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Speaker 1: Okay, so how are you? I am doing really well.

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Speaker 2: How are you doing?

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Speaker 1: I'm great?

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Speaker 3: And for those listening, this is Sarah Hensley, who we've

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Speaker 3: talked to before, and her specialty is attachment theories. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: since I knew you were coming on, I thought of

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Speaker 3: just some like topics in relationships to just throw out

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Speaker 3: that I've talked about on social media. You've probably heard

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Speaker 3: me talk about and I'm sure you have an opinion

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Speaker 3: about it.

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Speaker 1: So the first one is breadcrumb guy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, bread crumbing cool.

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Speaker 3: So breadcrumb guy. And of course I talk from my

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Speaker 3: own experience, but it's crazy to me the people that

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Speaker 3: reach out to me about it. So yes, thousands bat

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Speaker 3: millions of people reaching I mean I thought, like thousands

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Speaker 3: of you reach out to me who are hearing it,

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Speaker 3: validating it, Like I just say something that just like

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Speaker 3: jumps off the page to me, but like no one's

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Speaker 3: ever said it before specifically this.

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Speaker 1: Way, and then like and then I'll have.

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Speaker 3: Like celebrities that you guys all know text me and

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Speaker 3: be like, oh my god, like freaking out.

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Speaker 1: So let me expla exactly what I said was.

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Speaker 3: People always talk about like young guys at these like

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Speaker 3: bro types or like the finance guy who's like an

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Speaker 3: idiot and I've been through that phase, or I've dated

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Speaker 3: that guy, I've converted that guy, and like that guy

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Speaker 3: texts or wants a booty call with some girls, or

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Speaker 3: like last minute plans and just like juvenile. So there's

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Speaker 3: like there are different brands of men, and that is one,

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Speaker 3: but like the breadcrumb guy, which can be a younger guy.

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Speaker 3: But what I was specifically speaking about was that one

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Speaker 3: might think that a man in their fifties would be

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Speaker 3: at like a life maturity relationship level where they would

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Speaker 3: be more sort of consistent and reliable. And this is

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Speaker 3: a blanket theory, but my perspective has.

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Speaker 1: Been that many men have been married.

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Speaker 3: For decades they get divorced or separated. This is also

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Speaker 3: like stereotypes and setting women back, but in their lives,

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Speaker 3: the women have handled a lot in the house and

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Speaker 3: the kids and the sports uniforms and the pick up

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Speaker 3: and drop off, and these guys are divorced.

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Speaker 1: They're used to being in a relationship.

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Speaker 3: They now have more money, they've got their cars, they're

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Speaker 3: like working, they know how to do that part, and

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Speaker 3: they've like lost this sort of ability to try or

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Speaker 3: engage or emotionally interact. They don't seem emotionally intelligent, and

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Speaker 3: so they are often breadcrumb guy, Like they think like

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Speaker 3: they're gonna get involved with you.

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Speaker 1: They are somewhat of a catch.

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Speaker 3: They've got some money and they're just going to text

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Speaker 3: you and like that's going to be enough. And then

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Speaker 3: because they're quote unquote working, they can sort of like

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Speaker 3: disappear and that you're going to just like take these

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Speaker 3: scraps and we as women are older and wiser and

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Speaker 3: hopefully have some financial independence, and we're like, what are

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Speaker 3: you talking about.

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Speaker 1: We'd rather be alone.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what do we need that for?

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Speaker 1: You're like a freaking caveman.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely.

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Speaker 4: I think I think the decade of like the guy

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Speaker 4: in his fifties is probably more of the dismissive avoidant

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Speaker 4: man whose wife finally was like, you're out of here

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Speaker 4: because our kids are grown and I can't be in

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Speaker 4: a loveless marriage anymore. So they kind of had this

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Speaker 4: pattern for a while in their marriage where they were

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Speaker 4: emotionally unavailable and did what we call deactivating, which is

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Speaker 4: just kind of go into their internal shell. And they

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Speaker 4: think now that they're single, dismissal avoidance, really view themselves

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Speaker 4: as like I just had an incompatible partner. They really

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Speaker 4: have a really hard time self reflecting on their own behavior,

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Speaker 4: and so then they get out of these marriages. They're

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Speaker 4: in their fifties, you know, their kids are grown, and

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Speaker 4: then they just toss out these breadcrumbs and they think

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Speaker 4: people are going to like fall over themselves to catch them,

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Speaker 4: and that is not what they're finding. And a lot

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Speaker 4: of them come to me and they're like, why can't

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Speaker 4: I find somebody that wants to date me? And I'm like, well,

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Speaker 4: let's talk about your dating strategy. Let's talk about your

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Speaker 4: level of comfort with your own emotions. And they look

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Speaker 4: at me with a blank stare like what are you

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Speaker 4: talking about my comfort level with my own emotions? And

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Speaker 4: I'm like, do you feel your feelings? Can you differentiate

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Speaker 4: your emotions more than like happy, sad, angry? And they're

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Speaker 4: like no, like I know, and I'm like okay, and

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Speaker 4: I'm not okay, Like that's the level of emotional intelligence

