1 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:09,960 Speaker 1: Welcome back to she Pivots. I'm your host, Emily Tish Sussman. 2 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:12,440 Speaker 1: When I was planning this season, I wanted to make 3 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: sure she Pivots was a means for building connections. I 4 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:18,920 Speaker 1: said during our season launch party that we're the generation 5 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:22,120 Speaker 1: of women who build bridges and don't tear each other down. 6 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:24,799 Speaker 1: And she pivots as a way to empower women to 7 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:27,960 Speaker 1: look inward to find success for themselves and not by 8 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,240 Speaker 1: society standards. 9 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:30,639 Speaker 2: And it's working. 10 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,240 Speaker 1: We're seeing a substantial change in the way women think 11 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:36,800 Speaker 1: about and talk about their lives and their careers. 12 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 2: I'm so excited to dig deeper. 13 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,880 Speaker 1: Into these pivotal moments through these shorter, more conversational candid 14 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:43,840 Speaker 1: convos this season. 15 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:45,199 Speaker 2: Let's jump right in. 16 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:52,479 Speaker 1: We're back with another candid convo this week, and this 17 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: time with an absolute legend, Brook Baldwin. Some of you 18 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:00,720 Speaker 1: may know her from her time on CNN, or maybe 19 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,560 Speaker 1: some of you are as obsessed with her Netflix show 20 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: The Trust as I am. Whichever it is, you know 21 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,880 Speaker 1: that Brooke is a true professional with a glowing personality. 22 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,480 Speaker 1: I'm so excited to share our conversation. Her experience reminds 23 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,959 Speaker 1: me so much of my own as she grappled with 24 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,160 Speaker 1: the emotions, the disappointments, and the general life changes that 25 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:22,279 Speaker 1: happened during her career. 26 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 2: Shift. Enjoy. My name is Brooke Baldwin. This is a 27 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,160 Speaker 2: fun one. Let's see now. I am a filmmaker, I 28 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,840 Speaker 2: am a TV host, a journalist, and an author. Don't mind 29 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,480 Speaker 2: my daughter's coughing in the background of this audio. Oh 30 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,959 Speaker 2: she's so good. She was like, I'm waiting. I'm waiting. 31 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 2: So I actually feel. 32 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,680 Speaker 1: Like I want to start exactly where we were just starting. 33 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:46,240 Speaker 1: You are on the verge of getting your first tattoo. 34 00:01:46,319 --> 00:01:48,560 Speaker 2: I am. I mean, I'm looking at you with your 35 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 2: rocking purple hair. That is next steps, that's next level cool. 36 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:53,720 Speaker 2: But for me, yeah, I'm gonna go Sunday get my 37 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 2: first tattoo. I never had wanted a tattoo. I was 38 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 2: freaked out by a sense of such permanence for so 39 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 2: many years plus I such a I was such a 40 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 2: good girl when I was young. Watch you out. No, 41 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,440 Speaker 2: So I had been thinking about it, and also just 42 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:10,680 Speaker 2: because this year has been such a pivotal year. But 43 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:14,560 Speaker 2: for me, so I just wanted to market on my arm. 44 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 2: At age forty four, I have changed basically every single 45 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,679 Speaker 2: thing in my life. And also the angel number four 46 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 2: four four is something that I see a lot. It's 47 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 2: sort of for me. I see it as a divine wink, 48 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:26,880 Speaker 2: and I wanted to honor that by putting it on 49 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 2: my somewhere on my forearm. Did you find the tattoo 50 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,639 Speaker 2: artist yet? Like the I have sign I have. I 51 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 2: reached out to a good girlfriend of mine. She's got 52 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,800 Speaker 2: some like wicked cool tattoos. I don't know anything about 53 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 2: tattoo artists. I just know I want to like go 54 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,480 Speaker 2: to the shop and like maybe I should drink some 55 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:43,960 Speaker 2: tequila on the rocks and like have a whole conversation. 56 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,079 Speaker 2: I want him to be like have a gruff voice 57 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:49,360 Speaker 2: and be called like Mitch or something and give me 58 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:53,040 Speaker 2: this tattoo. So it's somewhere on Broadway, somewhere in the city. 59 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,360 Speaker 2: I love that it's here in New York because this 60 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 2: is like feels like my home home. And I'm going 61 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,639 Speaker 2: to sit with him and figure out how exactly where exactly, 62 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 2: But I'm just going to do it, like it's time, 63 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,800 Speaker 2: yeah to do you have any Yeah? I do. 64 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 1: I have four tattoos now, So I'm really I'm really 65 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,720 Speaker 1: excited for you for your tattoo Jeredik, thank you and 66 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:12,680 Speaker 1: your tattoos store. 67 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:13,919 Speaker 2: I think it's the first time I said it out 68 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 2: loud actually, other than my boyfriend, like I'm getting a 69 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,519 Speaker 2: tattoo my mo like no, like not even my best 70 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 2: girlfriends know. Oh you're okay. 71 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 3: I feel like this is so perfect because we got 72 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 3: a couple of people had told me that I had 73 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,079 Speaker 3: to talk to you, Like I feel like we kind 74 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 3: of run in some concentric diagram of life, like we 75 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,359 Speaker 3: have a lot of people in common, yet somehow this 76 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:33,200 Speaker 3: is the day we meet. 77 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:35,000 Speaker 2: This is the day I feel like we may have 78 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:35,760 Speaker 2: met before. 79 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,120 Speaker 1: And then I was this is going to sound like 80 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:42,080 Speaker 1: I'm a podcast guest name dropping, but this is truly 81 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 1: how it happened that I was. I texted Sally Christiansen 82 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,680 Speaker 1: from Argent and said, I have an emergency suit situation. 83 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 1: I want to come by, and she said, Stacy London 84 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: is coming to stop a shop for her own tour. 85 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 2: Is that how it happened. 86 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:58,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, She's like, just come with Stacy, and I was 87 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,640 Speaker 1: like perfect. So like Stacy thinks she's doing her own 88 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 1: shop and I walked in and was like okay, now 89 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 1: it's for both of us, and now you're giving me advice. Yes, 90 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:09,200 Speaker 1: And while we were all shopping together, they kept saying, 91 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:10,800 Speaker 1: I cannot Emily. 92 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 2: I cannot believe you don't know Brooke yet. Wow, you 93 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,320 Speaker 2: have to talk to Brooke. 94 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 1: And so people had been telling me we had to meet, 95 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:17,800 Speaker 1: and it was in that moment. 96 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:20,960 Speaker 2: I love Sally and Stacy. I was listening. I listened 97 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:24,560 Speaker 2: to your Sally podcast just yesterday. She they're both so special. 98 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 2: I got to know Stacy through just obviously all things argent. 99 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:30,040 Speaker 2: I'm such a champion of anything women own, women founded, 100 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 2: and so to know her is to love her. We 101 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,800 Speaker 2: finally we finally met earlier this year in Los Angeles 102 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 2: and just like fell in love and have had I'm 103 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:39,040 Speaker 2: going to see her for drinks on Monday, because that's 104 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 2: what we do. Just to be the first person to 105 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 2: show off your tattoos, to show off my four four four, 106 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:47,480 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, yes, we'd be like it's like twenty 107 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,279 Speaker 2: three degrees in New York when we're walking around like 108 00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 2: a tank top, just like I want. 109 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 4: Everyone is newly engaged with the ring, like, oh sorry, 110 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 4: well e, so you need to see my left forearm 111 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:01,760 Speaker 4: and then Stacy London, like who didn't grow up watching 112 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,600 Speaker 4: What Not to Wear? And I love her in her 113 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:09,080 Speaker 4: rocking like silver Fox, you know, streaking her hair and 114 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:12,039 Speaker 4: who she has become and how she has come home 115 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 4: to herself like I fell to her as well, and 116 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:19,480 Speaker 4: so like between there are some extraordinary women, a who exists, 117 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,719 Speaker 4: be who exists in the city, and just to be 118 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 4: able to bump around with them and then to meet you, 119 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:28,000 Speaker 4: you know, it's so exciting. I know, I really am 120 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,159 Speaker 4: so excited to have met you. 121 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:33,159 Speaker 1: I feel like, like, yes, we're all going through Sure, 122 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 1: it's the pivot. 123 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,280 Speaker 2: I feel it's so clat I just keep saying it, 124 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:36,280 Speaker 2: but it is. 125 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:40,720 Speaker 1: It's through this this self actualization, the self realization. 126 00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:42,360 Speaker 2: That we were driven. 127 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: For so long and defined by our careers and we 128 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:50,159 Speaker 1: were successful in them, yes, and now to realize that 129 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:54,479 Speaker 1: it's actually not everything we are, yes, and that we 130 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:58,160 Speaker 1: can find different parts of ourselves through this like unknown, 131 00:05:58,240 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 1: which we've never done before. 