WEBVTT - Is it Mom Brain or Burnout? w/ Troian Bellisario 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:08.960 Hi, everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. In this episode, 0:00:09.000 --> 0:00:12.039 we are talking about a very familiar feeling for a 0:00:12.080 --> 0:00:16.480 lot of parents, and that feeling is called burnout. Okay, 0:00:16.480 --> 0:00:18.439 it's not just feeling stressed out. It is a long 0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:22.000 lasting feeling of stress, exhaustion. It leads to emotional detachment, 0:00:22.040 --> 0:00:24.959 feeling generally ineffective. It is a very real thing, you guys, 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:27.880 and it also sometimes it can be difficult to admit 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:29.920 that you're going through it because so many of us, 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:32.760 me especially, want to act like we've got this whole 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:36.440 mother thing, motherhood thing very you know, covered, and we're 0:00:36.479 --> 0:00:40.640 all just showing what we think our representatives should be. 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:43.040 It's an easy trap to fall into, and especially in 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:44.479 this day and age, when we feel like we have 0:00:44.560 --> 0:00:47.199 to be going seven. Our phones are always on, we're 0:00:47.200 --> 0:00:49.680 always reachable. We're being pulled in so many different directions 0:00:49.720 --> 0:00:52.120 work life, home life, responsibilities as a mom, a wife, 0:00:52.159 --> 0:00:54.680 a friend. The lift goes the list. Excuse me, guys, 0:00:54.680 --> 0:00:58.680 that's the burnout. Talking goes on and on on um 0:00:59.280 --> 0:01:03.840 and I think, on top of it all, I think 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:06.959 how much we're working these days makes it really hard 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:09.880 to really sit down and think about who the hell 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:13.240 we really are. And I think motherhood is the biggest 0:01:13.360 --> 0:01:17.319 sort of identity shift and it has been so far 0:01:17.360 --> 0:01:19.640 in my life. And I was really interested to bring 0:01:19.640 --> 0:01:23.319 on my dear dear friend Troy and Belisario, who is 0:01:23.360 --> 0:01:27.080 a close friend for a very long time, a beautiful 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:31.080 new mother, an exceptional human being, to talk about this. 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:33.360 And we're here to talk about your experiences of being 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:36.319 a new mom and going through how we talk about 0:01:36.360 --> 0:01:40.320 and deal with this new mom life. So let's get started. Hi, 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:45.000 Troy and Hi? I was like, when do I talk? Also, 0:01:45.240 --> 0:01:48.000 you have to understand it's this new mom thing is 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:51.760 so recent for me that I was listening to you 0:01:52.680 --> 0:01:55.760 speaking in the opening and totally imagining myself as I 0:01:55.800 --> 0:01:59.160 have with every other episode of this podcast, Pregnant behind 0:01:59.160 --> 0:02:02.080 the Wheel of my are just listening and like just 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:06.720 being like, Katie, give me everything, tell me everything I know. 0:02:06.880 --> 0:02:10.480 I honestly was like, waiting, when is they too? Like? Guys, 0:02:10.480 --> 0:02:12.120 Try and I are very good friends, and I literally 0:02:12.200 --> 0:02:14.160 been sitting here being like, when is it too soon 0:02:14.240 --> 0:02:16.200 to ask? Try? And Belt sorry to be a guest 0:02:16.200 --> 0:02:18.960 on my podcast, And I think I've made it, like Pat, 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:23.600 like I think we're past the fourth trimester. We are, absolutely, 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:26.760 We're just hilarious because I just finished as I passed 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:29.840 the fourth trimester. I finished that like Happiest Baby on 0:02:29.880 --> 0:02:33.040 the block book Perfect. We had Dr Carpon as a guest, 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:36.800 which I obviously loved, and I read the book like voraciously. 0:02:36.880 --> 0:02:38.600 I devoured it and I was like, oh, that's gonna 0:02:38.600 --> 0:02:40.640 be so helpful. And the last line is like and 0:02:40.680 --> 0:02:42.520 so when you're out of the fourth trimester, it will 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:44.240 be a whole new set of things. And I was like, 0:02:44.600 --> 0:02:47.480 I'm literally out of the fourth trimester tomorrow, glad I 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:50.600 put stop reading this book, and this ship doesn't end. 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:53.560 Sometimes it occurs to me that like, my kid's going 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:56.440 to be a teenager, Like, oh my god, like that 0:02:56.520 --> 0:02:59.200 when he at one, my kids started hitting people all 0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:02.640 the time, included, And I texted the doctor like so 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:04.440 freaked down. She was like, well, Lucy, hasn't spit in 0:03:04.480 --> 0:03:06.120 your face and said, fuck you mom yet? And I 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:08.639 was like, oh my god, I'm going to happen. That's 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:10.959 like a thing. Yeah, like we're going to be raising 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:15.400 human beings. Um so, speaking about you being a relatively 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:19.880 new mom, yes, how in the hell are you holding up. Um, 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:24.799 you know, it's very funny. Last night I went out, 0:03:25.160 --> 0:03:28.800 I of course, mom Brane, like I thought I had dinner. 