1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,400 Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 2: If you can't spend time with yourself and love on yourself, 3 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,040 Speaker 2: the real question is, how can you expect someone else 4 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,520 Speaker 2: to genuinely want to do that. I find that people 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 2: often find people attractive and want to be around people 6 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:21,840 Speaker 2: who are in love with themselves, Comfortable, confident people. 7 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:27,840 Speaker 1: At least today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, 8 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments 9 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:35,960 Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a 10 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,880 Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also, 11 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe 12 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:48,120 Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghearspace dot com to access our 13 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:53,479 Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab. 14 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting 15 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 3: women like you. 16 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 1: We're your hosts. 17 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:06,200 Speaker 3: Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college professor and psychologist. 18 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:09,840 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 19 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 20 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:19,679 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 21 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:23,040 Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space where 22 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 2: black women can just. 23 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 3: Be Hey, lady, is doctor dom here from the Cultivating 24 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 3: her Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the 25 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 3: state of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, 26 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:45,039 Speaker 3: if so, please reach out to me at doctor Dominique 27 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:49,720 Speaker 3: Brussard dot com. That's d R D O M I 28 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:55,160 Speaker 3: N I q U E B R O U S 29 00:01:55,480 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 3: s ar D dot com to schedule a free fifth 30 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 3: minute consultation. I look forward to hearing from you. Our 31 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:11,040 Speaker 3: quote of the day. There is value in listening to 32 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 3: the wisdom of your elders. I'm gonna say that again 33 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,800 Speaker 3: for the folks in the back to make sure you 34 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:26,760 Speaker 3: caught it. There is value in listening to the wisdom 35 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:32,919 Speaker 3: of your elders. That quote comes to us from our 36 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:38,799 Speaker 3: very own Kerry Lomack, also known as He. All Right, 37 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 3: so tee, this is your quote, These are your words. 38 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:46,000 Speaker 3: So I'm gonna toss it to you, and you can't 39 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:47,680 Speaker 3: toss it back to me just yet. 40 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,080 Speaker 2: Okay, you knew what I thought, do girl? I love 41 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,680 Speaker 2: this quote. I thought we were randomly kind of talking 42 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 2: about this as we were preparing for the episode. But 43 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,640 Speaker 2: I love this quote because growing up, I was raised 44 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 2: by my parents for a great portion of my life, 45 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,040 Speaker 2: and so I used to always sit like sit at 46 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,040 Speaker 2: the feet of my elders, whether it was in church 47 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,400 Speaker 2: or with my grandparents. And I gleaned so much wisdom 48 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 2: from just humbling myself and listening to their stories, listening 49 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 2: to their experiences. And I really do believe that I 50 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,800 Speaker 2: avoided a lot of mistakes or wrong turns in life 51 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 2: because I really took to heart what they shared with me. 52 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 2: So I am a fan of the elders. Like I'm 53 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,440 Speaker 2: rooting for the elders. I'm here for I'm here for 54 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 2: the wisdom. I'm here to just be quiet and listen. 55 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:33,080 Speaker 2: But I think there's so much value and wisdom that 56 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 2: we can gain from the elders. What about you, Dom, 57 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 2: what does it mean for you? 58 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, I wholeheartedly agree with you that there is so 59 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 3: much that we can gain from the experiences of those 60 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:50,680 Speaker 3: who came before us. Right. So, I think what comes 61 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 3: up for me is this thinking about what it means 62 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 3: to be around those who have before us and soaking 63 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 3: up the knowledge and the wisdom that those who have 64 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 3: come before us have shared, right, And it takes me 65 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,720 Speaker 3: back as you were talking. It took me back to 66 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 3: growing up and like being younger than ten because my 67 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:21,039 Speaker 3: great grandmother was still alive and visiting with my grandparents, 68 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 3: going to Lafayette to see our extended family, and sitting 69 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:29,919 Speaker 3: in that space with my great grandmother and my grandparents 70 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 3: and great aunts and uncles and all this family, all 71 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 3: the adults, and the adults at some point they were 72 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:46,240 Speaker 3: speaking in French because they didn't want us to hear, 73 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:50,719 Speaker 3: you know, the gossip, the adult conversations. Right. But then 74 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,680 Speaker 3: there were other points where there were they were having 75 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:58,039 Speaker 3: these conversations, and even though I technically wasn't supposed to 76 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 3: be in there, I I was still trying to soak 77 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 3: up game of like, so we as a family don't 78 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 3: like when you when people do X, Y and Z, right, 79 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,840 Speaker 3: what's acceptable in the family is to do A, B 80 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 3: and C. And so even though it wasn't the conversations 81 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:29,839 Speaker 3: weren't directed at me, I was still soaking up what 82 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:36,680 Speaker 3: the wisdom or judgment, however we use to look at 83 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:42,720 Speaker 3: it of the older folks in the family. Right, So 84 00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 3: I was constantly in the face of observing, listening and learning, 85 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,480 Speaker 3: whether that was their intention or not. And so I 86 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:54,240 Speaker 3: think that's an important part of this conversation that we're 87 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 3: having today, is that lessons can be learned from those 88 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,480 Speaker 3: who can before us or those who come after those 89 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 3: around us. And it can be a lesson that they 90 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:11,080 Speaker 3: directly teach us, or it can be something that we 91 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:18,600 Speaker 3: observe in the environment around you. 92 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:22,120 Speaker 2: Hit the nail on the head with that, so powerful, Tom, 93 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 2: and I feel like, you know, we like to ground 94 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:29,280 Speaker 2: ourselves with these conversations and define the terms just to 95 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:30,719 Speaker 2: make sure we're all on the same page. And so 96 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 2: what we want to do first is define what an 97 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,359 Speaker 2: elder means, right, just for the context of this conversation, 98 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,279 Speaker 2: because it could mean something different for you, lady, depending 99 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,520 Speaker 2: on how you're viewing it. So, Dom, do you want 100 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 2: to share that definition? 