1
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:08,960
Speaker 1: Hi, everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. In this episode,

2
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,039
Speaker 1: we are talking about a very familiar feeling for a

3
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:16,480
Speaker 1: lot of parents, and that feeling is called burnout. Okay,

4
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,439
Speaker 1: it's not just feeling stressed out. It is a long

5
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:22,000
Speaker 1: lasting feeling of stress, exhaustion. It leads to emotional detachment,

6
00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:24,959
Speaker 1: feeling generally ineffective. It is a very real thing, you guys,

7
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,880
Speaker 1: and it also sometimes it can be difficult to admit

8
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:29,920
Speaker 1: that you're going through it because so many of us,

9
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,760
Speaker 1: me especially, want to act like we've got this whole

10
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:36,440
Speaker 1: mother thing, motherhood thing very you know, covered, and we're

11
00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:40,640
Speaker 1: all just showing what we think our representatives should be.

12
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,040
Speaker 1: It's an easy trap to fall into, and especially in

13
00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:44,479
Speaker 1: this day and age, when we feel like we have

14
00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:47,199
Speaker 1: to be going seven. Our phones are always on, we're

15
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,680
Speaker 1: always reachable. We're being pulled in so many different directions

16
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,120
Speaker 1: work life, home life, responsibilities as a mom, a wife,

17
00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:54,680
Speaker 1: a friend. The lift goes the list. Excuse me, guys,

18
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:58,680
Speaker 1: that's the burnout. Talking goes on and on on um

19
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:03,840
Speaker 1: and I think, on top of it all, I think

20
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:06,959
Speaker 1: how much we're working these days makes it really hard

21
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,880
Speaker 1: to really sit down and think about who the hell

22
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:13,240
Speaker 1: we really are. And I think motherhood is the biggest

23
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:17,319
Speaker 1: sort of identity shift and it has been so far

24
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,640
Speaker 1: in my life. And I was really interested to bring

25
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:23,319
Speaker 1: on my dear dear friend Troy and Belisario, who is

26
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:27,080
Speaker 1: a close friend for a very long time, a beautiful

27
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:31,080
Speaker 1: new mother, an exceptional human being, to talk about this.

28
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,360
Speaker 1: And we're here to talk about your experiences of being

29
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,319
Speaker 1: a new mom and going through how we talk about

30
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:40,320
Speaker 1: and deal with this new mom life. So let's get started. Hi,

31
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:45,000
Speaker 1: Troy and Hi? I was like, when do I talk? Also,

32
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:48,000
Speaker 1: you have to understand it's this new mom thing is

33
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:51,760
Speaker 1: so recent for me that I was listening to you

34
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,760
Speaker 1: speaking in the opening and totally imagining myself as I

35
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:59,160
Speaker 1: have with every other episode of this podcast, Pregnant behind

36
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,080
Speaker 1: the Wheel of my are just listening and like just

37
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:06,720
Speaker 1: being like, Katie, give me everything, tell me everything I know.

38
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:10,480
Speaker 1: I honestly was like, waiting, when is they too? Like? Guys,

39
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,120
Speaker 1: Try and I are very good friends, and I literally

40
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,160
Speaker 1: been sitting here being like, when is it too soon

41
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,200
Speaker 1: to ask? Try? And Belt sorry to be a guest

42
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,960
Speaker 1: on my podcast, And I think I've made it, like Pat,

43
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:23,600
Speaker 1: like I think we're past the fourth trimester. We are, absolutely,

44
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,760
Speaker 1: We're just hilarious because I just finished as I passed

45
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,840
Speaker 1: the fourth trimester. I finished that like Happiest Baby on

46
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:33,040
Speaker 1: the block book Perfect. We had Dr Carpon as a guest,

47
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:36,800
Speaker 1: which I obviously loved, and I read the book like voraciously.

48
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:38,600
Speaker 1: I devoured it and I was like, oh, that's gonna

49
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,640
Speaker 1: be so helpful. And the last line is like and

50
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,520
Speaker 1: so when you're out of the fourth trimester, it will

51
00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,240
Speaker 1: be a whole new set of things. And I was like,

52
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,480
Speaker 1: I'm literally out of the fourth trimester tomorrow, glad I

53
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,600
Speaker 1: put stop reading this book, and this ship doesn't end.

54
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,560
Speaker 1: Sometimes it occurs to me that like, my kid's going

55
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,440
Speaker 1: to be a teenager, Like, oh my god, like that

56
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,200
Speaker 1: when he at one, my kids started hitting people all

57
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:02,640
Speaker 1: the time, included, And I texted the doctor like so

58
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:04,440
Speaker 1: freaked down. She was like, well, Lucy, hasn't spit in

59
00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,120
Speaker 1: your face and said, fuck you mom yet? And I

60
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,639
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I'm going to happen. That's

61
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,959
Speaker 1: like a thing. Yeah, like we're going to be raising

62
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:15,400
Speaker 1: human beings. Um so, speaking about you being a relatively

63
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:19,880
Speaker 1: new mom, yes, how in the hell are you holding up. Um,

64
00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:24,799
Speaker 1: you know, it's very funny. Last night I went out,

65
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,800
Speaker 1: I of course, mom Brane, like I thought I had dinner.

66
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,919
Speaker 1: It's a real thing. I thought I had a dinner.

67
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,639
Speaker 1: So I asked our wonderful nanny to come and watch her.

68
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:36,520
Speaker 1: And then of course the dinner was like next week.

69
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:40,080
Speaker 1: And so I was asking Patrick, my husband, is so

70
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,440
Speaker 1: something you would have never done before? Having a right,

71
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,480
Speaker 1: That's what mom Brane is You guys like it is

72
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,520
Speaker 1: literally making mistakes you would never like, showing up on

73
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:51,160
Speaker 1: the wrong place and the wrong day. It's crazy. I mean,

74
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,520
Speaker 1: I I fully the the entire drive over here. I

75
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,400
Speaker 1: had to check my calendar like three times. I was like,

76
00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,560
Speaker 1: it is at Katie's house and it is at one thirty.

77
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,920
Speaker 1: I know this, but I have to keep on checking. Um.

78
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,680
Speaker 1: So he was like, it's okay, let's go take a

79
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:09,040
Speaker 1: night out. Let's go see a movie. And it was amazing.

80
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,840
Speaker 1: We went out, we saw a movie that we were

81
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,640
Speaker 1: standing outside and he we've been talking a lot about

82
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,599
Speaker 1: if there's anything he can do to help me with

83
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,880
Speaker 1: my exhaustion or anything like that, and I was I

84
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,360
Speaker 1: just kind of said, I was like, you know, when

85
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,840
Speaker 1: you're a little kid and you're so tired you just

86
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:27,279
Speaker 1: want to cry. I was like, so if you see

87
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,039
Speaker 1: me crying, it's just that kind of like like, I'm

88
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,240
Speaker 1: just a little kid right now. I'm just so tired

89
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:36,279
Speaker 1: to cry, you know. But it's it's it's awesome and

90
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,960
Speaker 1: it's totally to be expected. You're saying this ship and

91
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,320
Speaker 1: I'm literally looking at you being like, I am I

92
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:46,479
Speaker 1: gonna have a second kid? Why? Because you're just gonna

93
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:51,719
Speaker 1: think of that? Yeah. Yeah. I'm literally sitting here being like, Wow,

94
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:56,479
Speaker 1: I don't life is funny either burnout brain or mom brain,

95
00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,320
Speaker 1: which sounds like we're gonna get into this. We have

96
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:03,000
Speaker 1: a combo plant going on, We're to do um. I

97
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,960
Speaker 1: am sitting here being like, am I ever going to

98
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,080
Speaker 1: have a second child? That is so scary to even ask,

99
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,159
Speaker 1: And I'm asking all of my listeners on Katie's Crib

100
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,200
Speaker 1: when you think if you think one, will it happen?

101
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,360
Speaker 1: But it is. It is interesting too because I actually

102
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,400
Speaker 1: we we know, we now know a lot of people

103
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,080
Speaker 1: who have chosen to because they are in the mode

104
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,800
Speaker 1: of the baby. You know, they're like they're choosing to

105
00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:23,280
Speaker 1: have bang it out, to bang it out exactly like

106
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,360
Speaker 1: and and that to me, I think, particularly because Patrick

107
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,800
Speaker 1: and I we have so many years in between us

108
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,640
Speaker 1: and our siblings both above and below. I love hearing this.

109
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,039
Speaker 1: Yeah oh yeah, so like it's very funny. We're like

110
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:38,200
Speaker 1: almost identical. So Patrick, his eldest sister is six years

111
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,760
Speaker 1: above him, as younger sisters six years and they're really tight.

112
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,480
Speaker 1: They're all super tight. And then my my older brother

113
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:46,400
Speaker 1: is six years above me. My younger brother is six

114
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,560
Speaker 1: years below me. So we have the exact same mirroring

115
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:53,479
Speaker 1: in our family. And we really loved being the middle child,

116
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,159
Speaker 1: having an older sibling that we really looked up to,

117
00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,680
Speaker 1: and also having a younger sibling that was like our baby.

118
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,000
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is so relieving. So you don't

119
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,360
Speaker 1: feel inherently because of how you were raised and how

120
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,240
Speaker 1: you feel good with your yeah, the family structure, you

121
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,760
Speaker 1: don't feel rushed. No, no, no, no, I don't feel rushed.

