1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:38,160 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional Professional. Hey guys, 2 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 1: welcome to this week's episode of the PhD Podcast. It's 3 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:44,120 Speaker 1: your girl, Eben A and the A's always I'm super 4 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:47,479 Speaker 1: excited about this week's episode. Before we begin to do 5 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 1: a little housekeeping, please make sure to follow me on 6 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:53,720 Speaker 1: Instagram at the Professional home Girl at the PhD Podcast, 7 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 1: and last and not least at Eban a Beauty. Please 8 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 1: make sure to visit the website at www dot t 9 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 1: h E p s G podcast dot com and last 10 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 1: but not least. If you have any questions, commis concerns, 11 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:07,520 Speaker 1: or if you want to be a guest on the show, 12 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:11,680 Speaker 1: please email me at Hello at the PSG podcast dot com. 13 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 1: Now keep in mind that all of my guests are 14 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 1: not on this so let's begin this week's episode. So 15 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 1: I'm really really excited about this week's episode because this 16 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:24,040 Speaker 1: is a follow up from my guests from last year. 17 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,600 Speaker 1: It literally been like a whole year since we did 18 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 1: um did her first episode. So to my guests, how 19 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: are you feeling? How are you I'm good. So the 20 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 1: voice sound familiar is because she is from I am 21 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:44,640 Speaker 1: a woman from the transgender community. The episode is literally 22 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 1: in the top three, one of my good one of 23 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,720 Speaker 1: my best episodes. So if you want to catch up 24 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 1: before you continue with this episode, I think it's episode 25 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: number eight. So, so, my guests, how are you feeling you? 26 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 1: I'm feeling really good. I'm glad we were trying to 27 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 1: do an update because it just shows people what can 28 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 1: happen within the year. Yes, a lot can definitely happen 29 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,880 Speaker 1: within a year. And it's so crazy because we was 30 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,959 Speaker 1: talking and I was like, damn, it's really been a year. 31 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 1: It has been a year. The last time you spoke 32 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,799 Speaker 1: to me, I had just lost my Virginia. Yeah, I know, 33 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:27,080 Speaker 1: I said, I'll make the list for questions. Yeah, Like, so, 34 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:34,040 Speaker 1: how has your family dynamics changed since you're last episode? So? Um, 35 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:39,120 Speaker 1: family dynamics? Um, so the current state of my family? 36 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 1: Me and my father have not spoken in probably over 37 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: a year. No, it's probably going on. Yeah, I haven't 38 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 1: spoken to my dad, and I'm aware that he knows 39 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,800 Speaker 1: that I transition. I'm aware that he's seen photos of me, 40 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,120 Speaker 1: and I'm also aware that he doesn't like it it. 41 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 1: Um So I haven't reached out. I've just left that alone. 42 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,960 Speaker 1: I come to grips with it like I cannot change him, 43 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 1: and so I'd rather just keep it moving as shallow 44 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: as that may sound, but that's still my father, and 45 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,640 Speaker 1: I love him. But my happiness come first. So I 46 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 1: had to do happen to mom. So for a while 47 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: we were like super close and she was actively trying 48 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:30,800 Speaker 1: to get to know her child. But I think a 49 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:34,120 Speaker 1: lot was going on with my younger brother because I 50 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:39,000 Speaker 1: have a younger brother that's bipolar and schizophrenic, so he 51 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,760 Speaker 1: requires a lot of attention, and you know, for a 52 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,480 Speaker 1: long time, we didn't want to acknowledge that my brother had, 53 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 1: you know, some mental disorders, and so it was like, Okay, 54 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 1: this is real, this is really what's going on. And 55 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,280 Speaker 1: I know it's hard for her, but I think she 56 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 1: took a back seat to me, like she put me 57 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: in the back burner and she just you know, I'm 58 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:04,280 Speaker 1: I hear my own life processes. I have a good 59 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 1: tribe of people who I've developed my family had to learn. 60 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,840 Speaker 1: I had to learn the idea of creating a family 61 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,800 Speaker 1: instead of thinking family was limited to those who are 62 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:18,920 Speaker 1: blood related to me. So now with my mom, the 63 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,640 Speaker 1: last conversation we had two weeks ago, I was updating 64 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:23,719 Speaker 1: her own things that were going on with me, and 65 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,880 Speaker 1: she was trying to call me by a name that 66 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:29,560 Speaker 1: I no longer use, that no longer exists, and she 67 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,480 Speaker 1: just just telling me, I'm your mother, I gave birth 68 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 1: to you. I can call you whatever I want. And 69 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 1: I was like, no, Mom, you have to get to 70 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,480 Speaker 1: know me. I'm not that person anymore. That person would 71 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:43,599 Speaker 1: never exist again. That's done completely, So I don't think 72 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,600 Speaker 1: she can handle it. So, you know, I talked to 73 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:48,720 Speaker 1: my mom probably like every four weeks. What about their siblings. 74 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:54,720 Speaker 1: So my youngest brother who was by polistics a friend 75 00:04:54,760 --> 00:05:01,560 Speaker 1: and he's incarcerated. Yeah, he has a lot on on um. 76 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,719 Speaker 1: My other brother, he just finished school for dental hygiene. 77 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,040 Speaker 1: He's doing really well. He he just made me so proud, 78 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 1: like I just, oh my god. Me and him have 79 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,640 Speaker 1: a really good relationship and we don't have any issues. 80 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:18,320 Speaker 1: My sister, she texts me like, you know, I just 81 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,520 Speaker 1: got my place. I would like for you to come over. 82 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,080 Speaker 1: But me and her have a lot of unresolved issues 83 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,599 Speaker 1: because when I first transitioned, she didn't accept me. She 84 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 1: was like really condescending and mean to me, and we 85 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 1: didn't have a relationship for a year, and so she 86 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 1: text me and she was like, Hey, I'm gonna starting 87 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 1: you off right. I want to talk to you. But 88 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:42,159 Speaker 1: I when I've just retreated in my shell and I 89 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 1: stayed away, I just I just completely stayed away from 90 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 1: my family. So last time I spoke with you, which 91 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,200 Speaker 1: was like literally a year ago, Um, you literally lost 92 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 1: your vigintine, like the weekend before we had our first conversation. 