101 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:53,000 Speaker 3: Yes, so elder. So from an Indigenous perspective, being an 102 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 3: elder is not something that's defined by your age, but rather, 103 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 3: an elder is someone who is recognized because they have 104 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 3: earned the respect of their community through wisdom, harmony, and 105 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 3: balance of their actions. And you see it within their 106 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 3: teachings and again whether their teachings are direct or indirect. 107 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:29,160 Speaker 3: So an elder is not bate on age, per se 108 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:34,200 Speaker 3: but because of the respect you have earned from your community, 109 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:38,040 Speaker 3: because of the wisdom, harmony, and balance of your action 110 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 3: that we can observe through your teaching. 111 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,960 Speaker 2: Beautiful. I love that definition so much, don because I 112 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 2: feel like I've also gained so much wisdom from people 113 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 2: that are younger than me, and so I love that 114 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:57,400 Speaker 2: this indigenous definition includes it's not limited by age, right, 115 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,560 Speaker 2: which I think is important. So that when I think 116 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 2: about just the high level, I want to say, story 117 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 2: about or a story that kind of brings this home. 118 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 2: One of the things I want to say first is 119 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 2: that I think that all life experiences, or let me 120 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 2: not say all life experiences. I'm trying to I'm always 121 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 2: trying to be politically correct down I feel like we're 122 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,920 Speaker 2: at the point now that the podcast is at a 123 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 2: certain level where it's like, Okay, we're gonna get canceled 124 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 2: if I say this, So I'm trying to be mindful 125 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 2: of my words. So what I'll say, lady, is that 126 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 2: there is value in our life experiences, right, And I 127 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:32,160 Speaker 2: understand that there are times when the mistakes we make 128 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,720 Speaker 2: they do serve us. And I've made plenty of mistakes. 129 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 2: I've gone down the wrong path plenty of times, and 130 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,599 Speaker 2: I understood looking back on that that, oh, hindsight is 131 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 2: twenty twenty. It makes sense. I'm grateful for the experience 132 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:46,360 Speaker 2: when I've learned. However, although I didn't always listen to 133 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,680 Speaker 2: my elders, there were some critical moments and time that 134 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 2: I did listen and I was able to avoid heartache, 135 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,200 Speaker 2: terrible financial situations like so much because I did listen. 136 00:08:58,280 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 2: And one of the things that comes to mind for 137 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 2: me is is putting someone's name on or signing for 138 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,240 Speaker 2: someone right, whether it's like an apartment a car. I've 139 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 2: had a couple of people ask me that over the years, 140 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 2: and I probably would have said yes because I was, 141 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:17,880 Speaker 2: you know, recovering people pleasers. I probably would have said 142 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:19,800 Speaker 2: yes before. But I felt like that was something that 143 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:24,120 Speaker 2: my elders were like, m do not sign no lease, 144 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 2: no nothing for nobody if they can't pay for it themselves, 145 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:33,240 Speaker 2: and pray for like that's it. Prave forar and I Yeah, 146 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 2: it's like now looking back, I'm like, I'm so glad 147 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:39,040 Speaker 2: I didn't sign on that document because that person is 148 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:42,600 Speaker 2: so irresponsible. So it would have been me that would 149 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:46,520 Speaker 2: have been in this financial mass. So that's just one example. 150 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 2: I know we're going to dive into some points, but 151 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 2: that's just one example where I'm like, well, I'm so 152 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:54,680 Speaker 2: glad I listened. Hey lady, it's Terry here, Dom and 153 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 2: I want to take a moment to thank you for 154 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,200 Speaker 2: choosing to listen to our podcast. We love you for real, 155 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 2: and we want to get you a chance to learn 156 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,880 Speaker 2: more about what's important to us. So tell us what 157 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:04,600 Speaker 2: you think about this. 158 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 3: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get 159 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:11,839 Speaker 3: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your 160 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:17,680 Speaker 3: business brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine 161 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:21,439 Speaker 3: joining our monthly virtual video check ins where you can 162 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,839 Speaker 3: connect with like minded black women like you and share 163 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:29,280 Speaker 3: your ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now, 164 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 3: I want you to imagine a world where you're in 165 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:37,560 Speaker 3: the exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout 166 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,480 Speaker 3: your day and week, you are conversing with us about 167 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 3: what's happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and 168 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,600 Speaker 3: or personal wins. How does that sound? 169 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 2: Hopefully this is of your alley, lady, because we are 170 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 2: taking things to the next level of this year, and 171 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 2: we're doubling down on investing in our community. That means you, 172 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,240 Speaker 2: We want to meet you, connect with you, and create 173 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 2: communities genuine women who love on black women and push 174 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,520 Speaker 2: our culture and movement forward. We launched this podcast in 175 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 2: twenty nineteen and to date we have not missed a week. 176 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 2: We've been great stewards of our platform, all while working 177 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:17,240 Speaker 2: full time and navigating our own ups and downs. We 178 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:21,960 Speaker 2: release fresh new content every single Friday like clockwork, and 179 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 2: we have hundreds of valuable episodes and workshops that can 180 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,800 Speaker 2: really help you up level your life. So if you 181 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:31,360 Speaker 2: love our mission or you've gotten value from us, we 182 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,000 Speaker 2: invite you to give back and help us push this 183 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:39,239 Speaker 2: community effort forward. Visit Herspace podcast dot com and click Patreon. 184 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:42,320 Speaker 2: You can learn more about our goals and exclusive offerings 185 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 2: on Patreon, and we highly highly encourage you to join 186 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:49,079 Speaker 2: the Sister Frontier so that you can get someone on 187 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 2: one time with us. We also have an option for 188 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:54,000 Speaker 2: you to donate on a one time basis if that 189 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 2: meets your needs. Again Herspace podcast dot com and you 190 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 2: can click that link that says all right, lady will 191 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 2: hop right back into the conversation. 