1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:14,080 Speaker 1: Disgraceland is a production of Double Elvis. The stories about 2 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,599 Speaker 1: Lil p are insane. He died at the age of 3 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:21,480 Speaker 1: twenty one, the victim of an overdose that's still mysterious. 4 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 1: He sometimes suffered from crippling anxiety and depression, but bared 5 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 1: his soul on stage and online to millions of fans 6 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:33,479 Speaker 1: who felt a deep empathetic connection to him. He self 7 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:37,279 Speaker 1: medicated daily with a pharmacy sized array of street procured 8 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,479 Speaker 1: prescription meds and illicit drugs. 9 00:00:40,159 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 2: He was a once in a. 10 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:44,960 Speaker 1: Generation type voice, poised to become one of the mainstream's 11 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:49,040 Speaker 1: biggest success stories, but whose life was senselessly cut short. 12 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:54,120 Speaker 1: And of course he made great music, unlike that music 13 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:56,480 Speaker 1: you heard at the top of the show. That wasn't 14 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: great music. That was a preset loop from my mellow 15 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:05,520 Speaker 1: trump called Koxtras Sazo MK one. I played you that 16 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,320 Speaker 1: loop because I can't afford the rights to rock Star 17 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:11,600 Speaker 1: by post Malone. And why would I play you that 18 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:15,880 Speaker 1: specific slice of savage Neudi suit Cheese. Could I afford it? 19 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 1: Because that was the number one song in America on 20 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 1: November fifteenth, twenty seventeen, And that was the day Little 21 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:28,759 Speaker 1: Pete made his final Instagram post, an eerie post filled 22 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:32,839 Speaker 1: with anxiety and depression and foreshadowing his death that would 23 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:37,840 Speaker 1: come only a few short hours later. On this episode 24 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:43,440 Speaker 1: Crippling Anxiety, diy Emo, Grime, too Much, Xanax, and Little Pete. 25 00:01:44,280 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 1: I'm Jake Brennan and this is disgrace Land given out 26 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,680 Speaker 1: close it was to showtime. Some friends grabbed video of 27 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,920 Speaker 1: and passed out in the back of the tour bus 28 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 1: for their instant stories as a joke. Little did the 29 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 1: friends know Little Peep wasn't passed out, he was dead. 30 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 2: The news was. 31 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 1: Hard to contain from Peep's road crew to friends and 32 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 1: show openers. Various members of Gothboy Click to fans packed 33 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:39,640 Speaker 1: inside the Rock Nightclub in Tucson, Arizona, impatiently awaiting for 34 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:45,360 Speaker 1: their beloved Little Peep to hit the stage, but nobody 35 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 1: wanted to admit to themselves or to the fans that 36 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:51,519 Speaker 1: it was real. Goth Boy Click group member Horsehead went 37 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 1: on stage, likely he was in shock, and performed a 38 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:58,240 Speaker 1: couple songs to keep the restless fans entertained, but the 39 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 1: energy was getting rowdy for us, and footage of the 40 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 1: unconscious Peep on his tour bus was already making the 41 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:08,120 Speaker 1: rounds on social media. People began to wander outside to 42 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:11,760 Speaker 1: see what was really going on inside the tour bus. 43 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,160 Speaker 1: Peep's tour manager was on the phone with nine to 44 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,640 Speaker 1: one one, while members of the row crew laid Peep 45 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:22,040 Speaker 1: out on the ground and administered CPR. Nothing Through the windows, 46 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,960 Speaker 1: they could see the crowd gathering, holding up phones desperate 47 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,960 Speaker 1: to get a glimpse inside. The dispatcher on the nine 48 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:33,000 Speaker 1: to one one call insisted the EMTs were on their way. Outside, 49 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: waves of fans crushed up against the sides of the bus. 50 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: The bus began to rock, and then the paramedics arrived, 51 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 1: the lights the sirens on full blast. They added to 52 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 1: the growing chaos of the scene by forcing their way 53 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:48,360 Speaker 1: through the agitated crowd gathered outside the bus. The arrival 54 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:51,840 Speaker 1: of the paramedics and their ambulance made it real. Fans 55 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:55,720 Speaker 1: started crying, wailing, people yelled, people talked, shit, fights broke 56 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,440 Speaker 1: out quick flash street brawls that no one bothered to 57 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 1: break up. Paramedics reached the door to the bus climbed 58 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:06,800 Speaker 1: up inside. Not too long after, out came little Peepe 59 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:11,120 Speaker 1: on his back on a gurney and the crowd lost 60 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,640 Speaker 1: their shit pandemonium. 61 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,159 Speaker 2: They rocked the bus some more. 62 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: They trashed the parking lot, raged in the streets. Their 63 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:26,280 Speaker 1: boy was dead. Little Peep's connection with fans, his very 64 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:30,000 Speaker 1: real empathy as an artist, combined with his undeniable charisma 65 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 1: and talent, proved that it was not just music journalism 66 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,359 Speaker 1: hyperbole to say that he was on his way to 67 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 1: becoming his generation's Kurt Cobain. 68 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:38,960 Speaker 2: He truly was. 69 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,919 Speaker 1: From a young age in Long Beach, New York, Little Peep, 70 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:47,479 Speaker 1: born Gustave Elijah h was obsessed with music. He wasn't 71 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 1: like most kids. Despite his obvious good looks and easy 72 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,600 Speaker 1: going nature, he did not fit in, so he turned inward. 