WEBVTT - Just Jennie … Permission to Feel

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hi, everyone,

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<v Speaker 1>welcome back to I Choose Me. It's another episode of

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<v Speaker 1>Just Jenny today because there are things we need to

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<v Speaker 1>talk about just you and me. Have you ever been

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<v Speaker 1>in a tough spot, a disagreement with a loved one,

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<v Speaker 1>stressful moment at work, or just you know, really disappointing

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<v Speaker 1>situation and your first instinct was to shut those feelings down,

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<v Speaker 1>to just like push them away, distract yourself, or even

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<v Speaker 1>feel bad for having them in the first place. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I've done that. On a recent episode, we talked about

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<v Speaker 1>not letting ourselves be silenced. Today, I want to talk

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<v Speaker 1>about another cornerstone of the I Choose Me philosophy. But

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<v Speaker 1>it's probably one of the hardest parts. The importance of

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<v Speaker 1>actually feeling your feelings, even when it feels difficult or

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<v Speaker 1>like a sign of weakness. And I'm not talking about wallowing.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm talking about true self care. It's about giving yourself

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<v Speaker 1>permission to be human and to process the beautiful, messy

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<v Speaker 1>truth of what's going on inside. We are taught to

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<v Speaker 1>be strong, to be positive, to suck it up, Buttercup,

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<v Speaker 1>there's a lot of pressure on men but especially on

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<v Speaker 1>women to be the steady one, to always appear as

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<v Speaker 1>if we have our lives together. When a difficult emotion

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<v Speaker 1>comes up, we just instinctually want it to go away.

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<v Speaker 1>Let me give you an example. My daughter Lola and

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<v Speaker 1>I have a fashion brand that we share and sell

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<v Speaker 1>on QVC. We love doing it, but the travel and

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<v Speaker 1>the pressure can be a lot. Last time we were

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<v Speaker 1>in Pennsylvania. I had just come off the air and

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<v Speaker 1>I was feeling pretty good about how it went. And

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<v Speaker 1>in the green room at QVC, you can see your

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<v Speaker 1>sales numbers in real time, which is yeah, that's nerve wrecking.

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<v Speaker 1>I went in and my heart sank because I saw

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<v Speaker 1>that our sales were nowhere near our goal for that day.

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<v Speaker 1>I could feel my disappointment and I could feel lollless.

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<v Speaker 1>I try to keep a smile on my face until

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<v Speaker 1>I made it down the hall to my tiny little

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<v Speaker 1>dressing room. I closed the door behind me and I

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<v Speaker 1>just sank into the chair, feeling the defeat kind of

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<v Speaker 1>crashed down on me. My mind immediately went to all

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<v Speaker 1>those negative thoughts. I never should have done this. I

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<v Speaker 1>am a disappointment to my team, to my daughter Lola.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just not good enough. All of that, I felt

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<v Speaker 1>the heat rise up inside me and tears started to come.

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<v Speaker 1>And just then, in that moment, Lola came in and instinctively,

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<v Speaker 1>I pulled those feelings right back in. I did not

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<v Speaker 1>want her to see me fail like that. I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>want my emotions to overflow onto her, but she knew

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<v Speaker 1>she could see it in my face. I tried to

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<v Speaker 1>play it off, but honestly, I'm not very good at

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<v Speaker 1>hiding my emotions, so I was honest. I told her

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<v Speaker 1>how I was feeling that I just wanted to go

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<v Speaker 1>home and crawl in a hole. And she sat very still,

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<v Speaker 1>listening and watching as me, the woman in charge leading

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<v Speaker 1>this whole project, completely unraveled in front of her, and

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<v Speaker 1>she put her arm around me and we just sat

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<v Speaker 1>there and said and yeah, it felt messy and awful,

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<v Speaker 1>but the support from her helped me to just let

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<v Speaker 1>the feelings flow. They had to get out of my

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<v Speaker 1>body instead of just being camouflaged. And you know what,

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<v Speaker 1>there's a real danger in not feeling. Have you ever

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<v Speaker 1>stopped to think about why we don't feel comfortable feeling?