132 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,919 Speaker 2: I mean, we all worked so hard to get to 133 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,360 Speaker 2: where we were. I think that was a huge part 134 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:05,560 Speaker 2: of it for me. I was writing about this the 135 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 2: other day, is like to come up in TV news. 136 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 2: You know, I graduated college in journalism and Spanish. Never 137 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,680 Speaker 2: wanted to be on camera, always assumed I'd be a 138 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,799 Speaker 2: writer or producer, you know, like calling the shots behind 139 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 2: the scenes, cut to you know, I end up trying 140 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,159 Speaker 2: to become this reporter I work in. You know, there 141 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 2: are two hundred TV markets, one being here in New 142 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,560 Speaker 2: York City, two hundred being like a small town Alaska, 143 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,920 Speaker 2: and I land in like one hundred and ninety two 144 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,880 Speaker 2: in Charlottesville, Virginia, and I eventually, you know, worked my 145 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:34,039 Speaker 2: way up. But it's never it's never a guarantee you 146 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 2: know that you're going to land anywhere, let alone you know, 147 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 2: have a dream job, whether it's a network news gig 148 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 2: or a cable news network. The point being like, for 149 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:48,040 Speaker 2: so many years, we claw, we grind, we hustle. In 150 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:52,160 Speaker 2: my case, I literally squatted in an empty office and 151 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 2: somehow talk security at the CNN center in Atlanta to 152 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,760 Speaker 2: just keep letting me in the door. I scribbled my 153 00:06:57,839 --> 00:06:59,840 Speaker 2: name on a post it. I put it on this 154 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,440 Speaker 2: office that I claimed. I don't know how I had 155 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,359 Speaker 2: the hubrist to claim it the way I did, but 156 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:09,360 Speaker 2: for two years, essentially I had this office and at 157 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:12,680 Speaker 2: the end of that, you know, chapter of my career 158 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 2: in TV journalism to leave to know how hard I 159 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 2: had climbed and scraped and posted it. That's the part 160 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,640 Speaker 2: like I don't talk about this a lot, but on 161 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:26,679 Speaker 2: my last day at CNN, I don't know what possessed 162 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 2: me to do this, but I pulled out my journal 163 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,400 Speaker 2: and I journaled to my younger self and I needed 164 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 2: to promise her, like I'm weeping in my apartment in 165 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:39,480 Speaker 2: no Lda, weeping telling her don't be disappointed in me. 166 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 2: I know we work so hard, but just hang in there. 167 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 2: I'm gonna make you proud again. But at that point, 168 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 2: it had just gotten into a space where I knew 169 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 2: I needed to find dream, a new dream. But it's 170 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 2: that like we worked so hard to get there. How 171 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 2: do I tell my twenty one, twenty two, twenty three, 172 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 2: twenty four all the way to like my thirty year 173 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 2: old self, we got to go, we got to move on, 174 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:01,480 Speaker 2: We've got to pivot. 175 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,239 Speaker 1: It was hard for me by the way that hits 176 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 1: like I might start crying right now, like I just 177 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,320 Speaker 1: hit so deep, But it wasn't even so much that 178 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,280 Speaker 1: I for me, It wasn't it didn't even so much 179 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,640 Speaker 1: feel like I was betraying my younger self. It was 180 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:16,280 Speaker 1: what did I do it for? If I'm just going 181 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 1: to walk away like I sacrificed so much? To me, 182 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,000 Speaker 1: it felt like if I'm just walking away, so I 183 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:21,920 Speaker 1: didn't know where. 184 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:25,080 Speaker 2: I was going? Yes? Yes? And who am I? Like? 185 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,840 Speaker 2: My north star in decision making was that I was 186 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 2: a hard worker. Yes. 187 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 1: I really felt like if I wasn't sacrificing physically, emotionally, 188 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,880 Speaker 1: health wise, then it meant that I wasn't working hard enough. 189 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 1: And if I didn't have that as a north star, 190 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,280 Speaker 1: then I didn't even know who I was. 191 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,000 Speaker 2: Where do we learn that? Was it our parents? Was 192 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,560 Speaker 2: it the society? Was it that we were young women 193 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 2: still coming up where it was so much harder to 194 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,480 Speaker 2: get a seat at the table, and so we knew 195 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,719 Speaker 2: we needed to sweat and claw harder. And then that 196 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:02,560 Speaker 2: became associated with success and you get the hit of 197 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:05,520 Speaker 2: what is that like Sarahtona where you know you're doing 198 00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:07,480 Speaker 2: something good and you're moving forward. I mean, I had 199 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 2: my partner saying to me my Netflix show came out 200 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,320 Speaker 2: and all of a sudden, like I don't know, one 201 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:14,040 Speaker 2: of the first couple of days, it was like number 202 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,960 Speaker 2: two most stream shows on Netflix, and I'm walking over 203 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 2: this bridge and Tribeca and I start to weep because 204 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:23,560 Speaker 2: something feels disjointed in me because I'm like I think subconsciously, 205 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 2: I'm like, wait, so I just like get this call 206 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,600 Speaker 2: from Netflix, I get this job, I do the thing, 207 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,280 Speaker 2: I do it well, we're rewarded for it. But where 208 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:35,320 Speaker 2: was my blood? Sweat and tears? Like something's not what's wrong? 209 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,560 Speaker 2: What's wrong? And I had this moment and he had 210 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,520 Speaker 2: to like put his arms around me and say, that 211 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:44,320 Speaker 2: doesn't always mean success anymore for you, like that chapter 212 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,200 Speaker 2: of your life. God bless you for doing all of 213 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 2: that to get to where you worked and then have 214 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,960 Speaker 2: this launching point to do all these other things. But like, 215 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 2: fuck that, we don't need to do that anymore. Hallelujah. 216 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,920 Speaker 1: I still feel guilty sometimes, you know, I've designed this 217 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,080 Speaker 1: whole thing so that I can pick my kids up 218 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:02,680 Speaker 1: from school. 219 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,240 Speaker 2: I mean I literally created an entire new career so 220 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 2: that I could to do this. 221 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 1: Yes, but I still feel like, am I not supposed 222 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,600 Speaker 1: to be doing this? Am I not trying hard enough? 223 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,559 Speaker 2: Switching over it a little bit, like yeah, like I 224 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:19,400 Speaker 2: doesn't feel real enough because I'm not physically pushing myself 225 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:23,240 Speaker 2: to the edge on a regular base. Totally understand I 226 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,839 Speaker 2: totally I have to say when that Netflix show went up, 227 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 2: which first of all, I cannotlways talk about it. I'm obsessed. 228 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 1: I loved it so much you but also I mean 229 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 1: from you know, we've really only been connected through Sally 230 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 1: and Stacy for a couple of months, like not even 231 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,280 Speaker 1: that long, and I felt like from the minute that 232 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:43,320 Speaker 1: we connected, I so appreciated your loud support, Like I 233 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,400 Speaker 1: just felt like I felt your energy that you are 234 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,120 Speaker 1: just someone who supports other women, champions to the woman, 235 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,720 Speaker 1: like truly true, Like I felt it in my bones 236 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: and I felt it so much. And then when I 237 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,360 Speaker 1: was launching this season of the show, I was able 238 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 1: to launch it on the Nasdaq closing bell, which by 239 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 1: the way, they gave us like thirty six hours to 240 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:02,320 Speaker 1: prepare for. 241 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 2: So also that felt crazy, like you're you know you 242 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,400 Speaker 2: you literally can because you did. 243 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:12,080 Speaker 1: It was like I was seven stories high in Times 244 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:15,439 Speaker 1: Square and didn't have more than thirty six hours to 245 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:16,920 Speaker 1: think about the fact that it was going to happen, 246 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:17,880 Speaker 1: like it's so. 247 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,559 Speaker 2: Good, that would be crazy, like is this really happening? 248 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,480 Speaker 2: But so I did it. And after you ring the 249 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,720 Speaker 2: bell and you're up on the nasdack, then they bring 250 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,960 Speaker 2: you out into Times Square to look at you as 251 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,720 Speaker 2: if you need more moments and just be like, all 252 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 2: this shit is really happening. 253 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 1: And when I got out there, I looked over and 254 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 1: I realized that my giant seven story face in Times 255 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:43,560 Speaker 1: Square was right next to your Netflix time a giant. 256 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,719 Speaker 1: I sounds so ridiculous, but I really felt like there 257 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 1: was this energy there and there was this sign that like, like, bitch, 258 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:50,679 Speaker 1: we're doing. 259 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:55,240 Speaker 2: It, girl, we are like doing your Times Square billboard 260 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 2: neighbors in when you know, when we were children, when 261 00:11:57,920 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 2: I was a little girl, like coming to New York 262 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,120 Speaker 2: for the first time with my family for the Thanksgiving 263 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 2: Day parade when I was in the fifth grade. You know, 264 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,520 Speaker 2: if I had ever thought that one day I would 265 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:10,160 Speaker 2: have my face on a billboard in Times Square, like 266 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 2: what and that you did it, and that we were 267 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,520 Speaker 2: both texting because it wasn't just about the billboard, obviously 268 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 2: it's cool, but we were both texting about how we 269 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:21,960 Speaker 2: were both on network morning shows surrounding the launch of 270 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,960 Speaker 2: the podcast the season and for me, the launch of 271 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,480 Speaker 2: my Netflix show and that for me, it was showing 272 00:12:27,559 --> 00:12:31,320 Speaker 2: up on television even more just like you know, I 273 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,839 Speaker 2: love Brene Brown so much, talk so much about armor, 274 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 2: you know, just like showing up and being seen instead 275 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,319 Speaker 2: of showing up with all the armor and literally all 276 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:41,720 Speaker 2: the like CNN Shillac like loved all of my glam squad, 277 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,679 Speaker 2: like love your sisters. But it was just a lot 278 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:47,480 Speaker 2: of armor, physical and intangible that I brought with me 279 00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:49,199 Speaker 2: each and every day to do that show and to 280 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 2: cover those stories and the tragedy and the bullshit in 281 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 2: Washington and everything else. So to finally sit and do 282 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,600 Speaker 2: television with all those layers peeled away, and I know 283 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,080 Speaker 2: you thought, well the same. You know, you weren't talking 284 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:05,680 Speaker 2: about politics and the Democratic Party and the election, you know, 285 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:09,880 Speaker 2: you were talking about you. It was crazy. It was 286 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,400 Speaker 2: very surreal, surreal. 287 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,720 Speaker 1: It was very surreal because I think that there was 288 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,959 Speaker 1: something that we like when we were on TV before 289 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: we were It was the armor and weren't playing a 290 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:23,560 Speaker 1: role like we were saying we were ourselves, yes, but 291 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,000 Speaker 1: it was there to fill fill a we were doing 292 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 1: a job, we were filling information. 293 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,800 Speaker 2: We're working for someone else. Yeah, there was a mission. 