1 00:00:01,560 --> 00:00:09,480 Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hi, everyone, 2 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:13,640 Speaker 1: welcome back to I Choose Me. It's another episode of 3 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:18,119 Speaker 1: Just Jenny today because there are things we need to 4 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:22,480 Speaker 1: talk about just you and me. Have you ever been 5 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:26,599 Speaker 1: in a tough spot, a disagreement with a loved one, 6 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:33,120 Speaker 1: stressful moment at work, or just you know, really disappointing 7 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:39,040 Speaker 1: situation and your first instinct was to shut those feelings down, 8 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:43,479 Speaker 1: to just like push them away, distract yourself, or even 9 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:47,240 Speaker 1: feel bad for having them in the first place. Yeah, 10 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:51,559 Speaker 1: I've done that. On a recent episode, we talked about 11 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 1: not letting ourselves be silenced. Today, I want to talk 12 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 1: about another cornerstone of the I Choose Me philosophy. But 13 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:04,960 Speaker 1: it's probably one of the hardest parts. The importance of 14 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 1: actually feeling your feelings, even when it feels difficult or 15 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: like a sign of weakness. And I'm not talking about wallowing. 16 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:22,520 Speaker 1: I'm talking about true self care. It's about giving yourself 17 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:29,400 Speaker 1: permission to be human and to process the beautiful, messy 18 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:33,679 Speaker 1: truth of what's going on inside. We are taught to 19 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:38,360 Speaker 1: be strong, to be positive, to suck it up, Buttercup, 20 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 1: there's a lot of pressure on men but especially on 21 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:46,480 Speaker 1: women to be the steady one, to always appear as 22 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:50,720 Speaker 1: if we have our lives together. When a difficult emotion 23 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: comes up, we just instinctually want it to go away. 24 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 1: Let me give you an example. My daughter Lola and 25 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:02,520 Speaker 1: I have a fashion brand that we share and sell 26 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:07,880 Speaker 1: on QVC. We love doing it, but the travel and 27 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:11,520 Speaker 1: the pressure can be a lot. Last time we were 28 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,959 Speaker 1: in Pennsylvania. I had just come off the air and 29 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,639 Speaker 1: I was feeling pretty good about how it went. And 30 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 1: in the green room at QVC, you can see your 31 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 1: sales numbers in real time, which is yeah, that's nerve wrecking. 32 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: I went in and my heart sank because I saw 33 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:34,200 Speaker 1: that our sales were nowhere near our goal for that day. 34 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,440 Speaker 1: I could feel my disappointment and I could feel lollless. 35 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,120 Speaker 1: I try to keep a smile on my face until 36 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 1: I made it down the hall to my tiny little 37 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 1: dressing room. I closed the door behind me and I 38 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 1: just sank into the chair, feeling the defeat kind of 39 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:54,920 Speaker 1: crashed down on me. My mind immediately went to all 40 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 1: those negative thoughts. I never should have done this. I 41 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 1: am a disappointment to my team, to my daughter Lola. 42 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 1: I'm just not good enough. All of that, I felt 43 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 1: the heat rise up inside me and tears started to come. 44 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: And just then, in that moment, Lola came in and instinctively, 45 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 1: I pulled those feelings right back in. I did not 46 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:22,280 Speaker 1: want her to see me fail like that. I didn't 47 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:27,360 Speaker 1: want my emotions to overflow onto her, but she knew 48 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:30,519 Speaker 1: she could see it in my face. I tried to 49 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:33,480 Speaker 1: play it off, but honestly, I'm not very good at 50 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: hiding my emotions, so I was honest. I told her 51 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 1: how I was feeling that I just wanted to go 52 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 1: home and crawl in a hole. And she sat very still, 53 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:51,560 Speaker 1: listening and watching as me, the woman in charge leading 54 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:57,040 Speaker 1: this whole project, completely unraveled in front of her, and 55 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 1: she put her arm around me and we just sat 56 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: there and said and yeah, it felt messy and awful, 57 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:09,520 Speaker 1: but the support from her helped me to just let 58 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 1: the feelings flow. They had to get out of my 59 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:17,279 Speaker 1: body instead of just being camouflaged. And you know what, 60 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:21,400 Speaker 1: there's a real danger in not feeling. Have you ever 61 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:25,320 Speaker 1: stopped to think about why we don't feel comfortable feeling? 