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Speaker 4: of that breadcrumb guy. And so he doesn't really get it,

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Speaker 4: like he doesn't understand why the breadcrumbs aren't enough, because

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Speaker 4: in his world, that's what he gave his wife for

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Speaker 4: so long was just these bread crumbs, and breadcrumbing can

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Speaker 4: really be a bad thing for somebody who has more

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Speaker 4: attachment insnxiety because the inconsistent reinforcement of like sometimes you

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Speaker 4: get something from them and then other times they're a

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Speaker 4: ghost or they don't put in much effort. It creates

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Speaker 4: a lot of anxiety for those who have more attachment

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Speaker 4: insecurity based and anxiety, and so it can be this

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Speaker 4: really up and down roller coaster for those folks who

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Speaker 4: sort of latch onto whatever they can get in these breadcrumbs,

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Speaker 4: and then they end up getting their heartbroken because dude

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Speaker 4: just can't He just can't commit. He just is thinking, no,

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Speaker 4: I got to live my best life. I gotta like

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Speaker 4: find the one. My wife wasn't the one, And really, yeah,

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Speaker 4: lamor is that he's probably not compatible with literally anybody

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Speaker 4: because so emotionally unavailable and he doesn't realize it right.

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Speaker 3: And even if someone self reflects, it's hard to constantly

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Speaker 3: do that because you're in your own mind and your

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Speaker 3: own feeling. Meaning when you feel sad or you have anxiety,

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Speaker 3: you feel that feeling, you're not really thinking about the

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Speaker 3: fact that what it really means underneath or like why

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Speaker 3: it is it's hard to like constantly label yourself because

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Speaker 3: you're inside your own heart mind and you know so.

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Speaker 3: And also I think that person, I think that person

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Speaker 3: often puts their entire body and life into work. And

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Speaker 3: if there is no work, or if work doesn't exist

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Speaker 3: as an outlet for that person, then they're in a

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Speaker 3: really bad space because they don't have the relationship to

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Speaker 3: rely on and they don't have that easy other crutch

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Speaker 3: or the kids, as it's been stated that person like

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Speaker 3: invests more in their kids. If they don't have all that, like,

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Speaker 3: they really can only look inside.

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Speaker 1: And that's that's.

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Speaker 4: Grim, right, it is, and dismissive avoidance. Especially the most

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Speaker 4: unavailable emotionally type of person, they use work as a

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Speaker 4: strategy to stay suppressed in their emotions. Like actually, you know,

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Speaker 4: diving into work and staying distracted is what keeps them

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Speaker 4: disconnected from their emotions, and so they have to have

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Speaker 4: something to disconnect themselves because they've never learned how to

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Speaker 4: process emotion or to be in good relationship to self,

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Speaker 4: and so they use work. I always say das are

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Speaker 4: always workaholics or hobby aholics a lot of the time,

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Speaker 4: and it's because pouring their energy into that thing is

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Speaker 4: what keeps them distracted from their own inner world that

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Speaker 4: they don't know how to connect with. And if you

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Speaker 4: can't connect with your own inner world, you're going to

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Speaker 4: struggle to connect with somebody else's emotions and inner world.

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Speaker 3: I also think that person is often in relationships that

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Speaker 3: don't require a lot of maintenance, but that also makes

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Speaker 3: them like go lower because then you somehow know that

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Speaker 3: like you're taking the path of least resistance.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely, I mean they definitely take advantage of the more

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Speaker 4: anxious types who will sort of self abandon and drop

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Speaker 4: their boundaries and like throw their needs under the bus. Doormats, Yes, dormats,

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Speaker 4: very much so. And it's really it's really sad because

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Speaker 4: those individuals are just they're trapped by that intermittent reinf enforcement.

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Speaker 4: And that is actually the concept behind all of addiction.

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Speaker 4: Like everything that is addictive has intermittent reinforcement. Like drugs,

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Speaker 4: you get high and then you're low, and so when

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Speaker 4: you're high, the need is met. When you get off

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Speaker 4: the drug, it's not meant gambling. You bet your money,

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Speaker 4: you win, the need is met, you feel great. You

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Speaker 4: bet your money, you lose. Making you have anxiety about

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Speaker 4: losing that money and wanting to bet again. So when

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Speaker 4: breadcrumbing happens, it is that intermittent reinforcement that is always

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Speaker 4: going to create anxiety and addiction to those that are

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Speaker 4: very susceptible to that.

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Speaker 1: It's a hit, you take it.

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Speaker 2: Right, Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what about the.

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Speaker 3: Love bomber? So for me, there are a couple things

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Speaker 3: that I've experienced. Now I have ticket seven months without dating,

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Speaker 3: and for me, I mean I've heard people say it

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Speaker 3: does wonders to be celibate for a year or really

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Speaker 3: too it can only be like a cleanse, which is good,

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Speaker 3: like you start reintroducing things back in and you see

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Speaker 3: how it works. But for me, you know how, once

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Speaker 3: you're quote I don't believe in like being good or bad.

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Speaker 3: But once let's say you are in a cleanser, you

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Speaker 3: don't eat sugar or you're not drinking, like, you get excited.

