1 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:09,239 Speaker 1: Hi everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. I'm so 2 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:12,480 Speaker 1: excited about this episode because we are talking about social 3 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: media and our kids. As you guys know, social media 4 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:18,160 Speaker 1: hasn't been around that long, but whoa, it is just 5 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:21,160 Speaker 1: a huge part of all of our lives and how 6 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,560 Speaker 1: we connect to each other. So, you guys, some people, 7 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 1: as you know, also they share everything about their kids 8 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,960 Speaker 1: through social media, and some people really have opted out 9 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 1: and they don't share anything at all, like me. Um. 10 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,280 Speaker 1: Then there's everybody in between. We're not here to choose 11 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,159 Speaker 1: size of what's right or what's wrong, but we are 12 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 1: here to talk about the best ways and inform you 13 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,519 Speaker 1: to help make the best decision for your family. So 14 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: first I'm gonna talk to my friend Melissa Fumero. You 15 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 1: guys might know we're from the Brooklyn nine nine television show. 16 00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:51,199 Speaker 1: She's a mom of the Delicious two year old, and 17 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 1: we talked to her about her specific approach to social 18 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 1: media and screen time. And then I'm gonna be talking 19 00:00:56,440 --> 00:01:00,320 Speaker 1: to Dr Vindia for Nandez. She's a child psychologist who's 20 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,480 Speaker 1: going to help us understand how parents, kids social media 21 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 1: can coexist in a healthy, responsible and safe way, So 22 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 1: here we go. I am so excited because I had 23 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:20,320 Speaker 1: to get another college friend. Mom sitting in my crib 24 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 1: on my couch. Her name is Melissa Fumero. When I 25 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,480 Speaker 1: went to school with her, she was Melissa Gallo. I 26 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 1: think we tested for a soap opera we did, Oh 27 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,960 Speaker 1: my god, because we didn't go like June Raphael and 28 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,640 Speaker 1: Casey Wilson. We were both in Stella Adler. But Melissa 29 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:40,760 Speaker 1: Gallo now Flameo was a musical theater genius in a 30 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:44,039 Speaker 1: different school at NYU where we went, and so she 31 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 1: was like a dancing, singing acting machine, which was not me. 32 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: Um And I think we first crossed paths were we 33 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 1: at Stone Street School film the television. Yes, we're a 34 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 1: Stone Street together. I feel like we had maybe like 35 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 1: a your mutual friends. Maybe we had some liberal art 36 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 1: classes to go, that's the thing, and definitely mutual friends 37 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 1: because I feel like I was weirdly. I would always 38 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 1: be in classes with Adler people like the stuff. Um. 39 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:17,240 Speaker 1: But yeah, but then we tested forgot and you got 40 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 1: it right? No, we both we both didn't get it 41 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,040 Speaker 1: because you ended up on a sofa. We ended up 42 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: on one life, One life to live. People this test 43 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,120 Speaker 1: for a for a soap opera was the biggest deal. 44 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,080 Speaker 1: Like we were like seniors in college. We were so excited, 45 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:33,440 Speaker 1: Like we were so excited that someone who was going 46 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 1: to pay us to act. Yeah, now look at you, 47 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:40,720 Speaker 1: your mom and your Brooklyn nine nine, it's like all happening. 48 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about a very triggering 49 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 1: topic for me. We are talking this episode about social 50 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,640 Speaker 1: media and children. And I know it's a little bit 51 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 1: different than us than for people who might be listening 52 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,239 Speaker 1: because we have, you know, a little bit of life 53 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:59,840 Speaker 1: in the spotlight and things like that. But I literally 54 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 1: had not made up my mind yet about what I 55 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,079 Speaker 1: want to do. So I'm selfishly having you on the 56 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 1: show to ask you how you came to the decision. 57 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:08,520 Speaker 1: Was it so not a big Like there's a part 58 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,919 Speaker 1: of it that's like just let it out because it's 59 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 1: become such a big deal now that it's almost like 60 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: you hear you don't want to make a big deal 61 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 1: out of things because then they become a big deal 62 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:21,800 Speaker 1: for kids, Right, So tell me um first before we 63 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,280 Speaker 1: get into the mom, tell me your relationship with social 64 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 1: media all. Are you into it or you're not into it? 65 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,800 Speaker 1: You think it's stupid you think it's important for your work, Like, 66 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:29,519 Speaker 1: what is your Do you look at it every day? 67 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:32,440 Speaker 1: What's your relationship with it? I definitely look at it 68 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:37,280 Speaker 1: every day, yes, and I look at it going why 69 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,040 Speaker 1: am I doing this? Um? I sort of see it 70 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,480 Speaker 1: as like my part time job because I feel like 71 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: it's so connected to what we do, and um, which 72 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,920 Speaker 1: is great. It's great to like, even everything that just 73 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 1: happened with Brooklyn where we got canceled and then we 74 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: got saved, having that like out pouring from fans on Twitter, 75 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,160 Speaker 1: being able to like connect with them over this thing 76 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,440 Speaker 1: that had happened in my real life, I was like, amazing. 77 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,640 Speaker 1: So's so many things I would say I love social 78 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 1: media more than I hate it. There's definitely days where 79 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 1: I'm like, that's good. I want to delete everything and 80 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 1: crawl into a cave. Um. But I feel like I've 81 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 1: mostly had a positive experience on social media, and I 82 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:19,719 Speaker 1: feel like it's really useful to actors, and it's just yeah, 83 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,479 Speaker 1: it's so much better. It's such a better way to 84 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,039 Speaker 1: connect with people than like, you know, back in the day, 85 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,440 Speaker 1: Like we've been working for a while and you've went 86 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,960 Speaker 1: back in the day like that. You get like fan man, 87 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: send me a photo, You're like, oh my god, I 88 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,120 Speaker 1: have to pay for this post edge. Yeah exactly, this 89 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 1: is so much better. Yeah. Um and then yeah, I 90 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,280 Speaker 1: mean my son. Do you think you would be on 91 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: social media as much as you are if you weren't 92 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,240 Speaker 1: an actor? Like, were you a big before let's say 93 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,599 Speaker 1: Brooklyn nine nine? Were you big into Facebook? Were you 94 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,400 Speaker 1: big into in this way keeping in touch with your 95 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:54,960 Speaker 1: family like that? I think if I wasn't an actor, 96 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: I don't think I would be on Twitter. Maybe, um, 97 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:01,160 Speaker 1: Instagram would go you would I feel the same way 98 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,600 Speaker 1: as you. Actually, yeah, maybe Instagram. And then like I 99 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:09,560 Speaker 1: I loved Facebook, Facebook for like, especially because I live 100 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:10,840 Speaker 1: on the West Coast and all my families on the 101 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 1: East coast, and it's just like a very convenient way 102 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,760 Speaker 1: to keep in touch with people. Totally agree, Totally agree. Um, 103 00:05:16,839 --> 00:05:19,839 Speaker 1: so when you had your son. Now, my question is, 104 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,039 Speaker 1: because I'm way past this, and Adam and I and 105 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 1: all of you guys listening, a lot of the Scandal 106 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,919 Speaker 1: fans know this about me that I'm very honest about. 107 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,040 Speaker 1: I haven't just no idea whether to post or not 108 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,800 Speaker 1: to post, And is a big deal isn't a big deal. 109 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 1: So I'm finding like, this is my research. So when 110 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,000 Speaker 1: you got pregnant, was there even a conversation with your 111 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 1: husband who was there also a conversation about like we 112 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,000 Speaker 1: are going to do this or were on the same 113 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,920 Speaker 1: page where you on different pages? Did you think about 114 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,479 Speaker 1: it or was it just so not a big deal 115 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: to you guys? I feel like we talked about it 116 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,039 Speaker 1: a little bit, but it wasn't a big topic. And 117 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,960 Speaker 1: then when he was born, we did talk about doing 118 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,279 Speaker 1: a post and we and we and I think talked 119 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:02,040 Speaker 1: about like do we show his face? Do we not 120 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:03,480 Speaker 1: show his face? Do we do a foot? Do we 121 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,799 Speaker 1: do a hand? But then I was like, oh, nobody, 122 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,480 Speaker 1: like still looks like a newborn, Like newborns never look 123 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 1: like they end up looking. So then I like the 124 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,680 Speaker 1: post is cute little face, because it's not it's only 125 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,560 Speaker 1: gonna look like this for like a month or two, 126 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 1: like a week or like a week and then he's 127 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 1: totally going to change. So that's what we did. And 128 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 1: then it was kind of a rolling conversation that I 129 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: also would go back and forth and I still do 130 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:31,640 Speaker 1: because on the one hand, I feel like and so 131 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 1: it as a person, right, and he doesn't He doesn't 132 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,120 Speaker 1: get to add his voice or his opinion to this, 133 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,000 Speaker 1: Like Mom, I don't want you to post that photo 134 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,840 Speaker 1: and I want to be on social like what if 135 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: he ends up being that kid you know? Um? Or 136 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 1: what if he's the kid that's like, why didn't you 137 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,680 Speaker 1: post more pictures of me? Look how dude? I was like, 138 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,200 Speaker 1: you never know? But the point but right now I 139 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,040 Speaker 1: can't ask him. I can't ask his permission. He doesn't 140 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: get to have a say in it. But also it's 141 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 1: like the time we live in. It's the age we 142 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,360 Speaker 1: live in, and and I feel like you can find 143 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:09,840 Speaker 1: example of, you know, a cool celebrity. On either side, 144 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:12,160 Speaker 1: there is the biggest basketball fan of all time and 145 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 1: so he always goes back and forth, like Katie, there 146 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 1: are the biggest basketball players in the world, have nothing 147 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 1: but like amazing long videos and their kids. Right, So 148 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 1: you guys really just have the conversation. Once he was born, 149 