294 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,920 Speaker 2: There was someone else's mission and now we are possessed 295 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:39,800 Speaker 2: with our own purpose. Yes, yes we're fully My insides 296 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,800 Speaker 2: are on my outsides like if you really don't like 297 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 2: if you don't like it, then that's okay. But I 298 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:47,560 Speaker 2: am who I am. I'm letting it all hang out. 299 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,600 Speaker 2: You and your purple hair, me and my tattoo, Like 300 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 2: this is who we are, this is how I roll. 301 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:53,959 Speaker 2: And I never want to go back. 302 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 1: How did you decide that it was time? Like did 303 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,360 Speaker 1: you think you just had to leave the network? You 304 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 1: had to leave it all behind? Let's see, how do 305 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:04,760 Speaker 1: I want to get into this? 306 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 2: So so working in TV was a dream and to work, 307 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,840 Speaker 2: to sacrifice to you know, like work all the crazy 308 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,440 Speaker 2: hours and all the holidays. Really, my entire twenty plus 309 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:18,680 Speaker 2: year career up until the end such a pleasure and 310 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 2: a privilege. I knew that somewhere along the line, like 311 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:29,440 Speaker 2: post Women's March, pre pandemic, I knew that my dream 312 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,360 Speaker 2: job may or may not be my dream job anymore. 313 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:36,680 Speaker 2: I remember sitting on that beautiful set, all like perfectly 314 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 2: quaffed with my fancy clothes and my red soled shoes 315 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,920 Speaker 2: and looking out at the skyline and in between you know, 316 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:47,640 Speaker 2: amazing guests that I'm talking to, but you know, talking 317 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 2: about that other White House a lot. And I remember 318 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 2: having a moment like where I just allowed myself to think, wow, 319 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,880 Speaker 2: Like it's almost like when you're in a relationship and 320 00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 2: you've been in a relationship for a really long time, 321 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,840 Speaker 2: you've evolved and changed, and maybe they've evolved and changed 322 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,360 Speaker 2: and you're not in the same place anymore. But you're 323 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,680 Speaker 2: trying so hard to fit the puzzle pieces, but it 324 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,840 Speaker 2: just isn't maybe fully fitting. And you know, I had 325 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 2: tried to do all this work on the side, this 326 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:17,000 Speaker 2: women's series, and I wrote my book Huddle Through, obviously 327 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,200 Speaker 2: not a slow news period, and that was my own 328 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 2: soul work, right, But eventually I just knew, sitting in 329 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 2: that commercial break, dazing out the window in between segments, 330 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:31,360 Speaker 2: like is this making me happy the way it used to? 331 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,960 Speaker 2: And I do. I still have that like warm feeling 332 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 2: in my belly still to do all of this because 333 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 2: it's a calling, you know. I felt called to journalism. 334 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:42,000 Speaker 2: I felt called and I still feel called to telling 335 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,960 Speaker 2: the truth. But the way in which we covered news changed, 336 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 2: and I also, you know, started speaking up a bit 337 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 2: more about what I wanted to cover how I wanted 338 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,080 Speaker 2: to cover it. I was a big I'll own this 339 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,400 Speaker 2: like I for a many years. I think part of 340 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,160 Speaker 2: it is growing up as a woman in the South 341 00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:01,840 Speaker 2: wanted was told not to be big for your breches. Yes, 342 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,240 Speaker 2: you can be anything you want to be, but also 343 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,840 Speaker 2: like color in the lines. And I did that. I 344 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,920 Speaker 2: was a really good girl. I was a really good 345 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,760 Speaker 2: girl for a lot of years and I said I 346 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,680 Speaker 2: said yes a lot, and it got me really far 347 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:19,040 Speaker 2: pretty fast. And then eventually I embedded myself in writing 348 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,320 Speaker 2: this book, Huddle, which is about the collective power of women, 349 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:22,720 Speaker 2: and so on the weekend. So it was like this 350 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 2: crazy juxtaposition of like covering the Molar investigation and all 351 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,320 Speaker 2: these mostly dudes in Washington with me on the weekend, 352 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:34,560 Speaker 2: sitting in sacred spaces with black judges in Texas and 353 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 2: bad ass former veteran now turned freshman congress women or 354 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:41,400 Speaker 2: teachers or you know the Megan or Pinos and the 355 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,040 Speaker 2: Sue Birds of the world, or some of the women, 356 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,120 Speaker 2: the black women who started Black Lives Matter. Anyway, I'm 357 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,880 Speaker 2: sitting with these women and I'm like realizing, wait, these 358 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:51,000 Speaker 2: you don't always have to say yes you don't always 359 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 2: have to be a good girl. You can speak the 360 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:57,280 Speaker 2: fuck up and when you feel that it's right and 361 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 2: not color in the lines. And so so I came 362 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:04,160 Speaker 2: back through that experience speaking up a little bit more 363 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 2: at CNN. And I don't think that I will never 364 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,760 Speaker 2: know what the truth is in all of that, But 365 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:16,040 Speaker 2: it was sort of this confluence of me realizing it 366 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:19,600 Speaker 2: wasn't my dream job anymore and CNN probably not appreciating 367 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,480 Speaker 2: that I wasn't willing to do all the things every 368 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:25,400 Speaker 2: day the way that maybe some other people weren't doing them. 369 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,480 Speaker 2: And it came to a point where I left. 370 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,480 Speaker 1: I left, I think for a lot of people that 371 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 1: had to cover the administration. I think also the pandemic, 372 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:39,399 Speaker 1: a lot of journalists really burnt out, Yeah, like the 373 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:42,399 Speaker 1: way that the rest of us regular citizens felt burnt out. 374 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 2: Like first we were glued. 375 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,679 Speaker 1: To the news, and then we were unglued because we 376 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 1: needed a little space. 377 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 2: Journalists weren't able to do that. I think it took 378 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,320 Speaker 2: a huge mental toll on journalists that we don't appreciate, 379 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,199 Speaker 2: you know, I it did, I know for sure. But 380 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 2: it was also, like I would say, covering the pandemic was. 381 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 2: This may sound bizarre, but one of the highlights of 382 00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:03,159 Speaker 2: my career in that this was a story. This was 383 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,840 Speaker 2: a story that was hitting every single person around the globe, 384 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:09,000 Speaker 2: and it was hitting ordinary people. This wasn't a special 385 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,679 Speaker 2: person story. This wasn't a celebrity story. This wasn't a 386 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,240 Speaker 2: why guys and ties in Washington story? You know, this 387 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,439 Speaker 2: wasn't every person's story. And so to be able to 388 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,080 Speaker 2: sit and speak to you know, in the early part 389 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,120 Speaker 2: of the pandemic, I remember interviewing this woman who lost 390 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:22,719 Speaker 2: her mother in the hospital and at the time we 391 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,880 Speaker 2: were like, we couldn't understand how she couldn't go see 392 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 2: and hold her mother's hand in the hospital. And you know, 393 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:29,359 Speaker 2: the nurse is so lovely that she's facetiming the daughter 394 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,000 Speaker 2: and literally watching and holding her mother's hand as she passes, 395 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,280 Speaker 2: as she watches through FaceTime. So I think that actually, 396 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,840 Speaker 2: I think a lot of this may sound bizarre to say, 397 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,800 Speaker 2: like a lot of us have of endurance, like emotional 398 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,399 Speaker 2: endurance and covering. You know, I think of all the 399 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 2: like mass shootings, the school shootings, the natural disasters. I 400 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,880 Speaker 2: actually wouldn't say I was burnt out. I was out 401 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,480 Speaker 2: of alignment with what the news was becoming. I think 402 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,399 Speaker 2: there's an important difference there, and I part of me 403 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,920 Speaker 2: still may want to jump back in at some point, 404 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:02,360 Speaker 2: But it was how I think cable news was covering 405 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:06,400 Speaker 2: that administration, how we were being told to cover it. 406 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,359 Speaker 2: I felt that I lost a lot of my editorial 407 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:13,240 Speaker 2: power that I had gained through the years, and it 408 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:17,359 Speaker 2: felt much more like a machine every half hour, hit this, this, 409 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,760 Speaker 2: and this every half hour, and the shows weren't as 410 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,960 Speaker 2: distinguished and differentiated from one another. And I felt that 411 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,719 Speaker 2: my voice. I felt that I felt more like a 412 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:29,439 Speaker 2: mouthpiece than a voice. And I was finding my voice 413 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,239 Speaker 2: as I was coming to that realization. And so I 414 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:35,800 Speaker 2: want to exist in my own space, even though I 415 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 2: may not be, you know, as successful if you're looking 416 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,240 Speaker 2: at my bank account as I had been then. But 417 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,640 Speaker 2: I want to hold on to my voice and grow it. 418 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:46,520 Speaker 2: And I want to be in a space where I'm 419 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 2: in alignment with myself and my soul and what I'm 420 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,959 Speaker 2: doing and being control of the stories I'm telling. Yeah, 421 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,960 Speaker 2: even though that means saying yes to certain things and 422 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 2: saying no to others. Well, I think it can sometimes 423 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:02,399 Speaker 2: be hard to appreciate the difference in coverage change. I remember, 424 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:06,360 Speaker 2: even just as a Democratic strategist, as a commentator at first, 425 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 2: when Trump was in a campaign, so they would generally 426 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 2: match me up with a Republican strategist how the segments 427 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:17,600 Speaker 2: would work, and the Republican strategists pre Trump had generally 428 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,240 Speaker 2: worked in Republican administrations or held some position of power. 429 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,920 Speaker 2: The surrogates that were coming up for the Trump administration 430 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:27,200 Speaker 2: were basically just people that supported Trump, and so when 431 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:29,760 Speaker 2: you guys would have us on in segments, I would 432 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:33,800 Speaker 2: talk about what had happened in previous elections or campaigns, 433 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:35,760 Speaker 2: and they would just kind of say what they thought, 434 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,439 Speaker 2: and so I found that kind of insulting. But I 435 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 2: slowly realized CNN had more Trump surrogates than I think 436 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,359 Speaker 2: any other network. Is generally how we were paired. 