WEBVTT - Candid Convo: Brooke Baldwin: Leaving Behind Hustle Culture 0:00:05.960 --> 0:00:09.960 Welcome back to she Pivots. I'm your host, Emily Tish Sussman. 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:12.440 When I was planning this season, I wanted to make 0:00:12.440 --> 0:00:16.000 sure she Pivots was a means for building connections. I 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:18.920 said during our season launch party that we're the generation 0:00:19.040 --> 0:00:22.120 of women who build bridges and don't tear each other down. 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:24.799 And she pivots as a way to empower women to 0:00:24.840 --> 0:00:27.960 look inward to find success for themselves and not by 0:00:28.000 --> 0:00:29.240 society standards. 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:30.639 And it's working. 0:00:31.320 --> 0:00:34.240 We're seeing a substantial change in the way women think 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:36.800 about and talk about their lives and their careers. 0:00:37.440 --> 0:00:39.320 I'm so excited to dig deeper. 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:42.880 Into these pivotal moments through these shorter, more conversational candid 0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:43.840 convos this season. 0:00:44.320 --> 0:00:45.199 Let's jump right in. 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:52.479 We're back with another candid convo this week, and this 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:57.520 time with an absolute legend, Brook Baldwin. Some of you 0:00:57.600 --> 0:01:00.720 may know her from her time on CNN, or maybe 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:03.560 some of you are as obsessed with her Netflix show 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:07.280 The Trust as I am. Whichever it is, you know 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:10.880 that Brooke is a true professional with a glowing personality. 0:01:11.840 --> 0:01:15.480 I'm so excited to share our conversation. Her experience reminds 0:01:15.520 --> 0:01:17.959 me so much of my own as she grappled with 0:01:18.000 --> 0:01:21.160 the emotions, the disappointments, and the general life changes that 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:22.279 happened during her career. 0:01:22.319 --> 0:01:28.360 Shift. Enjoy. My name is Brooke Baldwin. This is a 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:31.160 fun one. Let's see now. I am a filmmaker, I 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:34.840 am a TV host, a journalist, and an author. Don't mind 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:37.480 my daughter's coughing in the background of this audio. Oh 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:39.959 she's so good. She was like, I'm waiting. I'm waiting. 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:41.720 So I actually feel. 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:43.680 Like I want to start exactly where we were just starting. 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:46.240 You are on the verge of getting your first tattoo. 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:48.560 I am. I mean, I'm looking at you with your 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:51.840 rocking purple hair. That is next steps, that's next level cool. 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:53.720 But for me, yeah, I'm gonna go Sunday get my 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:56.800 first tattoo. I never had wanted a tattoo. I was 0:01:56.840 --> 0:01:58.880 freaked out by a sense of such permanence for so 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:01.200 many years plus I such a I was such a 0:02:01.200 --> 0:02:03.440 good girl when I was young. Watch you out. No, 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:06.440 So I had been thinking about it, and also just 0:02:06.480 --> 0:02:10.680 because this year has been such a pivotal year. But 0:02:11.520 --> 0:02:14.560 for me, so I just wanted to market on my arm. 0:02:14.600 --> 0:02:17.840 At age forty four, I have changed basically every single 0:02:17.880 --> 0:02:20.679 thing in my life. And also the angel number four 0:02:20.720 --> 0:02:22.600 four four is something that I see a lot. It's 0:02:22.600 --> 0:02:24.600 sort of for me. I see it as a divine wink, 0:02:25.200 --> 0:02:26.880 and I wanted to honor that by putting it on 0:02:26.960 --> 0:02:30.200 my somewhere on my forearm. Did you find the tattoo 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:32.639 artist yet? Like the I have sign I have. I 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:35.320 reached out to a good girlfriend of mine. She's got 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:37.800 some like wicked cool tattoos. I don't know anything about 0:02:37.840 --> 0:02:39.480 tattoo artists. I just know I want to like go 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:41.480 to the shop and like maybe I should drink some 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:43.960 tequila on the rocks and like have a whole conversation. 