Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 3: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 3: time and a termino and gay.
Speaker 4: We want to send you off in style. You wanna
Speaker 4: welcome you back home? Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared?
Speaker 5: Or was it fine?
Speaker 1: Malborn?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride.
Speaker 5: With Karen and Chris?
Speaker 1: Let's be professionals this time.
Speaker 5: Wait, what did we do last time that was bad?
Speaker 5: Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris.
Speaker 1: Fairbays and this is Karen Kilgareth.
Speaker 5: Oh, I remember what it was that we did last
Speaker 5: time that was bad? We were eating stones there.
Speaker 6: Were We got a lot of feedback about how upsetting
Speaker 6: it is to eat and crinkle paper while you're doing
Speaker 6: a podcast.
Speaker 1: God damn it. We couldn't agree more.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and we already knew that going in. We
Speaker 2: wanted to just make sure you knew that it was
Speaker 2: the wrong thing to do.
Speaker 6: You know, I'm one of those people that likes negative
Speaker 6: attention as much as positive attention.
Speaker 1: I don't really know the difference.
Speaker 6: And so as long as I'm making you tweet at
Speaker 6: me in a passionate manner, it's just as good as
Speaker 6: if you're saying I love you so much as you're
Speaker 6: saying if you ever do that again, you're going to
Speaker 6: break my brain, exactly.
Speaker 2: And I learned from Mystery the Pickup Artist that even
Speaker 2: if you're being mean to a woman, yes and telling
Speaker 2: her her friend is more pretty and that her feet
Speaker 2: are shaped funnelly and nice sweater, does it come in
Speaker 2: your size?
Speaker 5: It's the same as saying I love.
Speaker 1: You to women.
Speaker 6: If you just let a woman know that she has
Speaker 6: Fred Flintstone feet, she will marry you that same night.
Speaker 2: What did you come here in a canvas car with
Speaker 2: a bunch of ribs wrecked on the side.
Speaker 1: I never understood the ribs.
Speaker 6: I thought it was a large shell that they were
Speaker 6: putting onto the car.
Speaker 2: Nobody in the history of watching Hanna Barbera ever knew
Speaker 2: what was being put on Fred Flintstone's car.
Speaker 6: It's like, why don't why do they need a shell
Speaker 6: that big? Are they at the drive in movie theater?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just that, you know, back then they still
Speaker 2: had roller skating up to your windows service waitresses. Right,
Speaker 2: but ribs were bigger because we were eating dinosaurs. Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: so it's a rack of ribs that he ordered at
Speaker 2: the drive in, But it's.
Speaker 1: It's the ribs of a t rex.
Speaker 6: We're supposed to believe, Yeah, even though people and dinosaurs
Speaker 6: did not exist.
Speaker 1: At the same time.
Speaker 5: Well, it depends on who you are.
Speaker 2: I believe I'm Adam and Eve.
Speaker 5: I'm getting there. Adam and Eve get there.
Speaker 2: Then after they I can't remember, he killed the last
Speaker 2: dinosaur they were riding on one, and.
Speaker 6: Then Adam did yes foor Eve yes as a gift,
Speaker 6: and then he said, you have one less rib than me.
Speaker 6: Here's a bunch of t rex ribs to knock your
Speaker 6: car over. That's how much I love you, you fat
Speaker 6: ugly bitch.
Speaker 5: Yeah, now let's go to the movies.
Speaker 6: Megging, Bible style nagging.
Speaker 1: I love that you remembered. Is it mysterio? What's that
Speaker 1: guy's name?
Speaker 5: Mystery?
Speaker 1: Oh, just plain mystery.
Speaker 2: Well I met when I did that, and this might
Speaker 2: be I have time I talk. I'm paranoid that I've
Speaker 2: said this before. I'll tell you, dude, you must I do.
Speaker 2: I think there's been a few times where you. People
Speaker 2: think you're pretending not to remember, but it's all fresh
Speaker 2: to you too. I think together our brains are declining, and.
Speaker 1: I don't have to pretend not to remember.
Speaker 6: So everyone can drop that concept immediately because I go
Speaker 6: full blank on things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's not good, it doesn't feel good.
Speaker 6: But I also enjoy the telling because you are as
Speaker 6: mad every time you tell the.
Speaker 1: Scorpion in your boot story.
Speaker 6: You're asmad is the first time, and as maad is
Speaker 6: when it happened to you originally.
Speaker 2: Right right, Because it's fun. I don't recall already getting
Speaker 2: it out of night system. It's still just boiling on
Speaker 2: the surface.
Speaker 1: It's entirely in your system.
Speaker 2: See, that's why I should use my declining brain with
Speaker 2: my acting.
Speaker 1: That's true. It's all passion. So you worked with mysterio.
Speaker 2: Oh, mystery, mysteriouddenly he had a curly mustache.
Speaker 5: Mystery is the pickup.
Speaker 2: He was on a reality show where they would take
Speaker 2: nerdy men and be like, here's how UV mean to
Speaker 2: girls and trick them into not relationships having sex.
Speaker 5: Okay, it's the worst. That's the worst show ever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and the people that made reality bites back this
Speaker 2: show that was a parody of different reality shows that
Speaker 2: you worked on. I was on it, and Amy Schumer's
Speaker 2: on it, and Bert Kreischer and Theo Vonn and some other.
Speaker 1: Folks, all the young stars of tomorrow.
Speaker 2: It was Yeah, but it was a show that was
Speaker 2: not People weren't ready to I don't know, have a
Speaker 2: mirror because it was very funny.
Speaker 7: And they didn't want to bite back to mich Liam
Speaker 7: Black was very funny on it. Sure, yeah, it wasn't
Speaker 7: by that was a news parody show, Reality bites Back.
Speaker 5: Or well wait that's the title you just said, dog
Speaker 5: bites Man. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I think I'm gradually losing it. It is called really
Speaker 2: bites Back. You were right, I was right, then I
Speaker 2: was wrong.
Speaker 5: Now I'm right.
Speaker 8: Okay.
Speaker 2: The crew came and they they were the next thing
Speaker 2: we're shooting in this house is this dating show. And
Speaker 2: I saw Mystery on an airplane and I said, hey,
Speaker 2: I just met all the people that you're starting to
Speaker 2: work with, and he's like, oh, yeah, I met him
Speaker 2: yesterday too, And I was talking with him, but the
Speaker 2: whole time he was looking over my shoulder to people
Speaker 2: getting on the plane to see who he could have
Speaker 2: sex with I could just tell it was this unhealthy scary.
Speaker 1: Now was he an attractive person?
Speaker 2: No, he was a tall, skinny kind of smell like boo,
Speaker 2: like a rocker smell like this is unwashed leather.
Speaker 5: Oh, so, get a load of my pheromones.
Speaker 1: He's trying to do like a Jane's Addiction pickup scheme.
Speaker 5: He is a Jane's Addiction the guy. Okay, he's reeked
Speaker 5: of heroin and no deodorant, an had.
Speaker 2: Ski goggles on instead to peak cock It's really cocky.
Speaker 5: That's right.
Speaker 2: See, I'm gonna sound a little like one of them
Speaker 2: because I remember all the phrases.
Speaker 6: Well and also clearly you've been using them since you
Speaker 6: met hit this man on.
Speaker 5: I have not, and I never would.
Speaker 1: You are constantly goggled.
Speaker 5: All I do is get shut down by the fact
Speaker 5: that I'm.
Speaker 2: Nice until I get an outburst of anger.
Speaker 5: Now I do speeds.
Speaker 1: Nice and and rased.
Speaker 2: But he later on I found out he did indeed
Speaker 2: have sex with several women that worked on the in
Speaker 2: the crew of that show, like everyone did have sex
Speaker 2: with him.
Speaker 5: He is a hypnotist of ladies.
Speaker 6: Well, but here's I just would like to bring up
Speaker 6: this side is that there are women who are also
Speaker 6: looking for sex, so then they that's just simplicity. That's like,
Speaker 6: that's why tinder works so well for some people, because
Speaker 6: it's like, yeah, let's do this.
Speaker 1: I don't give a shit. It's not it's not that hard.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well I'm not putting that out there apparently.
Speaker 6: You know, you know why you need a switchblade or
Speaker 6: something threatening? Yeah, you need to take care of business.
Speaker 5: What about this new mustache Stephen? Does it work for you?
Speaker 5: Is it like a switchblade with the ladies?
Speaker 1: Steven loves mustaches?
Speaker 5: Oh, I keep it packed every time. Yeah, we are
Speaker 5: really almost have the same model right now.
Speaker 9: Yeah, you guys are in the Mustache Club, the Mustache
Speaker 9: Club for men. I am the president, Adam, and I'm
Speaker 9: also a member, but I am.
Speaker 5: Yeah he was. That's how I met the mystery Man.
Speaker 6: It's funny because that era, which feels very late nineties
Speaker 6: early two thousands of pickup artists and or like the law,
Speaker 6: the forty eight Laws of Power, all that stuff where
Speaker 6: people wanted a shortcut to basically being awesome right where
Speaker 6: it's just like, yeah, I can't be awesome individually, So
Speaker 6: can you write a book and then I will I
Speaker 6: will just kind of run down a series of behaviors
Speaker 6: and that will make me awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, let's start with a shower. How he
Speaker 1: axe body spray?
Speaker 5: Apparently not? No, we're supposed to.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of people that use this pheromone business
Speaker 2: and it's not I can't be tricked by it.
Speaker 5: No, well, body odor isn't my bag?
Speaker 1: Oh is that really what he's doing? Like you smell
Speaker 1: the animal carnal procerace.
Speaker 5: He was very skinky. Maybe I caught him on a
Speaker 5: bad day.
Speaker 6: Maybe he was nervous because he was about to have
Speaker 6: sex with all those stewardesses and it confined space.
Speaker 2: He would not look me in the face. He was
Speaker 2: looking at all the people behind me.
Speaker 6: I mean that alone is like you can have all
Speaker 6: the sex you want, but like nobody wants to actually
Speaker 6: spend time with you when you're like that. I mean,
Speaker 6: how many people have you been with at Hollywood parties
Speaker 6: where they just stare past.
Speaker 1: You to the good person that might be walking through
Speaker 1: the door.
Speaker 5: There are five names I could give right now that
Speaker 5: I won't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I wouldn't and good and yes I know every
Speaker 1: one of thosiness.
Speaker 5: We are thinking of the same people we did.
Speaker 6: Say it fast Steven edited out and then he can
Speaker 6: hold it over our head if he feels like it
Speaker 6: like blackmail.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he's like, I got those five names.
Speaker 5: Well, I'm not going to say the names now.
Speaker 1: I'm going to drop those names.
Speaker 6: Feel rue the day you ever booked double booked me, right, Steven,
Speaker 6: You're very vindictive always every.
Speaker 5: Time I look back there he's rubbing his hands together. Yeah.
Speaker 5: I can't wait. We have a guest today. I can't
Speaker 5: believe I'm going to let it out of the bag.
Speaker 6: Season two, first guest of season two, first episode two,
Speaker 6: first season five years long.
Speaker 1: It's the first season.
Speaker 6: We were really working some shit out, and now we've
Speaker 6: got it worked out and we're ready. We're just ready
Speaker 6: to execute, execute execute, yes.
Speaker 2: Right, and it's going to be as smooth running as
Speaker 2: this has been this whole time.
