1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:06,800 Speaker 1: Andrew Martinez in Real Life podcast. This episode and conversation 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:12,400 Speaker 1: is powered by I do say kill Mike on the 3 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 1: podcast today, How are you Love? I'm good. 4 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:18,759 Speaker 2: You know you just called me Michael too. 5 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,599 Speaker 1: I know, but I have to start. I'm not going 6 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:27,160 Speaker 1: to throughout kill who calls you, who calls you killing Mike? 7 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 2: Just people who don't know you. 8 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,320 Speaker 3: Just random people kill him, you know what I mean? 9 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, but most people just call me Michael back home Michael. 10 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,600 Speaker 3: My dad's Michel, and I mean my dad is Mike, 11 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,600 Speaker 3: my daughter is Mikey. I have a son named Michael, 12 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:43,519 Speaker 3: So I got stuck with Mike. 13 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:44,159 Speaker 2: Michael. 14 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,000 Speaker 1: So we know, I know you on a few different levels. 15 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:50,440 Speaker 1: I know killer Mike artist level. I know you as activist, 16 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: a creator, artist. But what is your everyday real life, 17 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: like every day real Yeah, like what is the every 18 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:00,840 Speaker 1: day real life? 19 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:04,000 Speaker 3: My everyday real life is. I'm I'm an MC. That's 20 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 3: all I wanted to be, and you know I live 21 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:10,320 Speaker 3: is is as free as I want to be. That's 22 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:12,040 Speaker 3: all I ever want. All that little nine year old 23 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:15,399 Speaker 3: kid that's on the cover of the album All They Want. 24 00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:18,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you his little buck kid. The Horns and 25 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:19,279 Speaker 2: the halo. 26 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,960 Speaker 3: But I you know, I'm a I'm I'm a I'm 27 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:27,080 Speaker 3: a father to children. You know, I'm a husband to 28 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,959 Speaker 3: a wife. I'm a businessman in my community. You know, 29 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,040 Speaker 3: I'm I try my best to do my grandparents said, 30 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,360 Speaker 3: and you know, be a be a leader and be 31 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 3: responsible in that community. But I'm just on the daily basis, 32 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:41,040 Speaker 3: I'm doing the same thing other dads are doing. Getting 33 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,960 Speaker 3: pissed off that my daughters are growing up and growing 34 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:47,520 Speaker 3: boobs and shit and bub trying to help, trying to 35 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 3: help my sons not get so enticed by boobs. They 36 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:52,160 Speaker 3: make babies early, like I did. You know, so just 37 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,240 Speaker 3: typical black dads, shit working. 38 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 2: Cast black dad ship. 39 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 1: But let's let's go back for a minute, because to 40 00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:00,760 Speaker 1: tell me about like young Michael, you have a little 41 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:01,640 Speaker 1: bit of complicated. 42 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,520 Speaker 2: It's not complex to us. It's just our family. 43 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:10,920 Speaker 3: My great grandparents, my grandmother's parents were Tusky Alabamians, you know, 44 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 3: shorter of Making County. They worked and sharecropped their ass 45 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 3: off to get their own piece of land. 46 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 2: That farm is still in our family to this day. 47 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:21,560 Speaker 3: And I say that because they're not just some abstract 48 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,679 Speaker 3: people I heard about. They you got sent to the 49 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 3: country when I was a kid, like you got sit 50 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,480 Speaker 3: there in the summers. You say, you just all of 51 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,280 Speaker 3: a sudden, you know, on forty eight because a farm 52 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,840 Speaker 3: like shit, ain't no. 53 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,240 Speaker 2: Pumas and breakdans are going all. 54 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 3: So you had to learn shit like killing and cooking 55 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:40,240 Speaker 3: your own food, picking shit, you know. And I'm thankful 56 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,480 Speaker 3: for that as I got older, because I understand all 57 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:46,839 Speaker 3: this is luxury and I appreciate. You know, my grandparents 58 00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:49,880 Speaker 3: raised me though, Betty Klentz and Willie Sherwood. They raised 59 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,520 Speaker 3: me because my mom was sixteen when she had me. 60 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,520 Speaker 3: You know, I did the age that you were, yeah, 61 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 3: and my dad was only nineteen. He later went on 62 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:01,839 Speaker 3: to become police officer for for a amount of time 63 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 3: in APD. Then he went to the fire department, ended 64 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 3: up in Atlantic gas and Light. My mother, so flooris 65 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,960 Speaker 3: by nature, serial entrepreneur, just kind of artsy bohemian, and 66 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,239 Speaker 3: she ended up for a short time being a successful 67 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 3: drug trafficker. 68 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,360 Speaker 2: They would never you know, how we woke up. 69 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 1: I think where you talk about her in the positive spin, 70 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,320 Speaker 1: well it positive. 71 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:20,960 Speaker 2: It's positive. 72 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 1: She was a successful drug shrafficker. But another person could 73 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:25,799 Speaker 1: have a different perspective on the. 74 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:28,639 Speaker 2: Same perspective on that. That's what I'm saying, Mom. 75 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:30,760 Speaker 1: You choose to present it in such a posy. 76 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 3: I she was presented honestly as my life was Angie, 77 00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 3: my mommy was my euro And at the time, if 78 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 3: you look at this is nineteen eighty nine, ninety when. 79 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,640 Speaker 2: She was she was caught and how old I was? 80 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:45,680 Speaker 3: Fourteen year she she was if I was, if I 81 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 3: was fifteen, Denise was thirty thirty one. 82 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, she's thirty one years old. 83 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 3: And the news pops up, you know, a woman arrested 84 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,160 Speaker 3: in Griffin, Georgia, tempted it by ten kilos of cocaine. 85 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 3: And I remember my grandmother give my grandma's devout christian 86 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 3: I'd never seen my grandmother go to any African spirituality 87 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,320 Speaker 3: or anything that was probably Christianity until her daughter got 88 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,520 Speaker 3: locked up. And I remember driving to this house and 89 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:11,840 Speaker 3: I remember my grandma coming out with a bag and 90 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 3: candles and there was like two chickens running around their 91 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,000 Speaker 3: heads when were cut off, and I'm just like, well, 92 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,000 Speaker 3: theyre not gonna eat these chickens. So this is this 93 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,680 Speaker 3: is some other shit, this is from something else, sou. 94 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:23,239 Speaker 1: She temporarily switched religion. 95 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:26,480 Speaker 2: She just went back to what what we your roots? 96 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:27,479 Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Said? 97 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:30,159 Speaker 3: I was like, oh, so so we believe in Jesus. 98 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,120 Speaker 3: Be when your baby get locked up after holler as 99 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 3: some Mauricius two you I mean, but my mom came 100 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:38,920 Speaker 3: home in two weeks. The guy, man Ralph, God bless him, 101 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,839 Speaker 3: he took the whole charge, and he told, yeah, it 102 00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 3: could have been you know, but he's just and he 103 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:45,800 Speaker 3: to this day he still has a picture of my 104 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 3: mama because he's an amazing He said, your mom was 105 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,400 Speaker 3: the most fearless woman I ever met. 106 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,039 Speaker 2: But I remember when she got out, I was talking 107 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:51,800 Speaker 2: to her about. 108 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 1: It and how long was quick? 109 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,599 Speaker 3: No, it was two weeks. They held her too. He 110 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,920 Speaker 3: convinced them that it was all on him. When they 111 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,360 Speaker 3: got pulled over, she said, he told me rather, he said, 112 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:04,360 Speaker 3: he told the police take the money and just let 113 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:07,920 Speaker 3: us go. And then the police got a little nervous, 114 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 3: so he called someone to else to hear it, so 115 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,840 Speaker 3: if he made the move. But when they got there, 116 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,480 Speaker 3: when the second guy came, my mom and and her 117 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,360 Speaker 3: guy just shut the fuck up. They just wouldn't talk. 118 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 3: M and my mom I remember her asking me. I 119 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 3: was like, y'all got caught. I was like, Ralph took 120 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:22,800 Speaker 3: the joy. That was beautifully. He let you call on 121 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:25,359 Speaker 3: the kids. He said, yeah, them cracking steels don't have 122 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,320 Speaker 3: the fucking money. We ain't go down under about ten. 123 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 3: We went down there about twenty wow. 124 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 2: And I was like, god damn Like. 125 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 3: So they kept enough to to convict him, and they 126 00:05:35,279 --> 00:05:36,560 Speaker 3: and they kept the other half of the money. 127 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,359 Speaker 2: And that's when, honestly, it. 128 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 3: Ain't no good guys and bad guys, you know, it's 129 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,839 Speaker 3: just opportunities and opportunistic people. So when people think of 130 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:46,000 Speaker 3: the crack era, I encourage people whose parents were addicts, 131 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:49,839 Speaker 3: cause my mother later suffered an addiction. I tell people 132 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,280 Speaker 3: be more forgiving. Because no one understood what was going on. 133 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,360 Speaker 3: They were just coming out of disco. They was partying. 