93 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:59,080 Speaker 1: So mine is a situation that we're gonna speak about later. 94 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 1: How has your life been, oh dating? So to touch 95 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 1: on what happened with my virginity, I literally lost my omrginity. 96 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,359 Speaker 1: We did that interview and I just thrust it into 97 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 1: like dating and me and him attempted took it intimate again. However, 98 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 1: I don't believe he understood how to please a trans woman. 99 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,080 Speaker 1: He had never been with the trans woman before me, 100 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:27,720 Speaker 1: so he was just like, it wasn't a connection like 101 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: it should have been. It was just like a moment 102 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 1: of fun and we did it and then it is 103 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 1: what it is, and I just stepped away from it 104 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:37,839 Speaker 1: and I kept moving like I was like, Okay, this 105 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:43,440 Speaker 1: is not somebody my senses I like you, but I 106 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:46,240 Speaker 1: kept I kept going and I started actively dating, like 107 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:49,320 Speaker 1: going out on dates, and my confidence was up. I 108 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:52,680 Speaker 1: thought I was that girl like I had nineteen. I 109 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,680 Speaker 1: had a whole hot girl slubber. Yeah, you were you 110 00:06:55,839 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 1: was out. I was looking at you. I out a 111 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 1: hot girl year. And it's so funny. So if I 112 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,800 Speaker 1: like with certain guests whatever, like I connect with them, 113 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,280 Speaker 1: and if I'm in their city, I always trying to 114 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,560 Speaker 1: link up with them. So I linked up with uh 115 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 1: this week's guest um in Miami, and we went out 116 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 1: for like lunch whatever, and we got to connect and 117 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 1: all this other stuff Like. It was a really good 118 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 1: fun time. So recently me and her was dm at 119 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 1: each other and you shared with me that days before 120 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 1: I saw you, you was sexually assaulted. Yeah, but I 121 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:40,440 Speaker 1: feel like this you sharing this story, I think it's 122 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,600 Speaker 1: gonna shre light on what women go through, especially women 123 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:46,240 Speaker 1: of the transgender community. But I'm gonna we can talk 124 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:48,360 Speaker 1: about that later. But I just thought it was so 125 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 1: crazy because you know what's so funny. When I was 126 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,440 Speaker 1: looking back on your stories and stuff, I definitely saw 127 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 1: changing you. Now. Yeah, so this was some funny. This 128 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:06,040 Speaker 1: was one that she was casually dating. Yes, So tell 129 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 1: us about that relationship with this person. Well, this was 130 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 1: somebody I met, I knew, and I didn't feel afraid. 131 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 1: I wasn't scared, Like I was very comfortable with him. 132 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:20,200 Speaker 1: I had been around him so much, we have been 133 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:23,880 Speaker 1: intimate before. He I got so comfortable with him, I 134 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:27,400 Speaker 1: could leave my purse around him, like this was somebody 135 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 1: who we both We both had decided we didn't want 136 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,680 Speaker 1: to commit to one another, but we had such a 137 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:37,600 Speaker 1: strong connection and it was like, okay, like you don't 138 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 1: you don't hell, Like I'm glad, Like the situation just 139 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,240 Speaker 1: worked for us. And then I was in school and 140 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 1: I'm trying to become a nut. I wasn't trying to 141 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:52,040 Speaker 1: commit to nobody and he understood that. So how the 142 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:56,640 Speaker 1: story goes, it was a it was during the time. 143 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,319 Speaker 1: It was a hurricane, and you know, we gotta prepare 144 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 1: for the hurricane. And he hit me up like, hey, 145 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 1: are you gonna be working or not? And I'm like, no, 146 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,240 Speaker 1: I'm not working. I'm home. He's like, well, who are 147 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,200 Speaker 1: you gonna be with. I'm like, I'm by myself. He 148 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:12,680 Speaker 1: was like, you can't be going through the hurricane by yourself, 149 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,719 Speaker 1: Like you know, let me come over. There and keep 150 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,840 Speaker 1: your company so you don't have to be alone. I'm like, okay, cool. 151 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:22,600 Speaker 1: You know I was excited to see him. I'm like, okay, cool. 152 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 1: You know, it just made me like him even more 153 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 1: because I was like, that's some dope ship. You know, 154 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,800 Speaker 1: you you thought about me in this whole process. So 155 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:35,800 Speaker 1: he came over, but there was something very off, like 156 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,920 Speaker 1: what I felt that like when I first seen him. 157 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,280 Speaker 1: He gave me a hug and I was like hey, 158 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:45,360 Speaker 1: and we was just they do. But he just seemed 159 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 1: very tense. And I was like, yo, what's wrong, Like 160 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:52,199 Speaker 1: you I can't stupid, like calm down, and he was 161 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 1: like nothing, nothing, And so his phone kept ringing. The phone, 162 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 1: his cell phone just kept ringing. I don't know who 163 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 1: was called to him, but his cell phone just kept ringing. 164 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 1: We were laying in the bed. The phone is still ringing. 165 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,360 Speaker 1: So I pick up the phone because at this point, 166 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 1: I'm like, who is calling him? I answered the phone. 