192 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:10,400 Speaker 3: Nah, that's a great example, because what that makes me 193 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:14,840 Speaker 3: think about are what comes up for me out of 194 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 3: that is thinking about how it's important to pay attention 195 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 3: to the behavior of the person before you agree whether 196 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 3: or not you agree to do something like that. Right, 197 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:27,680 Speaker 3: Because on the flip side of that, I think about 198 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:31,839 Speaker 3: how I had to take our student loans for graduate school. 199 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:35,199 Speaker 3: My mom didn't have the credit, her credit wasn't good 200 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:41,000 Speaker 3: enough to help with that, and so my grandparents whole 201 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:44,440 Speaker 3: sign for me to get like they all signed on 202 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:47,720 Speaker 3: like a parent pluck loan for me for graduate school. 203 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:51,640 Speaker 2: Right I had. 204 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,959 Speaker 3: I didn't really have bill paying experience per se at 205 00:12:54,960 --> 00:13:00,439 Speaker 3: that point in life, so they were really taking a risk, right. 206 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,600 Speaker 3: It was taking a risk on your girl. However, it 207 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,840 Speaker 3: was also education, which is something that they value, so 208 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,760 Speaker 3: and so to meet like that, that makes sense, right. 209 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:18,880 Speaker 3: And but then my first car, my my grandfather helped 210 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:22,079 Speaker 3: out with that. My grandfather co signed on my first 211 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:27,959 Speaker 3: car with me. Again, no demonstrated experience of paying any bills, 212 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 3: but he helped me out right, And that was a 213 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:41,280 Speaker 3: huge That was a huge lesson for me in maintaining trust, 214 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:50,319 Speaker 3: right because there were times when I got to pay 215 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:57,600 Speaker 3: that but to figure it out and I had to 216 00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:06,480 Speaker 3: have a conversation with my grandfather and be like, so, yeah, 217 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,160 Speaker 3: I don't have that money for this month, for the 218 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:12,559 Speaker 3: note this month. What we gonna do. 219 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:17,840 Speaker 2: Or what am I gonna do? Help me figure it out? Right, 220 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:20,960 Speaker 2: I don't know, domald I was gonna say. I feel 221 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 2: like that goes back to the wisdom of the elders though, 222 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 2: like they saw something in you. They believed in you 223 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,880 Speaker 2: enough because let me ask you a question, did they 224 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,560 Speaker 2: sign a parent plus loan and get a car for 225 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,960 Speaker 2: all the grand kids? 226 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 3: No? 227 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 2: Exactly exactly, So they were using their elderly wisdom of 228 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,240 Speaker 2: like we know, Dominique, oh yeah, she gonna be something 229 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,800 Speaker 2: like you may have missed a couple months, but like, 230 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,120 Speaker 2: I think they saw something bigger than you. And I 231 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,000 Speaker 2: think that goes back to the wisdom like the person 232 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:51,280 Speaker 2: I was gonna sign for hell to all, Hell to all, 233 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,280 Speaker 2: but you it was different. So that's just that's just 234 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,160 Speaker 2: my two cents. 235 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,880 Speaker 3: But that's real though, right, Like that, that's the just 236 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,640 Speaker 3: the position that we can find ourselves in at times, 237 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:06,240 Speaker 3: right is how do we know? 238 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 2: How do we know? 239 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:09,280 Speaker 3: All? 240 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,200 Speaker 2: Right, y'all, We're going to dive into our first official 241 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:17,360 Speaker 2: lesson and this one here is it can be. It 242 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,640 Speaker 2: can really just cover so many different topics. But it's 243 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:25,920 Speaker 2: a body in motion stays in motion. And for me, 244 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,760 Speaker 2: dom a couple of things come up. One, I think 245 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,520 Speaker 2: about working out, and I've heard so my trainer. Now 246 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:35,440 Speaker 2: I've been going to the gym almost a year now. 247 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:39,440 Speaker 2: My trainer is I think he's like sixty one and 248 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:44,280 Speaker 2: he is ripped, ripped. Shout out to Sam. Sam is ripped. 249 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 2: I mean back crazy abs all that. Sam is ripped 250 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,680 Speaker 2: me sixty one and he's so active, right, He's been 251 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:55,280 Speaker 2: super active most of his life. And he has friends 252 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,840 Speaker 2: and family members who we grew up with who are 253 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 2: all you know, around the age, and they don't look 254 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,960 Speaker 2: nearly as good as him, but they're also not very fit. 255 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,400 Speaker 2: They're not healthy, and a lot of it goes back 256 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:09,920 Speaker 2: to just staying active, like when you when I think 257 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 2: about working out, for me now, it's not although I 258 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:14,920 Speaker 2: do have like a certain body goal that I'm trying 259 00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,320 Speaker 2: to get to you like there's a certain look that 260 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:20,280 Speaker 2: I want to have, it's also about health for me. Yes, 261 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 2: And I told my train when I first started, I said, 262 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 2: I want to be a milf and a baddie when 263 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 2: I'm seventy five, and so yeah, I feel like, come on. 264 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,760 Speaker 2: And so in order to do that, I don't start 265 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 2: when I'm seventy four. I have to start now so 266 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,760 Speaker 2: it becomes a lifestyle so that it's easier to maintain. 267 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,480 Speaker 2: And so that's the first thing I think about when 268 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 2: it comes to that particular piece of wisdom. The other 269 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:47,280 Speaker 2: for me is college. So, lady, I know this might 270 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:49,560 Speaker 2: be a you know, it could be a sensitive topic 271 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 2: for many people, but this worked for me and my experience. 