134 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,720 Speaker 3: Go to disco, people do a little coach shit. Next 135 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,920 Speaker 3: thing you know, people are freebasing. Freebasing was a little 136 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 3: fancier thing you had a and next thing, you. 137 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:01,640 Speaker 2: Know, the stems came. 138 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 3: And when that crack hit the streets, it was just 139 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:07,440 Speaker 3: it was no one understood how bad. For whatever reason, 140 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 3: white folks can do, Cocaine is still make it to 141 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,240 Speaker 3: work on Mondays. You know, I don't know what the fuck, 142 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 3: but black people, it just cocaine and us. It just 143 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,839 Speaker 3: didn't It did not go well. 144 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,480 Speaker 1: But crack and cocaine is two different. 145 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:20,520 Speaker 3: It's not too different thing. Cocaine is the is how 146 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,160 Speaker 3: it's the base of making crack, I know. 147 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:25,480 Speaker 1: But I feel like the addiction of crack it just. 148 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:28,280 Speaker 2: But coke still not good. Black people still don't function 149 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 2: well on coke. Look at the USA industry. 150 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:31,719 Speaker 3: Yeah, all the motherfuckers who had it now they just 151 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,279 Speaker 3: fucked up, fucked up all them money. 152 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:34,640 Speaker 1: A lot of functioning cocains though. 153 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 3: In the music business, a lot of I've seen a 154 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,359 Speaker 3: lot more of than none function I've seen the guys 155 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 3: at top, yeah, but the middle. 156 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: You couldn't see no function in crackheads. 157 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I've seen a couple, but most of them, 158 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,520 Speaker 3: most of most of them functioning in that car washing 159 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:47,720 Speaker 3: crackhead and lists forever too. 160 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 2: Now. 161 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,039 Speaker 3: I don't know what they put the crack, but crack 162 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,800 Speaker 3: relationship God and the crackheads and stand in front of 163 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,240 Speaker 3: some of my business and they just be there like like, bro, 164 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:56,440 Speaker 3: you've been since I was twelve. 165 00:06:56,480 --> 00:07:00,279 Speaker 1: I'm still on me here, Mike, Oh my god, but j. 166 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:03,800 Speaker 3: All, joesus side, I'm glad that that blight is something 167 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 3: that has kind of clear from our community. 168 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,359 Speaker 1: How did that affect you though? How did her addiction? 169 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: How did that her addiction change you? 170 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 2: Yet? You know, all heroes have a weakness, you know. 171 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,200 Speaker 3: And what I had to understand is that many people 172 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 3: who become addicts are not even seeking the fun as 173 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 3: much as they're deeply sensitive people that are trying to 174 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,560 Speaker 3: know the sensitivity and pain. Mm. 175 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 2: My mother was deeply deeply She was an artist. 176 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 3: She's deeply sensitive, and she didn't operate in this world. 177 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 2: She was diagnosed witch. She commit attempted to commit suicide 178 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 2: in front of me when I was nineteen. Her and 179 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 2: my sister were arguing. She split off her wristwide and. 180 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: In front of you or you from them. 181 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 3: She was walking out the hallway and s y'all don't 182 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 3: appreciate me. I I'm about to go and be like, 183 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 3: oh sh it. I never heard a singer spiritual till 184 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 3: that day. I didn't think she believed that. Jesus. 185 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,680 Speaker 2: I was like, oh my fucking god, de niece, but 186 00:07:58,760 --> 00:07:59,520 Speaker 2: my grandmother. 187 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 3: I can remember being coming down because at that time 188 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 3: in Georgia, if you did that, they would commit you 189 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 3: for a number of weeks to observe you and stuff. 190 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:08,680 Speaker 3: And so she's there and there's this classic picture of 191 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 3: my mom with both her her wrists wrapped and just 192 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 3: leading on my grandmother and grandmother smile and she's so. 193 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,320 Speaker 2: Happy, and I'm just like, what the fuck are you happy? 194 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,800 Speaker 2: My mom's in a state asylum. 195 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 3: It was because she knew where her baby was and 196 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 3: her baby was her baby. Again, my mom didn't have 197 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 3: any say in her whole life. My grandmother was the 198 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 3: only person who and out and she was like, my mom, sorry, 199 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 3: I just made a mistake. I was just I was 200 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:31,840 Speaker 3: just hurt at the time. And my girl was like, no, 201 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,720 Speaker 3: you're gonna be here two weeks, baby, we gonna make dollars. 202 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,319 Speaker 2: Tell me you can go through. 203 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,040 Speaker 3: My grandmother was a nurse by trade, so it was 204 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,720 Speaker 3: just hilarious to see my mother have to be someone's 205 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:44,679 Speaker 3: daughter again. But she learned, but she understood how much 206 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,200 Speaker 3: that hurt us. She never tempted anything like that again. 207 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:49,200 Speaker 3: But it helped me understand did. 208 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,360 Speaker 1: You have to do healing though through it? 209 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,720 Speaker 3: Like Mom, she had to do therapy she had to 210 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,000 Speaker 3: join narcotics anonymous. 211 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 2: Shit like what about you? Though? 212 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 3: For me, I just I prayed and went went my 213 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,680 Speaker 3: ass back to the More house, went back school. You know, 214 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,960 Speaker 3: I didn't. I didn't understand trump It bad shit just happens. 215 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 3: Like my grandparents right, they born nineteen twenty two, nineteen 216 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 3: thirty two. My grandmother born in nineteen thirty two, grows up, 217 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:15,520 Speaker 3: you know, sharecropping, getting an education because her mother believes 218 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 3: Vietnam ly in it. My grandfather's father left when he 219 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,640 Speaker 3: was second third grade, worked in a lumber yard, you know, 220 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:23,360 Speaker 3: saw meal to feed his. 221 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 2: Two sisters, so there wasn't a lot of room for all. 222 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,560 Speaker 3: What's wrong? How can we fix it? That was life 223 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:32,160 Speaker 3: is not fair. Bad things are gonna happen. It is 224 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,600 Speaker 3: your job to endure those bad things, to find silver 225 00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:37,480 Speaker 3: lining and those and to push forward, to take care 226 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:38,119 Speaker 3: of yourself. 227 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 2: Take care of your sisters, take care of your family 228 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:40,080 Speaker 2: and community. 229 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,079 Speaker 3: It just was not It wasn't that the problem was 230 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:45,079 Speaker 3: oniccknowledge or ignored. It was just that, why is there 231 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:49,079 Speaker 3: an expectation for life not to be hard? My grandparents 232 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,440 Speaker 3: never gave me the expectation. I remember saying my grandfather's life. 233 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,720 Speaker 3: This ain't felt life, ain't fail this. 234 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:57,440 Speaker 1: No, I get that. But you're nineteen years old. That's 235 00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 1: a choice you left now, and there's you find beauty 236 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:02,559 Speaker 1: in it in terms of the he laughed. 237 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 2: Two weeks in hell, Yeah, we laughed. 238 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 3: You'd have God damn cut you down, rich, got your 239 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,080 Speaker 3: food self in here. 240 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,800 Speaker 1: And bearing back on your fear that it would happen again. 241 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:15,280 Speaker 3: Comedy curious. Yeah, if it happens again, how could I 242 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 3: fix it? If she was determined to do how could 243 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:18,400 Speaker 3: all you could do? 244 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:21,080 Speaker 1: Anger? No anger as a child that your mother would 245 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,600 Speaker 1: do that in front of you. No anger towards her. 246 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 2: No anger she was when I loved her. What I 247 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,600 Speaker 2: was angry? I was angry. When I was angry one 248 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,560 Speaker 2: time my mother win When was angry. 249 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:32,080 Speaker 3: I was angry when she found out she she dated 250 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 3: a guy that I looked up to. I thought he 251 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 3: was he was adult way, he was a cool dude. 252 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 3: He was adult man, So he's older, he's a cool dude. 253 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 3: I didn't like fact my mom dated him. That made 254 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:42,880 Speaker 3: me mad. 255 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:44,120 Speaker 2: That made you more? 256 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, because I knew she Because I'm just trying to 257 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,520 Speaker 1: understand the makeup, and I get it if your grandparents 258 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 1: taught you as a young child that. 259 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 2: We understand they're my parents. She's like a big. 260 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 1: Sister, right so they So if they taught you that 261 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 1: shit's hard, so. 262 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,440 Speaker 3: No, no, not that she's shit is going to be 263 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:07,120 Speaker 3: hard the rest of your life. Yeah, yeah, not that 264 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:11,360 Speaker 3: shit's hard. You have no control over anything but yourself. 