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Speaker 1: Neckbeard. Stalker will not leave me alone. And I can't

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Speaker 1: believe what he said when we were playing chess. You know,

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Speaker 1: neckbeards have a way of doing that. If you played chess,

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Speaker 1: you're an automatic neckbeard. Have you heard that guy, that

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Speaker 1: chess guy that used to butt plug cheap? I did hear? Honestly,

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Speaker 1: salute A player is gonna play, that's right. Player one

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Speaker 1: is me, Lady Saber sixteen at the time, I'm finish.

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Speaker 1: Oh they're already done. Nice, I'm finished. Grew up in

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Speaker 1: Belgium here in America on a two year exchange program,

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Speaker 1: and this time I was still new to the country,

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Speaker 1: you know, school, going through a culture shock. I'm heavy

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Speaker 1: in defensing, though it's been my sport for something like

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Speaker 1: ten years. And for neckbeards, this seems to make me

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Speaker 1: the katana wielding milady of their wet dreams to AA

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Speaker 1: plus for the description, Oh good god, hey dude, but

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Speaker 1: give me a girl that could wield a katana. I

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Speaker 1: had beard now, all right. Player two is a smooth,

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Speaker 1: cheek neck beard. We'll call him Sam Well Tarley. He

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Speaker 1: looks like example Tarley, fat is all get out, wears

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Speaker 1: cargo shorts, a Bazinga shirt, which I guess is a

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Speaker 1: reference to Big Bang Big Bang Theory sandals. And yes

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Speaker 1: there is the Fedora, not the Dora. Wow. He also

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Speaker 1: smells like sweat and old spaghetti sauce and that is

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Speaker 1: a really high pitched nasily voice that sounds like a

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Speaker 1: whiny dollars. Player three is John. Uh oh sam versus joke.

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Speaker 1: I just want to.

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Speaker 2: Say, I just want to say, I am like these

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Speaker 2: are the names in the actual story not I'm not

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Speaker 2: sure what was this listener submitted though, this is listener

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Speaker 2: submitted Yeah, so oh yeah. Also this is recommended by

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Speaker 2: Santiago the shout out Santiago.

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Speaker 1: On Instagram. Yeah, that's right. We're pretty reachable on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: That's right.

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Speaker 3: And if you have other stories, so you can throw

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Speaker 3: it in our subreddit. Yeah, I've been looking at those.

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Speaker 1: Player three is John. He shares half of my courses

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Speaker 1: and is really good at chess. Put that pun in

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Speaker 1: my queen, Let me ride that horse right into your bishop,

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Speaker 1: Let me polish that bishop. Ooh, you can check my mate.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you can mate me and check republic. He's

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Speaker 1: really good at chess and as a Southern accident that

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Speaker 1: could listen to out darn nash gam Nay. I'm keeping

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Speaker 1: his description limited so that I don't sound like an

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Speaker 1: obsessive bach. I'm at Samuel at chess club. I'm pretty

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Speaker 1: aware that it's a neck beard spawn point by now,

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Speaker 1: but I go because I like to play chess. Wow,

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Speaker 1: there are some good apples like John, so I was

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Speaker 1: mostly there to talk to him today. However, he's running

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Speaker 1: a bit late and gets upstaged by Samuell. Oh, I'm

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Speaker 1: setting up the board and the seat across from me

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Speaker 1: is empty. So Samuel asks to play. Yeah, he did.

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Speaker 1: I tried to politely turn him down, like, hey, no,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to. I don't want to play with you,

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Speaker 1: telling him I'm waiting for someone else. Sam replies with

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Speaker 1: well I don't see him, and I grind my teeth

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Speaker 1: a little at his whiny bitch boy boys. Same Samuell

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Speaker 1: plops into the chair and it introduces himself with a

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Speaker 1: tip of the fedora. I wish I was kidding, but

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Speaker 1: she is not. No, I'm not aware of the neck

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Speaker 1: beard's stereotype at this point, Otherwise I probably would have

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Speaker 1: lost it right then and there. I play with Samuel, though,

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Speaker 1: rather than excuse myself, and it quickly becomes clear that

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Speaker 1: he's not familiar with most of the special rules in chess.