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 1: it was like, how are we going to let this 150 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:26,680 Speaker 1: out into the wa And it's sort of been like 151 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,200 Speaker 1: a rolling conversation. I think my husband has posted more 152 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 1: pictures of him than I have, UM. Because it's also 153 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 1: such a strong urge. Sometimes you like, take a super 154 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: cube picture and you're like, I want to share this 155 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,160 Speaker 1: with the world. Don't want to blow it up, put 156 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 1: it on a billboard on sunset boldark. Yeah, so I 157 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:46,400 Speaker 1: feel one. I'm like, wait, when it's your child. I mean, 158 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 1: I know he's not, But to me, I'm like, you 159 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:52,440 Speaker 1: don't understand. I I created another Brad Pitt. I need 160 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:56,720 Speaker 1: to post his photo for validation that I have created 161 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:00,280 Speaker 1: the greatest. Now he's guys, he's a baby, he's a normal, Like, 162 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,880 Speaker 1: you have no idea, and I'm like, it is my 163 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 1: duty to share this vision with the World's a little 164 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:11,040 Speaker 1: it's insane. It's insane. So you you dueled yourself a 165 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:12,880 Speaker 1: little bit back from posting as much as you have 166 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 1: the impulse to. Yeah, I try not to do it too. 167 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,120 Speaker 1: I So I found like the middle of the road 168 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 1: kind of works for me. Sometimes when I post pictures, 169 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,000 Speaker 1: it's not his whole face, it's like the side of 170 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,520 Speaker 1: his face or you know, the back of him or 171 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 1: something like, I don't know something about that makes me 172 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,960 Speaker 1: feel a little better. Sometimes. Um, because you're in the 173 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:34,719 Speaker 1: public eye, do you feel a pressure to share m No, 174 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 1: I don't know if I do. I'm still thinking about it, guys, 175 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 1: still thinking about it. So, like you said, you seem 176 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:45,400 Speaker 1: a little bit selective about what you share and when 177 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,199 Speaker 1: you want to share the moments and the photos. Are 178 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 1: there other apps or any like? Do you have private accounts? 179 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:55,760 Speaker 1: What do you do? I have, Yes, I have private accounts. 180 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,160 Speaker 1: What are they apps to use? Like an iCloud photo share? 181 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,000 Speaker 1: I do? And yeah, I have that for my family, 182 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,240 Speaker 1: like my close family, and I post a lot on that. 183 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,720 Speaker 1: And then I have a private Facebook and I post 184 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,560 Speaker 1: on that more a little bit. You have a private yees, 185 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:13,600 Speaker 1: So I have a private Instagram actually doing that. We 186 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:17,559 Speaker 1: have a private Instagram that Adam runs and Albi has 187 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:22,560 Speaker 1: like no followers. They have to be very vetted and 188 00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:24,680 Speaker 1: go through us because, like I said, I'm just the 189 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,400 Speaker 1: crazy thing about it is that once you do what, 190 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 1: you've done it. But now he's eight months old, so 191 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,000 Speaker 1: now it's become a little bit bigger of a deal. 192 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm really, I'm really it's really a 193 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,959 Speaker 1: bizarre thing that we have to keep moving through as 194 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 1: he gets older and he's able to talk. Do you 195 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:45,080 Speaker 1: think you'll ask him? Yeah? I think so. I think 196 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:49,400 Speaker 1: when he's Yeah. When he's older, yeah, I mean hopefully 197 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,360 Speaker 1: he'll ask you to. Is he gonna be allowed to 198 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 1: have like our kids gonna have a counts? What are 199 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,560 Speaker 1: we gonna do? Oh my god, No, he's not gonna 200 00:09:55,559 --> 00:09:57,520 Speaker 1: have a council. He's like at least I don't know, 201 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,160 Speaker 1: like a teenage, like twelve at least. Right. I have 202 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,080 Speaker 1: a kid that I used to babysitfore who's having his 203 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,160 Speaker 1: bar mitzvah this weekend, and he has his own account, 204 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,520 Speaker 1: but he doesn't post that often. I honestly wish he 205 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 1: posted more because I just love seeing the world through 206 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,600 Speaker 1: a two boys is like, I'm just like, what is 207 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,719 Speaker 1: your life? It's so insane? Um, So I used to 208 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:20,680 Speaker 1: say things so cloud sharing and you have a private Facebook. 209 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 1: I have a private Instagram, which I find to be 210 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,559 Speaker 1: it's sort of satisfies the like look at my bread 211 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:30,199 Speaker 1: pit and I usually will put on one of those 212 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,560 Speaker 1: and then kind of see how I feel because sometimes 213 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,959 Speaker 1: that take the like I need to post it on 214 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 1: a public and that's a good idea, but then if 215 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 1: it's still there, I'm like, Okay, I really want it. 216 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:44,200 Speaker 1: This still feels right. I really want to share this picture, like, yeah, 217 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,800 Speaker 1: do you ever think things will change where? Okay, this 218 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 1: is another thing. When you post a picture of your son, 219 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,959 Speaker 1: do you Okay? When I post a picture on Instagram 220 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,600 Speaker 1: or something, I have a strong rule that I don't 221 00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:00,400 Speaker 1: read comments. I've just learned through like seventh seasons of 222 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,880 Speaker 1: Scandal that, like, even though the majority of them are 223 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 1: super lovely and super supportive, for me, a huge boundary 224 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,320 Speaker 1: is once I put a photo out, it's out there. 225 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,720 Speaker 1: I've done it, and I can't like spend the day 226 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:16,000 Speaker 1: looking through comments all the time. Okay, sometimes I totally cheat, 227 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,880 Speaker 1: and I do, but we're all you most of the time, 228 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,120 Speaker 1: I try not to. I think it was Lena Dunham 229 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:23,600 Speaker 1: actually when she guest start on Scandal that taught me that. Like, 230 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:26,120 Speaker 1: she puts the stuff out and obviously she has a 231 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 1: lot of controversial followers who hate or love what she does. Um, 232 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,200 Speaker 1: but I try not to read it because once in 233 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 1: a while there is a very hurtful, aggressive thing, and 234 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: of course that's the thing you hold on too. Have 235 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,079 Speaker 1: you ever had anyone say anything about your kid that 236 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:48,480 Speaker 1: you post? No, I think I uh do that without 237 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,200 Speaker 1: realizing I was doing it, especially if it was a 238 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 1: post of my kid. I don't really read the comments, 239 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 1: and I mean, come on, what asshole is going to 240 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,719 Speaker 1: say something? But you'd be surprised. You'd be surprised, like 241 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,120 Speaker 1: you just still love below up there, I don't even 242 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,360 Speaker 1: know if they're real people, Like they might be robots 243 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 1: or like who I liked it. Instagram now puts the 244 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,520 Speaker 1: comments of people you follow or your friends or like 245 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,200 Speaker 1: up at the top. Notice that that's like easier because 246 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,640 Speaker 1: I feel like I can scroll through the comments feet 247 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,400 Speaker 1: people I know and like personally in my real life 248 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,040 Speaker 1: and maybe read a few more and then I'm like done. Yeah, 249 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,680 Speaker 1: because same, So you don't really read them that much 250 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:27,640 Speaker 1: and hopefully they're just nice. Yeah, I think with when 251 00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:30,680 Speaker 1: it's been an Enzo post, they've always been super nice 252 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:33,240 Speaker 1: and sweet. And did you get any comments when you 253 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:37,880 Speaker 1: posted that people didn't like his name? No? Did you 254 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,520 Speaker 1: have to? Oh, I posted his name. I did the 255 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 1: post you talked about where it was just his foot. Yeah, 256 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,200 Speaker 1: it was during the scandal live tweet and it was 257 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,360 Speaker 1: like I'll be live tweet and we had his little 258 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:52,200 Speaker 1: foot and it said the name and like what you know, 259 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,000 Speaker 1: time and day he was born or something like that. 260 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 1: Very general. Um, but I haven't done anything past that, 261 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,840 Speaker 1: and I mean it's much larger. Part conversation is the 262 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:04,280 Speaker 1: whole screen thing, but this is more like social media, 263 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:07,120 Speaker 1: Like we haven't he doesn't really watch TV? Does Enzo 264 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:11,079 Speaker 1: watched TV? See Enzo's old? How old is Enzo? He's too? 265 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,480 Speaker 1: Oh god, I'm heading down this path. Tell me about 266 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 1: when that started. Here's the thing. We were so when 267 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,000 Speaker 1: I was pregnant, we were so those people were like, 268 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,840 Speaker 1: we're not going to do screens. Oh god, I'm that person. 269 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:25,160 Speaker 1: We're going to try for two years, no screens, nothing, 270 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,960 Speaker 1: And we were both like very adamant about it. And 271 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:33,120 Speaker 1: then we had this freaking crazy baby. I mean, Enzo 272 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:37,440 Speaker 1: was a super tough newborn. I think he was really tough. Yeah, 273 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,840 Speaker 1: like didn't sleep, didn't sleep, didn't know how to. Maybe 274 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,840 Speaker 1: it was a little colkey would just cry and cry 275 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:46,440 Speaker 1: and cry all the time and just and that's just 276 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:50,800 Speaker 1: how they come out, guys. They just enough babies. He 277 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 1: held his breath three days old, so he would hold 278 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 1: his breath and he would have a panic attack but 279 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,200 Speaker 1: he wasn't really, No, you would he would go and 280 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,840 Speaker 1: then he would hold his rock. He get all read 281 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,520 Speaker 1: and then he let out a huge scream when you 282 00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:07,360 Speaker 1: were like changing his day, like whatever made him mad, 283 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,840 Speaker 1: and that temper is still there to this day, like 284 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:13,920 Speaker 1: he just he's fiery. He came like that good. So 285 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 1: we started doing television I think like just before he 286 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 1: was a year old, because it was like around the 287 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,560 Speaker 1: time that he started walking, which was like around a 288 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:29,400 Speaker 1: year And we found that at night before bedtime, when 289 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,120 Speaker 1: he's one of those kids when he gets tired, he 290 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 1: gets more hyper, he gets jacked up, so he will 291 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,120 Speaker 1: like start running around the house and he's over tired. 