1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah hart Hunger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:34,000 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Hello, and welcome to best 10 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:37,000 Speaker 1: of both worlds. This is Sarah Hardhunger and I am 11 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:41,360 Speaker 1: playing solo today. Laura is doing lots and lots of 12 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:45,239 Speaker 1: book promotion work for Tranquility by Tuesday, and since we 13 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,640 Speaker 1: have such an amazing guest today here to talk all 14 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,960 Speaker 1: about the holiday season, I told her I would handle 15 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: this one on my own, so she will be back 16 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 1: definitely next week. In fact, you will get both of 17 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,680 Speaker 1: us in the same space since we are going to 18 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:02,240 Speaker 1: be doing little live recording session together. So I promise 19 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:05,120 Speaker 1: we'll be back with much more Laura next week. In 20 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,759 Speaker 1: the meantime, I wanted to introduce our guests and our topic. 21 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,919 Speaker 1: We're gonna be talking all about having a less stressful 22 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 1: holiday season. As you probably know if you're a regular 23 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:21,280 Speaker 1: listener to this podcast, Laura celebrates Christmas, we celebrate Hanukah, 24 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,960 Speaker 1: and both of us often have a lot of different 25 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: types of challenges in terms of lots of family that 26 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 1: wants to be visited. Josh and I often have to 27 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,319 Speaker 1: work for parts of the holidays. I actually don't have 28 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 1: any call for this holiday season. My husband is covering 29 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:41,680 Speaker 1: a lot of New Year's actually, so there's always quite 30 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,400 Speaker 1: a bit of a juggle around just making sure we 31 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:48,240 Speaker 1: do fit in some fun and relaxation. And I'll admit 32 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,280 Speaker 1: in past years, sometimes, especially those days the kids have 33 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 1: been off from school and I've had no childcare, have 34 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: felt like a big slog that I had to get through. 35 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:59,720 Speaker 1: And let's not forget holiday season twenty twenty to twenty 36 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,240 Speaker 1: twenty one, our family got COVID smack in the middle 37 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:05,520 Speaker 1: of bit, back when COVID was like a fresh new thing, 38 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,360 Speaker 1: and that was kind of sad. So anyway, I have 39 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 1: high homes for twenty twenty two. We have a really 40 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 1: good mixed planned of travel and work free days and 41 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: even some creative childcare solutions that I'll talk a little 42 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 1: bit about when I get on the main part of 43 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:24,400 Speaker 1: this episode with Jessica. And I'm putting less pressure on 44 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,400 Speaker 1: myself this year. At the same time, I find that 45 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,240 Speaker 1: my kids are a little bit older, and some of 46 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,600 Speaker 1: the things that felt really really stressful in the young years, 47 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,360 Speaker 1: like when I had toddlers running around, feel a little 48 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,360 Speaker 1: bit more fun. So if you're still stuck in that 49 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,639 Speaker 1: season where even bringing a dish to a meal feels 50 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: like insurmountable because how are you going to get that 51 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 1: dish prepped before naptime and you know your kid's gonna 52 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,959 Speaker 1: want to wipe their nose and rub their hand in 53 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 1: the dish or sorry, that's disgusting, but you get what 54 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 1: I'm saying. Is really really challenging when they're little, and 55 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 1: when there are multiple of them. It probably will get 56 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: a little bit more fun in the years to come, 57 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 1: or at least that's been my experience so far. So 58 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,480 Speaker 1: without me blathering on by myself for too long, I 59 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,400 Speaker 1: will go ahead and bring on Jessica. I hope you 60 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:14,560 Speaker 1: enjoy this holiday episode, all right. I am so excited 61 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 1: to have Jessica Eastman Stewart on the show. I've been 62 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 1: following her work for a while, actually discovered her when 63 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,560 Speaker 1: she became a member of our Patreon group, and then 64 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,960 Speaker 1: I took a deep dive a little bit further into 65 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,240 Speaker 1: what she does, and we decided, Laura and I that 66 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 1: she would be the perfect person to talk about holiday 67 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,640 Speaker 1: planning and how to make your holidays perhaps feel a 68 00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:40,480 Speaker 1: little bit more peaceful. Jessica runs Joyfully Managed Family and 69 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,360 Speaker 1: Jessica tell us a little bit about you. I live 70 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:46,240 Speaker 1: in Oakland, California. I have two little ones, they're six 71 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: and eight. And I started my career as a classroom teacher. 72 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 1: I then was a co founder of a nonprofit education 73 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,040 Speaker 1: advocacy organ I spent a little over a decade doing that, 74 00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:00,800 Speaker 1: and these days I spend my time helping people who 75 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: lead at home, you know, as parents, or lead at work, 76 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:07,040 Speaker 1: do that with more joy and ease, because I think 77 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 1: we all need a little more joy and ease in 78 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 1: our lives. I love it and remind me what is 79 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,040 Speaker 1: your kids' situation and how old? I meant, I know 80 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,800 Speaker 1: you have some little ones at home. How old are 81 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:22,360 Speaker 1: they currently? They are six and eight, so first grade 82 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:26,840 Speaker 1: and third grade this year, and it is it is 83 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,000 Speaker 1: the season that we're in. They're pretty fun at this age. 84 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 1: And I'm one of my little ones is Cameron, so 85 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 1: we have that connection. No way, one of my coworkers' 86 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: sons is Cameron. We were just talking about how there's 87 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,240 Speaker 1: never like a rude or mean Cameron. Cameron's always a 88 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 1: nice guy, so that is awesome. Yeah, all right, Well 89 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,800 Speaker 1: let's dive into holiday planning. This episode is airing in 90 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 1: mid November, so probably some people are already thinking a 91 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,920 Speaker 1: little bit about this and hopefully we're not too late 92 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,200 Speaker 1: to make things a little easier for them. When may 93 00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:01,360 Speaker 1: you start your holiday planning? How does that process work 94 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:05,000 Speaker 1: for you? It kind of depends on, you know, the holiday. 