73 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:57,480 Speaker 1: He got lost in the music pop, punk, blank on 74 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 1: two Green Day, A Good Charlotte, Emo, Mineral and Jawbreaker, 75 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 1: classics like Oasis, Nirvana, the Beatles, and of course hip 76 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:09,839 Speaker 1: hop Kanye, Kanye and more Kanye. It all sounded great, 77 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:14,440 Speaker 1: especially stoned. Everything sounded better well high. The beats were better, 78 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,039 Speaker 1: the screams more guttural than the melodies, even from the 79 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 1: most melancholic emo troubadours were somehow even more sad. I 80 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:29,040 Speaker 1: always hated the term emo as in emo music, because well, 81 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:33,080 Speaker 1: all music is emo, right, Isn't all music emotional? To me? 82 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,239 Speaker 1: Slayer is just as emotional as sunny day real Estate. 83 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:39,720 Speaker 1: It's just clearly a different type of emotion being expressed. 84 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,760 Speaker 1: But regardless, the term emo took root as an easy 85 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,520 Speaker 1: way for hardcore kids to describe a particular type of 86 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:51,159 Speaker 1: hardcore music that's sprung from Washington, DC, with Ima Kai's 87 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:55,360 Speaker 1: post Minor Threat, pre Fugazi outfit Embrace, and future Fugazi 88 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 1: member Gie Picachado's band Writes of Spring. After those bands, 89 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,520 Speaker 1: a younger crop of hardcore kids traded in their Jordans 90 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 1: and Champion sweatshirts for Chuck Taylor's and Argyle sweaters, augmented 91 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:10,760 Speaker 1: their power chords with fifth notes, and started singing about girls. 92 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:12,760 Speaker 1: As my six year. 93 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:16,039 Speaker 2: Old would say, yew. 94 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 1: Singing about girls anytime after g I don't know, the 95 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:24,000 Speaker 1: year eighteen fifty five doesn't sound like anything groundbreaking, but 96 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:27,599 Speaker 1: trust me. In Cambridge, Massachusetts, upstairs at the Middle East 97 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,960 Speaker 1: in nineteen ninety six, in the middle of what had 98 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,120 Speaker 1: becomes somewhat of a closed minded scene, the hardcore scene 99 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,520 Speaker 1: singing about love, be it lost, found, whatever it was, 100 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:41,039 Speaker 1: damn near revolutionary. I'm exaggerating, but only slightly. Bands like 101 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: Jay June Texas is the reason Piebald, Promise, Ring and 102 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 1: Rye Coalition. We're building off of what embraced and Rites 103 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 1: of Spring it started a decade earlier and laying the 104 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:54,400 Speaker 1: groundwork for the coming two thousands Emo explosion, with bands 105 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 1: like Dashboard Confessional, Jimmy Eat World, and Panic at the 106 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:04,239 Speaker 1: Disco actually conquering mainstream charts, which was how EMO found 107 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:07,440 Speaker 1: its way to Little Peep in suburban New York. As 108 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,880 Speaker 1: a young, alienated son of divorced parents, he was taken 109 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 1: by it, and as Emo was a close cousin of hardcore, 110 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,880 Speaker 1: it was imbued with the same diy spirit, and this 111 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: spirit was not lost on Little Peep in twenty fourteen, 112 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 1: but instead of Kinko's copied fanzines and mail order distro networks, 113 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,960 Speaker 1: Little Peep used the tools available to him and began 114 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,960 Speaker 1: uploading the tracks he was breaking off in his childhood 115 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:34,880 Speaker 1: bedroom to SoundCloud and promoting them on Instagram. An audience 116 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:38,440 Speaker 1: quickly developed. The music he created made his new fans 117 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,000 Speaker 1: feel less alone, just as the act of making the 118 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:44,040 Speaker 1: music made Peep feel like less of a small town freak. 119 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 1: It was a genuine connection, a strong bond that helped 120 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,440 Speaker 1: him cope with the world outside his bedroom walls and 121 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: with his own anxiety. The morning ritual wrenched his nerves. 122 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:01,600 Speaker 1: Peep's teenage alienation, his low self este his extreme anxiety 123 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:04,160 Speaker 1: about what his fellow students and what his teachers thought 124 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 1: of him was so intense that most mornings before school 125 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:14,680 Speaker 1: he'd find himself in his bathroom vomiting violently. The weed helped, 126 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,840 Speaker 1: it calmed him down, and so did the xanax, and 127 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,600 Speaker 1: of course so did the music. But no amount of 128 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 1: self medicating and sad melodies could really curb the anxiety. 129 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,560 Speaker 1: If peepe was going to truly deal, he needed an 130 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 1: outer shell, a strong sense of self armor. So he 131 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 1: got a face tattoo at the age of seventeen, a 132 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 1: broken heart underneath. 