1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:02,600 Speaker 1: Hey guys, I'm Kayleie Shure and this is too much 2 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:19,959 Speaker 1: to say now turning it out you well for starters, 3 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,920 Speaker 1: I just want to say thank you so much for 4 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,479 Speaker 1: all the love on my voice, my brand new single. 5 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,240 Speaker 1: I always feel like I need to clarify because it's like, oh, 6 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 1: if you heard my voice, it's like, yeah, you're you know, 7 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 1: it's a little confusing anyways, Um, you didn't think about 8 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: that when I named the song. But nonetheless, it's it's 9 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:38,519 Speaker 1: doing really well and I'm so thankful. Bobby played it 10 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 1: on the show the other day, and it's been on 11 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,159 Speaker 1: some really cool Spotify playlists and you guys have been 12 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,080 Speaker 1: sharing it and I got to play it full band 13 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:51,880 Speaker 1: last Friday, which was amazing because you know, that opportunity 14 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:55,600 Speaker 1: doesn't come along very often. But there's this new live 15 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 1: streaming platform called you y O O P and basically 16 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:01,680 Speaker 1: I got to have a bunch of fans and their 17 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,520 Speaker 1: faces were out on the screen so I could like 18 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:06,640 Speaker 1: talk to people and and answer questions and like hear 19 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:10,080 Speaker 1: people clap, which is really nice because most live streams 20 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,840 Speaker 1: that doesn't happen and it's a little awkward, you know. 21 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: And I'll play a song and I'll be like, I'm 22 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:18,759 Speaker 1: just bouring my heart out and then it's just like, okay, well, anyway, 23 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,800 Speaker 1: there's a little next Woman's gold, you know. So it 24 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: was really really cool. It was such a cool way 25 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:28,480 Speaker 1: to celebrate the release, and I'm just freaking ecstatic. Um. 26 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:31,240 Speaker 1: I did read a negative review today that I shouldn't 27 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:35,080 Speaker 1: have read. But you know what, like Bobby said when 28 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: I did the Bobby Cast the other day, he said, 29 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:40,279 Speaker 1: I think there's passion and polarization, so if someone hates 30 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:43,480 Speaker 1: my music, that's probably a good thing, right, Bobby, I 31 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: don't know. So this episode, I literally I can't stop laughing, 32 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: and I'm going to do my best to make it through. 33 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 1: But basically, I've gotten asked so many times in interviews 34 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,560 Speaker 1: like what's your most embarrassing moment? And I don't know 35 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 1: what my usual go to is. I think it's about 36 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:03,760 Speaker 1: the time that my hair extension fell out on stage 37 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:08,359 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, like, that's not really that embarrassing, 38 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:13,359 Speaker 1: That's just a thing that happens. Um. So I've decided 39 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: to dedicate an entire episode to the times I've humiliated 40 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:22,800 Speaker 1: myself and um, basically just roasting me as a kind 41 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 1: of compensation for all the half ast answers. I've given 42 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 1: an interviews over the past five years about what my 43 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: most embarrassing moment is. So here we go. Everything from 44 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:35,200 Speaker 1: this episode is pieced together from my old journals all 45 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:38,560 Speaker 1: the way back to sophomore year of high school, my tumbler, 46 00:02:38,639 --> 00:02:41,519 Speaker 1: and U some choice text messages that I have sent. 47 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 1: So um, I really am gonna have a hard time 48 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 1: getting through this, but that's why I have a glass 49 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:53,240 Speaker 1: of wine. I alternate for podcast episodes depending on the 50 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:57,280 Speaker 1: content between wine and coffee, and this is definitely a 51 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:05,520 Speaker 1: wine episode, So okay for starters. This is a diary 52 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: entry from August two thousand and eleven. It was the 53 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: summer before junior year, and I met a boy at 54 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:19,360 Speaker 1: the beach. Okay, let's just let's just dive right in. 55 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,679 Speaker 1: I've spent the last eight months being miserable, and each 56 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,200 Speaker 1: day that's passed, I've lost more hope in the human race. 57 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,959 Speaker 1: Until I didn't even believe in love anymore. I made 58 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,600 Speaker 1: that clear to every guy that's even come near me recently. 59 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,959 Speaker 1: One even tried to prove me wrong, but I couldn't 60 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,480 Speaker 1: handle it. I wanted no strings, no commitments, no promises, 61 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 1: because promises just break because they're so damn fragile. I 62 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,440 Speaker 1: lost all faith that anyone could ever feel the same 63 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 1: way for each other at the same time. Then I 64 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 1: met Zach less than a week ago, actually five days, 65 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,440 Speaker 1: I believe it's been. We hung out every day since 66 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 1: the day we met. At the beach, I was with 67 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,880 Speaker 1: Megan and Courtney and they Zack and his friends wanted 68 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,119 Speaker 1: to meet up, so we did. Zach and f beach 69 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,200 Speaker 1: out of me a few weeks before about my YouTube. 