292 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,440 Speaker 1: It's just like go time. It's like go time. Or 293 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,280 Speaker 1: when even when he's gearing up to like getting tired, 294 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,520 Speaker 1: he's like a maniac. So like he wouldn't like sit 295 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:48,080 Speaker 1: and read a book, and he wouldn't like to sit 296 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:50,600 Speaker 1: and play with toys. So then one day I put 297 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,160 Speaker 1: on the TV because I was exhausted, and then he 298 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,360 Speaker 1: and then he like sat next to me on the 299 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 1: couch and he relaxed, and then he was like a 300 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,360 Speaker 1: dreamboat to put down for bed, because then he was 301 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 1: like he came down and I was like, well, we're 302 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:07,240 Speaker 1: doing TV before bed every night, like that's it, And yeah, 303 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,200 Speaker 1: and now he gets and he doesn't like super what 304 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,040 Speaker 1: do you pick? What are the what are the And 305 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 1: I'm completely selfishly asking guys because so we started with 306 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:17,920 Speaker 1: Sesame Street. Oh great, great, that's still around. Of course 307 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 1: it is okay, so good great and Daniel Tiger and 308 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:25,360 Speaker 1: I think, um, some of like like the PBS shows, 309 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,920 Speaker 1: so he gets like thirty minutes before bed, after bath 310 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:31,040 Speaker 1: or something. Yeah, he would get thirty to forty minutes. 311 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 1: Now it's like, here's the well, now we can't even 312 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:39,360 Speaker 1: control what he watches because now he is too and 313 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:45,280 Speaker 1: he can open an iPad click Netflix, scroll, scroll, up, play, 314 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:48,800 Speaker 1: I don't like that close pick a new show. So 315 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:52,800 Speaker 1: now he like finds his own shows at two years old. Wow, 316 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 1: it's nuts. Um, but yeah, now we're just like we're 317 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 1: a full on screen family. Because the only way I 318 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,720 Speaker 1: can never cook a meal get him to like chill 319 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 1: out for a minute and sometimes eats a food. It's 320 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 1: just and I'm just like, what kind of heard? It's 321 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,240 Speaker 1: the reality we live in. I feel like, where do 322 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,720 Speaker 1: you find yourself on your phone on social media a 323 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,920 Speaker 1: lot with him? Or do you try to keep boundaries 324 00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,520 Speaker 1: about that? Because I'm scared I'm going to be the 325 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:20,720 Speaker 1: mom where the kid is like miming mommy texting all 326 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:23,080 Speaker 1: the time, do you know what I mean? Like or 327 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 1: be like my Twitter all the time, like the voice 328 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,920 Speaker 1: feature to send texts a lot. And so he if 329 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,200 Speaker 1: he ever gets his hands on the phone, he also 330 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 1: knows how to open series. So he'll like close you know, 331 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,040 Speaker 1: open sirie keep his finger on the button. Then he's 332 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,880 Speaker 1: like dad, like holding it to his mouth because he's 333 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 1: seen people do that. This is the world we live in, 334 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,960 Speaker 1: the world we live in. But so how do you 335 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 1: curb yourself? And I'm asking for myself and my husband, Well, 336 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 1: he kind of trained me because he was so he's 337 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:56,800 Speaker 1: always been hands into technology and buttons and anything like 338 00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 1: since like seven months old, and so I learned really quickly, 339 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,959 Speaker 1: Like I couldn't. I could never have my phone out 340 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:06,480 Speaker 1: in front of him because he would try to grab 341 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,719 Speaker 1: it and open it. So you give yourself add and 342 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,639 Speaker 1: like so I yeah, I would just like keep it 343 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,720 Speaker 1: in my pocket where I'd hide it behind my leg 344 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,160 Speaker 1: if I really need to check something. And now I'm 345 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,720 Speaker 1: just used to not being on my phone around him 346 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,840 Speaker 1: because of that. Like now, if I if he does 347 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 1: see my phone. He doesn't grab at it because after 348 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,280 Speaker 1: months and months and months of telling him no, he 349 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:30,479 Speaker 1: finally gets it. Um. And it's great though too, because 350 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,520 Speaker 1: it's like this powerful thing I have to give him, 351 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 1: need him to like chill in a restaurant or a 352 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:42,159 Speaker 1: restaurant plate and I was waiting for the check and 353 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,399 Speaker 1: he wants to go in a grocery store if he 354 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:49,000 Speaker 1: wants to run around like a maniac on an airplane, 355 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,640 Speaker 1: see my kids super chill and still at the place 356 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,440 Speaker 1: where he can just like lay on the floor and chill. 357 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 1: And he's always been very chill, So like, I mean, 358 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,359 Speaker 1: how don't I get a lot of work done on 359 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:01,159 Speaker 1: her phone while the babies like right there? And I 360 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,840 Speaker 1: feel super bad about it, Like Adam and I talked 361 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,119 Speaker 1: about it all the time. We're like, oh God, like 362 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 1: we have to we have to set boundaries of like 363 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,000 Speaker 1: if it's your hour on without me, like or however long, 364 00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:15,520 Speaker 1: like you gotta give him your focus and if and 365 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,159 Speaker 1: if and if he's busy playing by himself, which is 366 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,720 Speaker 1: I believe in a very good skill set for a 367 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 1: kid to learn, Like you should not be entertaining him 368 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,360 Speaker 1: all the time. He has to be able to entertain himself. 369 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:26,320 Speaker 1: Then I can't just like be in the background on 370 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,399 Speaker 1: my phone for like hours. I mean, it's just like 371 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 1: I don't know, and then I've just noticed so much already. 372 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:35,320 Speaker 1: I have this group of mom friends who had babies 373 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,320 Speaker 1: right around the time um I did, and whenever the 374 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:40,800 Speaker 1: babies do something in class or whenever everyone's whipping out 375 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:54,640 Speaker 1: their phones to capture it, so I worry, Like all 376 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,560 Speaker 1: my group of mom friends, you know, there's one or 377 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,360 Speaker 1: two that are very good about curbing it, but there 378 00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:03,639 Speaker 1: are just a few, and myself included, whenever there's like 379 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,960 Speaker 1: a huge moment in a class, or oh my gosh, 380 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 1: we're swimming for the first time, whenever everyone's phones are 381 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,840 Speaker 1: up all the time, and it's not just for the 382 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:12,439 Speaker 1: first time of something, it's just all the time. So 383 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:17,800 Speaker 1: we're constantly witnessing our kids through our phones. I know. 384 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:22,760 Speaker 1: It's it is different. You seem to have a very 385 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,880 Speaker 1: healthy relationship with it, and that's why I'm just very 386 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:30,480 Speaker 1: impressed by your Like you're very chill. It's not like 387 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,880 Speaker 1: the biggest deal, which is really nice to hear. I mean, 388 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:37,119 Speaker 1: you took into consideration the things, but like you're like, 389 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 1: this is a part of his life because it's a 390 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,520 Speaker 1: part of all of our lives and it's the way 391 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,440 Speaker 1: it's all going, so like, what are we supposed to do? 392 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:47,160 Speaker 1: I also sort of lump it in with how different 393 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:51,200 Speaker 1: his childhood is going to look from ours, Like he's 394 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,119 Speaker 1: probably going to grow up mostly on the West Coast 395 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:58,399 Speaker 1: and we're East Coast people, Like we're you know, comfortable 396 00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:02,199 Speaker 1: financially and was not our situation growing up, and like, 397 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,639 Speaker 1: you know, just everything is so we grew up with 398 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 1: a lot of family around. We don't have any family here, 399 00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:12,880 Speaker 1: so everything about his child both at which is weird, 400 00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,600 Speaker 1: like when hair and makeup comes to my house or 401 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 1: you know, it's weird. So I feel like everything about 402 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,800 Speaker 1: his childhood is so different, and that gave us when 403 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,720 Speaker 1: he was a baby a lot of anxiety because we're like, 404 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:25,919 Speaker 1: how are we going to do this right? And how 405 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,399 Speaker 1: are we going to make sure that he just turns 406 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,359 Speaker 1: out okay and turns out to be a good person. 407 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,720 Speaker 1: So I think we just got to the point where 408 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,800 Speaker 1: were like, we have to embrace everything that's different and 409 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:41,560 Speaker 1: as long as he's confident and happy and independent and 410 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:47,120 Speaker 1: it's a nice, good person, great, Like we did our job. 411 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,960 Speaker 1: Social media and screens are part of that and part 412 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,439 Speaker 1: part of that, and we'll like we'll figure you know, 413 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,280 Speaker 1: it's just like the TV thing. If I had a 414 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,520 Speaker 1: kid who totally zoned out in front of the TV, 415 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 1: and it was like, the TV is literally a baby, 416 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:03,720 Speaker 1: so it or I probably would get like more strict 417 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:07,720 Speaker 1: about it, but he's not. He like watches it. He's 418 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,200 Speaker 1: learned the A, B C s from it. I don't 419 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:17,120 Speaker 1: think the ABC's he knows from. Yeah, so you know, 420 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,439 Speaker 1: and he sort of watches it and he plays and 421 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 1: he comes sees what we're doing and goes back and like, 422 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,480 Speaker 1: you know, it's just kind of a part of his day. 423 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 1: You know. We do do it like at the same 424 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:32,080 Speaker 1: times every day, and it's a routine and and I'm 425 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:36,119 Speaker 1: and that that works for him, you know, And so 426 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,800 Speaker 1: it's sort of like you just have to whatever works 427 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,520 Speaker 1: for him. And David I said a really funny thing 428 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,640 Speaker 1: the other day because I was now because we use 429 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:49,080 Speaker 1: the iPad for meals a lot now. But here's the thing. 