0:02:44.040 --> 0:02:46.079 I want him to be like have a gruff voice 0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:49.360 and be called like Mitch or something and give me 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:53.040 this tattoo. So it's somewhere on Broadway, somewhere in the city. 0:02:53.080 --> 0:02:55.360 I love that it's here in New York because this 0:02:55.520 --> 0:02:58.680 is like feels like my home home. And I'm going 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:01.639 to sit with him and figure out how exactly where exactly, 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:03.600 But I'm just going to do it, like it's time, 0:03:04.040 --> 0:03:06.800 yeah to do you have any Yeah? I do. 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:09.880 I have four tattoos now, So I'm really I'm really 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:11.720 excited for you for your tattoo Jeredik, thank you and 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:12.680 your tattoos store. 0:03:12.720 --> 0:03:13.919 I think it's the first time I said it out 0:03:13.919 --> 0:03:16.040 loud actually, other than my boyfriend, like I'm getting a 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:18.519 tattoo my mo like no, like not even my best 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:20.840 girlfriends know. Oh you're okay. 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:23.160 I feel like this is so perfect because we got 0:03:23.160 --> 0:03:24.680 a couple of people had told me that I had 0:03:24.720 --> 0:03:26.079 to talk to you, Like I feel like we kind 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:29.440 of run in some concentric diagram of life, like we 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:32.359 have a lot of people in common, yet somehow this 0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:33.200 is the day we meet. 0:03:33.320 --> 0:03:35.000 This is the day I feel like we may have 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:35.760 met before. 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:38.120 And then I was this is going to sound like 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:42.080 I'm a podcast guest name dropping, but this is truly 0:03:42.120 --> 0:03:46.040 how it happened that I was. I texted Sally Christiansen 0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:48.680 from Argent and said, I have an emergency suit situation. 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:53.160 I want to come by, and she said, Stacy London 0:03:53.280 --> 0:03:56.000 is coming to stop a shop for her own tour. 0:03:56.520 --> 0:03:57.200 Is that how it happened. 0:03:57.280 --> 0:03:58.680 Yeah, She's like, just come with Stacy, and I was 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:00.640 like perfect. So like Stacy thinks she's doing her own 0:04:00.680 --> 0:04:02.720 shop and I walked in and was like okay, now 0:04:02.760 --> 0:04:06.080 it's for both of us, and now you're giving me advice. Yes, 0:04:06.160 --> 0:04:09.200 And while we were all shopping together, they kept saying, 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:10.800 I cannot Emily. 0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:12.880 I cannot believe you don't know Brooke yet. Wow, you 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:14.320 have to talk to Brooke. 0:04:14.360 --> 0:04:16.560 And so people had been telling me we had to meet, 0:04:16.560 --> 0:04:17.800 and it was in that moment. 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:20.960 I love Sally and Stacy. I was listening. I listened 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:24.560 to your Sally podcast just yesterday. She they're both so special. 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:27.400 I got to know Stacy through just obviously all things argent. 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:30.040 I'm such a champion of anything women own, women founded, 0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:32.120 and so to know her is to love her. We 0:04:32.160 --> 0:04:34.800 finally we finally met earlier this year in Los Angeles 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:36.760 and just like fell in love and have had I'm 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:39.040 going to see her for drinks on Monday, because that's 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:40.880 what we do. Just to be the first person to 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:44.120 show off your tattoos, to show off my four four four, 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:47.480 Oh my gosh, yes, we'd be like it's like twenty 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:49.279 three degrees in New York when we're walking around like 0:04:49.279 --> 0:04:50.960 a tank top, just like I want. 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:53.960 Everyone is newly engaged with the ring, like, oh sorry, 0:04:54.839 --> 0:04:57.760 well e, so you need to see my left forearm 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:01.760 and then Stacy London, like who didn't grow up watching 0:05:01.960 --> 0:05:04.600 What Not to Wear? And I love her in her 0:05:04.680 --> 0:05:09.080 rocking like silver Fox, you know, streaking her hair and 0:05:09.320 --> 0:05:12.039 who she has become and how she has come home 0:05:12.120 --> 0:05:15.560 to herself like I fell to her as well, and 0:05:15.640 --> 0:05:19.480 so like between there are some extraordinary women, a who exists, 0:05:19.520 --> 0:05:21.719 be who exists in the city, and just to be 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:25.000 able to bump around with them and then to meet you, 0:05:25.000 --> 0:05:28.000 you know, it's so exciting. I know, I really am 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:29.159 so excited to have met you. 