62 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,560 Speaker 1: Why are we shutting down our feelings or shutting them 63 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 1: off let's get real about why we run from our feelings. 64 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:38,520 Speaker 1: We're scared. We're scared we're going to overwhelm others with 65 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: our pain, or that people will judge us for not 66 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:46,160 Speaker 1: being strong. Sometimes we think if we open the floodgates, 67 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:49,560 Speaker 1: we might not be able to stop them. Or maybe 68 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,479 Speaker 1: we believe that ignoring a feeling will make it disappear. 69 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:59,000 Speaker 1: Spoiler alert, it doesn't. Sometimes we just try to distract ourselves. 70 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:03,159 Speaker 1: We zone out on social media, we use food to 71 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 1: comfort ourselves, or we self medicate with alcohol or drugs 72 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:11,799 Speaker 1: to just numb the feelings away. I'm telling you right now, 73 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:18,280 Speaker 1: these actions they only make things worse. You know. Studies 74 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:23,640 Speaker 1: have actually proven the negative impact on our bodies when 75 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:29,720 Speaker 1: we don't feel. When we suppress our emotions, our bodies 76 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 1: activate the fight or flight response, which can really ramp 77 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:38,159 Speaker 1: up your stress hormones, your cortisol, you're adrenaline, and the 78 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:45,159 Speaker 1: continual activation of this stress can adversely affect our cardiovascular health, 79 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: our immunity, and our digestive systems. It can lean to 80 00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:55,000 Speaker 1: muscle tension, pain, and the dreaded sleep disturbances, which I 81 00:05:55,400 --> 00:06:00,360 Speaker 1: don't need to have. And I know when I'm holding 82 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 1: my feelings in I feel like I am walking around 83 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 1: with rocks in my stomach. It affects my eating, my sleep. 84 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:12,159 Speaker 1: I get exhausted from carrying that extra weight on my shoulders. 85 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:17,520 Speaker 1: Avoiding emotions makes me feel weighed down, makes me stressed 86 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 1: out and anxious and depressed. If I'm being honest. When 87 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:29,120 Speaker 1: we suppress our feelings, we become emotionally numb, and we 88 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:36,600 Speaker 1: detach from ourselves and from others. Here's the thing. We 89 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 1: have a choice. We can learn to acknowledge, process, and 90 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 1: regulate our emotions in a healthy way. Here are some 91 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:49,960 Speaker 1: of the ways that I have learned to choose me 92 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:54,599 Speaker 1: when it comes to feelings. The first step is permission. 93 00:06:56,120 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 1: This is probably the most crucial part. Give yourself permission. 94 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:04,800 Speaker 1: Say it out loud. It's okay to feel this because 95 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:07,800 Speaker 1: you know what. It's okay to validate your own feelings. 96 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,680 Speaker 1: Then I like to name it. Don't just say I 97 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 1: feel bad, get specific, I feel disappointed in, I feel 98 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 1: angry at, I feel sad because naming it takes away 99 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:26,880 Speaker 1: its power and makes it more manageable. And then I 100 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:30,080 Speaker 1: like to sit with it just for a minute. And 101 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 1: this is the hard part, because it's really the most 102 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:37,880 Speaker 1: impactful thing you can do. Set a timer for one minute, 103 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 1: two minutes, whatever you've got, and without distraction, just sit 104 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:48,800 Speaker 1: with your feelings. Don't analyze them, don't judge them, just 105 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 1: feel them in your body and breathe. Once you've sat 106 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: with it, you can take a gentle, healthy, first step 107 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 1: to releasing it. And this isn't about numbing it. It's 108 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:07,560 Speaker 1: about allowing it to move through you. I liked to journal, 109 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,640 Speaker 1: write it all down without judgment. Just get it out 110 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:20,680 Speaker 1: of here and get it on the paper. Next up 111 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,600 Speaker 1: would be movement. Go for a walk or a run. 112 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,880 Speaker 1: Oh I wish I could run, But just let the 113 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:32,520 Speaker 1: feeling move through your body, and then you know I 114 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,720 Speaker 1: talk to a trusted friend, share with someone who will 115 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,600 Speaker 1: hold the space for you without trying to fix it. 116 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:44,319 Speaker 1: And last, but not least, have a good cry. It's natural. 