437 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,560 Speaker 1: The difference in Fox News, I actually think was super 438 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:50,399 Speaker 1: interesting and ended up leading to me not going on 439 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 1: Fox News anymore, was because the Republican strategists they had 440 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,000 Speaker 1: me on with really did have experience working in the 441 00:20:57,040 --> 00:21:02,120 Speaker 1: Republican Party in Washington, and through the twenty sixteen presidential 442 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,960 Speaker 1: the Fox News had the tiniest green room like before 443 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 1: and after the segments, and we had to get their 444 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,320 Speaker 1: hours early for hair and makeup at Fox. 445 00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:10,280 Speaker 2: Oh wow, you probably never went into the green room there. 446 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,560 Speaker 2: It was smaller than CNN. Wow. You can't believe. 447 00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:14,879 Speaker 1: It was smaller than the CNN green room zy bureau, 448 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,119 Speaker 1: I know, but it was like even tighter. 449 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 2: Wow. 450 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,520 Speaker 1: And we had to be there so early for hair 451 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,240 Speaker 1: and makeup. So I spent so much time in the 452 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,880 Speaker 1: green room with them before our segments. And almost none 453 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,360 Speaker 1: of them supported Trump in twenty sixteen in the primary. 454 00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:29,320 Speaker 2: They thought he was really bad for the party. 455 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,360 Speaker 1: And then as he started winning the states, and then 456 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,960 Speaker 1: eventually when he got the nomination in twenty sixteen, they 457 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 1: actually let go of all their Republican tributors, like they 458 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:43,119 Speaker 1: ended their contracts because their contributors weren't aligned enough with Trump, 459 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,120 Speaker 1: and so they started hiring all of these essentially random 460 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:49,879 Speaker 1: people that were Trump supporters but hadn't actually worked in 461 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:52,280 Speaker 1: politics before. So now I was going on matched up 462 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:57,600 Speaker 1: against someone who truly knew nothing and was just repeating 463 00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:01,960 Speaker 1: Trump's line. And they felt their line at Fox News 464 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,760 Speaker 1: that they were following their audience, like their audience had 465 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,359 Speaker 1: preferred Trump. But so they needed strategists that preferred Trump, 466 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,200 Speaker 1: and I started to think, what am I doing here? 467 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,639 Speaker 1: Like if I'm not even having any kind of strategic 468 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 1: conversation with someone on the other side, then I'm obviously 469 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:17,840 Speaker 1: not following their audience. 470 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 2: Like I I don't know what to do anymore. No, 471 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,239 Speaker 2: I can understand how that would be so hard and 472 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:26,160 Speaker 2: so frustrating and almost like insulting for you to do that. 473 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,320 Speaker 1: Some of them would start to try to fight with 474 00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:32,199 Speaker 1: me on Twitter after the segments, and I was like, guys, like, 475 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,640 Speaker 1: we have a business relationship here, Like we go into 476 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,280 Speaker 1: the green room, we're collegial, we go on air, we fight, 477 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:38,280 Speaker 1: we come off for fine. 478 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:41,600 Speaker 2: No, but that's it's Twitter. It was Twitter. Yeah, Like 479 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:47,359 Speaker 2: ultimately these segments were made to you know, let's be honest, 480 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:51,400 Speaker 2: the numbers of people watching cable news is down, down, down. 481 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,560 Speaker 2: So what these producers try to do is, you know, 482 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:58,600 Speaker 2: produce these segments for clicks they're thinking of. For example, 483 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 2: from my perspective as the host, you know you would 484 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 2: want like Brooke Baldwin takes down Trump aid so and 485 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 2: so or ooh burned, like oh, you know you want 486 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,520 Speaker 2: to have a takedown, and so what would happen? Let me, 487 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 2: let me narrate as you're annoyed, like with the in 488 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 2: the double box. In the Brady box, it is Kate 489 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,240 Speaker 2: Cable News, right, so it'd be me in the middle 490 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,600 Speaker 2: with you and fill in the blank, you know, Trump person. 491 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:24,840 Speaker 2: They would want you guys to fight, right that That is, 492 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:29,800 Speaker 2: in my opinion, terrible television because no one actually gets 493 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:33,280 Speaker 2: a cogent thought out. It's just people talking over each other, 494 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,200 Speaker 2: which is also really hard for me as a host 495 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:39,360 Speaker 2: to you know, you're essentially the referee. Sometimes it can 496 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:41,959 Speaker 2: be incredibly effective, and I can understand why we did 497 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,919 Speaker 2: it when one way, because you can't just have a 498 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,040 Speaker 2: one sided, you know, piece about what's happening politically in 499 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 2: the country. But the way in which some of these 500 00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:53,040 Speaker 2: folks would fight, and then ultimately you would want to 501 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,159 Speaker 2: have you know that up Let's say the segment up 502 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:56,800 Speaker 2: on CNN dot Com. You'd want to have it up 503 00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,919 Speaker 2: on Twitter. You would want to have then the like 504 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,800 Speaker 2: sort of like fire the embers lit on Twitter so 505 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,320 Speaker 2: that people would go and find the segment. And you know, 506 00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:08,399 Speaker 2: I can imagine from that other person's perspective, you know, 507 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:12,280 Speaker 2: they probably weren't as known they were trying to get followers, 508 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 2: and maybe from a cable producer perspective, they want that 509 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 2: fight on Twitter because they want people to click on 510 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,240 Speaker 2: the segment. They're like, oh wait, who is this person? 511 00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:23,359 Speaker 2: Oh wait, let me backtrack and find the segment that 512 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,760 Speaker 2: led to this fighting whether you know. But at the 513 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,640 Speaker 2: end of the day, like, I'm just all about this 514 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,399 Speaker 2: is such a cliche word these days, but I'm so 515 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:32,880 Speaker 2: about like authenticity, like y'all, let's just keep it real, yeah, 516 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:34,280 Speaker 2: you know, and so much of that is just so 517 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:39,320 Speaker 2: it's fake, it's bullshit. I'm literally allergic to it. So 518 00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,439 Speaker 2: when I found myself sitting in the middle of it, 519 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:46,120 Speaker 2: and sometimes it was fascinating, but sometimes even I would 520 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:49,879 Speaker 2: just be like, what am I doing here? How is 521 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:55,440 Speaker 2: this furthering anyone's education on X subjects? Yeah? 522 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:58,840 Speaker 1: So how long did it take from that realization until 523 00:24:58,960 --> 00:24:59,640 Speaker 1: you left. 524 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:08,200 Speaker 2: Gosh? Twenty twenty eighteen, twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen was tough. 525 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 2: Twenty twenty then came the pandemic where we were all 526 00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:14,160 Speaker 2: just like where are we what's happening? We started showing 527 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:15,879 Speaker 2: up to work, you know, going to work in like 528 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,000 Speaker 2: these little broom closet studios. So no whe would get sick, 529 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:23,280 Speaker 2: and then twenty twenty one I left, so it all 530 00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:25,160 Speaker 2: started happening in there. 531 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,480 Speaker 1: That's a long time, though, Like to feel not just 532 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:33,199 Speaker 1: out of alignment, but on national TV every day, feeling 533 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: out of alignment. 534 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,119 Speaker 2: That's interesting to think about, Like in broad daylight in 535 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,960 Speaker 2: front of everyone, you know, I was trying to show 536 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:43,440 Speaker 2: up and play the part and be the best, most 537 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,840 Speaker 2: authentic version of myself, while you know, I've actually spent 538 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,520 Speaker 2: quite a bit of time rereading my I'm a journaler 539 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,840 Speaker 2: and rereading my journals, you know, I mean honestly going 540 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:56,119 Speaker 2: back to like twenty fifteen when we were covering you know, 541 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 2: what would happen in twenty sixteen and twenty sixteen, and 542 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,919 Speaker 2: what happened happened. Shame on us. This is the media 543 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,880 Speaker 2: for not calling it, not seeing it. And then twenty sixteen, 544 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,640 Speaker 2: twenty seventeen, twenty eighteen, I really got to start covering 545 00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,520 Speaker 2: more women, which really like soothed my soul, but also 546 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,399 Speaker 2: you know, just yeah, it was a long time. Yeah, 547 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:16,920 Speaker 2: it was a long time. It was a long time. 548 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:17,480 Speaker 2: It was hard. 549 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,720 Speaker 1: It was do you remember what like your first day 550 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,880 Speaker 1: was after you were off air, You're like all right, 551 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:26,600 Speaker 1: Today's the day that I wake up the. 552 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:27,119 Speaker 2: Time I want. 553 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:35,080 Speaker 1: We're going to take a short break for some ads. 554 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:40,760 Speaker 2: Now back to the show. Gosh, Well, I flew in 555 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,560 Speaker 2: two of my closest girlfriends that weekend. We went. I 556 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,439 Speaker 2: left CNN. It was bizarre because, like nobody was at 557 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:49,920 Speaker 2: work right because it's the pandemic. So I like, leave 558 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 2: this thirteen year career. I slip out the side door. 559 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,879 Speaker 2: I met by my adorable security guard, masked security guard 560 00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,960 Speaker 2: who hugs me. I cry. I slip in the town car. 561 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:03,680 Speaker 2: These girls are meeting me. My husband, my then husband 562 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,879 Speaker 2: was with me, and we all go. I don't know 563 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:07,680 Speaker 2: what possessed me to do this, but I wanted to 564 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:09,320 Speaker 2: go to the Empire State Building and climb to the 565 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,680 Speaker 2: tip top. Don't know why. I love that building. It's 566 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,320 Speaker 2: my favorite building in all of New York City. I 567 00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:15,840 Speaker 2: think I just felt that I knew I was on 568 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,920 Speaker 2: the precipice of this new chapter. I had no freaking 569 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:20,760 Speaker 2: clue what I was going to do. All these people 570 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,720 Speaker 2: were like, Okay, no, Brooke, but really, what are you 571 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,879 Speaker 2: leaving for? Why are you going? What is your job 572 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,959 Speaker 2: that you're not telling us? And I was like, no, 573 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:31,679 Speaker 2: for real, I have no idea, and I needed to 574 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:33,560 Speaker 2: sit at the top of the Empire State Building and 575 00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:37,880 Speaker 2: I think, just have like a centered moment of here 576 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,840 Speaker 2: I am. There's all this blank space ahead of me, 577 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:45,480 Speaker 2: and to just like recalibrate, you know, I was my 578 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:49,439 Speaker 2: job and who do I want to be? Who am I? 579 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,520 Speaker 2: What is coming home to myself? And that was then 580 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:57,760 Speaker 2: the beginning of my most ginormous pivot of my life. Okay, 581 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,920 Speaker 2: so you pivoted professionally and also at the same time 582 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:07,640 Speaker 2: you pivoted personally. Yeah, how related were those two? Let's 583 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:14,040 Speaker 2: see as I So I got married in twenty eighteen, 584 00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:17,800 Speaker 2: which was when we met. Our first year of dating 585 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,880 Speaker 2: was twenty sixteen. So if you can imagine, you know, 586 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,640 Speaker 2: he's living in London. I'm in New York City. I'm 587 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:25,840 Speaker 2: covering this insane election. I'm like, do you want to 588 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,520 Speaker 2: meet me in New Hampshire, Iowa or Miami. We take 589 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:32,480 Speaker 2: our first vacation in Asia. My feet don't hit the ground. 