272 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 2: So just to give contacts, my dad passed away about 273 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,120 Speaker 2: a month before I went away to college, and our 274 00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:01,080 Speaker 2: hotel hotel room on a family being I had to 275 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,560 Speaker 2: make a decision whether or not I was going to 276 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,080 Speaker 2: go to college, and I decided to go because I 277 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,720 Speaker 2: knew that it was my ticket out of poverty. So 278 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:11,000 Speaker 2: for me, education and my degree was everything. And I 279 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:15,199 Speaker 2: remember when I graduated, or really when I was in college. Honestly, 280 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:17,080 Speaker 2: before I went to college, people were like just go, 281 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 2: like just go, even though you have you have all 282 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 2: this stuff at home, there's nothing at home for you. 283 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,560 Speaker 2: And I ended up going because I was like, Okay, 284 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,520 Speaker 2: this is my ticket out of poverty. There's literally there 285 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:31,360 Speaker 2: literally is nothing at home, Like there was no positive motivation, 286 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,920 Speaker 2: anything that would help me, you know, achieve my goal 287 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,720 Speaker 2: of being financially free and living the life I wanted 288 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:38,239 Speaker 2: to live. And so I ended up going. And then 289 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 2: when I was, you know, near graduation, they were like, hey, 290 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,159 Speaker 2: don't take any breaks, don't take a gap year, just 291 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,840 Speaker 2: go get your masters. And I was like, damn, two 292 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:51,480 Speaker 2: more years of school, okay, And I was like, I'm 293 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,920 Speaker 2: just going to do it. I'm already in the swing 294 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,119 Speaker 2: of things. I'm already you know, my mind is already 295 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,560 Speaker 2: sharp because I just graduated, like I might as well 296 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 2: just keep it up. And it was so much easier. 297 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,600 Speaker 2: But let me tell you something, if I were to leave, 298 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,600 Speaker 2: I know myself well, So if I were to take 299 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:08,200 Speaker 2: that break after my four year degree, I probably would 300 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:12,119 Speaker 2: not have gone back, no, because I already stopped. When 301 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:14,200 Speaker 2: I was working, you feel me, I was getting money. 302 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,159 Speaker 2: My mindset was I wasn't in the school mindset. I 303 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,880 Speaker 2: was like, yo, I'm done with school, like that's it. 304 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,080 Speaker 2: So when I was able to get my master's two 305 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:26,000 Speaker 2: years later, I was like six years, I'm done done, 306 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,320 Speaker 2: Like I'm good. And so that was it. So for me, 307 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,359 Speaker 2: a body in motion stays in motion. That is the 308 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,240 Speaker 2: word of wisdom that worked for me when it came 309 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,679 Speaker 2: to working out and being fit, but also my education. 310 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:38,320 Speaker 2: What about you, don. 311 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:43,000 Speaker 3: I love that, but the body emotion stays in motion 312 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 3: because it does make me think about when you said that. 313 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,399 Speaker 3: What comes up is the lessons that we learned from 314 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:52,360 Speaker 3: the elders and or just people around us in general. 315 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:58,840 Speaker 3: And what I observed is, Yeah, the people who stay 316 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:05,879 Speaker 3: active continue to have healthy lives, and they acted for 317 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:11,760 Speaker 3: a long time, right, Like I think about I was 318 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 3: working at a university and there was someone there who 319 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:27,840 Speaker 3: had been there for decades and was still, like in 320 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:32,400 Speaker 3: his nineties, still showing up the campus. Wasn't teaching any 321 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,840 Speaker 3: classes at that point anymore, but it was still showing 322 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,639 Speaker 3: up the campus every day. And it got to a 323 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,920 Speaker 3: point where somebody I think started to have to drive 324 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 3: like his wife I think, or daughter somebody was driving 325 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,399 Speaker 3: him to campus after a few years, but he was 326 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:52,439 Speaker 3: still coming to campus every day. And to me, the 327 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,560 Speaker 3: lesson that I'm taking from that is that, like you know, 328 00:19:55,640 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 3: a lot of ninety something year olds who are in 329 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:05,280 Speaker 3: nursing facilities nursing homes. You know, a lot of people 330 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:11,480 Speaker 3: don't even make it to ninety. And I think that 331 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,040 Speaker 3: he lived and he lives to be over one hundred. 332 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:18,520 Speaker 3: And the part of why he lived so long was 333 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:25,160 Speaker 3: because he stayed at right, like he was constantly key, 334 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,880 Speaker 3: was constantly getting up and moving, and he had purpose, right, 335 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:33,199 Speaker 3: he had something that he was doing every day. And 336 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,280 Speaker 3: you can see how a person or I've seen how 337 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,720 Speaker 3: a person's health decline in older people, how their health 338 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:45,440 Speaker 3: tends to decline when they retire and they aren't active. 339 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,280 Speaker 2: Yes, that's powerful. It makes me think about the pandemic too, right, 340 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 2: like when we were all stuck in ye our mental 341 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,000 Speaker 2: health suffering. I feel like we should change this to 342 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:03,280 Speaker 2: a biding or spirit emotion stays emotion, because it's really 343 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,800 Speaker 2: about your spirit and your body. 344 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 3: Right. 345 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 2: Okay, that was good, Tom. That's so inspiring to ninety 346 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,399 Speaker 2: years old still coming to campus. That's so beautiful. 347 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,680 Speaker 3: Yes, And I think the beauty in that too is 348 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:21,359 Speaker 3: recognize At my big age, I can recognize the beauty 349 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:25,960 Speaker 3: in that right, yes, But what I would encourage younger 350 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:29,760 Speaker 3: folks is for them to see the beauty in that too, right, 351 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 3: to not look at it from a thing of oh, 352 00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:38,920 Speaker 3: he's so old, and why he got to be why 353 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:40,879 Speaker 3: I got to take a class with him, and he's 354 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:47,240 Speaker 3: so use it to your advantage to Yes, they might 355 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,200 Speaker 3: not be up on the same technology. There's a lot 356 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 3: of things that they might not be doing, but you're 357 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 3: witnessing something beautiful seeing that man at ninety years old 358 00:21:57,040 --> 00:22:01,200 Speaker 3: still being able to come into the classroom and drop games, 359 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:03,040 Speaker 3: and so you want to be able to pick up 360 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 3: that game, even if the delivery is not be a chat, 361 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:11,800 Speaker 3: GPT or whatever new AI you were used to having. 