133 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 2: His left eye. 134 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,800 Speaker 1: It was official, as if it wasn't before, to most 135 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,400 Speaker 1: of his teachers, to most locals in Long Beach, New York, 136 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:45,920 Speaker 1: gus Are, who was now going by the hip hop 137 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:50,439 Speaker 1: name Lil Peep, was lost to them, and for Little Peep, 138 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 1: with a growing online fan base for his unique meld 139 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:56,240 Speaker 1: of hip hop and emo, it was clear as day. 140 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,120 Speaker 1: At the age of seventeen, it was time for him 141 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:28,599 Speaker 1: to get lost to head West manifest destiny. It was 142 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:32,240 Speaker 1: a depressed section of Tucson, but in this particular neighborhood, 143 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,319 Speaker 1: residents still had their pride. The rumors about what went 144 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,560 Speaker 1: on in that house were unsettling, and at first it 145 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,120 Speaker 1: was believed that it was an illegal tattoo parlor, But 146 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 1: after time a darker rumor set in. Kids in transient 147 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 1: looking young adults didn't spend the only money they had 148 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:52,200 Speaker 1: on body ache. These visitors to the house looked desperate 149 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:56,719 Speaker 1: not to mention Haggard beyond compare and that smell. It's 150 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,439 Speaker 1: up with that smell. It bled out of the house 151 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,080 Speaker 1: at night, and by morning the whole street was covered 152 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 1: in that rotting chemical stench, like someone took the worst 153 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:08,480 Speaker 1: parts of a hospital smell and tried dousing it in vinegar. 154 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:13,199 Speaker 1: The trash was piling up outside. The windows were blackened, 155 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:17,080 Speaker 1: mostly with dark curtains. Some were even painted black. It 156 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 1: had been months since the house's owners had been seen, 157 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:24,200 Speaker 1: but still visitors came and went at all hours. Someone 158 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 1: called the cops, and the cops were not stupid. They 159 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,079 Speaker 1: rolled up with the fire department. It was late past 160 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:34,199 Speaker 1: midnight early morning hours. As the first cruiser made its 161 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,400 Speaker 1: way down the street, a young man in the front 162 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 1: yard on his cellphone took note and then sprinted into 163 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:43,360 Speaker 1: the house. The cop floored it through the house's front 164 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 1: yard window. What little light was visible through the crack, 165 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:49,360 Speaker 1: and the curtain quickly went out. That first cop on 166 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 1: the scene slowly got out of his cruiser, and the 167 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:55,160 Speaker 1: smell was overpower. He wondered where the hell the fire 168 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:58,719 Speaker 1: department was. He took his binoculars and peered through them 169 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,480 Speaker 1: across the front yard, trying to steal a glimpse into 170 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:06,120 Speaker 1: the house blackness. He could either see nor hear anything. 171 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,880 Speaker 1: There was only that smell. If fear had a scent, 172 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,319 Speaker 1: this was it. There through the crack in the window, 173 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:23,120 Speaker 1: he spied a small flash of light and then The 174 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:26,240 Speaker 1: CDC estimates that there are over one thousand meth lab 175 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:31,200 Speaker 1: related quote unquote incidents per year, incidents ranging in intensity 176 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:34,520 Speaker 1: from full on explosions like this one to milder events 177 00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 1: where a crazed meth head gets sloppy and merely lights 178 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,800 Speaker 1: his face on fire. This explosion was big, but not 179 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,120 Speaker 1: completely destructive. 180 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:43,840 Speaker 2: The house was salvage. 181 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,480 Speaker 1: Structurally, at least it would require extensive renovations for it 182 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,319 Speaker 1: to be truly inhabitable again, but the squatters didn't care 183 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,120 Speaker 1: so long as the four walls and ceiling were there 184 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,960 Speaker 1: and the windows could be boarded up at least, so 185 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 1: after a while they moved in. The squatters weren't your 186 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:02,680 Speaker 1: typical homeless. They were young kids, teenagers and young adults, 187 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,280 Speaker 1: not at all hippies, but living off the grid in 188 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:07,720 Speaker 1: their own way. At one time they would have been 189 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,160 Speaker 1: referred to as crusspunks, but in twenty sixteen that Monica 190 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,920 Speaker 1: wouldn't do. These kids weren't motivated by blast beats and 191 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:19,719 Speaker 1: revolutionary politics. For them, it was trap beats and sad singalongs. 192 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 1: Not to mention drugs, not meth per se, but weed, coke, xanax, perks, ecstasy, 193 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:29,280 Speaker 1: most pharmaceuticals you can name. And their sense of fashion 194 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:33,160 Speaker 1: was similar to crusspunks, though tight ripped jeans and t shirts, 195 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:37,960 Speaker 1: handmade patches, safety pinned on everywhere, tattered plaids with suspenders, leathers, 196 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:42,560 Speaker 1: denim all dirty, filthy actually tattered dyed hair dreads, shaved heads, 197 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:44,520 Speaker 1: and of course based tattoos. 198 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 2: The Mangi pitbull on a. 199 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,240 Speaker 1: Rope as an accessory was replaced by the odd piece 200 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:53,480 Speaker 1: of ostentatious jewelry procured god knows how likely via theft, 201 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:56,920 Speaker 1: or by preying on Mommy and Daddy's generosity a better judgment, 202 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 1: a not so subtle nod to their love of hip hop. 203 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:06,000 Speaker 1: Little Peepe had found his people. The blown out husk 204 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,840 Speaker 1: of a meth house had no stage. He performed in 205 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,120 Speaker 1: the middle of the crowd, and they danced on the 206 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 1: dirt floor, piled layers of bandstickers on the scorched walls, 207 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,400 Speaker 1: And when Pete performed his latest track, beamer BOYD, which 208 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:22,160 Speaker 1: had just dropped, everybody sang along all around him, drowning. 