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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on in relationships, work, sex, parenting, or more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to STEVEARBFM dot com. All

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Speaker 1: you have to do is click on submit Strawberry Letter

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Speaker 1: and we could be reading your letter live on the air,

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Speaker 1: just like we're going to read this one right here,

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Speaker 1: right now. And you never know, this one could be yours.

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Speaker 2: You never know, buckle Loven, hold on tight. We got

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Speaker 2: it for you here. It is Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 1: Subject put up or shut up because you're messed up.

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Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm dating a man that has three

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Speaker 1: children by an ex girlfriend that he never married. Every

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Speaker 1: summer he takes his children on a family vacation. We've

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Speaker 1: been together for three years, so I asked, why hasn't

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Speaker 1: he invited me to join him on one of the vacations.

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Speaker 1: He said, it's all about the kids, and he would

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Speaker 1: take me on a quick vacation when he got back.

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Speaker 1: This man has the money and the time to go

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Speaker 1: anywhere he wants to, but he hasn't taken me anywhere.

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Speaker 1: In the midst of me being mad at him, he

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Speaker 1: asked me to take his thirteen year old daughter to

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Speaker 1: her eye appointment, and I love her, so I did

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Speaker 1: it for him. After the appointment, she wanted to get

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Speaker 1: a swimsuit, so we went by the mall. She was

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Speaker 1: looking for a specific suit, so we searched the store

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Speaker 1: until we found it. She was texting someone the whole

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Speaker 1: time we were in the store, and when she went

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Speaker 1: to try her swimsuit on, she left her phone with me.

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Speaker 1: A text popped up from her mom, so I read it.

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Speaker 1: Her mom said that she is glad that we found

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Speaker 1: the suit so they could be twins on the trip.

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Speaker 1: I asked the child if her mom was going on

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Speaker 1: the trip with her and her father, and she said yes.

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Speaker 1: She said her mom goes on vacation with them every summer.

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Speaker 1: I managed to hold myself together until I got to

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend and he said it's no big deal and

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Speaker 1: he's not attracted to his ex. I told him that

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Speaker 1: if she goes, I'm going. He said I can't go,

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Speaker 1: and that's that. I told him I'm planning a trip

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Speaker 1: to Jamaica and he's paying for it since he hurt me.

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Speaker 1: He said he's not playing this game with me. He

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Speaker 1: needs to put up or shut up because he messed up.

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Speaker 1: He's making me feel like a side chick. Is it

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Speaker 1: normal for a man to go on vacation with his

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Speaker 1: ex for the sake of the children? Could I be overreacting?

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Speaker 1: You know? And to that, I say, please, don't second

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Speaker 1: guess yourself. Your feelings are valid and it's okay because

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Speaker 1: you should feel some kind of way with this. He

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Speaker 1: never told you this before. He's keeping secrets. You didn't

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Speaker 1: know his ex was going and he didn't tell you.

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Speaker 1: I mean, if they're not doing anything, or if it's

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Speaker 1: all about the kids, like he says, why didn't he

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Speaker 1: tell you? And why isn't he taking you with them?

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Speaker 1: What's the big secret? I mean, if this is right

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Speaker 1: here though, is for you? Why have you been putting

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Speaker 1: up with this for three years? I mean this goes

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Speaker 1: down every single summer and the wife, according to her daughter,

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Speaker 1: goes with them all the time. No, you shouldn't be

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Speaker 1: going with him or doing something as equally as fun.

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Speaker 1: Why don't you do something equally as fun with your girlfriends?

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Speaker 1: If he says you can't go, I mean, it's not

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Speaker 1: like you don't get along with the kids. You just

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Speaker 1: hung out with the daughter, so you're good enough to

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Speaker 1: do that hanging out with the daughter and helping her

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Speaker 1: shop and all of that, but not good enough to

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Speaker 1: go on a trip with them. I mean, I don't

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Speaker 1: think this is okay. It's good you're putting your foot

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Speaker 1: down now and you see his response which is very

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Speaker 1: inconsiderate of how you feel. So now it's up to

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Speaker 1: you to decide if you want to continue in this relationship.

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Speaker 1: I mean, do you want three more years of this?