265 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 1: So when something hard does happen, yeah, at nineteen or 266 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:15,520 Speaker 1: at sixteen, my. 267 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,080 Speaker 2: Cousin died yesterday. I was tempted not to come here 268 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 2: today today. I appreciate you. 269 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 3: I'm so sorry, but I'm here because the same cousin 270 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:27,280 Speaker 3: that died, she was hit by a bus as a 271 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 3: teenager and lost the use of her right arm, and 272 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,400 Speaker 3: desperation of trying to get the nerves back, she put 273 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,120 Speaker 3: boiling hot water on her arm, trying to resurrect, trying 274 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:38,920 Speaker 3: to just resurrect the nerve function because my fucking schizophreendic 275 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,720 Speaker 3: conco told her that might be the right thing to do. 276 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,480 Speaker 3: She made that mistake, but once she accepted that this 277 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,640 Speaker 3: is my life from now, she was still my big 278 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 3: cousin who baby sat me. But she was my big 279 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,680 Speaker 3: cousin that introduced me to the Devarges had me listen 280 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,440 Speaker 3: to the Jackson Catalog, listened to The Beastie Boys with 281 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,240 Speaker 3: me and run DMC. She taught herself how to write 282 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 3: and draw with her left hand. So I was sitting 283 00:11:58,280 --> 00:11:59,840 Speaker 3: there next to her. She was teaching me how to draw. 284 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,840 Speaker 3: What would my cousin would have wanted me to do? 285 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:02,560 Speaker 2: Now? 286 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:04,840 Speaker 3: I didn't want to get on a plane because I 287 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 3: felt like I'm abandoning her eighty eight year old mom. 288 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:10,600 Speaker 3: I felt like I'm abandoning my two sisters to two 289 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,560 Speaker 3: of my five sisters. I felt like I'm abandoning her sisters, 290 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 3: who are or my big cousins. I mean one of 291 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,240 Speaker 3: them is even my godmother. I felt like I was 292 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,800 Speaker 3: abandoned in my family. But with that said, what would 293 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,600 Speaker 3: my cousin that wanted me to do? Teresa would want 294 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,800 Speaker 3: me to be here? She wants me to say recipes 295 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,760 Speaker 3: Teresa Miller. I just saw my cousin on Thanksgiving, just 296 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 3: prayed with it with my other cousin, so life and 297 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 3: I've talked to her mother this morning. On the way here, 298 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,400 Speaker 3: I talked to her sisters and they said, well, Mike, 299 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,679 Speaker 3: were just glad our sister's not suffering anymore, and her 300 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,079 Speaker 3: mother says, well, I hate that had this my third funeral. 301 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:44,000 Speaker 3: She's buried her son, she's buried her husband, and now 302 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 3: she's buried one of her daughters. And my family just 303 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,040 Speaker 3: it's not the pain does it come, not that doesn't happen. 304 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,200 Speaker 3: It's just that you understand that it is a part 305 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:54,720 Speaker 3: of life and to not to try to sound too 306 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 3: stoic about it. 307 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:58,280 Speaker 2: But what can I do? You know, what can I do? 308 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 1: I don't know that I've ever sat across from somebody 309 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,959 Speaker 1: who's more stoic about it, Like you are managing all 310 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,560 Speaker 1: of that unbelievably. 311 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 2: Got to you. 312 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:09,240 Speaker 3: Just pray, like my girl say you prank or what 313 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,680 Speaker 3: the all folks called prayer is really meditate you see, 314 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:12,640 Speaker 3: you go through the feelings. 315 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 1: First, I wondered that, like, because if you are that 316 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,600 Speaker 1: strong about it and you do anticipate because we all 317 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,560 Speaker 1: by the way, this first, this whole podcast, my first 318 00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 1: episode before I changed the names in real life, it 319 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:27,080 Speaker 1: was really called We're All Gonna Die. That was the 320 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:30,360 Speaker 1: name of the podcast because the reality of that that 321 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:32,959 Speaker 1: gives you a freedom to live your life differently when 322 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 1: you realize our time is limited here, that really was 323 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 1: the thought of it. So I somewhat get your just 324 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,320 Speaker 1: the way you maneuver through life and through these traumas 325 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,000 Speaker 1: beause they are traumas. Whether you hold them as traumas 326 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,680 Speaker 1: or not, it is traumatics achimatic. 327 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 2: Yeah. 328 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 3: The reason I can't say traumas because people like to 329 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,760 Speaker 3: carry that around like a Louis bag these days. 330 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:54,560 Speaker 2: Yeah. I was a chubby kid in school. I've been 331 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:55,640 Speaker 2: called fat all my life. 332 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,640 Speaker 3: The fuck some people, it's such a trauma trauma your 333 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,640 Speaker 3: ass to the track, then, you know what I mean? 334 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:05,080 Speaker 2: Like, what what can I fucking do? 335 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:08,680 Speaker 3: I get that there are terrible things that happen. 336 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 2: They are terrible things that happen every day. 337 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,880 Speaker 3: But and if God gives me an opportunity to wake 338 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 3: up tomorrow, I'm gonna try my best to even through 339 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,280 Speaker 3: the terribleness, make that the best day. 340 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 1: Do you give yourself? Is that immediately the fact that 341 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 1: you've just lost your cousin and you're immediately here the 342 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 1: next day, yeah, Or the fact that you're laughing after 343 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 1: a insid like that with your mom two weeks later? 344 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,600 Speaker 1: Are you do you give yourself? 345 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 2: Am? I'm just I don't know. I don't know if 346 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:33,360 Speaker 2: I properly grieved, you know what I mean. 347 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,800 Speaker 3: I know I until I wrote motherless or I sat 348 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,160 Speaker 3: and said my mam was dead. 349 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 2: My grandmother said I had never uttered those words, and 350 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,320 Speaker 2: I cried, you know, for days. So I think that there. 351 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,000 Speaker 3: I think that, like in the song shed Tears I 352 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 3: have with Mazi, I think men, especially in the South. 353 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,920 Speaker 3: I don't know. Do you know how how many act 354 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,120 Speaker 3: outside the South. I haven't spent enough time, But in 355 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 3: the South, black white, you know, culturally, as a man, 356 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:04,440 Speaker 3: you expected to this moment. My grandfather dies twenty years ago. 357 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,800 Speaker 3: My younger sister is graduating dealer at university. He didn't 358 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,760 Speaker 3: die until she graduated. That significant because when he had 359 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,600 Speaker 3: a heart attack in eighty seventy, stopped smoking cigarettes that 360 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 3: day and that immediately stopped drinking beer. 361 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,280 Speaker 2: He'd only drink corn with scary that at then. But 362 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,640 Speaker 2: he told my sister stopped crying. 363 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 3: I don't worry. I ain't gonna die. All y'all out 364 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,960 Speaker 3: of school. He literally died. My sister had graduated deal 365 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:29,240 Speaker 3: It and I'm crying. I'm fucking crying. I'm a crier 366 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,360 Speaker 3: in the family. Really, yeah, I'm cry. 367 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,280 Speaker 1: I would have never thought that based on this. 368 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 2: I'm gon cry. I cry, you know, I'm just not 369 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,760 Speaker 2: gonna I ain't gonnah. I ain't gonna cry for days 370 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:37,960 Speaker 2: and we don't all to get it out. 371 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 3: My sister walks up to me on shanga and she 372 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 3: holds on my bag of brother. She said, well, get 373 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 3: it all out today, because tomorrow you're the leader of 374 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 3: this family. And twenty years ago, I know how to fuck. 375 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,200 Speaker 3: I couldn't leave myself out of this room, you know 376 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 3: what I mean. I got a record deal to run 377 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:55,920 Speaker 3: around a party. I'm having fun. I don't know how 378 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,680 Speaker 3: to lead a family. And I've spent the last twenty 379 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 3: years stepping up to that leadership and understanding it is 380 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:05,120 Speaker 3: not about me saving everybody and doing everything. It's about 381 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,840 Speaker 3: me being a leader on this team of people that 382 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 3: are confidently trying to raise children to be confident and 383 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:12,800 Speaker 3: competent so that they. 384 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 2: That our family name may grow. 385 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,320 Speaker 3: We may not embarrass ourselves or embarrass our parents, or 386 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 3: embarss our family's name. 387 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 2: Wow. 388 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,840 Speaker 1: I always had this. I grew up with a lot 389 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,440 Speaker 1: of women, not a lot of men had My great 390 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,200 Speaker 1: grandfather was alive, he lived one hundred and five, but 391 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,920 Speaker 1: my great grand my grandfather and my grandfather great grandfather, 392 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:34,440 Speaker 1: only two men that I had in my life, much older. 393 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:38,120 Speaker 1: And I always had like a sympathy for men. And 394 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,280 Speaker 1: maybe sympathy is like I don't know if you find 395 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,840 Speaker 1: that like a condescending, but I had always a sympathy 396 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,400 Speaker 1: for men because I would see them. My grand you know, 397 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,560 Speaker 1: both of them were in wars. My great grandfather came 398 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,280 Speaker 1: here from Cuba and a damn little boat. And you know, 399 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,880 Speaker 1: like I always had a sympathy for how much you 400 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,520 Speaker 1: have to hold or what's expected of you to hold. 401 00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:02,280 Speaker 1: And I don't know, I just always especially older men, 402 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,920 Speaker 1: if you think about the generations even before us, because 403 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,919 Speaker 1: you even could say you comfortably sitting here and saying 404 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:11,800 Speaker 1: I cried. Would your father or your grandfather maybe have 405 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,320 Speaker 1: that freedom or that comfort to be able to say that. 406 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:14,959 Speaker 1: I don't know. 407 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,240 Speaker 3: But my two dads, and I say, my two dads 408 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,320 Speaker 3: have a by on a nine by your dad were 409 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,360 Speaker 3: both huggers and kissers. 