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:30.919 It's a real thing. I thought I had a dinner. 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:34.639 So I asked our wonderful nanny to come and watch her. 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:36.520 And then of course the dinner was like next week. 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:40.080 And so I was asking Patrick, my husband, is so 0:03:40.240 --> 0:03:42.440 something you would have never done before? Having a right, 0:03:43.200 --> 0:03:45.480 That's what mom Brane is You guys like it is 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:48.520 literally making mistakes you would never like, showing up on 0:03:48.560 --> 0:03:51.160 the wrong place and the wrong day. It's crazy. I mean, 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:53.520 I I fully the the entire drive over here. I 0:03:53.600 --> 0:03:55.400 had to check my calendar like three times. I was like, 0:03:55.680 --> 0:03:58.560 it is at Katie's house and it is at one thirty. 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:01.920 I know this, but I have to keep on checking. Um. 0:04:02.000 --> 0:04:04.680 So he was like, it's okay, let's go take a 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:09.040 night out. Let's go see a movie. And it was amazing. 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:11.840 We went out, we saw a movie that we were 0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:14.640 standing outside and he we've been talking a lot about 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:16.599 if there's anything he can do to help me with 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:19.880 my exhaustion or anything like that, and I was I 0:04:19.960 --> 0:04:21.360 just kind of said, I was like, you know, when 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:23.840 you're a little kid and you're so tired you just 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:27.279 want to cry. I was like, so if you see 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:30.039 me crying, it's just that kind of like like, I'm 0:04:30.040 --> 0:04:32.240 just a little kid right now. I'm just so tired 0:04:32.960 --> 0:04:36.279 to cry, you know. But it's it's it's awesome and 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:38.960 it's totally to be expected. You're saying this ship and 0:04:39.040 --> 0:04:41.320 I'm literally looking at you being like, I am I 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:46.479 gonna have a second kid? Why? Because you're just gonna 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:51.719 think of that? Yeah. Yeah. I'm literally sitting here being like, Wow, 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:56.479 I don't life is funny either burnout brain or mom brain, 0:04:56.520 --> 0:04:58.320 which sounds like we're gonna get into this. We have 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:03.000 a combo plant going on, We're to do um. I 0:05:03.000 --> 0:05:04.960 am sitting here being like, am I ever going to 0:05:05.000 --> 0:05:07.080 have a second child? That is so scary to even ask, 0:05:07.120 --> 0:05:09.159 And I'm asking all of my listeners on Katie's Crib 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:11.200 when you think if you think one, will it happen? 0:05:11.360 --> 0:05:13.360 But it is. It is interesting too because I actually 0:05:13.440 --> 0:05:15.400 we we know, we now know a lot of people 0:05:15.400 --> 0:05:18.080 who have chosen to because they are in the mode 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:20.800 of the baby. You know, they're like they're choosing to 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:23.280 have bang it out, to bang it out exactly like 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:26.360 and and that to me, I think, particularly because Patrick 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:28.800 and I we have so many years in between us 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:31.640 and our siblings both above and below. I love hearing this. 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:34.039 Yeah oh yeah, so like it's very funny. We're like 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:38.200 almost identical. So Patrick, his eldest sister is six years 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:40.760 above him, as younger sisters six years and they're really tight. 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:44.480 They're all super tight. And then my my older brother 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:46.400 is six years above me. My younger brother is six 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:49.560 years below me. So we have the exact same mirroring 0:05:49.640 --> 0:05:53.479 in our family. And we really loved being the middle child, 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:56.159 having an older sibling that we really looked up to, 0:05:56.720 --> 0:05:59.680 and also having a younger sibling that was like our baby. 0:06:00.000 --> 0:06:02.000 Oh my god, this is so relieving. So you don't 0:06:02.040 --> 0:06:05.360 feel inherently because of how you were raised and how 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:08.240 you feel good with your yeah, the family structure, you 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:10.760 don't feel rushed. No, no, no, no, I don't feel rushed. 