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Speaker 1: That's the question you should be asking yourself, Tommy, I

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Speaker 1: got no jokes today.

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Speaker 2: Today is you know what you need to actually get out?

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Speaker 2: You need to get out of this relationship. Yeah, because

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Speaker 2: he has no respect for you whatsoever. This has been

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Speaker 2: going on for a long period of time. You've never

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Speaker 2: been When we talk about having a vacation for.

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Speaker 1: You, how is it worded a quick vacation?

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean? So you're not looked at

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Speaker 2: as someone that's You're not important to him at all. Right,

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Speaker 2: you are not important to him. He does not care.

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Speaker 2: And once again, I'm not playing this game now. I

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Speaker 2: don't think you should be playing this game with him either,

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Speaker 2: you know, put up or shut up, because you messed

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Speaker 2: up all of this. No, what you need to be

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Speaker 2: doing is trying. You want your man to respect you.

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Speaker 2: You want your man to be making sure that he

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Speaker 2: takes care of you the way he's taking care of

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Speaker 2: everybody else, because it seems like you are just whenever

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Speaker 2: he gets to you, he'll get to you.

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Speaker 3: That's it, you know.

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Speaker 1: What I mean.

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Speaker 2: So you're an afterthought.

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Speaker 1: You are not.

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Speaker 2: You are not somebody that he's like, I want to

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Speaker 2: make sure my girl is straight, blah blah blah blah blah.

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Speaker 2: He's not doing that with you. And you know you

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Speaker 2: got me and my ready to love mode right now.

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Speaker 2: He is not ready to love you the right way,

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Speaker 2: all right, sister, So you need to step off and say,

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Speaker 2: you know what, listen this, evidently you got some other

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Speaker 2: things that's more important to you than me. So let

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Speaker 2: me remove myself from this relationship. Let me find somebody

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Speaker 2: who's gonna love me the way I want to be loved.

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Speaker 2: Let me find somebody's gonna take me on vacations every

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Speaker 2: year and and we're gonna have us a good time

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Speaker 2: and I'm going to be important ten to them, But

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Speaker 2: to you, I'm not important. This is why you look

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Speaker 2: a man. And if you tell them exactly what you're

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Speaker 2: not gonna tolerate and step out of it. Leave ye

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Speaker 2: believe Now, if I was gonna be stupid, then do

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Speaker 2: some time and stuff, then I tell you to go

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Speaker 2: back to that go back to that stove and get

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Speaker 2: that same swift suit and would show up. So now

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Speaker 2: the three of y'all got it on and popping up

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Speaker 2: and there at the vacation baby, roll out there and

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Speaker 2: find out when they're gonna wear it, and when you

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Speaker 2: roll out and have the same thing on, and go

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Speaker 2: over there and take a picture of just the three

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Speaker 2: of y'all with the same for him suit. If I

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Speaker 2: was gonna be Tommy, but I was being Thomas. You you

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Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. There's a difference between Steve.

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Speaker 1: She should be going with him or doing something fun

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Speaker 1: of her own with her girls. That's right, all right, Junior,

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Speaker 1: Let's start your inswer off and then I'm sure we'll

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Speaker 1: have to finish it after the break.

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Speaker 4: But what you got, yeah, I'm tell you right now,

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Speaker 4: I don't know what y'all talking about. You got see, see,

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Speaker 4: I don't playing no trips. He got all the money

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Speaker 4: he making the trips. So what you need to do

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Speaker 4: is worry about your trip.

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Speaker 1: Uh huh.

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Speaker 4: Quit worry about everybody where they going, what they're doing.

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Speaker 4: Worry about the ones Jamaica. See you over here worried

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Speaker 4: about him going with his kids and his ex his

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Speaker 4: ex girlfriend on a trip, Well, worry about yours, because

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Speaker 4: you're going to Jamaica. It's less people on your trip.

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Speaker 4: Look at the blessing. Look at the blessing. Look at

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Speaker 4: the blessing. Because less people, it's just you and him

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Speaker 4: on your trip. Right See, see, ain't no kids on

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Speaker 4: your trip. You over here worried about him taking his kids.

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Speaker 4: At least he tried to be a father, and y'all

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Speaker 4: gonna dog him for that.