209 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,360 Speaker 2: Up the site's shitty little Pa. 210 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:27,160 Speaker 1: And these kids, this new generation of punk slash emo 211 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:30,600 Speaker 1: slash hip hop styled kids, had coalesced through this new 212 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,480 Speaker 1: hybrid of music. They loved, and they were all united 213 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 1: among the meth house ruins, by him, by his music. 214 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:42,080 Speaker 1: The experience in Tucson compelled Little Peepe further west. An 215 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 1: LA rapper named Jay Green was at the show. Pepe 216 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,320 Speaker 1: had already met him over the internet on an invite 217 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:48,400 Speaker 1: to collaborate with him. 218 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,199 Speaker 2: Pepe set out for Los Angeles. 219 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:54,880 Speaker 1: The collaboration with Jay Green, called Schema Posse, lasted a 220 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:58,160 Speaker 1: few months, but Pepe bounced around La, left the group, 221 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,960 Speaker 1: and wound up crashing in a barren lae in downtown 222 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:05,320 Speaker 1: La skid row. The loft was a squalid warehouse space 223 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,800 Speaker 1: with a rotating crew of squatters crashing on couches and floors, 224 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,800 Speaker 1: beds for the regulars, stashed in corners, tense cities, wreaking 225 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,679 Speaker 1: of human piss and shit stretched down the strip. 226 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,280 Speaker 2: In both directions. 227 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:19,120 Speaker 1: Right outside the door and to the folks back home, 228 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:22,000 Speaker 1: who remembered him as Gus little Pete may as well 229 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:26,320 Speaker 1: have been homeless. But inside the loft it was a 230 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:30,360 Speaker 1: creative hothouse, a sardine can of artists collaborating on track 231 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,760 Speaker 1: after track, performing shows in the warehouse, going all the 232 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:37,000 Speaker 1: time and going hard. And these were Peeps people too, 233 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:41,000 Speaker 1: so much like the kids at the Tucson show. Even 234 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,520 Speaker 1: as he was blowing up as a solo act, Peep 235 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:46,800 Speaker 1: joined up with a group of like minded rappers and producers, 236 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: a hive known as Gothboy Click. Together they formed a 237 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:55,960 Speaker 1: Wu Tang clan type of collective for the SoundCloud Age, Coldheart, Doves, Fishnark, 238 00:14:55,960 --> 00:15:00,400 Speaker 1: Corsehad JP Dream Thug, Lil Tracy McNett, Wick Aface Spring's 239 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 1: Eternal Yawns, and Lower Peep Low Peep's mixtape cry Baby 240 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 1: featuring goth Boy Click or the GBC as it was called, 241 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:12,280 Speaker 1: was blowing up SoundCloud. Wrap had officially made an end round. 242 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,440 Speaker 2: Around the traditional record industry. 243 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:18,720 Speaker 1: Fueling constant underground collaboration in single releases from young emerging 244 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:22,800 Speaker 1: artists non stop, and the industry was racing to catch up, 245 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,920 Speaker 1: and Peepe was getting legit management and label interests. 246 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,480 Speaker 2: Gothboy Click was drafting in his. 247 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 1: Wake, but the reek of the human waste from the 248 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,960 Speaker 1: windows never let up. Everyone in the loft shared a bathroom. 249 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 1: The inability to find a moment's peace and quiet to 250 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 1: himself and the creative hive built up the pressure. 251 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,600 Speaker 2: He felt like he was being pulled in. 252 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:47,240 Speaker 1: Two directions at once, into outer space and stardom and 253 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,920 Speaker 1: crashing hard down to Earth. 254 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:52,280 Speaker 2: Alone. 255 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 1: At nine, on his mattress in the corner, listening to 256 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 1: bombs fight outside, Pepe read letters from his grandpa, who 257 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,800 Speaker 1: he called Packac. Pack Ak had always been his real 258 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,960 Speaker 1: father figure, not like his birth dad, who abandoned him 259 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,480 Speaker 1: during junior high right when any boy enters his hard years. 260 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,000 Speaker 1: Pack Ak was a warm soul and a man of letters, 261 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 1: and when he wrote to Peep, it brought him strength 262 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,120 Speaker 1: and comfort. But Peepe didn't know what to do now. 263 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 1: Pack Ak and his mother had always raised Peep to 264 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,840 Speaker 1: believe deeply in equality and respect for all people, and 265 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:26,120 Speaker 1: in his own way, Peep was trying to honor those 266 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 1: values with his lifestyle and creative choices, living communally and 267 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 1: sticking with goth boy Click, even as his own start 268 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 1: him eclipsed them. But Pepe had new managers in his 269 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,280 Speaker 1: ear telling him he should strike out on his own. 270 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 1: He wondered if he'd still be forced to wake up 271 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,040 Speaker 1: to the smell of human shit if he struck out. 272 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 2: On his own. 273 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,160 Speaker 1: Everything was modeled. Everything was happening way too fast, but 274 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:52,320 Speaker 1: somehow not fast enough. Torn between loyalty to his underground 275 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 1: friends versus reaching his creative and financial potential. 