590 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,800 Speaker 2: It was like the most incredible, most insane year of 591 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,480 Speaker 2: my professional and personal life. I fell madly in love 592 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:41,400 Speaker 2: with this person. We get married twenty eighteen. I feel 593 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:44,520 Speaker 2: like I hit the lottery he is, you know, I 594 00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:47,920 Speaker 2: thought it was marrying James Bond and he's an amazing, 595 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:51,040 Speaker 2: brilliant soul. He moves to America, we move in together 596 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:55,600 Speaker 2: in Soho, and therein sort of starts my what am 597 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,600 Speaker 2: I doing with my life? My professional life sort of 598 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:02,400 Speaker 2: churn right, And so maybe there was a little voice 599 00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:06,000 Speaker 2: early in like, listen, my job was number one, Like 600 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,280 Speaker 2: I didn't I didn't work that hard for all that 601 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,160 Speaker 2: many those many years to like I was just like, 602 00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:14,720 Speaker 2: what's happening, What's happening within me? What's happening with this industry? 603 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:19,160 Speaker 2: And so that was my most sort of predominant concern. 604 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,520 Speaker 2: I think under the surface was starting to assess, like, 605 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:25,120 Speaker 2: all right, state of my marriage, state of my marriage. 606 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,640 Speaker 2: COVID hits, everything got really quiet. I love that. I 607 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,880 Speaker 2: think it was a Glennon Doyle once said something like, 608 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,920 Speaker 2: it's like when COVID hit, it was like we were 609 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,880 Speaker 2: all these snow globes, and in normal life, the snow 610 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,640 Speaker 2: is like wsh and wushing all around and we are 611 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,880 Speaker 2: allowed to be weren't distracted by everything. COVID hits, snow 612 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,720 Speaker 2: hits the ground and you're just sort of stuck there. 613 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:48,080 Speaker 2: In the center is this figurine like, Oh who am I? 614 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,720 Speaker 2: What's happening? Who am I married to? Do I like 615 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,760 Speaker 2: my job? Do I like myself? Do I like my friends? 616 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,360 Speaker 2: You know, we went through all of this, and I 617 00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:02,160 Speaker 2: think in that quiet I started wonder, I started to reassess. 618 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:06,240 Speaker 2: I started really doing like deep excavation work within myself, 619 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,720 Speaker 2: which then only got exacerbated once I left SANN in 620 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:12,280 Speaker 2: twenty twenty one. And that was the beginning so interesting, 621 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:15,600 Speaker 2: all these like major sort of like points on a grid. 622 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 2: And by twenty twenty one, in April, I leave SANN 623 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,640 Speaker 2: and I go on this deep, deep dive into myself. 624 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,360 Speaker 2: I deepen my spiritual practice. I go on retreats, I 625 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,600 Speaker 2: do all the things, I read all the books, just 626 00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:29,080 Speaker 2: trying to like find solid ground. Who am I? I'm 627 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:32,320 Speaker 2: just Brooke. I'm not Brooke Baldwin from CNN. And in 628 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:35,680 Speaker 2: that time, I think that's when our paths really diverged. 629 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:39,560 Speaker 2: And I think that I was changing. I know I 630 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:43,680 Speaker 2: was changing, and I ultimately really wanted him to join 631 00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:46,640 Speaker 2: me on my path, and I think he was plenty 632 00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:51,600 Speaker 2: happy on his. And in the end, what I learned 633 00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:55,840 Speaker 2: from CNN having maybe stayed in something. I don't know 634 00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:58,480 Speaker 2: if I overstayed or the way in which I left 635 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:02,880 Speaker 2: wasn't entirely lovely experience, and I didn't want that for 636 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:06,880 Speaker 2: my marriage. And so I went to the Hoffmann Institute. 637 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,280 Speaker 2: Have you heard of this place? Only that I listened 638 00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:12,400 Speaker 2: to your podcast with them, but I don't know about it. 639 00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:16,360 Speaker 2: I went to this place in Petaluma, California, and I 640 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,880 Speaker 2: wouldn't say it changed my life. I changed my life, 641 00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:22,440 Speaker 2: but there's a lot of work around parenting patterns from 642 00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:25,000 Speaker 2: your childhood, all this like deep, deep work you do. 643 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,440 Speaker 2: And as a result of that, this thing happened while 644 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,640 Speaker 2: I was there, and I realized it was time for 645 00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,479 Speaker 2: me to love and let my husband go. And I 646 00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:36,000 Speaker 2: don't recommend divorce to the faint of heart. Is it 647 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:42,280 Speaker 2: is it's coming home and telling him I love you, 648 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,880 Speaker 2: but I need to let you go is the hardest 649 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,280 Speaker 2: thing I've ever done in my life. But I am 650 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:51,720 Speaker 2: also every day so proud that I found the strength 651 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:55,880 Speaker 2: to do it. And that is how I got there. 652 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:59,360 Speaker 2: And I know that what happened this may sound bizarre 653 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,080 Speaker 2: to connect it to you about what happened with me 654 00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:04,400 Speaker 2: and CNN and falling out of alignment and overstaying in 655 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:08,360 Speaker 2: that sense taught me not to do that in my marriage. 656 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,720 Speaker 2: I could have easily hung in. And I mean, we 657 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,440 Speaker 2: don't have kids. We didn't have kids, so I understand 658 00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,000 Speaker 2: like people women who men who stay in for the 659 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,640 Speaker 2: sake of the kids. I get that. But because we 660 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,600 Speaker 2: didn't have kids, I think it made it easier for 661 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:24,600 Speaker 2: me to just take a deep, profound assessment of the 662 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,080 Speaker 2: stay of my marriage and my life and my dreams 663 00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:30,719 Speaker 2: and happiness and his and make that call and know 664 00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:34,240 Speaker 2: that I needed to move on. When you were doing 665 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 2: all of that spiritual work, what do you think you 666 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,120 Speaker 2: were looking for? Like was it sort of like a 667 00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:43,760 Speaker 2: big funnel and you were just looking for an idea 668 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:46,440 Speaker 2: to cling on to. Were you looking for like an 669 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,200 Speaker 2: archetype of self to say, yes, this is the new me. 670 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,320 Speaker 2: Like I wasn't sure what I was looking for, So 671 00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:53,040 Speaker 2: I'm so curious how you were thinking. That's such a 672 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:56,520 Speaker 2: great question. I remember when I left CNN, you asked 673 00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:58,520 Speaker 2: me if I remember where I woke up the next morning. 674 00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,240 Speaker 2: Here's what I remember, Like right afterwards, we went to 675 00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:03,400 Speaker 2: the Caribbean. We went to the British Version Islands for 676 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,520 Speaker 2: three weeks and I just like soaked up the sun 677 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:08,000 Speaker 2: and drank a lot of rum and like let my 678 00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:12,840 Speaker 2: hair be curly and wild. And realized halfway through that 679 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:16,640 Speaker 2: the like hanging out on the beach drinking umbrella drinks 680 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,800 Speaker 2: like was not going to do the doo. And so 681 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:21,520 Speaker 2: I remember texting my friend Taran Tumy, who's the founder 682 00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:24,000 Speaker 2: of the class, and I was like, Yo, tt, I 683 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:27,600 Speaker 2: feel like there's more for me to look into and 684 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:31,120 Speaker 2: myself in my life, and can you please help me 685 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:34,440 Speaker 2: point me toward something? And she she did, and I 686 00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:36,760 Speaker 2: went on this retreat with her in Sedona that summer, 687 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:40,240 Speaker 2: and she really kind of became a sort of spiritual 688 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:41,920 Speaker 2: sherpa for me and they and the way that she 689 00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,000 Speaker 2: jokes to this day like she didn't know how much 690 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,560 Speaker 2: I really wasn't aware of her didn't know, and I 691 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:50,880 Speaker 2: think I didn't know it was like blank slate ahead 692 00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:55,040 Speaker 2: of me. I just knew that I felt that for 693 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:59,920 Speaker 2: the last handful of years I was not I keep 694 00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,200 Speaker 2: coming back to in alignment, like I'm trying to figure 695 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,520 Speaker 2: out how else to say it, Like my insides didn't 696 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:07,600 Speaker 2: match my outsides, Like I love myself as a little 697 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:11,359 Speaker 2: girl but somewhere along the line, like I deviated from 698 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:14,600 Speaker 2: this path of who who I was and how I 699 00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:16,920 Speaker 2: showed up, and instead I feel like I started showing 700 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,360 Speaker 2: up trying to be the person that other people or 701 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:22,600 Speaker 2: my boss or my producer wanted me to be. And 702 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,799 Speaker 2: I did that to myself. Nobody did that to me. 703 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:30,560 Speaker 2: I did that to myself, and so I knew that 704 00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:33,719 Speaker 2: I needed to read the books and be around the 705 00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:37,680 Speaker 2: people who thought these bigger things, who were open to 706 00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,799 Speaker 2: you know, God, sore spirit whatever you want to call it, 707 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:43,360 Speaker 2: like the spiritual Advisor I know calls it like Elmo, 708 00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,480 Speaker 2: like whatever you want to call it. I just knew 709 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:48,480 Speaker 2: I wanted to like almost like be my journalistic self 710 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:51,400 Speaker 2: and soak up like how these people existed, how they 711 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:54,160 