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<v Speaker 1>Why are we shutting down our feelings or shutting them

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<v Speaker 1>off let's get real about why we run from our feelings.

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<v Speaker 1>We're scared. We're scared we're going to overwhelm others with

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<v Speaker 1>our pain, or that people will judge us for not

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<v Speaker 1>being strong. Sometimes we think if we open the floodgates,

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<v Speaker 1>we might not be able to stop them. Or maybe

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<v Speaker 1>we believe that ignoring a feeling will make it disappear.

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<v Speaker 1>Spoiler alert, it doesn't. Sometimes we just try to distract ourselves.

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<v Speaker 1>We zone out on social media, we use food to

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<v Speaker 1>comfort ourselves, or we self medicate with alcohol or drugs

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<v Speaker 1>to just numb the feelings away. I'm telling you right now,

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<v Speaker 1>these actions they only make things worse. You know. Studies

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<v Speaker 1>have actually proven the negative impact on our bodies when

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<v Speaker 1>we don't feel. When we suppress our emotions, our bodies

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<v Speaker 1>activate the fight or flight response, which can really ramp

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<v Speaker 1>up your stress hormones, your cortisol, you're adrenaline, and the

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<v Speaker 1>continual activation of this stress can adversely affect our cardiovascular health,

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<v Speaker 1>our immunity, and our digestive systems. It can lean to

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<v Speaker 1>muscle tension, pain, and the dreaded sleep disturbances, which I

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<v Speaker 1>don't need to have. And I know when I'm holding

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<v Speaker 1>my feelings in I feel like I am walking around

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<v Speaker 1>with rocks in my stomach. It affects my eating, my sleep.

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<v Speaker 1>I get exhausted from carrying that extra weight on my shoulders.

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<v Speaker 1>Avoiding emotions makes me feel weighed down, makes me stressed

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<v Speaker 1>out and anxious and depressed. If I'm being honest. When

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<v Speaker 1>we suppress our feelings, we become emotionally numb, and we

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<v Speaker 1>detach from ourselves and from others. Here's the thing. We

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<v Speaker 1>have a choice. We can learn to acknowledge, process, and

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<v Speaker 1>regulate our emotions in a healthy way. Here are some

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<v Speaker 1>of the ways that I have learned to choose me

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<v Speaker 1>when it comes to feelings. The first step is permission.

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<v Speaker 1>This is probably the most crucial part. Give yourself permission.

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<v Speaker 1>Say it out loud. It's okay to feel this because

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<v Speaker 1>you know what. It's okay to validate your own feelings.

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<v Speaker 1>Then I like to name it. Don't just say I

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<v Speaker 1>feel bad, get specific, I feel disappointed in, I feel

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<v Speaker 1>angry at, I feel sad because naming it takes away

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<v Speaker 1>its power and makes it more manageable. And then I

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<v Speaker 1>like to sit with it just for a minute. And

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<v Speaker 1>this is the hard part, because it's really the most

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<v Speaker 1>impactful thing you can do. Set a timer for one minute,

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<v Speaker 1>two minutes, whatever you've got, and without distraction, just sit

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<v Speaker 1>with your feelings. Don't analyze them, don't judge them, just

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<v Speaker 1>feel them in your body and breathe. Once you've sat

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<v Speaker 1>with it, you can take a gentle, healthy, first step

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<v Speaker 1>to releasing it. And this isn't about numbing it. It's

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<v Speaker 1>about allowing it to move through you. I liked to journal,

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<v Speaker 1>write it all down without judgment. Just get it out

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<v Speaker 1>of here and get it on the paper. Next up

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<v Speaker 1>would be movement. Go for a walk or a run.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh I wish I could run, But just let the

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<v Speaker 1>feeling move through your body, and then you know I

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<v Speaker 1>talk to a trusted friend, share with someone who will

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<v Speaker 1>hold the space for you without trying to fix it.

