WEBVTT - Taylor | Betrayal Weekly 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:04.120 Hey, Betrayal fans, I have exciting news to share. Season 0:00:04.160 --> 0:00:06.920 three of Betrayal is now a docu series on Hulu. 0:00:07.320 --> 0:00:10.200 It's the gripping story of Stacy Tyler and the doctor 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:13.320 who betrayed them. See the voices You've come to know 0:00:13.560 --> 0:00:17.000 in Betrayal Under his Eye, streaming now on Hulu. 0:00:22.079 --> 0:00:27.120 Within seconds, I get a Facebook message and he goes, 0:00:27.200 --> 0:00:30.440 is this about your dad? And I got like a 0:00:30.520 --> 0:00:35.360 chill down my back and I responded with yes, with 0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:38.720 like a bunch of dots, and he immediately replied with 0:00:40.000 --> 0:00:42.760 I know this because it happened to me too. 0:00:58.320 --> 0:01:01.560 I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Trail, a show about 0:01:01.600 --> 0:01:05.119 the people we trust the most and the deceptions that 0:01:05.280 --> 0:01:13.080 change everything. Recently, a listener were calling, Taylor wrote into us. 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:15.839 She grew up with her two parents and her older 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:17.880 brother in a small Midwestern town. 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:21.280 Very small town feel. Everyone kind of knew each other 0:01:21.440 --> 0:01:25.679 in some capacity. Had to drive about an hour to 0:01:26.040 --> 0:01:27.080 a decent mall. 0:01:28.000 --> 0:01:30.559 That mall was a place Taylor and her mom would 0:01:30.600 --> 0:01:31.560 go shopping together. 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:34.240 We were kind of attached to the hip. At one point. 0:01:34.800 --> 0:01:36.959 She would always say that I had to go shopping 0:01:37.000 --> 0:01:38.800 with her because I was the only one who knew 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:39.959 where she parked her car. 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:43.520 Growing up, Taylor's mom was her best friend. 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:48.480 My mom was very demure, the trendy popular word to use. 0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:51.800 She was quieter, and she was to stay at home 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:54.440 mom for most of our lives. 0:01:55.120 --> 0:01:57.560 That gave her a lot of time to spend with Taylor. 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:01.280 She was always the one that pick up drop off. 0:02:01.440 --> 0:02:04.680 She was definitely the default parent. She was a self 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:10.320 proclaimed bookworm. We both enjoyed reading together, playing with dolls. 0:02:11.000 --> 0:02:13.120 She taught me how to bake, She taught me how 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:15.480 to cook. We always did things together. 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:19.720 Taylor's dad was the head of the household. He was 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:22.720 beloved in their family and in their community. 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:28.360 Easy go lucky, wore Margueriteaville t shirt, always had a 0:02:28.360 --> 0:02:29.600 smile on his face. 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:33.160 Taylor's parents had been together since they were young. 0:02:33.880 --> 0:02:37.200 My mom was pregnant when she was sixteen, he was twenty. 0:02:37.919 --> 0:02:40.400 She dropped out of high school and he moved her 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:43.920 across the country to follow him to the Air Force. 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:47.960 That military background became part of the family culture. 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:51.519 It was a pretty strict household growing up. We definitely 0:02:51.520 --> 0:02:54.400 grew up with rules, and one of the rules was 0:02:55.520 --> 0:02:57.280 do everything you're asked. 0:02:58.639 --> 0:03:01.720 Striving to be a good daughter was really important to Taylor. 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:05.959 She respected her parents. She even shared her dad's name. 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:09.040 My dad was Big Taylor and I was Taylor Lynn. 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:13.000 Big Taylor was a big sports guy. Some of my 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:17.480 happiest moments growing up revolver ond sports. I always played 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:20.520 a sport ever since I was five. She started with 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:24.280 her dad's sport, soccer. He was a well known soccer 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:25.280 coach in the area. 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:28.600 My dad coached my brother, he coached me. He coached 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:29.639 beyond both of us. 0:03:30.600 --> 0:03:33.800 Everyone in their small town adored Taylor's dad. 