276 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 2: Peop would go nocturnal, rip. 277 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,480 Speaker 1: Bowl after bowl of weed pop zennies, and sit with 278 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 1: a pit of insecurity and anxiety in his gut. He 279 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:11,920 Speaker 1: felt guilty at the thought of letting anyone down. Some 280 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,360 Speaker 1: people swear by the healing power of getting tattooed, and. 281 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:16,200 Speaker 2: I'm one of them. 282 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:20,320 Speaker 1: Despite the discomfort, getting tattooed can be oddly soothing. There's 283 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,480 Speaker 1: something that happens after you settle into the pain of 284 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:26,520 Speaker 1: a gazillion tiny needles piercing into your skin. That pain, 285 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:30,439 Speaker 1: that sound, your body's pain killing indorphins barreling through your 286 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:35,679 Speaker 1: bloodstream and attack. You feel, in a word, high, but 287 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,400 Speaker 1: in the best possible way, chilled out, without the chemical 288 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:43,959 Speaker 1: mind fuck or physical sickness. There is a course, an 289 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,879 Speaker 1: emotional aspect to getting tattooed as well. It goes without saying, 290 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:51,159 Speaker 1: but it's worth mentioning that for centuries, tattoos have marked 291 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:55,879 Speaker 1: significant moments in their beholders' lives, emotional inflection points, deaths, 292 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 1: to get over, bursts to celebrate, drunken knights. Until Juan, 293 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:04,760 Speaker 1: at the point, Little Peep was twenty miles north of Tijuana. 294 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:08,119 Speaker 1: At the moment, in San Diego in a cops garage, 295 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:12,199 Speaker 1: the cop was tattooing Peep illegally again on his face 296 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 1: with the broken heart tattoo he had linked on his 297 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,720 Speaker 1: mug three years ago. It didn't do the trick then, 298 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 1: this one definitely would It was huge. It cut across 299 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 1: the entire right side of his upper face in curse 300 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:28,240 Speaker 1: of the word cry Baby. It said a lot of things, 301 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,800 Speaker 1: cry Baby being his breakout mixtape. The tattoo said that 302 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,920 Speaker 1: he was committed to his music. The tattoo also said 303 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,040 Speaker 1: he was a different kind of rapper, emotional and unafraid 304 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:41,439 Speaker 1: to let anyone know. And perhaps most importantly, the massive 305 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:44,280 Speaker 1: tattoo across his face said to the straight world, to 306 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:48,160 Speaker 1: the parents, the teachers, the cops, present company excluded, of course, 307 00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:51,760 Speaker 1: and perhaps even to the members of GBC. That tattoo 308 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:55,680 Speaker 1: said one very important thing for little Pete. It said, 309 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,520 Speaker 1: fuck off, We'll be right back. 310 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:01,920 Speaker 3: We're We're. 311 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 1: The back piece tattoo was an even more explicit declaration 312 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,720 Speaker 1: than the cry Baby piece on his face. If we're 313 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:19,960 Speaker 1: not conscious or extremely lucky or blessed, inevitably we all 314 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:23,119 Speaker 1: suffer in this world, and if we're fortunate, we find 315 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 1: ways to deal. Dealing was not little peep strong suit. 316 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,320 Speaker 1: His new back tattoo would be his way of dealing. 317 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,400 Speaker 1: It would also be his answer to every guidance counselor 318 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,680 Speaker 1: coach or doubter, or whoever asked him what he wanted 319 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 1: to do with his life, the pressures of his growing career, 320 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,240 Speaker 1: what to do, who to do it with, when to 321 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,040 Speaker 1: do it, where to go, who to take care of? 322 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 1: Who to care about? For a twenty year old kid 323 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 1: with a fast growing celebrity and bank account, who came 324 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,720 Speaker 1: from a solid workingsh middle class family, who is now 325 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,760 Speaker 1: in the position to take care of his friends, if 326 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,080 Speaker 1: not his family, all of it was way too much 327 00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:59,040 Speaker 1: for especially when coupled with his anxiety disorder and depression 328 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,280 Speaker 1: not to men, and while he was self medicating, ingesting 329 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:05,960 Speaker 1: a steady diet of back alli antidepressants, blow and weed 330 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:11,320 Speaker 1: and massive quantities around the clock. But as usual, there 331 00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:14,800 Speaker 1: was solace in the soothing buzz of the gun exit 332 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:18,680 Speaker 1: life in massive old English lettering across the upper third 333 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,959 Speaker 1: of his back, and in big bold black, as if 334 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 1: to make no mistake, he was not long for this world, 335 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:32,880 Speaker 1: not with these pressures, not with this pain. Kurt Cobaine 336 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,920 Speaker 1: wasn't long for this world either. Made his exit in 337 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 1: the most dramatic of fashions, a shotgun blast to the face, 338 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 1: ripped on black tar heroine, at the height of his career, 339 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:46,280 Speaker 1: in the cold confines of his garage, his suicide note, 340 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,200 Speaker 1: a missive on the pain, depression, and cruelty of fame 341 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:52,320 Speaker 1: suffered at the hands of a tortured artist, a once 342 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:56,200 Speaker 1: in a generation tortured artist. He apologized for going through 343 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,920 Speaker 1: the motions on stage and not feeling passion for music anymore. 