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Speaker 3: Now you worry about who are going?

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Speaker 4: What he trying to be a father, or y'all gonna

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Speaker 4: log him for who he taking on the trip with

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Speaker 4: the kids?

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Speaker 3: He got, all three of his kids he got. Hang

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Speaker 3: I ain't want to hang on hang out.

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Speaker 1: But that Part two of our response to the Strawberry

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Speaker 1: letter for Today at twenty three minutes after the subject

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Speaker 1: is put up her shut up because you're messed up.

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Speaker 1: We'll get it back into it right after this. You're

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Speaker 1: listening Morning show, all right, we're gonna recap today's Strawberry letter.

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Speaker 1: The subject is put up her shut up because you're

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Speaker 1: messed up. A young lady wrote in she's been dating

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Speaker 1: a man for three years. He has three children and

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Speaker 1: an ex girlfriend that he never married. So every summer

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Speaker 1: they've been going on a trip together, him, the ex girlfriend,

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Speaker 1: and the three kids, and he never takes his current girlfriend,

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Speaker 1: although she says he can certainly afford it and all

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Speaker 1: of that to send her anywhere she wants to go.

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Speaker 1: He says that he will take her on a quick

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Speaker 1: trip after they get back, and he says it's all

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Speaker 1: about the kids, but she can't go, So the young

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Speaker 1: lady is upset. She's saying when she confronted him with it,

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Speaker 1: he said he's not playing this game with her, and

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Speaker 1: she's saying he needs to put up her shut up

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Speaker 1: because he messed up there. The title came from that.

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Speaker 1: She said he's making her feel like the side chick,

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Speaker 1: and she wants to know is it normal for a

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Speaker 1: man to go on vacation with his ex for the

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Speaker 1: sake of his children and could she be overreacting? Tommy

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Speaker 1: and I said no, Junior said, what.

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Speaker 3: Your trip? Okay?

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Speaker 4: Now? You worried about the wrong trip. Finally a black

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Speaker 4: man taking his children on vacation. You worry about who

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Speaker 4: are all going. Finally we get a black man doing something

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Speaker 4: for his children, and he all of a sudden, you

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Speaker 4: worried about who going on the trip. He told you

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Speaker 4: he gonna take you to Jamaica. Worried about your trip? Okay,

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Speaker 4: now it's been three years they be going on the trip.

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Speaker 3: That's three years.

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Speaker 4: There's three trips and it's three without you. You about

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Speaker 4: to make it four years. You about to make a four.

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Speaker 4: Now you're gonna sit up here and ask that man daughter,

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Speaker 4: is your mama going on the trip? And the Bible

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Speaker 4: says out of the mouths of children, the truth will come.

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Speaker 4: And she said yes, did you?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Just yes, is your mama going? That little child, thirteen

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Speaker 3: year old girl said yes. She didn't lie to you.

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Speaker 4: Everybody know they going on the trip. But you worried

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Speaker 4: about the wrong trip. You going to Jamaica. It's less

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Speaker 4: people on your trip.

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Speaker 1: But why can't you can't go taking her?

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Speaker 3: Why the man? Why are you worry about the girl

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Speaker 3: ex girlfriend going on trips?

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Speaker 1: Here?

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Speaker 3: The man taking the three kids? About his children?

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Speaker 4: Already talking about black men, don't do this black men. Finally,

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Speaker 4: we got a black man that rolled in on the letter.

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Speaker 4: We finally taking his three kids on the trip. My

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Speaker 4: daddy to take my ants on trips. That's why flout.

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Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, my.

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Speaker 4: Daddy didn't take them this many damn trips. But that

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Speaker 4: tip me didn't world one time.

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Speaker 3: We have another. We have another family vacation ever ever.

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Speaker 4: Now we got a black man taking kids on trips

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Speaker 4: three years in a row, three years he should be

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Speaker 4: kids been going, and you worry about you ain't going

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Speaker 4: on the trip.

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Speaker 3: Let me tell you something. The man said he't gonna

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Speaker 3: take the Jamaica. Worry about Jamaica.