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<v Speaker 1>And last, but not least, have a good cry. It's natural.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a healthy release. It's not weakness. I'm telling you,

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<v Speaker 1>I like to cry. I want you to remember that

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<v Speaker 1>choosing your feelings and choosing to feel your feelings is

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<v Speaker 1>a profound act of courage. It's how you heal, it's

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<v Speaker 1>how you learn, it's how you grow. You don't get

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<v Speaker 1>stuck in an emotional cave because you're allowing the feelings

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<v Speaker 1>to pass through you instead of staying stuck. And since

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<v Speaker 1>you've made it this far with me, here are three

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<v Speaker 1>more tips I've found really helpful when it comes to

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<v Speaker 1>choosing yourself and processing big, tough emotions. Use your voice. Sometimes,

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<v Speaker 1>saying it out loud, even if it's just to yourself

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<v Speaker 1>in the car or while you're doing the dishes, can

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<v Speaker 1>be incredibly powerful. Give yourself permission to be that person

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<v Speaker 1>that talks to themselves. Verbalizing your feelings really helps you

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<v Speaker 1>hear them differently. There's something about putting your emotions into

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<v Speaker 1>words that makes them feel a little less overwhelming. Here's

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<v Speaker 1>some examples. I say something like I'm feeling disappointed about

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<v Speaker 1>or oh, this event is making me anxious right now,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't need an audience. You just need your own

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<v Speaker 1>honest voice, reminding yourself that what you feel is real, valid,

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<v Speaker 1>and worthy of attention. That moment of naming it aloud

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<v Speaker 1>can create just enough space between you and the feeling

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<v Speaker 1>to see it more clearly. Number two, Create a comfort ritual.

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<v Speaker 1>Have something simple you do just for you, something that

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<v Speaker 1>tells your nervous system, Hey, you're safe, I've got you.

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<v Speaker 1>It could be lighting a candle, making a warm cup

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<v Speaker 1>of tea in your favorite mug, playing a song that

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<v Speaker 1>lifts your spirit, or taking five minutes to just step

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<v Speaker 1>outside and feel the sun on your face. Maybe it's

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<v Speaker 1>a quick stretch, Oh I love a good stretch that

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<v Speaker 1>always makes me feel better, a certain scent you love,

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<v Speaker 1>or slipping into something cozy after a long day. These

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<v Speaker 1>rituals don't have to be complicated. They're just small signals

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<v Speaker 1>to your body and mind that say I matter, I

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<v Speaker 1>am taking care of me, and finally, give yourself permission

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<v Speaker 1>to be imperfect. With this, we are not chasing perfection here.

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<v Speaker 1>Choosing yourself isn't a one time decision. It's a practice,

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<v Speaker 1>a rhythm you keep returning to. There'll be days when

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<v Speaker 1>you forget, when you push yourself too hard or ignore

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<v Speaker 1>your feelings because honestly, it's just easier, or what you've

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<v Speaker 1>always done. That doesn't mean you've failed, It just means

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<v Speaker 1>you're human. What matters most is that you keep circling back,

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<v Speaker 1>that you keep trying. Even the tiniest moment of self

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<v Speaker 1>awareness counts. A breath counts, a pause counts. Anytime you

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<v Speaker 1>choose to notice what's happening inside you. That's a win.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's what this is really all about. That's what

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<v Speaker 1>I tell myself every day when I choose me. This

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<v Speaker 1>is what I choose me is all about, you, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>about in those moments, in those tough moments. It's the

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<v Speaker 1>ultimate act of self love, self respect, and self honoring.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't be afraid of your feelings. Embrace them, feel them,

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<v Speaker 1>and take care of them like you would a good friend.

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<v Speaker 1>So this week, next time you have a feeling come

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<v Speaker 1>up or an emotion that you just want to run from,

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<v Speaker 1>give yourself one minute, just one and see what happens.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much for joining me today and I

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<v Speaker 1>choose me. I will see you next time, and until then,

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<v Speaker 1>I want you to take care of yourself and to

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<v Speaker 1>remember to always always choose you. Bye.