167 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 1: It was another chick. She's like who are you? And 168 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,360 Speaker 1: I'm like this is who I am. And she's like 169 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 1: where is so and so? And I'm just like I 170 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,400 Speaker 1: hung up and I was like you gotta chick, Like 171 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,160 Speaker 1: why you didn't tell me you got a girl, Like, 172 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,439 Speaker 1: what's like you out here doing stuff? Like let me know. 173 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 1: He's like, I'm not with nobody, I'm here with you. 174 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,360 Speaker 1: D D you know the story. We get into this 175 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:40,640 Speaker 1: heated argument. So days passed and I'm like, okay, they 176 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: got it all clear. I'm gonna go to the campus 177 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: because i need to see an advisor. I'm getting ready, 178 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:49,319 Speaker 1: I'm doing my makeup. Me here three days and You're 179 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,920 Speaker 1: not gonna have sex with me? And I'm like, no, 180 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,240 Speaker 1: I'm not having sex with you. I don't want to 181 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:54,560 Speaker 1: have sex with you. I don't know what you're doing 182 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:58,560 Speaker 1: in the streets. I don't trust you. I'm good. And 183 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 1: he was like joking, like he had put his hand 184 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,599 Speaker 1: on my shoulder and then he was like rubbing on 185 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,400 Speaker 1: my neck. So I'm like, boy, moved like I'm trying 186 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,560 Speaker 1: to get ready to go, like I'm not we're not 187 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,439 Speaker 1: having sex, like I'm not doing this with you and 188 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 1: I but then, well he was here, Yeah, he was 189 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:18,960 Speaker 1: here for three days. The third day is gonna happened 190 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,120 Speaker 1: and he started to get real aggressive and he put 191 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:26,360 Speaker 1: his hand around my neck. Okay, so he has his 192 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:30,080 Speaker 1: hands around my neck and weird. I'm thinking, like, why 193 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,840 Speaker 1: are you doing It's like what's it's shocking me because 194 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,160 Speaker 1: he had never done this before. And he was like, 195 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,320 Speaker 1: you're really not gonna have sex with me. I said, no, 196 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,719 Speaker 1: I'm not having sex with you. I told you that. 197 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,079 Speaker 1: And then he started to get really aggressive. He was like, 198 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 1: I said, you're gonna rape me. He was like, I'm 199 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,960 Speaker 1: not gonna rape You're gonna give it to me. And 200 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,400 Speaker 1: that's when in my mind I was like yeah, in 201 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 1: my mind it clicked like Okay, No, he's not playing anymore. 202 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,000 Speaker 1: He's serious. And then he started to choke me and 203 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:56,959 Speaker 1: he I was like, let me go. I can't breathe. 204 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 1: You're choking me, and he just continued to choke me. 205 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 1: Push your my head into the wall. He was like, 206 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,320 Speaker 1: bring your ass out here, and he he drugged me 207 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,640 Speaker 1: from my bathroom to my living room. He said, let 208 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 1: on the couch and take your clothes off. And I 209 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:14,720 Speaker 1: was like, you really about the rape me, like is 210 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 1: this what you're doing outside? I don't want to have 211 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,800 Speaker 1: sex with you, Like, let me go, and he's kissing 212 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,560 Speaker 1: on me. He tried to take my pennies off, and 213 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 1: now he's choking me and I can't breathe at this point, 214 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:27,400 Speaker 1: I cannot breathe, and I'm telling him, like I cannot breathe. 215 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 1: You're choking me. In that moment, as I'm he's trying 216 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,719 Speaker 1: to punch on me, and I'm like, okay, girl, just 217 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 1: let him have sex with you. Just don't fight back. 218 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,560 Speaker 1: Just let him have sex with you, just so you 219 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:43,960 Speaker 1: don't die. In that moment, I thought I'm about to cry. 220 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 1: I really thought I was gonna die. Yeah, sorry, hold on, Yeah, 221 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 1: that's true. That's sad. I think this for me is like, 222 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,520 Speaker 1: this is something that you was, this is something that 223 00:12:58,559 --> 00:13:00,800 Speaker 1: you was intimate with before, So it's like, why would 224 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 1: he like yeah, it was? It was really he didn't 225 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:12,000 Speaker 1: notice any signs at him before. No, I didn't, no, 226 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:16,080 Speaker 1: mm hmm. The only thing that threw me off when 227 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,920 Speaker 1: I first met him, he was like super adamant that 228 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 1: he wanted me, so he gave me his undivided attention 229 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,720 Speaker 1: like I want you, and he would just he devoted 230 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 1: all his time to me. But I was like, Okay, 231 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,800 Speaker 1: maybe this said I just like me a lot. Maybe 232 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 1: he is. It isn't nothing like that, but if I 233 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 1: play it back, he seemed very obsessive, extremely and nobody, nobody, 234 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 1: neighbors and nobody heard hurt anything like, they didn't try 235 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:48,160 Speaker 1: to come by and see what was going on. No, 236 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 1: I didn't scream. I laid there and he when he 237 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,640 Speaker 1: saw me just later, I didn't move. I didn't fight. 238 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,920 Speaker 1: I just laid. I laid their flat and I thought 239 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:01,120 Speaker 1: to myself, girl, just lay there, don't move. Let and 240 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,200 Speaker 1: have sex with you, and when it's done, you don't 241 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,960 Speaker 1: have to deal with him no more. He got off 242 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:09,160 Speaker 1: me and then he pushed me, and then he was like, 243 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:12,200 Speaker 1: I'm gonna leave. And I was like, get out my house, 244 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,200 Speaker 1: Get out my house. And he was like, I'll see 245 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,440 Speaker 1: you in the streets. I was like, if you do 246 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,600 Speaker 1: anything to me, I'm gonna put your ass in jail. 247 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 1: You're going to go to jail. After that, I was 248 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 1: I was scared. That brought so much fear into my life. 249 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:33,040 Speaker 1: I started to not go. I didn't go anywhere. I 250 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 1: locked myself in my house. I would go to work 251 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 1: and go to school and come home and me in 252 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:40,280 Speaker 1: this house. I was sleeping with knives next to my bed. 253 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:43,960 Speaker 1: I was sleeping like in my mind, I'm in combat mode. 254 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,240 Speaker 1: If this motherfucker come in my house. I'm gonna kill him. 255 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 1: I'm gonna gut him, and if I have to go 256 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 1: to prison, I'm gonna go to prison. But you're not 257 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,360 Speaker 1: gonna You won't do that. Did you go to the police? 258 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,760 Speaker 1: I did not. I actually when the thought happened, I 259 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:03,360 Speaker 1: went out to the club that h I tried to 260 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:07,920 Speaker 1: not think about what happened to me. I just thought 261 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: he was tripping, and then it started to manifest into 262 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,960 Speaker 1: other things. I was angry, I was depressed, I was bitter, 263 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:19,000 Speaker 1: I had resentment. I hated men. I didn't want nobody 264 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 1: to touch me. I didn't want to be my friends. 265 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 1: I didn't even want to do my hair like I 266 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 1: was on some not to It's not so very traumatizing. Yeah, 267 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,680 Speaker 1: and I went through it alone because I was ashamed. 