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:13.440 And also, like I think it's awesome when siblings are 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:16.000 super close together. I've just never had that, you know. 0:06:16.080 --> 0:06:19.080 It's like my my siblings also like we were never 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:22.160 in the same class or like even in school together. 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:24.680 You know, it's like we were all in elementary school, 0:06:24.760 --> 0:06:27.120 middle school, or high school. Like, so we moved through. 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:29.640 From an outsider's eye, it sounds like you're doing good 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:31.640 because you made it to a movie last night, which 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:34.800 is fucking epic, Like that's really impressive. Well, that you 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:41.200 look great, But it's really about people in my life, Patrick, 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:45.000 my therapist, my friends, my parents who have all been 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:48.200 encouraging me either like asked for help if you need 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:50.719 a night awesome. We haven't talked about that in a long, 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:53.360 hot minute on this show. That is really the thing. 0:06:53.400 --> 0:06:55.160 And this is what we talk about as far as 0:06:55.240 --> 0:06:59.400 like we'll get into this a minute, but this whole millennials. 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:02.360 You and I are both millennials. I'm on the I 0:07:02.360 --> 0:07:04.159 think I'm the first year of it. I was born 0:07:04.160 --> 0:07:06.839 an eighty two and you're more than I don't know 0:07:06.839 --> 0:07:08.760 where you are, but you're in the millennial thing. But 0:07:09.200 --> 0:07:13.040 there's this whole thing about millennials burning out and always 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:17.040 working hard, busting ass. It's never enough, you know, go 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:18.880 go go, go, go, go go. We came of age 0:07:18.920 --> 0:07:20.560 at the cell phone, so you're reachable all the time. 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:24.000 You should be able to work and it it makes 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:28.000 motherhood hard because it feels like we should just always 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:31.000 be kicking ass and taking names, and really it takes 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:34.120 a lot of fucking help and it's so hard. Well 0:07:34.160 --> 0:07:37.400 it's wild because and I find this, particularly with the phones, 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:42.960 that I really I really don't want her to have 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:45.760 screen time me either. And I mean, look, she's four 0:07:45.760 --> 0:07:47.960 months old right now, so good time, you're doing great. 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:50.040 I'm doing great so far, although it is really tough 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:51.280 when I want to take a bunch of photos of 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:56.520 her and I'm just sorry ignoring, but but so i 0:07:56.640 --> 0:08:00.280 have my phone somewhere near me, and I'm breastfeeding like 0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:02.480 a lot during the day, and I noticed that like 0:08:02.880 --> 0:08:04.920 when I'm breastfeeding, I just want to be with her 0:08:05.360 --> 0:08:06.920 and I want to be present. I want to be 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:09.560 looking at her, and I can feel whether it's on 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:13.960 my amphone, I just feel buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, And people 0:08:13.960 --> 0:08:17.000 who don't have babies or don't know obviously, they don't 0:08:17.040 --> 0:08:19.920 know that I'm with her, like they don't get why 0:08:20.000 --> 0:08:23.400 it's not and they're not responding right away. Yeah, and 0:08:23.480 --> 0:08:25.840 it's and and also it's so crazy because right now 0:08:25.880 --> 0:08:28.120 she's at a time where she can't sit up on 0:08:28.160 --> 0:08:31.240 her own. She I can lay her down, but after 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:33.280 you know, a minute or two of looking at a thing, 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:36.000 she wants to be onto something else. So it's it's 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:39.559 totally constant. And really the only breaks that I get 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:41.880 her when I put her down to sleep, um, you know, 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:43.880 in her naps, and who knows if that will be 0:08:44.000 --> 0:08:48.120 five minutes or an hour um, And so they asking 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:51.319 for help