WEBVTT - Finding the Link Between Financial Wealth & Happiness 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.960 This is Bloomberg Business Week with Carol Messer and Tim 0:00:04.000 --> 0:00:07.920 Stenebek on Bloomberg Radio. Speaking of things changing, we are 0:00:07.960 --> 0:00:11.440 really many of us rethinking our lives post pandemic, how 0:00:11.480 --> 0:00:14.600 we work, where we work, the stuff we have, how 0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:16.959 we want to live our lives, experience it. And I 0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:18.680 think one of the questions we ask a lot is 0:00:19.040 --> 0:00:20.160 when is enough enough? 0:00:20.760 --> 0:00:22.880 That's a question actually that our next guest struggled with 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:25.160 for years when she found herself stuck on the treadmill 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:29.200 of professional life. She earned more money, she accomplished more professionally, 0:00:29.240 --> 0:00:32.080 she got awards, but she was still unsatisfied with her 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:35.839 life and things suffered. Her relationship suffered, her health suffered, 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:37.839 and even her self worth all right. 0:00:37.880 --> 0:00:39.519 So to get out of this rut, she developed a 0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:41.680 blueprint that she's written about in a new book. So 0:00:41.720 --> 0:00:44.199 we are delighted to have with us financial advisor at 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:46.960 Minisha Deacor. She is author of the new book Money's In, 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:51.280 The Secret to Finding Your Enough. She has worked for 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:54.080 many years her background in financial services, and today she 0:00:54.160 --> 0:00:57.000 joins us on zoom in Maine. Minsha, good to have 0:00:57.040 --> 0:01:00.800 you here on Bloomberg Business Week. Tell us about your 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:03.240 journey that ended up in this book Money's in. 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:07.760 Sure, and thank you Carolyntim for having me. So I 0:01:07.959 --> 0:01:12.840 woke up midlife at fifty realizing that ever since I 0:01:12.880 --> 0:01:17.000 graduated from Harvard Business School, I had been living a 0:01:17.080 --> 0:01:21.240 life where I was surviving as a human doing and 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:25.399 not thriving as a human being. I literally had spent 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:29.400 thirty years of my life on this twenty four to 0:01:29.400 --> 0:01:35.080 seven Hamster reel of never Enough, and I hit a wall. 0:01:35.200 --> 0:01:39.319 I became very very ill, and it all just came 0:01:39.360 --> 0:01:43.560 together for me that I had been driven by toxic 0:01:43.800 --> 0:01:49.040 beliefs and behaviors around work, money, success, accomplishments. I wanted 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:52.440 to understand how that happened, and when I figured it out, 0:01:52.520 --> 0:01:54.520 I wanted to just share the answer with people, and 0:01:54.560 --> 0:01:55.559 that's why I wrote the book. 0:01:55.640 --> 0:01:58.280 So what would you describe as being toxic about those things? 0:01:58.280 --> 0:02:00.520 Because for a lot of people, I think, you know, 0:02:00.560 --> 0:02:03.160 they think that perhaps the things that you experienced are 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:04.520 in fact motivating to them. 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:10.480 Yeah, So here's the thing. The difference is when you 0:02:10.880 --> 0:02:15.720 feel that no matter how much you earn, how much 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:21.720 you achieve, how many accolades you receive, it's just never enough, 0:02:22.400 --> 0:02:25.360 and almost kind of like you feel like you're never enough. 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:28.320 In other words, that line keeps moving forward and there's 0:02:28.360 --> 0:02:31.959 a lack of satisfaction as you hit those various goals. 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:35.480 If you're feeling great as you're hitting those goals, and 0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:38.760 then you don't have this problem. But the thing that 0:02:39.320 --> 0:02:43.000 really distinguishes I think people who are struggling with the 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:46.040 cult of the never enough the way I was, is 0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:49.920 an inability to kind of disconnect from this feeling that 0:02:50.000 --> 0:02:54.679 the only answer to feeling better be it at work 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:57.840 professionally is more, do more, be more? 0:02:58.560 --> 0:03:01.840 And can I keep in for a second, because it's funny. 