362 00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:14,560 Speaker 2: Right real quick now, I feel like we need to 363 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 2: do an episode about just respecting elders because I feel 364 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 2: like when I was younger, there was a great appreciation 365 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,320 Speaker 2: for the elders. It was a great respect for them, 366 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 2: and they have so much game. And the last thing 367 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,480 Speaker 2: I want to say, speaking to what you just said, 368 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:31,160 Speaker 2: is it's the young people who might have made those comments, 369 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:32,600 Speaker 2: like it would be a blessing for them to get 370 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:34,280 Speaker 2: to his age. And if you keep on living, you 371 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:38,240 Speaker 2: gonna get all one day. So be humble, be kind 372 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 2: to the elders, even though you know, like you said, 373 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,920 Speaker 2: the delivery might be different, because you could be there 374 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,479 Speaker 2: one day, and you would want someone to be patient 375 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,240 Speaker 2: with you right when you're struggling with the new technology 376 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 2: whatever it's going to look like fifty years from now, 377 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,840 Speaker 2: you know, So it is a blessing, sope. 378 00:22:53,080 --> 00:23:00,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, So then we're on to our second lesson, be 379 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:05,720 Speaker 3: happiest when you live in your truth. When I think 380 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 3: about that particular lesson, there are so many examples that 381 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:15,359 Speaker 3: come up for me. But what I think who resonates 382 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:20,679 Speaker 3: most about this is that when you live a life 383 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:24,760 Speaker 3: that you are no longer living in pain or guilt 384 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:30,720 Speaker 3: or judgment for who you are, whoever you might be, 385 00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:38,560 Speaker 3: that is when you can be your happiest. Right. So, 386 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:51,000 Speaker 3: I think about people who want polyamorous relationships, right, you 387 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:57,679 Speaker 3: think about women who intentionally want to raise a child 388 00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:09,000 Speaker 3: by themselves. I think about people who don't conform to 389 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:14,280 Speaker 3: any societal norms that are viewed as quote unquote traditional 390 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:23,440 Speaker 3: or anything that fits into this gender, heteronormative way of existing. 391 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:32,280 Speaker 3: Anybody who steps outside of that for any reason, that's 392 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:38,520 Speaker 3: living in your truth. And that's when you can be hopefully, 393 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:41,280 Speaker 3: Because I also want to acknowledge that there are societal 394 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:47,679 Speaker 3: and systemic issues that many of us feeling oppressed. But 395 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:53,720 Speaker 3: in general, you will be happiest on the individual level 396 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,080 Speaker 3: when you are in a space where you are able 397 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,600 Speaker 3: to live your truth. 398 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:05,040 Speaker 2: That is so true, Dom It makes me think about 399 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:08,960 Speaker 2: just like, lady, as you listen, think about where can 400 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:12,760 Speaker 2: you be yourself? Like, think of those faces right, those 401 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,560 Speaker 2: friend groups. When you can truly be yourself, you don't 402 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,040 Speaker 2: have to put on the front, you don't have to 403 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 2: put on a different voice, because we know in some 404 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,760 Speaker 2: settings we talk a little different if we cold twitch 405 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,520 Speaker 2: and whatnot. But I think about the friends, you know, 406 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 2: the friends and family members that I have where I 407 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,199 Speaker 2: can just be my authentic self, and it feels so 408 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,879 Speaker 2: liberating because you don't have to wear a mask. You 409 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,920 Speaker 2: can literally just I could be my quirky, silly self 410 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,680 Speaker 2: and no one's judging. They might be laughing, but they're 411 00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:39,640 Speaker 2: laughing with me, not at me. Like it's a good vibe. 412 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:39,840 Speaker 3: Right. 413 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,360 Speaker 2: So I love that you'll be happiest when you live 414 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:48,240 Speaker 2: in your truth. Beautiful all right? Now this takes us 415 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:54,880 Speaker 2: to number three, which is comparison is the thief of joy? Law, 416 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:58,480 Speaker 2: don't we know comparison is the thief of joy? I 417 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:02,240 Speaker 2: will say this, I feel like social media is the 418 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,480 Speaker 2: space right now where a lot of people find themselves 419 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:09,479 Speaker 2: comparing their lives, the way they look, all the things. 420 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,920 Speaker 2: I have found that when I am off social media, 421 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:15,960 Speaker 2: I'm often happier because I find myself in that same 422 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,399 Speaker 2: battle of like, oh I'm good, everything's good, and I 423 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:21,439 Speaker 2: start scrolling down, I'm like, wait a minute, uh oh, 424 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,440 Speaker 2: I'm comparing myself to someone else. And then you don't 425 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,760 Speaker 2: scroll down like thirty minutes the past. And it's just 426 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,840 Speaker 2: it can be. It can be toxic, right, It can 427 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:34,040 Speaker 2: be discouraging and deflating, And so I think there's just 428 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 2: a lot of mental work that needs to happen for 429 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:38,800 Speaker 2: us to realize that we shouldn't be comparing ourselves. We 430 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,600 Speaker 2: all know that, right, but like, what are we doing 431 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:44,920 Speaker 2: to actively combat that? But yes, comparison is a thief 432 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,200 Speaker 2: of joy, Yes it. 433 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,520 Speaker 3: Is, and you know, and I'm with you. I think 434 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:53,639 Speaker 3: that when social media has plays a huge role in 435 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:57,520 Speaker 3: us comparing ourselves to other people, but also the comparison 436 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:02,000 Speaker 3: happens outside of social media as well, all right. I 437 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:06,760 Speaker 3: think about in the workplace, right you're looking at you're 438 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:11,600 Speaker 3: comparing yourself to your colleague who your same level peer 439 00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:19,560 Speaker 3: who is getting promoted, and you're like, hold on, how 440 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,760 Speaker 3: is it that she's getting promoted and we're in the 441 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:29,080 Speaker 3: same level position doing the same thing. And there may 442 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:32,199 Speaker 3: be legitimate reasons why you need to look into that 443 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:35,359 Speaker 3: and investigate right, because there's racism, there's sexism, there's all 444 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:40,920 Speaker 3: the isms that could be at play, and you might 445 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:44,280 Speaker 3: also be in a space where you are comparing apples 446 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:51,960 Speaker 3: and oranges. Her getting that promotion maybe keeping you in 447 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 3: a space where now you're like, I don't need to 448 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,240 Speaker 3: be in this job anymore, Maybe I need to start 449 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:05,600 Speaker 3: looking elsewhere. And you start looking elsewhere, and you find 450 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:11,679 Speaker 3: yourself landing the job that you always dreamed about. But 451 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:18,040 Speaker 3: while you were over here focused on not getting the 452 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:24,639 Speaker 3: promotion like Keisha got, you might have been blocking your 453 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:30,480 Speaker 3: blessing but missing out on a blessing. And so I 454 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:37,080 Speaker 3: think for me, the takeaway from that really is to 455 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,880 Speaker 3: pay attention to what's happening in my own house, in 456 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:43,680 Speaker 3: my own state, in my own body, and know that 457 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:49,000 Speaker 3: what is meant for me will be for me. And 458 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:58,920 Speaker 3: when I am sitting here and thinking about why I'm 459 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,880 Speaker 3: not doing what Keisha and