268 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,720 Speaker 1: But why why do you feel that? Why you didn't 269 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:39,119 Speaker 1: go to the police, like were you? I was scared 270 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,760 Speaker 1: because for I'm alone, I don't really have family, like 271 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:46,760 Speaker 1: I don't talk to much of my family. I was scared. 272 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:53,160 Speaker 1: I I feel ashamed me being me, the girl that 273 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 1: has it together, she worked, she go to school, she's bubbly, 274 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 1: she's life for the party. How could I have allowed 275 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,960 Speaker 1: somebody to come into my space and take something like 276 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 1: that from me. I was like, I can't tell this 277 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,160 Speaker 1: to the world. I'm out there telling them to love 278 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 1: theirselves and I'm here, I'm almost got sucking choked to 279 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 1: death by a man that I trusted. I was like, 280 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:23,280 Speaker 1: I felt dirty, I felt nasty, and I didn't want 281 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:24,760 Speaker 1: to tell the world and I don't one of the 282 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 1: reasons why. I know you said you didn't want to 283 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 1: say anything because you also felt ashamed, But like, why 284 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 1: did you feel ashamed because it wasn't your fault. I 285 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:38,280 Speaker 1: felt ashamed because I allowed this person in my house, 286 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 1: and I allowed this person into my space, and I 287 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 1: trusted this person. And I always try to be a 288 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 1: good judge of character. And it's like I dropped the ball. 289 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,200 Speaker 1: I completely dropped the ball. I'm the one that supposedly 290 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 1: has it all together, and I life hit me real hard, 291 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 1: and I I just closed myself down and I said, 292 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,800 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna tell nobody. 293 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:07,480 Speaker 1: But I started to do things that showed me that 294 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:14,159 Speaker 1: I was very unhappy. I didn't go outside, I was 295 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 1: not eating, I was moody, and like I was I was. 296 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,639 Speaker 1: I was nasty to everybody and and I have to 297 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 1: go back and apologize to people. And that's what I did. 298 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,560 Speaker 1: I went back to it tell people what was going 299 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,560 Speaker 1: on with me because I was so mean and so 300 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:31,320 Speaker 1: bitter in that that time. I was just like six 301 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 1: it was six months ago, did it happened? And it's 302 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,480 Speaker 1: only up until now when I let you know, that's 303 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 1: when I've just started to tell people what would happened 304 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,600 Speaker 1: to me through your Instagram pictures or whatever. I feel 305 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,840 Speaker 1: like you're not really like doing that time. You wasn't 306 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:48,879 Speaker 1: really out there, like he wasn't dancing, You wasn't like no, 307 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,359 Speaker 1: I wasn't doing anything. I wanted to delete my Instagram 308 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,160 Speaker 1: and I don't know if you remember the point I'm 309 00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:00,240 Speaker 1: going to deactivate like I was. I was over social media. Yeah, 310 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:05,680 Speaker 1: I was over it all. Did I become suicidal? Absolutely? 311 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 1: I did not. I I feel like I don't have 312 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,400 Speaker 1: a connection with my family. I felt dishomed. I don't 313 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,439 Speaker 1: have a supportive man in my life that truly loves me. 314 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,760 Speaker 1: The one that I did, like he has done something 315 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:24,520 Speaker 1: so awful to me. I was like my dreams and 316 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,600 Speaker 1: my desires went out the window too. I didn't want 317 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,560 Speaker 1: to be a nurse some more. I didn't want to 318 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:32,920 Speaker 1: do school no more. I wanted to just like fuck everything. 319 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,800 Speaker 1: So what what made you get back into feeling like 320 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:39,200 Speaker 1: your old self? Like what were some things that you did? 321 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,640 Speaker 1: So January came and um, it was the new year, 322 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,720 Speaker 1: and I looked myself in the mirror and I said, 323 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:52,679 Speaker 1: you know what, I don't want to be sad. I 324 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,919 Speaker 1: wanna I want to be happy again because I was 325 00:18:55,960 --> 00:19:00,879 Speaker 1: just like in my whole fucking man, do him dirty, 326 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,440 Speaker 1: cheat on him, do whatever you want, like, don't trust 327 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,840 Speaker 1: these things. They they're not shipped like I was on 328 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:11,280 Speaker 1: that hard body, like I'm not taking nobody serious nothing. 329 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,960 Speaker 1: And I noticed that that was really messing with my 330 00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:20,119 Speaker 1: mental space. And I told him I didn't want to 331 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,600 Speaker 1: be like that no more. I didn't want to feel sad. 332 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,720 Speaker 1: I didn't want to feel empty no more. I didn't 333 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,320 Speaker 1: want to be alone. So I said, you know what, 334 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,680 Speaker 1: when I had to go do my annual with my doctor, 335 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,679 Speaker 1: and as I'm gonna tell her, So I went to 336 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:37,080 Speaker 1: the doctor and I said, you know, I almost was 337 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:40,320 Speaker 1: raped and there was somebody who I know, he choked 338 00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:44,640 Speaker 1: me out, and she just bust out crying. She was like, 339 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,720 Speaker 1: this is what I was fearing. Either someone was gonna 340 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,080 Speaker 1: hurt you or you were gonna I was gonna get 341 00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:53,480 Speaker 1: news that you have died. She said, you are one 342 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 1: of the few that I that are doing you. You've 343 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,640 Speaker 1: done it right and I don't want you to miss 344 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,639 Speaker 1: out on anything because you were such a bright girl. 345 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:05,160 Speaker 1: And I we just cried like, this is my doctor 346 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,440 Speaker 1: who are going to get annual visits from at leastly 347 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,600 Speaker 1: just like some of the time. And she cry her 348 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 1: eyes out because she just was like, this is what 349 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:18,600 Speaker 1: I did not want to happen to you. I told 350 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:22,560 Speaker 1: my therapist and I definitely was like when you told me, 351 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,560 Speaker 1: because I was like, I feel like the last time 352 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:28,399 Speaker 1: I spoke to you and you made me very aware, um, 353 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,760 Speaker 1: just more people that's in the transgender community and how 354 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,320 Speaker 1: I can be more supportive. And I feel like the 355 