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:37.840 He had the nickname of GC, which stood for a 0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:41.920 goofy coach, because he kind of took the happy role 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:46.440 in the coaching situation, the good cop role. I did 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:49.320 not know a world that did not involve sports, but 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:57.440 I loved it. I got really involved in volleyball, especially 0:03:57.440 --> 0:03:58.320 travel volleyball. 0:03:59.200 --> 0:04:02.800 Quickly the sport became her entire life. 0:04:03.400 --> 0:04:07.400 Being good at volleyball and trying to get a scholarship 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:09.160 or trying to get a spot on a college team 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:11.960 was my biggest objective in high school. 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:15.160 She wanted to leave her small town and make it 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:16.480 to a big state school. 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:18.600 If I would have stayed at home and maybe even 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:20.880 played at the community college. That was out of the question. 0:04:21.240 --> 0:04:23.679 I didn't even want to talk to the community college coach. 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:29.600 Her dad could be hard on her, pushing her to 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:30.320 get better. 0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:33.000 On the court. My dad looked like he was the 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:35.720 most supportive dad in the world because he would come 0:04:35.760 --> 0:04:39.680 watch my practices. But if he thought I didn't play 0:04:39.720 --> 0:04:44.120 well enough, or if he thought I wasn't practicing hard enough, 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:46.440 I would get pulled aside to a place where no 0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:48.600 one could hear, or in the car on the way 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:52.120 home or at home, and he would say how terrible 0:04:52.160 --> 0:04:56.040 I was, and how I'm half assing things, and just 0:04:56.160 --> 0:05:00.880 be so mad at me. He'd had this dart side 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:05.240 where he would just flip a switch where nothing could 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:06.080 get him out of it. 0:05:06.880 --> 0:05:10.080 The pressure from her dad could be intense. By her 0:05:10.120 --> 0:05:12.960 senior year of high school, Taylor had made it onto 0:05:13.000 --> 0:05:15.000 one of the best volleyball teams in the area. 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:18.320 We were really good. There wasn't a lot for my 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:20.800 dad to critique, so he kind of had to ease 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:21.320 up there. 0:05:21.960 --> 0:05:24.479 Taylor's hard work paid off when she was accepted to 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:28.640 a liberal arts college on a volleyball scholarship. The school 0:05:28.680 --> 0:05:31.000 was an hour away from her parents' house, so when 0:05:31.040 --> 0:05:34.040 she started that fall, her dad came to every game. 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:37.760 He was my biggest cheerleader. He was being so great 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:39.880 to me. He was being the dad that I always wanted. 0:05:40.360 --> 0:05:43.279 He came to everything. He never critiqued how I played, 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:46.039 even when I didn't know the best game, which he 0:05:46.080 --> 0:05:48.360 would have tore me apart when I was younger. For 0:05:48.480 --> 0:05:51.960 some of that, and volleyball became like a happy space again. 0:05:52.600 --> 0:05:55.520 But that pressure to be the best didn't go away. 0:05:56.240 --> 0:06:00.000 After every mistake or lost game, she heard her dad 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:01.040 dad's voice in her head. 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:03.880 I still wanted him to think I was the best, 0:06:03.920 --> 0:06:07.000 so I still tried hard. I worked as hard as 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:10.039 I could. Every summer, I would do all of the 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:12.120 workouts plus more to try to be the best that 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:12.599 I could. 0:06:13.320 --> 0:06:16.279 Her relationship with her dad had ups and downs, but 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:18.680 her connection with her mom was steady. 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:21.560 We had those little moments where we felt like best 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:24.440 friends and people thought we were so fun together. 