122
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,440
Speaker 1: And also, like I think it's awesome when siblings are

123
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:16,000
Speaker 1: super close together. I've just never had that, you know.

124
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,080
Speaker 1: It's like my my siblings also like we were never

125
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:22,160
Speaker 1: in the same class or like even in school together.

126
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,680
Speaker 1: You know, it's like we were all in elementary school,

127
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,120
Speaker 1: middle school, or high school. Like, so we moved through.

128
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,640
Speaker 1: From an outsider's eye, it sounds like you're doing good

129
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,640
Speaker 1: because you made it to a movie last night, which

130
00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,800
Speaker 1: is fucking epic, Like that's really impressive. Well, that you

131
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:41,200
Speaker 1: look great, But it's really about people in my life, Patrick,

132
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:45,000
Speaker 1: my therapist, my friends, my parents who have all been

133
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:48,200
Speaker 1: encouraging me either like asked for help if you need

134
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,719
Speaker 1: a night awesome. We haven't talked about that in a long,

135
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,360
Speaker 1: hot minute on this show. That is really the thing.

136
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,160
Speaker 1: And this is what we talk about as far as

137
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:59,400
Speaker 1: like we'll get into this a minute, but this whole millennials.

138
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,360
Speaker 1: You and I are both millennials. I'm on the I

139
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,159
Speaker 1: think I'm the first year of it. I was born

140
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,839
Speaker 1: an eighty two and you're more than I don't know

141
00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:08,760
Speaker 1: where you are, but you're in the millennial thing. But

142
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:13,040
Speaker 1: there's this whole thing about millennials burning out and always

143
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:17,040
Speaker 1: working hard, busting ass. It's never enough, you know, go

144
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,880
Speaker 1: go go, go, go, go go. We came of age

145
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:20,560
Speaker 1: at the cell phone, so you're reachable all the time.

146
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:24,000
Speaker 1: You should be able to work and it it makes

147
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:28,000
Speaker 1: motherhood hard because it feels like we should just always

148
00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:31,000
Speaker 1: be kicking ass and taking names, and really it takes

149
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,120
Speaker 1: a lot of fucking help and it's so hard. Well

150
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,400
Speaker 1: it's wild because and I find this, particularly with the phones,

151
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:42,960
Speaker 1: that I really I really don't want her to have

152
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,760
Speaker 1: screen time me either. And I mean, look, she's four

153
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,960
Speaker 1: months old right now, so good time, you're doing great.

154
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,040
Speaker 1: I'm doing great so far, although it is really tough

155
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,280
Speaker 1: when I want to take a bunch of photos of

156
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:56,520
Speaker 1: her and I'm just sorry ignoring, but but so i

157
00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:00,280
Speaker 1: have my phone somewhere near me, and I'm breastfeeding like

158
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,480
Speaker 1: a lot during the day, and I noticed that like

159
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,920
Speaker 1: when I'm breastfeeding, I just want to be with her

160
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:06,920
Speaker 1: and I want to be present. I want to be

161
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,560
Speaker 1: looking at her, and I can feel whether it's on

162
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:13,960
Speaker 1: my amphone, I just feel buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, And people

163
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:17,000
Speaker 1: who don't have babies or don't know obviously, they don't

164
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:19,920
Speaker 1: know that I'm with her, like they don't get why

165
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,400
Speaker 1: it's not and they're not responding right away. Yeah, and

166
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:25,840
Speaker 1: it's and and also it's so crazy because right now

167
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,120
Speaker 1: she's at a time where she can't sit up on

168
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:31,240
Speaker 1: her own. She I can lay her down, but after

169
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,280
Speaker 1: you know, a minute or two of looking at a thing,

170
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,000
Speaker 1: she wants to be onto something else. So it's it's

171
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:39,559
Speaker 1: totally constant. And really the only breaks that I get

172
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,880
Speaker 1: her when I put her down to sleep, um, you know,

173
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,880
Speaker 1: in her naps, and who knows if that will be

174
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:48,120
Speaker 1: five minutes or an hour um, And so they asking

175
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:51,319
Speaker 1: for help whether it's just like you know, Patrick, can

176
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,200
Speaker 1: you hold her for an hour while I go on

177
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,480
Speaker 1: a ugon so like I can get out and like

178
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:59,320
Speaker 1: sweat today that it really I find that when I

179
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,040
Speaker 1: come back her and I pick her up, it's like

180
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:05,200
Speaker 1: a battery that's been recharged. Suddenly, I'm like not to planet,

181
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:11,200
Speaker 1: I'm not you know that is it to replenished completed,

182
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:15,960
Speaker 1: you guys, this is I'm not replenished or I am

183
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:19,840
Speaker 1: Can we because I started as a hashtag, because we're

184
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,360
Speaker 1: making up work? Can you please just yeah, you're not. Also,

185
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,440
Speaker 1: I'm applauding you for movies, and I'm applauding you for

186
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,400
Speaker 1: not looking your phone breastfeeding because my mom used to

187
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,760
Speaker 1: be like, you're not putting the phone near his head

188
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,720
Speaker 1: while your breastfeeding the whole time, six times a day,

189
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,160
Speaker 1: Like I feel like the radio waves. I'm like, oh mom,

190
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,240
Speaker 1: I'm looking at my fucking cell phone the entire time

191
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,920
Speaker 1: I was breastfeeding. It's horrible. It's not horrible, but I

192
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,800
Speaker 1: did have I think where it's like come on, like, well,

193
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:44,680
Speaker 1: it's my cellphone is always near me, so like what

194
00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:46,840
Speaker 1: about me? And then I was like, well, the brain plate,

195
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:52,200
Speaker 1: it's not you're doing, it's she still has space in there.

196
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:56,360
Speaker 1: So I do remember being so relieved though, Like my supply,

197
00:09:56,480 --> 00:10:00,200
Speaker 1: my milk supply went down and someone had said, well

198
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,079
Speaker 1: are you getting Are you looking at your phone while

199
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,720
Speaker 1: you're pumping at work? Because the stress will make it

200
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,040
Speaker 1: so that you make less milk, And that was one

201
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,600
Speaker 1: as soon as I I think it was Kristen Bell

202
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,600
Speaker 1: actually with him, she would say, like, you have to

203
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,960
Speaker 1: go and like literally meditate while you pump. It's the

204
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,800
Speaker 1: only way that milk is going to come out like

205
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:20,120
Speaker 1: it feels stressed fucking crazy. Okay, guys, I want to

206
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,240
Speaker 1: take a little break here to discuss the app that

207
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,040
Speaker 1: I've been telling you guys about once again. You guys.

208
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:29,120
Speaker 1: It is called drop spelled d r o P. If

209
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:32,040
Speaker 1: you haven't downloaded yet, oh my gosh, please do it.

210
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,760
Speaker 1: Is a must. It is making my life so much easier.

211
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,760
Speaker 1: All you need to do you download the free app,

212
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:40,240
Speaker 1: Yes I did say free. You link your Debitter credit

213
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,960
Speaker 1: card to the app, and then you're done. You're easily

214
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,400
Speaker 1: going to start gaining points every time you shop at

215
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:48,439
Speaker 1: all your favorite stores. The stores can include you know, Target, Starbucks,

216
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,800
Speaker 1: so for a whole foods and like so many others.

217
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,320
Speaker 1: And after just a few trips to the store, then

218
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:56,200
Speaker 1: you're able to redeem your points for gift cards at

219
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,880
Speaker 1: all of these places. It's like cyclically amazing. So we're

220
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,199
Speaker 1: member to use my code Katie's Crib. Then you get

221
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,520
Speaker 1: a five dollar Starbucks gift card immediately just for signing

222
00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:10,800
Speaker 1: up and linking your card again. The code is Katie's Crib. Okay,

223
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,680
Speaker 1: let's get back to Katie's Crib. I don't know if

224
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,080
Speaker 1: you guys listening have read this article. If you haven't,

225
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:17,920
Speaker 1: I really encourage you too, because I feel like a

226
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,439
Speaker 1: lot of the listeners are all millennials. But there was

227
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,400
Speaker 1: this popular BuzzFeed article by Anne Helen Peterson in January

228
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:27,160
Speaker 1: called how Millennials became the Burnout Generation, which just is

229
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:31,439
Speaker 1: angering that title it is. I sent it to you

230
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,320
Speaker 1: and what did you think. Immediately Immediately, I was like,

231
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,680
Speaker 1: there's no way I'm touching this. This isn't true. And

232
00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:39,079
Speaker 1: then I read it and I was like, oh, this

233
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:42,680
Speaker 1: is so accurate, you guys. The article talks about this

234
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,920
Speaker 1: widespread feeling of burnout among millennials, the generation of adults

235
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,160
Speaker 1: board between eighty one and ninety six. It breaks down

236
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,800
Speaker 1: some of the factors contributing to this, such as, you guys,

237
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:54,720
Speaker 1: the unstable economy and job market, the intensive parenting that

238
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,000
Speaker 1: trained us to be in the constant state of working,

239
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,679
Speaker 1: a generation of Type A students who have become now

240
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:04,559
Speaker 1: Tie A parents. Um, first and foremost, had you feel

241
00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:07,480
Speaker 1: this burnout? Oh God? Also just that last sentence of

242
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:10,680
Speaker 1: like the type A people that are going to become

243
00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:15,320
Speaker 1: the Type A parents. Oh wow. So I mean it's real,

244
00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:18,720
Speaker 1: it's so really, it's really real. And I couldn't help it. Literally,

245
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,640
Speaker 1: the minute she came out of me, the first thing

246
00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:22,160
Speaker 1: I saw were her fingers, and I was like, she's

247
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,240
Speaker 1: gonna be a pianist. And it was like and I

248
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:25,800
Speaker 1: saw her legs, and she's going to be a runner

249
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:30,000
Speaker 1: and a dancer, and I was like stopping, stop putting out,

250
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:35,120
Speaker 1: but it's hard because we do that is the way

251
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:38,280
Speaker 1: that we are trained to work and to commit ourselves.