344 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:03,919 Speaker 1: Little Peep didn't have much to apologize for, and he 345 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 1: didn't really know how to say no either. I'm talking 346 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,120 Speaker 1: about a lot more than the Nancy Reagan just say 347 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,359 Speaker 1: no to drugs thing here, though that was definitely a 348 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 1: problem too. Won't get to that in a minute. But 349 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,439 Speaker 1: Peepe also had trouble saying no to the needs of 350 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:18,919 Speaker 1: his boys and goth boy click, and he had trouble 351 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,000 Speaker 1: saying no to the growing number of fans who saw 352 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,480 Speaker 1: his pain express plainly in his songs and in one 353 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,639 Speaker 1: hundred and eighty by one hundred and eighty pixels of 354 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:31,400 Speaker 1: raw imagery on Instagram. Peepe was so raw, so real, 355 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,399 Speaker 1: so vulnerable, and gave so much of himself to his 356 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 1: art that his fan base developed this strange sense of 357 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,439 Speaker 1: entitlement where they felt he owed it to them at 358 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:43,640 Speaker 1: all times to beat Peepe. The drugged out, sad hell 359 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,240 Speaker 1: boy cry baby that he embodied in his music. When 360 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:50,159 Speaker 1: he played live now, they showered him with not only praise, 361 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:54,240 Speaker 1: but with drugs, constantly heaving bags of pills, coke, weed, 362 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:58,000 Speaker 1: whatever on to the stage during his sets. Like most 363 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,840 Speaker 1: rock stars, he was swarm post show by fans who 364 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 1: wanted to touch him, fuck him, get him fucked up, 365 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 1: do whatever. Except unlike most rock stars, Peep wasn't surrounded 366 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:11,600 Speaker 1: by protectors and handlers. Aside from an outnumbered tour manager 367 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,959 Speaker 1: and road crew, Peep's entourage consisted mainly of professional partiers. 368 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,760 Speaker 1: Gothboy Click, who traveled with him, open for him, collaborated 369 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,359 Speaker 1: with him during a set, and went for it after 370 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,959 Speaker 1: the show. Not to be outdone, Peep went harder than 371 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:30,040 Speaker 1: his boys. It was clear to anyone with a responsible 372 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:32,080 Speaker 1: bone in their body the Little Peep was living on 373 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:36,040 Speaker 1: borrowed time under the current circumstances, and Peep knew it too. 374 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,719 Speaker 2: Unable to say no to disconnect. 375 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 1: From his friends, who he felt an obligation to share 376 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,919 Speaker 1: the growing wealth and fame with, management stepped in and 377 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,639 Speaker 1: shipped him off to London, put him up in a 378 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,840 Speaker 1: nice apartment, connected him with artists like Bexy and I 379 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:53,199 Speaker 1: Love Mconan to begin working on new poppier tracks like 380 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,960 Speaker 1: I've Been Waiting and to generally get him the fuck 381 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,640 Speaker 1: away from goth boy click before they all accidentally obliterated 382 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:03,320 Speaker 1: themselves with oxies, roxies and whatever else they were ingesting 383 00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:08,240 Speaker 1: by the fistful. Once in Europe, Pepe committed to becoming 384 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:11,199 Speaker 1: the stadium filling star he was born to be. His 385 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,159 Speaker 1: managers didn't want the Kirk Kobean ending. They wanted the 386 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,440 Speaker 1: David Bowie ending, the one where the musician is so gifted, 387 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,200 Speaker 1: so charismatic, and in possession of the kind of talent 388 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,879 Speaker 1: that can meld numerous seemingly disparate influences into one unique 389 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,800 Speaker 1: style and then also give voice to a generation of 390 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:30,119 Speaker 1: kids at the same time. They wanted that kind of talent, 391 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,960 Speaker 1: and they knew it could go two ways. Could crack 392 00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:36,399 Speaker 1: like Kobeine, or thrive becoming a living, breathing icon with 393 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:41,080 Speaker 1: a full career of constant cultural relevance like Bowie. Naturally 394 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:45,400 Speaker 1: management shows the Bowie option Behind Door number two from London, 395 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,520 Speaker 1: Peepe was sent on tour shows in Russia, Berlin and 396 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:51,640 Speaker 1: Paris sold out. Thousands of kids showed up to sing 397 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,480 Speaker 1: every word of every Peep song back at him, full throated, 398 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,880 Speaker 1: without being primed by any radio or mainstream press support. 399 00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,400 Speaker 1: And from there it was off to Fashion a Week 400 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,080 Speaker 1: in Paris and the Men's Spring Summer show in Milan, 401 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,760 Speaker 1: and the full pop star makeover was in effect. Gucci 402 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:11,280 Speaker 1: Baman runways with lupsava from Marcelo Burlon and Vlon cardier 403 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:15,320 Speaker 1: As around his neck, the paparazzi and the photographers from Vogue, 404 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:19,240 Speaker 1: l and Harper's Snapping Picks video crew following him around, 405 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:23,160 Speaker 1: Journalists hounding him blow up pieces in GQ and v magazine, 406 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:30,359 Speaker 1: with renowned Peruvian photographer Mario Testino behind the lens. It 407 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:32,960 Speaker 1: was silly, sure, he knew that as he waited his 408 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,680 Speaker 1: turn backstage to catwalk the runway, mugging for the cameras. 409 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,720 Speaker 1: But damn if it didn't feel good. 410 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:39,919 Speaker 2: He knew he was. 411 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,960 Speaker 1: Destined for this, this type of stardom, the kind that 412 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,600 Speaker 1: leads a permanent mark, the kind that has a way. 413 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:46,680 Speaker 2: Of not washing off. 414 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,560 Speaker 1: Kobaine had it, Bowie too, and Little Peep, Now with 415 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:54,600 Speaker 1: his European pop star metamorphosis near complete, was about to 416 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,640 Speaker 1: head back to his home country, spread his new wings 417 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:18,840 Speaker 1: and prove that he had it too, in the dream. 