430 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,880 Speaker 1: He eats always freaking food, and so it's hard because 431 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:56,040 Speaker 1: otherwise he won't eat it. He gets distracted, he doesn't 432 00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:57,760 Speaker 1: stop moving in his chair, he wants to go down, 433 00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,520 Speaker 1: he wants to eat something else, he wants to play 434 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,000 Speaker 1: with that toy. Like he just is all over the 435 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,960 Speaker 1: place and that will kind of just focus him and 436 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,119 Speaker 1: focus him and he'll eat all his food. But I 437 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,639 Speaker 1: was stressing out about and I was like, we have 438 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,560 Speaker 1: to at some point, we have to stop this. This 439 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:15,639 Speaker 1: can't continue. We have to wean him. Look, I'm not 440 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,919 Speaker 1: that concerned about his addiction to technology because then we 441 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,040 Speaker 1: have a super powerful thing that we can take from 442 00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:26,119 Speaker 1: him when he doesn't behave there is that there is 443 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,000 Speaker 1: that He's like, we know how We're going to ground 444 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,880 Speaker 1: him when he's older, when he messes up, it's gonna 445 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,040 Speaker 1: be like give me your phone, give me your iPad, 446 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:36,200 Speaker 1: get like no computer time. And he's like, We've got 447 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,760 Speaker 1: this really powerful thing, this asset. And he's like so 448 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:43,400 Speaker 1: I'm he's like totally fine with encouraging the technology thing, 449 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,879 Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, but no, really, we need to 450 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,400 Speaker 1: like get him off the iPad for meals. I think 451 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:52,440 Speaker 1: Adam would be completely down with posting a picture about me. 452 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:56,320 Speaker 1: I think it's I think in the relationship he's not 453 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,840 Speaker 1: pushing me at all, but like he I think if 454 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 1: he was with someone who was totally cool with it, 455 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,720 Speaker 1: there would already be a hundred thousand pictures of about Like, 456 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:06,000 Speaker 1: my husband is obsessed with social media. He loves it. Um, 457 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 1: he thinks it's an incredible tool to read about sports 458 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:15,280 Speaker 1: and things like that. Um, but I'm just still I 459 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,640 Speaker 1: don't know. And now that it's become a big deal, 460 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,439 Speaker 1: now it's a big deal and it's a decision that 461 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:23,439 Speaker 1: I have to make. But at some point, it's just 462 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:26,120 Speaker 1: the reality, Like I don't want to be Like I 463 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:28,480 Speaker 1: was in a Mommy and Me class where they blow 464 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,119 Speaker 1: bubbles at the end and all the pictures of the 465 00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:32,199 Speaker 1: babies or in a group and all them and the 466 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:35,040 Speaker 1: teacher encouraged like everybody take out their phones and take 467 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,840 Speaker 1: photos of the babies. And I was that mom who 468 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:39,360 Speaker 1: had to pull the teacher aside and all the other 469 00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 1: moms and say, I'm so sorry, but someone's gonna take 470 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,760 Speaker 1: photo and they're going to post it on their Facebook page. 471 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,800 Speaker 1: And then, um, we just don't haven't posted pictures of 472 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,399 Speaker 1: my son yet. And the same thing happened, I mean 473 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,800 Speaker 1: a swim class and the teacher just came out with 474 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,320 Speaker 1: the phone and was like we're gonna put some pictures 475 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,040 Speaker 1: up on the website, and I was like, I'm sorry, 476 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,720 Speaker 1: but we don't put pictures of value up. So there's 477 00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,520 Speaker 1: already been runnings and he's not even at school yet 478 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:05,720 Speaker 1: where I'm sure you know bus stop pictures and you 479 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:09,240 Speaker 1: know the school birthdays like it's coming. And so my 480 00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,200 Speaker 1: question is do I get ahead of it and post 481 00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:15,800 Speaker 1: now or I'm really interested to be hearing from the 482 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:20,440 Speaker 1: psychologist and that would learn a hard one to navigate. 483 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,680 Speaker 1: I've like my I've had friends post pictures with Enzo 484 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,439 Speaker 1: in it and I just tell them, you know, if 485 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:29,520 Speaker 1: it's Instagram or anything public, just don't tag me in it. Great, um, 486 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,119 Speaker 1: because that's a way to like get an I had 487 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,040 Speaker 1: the first run in with that at Christmas, Like everyone 488 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 1: was taking photos of Albie at Christmas and we did 489 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,280 Speaker 1: the same thing. I was like, don't tag And then 490 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,200 Speaker 1: there were a couple I actually asked to take down. 491 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 1: But it's a big thing that I also am just 492 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:48,720 Speaker 1: kind of shifting through. Yeah, it's sort of evolves, I think, 493 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:52,159 Speaker 1: and you feel your way through it and you just 494 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 1: keep checking in with your gut and about what feels 495 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:56,960 Speaker 1: right and what doesn't and because you're right, it's a 496 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,640 Speaker 1: part of our life and it's going to become even 497 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:00,600 Speaker 1: more and more when they go to school. You mean, 498 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,480 Speaker 1: when our kids are going to college on Mars and 499 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:07,480 Speaker 1: they have like they have iPhones like like their brain 500 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,359 Speaker 1: and they just have to touch their ear lobe and 501 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,119 Speaker 1: all of a sudden there on like some whatever latest 502 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,879 Speaker 1: version of the internet there is to be like and 503 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,320 Speaker 1: we were freaking out about posting baby pictures. You know, 504 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,320 Speaker 1: it's like we're teleporting to their like visiting day or 505 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,359 Speaker 1: whatever it is. But can we teleport? That would be 506 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,320 Speaker 1: great because like our families around the East Coast, so 507 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:27,400 Speaker 1: like if we could teleport, that would be great. Also, 508 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:31,840 Speaker 1: airports stuck, Oh they're the worst. I cannot thank you enough, 509 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:37,080 Speaker 1: Melissa Fumero for coming on Katie's crib. You are the 510 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:38,840 Speaker 1: best and you have been a huge help to me. 511 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,440 Speaker 1: Like I like I said, I'm really inspired and impressed 512 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:45,560 Speaker 1: by like you're just chill and a good mom. Thanks man. 513 00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:48,679 Speaker 1: Before we go, Melissa, is there any advice that you 514 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:54,440 Speaker 1: would give to any moms in talking about I think 515 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,560 Speaker 1: you said it about trusting the gut, but is there 516 00:25:56,560 --> 00:26:01,919 Speaker 1: anything else? We were talking about this last night because 517 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,720 Speaker 1: as I've mentioned, we have a very we have a 518 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:08,960 Speaker 1: tough kid. Not tough, he's just a very spirited, very passionate, fiery, 519 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:15,560 Speaker 1: fiery loved and so the biggest thing for us has 520 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:21,520 Speaker 1: been experimentation. And it's still nerve wracking the first time 521 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,240 Speaker 1: I'm going to try something new with him if it works, 522 00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:30,200 Speaker 1: whether it's related to discipline or whatever, um, but we've 523 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:34,639 Speaker 1: had to do it so much that it's actually great. 524 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,280 Speaker 1: And when something is not working and you've hit a 525 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,879 Speaker 1: snag and you hit a wall, you just have to 526 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:43,600 Speaker 1: try different things because they're growing and changing so much 527 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:47,360 Speaker 1: so fast, and what works for them today won't work 528 00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:50,440 Speaker 1: for them a month from now, and you just it's 529 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:55,680 Speaker 1: like scary and nerve wracking to do. But I've I've 530 00:26:55,800 --> 00:27:01,480 Speaker 1: found the best tools for my son that way, by 531 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:06,720 Speaker 1: just trying things and just dealing with it and moving 532 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:08,800 Speaker 1: on being like, Okay, I'm never trying that again. But 533 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,320 Speaker 1: then when you find the thing that works, it's so 534 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,919 Speaker 1: liberating and it makes you feel so confident as a 535 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:16,960 Speaker 1: parent that that, to me would be the biggest advice 536 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:18,760 Speaker 1: because it seems to be also the thing that people 537 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:22,359 Speaker 1: are the most scared to do. I am taking that 538 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:26,240 Speaker 1: piece of advice and I will be using it regular 539 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:30,200 Speaker 1: things not working, figure like, fix it, figure it out, 540 00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:34,040 Speaker 1: make your life don't suffer. Yeah, motherhood is a really 541 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:38,600 Speaker 1: big it's a really big lesson and shaking it up 542 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,560 Speaker 1: like on a daily regular going with the flow. Yeah, 543 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:45,640 Speaker 1: see what works for you kid. Yeah, thank you so much. 544 00:27:45,800 --> 00:28:02,680 Speaker 1: You're so welcome. This was hugely helpful. Um, guys, I'm 545 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:06,080 Speaker 1: so excited because we are here with India Fernandez. Um 546 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:10,280 Speaker 1: and this hot topic of all of it, social media, 547 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:14,199 Speaker 1: screen time, Instagram, Twitter, like, I barely understand it for 548 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:18,960 Speaker 1: myself and the implications and things that are happening to 549 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,239 Speaker 1: me myself, my marriage and my relationships with people and 550 00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:26,560 Speaker 1: now my kid with all of it. Um, tell us 551 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:28,600 Speaker 1: what you do. That's a good place to start, because 552 00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:33,920 Speaker 1: I'm so overwhelmed. Tell us what you do. So I'm 553 00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:39,640 Speaker 1: a pediatric neuropsychologist, which that sounds so fancy. It sounds fancy. Really, 554 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,360 Speaker 1: what it means is that I do assessments with children 555 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:46,120 Speaker 1: to figure out if they're falling behind an important cognitive 556 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:50,160 Speaker 1: or academic areas, and I help parents with treatment planning 557 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:52,360 Speaker 1: to make sure that the kids are brought up to 558 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:56,840 Speaker 1: speed UM if they need to be. And I also 559 00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:00,720 Speaker 1: do some therapy I teach so private off I do 560 00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 1: school or how does it work? How do I have 561 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:05,640 Speaker 1: a private practice? I do. I have a private practice, 562 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,720 Speaker 1: But I also run groups where I work with parents 563 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:12,320 Speaker 1: at U C l A UM. These are older kids, 564 00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:18,320 Speaker 1: adolescents and young adults, and I help them navigate the 565 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,200 Speaker 1: social world. And so part of what I do is 566 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:27,280 Speaker 1: I teach how to navigate social media. What is coming up? 567 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:31,680 Speaker 1: Is this a thing that people are training in? Oh? Absolutely, 568 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:35,040 Speaker 1: it's so important, and I think it's you know, especially 569 00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:41,240 Speaker 1: important for adolescents who have trouble controlling their own emotions 570 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:47,400 Speaker 1: and behavior and they don't always make the most wise decisions. UM. 571 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:51,600 Speaker 1: But this is an area that's still developing, and we 572 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:55,040 Speaker 1: know very little about it in terms of the cognitive 573 00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:59,840 Speaker 1: and developmental impact that social media has on the developing 574 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:03,680 Speaker 1: rain UM. But also, you know, we don't really know 575 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:11,479 Speaker 1: what sharing UM posts about our kids that the starting place, Like, 576 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:14,959 Speaker 1: obviously it's beyond common to see pictures and videos of 577 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,680 Speaker 1: kids and our all of our friends and family circles. Right, 578 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,400 Speaker 1: let's start positive, you know what I mean, and then 579 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:26,080 Speaker 1: fall from there. Now positive like are there any benefits 580 00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:29,640 Speaker 1: to the sharing, like and posting stuff on Facebook with 581 00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:34,640 Speaker 1: your kids? Like I think for new moms, especially for 582 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:38,160 Speaker 1: any mom, um, it's so important to connect with people. 