whether it's just like you know, Patrick, can 0:08:51.360 --> 0:08:53.200 you hold her for an hour while I go on 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:55.480 a ugon so like I can get out and like 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:59.320 sweat today that it really I find that when I 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:02.040 come back her and I pick her up, it's like 0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:05.200 a battery that's been recharged. Suddenly, I'm like not to planet, 0:09:05.320 --> 0:09:11.200 I'm not you know that is it to replenished completed, 0:09:11.360 --> 0:09:15.960 you guys, this is I'm not replenished or I am 0:09:16.160 --> 0:09:19.840 Can we because I started as a hashtag, because we're 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:23.360 making up work? Can you please just yeah, you're not. Also, 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:25.440 I'm applauding you for movies, and I'm applauding you for 0:09:25.480 --> 0:09:28.400 not looking your phone breastfeeding because my mom used to 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:30.760 be like, you're not putting the phone near his head 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:33.720 while your breastfeeding the whole time, six times a day, 0:09:33.800 --> 0:09:36.160 Like I feel like the radio waves. I'm like, oh mom, 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:38.240 I'm looking at my fucking cell phone the entire time 0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:40.920 I was breastfeeding. It's horrible. It's not horrible, but I 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:42.800 did have I think where it's like come on, like, well, 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:44.680 it's my cellphone is always near me, so like what 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:46.840 about me? And then I was like, well, the brain plate, 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:52.200 it's not you're doing, it's she still has space in there. 0:09:52.200 --> 0:09:56.360 So I do remember being so relieved though, Like my supply, 0:09:56.480 --> 0:10:00.200 my milk supply went down and someone had said, well 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:02.079 are you getting Are you looking at your phone while 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:04.720 you're pumping at work? Because the stress will make it 0:10:04.920 --> 0:10:07.040 so that you make less milk, And that was one 0:10:07.480 --> 0:10:09.600 as soon as I I think it was Kristen Bell 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:11.600 actually with him, she would say, like, you have to 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:13.960 go and like literally meditate while you pump. It's the 0:10:14.000 --> 0:10:15.800 only way that milk is going to come out like 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:20.120 it feels stressed fucking crazy. Okay, guys, I want to 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:22.240 take a little break here to discuss the app that 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:25.040 I've been telling you guys about once again. You guys. 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:29.120 It is called drop spelled d r o P. If 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:32.040 you haven't downloaded yet, oh my gosh, please do it. 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:34.760 Is a must. It is making my life so much easier. 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:37.760 All you need to do you download the free app, 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:40.240 Yes I did say free. You link your Debitter credit 0:10:40.240 --> 0:10:41.960 card to the app, and then you're done. You're easily 0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:44.400 going to start gaining points every time you shop at 0:10:44.440 --> 0:10:48.439 all your favorite stores. The stores can include you know, Target, Starbucks, 0:10:48.440 --> 0:10:50.800 so for a whole foods and like so many others. 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:53.320 And after just a few trips to the store, then 0:10:53.480 --> 0:10:56.200 you're able to redeem your points for gift cards at 0:10:56.240 --> 0:10:59.880 all of these places. It's like cyclically amazing. So we're 0:11:00.000 --> 0:11:03.199 member to use my code Katie's Crib. Then you get 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:06.520 a five dollar Starbucks gift card immediately just for signing 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:10.800 up and linking your card again. The code is Katie's Crib. Okay, 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:13.680 let's get back to Katie's Crib. I don't know if 0:11:13.720 --> 0:11:16.080 you guys listening have read this article. If you haven't, 0:11:16.160 --> 0:11:17.920 I really encourage you too, because I feel like a 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:20.439 lot of the listeners are all millennials. But there was 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:23.400 this popular BuzzFeed article by Anne Helen Peterson in January 0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:27.160 called how Millennials became the Burnout Generation, which just is 0:11:27.320 --> 0:11:31.439 angering that title it is. I sent it to you 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:34.320 and what did you think. Immediately Immediately, I was like, 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:36.680 there's no way I'm touching this. This isn't true. And 0:11:36.679 --> 