252
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,000
Speaker 1: You know, it's there's this whole long thing I've been

253
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,960
Speaker 1: reading in this book. Well we're going to talk to

254
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,559
Speaker 1: the author in a few episodes from now, but it's

255
00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:50,480
Speaker 1: about how you know, our parents were baby baby boomer generations.

256
00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:52,679
Speaker 1: So they were like, go out, we'll see you at

257
00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:54,720
Speaker 1: dinner and call offus that call us if anyone's bleeding.

258
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,480
Speaker 1: We don't give a fuck, Like best of luck to you.

259
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,040
Speaker 1: Go get on your bike and ride two miles to school,

260
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:03,520
Speaker 1: like it doesn't matter. Our parents really went against that,

261
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,040
Speaker 1: and when they raised us, it was like over parenting.

262
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,600
Speaker 1: You're not going to get for a lot of us.

263
00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:11,520
Speaker 1: You know, it was very the term helicopter parenting came along,

264
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:15,080
Speaker 1: and now here we are the product of that. You know,

265
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,240
Speaker 1: you can have it all. You're going to be the

266
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:18,720
Speaker 1: best mom in the world, and you're going to be

267
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,559
Speaker 1: super successful in your career, and you're never going to

268
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,839
Speaker 1: show anyone that you're fucking losing your mind while you're

269
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:26,880
Speaker 1: doing it, and you're gonna be reachable by your phone, um,

270
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,840
Speaker 1: and you're going to rule your child to be at

271
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,040
Speaker 1: Stanford by the age of five or whatever is totally

272
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,800
Speaker 1: But the problem is is that kids need to be bored.

273
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,680
Speaker 1: They need to practice riding their bike at whatever age

274
00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:43,600
Speaker 1: you feel like is safe for them to get to

275
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,520
Speaker 1: school at night at dusk, because at some point they

276
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:49,240
Speaker 1: need to be adults. And it's like, oh my god.

277
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,600
Speaker 1: Um anyway, we're very new moms, so we don't have

278
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:55,400
Speaker 1: to deal with that yet, thank god. UM So, how

279
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,000
Speaker 1: do you feel like we're talking? We've been going back

280
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,680
Speaker 1: and forth between mom brain and burnout, which you and

281
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:09,160
Speaker 1: I have both of. What fucking days it am? I

282
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,559
Speaker 1: at the right time, in the right place. I'm deplenished

283
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,600
Speaker 1: all see you guys listening. Some of the signs of burnout.

284
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,360
Speaker 1: In case you're sitting here listening thinking it's not you,

285
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:23,320
Speaker 1: here are the chronic signs of burnout. Chronic fatigue, insomnia, forgetfulness,

286
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:27,640
Speaker 1: impaired concentration and attention. Physical symptoms include chest pain, dizziness, headache.

287
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,160
Speaker 1: So I got a lot of those. Increased illnesses and functions,

288
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,120
Speaker 1: cold flues. How many Z packs have you guys taken

289
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:36,080
Speaker 1: this year? Guys? Loss of appetite, anxiety, depression, anger, loss

290
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,000
Speaker 1: of enjoyment, not wanting to go to work or spend

291
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:41,640
Speaker 1: time with family, friends, pessimism, isolation, detachment, feelings of apathy

292
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:45,720
Speaker 1: and hopelessness, increased irritability, lack of productivity, poor performance great

293
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:52,720
Speaker 1: literally check those like sorry, it's like I don't think

294
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:57,360
Speaker 1: I can handle anymore. Um. It's it's funny because that, yeah,

295
00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:00,800
Speaker 1: the way that our parents raised us, this feeling that

296
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,760
Speaker 1: you always have to be honor always bettering yourself. I

297
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,320
Speaker 1: mean that I struggle with a lot, and recently, the

298
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:10,920
Speaker 1: most helpful thing I say it's helpful because I'm I'm

299
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,840
Speaker 1: hoping to God that it will be helpful is um.

300
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:17,480
Speaker 1: But it's certainly been beneficial to me so far is meditation.

301
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,560
Speaker 1: It's I was on a great streak as a nears

302
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:25,440
Speaker 1: resolution that I have dropped it at the end of

303
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,720
Speaker 1: But you know what, actually, I because I just started

304
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,040
Speaker 1: back up when I was my last couple of months

305
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:35,280
Speaker 1: of pregnancy. I was doing like vedic meditation twenty minutes meditation.

306
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:40,200
Speaker 1: It's where you're given a mantra. Okay, I always think

307
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:44,960
Speaker 1: about like the in any hall where Jeff Goldbloom's like

308
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,240
Speaker 1: I forgot my mantra. That was always me. I was

309
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:48,840
Speaker 1: always like, oh my god, I'm not at the call

310
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:57,120
Speaker 1: ask okay, but uh so that was amazing when I

311
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,640
Speaker 1: didn't have a child. And now, like I was saying,

312
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,920
Speaker 1: when she goes down for a nap, and it could

313
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,920
Speaker 1: be do you meditate with her? So I am, Well,

314
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,320
Speaker 1: what I'm realizing is that if I put my phone down, uh,

315
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,120
Speaker 1: and I don't do that. Breastfeeding is almost a type

316
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:14,920
Speaker 1: of meditation because I don't know what it's going to

317
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,320
Speaker 1: be done. I don't know when she's done. I literally

318
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,200
Speaker 1: just have to sit there and engage with her or

319
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,040
Speaker 1: not and just be quiet and breathe until she's done.

320
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:26,080
Speaker 1: Because she gets I've noticed that she gets very distracted,

321
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:28,160
Speaker 1: whether it's a light or a sound or a barking dog,

322
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,000
Speaker 1: and then she'll stop, but then she'll want to go back.

323
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,720
Speaker 1: So if I have any of that, like the next

324
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:37,280
Speaker 1: thing she gets up, she gets frustrated. So breastfeeding has

325
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:41,480
Speaker 1: been like a very centering, meditative state for you totally.

326
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,480
Speaker 1: It was for me too. Well. No, I was on

327
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:45,920
Speaker 1: my phone for a lot of it, but when I

328
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,920
Speaker 1: was pumping, I was off my phone for a lot

329
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,960
Speaker 1: of it. And now it's over, and God, I was

330
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,480
Speaker 1: supposed to meditate. In two thousand nineteen, I did like

331
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,880
Speaker 1: a good fifteen days in a row. I forgot well

332
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,320
Speaker 1: I can actually, I mean I actually have been doing

333
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,560
Speaker 1: because I also love the Sam Harris podcast, and he

334
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,680
Speaker 1: came out with an app called the Waking Up Podcast,

335
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:08,640
Speaker 1: the Waking Up app which is really linked to because

336
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:14,080
Speaker 1: I'm on Headspace. People love Headspace, people loves try Insight,

337
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,520
Speaker 1: but the Sam Harris one is really good because it

338
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:19,760
Speaker 1: also has these things that you can listen to to

339
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,800
Speaker 1: talk about why it's beneficial. I mean they have he is.

340
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:27,200
Speaker 1: It's just Sam Harris talking about like free will versus premeditation.

341
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:31,560
Speaker 1: Like it's really interesting. But so you find a meditation

342
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,359
Speaker 1: and like running you said, are things which might healthy meditation,

343
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,200
Speaker 1: Like I have to I have to exercise, whether that's

344
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,240
Speaker 1: just even putting her in a carrier and going on

345
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,359
Speaker 1: a hike. I know you're very good at that on

346
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,280
Speaker 1: your Instagram, You're good. It's like the only thing I

347
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:46,760
Speaker 1: know how to post. I'm just like here, I am

348
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,320
Speaker 1: on the same she's on like a mountaintop with your

349
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,760
Speaker 1: baby and a stroller or like in a carrier, just

350
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:55,640
Speaker 1: like getting after it because I just I get punchy.

351
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,119
Speaker 1: If I'm in the house, I get super punchy. And

352
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,560
Speaker 1: then you know, Patrick comes home the end of like

353
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,359
Speaker 1: a workday or something like that, and I'm just like,

354
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,280
Speaker 1: we're gonna talk to anybody but the dog and somebody

355
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,520
Speaker 1: who can't tap back, like and I kind of lose

356
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,040
Speaker 1: my and He's like, okay, I'll be I'll be with

357
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:15,080
Speaker 1: our daughter. Um. Yeah, but that's really helpful. I find

358
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,240
Speaker 1: I love that we need to do that. And it's

359
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:22,480
Speaker 1: like when when during all of the burnout job situations

360
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,800
Speaker 1: that we're doing like, I just I think that that's

361
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:29,120
Speaker 1: why for me, it's about finding if you can't find obviously,

362
00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:31,199
Speaker 1: twenty minutes a day, twice a day, like I couldn't

363
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,919
Speaker 1: keep it up with a new baby. But I found

364
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:36,800
Speaker 1: a different way to meditate, which was I you know,

365
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:38,000
Speaker 1: I knew she was going to go to sleep if

366
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:39,760
Speaker 1: I put her on a carrier and I went out

367
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,800
Speaker 1: and I would walk without headphones and I would just

368
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,479
Speaker 1: like look a look at look at a freaking flower.