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Speaker 3: You get days under your belt and you're excited. It

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Speaker 3: feels like that about not dating, and at what at

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Speaker 3: some point you're just like I just reached a point

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Speaker 3: where when someone says, well just go, you never know,

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Speaker 3: you might have fun, I'm like, no, the guy doesn't

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Speaker 3: live in a place where we're like, no, there's no

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Speaker 3: having fun. I won't find that fun if the guy

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Speaker 3: at this age is not a guy that I'm going

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Speaker 3: to want based on like he lives in Milwaukee and

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Speaker 3: I'm not going to visit him there or like something fundamentally,

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Speaker 3: he's a Jehovah's witnet like whatever the thing is, Like

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Speaker 3: he has six kids.

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Speaker 1: Someone had.

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Speaker 3: A guy who's a billionaire has five kids. I'm not

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Speaker 3: going to be in a relationship with I'm with five kids.

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Speaker 3: I don't care if they're three or seventy five years old.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to deal with a man that has

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Speaker 3: to deal with five kids. I'm allowed, right, it's my life.

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Speaker 3: I'm allowed to not want to deal with I don't.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to have to date a guy who

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Speaker 3: was blue Eye. If I don't want to, my choice totally.

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Speaker 3: So it's like almost on like so strict. Now so

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Speaker 3: strict because I haven't had dairy and let's say seven

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Speaker 3: months or like I have, but I'm in like a man,

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Speaker 3: so I'm not introducing it unless it's really worth it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So I was thinking.

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Speaker 3: About the love bomb guys because there are different guys

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Speaker 3: that have come and like, I think they're aware of

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Speaker 3: this with me. They've either heard me say it publicly

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Speaker 3: or they aware and it's almost like a challenge to them.

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Speaker 3: And so they want to convince me based on things

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Speaker 3: that I've said on social media, which is a massive

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Speaker 3: red flag. By the way, do not communicate to me via.

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Speaker 3: But they want to convince me of what they are,

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Speaker 3: Like I'm not I'm really mature, and I'm really drama

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Speaker 3: free and I'm really this and I'm like, but I

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Speaker 3: like you, I'm not interested.

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Speaker 1: I'm out of try. So I've told people.

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Speaker 3: Like in a nice way, and then one guy was like, really,

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Speaker 3: I promise you'll be happy you've met me, Like, honestly,

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Speaker 3: you need to be a little more relaxed, like I

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Speaker 3: don't know you, I don't need to be anything, and

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Speaker 3: that like assaulting me emotionally.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I think from following you now for

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Speaker 4: a while, I can tell that you have a great

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Speaker 4: relationship to yourself, and that's really important, Like you have

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Speaker 4: to love who you are. You have to know who

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Speaker 4: you are, you have to know what you want, and

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Speaker 4: you have to be unapologetic about that because authenticity is

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Speaker 4: the most regulating thing to the human nervous system. And

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Speaker 4: so if you are introducing yourself to someone and you

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Speaker 4: know off the bat it's not going to be authentic

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Speaker 4: because they don't have really what you're looking for. There's

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Speaker 4: some circumstance or like you said, where they live or

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Speaker 4: where they are in their life. What's the point because

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Speaker 4: obviously you have a good relationship to self because you're like,

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Speaker 4: I'd rather just be in relationship to myself doing the

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Speaker 4: things that I enjoy doing, you know, and not waste

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Speaker 4: my time on these people where you might get attached

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Speaker 4: or something and then there's this bake incompatibility that you

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Speaker 4: would then be stuck trying to navigate through.

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Speaker 2: And that's just not worth it.

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Speaker 4: And that's really what securely attached people can do that

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Speaker 4: insecurely attached people can't do, is you know, say this

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Speaker 4: is who I am. I'm unapologetic about it, this is

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Speaker 4: what I want, and I'm not going to take anything

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Speaker 4: less right. If you are coming at me trying to

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Speaker 4: convince me of who you are, I kind of see

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Speaker 4: that as a red flag. Like people that are that

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Speaker 4: are deeply know that they are good people and that

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Speaker 4: they have something really good to offer, don't need to

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Speaker 4: convince you of that right up front. They are comfortable

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Speaker 4: and confident enough to know that when you do go

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Speaker 4: on a date with me, you're going to see these

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Speaker 4: good qualities. I don't have to brag about myself. I

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Speaker 4: don't have to, you know, put myself under this spotlight

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Speaker 4: to try to show you that I'm awesome.

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Speaker 2: That screams red flags to me.

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Speaker 3: And that's a little addictive too, like no, no, no,

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Speaker 3: just get it, get in here. Once you're here, you're

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Speaker 3: gonna like me. And like I get being pursued. Being

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Speaker 3: pursued is different than what we're talking about. I like

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Speaker 3: you saying I would write a chapter in a book

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Speaker 3: called what's the point. It's called like I don't like

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Speaker 3: when there's something about First of all, I'm not one

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Speaker 3: who likes city things. I don't like to do, and

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Speaker 3: I don't like to be shackled and trapped and don't know,

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Speaker 3: like so it's like, why don't you get the whatever

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Speaker 3: I'm getting that It's like I don't want it because

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Speaker 3: I don't want that because I want steak and not chickens.