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:33.159 I feel like, like, yes, we're all going through Sure, 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:33.760 it's the pivot. 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:35.280 I feel it's so clat I just keep saying it, 0:05:35.520 --> 0:05:36.280 but it is. 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:40.720 It's through this this self actualization, the self realization. 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:42.360 That we were driven. 0:05:42.120 --> 0:05:46.320 For so long and defined by our careers and we 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:50.159 were successful in them, yes, and now to realize that 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:54.479 it's actually not everything we are, yes, and that we 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:58.160 can find different parts of ourselves through this like unknown, 0:05:58.240 --> 0:05:59.440 which we've never done before. 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:02.919 I mean, we all worked so hard to get to 0:06:02.960 --> 0:06:04.360 where we were. I think that was a huge part 0:06:04.360 --> 0:06:05.560 of it for me. I was writing about this the 0:06:05.640 --> 0:06:07.960 other day, is like to come up in TV news. 0:06:08.080 --> 0:06:11.400 You know, I graduated college in journalism and Spanish. Never 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:13.680 wanted to be on camera, always assumed I'd be a 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:15.799 writer or producer, you know, like calling the shots behind 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:18.960 the scenes, cut to you know, I end up trying 0:06:19.000 --> 0:06:21.159 to become this reporter I work in. You know, there 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:23.120 are two hundred TV markets, one being here in New 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:25.560 York City, two hundred being like a small town Alaska, 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:27.920 and I land in like one hundred and ninety two 0:06:28.000 --> 0:06:30.880 in Charlottesville, Virginia, and I eventually, you know, worked my 0:06:30.960 --> 0:06:34.039 way up. But it's never it's never a guarantee you 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:37.080 know that you're going to land anywhere, let alone you know, 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:39.400 have a dream job, whether it's a network news gig 0:06:39.520 --> 0:06:42.640 or a cable news network. The point being like, for 0:06:42.800 --> 0:06:48.040 so many years, we claw, we grind, we hustle. In 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:52.160 my case, I literally squatted in an empty office and 0:06:52.200 --> 0:06:54.960 somehow talk security at the CNN center in Atlanta to 0:06:55.000 --> 0:06:57.760 just keep letting me in the door. I scribbled my 0:06:57.839 --> 0:06:59.840 name on a post it. I put it on this 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:03.440 office that I claimed. I don't know how I had 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:05.359 the hubrist to claim it the way I did, but 0:07:05.480 --> 0:07:09.360 for two years, essentially I had this office and at 0:07:09.400 --> 0:07:12.680 the end of that, you know, chapter of my career 0:07:12.920 --> 0:07:18.400 in TV journalism to leave to know how hard I 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:21.920 had climbed and scraped and posted it. That's the part 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:23.640 like I don't talk about this a lot, but on 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:26.679 my last day at CNN, I don't know what possessed 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:28.480 me to do this, but I pulled out my journal 0:07:28.960 --> 0:07:32.400 and I journaled to my younger self and I needed 0:07:32.440 --> 0:07:35.760 to promise her, like I'm weeping in my apartment in 0:07:35.840 --> 0:07:39.480 no Lda, weeping telling her don't be disappointed in me. 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:42.920 I know we work so hard, but just hang in there. 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:45.520 I'm gonna make you proud again. But at that point, 0:07:45.560 --> 0:07:47.560 it had just gotten into a space where I knew 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:50.200 I needed to find dream, a new dream. But it's 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:53.760 that like we worked so hard to get there. How 0:07:53.760 --> 0:07:56.400 do I tell my twenty one, twenty two, twenty three, 0:07:56.520 --> 0:07:58.320 twenty four all the way to like my thirty year 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:00.680 old self, we got to go, we got to move on, 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:01.480 We've got to pivot. 0:08:02.120 --> 0:08:04.239 It was hard for me by the way that hits 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:06.200 like I might start crying right now, like I just 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:08.320 hit so deep, But it wasn't even so much that 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:10.280 I for me, It wasn't it didn't even so much 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:12.640 feel like I was betraying my younger self. It was 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:16.280 what did I do it for? If I'm just going 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:18.880 to walk away like I sacrificed so much? To me, 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:21.000 it felt like if I'm just walking away, so I 0:08:21.000 --> 0:08:21.920 didn't know where. 