418 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,360 Speaker 1: Whether it was a sleeping dream or waking he could 419 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:25,920 Speaker 1: hardly tell anymore, But regardless, there was never enough, never 420 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,080 Speaker 1: enough pills, never enough attention, Never enough he could do 421 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:32,600 Speaker 1: for his management, never enough love from his dad, never 422 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,800 Speaker 1: enough letters from his grandpa, never enough time with his 423 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,760 Speaker 1: mom or his brother, never enough for his fans, never 424 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,600 Speaker 1: enough energy to respond to all of them on his socials. 425 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:43,600 Speaker 1: There was never enough he could do for his boys, 426 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,200 Speaker 1: for goth Boy Click, never enough he could give them, 427 00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 1: never enough money, And as always in the dream, there 428 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:55,200 Speaker 1: was never enough ink in the tattooed gun. In the dream, 429 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:58,800 Speaker 1: the gun always ran dry before completing the massive exit 430 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:02,000 Speaker 1: life piece on his back, and holy shit, did that 431 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:06,040 Speaker 1: thing looked ridiculous? A small thing to be anxious about, 432 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,960 Speaker 1: but a catch all stressor for the various pressures banging 433 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:14,520 Speaker 1: down on his chest and spinning him out. As usual, 434 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,880 Speaker 1: the drugs weren't helping his anxiety. He was taking way 435 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:21,840 Speaker 1: more than usual, more coke, more xanax, and more ecstasy. 436 00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:25,720 Speaker 1: He was back in the States, and goth Boy Click 437 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,679 Speaker 1: was back in the mix. He brought along several members 438 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,080 Speaker 1: as openers, and the various others linked up with the 439 00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,760 Speaker 1: tour for varied shows all over the US leg, where 440 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:38,600 Speaker 1: they would join in exposure enough for everybody. Tour was 441 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,720 Speaker 1: a blurred at that point. His schedule was upside down. 442 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,800 Speaker 1: He'd wake up every day about thirty minutes before showtime, 443 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:48,160 Speaker 1: go straight to the stage, crush for thousands of fans, 444 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,960 Speaker 1: then party backstage until the venue threw him and his 445 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:54,080 Speaker 1: GBC crew out. From there, they'd bring the party to 446 00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:58,320 Speaker 1: the bus. More drink, more drugs, lots of lots of downers, ketemie, 447 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,600 Speaker 1: and they'd go hard all night while the bus made 448 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 1: its way to the next venue. If there was ever 449 00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,720 Speaker 1: a hotel involved, peeped in fuck with it. It was 450 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,399 Speaker 1: comfort and familiality. 451 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:09,040 Speaker 2: In the bus. 452 00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:12,080 Speaker 1: He could get stoned as fuck and pass out sometime 453 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,919 Speaker 1: after the sun came up. Self contained, there would be 454 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:18,600 Speaker 1: no struggle to find his way anywhere. He was already there, wasteed, 455 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,960 Speaker 1: but there. He'd wake up wherever he passed out on 456 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,120 Speaker 1: the bus the night before, smack some life into his cheeks, 457 00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:27,280 Speaker 1: blast a rail, and take whatever the beginning of his 458 00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:29,560 Speaker 1: day called for to get him going, and follow his 459 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:31,200 Speaker 1: tour manager escort. 460 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,520 Speaker 2: To the stage. 461 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: The lights would go dim, the crowd would roar, he'd 462 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:39,000 Speaker 1: feel the natural burst of adrenaline press up from within him, 463 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:42,560 Speaker 1: push his anxiety away from the surface, pomp his blood, 464 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,840 Speaker 1: and they then burst onto the stage, delivering ninety minutes 465 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:50,879 Speaker 1: of prescriptive gospel to his drugged out, anxious congregation. And 466 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,359 Speaker 1: they were his, He was theirs, and the communion was real. 467 00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:59,320 Speaker 1: But today it was different. He was well awake upon 468 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:04,520 Speaker 1: arrival Tusson, Arizona, November fifteenth, twenty seventeen, and despite his 469 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,240 Speaker 1: head being a mess and his anxiety starting to peak, 470 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:09,760 Speaker 1: he decided to meet up with a couple of fans who. 471 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:11,119 Speaker 2: Had DMed him. 472 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,640 Speaker 1: They wanted to get him high. Of course they did, 473 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,280 Speaker 1: all of his fans did, and Pepe wanted to get 474 00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,679 Speaker 1: high himself, show himself to be accommodating, to give his 475 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,320 Speaker 1: fans the version of himself that they wanted to see, 476 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,800 Speaker 1: that they'd grown to love, that they felt, in some 477 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:28,520 Speaker 1: strange way, they were oh to Pisa online. 