70 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 1: Very original, but I sort of brushed it off. But 71 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,200 Speaker 1: then I became immediately attracted to him. After I met him. 72 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 1: He texted me that night and we hung out the 73 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,839 Speaker 1: next day. I can't stop thinking about him, I can't 74 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,680 Speaker 1: stop writing about him. I want to be with him 75 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,760 Speaker 1: all the time. But I'm trying so hard to play 76 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: it cool, like acting. I don't care. Okay, I was 77 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,960 Speaker 1: doing a terrible job of playing me cool. I'm very 78 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,040 Speaker 1: good at disappearing and very good at running away when 79 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 1: things get too intense, but I already like him too 80 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,640 Speaker 1: much to do that. I hate feeling vulnerable, so I 81 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 1: act like a heartless bitch so they don't think they 82 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 1: can hurt me, but he just makes me so happy, 83 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,159 Speaker 1: so much happier than I felt in a long time. 84 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,479 Speaker 1: His eyes are browned with green around them, and I 85 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 1: could just stare forever. And he has this crooked, little 86 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: smile but I love it so much. And his hair 87 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 1: is dark and thick and curly, and he kisses me 88 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 1: so soft, and snuggling with him is so much fun. 89 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 1: Like he says, you just fit perfectly. He always tastes 90 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,480 Speaker 1: like peppermint and smells like summer rain and trees and detergent. 91 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,960 Speaker 1: Am I even making sense? Said? No, No, you're working not. 92 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,360 Speaker 1: I can't remember the last time I felt this way? 93 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 1: Did I even feel this way? With Brandon? Highly for 94 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,440 Speaker 1: summer camp in three days, and as excited as I am, 95 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,480 Speaker 1: I'm going to miss him so much. I would date 96 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,280 Speaker 1: him in a heartbeat, which is so weird considering I 97 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 1: spent the whole summer avoiding relationships like the plague. Shit, 98 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 1: this is the longest diary entry ever and my Chinese 99 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 1: takeout is here, so I'm gonna go, but I'm sure 100 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:17,440 Speaker 1: I'll be writing more, very very soon. Then at the 101 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,920 Speaker 1: bottom of the entry, I wrote lyrics to a Demi 102 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 1: Levado song. With a bunch of hearts around it. But 103 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,680 Speaker 1: you're so hypnotizing. You got me laughing while I saying 104 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 1: you got me smiling in my sleep. Okay, So I 105 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,840 Speaker 1: watched Confessions of a teenage Drama Queen a couple of 106 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 1: weeks ago for the first time and forever, and I 107 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:38,839 Speaker 1: realized I was Lola in high school and I was 108 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:42,480 Speaker 1: pretty unbearable. So these diary entries have really confirmed that 109 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,599 Speaker 1: for me. Most of the next few entries are me 110 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:48,640 Speaker 1: saying I texted Zack a few minutes ago saying hi, cutie, 111 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,240 Speaker 1: and he just said hi, I was just about to 112 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:52,479 Speaker 1: text you. Like, even when he says stuff that wouldn't 113 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,960 Speaker 1: normally be that cute, it's ten times cuter because it's 114 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 1: him saying it. I can honestly just write about this 115 00:05:57,279 --> 00:05:59,000 Speaker 1: all day, but I'd rather be able to see him tonight. 116 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:00,479 Speaker 1: So I'm gonna go get on that list of things 117 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:04,200 Speaker 1: to do later. Like just just the dumbest ship like that, 118 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 1: I kept talking about how good he smelled. Those are 119 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:12,040 Speaker 1: the next few entrees. Um, I just can't. I just 120 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:16,400 Speaker 1: cannot with myself. So basically I left for summer camp. 121 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,279 Speaker 1: I was gone for a few weeks. I come back 122 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 1: and we hang out. Okay, so I'm back from camp. August. 123 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,080 Speaker 1: I went to the beach with Zack last night. It 124 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,960 Speaker 1: was perfect as usual. Charlotte asked him if we were 125 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,919 Speaker 1: going to date, and he said probably, which is really 126 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: good news. I fucking tried to die that underneath part 127 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,679 Speaker 1: of my hair blonde like Hayley Williams, and it did nothing. 128 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,080 Speaker 1: I am so pissed. Anyways, I'm going out later, so 129 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: I have to get ready and called Garni and bitch 130 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,400 Speaker 1: at them. I feel like I was just really talking 131 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,440 Speaker 1: a big game in my diary. I can't imagine myself 132 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,840 Speaker 1: ever calling one number to complain about how my hair 133 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,479 Speaker 1: didn't look like Hayley Williams when I spent eight dollars 134 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:55,839 Speaker 1: on it. Okay, August eleven, Zach asked me out, we 135 00:06:55,880 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 1: are dating. Everything's good for a few days. Blob blah 136 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:05,800 Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. Eleven days later, September eleven, two eleven, 137 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 1: Zach dumped me. Lost interest. It wasn't quote unquote exciting anymore. 