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:28.400 They even worked together when Taylor was home from college. 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:32.360 We both worked at Tjmax and it would be really 0:06:32.440 --> 0:06:35.159 funny to page her from the fitting room and say, Mom, 0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:36.840 you need to come clear out the fitting room. 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:41.200 By the time Taylor graduated, she had developed a real 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:42.040 sense of self. 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:45.640 I was finally figuring out who I was, and it 0:06:45.680 --> 0:06:48.320 took me all four years to do that. I came 0:06:48.360 --> 0:06:54.120 out such a stronger, independent, hard working person who knew 0:06:54.160 --> 0:06:57.320 that sports wasn't all that I was worth. 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:01.800 Once Taylor felt more secure in herself, she med a 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:05.279 really great guy, someone who truly valued her. 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:08.320 He's a babe first and foremost. He's six foot five. 0:07:08.600 --> 0:07:10.920 I'm the people person and he is more of the strong, 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:14.200 silent type. But we really balance each other out. 0:07:14.920 --> 0:07:18.480 Taylor started a career in marketing and coach girls volleyball 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:22.120 on the side. She and her boyfriend shared the same interests. 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:24.280 Their lifestyles just aligned. 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:28.680 We both worked really hard at our career. We both coached. 0:07:28.800 --> 0:07:33.119 I coached girls volleyball, he coached girls basketball. We worked 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:33.800 out together. 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:37.800 They got engaged and started planning a wedding. 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:41.720 Our wedding was great. My mom helped me get ready 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:47.080 with my bridesmaids. My dad helped walk me down the aisle, 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:49.880 had my father daughter dance. 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:54.280 Taylor talked to her dad on the phone almost every day, 0:07:54.760 --> 0:07:58.720 and the family spent long weekends together as Taylor's husband 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:00.640 started spending more time with the family. 0:08:02.640 --> 0:08:06.160 My husband would always mention how thick my dad laid 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:10.160 it on with me. Man, he just gushes over you. 0:08:10.240 --> 0:08:14.320 It's kind of weird, it's kind of gross. And I 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:17.000 would just be like, well, I'm the golden child, I'm 0:08:17.040 --> 0:08:22.640 the best and kind of justified as that. And it 0:08:22.760 --> 0:08:26.920 took a long time for me to understand my dad 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:30.760 was just laying it on thick because he knew what 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:31.320 he did to me. 0:08:55.600 --> 0:08:59.120 Taylor and her husband were settling into married life and 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:01.439 beginning to plan and for a family of their own. 0:09:02.120 --> 0:09:05.240 In twenty sixteen, my husband and I were actively trying 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:09.320 to have a baby. We got a house together, and 0:09:09.559 --> 0:09:13.840 just really getting excited for my professional career to really 0:09:13.880 --> 0:09:17.440 take off, and life was pretty. 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:21.120 Great at the time. Taylor had just started a new 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:23.040 career in social media marketing. 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:26.760 I always had to keep in mind what trending topics 0:09:26.800 --> 0:09:29.120 were and how the brand could maybe resonate in some 0:09:29.200 --> 0:09:34.040 of those. The me too movement started trending in twenty seventeen, 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:37.920 and it wasn't just a one day trend. Every single 0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:41.520 day there were new trending tweets with the me too 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:48.319 hashtag that showcased stories of abuse. Seeing these headlines just 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:51.360 really put me in a dark place and put a 0:09:51.400 --> 0:09:53.559 dark cloud over my life. 0:09:54.200 --> 0:09:56.880 Taylor's husband started noticing a change in her. 0:09:57.840 --> 0:09:59.880 He thought maybe there was something wrong in our marriage, 0:09:59.920 --> 0:10:01.880 or it's something that he did to make me upset. 