478 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:29,359 Speaker 2: He was so real. 479 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:32,880 Speaker 1: He breathed life into their own anxious existence with his art. 480 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 1: So the least they could do would be to set 481 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,439 Speaker 1: him up, get him high, make him feel good, return 482 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:44,080 Speaker 1: the favor. Despite whatever his management felt or what the 483 00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:47,600 Speaker 1: press or, the fashion photographers, and Milan believed. Little Pete 484 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,800 Speaker 1: believed he was an equal to his fans. At least 485 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,720 Speaker 1: he felt an obligation to be. The gold studded balm 486 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,240 Speaker 1: and jacket fit well and the ice around his neck 487 00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:59,000 Speaker 1: made him feel like he'd derived But more often than not, 488 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,200 Speaker 1: especially in the company of his boys and goth Boy Click, 489 00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,840 Speaker 1: little Peep couldn't truck with the aloof pop star image. 490 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:10,600 Speaker 1: Raised by a self proclaimed anti capitalist mom and grandfather 491 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 1: who was a Harvard historian, had extensively studied labor movements 492 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 1: in Latin America, and who stepped in for his dad, 493 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:21,760 Speaker 1: who'd split littl Peep had socialist ideals coursing through his blood. 494 00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:25,760 Speaker 1: He believed in equality over all else, which is why 495 00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 1: he went to great lengths to spread the love and 496 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:31,480 Speaker 1: fruits of his fame around goth Boy Click on occasion, 497 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,520 Speaker 1: paying rent for some of his boys, keeping them fed, wasted, 498 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:37,800 Speaker 1: blowing them up under his spotlight on stage, and taking 499 00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:42,120 Speaker 1: them on tour. But the grind of it all was 500 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 1: too much, especially on this day. He'd posted on Instagram 501 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,800 Speaker 1: the day before November fourteenth, how he was feeling, I 502 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,800 Speaker 1: just want to be everybody's everything. I want too much 503 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,040 Speaker 1: from people, but then I don't want anything from them 504 00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:58,920 Speaker 1: at the same time, feel me. I don't let people 505 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:00,840 Speaker 1: help me, but I need help, but not when I 506 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:04,480 Speaker 1: have my pills. But that's temporary. One day, maybe I 507 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,320 Speaker 1: won't die young and I'll be happy. 508 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:07,760 Speaker 2: What is happy? 509 00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:10,920 Speaker 1: I always have happiness for like ten seconds and then 510 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:11,640 Speaker 1: it's gone. 511 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:13,560 Speaker 2: I'm getting so tired of this. 512 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,720 Speaker 1: He and his two new friends his fans, headed to 513 00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:22,440 Speaker 1: the bus to get high. They went up the steps 514 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:25,520 Speaker 1: into the grimy tour bus, littered with ashes and coke 515 00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:28,920 Speaker 1: dusted mirrors between the makeshift bunks for goth boy click. 516 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:32,600 Speaker 1: Pepe was handed as xanax and he took it. Soon 517 00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 1: after he passed out, his new friends kept partying. 518 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:37,560 Speaker 2: He could hear. 519 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:41,640 Speaker 1: Them faintly, laughing, fucking around, texting their friends, and posting 520 00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,400 Speaker 1: on their socials about getting wasted with the one and 521 00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,920 Speaker 1: only little Pete. It was out colder, so they thought, 522 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,800 Speaker 1: but Pepe could still hear them, at least a little bit. 523 00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:54,360 Speaker 1: The dream was intruding. He could hear the sound of 524 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:58,160 Speaker 1: the tattoo gun again, getting louder, drowning them out, filling 525 00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:02,680 Speaker 1: out the remaining letters on his back exit life. The 526 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:05,360 Speaker 1: exit letters had been done for some time. It was 527 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,000 Speaker 1: the life part that needed to be fully blacked out. 528 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:11,560 Speaker 1: The buzz grew louder, the pain more blissful. 529 00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:13,160 Speaker 2: He was losing them now. 530 00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:17,480 Speaker 1: Their voices were all but completely faded, and so was 531 00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:22,600 Speaker 1: the pressure too, falling off, fading away, no more stressors. 532 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,400 Speaker 1: He was losing it all. It was the only way 533 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:29,920 Speaker 1: for him to win. The buzz grew louder, steadier, strong. 534 00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,960 Speaker 1: It filled in the remaining bits of life with black, 535 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:41,160 Speaker 1: and Little Peep made his final exit. Sometime after Little 536 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:44,680 Speaker 1: Peep had completely lost consciousness, a victim of the extremely 537 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:47,720 Speaker 1: powerful feanyl drug that had laced the xanax he had 538 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:51,800 Speaker 1: taken Bexy, One of Peepe's collaborators from the UK walked 539 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:54,560 Speaker 1: into the back of the bus, saw Pepe passed out 540 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:58,120 Speaker 1: so close to showtime and swears he heard him snoring. 541 00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,920 Speaker 1: Instead of checking on a morel he instead busted out 542 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,760 Speaker 1: his camera and made an instant story of his friend. 543 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:05,440 Speaker 2: In a joking way. 544 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,600 Speaker 1: Little Peep's presence, even while prone on the couch, lit 545 00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,320 Speaker 1: up tiny screens all across Instagram. 546 00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:19,040 Speaker 2: Little did anyone know Little Peepe was dead. Such Disgrace. 547 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:41,840 Speaker 1: I'm Jake Brennan in this this Disgraceland. Disgraceland was created 548 00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:45,000 Speaker 1: by Yours Truly and is produced in partnership with Double Elvis. 549 00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:47,600 Speaker 1: Credits for this episode can be found on the show 550 00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:51,360 Speaker 1: notes page at disgracelamppod dot com. 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