95 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:09,760 Speaker 1: We've got the traditional fall and winter holidays in our family. 96 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:15,040 Speaker 1: We are celebrating Halloween, Thanksgiving, we celebrate Christmas. A lot 97 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,799 Speaker 1: of our closest friends celebrate Hanukkah, so we are often 98 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 1: kind of luckily included in some of those celebrations. So 99 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: those are the big ones obviously. Then we have New 100 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,680 Speaker 1: Years as well, which isn't a humongous thing in our family, 101 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,160 Speaker 1: but those are the ones we celebrate. If we are traveling, 102 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:33,120 Speaker 1: which for us is typically around the Christmas holiday, if 103 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 1: we're going to do it. We usually are thinking about 104 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: that in August, for example, just to go ahead and 105 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,080 Speaker 1: decide where we're going. You know, are we going to 106 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 1: visit my husband's family, Are we going to visit my family? 107 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:48,239 Speaker 1: And if so, trying to get the flights under control. 108 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,919 Speaker 1: That's when we're thinking about travel, But the rest of 109 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:55,080 Speaker 1: it is pretty far further out. I have started trying 110 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 1: to have about a half a day every year in 111 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:04,039 Speaker 1: October where I do holiday gift shopping. And I don't 112 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,279 Speaker 1: get it all done in that day, but I love 113 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,840 Speaker 1: to kind of kick it off. I'm a gift giver 114 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:12,440 Speaker 1: at heart, and so the idea of spending like half 115 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,039 Speaker 1: a day with like either some tea or hot chocolate 116 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:18,400 Speaker 1: and like my laptop and like brainstorming all these gifts 117 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:22,920 Speaker 1: and starting to get them is just if there's nothing 118 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 1: better for me, that's like the best way I could 119 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 1: spend an afternoon. So that for me often happens in October, 120 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,640 Speaker 1: and that kind of kicks things off. And tell me, 121 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,839 Speaker 1: because we've gotten this question before on the podcast, do 122 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,440 Speaker 1: you have a specific process that you used to divide 123 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 1: up holidays between your family and your partner's family. We 124 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:45,760 Speaker 1: don't really. I mean, if I looked, I could probably 125 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,600 Speaker 1: tell you that there was some sort of pattern that 126 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,839 Speaker 1: we had going on. It's so nice to stay home. 127 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 1: So we have actually had my parents come out to 128 00:06:55,240 --> 00:07:00,880 Speaker 1: us before, which was lovely. And another thing is that 129 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 1: my mom just Christmas is like a big deal for her, 130 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:07,000 Speaker 1: and so we probably try to get to her a 131 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 1: little more often, and then we often are visiting my 132 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,120 Speaker 1: in laws other times of the year when we also 133 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:18,800 Speaker 1: get to visit our nephews who live nearby. But it's 134 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 1: actually a little bit easier that our families are so 135 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 1: far away. We live in California, our families are in 136 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 1: Mississippi and New Jersey, and so I know that if 137 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,400 Speaker 1: they were both a lot closer, like within driving distance, 138 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,160 Speaker 1: we would probably be doing the thing where we're like 139 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 1: Christmas Eve over here and then driving many hours for 140 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,920 Speaker 1: Christmas Day over here, which actually sounds kind of fun 141 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 1: but not relaxing at all, And so it's nice to 142 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:46,239 Speaker 1: actually not have that really be possible. Yeah, you're totally 143 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 1: forced to pick because neither are near you. That totally 144 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: makes sense. Well, why do holidays evoke stress in a 145 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 1: lot of us? I mean, I know that for most 146 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:59,320 Speaker 1: of us when we were children, it certainly didn't feel stressful. 147 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,880 Speaker 1: Kind of happened all around us. Magical fun stuff, presence 148 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,760 Speaker 1: just kind of fell from the ceiling. Nothing seemed to 149 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 1: cost anything. No one was bushing their tickets. Exactly In 150 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 1: the people you've worked with and in your own experience, 151 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 1: what do people find most stressful about this season? Honestly, 152 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:23,000 Speaker 1: I think most of the stress comes from doing too much, 153 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 1: either doing too much because of other people's expectations or 154 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 1: because of our own expectations. And we think that, you know, 155 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 1: we have an idea in our mind of what it 156 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,439 Speaker 1: means to be a good parent, to create a magical 157 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:41,000 Speaker 1: holiday experience. We see this idea on Pinterest or this 158 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 1: idea on Instagram, and we think we should do it 159 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:48,840 Speaker 1: because we saw it, and that can create so much stress. 160 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 1: And I think we all fall into that. I mean, 161 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 1: I do it all the time. So I think one 162 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 1: of the things that I recommend for folks related to 163 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,960 Speaker 1: holidays is actually it takes sit down and take time 164 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:03,559 Speaker 1: to reflect on what is most important to you when 165 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: it comes to the holidays and let other things either 166 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:12,319 Speaker 1: completely go away just absolutely drop them and say we're 167 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 1: just not doing that at all this year, because it 168 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 1: turns out nobody actually likes it that much. I thought 169 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 1: that it was for me, but actually my family doesn't 170 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 1: like it, and I don't really like it, and we're 171 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:23,880 Speaker 1: just going to completely not do it, or we're just 172 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 1: going to do it in a much easier way. I 173 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:30,000 Speaker 1: think you could have the holiday party where you're like 174 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:34,520 Speaker 1: curating the playlist and sending out handwritten invitations or evites 175 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:37,200 Speaker 1: and like making all the foods yourself. Or you could 176 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,160 Speaker 1: just blind copy a bunch of people, find a Spotify 177 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:45,360 Speaker 1: playlist with the holiday name that's decent, and get basic food, 178 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,440 Speaker 1: like from a store, you know, and it would probably 179 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 1: be just as fun but significantly less stressed. So I 180 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,720 Speaker 1: think that all of us can kind of figure out 181 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,400 Speaker 1: what am I trying to do at like an A 182 00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 1: plus grand Slam level, that I could just say it's 183 00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:01,559 Speaker 1: okay to do this at a B plus level because 184 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,959 Speaker 1: I'll still get eighty percent of the benefit of it. 185 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:08,199 Speaker 1: Or what could we say, you know, for example, holiday cards. 