Speaker 1: This conversation, or the entire.
Speaker 5: The whole season, the whole Zero Hitches season.
Speaker 6: Two has been. It's Emmy nominated already. Did you hear congratulations?
Speaker 5: Oh wow, No, I didn't hear it. They're doing it
Speaker 5: means for podcast.
Speaker 6: Yeah, we one were nominated Podcast Emmy Best Original dramatic series. Congratulations,
Speaker 6: you have to stop driving. Everybody, you have to stop driving.
Speaker 5: He isn't sorry.
Speaker 2: I like how you acted like you were going to
Speaker 2: go into his lane though, I liked it.
Speaker 1: Yes, I liked you.
Speaker 6: When people are doing things against the law, I threaten
Speaker 6: them with the car.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and just drive at them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you should do that now that you don't have
Speaker 2: Oh man, I saw a fit the other day of
Speaker 2: the car you used to have.
Speaker 5: Yes, do not like it. Don't have good memories with
Speaker 5: that car?
Speaker 1: No, it's not. It's well.
Speaker 6: I mean, I think Hondas make great cars, but that
Speaker 6: one specifically was filled with dog hare.
Speaker 5: You know, I'm a Honda man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course you are lifelong.
Speaker 5: But the fat no, and you're specifically riddled with dog
Speaker 5: hare fault.
Speaker 6: And although they could have made it easier with them cereals,
Speaker 6: they made the car out of to keep the dog here,
Speaker 6: not locked in place.
Speaker 2: And I'm not saying it's not a safe car. Most
Speaker 2: people know this from the first. It was the first
Speaker 2: thing we ever talked about. Is the first thing rear
Speaker 2: ended in another fit, and it according the car to
Speaker 2: where the back of the car became the back seat.
Speaker 2: So the back seat became the front seat, and I
Speaker 2: became the dashboard, and that the jockey box.
Speaker 5: I'm someone's gramp who calls it that it's.
Speaker 1: You and you're dead.
Speaker 5: What is it called.
Speaker 1: It's a jockey back it's a glove compartment.
Speaker 2: Glove compartment, that's where you keep your gloves, not your
Speaker 2: tiny horse riding pants. The glove box opened up, and
Speaker 2: right when I got hit, it flew open. A pen
Speaker 2: flew out, and then not that I saw it in
Speaker 2: slow motion, but when we hit the car in front
Speaker 2: of us, it stuck into the air conditioning vent thing yep,
Speaker 2: and my head whipped down and the pen was just
Speaker 2: sticking out. And that was the first thing I noticed.
Speaker 2: How close I was to having a pengo.
Speaker 1: In my eye, if not be killed.
Speaker 2: Oh this lady, Oh, she created her own lane and
Speaker 2: she's old and I feel sad.
Speaker 6: She's you know what, she's the most successful person in
Speaker 6: Hollywood can do spirit.
Speaker 5: She lives at the top of a tower gable.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, this is my favorite. So we were
Speaker 6: long ago for my favorite murder. We had to do
Speaker 6: a Halloween show and so in the Baskets writer's room
Speaker 6: where I worked for last season, somebody said, oh, what
Speaker 6: about that story about that death in the Hollywood Towers,
Speaker 6: And I was like, what.
Speaker 1: Hollywood Towers is a very famous apartment building.
Speaker 5: It's here in LA.
Speaker 1: We just drove by it.
Speaker 5: We did describe it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's back there now we're by the celebrity centers.
Speaker 1: Oh scary. Yeah, but scary, isn't it smoking.
Speaker 2: That's the most sinister building ever. Of course they abuse
Speaker 2: you mentally. It's the architecture.
Speaker 5: It is the Frankenstein's House.
Speaker 1: It's frockags Geen.
Speaker 5: I never noticed how scary it was. Sorry, no, no, no.
Speaker 6: So somebody said, what did you ever hear about those
Speaker 6: deaths in the Hollywood Tower And I was like, no,
Speaker 6: please tell me everything. And they were like, yeah, apparently
Speaker 6: the elevator. There's a bunch of people in the elevator
Speaker 6: and it she got struck by lightning and dropped. And
Speaker 6: I was like, this is incredible. And then the next
Speaker 6: day at worked they go, I'm sorry, that's the story
Speaker 6: to Tower of Terror at Calcu.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I was gonna say, I've been on that ride.
Speaker 1: They told me the plot of a ride.
Speaker 5: Oh that's great, they thought.
Speaker 1: They were like, I just remembered it as a true
Speaker 1: crime story.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, it's so what was there ever haunting
Speaker 2: at the Hollywood Towers?
Speaker 5: Oh, that's so funny.
Speaker 6: They entirely remembered a ride at Disneyland and as being
Speaker 6: a true crime story.
Speaker 5: And in real life they just there was black mold
Speaker 5: or something to tear down.
Speaker 6: Yes, they just kind of quietly killed people. They can't
Speaker 6: really trace it back.
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, that's so funny.
Speaker 2: I as I was so excited to say, that's also
Speaker 2: what happens on the ride, and what weird will have
Speaker 2: to write those rides. I knew a guy, Jerry Reese.
Speaker 2: He wrote a Brave Little Toaster and he designed concepts
Speaker 2: for Disney rides.
Speaker 5: That's cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was like one of his jobs. He was
Speaker 2: a nice he's still a nice man. But I haven't
Speaker 2: seen him for a while.
Speaker 1: Well, if you haven't seen him, he's probably an asshole
Speaker 1: now yeah, yeah, everyone changes.
Speaker 5: Probably doesn't even have a ponytail anymore. What a prick?
Speaker 1: What a sellout?
Speaker 2: No, he wanted to write. He liked Howard Kramer and
Speaker 2: I and he wanted to do an animated thing when
Speaker 2: I worked for Fuel TV. Oh nice, and he made
Speaker 2: like a concept of animation where it was like on
Speaker 2: a live action wall, like the graffiti came to life
Speaker 2: at night.
Speaker 5: And he and I were both artists that worked in
Speaker 5: a bar. Yeah, and then.
Speaker 2: It was pitched to like Comedy Central, and they said,
Speaker 2: we love it, we're doing it, but we don't have
Speaker 2: any money to pay the artists. Guy, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: why no, it's his whole idea.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and your Comedy Central, you have lots of money.
Speaker 8: No.
Speaker 5: They we didn't end up doing it. They would not
Speaker 5: they would not budge.
Speaker 1: Well, they're good people over there. This was what's important.
Speaker 2: I don't even know these people don't even work there anymore.
Speaker 2: It was back when it was Adam Films. Don't get
Speaker 2: me to start.
Speaker 6: At one, when it had little Little Jimmy the Pimp,
Speaker 6: which was that used to infuriate.
Speaker 1: Me so much. Jimmy the Pimp, remember that, it was like.
Speaker 6: A child pimp cartoon that like white boys thought was
Speaker 6: the funniest thing of all time.
Speaker 5: Oh god, this white boy comedy. When's it gonna stop
Speaker 5: never being enjoyable to me?
Speaker 1: Being my favorite kind of comedy.
Speaker 5: See, that's the kind of timing. It is amazing. We
Speaker 5: talked about it earlier. But I've been acting, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have an audition today actually for what that
Speaker 2: must that's some kind of cat food?
Speaker 5: Why ruined the line already? I don't know if it's
Speaker 5: for cat food?
Speaker 6: Do you say the line with a mouthful of cat food?
Speaker 2: I did a spitta, except the gross kind that's actually spit.
Speaker 5: Yes, it wasn't my coffee. I just spit on your car.
Speaker 6: The whole mouthful of spit is the ultimate compliment, and
Speaker 6: it sells products.
Speaker 5: That's what I'm gonna do, no matter what it is. No,
Speaker 5: it's Farrell's Fargo. Nice. But I don't know what I
Speaker 5: have to do.
Speaker 2: But I'm telling you, I grew with this mustache, and
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, it's like, now that guy is
Speaker 2: a character.
Speaker 6: Yeah, people go, oh, I can see it now, I
Speaker 6: can see what he's all about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I don't. I don't during the day. I
Speaker 2: don't like walking around with it. I wear ski mask.
Speaker 1: You really have to stay away from children.
Speaker 2: Now, Yeah, No, it's true. I can tell that people
Speaker 2: think I'm a little weird. Well that's a pretty building.
Speaker 1: I know it's not cool.
Speaker 5: So where Matt lives now?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't think so, because I'm driving past.
Speaker 2: We're picking a mac Ingebrets, and I'm going to go
Speaker 2: ahead and say it.
Speaker 5: Do it.
Speaker 2: It would have been And I mean, it doesn't have
Speaker 2: to be a grand room. It can be a gradual reveal.
Speaker 1: It can be a depressing reveals.
Speaker 2: Uh that he has a show on Comedy Central called Corporate.
Speaker 2: It's very funny. He's very funny. He's very tall.
Speaker 6: He's very tall, and he loves to commandeer this show,
Speaker 6: which we love.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, we might be getting interviewed if he's
Speaker 2: still has the same style.
Speaker 5: I don't know has his style change.
Speaker 6: He may have changed since Corporate has become such a success.
Speaker 5: So Karen's back saying him now, I'll try not to interrupt.
Speaker 1: Yeah, please be quiet while I text.
Speaker 5: This isn't nice. This isn't where he lived before. I
Speaker 5: don't think. No, he's moved.
Speaker 6: This is the third place he's lived in as many years.
Speaker 6: I'm sick of this nomadic lifestyle that he's living. Yeah,
Speaker 6: well this is I mean, it is nicer.
Speaker 2: If I ever get a show, I'm going to move
Speaker 2: into a nicer neighborhood too.
Speaker 5: I guess that's just how things go.
Speaker 6: Yeah, let's make a plan that you that you move
Speaker 6: out of your shit neighborhood when you hit it.
Speaker 2: Marina Delrey is very nice. It's just where most people
Speaker 2: go to retire. I don't wake up with that get
Speaker 2: up and go pep that I would here in this neighborhood.
Speaker 1: That's right with all the young hip people.
Speaker 5: Yeah, these people are moving and shaking, all right.
Speaker 1: So the text has been sent and now it's just
Speaker 1: a waiting day.
Speaker 5: It's just a matter of the retrieval and reading of.
Speaker 7: It and understanding, yes, the concept, and then follow through.
Speaker 5: That's really important that he walk.
Speaker 6: Out of the building, and also maybe me double checking
Speaker 6: that I did come to the correct place.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, so he just wrote back coming. Oh great,
Speaker 1: this is all working out so cute nineteen. Sorry, it's
Speaker 1: ahead of us a little bit, a bit according to
Speaker 1: this map.
Speaker 5: It's not him.
Speaker 8: That's not him.
Speaker 5: It's another young happening. Dude.
Speaker 1: Oh I think it's behind us now, Oh I don't
Speaker 1: get it.
Speaker 5: It's okay, he'll find us. We put on the hazards idea.
Speaker 2: Yeah, where are your hazards? You haven't see. You don't
Speaker 2: need them because this car never breaks down.
Speaker 1: That's true. This car rules.
Speaker 5: It really does rule the school.
Speaker 2: When I get make it big with my TV show,
Speaker 2: I'm going to get a car like this.
Speaker 5: I'm going to live a street a lot like this.
Speaker 5: I'm not gonna wear shirts like the one I'm wearing.