410 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,560 Speaker 1: And loversperience though what I'm talking about. 411 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:28,199 Speaker 3: Yeah, but they are gonna hug and kiss you, but 412 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,240 Speaker 3: you get firom advice on the front or back end. 413 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:32,520 Speaker 3: So it was still you a man you know what 414 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,879 Speaker 3: I mean. You're you're you're a man, and you're expected. 415 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,560 Speaker 3: Now I love you, but you are expected to get 416 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,879 Speaker 3: that grass cut or you're gonna become grass in the 417 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,199 Speaker 3: dark if you don't do it in the day like 418 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,480 Speaker 3: when I love you. But if you if you, if 419 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,400 Speaker 3: you make a child, then I'm not going to beat 420 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,360 Speaker 3: adult and grandfather. That takes up your slack. You're going 421 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,680 Speaker 3: to work and take care of these children. 422 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:52,720 Speaker 2: You know. 423 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,520 Speaker 3: So there was a there was a kindness and the 424 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:56,840 Speaker 3: tenderness to all the men. 425 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:58,240 Speaker 2: I had a lot of men in my family, I 426 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,640 Speaker 2: had uncles, But was there. 427 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:05,000 Speaker 1: An emotional like that was were y'all allowed to be emotionally? 428 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:06,800 Speaker 3: You weren't going to out of emotion to women. That 429 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,280 Speaker 3: was frying, that was frond and pointed by the women. 430 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: But that's part. 431 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,480 Speaker 2: Of the Yeah, you could get it out, part of a 432 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 2: position we put you in. Yeah, my family, my family, 433 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:17,119 Speaker 2: get you. 434 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,879 Speaker 3: Do you get one good, get it out, go ahead 435 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,080 Speaker 3: and get the crowd, and then you have to take 436 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:23,960 Speaker 3: care of these women and children. So you know, whatever 437 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,480 Speaker 3: you need to get out, just get out. And that's 438 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,000 Speaker 3: what my song shed Tears is about going in the 439 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,679 Speaker 3: bathroom as me and sometime and sometimes you just got 440 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:32,919 Speaker 3: to go in the bathroom, look at mirror, a man 441 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,840 Speaker 3: to get the crowd, because on the other side of 442 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,119 Speaker 3: the door, it's your responsibility, the people you're accountable for, 443 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,240 Speaker 3: the people you're accountable too. 444 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,199 Speaker 1: Is that enough to be healthy that? 445 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:41,440 Speaker 2: I don't know. 446 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,800 Speaker 1: Honey bag y'all talked about that on our episode too, 447 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,000 Speaker 1: because he had a lot of loss recently, you know, 448 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,639 Speaker 1: and he talks about being being in the meeting and 449 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,280 Speaker 1: walking and being like a bred back and going to 450 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,080 Speaker 1: the bathroom, getting the cry out yeah, and then coming back. 451 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,359 Speaker 1: So I'm assuming that that is way more common than 452 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,120 Speaker 1: we know, especially of our generation. 453 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:58,000 Speaker 2: Now. 454 00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 3: I think me and I think it goes back further. 455 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 3: I think men, I think this has been a coping 456 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,760 Speaker 3: mechanism longer. But you you're a man. 457 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,600 Speaker 2: Fuck I'm gonna do sit here, have a crime context 458 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,560 Speaker 2: with my woman all day. 459 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:11,000 Speaker 3: It's somebody got to get up, you know, she got 460 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,560 Speaker 3: to get up in ten of these children. She gotta 461 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,920 Speaker 3: still make sure that dealer's gonnahit. But she still gotta 462 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,200 Speaker 3: make sure the finance and everything managing out. I can't 463 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,680 Speaker 3: manage to get my ass up and get to work. 464 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,359 Speaker 3: I got to get to work. You know, my cousin gone. 465 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,400 Speaker 3: What they said about the dead bear of the dead, 466 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 3: you know what I mean, that's its she She's gone. 467 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,320 Speaker 3: There's nothing I can do about it. But she lives 468 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 3: on through me, through her nieces or nephews. I'm gonna 469 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 3: go to the fieldingal I'm gonna share some tears remembering 470 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,880 Speaker 3: my cousin. But I'm still gotta be there for her mother. 471 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,520 Speaker 3: I still gotta be there for my auntie. I still 472 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,200 Speaker 3: gotta be there for my sister. So I don't don't 473 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 3: waste your time crying, you know, just cry, get it out, 474 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 3: let it be effective, breathe, meditate on it, pray. But 475 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:50,080 Speaker 3: you got to get back to living while you're alive. 476 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,040 Speaker 3: You got to make sure that the children under you, 477 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:54,240 Speaker 3: the woman or women next to you have. With my 478 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 3: brother's rolling, you gotta make sure that you're a cornerstone 479 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 3: for them. 480 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,960 Speaker 1: You know that's all that That is really hard, uh I. 481 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,359 Speaker 1: I think it's one of the hardest things, and it's guaranteed. Yeah, 482 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:08,560 Speaker 1: you know, you know, we know how this ends for 483 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 1: every single person in the room, for all of us, 484 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: and yet I don't think we've uh figured out how 485 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:17,240 Speaker 1: to emotionally, or maybe we're not supposed to. Maybe it 486 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 1: is supposed to hurt us and be painful. 487 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,480 Speaker 2: My grandmother mourned her mother to the day she died. 488 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,800 Speaker 3: My grandmother died in my arms at seventy nine years 489 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,480 Speaker 3: old walking up a hill m and to the day 490 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,399 Speaker 3: she died, she would say, I miss my mama. 491 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,120 Speaker 1: Did she say, actually say. 492 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,000 Speaker 2: That I missed my mama. 493 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,520 Speaker 3: My grandmothers was going to her bathroom sometimes and you 494 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:38,040 Speaker 3: just hear her wailing. 495 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,359 Speaker 2: She pray, like you yourself, like you know, put yourself in 496 00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:42,720 Speaker 2: the closet to pray. You get away from people. 497 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,080 Speaker 3: Because she just she genuinely missed her mother. She just 498 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,520 Speaker 3: genuinely missed her my mama, and I had my mommy. 499 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:52,800 Speaker 3: Denise had one of the biggest arguments ever after my 500 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 3: grandmother died. She told me something, I'll hit me so 501 00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,840 Speaker 3: hard wearing a limousine. Sorry, my mom. My autistic uncle. 502 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:05,520 Speaker 3: Me my autistic uncle who thinks he's like my big 503 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,679 Speaker 3: uncle still, and he's trying to call He'll call me 504 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,960 Speaker 3: four times a day. I'm checking on you. Don't you 505 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 3: let nobody use you, don't you know? And I'm just 506 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,280 Speaker 3: like Okay, yes, sir, I gotcha. 507 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:14,520 Speaker 2: Aunt. 508 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,439 Speaker 3: She's like, God damn it, I can't even more my 509 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 3: mama right, and my uncle's. 510 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:20,680 Speaker 2: Trying to give it. She says, shut up. I didn't 511 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 2: have to fight for you. My whole life your hands. 512 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,159 Speaker 3: I'm fighting as we kids from people picking on you, 513 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,879 Speaker 3: and I'm just like, oh shit. So in the moment 514 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:32,399 Speaker 3: of sadness, I am falling, laughing, just like this is 515 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:36,440 Speaker 3: fucking amazing. And finally I'm trying to interject with her, like, Mama, 516 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 3: you can't do you shut the fuck up too, my mama. 517 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,520 Speaker 2: My mama should have died with me. I would, and 518 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:41,920 Speaker 2: I'm just. 519 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,119 Speaker 3: Thinking, what the fuck. I'm like, I didn't want to 520 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,240 Speaker 3: be on death duty. I didn't want to be. And 521 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,920 Speaker 3: she says, you don't understand. You think your mama died, 522 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,160 Speaker 3: but that was my mama. When I die, You're gonna 523 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 3: understand the feeling I have. And I just thought to myself, 524 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,320 Speaker 3: keep the fuck out, because cause again, she's like a 525 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:00,800 Speaker 3: big sister to me in many ways. 526 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,240 Speaker 2: She's only sixteen years old to me. So now it's 527 00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:05,360 Speaker 2: me her autistic. 528 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:09,359 Speaker 3: Uncle arguing over visits my grandmother the most Oh it 529 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,280 Speaker 3: is divine comedy at this point. 530 00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:14,879 Speaker 1: And there's a line in the It's Still Magnolia. Is 531 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 1: that laughter through tears is like the best emotion. Yeah, 532 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,200 Speaker 1: there's something about that when you see pain to be 533 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,600 Speaker 1: able to laugh, it's like, who I know. 534 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,320 Speaker 2: My grandmother would have laughed at us and called us 535 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:24,840 Speaker 2: all crazy. 