WEBVTT - Marriage Boomers 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.680 Hell I Suck at Dating with Dengler and dared Haven 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:11.039 and I heart radio podcast. What's going on? Everyone? Welcome 0:00:11.080 --> 0:00:14.040 to an all new Help I Suck at Dating? And 0:00:14.120 --> 0:00:16.000 it's a weird day because it's not Sunday. We know 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:17.880 you used to get in your podcast on a Sunday, 0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:20.760 but it's a Thursday. We've got a great episode for you, guys. 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:22.680 Angela is still with us. If you haven't had the 0:00:22.760 --> 0:00:24.759 chance to go back and listen to our last episode 0:00:25.079 --> 0:00:28.360 where we deep dive into her new relationship with Brendan 0:00:28.520 --> 0:00:32.519 from Bachelor in Paradise, Canada. Um, But this week we 0:00:32.560 --> 0:00:35.239 have Jackie Dorman, who is the author of Married in 0:00:35.280 --> 0:00:37.960 Twelve Months or Less. She's going to be joining us shortly. 0:00:38.080 --> 0:00:51.760 Stay tuned and we'll get right into that. All right, 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:55.360 Welcome back to Help I Suck at Dating, Dean, myself, Angela, 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:57.560 and we are joined by a very special guest with 0:00:57.600 --> 0:01:00.960 a brand new program called Married in Twelve Months or Less, 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:04.720 which answers a lot of questions we get better than 0:01:04.760 --> 0:01:07.319 Dean and I ever could It is Jackie Dorman. Jackie, 0:01:07.319 --> 0:01:08.960 thank you so much for joining us. How are you? 0:01:09.480 --> 0:01:12.600 I'm great, I'm so excited to be here. I told 0:01:12.640 --> 0:01:14.960 my I told my middle daughter that I was coming, 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:17.959 and she's like, Mom, you have no idea that this 0:01:18.000 --> 0:01:20.920 is so exciting. So I'm really excited to be here. 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:23.280 Trust us, when you report back to her about how 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:26.080 exciting it was, you're gonna be like it was nothing special, 0:01:26.640 --> 0:01:30.559 Like these guys are lame. Angela was cool. They're fun, 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:35.800 they're fun. Um. So you are a relationship coach. Uh, 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:37.680 and you have a brand new program out that is 0:01:37.720 --> 0:01:42.400 called married in twelve months or less? Uh? Can you 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:46.080 do that? That's my first question. If somebody joins this program, 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:47.960 are they going to get married in twelve months of less? 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:50.800 Not even I'm not talking about engaged or finding sniffag 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:54.440 other married ring on it down the altar, paperwork signed, 0:01:55.480 --> 0:02:00.800 paperwork signed, for sure, contracts signed. No, yeah you can. 0:02:00.960 --> 0:02:03.560 And one of the things that I learned, because I've 0:02:03.600 --> 0:02:06.360 been a matchmaker all of my life, and one of 0:02:06.400 --> 0:02:08.400 the things that I learned is I researched really good 0:02:08.440 --> 0:02:10.640 marriages because you can do this in twelve months or 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:13.400 less really badly, Like there's two types of marriages that 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:17.720 happen fast bad toxic codependent ones and really, you know, 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:22.360 undeniably divine, you know, serendipitous, amazing ones. And so what 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:25.400 I learned about really good marriages is that most of 0:02:25.440 --> 0:02:28.320 them the people met and got married in four months 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:32.200 or less. H I know that's really hard because like 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:34.720 this culture is like whoa, you gotta date for five years? 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:37.200 I gotta make sure. It's like the cheesecake Factory menu. 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:40.079 Do I really want the avocado egg rolls? Because this 0:02:40.200 --> 0:02:43.160 menu is so large? Maybe I want something else? Yeah? 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:45.880 Maybe I just want chicken fingers. Yeah maybe. And so 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:49.840 it's like because I think because of modern media, we 0:02:49.880 --> 0:02:52.960 have all these options, and it caused it causes analysis 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:55.760 paralysis is what it causes. So I help people get 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:58.080 out of their own way, get out of the waiting room, 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:01.080 and really step into these amazing part ownerships where they 0:03:01.080 --> 0:03:04.600 can do incredible things together. It's really cool. Okay, I've 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:07.680 got a question. I Uh. I've always had an issue 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:11.440 with people that prioritize a relationship over finding the right partner. 