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Speaker 1: He accuses me of cheating on more than one occasion. First,

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Speaker 1: when I make an ample thorn camp sir, afore, I

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Speaker 1: actually just looked that up. I didn't even know that

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Speaker 1: was a chess move. I do not help play chess though. Basically,

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Speaker 1: when you move the pond too, you can move upon

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Speaker 1: two spaces at the beginning, but if there is I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna explain. Who cares? Then when I try to

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Speaker 1: castle his queen side, Oh yeah, baby, you can cast

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Speaker 1: out what Queen said anytime you want. He also tries

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Speaker 1: to castle out of check. It's ridiculous. It's profoundly annoying.

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Speaker 1: Not because of what he's doing. I'm perfectly willing to

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Speaker 1: teach a new player the rules, but because he's certain

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Speaker 1: that he's right about it. Oh barf. He reminds me

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Speaker 1: a lot of Michael Scott from the office, just generally

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Speaker 1: throwing a fit and winding like a child when he's wrong,

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Speaker 1: except more annoying and cringey. Wow, sam Well is trying

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Speaker 1: to make a conversation with me. I'm not really sure

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Speaker 1: what about because I can't stand listen to his voice.

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Speaker 1: He's swearing like a sailor. I guess trying to sound

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Speaker 1: edgy with his voice. He just sounds like another kid

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Speaker 1: on Xbox Live. I'm able to tune out his voice

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Speaker 1: to a certain degree, but I'm not able to tune

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Speaker 1: out the food. In the middle of our game, he

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Speaker 1: breaks out this all you can eat buffet of pasta

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Speaker 1: raviolis and god knows what else is packaged up and

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Speaker 1: that tup.

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Speaker 3: Aware he just has like a whole like pasta pasta buffetes.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean he's a big boy. He's gotta get

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Speaker 1: those calories. That's right, I gotta eat my food. Etiquette,

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Speaker 1: it is probably a little uptight compared to most Americans,

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Speaker 1: but this was just obscene. He's shoveling it mid sentence,

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Speaker 1: chewing and smacking with his mouth open, feeling stuff all

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Speaker 1: over himself. Oh God, the food by itself sells like death.

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Speaker 1: And his face hole wasn't making things any better. Meat

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Speaker 1: sauce residue moves from spoon our face does spingers the

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Speaker 1: chest pieces with alarming speed. We get closer and closer

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Speaker 1: at the end of the game, and Samuel takes longer

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Speaker 1: and longer to move, even when he only has impossible

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Speaker 1: move to make. Enter John. Finally, he sees me playing

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Speaker 1: with Samuell and looks a little hurt that he's been upstaged,

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Speaker 1: but he's content to just watch us. I can tell

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Speaker 1: John is put off by the smell too. John and

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Speaker 1: I get into some small side conversation and Samuel is

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Speaker 1: eyeing is back and forth. Samuel asked, is Johnny your

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Speaker 1: boyfriend awkward? This is only going to go one of

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Speaker 1: two ways. Yes, we are dating and you're a third wheel,

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Speaker 1: or we aren't dating an awkward John and I laughed

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Speaker 1: nervously and I tell him no. Chivalry ensues, ohy, don't

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Speaker 1: you have a boyfriend? Well, I haven't been here for

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Speaker 1: very long. Oh well, when you do, make sure to

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Speaker 1: watch out for those assholes and douchebags at this school

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Speaker 1: who don't know how to treat a real lady. For

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Speaker 1: the record, I was already well acquainted with a nice

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Speaker 1: guy mentality. Call it morbid curiosity, but I decided to

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Speaker 1: press the topic with Samuell. What do you mean, Samuel, Well,

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Speaker 1: a lot of guys unlike myself, I feel like it's

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Speaker 1: going into joker territory. A lot of guys, unlike myself,

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Speaker 1: treat women like objects, but women have Most women have

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Speaker 1: never been treated like a woman by a good guy.