0:03:01.880 --> 0:03:03.679 We were talking about this on our planning call, and 0:03:03.760 --> 0:03:09.200 it's like, you know, people who often reach levels of 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:13.320 success like yourself, financial as well as professional, and then 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:16.280 all of a sudden they take a moment and they're like, yeah, 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:19.040 I don't need any of this, Like it's you know, 0:03:19.560 --> 0:03:22.040 it's kind of easy to say maybe from your vantage point, 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:28.320 I think, so help us understand that. So and I'll 0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:30.000 go on as basic as we were asking on a call, 0:03:30.080 --> 0:03:31.639 is it's just you know, kind of rich people saying 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:34.880 this after making money to be fair, Yeah, no, I mean. 0:03:34.760 --> 0:03:37.760 That's an excellent question. No, I mean I in my research, 0:03:37.800 --> 0:03:40.640 I talked to yoga instructors who felt this exact same way. 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:44.760 I talked to academics who are woefully underpaid, who felt 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:48.560 the exact same way. It spans all income and ages. 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:53.040 It doesn't have to do, interestingly enough, with the income 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:56.160 level or the amount of network that you have. What 0:03:56.200 --> 0:03:59.320 it has to do with is this feeling of emptiness 0:03:59.360 --> 0:04:04.720 inside of you, which many many executive coaches tell me 0:04:04.800 --> 0:04:08.040 that anywhere from seventy five to one hundred percent of 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:13.040 their successful clients are driven by this. And so it 0:04:13.080 --> 0:04:16.960 is this feeling in our culture that we are what 0:04:17.040 --> 0:04:19.560 we do, no matter what that profession is or it 0:04:19.600 --> 0:04:24.160 pays and when, and unless we keep excelling it, that 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:27.479 we don't exist as humans. That's the core of the 0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:31.560 problem that I'm discussing. Definitely not a rich person problem. 0:04:31.839 --> 0:04:36.320 So let's transition to the solution here and how people 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:39.800 make that transformation. How you found that blueprint, how you 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:42.840 wrote that blueprint. The first step, I guess is recognizing 0:04:43.200 --> 0:04:48.039 you know that somebody actually needs this kind of help. 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:50.360 But how do you make this transformation internally? 0:04:51.520 --> 0:04:54.400 Yeah? So three steps. One, If you feel like the 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:58.479 answer to self worth equals question is not something you're 0:04:58.520 --> 0:05:01.160 happy about. That's the sign you need to do this. 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:05.279 In my case, it was self worth equals networth. In 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:07.640 the case of a yoga instructor I talked to, it 0:05:07.680 --> 0:05:09.800 was self worth equals the number of students in your 0:05:09.800 --> 0:05:13.960 class academics. Self worth equals the number of papers I published, 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:17.120 how many times they're cited. If you're confused, go to 0:05:17.160 --> 0:05:20.520 money zen quiz dot com and it'll help you see 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:24.120 if your cult trapped in this cult of never enough. 0:05:24.800 --> 0:05:28.200 Step two is not fun because it's not quick. I 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:35.039 identified four buckets of pain points, personal smallti traumas, cultural norms, 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:40.920 societal influences, and evolutionary biological factors that come together in 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:44.200 unique ways for all of us to create that whole 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:47.640 that we're trying to fill with more money, accolade success, 0:05:47.800 --> 0:05:52.800 et cetera. And Step three is then to replace that 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:57.119 negative modeling self worth equals something that's sucking you down 0:05:58.000 --> 0:06:01.440 because you now have the understanding of that came from, 0:06:02.000 --> 0:06:05.480 and replace it with a new mental framework of financial 0:06:05.600 --> 0:06:10.600 health plus emotional wealth. Is what's going to drive long 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:14.520 term life satisfaction or what I call money zen. And 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:18.800 what's important is that financial health number that varies for everyone. 