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:25.080 I was going? Yes? Yes? And who am I? Like? 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:28.840 My north star in decision making was that I was 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:29.880 a hard worker. Yes. 0:08:30.560 --> 0:08:36.880 I really felt like if I wasn't sacrificing physically, emotionally, 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:40.880 health wise, then it meant that I wasn't working hard enough. 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:43.800 And if I didn't have that as a north star, 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:45.280 then I didn't even know who I was. 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:49.000 Where do we learn that? Was it our parents? Was 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:51.560 it the society? Was it that we were young women 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:53.760 still coming up where it was so much harder to 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:55.480 get a seat at the table, and so we knew 0:08:55.480 --> 0:08:58.719 we needed to sweat and claw harder. And then that 0:08:58.760 --> 0:09:02.560 became associated with success and you get the hit of 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:05.520 what is that like Sarahtona where you know you're doing 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:07.480 something good and you're moving forward. I mean, I had 0:09:07.480 --> 0:09:10.280 my partner saying to me my Netflix show came out 0:09:10.480 --> 0:09:12.320 and all of a sudden, like I don't know, one 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:14.040 of the first couple of days, it was like number 0:09:14.120 --> 0:09:16.960 two most stream shows on Netflix, and I'm walking over 0:09:17.000 --> 0:09:20.200 this bridge and Tribeca and I start to weep because 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:23.560 something feels disjointed in me because I'm like I think subconsciously, 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:25.160 I'm like, wait, so I just like get this call 0:09:25.200 --> 0:09:28.600 from Netflix, I get this job, I do the thing, 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:32.280 I do it well, we're rewarded for it. But where 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:35.320 was my blood? Sweat and tears? Like something's not what's wrong? 0:09:35.520 --> 0:09:37.560 What's wrong? And I had this moment and he had 0:09:37.600 --> 0:09:40.520 to like put his arms around me and say, that 0:09:40.720 --> 0:09:44.320 doesn't always mean success anymore for you, like that chapter 0:09:44.400 --> 0:09:47.200 of your life. God bless you for doing all of 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:48.880 that to get to where you worked and then have 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:51.960 this launching point to do all these other things. But like, 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:56.640 fuck that, we don't need to do that anymore. Hallelujah. 0:09:56.760 --> 0:09:59.920 I still feel guilty sometimes, you know, I've designed this 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:02.080 whole thing so that I can pick my kids up 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:02.680 from school. 0:10:02.720 --> 0:10:05.240 I mean I literally created an entire new career so 0:10:05.240 --> 0:10:06.280 that I could to do this. 0:10:06.440 --> 0:10:09.800 Yes, but I still feel like, am I not supposed 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:11.600 to be doing this? Am I not trying hard enough? 0:10:12.080 --> 0:10:14.559 Switching over it a little bit, like yeah, like I 0:10:14.800 --> 0:10:19.400 doesn't feel real enough because I'm not physically pushing myself 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:23.240 to the edge on a regular base. Totally understand I 0:10:23.280 --> 0:10:25.839 totally I have to say when that Netflix show went up, 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:28.640 which first of all, I cannotlways talk about it. I'm obsessed. 0:10:29.280 --> 0:10:31.640 I loved it so much you but also I mean 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:34.400 from you know, we've really only been connected through Sally 0:10:34.480 --> 0:10:36.360 and Stacy for a couple of months, like not even 0:10:36.400 --> 0:10:38.280 that long, and I felt like from the minute that 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:43.320 we connected, I so appreciated your loud support, Like I 0:10:43.360 --> 0:10:45.400 just felt like I felt your energy that you are 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:48.120 just someone who supports other women, champions to the woman, 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:50.720 like truly true, Like I felt it in my bones 0:10:51.480 --> 0:10:54.040 and I felt it so much. And then when I 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:56.360 was launching this season of the show, I was able 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:59.800 to launch it on the Nasdaq closing bell, which by 0:10:59.840 --> 0:11:01.880 the way, they gave us like thirty six hours to 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:02.320 prepare for. 