
Speaker 2: for a few years now, and they've shared interest going

1174
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:45,720
Speaker 2: to theatergether going to comedy clubs, drinking, partying. They're both

1175
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:48,920
Speaker 2: extroverts and enjoy having a good time, while as I

1176
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:51,080
Speaker 2: am more introverted and prefer to stay at home. He

1177
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:54,160
Speaker 2: also has two kids, two boys, age eight and twelve,

1178
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 2: and our families have known each other and have been

1179
00:50:56,440 --> 00:50:59,239
Speaker 2: incredibly close for about fourteen years. My wife and I

1180
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:02,440
Speaker 2: had a great marriage. We have always felt that we

1181
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 2: are meant for each other. However, over the years, I've

1182
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:08,520
Speaker 2: sometimes had a few problems performing in bed, which my

1183
00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:12,120
Speaker 2: wife usually responded quite negatively about, which has made me

1184
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:15,360
Speaker 2: feel worse about it. I'm probably not white as overly

1185
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:19,480
Speaker 2: affectionate with her as she would like. I am definitely affectionate,

1186
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:22,640
Speaker 2: compliment her by her flowers every so often, et cetera.

1187
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:24,840
Speaker 2: But I know that she would want more than I

1188
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:27,920
Speaker 2: give her on this front. Otherwise, our marriage has been

1189
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:31,440
Speaker 2: genuinely fantastic, and I am shocked that this has happened.

1190
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:34,440
Speaker 3: Just bring toys toys and communicated the fact that she's

1191
00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:35,880
Speaker 3: like negative.

1192
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:38,720
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, what No, just your fine, I think therapy.

1193
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:39,520
Speaker 2: I was gonna say.

1194
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:44,080
Speaker 3: Therapy, and I mean no, okay, both our minds went

1195
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 3: two different aspects there. But if that's the one friend

1196
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 3: that's not working, definitely like talk to her and see

1197
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:50,239
Speaker 3: what you guys can figure out.

1198
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:52,640
Speaker 2: But yeah, two weeks ago, I saw a message pop

1199
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:54,760
Speaker 2: up on her phone that she left on the couch.

1200
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:57,640
Speaker 2: It was from my friend saying how beautiful she is

1201
00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:00,200
Speaker 2: and how he's still thinking about the last time they

1202
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:03,680
Speaker 2: were intimate. When I saw this message, I was so

1203
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 2: confused and shocked. I kept trying to convince myself that

1204
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:11,080
Speaker 2: it must have been something else, but because I was suspicious,

1205
00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:14,360
Speaker 2: I checked her maps timeline data that night while she

1206
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:18,120
Speaker 2: was sleeping, and there was very damaging evidence. The following night,

1207
00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:20,920
Speaker 2: I mustered all my courage and challenged her about this.

1208
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:24,239
Speaker 2: She denied it over and over, gaslighting me, and then

1209
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 2: I showed her my evidence, and only then did she

1210
00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:31,759
Speaker 2: finally admit. I begged her for the fore truth, and

1211
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,000
Speaker 2: she gave me a version of events that was later

1212
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:36,920
Speaker 2: I found out very watered down. It took more than

1213
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,120
Speaker 2: five days to get the full story, and that that

1214
00:52:39,239 --> 00:52:41,799
Speaker 2: was mainly from my friend who decided to come clean

1215
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:44,080
Speaker 2: with me and his own wife. But I told the

1216
00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:48,440
Speaker 2: information to She had no idea either. She was absolutely devastated,

1217
00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:52,040
Speaker 2: screaming and crying. All in all, they had spicy sleep

1218
00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:54,880
Speaker 2: seven times, with the time between the fifth and the

1219
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:58,600
Speaker 2: sixth time lasting around five months and the whole affair

1220
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 2: lasting thirteen months. They also kissed, held hands, did pretty

1221
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:07,040
Speaker 2: much more whenever they had the chance of privacy between them,

1222
00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:10,640
Speaker 2: even when families were together. It's also worth saying that

1223
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:13,480
Speaker 2: their affairs started about a week after I found out

1224
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:16,279
Speaker 2: my mom had been diagnosed with cancer and would have

1225
00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 2: need some invasive treatments, surgery, chemo, and therefore I was

1226
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,719
Speaker 2: scared about the prospect of losing her my wife. My

1227
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:25,840
Speaker 2: wife's dad died a few years ago, so did my friends,

1228
00:53:25,880 --> 00:53:28,960
Speaker 2: and of course stood by them and both fully supported

1229
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:31,080
Speaker 2: them during this time. As it turned out that she

1230
00:53:31,120 --> 00:53:33,880
Speaker 2: had told my friend and his wife about my performance

1231
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:37,680
Speaker 2: issues and that she had called me dull and boring.

1232
00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 2: All this talking behind my back also hurt me, as

1233
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:44,480
Speaker 2: I'd never said anything about our spicy seap life to everyone,

1234
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:48,120
Speaker 2: to anyone, and never said anything bad about her behind

1235
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:51,840
Speaker 2: her back. On the contrary, I have been her biggest supporter.

1236
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:55,439
Speaker 2: The boring comment upset me because i work really hard

1237
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:57,279
Speaker 2: for the family and I'm involved in a lot of

1238
00:53:57,280 --> 00:54:01,040
Speaker 2: community and politicial work, which I feel anything but boring.

1239
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:04,000
Speaker 5: He's wrong, especially especially right now.

1240
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:06,239
Speaker 2: But I suppose she meant in the sense of not

1241
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 2: enjoying clubbing, drinking, partying, and being mediocre in bed because

1242
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:11,400
Speaker 2: he's an introvert. She's actrovert.