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,560 Speaker 1: last time we spoke, but we was ding. We didn't 356 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,479 Speaker 1: in my life, but I was just like, yo, just 357 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,960 Speaker 1: be haldforably safe because like you know, niggas is wicked 358 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 1: out there. So I know, like, like I said that, 359 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,640 Speaker 1: the last time we spoke, you really made me more 360 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,639 Speaker 1: aware of the killings of women in the trans in 361 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:53,399 Speaker 1: the community. Um, can you just speak more in that 362 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,160 Speaker 1: just to educate our listeners, because I feel like some 363 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,439 Speaker 1: people are aware, but it's like a lot of women 364 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 1: that are being killed, not even and there's women too, 365 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,880 Speaker 1: but also just like I think, I feel like on Instagram, 366 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,800 Speaker 1: I've just been seeing so many like dark skin women 367 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,040 Speaker 1: of the trains of the Communian just like being dog 368 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:17,399 Speaker 1: and nobody's doing nothing. I used to think, I'm like, 369 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:21,680 Speaker 1: you know, you read the statistics, you hear the stories, 370 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,119 Speaker 1: but you never think that that's gonna be you. I 371 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:28,919 Speaker 1: didn't think that was gonna be me. Um, it was 372 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:32,320 Speaker 1: me like the fly girl that she always you know, 373 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:36,480 Speaker 1: partying fun girl. You know that that moment, I had 374 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,480 Speaker 1: all types of dues. I wasn't taking nobody's hears Every 375 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,320 Speaker 1: life was just fun. I was having a good time. 376 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,760 Speaker 1: And what a lot of people don't understand. When you're 377 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:52,440 Speaker 1: dating as a trans woman, things get very complicated because 378 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:55,840 Speaker 1: we're dealing with these men. They have a lot of 379 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:59,040 Speaker 1: issues that they have. Some of them are not how 380 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:05,720 Speaker 1: they're not open about liking trans women. They're living in 381 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: the dark. They're battling themselves because the church has told 382 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,360 Speaker 1: them that them being who they are is wrong. They're 383 00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:17,640 Speaker 1: gonna go to hell, Society says. He may think to himself, 384 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 1: that is my woman. Society is saying, no, you're still dating. 385 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,280 Speaker 1: To deal with the interactions when he go out in 386 00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:29,080 Speaker 1: public with dating a trans woman. You know, it's so 387 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:31,600 Speaker 1: much that come with it and these and I'm not 388 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:35,960 Speaker 1: taking up for what these men, but I also understand 389 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:41,600 Speaker 1: the other side. What I will say what I think 390 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,879 Speaker 1: one of the reasons why we black trans girl, specifically 391 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:51,120 Speaker 1: the dark skinned ones, we're not protected. You know, nobody 392 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,760 Speaker 1: cares for us. I really feel like the world has 393 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:55,720 Speaker 1: neglected us. And when it comes to l g B 394 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,879 Speaker 1: t Q plus, we're usually at the bottom of the barrel. 395 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 1: Gay men, lesbian women tend to they mock us, they 396 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,639 Speaker 1: treat us bad. But if you go back to the 397 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:11,240 Speaker 1: history of gay rights movement, it was look like Marsha 398 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:16,280 Speaker 1: transgender women of color, Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera 399 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:20,560 Speaker 1: ones that let them. They both transgender women who led 400 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:24,359 Speaker 1: the March Stone Wall, and they are the reasons that 401 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,400 Speaker 1: we have these gay pride events. They are the reason 402 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 1: why we have gay pride parades. So when I see 403 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 1: gay men not stand up for us and tell us 404 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,720 Speaker 1: why we are discussing me or it's wrong. It hurts 405 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:39,639 Speaker 1: my heart because Sylvia Johnson, I mean Sylvia Rivera, Marsha P. 406 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:43,200 Speaker 1: Johnson gave up their lives so that we can today 407 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:48,679 Speaker 1: be free. How dare you? You know? But I don't know. 408 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,000 Speaker 1: It's a lot of bs when it comes down to it. 409 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,080 Speaker 1: And I also think, you know, we don't have adequate 410 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,960 Speaker 1: healthcare for dark skin, I mean for women of color 411 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,879 Speaker 1: just in general, there's no women of color across the 412 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,159 Speaker 1: or we don't have proper health care. No one is 413 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,760 Speaker 1: fighting for us. And then when you trickle it down 414 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 1: to being transgender, there's not many places that you can 415 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,240 Speaker 1: go to to get healthcare. There's not many places that 416 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:15,439 Speaker 1: you can go to to get that help to you 417 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:18,240 Speaker 1: so you can sustain yourself. So many of my sisters 418 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,800 Speaker 1: are out here doing sex. Many of my sisters are 419 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:24,000 Speaker 1: out here. They're just trying to survive. They're trying to 420 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,359 Speaker 1: get it the best way they can. And I always 421 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,720 Speaker 1: assume since I wasn't that kind of girl, like I 422 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:33,960 Speaker 1: have a job for you, that's not gonna happen. But 423 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:39,440 Speaker 1: life shows you I'm still not just carrious and your 424 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,520 Speaker 1: thought about this, what is, how did you feel about 425 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 1: Malik Yoba coming out? See the thing with Malik mr 426 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:52,600 Speaker 1: everybody else as all my home girls that's transgender. They'd 427 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:59,440 Speaker 1: be like, well, because it seems like when I did 428 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,879 Speaker 1: my research, I'm going to say alleged that it was 429 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:06,280 Speaker 1: alleged that he had did something like a come out 430 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:11,320 Speaker 1: about him with a younger trans woman girl. And I 431 00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:14,399 Speaker 1: think in order for him to combat that, let me 432 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,639 Speaker 1: just come out and said I stand with trans women, 433 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 1: I'm trans attracted and blah blah blah. And it's like, 434 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,479 Speaker 1: what do you mean you're trans attractive? So many of 435 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:26,880 Speaker 1: my sisters when they walk into rooms they look like 436 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,680 Speaker 1: and are beautiful women and you and you can't tell. 437 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,879 Speaker 1: So when you say that you are trans attracted, that 438 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:37,160 Speaker 1: puts us in a category as if all the heart, 439 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 1: the work that we do to be who we are 440 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:43,040 Speaker 1: and look how we look is not substantial. What do 441 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 1: you mean you trans attracted? What does that mean? You 442 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,120 Speaker 1: mean you like women? Just that you like? But then 443 00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,479 Speaker 1: how do you feel when you have assis gender women 444 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,679 Speaker 1: woman saying that I get it, I understand that you 445 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:59,080 Speaker 1: are a woman, but you wasn't born biologically a woman. 