117 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 1: It's a healthy release. It's not weakness. I'm telling you, 118 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:53,800 Speaker 1: I like to cry. I want you to remember that 119 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:58,560 Speaker 1: choosing your feelings and choosing to feel your feelings is 120 00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:03,320 Speaker 1: a profound act of courage. It's how you heal, it's 121 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:06,680 Speaker 1: how you learn, it's how you grow. You don't get 122 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:11,080 Speaker 1: stuck in an emotional cave because you're allowing the feelings 123 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:15,680 Speaker 1: to pass through you instead of staying stuck. And since 124 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:19,160 Speaker 1: you've made it this far with me, here are three 125 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 1: more tips I've found really helpful when it comes to 126 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 1: choosing yourself and processing big, tough emotions. Use your voice. Sometimes, 127 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:34,760 Speaker 1: saying it out loud, even if it's just to yourself 128 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:38,760 Speaker 1: in the car or while you're doing the dishes, can 129 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 1: be incredibly powerful. Give yourself permission to be that person 130 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:48,720 Speaker 1: that talks to themselves. Verbalizing your feelings really helps you 131 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:54,360 Speaker 1: hear them differently. There's something about putting your emotions into 132 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 1: words that makes them feel a little less overwhelming. Here's 133 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 1: some examples. I say something like I'm feeling disappointed about 134 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 1: or oh, this event is making me anxious right now, 135 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:13,200 Speaker 1: you don't need an audience. You just need your own 136 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:19,720 Speaker 1: honest voice, reminding yourself that what you feel is real, valid, 137 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 1: and worthy of attention. That moment of naming it aloud 138 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:30,199 Speaker 1: can create just enough space between you and the feeling 139 00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:37,080 Speaker 1: to see it more clearly. Number two, Create a comfort ritual. 140 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 1: Have something simple you do just for you, something that 141 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 1: tells your nervous system, Hey, you're safe, I've got you. 142 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 1: It could be lighting a candle, making a warm cup 143 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,280 Speaker 1: of tea in your favorite mug, playing a song that 144 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:58,319 Speaker 1: lifts your spirit, or taking five minutes to just step 145 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 1: outside and feel the sun on your face. Maybe it's 146 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:06,080 Speaker 1: a quick stretch, Oh I love a good stretch that 147 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,560 Speaker 1: always makes me feel better, a certain scent you love, 148 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:13,560 Speaker 1: or slipping into something cozy after a long day. These 149 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 1: rituals don't have to be complicated. They're just small signals 150 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:21,720 Speaker 1: to your body and mind that say I matter, I 151 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:26,840 Speaker 1: am taking care of me, and finally, give yourself permission 152 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:31,800 Speaker 1: to be imperfect. With this, we are not chasing perfection here. 153 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:37,400 Speaker 1: Choosing yourself isn't a one time decision. It's a practice, 154 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 1: a rhythm you keep returning to. There'll be days when 155 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:46,600 Speaker 1: you forget, when you push yourself too hard or ignore 156 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:51,079 Speaker 1: your feelings because honestly, it's just easier, or what you've 157 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:55,560 Speaker 1: always done. That doesn't mean you've failed, It just means 158 00:11:55,760 --> 00:12:01,000 Speaker 1: you're human. What matters most is that you keep circling back, 159 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:05,560 Speaker 1: that you keep trying. Even the tiniest moment of self 160 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:11,400 Speaker 1: awareness counts. A breath counts, a pause counts. Anytime you 161 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:15,560 Speaker 1: choose to notice what's happening inside you. That's a win. 162 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:20,480 Speaker 1: And that's what this is really all about. That's what 163 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:24,760 Speaker 1: I tell myself every day when I choose me. This 164 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,960 Speaker 1: is what I choose me is all about, you, guys, 165 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:31,440 Speaker 1: about in those moments, in those tough moments. It's the 166 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:36,280 Speaker 1: ultimate act of self love, self respect, and self honoring. 167 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:41,640 Speaker 1: Don't be afraid of your feelings. Embrace them, feel them, 168 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,920 Speaker 1: and take care of them like you would a good friend. 169 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:51,520 Speaker 1: So this week, next time you have a feeling come 170 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,280 Speaker 1: up or an emotion that you just want to run from, 171 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:59,959 Speaker 1: give yourself one minute, just one and see what happens. 172 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,600 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining me today and I 173 00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:06,880 Speaker 1: choose me. I will see you next time, and until then, 174 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,520 Speaker 1: I want you to take care of yourself and to 175 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:14,240 Speaker 1: remember to always always choose you. Bye.