186 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:12,000 Speaker 1: I love sending holiday cards. I think it is just 187 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:16,079 Speaker 1: an absolute, like highlight of my year. I actually think 188 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,800 Speaker 1: that's pretty unusual. Every time I talk to other people, 189 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:22,319 Speaker 1: they feel pretty stressed about it, you know, and they're like, 190 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, it feels like this thing they have 191 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,040 Speaker 1: to do. Well, I'm here to tell you you can 192 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,800 Speaker 1: just not do it. Like you're an adult, you get 193 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,840 Speaker 1: to decide. You could just not do it, or you 194 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 1: could just do it for like the ten people in 195 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,720 Speaker 1: your family that you think would be disappointed if you 196 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,880 Speaker 1: didn't send them a holiday card. Or you could do 197 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,679 Speaker 1: it in a much easier way. You don't have to 198 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 1: handwrite all those names, print out some labels. You could 199 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 1: have one of those websites online, upload a spreadsheet, they'll 200 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,840 Speaker 1: just ship them for you. Finding ways to let ourselves 201 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,720 Speaker 1: off the hook completely or let ourselves do it in 202 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,559 Speaker 1: an easier way. I'm just here to get people permission 203 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:56,839 Speaker 1: if they need it, because I think that's where the 204 00:10:56,880 --> 00:11:00,400 Speaker 1: stress comes from. I honestly think timing has so much 205 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 1: to do with it as well. I think if Thanksgiving 206 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 1: we're in February, and you know, holiday cards we're customarily 207 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 1: sent in June, and then the winter holidays were in December, 208 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 1: we wouldn't struggle so much. It has so much to 209 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:16,920 Speaker 1: do with the cadence, and it seems like sometimes every 210 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:20,880 Speaker 1: single weekend or evening in mid November to the end 211 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,200 Speaker 1: of December is just taken up by stuff, and that 212 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,920 Speaker 1: kind of takes away the fund because it's just an oversaturation. 213 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,360 Speaker 1: And it's so funny. When you were talking about the 214 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 1: holiday cards, I was reminded that one of our close 215 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 1: friends actually sends out Easter cards. I love it, and yeah, 216 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 1: I mean, they're fairly religious, and I think it means 217 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: a lot to them. And I love getting a random 218 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:43,640 Speaker 1: card in the spring because I definitely remember it more. 219 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 1: It's not like coming with a whole bunch of other cards. 220 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:47,960 Speaker 1: And this year we're going to send out Thanksgiving cards 221 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,280 Speaker 1: actually because we have a new address and I want 222 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,840 Speaker 1: people to be able to have that if they're doing 223 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 1: their own cards, and so I'll also be done with 224 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,240 Speaker 1: that before the mayhem of the season. So that's my 225 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:01,040 Speaker 1: answer to just spacing things that a little bit. I 226 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,560 Speaker 1: love that, and I think creating more space is a 227 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:08,079 Speaker 1: real opportunity that we have. We actually a handful of 228 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 1: years ago sent our holiday cards in September to encourage 229 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,560 Speaker 1: our community to vote actually for the election, because it 230 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,840 Speaker 1: was an important election to us. And one of the 231 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,839 Speaker 1: side benefits was I was just thinking I'm going to 232 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 1: be sending you know, this mailer out to hundreds of people. 233 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,360 Speaker 1: Let me do it in a way that I can 234 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 1: speak to something that really matters to us. So we 235 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,679 Speaker 1: all dressed in red, white and blue for pictures and 236 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:35,120 Speaker 1: sent out like it's time to Save Democracy card or 237 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,080 Speaker 1: tis the season to save Democracy? I think is what 238 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 1: we named it. One of the side benefits was just 239 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 1: not having to do it in November or December. It 240 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,280 Speaker 1: was lovely, And I think another piece is that we 241 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 1: can plan ahead on saying, Okay, you know what really 242 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,200 Speaker 1: matters to me is going to this tree lighting and 243 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:55,360 Speaker 1: doing this thing for you know, Thanksgiving and decorating the 244 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:59,080 Speaker 1: tree with Pajamason. You know, whatever your traditions are that 245 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:02,080 Speaker 1: you care about, putting those on the calendar. Things that 246 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: matter to you and things that are just kind of 247 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,679 Speaker 1: you've got to do, you know, like the kids are 248 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 1: in a play or something for the holidays, like you 249 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 1: probably need to show up for that. So putting those 250 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,680 Speaker 1: things on the calendar and then building in some deliberate 251 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 1: like you know, what we're not going to do is 252 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:18,440 Speaker 1: go anywhere on this Sunday, because the day before is 253 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,120 Speaker 1: this big day of like holiday things and we're just 254 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:24,439 Speaker 1: going to stay home and plan in rest. I think 255 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,440 Speaker 1: is one way to make it feel less overwhelming, because 256 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,640 Speaker 1: you're right, it can be every evening and then if 257 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 1: you're not out and about doing something, you should be 258 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:36,080 Speaker 1: wrapping or purchasing or creating or baking or something. And 259 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,320 Speaker 1: then the other thing I wanted to talk about related, well, 260 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,840 Speaker 1: I want to hear your take on holiday stress as well. 261 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,400 Speaker 1: But one thing that has come up again and again 262 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,520 Speaker 1: is childcare because not all of us can get off 263 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,640 Speaker 1: an entire two week stretch that our school aged children 264 00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:53,520 Speaker 1: are off from school, and then daycares are often closed 265 00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: for a stretch of time. I know my sister is 266 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,760 Speaker 1: already kind of frantically planning for this right now as 267 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,400 Speaker 1: we speak. She knows it's coming, but it's not always. 