583 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:43,360 Speaker 1: You just had a beautiful baby that you want the 584 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:48,520 Speaker 1: world to see. Um. Oftentimes parenting can be super lonely. 585 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:53,240 Speaker 1: Yeah right, it's such a a and just like you know, 586 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,480 Speaker 1: some people don't have a mom crew and Katie's crib. 587 00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:58,959 Speaker 1: I hope we help with that in any way, you know, 588 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,320 Speaker 1: to make you feel an any way shape form less alone. 589 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,880 Speaker 1: So social media and being able to pose pictures of 590 00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,800 Speaker 1: your kids or comment, I'm sure there's the plus would 591 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:10,120 Speaker 1: be the ability to share and connect. Yeah. I feel 592 00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:13,280 Speaker 1: that it's an important way for moms to reach out 593 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:17,760 Speaker 1: to family members that might not live nearby. Um, my 594 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,000 Speaker 1: family doesn't live in Los Angeles. For me, that's the 595 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,440 Speaker 1: only way that my extended family can even see my 596 00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:25,120 Speaker 1: daughter and really get to know her. Um. So I 597 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:29,080 Speaker 1: think there are a lot of benefits. On the flip side, now, 598 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 1: the risk of opening yourself up to this sort of connection, Um, 599 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:40,520 Speaker 1: are there risks? Well? I imagine the risks to yourself 600 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:43,479 Speaker 1: would be any negative comments or things like that are 601 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:46,720 Speaker 1: their actual risks themselves, safety wives, like to the kid, 602 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:52,040 Speaker 1: there are and before I say what the risks are, 603 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:56,360 Speaker 1: let's be clear, the risks are really scary. But at 604 00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,520 Speaker 1: the same time, we need to make sure that we 605 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,600 Speaker 1: think about the prop ability of some of these things 606 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,760 Speaker 1: happening versus the possibility, because if we just think of 607 00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:09,040 Speaker 1: everything possible that could happen, we're going to go down 608 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:12,840 Speaker 1: into a downward spiral, right, We're going to panic. Um, 609 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:14,520 Speaker 1: it's like every time you get into your car, you 610 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:18,680 Speaker 1: don't think about the logistics of car accidents, you know 611 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,720 Speaker 1: what I mean? Like, you don't You get in the 612 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,240 Speaker 1: car and it's not a high risk to you because 613 00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:25,600 Speaker 1: you just don't put that in your mind. That's right. 614 00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,960 Speaker 1: So the same with social media. You know there are 615 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:32,760 Speaker 1: some risks. Um, any time you post information about your 616 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,880 Speaker 1: child their date of birth, which everybody does when they 617 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,440 Speaker 1: do their birth announcement on social what's the risk that 618 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:43,920 Speaker 1: I think the risk is that an unscrupulous person could 619 00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:48,360 Speaker 1: take that information and then identity theft is an issue 620 00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:52,720 Speaker 1: or um yeah, yeah, so it can be really scary. 621 00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:54,280 Speaker 1: I mean I hear things on the news all the 622 00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:57,280 Speaker 1: time and um, you would hate to put yourself in 623 00:32:57,280 --> 00:32:59,600 Speaker 1: that situation, right, So you just have to make sure 624 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:03,120 Speaker 1: that you around yourself with really honest people that you 625 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:05,920 Speaker 1: know exactly who's in your friend group and who's following 626 00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:09,880 Speaker 1: you and who actually has access to this information. Okay, 627 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:16,640 Speaker 1: So obviously there are negatives about safety issues when you post. Okay, 628 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,720 Speaker 1: there's like identity theft. I imagine that if you're someone 629 00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:22,480 Speaker 1: in the spotlight like I am, it can be scary 630 00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:25,040 Speaker 1: that someone knows exactly what your baby looks like and 631 00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:28,800 Speaker 1: where they are at certain times or places parks they frequent, 632 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:34,120 Speaker 1: things like that. Um, But you know, that's not a 633 00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,960 Speaker 1: concern for everybody. What is a concern I think for 634 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:39,880 Speaker 1: a lot of people is does posting in social media 635 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:42,640 Speaker 1: and putting you kids out there? Is there any proof 636 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:46,440 Speaker 1: right now how that affects a child's development? So that's 637 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,280 Speaker 1: the scary part. And we don't know a whole lot 638 00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:54,120 Speaker 1: about how this affects a child's development because as babies, 639 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:56,680 Speaker 1: they don't really have much awareness about what's going on 640 00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:59,200 Speaker 1: on social media obviously, right, But as they get a 641 00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:02,440 Speaker 1: little bit older, I think that's where we start to see, um, 642 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:09,080 Speaker 1: kids really developing a sense of privacy or lack thereof. Um, 643 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,040 Speaker 1: the parent child relationship can be effective if a child 644 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:17,120 Speaker 1: feels that right that their trust has been violated in 645 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:20,120 Speaker 1: some way some sort of photo of the child and 646 00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:23,800 Speaker 1: hasn't asked that permission, whether the photo be good or bad, like, yeah, 647 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:27,479 Speaker 1: that's right. So you know, if the child is doing 648 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,520 Speaker 1: something that could be seen as embarrassing to them, if 649 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:35,240 Speaker 1: you're posting details about their friendships or problems that they're having, 650 00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:39,759 Speaker 1: or crushes or a significant other, those things could beat 651 00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,000 Speaker 1: I think they do, and I think that could be 652 00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:46,480 Speaker 1: extremely embarrassing for a child, And so imagine what that 653 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:50,880 Speaker 1: does for the trust between child and parent. Um. Kids 654 00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:55,040 Speaker 1: are starting to become aware of their own limitations, which 655 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:58,120 Speaker 1: I think is great. And if they're clear with their 656 00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:01,440 Speaker 1: parents about what their expectations are and parents and vice versa, 657 00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:04,720 Speaker 1: parents are clear about what what they are and aren't 658 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,759 Speaker 1: going to post, I think that could be a real benefit. 659 00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:13,560 Speaker 1: UM so kids. I mean, early early research is showing 660 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:18,000 Speaker 1: that kids don't mind so much when parents post things 661 00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:24,480 Speaker 1: like birthdays, achievements, uh, their participation on a team or 662 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:27,239 Speaker 1: a club, things that are pretty general. But when you 663 00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:30,279 Speaker 1: get down to specifics about their life, then then they 664 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:35,000 Speaker 1: really don't like it very much. Um, is their harm 665 00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:38,799 Speaker 1: in sharing a photo or anecdote if a child will 666 00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:41,359 Speaker 1: never see the post, like like we were saying like 667 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,279 Speaker 1: a baby, Like yeah, so I mean I don't think 668 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:47,640 Speaker 1: that we can never really know that they're never going 669 00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,839 Speaker 1: to see it, right, because it's out there there. This 670 00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:54,719 Speaker 1: is why I haven't done it yet. Like I'm so like, 671 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:58,359 Speaker 1: we have a private Instagram account, and we have a 672 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:02,640 Speaker 1: private photo sharing cloud account for just the family. And 673 00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:08,839 Speaker 1: the private Instagram account is of Albi is just very 674 00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:11,400 Speaker 1: few followers and it's just people we know. It's just 675 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:16,160 Speaker 1: like best friends and family. Um, but the account has 676 00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,799 Speaker 1: a complete personality, like it's my husband who runs it, 677 00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:22,640 Speaker 1: and it's his voice, and the Instagram account is literally 678 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:25,360 Speaker 1: like as if Albi could speak. It's it's the greatest 679 00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:26,920 Speaker 1: thing in the entire word. Yeah, but like Albi is 680 00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:30,040 Speaker 1: gonna see it, and it's like, what is that even 681 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,319 Speaker 1: like because it's out there at all, he will say 682 00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,480 Speaker 1: he will see And I think I actually have to 683 00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,120 Speaker 1: have to have a conversation with that. I'm like saying, hey, 684 00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:43,120 Speaker 1: just like everything you write, you know, it's very PG 685 00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,560 Speaker 1: and you know there's nothing and I don't mean to 686 00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:47,400 Speaker 1: say like there's no cursords orything. But I mean, like, 687 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,359 Speaker 1: I don't think there has been anything yet so far 688 00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:51,719 Speaker 1: that hopefully I'll be would be embarrassed about. But he 689 00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:57,680 Speaker 1: has to think about that. UM. So, as we're talking about, 690 00:36:57,719 --> 00:36:59,359 Speaker 1: I think a lot of my friends have actually opened 691 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:03,320 Speaker 1: up social media accounts in just their child's name while 692 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:07,040 Speaker 1: the child is still a baby or a toddler. Um. 693 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:09,400 Speaker 1: And I think there's something about establishing some sort of 694 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:13,760 Speaker 1: separate identity for the baby. We're obviously voicing the baby's 695 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:19,840 Speaker 1: identity right now on his Instagram, um and for others. UM. 696 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:23,640 Speaker 1: I think sometimes parents are like actually promoting their kids, 697 00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:28,160 Speaker 1: Like what are people doing that? Like? I do think so, 698 00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:30,359 Speaker 1: I mean, I think the amount of kids that are 699 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:36,719 Speaker 1: discovered now on YouTube, and you know, like Ellen has 700 00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,399 Speaker 1: a lot of kids on that have special skill sets 701 00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:43,080 Speaker 1: that can dance or can sing or something funny or 702 00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:47,239 Speaker 1: like the apparently kid like apparently no No No, which 703 00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,520 Speaker 1: I love that Kido'm obsessed with them, But that's got 704 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,359 Speaker 1: to be that all started from their parents posting I'm 705 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:56,600 Speaker 1: sure of them. Like do you ever find that that's 706 00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:59,400 Speaker 1: like an ulterior motive? So I think you just hit 707 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:02,400 Speaker 1: the nail on the head. I think parents who choose 708 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:05,040 Speaker 1: to start accounts for their children need to think about 709 00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:10,200 Speaker 1: what their motivation is for that. Um. If if the 710 00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:13,080 Speaker 1: motivation is really to connect and build a community and 711 00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:18,279 Speaker 1: have a village for yourself, awesome, that's so important. But 712 00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:22,440 Speaker 1: if the motivation is you know, fame seeking or attending 713 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:26,080 Speaker 1: seeking or money, um, then we have to think about 714 00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:29,200 Speaker 1: whether or not this benefits the child in any way. Right. 