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:14.480 So when I hear get married in twelve months or less, 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:19.320 what I process as hearing is forget about everything you 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:21.639 want and needing a partner. We're gonna get you married, 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:23.560 and it might not be to the person in your dreams, 0:03:23.800 --> 0:03:26.000 but you're gonna be married. That's how I that's how 0:03:26.040 --> 0:03:28.280 I like have a reaction to it. So I would 0:03:28.280 --> 0:03:31.000 love to be convinced otherwise, you know, for sure. And 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:33.160 I do have I do have clients. I do have 0:03:33.200 --> 0:03:35.520 matchmaking clients that are like that. They just don't want 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:37.880 to be alone. They haven't done the heart work. I 0:03:37.920 --> 0:03:40.640 call it the heartwork, and they are prior they are 0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:44.400 prioritizing that for sure. Um, but there's other people that 0:03:44.880 --> 0:03:47.960 you know, they know that this is the maturity plan 0:03:48.160 --> 0:03:52.440 for mankind is relationship, and they're ready to you know, 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:54.320 I call it it's a yes until it's to know. 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:57.720 They're ready to get out there, start dating. It's a 0:03:57.760 --> 0:04:00.560 discovery process, not just to get even know the other 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:03.680 person by getting to know yourself. And they want to 0:04:03.720 --> 0:04:06.160 find the person that you know, they can partner with 0:04:06.240 --> 0:04:09.320 long term. And so yeah, I definitely have people that 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:12.680 are prioritizing just being in any old relationship. But that's 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:15.440 not what we do here for sure. Gotcha nice? Well 0:04:15.480 --> 0:04:18.159 that's good to hear because it scares me. It scares 0:04:18.200 --> 0:04:20.520 me when people because I, you know, I have friends 0:04:20.520 --> 0:04:23.080 that are like that too, And and we even just 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:25.400 talked about it earlier on this podcast, to like these 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:28.479 serial daters where they like they have no sense of 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:30.279 self and they just want to jump from a relationship 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:32.359 the next until they find the relationship that like sticks 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:35.839 long enough to get married. And I mean, granted, you know, 0:04:35.839 --> 0:04:37.280 who am I to say what works for people and 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:40.360 what doesn't work for people. But to me, it just seems, um, 0:04:40.400 --> 0:04:42.280 it just seems scary to me. So that's that's what 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:43.960 I'm glad you cleared up because that makes a lot 0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:45.760 more sense to me. Now, Yeah, we don't want to 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:49.719 do scary relationships. Um. We we differentiate between soulmates and 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:53.640 spirit mates here, so you know, soul mates there their 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:55.680 first season and a reason. A lot of times you 0:04:55.720 --> 0:04:58.120 have a lot of chemistry with those people. A lot 0:04:58.160 --> 0:05:00.040 of times you're dating them out of a deficit of 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:02.320 your own. So you have some sort of deficit and 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:04.760 they're filling it. It's kind of like the contract of 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:07.000 I'll give you this if you give me that, and 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:10.080 they have no longevity. Soul mates, if that's the only 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:13.600 plane that you're connecting on, there's no real longevity there. 0:05:13.640 --> 0:05:16.800 Even if it lasts for ten years, it's gonna end eventually. Um, 0:05:16.800 --> 0:05:19.480 but spirit mates are another thing. It's like we have 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:23.760 the soul realm, chemistry and connection, but when we come together, 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:26.719 something magical is going to happen where we're gonna like 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:29.520 be on assignment like some kind of destiny DNA. We're 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:31.880 going to change the world together and that's going to 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:35.960 keep us going long after the soulmate stuff fizzles out. 0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:39.560 And that's really what we specialize in, is helping people 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:42.200 find that ride or die person where it just keeps 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:46.479 getting better and better and better. So spirit made is 0:05:46.480 --> 0:05:49.599 like the evolved form soulmate. Gotcha totally. I have a 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:52.920 question when you're talking about and I get like, yes, 0:05:52.960 --> 0:05:55.480 stuff fizzles out. Why do you think stuff does fizzle 0:05:55.520 --> 0:05:58.640 out just like the it just happens all the time 