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:07.160 So also that felt crazy, like you're you know you 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:08.400 you literally can because you did. 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:12.080 It was like I was seven stories high in Times 0:11:12.080 --> 0:11:15.439 Square and didn't have more than thirty six hours to 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:16.920 think about the fact that it was going to happen, 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:17.880 like it's so. 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:20.559 Good, that would be crazy, like is this really happening? 0:11:21.000 --> 0:11:23.480 But so I did it. And after you ring the 0:11:23.480 --> 0:11:25.720 bell and you're up on the nasdack, then they bring 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:27.960 you out into Times Square to look at you as 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:29.720 if you need more moments and just be like, all 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:30.920 this shit is really happening. 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:33.360 And when I got out there, I looked over and 0:11:33.400 --> 0:11:36.480 I realized that my giant seven story face in Times 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:43.560 Square was right next to your Netflix time a giant. 0:11:43.960 --> 0:11:46.719 I sounds so ridiculous, but I really felt like there 0:11:46.760 --> 0:11:49.880 was this energy there and there was this sign that like, like, bitch, 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:50.679 we're doing. 0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:55.240 It, girl, we are like doing your Times Square billboard 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:57.880 neighbors in when you know, when we were children, when 0:11:57.920 --> 0:11:59.880 I was a little girl, like coming to New York 0:12:00.240 --> 0:12:02.120 for the first time with my family for the Thanksgiving 0:12:02.200 --> 0:12:04.240 Day parade when I was in the fifth grade. You know, 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:06.520 if I had ever thought that one day I would 0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:10.160 have my face on a billboard in Times Square, like 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:12.760 what and that you did it, and that we were 0:12:12.760 --> 0:12:15.520 both texting because it wasn't just about the billboard, obviously 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:18.040 it's cool, but we were both texting about how we 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:21.960 were both on network morning shows surrounding the launch of 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:24.960 the podcast the season and for me, the launch of 0:12:24.960 --> 0:12:27.480 my Netflix show and that for me, it was showing 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:31.320 up on television even more just like you know, I 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:33.839 love Brene Brown so much, talk so much about armor, 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:36.240 you know, just like showing up and being seen instead 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:38.319 of showing up with all the armor and literally all 0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:41.720 the like CNN Shillac like loved all of my glam squad, 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:43.679 like love your sisters. But it was just a lot 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:47.480 of armor, physical and intangible that I brought with me 0:12:47.559 --> 0:12:49.199 each and every day to do that show and to 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:52.400 cover those stories and the tragedy and the bullshit in 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:56.040 Washington and everything else. So to finally sit and do 0:12:56.240 --> 0:12:59.600 television with all those layers peeled away, and I know 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.080 you thought, well the same. You know, you weren't talking 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:05.680 about politics and the Democratic Party and the election, you know, 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:09.880 you were talking about you. It was crazy. It was 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:11.400 very surreal, surreal. 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:13.720 It was very surreal because I think that there was 0:13:13.760 --> 0:13:16.959 something that we like when we were on TV before 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:19.920 we were It was the armor and weren't playing a 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:23.560 role like we were saying we were ourselves, yes, but 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:27.000 it was there to fill fill a we were doing 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:28.360 a job, we were filling information. 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:31.800 We're working for someone else. Yeah, there was a mission. 