369
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,119
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly, Or when I'm breastfeeding, just be like, I'm

370
00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:49,119
Speaker 1: going to sit here and be with her. Because you

371
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:53,000
Speaker 1: notice it's the thought patterns that rise up that you're like, oh,

372
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:56,080
Speaker 1: this is the cycle of ship that's just always spinning

373
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,440
Speaker 1: in the back of my head. And if I never

374
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,719
Speaker 1: actually just take time to listen to it, then you

375
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,840
Speaker 1: find it affects you in weird ways. So that's this

376
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:08,440
Speaker 1: is very helpful reminder to me. Something we don't often

377
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,760
Speaker 1: talk about is this thing called invisible labor and emotional

378
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:15,000
Speaker 1: labor of being a mom. So like and this was

379
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,800
Speaker 1: brought up in the article too, and you, guys, you

380
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,840
Speaker 1: should read this article. It's really fascinating for your millennials

381
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,480
Speaker 1: out there. I think I'm the oldest millennial on the block.

382
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 1: What was the year again, two guys, I'm a group.

383
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,400
Speaker 1: Something we don't talk about is this, like I said,

384
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,240
Speaker 1: this invisible labor and emotional labor of being a mom.

385
00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:39,720
Speaker 1: So the routine tasks involved with household, childcare, mental and

386
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,240
Speaker 1: emotional exhaustion, which I think is also adding to the

387
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:48,040
Speaker 1: burnout and is mom brain. But like I was reading that,

388
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:54,160
Speaker 1: it's not like you get to do less work because

389
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,920
Speaker 1: of your job. After your day job, you know what

390
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,240
Speaker 1: I mean. It's like you're basically working two jobs right now.

391
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:03,000
Speaker 1: You're an actor, your producer or director. You do all

392
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,760
Speaker 1: of those things. They take up a lot of hours

393
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 1: your day. You're also a mom. You're also running a household.

394
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:11,040
Speaker 1: As helpful and amazing as our husbands are, they truly are.

395
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,200
Speaker 1: But like the person who knows that at eleven am

396
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,320
Speaker 1: today was my son's sixteen month appointment, and the person

397
00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:19,960
Speaker 1: who packed his snack bag, and the person that knew

398
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,680
Speaker 1: that he had to come home and have lunch after

399
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 1: he had his shots, and where the motion is in

400
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,199
Speaker 1: case he has an allergic reaction or he has a

401
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:29,040
Speaker 1: bad reaction shots. That's me. That's not my husband, even

402
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 1: though my husband's super fucking involved. So I just added

403
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,640
Speaker 1: all of this ship on top of me also being

404
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,000
Speaker 1: an actor, hosting this podcast, hosting other things, running a

405
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:42,040
Speaker 1: theater company. How in the funk are we supposed to

406
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:45,200
Speaker 1: do this? Like, how are you dealing with it? Because

407
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,680
Speaker 1: you're very new. I'm super new, and I'm still in

408
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:52,120
Speaker 1: the dealing with it, which I guess we're always in. Uh.

409
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,480
Speaker 1: It just told me that there was motion detective, and

410
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:57,720
Speaker 1: all you want to do is look at your and

411
00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,720
Speaker 1: I want to look at my and is she in

412
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 1: or she um? So the way that I'm dealing with

413
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:08,359
Speaker 1: it is like I'm realizing that I'm we as human

414
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 1: beings were limited. You know exactly what you said. We

415
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,720
Speaker 1: feel like we just tack on being a mom to

416
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,560
Speaker 1: all of these things, or tack on all of these

417
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:19,879
Speaker 1: things to being a mom. And I want to be

418
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:23,639
Speaker 1: there for her all the time, but that's not possible

419
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:26,679
Speaker 1: because I end up like it's kind of what the

420
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,639
Speaker 1: phrase that I use is like I become an empty

421
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 1: well because that I'm somebody, Like I'm somebody who needs

422
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,840
Speaker 1: to work. I love working. I love being creative, so

423
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,760
Speaker 1: are you. And you want her to see that, and

424
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,239
Speaker 1: I want her to see that. And I find that

425
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:45,399
Speaker 1: if I don't fill up my creativity well by you know,

426
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:49,520
Speaker 1: even if it's meditation or exercise or when you know,

427
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,320
Speaker 1: I go get coffee with my writing partners so we

428
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,240
Speaker 1: can talk about the new draft of a script. Um.

429
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 1: Then I returned to her and I don't have anything

430
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:01,600
Speaker 1: to give her, literally, like my creativity stores are low,

431
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,160
Speaker 1: and all I want to do is just like end

432
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,560
Speaker 1: up putting like a toy in front of her and

433
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,280
Speaker 1: being like, oh, I hope that that, you know makes

434
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,960
Speaker 1: you not want to cry for the next thirty minutes,

435
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 1: but it won't like otherwise, I'm if I feel good

436
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 1: and I'm refilled, I want to engage with her. I

437
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 1: want to say, like, oh, what are you looking at?

438
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:18,879
Speaker 1: Are you looking at that light? Now you're looking at

439
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,120
Speaker 1: the other light, You're looking at the shiny thing that's new.

440
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,119
Speaker 1: Oh my god, You're able to bend over in a

441
00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 1: completely different way. I kind of think it's like the

442
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 1: opposite of Like I always ask people who have two

443
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 1: or three kids now, I'm like, how could you love

444
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,040
Speaker 1: another baby as much as you love your first or whatever?

445
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,359
Speaker 1: And people always say it's incredible, But like your heart is,

446
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:39,679
Speaker 1: like your heart just get bigger, right, to just include

447
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 1: more people. And as much as I would like to

448
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 1: say that, I have been able to get bigger at

449
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,040
Speaker 1: what life has thrown at me, which is now motherhood

450
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,280
Speaker 1: on top of all the things I was also doing

451
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 1: for my career, for my husband, for my family. You know,

452
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 1: I don't think it's possible, Like I just feel like,

453
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 1: I just feel like it's never been more important to

454
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:08,480
Speaker 1: like take breaks, read a book, um, unplug, go, turn

455
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:11,679
Speaker 1: off your phone, go for a walk, meditate, all of

456
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 1: the whatever thing that is for you to do. Like

457
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 1: when I go see a play and I get a

458
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,200
Speaker 1: nanny and I or a babysitter, or if I can't,

459
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 1: like if Adam and I we have like you know what,

460
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,959
Speaker 1: we're at our nanny threshold this week. We can't do

461
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 1: another friendlier Saturday night out. It's too expensive. This is ridiculous. Um,

462
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,800
Speaker 1: but we really need to connect and we want to

463
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 1: go see theater because that's something for us that really

464
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 1: fills us up with joy. It's like we call in

465
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:39,040
Speaker 1: those favors, like I call in you know, friends who

466
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:41,679
Speaker 1: will come. My brother will come and put just watch it.

467
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 1: He's already asleep. You just watch TV. It's like he

468
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,200
Speaker 1: doesn't let me go. Yeah, you know, but I've never

469
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:52,880
Speaker 1: felt more that breaks for me are the most important

470
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:56,160
Speaker 1: thing to be a better mom to my kid. Yeah,

471
00:23:56,359 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 1: because you know you can't. I want to figure out

472
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 1: a good way to a good way to say this,

473
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 1: but it was something that I was talking about with

474
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 1: my therapist the other day that you know, in order

475
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:12,200
Speaker 1: to love our children, we cannot They are the center

476
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,479
Speaker 1: of everything for us, but they can't also be the

477
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,719
Speaker 1: only thing. It's too much pressure. It's too much pressure

478
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 1: for them. Well now when we're supposed to be raising

479
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,639
Speaker 1: them to leave. Yes, you know what I mean, Like

480
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:26,399
Speaker 1: if they're doing a like a job of making I'm hoping,

481
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:28,879
Speaker 1: Like when I describe the person I would like to

482
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:33,240
Speaker 1: help support, independent is a word I use. So they

483
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,360
Speaker 1: can't be the only thing in my life, because then

484
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 1: my life is going to be over when they don't

485
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 1: have their own talking well. And also they will feel

486
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,640
Speaker 1: that guilt of leaving you. They'll be like, oh my god,

487
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 1: my mom is entirely dependent on me for meaning and

488
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,880
Speaker 1: purpose in her life, and that's crushing, crushing. I have

489
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 1: family members that are totally kids that have that. UM.

490
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 1: So we're getting into a little bit. Our identity is

491
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 1: moms and for some, like we're talking about, it's it's

492
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:03,159
Speaker 1: an all encompassing part of their lives. UM. And I

493
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 1: think there's this for you and I being millennials and

494
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,320
Speaker 1: feeling this need to succeed, Like do you feel that

495
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 1: pressure right now as a new mom feeling this need

496
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:15,920
Speaker 1: to succeed as a mom? Oh my god. So I

497
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,680
Speaker 1: used to whenever there was like a new like actress

498
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 1: who was having a moment, I used to have, you know,

499
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,159
Speaker 1: like I wouldn't even like name their names, but like

500
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,639
Speaker 1: they'd crop up and whatever and I'd immediately start to Google.