0:11:39.079 then I read it and I was like, oh, this 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:42.680 is so accurate, you guys. The article talks about this 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:45.920 widespread feeling of burnout among millennials, the generation of adults 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:48.160 board between eighty one and ninety six. It breaks down 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:50.800 some of the factors contributing to this, such as, you guys, 0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:54.720 the unstable economy and job market, the intensive parenting that 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:57.000 trained us to be in the constant state of working, 0:11:57.320 --> 0:11:59.679 a generation of Type A students who have become now 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:04.559 Tie A parents. Um, first and foremost, had you feel 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:07.480 this burnout? Oh God? Also just that last sentence of 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:10.680 like the type A people that are going to become 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:15.320 the Type A parents. Oh wow. So I mean it's real, 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:18.720 it's so really, it's really real. And I couldn't help it. Literally, 0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:20.640 the minute she came out of me, the first thing 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:22.160 I saw were her fingers, and I was like, she's 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:24.240 gonna be a pianist. And it was like and I 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:25.800 saw her legs, and she's going to be a runner 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:30.000 and a dancer, and I was like stopping, stop putting out, 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:35.120 but it's hard because we do that is the way 0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:38.280 that we are trained to work and to commit ourselves. 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:41.000 You know, it's there's this whole long thing I've been 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:43.960 reading in this book. Well we're going to talk to 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:46.559 the author in a few episodes from now, but it's 0:12:46.559 --> 0:12:50.480 about how you know, our parents were baby baby boomer generations. 0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:52.679 So they were like, go out, we'll see you at 0:12:52.679 --> 0:12:54.720 dinner and call offus that call us if anyone's bleeding. 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:56.480 We don't give a fuck, Like best of luck to you. 0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:59.040 Go get on your bike and ride two miles to school, 0:12:59.040 --> 0:13:03.520 like it doesn't matter. Our parents really went against that, 0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:06.040 and when they raised us, it was like over parenting. 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:07.600 You're not going to get for a lot of us. 0:13:07.679 --> 0:13:11.520 You know, it was very the term helicopter parenting came along, 0:13:11.960 --> 0:13:15.080 and now here we are the product of that. You know, 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:17.240 you can have it all. You're going to be the 0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:18.720 best mom in the world, and you're going to be 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:20.559 super successful in your career, and you're never going to 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:22.839 show anyone that you're fucking losing your mind while you're 0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:26.880 doing it, and you're gonna be reachable by your phone, um, 0:13:26.920 --> 0:13:28.840 and you're going to rule your child to be at 0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:31.040 Stanford by the age of five or whatever is totally 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:37.800 But the problem is is that kids need to be bored. 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:41.680 They need to practice riding their bike at whatever age 0:13:41.679 --> 0:13:43.600 you feel like is safe for them to get to 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:46.520 school at night at dusk, because at some point they 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:49.240 need to be adults. And it's like, oh my god. 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:51.600 Um anyway, we're very new moms, so we don't have 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:55.400 to deal with that yet, thank god. UM So, how 0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:58.000 do you feel like we're talking? We've been going back 0:13:58.000 --> 0:14:00.680 and forth between mom brain and burnout, which you and 0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:09.160 I have both of. What fucking days it am? I 0:14:09.200 --> 0:14:11.559 at the right time, in the right place. I'm deplenished 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:15.600 all see you guys listening. Some of the signs of burnout. 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.360 In case you're sitting here listening thinking it's not you, 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:23.320 here are the chronic signs of burnout. Chronic fatigue, insomnia, forgetfulness, 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:27.640 impaired concentration and attention. Physical symptoms include chest pain, dizziness, headache. 