138 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 1: We were at the playground and after a lot of 139 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,720 Speaker 1: awkward silence, I could tell something was up. He started 140 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:18,000 Speaker 1: asking why I was so pessimistic. Why I always hope 141 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 1: for the best but expect the worst. So I said 142 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,520 Speaker 1: something about how people always let you down and he 143 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 1: said I was wrong, then fucking dumped me like two 144 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,240 Speaker 1: seconds later, Like what the fuck? Because it actually makes 145 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,480 Speaker 1: no sense. But I just talked to Brandon, who was 146 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend, for like an hour, So I feel 147 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 1: a lot better about this. Okay, clearly, clearly I was 148 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: super super into Zach and was going to have a 149 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 1: very hard time getting over that. Um wow, I mean 150 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 1: I think that the most hilarious part about that is 151 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 1: when I was like, for eight months I didn't believe 152 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:52,080 Speaker 1: in love, then I met Zach five days ago like okay, bitch, 153 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,040 Speaker 1: and then me trying to like I don't know who 154 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 1: I was performing for. Like I feel like when I 155 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 1: go back and read my old diary entries from high 156 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 1: school or middle school, I'm always like talking to an 157 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: audience in them somehow, And look, little did I know 158 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,200 Speaker 1: I was going to be reading them for my thousands 159 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,040 Speaker 1: of podcast listeners. So what a time? What a time? 160 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,920 Speaker 1: So I guess that embarrassing moment is just who I 161 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:17,200 Speaker 1: was as a person in high school. Um, I don't 162 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 1: really know how to describe myself in high school. I'm 163 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 1: going to do another episode kind of diving into my 164 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:26,000 Speaker 1: school years with my best friend Ariana, who I've been 165 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 1: best friends with since we were like eleven, because she'll 166 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,680 Speaker 1: be able to tell you a little bit more accurately 167 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,040 Speaker 1: who I was in high school and what I was like, 168 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:39,120 Speaker 1: because she's a lot less biased because she's not me. Um. 169 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know I was. I was very dramatic. 170 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,679 Speaker 1: I don't think I'm like into drama, you know, like 171 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,920 Speaker 1: fighting with people. I actually don't like that. I think 172 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 1: maybe in high school I did a little bit um, 173 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,079 Speaker 1: but mostly I was just, like I would say, theatrical. 174 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:56,680 Speaker 1: It is probably better than dramatic. Like if I liked 175 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,080 Speaker 1: a guy, he was the love of my life. If 176 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,720 Speaker 1: someone broke my heart, it was the end of the world. 177 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,679 Speaker 1: And then like the next week, I was completely over 178 00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:05,640 Speaker 1: and I was like, what are you talking about? That 179 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 1: wasn't even that big of a deal, Like what what? 180 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: But I was frequently on my tumbler page, and this 181 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:19,400 Speaker 1: is from my junior year of high school. I could 182 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 1: not tell you who I was talking about, but I said, 183 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 1: I want you in a house with a long driveway, 184 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 1: with a big yard, always anticipating a season of choice flowers, 185 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,960 Speaker 1: slip and slides, piles of leaves, and snowmen. I want 186 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 1: you and a dog named Roscoe that is so specific, 187 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 1: tawny colored and always willing to snuggle. I don't know 188 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,360 Speaker 1: what tawny color it is. I would like to just 189 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:46,040 Speaker 1: interject and say, I want you in a fireplace. As 190 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,440 Speaker 1: the years passed, stockings will be added, one by one, 191 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,080 Speaker 1: each bearing a different name. I want you and a 192 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,840 Speaker 1: home to make our own, home to teach our children 193 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,040 Speaker 1: of all the magic things in life, a place to 194 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,439 Speaker 1: come back to when the dreaming is done, a place 195 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,520 Speaker 1: to grow old. I want you in a place to 196 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 1: fall more in love with you each day. But who 197 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 1: the funk were you talking about? Oh my god, you 198 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 1: literally couldn't even buy cigarettes yet, much less a house. 