0:10:02.400 --> 0:10:04.400 But I would go home from work and I just 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:07.960 wouldn't want to talk. I would just kind of try 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:09.000 to block everything out. 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:15.439 After a few months, Taylor's husband encouraged her to start therapy. 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:20.680 And it was through therapy that really helped me understand 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:25.680 why I was feeling so upset seeing the Me Too movement. 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:32.800 That was a major thing that happened to me that 0:10:33.200 --> 0:10:37.760 was not normal. I found a therapist and I first 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:41.280 just started talking about my relationship with my husband. I 0:10:41.320 --> 0:10:44.400 think halfway into our first session, she asked me about 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:48.440 my family life, and I just blurted it out that 0:10:48.480 --> 0:10:49.839 my dad abused me growing up. 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:54.800 It was a truth that she buried for years. She 0:10:54.880 --> 0:10:58.280 knew it happened, but she kept those memories locked away 0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:02.120 to protect herself. That was until the Me Too movement 0:11:02.240 --> 0:11:04.760 brought them back into her conscious awareness. 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:08.080 It was so far back in my mind, the memories 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:11.800 and reminders would truly only come out every once in 0:11:11.840 --> 0:11:15.439 a while in very weird situations, whether it be a 0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:18.800 dream or when I was drinking with my friend, or 0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:21.959 an episode of Law and Order SVU would just hit 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:26.120 way too close to what happened. I actually have to 0:11:26.120 --> 0:11:27.280 stop watching that show. 0:11:30.679 --> 0:11:34.640 With the support of a licensed therapist, she began revisiting 0:11:34.640 --> 0:11:38.560 the memories she tried so hard to forget. As a 0:11:38.559 --> 0:11:42.200 note to listeners, Taylor is about to describe her experiences 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:45.400 of sexual abuse. If it's best for you not to 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:48.199 hear this, you can skip ahead two minutes. 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:56.640 The earliest time I can recall is around like three 0:11:56.720 --> 0:12:00.960 or four years old, and I just remember being in 0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:05.040 the dark with the TV on, laying next to my 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:13.000 dad and him pleasuring himself next to me. He referred 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:17.480 to it as helping him out, and so the phrase 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:22.720 ever since I can remember was Hey, I need you 0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:25.319 to come help me out, or how about you help 0:12:25.360 --> 0:12:29.960 me out? Or well I could probably convince your mom 0:12:30.000 --> 0:12:32.880 to unground you if you come help me out. It 0:12:32.960 --> 0:12:41.559 was his code word. I was crying like quietly, eyes shut, 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:46.760 gritting my teeth, silent, stiff as a board. As soon 0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:49.160 as it would be over, I would get out of there, 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:51.040 out of that room as fast as I could, and 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:52.720 I would lock myself into my room. 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:58.560 The sexual abuse was a constant threat she navigated every day. 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:03.600 I drew being home alone with him at any instance 0:13:04.200 --> 0:13:07.599 my whole entire childhood. Anytime I could go to the 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:10.880 grocery store with my mom, I would go. Anytime I 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:13.080 could try to get out of the house, I would 0:13:13.080 --> 0:13:16.240 get out of the house. I would even bring tons 0:13:16.240 --> 0:13:19.319 of food and snacks from the pantry and hide them 0:13:19.360 --> 0:13:22.240 in my room to try to avoid going in and 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:24.720 out of my room, because there would be times where 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:27.719 I would just walk past his room, and that's where 0:13:27.720 --> 0:13:31.160 I would get the request to help him out. I 0:13:31.240 --> 0:13:34.000 just knew growing up, the faster I could get it 0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:35.440 over with, the faster I could leave. 