268 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,000 Speaker 1: You know, you have to be careful because if you 269 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,160 Speaker 1: plan too far ahead with the babysitter, then you can 270 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,640 Speaker 1: kind of like run into issues if they change jobs 271 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,760 Speaker 1: or move. If you're doing it months in advance. You know, 272 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,840 Speaker 1: my husband and I often have to work for part 273 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 1: of it, and we try to tag team it and 274 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:19,240 Speaker 1: I'm working on, you know, as bestilaid plans listeners know 275 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,600 Speaker 1: I'm trying to launch my course, and so I'm like, 276 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,920 Speaker 1: I know, I'm going to be frantically putting together materials 277 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 1: towards the end of de summer, really polishing them. They're 278 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,920 Speaker 1: mostly ready, and so I actually already booked the kids 279 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 1: in camp for three days. We're taking a family trip 280 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 1: the first week, and then the second week we're going 281 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,200 Speaker 1: to recover. And I'm like, you're going to camp for 282 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 1: three days. So I find that very stressful, the complete 283 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,160 Speaker 1: loss of structure and often a loss of childcare. And 284 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,000 Speaker 1: then also, of course, most childcare providers want to be 285 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:52,320 Speaker 1: off during those times, which is completely understandable. So I 286 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:55,120 Speaker 1: usually make arrangements for those holiday times that do not 287 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:58,720 Speaker 1: involve on any because she goes to be with her family. Yeah, 288 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:01,880 Speaker 1: and we do the same as someone who has worked 289 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,040 Speaker 1: in education, and my husband has also worked in education. 290 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:07,560 Speaker 1: In the past, we often actually did have time off 291 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:11,240 Speaker 1: ourselves when our kids were off. And yet I still 292 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,880 Speaker 1: think folks in that situation deserve the permission to get 293 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 1: child care during that time, because we all know that. 294 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:19,920 Speaker 1: I don't know this is true for me, I won't 295 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,680 Speaker 1: speak for anybody else, but once I became a parent 296 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:28,040 Speaker 1: weekends became harder than my day job, and having nineteen 297 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,920 Speaker 1: of those in a row over the two weeks off 298 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: plus weekends is like a real year, like can we 299 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:35,720 Speaker 1: start work again? Please? Thank you? That would be great. 300 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:39,400 Speaker 1: And so finding childcare. We live in a place where 301 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 1: there's often lots of camps that are available. I don't know, 302 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:45,680 Speaker 1: maybe lots is a little bit overstating it, but our 303 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:49,040 Speaker 1: kids have loved them. There's like a backyard camp that's 304 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 1: run by a former teacher where they do artwork and 305 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,600 Speaker 1: love it. There's also a camp run by the local 306 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,800 Speaker 1: SPCA where each day they get to meet some of 307 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,640 Speaker 1: the animals that are in the shelter and pictures of 308 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,400 Speaker 1: them and learn about the shelter and they have just 309 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 1: loved it. They're actually going back for the three days 310 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,880 Speaker 1: of the Thanksgiving break this year to animal camp and 311 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:12,640 Speaker 1: they're really excited about that. We're visiting my family in Mississippi, 312 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,200 Speaker 1: and I googled and found a camp for my kids 313 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:18,440 Speaker 1: while we're there. Because of the prices being so high 314 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 1: this year for travel, we are going to end up 315 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,720 Speaker 1: in Mississippi like a long time before the Christmas holiday 316 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 1: actually starts, an entire week and so we wanted them 317 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,520 Speaker 1: to have somewhere to go every day to have fun 318 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:32,960 Speaker 1: with other kids. And it'll be a short day and 319 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,440 Speaker 1: we'll still have all these hours before they go and 320 00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:38,120 Speaker 1: after they come home in the early afternoon to spend 321 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:41,320 Speaker 1: with the grandparents. But it allows the grandparents, my parents 322 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,800 Speaker 1: to get some time just with me, which is also 323 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,840 Speaker 1: a rare and hard thing to find once I had kids, 324 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,400 Speaker 1: and the grandkids are always around and typically the focus 325 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,680 Speaker 1: of the attention, which is lovely, but also it's really 326 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 1: nice to just get to be with them. That's my 327 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,680 Speaker 1: mom and dad. You know, I like to hang out 328 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 1: with them when I'm not responsible for a six and 329 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:02,160 Speaker 1: eight year old, and neither are they. Childcare is really important, 330 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,280 Speaker 1: and I think giving permission for folks, even for the 331 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:09,480 Speaker 1: prep right. So if you just say, you know what, 332 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:13,560 Speaker 1: it is important to me to get holiday gifts, and 333 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,560 Speaker 1: I want to go shopping on this day, and I'm 334 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,600 Speaker 1: going to invest in childcare to make that a day 335 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 1: that isn't so stressful and I can just really go 336 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:24,400 Speaker 1: knock it out, maybe look forward to it, Maybe get 337 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,480 Speaker 1: my favorite Starbucks strins while I'm driving around doing my shopping, 338 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:30,399 Speaker 1: and maybe go to a cafe with my laptop and 339 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 1: do the online parts. And that could make it easier too, 340 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:35,800 Speaker 1: because you're not doing that in the midst of like 341 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,760 Speaker 1: needing to also make like lunch in the middle of 342 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:43,159 Speaker 1: that Saturday. So I think childcare can be a huge 343 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,399 Speaker 1: way to create more joy and ease. For sure. I 344 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:50,639 Speaker 1: love your camp on vacation idea, and I so agree 345 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,280 Speaker 1: with the fact that the first impressions some people might 346 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,919 Speaker 1: be like, oh God, your kids get off and you 347 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,120 Speaker 1: want to send them to camp. But remember what Jessica said, 348 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,120 Speaker 1: nineteen days. If you put them in a camp for 349 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:03,160 Speaker 1: three or four days and it's nine to two, think 350 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,720 Speaker 1: about how many hours they have with you versus without you, 351 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 1: and then you'll be like, oh, okay, I deserve that break. 