199 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,439 Speaker 1: Jeez um. Like that was me when I got a 200 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: crush on somebody, and in my heart I knew I 201 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 1: didn't want that, but I think it just was a 202 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 1: fun game to play with myself. That like whoever I 203 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 1: had made out with at the school dance was like 204 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 1: the one with the dreadmarks I next to it. Oh 205 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 1: my god, I was a lot I was a lot 206 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 1: and tumbler that was all public, so like everyone in 207 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,840 Speaker 1: my school saw that, and for some reason I didn't 208 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:45,240 Speaker 1: think there was a problem with that. Speaking of things 209 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: that happened in front of the entire school, let's talk 210 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:52,319 Speaker 1: about them the talent Show. Okay, So freshman year of 211 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 1: high school, I got a big crush on this guy 212 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 1: and he was a junior. He was on the football team. 213 00:10:58,320 --> 00:10:59,880 Speaker 1: He was like one of the hottest guys in school, 214 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:03,080 Speaker 1: and I was kind of an ugly duckling, like I 215 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,439 Speaker 1: think the first time a boy ever told me I 216 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,840 Speaker 1: was pretty, I was in eighth grade or something like that, 217 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 1: and when everybody was getting boyfriends and girlfriends in middle school, 218 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,880 Speaker 1: like boys would not even like look at me. I 219 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,240 Speaker 1: was just very weird and hiding in a corner writing 220 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:23,079 Speaker 1: songs during class. So when a really really cute boy 221 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,800 Speaker 1: was talking to me, I was like completely blown away, 222 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,960 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, am I hotship. 223 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,839 Speaker 1: I don't know t b D, but wow, this is 224 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:34,720 Speaker 1: a big deal. And we hung out a few times 225 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,960 Speaker 1: and then he would text me and we would be 226 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 1: really flirting, and I thought we were going to date 227 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 1: because I thought that was how things worked. And one 228 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:45,280 Speaker 1: time he texted me after we hung out and he said, 229 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:49,040 Speaker 1: I can't wait to kiss you. Use sexy ginger um. 230 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,760 Speaker 1: For some clarity, I am a natural redhead and my 231 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:56,440 Speaker 1: hair was like really really like neon orange in high school. 232 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:59,640 Speaker 1: Now I'm blond. It's it's somehow toned itself down over 233 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 1: the year, and now I get like, you know, balleage 234 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 1: or whatever it's called. But I was I was had 235 00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 1: just flaming red hair. So all of that being said, 236 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 1: it's still very weird that he referred to me as 237 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,960 Speaker 1: a sexy ginger uncomfortable, but at the time I was 238 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,160 Speaker 1: so desperate for affection and attention. I was like, Wow, 239 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,640 Speaker 1: that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me, Like, 240 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:28,040 Speaker 1: oh my god, stop it. And then I heard from 241 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,240 Speaker 1: a couple of girls who were on the cheerleading squad 242 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 1: that this guy had told them. Because I talked to 243 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:36,560 Speaker 1: my friends about it, I've been like, oh my god, 244 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,840 Speaker 1: I'm talking to this guy so cute. And it got 245 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 1: back to one of the girls on the cheerleading squad 246 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:46,800 Speaker 1: who was dating him, and he had told all of 247 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 1: these girls as damage control that he didn't know who 248 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 1: I was. We never talked before and then I was 249 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 1: making everything up and I was like, oh my god, 250 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 1: like it was just like just the most like textbook straightforward, 251 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,520 Speaker 1: sucky funck boy behavior, and it was my first real 252 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 1: experience with one as well. So, being um the aggressive 253 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 1: person that I am, I decided to set the record 254 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,280 Speaker 1: straight because I was humiliated that everybody thought I was 255 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 1: like lying about talking to a boy, like, oh my god, no, 256 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 1: why would I do that because you could just ask him, 257 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,760 Speaker 1: Like it was just insane. So I took a screenshot 258 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:30,680 Speaker 1: of the TEXTI semim that said good night, I can't 259 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,360 Speaker 1: wait to kiss you a sexy chinger, and I put 260 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,560 Speaker 1: it on Facebook and I tagged him and his girlfriend 261 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:40,800 Speaker 1: in it. Was it my most shining moment. No is 262 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 1: it funny to tell ten years later? Yes? Was it 263 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:50,240 Speaker 1: funny at the time? Absolutely not, Um, it was. It 264 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,440 Speaker 1: was quite the move. It was a very bold move 265 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 1: from a freshman freshman, I will tell you that much. 266 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 1: So obviously like the whole school erupts because like he 267 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:01,280 Speaker 1: was on the football team. She was like the cheerleading captain. 