536 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,040 Speaker 3: But when my mother died, I was on a plane 537 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:31,800 Speaker 3: from Europe trying to get back here my boys Sleep, 538 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,680 Speaker 3: who y'all hear me rap about my music? Sleep made 539 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,680 Speaker 3: it to the hospital, hit the FaceTime. Before we got 540 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 3: on the ground, I was facetimed with my mother. She 541 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 3: was in a calla. I started talking to her and 542 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,720 Speaker 3: she starts smiling, and you could tell where however deep 543 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,679 Speaker 3: the come on she was hearing me and she left me. 544 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:51,399 Speaker 3: And then the moment she left, she was right. I 545 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:55,080 Speaker 3: never felt that emptiness and it has never went anywhere, 546 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,800 Speaker 3: and it is there, and man. 547 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:01,359 Speaker 2: I I just wish I could. I just wish I 548 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:02,600 Speaker 2: could call and say you right. 549 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:03,359 Speaker 4: Mm. 550 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:04,120 Speaker 2: She play't knows. 551 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,119 Speaker 3: It fucked me up, girl, you know That's what I 552 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:09,520 Speaker 3: Tell'm like, yeah, like you going. It was like, man, 553 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,960 Speaker 3: I lost my coach. Mm, you know I lost my 554 00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:16,959 Speaker 3: coach and her and my grandmother being gone. It's just 555 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:21,000 Speaker 3: the biggest fear I've I've ever had, and now they gone, 556 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:22,600 Speaker 3: I face life's greatest fear. 557 00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:24,919 Speaker 2: Now. I just don't wanna have to bear my children. 558 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:26,399 Speaker 2: So yeah, God willing. 559 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,560 Speaker 1: You know, how are you managing through that? 560 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,800 Speaker 2: Uh? Man, you just you know, you manage, that's all 561 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:35,959 Speaker 2: you just manage. You have to sorry thing, thank you, 562 00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 2: Yeah you have to. I have I'm sorry. No, it's 563 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:45,199 Speaker 2: all good. It is tough. Yeah, but it's it, you know, 564 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:46,639 Speaker 2: it's not the death. I miss it. 565 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:50,520 Speaker 3: It's just that it's that I I still hear their voices. 566 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:54,000 Speaker 3: I still see the advice around me they told me about, 567 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:57,600 Speaker 3: you know, my life. It's just the th the absence 568 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:02,000 Speaker 3: of the physical presence to be able to affirm, to say, hey, 569 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:02,520 Speaker 3: I love you. 570 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:03,800 Speaker 2: I need you to know I love you. 571 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,800 Speaker 3: You know I need I need to pull up on 572 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,320 Speaker 3: my mother on a Sunday like I used to just 573 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:10,760 Speaker 3: listen to old music and sit in the back of 574 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,560 Speaker 3: the truck in the car and just say, man, you 575 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,080 Speaker 3: was right about that one you was right. 576 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,600 Speaker 1: It's that one specific thing you want to get. 577 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,720 Speaker 2: You want her to know that's one thing I got you. 578 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:23,400 Speaker 1: I got you all the things in the conversations you've had. 579 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, because I took a lot of advice, you know 580 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:28,760 Speaker 3: what I mean, But just just that one, I didn't. 581 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 2: I didn't. I knew I loved my mother deeply. 582 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:36,040 Speaker 3: I didn't understand how deeply until until I was without 583 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,720 Speaker 3: and I knew. Everybody who knows knows Michael. Denise wore 584 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,040 Speaker 3: in love like I love my mother like you. I 585 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:47,360 Speaker 3: don't give how much cocaine. So that's my girl, all 586 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:48,639 Speaker 3: your fun, how big the flower? 587 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:48,840 Speaker 2: Right? 588 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,760 Speaker 3: But she made was you know what I mean? Like 589 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:52,760 Speaker 3: that it was that was it she was if she 590 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 3: would have never made it. She was a floorist by nature, 591 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,000 Speaker 3: I mean, by trade. I'm just like she was my girl. 592 00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,119 Speaker 3: I cheered for She cheered for me. She was the 593 00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:00,760 Speaker 3: first person I told her wanted to be in MC 594 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:02,680 Speaker 3: you know what I mean. She was smoking a joint. 595 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,879 Speaker 2: Fuck it, that's what we don't do. 596 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,000 Speaker 3: And she That was eighty four. She had me at 597 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,879 Speaker 3: the French Fast. In eighty five, she had me and 598 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,400 Speaker 3: my little cousin. My cousin. My cousin was the same age. 599 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:19,280 Speaker 3: Jimmy dropped. I asked to the omni and was like, yo, 600 00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:21,960 Speaker 3: you little niggas. Take y'all ass in there, y'all d 601 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,240 Speaker 3: your seats. This is how you get articulated, your seats 602 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,399 Speaker 3: and when you done, have your ass back on this 603 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,320 Speaker 3: corner like that was. That was, And I'm just like, 604 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,960 Speaker 3: you know, LP's my rap partner, shots, I run the Jewels, 605 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,800 Speaker 3: God bless man L. L's mom didn't let him go 606 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:35,760 Speaker 3: to the French Fest. 607 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:36,640 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. 608 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,480 Speaker 3: L's mom was an adult though. You know, my mom 609 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:40,480 Speaker 3: was fucking twenty six, you know what I mean. 610 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:41,320 Speaker 2: She was, she was. 611 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,199 Speaker 3: She was my daughter's age next the street. Yeah, so 612 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:47,840 Speaker 3: it's like I just I do just because I wanted. 613 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:48,880 Speaker 3: I wanted her to know. 614 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,119 Speaker 2: That I listened. I heard y'all feel you you got it, 615 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,280 Speaker 2: you got it. I believe she does well. I believe 616 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:59,080 Speaker 2: it to my my grandmother. My grandmother came to me 617 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:03,120 Speaker 2: after she was gone and a dream. 618 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:07,159 Speaker 3: And again I'm from a devoutly Southern Christian family and 619 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,080 Speaker 3: my aunt who's whose daughter passed, who I'm gonna go 620 00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:12,800 Speaker 3: see time I get back to Atlanta, my aunt tied. 621 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,400 Speaker 3: I told her, I say, she came to me. I said, 622 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:18,560 Speaker 3: I was tryna communicate, but she said, yeah, they do that. 623 00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:21,000 Speaker 3: She said, they do that, but they only show theyself 624 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,959 Speaker 3: in times of trouble, and it it fucked me up. 625 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:24,879 Speaker 2: She said, yeah, she say. 626 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:26,520 Speaker 4: She say, ye, I'm never really gonna nowhere, she say, 627 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:28,560 Speaker 4: But she's not gonna be there every day, she said, 628 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 4: but she there, but sh there are times of trouble, 629 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:32,919 Speaker 4: and in times of trouble, my grandmother's come to me 630 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,359 Speaker 4: and dream, Wow, you know so I'm a believe. 631 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,159 Speaker 3: I know that this height the only life. I know 632 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,120 Speaker 3: that something passed, but man, I just miss you miss them. 633 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:41,840 Speaker 1: Miss But it's funny when you think about what she 634 00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:43,760 Speaker 1: said to you and how much it resonates even now. 635 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,680 Speaker 1: You wish she could know that she was right about it. 636 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:47,200 Speaker 2: Nobody could. 637 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:47,879 Speaker 1: I've been blessed. 638 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:48,600 Speaker 4: I my mom is. 639 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,879 Speaker 1: My mom raised me, single mother, and she's still with 640 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 1: me and young, and I pray I'll have a long 641 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:56,480 Speaker 1: time with her. But I I I don't think, no 642 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,960 Speaker 1: matter how much somebody prepares you, even your own mother 643 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:01,800 Speaker 1: say you'll see when I I'm not here, I don't think. 644 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:05,040 Speaker 1: But I know friends who've lost parents and losing a 645 00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:08,200 Speaker 1: parent that type of grief, even my mother, losing my grandmother, 646 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:11,320 Speaker 1: who I've missed watching my mother go through that. There's 647 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:14,240 Speaker 1: something about losing a parent that there's just no way 648 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:18,280 Speaker 1: you could possibly from the outside understand that until you 649 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 1: have experienced yourself. Yeah, your heart, there's no way to. 650 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,000 Speaker 1: Like you said, your grandmother till the day she died, 651 00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:26,760 Speaker 1: was still missing her mom. And I've watched so many friends, 652 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 1: especially because the age group we're in now right, I'm 653 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:34,639 Speaker 1: watching friends lose parents, parents have dementia, or parents are 654 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,280 Speaker 1: in facilities. You know, we're watching that a lot more 655 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:41,440 Speaker 1: at our age group. And yeah, it's just something. 656 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:42,159 Speaker 2: You never could prepare for. 657 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,600 Speaker 1: Your kids will never know. As much as your kids 658 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,320 Speaker 1: love you, until the day you're not here, they're not 659 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:50,720 Speaker 1: gonna know what that feels like. And so that's just 660 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:53,000 Speaker 1: how it goes. It is the circle of life. It's 661 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,520 Speaker 1: the unfortunate thing that we can't know it. 662 00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:59,040 Speaker 2: But that's why it's import to share the story absolutely. 663 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:01,760 Speaker 1: Inspire people to think about it before. 