352 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,399 Speaker 1: And speaking of break, we are going to take a 353 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,679 Speaker 1: quick ad break and we will be right back with 354 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:29,439 Speaker 1: some more holiday fun discussion. All right, we are back, 355 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,639 Speaker 1: and so we talked about what makes things stressful. We 356 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:36,760 Speaker 1: talked about holiday childcare and planning. Jessica, what have you 357 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,840 Speaker 1: illuminated from your holiday to do list or I guess 358 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,320 Speaker 1: your holiday to don't list? I don't know. Yeah, I know, 359 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,720 Speaker 1: saying no is really important. This time of year. It's 360 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:49,400 Speaker 1: actually one of the specific tips. I have a guide 361 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:52,879 Speaker 1: for joyfully managed holiday seasons, and it's in there because 362 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:55,399 Speaker 1: you've got to figure out what not to do. And 363 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,720 Speaker 1: so for me, the what not to do has come 364 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 1: from making the mistake of doing those things and realizing 365 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:06,400 Speaker 1: it was not meeting my needs. For example, last year, 366 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,159 Speaker 1: we had decided to give gifts to lots of our 367 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 1: local friends, which I love giving gifts, so I get 368 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,960 Speaker 1: a lot of joy from that. But there was one 369 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,800 Speaker 1: day when I had plenty to do and I was 370 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: driving all around the San Francisco Bay area delivering gifts 371 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 1: to people's porches, and I actually like grabbed my phone 372 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 1: and like held down the button and said, like, remind 373 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:31,440 Speaker 1: me next November first, to not give so many local gifts. 374 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,240 Speaker 1: It is a lot of work to deliver them. And 375 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:38,160 Speaker 1: that popped back up and I was like, good reminder, past, Jess, 376 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,080 Speaker 1: thank you for reminding me about that. So in the past, 377 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 1: I've written down notes for myself in my calendar to 378 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,040 Speaker 1: just pay the three ninety nine for Amazon to wrap 379 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,639 Speaker 1: the gift if you're ordering it from them, you know, 380 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,640 Speaker 1: if you're ordering it and somebody can wrap it for 381 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:55,960 Speaker 1: you it's worth it, because we all know that wrapping 382 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,200 Speaker 1: can be totally overwhelming, especially if you're all doing it 383 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,440 Speaker 1: all at once. This year, we're in the midst of 384 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 1: selling our home actually around this time of year, which 385 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,359 Speaker 1: is tough, and we love to go to the zoo. 386 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,800 Speaker 1: They have like a thing called glow Fari, and I 387 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:13,240 Speaker 1: know a lot of zoos do like light shows and 388 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,320 Speaker 1: it is lovely at our local Oakland Zoo. And so 389 00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:18,240 Speaker 1: it's a tradition that I want to keep doing. But 390 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,480 Speaker 1: I this year realize, oh, it goes all the way 391 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,359 Speaker 1: till the end of January. Here, we don't need to 392 00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 1: do it in the middle of like the three weeks 393 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,080 Speaker 1: where we're trying to like literally move everything out of 394 00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:32,720 Speaker 1: our house. So we're going to go in January when 395 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:36,280 Speaker 1: all of it's over and we are just going to 396 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,120 Speaker 1: be much more settled and have much less to do anyway, 397 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:45,040 Speaker 1: And so saying no or just moving things totally recommend 398 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:48,040 Speaker 1: or Another thing that I have cut out many years, 399 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:52,119 Speaker 1: not always is just baking a million cookies. Sometimes we 400 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 1: don't do it at all, or sometimes we just make 401 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,080 Speaker 1: one type of cookie because I'm the kind of person 402 00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:59,679 Speaker 1: who I can sometimes accidentally like commit to making six 403 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 1: types so cookies and delivering it to thirty three different 404 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,159 Speaker 1: friends or something. You know what am I doing? And 405 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,399 Speaker 1: then you're like crying on the floor, like why did 406 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,720 Speaker 1: I say I was going to do this and buy 407 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,520 Speaker 1: like thirty three containers and I'm going to try to 408 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,600 Speaker 1: make all these things and ice them, and my kids 409 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 1: are mad and I'm mad, and like we have six 410 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,320 Speaker 1: more dozens to go into the oven, Like what are 411 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,359 Speaker 1: we even doing? I don't do that anymore. I feel 412 00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:25,440 Speaker 1: like I'm almost in this season where I can embrace 413 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:29,720 Speaker 1: some more complex holiday cooking endeavors. But right now I'm 414 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,919 Speaker 1: just grateful that, like for Thanksgiving, all I have to 415 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,720 Speaker 1: do is make three of the same kind of pie. Nice, 416 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,440 Speaker 1: and that's my entire job. Yeah, I make a signature 417 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,640 Speaker 1: key lime pie, which is really not a Thanksgiving pie, 418 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,600 Speaker 1: but it's a very good key lime pie. In the 419 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:47,480 Speaker 1: family has grown to expect it, and apparently the demand 420 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,479 Speaker 1: has expanded because I used to make one and then 421 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,399 Speaker 1: two and now I'm been requested to make three. But wow. 422 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:56,880 Speaker 1: So yeah, keeping it simple and quantity rather than different things, 423 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,200 Speaker 1: because you can always swap other people are making stuff, 424 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:00,840 Speaker 1: especially with the cook If you want a bunch of 425 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,719 Speaker 1: different cookies, that would be your cookie swap. Everyone can 426 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:07,359 Speaker 1: wake one kind and everyone can team up and pass 427 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,600 Speaker 1: them all back and forth. That's right, And then you 428 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,240 Speaker 1: don't need to get any sort of catering totally for 429 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: that holiday gathering. Just make it, you know, a pot luck. Again, 430 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:17,880 Speaker 1: what are you doing at some like a plus level 431 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,679 Speaker 1: that you could say, you know what, how could we 432 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,720 Speaker 1: make this simpler but still make it about the things 433 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,200 Speaker 1: that matter most, right, like the gathering, the being together, 434 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,480 Speaker 1: the celebration, the joy. You know you can get that 435 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:33,879 Speaker 1: without being totally pinterest perfect. I personally say no, or 436 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,800 Speaker 1: at least I will say, I say, delegate to our 437 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,760 Speaker 1: family holiday gifts. These days, my husband has