268 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:05,200 Speaker 1: And it was like like a very bad ending to 269 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,679 Speaker 1: a Taylor Swift song. That's it was like you belong 270 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:11,240 Speaker 1: with me. But when they like if Taylor Swift was 271 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:15,080 Speaker 1: aggressive and unhinged, and you got to hear the ending, 272 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,120 Speaker 1: like that's what it was. Taylor has always been a 273 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,320 Speaker 1: little bit more reserved than I am, and I tried 274 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 1: to learn from her. Um, but yeah, no, I really 275 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:26,640 Speaker 1: busted out the crazy, so the whole school's talking, and 276 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:30,480 Speaker 1: then like people were taking sides, and um, I got 277 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,760 Speaker 1: some very mean Facebook messages from girls who are friends 278 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,520 Speaker 1: with her, which in retrospect I understand, but like also, 279 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:40,440 Speaker 1: I had no idea he had a girlfriend, and that 280 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,160 Speaker 1: wasn't what I did wrong. What I did wrong was 281 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 1: like post about it and make it a big thing 282 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,280 Speaker 1: when like, honestly, now I would probably go talk to 283 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,720 Speaker 1: the girl and be like, hey, I'm like dating your 284 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,480 Speaker 1: boyfriend and maybe you want to talk to him about that. 285 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,880 Speaker 1: But as if that wasn't enough, I had to take 286 00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:10,200 Speaker 1: it a step m and I wrote this song called 287 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:14,840 Speaker 1: French Fries and I uploaded it to YouTube, And now 288 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,840 Speaker 1: I will play you an excerpt from this song that 289 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: I uploaded that pretty much everybody in my high school 290 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 1: sow knowing who it was about. This is French Fries. 291 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 1: If you love too, as much as you say, then 292 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:49,120 Speaker 1: why do you talk to me every day? Please? A cheater? 293 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 1: And they never change. So as for my decision, it's 294 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 1: stay in the saying. I've reached a whole new level 295 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:06,800 Speaker 1: of shouldy by not I'm betting you get with me. 296 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:11,400 Speaker 1: Oh my god. You can't say it's just having fun. 297 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,880 Speaker 1: But I won't be the second and nine if I 298 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:18,280 Speaker 1: give you all my heart, I want all yours, not 299 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:26,120 Speaker 1: just a part. I'm not like French Frice. I won't 300 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:35,400 Speaker 1: be put on side. What all right? That the best 301 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,800 Speaker 1: part I think is the bridge. So you can say 302 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:42,680 Speaker 1: we only live once, we should have fun while we're young, 303 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: but I don't want it if it involves being dishonest. 304 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 1: You can't say it just having fun. But I won't 305 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:58,320 Speaker 1: be second and nine if I give you on my heart. 306 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 1: I want all yours, not just um French trud o 307 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:17,760 Speaker 1: be oh. And then as if that little stunt, actually, 308 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:21,880 Speaker 1: those those two little stunts weren't enough. Um. I had 309 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,760 Speaker 1: written so many songs about this guy. I mean, he 310 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,119 Speaker 1: was probably my first true mused to be completely honest, 311 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,160 Speaker 1: and at the sophomore year talent show it had been 312 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 1: like a year since to be and like to be fair, 313 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,480 Speaker 1: I wasn't doing this as a stunt. I was doing 314 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,240 Speaker 1: it because it was one of the better songs I've written, 315 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:38,720 Speaker 1: and I was trying to win the talent show. Okay, 316 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,080 Speaker 1: there were gift cards involved. There was a gift card 317 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,240 Speaker 1: to a local pizza place, if I remember correctly, and 318 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,240 Speaker 1: I don't sunk around when it comes to free pizza. 319 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:51,640 Speaker 1: So I played the song called Notice Me in in retrospect. Yes, embarrassing, 320 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,879 Speaker 1: but I was like fifteen, so give me a break. 321 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 1: And I'm I'm introing the song in front of the 322 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,040 Speaker 1: entire school and the auditorium and I'm like, hey, um, 323 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,840 Speaker 1: this is a song I wrote about. And somebody stands 324 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,320 Speaker 1: up in the audience and yells out this guy's name, 325 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 1: like first and last name. Also like pretty much everybody knew. 326 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,720 Speaker 1: It was a small school, Like everybody knew what had happened, 327 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,200 Speaker 1: so even if they just said his first name, that 328 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,760 Speaker 1: would have gotten him. And I froze and I was 329 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,359 Speaker 1: like literally about to sing, and I was it was 330 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,680 Speaker 1: one of my first time singing in front of the 331 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,560 Speaker 1: whole school, to like in front of a lot of 332 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:29,359 Speaker 1: those people, and I was like, yeah, um, yep, it 333 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 1: is Anyways, um, here's my song, and it was. It 334 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,359 Speaker 1: was so embarrassing. So that was definitely one of my 335 00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:40,760 Speaker 1: most embarrassing moments. But I do think now I looking back, 336 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,639 Speaker 1: can can recognize that I did, in fact bring that 337 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:47,760 Speaker 1: on myself. And I wish I could say that I 338 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:52,200 Speaker 1: stopped embarrassing myself in high school, but I can't. And uh. 339 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:59,120 