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:23.799 The definition is you can meet your expenses comfortably without 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:26.640 stressing out about money. You've got a safety net and 0:06:26.680 --> 0:06:29.200 you feel good about your savings plan for the future, 0:06:29.200 --> 0:06:30.479 but you're not living in the future. 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:33.360 So a financial component though. It's like, it's funny. I 0:06:33.400 --> 0:06:35.839 remember when E Pray Love came out and I think 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:38.000 Oprah was on air saying everybody should do that, like 0:06:38.040 --> 0:06:39.760 take a year off, and it's like, okay, but I 0:06:39.839 --> 0:06:42.320 got to pay the rent. Tell yeah, exactly, thank you, 0:06:42.440 --> 0:06:44.520 Thank you, Oprah. I agree we should all do that, 0:06:44.920 --> 0:06:47.960 so and forgive me love you, Oprah. But I'm just 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:50.839 trying to say, like, yeah, there's a reality aspect of this. 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:54.840 And you mentioned money. I mean you still have to support. 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:59.800 Yourself absolutely, And that brings me to the second piece, 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:04.440 which is emotional wealth that I found. I was literally 0:07:04.440 --> 0:07:09.360 emotionally bankrupt. I was divorced, I had no hobbies, I 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:15.280 had no friends. And this isn't simply because of the 0:07:15.360 --> 0:07:17.880 industry that I was in. This can happen in any 0:07:17.920 --> 0:07:24.720 profession that you invest. You allocate all of your scarce resource, 0:07:24.920 --> 0:07:28.080 most scarce resource of time into the work bucket. We 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:30.320 all know acid allocation is one of the most important 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:33.480 things in portfolio performance over the long run. And my 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:38.240 argument is societally, we are not encouraged to allocate our 0:07:38.280 --> 0:07:42.680 scarce resource of time to emotional wealth at the same 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:46.160 time that we're allocating it to financial health. And emotional 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:50.120 wealth doesn't have to be expensive, it can be. I 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:53.240 know this sounds trite, but literally we have an epidemic 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:57.840 of loneliness, disconnection, anxiety, stress. It could be picking up 0:07:57.840 --> 0:07:59.920 the phone, call the phone and talking to a friend, 0:08:00.040 --> 0:08:03.720 it could be stepping up outside in nature. But the 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:08.160 key point is we value each other for what we do, 0:08:08.880 --> 0:08:11.960 and as a result, we've lost connection with the value 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:15.840 that comes from investing along our lives in the things 0:08:15.840 --> 0:08:18.160 that make us happy, many of which don't cost a 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:18.760 lot of money. 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:20.800 Minitia, I got to tell you I took the quiz 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:25.040 at moneys in dot com slash quiz, and my results 0:08:25.120 --> 0:08:26.920 I will share them now. I tend to focus more 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:28.680 on financial health. That said, so, it sounds like I 0:08:28.720 --> 0:08:31.040 need a little bit of a help with this blueprint. 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:35.160 A lot of us in the Bloomberg world. That's how 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:37.040 we are. That's what I wrote the book. 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:39.920 Fun Stuff and fun to get some time. Glad to 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:43.200 hear though, that you are on a better trajectory as well. Congratulations, 0:08:43.200 --> 0:08:47.160 Money's In the Secret of Finding Your Enough our thanks 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:51.040 to Militia to Core as we said, the book is 0:08:51.040 --> 0:08:52.839 Money's In and joining us on Zoom from Maine. 0:08:52.880 --> 0:08:53.520 You took the quiz. 0:08:53.640 --> 0:08:56.040 I took the quiz. Yeah, moneys in dot com slash 0:08:56.120 --> 0:08:58.480 quiz and what was your result? I focus more on 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:00.720 financial health rather than emotional health. 0:09:00.880 --> 0:09:01.800 I'm going to do this. 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:06.000 You got to, you gotta do it. This one is 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:07.760 easier because there are no wrong answers. 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:10.000 Okay, but it tells you what you are. 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:11.880 It tells you what you are, which might be scarier.