been willing 438 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,240 Speaker 1: to take it over, so that is like a very 439 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 1: satisfying thing to just not put on my list at all. 440 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:49,160 Speaker 1: I will also say, depending on the dynamics of your family, listen, 441 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,840 Speaker 1: if you're listening to this podcast, there's a fairly good 442 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:57,200 Speaker 1: chance you have everything you need. And yes, given gifts 443 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 1: can bring joy, but if you take it to an 444 00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:02,399 Speaker 1: excessive love, it's just creating more stuff in the world 445 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,600 Speaker 1: just for the sake of creating stuff, So think about 446 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,600 Speaker 1: how you could perhaps like encourage some sort of charity 447 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,720 Speaker 1: exchange instead, or buy somebody like an animal off of 448 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:15,199 Speaker 1: the Heffer International Catalog, or you know, like be the 449 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 1: creative or consumable gifts like do a really lovely fragrance 450 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,600 Speaker 1: of soap that you know they're going to use up, 451 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,880 Speaker 1: but just get the same thing for everyone, like most 452 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:26,359 Speaker 1: of us don't need more stuff, and sometimes having a 453 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,720 Speaker 1: discussion about that can take things off of your plate, 454 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,600 Speaker 1: both from a to do list standpoint, and then also financially, 455 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:35,720 Speaker 1: which we should talk about as well. Yes, I totally agree, 456 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 1: I mean you said it all, and also not only 457 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:44,600 Speaker 1: just doing you know, charities or consumables or experiences those 458 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,760 Speaker 1: are great gifts. But also there's a world in which 459 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 1: you actually just talk to your family and you say, 460 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,399 Speaker 1: can we just not do gifts at all? No gifts, 461 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,479 Speaker 1: we just spend time together And the rest of your 462 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:57,960 Speaker 1: family might actually love that idea. I mean maybe not, 463 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,680 Speaker 1: but what if they said yes? What if just some 464 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,200 Speaker 1: of them can say yes? You know what if you're like, well, 465 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,199 Speaker 1: me and my brother, I don't know, we could just 466 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,919 Speaker 1: stop giving each other gifts and we probably both be 467 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,920 Speaker 1: fine with that. Okay, let me check in. Is that good? Great? 468 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,400 Speaker 1: I'm excited to see you and have some key lime 469 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,160 Speaker 1: pie together. And I will not be bringing you any 470 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:21,040 Speaker 1: sort of travel coffee mug. And then with all kinds 471 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:24,240 Speaker 1: of staff or like people I work with, then it's 472 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 1: just cash, which is also pretty easy from a logistics perspective, right, Yes, 473 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:31,960 Speaker 1: So that was what I wanted to also mention, do 474 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,399 Speaker 1: you have a specific way that you either budget for 475 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,959 Speaker 1: the holidays or advise others to budget for the holidays. 476 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,040 Speaker 1: I'll tell you what we do, which is that you know, 477 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,879 Speaker 1: we use you need a budget, and I actually have 478 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,560 Speaker 1: a category where I just add a certain amount every 479 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,280 Speaker 1: single month of the year, so that when I get 480 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,600 Speaker 1: to December, I have this little pot of money that 481 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,639 Speaker 1: I don't really feel bad about or nervous about, like 482 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,960 Speaker 1: just giving us gifts, and really it's for gifts. It's 483 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,960 Speaker 1: for like staff gifts, for our nanny's gift, for I 484 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,919 Speaker 1: don't know, random family kid gifts, et cetera. But it 485 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 1: just it definitely takes the pressure off to have a 486 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:08,520 Speaker 1: dedicated like category. So I was wondering if you had 487 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,399 Speaker 1: any tips or anything that you typically advised people to 488 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,680 Speaker 1: do It's so funny because we do exactly the same. 489 00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,720 Speaker 1: We use wineab We put in money every month and 490 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:20,439 Speaker 1: then at the end of the year we've got some 491 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:23,199 Speaker 1: money that is just available for spending for gifts. And 492 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,640 Speaker 1: the way that we built that budget is actually by 493 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:28,800 Speaker 1: because I love giving gifts so much, I have a 494 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:32,399 Speaker 1: spreadsheet where I keep track of ideas and did I 495 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:36,160 Speaker 1: buy this person something and how much was it? Because 496 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:38,600 Speaker 1: usually that's pretty easy to just enter and it has 497 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:40,880 Speaker 1: allowed me in the past to say, like, Okay, we're 498 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,400 Speaker 1: spending about this much, and it gives me a ballpark 499 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,359 Speaker 1: idea for what it's what we're going to spend. And 500 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,520 Speaker 1: for us, we're not just including gifts, but we also 501 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,920 Speaker 1: include the cost of cards and stamps for them and 502 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 1: some other like you know, if we have any other 503 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,720 Speaker 1: big expenses like that. And for us, that helps us 504 00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:02,199 Speaker 1: understand because the holidays are not they can be a 505 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 1: big expense, but they're not an unexpected one like they 506 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,240 Speaker 1: happen every year, so we can plan for them. And 507 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 1: so once we figure that out, that made it a 508 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,879 Speaker 1: lot easier so that we weren't still paying off the 509 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,680 Speaker 1: holidays in February or having to use a credit card, 510 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:18,159 Speaker 1: So that's how we use it. I think just setting 511 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:22,440 Speaker 1: limits is really key when you're saying this is about 512 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,199 Speaker 1: how much we want to spend on folks, leave some 513 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,680 Speaker 1: room for Oh my gosh, I just found the most 514 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,199 Speaker 1: amazing thing. It's the best gift I've ever found for 515 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,800 Speaker 1: this person they are going to. You know, sometimes you 516 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,639 Speaker 1: find that and you're just like, it's worth spending a 517 00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:36,760 Speaker 1: little more. You know, we're going to do that because 518 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,040 Speaker 1: it's just so great. Leave some room for that, Leave 519 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 1: some room for the unexpected, like white elephant party that 520 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:43,760 Speaker 1: you didn't know you were going to get invited to, 521 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:47,520 Speaker 1: And you know, that's how you can kind of leaving room. 522 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,639 