Speaker 1: This is from February of twenty nine, which is very 340 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:02,719 Speaker 1: recent in the grand scheme of things. This was a 341 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 1: letter I wrote to a guy who I thought I 342 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:13,200 Speaker 1: was in love with, and now that I have hindsight, 343 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:18,120 Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, no, you weren't. You were probably projecting 344 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:23,480 Speaker 1: some some issues onto that situation and uh, tying yourself 345 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 1: forth to what a man thought of you. That was 346 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:29,120 Speaker 1: not the first time I've done that, but hopefully it'll 347 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:33,280 Speaker 1: be the last. So I write this letter to him, 348 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:36,320 Speaker 1: and I was drunk and I never sent it, which 349 00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:39,439 Speaker 1: I feel like is important to say. But now that 350 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,399 Speaker 1: I'm reading it with the clarity of knowing that this 351 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 1: was a man who just did not like me as 352 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,919 Speaker 1: much as I liked him, and was not looking for 353 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 1: a relationship and probably will be a career fun boy. 354 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 1: Bless his heart. It's all very very laughable. Um, I'm 355 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 1: going to skip over most of it because it just 356 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:01,800 Speaker 1: it's so cringe e it. My favorite parts are the 357 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:06,879 Speaker 1: part where I'm clearly like deluding myself and somehow making 358 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:10,840 Speaker 1: it making his like shortcoming seem like a positive thing. 359 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 1: So this is my favorite paragraph as a person. You 360 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,879 Speaker 1: have taught me so much about being present. You are 361 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,560 Speaker 1: always a percent wherever you are, and that's why I've 362 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:21,360 Speaker 1: learned to not assume you hate me when you don't 363 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,239 Speaker 1: text me back. I think we just need to do 364 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 1: this moment to moment. I'm not thinking about my future 365 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,520 Speaker 1: with you, because all I want is you right now. 366 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,640 Speaker 1: You don't need to promise me anything except that you'll 367 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,480 Speaker 1: tell me if you want this to stop, which I 368 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:35,119 Speaker 1: think in his own way he did tell me several times. Um, 369 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 1: but wow, what a what a bold assumption. I'm like, 370 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,360 Speaker 1: oh my god, you're just like not text me back 371 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,880 Speaker 1: because like you're like living in the momo, you know, 372 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,280 Speaker 1: like you're you're in it for the here and now, 373 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 1: like you're not looking at your phone. Okay, this is 374 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:50,399 Speaker 1: a man who, I swear to God likes every picture 375 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:56,000 Speaker 1: on Instagram, like every picture, like I'm impressed by the 376 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,120 Speaker 1: amount of pictures you can like, to the point where 377 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,320 Speaker 1: I thought maybe it was like some sort of like 378 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,159 Speaker 1: robot or plug in, But no, this man is just 379 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,920 Speaker 1: always on Instagram. And somehow I managed to convince myself 380 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:09,560 Speaker 1: he wasn't texting me back because he was living in 381 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,119 Speaker 1: the moment. There is no drug quite like denial, folks, 382 00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:17,639 Speaker 1: no drug. And then this is where I really really 383 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:24,639 Speaker 1: lose it. So I you know, I laid out how 384 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,480 Speaker 1: I felt about him, and you know what I was 385 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,800 Speaker 1: asking for, And in my head, I was like, I 386 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,480 Speaker 1: don't need that much from him. I just want to 387 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,560 Speaker 1: be with him, Like I just want to spend time 388 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,639 Speaker 1: with him. I don't need to be his girlfriend. Whatever. Okay, 389 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:40,680 Speaker 1: that's fine, But like the delusion just jumped out of 390 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:44,280 Speaker 1: the page when this last last paragraph. You can take 391 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 1: your time to think about this, but I think deep 392 00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:48,080 Speaker 1: down you've had enough to know you want me in 393 00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:50,399 Speaker 1: your life too. I'm not asking you to hold my 394 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,960 Speaker 1: hand in a bar. Tell everyone we work with post 395 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 1: about us on Instagram, call me every day, Stop hanging 396 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:58,040 Speaker 1: out with your girlfriend, stop going out every Friday, stop 397 00:21:58,080 --> 00:21:59,840 Speaker 1: working so much. I don't want any of those things. 398 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 1: I just want you, okay. So to put that in perspective, 399 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:07,879 Speaker 1: that would be saying, hey, um, let's be in a relationship. 