Speaker 1: You do everything just like the people around you are.
Speaker 5: We're going to.
Speaker 2: Change so much good people wear suits. I'm going to
Speaker 2: have an affected accent. I'm going to visit a country
Speaker 2: for just a couple of weeks and then have that
Speaker 2: accent forever.
Speaker 6: Yes, this is just like me every year school year,
Speaker 6: when I would start school and go this year, I'm
Speaker 6: going to be shy yep, and it would never work.
Speaker 1: Now that's probably the sixth time I've said that on
Speaker 1: this point.
Speaker 2: No, No, I really, I know that we've talked about
Speaker 2: how I shy people used to exist and I miss them. Yes,
Speaker 2: is now it's just a bunch of confident babies like you're.
Speaker 5: They're just born. I can do anything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's the parenting.
Speaker 6: Where's the Yeah, they don't really do abuse anymore the
Speaker 6: way they used to.
Speaker 2: What I happened to the kids who lived in fear
Speaker 2: and they didn't know what they were scared of, like me,
Speaker 2: I think it makes for a nice person every day.
Speaker 5: Oh, a lot of people.
Speaker 2: Last time I was talking about how I would hear
Speaker 2: voices and tunnel vision.
Speaker 5: And a lot of people up said I had the
Speaker 5: same thing.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. Here's Matt.
Speaker 2: Oh, Matt ingebrets and coming in right next to the garbage.
Speaker 5: Hii Hi. We we thought we'd have you entered right
Speaker 5: by the trash here?
Speaker 1: Do you like garbage?
Speaker 8: Right, Matt?
Speaker 1: Do you know Stephen the.
Speaker 5: Oscar of comedy?
Speaker 1: Please don't fight guys, seriously, you get you guys.
Speaker 5: Know each other and get along, right Matt?
Speaker 1: Do you want black coffee?
Speaker 6: Uh?
Speaker 5: Because you have?
Speaker 8: I do?
Speaker 5: Come.
Speaker 1: We did right by you this time.
Speaker 5: Karen's real good at gifts.
Speaker 1: I knew just what to get you recording.
Speaker 5: Yeah we are.
Speaker 1: Yeah, can't you tell by how fake we're acting?
Speaker 8: Why are you guys acting like this? I can't stop smiling.
Speaker 5: Stephen's touching me, yea, touch me?
Speaker 8: And I screamed, touch me?
Speaker 5: Oh do we have?
Speaker 8: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yes, of course, I almost holding a coffee.
Speaker 8: But it works perfectly.
Speaker 6: This is a beautiful neighborhood. And I'm gonna show you
Speaker 6: where I used to live.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, really you there? That's neighborhood.
Speaker 6: I was in this neighborhood. We lived in this house
Speaker 6: right here when I was on speed in the nineties,
Speaker 6: and we had parties that were so loud and insane
Speaker 6: that the people who lived in this house here moved away.
Speaker 6: When I was on speed in the ninety this we
Speaker 6: lived that one right there, okay, and it was a disaster.
Speaker 6: Are my friend Dave Mesmer and my other friend Maliva Barbula,
Speaker 6: and we just drank. This was when I decided I
Speaker 6: was going to take speed so I can be thin
Speaker 6: enough to audition for TV shows. But then I drank
Speaker 6: my weight and beer every night, so it was just
Speaker 6: a kind of counteractive. It didn't totally work, and I
Speaker 6: never slept, and I would get up in the morning
Speaker 6: and just start fucking. I start smoking and rolling calls,
Speaker 6: making plans of like we're all meeting for lunch at
Speaker 6: this place, we're all doing this show tonight, and then
Speaker 6: we're going to meet at this bar.
Speaker 1: And that's all I did. I was like, Wow, like.
Speaker 8: A personal assistant for your party friends. Yes, I'm so
Speaker 8: glad I know you at this point in your life.
Speaker 6: I yelled slightly less than I used to, but only
Speaker 6: a little bit.
Speaker 1: It was nuts.
Speaker 8: What have you guys been talking about since you got
Speaker 8: in the car, Chris?
Speaker 1: Auditions, Chris, it's been on tell not about just a
Speaker 1: retail but format.
Speaker 2: I yeah, yeah, I've I think I need to take
Speaker 2: an acting class because there isn't I don't know how
Speaker 2: I've done yeah until months later when you get to
Speaker 2: see it, and then it watches over me that I'm
Speaker 2: not terrible, but I feel like I do. I can
Speaker 2: be terrible, but I don't know. So I need to
Speaker 2: take an acting class and learn how to do this.
Speaker 6: Now, Matt, when you Matt is one of the stars
Speaker 6: and creators of the Comedy Central series Corporate hit series.
Speaker 8: Right, yeah, that's right?
Speaker 1: Serious? Ye did that happen to you when you started
Speaker 1: on Corporate?
Speaker 6: Like, did you ever have that performance anxiety of I
Speaker 6: don't know what I'm doing?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 8: No, I have the blind confidence of a tall white man. Okay,
Speaker 8: so no, it definitely did, especially when we made the pilot.
Speaker 8: Jake and I were both like, well, we're frauds, so
Speaker 8: we need to really work hard at this until we
Speaker 8: get it right. So I don't know. I think stand
Speaker 8: up helps a lot, though, I think you're like with
Speaker 8: your confidence.
Speaker 2: But it's not so much the confidence that I'm worried about.
Speaker 5: I really think there are technique things to this.
Speaker 2: That is the reason people go to schools like Steppenwolf
Speaker 2: and Juilliard or whatever.
Speaker 5: Like, it's not just.
Speaker 2: About being confident. I know that I don't know what
Speaker 2: I'm doing. Did you take classes?
Speaker 8: No. The best piece of advice I ever got from
Speaker 8: Adam Lustick, who's also in this show an incredible actor,
Speaker 8: is that all he went to nyu Tis School whatever
Speaker 8: it is, to like dramatic school, and he said the
Speaker 8: only thing he learned was that the only thing to
Speaker 8: be good at acting is to like not be self
Speaker 8: conscious while on camera. If you can like remove all
Speaker 8: of that, you're doing a plus work. Yeah, he said,
Speaker 8: he just learned breathing exercises and they did yoga in
Speaker 8: acting classes. So I don't think you've learned anything.
Speaker 6: I took in classes, and I was a theater major,
Speaker 6: but I never connected the fact that the reason we
Speaker 6: were doing these incredibly irritating exercises was to relax me
Speaker 6: for performance. I was always just like, Oh, here's this
Speaker 6: stupid shit where we have to pretend we're walking through
Speaker 6: honey and it would make me so mad and I
Speaker 6: wouldn't kind of pay attention, and.
Speaker 1: Then when we would go to perform, I'd be like
Speaker 1: to get through this.
Speaker 8: And I never am on speed walking through honey.
Speaker 5: Yeah, just saying loud.
Speaker 6: It was harder for me than other people because I
Speaker 6: was on speed walking through honey.
Speaker 5: Yeah, why am I?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I feel like quicksand is always some sort of exercise
Speaker 2: pretending you're in quicksand, or maybe that's just a game
Speaker 2: I used to know.
Speaker 8: For the listeners, Karen just talked and someone taking a
Speaker 8: left turn and she was justified in doing so, but
Speaker 8: it was aggressive, But was.
Speaker 6: I because they were waiting for a person who was
Speaker 6: running the light. So I think I actually was in
Speaker 6: the wrong.
Speaker 8: Okay, addendum Karen was and deserves no pity be of Karen.
Speaker 5: Light me up.
Speaker 1: I deserve it online.
Speaker 2: Well, the thing that happened the other day was I
Speaker 2: started to get nervous. I'm like, they all think I'm
Speaker 2: a fraud, and I started sweating. And then it totally
Speaker 2: helped because the scene was me breaking up with someone
Speaker 2: and that is also when you get nervous and woe
Speaker 2: start sweating, and I was like, oh, this is working
Speaker 2: out perfect. My self awareness just bailed me out.
Speaker 8: You just need to play parts where the person is
Speaker 8: nervous and sweaty.
Speaker 5: Yes, if I could just corner that market.
Speaker 8: The dumbest audition I ever did was for a Taco
Speaker 8: bell commercial and the premise of it was that you
Speaker 8: were like, you had to make a tiny taco. So
Speaker 8: during the audition I had to mind I get.
Speaker 5: That you did get that audition?
Speaker 8: Create? Yeah, No, I did not. I'm creating a tiny taco.
Speaker 8: And just halfway through creating it, I just looked up
Speaker 8: and was like, I'm so I can't do this.
Speaker 6: That happened all the time where I would go in
Speaker 6: and it would be like a commercial for a bank,
Speaker 6: and they'd be like, so, basically, there's a line here,
Speaker 6: and you're just gonna go down and like rip the
Speaker 6: people as they're standing in line.
Speaker 1: So just picture the people.
Speaker 6: There's no line of people, so you just had to
Speaker 6: improvise insulting people who weren't there. And I was like, Okay,
Speaker 6: it sounds good, and then I went to the beginning
Speaker 6: so to do that and then start the copy. And
Speaker 6: so I started and I was like nice shirt, Ted
Speaker 6: America trade or whatever.
Speaker 1: The thing was and went straight to the coffe because
Speaker 1: I was like, what are you talking about?
Speaker 6: How you so I use my imagination to improvise a
Speaker 6: bunch of insults that can't be funny because you can't
Speaker 6: see what I'm imagining.
Speaker 2: You can't see that the invisible person does not indeed
Speaker 2: have a nice shirt.
Speaker 8: It's a stupid show. That's what's funny.
Speaker 6: You're picturing that they have a beautiful shirt on, and
Speaker 6: so the comedy won't ever land.
Speaker 1: I hate auditioning so much so that I.
Speaker 5: Forget because I vividly remember it was like two years ago.
Speaker 2: What happens to the tiny taco though? I feel like
Speaker 2: I don't with a mouse? Is there a mouse eating it?
Speaker 1: Were they serving mice a taco bell?
Speaker 2: Because well, you guys all know in this car that
Speaker 2: I do like miniatures, like dollhouse or otherwise, but.
Speaker 8: Didn't know that.
Speaker 1: I certainly didn't know that I love.
Speaker 5: When I was a kid, I wanted a doll house.
Speaker 2: What I really wanted a dollhouse just for the tiny
Speaker 2: toasters and little chairs and like the I like miniatures.
Speaker 8: I mean, now that you're saying this, this does make
Speaker 8: sense based on what I know about you, but I
Speaker 8: did not know this.
Speaker 5: Yeah it is. It is a cool art.
Speaker 2: And I follow on Instagram a lot of mini Like
Speaker 2: there's guys that make just the frontage of a subway,
Speaker 2: you know, entrance and buildings, and so I think my
Speaker 2: dad was scared that I wanted to start playing with dolls.
Speaker 1: It's scary and yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5: God forbid. That was a big fear in the eighties
Speaker 5: that your son would just be like.
Speaker 8: You better buy him a gun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they called it doll panic doll.
Speaker 2: He had me doing pushups and then but we made
Speaker 2: like a while West store facade and that had miniatures
Speaker 2: and never really fulfilled that desire.
Speaker 6: We never finished and yet but while at the same
Speaker 6: time being insanely manly.