Monica and all the everybody 460 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:07,240 Speaker 3: else is doing that has now taken the focus off 461 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:12,640 Speaker 3: of me, and I find myself not being in the 462 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:18,920 Speaker 3: space where where I'm happy. Right, I'm no longer happy, 463 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:25,200 Speaker 3: and so now all my joys out the window. So 464 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:33,680 Speaker 3: don't let comparison feel your joy. 465 00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:32,760 Speaker 2: And let the church say, amen. 466 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:37,959 Speaker 3: Let's take something number four right, Yes, self love is 467 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 3: the best loved right. And for me when I think 468 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:49,719 Speaker 3: about with that, there are several lessons that come up 469 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:54,640 Speaker 3: for me in a few different ways. But what I 470 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:59,600 Speaker 3: take away most from that is that you have to 471 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:07,680 Speaker 3: love you before you can expect anyone else to love you, 472 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:12,040 Speaker 3: because how will you know how to communicate what or 473 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:18,040 Speaker 3: understand what love looks like if you don't love you? Right? 474 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:21,880 Speaker 3: And so it's looking at it from the perspective of 475 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:27,280 Speaker 3: when I think of elders right, and you know, so 476 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:30,760 Speaker 3: those who have the wisdom around this topic, like I 477 00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:42,320 Speaker 3: think about recognizing that there are times when you are 478 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:47,760 Speaker 3: allowing things to happen to you because you are not 479 00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:55,720 Speaker 3: at peace at one with yourself right that you are not, 480 00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,720 Speaker 3: and so you're in a space where you're accepting things 481 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:07,760 Speaker 3: into your life that aren't really healthy for you because 482 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:12,200 Speaker 3: you aren't in a space of loving yourself. Because again, 483 00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:15,640 Speaker 3: when you know how to what it looks like to 484 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:24,360 Speaker 3: love you, like when I'm clear that one of my 485 00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:30,280 Speaker 3: like my top love language is quality time and I 486 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:34,240 Speaker 3: am clear about what that looks like for me. So 487 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:39,440 Speaker 3: for me, that means quality time with my self. Right, 488 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,520 Speaker 3: That's huge. And that's how I know quality time is 489 00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:49,360 Speaker 3: my love language because I prioritize having some downtime for myself, right, 490 00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:56,920 Speaker 3: having time with myself every day, so then I can 491 00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,800 Speaker 3: communicate to others around me so that they know that 492 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:03,640 Speaker 3: quality time is my love language. 493 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:10,000 Speaker 2: I was going to say, Okay, first, you talked about 494 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,480 Speaker 2: quality time being your love language. How do you know that? 495 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,040 Speaker 2: Because you spend time with yourself, because you have a 496 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:19,480 Speaker 2: relationship with yourself. And when I think about this, this 497 00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:23,520 Speaker 2: lesson right, self love is the best love. It goes 498 00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:27,560 Speaker 2: back to how we treat ourselves because we are an example. 499 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,880 Speaker 2: Like how we treat ourselves is giving the world permission 500 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,480 Speaker 2: to treat us the same way. And I remember when 501 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:36,360 Speaker 2: I was struggling bad with low self esteem. I was 502 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,560 Speaker 2: putting up with bullshit and relationships, letting people talk to 503 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,160 Speaker 2: me crazy, call me names like whatever. It was like 504 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:43,680 Speaker 2: I was letting them do it because I was already 505 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,640 Speaker 2: doing it to myself, and so it was familiar. And 506 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:50,160 Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, you you know said I'm a raggedy 507 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,800 Speaker 2: blah blah blah. Well I was already saying it inside. 508 00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,120 Speaker 2: So this is I'm just I'm at home right now, 509 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,440 Speaker 2: like this is this is my comfort zone because I'm 510 00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:00,440 Speaker 2: so accustomed to the internal dialogue that's saying this thing. 511 00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,240 Speaker 2: But when I began to raise the bar and spend 512 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:07,400 Speaker 2: time with myself fall in love with myself, set a 513 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:11,120 Speaker 2: standard for how I was to be treated, then other 514 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:13,760 Speaker 2: people had to fall in line. So we really do 515 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:16,320 Speaker 2: set the standard for how other people treat us. In 516 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:21,280 Speaker 2: if you can't spend time with yourself and love on yourself, 517 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,040 Speaker 2: the real question is how can you expect someone else 518 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,560 Speaker 2: to genuinely want to do that. I find that people 519 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,880 Speaker 2: often find people attractive and want to be around people 520 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:34,320 Speaker 2: who are in love with themselves, comfortable, confident people at least, 521 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,760 Speaker 2: right I'm not saying I'm not saying like a self 522 00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,560 Speaker 2: obsession in like an egotistical way or anything like that, 523 00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:41,560 Speaker 2: but like a healthy love for yourself. You like you 524 00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:44,560 Speaker 2: like yourself, So it makes it easier for other people 525 00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:45,320 Speaker 2: to like you as well. 526 00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,360 Speaker 3: Yes, And I think as you were saying that, what 527 00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,840 Speaker 3: comes up another people, that that comes up for me 528 00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:54,080 Speaker 3: in terms of what I observe in the elders or 529 00:33:54,280 --> 00:34:02,880 Speaker 3: those around me, is that the people who this goes 530 00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:05,200 Speaker 3: back to that second lesson of like, you're happiest when 531 00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:09,000 Speaker 3: you're living in your truth. Right that, like the people 532 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:15,359 Speaker 3: who were comfortable in themselves whatever that was, right, that 533 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,600 Speaker 3: was because like, those were the people that tend to 534 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:22,400 Speaker 3: be the happiest because they knew what it took. 535 00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,400 Speaker 2: The love on them exactly. 