400 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:09,680 Speaker 1: But like you don't need to hold my hand, like 401 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,720 Speaker 1: you don't need to let anybody know where together. You 402 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,880 Speaker 1: don't have to tell anyone, like of course you don't. Um, 403 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,080 Speaker 1: why would you post about us on Instagram for in 404 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:19,119 Speaker 1: a relationship? Like you absolutely don't have to do that 405 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,280 Speaker 1: do You don't even talk to me, honestly, don't even 406 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:22,880 Speaker 1: call me every day, don't even call me at all, 407 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:26,479 Speaker 1: like just that's fine, like do your thing, and you 408 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:30,080 Speaker 1: can even have other girlfriends like that's okay with me, 409 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,520 Speaker 1: like whatever you need to do. Um, yeah, and you 410 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,159 Speaker 1: can go on every Friday and like not hang out 411 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 1: with me and leave me at home crying like sure, yeah, absolutely, bitch, 412 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:45,639 Speaker 1: what the fuck? And I meant that, And I swear 413 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,959 Speaker 1: to God my cat monkey, God bless his heart. I've 414 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,840 Speaker 1: had him since I was eight years old. He is 415 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:54,840 Speaker 1: my homie. He came over and sat on this notebook 416 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,640 Speaker 1: I was writing this in and he started scratching it up, 417 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 1: so this letter has like cat scratch, it's all through it. 418 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,600 Speaker 1: And and then he just looked me in the eyes, 419 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 1: and I think that was my cat's way of saying, 420 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:08,640 Speaker 1: fuck you, get your ship together, because you're an embarrassment. 421 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:14,119 Speaker 1: So that all comes to a head, and I was 422 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,400 Speaker 1: just progressively more frustrated that I wasn't getting my way, 423 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,119 Speaker 1: and then I think that that's where a lot of 424 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:24,159 Speaker 1: things came to see the light, and maybe I was, 425 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,399 Speaker 1: you know, I was going through a lot at that 426 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,240 Speaker 1: point in my life, to be completely fair, like this 427 00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,520 Speaker 1: was like right after a serious breakup, right after I 428 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,760 Speaker 1: lost my sister, And I think now that I'm looking 429 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:35,720 Speaker 1: back with a clear head, I'm like, Okay, I was 430 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: absolutely trying to find something I can control, which was 431 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:42,919 Speaker 1: this like micro relationship or the situation ship or whatever, 432 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,200 Speaker 1: and I was putting everything on that because I couldn't 433 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,280 Speaker 1: do anything about my ex, I couldn't do anything about 434 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 1: my sister. But I felt like if I couldn't make 435 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 1: this guy like me, it would fix everything, which is 436 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:57,840 Speaker 1: such bullshit and something I've talked about a lot in therapy, 437 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,520 Speaker 1: and uh, yeah, we're not going to do that again. 438 00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: We're not gonna do that again. And it was just 439 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,679 Speaker 1: this a horrible cycle where like it was just a 440 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,119 Speaker 1: lot of a lot of drunk texting and I have 441 00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:12,160 Speaker 1: I said some some absolutely heinous things to this guy, 442 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,879 Speaker 1: just you know, being like why don't you love me? 443 00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,679 Speaker 1: Like stuff like that. You know, maybe not that on 444 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,960 Speaker 1: the nose, but I mean a child could put together that. 445 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,920 Speaker 1: That was what I meant. Comes to a head on St. 446 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,400 Speaker 1: Patrick's Day. Um, I have been drinking a lot. And 447 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 1: by drinking a lot, I mean I started drinking whiskey 448 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,160 Speaker 1: at twelve pm and by twelve am I was chasing 449 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:38,399 Speaker 1: whiskey shots with straight whiskey. And there is such a 450 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 1: thing as too much whiskey. There is I don't care 451 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,760 Speaker 1: what anybody says. I don't care what any country song says. Uh, 452 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,719 Speaker 1: there is such a thing. And I had it. So 453 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:50,840 Speaker 1: I run into him and we're talking and I was like, 454 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,560 Speaker 1: you know, and he said something. He was like, Kaylie, 455 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,520 Speaker 1: you're really drunk, Like I'm I'm not going to go 456 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,639 Speaker 1: home with you tonight, and I was like, why aren't 457 00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,400 Speaker 1: you gonna do that? And like just super wine, Like 458 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,600 Speaker 1: this was my worst self, Like this really was. And 459 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 1: we decided to go to cook out and and I 460 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,320 Speaker 1: think he was just humoring me and trying to make 461 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 1: sure that I ate something and somehow like didn't get 462 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,680 Speaker 1: alcohol poisoning or whatever. And so we're walking to cook 463 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:18,520 Speaker 1: out and I barely remember this, like, and I'm not 464 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 1: I'm not proud of how drunk I was at and 465 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:23,399 Speaker 1: I I still enjoy drinking, but I haven't been this 466 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,520 Speaker 1: drunk since. And I would just like to have that 467 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:28,359 Speaker 1: on the record. I'm not endorsing this behavior. And he 468 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:34,359 Speaker 1: also find out why. So apparently, um, I on the 469 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,600 Speaker 1: way to cook out to get a milkshake and a 470 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:40,160 Speaker 1: corn dog, I said, is the reason you don't love 471 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:44,000 Speaker 1: me because you're gay? For your best friend. That was 472 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,880 Speaker 1: a bold assumption. And there's something very problematic about me 473 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,400 Speaker 1: assuming that just because the guy doesn't like me, he's gay. 474 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:53,720 Speaker 1: So I would like to apologize for that. But wow, 475 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:58,280 Speaker 1: what a low And naturally this man was like, oh 476 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,680 Speaker 1: my god. So that at the end of that, and 477 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:05,760 Speaker 1: we were supposed to write a song the next day, like, uh, professionally, 478 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,080 Speaker 1: because that's how we met, was was writing songs together. 