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:34.920 There was someone else's mission and now we are possessed 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:39.800 with our own purpose. Yes, yes we're fully My insides 0:13:39.800 --> 0:13:42.800 are on my outsides like if you really don't like 0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:45.600 if you don't like it, then that's okay. But I 0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:47.560 am who I am. I'm letting it all hang out. 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:49.600 You and your purple hair, me and my tattoo, Like 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:51.800 this is who we are, this is how I roll. 0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:53.959 And I never want to go back. 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:58.400 How did you decide that it was time? Like did 0:13:58.400 --> 0:14:00.360 you think you just had to leave the network? You 0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:03.920 had to leave it all behind? Let's see, how do 0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:04.760 I want to get into this? 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:10.000 So so working in TV was a dream and to work, 0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:12.840 to sacrifice to you know, like work all the crazy 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:15.440 hours and all the holidays. Really, my entire twenty plus 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:18.680 year career up until the end such a pleasure and 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:23.960 a privilege. I knew that somewhere along the line, like 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:29.440 post Women's March, pre pandemic, I knew that my dream 0:14:29.560 --> 0:14:32.360 job may or may not be my dream job anymore. 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:36.680 I remember sitting on that beautiful set, all like perfectly 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:40.960 quaffed with my fancy clothes and my red soled shoes 0:14:41.040 --> 0:14:43.920 and looking out at the skyline and in between you know, 0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:47.640 amazing guests that I'm talking to, but you know, talking 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:51.520 about that other White House a lot. And I remember 0:14:51.560 --> 0:14:55.720 having a moment like where I just allowed myself to think, wow, 0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:57.880 Like it's almost like when you're in a relationship and 0:14:57.880 --> 0:14:59.760 you've been in a relationship for a really long time, 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.840 you've evolved and changed, and maybe they've evolved and changed 0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:05.360 and you're not in the same place anymore. But you're 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:07.680 trying so hard to fit the puzzle pieces, but it 0:15:07.760 --> 0:15:10.840 just isn't maybe fully fitting. And you know, I had 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:13.200 tried to do all this work on the side, this 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:17.000 women's series, and I wrote my book Huddle Through, obviously 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:19.200 not a slow news period, and that was my own 0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:22.600 soul work, right, But eventually I just knew, sitting in 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:26.600 that commercial break, dazing out the window in between segments, 0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:31.360 like is this making me happy the way it used to? 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:33.960 And I do. I still have that like warm feeling 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:36.240 in my belly still to do all of this because 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:38.800 it's a calling, you know. I felt called to journalism. 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:42.000 I felt called and I still feel called to telling 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:44.960 the truth. But the way in which we covered news changed, 0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:48.480 and I also, you know, started speaking up a bit 0:15:48.520 --> 0:15:50.760 more about what I wanted to cover how I wanted 0:15:50.800 --> 0:15:53.080 to cover it. I was a big I'll own this 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:55.400 like I for a many years. I think part of 0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:57.160 it is growing up as a woman in the South 0:15:57.520 --> 0:16:01.840 wanted was told not to be big for your breches. Yes, 0:16:01.920 --> 0:16:04.240 you can be anything you want to be, but also 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:07.840 like color in the lines. And I did that. I 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:09.920 was a really good girl. I was a really good 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:11.760 girl for a lot of years and I said I 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:13.680 said yes a lot, and it got me really far 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:19.040 pretty fast. And then eventually I embedded myself in writing 