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Speaker 3: So it doesn't matter, like why I don't have to

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Speaker 3: explain to you? And I also so it's like, what's

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Speaker 3: the point?

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Speaker 1: Is great? Right?

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Speaker 3: You could this could be a gorgeous hiking vacation in

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Speaker 3: the Red Rocks. I don't want to hike. I don't

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Speaker 3: like hiking. I want to be by a beach. I

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Speaker 3: want to ski, I want to hang glide. I don't

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Speaker 3: want to So there's no point And it might be

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Speaker 3: like you maybe try it, you might like it, Like

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Speaker 3: I don't want to like it because the guy doesn't

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Speaker 3: live where I want to live and I don't want problems.

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Speaker 1: At this age, it's different than when you're twenty five.

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Speaker 4: Right, And so why not spend the time doing what

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Speaker 4: you want to do with people you want to be around,

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Speaker 4: instead of setting up the situation that you know eventually

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Speaker 4: you're gonna have to navigate something about it that you

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Speaker 4: really don't like, and then there's feelings potentially mixed in

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Speaker 4: why go there?

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Speaker 3: And I think it's different at a different age too,

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Speaker 3: which is also what's the point. If you're in college,

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Speaker 3: I'm just having fun, Great, then go out with seventy

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Speaker 3: five guys. Great, you're just having fun, that's your goal.

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Speaker 3: I think it's important for us to know what our

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Speaker 3: goals are, like they could change but you we get like,

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Speaker 3: you get diverted and you get in the wrong car, yeah,

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Speaker 3: because it looked shiny and you got in, and now

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Speaker 3: you're driving so far you don't know where the hell

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Speaker 3: you even are and when you started and what you

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Speaker 3: wanted because you've convinced yourself, like you get you go

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Speaker 3: on the day with the wrong person, you think he's hot,

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Speaker 3: You have good sex, you get hooked in set. Twelve

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Speaker 3: months later, once the beer goggles are off, you're like,

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Speaker 3: fuck and I knew this.

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Speaker 4: But like it's the great narcissist and like it's horrible,

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Speaker 4: And then you are You're like, how in the heck

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Speaker 4: did I get here? I mean, that's my entire first marriage, honestly, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: entire first marriage.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: You know, I've just.

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Speaker 4: Wrapped up in the looks and and the you know,

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Speaker 4: just fast pace of his life, and I got kind

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Speaker 4: of who dud And there was so many red flags

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Speaker 4: that I ignored because I was already attached. And of

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Speaker 4: course I had a lot of insecurities back then that

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Speaker 4: I don't have now. But it's just I tell people, like,

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Speaker 4: the best relationship you're going to have is the relationship

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Speaker 4: to yourself and secure people have this good relationship to

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Speaker 4: self where if they start dating somebody and they see

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Speaker 4: these red flags, they're like, okay, well, you know, I'm

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Speaker 4: okay facing detachment because I'm going to walk back into

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Speaker 4: this good relationship that I have with myself and I'm

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Speaker 4: okay with that. Whereas insecure people, especially with those with

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Speaker 4: attachment anxiety, they just don't know how to really be

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Speaker 4: happy in relationship to self, in their aloneness and a

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Speaker 4: life that they are in total control of and that

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Speaker 4: they have built. And that's why that journey to become

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Speaker 4: securely attached is so important, because it allows you to

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Speaker 4: detach when you see those types of red flags, like

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Speaker 4: if you did get whodued by the love bombing, you know,

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Speaker 4: and you start to realize that the mask is falling

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Speaker 4: off and they're verbally abusive or there they start breadcrumbing

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Speaker 4: you out of the blue, or you know, they lie

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Speaker 4: to you or you know, cheat on you or whatever.

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Speaker 4: Secure people are going to go that is really yuck,

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Speaker 4: Like I don't want anything more to do with that.

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Speaker 2: The pain that you're causing me. This isn't worth it.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't even have to be that, though there could

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Speaker 3: be someone who's just so desperately love bombing, and you

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Speaker 3: become their entire identity. I've seen that a lot too,

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Speaker 3: Like I've had this where I'm a person's everything, and

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Speaker 3: like I have to fulfill all their needs because I'm

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Speaker 3: enough for them. But like, I didn't sign up to

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Speaker 3: be like the yin and the yang is every single

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Speaker 3: second of every day. I didn't want to be like

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Speaker 3: Batman and Robin, Like I want to have my own

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Speaker 3: life too.

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Speaker 4: Sure, I mean the goal is definitely interdependence, and what

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Speaker 4: you're describing is more codependence.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 4: Someone was like you, no, you kind of complete me,

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Speaker 4: and like I'm not okay if you're not okay, And

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Speaker 4: you know, I don't see myself in any other way

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Speaker 4: without you in the picture. Like I don't have my

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Speaker 4: own hobbies, I don't have things that I like to

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Speaker 4: do on my own.

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Speaker 2: You know, we're not okay if we spend one night.