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:00.680 and it just gets boring Or why why do you 0:06:00.680 --> 0:06:04.560 think things fizzle out? Well, it goes back to that 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:07.320 Heartwork that we were talking about earlier. And I actually 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:09.719 have another book besides the one that just came out 0:06:09.760 --> 0:06:12.800 called Heartwork, and it's it's just about you know, I 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:15.239 have this, I have this deficit, I have this whole 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:17.520 and I'm trying to I'm trying to put a human 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:19.800 person in and I'm trying to fill it with something 0:06:19.880 --> 0:06:23.520 other than what's inside of me, and eventually you realize 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:27.000 it doesn't work. It works for a minute, those contracts 0:06:27.000 --> 0:06:29.240 are valid for a minute of your giving me this, 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:31.880 I'm giving you that. But pretty soon maybe I outgrow that, 0:06:31.920 --> 0:06:34.720 maybe I don't need that anymore from you. You're still 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:36.279 trying to give it to me, but I no longer 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:39.200 want it, Or what really happens a lot of times 0:06:39.279 --> 0:06:41.840 is you no longer giving it to me, and I 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:43.680 still think I need it, so I'm gonna go find 0:06:43.680 --> 0:06:48.039 it in somebody else instead of finding it in myself. Right, 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:51.160 So that's what happens, and its it comes down to 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:55.000 attachment style. It comes down to you know, childhood trauma. 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:57.880 Trauma doesn't just hurt us, It actually creates different versions 0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:00.760 of us, and those different kind or if it, versions 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:04.760 of us, really can't fall deeply in love because we're 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:07.960 always going to try to be evolving to our highest self. 0:07:08.040 --> 0:07:10.640 Does that make sense? Yeah, I guess it's kind of 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:12.880 like the saying it's you can't love somebody else until 0:07:12.920 --> 0:07:16.000 you love yourself first. It's so that is it's cliche, 0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:18.360 but it it really is. Yeah, Well, there's a reason 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:22.960 it's a cliche because it's true. Um yeah, do you 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:26.640 believe in the phrase when you know you know? I 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:30.760 think that it does happen. I think that some people 0:07:30.840 --> 0:07:35.400 get like the moment and they just know. But how 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:37.320 can you tell how can you tell the difference between 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:40.440 a soul mate and a spirit mate? There there's a 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:43.480 lot of different criteria of a spirit mate versus a 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:47.200 soulmate relationship. But they make you better. They bring out 0:07:47.400 --> 0:07:49.800 parts of you that you didn't even know existed. A 0:07:49.840 --> 0:07:52.760 lot of times something will unstal and unlock that you 0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:55.400 never even knew you wanted to do. When you're with 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:58.800 this person and you know they have like they have 0:07:59.000 --> 0:08:01.680 this thing and it's it doesn't mean it's easy. I 0:08:01.760 --> 0:08:03.960 really want to emphasize that. A lot of times people 0:08:03.960 --> 0:08:05.720 are like, oh, this is the right person for me. 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:08.320 We're just gonna get along. It's gonna be so easy. 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:11.600 It's gonna be amazing. Uh yeah, it should. It shouldn't 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:15.600 be like fighting and and terrible and you're just making 0:08:15.640 --> 0:08:19.200 it through it. But just because it's easy doesn't mean 0:08:19.240 --> 0:08:21.320 that that's the right person for you. It doesn't have 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:23.400 to be easy to be worth it, and so spirit 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:27.040 maids are not necessarily easy relationships. Sometimes they refine us 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:30.640 more than any other relationship, but they're just making us better, 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:34.680 constantly making us better. I really I believe that relationship 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:38.440 is is the maturity plan for for humans. I believe 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:40.840 that we're here to love and be loved. That that's 0:08:40.880 --> 0:08:43.720 really the magnum opus of our lives, is to learn 0:08:43.760 --> 0:08:46.440 how to love and be loved and learn how to 0:08:46.480 --> 0:08:49.600 come into deeper and deeper into me sy intimacy with 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:54.080 each other. Okay, I mean, I