446 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 1: There's so many arguments and so many I stopped getting 447 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:12,440 Speaker 1: in a comment. I stopped getting in a comment because, yeah, 448 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,639 Speaker 1: I read one woman said, damn, can we have anything? 449 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:20,000 Speaker 1: They even trying to take away our womanhood. I was like, 450 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:29,719 Speaker 1: oh wow, it does bother me because I'm just as 451 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,479 Speaker 1: much of a woman as she is. And if you're 452 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,720 Speaker 1: gonna say that I'm not a woman because I don't 453 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:39,159 Speaker 1: have a vagina, then you don't understand gender identity, you 454 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 1: don't understand sexuality, you don't understand any of those things. 455 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:47,159 Speaker 1: And you're speaking just based off your vagina. As I 456 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:51,399 Speaker 1: said in my last interview, the vagina was created to reproduce. 457 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:56,679 Speaker 1: Those are reproductive organs. That does not make you a woman. 458 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,800 Speaker 1: Somebody said something to me. They were like, you know, 459 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:02,760 Speaker 1: do you think that you want to get faith surgery? 460 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:06,760 Speaker 1: And I said, excuse me, so you could be more feminine. 461 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:11,119 Speaker 1: And I got so upset because I said, all this 462 00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:12,960 Speaker 1: hard work I've been doing and you're gonna come in 463 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,600 Speaker 1: my face and tell me that I need to do 464 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,600 Speaker 1: this because you want me to be the standard of beauty. 465 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:21,920 Speaker 1: What is the standard of beauty? I have black women 466 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:25,520 Speaker 1: women's features, like, is my black feature is not good enough? 467 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 1: Like I need to go and to lay on the 468 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,760 Speaker 1: table and get some European features. UM. To address what 469 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:34,000 Speaker 1: you were saying about um women feeling that we're not 470 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:39,439 Speaker 1: considered women because they are. I think the misconception is 471 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:44,080 Speaker 1: that we're taking from women. We're not taking from you. 472 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:47,719 Speaker 1: Just because a man is attracted to me doesn't mean 473 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,840 Speaker 1: he won't be attracted to her. I think their ideal 474 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:52,920 Speaker 1: of taking from them is the fact that they feel 475 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,159 Speaker 1: like men are just as attracted to us as they 476 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 1: are attracted to them, which is not a bad thing. 477 00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,159 Speaker 1: If a man is attracted to trans women, he's attracted 478 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:05,280 Speaker 1: to a woman. Whatever we have between our legs, it's 479 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:08,160 Speaker 1: none of their business. I'm only intimate with that man. 480 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,040 Speaker 1: We set the rules in the standards in the bedroom. 481 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:15,360 Speaker 1: Why is it such an issue what I have between 482 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,440 Speaker 1: my legs when I don't make it an issue about 483 00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:24,719 Speaker 1: what's between your legs? And so I am black women 484 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,320 Speaker 1: just in general. I don't think that there is a 485 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:32,000 Speaker 1: lot of comaraderie amongst us in general. That's just even 486 00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:37,480 Speaker 1: beyond being transgender. I think that we are very destructive 487 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:41,360 Speaker 1: to one another. I think that we are very um 488 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:44,760 Speaker 1: nasty like it. It's a crabbing, a barrel situation, and 489 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,960 Speaker 1: I think that stems from the fact that of how 490 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,680 Speaker 1: we're just treated in the world, so then we it 491 00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 1: trickles down to how we treat one another. We're not 492 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,120 Speaker 1: super supportive. And I've seen online the growth like we're 493 00:28:56,160 --> 00:29:00,560 Speaker 1: doing this all these women enrichment programs and offerences and 494 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:02,880 Speaker 1: things like that. But on the flip side, you see 495 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:07,440 Speaker 1: them dragging one another and you hear them talking about 496 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:12,120 Speaker 1: black woman's hair or being dark skinned, and how isn't 497 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:16,320 Speaker 1: it a bigger issue that dark skinned models aren't treated 498 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:17,800 Speaker 1: the way they need to be treated like we need 499 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:23,000 Speaker 1: to within our community like that. I don't even got 500 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,400 Speaker 1: nothing to do. But with trans that's just colorism. Like 501 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,440 Speaker 1: if you are dark skinned, you are treated a certain 502 00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:33,160 Speaker 1: way you and I I know it. I think you 503 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:38,840 Speaker 1: know that too. You've being darker skin and look at it. 504 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:40,640 Speaker 1: They put the lighter skin ones in the front, they 505 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:42,240 Speaker 1: put them on the front covers, they put them in 506 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,760 Speaker 1: the TV shows, and they get to tell the stories 507 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,840 Speaker 1: even if it was from a dark skin black That's 508 00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 1: the fight that we have to go through and that 509 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,760 Speaker 1: we've been going through. So I definitely agree with you 510 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,640 Speaker 1: on that one for sure. Because colorism is really big 511 00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:02,800 Speaker 1: within our community. How do you think that it's even 512 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:08,400 Speaker 1: bigger in the trans community. It's big in the trans community. 