501
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 1: I was like, well, when did they start acting? Like

502
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 1: so I know, it's like, oh, they started. There were

503
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 1: four they were like in the wound. Now whenever there's

504
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,360
Speaker 1: like somebody knew, I'm like, yo, is she a mom?

505
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:42,920
Speaker 1: Does she have kids? Or has she just selfishly pursued this?

506
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:47,400
Speaker 1: And I'm like, four months into this that is yeah,

507
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:51,120
Speaker 1: but you're not wrong. Yeah, And because now when I'm

508
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,119
Speaker 1: trying to figure out, like you do I get to

509
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:55,919
Speaker 1: go to a play in New York? You do? I

510
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 1: get to go you do. But it's wild to consist.

511
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,439
Speaker 1: But once amade thing is that you're asking yourself a

512
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 1: little bit right now, right because I mean like, look,

513
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,480
Speaker 1: I have a year and a half year old. But

514
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:09,120
Speaker 1: let me tell you, honey, if I'm so experienced, I'm

515
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 1: not that experienced either, because but you have you do it. Yeah,

516
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:14,919
Speaker 1: you do it, and you figure out how to do it,

517
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:16,439
Speaker 1: and you figure out how to make it, how to

518
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:20,360
Speaker 1: make your work work with your situation, and it involves

519
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 1: asking like help you already know that part try and

520
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 1: that's huge. I was like really hard to ask, Like

521
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 1: it's super like I feel like we're both two women

522
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 1: who were like, oh, we got it, we got it,

523
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 1: we can do it in our own like and motherhood

524
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 1: has been the biggest thing for me. Like I was

525
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: so weak after I had Albie, and I was in

526
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 1: such a bad way mentally, and I just I was,

527
00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:44,920
Speaker 1: I was like I I literally I don't think I've

528
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 1: ever said I can't do this to people, And motherhood

529
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 1: was the thing for me. I was like, I can't

530
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:53,040
Speaker 1: do this, Like this is so fucking hard and and

531
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,640
Speaker 1: and it's not like it's act like I've done harder things,

532
00:26:56,600 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 1: um meaning like like I've done you know, I mean

533
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:02,399
Speaker 1: I haven't run a marathon so and that would not

534
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 1: be it, but like I've struggled and I haven't been

535
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,080
Speaker 1: able to pay my rents and I had no money

536
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,879
Speaker 1: and I was broken, things like that. But motherhood, for

537
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 1: some reason, the mental identity shift was really fucking hard

538
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 1: for me. Well maybe it's not that you can't do this,

539
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,200
Speaker 1: but maybe it's that you can't do this the way

540
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 1: that you are accustomed to doing it. And I find

541
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 1: that for me, that to planet for me. That's that's

542
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,560
Speaker 1: what I'm starting to learn, is that I used to

543
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,919
Speaker 1: my parents used to call it, you know that like

544
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: everybody calls it this, but like they used to always

545
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:37,360
Speaker 1: refer to me, is burning the cannel on both ends.

546
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 1: It used to be like try and stop it. Then

547
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,639
Speaker 1: my whole life too, because I would go back to

548
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,360
Speaker 1: my room, I would study until three in the morning.

549
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:45,720
Speaker 1: I would wake up at six in the morning, and

550
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 1: I would get up and do all these other things

551
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 1: for like student counsel. I'd be in the play, and

552
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 1: i'd be on a soccer team like whatever, and it

553
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,199
Speaker 1: just wouldn't end. And then my parents would just go,

554
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,919
Speaker 1: you're gonna get You're gonna make yourself be sick in

555
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,440
Speaker 1: order to just take a break and being a mom.

556
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,960
Speaker 1: I can't do that anymore. I can't literally now that

557
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,879
Speaker 1: I'm breastfeeding. I did one of those days where I

558
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:07,879
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I just won't pump, like I'll just

559
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:09,920
Speaker 1: run to this, this, this and this, And I got

560
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:13,120
Speaker 1: home and I was like in tears because my my

561
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 1: boobs were rocks and you just didn't take fifteen minutes.

562
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:18,240
Speaker 1: I had to pump with me in the car, and

563
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:20,480
Speaker 1: I was like, I'll make it, it's fine. Like what

564
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:22,760
Speaker 1: was I rushed? Like, I don't understand what I was

565
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,159
Speaker 1: deep in trying to make happen because for some reason,

566
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:27,879
Speaker 1: the even the idea of strapping the hands free bra

567
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,679
Speaker 1: on clicking and all the fucking pump parts. You're just like,

568
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 1: I can't fucking do it. I couldn't, But no, you're

569
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:34,879
Speaker 1: gonna have to do it because otherwise you're gonna end

570
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 1: up with rock tits and it's so painful and so terribleful. Um,

571
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: what do you think of the idea that motherhood is

572
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,680
Speaker 1: a job. Because there's this genius and it almost brought

573
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:48,120
Speaker 1: me to tears passage I'm going to read it listeners,

574
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 1: so close your eyes if you're one of those people

575
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 1: that likes to close their eyes while they listen to

576
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:54,959
Speaker 1: stuff that's better than me. But there's this passage from

577
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 1: Year Yes by Shawna Rhymes that expresses her views on

578
00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 1: the subject. Shawna says, being a mother there is not

579
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: a job. Stop throwing things at me. I'm sorry, but

580
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 1: it is not. I find it offensive to motherhood to

581
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 1: call being a mother a job. Being a mother isn't

582
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 1: a job. It's who someone is, It's who I am.

583
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 1: You can quit a job. I can't quit being a mother.

584
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 1: I'm a mother forever. Mothers are never off the clock.

585
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 1: Mothers are never on vacation. Being a mother redefines us,

586
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 1: reinvents us, destroys and rebuilds us. Being a mother brings

587
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:25,600
Speaker 1: us face to face with ourselves as children, with our mothers,

588
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 1: as human beings, with our darkest fears of who we

589
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 1: really are. Being a mother requires us to get it

590
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 1: together or risk messing up another person forever. Being a

591
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 1: mother yanks our hearts out of our bodies and attaches

592
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 1: them to our tiny humans and sends them out into

593
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 1: the world forever hostages. It's so true. That is right,

594
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: and that is why our identity is shifting. Absolutely absolutely,

595
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 1: it's it's there is always going to be no matter

596
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 1: where I am in the world, no matter how fine

597
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 1: she is or how old she is, there's going to

598
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:01,880
Speaker 1: be a part of my brain that's wondering is she warm?

599
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 1: Is she happy? Is she fed? Is she safe? And

600
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:07,720
Speaker 1: that never goes away exactly like she said, it never.

601
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 1: You can't quit that job. You don't ever stop worrying,

602
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 1: And it does actually reconnect me. Did you think about

603
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 1: this ship when you were like, I'm like, did you know?

604
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 1: Didn't neither? It didn't either. I literally was just talking

605
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 1: to somebody yesterday and I was like, do you think

606
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 1: I didn't think about becoming a mom enough? And she said,

607
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 1: which I'm so grateful for. She said, no, you just

608
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 1: you couldn't have thought of this because you didn't experience it.

609
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,959
Speaker 1: You never didn't know if you had, if it had

610
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,520
Speaker 1: occurred to you, it wouldn't have made a difference. But now,

611
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 1: as I think I told you last him, like, I

612
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 1: see women crossing the street on their cell phones, drinking

613
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 1: and iced coffee, and I just know. I'm like, I

614
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 1: can smell that you don't have a child at home.

615
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 1: I know, and I don't resent you for it, but

616
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 1: you don't know what you have right now because you

617
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 1: are just in your own world. And that's fine, and

618
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 1: that's wonderful. And that's an experience that I've had. I

619
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:57,800
Speaker 1: had for thirty two years of my life was in

620
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:01,719
Speaker 1: my own world, and now I'm literally like in somebody

621
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 1: else's world, and it's something else is more important than

622
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 1: anything else. But we do need the other things, which

623
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 1: I love that you brought up to fill up our well.

624
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 1: But I really the identity shift really is and it's

625
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 1: so cheesy and lame, and I wish it was more complicated.

626
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 1: Than this, but people are like, your priorities really change,

627
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 1: and it could not like I just have one thing

628
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 1: that comes above it all, Like I just meaning like

629
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 1: I just his health and his well being and his

630
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 1: safety and his happiness are more important than my own.

631
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 1: Like it's so fucking crazy and I can't I don't

632
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 1: know if that's right or wrong, but it's just like

633
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:48,160
Speaker 1: how I feel like it's just like I he's just

634
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:51,600
Speaker 1: my true responsibility. And I've always felt, well, Adams, my responsibility,

635
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:54,360
Speaker 1: my dog is my responsibility, my parents and my responsibility.