agree. I think that 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:56.120 it's important, and it's it's weird that we never are 0:08:56.240 --> 0:08:58.400 like really taught about that. And I know you talked 0:08:58.400 --> 0:09:00.559 a little bit about childhoods and its stuff like that, 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:03.640 um and how they you were saying they don't have 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:06.800 a huge impact or they have a refresh my memory, 0:09:06.800 --> 0:09:09.200 real kick what you said about that. I think the 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:12.840 childhoods have a lot a lot of emphasis and impact 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:16.400 on attachment. UM. You know, I came into the world 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:18.959 running for my life. My my childhood was like a 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:22.640 national geographic documentary, you know, where all the predators are 0:09:22.720 --> 0:09:24.600 lurking in the grass and the mothers just trying to 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:26.080 give birth. To the baby. But as soon as the 0:09:26.080 --> 0:09:28.800 baby's out, it's like kicking the baby, Like get a baby, 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:31.440 you gotta run. All these things are trying to eat you. 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:34.199 And so that was my childhood. So I came out 0:09:34.200 --> 0:09:36.120 of the womb running for my life. And the only 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:38.680 type of heart that I ever saw was a broken heart. 0:09:38.920 --> 0:09:41.280 And so it really does affect you when you hit 0:09:41.320 --> 0:09:45.280 puberty and you're coming into this romantic realm and who 0:09:45.320 --> 0:09:48.160 you choose. So okay, So that's that's kind of what 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:50.200 I thought you were saying too, And I agree with 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:52.960 you entirely. I know that my attachment style is avoidant 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:55.360 based off of just the way that I was brought up, 0:09:55.840 --> 0:09:58.800 um and all this all that stuff. But why don't 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:00.760 we put more of an emphasis on on like teaching 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:05.000 children like the proper ways to like express the way 0:10:05.040 --> 0:10:06.679 that they love other people? You know? I feel like 0:10:06.720 --> 0:10:08.480 there's you go to school and you learn math and 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:11.520 science and history, Like, why don't we teach that more often? 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:13.920 I feel I feel like that could benefit us better. 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:18.839 I agree, Yeah, absolutely, an ounce of preventions worth a 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:21.160 pound of cure. The reason why we don't teach that 0:10:21.320 --> 0:10:25.640 is because, quite frankly, very few people know it. Most 0:10:25.679 --> 0:10:28.760 people are just you know, they're just operating at this 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:32.959 very surface level in this counterfeit, like they don't even 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:34.480 know the real them. They're not going to be able 0:10:34.520 --> 0:10:36.719 to teach anyone else how to to go to those 0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:39.360 deeper levels. So that's just where we are. Well, that's 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:40.679 why we have people like you out there that it 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:42.240 just it thinks that we have to come into we 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:44.080 come into adulthood and then we have to decide for 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:45.800 ourselves that we want to learn. It just can't be 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:48.400 like ingrained in SS children. Uh, and like people that 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:50.040 come from broken homes, like you're not gonna get it 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:52.240 anywhere else. Like if you come from broken home, you 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:54.120 just have to figure it out later in life. And 0:10:54.120 --> 0:10:55.760 you're just kind of screwed. And that's what you're that's 0:10:55.760 --> 0:10:59.600 the hand youred delt um. But I guess you know, 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:01.760 maybe one they thinks will be different. But okay, So 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:03.440 I got a question. So you're married, right, you've got 0:11:03.440 --> 0:11:05.720 a husband, David. Did you guys get married until months 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:09.480 or less? How did that relationship? We did? Actually, so 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:11.920 I was married before I was married for twelve years, 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:16.000 I got divorced. It was it was a very tragic marriage. 0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:18.360 In fact, for anyone who's listening, a lot of times 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:21.760 divorces are more like rescue missions, and my divorce was 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:24.240 definitely a rescue mission. I was not going to survive 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:28.680 it mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually if I stayed in that situation. 