Speaker 2: moved through the world. I was fascinated because I knew 712 00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:58,080 Speaker 2: I wanted some of that, and I think through that experience, 713 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,200 Speaker 2: my biggest what I I needed to learn was to 714 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,680 Speaker 2: have faith. And I don't mean that in like an 715 00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,879 Speaker 2: overtly like I'm not a super religious person, but I 716 00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:10,200 Speaker 2: needed to learn to just like let the fuck go. 717 00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:13,239 Speaker 2: Like for me, I think of always. Somebody was telling 718 00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:15,440 Speaker 2: me this the other day, like I'm always so anticipatory, 719 00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:17,239 Speaker 2: like I'm like, Okay, what's the next thing. I'm gonna 720 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:19,000 Speaker 2: rush to this thing. I'm I'm gonna get out ahead 721 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,480 Speaker 2: of this thing. And it's because I'm in fear, right, 722 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:23,879 Speaker 2: I think that I can control the thing by getting 723 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:25,839 Speaker 2: ahead of it, or being prepared or being the good girl, 724 00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:31,120 Speaker 2: whatever it is. And I had to learn to sit still, 725 00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:37,040 Speaker 2: to get quiet, to like clean my internal mirror, to 726 00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:39,719 Speaker 2: listen to my inner knowing, to listen to that little 727 00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:43,040 Speaker 2: voice that we all have to like get to know 728 00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:47,680 Speaker 2: her again, to get to know that light, little little Brookie, 729 00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:51,200 Speaker 2: like the little girl within me who early on knew 730 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:53,440 Speaker 2: right from wrong, knew what she wanted, knew what she 731 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,279 Speaker 2: was about. I needed to find her again, That's what 732 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:59,600 Speaker 2: it was. And in finding her again, we have conversations 733 00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,719 Speaker 2: every day. No, So in finding her again, I now 734 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:06,120 Speaker 2: feel that I can be in faith and know that 735 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:10,080 Speaker 2: even though I don't have any answers to or any 736 00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:15,880 Speaker 2: real security, you know, professionally moving forward, I know that 737 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:19,359 Speaker 2: like in the end, it's going to be okay. Does 738 00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:21,840 Speaker 2: that make sense? That makes total sense, Scott, I was 739 00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:24,400 Speaker 2: actually talking with so much of it makes sense. But 740 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,520 Speaker 2: I think, you know, I started this show truly because 741 00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,439 Speaker 2: I needed advice for myself. I needed people to tell 742 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:31,239 Speaker 2: me that they had gone through something, and I needed 743 00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:36,360 Speaker 2: to hear examples so that I could see examples of 744 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:37,200 Speaker 2: how to move forward. 745 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:38,960 Speaker 1: Because I had nothing to cling on to. I didn't 746 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,120 Speaker 1: know how to do it. And the more people I 747 00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:43,480 Speaker 1: talked to interviewing this show, it really feels like the 748 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:47,759 Speaker 1: ones who feel the most centered are people that have 749 00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:51,640 Speaker 1: some kind of spiritual practice about them and I have none. 750 00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:55,440 Speaker 2: That I am the least zen, least meditative. Like I 751 00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,480 Speaker 2: do everything wrong. It's not wrong, it's not wrong, it's 752 00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:01,120 Speaker 2: not wrong. Well, I mean, I there, I look at 753 00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:03,520 Speaker 2: my phone in the middle of the night, like I did. 754 00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:05,920 Speaker 2: I don't drink water in the morning. I drink like 755 00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,520 Speaker 2: like seven shots of espresso. Like I feel like I 756 00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:13,719 Speaker 2: tried drinking water, drinking water. Tweakers start there, drinking water, meditating, 757 00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:16,680 Speaker 2: putting your phone on, do not disturb, face down on 758 00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:21,480 Speaker 2: your bedside table, prayer, just even closing your eyes and breathing. 759 00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,440 Speaker 1: Have you tried none of no, none of them? But 760 00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:27,239 Speaker 1: it's scared, Like I just I don't think, I know, 761 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:29,959 Speaker 1: I have not really tried. Okay, I have not really 762 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,839 Speaker 1: done it, but I feel like what's going to end 763 00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,360 Speaker 1: up being like the season finale of the show was 764 00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:36,360 Speaker 1: like season twenty five, and I like, successfully make it 765 00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:38,239 Speaker 1: through like two minutes of meditating or something like that, 766 00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:39,880 Speaker 1: Like it's going to take me twenty five years to 767 00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,800 Speaker 1: get that's okay, that's like clearly the message I'm getting. 768 00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:46,960 Speaker 2: You're always yeah. Well for me, I was never into meditating. 769 00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:48,520 Speaker 2: And then I remember living. I was like it was 770 00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:50,920 Speaker 2: like my single year. It was twenty fifteen before I 771 00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:52,879 Speaker 2: met my husband. I had my pug. We were living 772 00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:54,520 Speaker 2: on Hudson Street in the West Village, and I remember 773 00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:57,040 Speaker 2: I started listening to the city. Oh my god. I 774 00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:59,040 Speaker 2: was like down the street from Gerry Brodhaw's in the 775 00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:03,279 Speaker 2: old house, loving my life, and I remember feeling I 776 00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:05,880 Speaker 2: would call it the spin, like the spin of just 777 00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:08,480 Speaker 2: even like living in this city alone. I remember my 778 00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:11,000 Speaker 2: trainer being like be be, like you got to start 779 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:13,440 Speaker 2: saying no, you know, but I just couldn't. I just 780 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:17,040 Speaker 2: said yes to everything, and I had to learn how 781 00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,239 Speaker 2: to say no. I had to stop the spin, the 782 00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:21,719 Speaker 2: spin of everything coming at us so quickly, whether it's 783 00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:24,439 Speaker 2: social media, whether it's people who we love or maybe 784 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:26,640 Speaker 2: we don't love who keep texting us? People pulling on 785 00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:30,040 Speaker 2: us schedules, were kids, whatever it is. I had to 786 00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:32,440 Speaker 2: find a way to like stop the spin because I 787 00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,279 Speaker 2: could feel it, you know, in my body. I was 788 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:38,680 Speaker 2: like walking crooked. I like had the best chiropractor because 789 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:40,560 Speaker 2: I would see him all the time. We became fast 790 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:42,759 Speaker 2: friends because my neck was one way, and then like 791 00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:46,080 Speaker 2: it was affecting my spinal whatever, and then my eyeballs, 792 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,040 Speaker 2: and then I was like light sensitive and I'm sitting 793 00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:49,919 Speaker 2: under lights every day. And then oh, by the way, 794 00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:52,359 Speaker 2: like I'm on the floor like because my back is out, 795 00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,680 Speaker 2: and you know, your body, you know, Besil vander Kolk, 796 00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,080 Speaker 2: like your body keeps a score. It's so true. Like 797 00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:00,759 Speaker 2: it was all manifesting in my body, and so I 798 00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:02,800 Speaker 2: needed like this was like a nine to one to 799 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:06,120 Speaker 2: one situation. I had to figure out, like what the 800 00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,840 Speaker 2: fuck was wrong with my body? And so I started 801 00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,520 Speaker 2: going within. So when I was you know, still very 802 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,840 Speaker 2: much at CNN and the swirl, I that's when I 803 00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:14,680 Speaker 2: started meditating. 804 00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,560 Speaker 1: We're going to take a short break for some ads. 805 00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:24,839 Speaker 2: Now back to the show. Okay, So what was the 806 00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:28,040 Speaker 2: first professional step that you took after this, like you 807 00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:31,719 Speaker 2: ended up on Netflix, You've done such cool stuff. Yeah, 808 00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:34,120 Speaker 2: just going through this personal journey, Like how did you 809 00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:36,720 Speaker 2: know that you were ready to take a professional step. 810 00:39:36,719 --> 00:39:38,799 Speaker 2: I mean, I love work. I'm like you, I'm like, 811 00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:40,600 Speaker 2: why am I not working every day, all the time, 812 00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:42,520 Speaker 2: all at once? You know, like I was ready, it 813 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:45,680 Speaker 2: was more difficult to sit back and just pause to 814 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:47,759 Speaker 2: take you know, as my friend Jen says her, you 815 00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:49,520 Speaker 2: know she took the sacred pause. I was taking my 816 00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:52,040 Speaker 2: sacred pause. I mean, I'd been working for twenty plus years. 817 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:55,279 Speaker 2: I had taken two two week vacations in twenty years, 818 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:58,160 Speaker 2: one to climb out Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, and wanted to 819 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,400 Speaker 2: get married. And that was it. That was it, Like 820 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,600 Speaker 2: we are all are hustlers, and so I took a 821 00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,240 Speaker 2: big old pause. And then I remember I the summer 822 00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:08,319 Speaker 2: after I left CNN, I booked myself a one way 823 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,200 Speaker 2: ticket to Los Angeles and I took what I referred 824 00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:12,719 Speaker 2: to as my wisdom tour. All the people who I 825 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:15,799 Speaker 2: had interviewed or places or things that I was interested in. 826 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,560 Speaker 2: I just called people up and wanted a meeting. Like 827 00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,640 Speaker 2: in LA It's very like, let's take a meeting. So 828 00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:22,520 Speaker 2: I was like, let's take a meeting. It's not lunch 829 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:25,359 Speaker 2: or breakfast, it's let's take a meeting. So I took 830 00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:27,480 Speaker 2: a lot of meetings and filled my brain with information. 831 00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:30,640 Speaker 2: And then at the time, too was still like working 832 00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:33,120 Speaker 2: off of you know, Huddle, my book and doing a 833 00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:35,960 Speaker 2: lot of speaking for Huddle, which was awesome, you know, 834 00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,319 Speaker 2: and being able to post pandemic, being able to show 835 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:40,480 Speaker 2: up in ballrooms and talk to women in person is 836 00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:43,600 Speaker 2: like one of my absolute favorite things to do. And 837 00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:47,080 Speaker 2: then I actually had come up with this idea for 838 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,160 Speaker 2: a TV series, an unscripted TV series, and had was 839 00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:53,319 Speaker 2: working with a like an a squad production company, and 840 00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,680 Speaker 2: we developed this whole thing. I threw all of myself 841 00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:59,080 Speaker 2: in it in twenty twenty two and got turned down 842 00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:03,400 Speaker 2: by everyone I pitched it too, which was earth shattering. 843 00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:06,160 Speaker 2: And by the end of twenty twenty two, I was 844 00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:10,680 Speaker 2: like with Stacy London and Jill Lindsay and Christine Joy 845 00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:14,799 Speaker 2: standing in Temple Bar, like weeping into my champagne and 846 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,839 Speaker 2: wondering like I was like ringing in another new year 847 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,399 Speaker 2: and not totally knowing what I was going to be doing. 