536 00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:29,400 Speaker 3: They knew and what loving on them meant was like 537 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:33,000 Speaker 3: that often meant that they were advocating for themselves, like 538 00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:35,880 Speaker 3: they asked for what they needed or demanded what it 539 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:43,279 Speaker 3: was that they needed for themselves. They set boundaries, even 540 00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:46,440 Speaker 3: though some people might have interpreted that as oh, so 541 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:51,239 Speaker 3: and so don't take no shit. So and so is 542 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:56,080 Speaker 3: that in boundaries and you don't like it, And now 543 00:34:56,080 --> 00:35:00,000 Speaker 3: they have to advocate for themselves and uphold their boundaries 544 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:07,320 Speaker 3: and that self love. And we might not have called 545 00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:18,240 Speaker 3: it that back then, but that's what it was. Okay, Nelson, 546 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:23,160 Speaker 3: there I got one more little and we don't often 547 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,600 Speaker 3: talk about that. We probably need to have a whole 548 00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:32,760 Speaker 3: episode about But masturbation, that's another form of self love, right, 549 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:41,799 Speaker 3: And I think this is going to be controversial. But 550 00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:51,160 Speaker 3: not shaming people for masturbating, right, and as long as 551 00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:56,440 Speaker 3: they are doing it in safe and appropriate ways, right. Yes, 552 00:35:56,600 --> 00:36:00,239 Speaker 3: So we're not on the New York Subway just having 553 00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:05,680 Speaker 3: to go at it. We just not know that's inappropriate, right, Yes, people, 554 00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:12,799 Speaker 3: But I think about little kids mm hm, and not 555 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:16,680 Speaker 3: shaming them, but teaching them what's a healthy way for 556 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:23,200 Speaker 3: them to explore their bodies, because if you start shaming them, 557 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:29,040 Speaker 3: then that leads to lifelong same around their body in 558 00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:32,839 Speaker 3: all kinds of other negative health effects. Right, And so 559 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:37,960 Speaker 3: I think about this other self love piece of It's 560 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:40,680 Speaker 3: okay to massterbate girl. Go on ahead and do you 561 00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:42,359 Speaker 3: rubbing out? 562 00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:46,239 Speaker 2: Yes, okay, we got We're gonna have to have some 563 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:51,480 Speaker 2: shirts coming out soon. Rub one out, rubbing out. Oh 564 00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:54,040 Speaker 2: that's good. No, that's that's good. I agree with you. 565 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:55,759 Speaker 2: I agree with you. And that takes us on the 566 00:36:55,800 --> 00:37:00,440 Speaker 2: number five, which is like an extension of stuff. Right, 567 00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:04,520 Speaker 2: It's okay to walk away from a relationship that is 568 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:09,560 Speaker 2: no longer healthy. Now here's the thing about this. I 569 00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:11,520 Speaker 2: never mind I was gonna speak for everybody. Let me 570 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:13,879 Speaker 2: just speak for myself. I know in my life when 571 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:20,960 Speaker 2: I have been in toxic relationships, I saw the signs, 572 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:24,520 Speaker 2: I saw the red flags. My intuition was, like, girl, 573 00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:29,840 Speaker 2: what were we doing? Like leave people around me, family friends, 574 00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:35,479 Speaker 2: noticed that something was off, But I wasn't ready to leave. 575 00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,800 Speaker 2: I was trying. I actually had something to prove. That's 576 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,360 Speaker 2: what my thing was. Yeah, yeah, I was like, no, 577 00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,000 Speaker 2: I got this, Like I wanted to show them like, no, 578 00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,640 Speaker 2: I got this, And so I stayed and ooh I suffered, 579 00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,680 Speaker 2: I learned, but never again, Like never again is that 580 00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:49,239 Speaker 2: going to happen? 581 00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:49,480 Speaker 3: Right? 582 00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:53,359 Speaker 2: So I think just realizing that. I mean, I've seen 583 00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,520 Speaker 2: so many amazing strong women down who went from a 584 00:37:56,560 --> 00:38:02,520 Speaker 2: situation where they were dependent financially on their partner and 585 00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,160 Speaker 2: it was very scary for them to leave, and they 586 00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,319 Speaker 2: did it and it all worked out. It's possible. You 587 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,080 Speaker 2: can do it, lady, even though it may seem impossible. 588 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:14,160 Speaker 2: So many women, so many people before you have done it. 589 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:19,840 Speaker 2: I think about women who have left toxic, abusive, manipulative, 590 00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:25,279 Speaker 2: narcissistic partners, and we know lady, As you listen, you 591 00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:27,840 Speaker 2: may know someone who's done it and trust and believes it. 592 00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:30,600 Speaker 2: If they did it, you can do it too, right. 593 00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:35,479 Speaker 2: I came across an old message. I may have shared 594 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,719 Speaker 2: this before, but I came across an old message from 595 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:42,200 Speaker 2: an X. It was like an exchange that we had 596 00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:44,000 Speaker 2: had when we were together, and it was like randomly 597 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,520 Speaker 2: in my Facebook messenger. You know, you have like the 598 00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:48,239 Speaker 2: I don't delete a lot of my messages, so I 599 00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:50,680 Speaker 2: have like a running list of all the old things. 600 00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:55,760 Speaker 2: And I remember reading the correspondence and I felt so heavy, 601 00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:57,759 Speaker 2: Like I felt so overwhelmed and so heavy, because it 602 00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,279 Speaker 2: took me back to that space that I was in 603 00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:07,120 Speaker 2: mentally when I was tolerating a controlling, toxic, you know, manipulative, 604 00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,400 Speaker 2: emotionally abusive partner. And I was just like damn, Like 605 00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:12,880 Speaker 2: I've come such a long way, but just that energy 606 00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:15,080 Speaker 2: and the message impacted me so deeply, even though it 607 00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:18,200 Speaker 2: was years down the line that I saw it, and 608 00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,920 Speaker 2: it just reminded me that it's possible to leave. It's 609 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,879 Speaker 2: possible to walk away. You can definitely do it. There 610 00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:26,920 Speaker 2: is life after that relationship, but it just requires support, 611 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:31,240 Speaker 2: sometimes requires taking the lead taking the step right. So, yeah, 612 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:33,759 Speaker 2: that's a powerful word of wisdom for sure. 613 00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:37,040 Speaker 3: And you know, and I also want to add to 614 00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:41,719 Speaker 3: that that, lady, if you are listening and you are 615 00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:46,840 Speaker 3: in a situation that feels unsafe or feels dangerous, that 616 00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:49,000 Speaker 3: it is okay for you to reach out for help, 617 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:53,160 Speaker 3: and we will provide some resources in our show notes 618 00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:57,000 Speaker 3: so that you can get the help and the support 619 00:39:57,080 --> 00:40:02,480 Speaker 3: that you need. And we want to recognize that walking 620 00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:06,960 Speaker 3: away from any type of relationship that is no longer 621 00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:15,000 Speaker 3: healthy is extremely difficult. But we also want to emphasize 622 00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:19,640 Speaker 3: that you are not alone. That there are many of 623 00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:25,800 Speaker 3: us who have gone through this before you and are 624 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:30,480 Speaker 3: ready and willing to support you. And I think about 625 00:40:31,239 --> 00:40:35,120 Speaker 3: how we respond to those who are going through these 626 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:38,480 Speaker 3: situations right, who are going through who are in unhealthy 627 00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:45,120 Speaker 3: relationship dynamics, and it can be extremely difficult to be 628 00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:49,200 Speaker 3: there with those folks, right. And so, lady, if you 629 00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:53,240 Speaker 3: are a friend or a family member of someone who 630 00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:58,840 Speaker 3: is in an unhealthy relationship, it's also okay for you 631 00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,520 Speaker 3: to set your own boundary is to protect your own 632 00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:09,480 Speaker 3: peace in regard to that person in their relationship, that 633 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:15,280 Speaker 3: you have to think about your own capacity and recognize that. 634 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:20,840 