0:11:29.240 --> 0:11:32.200 And then before the ink is even dry on the 0:11:32.240 --> 0:11:36.400 dissolution papers, I'm like the least likely candidate for romance. 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:39.400 I walk out into my front yard and I meet 0:11:39.400 --> 0:11:43.160 my spirit mate, and so listen, people need to know 0:11:43.160 --> 0:11:44.559 that you're not going to be all the way healed 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:46.080 when you meet people. You're not going to have it 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:48.240 all together. There's no ducks in this story that are 0:11:48.240 --> 0:11:50.080 in a row. There's no ducks in a row in 0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:53.040 this story. And so I walk out, and people like, Oh, 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:56.280 that's so easy. I wish that could happen to me. Um, 0:11:56.320 --> 0:11:58.440 there's more to the story. I walk out into my 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:01.240 front yard and I yelled at the man who is 0:12:01.240 --> 0:12:04.280 now my husband. I mean literally tore his head off, 0:12:04.720 --> 0:12:07.800 because earlier that week I had gotten an email saying 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:11.200 that a sex offender had moved into our neighborhood. And 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:14.520 I just put one in one equals two together. Hey, 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:17.880 new guy, sex offender. I have a five year old daughter. Bro, 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:20.559 I see you, I know who you are. You better 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:23.360 back away and make sure that you're not coming over 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:27.440 my property line. Right. That's how we met. Classic love 0:12:27.480 --> 0:12:31.679 story right there, right. Thank god that someone who didn't 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:33.600 have my blind spots because I was in a total 0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:37.079 fear response. I was living in a fear response all 0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:39.360 the time because of everything that I've been through in 0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:43.240 that marriage before. And another lady, another neighbor, was standing 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:47.080 there and she was watching, you know, this crazy thing 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:49.840 that I did, and she's like, what's wrong with you? 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:53.400 And she literally was like what's wrong with you? And 0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:55.839 I was like, he's the sex offender. Didn't she get 0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:58.680 the email? And she's like, I got the email. He's 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:00.719 not the sex offender. She's like, I talked to him 0:13:00.720 --> 0:13:03.400 for an hour yesterday. He's a school teacher. It was 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:06.880 really funny. But thank god my big head got another 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:09.800 chance because we became friends and then in eight months 0:13:10.000 --> 0:13:16.920 we became married. Is your actual neighbor? Yes? Oh, She's like, thinking, 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:24.760 who that's next door to me? Yeah? Come on, come on, okay, 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:28.120 got you so? Okay? So did the program come after 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:30.800 you had met your now husband? The twelve months or less. 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:34.880 Oh yeah, we've we've been married for fifteen years. Okay, 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:37.520 got you nice school. Congratulations and that obviously that's definitely 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:41.160 worth celebrating. Um, it worked out right. Do you recall 0:13:41.200 --> 0:13:43.160 a lot from your personal experience then when you like 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:45.880 work it into the class. Now, I don't want to 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:49.120 call it a class, but like the program. I guess, yeah, 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:51.120 my my new book that's out married in twelve months 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:54.400 or lass. Um, there's a lot of personal antidotes in there. 0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:57.000 I've always been a matchmaker. I need to say this. 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:00.840 Outside of the program. I've helped inside program, I've helped 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:05.599 thousands of people do heartwork, get healing, get ready for relationship. 