848 00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:25,160 Speaker 2: And then got the Netflix call and that was awesome, 849 00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:29,160 Speaker 2: but like, how like how get what was the call? 850 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:34,439 Speaker 2: Who called my calls? My agent at the time gave 851 00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:38,120 Speaker 2: me an email heads up that Netflix was looking for 852 00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:41,840 Speaker 2: journalists former journalists to host some of their unscripted shows. 853 00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,160 Speaker 2: And I was kind of like, okay, that's cool, that's interesting. 854 00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,000 Speaker 2: I remember, you know, god rest Is Sully was such 855 00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:49,320 Speaker 2: a bad ass. Anthony Bourdaine. I remember when Tony Bourdin 856 00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,000 Speaker 2: was doing so much work for us a CNN. He 857 00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:53,360 Speaker 2: started taking me under his wing. We had coffees. You know. 858 00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:56,440 Speaker 2: I was interested in this unscripted television in the series Space, 859 00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:59,279 Speaker 2: and so I was like, cool, cool, cool, I'm in, 860 00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:02,680 Speaker 2: I'm down. I'll take a zoom. Absolutely, And so then 861 00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:05,719 Speaker 2: I had my first zoom with Netflix. It was Rich 862 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,480 Speaker 2: and Annie. They work in casting at Netflix. And you know, 863 00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:11,759 Speaker 2: there's actually something really amazing. By getting turned down so 864 00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:15,520 Speaker 2: many times and it being like nearly the holidays, I 865 00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:18,400 Speaker 2: just had like zero fucks. I sat on the zoom. 866 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:20,280 Speaker 2: I put my hair on the top of my head. 867 00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:23,080 Speaker 2: I was like, I'm putting on I'm like powdering my 868 00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,440 Speaker 2: nose and putting some sheer lip gloss on, and that's 869 00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:27,719 Speaker 2: what we're going to call it a day, and the 870 00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,080 Speaker 2: two of them just sort of spoke to me and 871 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:33,040 Speaker 2: we talked about They were very like vague around what 872 00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:35,560 Speaker 2: the show would be. I think they just wanted to 873 00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:40,000 Speaker 2: like see what I was, like, Was I like serious 874 00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:44,239 Speaker 2: news anchor lady or did I know how to be myself? 875 00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:47,720 Speaker 2: And I told them crazy stories of being in the field, 876 00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:51,200 Speaker 2: you know, as a correspondent, and you know, I was like, listen, 877 00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,440 Speaker 2: like being in reality sheet TV is not totally dissimilar 878 00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:57,400 Speaker 2: to being you know, thrust into a crazy scene and 879 00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,879 Speaker 2: having to find your way, find your story. And so 880 00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:03,080 Speaker 2: I had no idea, Like I finished the zoom and 881 00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,040 Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know if I'm ever going 882 00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:07,960 Speaker 2: to hear from them again. And then that led to 883 00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:11,200 Speaker 2: another zoom with the showrunner who used to work in news. 884 00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,920 Speaker 2: So we sort of had this shorthand which led to 885 00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:18,280 Speaker 2: another zoom when I was celebrating my brother's fortieth birthday 886 00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:20,400 Speaker 2: in the Bahamas and I was like, y'all, just a 887 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,279 Speaker 2: second for that cocktail. I'm gonna go sit in this. 888 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:24,360 Speaker 2: I'ma sit in my hotel room and take the zoom 889 00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:27,680 Speaker 2: with like this top executive in Netflix, and you know, 890 00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:31,359 Speaker 2: had this whole conversation with him again got off into 891 00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:34,440 Speaker 2: twenty twenty two. Had no idea, but. 892 00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:37,120 Speaker 1: Were you feeling like were you feeling excited about it? 893 00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:38,640 Speaker 1: Or you were just kind of like this is so 894 00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:40,800 Speaker 1: weird and random, let's just keep taking these calls. 895 00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,680 Speaker 2: I think both. First of all, it's Netflix, so like, 896 00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:46,760 Speaker 2: how cool is that in like two hundred eighty countries, 897 00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:48,520 Speaker 2: Like that would be so amazing to just be part 898 00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:50,839 Speaker 2: of their family. I was so I was excited about that. 899 00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:56,600 Speaker 2: I didn't totally know what the show was. I was 900 00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:59,000 Speaker 2: getting a little bit about it, but more or less 901 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:00,759 Speaker 2: it was just like a get to know you and 902 00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:02,799 Speaker 2: see who I am. And at this point, because I 903 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,200 Speaker 2: talked so much about being out of alignment, I just 904 00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:07,440 Speaker 2: made it really clear and I would say this. I 905 00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:10,600 Speaker 2: would actually like say the silently to myself whenever, whether 906 00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,439 Speaker 2: it was a zoom or a meeting I would take 907 00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:15,600 Speaker 2: mostly in Los Angeles. I'd just be like, let me 908 00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:19,360 Speaker 2: be my most, be let me like shine my brightest 909 00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:21,480 Speaker 2: in this meeting. And you know what, like if they 910 00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,800 Speaker 2: don't like who they see, which is my total, full 911 00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,360 Speaker 2: big self, then like cool, they've done me a favor. 912 00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:31,520 Speaker 2: Like I'll know you know, and I'm not no longer 913 00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:34,279 Speaker 2: going to try to be who mold myself where the 914 00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:36,799 Speaker 2: things as I think the person wants me to be. 915 00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:39,799 Speaker 2: It's just exhausting and I'm over that. So I just 916 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,319 Speaker 2: knew that I showed up as myself, and you know, 917 00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:45,759 Speaker 2: I was excited, but also like what could I be 918 00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:49,520 Speaker 2: getting myself into? I didn't totally know. And then you know, 919 00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,799 Speaker 2: I got the call like two days before I went 920 00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,800 Speaker 2: to Hoffman when I was in northern California after the holidays. 921 00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:57,520 Speaker 1: Oh so by the time you went to the Hoffman Institute, 922 00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:58,080 Speaker 1: you knew you. 923 00:44:58,040 --> 00:44:59,440 Speaker 2: Were going to do the show at the other I did. 924 00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:01,799 Speaker 2: I just no. In fact, I remember like going over 925 00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:07,000 Speaker 2: the Golden gate Bridge like face timing with something like 926 00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:10,280 Speaker 2: a dear friend of mine telling them this news, telling 927 00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:12,239 Speaker 2: them that I would be in this you know, that 928 00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:14,160 Speaker 2: this was something that would be happening for me, which 929 00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:18,560 Speaker 2: was so incredibly exciting at this point, like bananas exciting. 930 00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:21,920 Speaker 2: And then I went in like turned over my electronics 931 00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:25,200 Speaker 2: for seven days and then like worked on myself and 932 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:28,759 Speaker 2: all the things within me, and then you know, came 933 00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:30,600 Speaker 2: out and was ready to like prep for the show. 934 00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:32,600 Speaker 1: But what of mindset like, I feel like I've gone 935 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,319 Speaker 1: through different different phases of my life. When I've had 936 00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:37,239 Speaker 1: a new opportunity, I felt like, Okay, this is the 937 00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:42,080 Speaker 1: new me, Hello new men. In other phases, I'm like, well, 938 00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:44,560 Speaker 1: we'll try it. I don't know, we'll see, Like, how 939 00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:48,800 Speaker 1: are you thinking about it? I was just fully me. 940 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,120 Speaker 2: I remember like when I went on my wisdom tour 941 00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:53,840 Speaker 2: in La I purposely showed up wearing like air jordans 942 00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:57,080 Speaker 2: and jeans every meeting. I was like, I was totally 943 00:45:57,120 --> 00:46:01,040 Speaker 2: rebelling from my like heels and you know, pastel colored 944 00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:05,600 Speaker 2: TV anchor dresses to like the most streetwear me possible, 945 00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:08,080 Speaker 2: because I wanted to see if someone liked me, not 946 00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:10,840 Speaker 2: necessarily for what I was wearing or how I was rolling, 947 00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,240 Speaker 2: but for what came out of my mouth and brain, 948 00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:17,640 Speaker 2: then they would be worthy of hiring me and vice versa. 949 00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:19,920 Speaker 2: That's how I came to see it. Yeah. 950 00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:22,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, well I bet that actually really attracted them to 951 00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:24,960 Speaker 1: you because they knew that like this was you, and 952 00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,640 Speaker 1: they knew they were getting someone who was confident they are. Yeah, 953 00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:30,880 Speaker 1: which I feel like people don't realize how much that 954 00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:34,640 Speaker 1: attracts others to them. Yes, yes, So how long did 955 00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:36,440 Speaker 1: you have before you started filming, like tell us the 956 00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:37,480 Speaker 1: logistics of how it worked. 957 00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:39,239 Speaker 2: Okay, So I found out I I was going to 958 00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:42,080 Speaker 2: host this show in December of twenty twenty two. I 959 00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:45,200 Speaker 2: go away the holidays, et cetera. I come back in 960 00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:50,280 Speaker 2: my marriage January. So therein that begins that challenging process. 961 00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:53,680 Speaker 2: Then February I get flown out to Los Angeles to 962 00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:57,000 Speaker 2: go meet these people. I'll be working with the people 963 00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:59,440 Speaker 2: who came up with the show, the show runner, the 964 00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:03,040 Speaker 2: whole the production team. So I meet them in February, 965 00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:06,360 Speaker 2: and by this point I've got like a decent grasp 966 00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,480 Speaker 2: as to what the show the trust is about. And 967 00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:12,840 Speaker 2: then I fly to the Dominican Republic where we shot it. 968 00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:15,520 Speaker 2: I want to say like something like March. First, I 969 00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:18,799 Speaker 2: think I had been given more or less baseball cards 970 00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:22,560 Speaker 2: of the contestants, maybe within the last week or two, 971 00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:25,080 Speaker 2: which is you know, I'm used to like waking up 972 00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:26,920 Speaker 2: and finding out what I'm covering for the day of 973 00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:29,480 Speaker 2: the morning of, so this is like plenty of lead time. 974 00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:32,560 Speaker 2: This is also not you know, Prime Minister. This is 975 00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:34,760 Speaker 2: a human who wants to win a bunch of money. 