636
00:31:54,360 --> 00:32:00,280
Speaker 1: I'm a very responsible millennial. But I've never felt that's

637
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:03,040
Speaker 1: so true to be the case until I had a kid,

638
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 1: And like you guys know who were listening, it wasn't

639
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,240
Speaker 1: like that for me right away, And I want to

640
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 1: talk about if that was for you, if your identity

641
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 1: shift happened really quickly. Because I did not like being

642
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,200
Speaker 1: a mom right away, and I did not like my

643
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:16,719
Speaker 1: I feel bad saying I didn't like my kid right

644
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 1: away because he wasn't you know, he was just like

645
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 1: a pooping, crying bob. But meaning, I just was like,

646
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 1: what the funk is this stranger? And I didn't feel

647
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 1: maybe I was even resentful to the identity shift. I'm

648
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:33,200
Speaker 1: not sure, but I didn't take to it right away

649
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:34,840
Speaker 1: at all. And then all of a sudden, at like

650
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 1: two months, I got struck hard with this bolt of

651
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 1: lightning of love for this kid. And that's when I

652
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 1: started to feel oh no, oh no, oh no, my

653
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 1: my sort of like blase, I could give a shit

654
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 1: about this turned into anxiety of like, oh my god,

655
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 1: now I'm worried, like now I'm worried that my love

656
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 1: is outside of my body and like to worry about

657
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 1: this kid and I love him a lot, like that's

658
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 1: now in my new scary, so scary. Did you feel

659
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:10,719
Speaker 1: connected to her right away? Did you feel motherhood? I mean,

660
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,760
Speaker 1: when I first saw you, I was like, I think

661
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:15,240
Speaker 1: I saw you. She was like six weeks older, so

662
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 1: I didn't even know, but I was like, oh my god,

663
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 1: Troy and Bell, SORRYO, you are a mother in the

664
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:25,120
Speaker 1: most beautiful I mean, I don't know if it was,

665
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:28,520
Speaker 1: but it looked fucking easy or maybe I don't know

666
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 1: what that is. I don't know. I think I think

667
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 1: it's interesting. I probably have experienced a latent um, you know,

668
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:41,880
Speaker 1: like I I don't know if it's postpartum depression of

669
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 1: any kind, but I've experienced it in a very delayed sense.

670
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 1: I know someone it was six months. Yeah, oh yeah,

671
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 1: well it was because during my pregnancy I wasn't really

672
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 1: you know, we we were surprised by the fact that

673
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 1: I was pregnant. We were ecstatic, but also nine months

674
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 1: is a long time to thinking about it and just

675
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 1: be like, wow, how is this going to change our

676
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,239
Speaker 1: life and what's going to happen? And and then also

677
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,560
Speaker 1: there was the like very hilarious, which I know that

678
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,799
Speaker 1: we've spoken about. I had always had the expectation for

679
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 1: some reason. Maybe it's because I was surrounded by brothers

680
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:18,960
Speaker 1: growing up that I was going to have a boy.

681
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: So when we found out that it was going to

682
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,279
Speaker 1: be a girl, I was we haven't talked about this.

683
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 1: I was floored. I was shocked. Were you worried? Of

684
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 1: course I was worried because I was thinking about my

685
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,920
Speaker 1: relationship with my mother. I was thinking about, honestly, like

686
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 1: my history with my eating disorder. This horror, this is

687
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 1: all of your ship staring right literally, thank you great,

688
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 1: that's why I mean, that's why she's here. It's so true,

689
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:48,719
Speaker 1: also hilarious for many reasons, but it's so true but

690
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,319
Speaker 1: also like hilarious. I don't the one time I did. Ever,

691
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:54,800
Speaker 1: I had a dream once that I had a girl

692
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:57,799
Speaker 1: and I met her in in a club. I saw

693
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 1: this like blonde dancings like beautiful, a year old blonde

694
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:02,239
Speaker 1: and like she and I went out and I was like,

695
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's my daughter. This is before I

696
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:07,360
Speaker 1: was pregnant. And she turns around and she's like, Mom,

697
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,880
Speaker 1: what are you doing here? Get away from me? And

698
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:11,800
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just want to hang out with you, honey,

699
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:14,440
Speaker 1: and she was like and I think I think she

700
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 1: called me the C word. I think she was like,

701
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:18,560
Speaker 1: she's like, it's not your time. You're too old to

702
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:20,760
Speaker 1: be here. And I woke up and I turned to Patrick.

703
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:22,880
Speaker 1: I was like, our daughter is so mean, and he

704
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:25,280
Speaker 1: was like, you're not even pregnant. What are you talking about?

705
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 1: The one like, so my imaginings of a girl are

706
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 1: just so you're gonna hate me. And so I don't

707
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 1: even know if mentally I could, you know, I could

708
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 1: have any sort of expectations. I just didn't understand. I

709
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:42,360
Speaker 1: didn't grow up with girls. It was such a foreign,

710
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 1: alien landscape to me. And thankfully I had a really

711
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:50,359
Speaker 1: wonderful group of women around me. Um, and as I've

712
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 1: gotten older, I've become more and more better friends with women,

713
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 1: which is just right. Also, Mom has even made that

714
00:35:57,719 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 1: probably stronger, so much stronger, and has it really strengthened

715
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:06,319
Speaker 1: your I feel like, does it change your relations with

716
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:10,240
Speaker 1: your mom? Well? Her coming and change my relationship because

717
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:13,920
Speaker 1: a I finally understood so much of my mother's opinion

718
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, right, you were somebody before me.

719
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:21,279
Speaker 1: She'll probably need to be thirty three before she realizes that,

720
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:24,359
Speaker 1: but yeah, I was somebody before her, and now I'm

721
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 1: just her mom to her for the next three years

722
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:31,240
Speaker 1: or whenever she gets context. Um, But it totally changed it. Also,

723
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 1: it's just nice to be able to see my mother

724
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 1: give love to her in a way that's not burdened

725
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:40,719
Speaker 1: by our thirty threes of experience, three three years of experience,

726
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 1: you know, Like, because to me, it's like my mom

727
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,279
Speaker 1: touches me, and it's just it's it's latent. There's so

728
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:50,360
Speaker 1: much in that touch and it's so much history. She

729
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 1: touches her, and I'm just like, you love her, you

730
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:55,440
Speaker 1: just love her. She loves her, She loves her. I

731
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 1: ran into your mom and she was just like. I

732
00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 1: was like, Wow, this woman is into being She won't

733
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:03,960
Speaker 1: is that word she she won't use granmar? Yeah, excuse me. Yeah,

734
00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:05,920
Speaker 1: my mom was not using grandma either. Yeah. I think

735
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 1: that was like the first thing when we told her

736
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 1: that I was pregnant. She was like, I'm not going

737
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 1: to be grandma. It's like, if that's what you're worried about, Sure,

738
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 1: I see where your priorities are. Sure my mom's the

739
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 1: same boat. My mom was like absolutely not. My mom

740
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:20,880
Speaker 1: is not being called grandma. We're still sorting it out.

741
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 1: And I was like, Mom, you better figure it out.

742
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 1: Like the kid has like a good twenty word vocabulary,

743
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:35,240
Speaker 1: like your need to figure it out. But your question

744
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:39,759
Speaker 1: was did I was? I immediately connected. Yes. So, um

745
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 1: when when the birth happened, Uh, it was very funny

746
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 1: because I what I said about it is that Patrick

747
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 1: looked at me and he was like, honestly, it's it's

748
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:50,839
Speaker 1: as if nobody told you that you had a baby

749
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 1: inside of you. I was I was screaming, I was laughing,

750
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 1: I was crying. I was shocked. And I kept on

751
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:57,359
Speaker 1: training him and saying like, oh my god, Patrick, it's

752
00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 1: a baby. And he was like, I know, and I

753
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 1: was like, no, to baby, And I thought, I don't

754
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 1: know what I thought. I thought it was gonna be

755
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 1: like a sketch of a baby, or an I owe

756
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 1: you of a baby, like, but she was there. She

757
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 1: had ten fingers, she had ten toes, she had her ears,

758
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 1: she had her eyes like and so I was, uh, like,

759
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 1: I am trying not to cry right now. Um she

760
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:22,440
Speaker 1: Immediately I just wanted to. I didn't want to be

761
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 1: apart from her. Ever, I couldn't stop staring at her.

762
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 1: I felt immediately loved, responsibility, like adoration for her. She

763
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,799
Speaker 1: was just she was awesome, like in the original sense,

764
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:37,280
Speaker 1: like the biblical sense of the words, like this huge, amazing. Yeah.

765
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:41,240
Speaker 1: I just couldn't believe it. And now it was almost

766
00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:43,719
Speaker 1: like it was an idea too or something. And then

767
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,200
Speaker 1: she came out and it was like it became so real. Yeah,

768
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,399
Speaker 1: because it didn't make sense. It was like, Okay, great,

769
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:51,239
Speaker 1: we're gonna have a daughter that's lovely and sweet and

770
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:53,920
Speaker 1: like romantic. What the capital are like, We're having a daughter?

771
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:56,719
Speaker 1: How wonderful? And then suddenly I was like, oh no,

772
00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:01,719
Speaker 1: that's her, Like I'm I'm always going to know her face,

773
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 1: you know, hopefully if I'm lucky, for the rest of

774
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 1: my living days. Like, um, and that's wild that The

775
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:12,120
Speaker 1: way that Patri're going to talk about it is, Um,

776
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:14,920
Speaker 1: your whole life, you've known your familial relations, right, you

777
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 1: know what your brother's face looks like because you've seen

778
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:20,360
Speaker 1: it every day growing up. This is a familiar relation

779
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:23,439
Speaker 1: that you didn't know what they looked like until now

780
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:26,359
Speaker 1: in your life. And I was just bowled over by

781
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:28,560
Speaker 1: that that that there could be somebody who was so

782
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:30,759
Speaker 1: a part of us and so apart will be a

783
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:32,839
Speaker 1: part of our lives and we only get to meet

784
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 1: them now. Um, I know, after your whole experience like

785
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 1: you are, now now I'm getting to meet this person

786
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 1: and it's awesome. And so I think that I the

787
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 1: love was overwhelming very early on, and now I think

788
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 1: the the depression or the postpartum experience that I'm having

789
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,919
Speaker 1: is balancing, like you're talking about that, Like, oh God,

790
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:03,880
Speaker 1: now that I know that crushing love and adoration for somebody,

791
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,239
Speaker 1: how do I balance that? How do I balance that?