0:14:05.800 --> 0:14:09.240 I've helped hundreds of people get engaged and get married. Okay, 0:14:09.280 --> 0:14:12.079 So for those of you asked earlier, is it possible? Yes, 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:15.080 it's very possible, and it happens, and these are good marriages, 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:19.000 These are really good matches. But even before that, even 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:21.280 though I was struggling in my own love life, I've 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:24.440 always been the matchmaker. I've helped fifteen of my friends 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:27.960 get married and people, I mean, if they if my 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:30.080 friends see me coming, they're like, oh my god, who 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:31.880 is she going to fix me up with what's going 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:34.920 to happen? And out of those fifteen marriages, only one 0:14:35.000 --> 0:14:37.840 got divorced, and they really didn't need to. They just 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:41.880 didn't have good information, like they needed better information to 0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:46.040 keep going. Would you say it's when you're getting all 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:50.080 your friends engaged, your your your clients. Is it more 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:55.120 about them? Uh? How do I when you're when you're 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:58.160 playing hitch Is it more about finding the right person 0:14:58.280 --> 0:15:03.240 for them? Or is it more about the work afterwards? 0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:06.040 If that makes sense? Yeah, you know, is it like, oh, 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:07.960 they meet this person, it's all gonna work out, it's 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:10.479 gonna be fine. Or is it more of an ephicis 0:15:10.520 --> 0:15:12.920 of like yeah, I found you pretty much the right person, 0:15:13.040 --> 0:15:18.320 but now the real work begins now totally? Um, yeah, 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:20.720 a lot of the healing that happens. You know, we 0:15:20.720 --> 0:15:23.560 can only do so much healing on our own, you know, 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:27.800 no matter what seminars or books or therapy. So many 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:30.720 of my clients were in therapy for decades, and they 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:34.840 got so much more like a tipping point of of 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:38.480 actualization after coming and working with me in my program. 0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:42.120 So so much healing comes after we're in these intimate 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:45.440 relationships because we're accessing parts of our heart that we 0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:49.360 just can't access outside of relationship. There's there's things that 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:52.200 are not going to ever come up until you really 0:15:52.280 --> 0:15:55.320 are forced to let someone in and then that stuff 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:58.040 starts coming to the surface. I call it a revealing 0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:00.920 for healing, and that's when a lot of these people 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:03.640 go deeper and deeper into their own healing, whether it's 0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:08.200 from childhood or from previous relationships. Inside of these relationships, 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:11.240 that's where that happens. And um, and it's good. It's 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:13.440 a good type of healing. UM. A lot of times 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:16.040 people think, oh, we're supposed to be totally perfect when 0:16:16.040 --> 0:16:18.880 we meet the person. That's not going to ever happen. 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:23.360 Every single person has yellow flags. Everybody has yellow flags. 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:26.840 You're never going to meet someone who doesn't have an 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:30.880 area where they're still in process. They're still working on it, 0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:34.120 they haven't arrived yet. And so if you're in a 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:37.560 trauma response yourself, you're probably gonna escalate that yellow flag 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:39.440 to a red flag and you're gonna cut and run 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:41.800 before you ever give yourself a chance to get to 0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:44.960 know this person. And they might have been amazing, but yeah, 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:47.800 they have some issues, but so do you. But then 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:52.640 if you're in like a victim kind of counterfeit identity 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:55.240 where you just don't care. You're driving your little wrecked 0:16:55.280 --> 0:16:58.240 up car into all the other cars. You're just swerving 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:01.000 into the lanes even though you have blind spots, you're 0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:04.880 going to minimize those yellow flags into green like it's okay. 0:17:04.960 --> 0:17:07.760 These are the people that's Facebook status changes like every 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:11.440 other week. In relationship, out of relationship. It's complicated because 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:14.600 they don't care. They're just running headlong in. They're not 0:17:14.600 --> 0:17:17.760 even paying attention to the flags at all, and so 0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:20.919 everyone has yellow flags. But like I said, a lot 0:17:20.960 --> 0:17:23.080 of those a lot of those areas can really be 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:26.480 worked through in good relationship. It's just about being self aware. 