513 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:12,280 Speaker 1: The lighter skin trans girls are treated, Oh god, They're 514 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:15,800 Speaker 1: put on a pedestal, the lighter skin trans growth. That's 515 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,040 Speaker 1: why I was going so hard, like on my social 516 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,240 Speaker 1: media to showcase, like I know I'm dark skinned, but 517 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,120 Speaker 1: I know I'm beautiful, and I want you to see 518 00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,320 Speaker 1: me every day. I want just I want you to 519 00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,680 Speaker 1: see this because I was just like so many times 520 00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,640 Speaker 1: like my attacker. You know what he told me, he said, 521 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 1: he got into the argument we were arguing that that. 522 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:38,280 Speaker 1: He was like, I don't really want you because I'm 523 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:40,280 Speaker 1: when I get big and I get money, I'll be 524 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:43,280 Speaker 1: fucking bitches like Sydney Star. I said, are used up. 525 00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,960 Speaker 1: The Sydney Start is a lighter skin trans girl and 526 00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:48,520 Speaker 1: she's very popular on social media. I said it, that's 527 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:51,080 Speaker 1: supposed to hurt my feelings and he was like, yeah, 528 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,640 Speaker 1: because I'm nobody want to know dark skin bitch like you. 529 00:30:54,160 --> 00:31:00,200 Speaker 1: I was like, oh yeah, and you see, I was 530 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,520 Speaker 1: playing that in my mind. I'm like he said, You're 531 00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,480 Speaker 1: gonna go get Sydney Star and I'm like my card skin, 532 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,920 Speaker 1: like I'm not good enough. That was really when it 533 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:12,000 Speaker 1: hit me how the power of what men say to 534 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:16,040 Speaker 1: us really determine how we let it determine who we are. 535 00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:18,920 Speaker 1: Because we started to believe it, we start to do 536 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:22,280 Speaker 1: things to ourselves, especially if you've been intimate, and that 537 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:27,040 Speaker 1: we give men a lot of power. Yeah, So, how 538 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,120 Speaker 1: can the listeners out there, and most of the listeners 539 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:32,960 Speaker 1: is predominantly predominantly black women, how can we support more 540 00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:37,080 Speaker 1: women in the transgender community? UM? Depending on what state 541 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:40,520 Speaker 1: you live in, each state has different organizations that provide 542 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:45,320 Speaker 1: services for the whole LGBTQ community and some specializing directly 543 00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:48,840 Speaker 1: and trans help. So I would definitely say hit up 544 00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:52,800 Speaker 1: your online go online and look for the organizations and 545 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:55,560 Speaker 1: hit them up. Even if you're able to give the 546 00:31:55,600 --> 00:32:00,240 Speaker 1: girls like some diode rant or if you could provide clothing, UM, 547 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:03,400 Speaker 1: any type of assistance for hiding, any type of assistance 548 00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:06,560 Speaker 1: for getting jobs, any type of assistance for providing it 549 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,760 Speaker 1: with shelters, any anything that you can do to help 550 00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:15,440 Speaker 1: the community is just so appreciated. Right, How has your 551 00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:20,280 Speaker 1: mental health been affected by this situation. Um, I'm a 552 00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,320 Speaker 1: lot more conscientious of what I'm doing and who I'm 553 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:27,160 Speaker 1: involved with. I pay attention to every sign, every little 554 00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:29,960 Speaker 1: thing I'm paying attention to. I listened to every word. 555 00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:34,160 Speaker 1: Whatever you tell me, I'm paying attention to it. No 556 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,480 Speaker 1: one has been back in my space since the incident, 557 00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:39,480 Speaker 1: and I'm just like, that's why I'm at with it, 558 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:42,400 Speaker 1: Like I don't feel comfortable with anybody touching me or 559 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,840 Speaker 1: having me because I'm just I'm not there. I have 560 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:49,480 Speaker 1: started dating again. I'm in a relationship. So you have 561 00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,840 Speaker 1: a boyfriend right now. I do. I do have a 562 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:55,560 Speaker 1: boyfriend now, And it's so ironic every time we do 563 00:32:55,680 --> 00:33:01,120 Speaker 1: inter of you. I got that's one thing I know 564 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:05,560 Speaker 1: you ain't got a problem with. I do have a boyfriend. 565 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:09,160 Speaker 1: He is aware of what happened to me. We have discussed, like, 566 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:13,080 Speaker 1: I told him everything. I've been super transparent. What I'm 567 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:16,959 Speaker 1: doing differently now with this relationship. I'm playing it straight. 568 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:21,360 Speaker 1: I'm doing the right thing. I am fully committed to him. 569 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:25,200 Speaker 1: I know what I want and I'm going with the flow. 570 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,680 Speaker 1: And I'm also making sure that I set the standards 571 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,360 Speaker 1: for what I will tolerate and when I will not 572 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,600 Speaker 1: tolerate and my other relationships, I didn't do that. I 573 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:34,680 Speaker 1: would just like, okay, whatever, you know, I'm going with 574 00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,240 Speaker 1: the flow. I'm not really, I'm not on that. But 575 00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:39,120 Speaker 1: you really got to set the tone for how you 576 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:40,680 Speaker 1: want to be treated, and you got to set the 577 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,520 Speaker 1: tone from the gate because let you allow will continue. 578 00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:45,920 Speaker 1: What you allow will continue. So if they pull a 579 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,600 Speaker 1: sunt the first time, you check it, and if you 580 00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,080 Speaker 1: don't get it together, you leave him. That's why I'm 581 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,640 Speaker 1: at with it now. I used to be afraid that, 582 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:55,280 Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to lose him. I don't 583 00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:56,960 Speaker 1: want to lose this guy. I really like him. Now 584 00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,560 Speaker 1: I'm like, if I have to leave you in order 585 00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:01,960 Speaker 1: for me to be happy, I would leave you. I 586 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:06,240 Speaker 1: would leave anybody. I will. I'm not afraid to drop 587 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:09,560 Speaker 1: any person if it's going to affect the way I 588 00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:11,640 Speaker 1: feel about myself and the work that I've done to 589 00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,600 Speaker 1: be the woman I am today. I'm not toleranting. I 590 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,680 Speaker 1: also feel like you're matured in the sense and not 591 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,600 Speaker 1: just after the situation that you experienced. For like, I 592 00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:23,239 Speaker 1: feel like when you was first starting to become within 593 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:26,720 Speaker 1: your transition of of your womanhood. You know, you was fun. 594 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:28,920 Speaker 1: You was out there, you were doing turking videos. You 595 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:33,399 Speaker 1: was like, but now I feel like you. I think 596 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:36,040 Speaker 1: you're you're becomming. So now you have a more sense 597 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,080 Speaker 1: of who you are and I feel like you you 598 00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:40,279 Speaker 1: cut that down a lot because you don't want people 599 00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,600 Speaker 1: to look at you as oh, she likes to work 600 00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:45,319 Speaker 1: this that, because that's not who you are. I'm more 601 00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:49,480 Speaker 1: than that and at dynamic. And what my therapist told 602 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:50,879 Speaker 1: me the other day, she was like, have you ever 603 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,080 Speaker 1: taken a moment to just look at your life and 604 00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:56,080 Speaker 1: how much you've overcome and how how what you got 605 00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:59,879 Speaker 1: going on? I was like no. She was like, take 606 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,279 Speaker 1: a moment to just gaze at the landscape and see 607 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,520 