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Speaker 1: I'm not exaggerating this quote by an inch. It's forever

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Speaker 1: etched in my memory like a spaghetti stain on white pants.

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Speaker 1: John is standing to the side and slightly behind Samuel,

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Speaker 1: cocking his head a bit, giving me is this a

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Speaker 1: guy for real eyes? I can see the train coming

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Speaker 1: down the tracks, so I try to change the subject.

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Speaker 1: But my good gentle sir cannot neglect to impose upon

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Speaker 1: milady with his philosophies. Most girls don't realize how beautiful

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Speaker 1: they are, especially without makeup, so they degrade themselves to

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Speaker 1: get attention of guys who don't deserve them anyway. Like

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Speaker 1: I bet if you don't wear much makeup, you can

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Speaker 1: get a boyfriend. And just like that, put a smile

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Speaker 1: on that face. It's really devaulted in it. Three ties

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Speaker 1: later he just says, and just like that, But he's

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Speaker 1: like trying to snap, but the greases too greasy, because

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Speaker 1: the kids snap his fingers. Oh my god, I went

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Speaker 1: from cringe rage pretty quickly. I ended up making a

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Speaker 1: stupid mistake and then the game ended in a stalemate,

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Speaker 1: which he treated like a world championed victory. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: there's not quite enough time left to play another game

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Speaker 1: with John, but too much time to leave early. I

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Speaker 1: politely decline a greasy, sweaty handshake with Samuel and stand

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Speaker 1: to talk to John. Samuel, sensing that he has needed

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Speaker 1: in our conversation, hauls himself with a seat. There's really one.

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Speaker 1: There's really only a narrow lane between the chess tables

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Speaker 1: and the computers. Two people can stand face to face,

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Speaker 1: but three people of normal girth would have trouble talk

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Speaker 1: about the elephant in the roof. Literally, Samuel slides up

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Speaker 1: next to me, mouth breathing, sweating, injecting himself into our

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Speaker 1: conversation like a bad batch of hair wish. I don't

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Speaker 1: quite remember how, but fencing comes up, and Samuell's eyes

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Speaker 1: go big. Whow you fence?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 1: Was sort? That's so cool? What do you fence at?

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Speaker 1: I get this question a lot, much more than you think.

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Speaker 1: Most people don't really know about the sport in the US,

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Speaker 1: so this is a pretty harmless way of stimulating conversation.

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Speaker 1: I didn't think much of it, and eventually gave him

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Speaker 1: the contact info of the gym I go too. I

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Speaker 1: doubted he'd ever go past googling it. At most, maybe

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Speaker 1: he'd give it to someone else. But holy Ravioli, was

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Speaker 1: I in for a shock because when I went defencing

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Speaker 1: class the next day, who should I see but mister neckbeard. No,

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Speaker 1: that's the end. Wow, she has a whole series actually

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Speaker 1: of this neck beard gay calling her. But that's the

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Speaker 1: end of part one. Yea.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So here's here's my question. Given that neck beards

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Speaker 3: are like like so like in the Internet and like

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Speaker 3: and everything, do they not like read this this stigma stigma?

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Speaker 1: Maybe they think it's cool. Maybe like like they're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: like I'm edgy by like being this thing that everyone

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Speaker 1: hates or something I could Yeah, I don't know. Maybe

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Speaker 1: you're right, but no, I see what you're saying. It's

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Speaker 1: like they should know how cringe e they're.

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Speaker 3: Like when they read it and be like, oh, women

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Speaker 3: are turned off by it, and let me do something

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Speaker 3: else to like try not to.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but like but think about like all the andrew

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Speaker 1: Tate like kids where it's like in the echo chamber,

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Speaker 1: it seems like they're doing everything right, but the echo check,

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Speaker 1: they're like that's true. Like like me, maybe this isn't right,

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Speaker 1: but not many leave the echo chamber that's true.

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Speaker 3: Wow, well Op, I'm I hope that neck breather doesn't

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Speaker 3: get too much missed on your face too much Rav specs.

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Speaker 3: I almost threw up listening to this. This is so

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Speaker 3: well written. It was a way too descriptive, too descriptive,