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:40.440 Then totally, I have to ask, seeing how you brought 0:17:40.480 --> 0:17:42.720 it up because we talked about it last podcast, what 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:45.800 the hell does it's complicated mean as a relationship status 0:17:45.800 --> 0:17:50.240 on Facebook? It's complicated means that I'm complicated. It means 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:54.000 that my heart is not healed and um, I'm rebounding 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:57.480 with no new information or no new healing. Right. So 0:17:57.520 --> 0:18:01.080 are they single? It means that they should be single 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:02.760 because they need to still work on their heart. But 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:07.520 they're not. I was being selfish if I was dating 0:18:07.560 --> 0:18:12.320 someone and their relationship satus was. It's complicated. It's over. 0:18:15.480 --> 0:18:18.040 Now are all of you are all of you in relationship. 0:18:19.440 --> 0:18:21.959 We're all happily taken, which is a bummer because I 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:23.399 feel like it'd be awesome to be able to have 0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:25.840 you help us. Uh, you know, meet a perspective partner. 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:28.320 Not a bummer. I take back the verbage I chose, 0:18:28.359 --> 0:18:30.879 but you know what I'm saying, like, there's gonna have 0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:34.240 to be a sacrificial lamb on this podcast. Unfortunately, someone 0:18:34.280 --> 0:18:36.200 has to take one for the team. But I guarantee 0:18:36.240 --> 0:18:38.679 that all three of you, in the relationships that you're in, 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:42.320 you had to work through some stuff. Yeah, all the time, 0:18:42.400 --> 0:18:53.200 every day. Well, so here's a question for you, Jack, Yeah, 0:18:53.320 --> 0:18:57.399 all right, Well that's it for me. I did want 0:18:57.400 --> 0:18:59.440 to ask you this because you said that most successful 0:18:59.480 --> 0:19:02.560 marriages are people that get married within four months of dating. 0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:05.560 You said you're friends with your husband for eight months? 0:19:06.320 --> 0:19:11.240 How so what what was the hold up for being friends? 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:13.439 And then secondly, how long did it take for you 0:19:13.520 --> 0:19:18.000 to get engaged after you guys started dating? Great questions, 0:19:18.080 --> 0:19:20.800 So I should just clarify when I was researching kind 0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:25.240 of those bygone era marriages. Okay, so like the old 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:28.120 fashioned marriages, the four months or lass, that's where that's 0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:31.520 coming from. You know, these marriages that have lasted for 0:19:31.640 --> 0:19:34.239 four or five, six, seven decades, Like, what did they 0:19:34.280 --> 0:19:36.439 all have in common? They all got married in four 0:19:36.480 --> 0:19:39.440 months or last I'm like, whoa, what the heck? Right, 0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:43.560 that's really fast. But what I also realized is that 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:47.280 in that bygone era, there was something called community based matchmaking. 0:19:47.280 --> 0:19:49.760 And that's what I'm calling it. Where you married like 0:19:49.800 --> 0:19:52.879 the girl from high school, or the your brother's best 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:56.239 friend from you know, from his baseball team, or just 0:19:56.640 --> 0:20:00.520 someone from your community, someone that you knew, And that 0:20:00.680 --> 0:20:02.640 is really what's missing. And that's what we do at 0:20:02.760 --> 0:20:04.480 M twelve M it married in twelve months or less. 0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:08.520 We utilize and leverage that six degrees to Kevin Bacon, 0:20:08.600 --> 0:20:11.720 that that six to that six degrees of separation, which 0:20:11.800 --> 0:20:14.280 just says that we're six people away from knowing everyone. 0:20:14.359 --> 0:20:17.919 We leverage this community to introduce people to people that 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:20.760 maybe they don't know, but other people know. And so 0:20:21.040 --> 0:20:24.119 I met my husband, I yelled at him. We became friends, 0:20:24.160 --> 0:20:27.679 became car pool buddies, like driving the kids to and 0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:29.560 fro because he had a nine and eleven year old 0:20:29.640 --> 0:20:32.200 I had a five year old. And then four months 0:20:32.240 --> 0:20:34.360 in he said, you know, if I ever get remarried, 0:20:34.359 --> 0:20:35.960 I don't think I'm gonna have to look very far. 0:20:36.080 --> 0:20:43.840 And I'm like, he likes me. Yeah, what a line, right, 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:46.159 And I was like whoa. And then that's when the 0:20:46.160 --> 0:20:48.959 heart wounds the roosters came home to roost, because as 0:20:48.960 --> 0:20:50.639