Speaker 1: Setting some budgets is how you can make sure it 523 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,440 Speaker 1: doesn't get out of control, because it can be pretty 524 00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:55,359 Speaker 1: stressful and certainly not joyful and easy when you're worried 525 00:26:55,400 --> 00:27:00,879 Speaker 1: deeply about money. Totally makes sense as a teacher than cash, 526 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:04,040 Speaker 1: which is always a wonderful thing to give teachers because 527 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,720 Speaker 1: they deserve to be paid more anyway, and who doesn't 528 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,760 Speaker 1: like cash? What have been some of your favorite teacher 529 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 1: like gifts, maybe given along with a gift card or cash. Yeah, 530 00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:19,320 Speaker 1: I have given Scout bags and there's these really great, like, 531 00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:20,960 Speaker 1: you know, bags you can take for the day or 532 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:24,400 Speaker 1: take to your classroom. And every teacher needs a good bag, right, 533 00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 1: So Scout bags have been really good. They even have 534 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:30,240 Speaker 1: some really good cooler bags that I'm planning to give 535 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:33,200 Speaker 1: this year. Hopefully none of the teachers of my own 536 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:37,199 Speaker 1: kids are listening to this episode, so that you know, 537 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 1: you could. It's kind of like a little easy, soft 538 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,000 Speaker 1: sidey cooler to take around with you to like a 539 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:44,800 Speaker 1: picnic or something. We have often also used like a 540 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:49,040 Speaker 1: shutterfly to get personalized notepads with like the teacher's name, 541 00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,080 Speaker 1: so at the top it I'll say like miss Cynthia, 542 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:54,119 Speaker 1: and it's like, you know, one hundred pages of beautiful 543 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:57,320 Speaker 1: piece of note stationary with their name on it. Or 544 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:02,160 Speaker 1: like a personalized drink like on Etsy, so you can, 545 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,800 Speaker 1: you know, get like a cup with a straw that's 546 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:08,159 Speaker 1: got you know, mister Munno's on it, you know, and 547 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:11,320 Speaker 1: then they can have that and it kind of looks nice. 548 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:13,280 Speaker 1: So those are a couple of my ideas this year 549 00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about potentially with the bags, putting in some 550 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,320 Speaker 1: We have a really famous local ice cream shop and 551 00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,800 Speaker 1: they sell jars of their chocolate fudge, and I was 552 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:27,639 Speaker 1: thinking about potentially doing like a little ice cream themed 553 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:31,159 Speaker 1: gift with like a little jarfudge. If all of this 554 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,159 Speaker 1: sounds stressful for anybody listening, I just want to give 555 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,120 Speaker 1: you permission to not do this at all. Just give 556 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,399 Speaker 1: them fifty bucks. It's still is fine. They'll be thrilled. 557 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,000 Speaker 1: But those are some of the If it gives you 558 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,040 Speaker 1: joy to think about giving these kind of gifts, then 559 00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:44,040 Speaker 1: here's your permission to do that. And it's here's your 560 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,560 Speaker 1: permission to not do it at all. And trust me, 561 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,960 Speaker 1: having been a middle school teacher, none of the teachers 562 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,000 Speaker 1: are expecting your child to give them a gift. So 563 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,280 Speaker 1: don't worry. They will not notice if you don't give 564 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:56,560 Speaker 1: them anything. They will not be like, oh my gosh, 565 00:28:56,760 --> 00:29:00,520 Speaker 1: Cameron's mom, that's weird. That is not going to happen. 566 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:02,720 Speaker 1: So you could also just skip that completely and take 567 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,280 Speaker 1: that off your list. But those are some of my 568 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:08,680 Speaker 1: favorite ideas. I love it well, we are down to 569 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:11,320 Speaker 1: our love of the week. I will give you a 570 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,800 Speaker 1: moment to collect yours, and I'll make mine a little 571 00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:18,800 Speaker 1: bit wintry. So I recently went to Seattle and I 572 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,040 Speaker 1: was freezing, and I knew I would be freezing because 573 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:24,160 Speaker 1: I really don't have anything resembling a winter coat anymore 574 00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 1: other than this whole job from like pre twenty ten. 575 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:32,000 Speaker 1: It I just can't. So anyway, I bought myself a 576 00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:36,800 Speaker 1: Patagonia down sweater. That thing is amazing. I looked so 577 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,600 Speaker 1: Seattle like, I looked around. I was like, everyone is 578 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:43,320 Speaker 1: wearing this, and it's also super warm and it packs 579 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,960 Speaker 1: really really small. Now, I don't think it would work 580 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,920 Speaker 1: like on its own We're going to Montana in the 581 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,200 Speaker 1: skiing snow like. I don't think it's going to be 582 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,080 Speaker 1: enough on its own for that. But for like a 583 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:56,959 Speaker 1: North Carolina winter day, or like a late fall New 584 00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,480 Speaker 1: England day, or any day in Seattle really with something 585 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,800 Speaker 1: water prove over it. If it's raining, it is awesome. 586 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,880 Speaker 1: And it was so comfortable, and I love it awesome. 587 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,600 Speaker 1: I think mine I've been thinking about lately. We have 588 00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:12,200 Speaker 1: a local service, and I know that these exist around 589 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,560 Speaker 1: the country where they will come every so often. We 590 00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,960 Speaker 1: signed up for quarterly and they clean our trash bends 591 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,760 Speaker 1: for us. So they've basically repurposed a like a trash 592 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,240 Speaker 1: truck and so they lift them up and they like 593 00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,080 Speaker 1: have sprayers that spray in there and get all the 594 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 1: gunk out, and then they have dry you know, like 595 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,600 Speaker 1: sprays air so it all dries it. And then somebody 596 00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,560 Speaker 1: comes around and like it does any little clean up 597 00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:39,680 Speaker 1: with like a little rag, and then they spray something 598 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:43,719 Speaker 1: that smells good in there. And it is just like 599 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:47,560 Speaker 1: the best money I could imagine spending, because every three 600 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,280 Speaker 1: months we're like, ooh, that's getting kind of gross in there. 