Speaker 5: Right yeah, yeah, he had me smoking cigars.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, now, Matt, what's the thing we don't know
Speaker 6: about you?
Speaker 1: Miniature style?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, that you're into that other people don't know.
Speaker 8: Yeah, but it has to be miniature.
Speaker 5: No, it's just that style. Oh this is so hard.
Speaker 5: It's a secret.
Speaker 1: What don't we know about you? It's a secret, but
Speaker 1: it's very light secret. Like the miniatures. We don't want
Speaker 1: to get into your bullshit.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, you don't need to bring your bullshit to
Speaker 5: the table.
Speaker 8: I was going to bring my bullshit. So I'm glad
Speaker 8: you said soth. Okay, I did just read this might
Speaker 8: not count be exactly what you're talking about, but I
Speaker 8: did just read the book Dune. You guys ever heard
Speaker 8: of the book Dune?
Speaker 5: Sure.
Speaker 8: I've had mixed feelings about it, and I don't really
Speaker 8: know why I read it. I felt like a book
Speaker 8: I sh should read, or it seemed like a I
Speaker 8: don't really get nerd culture, I guess, or like kind
Speaker 8: of like sci fi obsession. Sure, but I was like,
Speaker 8: maybe if I read this it will it will help me?
Speaker 1: And did the spice help you?
Speaker 8: You know about the spice?
Speaker 5: Sure?
Speaker 8: Okay, yeah, no it did not help me. But I
Speaker 8: did it. I enjoyed it well enough, but I was like,
Speaker 8: I don't know why people are talking about this book
Speaker 8: so much.
Speaker 5: It's just like different Star Wars.
Speaker 2: It was a yeah, it was a storyline in Togetherness
Speaker 2: that were going to do a Dune musical for kids, right,
Speaker 2: oh yeah, yeah, something to do. And I sort of
Speaker 2: wanted to read it after that too, because there are
Speaker 2: a lot of people that what's Togetherness? That show that
Speaker 2: was great on HBO the plast Brothers show.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like a lot of the same people that
Speaker 5: are making that Single Parents show.
Speaker 6: It's just you were making a reference as if you
Speaker 6: were saying, like, it's very well known thing. And when
Speaker 6: that happens and I don't know the thing, I can,
Speaker 6: I get really upset.
Speaker 2: No, it's okay, And I tend to just make references
Speaker 2: to things that are specific than just aim.
Speaker 5: Then everyone knows what they are. So, boy, what a
Speaker 5: commentation together. I'm diving into traffic now. Yeah, dude, what
Speaker 5: is it? A big book I'm in?
Speaker 8: It's that big book, A big boy book for big
Speaker 8: boys and girls.
Speaker 5: Are you a big proud boy?
Speaker 1: Mostly boys?
Speaker 8: Yeah, most seriously, mostly boys. They don't treat women great,
Speaker 8: and girls.
Speaker 1: Actually hate books like that.
Speaker 5: Does the book have worms go in someone's nose?
Speaker 8: No, there are worms, but they're too big to fit
Speaker 8: in the nose.
Speaker 1: Okay, they're like worms.
Speaker 5: Okay, that's right, Kevin Bakers.
Speaker 8: Wait, Karen, why do you know about this stuff? Did
Speaker 8: you see the movie?
Speaker 1: Well, I'm one of those girls that knows boy things.
Speaker 8: Oh, Karen.
Speaker 1: As a convenience, you have to know it to survive.
Speaker 10: A woman who focuses on boy things are just one
Speaker 10: of the many books you read on speed in the night.
Speaker 8: You were.
Speaker 1: I got everything good moving on? You know.
Speaker 6: Actually there's a so that director. I watched this documentary
Speaker 6: one day by accident. This can be my piece of trivia.
Speaker 6: It's not that good, but it's a Judgerowski.
Speaker 8: Yeah, okay, I haven't seen that, but it's on my list.
Speaker 1: It's so good.
Speaker 6: So he wanted to direct Dune, Yes, And it's all
Speaker 6: about the work he put into the like basically what
Speaker 6: he was going to do to be the director of Dune.
Speaker 1: Yes, And he had H. R. Geiger. Is that his
Speaker 1: name s? H. G. Geiger.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he does does this very technical airbrush. He designed Alien.
Speaker 6: He's the Alien guy, and he's like an amazing uh
Speaker 6: Art director.
Speaker 1: Would that be what he is?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 6: So that guy had all the all he had a
Speaker 6: whole book that was going to be the Dune movie,
Speaker 6: and just.
Speaker 1: All the studios were like, we just.
Speaker 8: Don't this looks crazy.
Speaker 1: We can't, Yeah, we don't believe in it. And then
Speaker 1: like a year later they did Star Wars.
Speaker 6: So it was like he was this He's always been
Speaker 6: this visionary.
Speaker 1: But in that documentary there's a thing.
Speaker 6: He goes into talking about how fucked Hollywood is for
Speaker 6: true artists get fucked in Hollywood.
Speaker 1: Yes, and it is the speech.
Speaker 6: While I was watching the documentary, I started taking pictures
Speaker 6: of the screen grabs of things he was saying and
Speaker 6: posting them on Twitter like a lunatic because it was
Speaker 6: all this like.
Speaker 1: This money, this, Jody money that whatever. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this is it. Nothing good exists in entertainment.
Speaker 8: Have you ever seen the documentary Burden of Dreams about
Speaker 8: Warner hertzog No, his attempt to a movie that I
Speaker 8: think eventually came out, But it was a movie that
Speaker 8: was shot in the like a jungle in South America,
Speaker 8: where people died in the production.
Speaker 1: Yes, when he was it was Fitzgaraldo.
Speaker 5: Yeah that's right, uh huh.
Speaker 8: Which is insane because once you've made anything, you're like,
Speaker 8: if somebody died while we well we made a fucking
Speaker 8: movie or TV show, we should all go to hell.
Speaker 5: Yes, the insanity of that movie, roar, it's I don't
Speaker 5: think the.
Speaker 8: Original movement one.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's insanity.
Speaker 2: Have you seen that this movie with all these wild
Speaker 2: tigers in it and people on camera getting attacked by
Speaker 2: tigers Melanie Griffith.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, Melanie Griffith center, Yes, because they're her mom's tigers.
Speaker 6: Right, Yes, it's that thing, because we watched a trailer
Speaker 6: for it. We went down a rabbit hole in the
Speaker 6: baskets room one day about how Tippy Hedron and it's
Speaker 6: Tippy Hedrones her mom and they kept lions at their
Speaker 6: fucking house in like Sherman News, and they had a
Speaker 6: bunch And there was one picture where a lion just
Speaker 6: has Melanie Griffith, I think is in the pool and
Speaker 6: she just the lion has its whole mouth around her head.
Speaker 5: Yes, oh my god, I've seen that picture.
Speaker 8: Yeah. I saw that movie in a theater, like a
Speaker 8: packed theater, and it was one of the craziest experiences
Speaker 8: I've ever had because people are freaking. It's so scary
Speaker 8: what you're watching.
Speaker 2: So Tippy Hedron is a decent actor if she had
Speaker 2: to pretend then to be scared of birds.
Speaker 5: I live in lions. They are my lines.
Speaker 1: No birds are flowing.
Speaker 2: You mean they're gonna pack me with their little beak.
Speaker 2: I've had my head in Hawaiian's mouth. She's just holding
Speaker 2: a whip standing on a stool.
Speaker 8: I do it all birds are scary, though. I was
Speaker 8: just at the I was in Hawaii. Guys, by the way,
Speaker 8: what island Kawai the best?
Speaker 5: I always asked that, and then I don't know anything about.
Speaker 6: The islands is where I went last or for this
Speaker 6: past fourth of July.
Speaker 1: It's my favorite.
Speaker 8: Incredible.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when someone says the Big One, when they mean
Speaker 2: may Hawaii itself.
Speaker 5: Just say Hawaii, it's.
Speaker 1: They're trying to make you feel bad because you don't
Speaker 1: have as much money.
Speaker 5: I knew it.
Speaker 2: Thank you for saying that every time someone, even right now,
Speaker 2: Matt's trying to make me feel good.
Speaker 8: Yeah, the Big Island is extra expensive.
Speaker 5: What did you do there?
Speaker 1: It's hard to get a hotel there.
Speaker 8: Almost nothing, truly almost nothing. There's very little to do
Speaker 8: other than just like eat and drink and lie on
Speaker 8: the beach.
Speaker 6: Sure, did you go to that bar where they have
Speaker 6: pizza and serve the strongest my ties?
Speaker 5: Right, the shaky Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 8: They got a Shaky's.
Speaker 1: Just for the people at home.
Speaker 6: Chris did a comedy sip after he said Shaky's. He
Speaker 6: leaned over to his drink, he didn't bring the drink
Speaker 6: to his mouth, and then sipped like that was.
Speaker 5: The best job. No, it's just people are laughing. I
Speaker 5: can have some of my alcohol.
Speaker 8: And that bar was used in the movie The Descendants. Yes,
Speaker 8: and they had the movie The Descendants at the Airbnb
Speaker 8: I was staying at and we watched it and it
Speaker 8: felt like a really lame thing to do. Ha.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, when my sister, so, we have family friends that
Speaker 6: have a house in Kawhi that they rent, but then
Speaker 6: everybody also goes to a lot.
Speaker 1: So then do it friend?
Speaker 5: Do it make decisions?
Speaker 8: Oh?
Speaker 1: I see he was helping his other friend happen again.
Speaker 5: And we were getting mad at someone being courteous. God, motherfucker.
Speaker 5: He should have run it.
Speaker 1: That guy he's an asshole and he's been an asshole
Speaker 1: the whole time.
Speaker 5: I wish people we need to have cameras.
Speaker 8: Yeah, this should be lost.
Speaker 1: We're just driving down Western. It shouldn't be that big
Speaker 1: of a deal.
Speaker 6: That guy's been mad at me for not running about
Speaker 6: four different lights the entire time, and it looked a
Speaker 6: lot like Jake foglanest I might confront.
Speaker 1: Him on Twitter later.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's what.
Speaker 1: Is the name of that bar again? Can you remember?
Speaker 6: Yeah, so my sister and Adrian and all of their
Speaker 6: friends that were there for it was somebody's birthday and
Speaker 6: everybody was there.
Speaker 1: It was like two months ago.
Speaker 6: They went to that bar, and they would go to
Speaker 6: that bar like every day or every night, depending because
Speaker 6: it's kind of the only game in town, essentially, unless
Speaker 6: you want to go to Happy Talk, which is also awesome.
Speaker 5: Did you go to that one Happy Talk?
Speaker 1: It's the bar in the hotel that's right there on the.
Speaker 2: Oh, well, are you ready to joust a ambulance ambulance?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 2: Oh, he just pulled right over. I guess yeah, they're
Speaker 2: just getting some coffee. Sometimes that bothers me when I'm
Speaker 2: not of course.
Speaker 5: Uh, you know ambulance as a father. No, no firemen
Speaker 5: or that's a fire truck. It's red. They're they're heroes.
Speaker 5: But a lot of times they bother me. It's like,
Speaker 5: I get it. I can hear you a lot of times.
Speaker 2: And in that case, I think there was a first
Speaker 2: response reason. But sometimes the sirens go off and they're
Speaker 2: just picking up some lunch.
Speaker 5: Sure, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Oh, they take advantage.