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Speaker 4: Apart for it, right right, right, right? Like that that's

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Speaker 4: not healthy. That's not interdependence. Interdependence is both. You know,

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Speaker 4: we have a good relationship, but we also have independence

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Speaker 4: in all life outside of each other that is fruitful

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Speaker 4: and that we enjoy and we're not just completely consumed

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Speaker 4: with each other and it's our identity that you are

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Speaker 4: my partner.

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Speaker 2: So I totally agree with that.

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Speaker 3: Another thing is that I've found my people and honesty

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Speaker 3: and being able to say, like everybody doesn't have to

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Speaker 3: want to be in a relationship. Like there's this thing

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Speaker 3: with women and it seems like more traditional values right

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Speaker 3: to be like, oh, you're going to end up alone?

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Speaker 1: Okay, then what happened? What do we like?

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Speaker 3: I look at Jennifer Anison. She's on the cover of

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Speaker 3: Vanity I look at Jennifer Anison. She's on the cover

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Speaker 3: of Vanity Fair magazine. Now she's been in many relationships.

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Speaker 3: People talk about Jennifer Lopez like the Jennifer is Like,

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Speaker 3: let's pretend that people are so saying, oh, this is

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Speaker 3: why they're alone or they can't hold a man or whatever.

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Speaker 3: Like I don't know how these women feel, but if

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Speaker 3: they haven't been happy in their relationships and they haven't worked,

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Speaker 3: then being alone is better. If they're not being abused

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Speaker 3: in a relationship or unhappy in a relationship, or cheating

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Speaker 3: on or being cheated on, Like being alone is better.

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Speaker 3: Like for so long people have gotten away with just

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Speaker 3: safe saying these throwaway comments like that, like, oh, she's

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Speaker 3: gonna end up alone. Yeah, she might because she might

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Speaker 3: a want to be and I have found someone good

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Speaker 3: enough and see it doesn't want to give away her time,

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Speaker 3: her money, her vagina whatever.

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Speaker 1: Like I am. I would like to meet someone. I

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Speaker 1: would like to.

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Speaker 3: Not date in the way that I have where I

383
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Speaker 3: always settle in some way, get really close, I get

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Speaker 3: like eighty percent there, and I know I'm only eighty

385
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Speaker 3: percent there, and I don't go all the way. This

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Speaker 3: is the first time that I I've really held back

387
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Speaker 3: and held the horse back in the stall because I'm like, nope,

388
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Speaker 3: that's why it's been seven months. I'm not too picky.

389
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Speaker 3: It's none of that. I'm doing it or I'm not,

390
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,679
Speaker 3: and I'm okay. I understand the consequences. I may not

391
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Speaker 3: find it and then I'll be alone. Some people are like, well,

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Speaker 3: I need to be supported, or I need to have sex,

393
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Speaker 3: or I need to live with someone, or I need

394
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Speaker 3: to marry some illegally, whatever their reasons are, and they

395
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,639
Speaker 3: know the deal. But for me, I'm in my negotiation.

396
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Speaker 3: I'm getting what i want or I'm being alone. I

397
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Speaker 3: am my big girl. I know the consequences. I bet you,

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Speaker 3: Jennifer and Aison knows the consequences too, absolutely, I bet you.

399
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Speaker 1: I bet you.

400
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Speaker 3: Jennifer Lopez knows the consequences too. She has money, she

401
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,400
Speaker 3: has kids. She may not want to be alone, but

402
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:47,199
Speaker 3: she may be being alone because she's not gonna you know,

403
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,160
Speaker 3: she doesn't want to be unhappy or whatever.

404
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:50,440
Speaker 1: But I hate that.

405
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:54,160
Speaker 4: I can even imine the additional pressure of being famous

406
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,520
Speaker 4: and having your everybody scrutinizing you. You know, it's hard

407
00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,360
Speaker 4: enough to date, like just being a normal person, let

408
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:04,919
Speaker 4: alone everybody commenting on it, everybody maybe publishing you know,

409
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 4: stories that aren't even really true about It's.

410
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,360
Speaker 1: Not harder, though, I'll tell you why it's not harder.

411
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:11,159
Speaker 1: It's not.

412
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:14,040
Speaker 3: It's a different, Okay, being in a cul de sac

413
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Speaker 3: in a small.

414
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Speaker 1: Town and being alone and your whole.

415
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:22,040
Speaker 3: Town is divided and you didn't get the divorced people,

416
00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:23,920
Speaker 3: or the husband makes the money and belongs to the club,

417
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:27,560
Speaker 3: and you don't like that is sounds way more. It's

418
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,160
Speaker 3: more like the Gilded Age the show right now, where

419
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 3: like your entire world is small and everyone knows, like

420
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:37,400
Speaker 3: for us, we get to hide behind being famous and

421
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:41,280
Speaker 3: doing amazing things, and we chose a career and all

422
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:41,680
Speaker 3: that stuff.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's good. It's scrutinized, but it's not worse.

424
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Speaker 1: It's just different.

425
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Speaker 2: That's interesting, that's really interesting.