Speaker 3: You know, if I think about the cycle of violence 635 00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:29,720 Speaker 3: and how difficult it can be to leave a toxic 636 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:37,320 Speaker 3: or dangerous relationship, and how if you are that family 637 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:41,359 Speaker 3: member or friend who is observing it, there may be 638 00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:44,400 Speaker 3: plenty of times where you want to help, right, and 639 00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:48,920 Speaker 3: you see all the signs, and you've said, it's like, 640 00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:54,120 Speaker 3: I see all the signs you're not going to end well, 641 00:41:54,880 --> 00:42:00,960 Speaker 3: that that person is probably not going to listen, And 642 00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:03,480 Speaker 3: it is okay for you to set your boundary and say, 643 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:08,439 Speaker 3: you know what, here is my capacity to be able 644 00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:12,879 Speaker 3: to help you, and for that person to know that's 645 00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:15,000 Speaker 3: where your limit is in terms of you being able 646 00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:15,319 Speaker 3: to help. 647 00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:19,160 Speaker 2: All right, But if you're. 648 00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:23,720 Speaker 3: That person who's in that relationship, again, I can't stress 649 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:30,200 Speaker 3: enough how it will be okay, And I want to 650 00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:33,920 Speaker 3: be clear that that's eventually, Like I want to be 651 00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:41,080 Speaker 3: very realistic that a lot of people circle back to 652 00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:48,320 Speaker 3: that unhealthy partner or that dangerous situation for a number 653 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:55,759 Speaker 3: of reasons. And chances are, when you're in an unhealthy 654 00:42:55,800 --> 00:43:02,200 Speaker 3: relationship dynamic and there's levels to that to being unhealthy, right, 655 00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:08,280 Speaker 3: But chances are if you are invested in that relationship 656 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:12,919 Speaker 3: chances are you are going to walk away and come 657 00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:20,080 Speaker 3: back multiple times before you finally walk away. And I 658 00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:23,719 Speaker 3: think it's important to stress that because there's often a 659 00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:28,320 Speaker 3: lot of shame that circles back to or that comes 660 00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:32,080 Speaker 3: up when you decide, like you leave and then you 661 00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:32,880 Speaker 3: circle back. 662 00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:33,560 Speaker 2: Right. 663 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:41,920 Speaker 3: It happened, like I know, I did it. I had 664 00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:46,080 Speaker 3: an unhealthy relationship that I was in and we broke 665 00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:48,560 Speaker 3: up and got back together, and broke up and got 666 00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:56,480 Speaker 3: back together multiple times before the relationship finally ended, Yes, ma'am. 667 00:43:56,520 --> 00:44:00,160 Speaker 3: But I think the other piece of that takeaway, right, 668 00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:05,000 Speaker 3: is that you do have people who are there to 669 00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:13,480 Speaker 3: support you, and even if they set certain boundaries, they 670 00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:19,840 Speaker 3: are still there to support you. Use that support, right, 671 00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:24,239 Speaker 3: And so we've talked about that about it. It's okay 672 00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:26,400 Speaker 3: to walk away from a relationship that is no longer 673 00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:33,640 Speaker 3: healthy from a romantic sense. Right. I don't know about you, 674 00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:38,480 Speaker 3: but the work relationships could be unhealthy. 675 00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:44,160 Speaker 2: Too, girl. Yes, we've heard about the toxic work environments. Absolutely, 676 00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:49,520 Speaker 2: goals for the workplace, those for family parentals. 677 00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:55,080 Speaker 3: I mean, like episodes, let's talk about it, yes, about 678 00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:58,560 Speaker 3: how to lead, how to lead that work environment? Yes, 679 00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:01,280 Speaker 3: how to set the boundary is with the family member. 680 00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:04,600 Speaker 3: What it's like if you don't have a good relationship 681 00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:09,399 Speaker 3: with your mother. So we have episodes, Lady that talk 682 00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:13,680 Speaker 3: about all of those unhealthy relationship dynamics and it's okay 683 00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:14,399 Speaker 3: to to. 684 00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:17,239 Speaker 2: Leave those It's okay to leave. And we also have 685 00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:20,760 Speaker 2: an episode that talks about when you're the toxic one, 686 00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:26,799 Speaker 2: because sometimes it us, sometimes we be the ones right 687 00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:32,960 Speaker 2: there exactly been there there, still in progress, right, But 688 00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:36,960 Speaker 2: this was definitely wow. We got to get ready for 689 00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:39,880 Speaker 2: the after show. But this was a lot though. I 690 00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:43,120 Speaker 2: think you've really killed that last bullet point two down, 691 00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,960 Speaker 2: like the last lesson that we covered, so many words 692 00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:50,239 Speaker 2: of wisdom, so much encouragement there. So I think this 693 00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:51,880 Speaker 2: is a good time for us to circle back and 694 00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:54,359 Speaker 2: do a quick recab, lady, so you can, you know, 695 00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:59,160 Speaker 2: taking notes, get your mind right. So the five lessons 696 00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:02,000 Speaker 2: that we've learned from Elders, the first one is a 697 00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:06,600 Speaker 2: body in motion stays in motion. The second one is 698 00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:11,040 Speaker 2: you'll be happiest when you live in your truth. Third 699 00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:15,279 Speaker 2: one comparison is the thief of joy, the fourth one 700 00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:20,120 Speaker 2: self love is the best love, and the fifth one 701 00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:23,359 Speaker 2: is it's okay to walk away from a relationship that 702 00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:29,080 Speaker 2: is no longer healthy. All right, we're gonna hop on 703 00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:30,719 Speaker 2: over to the after show, lady, so we hope to 704 00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:34,040 Speaker 2: see you there, and just a quick little tibbet. You 705 00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:37,839 Speaker 2: can also get an ad free listening experience on Patreon 706 00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:40,240 Speaker 2: if the ads are bothering you, because we got bills 707 00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:42,400 Speaker 2: to pay, girls, so come and join us on Patreon. Okay, 708 00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:43,839 Speaker 2: all right, lady, we'll talk to you soon. 709 00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:50,160 Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show 710 00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:56,160 Speaker 3: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and 711 00:46:56,239 --> 00:46:59,360 Speaker 3: mental health, but is by no means meant to be 712 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:03,720 Speaker 3: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained 713 00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:07,799 Speaker 3: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is 714 00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:11,160 Speaker 3: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy 715 00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:17,120 Speaker 3: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider. 716 00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:19,359 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 717 00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:24,240 Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website at herspacepodcast dot com 718 00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:26,640 Speaker 2: and be sure to click the Patreon tab to get 719 00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:30,800 Speaker 2: access to video content bonuses in our weekly after show 720 00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:35,319 Speaker 2: and before we meet again, repeat after me, I am 721 00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:38,160 Speaker 2: worthy of what I desire period