Speaker 6: My dad actually came down the first time I hosted
Speaker 6: the The Like Showcase night at the Improv in San Francisco.
Speaker 6: My dad was a fireman in Chinatown at Station two,
Speaker 6: and so they came down and pretended they were there
Speaker 6: to check the fire safety and then they all just
Speaker 6: stood in the back of the room and watched me
Speaker 6: help to all in full uniform with the truck Parke
Speaker 6: double parked out front.
Speaker 5: That's that's just a story about you having a good dad. Right,
Speaker 5: how'd you do?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 5: How'd you eat it?
Speaker 1: I killed every time. I'm always always killed.
Speaker 5: She did, she killed, She killed so hard. They were
Speaker 5: glad the firemen were there. Do you hear CPR you're taggling?
Speaker 8: Should be Karen the perfect comedian.
Speaker 6: Rarely doesn't kill. And then it turns out I don't
Speaker 6: know what kill means. So it took the last time
Speaker 6: they were in at Kawai. They went to Tahiti Nui
Speaker 6: and there was this guy that came and sat at
Speaker 6: their table. This big he looked like a classic Hawaiian like,
Speaker 6: he was really big, with a big gut.
Speaker 1: And long, curly gray hair, and he was partying.
Speaker 6: With them and he was buying them my ties, and
Speaker 6: everyone was having a great time. And at one point
Speaker 6: he told either my sister or her friend Adrian he
Speaker 6: was the king of the island, and they're like sound
Speaker 6: it's great, and.
Speaker 1: He's like we're just like okay, buddy, I'll buy you
Speaker 1: a beer.
Speaker 5: Whatever.
Speaker 6: It turned out he was the king of the island.
Speaker 6: What I'm like, They looked it up on Facebook and
Speaker 6: he's the King of.
Speaker 5: Kawhi in conjunction with the government.
Speaker 6: Yeah, he's the official, like he is the you know
Speaker 6: thirtieth you know in the in the line to the
Speaker 6: throne or whatever.
Speaker 1: He's he's the king. And he actually had a sidekick guy.
Speaker 6: With him that was like taking her business, and like
Speaker 6: at one point he asked one of them to dance
Speaker 6: and then the.
Speaker 1: Sidekick is like, yeah, go dance with the king. And
Speaker 1: they're like, I better go dance with the king.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Wow, isn't that the best?
Speaker 5: I really? I wonder what duties he has as a king.
Speaker 1: Well, he has to party.
Speaker 5: Yeah, he has to wear Hawaiian shirt.
Speaker 8: What's funny about Hawaii is I had gone once before,
Speaker 8: but just for a couple of days, and but going
Speaker 8: this time' gonna just reminded me. It's exactly what you
Speaker 8: think it is, Like everything they've said and like the music,
Speaker 8: like we got up the plane, and we're really hearing
Speaker 8: the ukulele version of Somewhere over the Rainbow. It's a
Speaker 8: little bit like, maybe change it up a little bit.
Speaker 6: Sometimes there just needs to be more songs recorded by
Speaker 6: that guy, because he only did the watch.
Speaker 2: I can't remember that is a specific that's a hit
Speaker 2: song that that cover that was big for Hawaiian ukulele.
Speaker 1: It's nice.
Speaker 5: I can't remember his name, my dad would know.
Speaker 8: Christy played instrument.
Speaker 2: I played trombone for a while and I picked up
Speaker 2: a rusty one the other day and I just couldn't
Speaker 2: even make it blow.
Speaker 5: I don't know how to.
Speaker 8: Are you playing a sex joke?
Speaker 1: Terrible sex joke?
Speaker 2: I picked one up and I couldn't even make it
Speaker 2: make a sound.
Speaker 1: You weren't joking.
Speaker 2: It's like it's I played it for four years and
Speaker 2: I the other day I blew on it and just
Speaker 2: went like it wouldn't even I didn't know how to
Speaker 2: do it anymore. What a waste of time that was
Speaker 2: my trombone?
Speaker 5: Yours were real.
Speaker 7: I mean, just the word trombone sounds insane, and this
Speaker 7: one indeed rusty.
Speaker 5: I knew when I said it it was kind of
Speaker 5: a sex joke.
Speaker 8: Trombo.
Speaker 2: It was just your luck that you found a rusty
Speaker 2: my friend Sanchez he needed about He's dirty.
Speaker 5: Rest trombone. Are you enjoying any of this, Matt? I
Speaker 5: just yeah. I wasn't sure you're even smiling.
Speaker 8: That is about this podcast is I can't we can't
Speaker 8: look at each other.
Speaker 1: Christ That's okay, That's why I like it.
Speaker 8: I'm not even looking at the back of your head.
Speaker 8: I'm looking at a head rest.
Speaker 2: I did I put little googly eyes like the kind
Speaker 2: that it's just defaced statues?
Speaker 8: Head Yeah, Karen, do you play guitar much or have you?
Speaker 8: Are you still playing? Do you pick it up?
Speaker 6: I haven't played in a while, so every once in
Speaker 6: a while I will. But it doesn't ever sound good
Speaker 6: to me. And I think I did it when I
Speaker 6: was a guitar comic.
Speaker 1: It's such shame.
Speaker 6: About it that I think I ruined it a little
Speaker 6: bit for myself, like I did it for too long
Speaker 6: past the time I wanted.
Speaker 5: To do it.
Speaker 6: I see, because it's too lazy to actually write an act,
Speaker 6: and so then I just turned it. I turned it
Speaker 6: on myself.
Speaker 8: That is an unfair way to categorize what you do,
Speaker 8: because because what you did is incredibly funny and so good.
Speaker 5: Yeah you're writing it off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going both. Also, Yeah, and you're good at guitar,
Speaker 2: and you got to start a rock band and let
Speaker 2: me at least that's a rusty trombone.
Speaker 5: I swear I'll practice.
Speaker 1: Do you play an instrument now?
Speaker 8: I played drums and percussion growing up, but I kind
Speaker 8: of let it slide. Music is fucking hard. You gotta
Speaker 8: do it every day or it falls away very cleck.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's everything almost and.
Speaker 6: But you but also if you're in a band, you
Speaker 6: have to be writing songs that justify you doing it
Speaker 6: every day. So like for me, like I have friends
Speaker 6: that are in a band that's my favorite band and
Speaker 6: it's the best, and like it makes sense to me
Speaker 6: that they have this kind of very It's almost like
Speaker 6: all their life makes perfect sense.
Speaker 1: To stones Nick and Jerry and Dan, but they but
Speaker 1: like that makes sense.
Speaker 6: But then there's those people you know that like you
Speaker 6: go to see them because they invite you, yes, and
Speaker 6: their music sucks, their lyrics suck, and you wish you
Speaker 6: didn't go.
Speaker 1: And like they're practicing just as hard as the people
Speaker 1: who are good.
Speaker 8: At it, right, I know.
Speaker 1: That's that's what makes me sad about music.
Speaker 8: I stop practicing, so now I'm just left with my
Speaker 8: angelic voice, like perfect singing voice.
Speaker 6: That's you're the perfect singer trademark, like I am the
Speaker 6: perfect to me, Dan.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no matter how much you practice, at some point,
Speaker 2: talent has to be part of the thing, right yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: Well you got the goods, Karen, you got to start
Speaker 2: that band.
Speaker 5: Okay, you can be like the Sundays with a.
Speaker 1: Could you remember with an edge?
Speaker 6: Matt, if you would please pick up those drum sticks again,
Speaker 6: you could be the drummer.
Speaker 5: Okay, you're giving mad a role. I'm the one that
Speaker 5: wants to start the band.
Speaker 6: Okay, Okay, Rusty Trombone, you can have your dumb sex joke.
Speaker 8: Chris comes out and tells a sex joke during the act, So.
Speaker 5: Every time.
Speaker 2: And then I come out of the means, I could
Speaker 2: probably stop and I do some dumb aristocrats act.
Speaker 8: The great thing about Chris, though, is that even if
Speaker 8: it's the same joke every time, you'll tell it slightly differently.
Speaker 8: I stumbled through it in a slightly different funny way.
Speaker 8: You know, he's.
Speaker 1: Absolutely talking off the top of his head.
Speaker 5: I need. All I need is slight variation to enjoy comedy.
Speaker 2: Yes, otherwise you're just repeating yourself, don't we all.
Speaker 8: I did a little holiday shopping this morning. You online,
Speaker 8: I bought an expensive mug for a family member. You
Speaker 8: guys done shopping and Los flies lately. No for the
Speaker 8: listeners is a hip part of Los Angeles. And it's
Speaker 8: pronounced I know, what did I just say? Damn it?
Speaker 8: I know, but that's what you did.
Speaker 1: Just move here?
Speaker 8: Are is?
Speaker 2: That's how you proved correctly pronounced it in Spanish.
Speaker 1: But yeah, but you have to I will.
Speaker 2: When I moved to Austin and everyone it was I
Speaker 2: called it Guadaloupe straight and everyone said, oh, no, no,
Speaker 2: it's guadal and I'm like, you know what, No, it's
Speaker 2: a Spanish word.
Speaker 5: I'm going to say Guadalupe.
Speaker 2: And then you're on the bus and they announced every
Speaker 2: stop in English, and then afterwards they announced it in
Speaker 2: Spanish and they said, you know, the next street is
Speaker 2: Guadaloup with like a Texas accent, and then they repeat
Speaker 2: it in Spanish, you know.
Speaker 5: Like cala asked a Guadaloup.
Speaker 2: They mispronounced the Spanish word in Spanish, which is just
Speaker 2: a Texas.
Speaker 5: You know, fucking look, remember the Alamo.
Speaker 6: Because if you win that war, Yeah, I guess, so
Speaker 6: you won the war, you get to change all the.
Speaker 2: Pronunciations, didn't they Yeah, then they just trap people and
Speaker 2: burn down a building like that.
Speaker 5: That's not winning a war. Don't get me started on
Speaker 5: saddle technique.
Speaker 8: Don't you dare besmirch the War of Texas or whatever?
Speaker 5: That Osborne. I'm pissing.
Speaker 1: The Great War of Texas.
Speaker 8: But anyway, there's about a dozen shops in Los Peelas
Speaker 8: that just damn it. I did it again, Los Feelis?
Speaker 8: That was okay? That sell only seventy dollars mugs, three
Speaker 8: thousand dollars blankets, and five hundred dollars pillows.
Speaker 6: Now do you think those Do you think it's a
Speaker 6: drug front? Do you think it's a trustafarian?
Speaker 8: Oh?
Speaker 1: I mean a trust fund?
Speaker 8: Child? Like?
Speaker 1: How do you explain those stories?
Speaker 8: I think it's I think you have to be rich
Speaker 8: to start one, right, I will say, let's take let's
Speaker 8: be empathetic here. Okay, my guess is, let's let's try
Speaker 8: let's just try to be a good PERSONA.
Speaker 5: Why can't we be good people?
Speaker 8: I would imagine because most of the stuff in there
Speaker 8: is like handmade by single like it's not like your mother. Yeah,
Speaker 8: so in order to sustain their business, you got to
Speaker 8: pay seventy bucks for their fucking right. Pretty, there's soap.
Speaker 8: The mugs are very pretty, I.
Speaker 5: Will yeah, sure.