Speaker 1: what you've done and how far you've come, and how 608 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:10,080 Speaker 1: you maintain yourself. And you are such a brilliant young lady. 609 00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,160 Speaker 1: And that's why I'm at with it now. It's like 610 00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:20,880 Speaker 1: I'm I'm valuing myself. Yeah, because if I didn't, if 611 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,200 Speaker 1: I did value myself like the way I should have 612 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:28,520 Speaker 1: valued myself, these players won't even get a chance. But 613 00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:30,920 Speaker 1: now I'm in a place now you gotta do what 614 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,839 Speaker 1: you gotta do. If you're gonna have me and if 615 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:34,640 Speaker 1: you're not gonna do what you're gonna do this, it's 616 00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,960 Speaker 1: deuces like, it is what it is. And I know 617 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,320 Speaker 1: you're still in therapy now right Absolutely, I'll never stop. 618 00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:47,080 Speaker 1: Yeah that's really good. I definitely see the the growth 619 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,480 Speaker 1: within you from when I first met you to a 620 00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:53,800 Speaker 1: react now. Yeah, I'm I felt like a whole different person. 621 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:58,680 Speaker 1: I definitely. I have one of the women that I know, 622 00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:00,600 Speaker 1: I told them about what happened to because she wasn't 623 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:02,120 Speaker 1: one of the ones that I used to give attitude 624 00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:03,960 Speaker 1: to when I was really going through the phase. And 625 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,960 Speaker 1: she was just like, now, I understand why you were 626 00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,520 Speaker 1: when you were, and I knew something was different because 627 00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:13,000 Speaker 1: you just wasn't your bubbly self. Yeah, looking back on it, 628 00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:16,680 Speaker 1: I definitely see the difference for sure. Yeah. And she 629 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,120 Speaker 1: just told me, she said, even though it hurts you, 630 00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:22,840 Speaker 1: look at it as a lesson. Mhm. She said, maybe 631 00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:25,840 Speaker 1: you were just having so much fun that you weren't 632 00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,839 Speaker 1: thinking about the people that you're interacting with. You just 633 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:31,200 Speaker 1: was having a good time. She said, there's nothing wrong 634 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:32,640 Speaker 1: with having a good time, but you got to know 635 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:34,759 Speaker 1: who you're having a good time with, because everybody is 636 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:40,080 Speaker 1: not there to love you. Yeah. Um. Last list some 637 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:41,680 Speaker 1: of the advice she would give to our listeners out 638 00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:46,040 Speaker 1: there that have been sexually trans uh, sexually assaulted. Um, 639 00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:49,160 Speaker 1: if you've been sexually assaulted, please don't do like I did. 640 00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:53,440 Speaker 1: Go get help, tell somebody. Don't sit in your house 641 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:55,960 Speaker 1: and keep it to yourself. That's the worst thing you 642 00:36:56,000 --> 00:37:01,919 Speaker 1: could do. Tell somebody. Talk to somebody. You cannot fight 643 00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:06,440 Speaker 1: this battle by yourself. I've learned that I need people. 644 00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:08,680 Speaker 1: I used to think I was so independent. I don't 645 00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,400 Speaker 1: need no lotty and not even need people. You need community, 646 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:14,520 Speaker 1: and you need community like I didn't think I needed that, 647 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:16,280 Speaker 1: Like I was like, girl, I'm like, I'm making money, 648 00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,160 Speaker 1: I'm in my life. I don't need y'all. Like, if 649 00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:21,480 Speaker 1: y'all want to go. It is what it is when 650 00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:24,520 Speaker 1: you sitting in your room by yourself, when you're looking 651 00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:29,040 Speaker 1: at them four walls and you ain't got nobody. It's 652 00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:33,200 Speaker 1: the worst feeling in the world. Appreciate your people, talk 653 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:37,880 Speaker 1: to somebody, build relationships, love those who love you. Do 654 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,200 Speaker 1: not go into spaces that make you feel inadequate, that 655 00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,440 Speaker 1: bring down your self esteem, that makes you feel like 656 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:46,480 Speaker 1: you're not good enough, and I used to do that 657 00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,799 Speaker 1: to conform, like I just wanted to get along, like 658 00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:53,000 Speaker 1: I just wanted to be around. Yeah. No, I'm really 659 00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:55,040 Speaker 1: proud of you, I feel like and then we do 660 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,640 Speaker 1: have a good friendship. You know, we keep in contact 661 00:37:57,680 --> 00:37:59,640 Speaker 1: with each other, and I've definitely seen your growth and 662 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:04,359 Speaker 1: I'm looking for and seeing more of you along your 663 00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:08,000 Speaker 1: journey of becoming a dope ass woman. So I'm really 664 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:10,560 Speaker 1: proud of you. You know, you gotta give yourself pross 665 00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:13,600 Speaker 1: because life is not as easy as we would like it. 666 00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:17,880 Speaker 1: But life ain't fair, but life is fun still, and 667 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:22,360 Speaker 1: his life is generous. So I'm happy that you're okay. 668 00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:25,839 Speaker 1: You're in the best space. Yeah, and you ever need 669 00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:27,839 Speaker 1: to reach out and talk to anybody, you know, I'm 670 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:32,080 Speaker 1: here for you. I have you know what's crazy. I 671 00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:34,520 Speaker 1: wanted to hit you up earlier on. I was like, 672 00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,040 Speaker 1: maybe she will understand because you have so many people 673 00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:41,680 Speaker 1: that you talked to like you you are unbuiased. But 674 00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:45,040 Speaker 1: again I thought I was ashamed. I wasn't gonna tell nobody. 675 00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,640 Speaker 1: I was like, no, I can't tell you that that 676 00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:51,640 Speaker 1: ain't that happened to me. Now, you really, I would 677 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:55,239 Speaker 1: definitely not judge you like, no, what he did he 678 00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:59,840 Speaker 1: completely violated. Yeah, well I called him a fucking roach, 679 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:06,760 Speaker 1: so mad like I can't. But you know, I definitely 680 00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:09,400 Speaker 1: appreciate you sharing your story on the podcast because I 681 00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:11,480 Speaker 1: feel like more people need to hear it is. We 682 00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:14,360 Speaker 1: need to like, you know, we gotta come together and 683 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:17,640 Speaker 1: not let this happen to somebody else, you know, right 684 00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:21,600 Speaker 1: about that about it? Y'all have any questions, commental concerns, 685 00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,680 Speaker 1: please hit me up and hello at the PhD podcast 686 00:39:24,719 --> 00:39:26,440 Speaker 1: dot com if you want to connect with my guests, 687 00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:28,160 Speaker 1: but I'm pretty sure she might not have a problem 688 00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:31,400 Speaker 1: with hit me up, I connect you with her on 689 00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:36,320 Speaker 1: her social media and until next time, guys. Later