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:40.800 He manipulated and threatened her into staying silent. When she 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:44.560 started looking back on her childhood, her fixation with sports 0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:48.199 started to make more sense. It wasn't just about getting 0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:52.160 a scholarship. Volleyball gave her an escape from her dad 0:13:52.160 --> 0:13:52.840 and her home. 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:56.360 Sports were also a great way to stay busy and 0:13:56.400 --> 0:14:00.000 not be in the house, like I always try to 0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:03.080 sign up for as much as I could and we 0:14:03.160 --> 0:14:05.679 had to do a lot of traveling with that, so 0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:09.400 the abuse wasn't as often, which was nice. It was 0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:10.640 a nice break. 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:16.160 But volleyball wasn't always a reprieve. The bad moods her 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:18.960 dad would get in after she lost a game were 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:20.240 used to control her. 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:24.960 If I made a mistake. I was terrified what was 0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:29.120 going to happen when I went home. The only way 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:31.720 for me to get out of trouble or not grounded 0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:37.720 was to help him out. I would help him out, 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:40.200 and then everything would reset and we would be completely 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:43.520 back to normal. He would be an overly loving dad 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:45.880 for that time period, and I was just I would 0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:48.680 go back to my room and be relieved, but at 0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:52.440 the same time, I would be counting down the days 0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:54.440 until I had to do this again. 0:14:56.880 --> 0:14:59.680 Every time. She hoped it would be the last time, 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:03.800 but it went on right up until she left for college. 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:06.120 I get mad at myself sometimes, which is really hard 0:15:06.160 --> 0:15:09.600 to deal with. I should have just called the police. 0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:14.240 I should have told a teacher, but who knows if 0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:17.800 they would have even taken me seriously because he was respected 0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:19.800 in the community. 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:23.360 As soon as Taylor left for college, she buried the 0:15:23.400 --> 0:15:26.800 memories of her dad's abuse. It was a survival mechanism 0:15:27.160 --> 0:15:30.440 because she depended on her parents, and despite it all, 0:15:30.840 --> 0:15:33.040 she still wanted a connection with them. 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:35.480 I relied on my family for a lot of things, 0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:38.560 and you know, they supported me and they helped me 0:15:38.600 --> 0:15:39.600 buy my first car. 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:43.400 Through years of abuse, she had been taught that love 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:47.200 was conditional and that it was her responsibility to make 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:50.680 her parents happy with her. That pattern of thinking stayed 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:53.200 with her even after the abuse ended. 0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:58.320 So when a memory would come up, or when I'd 0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:00.600 be in college and that definitely wasn't happy to me 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:03.640 and anymore, and I would think of something, I'm like, well, like, 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:07.920 you know, now, they're nice to me. Now, my dad 0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:13.800 treats me like his best friend. And all those great 0:16:13.960 --> 0:16:17.440 moments in my mind at that time outshadowed some stuff 0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:20.560 in the past, because hey, that's done, that's over, and 0:16:20.560 --> 0:16:24.160 look at how nice he is to me now. And again, 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:26.080 I would talk to my dad or my mom like 0:16:26.200 --> 0:16:31.000 every other day, and never at a time where we'd 0:16:31.000 --> 0:16:34.200 be talking would I be thinking about that, because I 0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:38.200 was so focused on how good it was to have 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:44.160 a supporting dad or loving dad. It was definitely everything 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:46.640 that I was craving growing up, and I feel like 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:49.160 I was trying to take full advantage of that as 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:50.920 an adult. 