715 00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 1: And you know, I'm all for parents doing what's best 716 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:35,560 Speaker 1: for them, because what's best for them is also best 717 00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:38,600 Speaker 1: for the child in many respects. Um. But you know, 718 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:40,799 Speaker 1: I think you know everything in moderation and we need 719 00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,120 Speaker 1: to really be cautious about because we don't know how 720 00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:46,879 Speaker 1: this is affecting kids developa Do you find the most 721 00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:49,759 Speaker 1: helpful thing to put a lot of limitations on it? 722 00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:54,080 Speaker 1: Like when the kid gets too of speaking age and understanding? 723 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:57,120 Speaker 1: Do most parents ask their kids if they're okay if 724 00:38:57,160 --> 00:39:00,760 Speaker 1: they post this photo? Like how does that work? Oh? 725 00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:04,160 Speaker 1: I think this varies widely from parent to parents. What 726 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,719 Speaker 1: people do and what should they should do is not 727 00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:10,560 Speaker 1: always a line, right, So UM, I'll just speak for myself. 728 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,080 Speaker 1: You know, I have a two and a half year 729 00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:14,239 Speaker 1: old on what do you do? Come on, you know 730 00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,040 Speaker 1: about your brain, what do you do? Let's just do 731 00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:17,960 Speaker 1: what you do? I mean, and I have and I 732 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:21,279 Speaker 1: have social media that's pretty private, you know, really just 733 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:24,960 Speaker 1: friends and family. Um, but I don't always ask my 734 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:26,880 Speaker 1: daughter if I can post a picture of her that 735 00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,600 Speaker 1: I think is super cute or kind of funny. Um, 736 00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:31,359 Speaker 1: I don't know what impact that's going to have a her, 737 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:35,319 Speaker 1: But I'm pretty private, and I do think about whether 738 00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:38,120 Speaker 1: or not a picture could either be damaging or embarrassing 739 00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:40,239 Speaker 1: to her in the future. I mean, that's just a 740 00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:42,680 Speaker 1: good ground rule. Is Yeah, that's a really good ground rule. 741 00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:45,359 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go over that with Adam actually, because yes, 742 00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:47,279 Speaker 1: even in our private account, I just want to make 743 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:51,440 Speaker 1: sure everything we post. You just have the thought for 744 00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,719 Speaker 1: a minute, like if Alvi sells in five years, you 745 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,359 Speaker 1: think you'd be cool with it, And like I feel 746 00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,759 Speaker 1: like that's a good jumping off point whether or not 747 00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:02,080 Speaker 1: to post it. Um. What about the parents who have 748 00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:04,719 Speaker 1: totally opted out of social media for their kids, like 749 00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:10,040 Speaker 1: a real hard line? Can that be damaging? Like I 750 00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:12,319 Speaker 1: remember I baby sat in a house where the kids 751 00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,160 Speaker 1: weren't allowed sugar, and then we would go to birthday 752 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:23,080 Speaker 1: parties and it was like insanity, like like craziness, like 753 00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:26,080 Speaker 1: to to keep somebody to say no to something on 754 00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:27,960 Speaker 1: a hard line. I also feel like it's sort of 755 00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:33,080 Speaker 1: damaging because then you're making a thing out of something 756 00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:36,839 Speaker 1: that you you hope just can flow seamlessly in their 757 00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,960 Speaker 1: life maybe, Or do you have any deal? Are you 758 00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:42,360 Speaker 1: dealing with parents at all that are really hardlining it, 759 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,760 Speaker 1: like we're not. Yeah, I have a couple of friends 760 00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:48,080 Speaker 1: who are completely opting out of posting pictures of their 761 00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:52,319 Speaker 1: children on on social media, and um, you know, they 762 00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:55,520 Speaker 1: sometimes text me pictures, but I don't feel like I 763 00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:58,520 Speaker 1: know their children as well, you know what I mean? 764 00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:01,839 Speaker 1: And I would love to see more are Um, but 765 00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:05,080 Speaker 1: that's their choice, right, there's no good or bad. We 766 00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,600 Speaker 1: don't try to judge each other. That's just their choice. 767 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,680 Speaker 1: And they're trying to be a little bit more risk 768 00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:13,839 Speaker 1: averse and they don't want to take uh you know, 769 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:17,160 Speaker 1: they don't want to take the risk that pictures will 770 00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:20,600 Speaker 1: fall into the wrong hands or be used inappropriately, and 771 00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:26,880 Speaker 1: I totally respect that. Wow, this is so huge. Um. 772 00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:29,839 Speaker 1: We talked a little bit with Melissa famiro too, which 773 00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:34,279 Speaker 1: is like a much bigger issue, but like the extension 774 00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:36,600 Speaker 1: of all these devices that we don't know about. So 775 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:41,440 Speaker 1: now we're not only talking about posting, but we're talking 776 00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:48,600 Speaker 1: about phones, iPads, televisions. I mean, I feel like you 777 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:51,919 Speaker 1: and I are similar in age um and I feel 778 00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:55,120 Speaker 1: like we are maybe like the last generation where we 779 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:59,560 Speaker 1: just didn't have that stuff, And is my kid going 780 00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:01,640 Speaker 1: to be like what's going to happen to him? Like 781 00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:07,160 Speaker 1: he feel like I'm honestly concerned, Like I I don't 782 00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:10,080 Speaker 1: let him look at screens because I'm scared. But like 783 00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:11,480 Speaker 1: Adam and I got in a huge fight the other 784 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,960 Speaker 1: day because we had one minute to get to my 785 00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,080 Speaker 1: house and he was freaking out in the back seat 786 00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:17,799 Speaker 1: and I was sitting in the back seat with him, 787 00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,440 Speaker 1: and I just opened up on my phone, like I 788 00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:25,239 Speaker 1: googled like PBS some like that makes me feel better, 789 00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:28,840 Speaker 1: like it might be you know, educational on my phone 790 00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:30,439 Speaker 1: whipped out in front of him and he stopped crying. 791 00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,759 Speaker 1: And Adam was like, why did you do that? And 792 00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:34,399 Speaker 1: I was like, because it's just a minute to our house. 793 00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,319 Speaker 1: I mean a minute won't do anything. He's like, yeah, 794 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,480 Speaker 1: but that's the exact reason. It's only a minute to 795 00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:40,160 Speaker 1: our house. He could have just cried for a minute, 796 00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,239 Speaker 1: and I thought we weren't really showing him screens. So 797 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:51,520 Speaker 1: you know, tell me, is there any development stuff research 798 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:54,800 Speaker 1: showing that all of this TV screen iPad things is 799 00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,280 Speaker 1: a bad thing, is a good thing? What do people recommend? 800 00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:00,960 Speaker 1: What what's happening? So listen, You're child is not going 801 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:06,040 Speaker 1: to be unusual or odd growing up without it, um, 802 00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:09,399 Speaker 1: nor is some screen time going to turn him into 803 00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:13,200 Speaker 1: complete or a vegetable either way. I mean, I don't 804 00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,360 Speaker 1: like to be alarmist with this stuff. I mean, there's 805 00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:20,480 Speaker 1: pretty clear research that shows a negative impact to a 806 00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:25,760 Speaker 1: child's social and emotional development if they get substantial screen 807 00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:28,520 Speaker 1: time before age two. That's pretty clear. That's from them. 808 00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:32,320 Speaker 1: I had heard this getting goose bumps. This is so good. Um, 809 00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,200 Speaker 1: I have heard this from friends, like for some reason, 810 00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:38,440 Speaker 1: the age of two is like, you don't want your kid. 811 00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:40,400 Speaker 1: You don't want the television to be the babysitter for 812 00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:42,040 Speaker 1: your kid, where it's wrapping the kid in front of 813 00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:43,520 Speaker 1: the screen eight hours a day. But if the kids 814 00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:47,640 Speaker 1: having a panic attack and there's like the Mozart thing 815 00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,680 Speaker 1: on the TV where there's like bright colors for three minutes. 816 00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:52,840 Speaker 1: It's not like the end of the world. It's not 817 00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,000 Speaker 1: the end of the world. Um. What you want to 818 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:58,359 Speaker 1: avoid is using the tablet as a crutch for good 819 00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:02,920 Speaker 1: parenting and limits adding um, because kids learn how to 820 00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:05,920 Speaker 1: control their emotions at that age, right, And so you 821 00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:08,880 Speaker 1: don't want you don't want to tab. You don't want 822 00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:10,800 Speaker 1: the tablet to be the thing of how they figure 823 00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:13,400 Speaker 1: out how to soothe themselves exactly, because then they're always 824 00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:16,080 Speaker 1: going to turn to it because guess what, childhood is 825 00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:23,640 Speaker 1: full of frustration. What about when you're in those dire 826 00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,200 Speaker 1: situations where people are like, we're pretty good on no screens, 827 00:44:26,239 --> 00:44:28,040 Speaker 1: Like you know, a lot of my friends who have 828 00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:29,759 Speaker 1: a little bit older kids like three, four or five, 829 00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:33,279 Speaker 1: they're like, you know, maybe they get twenty minutes a day, okay, 830 00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:36,040 Speaker 1: But when we're on a plane or we're at a restaurant, 831 00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:38,959 Speaker 1: it's like, here's your iPad, make it happen. You gotta 832 00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:42,319 Speaker 1: you gotta maintain your sanity. Is that okay? Like what 833 00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:46,120 Speaker 1: did people do twenty years ago on a plane with kids? 834 00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:51,600 Speaker 1: Like what do they do? I have no idea? God? Like, Like, 835 00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:54,440 Speaker 1: what did people do, Like, who knows, Yeah, I have, 836 00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:57,279 Speaker 1: let's ask our parents. I have no idea. They just 837 00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:00,560 Speaker 1: entertained them. But the tablet really works like a arm, doesn't. 838 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,200 Speaker 1: It really works so well. Listen, I'm an expert on 839 00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:06,520 Speaker 1: this stuff. I know that screen time before age two 840 00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:09,239 Speaker 1: is not good for children's social and emotional development. My 841 00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:11,600 Speaker 1: daughter gets some screen time, but I always try to 842 00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:14,600 Speaker 1: make sure that the shows she's watching are educational. And 843 00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:17,920 Speaker 1: there's actually a research to back that up. So before 844 00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:20,840 Speaker 1: what are those shows like I do believe in happy mom, 845 00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,840 Speaker 1: happy baby, right, Like, there are just some days where 846 00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,879 Speaker 1: it is not you do not feel great and you 847 00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:33,360 Speaker 1: are at your limit, and those ten twenty minutes of 848 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,520 Speaker 1: I know the kid is in a safe place and 849 00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:39,560 Speaker 1: watching something and I'm gonna go do something else for 850 00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:43,920 Speaker 1: a minute makes or breaks the day. Um, can you 851 00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:47,040 Speaker 1: tell us at some point, like just what shows aren't going? 