426
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Speaker 4: I guess that just shows that, you know, the whole

427
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,679
Speaker 4: process is hard, no matter where you're from or what

428
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 4: you're doing with your life, because relationships are difficult.

429
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 2: I mean, they are not They're not easy.

430
00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 4: They require a lot of work, and like I said,

431
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,760
Speaker 4: it just it just goes to show that, you know,

432
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:06,399
Speaker 4: when you really do become secure, you're not willing to settle.

433
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 4: You're just not willing to settle. You're not willing to

434
00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 4: make these, you know, giant compromises in your life just

435
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,160
Speaker 4: to have somebody around.

436
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,960
Speaker 3: No and even me having to give an explanation or

437
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,560
Speaker 3: if Jennifer Anderson gives an explanation in an article or

438
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:23,359
Speaker 3: whatever the truth is, they're like, yeah, no kidding, Like

439
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:24,840
Speaker 3: what do you think this is like a secret club

440
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 3: that no one realizes. We don't want to we don't

441
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:27,919
Speaker 3: want we don't want a man. We're not bitter, we're

442
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,199
Speaker 3: not ugly, we're not poor, and we have people that

443
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:31,879
Speaker 3: want to be with us.

444
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:33,120
Speaker 1: We don't want it. I don't want it.

445
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,159
Speaker 3: I had a woman that I know who's attractive and

446
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,760
Speaker 3: smart and has some money, like nothing crazy, but like

447
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,920
Speaker 3: as attractive as any other person and smart and interesting,

448
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,680
Speaker 3: and she was like, I don't want to even fucking

449
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:44,560
Speaker 3: messing with my piece.

450
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 1: I've been through it. I don't want it, like she

451
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 1: doesn't want it.

452
00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:49,760
Speaker 3: Like a certain age, and then a lot of women

453
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,920
Speaker 3: are like, oh, that's called menopause, which is funny too,

454
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 3: like and that doesn't mean you're defective either. You just

455
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 3: may be like no, cause there is a thing that

456
00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,480
Speaker 3: happens at a certain age where forgetting your biby, You're

457
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 3: just like, I don't really care. I don't care if

458
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,159
Speaker 3: people think I just want to laugh. I want to

459
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,920
Speaker 3: be with my kids. I want to be with my cats,

460
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 3: I want to be with my dogs.

461
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:08,440
Speaker 1: I want to be alone.

462
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:09,679
Speaker 3: I want to take a walk, I want to take

463
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 3: a bath. I want to use my vibrator. I want

464
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:13,200
Speaker 3: to eat bombonds. I want to do what I will.

465
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 1: I don't men are fucking annoying, like and irritating.

466
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 2: I do. I get it.

467
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,120
Speaker 4: It's one of those people like the pendulum can swing

468
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:23,919
Speaker 4: too far either way, like if you have to have

469
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,439
Speaker 4: them or you're just like, no, I'm never open to

470
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,640
Speaker 4: the possibility ever again in my entire life, no matter.

471
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 4: If it falls in my lap, then you know, then

472
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:32,879
Speaker 4: I think you might there might be some avoidance. But

473
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 4: when you're just like, okay, yea, it sums, then it's

474
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,159
Speaker 4: and it's right and it's a good fit and it

475
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 4: falls into place for me, then then so be it.

476
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:41,960
Speaker 2: But if it doesn't, but.

477
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,679
Speaker 3: You let's go back. You said there could be some avoidance.

478
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 3: But the difference is that's not hurting anybody else. It's

479
00:22:48,840 --> 00:23:05,800
Speaker 3: a one nan band, right, You're right exactly, so it's

480
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:07,879
Speaker 3: an avoidant maybe, you know. For me, one of the

481
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 3: reasons I want to be in relationship is for my daughter.

482
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 3: I want that unit, I want that family, I want

483
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 3: that tradition. I want that for her. She's not crying

484
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,639
Speaker 3: or craving it. She's an amazing life. It's something that

485
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 3: I would like for her, and I think it would

486
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,920
Speaker 3: be enhance her life. But she is a wonderful life.

487
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,919
Speaker 3: But like, it's not what you're So if you have

488
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 3: a situation where you really woul like a partner for

489
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,760
Speaker 3: your kid, like a man for your son, or some

490
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:34,600
Speaker 3: tradition that's maybe the avoidance could be hurting someone, but like, yeah,

491
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 3: most part, it's not really like it's really your own

492
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:38,679
Speaker 3: right choosing.