0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:54.560 But as hard as she tried to keep it out 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:57.920 of her mind, those memories sometimes came back up. 0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:02.800 There would be time all throughout my life where I 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:06.280 would remember, like, oh, yeah, I remember that terrible stuff 0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:10.919 you seda happen to you. I even remember this was 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:16.560 probably twenty fourteen, living in a different city, and my 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:18.960 friend and I were drinking, you know, just young twenties, 0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:22.000 getting ready for a night on the town, and I 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:24.200 don't know what triggered it, but all of a sudden, 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:27.159 I just started crying. And I've never told anyone up 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:30.040 to that point, and I told her what had happened 0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:33.080 to me, and she gave me the biggest hug and 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:36.000 we kind of just talked about it. 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:40.160 But back then Tiler wasn't ready to confront the reality 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:41.960 of what her father had done to her. 0:17:42.320 --> 0:17:45.040 And the next day she was like, I remember what 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:46.720 you told me. If you ever needed to talk to me, 0:17:46.800 --> 0:17:49.080 let me know. And I just kind of was embarrassed 0:17:49.080 --> 0:17:51.040 that I even brought it up. I didn't want anyone 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:53.840 to look at me as a victim or think of 0:17:53.920 --> 0:17:57.000 me like as gross you know, for that happened to 0:17:57.040 --> 0:17:59.320 me as like damaged even my friends. 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:04.320 Taylor felt like if she came forward it would destroy 0:18:04.400 --> 0:18:05.480 her family. 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:09.160 And I would quickly be like, well, your family's all 0:18:09.160 --> 0:18:11.639 that you have. Do you want to blow up your 0:18:11.680 --> 0:18:14.960 whole life? And I turned out okay, so it really 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:16.760 must have not done that bad. And if I'm going 0:18:16.800 --> 0:18:19.120 to bring it up, then I'm just being a drama queen. 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:22.600 Or maybe people aren't even going to believe me, so 0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:24.720 why would I even bring it up. So that's kind 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:26.280 of how I would talk myself out of it and 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:28.160 kind of push those memories back down. 0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:33.040 By twenty seventeen, when she saw other survivors coming forward 0:18:33.080 --> 0:18:37.600 and being believed, something shifted for Taylor. She couldn't keep 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:39.160 the memories at bay anymore. 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:42.640 I would cry on my way to work sometimes out 0:18:42.640 --> 0:18:46.359 of the blue, because I started having those memories that 0:18:46.440 --> 0:18:50.120 were just unavoidable, and I couldn't really push them back 0:18:50.160 --> 0:18:52.040 like I had been doing all those years. 0:18:52.680 --> 0:18:56.520 With the help of her therapist, she integrated those experiences 0:18:56.600 --> 0:18:59.760 into the story of her life, but she still wasn't 0:18:59.760 --> 0:19:04.080 ready to confront her parents. And then my husband and 0:19:04.119 --> 0:19:06.560 I were trying to have our first child, and. 0:19:07.920 --> 0:19:11.520 The minute I found out I was pregnant, I just 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:14.720 wanted to keep this thing safe. I was getting very 0:19:14.760 --> 0:19:19.760 protective over my future baby and really was having a 0:19:19.760 --> 0:19:22.120 hard time and had to talk to my therapist about 0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:24.760 do I wanted to have a relationship with my dad 0:19:24.840 --> 0:19:29.480 knowing what happened to me. Finally, my therapist suggested, well, 