0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:21.320 this book, Huddle, which is about the collective power of women, 0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:22.720 and so on the weekend. So it was like this 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:26.960 crazy juxtaposition of like covering the Molar investigation and all 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:30.320 these mostly dudes in Washington with me on the weekend, 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:34.560 sitting in sacred spaces with black judges in Texas and 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:38.720 bad ass former veteran now turned freshman congress women or 0:16:38.920 --> 0:16:41.400 teachers or you know the Megan or Pinos and the 0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:43.040 Sue Birds of the world, or some of the women, 0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:45.120 the black women who started Black Lives Matter. Anyway, I'm 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:47.880 sitting with these women and I'm like realizing, wait, these 0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:51.000 you don't always have to say yes you don't always 0:16:51.000 --> 0:16:54.040 have to be a good girl. You can speak the 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:57.280 fuck up and when you feel that it's right and 0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:00.800 not color in the lines. And so so I came 0:17:00.920 --> 0:17:04.160 back through that experience speaking up a little bit more 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:08.720 at CNN. And I don't think that I will never 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:11.760 know what the truth is in all of that, But 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:16.040 it was sort of this confluence of me realizing it 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:19.600 wasn't my dream job anymore and CNN probably not appreciating 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:21.480 that I wasn't willing to do all the things every 0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:25.400 day the way that maybe some other people weren't doing them. 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:28.480 And it came to a point where I left. 0:17:28.960 --> 0:17:31.480 I left, I think for a lot of people that 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:35.080 had to cover the administration. I think also the pandemic, 0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:39.399 a lot of journalists really burnt out, Yeah, like the 0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:42.399 way that the rest of us regular citizens felt burnt out. 0:17:42.440 --> 0:17:43.480 Like first we were glued. 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:45.679 To the news, and then we were unglued because we 0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:46.600 needed a little space. 0:17:47.160 --> 0:17:49.600 Journalists weren't able to do that. I think it took 0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:52.320 a huge mental toll on journalists that we don't appreciate, 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:55.199 you know, I it did, I know for sure. But 0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:57.600 it was also, like I would say, covering the pandemic was. 0:17:57.640 --> 0:17:59.879 This may sound bizarre, but one of the highlights of 0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:03.159 my career in that this was a story. This was 0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:05.840 a story that was hitting every single person around the globe, 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:09.000 and it was hitting ordinary people. This wasn't a special 0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:11.679 person story. This wasn't a celebrity story. This wasn't a 0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:14.240 why guys and ties in Washington story? You know, this 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:16.439 wasn't every person's story. And so to be able to 0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:19.080 sit and speak to you know, in the early part 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:21.120 of the pandemic, I remember interviewing this woman who lost 0:18:21.119 --> 0:18:22.719 her mother in the hospital and at the time we 0:18:22.720 --> 0:18:24.880 were like, we couldn't understand how she couldn't go see 0:18:24.960 --> 0:18:27.080 and hold her mother's hand in the hospital. And you know, 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:29.359 the nurse is so lovely that she's facetiming the daughter 0:18:29.400 --> 0:18:32.000 and literally watching and holding her mother's hand as she passes, 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:35.280 as she watches through FaceTime. So I think that actually, 0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:37.840 I think a lot of this may sound bizarre to say, 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:40.800 like a lot of us have of endurance, like emotional 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:43.399 endurance and covering. You know, I think of all the 0:18:43.440 --> 0:18:47.080 like mass shootings, the school shootings, the natural disasters. I 0:18:47.440 --> 0:18:49.880 actually wouldn't say I was burnt out. I was out 0:18:49.920 --> 0:18:53.480