664 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, if your parents still alive, man, y'all got some beef, man, 665 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:06,120 Speaker 3: just you know, figure that shit out. 666 00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,680 Speaker 2: Holler at each other, mm. 667 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:09,639 Speaker 3: You know, and and because man, when they going, you know, 668 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:10,920 Speaker 3: it's it's they gone. 669 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:12,040 Speaker 2: And if you gonna feel it. 670 00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:13,719 Speaker 1: That's so funny you say that, cause I have one 671 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,880 Speaker 1: of my episodes with Kelly, I talked about this story. 672 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:16,240 Speaker 2: About my father. 673 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:17,800 Speaker 1: I thought my father was dad to the time I 674 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,000 Speaker 1: was ten, and I found out he was alive recently 675 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:24,119 Speaker 1: a couple of years ago, living in Illinois, and I 676 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 1: haven't really had a need to reconnect, cause, like you. 677 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:30,920 Speaker 2: Was always encourage people to, I've. 678 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, but no, but you saying, I've the thought of 679 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,640 Speaker 1: them being gone completely. 680 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:41,760 Speaker 3: Dearly who her biological father is dying, and I'm encouraging 681 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,960 Speaker 3: her go even you know now her dad is not 682 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:48,040 Speaker 3: her biological dad, but her biological dad. She never knew 683 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:52,760 Speaker 3: any because because because everyone deserves to know where they're 684 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:53,280 Speaker 3: from or. 685 00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 2: Have some questions answer. 686 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:57,880 Speaker 3: You know, even if even if your dad, by circumstances 687 00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,840 Speaker 3: or purpose was an asshole, it just full to sell 688 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,720 Speaker 3: someone around him loves you and cares about you, yet 689 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:05,440 Speaker 3: you may not have ever met, and then you might 690 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:08,280 Speaker 3: have some questions or that person may have something to express. 691 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:12,560 Speaker 3: And that's just my thought because I have two dads. 692 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,840 Speaker 3: I literally have two dads, and my mom made sure 693 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:17,880 Speaker 3: good men were my life and raise me, and I 694 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:22,240 Speaker 3: couldn't imagine them leaving and not having an opportunity to 695 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:25,040 Speaker 3: impart me with certain wisdom and me have an opportunity 696 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:26,920 Speaker 3: to say to them. I tell both my dads often 697 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:28,480 Speaker 3: like I love you. I don't know what you think 698 00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:29,920 Speaker 3: of the job you did, but I'm just here to 699 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:31,840 Speaker 3: tell you you did a great fucking job. 700 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:32,040 Speaker 2: Man. 701 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:35,200 Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying with a good son, I mean, 702 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 3: because I understand. I understand what it's like. I'm an adult. 703 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:39,800 Speaker 3: I have four children on my own. I'm not married 704 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:41,880 Speaker 3: at any of their mothers. I get it, you know 705 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,240 Speaker 3: what I'm saying, So I get to struggle to strife. 706 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,920 Speaker 3: You know, my grandfather would tell my dad, hey, Mike 707 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:51,880 Speaker 3: has Michael has two daughters, two sisters by his mother 708 00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,480 Speaker 3: and three sisters by you. All these girls need to 709 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,520 Speaker 3: know each other. And my dad, you know, your dad's 710 00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:00,080 Speaker 3: and moms be beef, and he wasn't getting all the 711 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:00,720 Speaker 3: girls together. 712 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:01,320 Speaker 2: He wasn't. 713 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,640 Speaker 3: And now that we are adults, all my sisters know 714 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,120 Speaker 3: one another. At my house, they're at we're at GUIDs 715 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:12,440 Speaker 3: and stuff, because that's what we're supposed to do. My children, 716 00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 3: I encourage to have a relationship outside of me. 717 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 2: You know what I mean? 718 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:17,520 Speaker 3: Two of them have the same mother as the other 719 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:20,080 Speaker 3: two do not. But they for my four children have 720 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:23,400 Speaker 3: a relationship outside of me. That's one of my greatest accomplishments. 721 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:25,840 Speaker 3: Like I can I can die happy because I know 722 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,280 Speaker 3: that my children are united, They're bonded. 723 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:29,160 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. 724 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 3: So the whole life, the whole life, you know what 725 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:33,920 Speaker 3: I mean. They just you don't have no halfs, no 726 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:36,400 Speaker 3: step them. You know, those are your brothers and sisters. 727 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 3: And that's what the fuck it is. So you know, 728 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:40,680 Speaker 3: if you if you and your baby daddy got beef, 729 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:43,800 Speaker 3: y'all have that lame ship after the barbecue. But we 730 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,360 Speaker 3: expect you guys to show up with these children and 731 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,120 Speaker 3: whoever don't want to show up, that's fine, But these 732 00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:50,760 Speaker 3: children are expected to be here because they have a family. 733 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:54,360 Speaker 3: They have they have, we have Tuskegee, we have you know, 734 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:55,680 Speaker 3: we have history. 735 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:56,840 Speaker 2: I know who my. 736 00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 3: Grandparents, great parent parents and great great grandparents were. 737 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,719 Speaker 2: Wow, you know what I'm saying. You're lucky, because I 738 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:04,960 Speaker 2: do know. I'm lucky. That's why I don't treat it lightness. 739 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:07,440 Speaker 1: That is a blessing that not everybody has, especially when 740 00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:09,960 Speaker 1: so many families are blended. This don't speak to this. 741 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:11,720 Speaker 1: I have a cousin that over there. I never met 742 00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:14,560 Speaker 1: a brother that I never met a sister. And families 743 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,480 Speaker 1: are broken and it's. 744 00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:18,160 Speaker 2: And they don't have to be Everybody don't have to 745 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:18,520 Speaker 2: be together. 746 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,040 Speaker 1: You do lose the history when your families are so broken. 747 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,880 Speaker 1: I mean, sometimes it has to be broken because people. 748 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:27,680 Speaker 2: Have well I'm just saying that different abuses. 749 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,080 Speaker 1: All types of reasons why families would ever fall apart. 750 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:32,720 Speaker 1: But you do lose the history when you don't keep 751 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,480 Speaker 1: the legacy and the generations kind of connected. So that's 752 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:40,200 Speaker 1: I do know something to learn from. What do you 753 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:41,680 Speaker 1: How are you as a dad? 754 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:43,000 Speaker 2: I think adult. 755 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:45,840 Speaker 1: Your dad. 756 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,440 Speaker 3: I felt very guilty for having to travel so much 757 00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:54,840 Speaker 3: in their lives, you know, early touring, independent artists, that stuff. 758 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:57,920 Speaker 3: But in terms of can my kids come and holler 759 00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:01,280 Speaker 3: at me about whatever, absolutely can't do. I try my 760 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:03,200 Speaker 3: best to steer them in the ways to avoid the 761 00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,880 Speaker 3: dumb mistakes I made. And you know, you know my 762 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,400 Speaker 3: young daughter, Mike, he said, you're pretty cool, old man. 763 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:14,320 Speaker 1: That's all right. I got some in real life questions 764 00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:16,880 Speaker 1: for you, Madeia. I just want to talk about, like 765 00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:23,760 Speaker 1: the spirit of your activism, you know, and we had 766 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:25,880 Speaker 1: Tamika Mallory was one of my first guests on the pod. 767 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:26,560 Speaker 2: I love to me. 768 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:32,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, she's amazing. She she internalized a lot of the 769 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:35,320 Speaker 1: work she's done and has dealt with. You know, she's 770 00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,960 Speaker 1: on the front lines of a lot of she gets 771 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,520 Speaker 1: number one, she gets beat up, and then number two, 772 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:43,240 Speaker 1: she sees a lot of trauma. There's trauma. 773 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:45,560 Speaker 2: I know you don't like to It's not like it's 774 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:46,640 Speaker 2: just I can't you trump. 775 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,480 Speaker 3: You know, I'm still like my sister, tell you're still 776 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:51,800 Speaker 3: a man. You know, you still got you still got 777 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:52,520 Speaker 3: to get up and go to work. 778 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,520 Speaker 1: But she was honest about the work that she's done 779 00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:56,480 Speaker 1: and being on the front lines and stuff that a 780 00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,800 Speaker 1: lot of the trauma was starting to affect her. She 781 00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:01,080 Speaker 1: wasn't sleeping and she started taking bills at one point. 782 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:02,920 Speaker 1: She had a struggle with that which a lot of 783 00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:08,440 Speaker 1: people don't even know, and some depression, and that work 784 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:09,760 Speaker 1: is just can be. 785 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:13,400 Speaker 3: It can be brutal, brutal tack people like her my son, 786 00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:16,560 Speaker 3: people like sending a Nina Turner, people like oh man, 787 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:18,960 Speaker 3: there much unheralded and you need to get her on 788 00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:22,760 Speaker 3: the show. Tesln figure out just in the trenches working. 789 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:25,720 Speaker 3: You know, Tessling was working with a mama downa cancer. 790 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,560 Speaker 3: Tesling was working when a former old man that she's 791 00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:31,880 Speaker 3: been working, you know, and and and thank god we 792 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,800 Speaker 3: know Tamika and more of us should know the Tantley's 793 00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:37,880 Speaker 3: because these women and these men are out here working. 