852 00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:49,680 Speaker 1: Like was it Sesame Street? Like Sesame Streets always a 853 00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:51,920 Speaker 1: go to, right, So that's exactly what I was going 854 00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:54,600 Speaker 1: to say, So before the age of four. So in 855 00:45:54,680 --> 00:46:00,520 Speaker 1: that preschool age range between like two and like and undergarden, 856 00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:05,480 Speaker 1: educational programming like Sesame Street can actually have a positive 857 00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:09,520 Speaker 1: impact on a child's cognitive development and school readiness. So 858 00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:13,080 Speaker 1: these shows are often teaching early literacy skills like learning 859 00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:17,600 Speaker 1: letter letter sound association. Letters. Yes, recognizing letters, but also 860 00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:21,520 Speaker 1: letter sound associations, which are the precursors to learning how 861 00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:27,960 Speaker 1: to read. They're also teaching number cents counting UM. So 862 00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:30,280 Speaker 1: there's a lot to be said for exposing your children 863 00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:35,000 Speaker 1: to educational programming. And what the very earliest research is 864 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:39,040 Speaker 1: showing is that there's actually a benefit to using tablets 865 00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:43,640 Speaker 1: over letting your kids watch television. What yeah, what does 866 00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:47,040 Speaker 1: it say? Why? I know? Isn't that crazy? So there's 867 00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:51,040 Speaker 1: something about interacting with the media that stimulates your brain, 868 00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,080 Speaker 1: your child's brain, UM in a way that we don't 869 00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:58,480 Speaker 1: really understand yet. But it's something about the self guided 870 00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:02,680 Speaker 1: strategies like if people pay play those like educational games, 871 00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:06,560 Speaker 1: educational games like games where they're I mean not adding him, 872 00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:09,480 Speaker 1: substruction whatever you know a four year old does. I 873 00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:12,640 Speaker 1: don't know, I don't have what but yeah, all of 874 00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:15,239 Speaker 1: those things are really stimulating the brain and helping them 875 00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:18,359 Speaker 1: achieve those early academic skills that are going to help 876 00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:22,680 Speaker 1: them thrive in in school. Crazy thing, kids who are 877 00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:25,719 Speaker 1: exposed to UM Sesame Street, which again goes back to 878 00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:29,879 Speaker 1: the television because we have more research on television, um 879 00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:38,640 Speaker 1: actually showed academic gains even into high school. Really yeah, wow, 880 00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:42,680 Speaker 1: can you believe that is where it's at, right, I mean, 881 00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:44,680 Speaker 1: and it doesn't have to be Sesame Street, but you 882 00:47:44,719 --> 00:47:47,279 Speaker 1: get the idea, right that shows like Sesame Street that 883 00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:50,080 Speaker 1: are teaching some of these um these skills can be 884 00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:57,680 Speaker 1: really beneficient. Wow. Um wow. Is there like a number 885 00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:00,360 Speaker 1: of how many minutes in a day? You know what 886 00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:04,080 Speaker 1: I mean? Like, what are we looking at here? Yeah? 887 00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:07,120 Speaker 1: I think I think the guideline and you know, we 888 00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:10,080 Speaker 1: don't really know exactly what that magic number is, but 889 00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:13,600 Speaker 1: I think under thirty minutes is typically what people recommend. 890 00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:17,480 Speaker 1: What we want to avoid is children spending so much 891 00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:21,800 Speaker 1: time on on social media, on the games on the tablet, 892 00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:25,800 Speaker 1: that they're not engaging in things like reading right, looking 893 00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:30,720 Speaker 1: at books, exposing their eyes to text. There's something about 894 00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:35,160 Speaker 1: the automaticity of exposing your eyes to text that really 895 00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:40,600 Speaker 1: prepares you for fluent reading that cannot be replaced straight 896 00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:43,799 Speaker 1: up reading old school book. An old school book, that's right, 897 00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:48,480 Speaker 1: and who knows, maybe um books on a I'm forgetting 898 00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:50,239 Speaker 1: the name of it. But you know what I'm talking 899 00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:54,360 Speaker 1: about the kindle there, thank you. You know that's quite 900 00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:59,120 Speaker 1: possibly a good replacement. But there's something about taking a 901 00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:03,479 Speaker 1: physical look that you can manipulate with your hands, and um, 902 00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:07,880 Speaker 1: something about looking at static pictures that really helps a 903 00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:12,200 Speaker 1: child imagine what's happening. And so this is a skill 904 00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:15,480 Speaker 1: that's going to help them in life. Right. So for 905 00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:21,440 Speaker 1: big thing for our childhood development is developing executive functioning skills. Right. 906 00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:26,520 Speaker 1: This is a child's ability to think about something, plan ahead, 907 00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:29,480 Speaker 1: organize their strategy, and then do the thing that they 908 00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:34,560 Speaker 1: want to do. Right. Um, visualizing the final outcome is 909 00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:38,319 Speaker 1: so important, and so all of these things are sort 910 00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:41,560 Speaker 1: of connected. Right. So your child's ability to imagine, to read, 911 00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:46,520 Speaker 1: to think uh flexibly, this is all going to help 912 00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:49,680 Speaker 1: them in the long run. What do you find is 913 00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:54,160 Speaker 1: like the what you're dealing with adolescents and teenagers and 914 00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,759 Speaker 1: things like that is it is it is there just 915 00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:59,440 Speaker 1: so much bullying going on and things like I don't know, 916 00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:02,799 Speaker 1: how do we what is the age that people give 917 00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:08,759 Speaker 1: their kids cell phones and stuff and berries? I think nowadays, 918 00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:12,280 Speaker 1: because parents are worried so much about their child safety, 919 00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:15,880 Speaker 1: they can introduce a cell phone, even an elementary school, 920 00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:19,319 Speaker 1: maybe just with very very basic Few people will give 921 00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:21,920 Speaker 1: their kid an elementary school or something like a cellphone 922 00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:24,279 Speaker 1: that only has excellent, like three numbers on it, and 923 00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:27,000 Speaker 1: that's fant text or whatever. There's no plan on it. 924 00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,960 Speaker 1: It's just to call in case of an emergency or 925 00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:32,799 Speaker 1: like I need to be picked up or something like that. 926 00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:35,360 Speaker 1: It's right. I think in middle school is where you 927 00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:37,719 Speaker 1: start to see parents become a little bit more flexible 928 00:50:37,719 --> 00:50:42,480 Speaker 1: and allowing the social media use um, and kids are savvy. 929 00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:46,640 Speaker 1: Kids are so savvy UM, so they're thinking of apps, 930 00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:49,719 Speaker 1: they're getting on apps that parents don't know about. UM, 931 00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,880 Speaker 1: they're doing like a FaceTime thing. I forget exactly the 932 00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:55,040 Speaker 1: name of you know, the app that kids are using, 933 00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:57,160 Speaker 1: but they all go on and do like a video 934 00:50:57,280 --> 00:51:01,680 Speaker 1: chatting to It's not don't think Snapchat has the group feature. 935 00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:05,600 Speaker 1: Maybe maybe something like that. But the idea is that 936 00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:12,879 Speaker 1: kids have instant access to one another and an unsupervised format, 937 00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:16,640 Speaker 1: and so that's where that's where the bullying can occur. 938 00:51:16,960 --> 00:51:20,200 Speaker 1: All it takes is one screenshot and all of a sudden, 939 00:51:20,239 --> 00:51:22,680 Speaker 1: that one private thing that you said to somebody else 940 00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:27,880 Speaker 1: gets shared with an entire classroom or school. It's terrifying. 941 00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:33,239 Speaker 1: This is a totally personal question. What about these these camps, 942 00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:36,719 Speaker 1: Like you can send your kids to the camp? About 943 00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,799 Speaker 1: this that you you can't bring any social media for 944 00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:41,640 Speaker 1: a month or two like this, Like all the kids 945 00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:43,840 Speaker 1: I used to babysit for that are now thirteen. I 946 00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:46,960 Speaker 1: have one of the kids a babies before is having 947 00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:48,839 Speaker 1: a bar mitz on Saturday, and I can't even believe 948 00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:50,080 Speaker 1: it because I had him when he was a baby 949 00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:54,160 Speaker 1: and it makes me feel like years. But like they 950 00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:57,759 Speaker 1: go to camp now and they aren't allowed to bring 951 00:51:57,800 --> 00:52:01,440 Speaker 1: anything like tablet, cell phones, nothing, Like they get assigned 952 00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:03,839 Speaker 1: a time where they have to call their parents once 953 00:52:03,840 --> 00:52:08,400 Speaker 1: a week and the only time, wow, their parents get 954 00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:11,560 Speaker 1: nightly photos of like what the kid did all day 955 00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:15,319 Speaker 1: or whatever, which is also creepy and weird. Um is 956 00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:19,560 Speaker 1: that like recommended? Like that there's just breaks or breaks 957 00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:22,480 Speaker 1: from social media and breaks from his phone, And I 958 00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:25,879 Speaker 1: can't imagine it would hurt. I mean, yeah, I just 959 00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:30,960 Speaker 1: I don't know. You know, this is all so helpful, 960 00:52:31,360 --> 00:52:34,480 Speaker 1: and yet you know, by the time my kid is thirteen, 961 00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:36,719 Speaker 1: we might be like living on Pluto and there might 962 00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:39,719 Speaker 1: be a planted behind the pupil of his eyelet, and 963 00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:42,200 Speaker 1: it's going to be like the born identity or or 964 00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:44,920 Speaker 1: minority report or something. You know, like this is just 965 00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:50,719 Speaker 1: so Yeah, technology is it's quickly and and and I 966 00:52:50,760 --> 00:52:53,200 Speaker 1: get so sad when I see George Newbern who played 967 00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:56,759 Speaker 1: Charlie on Scandal. He has three kids that are all 968 00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:58,880 Speaker 1: grown up, but like his family vacation, I think he 969 00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:01,240 Speaker 1: posted a photos is a Republic. He posted a photo 970 00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:03,560 Speaker 1: of like his last family vacation, and it was just 971 00:53:03,719 --> 00:53:06,880 Speaker 1: the three kids all on their cell phones on different 972 00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:09,600 Speaker 1: couches in the living room. And he's like, they don't 973 00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:13,640 Speaker 1: get off it. You know, it's just the new normal. 974 00:53:14,239 --> 00:53:17,719 Speaker 1: It is. What do you what can you recommend for parents? 