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Speaker 4: Go on every language together, she says, anywhere, buma clade,

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Speaker 4: get all your stuff together because you're going to Jamaica.

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Speaker 3: You worry about the wrong trip.

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Speaker 1: Your your dad never taking you.

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Speaker 4: But we got a black man doing it, and you

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Speaker 4: worry about who are all going? The ex girlfriend going.

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Speaker 4: He had the babies with the ex girlfriend. Somebody gotta

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Speaker 4: watch these kids. It's three of them. You need two parents.

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Speaker 4: You need two parents, You need a mama there. This

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Speaker 4: is something he even doing. He already paying for it.

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Speaker 4: Now the man said when he get back, he gonna

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Speaker 4: take you to Jamaica.

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Speaker 3: You're still mad. I can't believe this. Y'all will see this.

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Speaker 4: I can't believe y'all met this black man for being

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Speaker 4: a daddy, for being a daddy, and y'all gonna just

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Speaker 4: knock him for who are.

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Speaker 3: All going to?

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Speaker 4: Well? Well, if he take his ex girlfriend and her

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Speaker 4: mother on the trip, why as you were you going

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Speaker 4: to Jamaica?

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Speaker 1: But he but he said even take her on a

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Speaker 1: quick ship and she said they haven't been anywhere.

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Speaker 3: He didn't take her any other issues.

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Speaker 4: You gotta find a sweeps to for Jamaica, and you

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Speaker 4: need to get your passport because you you ain't got one, appearty,

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Speaker 4: because you ain't been nowhere.

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Speaker 2: Like she's a priority, is a priority, just not on

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Speaker 2: the kids vacation.

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Speaker 3: Y'all don't see this. It's three kids, Okay.

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Speaker 2: Is he in the same room on vacation with the kids?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, now he's not.

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Speaker 4: If you're in the same room all five of them

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Speaker 4: in there, so so with then the mom and the

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Speaker 4: dad are going to be sleeping in the same batter

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Speaker 4: or if she's what what how are you.

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Speaker 3: Going all five of them in the same bed.

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Speaker 1: They're not.

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Speaker 3: You got two rooms, he got and they share room.

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Speaker 2: They joining room.

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Speaker 4: They got to join the room. But once again y'all

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Speaker 4: knocking a black man for being a cab. I don't

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Speaker 4: see how y'all don't see this. Y'all worry about what

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Speaker 4: he's sleeping at. Now see now going.

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Speaker 3: With a trip with other woman, That's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: Worry about your trip, Junior. I'm sorry you didn't get

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Speaker 1: to go on family is.

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Speaker 3: Because I want him to be my dad. I want

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Speaker 3: to go on the trip to bad Me and the

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Speaker 3: three kids. We're all going on this trip.

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Speaker 2: So this is about you not having the childhood.

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Speaker 4: Yes, it's all this about time this man being a daddy.

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Speaker 4: Now denly drove us to Orlando, Florida from Houston one time.

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Speaker 4: We don't win nowhere else Now he needed for three years,

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Speaker 4: three years.

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Speaker 1: Man, he's about to cry.

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Speaker 4: I can't believe this man's being a daddy and y'all

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Speaker 4: knocking hi because y'all worry about whos going on the trip.

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Speaker 3: Black man can't win. Black man can't win.

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Speaker 2: No man.

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Speaker 4: We already gotta fight the white man out here, and

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Speaker 4: now he even we can't even go on vak.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, how y'all.

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Speaker 4: Gonna not He he's got a girl friend, and he

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Speaker 4: got three kids and an ex and he.

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Speaker 3: Being a daddy, and y'all is mad at him. You

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Speaker 3: know what I say.

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Speaker 4: I know about this man. He does He show up

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Speaker 4: for PTA meetings. This man is a great man, and

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Speaker 4: y'all are knocking him because.

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Speaker 3: You ain't on the trip.

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Speaker 4: Worry about Jamaica Man.

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Speaker 1: Instagram and Steve Party at them to comment on today's

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter. You can also check out the Strawberry Letter

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Speaker 1: podcast on the free iHeartRadio app. Coming up next, juning

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Speaker 1: you all right, let's talk with you. You're listening Dave

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Speaker 1: Harvey Morning Show