Speaker 2: And this is a standard mug. It's just a it's
Speaker 2: not doesn't have a top on it. You're not talking
Speaker 2: like a thermost.
Speaker 8: It's just it's a mug that will make you feel
Speaker 8: better than your neighbor.
Speaker 5: Gotcha. That's all I want out of a mug.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's mug superiority.
Speaker 1: It's very common these days.
Speaker 5: Do you have any prestige mugs here at the Asnavi
Speaker 5: Dods starring?
Speaker 1: They do, and they will.
Speaker 6: My niece and I'm sorry because I did tweet this,
Speaker 6: but my niece wants an ice skating She's big into
Speaker 6: ice skating and takes lessons and she's really good on it.
Speaker 6: So she's my sister. Said, Nora wants an ice skating necklace.
Speaker 6: So I look up ice skating necklace on Amazon and
Speaker 6: there's all kinds of like a single ice skate on
Speaker 6: a pendant. There's full girls ice skating that you could
Speaker 6: get that My sister said she thinks that's what she wants.
Speaker 6: And it looks super trashy and very large.
Speaker 1: But then at the bottom of the page.
Speaker 6: Uh, the sponsored ad for a necklace was a pendant
Speaker 6: of the guy from Saw, the mask from Saw weird.
Speaker 6: So it's ice skating, ice skating, little girl stuff. And
Speaker 6: then the boss was this huge that the like, shall
Speaker 6: we play a game? Guy with the creepy cheeks and
Speaker 6: that it was fucking hilarious. Yeah, I don't know, especially
Speaker 6: on the ice skater.
Speaker 5: Yeah, what's it?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 5: What's it?
Speaker 2: Categorically there because of some did that guy skate when
Speaker 2: he wasn't haunting people or something?
Speaker 1: I don't know the Saw series, I don't.
Speaker 10: Know that his his you know it's upcoming. Yeah, that
Speaker 10: he was a former.
Speaker 1: It was a nice dancer.
Speaker 2: Paint a red swirl on his cheek. Yeah, that's all
Speaker 2: I know about the Saw monster.
Speaker 8: I've never seen Saw.
Speaker 1: I've never seen one of them.
Speaker 5: There's one Carrie carry always who I like. Is that
Speaker 5: how you say his name? The guy that plays Los
Speaker 5: felis the guy that was the Princess Bride.
Speaker 2: He's so good in that, And then he was in
Speaker 2: this movie and uh, and he was not good at acting.
Speaker 5: What if he listens to the podcast, I'm gonna.
Speaker 1: Feel absolutely could and he is a.
Speaker 6: Good He probably was like this sucks.
Speaker 1: And who cares?
Speaker 5: Well he did that for Liar Liar too.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Yeah, the new boyfriend.
Speaker 6: I think when he has an American accent, he seems
Speaker 6: less appealing then when he's British because he's British.
Speaker 2: Oh man, he was. He's great. I'll just reiterate he
Speaker 2: was great and Princess ride.
Speaker 8: It's too late, Chris, I already said that.
Speaker 5: I feel like I do good sometimes bad. Sometimes He needs.
Speaker 8: To know we're the same.
Speaker 1: Carry always, We're a human beings. Carry accept it. You
Speaker 1: stunk it up and why didn't?
Speaker 6: It was like he was too campy for you? What
Speaker 6: was the problem in Liar Liar?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it was just uh he was, yes, sure,
Speaker 2: can't be you're just bad at acting.
Speaker 5: I don't know. It was not convincing.
Speaker 8: I know what you're talking about. But I for one
Speaker 8: love his acting and would never say anything bad about it.
Speaker 2: I know that he's say on my back is sweating
Speaker 2: because guys dunk it in my head.
Speaker 8: Listen, Carrie, Chris is a nice guy.
Speaker 5: You've gotta let this one go.
Speaker 2: You guys really think he's listening.
Speaker 5: I turned and he's in the back of the car. Sad.
Speaker 5: No one likes me. You can't always be.
Speaker 1: What's the last movie that you saw in the theater?
Speaker 8: Map? Yeah, the Favorite Oo and I loved it.
Speaker 1: It's good, right, I.
Speaker 8: Thought it was so good.
Speaker 1: I can't wait.
Speaker 8: It's so fun. You're gonna fucking love it. It's just
Speaker 8: all like smart, fucked up dialogue and terrible things happened.
Speaker 8: It's great, yes, but it's pure fun.
Speaker 1: I did love The Lobster so much.
Speaker 8: The Lobster is great.
Speaker 1: Except for that ending was dark.
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, it's dark. It's less because it's your Slanthemo's
Speaker 8: that director, but he didn't write it. So it's a
Speaker 8: little more of like because his movies are like psychotic
Speaker 8: and wild and this is a little more straightforward, but
Speaker 8: in a good way.
Speaker 5: I think.
Speaker 6: Okay, well, I picked the street that has all the
Speaker 6: stopped garbage trucks on it.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fun because then, oh, this guy doesn't care.
Speaker 2: He's like, come on, come on, I'm a smooth faced asshole.
Speaker 5: I'll look him right in the eye.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I didn't like that guy at all that's that was
Speaker 1: a lot like the guy that was behind me for
Speaker 1: several blocks.
Speaker 6: There's a lot of tension in this town, especially around
Speaker 6: the holidays.
Speaker 5: Oh when's the last time you saw a car with
Speaker 5: a boot on it?
Speaker 1: That have a boot?
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I used to get the.
Speaker 1: Boot a lot in the nineties, you know, when I
Speaker 1: was on speed.
Speaker 8: The holidays are so funny, like especially like the airport
Speaker 8: I went. I flew home for Thanksgiving and you never
Speaker 8: see and I flew on Thanksgiving Day. Such a combination
Speaker 8: of the most angry people at the airport and next
Speaker 8: to them like very happy people who are like every
Speaker 8: blissed out happy to go home, and then some people
Speaker 8: who are furious at what's happening.
Speaker 5: It's the only difference is full or empty stomachs.
Speaker 8: I almost almost I almost going to a fight at
Speaker 8: the airport going home.
Speaker 1: What the fuck?
Speaker 8: Wait?
Speaker 1: Can I just ask?
Speaker 8: Yes?
Speaker 1: Did you fly at night? Like you had dinner and
Speaker 1: then you were like, I have to go back.
Speaker 8: I flew in the morning, so.
Speaker 1: You did pre Thanksgiving and then came home.
Speaker 8: Well, okay, So my little sister's a nurse and so
Speaker 8: she worked Thanksgiving, so we did Thanksgiving the next day.
Speaker 1: Oh nice, okay, oh got it. You were on your
Speaker 1: way out.
Speaker 8: Yes, got it. I was on my way to Houston. Okay, yeah, anyway,
Speaker 8: let's back up. I want to explain the I want
Speaker 8: to explain that a little bit.
Speaker 5: I want are you going are you talk about the fight?
Speaker 8: Yes?
Speaker 5: Okay, okay.
Speaker 8: So I was going through the TSA and I got through,
Speaker 8: and before I was getting putting my stuff on the
Speaker 8: like conveyor belt to the or whatever the security thing,
Speaker 8: this guy cut in front of me. And I usually
Speaker 8: let that go, but I've let it go a few
Speaker 8: times recently, and I then just am angry the whole time,
Speaker 8: just in a subtle way, like pissed off for weeks, yeah,
Speaker 8: for weeks. And so we cut in front of me,
Speaker 8: and right away I just said, hey, you cut in
Speaker 8: front of me, and he turned around and was just
Speaker 8: like red faced, like felt like New Jersey somehow to me,
Speaker 8: big big guy, and was like he was like you're
Speaker 8: He's like, well, you're taking up too much time, and
Speaker 8: then I was and he was like, you want to
Speaker 8: get in front of me, Get in front of me,
Speaker 8: and so I got so I was like, okay, So
Speaker 8: I got in front of him.
Speaker 5: Yeah, good, good, that is you did the right thing, just.
Speaker 8: Right behind my head like I'm doing to you. He
Speaker 8: was like. While I was going through, he was like,
Speaker 8: little fucking son of a bitch, you want to take
Speaker 8: this outside, We'll take it outside.
Speaker 5: You kidding?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Oh man, I should have.
Speaker 8: I guess I should have alerted the TSA, but I
Speaker 8: just stood there and kind of took it. And then
Speaker 8: we got through and I was like, have an I stay.
Speaker 5: I would have.
Speaker 1: Oh that's awesome.
Speaker 2: So you want to not go through security, go outside.
Speaker 6: I feed each other the boots from go outside at
Speaker 6: the airport.
Speaker 8: I did tweet this and somebody was like, you should
Speaker 8: have said, yeah, let's go outside and then let him
Speaker 8: leave the line.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, yeah, oh god, that would have been.
Speaker 1: But I think that people out there.
Speaker 6: I think people obviously everyone's insane these days and enrage
Speaker 6: all the time. Yes, but I also think that people
Speaker 6: have so much anxiety about flying and don't know where
Speaker 6: to put it.
Speaker 1: Did they get drunk or take pills?
Speaker 6: They get like crazy to relieve their anxiety, and then
Speaker 6: they're like irresponsible with their behavior.
Speaker 5: This guy felt like.
Speaker 8: He was on speed caring killer style.
Speaker 6: Yeah, was he trying to make plans with you for lunch,
Speaker 6: dinner and the show party with me?
Speaker 5: He's on edge? Ye had, Yeah, he was trying to
Speaker 5: organize a parton was I.
Speaker 8: Did it was? Even though I did call him up
Speaker 8: for cutting in front of me, I didn't like make
Speaker 8: a big deal of it after that because I was like,
Speaker 8: this guy must be going through hell. Why would he
Speaker 8: behave this way if his life wasn't a total nightmare?
Speaker 5: Totally?
Speaker 6: Yeah, And he knew he was wrong to cut in
Speaker 6: front of you, That's why he was being so defensive.
Speaker 1: Yes, which is like, then he's just caught.
Speaker 8: Yes.
Speaker 1: Did you say he was big.
Speaker 8: Big, like broad chested, like like he could have He
Speaker 8: would have beat me up right bad.
Speaker 1: If you would just step outside.
Speaker 8: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: There's also guys that are like that and it's always
Speaker 2: worked for them since there he maybe just wanted to fight.
Speaker 5: Also, there's also just sinister people like that. Yeah. I've
Speaker 5: been in situations like that.
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, there is no logic behind this, there
Speaker 2: is no reasoning with this person. He gets like excited
Speaker 2: in almost a sexual way by punching another man in
Speaker 2: the face.
Speaker 6: And what's interesting is he was in the wrong yet
Speaker 6: he was coming at you like you cut him off.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's what's hilarious.
Speaker 8: It was crazy.
Speaker 2: It's so funny because I've been in that exact situation
Speaker 2: Mat and I and I did. I was like, what
Speaker 2: would that mean? We would both leave this and go outside.
Speaker 5: And then come check back in. Yeah, think about that.
Speaker 5: You want to miss your flights for this? And then
Speaker 5: he was like humph, but he was dad age.
Speaker 8: I wish he could have at least just admitted like,
Speaker 8: this is sexual for me. People as sexual.
Speaker 1: God, you look good in this TSA line. What is it?
Speaker 8: Okay? If you need this, I'll do it.
Speaker 5: Well, that's a thing. I don't do this.
Speaker 1: Dance with you.