0:19:29.480 --> 0:19:31.960 have you ever talked to your mom or told your 0:19:32.000 --> 0:19:34.800 mom about this? And that really opened the door to 0:19:36.320 --> 0:19:39.960 I need to bring light to this or I don't 0:19:40.000 --> 0:19:41.680 know what's going to happen next. 0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:45.159 It was the last thing she wanted to do, but 0:19:45.240 --> 0:19:47.320 now that she had a baby on the way, she 0:19:47.400 --> 0:19:50.600 knew she couldn't interact with her parents without addressing her 0:19:50.680 --> 0:19:55.040 dad's abuse. She hadn't told anyone except her college friend 0:19:55.160 --> 0:19:58.360 and now her therapist. If she was going to confront 0:19:58.359 --> 0:20:02.160 her parents, he needed to tell her husband first. 0:20:03.240 --> 0:20:05.800 My husband and I were driving a car and I 0:20:05.880 --> 0:20:10.720 was still not mentally in a great place that I said, Okay, 0:20:10.760 --> 0:20:12.840 do you want to know why I am in therapy? 0:20:13.359 --> 0:20:15.560 And I said there was a family member that abused 0:20:15.600 --> 0:20:21.119 me sexually abused me growing up. And then I was 0:20:21.119 --> 0:20:25.359 able to tell him that it was my dad, and 0:20:26.600 --> 0:20:29.960 he instantly wanted to drive two hours to go see 0:20:30.040 --> 0:20:34.159 him and confront him. He was supportive a thousand percent 0:20:34.200 --> 0:20:37.160 of the way. He is a fierce protector. He would 0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:38.000 do anything for me. 0:20:39.000 --> 0:20:41.520 But she wanted to do this on her own. He 0:20:41.600 --> 0:20:44.480 respected that and supported her as she made a plan. 0:20:44.960 --> 0:20:47.520 But in the meantime she distanced herself. 0:20:48.119 --> 0:20:50.160 I definitely became a little bit more distant to them, 0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:52.879 you know, blamed like, oh, work is really busy, card 0:20:53.240 --> 0:20:56.719 a lot going on. All my anger was directed at 0:20:56.760 --> 0:20:58.160 my dad, not my mom. 0:21:00.920 --> 0:21:03.639 She knew her mom would be on her side. She 0:21:03.800 --> 0:21:07.359 was her best friend. One time, when Taylor was young, 0:21:07.880 --> 0:21:10.080 her mom even asked her if something was wrong. 0:21:10.720 --> 0:21:14.480 I remember I was five or six years old, and 0:21:14.680 --> 0:21:18.919 she asked me if my dad ever touched me. And 0:21:18.960 --> 0:21:21.040 I remember saying to her just because I was so 0:21:21.840 --> 0:21:26.200 scared that I said no and just kind of let 0:21:26.240 --> 0:21:26.600 it go. 0:21:28.240 --> 0:21:31.080 But now, as an adult, she was ready to answer 0:21:31.080 --> 0:21:37.239 that question. Honestly. A few months into Taylor's pregnancy, her 0:21:37.280 --> 0:21:41.280 mom invited her on a shopping trip. Taylor decided, this 0:21:41.440 --> 0:21:42.280 was the time. 0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:45.520 I took my mom to just a little cafe and 0:21:45.560 --> 0:21:48.240 I said, I have something to tell you. It's really 0:21:48.280 --> 0:21:55.240 hard for me growing up. Dad sexually abused me. I'm 0:21:55.280 --> 0:21:59.720 now pregnant and I'm terrified that something's going to happen 0:21:59.800 --> 0:22:03.040 to this kid, and I just need you to know. 0:22:04.760 --> 0:22:09.240 And she immediately started crying, and I started crying, and 0:22:10.040 --> 0:22:13.600 she said, you know, I really there was this one 0:22:13.600 --> 0:22:15.440 time that he was holding you weird that I really 0:22:15.480 --> 0:22:19.040 thought maybe, but you told me it wasn't happening. Why 0:22:19.040 --> 0:22:21.359 didn't you ever tell me? Like? She just kept like 0:22:21.440 --> 0:22:23.920 crying and asking me that, and I just kept telling 0:22:23.960 --> 0:22:26.440 your dad told me not to like he said, I 0:22:26.480 --> 0:22:30.040 would get in trouble if I told you. She was 0:22:30.119 --> 0:22:33.439 just super upset, gave me all the hugs, told me 0:22:33.720 --> 0:22:37.480 how sorry she was that that happened. And I went 0:22:37.880 --> 0:22:41.560 home to where I lived at the time, and she 0:22:41.920 --> 0:22:44.439 went home with the plan to confront my dad. 0:22:46.600 --> 0:22:49.879 It was a huge relief, but she knew that confrontation 0:22:50.200 --> 0:22:52.639 would change her parents' relationship forever. 0:22:53.359 --> 0:22:56.840 I was in hopes that she was going to leave him. 0:22:56.960 --> 0:22:59.600 I offered her replace to live with us. We would 0:22:59.600 --> 0:23:00.919 help so or her financially. 0:23:01.880 --> 0:23:04.920 Taylor didn't hear anything from her parents for a few days. 0:23:05.320 --> 0:23:08.320 The whole time she was Bracing for her dad's reaction, 0:23:09.119 --> 0:23:11.760 she and her husband prepared for her mom to move in, 0:23:12.680 --> 0:23:15.760 but Taylor was surprised when a few days later she 0:23:15.840 --> 0:23:17.320 received a call from her dad. 0:23:19.920 --> 0:23:23.240 My dad then called me and asked me to meet 0:23:23.280 --> 0:23:28.080 him at a halfway point in like a Walmart parking lot. 0:23:28.400 --> 0:23:32.800 He said he wanted to talk and apologize. So it 0:23:32.880 --> 0:23:36.479