794 00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:40,200 Speaker 1: I look at you know, Erica Ford. Uh, she just 795 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:43,560 Speaker 1: had a severe health crisis because of the work for 796 00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:46,520 Speaker 1: so long, beating up on herself, beating up on her body. 797 00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,720 Speaker 1: It's just until now, after decades of work, that she's 798 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:51,200 Speaker 1: like in this healing process. 799 00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:56,000 Speaker 3: Erica Garner, Eric Garner's daughter, Yes, died an advocate. So 800 00:33:56,600 --> 00:34:00,880 Speaker 3: I just I want to tell people give organized some grace. 801 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:05,560 Speaker 3: I saw the bullshit that Tamika and Tesla endured. I 802 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:08,120 Speaker 3: saw the bullshit that Tamika endured because Cadillac gave her 803 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:10,840 Speaker 3: a commercial to dare to tell black people that you 804 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:12,480 Speaker 3: can think and be bigger. 805 00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:15,960 Speaker 2: Cadillac should have done that. Black people saved that company twice. 806 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:19,720 Speaker 3: You know, and back in seven eighty years ago, Lincoln 807 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:21,520 Speaker 3: and christ So was gonna put Calac out of business. 808 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,320 Speaker 2: It took they wouldn't sell the black people. 809 00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:25,520 Speaker 3: It took a man from Switzerland or somewhere to come 810 00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:26,920 Speaker 3: over here to get over design, like old, what the 811 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,239 Speaker 3: fuck aren't we selling cars to black folks? And then 812 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,879 Speaker 3: wasn't nobody trying to get in Caldillacs when they before 813 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:34,759 Speaker 3: they escalator dropped, rappers had moved on to the big 814 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,080 Speaker 3: benzes and all types of stuff, and the escalat drops 815 00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,600 Speaker 3: next thing you know, it's in Nelly videos and cast 816 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:43,239 Speaker 3: videos and and so Cadillac. I would expect if I 817 00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:46,520 Speaker 3: was a black customer, I'm buying the the the escalat V. 818 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:50,680 Speaker 3: I wanna see more Tamika Mallories, Yeah, not less. And 819 00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:54,920 Speaker 3: the people that criticized her are foolish because you know, 820 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:56,600 Speaker 3: you look at it like, oh, she sold us out 821 00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:57,400 Speaker 3: and she got a checking out. 822 00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:58,480 Speaker 2: She's still on the front lines. 823 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,359 Speaker 3: She still she still getting gonna ask kick daily while 824 00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:03,799 Speaker 3: we mad that she getting able that finally they got 825 00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:05,920 Speaker 3: a vehicle for that's gonna make that's not gonna run 826 00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:07,799 Speaker 3: out of gas or it's not gonna you know, I 827 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:11,040 Speaker 3: just wanna say, it's very easy to be critical of 828 00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:14,080 Speaker 3: these people that are organizing when you're behind your keyboards, 829 00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:16,600 Speaker 3: you're looking at television, but doing the work that's why 830 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:17,760 Speaker 3: don't let people call me an organizer. 831 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:19,319 Speaker 2: I'm a mobilizer. I show up. 832 00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,160 Speaker 3: I know it's gonna get a few extra thousand people there. 833 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,359 Speaker 3: I know that if I say something, once educated by 834 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,759 Speaker 3: the organizer, I know it has longevity and it's gonna 835 00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:29,680 Speaker 3: go out. But the people are organizing every day, that's 836 00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:33,640 Speaker 3: their job. Every week, they're reporting, every month, they're trying, 837 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,560 Speaker 3: every year, they're pushing, And to me, that deserves some grace, 838 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,280 Speaker 3: whether you even agree with them or not, it deserves 839 00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:39,720 Speaker 3: some grace. 840 00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,680 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, because even if the way the thing, the 841 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:44,720 Speaker 1: way social media in the world is set up, everything 842 00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:46,319 Speaker 1: is so polarizing now with well. 843 00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:49,719 Speaker 3: Someone's profiting from your polarization. So just know that you 844 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:51,560 Speaker 3: know a lot of a lot of times you think 845 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:55,800 Speaker 3: you're you think you're you think you're keeping something in 846 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:59,040 Speaker 3: check with you're being kept in check, because if you don't. 847 00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:00,719 Speaker 3: That's why I courage people to be a one on 848 00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:03,600 Speaker 3: one relationships with people who are not like them, Like 849 00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:05,799 Speaker 3: you need a one on one relationship with someone who's 850 00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:08,239 Speaker 3: not of your religion, not of your ethnic background, not 851 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:11,360 Speaker 3: of even your political beliefs, because once you start to 852 00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,520 Speaker 3: know that person, you're gonna start to find commonality, and 853 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:18,520 Speaker 3: that commonality is gonna make it less easy for you 854 00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:23,920 Speaker 3: to carry your pride, ego, bigotry, and prejudice into situations 855 00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,279 Speaker 3: where people are from their community. Yeah, you're gonna have 856 00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:28,360 Speaker 3: to come in with an open mind and an open heart. 857 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,239 Speaker 1: Especially with what's happening in the world right now. 858 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:33,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, it is so easy to. 859 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:35,960 Speaker 1: Just pick a side it is and not even look 860 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:37,920 Speaker 1: at the other side, even empathize. 861 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,600 Speaker 2: The masters don't care about either side. MM. 862 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,080 Speaker 3: The masters no more cared about Irish immigrants than they 863 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:46,560 Speaker 3: did the the the the slaves that looked like me. 864 00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,759 Speaker 3: They cared about them getting together and friednizing on Sundays mm. 865 00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:54,160 Speaker 3: Which is why they put say, you guys are now 866 00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:57,480 Speaker 3: gonna be white. You guys are gonna remain negroes, because 867 00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:00,760 Speaker 3: if the proletariat ever figures out that the same masters 868 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:02,560 Speaker 3: are fucking a solo and you might wake up and 869 00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:05,839 Speaker 3: kill your masters, And that's what they truly fear. 870 00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:12,000 Speaker 1: WHOA, that's a good question for you, nice and light Well. 871 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:13,640 Speaker 1: I asked this all the time. I usually start my 872 00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:16,040 Speaker 1: interviews with this. I forgot to start today and this 873 00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:18,560 Speaker 1: would have actually opened up because of what you just experienced. 874 00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:20,320 Speaker 1: But I ask everybody, how happy are you on a 875 00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:21,680 Speaker 1: scale of one to ten? Today? 876 00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:22,400 Speaker 2: Happy? 877 00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,880 Speaker 3: I am on a scale once in the day today, 878 00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,760 Speaker 3: not a slick five, I'm on average. 879 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:29,320 Speaker 2: I could do better. 880 00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:31,920 Speaker 1: Well, you've you know you're dealing on so. 881 00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:37,880 Speaker 3: With Yeah, yeah, I think I gotta start my grandma. 882 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,000 Speaker 3: I think I finally got into the era where she says, 883 00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:43,040 Speaker 3: be selfish. You have to be selfish with yourself. So 884 00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:44,919 Speaker 3: I think it's I think you know how people said 885 00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:46,080 Speaker 3: they they next year's goes. 886 00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,400 Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna focus a little more on Michael 887 00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:50,760 Speaker 2: twenty twenty four. Yeah, what truly makes me happy? 888 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,520 Speaker 3: And let me do that because as a guy, you 889 00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:56,280 Speaker 3: think about what you want and what makes you happy, 890 00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:58,040 Speaker 3: and then you start thinking about what my mom wanted 891 00:37:58,239 --> 00:37:59,920 Speaker 3: was a girl with sisters, with kids, with that. 892 00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:01,959 Speaker 2: But I'm I'm gonna gonna try to be a little 893 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:02,800 Speaker 2: more selfie selfish. 894 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:05,239 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. 895 00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,960 Speaker 2: I love that for you. You've earned that. 896 00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:12,160 Speaker 1: You've earned that. So a five is that an average number? 897 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:13,440 Speaker 2: Three? I have five's average? 898 00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:16,680 Speaker 1: Really, let's get you to like a seven or eight. 899 00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,240 Speaker 2: Well, I will see how good the weed is I bought. 900 00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:24,360 Speaker 1: Earlier, where do you pray for most in real life? 901 00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:28,960 Speaker 2: What do I pray for? I? 902 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:31,440 Speaker 3: I know God has a purpose for me, and I 903 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:34,040 Speaker 3: don't know what it is. I know I'm on a 904 00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:36,880 Speaker 3: journey and I don't know where I'm going. 905 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,239 Speaker 2: So I just pray to God. It stays with me 906 00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:39,759 Speaker 2: throughout it. 907 00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:42,360 Speaker 1: In real life? When are you and your happiest? 908 00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:45,319 Speaker 2: When? When I'm When am I at my happiest in 909 00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:47,479 Speaker 2: real life? Oh? Man? 910 00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:52,360 Speaker 3: When I get to see the kids drive muscle cars, 911 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,480 Speaker 3: read a cool book, or watch an interesting movie, smoke 912 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,120 Speaker 3: good weed, and hang out with a bunch of naked 913 00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,120 Speaker 3: girls all in this same day, and my wife is 914 00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:01,880 Speaker 3: usually around. 915 00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:04,879 Speaker 1: That sounds like a hell of a day. 916 00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:06,359 Speaker 2: That's a hell of a day. But that's been some 917 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:07,040 Speaker 2: days for me. 918 00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:13,040 Speaker 1: You know, if this was earlier in the pod, I 919 00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:15,719 Speaker 1: might dive into your relationship with your wife and how 920 00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:19,040 Speaker 1: you find peace in that, because does that ever cause conflict? 