Speaker 2: The MMA fighter Tank Abbott, it's everyone talks about how
Speaker 2: he would get erections while he fought people. Really yeah,
Speaker 2: and it was intimidating for a lot of fighters. A
Speaker 2: lot of them would be like kind of homophobic about it.
Speaker 2: But he would get aroused and he'd have a boner
Speaker 2: and he'd have you in a leg walk and it
Speaker 2: was very obvious because it was you know, your pretzeled up,
Speaker 2: your face is right near it.
Speaker 1: I don't understand how because I was just watching.
Speaker 5: Cabit probably listens to the podcast.
Speaker 1: Hey, we're just praising him for.
Speaker 5: Having a great strategy and a boner.
Speaker 6: I just watched the Paul Giamanti movie Win Win, where
Speaker 6: he plays a high school wrestling coach, and as I
Speaker 6: was watching, I'm like, isn't the thing with guys in
Speaker 6: high school? And I know this because I know boy things.
Speaker 6: It's constant worry that you're going to get an erection
Speaker 6: and you can't do anything about it. And then you
Speaker 6: become a wrestler, where like obviously that's you're highly at risk,
Speaker 6: I know, and in like a singlet, it just seems
Speaker 6: very risky.
Speaker 2: You know, he's probably was walking around with a boner
Speaker 2: half his life, and he's like, how can I use
Speaker 2: this to my advantage?
Speaker 5: Oh, I know, I'll become a fighter.
Speaker 1: Because it's at the bank.
Speaker 5: It's not working right, nobody likes bank. There's very strong
Speaker 5: letters from Wells Fargust.
Speaker 6: So it's so quiet there you could hear that erection
Speaker 6: from it.
Speaker 5: Please don't bring it.
Speaker 2: It's I mean, because the last time I went to
Speaker 2: a doctor, you're scared because and not to be gross,
Speaker 2: but I had to get a camera in mine and
Speaker 2: and you you really are Your body reacts to that
Speaker 2: and it wants your your penis wants to go away
Speaker 2: because of it, but.
Speaker 5: It wanted to just go away, just be a turtle
Speaker 5: and go away.
Speaker 1: Pens and Junior hide and can I disappear exactly?
Speaker 2: And also it's hard to get get cathetered or get it.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry that I'm an old man, but I've had
Speaker 2: a you know, it's not a responsibility, and it's harder.
Speaker 8: So this podcast is about educating listeners before the process.
Speaker 2: I sort of made myself get sort of an erection
Speaker 2: just by just because I knew it would make it easier.
Speaker 8: Did the doctor request this or was this a choice
Speaker 8: you made and it was.
Speaker 5: A timing thing.
Speaker 2: I don't want to overdo it and tank ab it
Speaker 2: up this situation, but I do want to make sure
Speaker 2: it's not the smallest it can be, which is usually
Speaker 2: where I'm at I'm walking around or riding a bike.
Speaker 5: You know your body?
Speaker 6: Now, was that a difficult challenge being that you were
Speaker 6: about to have a painful medical procedure.
Speaker 5: It was difficult for me to just talk about.
Speaker 1: It just now.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but now is it a fetish thing?
Speaker 5: It's getting so expensive? I wish I just liked having sex.
Speaker 6: I have to buy that tiny camera in my bedside table.
Speaker 2: And that's why I get That's why I keep trying
Speaker 2: to get these commercials so I can get the insurance,
Speaker 2: so I can get.
Speaker 1: Let's get this fund me so that Chris can get
Speaker 1: what he needs.
Speaker 2: It's gonna really have a long, convoluted description. I just
Speaker 2: need to see a doctor. And it's not for medical reasons.
Speaker 6: I'm worried about the prizes that you get with each pledge.
Speaker 1: They call that the reward. I don't want my reward. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: thank you all unclaimed reward.
Speaker 5: Oh man, Well, it's true.
Speaker 8: Chris acted in an episode of season two of.
Speaker 1: Corporate this year and it turned out good, right.
Speaker 8: It turned out great, and he and he was panicked
Speaker 8: day of talking to going back to talking about being
Speaker 8: a fraud.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know I was. I wanted to talk him
Speaker 5: off a ledge. Yeah, I wanted to be good. Did
Speaker 5: you really?
Speaker 6: Yes, I have a friend who hit a guy here really,
Speaker 6: because yeah, there's.
Speaker 5: Somebody who's probably that guy. He just leapt in the draft.
Speaker 1: He really did.
Speaker 2: When when the show comes out January fifteenth.
Speaker 8: Is.
Speaker 5: Are they a good club? Can you watch them all.
Speaker 8: Not at once? How many Central's doing this new thing
Speaker 8: where they don't adopt adapt to the times?
Speaker 9: Oh goodt Yeah, no, I like, I like when you
Speaker 9: have to wait.
Speaker 8: Yeah, so it'll be out yeah, January fifteenth. The in
Speaker 8: your episode, you're in the finale right gradually?
Speaker 1: Can you just tell? Can I get an overview of
Speaker 1: what Chris will be doing?
Speaker 8: Yes? Well, if you if you watch the first.
Speaker 5: Season sons spoilers, Yes.
Speaker 8: I'll spoil something in the first season, which is that
Speaker 8: you learn that Chris's character Ted, he admits to having
Speaker 8: inadvertently helped do nine to eleven, and you don't ever
Speaker 8: learn what his.
Speaker 5: Involvement was, right, So yeah, yeah, and so.
Speaker 8: That's all you hear from him. He's another little part
Speaker 8: in that episode as well.
Speaker 5: But that but it's the same care I'm still tend
Speaker 5: there's still ten.
Speaker 8: So we just learned more about Ted and this he
Speaker 8: comes back and is up to some new things that
Speaker 8: he is also not very good at.
Speaker 2: Yes, causing more not as big as nine eleven, but yes, he.
Speaker 1: Must be pretty good.
Speaker 8: Wait, which is happened?
Speaker 2: Just think that bird just fart out on your hood.
Speaker 5: It was like a teenage boy bird Stephen.
Speaker 6: If there was ever a time I wish you were
Speaker 6: taking Instagram stories, kitchen attack would definitely be one.
Speaker 2: Even if he was poised and ready with a with
Speaker 2: a tripod, he would not have captured that quint.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was a that would have been tough shooting wise.
Speaker 8: By the way, Stephen is cramped back here and if
Speaker 8: he if his parents were to see what he's doing,
Speaker 8: they would be like, what are you? What is your life? Now?
Speaker 1: They do pay you for this?
Speaker 5: Yes, actually I should say my phone diets. I'm taking
Speaker 5: notes on the Starbucks cup. Oh God, like.
Speaker 6: Stephen, that is bugging in the clutch producing well done?
Speaker 5: Was that episode? I did not to go back to it?
Speaker 5: Was it?
Speaker 2: It was it direct or written by Bridger Weineger, No,
Speaker 2: it was not.
Speaker 8: It was written by Jessica Gow But he did write
Speaker 8: some right, he did because he was a writer.
Speaker 5: I just was on thing and he had written it
Speaker 5: and then he met he brought that up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, uh huh did a real quick. Don't anyone
Speaker 2: get excited. My character's name is Man. I'm hoping we
Speaker 2: can change it to arguing man, but it might just
Speaker 2: be man.
Speaker 1: What about sweating man in the grocery store.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were very specific. Man that has riddled with
Speaker 2: self doubt. Man, it's more about me.
Speaker 8: Bridgrew Wininger is deeply funny, and we would give him
Speaker 8: every script we wrote to punch up and he would
Speaker 8: add probably five to six new jokes a script that
Speaker 8: we would leave in. A very high caliber writer.
Speaker 2: And what I was talking about earlier, he's one of
Speaker 2: the there was a window of time where the career
Speaker 2: like Rob Delaney from Twitter, these people were getting plucked out.
Speaker 2: I don't think it happens anymore, right, but Bridger was
Speaker 2: like noticed on Twitter.
Speaker 5: Yes, how I remember?
Speaker 1: Very cool.
Speaker 6: No, he's the funniest he Also, I don't know how
Speaker 6: much of this type of thing I'm allowed to say. Stephen,
Speaker 6: prepare to make a note on your cup that we
Speaker 6: might have to cut this. Bridger is going to have
Speaker 6: a podcast coming out on our new podcast.
Speaker 8: Very excited about that.
Speaker 1: I am too. It's such a funny idea.
Speaker 6: And when he told when he told me the title
Speaker 6: and I won't say it will it'll be a big
Speaker 6: teaser for later, but it made me like it's so him,
Speaker 6: and it made me laugh so hard, and I immediately
Speaker 6: had fifteen ideas like it's just so good.
Speaker 5: Oh man, I wish you can tell us after.
Speaker 2: I'm really I'm on I'm hanging a cliff on the edge.
Speaker 2: I'm hang lighting. I don't have the right equipment. I'm
Speaker 2: actually a bit of a panic.
Speaker 1: We were going to scoop you right up.
Speaker 5: The second it's really windy. A bird disattacked me.
Speaker 1: A dirty pigeon just flew low.
Speaker 6: Look at everything they were like doing everything. Everything's starting
Speaker 6: to look nice again.
Speaker 5: Ye those guys. Do you guys get excited about Christmas?
Speaker 8: Man?
Speaker 5: You decorate or holidays or I have.
Speaker 8: A I think a healthy relationship with Christmas. Me too,
Speaker 8: where I don't get overly excited, but I try to
Speaker 8: allow myself to get swept up as much as I
Speaker 8: am able to, because there's so little joy left in
Speaker 8: this right that, even though Christmas is insane and a
Speaker 8: totally batshit in crazy consumers holiday, I try to let
Speaker 8: it make me feel good if it can.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I and my family gets along and we exchange gifts.
Speaker 8: It's nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is nice. I'm excited for it. I enjoy
Speaker 2: it as well.
Speaker 5: I love it.
Speaker 6: There's a man at the end of my sister's street,
Speaker 6: and the game is always and when I'm up there
Speaker 6: for Thanksgiving, will he put up his Christmas lights before
Speaker 6: I leave? Because he does the full on every single
Speaker 6: like the car, the house we just drove by, where
Speaker 6: it's like as many things as he can fit on
Speaker 6: his front lawn and on the front of his house.
Speaker 1: He puts up. I love that and it all goes
Speaker 1: with music.
Speaker 6: And it's like a whole event and it's so fun
Speaker 6: because my niece has loved it since she was like
Speaker 6: a baby.
Speaker 1: So then it's kind of like a weird.
Speaker 6: Tradition of somebody else doing all the work and then
Speaker 6: we like drive by. Its right, right, and like stuff
Speaker 6: like that is my favorite.
Speaker 8: I really appreciate people like that more and more as
Speaker 8: I get older, because I learned, like, like I don't
Speaker 8: put up Christmas lights, so it's like, thank god this
Speaker 8: guy exists who doesn't.
Speaker 2: Exactly, I don't do it because I know these guys
Speaker 2: are going to overdo it and they'll make up for
Speaker 2: that's the loss of me not doing it, because it
Speaker 2: is a loss.
Speaker 1: It's a huge loss. We miss you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, used to be good. I used to paint windows.
Speaker 5: I was into the holidays.
Speaker 1: You're in all of it.
Speaker 5: I just don't do it anymore.