975 00:53:17,880 --> 00:53:20,880 Speaker 1: This is the only thing that scares me. Adam and 976 00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:25,280 Speaker 1: I run businesses through our phones, you know, we um 977 00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:29,359 Speaker 1: and I get worried that I have heard that there 978 00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:32,480 Speaker 1: are studies that my kids seeing me on my phone 979 00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:36,040 Speaker 1: makes him feel sad or second to something or whatever. 980 00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:40,239 Speaker 1: Is that true? Oh that's a really good question. I 981 00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:45,960 Speaker 1: think our own behavior, you know, our children observe it, 982 00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:48,600 Speaker 1: and we're modeling it for them, and so they're going 983 00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:52,280 Speaker 1: to learn how we interact with media, and to an extent, 984 00:53:52,320 --> 00:53:55,319 Speaker 1: they're going to learn our habits. Right. What I would 985 00:53:55,360 --> 00:53:59,279 Speaker 1: worry about my own use of social media is that 986 00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:02,120 Speaker 1: any i'm I'm spending with my phone, I'm not spending 987 00:54:02,120 --> 00:54:03,920 Speaker 1: with my child. So there just needs to be a 988 00:54:03,960 --> 00:54:08,799 Speaker 1: good balance. I don't But here's the thing. I Am 989 00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:12,600 Speaker 1: not going to sit here until parents to shun social media. 990 00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:15,440 Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that. It's it's not realistic. 991 00:54:16,040 --> 00:54:18,440 Speaker 1: And even though we only spent you know, a moment 992 00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:20,800 Speaker 1: talking about all of the benefits, I think the benefits 993 00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:24,520 Speaker 1: are a huge right. Social media is not only a 994 00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:27,640 Speaker 1: way to build community, but it's a way to access information. 995 00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:30,719 Speaker 1: It really helped getting Scandal a second season. I mean, 996 00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:33,480 Speaker 1: the reason we're sitting in this house on Katie's crib 997 00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:36,600 Speaker 1: is because a scandal and Scandal was really helped out 998 00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:40,759 Speaker 1: because of Twitter. And it has been a huge part 999 00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:44,319 Speaker 1: of my life. Yeah, mine too. And so I'm I'm 1000 00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:46,680 Speaker 1: not going to tell you don't go on social media. 1001 00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:49,960 Speaker 1: I'm not going to tell you limit yourself to only 1002 00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:54,040 Speaker 1: the most you know, relevant posts or your kid can't 1003 00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:56,640 Speaker 1: see you, you can't see you on your phone. But 1004 00:54:56,760 --> 00:55:00,000 Speaker 1: what I will say is like, just be cautious. Be cautious, 1005 00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:03,719 Speaker 1: to be careful, think ahead, think about the impact that 1006 00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:06,480 Speaker 1: this particular post will have on your child when he's five, 1007 00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:09,840 Speaker 1: when he's six, when he's eight, Because even if you 1008 00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:13,040 Speaker 1: don't show them the post, a family member might. They'll 1009 00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:15,719 Speaker 1: they'll say, oh, look at this funny picture of you, 1010 00:55:15,719 --> 00:55:21,680 Speaker 1: you know, when you were toilet training. Imagine. Yeah, so 1011 00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:24,120 Speaker 1: maybe you don't show them the picture, but maybe somebody 1012 00:55:24,120 --> 00:55:25,719 Speaker 1: else will. And so I think we do have to 1013 00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:31,160 Speaker 1: be really thinking that way. If you have any doubts 1014 00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:34,720 Speaker 1: about whether or not you should be posting something, maybe 1015 00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:37,160 Speaker 1: do not, but maybe consult with somebody, right, So run 1016 00:55:37,239 --> 00:55:41,000 Speaker 1: it by a fry on that. I I always say, 1017 00:55:41,239 --> 00:55:45,280 Speaker 1: you know, I always say, if I have any reservations, 1018 00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:50,000 Speaker 1: I just don't. I just don't because it's not worth 1019 00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:52,120 Speaker 1: it to me. I mean, that's my own rule. But 1020 00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:55,000 Speaker 1: I'm like, if there's any sort of instinctual like, oh gosh, 1021 00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:56,920 Speaker 1: should I shouldn't I should I shouldn't, I just like 1022 00:55:56,960 --> 00:56:00,719 Speaker 1: forget it. Yeah exactly. You know. Some one really helped me. 1023 00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:02,759 Speaker 1: The social media this week has been a huge help. 1024 00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:05,520 Speaker 1: I started this new Mommy and Me class and the 1025 00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:11,160 Speaker 1: teacher said, it's not about being fifty one percent of 1026 00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:14,239 Speaker 1: the time. It's about being one percent fifty percent of 1027 00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:16,640 Speaker 1: the time. Oh, I like that. And this was a 1028 00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:20,520 Speaker 1: massive help to me with my phone UM and social media, 1029 00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:22,120 Speaker 1: which is a big part of what I'm doing on 1030 00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:25,279 Speaker 1: my phone. UM, because all of a sudden, I was 1031 00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:28,480 Speaker 1: a much better parent that day. Like I was like, 1032 00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:31,640 Speaker 1: fifty percent of the time, I can totally be a percent. 1033 00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,880 Speaker 1: I can do that instead of what I was doing, 1034 00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:36,719 Speaker 1: which was a hundred percent at the time, I was 1035 00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:39,960 Speaker 1: giving fifty because I'm sitting here trying a multitask as 1036 00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:42,799 Speaker 1: a lot of women, mothers, parents do. I'm on my 1037 00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:45,680 Speaker 1: phone running a business, I'm making phone calls on social media, 1038 00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:47,960 Speaker 1: I'm posting, I'm working on Katie's crib and the kid 1039 00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:50,160 Speaker 1: is in the room, and I feel like I'm also 1040 00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:52,000 Speaker 1: then putting it down for two minutes and running over 1041 00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:54,600 Speaker 1: to him because he needs something or he's playing while 1042 00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:56,560 Speaker 1: I'm on my phone, and I feel like I'm achieving 1043 00:56:56,600 --> 00:57:00,360 Speaker 1: both at the same time. And and I think it 1044 00:57:00,400 --> 00:57:03,319 Speaker 1: was driving me crazy. And what I found to be 1045 00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:05,520 Speaker 1: helpful the other day once the teacher said that was 1046 00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:09,400 Speaker 1: I would be on my phone hardcore for like twenty 1047 00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:12,480 Speaker 1: minutes while I had set up the baby in a 1048 00:57:12,520 --> 00:57:15,200 Speaker 1: safe place playing with something, and I was out of 1049 00:57:15,320 --> 00:57:17,080 Speaker 1: his eyesight, you know, I mean, you could hear me 1050 00:57:17,160 --> 00:57:19,560 Speaker 1: if he needed me, but I was really focused heavily 1051 00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:21,600 Speaker 1: on my phone. And then I put my phone down 1052 00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:24,680 Speaker 1: and I gave him thirty minutes of full on where 1053 00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:27,360 Speaker 1: I never checked my phone once. I was with him 1054 00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:30,400 Speaker 1: eye to eye, not even necessarily having to play in 1055 00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:32,800 Speaker 1: his face, but just I was really present with him, 1056 00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:37,240 Speaker 1: and I was like, Okay, this seems being fifty percent 1057 00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:39,640 Speaker 1: at the time seems more achievable to me. And I 1058 00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:43,200 Speaker 1: think I was a better mom that day. I also 1059 00:57:43,200 --> 00:57:46,000 Speaker 1: think I was a better person on my phone that day, 1060 00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:51,400 Speaker 1: right because I started giving your full attention to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 1061 00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:54,280 Speaker 1: I think I think that was somewhat helpful because it 1062 00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:59,160 Speaker 1: is a lot um because social media and technology changed 1063 00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:02,439 Speaker 1: so rapidly. What else, What can parents keep in mind? 1064 00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:05,440 Speaker 1: Are there any basic things that they should remember, you know, 1065 00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:08,680 Speaker 1: to help families kind of navigate. I would say just 1066 00:58:08,720 --> 00:58:15,120 Speaker 1: stay informed, right because now there are organizations and societies 1067 00:58:15,400 --> 00:58:19,000 Speaker 1: that have been developed for the study of the impact 1068 00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:23,560 Speaker 1: of technology on children. UM A good A good site 1069 00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:25,959 Speaker 1: that I would refer families to as the Family Child 1070 00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:29,400 Speaker 1: Safety Institute. So they have a website that you know 1071 00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:34,720 Speaker 1: that is constantly exploring new developments and technology. So stay informed, right, 1072 00:58:35,240 --> 00:58:37,800 Speaker 1: make sure that you understand, you know what's out there 1073 00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:41,200 Speaker 1: and how it's impacting the child. Um. The American Psychological 1074 00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:44,919 Speaker 1: Association has the Society for Media Psychology. It's a group 1075 00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:48,840 Speaker 1: of psychologists that are dedicating their time to researching this topic. 1076 00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:53,400 Speaker 1: So sort of stay informed, Uh, be on alert for 1077 00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:56,360 Speaker 1: new research studies coming out on this stuff, because I 1078 00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:59,760 Speaker 1: guarantee you, within the next five years or so, we're 1079 00:58:59,800 --> 00:59:05,600 Speaker 1: gonna going to see an explosion of research on this topic. Wow. Wow, 1080 00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:09,240 Speaker 1: is there any other advice you would give? I really 1081 00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:13,760 Speaker 1: love your style of really not being so alarmist, which 1082 00:59:13,800 --> 00:59:16,440 Speaker 1: is really helpful. I mean, I think in all motherhood 1083 00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:18,840 Speaker 1: stuff is helpful to not be alarmist. But I'm dramatic 1084 00:59:18,840 --> 00:59:21,160 Speaker 1: and can't help that. UM. So I just think it's 1085 00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:25,040 Speaker 1: really helpful too that you say things like like this 1086 00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:26,920 Speaker 1: is how we're living now, this is the way it is. 1087 00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:31,760 Speaker 1: It's a part of your reality. UM. And there's you know, 1088 00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:35,280 Speaker 1: because they're in front of the screen for thirty minutes 1089 00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:37,800 Speaker 1: today versus two minutes yesterday. It's like you're not doing 1090 00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:39,960 Speaker 1: the worst job ever. Or if you make a mistake 1091 00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:42,880 Speaker 1: and you post something that you might regret, you know, 1092 00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:45,360 Speaker 1: it's a lesson to be learned later. But you're not 1093 00:59:46,440 --> 00:59:49,320 Speaker 1: being branded the worst parent in the history of the world. Yeah, 1094 00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:52,280 Speaker 1: you're absolutely not the worst parent. And also keep in 1095 00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:56,320 Speaker 1: mind all the amazing advantages that your child has. Right So, 1096 00:59:56,440 --> 01:00:00,200 Speaker 1: if you have a good vocabulary, your child is going 1097 01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:03,200 Speaker 1: to have a good vocabulary. If they have access to 1098 01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:07,160 Speaker 1: educational toys, they're going to learn important cognitive skills. Same 1099 01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:11,680 Speaker 1: with access to books and other reading materials. Right, so, 1100 01:00:11,720 --> 01:00:16,160 Speaker 1: think about all the positives that the child has. If 1101 01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:20,360 Speaker 1: if the tablet is all your child has to entertain themselves, 1102 01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:23,280 Speaker 1: or if you're always on the phone or you know, 1103 01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:28,360 Speaker 1: on social media, then that's when you're really exposing yourself 1104 01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:31,920 Speaker 1: to greater risks. But otherwise your child will be fine. 1105 01:00:34,840 --> 01:00:38,920 Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Invidia. This was so helpful. Thank you, 1106 01:00:38,960 --> 01:00:41,520 Speaker 1: so so so helpful. Thank you for being on Katie's Crib. 1107 01:00:41,840 --> 01:00:46,800 Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you guys so much for listening to 1108 01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:50,400 Speaker 1: Katie's Crib. Make sure you subscribe to the podcast and 1109 01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:53,560 Speaker 1: tell your friends and also hit me up, tell me 1110 01:00:53,600 --> 01:00:55,320 Speaker 1: what you think are their topics. You want me to 1111 01:00:55,360 --> 01:01:06,360 Speaker 1: discuss thoughts, questions, comments, concerns than guys do. I want 1112 01:01:06,440 --> 01:01:09,240 Speaker 1: to watch where I want you want you. I want 1113 01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:11,800 Speaker 1: to get to catch you where I want you. I 1114 01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:14,280 Speaker 1: don't you watch it where I want you want you