601 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:53,440 Speaker 1: We should do something about that. But when are you 602 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,160 Speaker 1: ever in the mood for that? It is such a 603 00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:59,560 Speaker 1: fun little splurge to spend money on. So I really 604 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:02,760 Speaker 1: like that service. I hesitate to call it a treat, 605 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,520 Speaker 1: but it kind of sounds like a treat it is. 606 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:09,280 Speaker 1: It feels like a treat. Awesome. Well, Tesco has been 607 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,760 Speaker 1: so fun having you and talking all things holiday. Can 608 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,920 Speaker 1: you tell our listeners where they can find you and 609 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:17,160 Speaker 1: also about the little goodie you cooked up for them? 610 00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,280 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, So I made a guide that I'm making 611 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,080 Speaker 1: it free for any folks who are listening to Best 612 00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,440 Speaker 1: of Both Worlds, which is my favorite podcast. So fun 613 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,239 Speaker 1: to be here. You can find me on Instagram at 614 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:31,800 Speaker 1: joyfully Managed Family. You can find the Guide to Joyfully 615 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:35,920 Speaker 1: Managed Holiday Seasons on my website at www dot Jessica 616 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:41,640 Speaker 1: Eastmanstewart dot com slash freebies f R E E B 617 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,440 Speaker 1: I E S and you'll get it for free. It 618 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:47,440 Speaker 1: is eleven pages that gives you some tips on how 619 00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:51,400 Speaker 1: to make your holiday season more joyful and easy, some 620 00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:54,360 Speaker 1: advice overall, and even some planning pages to allow you 621 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,719 Speaker 1: to plan what matters to you and kind of get 622 00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,240 Speaker 1: it on the calendar so you can use it digitally, 623 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:00,840 Speaker 1: you can print it out. I hope it is so 624 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,920 Speaker 1: helpful for this community, which I have gotten so much 625 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:05,760 Speaker 1: from over the years, so this is my way to 626 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:09,040 Speaker 1: give back. I love it, yes, especially the fillable part 627 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,520 Speaker 1: is super useful. Well, thank you so much and have 628 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:17,640 Speaker 1: a wonderful holiday you too. Bye. Everyone. Oh that was 629 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:21,000 Speaker 1: so much fun. I love chatting about all things holiday. 630 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:23,320 Speaker 1: It definitely does make me feel a little bit cozy 631 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,880 Speaker 1: and like I want to light a piny candle and 632 00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,520 Speaker 1: fake something with cinnamon in it or something. So that 633 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:31,280 Speaker 1: was just really really fun to talk. Now, I do 634 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:34,160 Speaker 1: not want to answer a Q and A all on 635 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,240 Speaker 1: my own without Laura, because that just does not seem 636 00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,280 Speaker 1: like it would be fair to get a one sided 637 00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:43,040 Speaker 1: opinion on one of your dilemmas. So instead I will 638 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:46,320 Speaker 1: read a I don't want to say testimonial, but a 639 00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,280 Speaker 1: happy story that a listener sent us in terms of 640 00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:52,240 Speaker 1: how some advice we gave her in the past panned out. 641 00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:54,960 Speaker 1: So the rest is going to be me reading in 642 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:59,400 Speaker 1: her voice what she wrote to us. Hello. I thought 643 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:01,360 Speaker 1: i'd follow up to let you all know how it 644 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,760 Speaker 1: turned out, and went full time in May, and it 645 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:06,160 Speaker 1: has made my life less stressful and allowed me to 646 00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:08,959 Speaker 1: be more flexible during the work week with personal appointments, 647 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:12,800 Speaker 1: midday breaks, etc. It's amazing how much less rush you 648 00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:14,600 Speaker 1: are when you have a whole extra day to get 649 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:17,320 Speaker 1: work done. I also got that promotion and a nice 650 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:20,640 Speaker 1: increase in August. Another big change that we made was 651 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:23,640 Speaker 1: to hire a twice weekly housekeeper. We've always had someone 652 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,920 Speaker 1: who comes every other week, which I know is pretty typical, 653 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,000 Speaker 1: but it just wasn't making a difference in our day 654 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,560 Speaker 1: to day chores. Our house would be squeaky clean for 655 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:32,720 Speaker 1: a few hours and I didn't have to clean toilets, 656 00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:35,640 Speaker 1: and that was about it. One Sunday night, after spending 657 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,480 Speaker 1: two precious hours folding and putting away yet another pile 658 00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:41,000 Speaker 1: of laundry and picking up. I decided that something needed 659 00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,120 Speaker 1: to be done. I put an ad on care dot 660 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,200 Speaker 1: com and we found a wonderful person who comes for 661 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,360 Speaker 1: two to three hours every Monday and Thursday. I haven't 662 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,479 Speaker 1: polded or put away a single laundry item since she started, 663 00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:54,000 Speaker 1: and the house vibe is just more peaceful and tidy, 664 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:56,840 Speaker 1: and I'm a person who needs that. It's allowed me 665 00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:58,920 Speaker 1: to be more present with my kids, and I've been 666 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,520 Speaker 1: cooking real meals again. Just thought i'd share as it 667 00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:05,360 Speaker 1: felt unnecessary and Bougie, let's be honest, those are her 668 00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:08,360 Speaker 1: words to have someone twice a week on paper, but 669 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:11,280 Speaker 1: it's actually quite affordable and has made a huge difference. 670 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:14,520 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for letting us know. I love 671 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:17,239 Speaker 1: this update. It sounds like a very happy one. I 672 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:21,120 Speaker 1: will point out that it never seems unnecessary when a 673 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:24,800 Speaker 1: possibly female half of a partner is doing those tasks 674 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,680 Speaker 1: for their partner who's working in a one working parent household. 675 00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:31,600 Speaker 1: And yet somehow we have thoughts that we think when 676 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:35,160 Speaker 1: it is a different person with two full time working parents. 677 00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:38,600 Speaker 1: So I think that's super interesting and great fodder for 678 00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:40,680 Speaker 1: us to think about and I'm so glad you found 679 00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:43,680 Speaker 1: some more peace in your household with these changes. Keep 680 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,960 Speaker 1: the stories coming, keep the questions coming, Send us your 681 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:49,920 Speaker 1: holiday ideas and vibes and cheer, and we will be 682 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,480 Speaker 1: back next week on making work in life fit together. 683 00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:58,320 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the 684 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,959 Speaker 1: shoe box dot com or at the Underscore shoe Box 685 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:05,719 Speaker 1: on Instagram, and you can find me Laura at Laura 686 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:09,080 Speaker 1: vandercam dot com. This has been the best of both 687 00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:12,600 Speaker 1: worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more on 688 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,680 Speaker 1: making work and life work together.