921 00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:21,160 Speaker 2: Conflicts are to come? 922 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:23,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, no matter what what. 923 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,719 Speaker 3: A woman know what a woman she's gonna be conflicted 924 00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:28,920 Speaker 3: by how did your hair? Your hair looks nice? Well, 925 00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,359 Speaker 3: you didn't tell me when I first walked in the door. Well, 926 00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:34,600 Speaker 3: fucking pardon me, brouh. I just didn't I was waiting to, 927 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:36,239 Speaker 3: and so you know, you just never know. 928 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:38,960 Speaker 1: But but when you add other naked women to the equation, 929 00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:43,720 Speaker 1: does that not leave more room for conflict to arise? 930 00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:44,759 Speaker 2: I don't know. 931 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:46,319 Speaker 3: I just know, man, when we're in a blue flight, 932 00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,120 Speaker 3: we both be happy. Damn, she don't have to pay 933 00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:50,200 Speaker 3: for her dances. And I just know, you know, I 934 00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,839 Speaker 3: just know me I'm still the mischief. My mom caught 935 00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:56,360 Speaker 3: me reading Playboy at tea, and because I was reading, 936 00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:58,919 Speaker 3: I remember talking to my dad. 937 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:00,320 Speaker 2: She was like, you know, you know, got one of 938 00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:00,800 Speaker 2: your books. 939 00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:03,480 Speaker 3: He was reading, and my dad's looking like, you know, 940 00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:05,120 Speaker 3: like a like any stupid guy, like, oh, what the 941 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:06,120 Speaker 3: fuck am I supposed to do? 942 00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:06,880 Speaker 2: Like slick? 943 00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:08,520 Speaker 3: You got to be proud of your boy. I was like, 944 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:10,120 Speaker 3: yah know, he likes ts, you know what I mean. 945 00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:12,759 Speaker 3: But she's like, so what you want to do? And 946 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,480 Speaker 3: she's like, well, he was reading, and I can't take 947 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:16,960 Speaker 3: that from him, you know what I mean. So I 948 00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:18,960 Speaker 3: was just like, I was like, so Playboy's cool. She's like, 949 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:22,080 Speaker 3: your Playboy's cool. Penhouse is not cool, Hustler's not cool, 950 00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:24,600 Speaker 3: but Playboy you got the thumbs up. I've been a 951 00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:26,680 Speaker 3: Playboy reader since So you know, if you if you 952 00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:28,279 Speaker 3: marry me, you gotta understand it. 953 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,680 Speaker 1: Is that why your relationship works because you've been married 954 00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:35,399 Speaker 1: for a long time. 955 00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:43,200 Speaker 3: I think it works because agree or disagree, I'm able 956 00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:47,680 Speaker 3: to state how I feel. And that's you know, sometimes 957 00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:50,319 Speaker 3: you're saving them people. So it's not always. But when 958 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:53,680 Speaker 3: I'm able, when i'm when I feel like it that 959 00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:55,200 Speaker 3: there's an ear there to here. 960 00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:57,719 Speaker 2: But we we are. We're a typical couple. We done 961 00:40:57,719 --> 00:41:00,680 Speaker 2: went through all the all the bullshit, all the ups 962 00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:01,560 Speaker 2: and the downs, and then we. 963 00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:04,000 Speaker 3: Got married high as fucking Vegas at three in the morning, 964 00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:06,400 Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. So you know there's a 965 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:09,239 Speaker 3: bit of non traditionalism that comes with it. But I'm 966 00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:15,080 Speaker 3: just I'm very uncomfortable. I'm very comfortable in the tradition 967 00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:19,600 Speaker 3: of family. I'm just not comfortable in a traditional family. 968 00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:23,000 Speaker 3: You understand what I'm saying. I'm never Yeah, I'm never 969 00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:26,759 Speaker 3: going to be that husband. I don't expect you to 970 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:29,319 Speaker 3: be that wife in that way. So you you you 971 00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,960 Speaker 3: find someone that balance is out. You know, I'm an 972 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,600 Speaker 3: early riser, she's not, you know, So I'll get up 973 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,279 Speaker 3: and get on the plane early she won't. I'll see 974 00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:38,800 Speaker 3: you later. And you have to get comfortable with those things. 975 00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:40,640 Speaker 3: And it's just about balance. 976 00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:43,960 Speaker 1: But it clearly works for her. Otherwise this wouldn't have been. 977 00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:47,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, this word wouldn't have worked. I told I wouldn't 978 00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:49,120 Speaker 2: do this with anybody else else. It's just one time. 979 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,400 Speaker 2: What marriage? Yeah, I wouldn't do this. This is it. 980 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't even I tell young men all the time, 981 00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:57,560 Speaker 3: don't do it. What there's no advantage in it for you? 982 00:41:57,600 --> 00:41:58,920 Speaker 3: Why would you? Well? 983 00:41:58,920 --> 00:41:59,440 Speaker 1: Why did you? 984 00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:00,239 Speaker 2: Cause? 985 00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:02,680 Speaker 3: I I I knew that that was an advantage like this, 986 00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:03,560 Speaker 3: like you, the. 987 00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:06,000 Speaker 2: One like you, the one like I can live my 988 00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:09,440 Speaker 2: best like then the one you the w you know. 989 00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:11,560 Speaker 3: And some days it's like, man, you ain't the one, 990 00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,240 Speaker 3: You're like nigga, you ain't the one. 991 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,520 Speaker 2: Either, you know what I mean? But you know, she 992 00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:18,080 Speaker 2: she is for me. 993 00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:26,680 Speaker 3: She has been able to accept a lot of the 994 00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,640 Speaker 3: parts of me that the world and other people are 995 00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:32,600 Speaker 3: not as accepting of, and so for me, she was 996 00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:32,919 Speaker 3: the one. 997 00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:34,640 Speaker 2: But would I do this with anybody else? 998 00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:35,080 Speaker 3: Nah? 999 00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:36,480 Speaker 2: Like mm, you know what I mean. 1000 00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:40,479 Speaker 3: It's it's it's cool, but you know, I think young 1001 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:44,720 Speaker 3: men should focus on themselves more. I told my sons, 1002 00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:47,360 Speaker 3: I don't even really want y'all in no relationships to 1003 00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:49,719 Speaker 3: you and your late twenties or early thirties. I don't 1004 00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:51,200 Speaker 3: want you to having no children till you in your 1005 00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:53,200 Speaker 3: mid thirties or forties, because I want you to give 1006 00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:55,920 Speaker 3: so much to yourself that by the time you ready 1007 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:57,040 Speaker 3: to slow down, you ready. 1008 00:42:57,239 --> 00:42:58,120 Speaker 2: And then you need to. 1009 00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:01,319 Speaker 3: Be honest, like with with with the woman you like. 1010 00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:03,279 Speaker 3: You need to say, hey baby, this I like you. 1011 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,840 Speaker 3: This is cool, but you never gonna be all I need. 1012 00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:08,680 Speaker 3: Now you got to understand I might need something else 1013 00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:10,640 Speaker 3: and and you or her gonna have to figure that 1014 00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:11,680 Speaker 3: out outside there. 1015 00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:14,080 Speaker 1: Your age life is short. If you find happiness and 1016 00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:16,040 Speaker 1: you find enjoy it, you find somebody that is okay 1017 00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:18,120 Speaker 1: by your rules and your standards to do it with you, 1018 00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:19,799 Speaker 1: then I'm your life. 1019 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:22,200 Speaker 3: You've gone a little Propolygamy Pasges on Instagram. All them 1020 00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:26,600 Speaker 3: couples be smiling, They they they've been their magic crystal jobs. 1021 00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:32,279 Speaker 3: See anybody who knows my age though, we're a package deal. 1022 00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:34,799 Speaker 1: So looking at your life in real life, like, what 1023 00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:36,600 Speaker 1: what do you hope people take from your life and 1024 00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:39,440 Speaker 1: your story at the end of the day, oh, Man. 1025 00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:43,240 Speaker 2: Ain't nothing I possible. 1026 00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:46,560 Speaker 3: M m ah Man, little black buck tooth boy from 1027 00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:48,480 Speaker 3: the West side of Atlanta. Man has grown to be 1028 00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:51,879 Speaker 3: one of the most influential people on Social LIVELS, gonna 1029 00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:53,840 Speaker 3: be a business person that's going to make his family proud. 1030 00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:56,960 Speaker 3: Has figured out blending his big family kids who ain't 1031 00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:58,319 Speaker 3: got the same mamas at him. 1032 00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:01,760 Speaker 2: You know, it's just not that's impossible. But you gotta 1033 00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:02,879 Speaker 2: get up every day. 1034 00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:06,000 Speaker 3: And my team says this, they put one foot in 1035 00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:08,640 Speaker 3: front of the other, wishing for it is not enough. 1036 00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:10,960 Speaker 3: If you want to see the world change, start with 1037 00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:13,560 Speaker 3: the street you live on. You know, if we all 1038 00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:15,319 Speaker 3: do a little bit, no one has to do a lot. 1039 00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:18,440 Speaker 3: And you've got to apply, plan, strategize, organized, and mobilize 1040 00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:20,480 Speaker 3: at every step of the way, you know. And then 1041 00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:24,480 Speaker 3: just on the personal when I'm learning is man, my grandma, 1042 00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,080 Speaker 3: take care of yourself first. 1043 00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:27,360 Speaker 2: Be selfish with yourself. 1044 00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:29,239 Speaker 1: That's what I wish for you. 1045 00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:33,600 Speaker 2: Twenty give it to me. I need you. When I 1046 00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:34,920 Speaker 2: see I got you, I got it, I got it. 1047 00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:36,440 Speaker 2: I got you. 1048 00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:48,960 Speaker 1: Michael, everyone, Michael, Yeah,