493
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,199
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's when people that are really avoidant but that

494
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 4: they don't know that they're avoidant, and then they go

495
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,119
Speaker 4: and they try to have these really intimate relationships and

496
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 4: a lot of dismissive avoidance actually do love bomb in

497
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 4: the beginning, like that's the only time that they feel

498
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:54,120
Speaker 4: safe enough to connect. So they show up as this

499
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 4: person that's extremely interested and extremely you know, affectionate and attentive,

500
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:00,880
Speaker 4: and then they rope people in and they do tend

501
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 4: to attract people who have more attachment anxiety, and then

502
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 4: they just flip that switch and they go into their

503
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 4: avoidance and they deactivate and they pull away, and it's

504
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:12,960
Speaker 4: so painful for the person on the other end because

505
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 4: it's just like doctor Juckle and mister Hyde, like you

506
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 4: came in as one person and then just like in

507
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 4: no time, you became someone I don't even recognize, who

508
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 4: is just this distant kind of ghost. And that's when

509
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 4: it's hurtful. But it's totally fine to be like, you

510
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,240
Speaker 4: know what, I don't want it right now, so I'm

511
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 4: gonna I'm not going to pursue something that I don't

512
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 4: want and then you end up hurting that person that's

513
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 4: not good, or you end up coming into a crossroads

514
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,199
Speaker 4: where you saw that there was this incompatibility that had

515
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 4: always been there, but now you actually really have to

516
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 4: face it because it got real and now there's attachment

517
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 4: and there's feelings involved, and it becomes this huge deal.

518
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 4: So it's yeah, being alone is not hurting anybody. It's

519
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 4: not hurting anything.

520
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:57,440
Speaker 3: Now, once you realize that you've been in a relationship

521
00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 3: with dismissive avoidant, you detach and then they come and

522
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:05,200
Speaker 3: play their games and you really just don't care.

523
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: That's been my experience.

524
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 3: Like on once you've assigned the animal, like once you

525
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:12,720
Speaker 3: realize like it's like a black cat or it's a

526
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:16,159
Speaker 3: scorpion or whatever, like you're like, oh, it's so clear,

527
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 3: and you definitely don't have the same unless you're just

528
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,199
Speaker 3: like an absolutely addictive person and then you have your

529
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 3: own issues like yourself.

530
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:23,359
Speaker 1: Savage.

531
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 2: A lot of those people.

532
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,680
Speaker 4: I see a lot of those anxious people that are

533
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 4: with the dismissive avoidance, and a lot of them, you know,

534
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:32,200
Speaker 4: they don't know what they don't know, so they're they're

535
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 4: married to these men.

536
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 1: Wow, that's scary.

537
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 4: You've been like starved for any kind of affection or

538
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:43,840
Speaker 4: emotion from their partner for like two decades, and they

539
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 4: have kids, and they have finances and maybe a lot

540
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 4: of these women they don't have their own money.

541
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 2: I mean.

542
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,640
Speaker 4: One of the things my mom, and I'm so grateful

543
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 4: she did this. She sat me down one day when

544
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 4: I think I was like seventeen, and she was like, listen,

545
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:58,880
Speaker 4: She's like, you're going to college next year. I don't

546
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 4: know if you'll meet somebody. I don't know when you'll

547
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 4: find the guy that you want to meet. But I'm

548
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 4: going to tell you one thing, and this is the

549
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 4: only piece of relationship advice I can really give. You

550
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 4: have your own money, Like whatever you do, oh god God,

551
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:13,719
Speaker 4: have your own money, because you do not want to

552
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:17,160
Speaker 4: end up with someone who is horrible to you and

553
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 4: then you're financially dependent upon them, and that is another

554
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 4: means of control. And that is exactly what happened in

555
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 4: my marriage. I needed to get out, and thank god

556
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 4: I had a really good job.

557
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,879
Speaker 3: What happens if you have to move to take care

558
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 3: of your parents and your husband changes his mind or

559
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 3: he has a nervous breakdown, like be smart. It could

560
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 3: be anything you want, but not at the cost of

561
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:38,320
Speaker 3: having no freedom.

562
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 4: Yeah know, the risks is what I would say. I

563
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 4: would be like, really know the risks because everybody goes

564
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 4: into marriage thinking, like nobody goes in and they're like,

565
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,280
Speaker 4: you know what, I think I'm probably gonna end up

566
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 4: divorced with this marriage. Like nobody does that. Everybody thinks,

567
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 4: you know, this is the one, We're gonna make it.

568
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,439
Speaker 4: You know, we can work through anything. But the thing

569
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,159
Speaker 4: of it is is people change. Like there's actually a

570
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 4: psychological theory about how we believe we are the person

571
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 4: that we are now is who are always going to

572
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 4: be And that's not true. Like they've actually done studies

573
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,680
Speaker 4: and show just how dramatically people change over the decades.

574
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 4: And so you're not going to be the person in

575
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 4: ten years that you are right now. I mean, maybe

576
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,120
Speaker 4: there are some core things about you, but the kind

577
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 4: of music you listen to, or what you like, or

578
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 4: your routines or your habits or you might get into

579
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:24,399
Speaker 4: different hobbies. There are lots of things that are going

580
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,639
Speaker 4: to change about you over the course of your lifespan

581
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 4: and you just can't count on someone else's behavior always

582
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:34,119
Speaker 4: being what it is right now, like someone might but

583
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 4: I and then they're not.

584
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 3: But I think that young girls all would never believe

585
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,160
Speaker 3: not it's not going to happen to me. I don't

586
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,119
Speaker 3: think that people would really hear that and digest that

587
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 3: that are young. Only people our age and of institutional

588
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 3: knowledge believe that.

589
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,440
Speaker 1: I think someone young can digest.