Speaker 6: But I think it's also for slightly older people who
Speaker 6: understand they've been It's for people whose lives have been
Speaker 6: decimated and then they're.
Speaker 1: Like, look a string of lights, like we can we
Speaker 1: can be happy again. And I honestly believe that's what
Speaker 1: it's all about.
Speaker 6: It's like, if you're kind of in your life and
Speaker 6: doing it, you're like, oh shit, it's Christmas.
Speaker 1: I didn't realize.
Speaker 6: But if you're like every one of my family's dead,
Speaker 6: look at this, look at this man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's on make up for the fact that the
Speaker 2: house is now empty except for me.
Speaker 8: I drank hot cocoa last night and it really did
Speaker 8: something for me.
Speaker 5: You're like the tank cabit of beverages were in the Starbucks.
Speaker 8: I put the hot into my point and I got
Speaker 8: it at.
Speaker 2: Yes, so much to talk about it, and we're not
Speaker 2: saving it for later.
Speaker 5: It's now on the podcast. Yeah, I get excited. I
Speaker 5: get excited for Christmas.
Speaker 1: It's the best.
Speaker 2: There was a street in Austin where people it was
Speaker 2: the entire street. There wasn't one house that didn't participate
Speaker 2: in in just like all these houses required extra powers
Speaker 2: sources and car batteries for like these. A lot of
Speaker 2: the houses, like in there was a sequence of lights,
Speaker 2: like a pattern that went across three houses.
Speaker 5: So they all got together to do this thing.
Speaker 1: And it was like a nast Muslim.
Speaker 5: One was Jewish, you'd like to think.
Speaker 2: So, yeah, it was really pretty cool. It was like
Speaker 2: watching an animated light show. Yeah, and this was the one,
Speaker 2: and so everyone there was just so everyone's into it
Speaker 2: because there was a line of cars always just waiting
Speaker 2: to see these lights.
Speaker 6: So it's free and everyone's broke these days, no one
Speaker 6: can do a bunch of crazy shit.
Speaker 1: But like if a bunch of people go then it's like, ohkah,
Speaker 1: I want to do what everybody else is doing. And
Speaker 1: it really is delightful when things are lit up.
Speaker 8: It's nice.
Speaker 5: It is.
Speaker 8: By the way, we just passed a tanning salon. Isn't
Speaker 8: that crazy? But that is still happening. We all know.
Speaker 5: It's not the same color.
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's what the sun does. They could be doing
Speaker 8: spray tns versus like like cancer inducing like hot beds
Speaker 8: or whatever that.
Speaker 5: I did spray.
Speaker 2: They still do spray tann and I did the full
Speaker 2: the darkest you can get It was for a Jersey
Speaker 2: short character. I was interviewing these guys nice, but they
Speaker 2: did abs on me and everything.
Speaker 5: Like I it was really pretty. It felt great. I
Speaker 5: pulled up my shirt at the end of the segment
Speaker 5: and everyone was like, man.
Speaker 2: You got all ripped, and I'm like, no, it's stray tantory,
Speaker 2: a fraud. It was a stencil of tits and pecs.
Speaker 6: And this is rated acts.
Speaker 8: I come on here to have a nice time, drink.
Speaker 1: Hot cocoa and not talk about your peanuts.
Speaker 5: Last night, I was really sorry I mentioned the urethral.
Speaker 5: I really am sorry. I wish I hadn't read it all.
Speaker 8: But we've referenced so many times since then that you
Speaker 8: have to leave it in. You can't edit it.
Speaker 1: Foundational.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's.
Speaker 2: Once I start talking about catheters and cameras.
Speaker 5: You can't get me to stop.
Speaker 1: Now, do you order your catheters on Team I reuse them.
Speaker 5: That's not actually how my grandpa died. No, I'm not kidding.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I normally would Jesus normally blurt something like I.
Speaker 5: Really tainted this episode.
Speaker 2: It's important to let people know don't reuse these things.
Speaker 5: You will get an infection point of this episode, you
Speaker 5: will it's important for your health to always use a
Speaker 5: new can.
Speaker 6: And if anybody needs to know it, it's the listeners
Speaker 6: of Do You Need to Ride? The oldest consort of
Speaker 6: podcast listeners there is.
Speaker 2: I'm in my early forties, barely in my forties, and
Speaker 2: I've needed.
Speaker 8: You're basically thirty nine.
Speaker 11: I would say, no one's going to go to the
Speaker 11: hospital to get cave. If you're gonna have to go
Speaker 11: to your house, you got to use one of these
Speaker 11: Wilford Brimley sponsored one eight hundred calf.
Speaker 8: Have you started a catheter company?
Speaker 2: Yes, and they're not made a plastic. It's bioed, a
Speaker 2: grade Will payer catheters and.
Speaker 1: It saves the turtles. It's called do you Need a Catheter?
Speaker 1: And that's why we're bringing.
Speaker 5: It up on this show right now. So far, I've
Speaker 5: just designed my own. It's a it's a straw. It's
Speaker 5: a regular straw.
Speaker 1: It's a starbut straw that other people aren't allowed to use, that.
Speaker 5: Other people have used. It's a used straw.
Speaker 1: Gross, sorry, but an unused catheter. That's the key.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's yeah, sorry.
Speaker 8: Across the street from for Rent, anyone in my.
Speaker 5: Family, who neighbor I need to move?
Speaker 1: And I'm like knocking on the door. Where do you
Speaker 1: want to go to lunch? Where do you want to
Speaker 1: go to dinner? We got to make it happen. I
Speaker 1: think that was a really long drive, wasn't it?
Speaker 8: To nowhere?
Speaker 5: It was great, I mean a good way. We mentioned.
Speaker 8: Why did we do that.
Speaker 1: Every time?
Speaker 2: Even though we didn't actually go to the airport that
Speaker 2: had everything that doing that provides.
Speaker 5: We talked about Hawaii, We've talked about flying, We've talked
Speaker 5: about TSA, we talked about the cat. We talked about
Speaker 5: the camera in my penis.
Speaker 8: So you always put people up from the airport.
Speaker 5: Sometimes we haven't in a while. The airport it has Yeah,
Speaker 5: now that shared.
Speaker 6: Burbank Airport, Burbank's Great lax is living hell and we
Speaker 6: keep this is now season two.
Speaker 1: You're the second episode of season two.
Speaker 5: You need to ride.
Speaker 1: We decided to break it up like that because now
Speaker 1: we're on the exactly right now. But plug plug.
Speaker 6: But Yeah, it started to be where the person who
Speaker 6: would ask for the ride, we would judge them on
Speaker 6: It would be like are they worth picking up from
Speaker 6: the airport, because it's like we're not driving out there
Speaker 6: for just any old middler.
Speaker 1: It's gonna have to be someone that delivers time or
Speaker 1: we're not doing it.
Speaker 8: Someone like what's his name? That actor that would have
Speaker 8: been a great call back. I remember the name of that.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, let's go past, sir, Just just t bone backwards.
Speaker 5: So am I right as a January fifteenth.
Speaker 8: January fifteenth on Comedy Central at ten thirty after Drunk History,
Speaker 8: or find it however you can. I think it'll be
Speaker 8: on iTunes and Amazon, do whatever you need to do
Speaker 8: to watch it. Yeah, follow Corn, Yeah, follow me on
Speaker 8: Instagram at matt Ingabritz. And I'm posting a lot of
Speaker 8: fun picks these days.
Speaker 1: What are you posting these days, Matt Well?
Speaker 8: I got to actually Bridger Wineger gave me a T
Speaker 8: shirt And on the T shirt it's a red T
Speaker 8: shirt and white letters. It says, if you have a
Speaker 8: problem with my badass attitude, call one eight hundred each
Speaker 8: shites And it's my favorite T shirt now. And I
Speaker 8: just posted a Hawaii pick of me wearing that T
Speaker 8: shirt on the beach.
Speaker 5: Wait were you wearing that shirt when you were going
Speaker 5: through TSA You.
Speaker 1: Started like you did it? Oh no, no, it's too late.
Speaker 1: I don't accept your apology.
Speaker 8: Well, thank you for having me on guys.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, thank you so much. It was wonderful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm very excited. Do you have what are you
Speaker 2: coming up? Plug anything? Nope, you know you're just relaxing.
Speaker 1: I'm maxing and relaxed. Christmas, I have so Jesus has risen. No,
Speaker 1: that's Easter. It's Jesus's birthday. Everybody on Christmas on.
Speaker 5: Christmas, yeah, two thousand years ago. Yeah, birthday Jesus.
Speaker 2: And I'm doing I want to mention I'm doing recording
Speaker 2: as a special on January fifth in Portland, Oregon.
Speaker 8: Awesome.
Speaker 1: What place are you're recording up?
Speaker 5: Mississippi Studios.
Speaker 1: Awesome.
Speaker 5: Two shows.
Speaker 2: That's very cool, and it's important to me. It's the
Speaker 2: most important, uh comedy set of my life so far.
Speaker 2: So fly too much pressure.
Speaker 8: To put on.
Speaker 5: I'm very.
Speaker 1: If you don't do this to one of these two
Speaker 1: shows correctly, it is over.
Speaker 5: It is the end.
Speaker 2: It's just going to be a very expensive mistake for
Speaker 2: me and I know well.
Speaker 1: But Mississippi Studios is awesome.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm excited.
Speaker 6: It's a cool it's a good spot. Yeah, it's a
Speaker 6: great town. They are so smart, they know their comedy.
Speaker 5: And I got good cameras and nice guys operating them.
Speaker 6: And it's going to be great if you're listening and
Speaker 6: you're anywhere in the Williamette Valley.
Speaker 5: Tigered up to bend the dolls.
Speaker 8: Call know it all, and don't forget to keep an
Speaker 8: out for Chris's upcoming catheter company.
Speaker 2: If you are a member of my family, I'm sorry.
Speaker 5: I so caval.
Speaker 2: It was in the moment that I brought up the
Speaker 2: passing of my grandfather. But if you didn't know, just
Speaker 2: don't use catheters.
Speaker 1: This is it's almost like the ultimate spoiler.
Speaker 5: It's not I'm being serious, me.
Speaker 8: Too, it is.
Speaker 5: We're also gesturing. It's very big. All of our hands
Speaker 5: are up. We're all doing Everyone has their tiny orange
Speaker 5: hands up.
Speaker 1: Look and listen.
Speaker 5: This is crazy.
Speaker 2: But it's hard not to giggle like a fifth grader
Speaker 2: when you're talking about catheters.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: That's why I was laughing, not because I think it's
Speaker 2: funny when when it's huge.
Speaker 6: This is the one that Trump does the most that
Speaker 6: I hate, which is the okay sign pointed at someone
Speaker 6: he's doing an okay job.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm sorry, that's okay.
Speaker 5: So I think that this is a conclusionary moment. Do it,
Speaker 5: wrap it. You've been listening to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 8: D Y N A R I?
Speaker 1: You want way bad?
Speaker 8: You? Do you want to be?
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter how.
Speaker 3: Much baggage you claim and give us time and a
Speaker 3: terminol and gay.
Speaker 4: We want to send you off in style. Do you
Speaker 4: want to welcome you back home? Tell us all about
Speaker 4: every scaredter?
Speaker 1: Was it fine? Malborn?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 10: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: To ride?
Speaker 8: Do you need
Speaker 5: With Karen and Chriss