0:14:27.640 --> 0:14:30.160 So I got a lot of those. Increased illnesses and functions, 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:32.120 cold flues. How many Z packs have you guys taken 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:36.080 this year? Guys? Loss of appetite, anxiety, depression, anger, loss 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:38.000 of enjoyment, not wanting to go to work or spend 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:41.640 time with family, friends, pessimism, isolation, detachment, feelings of apathy 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:45.720 and hopelessness, increased irritability, lack of productivity, poor performance great 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:52.720 literally check those like sorry, it's like I don't think 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:57.360 I can handle anymore. Um. It's it's funny because that, yeah, 0:14:57.440 --> 0:15:00.800 the way that our parents raised us, this feeling that 0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:03.760 you always have to be honor always bettering yourself. I 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:06.320 mean that I struggle with a lot, and recently, the 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:10.920 most helpful thing I say it's helpful because I'm I'm 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:13.840 hoping to God that it will be helpful is um. 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:17.480 But it's certainly been beneficial to me so far is meditation. 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:21.560 It's I was on a great streak as a nears 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:25.440 resolution that I have dropped it at the end of 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:28.720 But you know what, actually, I because I just started 0:15:28.720 --> 0:15:31.040 back up when I was my last couple of months 0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:35.280 of pregnancy. I was doing like vedic meditation twenty minutes meditation. 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:40.200 It's where you're given a mantra. Okay, I always think 0:15:40.240 --> 0:15:44.960 about like the in any hall where Jeff Goldbloom's like 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:47.240 I forgot my mantra. That was always me. I was 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:48.840 always like, oh my god, I'm not at the call 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:57.120 ask okay, but uh so that was amazing when I 0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:59.640 didn't have a child. And now, like I was saying, 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:01.920 when she goes down for a nap, and it could 0:16:01.920 --> 0:16:05.920 be do you meditate with her? So I am, Well, 0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:09.320 what I'm realizing is that if I put my phone down, uh, 0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:12.120 and I don't do that. Breastfeeding is almost a type 0:16:12.160 --> 0:16:14.920 of meditation because I don't know what it's going to 0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:17.320 be done. I don't know when she's done. I literally 0:16:17.360 --> 0:16:20.200 just have to sit there and engage with her or 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:23.040 not and just be quiet and breathe until she's done. 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:26.080 Because she gets I've noticed that she gets very distracted, 0:16:26.080 --> 0:16:28.160 whether it's a light or a sound or a barking dog, 0:16:28.200 --> 0:16:30.000 and then she'll stop, but then she'll want to go back. 0:16:30.040 --> 0:16:33.720 So if I have any of that, like the next 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:37.280 thing she gets up, she gets frustrated. So breastfeeding has 0:16:37.280 --> 0:16:41.480 been like a very centering, meditative state for you totally. 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:44.480 It was for me too. Well. No, I was on 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:45.920 my phone for a lot of it, but when I 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:47.920 was pumping, I was off my phone for a lot 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:49.960 of it. And now it's over, and God, I was 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:52.480 supposed to meditate. In two thousand nineteen, I did like 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:55.880 a good fifteen days in a row. I forgot well 0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:58.320 I can actually, I mean I actually have been doing 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:01.560 because I also love the Sam Harris podcast, and he 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:04.680 came out with an app called the Waking Up Podcast, 0:17:04.680 --> 0:17:08.640 the Waking Up app which is really linked to because 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:14.080 I'm on Headspace. People love Headspace, people loves try Insight, 0:17:14.200 --> 0:17:16.520 but the Sam Harris one is really good because it 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:19.760 also has these things that you can listen to to 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:22.800 talk about why it's beneficial. I mean they have he is. 