976 00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:38,000 Speaker 2: So it's like a different, you know, different challenge and 977 00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:40,960 Speaker 2: then I really just kind of like win into it. 978 00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:45,560 Speaker 2: Not fully blindly, but I think one of the things 979 00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:48,200 Speaker 2: I actually really what made me good at my job 980 00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:50,279 Speaker 2: or anyone doing live television is you have to be 981 00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:52,400 Speaker 2: able to pivot live. You have to be able to 982 00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:55,560 Speaker 2: like zigzag. And so when we would have these challenges 983 00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:58,080 Speaker 2: on the show, I was able to, like, as we 984 00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:00,560 Speaker 2: used to say, throw out the rundown, we would we 985 00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:03,120 Speaker 2: could zig zag, yeah, roll with it, And did you 986 00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:06,239 Speaker 2: have to film like all night long? Like it looked 987 00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:09,040 Speaker 2: very dark? It was dark A lot we would we 988 00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:12,120 Speaker 2: would have so so that was the hardest part for me, 989 00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:15,200 Speaker 2: by the way, staying up all night. It wasn't no, 990 00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:18,240 Speaker 2: it wasn't all night, but they would be they would say, Okay, Brook, 991 00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:20,080 Speaker 2: we need you. This is all so new for me. 992 00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:21,960 Speaker 2: Like they were like, okay, we need you to come 993 00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:25,439 Speaker 2: to set at nine, ten eleven in the morning. We're 994 00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:27,920 Speaker 2: going to shoot v We're going to shoot like a 995 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,040 Speaker 2: daytime challenge and then a night time trust ceremony. But 996 00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:33,200 Speaker 2: then it would be like a lot of downtime in between. 997 00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:36,359 Speaker 2: But I would have to stay, you know, nearby, so 998 00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:39,080 Speaker 2: I would roll up I had, like you know, I 999 00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:42,440 Speaker 2: would get all done and then it was a lot 1000 00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:45,920 Speaker 2: of hurry up and wait, and then the brains behind 1001 00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:47,320 Speaker 2: the show would come and find me and be like, 1002 00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:50,239 Speaker 2: all right, Brook today, here's what we're going to be doing, 1003 00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:52,360 Speaker 2: and this is more or less what you're going to 1004 00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:55,520 Speaker 2: relate to the contestants, and this is what we're interested in, 1005 00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:57,040 Speaker 2: but we have no idea how it's going to go. 1006 00:48:57,320 --> 00:48:59,560 Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, cool, cool cool. So then 1007 00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:03,239 Speaker 2: I would show up and you know, they would yell, 1008 00:49:03,280 --> 00:49:05,239 Speaker 2: we would I would see the contestants, I got to 1009 00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:08,360 Speaker 2: know them, and we would finish like I think the 1010 00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:13,680 Speaker 2: latest day was probably like midnight, maybe just maybe midnight, 1011 00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:15,560 Speaker 2: So it wasn't crazy, but it was a lot of 1012 00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:18,000 Speaker 2: like concentrated shooting for I want to say, like twenty 1013 00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:21,359 Speaker 2: one days. It was like no days off. Yeah, work, work, work, 1014 00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:24,560 Speaker 2: and then peace out. But so you did get to 1015 00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:26,799 Speaker 2: know them. You're saying like did you have interactions with 1016 00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:29,120 Speaker 2: them off camera? Like how much did you know there 1017 00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:32,799 Speaker 2: was a lot of like backroom dealing going on, Like 1018 00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:35,200 Speaker 2: how much did you know about that? Like what do 1019 00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:38,600 Speaker 2: you mean backroom dealing of the contestants with one another? Yeah, yeah, yeah, 1020 00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:43,319 Speaker 2: it's a great question. I only saw them when I 1021 00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:47,000 Speaker 2: went to set, like I met them as the audience 1022 00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:50,200 Speaker 2: met them on camera, you know, or when I would 1023 00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:52,920 Speaker 2: see them for a challenge, the cameras would be rolling, 1024 00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:55,799 Speaker 2: and then when it would we would have time to 1025 00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:59,160 Speaker 2: maybe break for something else, you know. I would chat 1026 00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:03,320 Speaker 2: with him briefly, but really I tried to stay agnostic 1027 00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:06,200 Speaker 2: and out of it so that I could come in 1028 00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:10,239 Speaker 2: and genuinely be objective. And I mean it's hard to 1029 00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:12,520 Speaker 2: like not have favorites once you sort of see how 1030 00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:14,719 Speaker 2: how they are, just even on camera. Really, I got 1031 00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:16,160 Speaker 2: to know them in our back and forth, so that 1032 00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:18,560 Speaker 2: the trust ceremonies, you know, on the cliff, because we 1033 00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:22,480 Speaker 2: would chat for quite a while. But I didn't know 1034 00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:24,440 Speaker 2: a lot of what was happening in the house. In fact, 1035 00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,440 Speaker 2: like I when I watched the show with everyone else, 1036 00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:28,480 Speaker 2: I saw a fan, I saw a lot of things. 1037 00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:30,480 Speaker 2: I didn't even know what was happening in the house, 1038 00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:33,880 Speaker 2: which is super wild, and like it made me love 1039 00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:38,439 Speaker 2: and not love like some people even more, you know. Yeah, 1040 00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:40,440 Speaker 2: but if you were shooting for twenty one days and 1041 00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:42,680 Speaker 2: you were trying to keep a little distance from the contestants. 1042 00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:45,080 Speaker 1: How lowly was that for you? I mean, I'm a talker. 1043 00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:46,640 Speaker 1: I could not go twenty one days without talking. 1044 00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:48,840 Speaker 2: Well, Lean Gray was my stylist and he was my 1045 00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:51,760 Speaker 2: best friend, and so we hung out all the time. 1046 00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:56,359 Speaker 2: So between between between no, seriously between Leon, between some 1047 00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:58,719 Speaker 2: of the Netflix folks who stayed with us in the 1048 00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:02,920 Speaker 2: hotel and you know, friends I would FaceTime with. It 1049 00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:05,080 Speaker 2: wasn't lonely. It was just a lot of you know, 1050 00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:07,480 Speaker 2: I was like very caught up on the news when 1051 00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:08,799 Speaker 2: I was there because there was a lot of time 1052 00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:11,520 Speaker 2: to sit and read or but like I was getting 1053 00:51:11,760 --> 00:51:15,920 Speaker 2: coconuts and eating chocolate. I'm like, I'm not complaining. It 1054 00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:20,520 Speaker 2: was amazing. I'm great like by myself, you know, like 1055 00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:22,440 Speaker 2: put me by the pool if I've got to like 1056 00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:24,439 Speaker 2: kick it for two hours, you know, like I won't 1057 00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:27,800 Speaker 2: have my makeup melt off. But it was it was great. 1058 00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,400 Speaker 2: So do you feel like this is the new book, 1059 00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:36,080 Speaker 2: like now you are the strategy show host? Yes and no. 1060 00:51:36,440 --> 00:51:38,719 Speaker 2: I think that this is one of my lanes. I 1061 00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:43,040 Speaker 2: think that I have like a full spectrum of Okay, 1062 00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:48,319 Speaker 2: I can totally host reality TV. And when I say that, 1063 00:51:48,440 --> 00:51:51,879 Speaker 2: like asterisk footnote. I want to do like smart, strategic, 1064 00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:55,920 Speaker 2: you know, sort of reality that's you know, I'm interested 1065 00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:58,480 Speaker 2: in humanity and how people like wrestle with things like 1066 00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:01,439 Speaker 2: greed or trust or what or I mean I said 1067 00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:03,080 Speaker 2: to Netflix, like, I don't know if I want to 1068 00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:06,799 Speaker 2: host like a dating show, but yes, I would totally 1069 00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:09,720 Speaker 2: do that because it was so fun and I missed fun. 1070 00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:12,520 Speaker 2: I missed smiling on TV. My mom used to text 1071 00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:14,719 Speaker 2: me at CNN and she'd be like, are you smiling today? 1072 00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:17,480 Speaker 2: And I'm like, Mom, that's the pandemic and like people are, no, 1073 00:52:17,719 --> 00:52:19,759 Speaker 2: I'm not. So my mom was really happy to watch 1074 00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:22,399 Speaker 2: this trust, which she has watched two times now. And 1075 00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:24,960 Speaker 2: then you know, I've got other things that I'm up to. 1076 00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:28,000 Speaker 2: So it's nice to be able to like check various 1077 00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:32,399 Speaker 2: boxes of my own interests. So it's not just one 1078 00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:34,800 Speaker 2: thing like I want to be a multi hyphen it 1079 00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:38,200 Speaker 2: what is one low that you thought, I'm not sure 1080 00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:40,080 Speaker 2: I'm going to get out of this, But now in. 1081 00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:43,120 Speaker 1: Retrospect, you see it actually really launched you to where 1082 00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:43,640 Speaker 1: you are now. 1083 00:52:43,680 --> 00:52:46,440 Speaker 2: That's easy. I was twenty eight, twenty nine. I had 1084 00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:50,160 Speaker 2: just moved to Atlanta from Washington, d C. CNN said 1085 00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:52,200 Speaker 2: they were going to let me freelance as a correspondent. 1086 00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:54,200 Speaker 2: I had just found out I got cheated on by 1087 00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:57,839 Speaker 2: my longtime boyfriend. My parents decided that after forty years, 1088 00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:00,960 Speaker 2: they were going to get divorced. And then I get 1089 00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:03,520 Speaker 2: to Atlanta and CNN is like, hey, just kidding. It's 1090 00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:06,839 Speaker 2: two thousand and eight, great recession. We're freezing all our positions. 1091 00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:09,520 Speaker 2: So I move into my childhood bedroom. Okay, wow, and 1092 00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:11,759 Speaker 2: then I move in with my cheating boyfriend because that 1093 00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:14,319 Speaker 2: is the best option of all three at the time. 1094 00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:16,239 Speaker 2: Oh my god, there's so much more of that story. 1095 00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:18,600 Speaker 2: But that could be for the for uh should that 1096 00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:20,239 Speaker 2: be like our part two? This would be part two. 1097 00:53:20,320 --> 00:53:21,839 Speaker 2: That to be part two. I feel like it's part two. 1098 00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:24,920 Speaker 2: But that was pretty that was pretty low, like I 1099 00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:27,399 Speaker 2: was when it rains a purse, you know. I ended 1100 00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:31,120 Speaker 2: up like working two days a week as CNN International overnights, 1101 00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:35,760 Speaker 2: living with the cheater, just wondering like what had happened 1102 00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:40,080 Speaker 2: with my life? Yeah? Not good? Oh my god, Well, Brooke, 1103 00:53:40,080 --> 00:53:41,719 Speaker 2: I can't wait for part two. Thank you Thank you 1104 00:53:41,880 --> 00:53:43,520 Speaker 2: so much for joining us, Thank you. 1105 00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:45,200 Speaker 1: So much, so happy, thank you, thank you, thank you, 1106 00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:52,520 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to this candid convo episode of she Pivots. 1107 00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:56,600 Speaker 1: Check back in weekly for more conversations with inspiring women. 1108 00:53:57,360 --> 00:53:59,960 Speaker 1: To learn more about our guests, follow us on Instagram 1109 00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:03,160 Speaker 1: I'm at she Pivots the podcast. Leave us a rating 1110 00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:05,479 Speaker 1: and comment if you enjoyed this episode to help others 1111 00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:06,160 Speaker 1: learn about it. 1112 00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:07,640 Speaker 2: Talk to you next week. 1113 00:54:09,320 --> 00:54:13,080 Speaker 1: Special thanks to the she Pivots team, Executive producer Emily 1114 00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:17,480 Speaker 1: eda Velosik, Associate producer and social media connoisseur Hannah Cousins, 1115 00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:22,920 Speaker 1: Research director Christine Dickinson, Events and Logistics coordinator Madeline Sonovik, 1116 00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:27,560 Speaker 1: and audio editor and mixer Nina Pollock I endorse she 1117 00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:28,920 Speaker 1: Pivots