590
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 3: Somebody gets sick, somebody, you know, somebody's diagnosed with you know,

591
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 3: anxiety or depression or is byle or something like something

592
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,960
Speaker 3: like drastic that could happen. Somebody gets in an accident,

593
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 3: somebody is a professional or an athlete and they get hurt,

594
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 3: Like what would actually happen if if the situations change?

595
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, anyway, worst stories I've seen and.

596
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,199
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so anyway, I don't even know.

597
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,920
Speaker 3: It's just no the risks, don't take the risks, don't

598
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 3: take the risks, have a side, hustle, whatever it is.

599
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm so glad my mom told me that

600
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:28,920
Speaker 4: and like burned it into my brain. And I mean

601
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:31,399
Speaker 4: my parents did not have a good marriage, but I

602
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:34,440
Speaker 4: mean she did, you know, instill that in me, And

603
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:36,400
Speaker 4: it was a lifesaver. It was the reason I could

604
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 4: get out from something that was really, really bad.

605
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 3: And then the last thing is kind of related to

606
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 3: what we were saying before. I was talking about being

607
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 3: too pick you're too picky for who for you?

608
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 1: For what? Like?

609
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 3: Am I gonna go to a restaurant and I'm too bad?

610
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 3: I want to eat what I want to eat. I'd

611
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 3: rather not eat than eat something bad. So isn't it

612
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 3: my body my choice? Too picky?

613
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 1: I don't even understand what that means.

614
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,960
Speaker 2: I don't know. Okay, picky thing. I think that's knowing

615
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 2: what you want.

616
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 4: And you know, you posted this this post and you're like,

617
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 4: I have seen people like have great fashion and then

618
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,239
Speaker 4: like move up and be on these magazines. And she's like,

619
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 4: I could have had, you know, be styled any way

620
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 4: I want. And you show this bathing suit that was

621
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 4: like vac mode, like that basing bathing suit. Oh yeah,

622
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:28,760
Speaker 4: that is so freaking authentic and just embodying your authenticity

623
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 4: of like I am who I am, I know what

624
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 4: I want.

625
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:32,480
Speaker 2: I'm not going to settle for anything less.

626
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 4: I don't give a crap if anybody doesn't like my

627
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 4: bathing suit, because I love my bathing suit, Like I

628
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 4: love this, I love this sparkly jacket. I love whatever

629
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 4: it is. Right, I'm not just going to just bend

630
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 4: the knee to whatever society thinks that I should want

631
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 4: or like. And I think the same thing applies to relationships,

632
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 4: Like you don't have to bend the knee and just

633
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 4: you know, date some guy just so you can be

634
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 4: seen dating or just so that you seem like you're,

635
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 4: you know, a good catch. No, you're just like I

636
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 4: know who I am and I don't need to prove

637
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 4: it to anybody. If the right thing comes my way, okay,

638
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 4: but but if not, I'm not just going to be

639
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 4: totally I'm going to go on the state just so

640
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 4: I can I can feel like worthy, right or flex

641
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 4: to whoever's watching.

642
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's referring to this cheesy bathing suit that has

643
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 3: smiley faced and rainbow and puffy letters. And it was

644
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 3: so stupid, but like I was so attracted to it

645
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 3: because it just reminds me of my childhood and growing

646
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:25,680
Speaker 3: up in Florida. And it was totally cheesy, but like

647
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:27,160
Speaker 3: I have a cheesy side.

648
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 1: I like it.

649
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 3: Like I'm aware that I'm not going to like go

650
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 3: to the met Gala because of it, but like, I

651
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 3: don't give a shit.

652
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 1: I love the bathing suit the same way.

653
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 3: That like people are like, wait, you're really rich, what

654
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 3: are you doing on jet Blue? What do you mean

655
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,160
Speaker 3: when I'm doing jet Blue? I'm doing what I want

656
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 3: to do. I'm doing It's the airport's forty minutes from

657
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 3: my house.

658
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 1: I'm doing. My daughter and I are there.

659
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 3: I'm not spending fifty thousand dollars and having two pilots

660
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 3: and a giant plane and all this gasoline in this waste,

661
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 3: even though I can, I'm not going to do that.

662
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 1: I don't want to alone.

663
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 2: I love that your nervous system is probably very healthy.

664
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:03,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, the times it was inauthenticity, like not being who

665
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 4: you are and caring so much about what everybody thinks.

666
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 4: It's so disregulating. It's so disregulating, and I can only imagine.

667
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 4: There are so many people, not famous people definitely, but

668
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 4: famous people that they're oh of that, yes, you know

669
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 4: who they feel like they have to be.

670
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 3: Oh my god. You have to watch guilded Age. If

671
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:26,479
Speaker 3: you haven't, you need to watch it.

672
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 2: It's on my list.

673
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed.

674
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:32,960
Speaker 3: And it's all about literally nothing matters if no one

675
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 3: else saw it. The society determines everything. It's horrendous. Yeah,

676
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 3: it's really crazy, so awesome. All right, well this was amazing.

677
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 3: I love having your own. I could talk forever and

678
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 3: ever and ever.

679
00:31:43,720 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. Do you want to go to

680
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:04,959
Speaker 2: the aftern