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:27.200 It's just Sam Harris talking about like free will versus premeditation. 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:31.560 Like it's really interesting. But so you find a meditation 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:35.359 and like running you said, are things which might healthy meditation, 0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:38.200 Like I have to I have to exercise, whether that's 0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:40.240 just even putting her in a carrier and going on 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:42.359 a hike. I know you're very good at that on 0:17:42.400 --> 0:17:45.280 your Instagram, You're good. It's like the only thing I 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:46.760 know how to post. I'm just like here, I am 0:17:46.800 --> 0:17:49.320 on the same she's on like a mountaintop with your 0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:51.760 baby and a stroller or like in a carrier, just 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:55.640 like getting after it because I just I get punchy. 0:17:55.800 --> 0:17:58.119 If I'm in the house, I get super punchy. And 0:17:58.240 --> 0:18:00.560 then you know, Patrick comes home the end of like 0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:02.359 a workday or something like that, and I'm just like, 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:05.280 we're gonna talk to anybody but the dog and somebody 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:08.520 who can't tap back, like and I kind of lose 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:11.040 my and He's like, okay, I'll be I'll be with 0:18:11.080 --> 0:18:15.080 our daughter. Um. Yeah, but that's really helpful. I find 0:18:15.400 --> 0:18:18.240 I love that we need to do that. And it's 0:18:18.280 --> 0:18:22.480 like when when during all of the burnout job situations 0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:24.800 that we're doing like, I just I think that that's 0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:29.120 why for me, it's about finding if you can't find obviously, 0:18:29.119 --> 0:18:31.199 twenty minutes a day, twice a day, like I couldn't 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:33.919 keep it up with a new baby. But I found 0:18:33.920 --> 0:18:36.800 a different way to meditate, which was I you know, 0:18:36.840 --> 0:18:38.000 I knew she was going to go to sleep if 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:39.760 I put her on a carrier and I went out 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:41.800 and I would walk without headphones and I would just 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:44.479 like look a look at look at a freaking flower. 0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:47.119 Yeah exactly, Or when I'm breastfeeding, just be like, I'm 0:18:47.119 --> 0:18:49.119 going to sit here and be with her. Because you 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:53.000 notice it's the thought patterns that rise up that you're like, oh, 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:56.080 this is the cycle of ship that's just always spinning 0:18:56.080 --> 0:18:57.440 in the back of my head. And if I never 0:18:57.480 --> 0:19:00.719 actually just take time to listen to it, then you 0:19:00.760 --> 0:19:03.840 find it affects you in weird ways. So that's this 0:19:03.920 --> 0:19:08.440 is very helpful reminder to me. Something we don't often 0:19:08.480 --> 0:19:11.760 talk about is this thing called invisible labor and emotional 0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:15.000 labor of being a mom. So like and this was 0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:16.800 brought up in the article too, and you, guys, you 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:19.840 should read this article. It's really fascinating for your millennials 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:22.480 out there. I think I'm the oldest millennial on the block. 0:19:22.520 --> 0:19:29.520 What was the year again, two guys, I'm a group. 0:19:30.640 --> 0:19:32.400 Something we don't talk about is this, like I said, 0:19:32.400 --> 0:19:35.240 this invisible labor and emotional labor of being a mom. 0:19:35.359 --> 0:19:39.720 So the routine tasks involved with household, childcare, mental and 0:19:39.720 --> 0:19:42.240 emotional exhaustion, which I think is also adding to the 0:19:42.240 --> 0:19:48.040 burnout and is mom brain. But like I was reading that, 0:19:49.240 --> 0:19:54.160 it's not like you get to do less work because 0:19:54.359 --> 0:19:56.920 of your job. After your day job, you know what 0:19:56.920 --> 0:19:59.240 I mean. It's like you're basically working two jobs right now. 0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:03.000 You're an actor, your producer or director. You do all 0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:04.760 of those things. They take up a lot of hours 0:20:04.800 --> 0:20:07.280 your day. You're also a mom. You're also running a household. 0:20:08.119 --> 0:20:11.040 As helpful and amazing as our husbands are, they truly are. 0:20:11.600 --> 0:20:14.200 But like the person who knows that at eleven am 0:20:14.240 --> 0:20:17.320 today was my son's sixteen month appointment, and the person 0:20:17.359 --> 0:20:19.960 who packed his snack bag, and the person that knew 0:20:19.960 --> 0:20:21.680 that he had to come home and have lunch after 0:20:22.080 --> 0:20:24.159 he had his shots, and where the motion is in 0:20:24.200 --> 0:20:26.199 case he has an allergic reaction or he has a 0:20:26.240 --> 0:20:29.040