1243
00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:11,800
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1244
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:16,320
Speaker 3: Also, when your mom was diagnosed, your mind's somewhere else.

1245
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:19,319
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, so of course if you're not performing in

1246
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:22,240
Speaker 3: bed or want to put or do anything with spicy, Yeah.

1247
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:22,719
Speaker 5: That makes sense.

1248
00:54:22,840 --> 00:54:23,400
Speaker 2: Makes sense.

1249
00:54:23,440 --> 00:54:25,560
Speaker 3: The fact that she's all this is bad and your

1250
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:28,680
Speaker 3: friends sheeeks, but the fact that she didn't want to

1251
00:54:28,719 --> 00:54:30,560
Speaker 3: talk to you like that was like the main benefactor

1252
00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:32,799
Speaker 3: is like, Oh, he's in bed now.

1253
00:54:32,840 --> 00:54:35,399
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do. Should I separate her,

1254
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:38,640
Speaker 2: divorce her, or try to reconcile and fix our marriage.

1255
00:54:38,640 --> 00:54:40,520
Speaker 2: She wants me to go to therapy and for us

1256
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:43,239
Speaker 2: to go to couple's therapy, both of which I've agreed to.

1257
00:54:43,520 --> 00:54:45,799
Speaker 2: I'm scared to separate, and especially divorced, because it would

1258
00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:48,640
Speaker 2: devastate my children, who are still quite young five seven, ten,

1259
00:54:48,680 --> 00:54:51,800
Speaker 2: and twelve. My two autistic children would find the changes

1260
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:55,600
Speaker 2: in their lives particularly distressing. I am also worried about

1261
00:54:55,719 --> 00:54:57,840
Speaker 2: living a lonely life. I'm the kind of person that

1262
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:01,400
Speaker 2: needs to partner around them. As I get fairly lonely easily,

1263
00:55:01,719 --> 00:55:04,880
Speaker 2: I worry about things like getting ill alone or having

1264
00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:08,680
Speaker 2: an accident. Also, forty five years old not particularly attractive,

1265
00:55:08,719 --> 00:55:11,799
Speaker 2: whereas she's very attractive and would probably find someone else

1266
00:55:11,880 --> 00:55:13,920
Speaker 2: much more easily than me. There's also the fact that

1267
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:17,080
Speaker 2: I still do care for her, and that I already

1268
00:55:17,120 --> 00:55:19,359
Speaker 2: missed the life we had so much. The kids still

1269
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:22,880
Speaker 2: don't know that we're still living together, but our marriage

1270
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:26,600
Speaker 2: is only what I can describe as in limbo. She

1271
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:30,200
Speaker 2: assures me that she never cheated on me with anyone else,

1272
00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:33,960
Speaker 2: although she admitted that she can drink too heavily sometimes

1273
00:55:34,120 --> 00:55:36,160
Speaker 2: when she is out to the point where she's flirting

1274
00:55:36,160 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 2: with other people. But she maintains that she knows she's

1275
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:41,240
Speaker 2: never crossed the line and that it had only happened

1276
00:55:41,280 --> 00:55:44,279
Speaker 2: with my friend because they developed a strong closeness over

1277
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:46,440
Speaker 2: the years. But she's telling me that she will never

1278
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:49,440
Speaker 2: speak to him again, that she's definitely storry and that

1279
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:51,440
Speaker 2: she wants to be with me, and you can be

1280
00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:53,839
Speaker 2: with us every weekday at three PMPST. Just tap her.

1281
00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:54,719
Speaker 5: Profile, tap it.

1282
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:56,759
Speaker 2: But we have a little bit more. So I need

1283
00:55:56,800 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 2: advice desperately. I'm a total mess and I just don't

1284
00:55:59,239 --> 00:56:00,880
Speaker 2: know what to do. You know, work on the marriage

1285
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:02,680
Speaker 2: for the sake of stability for the children and the

1286
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:04,640
Speaker 2: hope that we can get back together where we are

1287
00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:07,240
Speaker 2: before to avoid the fear of being alone or should

1288
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:11,320
Speaker 2: separate and divorce would have been financial consequences for me also,

1289
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:13,759
Speaker 2: But I've been given the abridge versions here, So if

1290
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:16,359
Speaker 2: you have any more questions, about the details or anything else.

1291
00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:18,600
Speaker 2: Then I'll try to elaborate. Thanks so much. I just

1292
00:56:18,600 --> 00:56:20,360
Speaker 2: want to say from the bottom of my heart broken

1293
00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:23,200
Speaker 2: heart that I'm a huge thank you for outpouring support

1294
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:26,319
Speaker 2: and advice, compassion for all that have shown me. I've

1295
00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 2: truly overwhelmed. Thank you.

1296
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:29,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, this is really a hard one.

1297
00:56:29,280 --> 00:56:30,920
Speaker 2: Probably go to a couple of therapy, see how you

1298
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:32,640
Speaker 2: really feel. But that's my advice.

1299
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:35,680
Speaker 3: I would say, try and just I wouldn't want to

1300
00:56:35,760 --> 00:56:38,560
Speaker 3: forgive her. I couldn't. I couldn't, especially if it was

1301
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:40,600
Speaker 3: like one time. But he still very cares much about

1302
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:43,759
Speaker 3: her one hundred percent. But does she reciprocate that. I

1303
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:47,040
Speaker 3: don't know who knows? Who knows, but I let us know.

1304
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:50,239
Speaker 3: I say, try and talk things out, but see where

1305
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:52,400
Speaker 3: it goes. I don't want to give her the benefit

1306
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:52,880
Speaker 3: of doubt.

1307
00:56:53,239 --> 00:56:53,840
Speaker 2: Yeah. True,