792
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,239
Speaker 1: When like it's really hard, I mean, like to be honest,

793
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,359
Speaker 1: right now, I'm listening to Michael Pollen's how to change

794
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:13,920
Speaker 1: your mind about, you know, doing psychedelic drugs, And I'm

795
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 1: just like I need to be in the jungles and

796
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 1: I want to I can't be here with you breastfeed.

797
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 1: Let's get on a plane right now and go to

798
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:24,239
Speaker 1: I gotta go to brew to the Amazon. I mean seriously,

799
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 1: but your life is inalterably changed. You totally changed, and

800
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 1: that is that is something that I still four months in,

801
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 1: have not wrapped my head around, and I'm constantly being

802
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 1: smacked upside the head by it every day, you know,

803
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 1: like how to juggle it all? How to juggle it? Yeah?

804
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 1: How did it say? Like this is an important life

805
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:47,759
Speaker 1: experience to me, I need to do it. I need

806
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 1: to figure out how to bring her with. It's all

807
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:52,800
Speaker 1: asking for help. Yeah, that's it, I think. I mean

808
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:57,279
Speaker 1: in my one year and three months experience, I'm known

809
00:40:57,719 --> 00:41:02,440
Speaker 1: is that it's all help, I think, and hopefully everyone listening,

810
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:06,799
Speaker 1: like your support system of friends, family, aunties. Again, Like

811
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:11,440
Speaker 1: it's like Dr KRP said, this horrible millennial thing of

812
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:12,839
Speaker 1: like you can have it all and you can do

813
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:16,759
Speaker 1: it all is bullshit because this is especially the idea

814
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 1: of motherhood, because this is truly something that five people

815
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:24,319
Speaker 1: would raise one child, and that is just not the

816
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:26,879
Speaker 1: truth anymore. And so when you would get some sort

817
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:29,960
Speaker 1: of opportunity that you loved, some creative fulfillment or something,

818
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:32,279
Speaker 1: or a job that paid your bills or whatever the

819
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:34,800
Speaker 1: hell it is, you could leave the baby with aunt's,

820
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:40,399
Speaker 1: grandma's someone who also unconditionally loved your kids. Now now

821
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,840
Speaker 1: I'm just paying for that, and financy is amazing, but

822
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:45,719
Speaker 1: like I have to, like my parents don't live here,

823
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:49,439
Speaker 1: like we're in a totally new But also, like you're saying,

824
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 1: you reach out to your friends, you reach out to

825
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:55,239
Speaker 1: your community, and that also like, let's be honest, I'm

826
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 1: not you know, saying that you don't you want to

827
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 1: take away people's time, but like it's elevating their experience too,

828
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:03,879
Speaker 1: Like I have a lot of friends that you love

829
00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:06,440
Speaker 1: hanging out with her, and they would treasure the opportunity

830
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 1: to get to spend some time. And that means so

831
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,319
Speaker 1: much to me. To get to you, it's just like

832
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go, you know, have a bath upstairs, like

833
00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:16,919
Speaker 1: talking about the Fourth Chemists, can you hold her while

834
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 1: I actually go to the bathroom for the first time today,

835
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 1: I get ready. I just read some instagram like motherhood

836
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 1: is Motherhood's for you if you don't mind changing your

837
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:27,880
Speaker 1: tampon while a three year old toddler stares you in

838
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,920
Speaker 1: the face, because like, that's my normal. Because like when

839
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:33,080
Speaker 1: your kids starts walking and doesn't let you go to

840
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,000
Speaker 1: the bathroom by yourself and you're trying to change your

841
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:38,160
Speaker 1: tampon and the kids just unrolling the toilet paper roll

842
00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 1: while you're changing your tampon, You're just like, this is

843
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: just what motherhood is. Um, how have you had any

844
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 1: sort of thing about getting in touch at all with

845
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:49,600
Speaker 1: the mom, with the person you were before you turned

846
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:52,279
Speaker 1: into a mom see your breastfeeding now. So I don't

847
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,839
Speaker 1: know if you have you gone out on a rager yet,

848
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 1: because that's you know, yes. So here's the hilarious thing.

849
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:02,759
Speaker 1: As I god, Patrick and I like, I had a

850
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:06,080
Speaker 1: meltdown the other night because I was just like, well,

851
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:09,319
Speaker 1: first of all, that was my biggest meltdown when I

852
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 1: was pregnant, was that, like and not that Look, I'm

853
00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 1: not advocating for doing illicit drugs, but like I was

854
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:18,400
Speaker 1: pregnant suddenly and I was like, I've never had a

855
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:22,239
Speaker 1: hunter ass Thompson experience in Vegan I never had I have.

856
00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 1: I never got like it too late for us. I

857
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:26,160
Speaker 1: don't think that we can do it. We can do it.

858
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 1: But I was like, you know, every year of my life,

859
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:31,799
Speaker 1: all of my friends and usually my husband have gone

860
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:33,440
Speaker 1: to Burning Man, and I could never go because I

861
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 1: was on the show. And then this was actually supposed

862
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,799
Speaker 1: to be my year, past year to go to Burning Yeah,

863
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:40,759
Speaker 1: and like all my friends were gearing up and they're like,

864
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 1: it's gonna be amazing, and I was pregnant. You're not going,

865
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:46,839
Speaker 1: you can come, And I was like, dude, I am

866
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 1: eight and a half months pregnant. It is boiling hot

867
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:51,799
Speaker 1: in the desert. Y'all gonna be doing your thing and

868
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna be sitting here having people like on

869
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 1: mushrooms touch my belly and be like your fertility goddess.

870
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,640
Speaker 1: Like I'm not down for that. So God bless it.

871
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:02,600
Speaker 1: Maybe in the future, um, but but I did have

872
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 1: this like I can't do this. I have to be

873
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 1: responsible for somebody else because A the using my body

874
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:12,840
Speaker 1: to grow and and now I'm using my body to

875
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,799
Speaker 1: feed her, and so I do have this like and

876
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 1: now that I'm doing I put her down at seven,

877
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:20,600
Speaker 1: and I do a dream feed at eleven. Even if

878
00:44:20,640 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 1: I drink a glass of wine, you know, like, or

879
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:26,719
Speaker 1: even if I, you know, like, put her down, drink

880
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:28,320
Speaker 1: a glass of wine, wait a few hours for it

881
00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:32,319
Speaker 1: to pass out of my system or pump whatever. It's like,

882
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,319
Speaker 1: I'm still very limited in my experience of who I

883
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 1: used to be when I could go out. And Patrick

884
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: always kind of reminds me, he's like that you never

885
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 1: really went out and got wasted. I'm like put into

886
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:44,480
Speaker 1: I want to. And it's now the point that you

887
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:47,399
Speaker 1: can know. That's the very we're not used to being

888
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:50,399
Speaker 1: told no, this is bullshit. Yeah, that's the wild thing.

889
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: Well here's what you have to look forward to when

890
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:55,879
Speaker 1: you go no, it's great. No one goes harder than

891
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:59,439
Speaker 1: a group of moms who have a nanny's or mother

892
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 1: in law's, moms or husband's or significant others watching their

893
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:04,319
Speaker 1: baby for the night. I went out with a mom

894
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:06,799
Speaker 1: crew last Monday night and I threw up all night long,

895
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:09,279
Speaker 1: and I haven't done that in a hundred years. I

896
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:13,120
Speaker 1: was so fucking trashed. Because the point is is like,

897
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:16,359
Speaker 1: you're still like I can go so hard, Like I

898
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:19,360
Speaker 1: used to, except you can't because you're exhausted and you

899
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:21,960
Speaker 1: have like five tequila drinks and you end up throwing up.

900
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 1: But anyway, Um. The other thing I oh, I was

901
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,160
Speaker 1: thinking about was one time I did get really really

902
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:29,799
Speaker 1: really really they say the new rule is, and don't

903
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 1: quote me on this, I'm not a doctor. Um, if

904
00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:36,960
Speaker 1: you can drive, you can nurse. So like like, so,

905
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:38,839
Speaker 1: you don't really want to be buzzed, but if you've

906
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:40,319
Speaker 1: had two glass of wine and you've had a whole

907
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 1: bowl of pasta, most likely you would be fine to

908
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 1: drive a car in two hours and you can nurse. Whatever. Um.

909
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,840
Speaker 1: One time I was so I couldn't take it anymore.

910
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:50,800
Speaker 1: Like I had given this child my body for a

911
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 1: year and then I've been nursing for a year and

912
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:54,400
Speaker 1: it was like enough already. So I got completely wasted

913
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 1: while nursing, and I pumped. I was like, I was

914
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:58,719
Speaker 1: just pumping and dumping and pumping and dumbing, and all

915
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 1: I have are photos of me and our kitchen floor pumping.

916
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:03,759
Speaker 1: I'm asked naked, and then I woke up in the

917
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,720
Speaker 1: next morning and there's just the bottles of the milk.

918
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:10,279
Speaker 1: And Adam wrote drunk all over the bottles, and it

919
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 1: was like, do not give these to our son? This

920
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 1: is like such a mess. But I think that there is.