479 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,879 Speaker 1: And he canceled that in every single day that we 480 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:15,160 Speaker 1: add on the books till the end of time. Uh, 481 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,520 Speaker 1: And we're on okay terms now, But that was one 482 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:20,480 Speaker 1: of one of those examples of something that really really 483 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:24,280 Speaker 1: needs some time to uh to settle. Uh. But I 484 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,399 Speaker 1: wrote a song about that situation as well, and um, 485 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,639 Speaker 1: I'm gonna play this for this. One's called self awareness. 486 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,640 Speaker 1: I'm sorry that I got too dunk and I met 487 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:35,080 Speaker 1: you out and I kissed your lips and oh am 488 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:40,959 Speaker 1: my mouth? Are you and a fast food parking lot? Oops? 489 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 1: I just over shared again talking to you much ship 490 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:47,000 Speaker 1: to your best friend. To be fair, I think that 491 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:52,760 Speaker 1: he's on my side. It goes black after that, but 492 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,639 Speaker 1: I can tell that it was bad. You don't have 493 00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:00,840 Speaker 1: to tell me is already No, I say out change, 494 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:04,000 Speaker 1: even though I probably won't. The first step saying that 495 00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:08,320 Speaker 1: I have problems. The second is when I actually solve them. 496 00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:12,640 Speaker 1: But I know almost psycho So in all fairness, at 497 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 1: least to have self awareness. Yeah, I truly hate to 498 00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 1: see it. Um. I feel like I've done a lot 499 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,280 Speaker 1: of growing in the past year and a half. I 500 00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:28,480 Speaker 1: honestly think that quarantine, literally locking me in my house, 501 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:30,719 Speaker 1: had a lot to do with it, because I couldn't 502 00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:34,200 Speaker 1: go out and be reckless at the first sign of distress. 503 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:38,840 Speaker 1: Because normally my my go to coping mechanism is to 504 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:42,399 Speaker 1: just light my life on fire to have a distraction, 505 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,720 Speaker 1: which makes literally no sense because that just means when 506 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:48,280 Speaker 1: it gets bad, it gets worse. It's so weird to 507 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:51,240 Speaker 1: like look back on these things because I'm actually like 508 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,960 Speaker 1: pretty calm these days. I'm doing pretty well. But damn 509 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:59,359 Speaker 1: February gayly with that doing very good? I guess what 510 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:01,879 Speaker 1: on ever? Look at St Patrick's day at the same again. 511 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,680 Speaker 1: I could probably go on for hours. I have thousands 512 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,359 Speaker 1: more embarrassing stories, but I gotta say some content for 513 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:12,320 Speaker 1: the other podcasts. Um, So thanks for listening. There really 514 00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:14,840 Speaker 1: have been so many listeners recently on the podcast, and 515 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,639 Speaker 1: I would like to say thank you. But I'm also 516 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,440 Speaker 1: aware that I might not be aware of how many 517 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:23,200 Speaker 1: people are listening. Uh, and that is the reason I 518 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:24,840 Speaker 1: could do an episode like this. So I'm just going 519 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:29,320 Speaker 1: to pretend that it's like five or six people, um, 520 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:32,640 Speaker 1: and it's like more like but it's okay, it's okay. UM. 521 00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:34,359 Speaker 1: I would like to thank all of you for making 522 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,680 Speaker 1: this podcast so fun, and thank you for the love 523 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:39,680 Speaker 1: on my new single My Voice. I have some more 524 00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,960 Speaker 1: music coming out soon. My deluxe version of my album 525 00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:44,840 Speaker 1: Open Book, called Open Book on a Bridge will be 526 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:47,960 Speaker 1: out at the end of the year, and there's gonna 527 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,880 Speaker 1: be some songs about the situation I talked about today. 528 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,000 Speaker 1: Self awareness is not on the project, but there are 529 00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:57,360 Speaker 1: some that dive into that particular situation. Ship is my 530 00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,160 Speaker 1: is my favorite word to describe it. So basically, HASP 531 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,120 Speaker 1: read my diary to you guys today and played you 532 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,360 Speaker 1: some songs that I wrote that uh, I didn't think 533 00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:07,560 Speaker 1: anybody would hear. So it really is fitting that this 534 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,000 Speaker 1: podcast has called too much to say thanks for listening. 535 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 1: I'm Kaylie Short and I'll see you guys next week. 536 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:23,000 Speaker 1: Asking questions so much now turn it out of you