921
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: I think you and I are in this really sort

922
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 1: of why I want to talk to you, even though

923
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:20,640
Speaker 1: I know motherhood is very new to you and it's

924
00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 1: new to me as well, and we're both struggling through

925
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 1: this identity shift crisis versus. I just think some of

926
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 1: the moms who are my dear friends, who have older kids,

927
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 1: you know, in their teens, I think they've sort of

928
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,120
Speaker 1: just accepted that they are a mom, which is awesome,

929
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 1: and you and I will hopefully get there. But I

930
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 1: think you and I think we're just still like reaching,

931
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:40,279
Speaker 1: Like I still like I was that person. I just

932
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:41,879
Speaker 1: went to New York for the you know, for two

933
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:43,799
Speaker 1: days by myself. I was out till three o'clock in

934
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:46,239
Speaker 1: the morning both nights, Like, who the hell do I

935
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:47,920
Speaker 1: think I am? Right? I still have to come back

936
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:49,360
Speaker 1: here and take care of my kid. It was like

937
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,319
Speaker 1: I had the flu. I was like taking down, like

938
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:56,400
Speaker 1: it was horrible because I just really went hard. Yeah,

939
00:46:56,560 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 1: well that was and my experience. I think over think

940
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:02,120
Speaker 1: it was Christmas or something. Yeah, I put her down

941
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:04,600
Speaker 1: and I had, God, I had like two and a

942
00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:07,400
Speaker 1: half glasses of wine, which for me out course, like

943
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:10,239
Speaker 1: at that point, you know, she's two months old. I

944
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:12,600
Speaker 1: was so tired and so out of it, and I

945
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:15,400
Speaker 1: hadn't been sleeping, and I was like, oh whatever, this

946
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:17,480
Speaker 1: was amazing and I felt good and I was laughing,

947
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,520
Speaker 1: and then of course she woke up an hour later

948
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:23,319
Speaker 1: and was crying and then needed me, and I was like, oh,

949
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:26,720
Speaker 1: this is horrible. God, I can't do this to myself

950
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:28,279
Speaker 1: and I can't do this to her. And I was

951
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 1: like not it wasn't drunk like holding her, but I

952
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:35,920
Speaker 1: was exhausted, and it's it is fascinating that you you

953
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,840
Speaker 1: just feel totally different. There's a totally different set of circumstances.

954
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:43,640
Speaker 1: And I don't know what it is. Or friends who

955
00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 1: like a mom and dad, like they make rules like

956
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 1: if one person like gets drink or smoke sweet or

957
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:52,040
Speaker 1: whatever it is, the other person doesn't because they're like afraid,

958
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:54,800
Speaker 1: God forbid, like they needed to drive to the hospital.

959
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:56,799
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, this is like too much. We have

960
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 1: uber right, Like I can't like I'm not going to

961
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:02,120
Speaker 1: spend the rest to my life like Adam does something

962
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,120
Speaker 1: and I'm not or I am that's insane. No, but

963
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:09,120
Speaker 1: I do know people they might go real hard. Maybe

964
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 1: the thing is they just go real hard. Just please

965
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,040
Speaker 1: tell me on this podcast that are days of burning

966
00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:15,359
Speaker 1: man or like going for a weekend in Vegas. They're

967
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:19,160
Speaker 1: not over right, No, No, I don't think so. I'm

968
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:22,359
Speaker 1: just not there yet. No, we're not there yet, but

969
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:28,560
Speaker 1: soon we're just itching the work life balance. I feel

970
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:31,160
Speaker 1: a little bit further ahead than you. You will get it,

971
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,640
Speaker 1: and I hopefully will only get better at it. And

972
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:35,880
Speaker 1: you are a wonderful reminder of me to ask for

973
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:38,600
Speaker 1: help because I have not been doing a great job

974
00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:41,040
Speaker 1: at that. Do you have any words of advice for

975
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:42,960
Speaker 1: new moms who are trying to figure out who the

976
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:47,120
Speaker 1: f they are? Good luck? Yeah, good lue. But also,

977
00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:50,280
Speaker 1: like like I would said, be go easy on yourself,

978
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:53,400
Speaker 1: you know, and like remember whether you're four months in,

979
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:55,919
Speaker 1: whether you're you know, a year in or more like,

980
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,640
Speaker 1: just go easier on yourself and know that it's going

981
00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:05,480
Speaker 1: to be constantly changing. And know your limits because I'm

982
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:09,520
Speaker 1: constantly learning my limits. I you know, I push it.

983
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 1: I burn the candle at both ends. Just the other night,

984
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:14,759
Speaker 1: I'm like literally editing a short film right now that

985
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:18,200
Speaker 1: I shot and wrote when she was nine months, when

986
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:20,880
Speaker 1: I was nine months pregnant, and now I'm like finally

987
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:23,759
Speaker 1: getting around to editing it. And I put her down

988
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:25,719
Speaker 1: and it was eleven and I asked Patrick for help

989
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:27,520
Speaker 1: and he was giving me notes. In the middle of

990
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 1: the note session, I just started crying and I was like,

991
00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:33,319
Speaker 1: I can't hear this right now. I'm so tired. Why

992
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:34,920
Speaker 1: did I And He's like, well, why did you ask me?

993
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:36,480
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to, you asked me. And I'm like,

994
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:38,960
Speaker 1: no, no no, no, I'm so grateful that you would be

995
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:41,239
Speaker 1: willing to do this with me and try, but like,

996
00:49:41,719 --> 00:49:45,239
Speaker 1: I need sleep right now. And it was heartbreaking for

997
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:47,799
Speaker 1: me to feel that because in the past, you would

998
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 1: have worked forever again until three in the morning. Who cares, like,

999
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:53,400
Speaker 1: because I would have woken up when I woken up,

1000
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:55,840
Speaker 1: like when I woken up, and I would have been fine.

1001
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 1: But now I'm I have to be there on call

1002
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:03,239
Speaker 1: for some body whenever she needs me. And that is

1003
00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:05,440
Speaker 1: you know, as Shaunda said, like, it's a job you

1004
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:07,440
Speaker 1: can't quit. It's a job you can't defer pass on

1005
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:10,080
Speaker 1: to somebody else. You can ask for help, but ultimately,

1006
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:15,880
Speaker 1: you know, I'm her, you know number one, So just

1007
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 1: go easy. We don't want you to get too deplenished.

1008
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:22,439
Speaker 1: Don't get to plenish. Don't plenish yourself for the sake

1009
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:26,560
Speaker 1: of someone else. Guys, don't get too deplenished, because we

1010
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:28,600
Speaker 1: want you to be good at the best moms you

1011
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:32,839
Speaker 1: can be, but also not be too deplenished. It's it's

1012
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:34,919
Speaker 1: it's that classic and I know that, like it's it's

1013
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,600
Speaker 1: such a thing that moms say to themselves all the time,

1014
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:39,880
Speaker 1: but it really does help. It's that the air mask

1015
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:42,960
Speaker 1: in the airplane, right, you have to you have to

1016
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:44,759
Speaker 1: strap on your own air mask in order to help

1017
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:50,279
Speaker 1: somebody else. I've never thought about that really, I mean

1018
00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:53,080
Speaker 1: now that you say, and I feel like that's good.

1019
00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:56,040
Speaker 1: You have to, And that's like the first thing of motherhood.

1020
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:57,759
Speaker 1: It's like we gotta strap on our own mother. You

1021
00:50:57,880 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 1: have to. It's like she's she's been screaming at me,

1022
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 1: you know, like baby girl, I'm gonna piss myself if

1023
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:04,759
Speaker 1: I don't come with me to the bathroom. I know

1024
00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:07,320
Speaker 1: you're hungry, but I promise as soon as this happens,

1025
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:09,239
Speaker 1: me and then I will feel and then I will

1026
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:11,640
Speaker 1: feed you. I'm I'm never not going to feed you.

1027
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:13,880
Speaker 1: You're gonna get fed, whether it's like in a thirty

1028
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:18,080
Speaker 1: seconds or now, um brilliant. Yeah, So that's all I

1029
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 1: can try in You are a beautiful mom. Thank you.

1030
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:26,040
Speaker 1: This was so excellent. Like you are, You're like you're

1031
00:51:26,239 --> 00:51:32,399
Speaker 1: killing well. I really you know that you've been such

1032
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 1: an inspiration for me, whether it's you know, you're an

1033
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:37,520
Speaker 1: inspiration to me. I gotta remember the air mask. I

1034
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:40,000
Speaker 1: gotta remember to ask for help. I mean, this is

1035
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:41,799
Speaker 1: like we're going to be teaching each other for a

1036
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:47,239
Speaker 1: long time. I'm really such about it. Thank you guys

1037
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,600
Speaker 1: so much for listening to Katie's Crib, and be sure

1038
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:51,759
Speaker 1: to check out Shonda land dot com, where you can

1039
00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 1: find every episode of Katie's Crib. And we've got crib

1040
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:56,239
Speaker 1: notes for each episode where you can find out more

1041
00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:58,600
Speaker 1: about our guests and links to some of the resources

1042
00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:02,799
Speaker 1: we talked about on the podcast. And last but not least, subscribe.

1043
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:06,799
Speaker 1: We're on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Sitcher basically like wherever you

1044
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:17,120
Speaker 1: get your podcasts. Want you want, you Want