WEBVTT - JEWEL

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<v Speaker 1>Today's podcast is a guest that is a perfect example

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<v Speaker 1>of how a single person can continue to delight and

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<v Speaker 1>inspire and inspire awe after decades of being in the business.

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<v Speaker 1>Not only that, she has become an expert on how

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<v Speaker 1>we can all adapt to change in emotionally healthy ways.

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<v Speaker 1>From her days as a struggling musician who was forced

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<v Speaker 1>to live on the streets for a time, to a

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<v Speaker 1>pop sensation, to a respected developer of self help strategies

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<v Speaker 1>for folks coping with anxiety and depression, and an advocate

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<v Speaker 1>for the most vulnerable in our society. This woman never

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<v Speaker 1>stops growing in surprising directions, reaching for the unattainable, and

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<v Speaker 1>embracing change like no other. Her hands may be small,

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<v Speaker 1>but her knowledge base her intellect is galactic and size,

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<v Speaker 1>as is her talent, her heart, her compassion, and her

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<v Speaker 1>authentic desire for peace, love and understanding. I want to

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<v Speaker 1>talk to you more about that, but we need to

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<v Speaker 1>pause here for a quick message from our sponsor. It's

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<v Speaker 1>the Home Depot. You can take on any number of

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<v Speaker 1>the friendly advice that they have to offer. There's something

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<v Speaker 1>like a million different products for sale in each store,

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<v Speaker 1>and how resourceful you can be. So when it's time

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<v Speaker 1>to get started, start at the home depot. How doers

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<v Speaker 1>get more done? So please welcome my friend, incredible musician

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<v Speaker 1>and amazing woman, Jewel. Well, Hi, Hi, sweetheart, how are you?

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<v Speaker 1>I haven't talked to you on ages? How are you

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<v Speaker 1>more than ages? I know? But the girl's gotta talk,

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<v Speaker 1>you know. But a girl's gotta talk, and you and

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<v Speaker 1>I have got to talk. So let me tell everybody

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<v Speaker 1>today our podcast guest is somebody who has been writing

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<v Speaker 1>and recording beautiful music for almost as long well no,

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<v Speaker 1>not really. I was going to say almost as long

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<v Speaker 1>as I've been playing music, but that's not true. You

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<v Speaker 1>still got a few decades to go to catch up

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<v Speaker 1>with me, girlfriend. Uh, and you're working on a new project.

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<v Speaker 1>I got to hear the single off of it. Uh,

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<v Speaker 1>no more tears. Welcome to our podcast today, the Sparkly

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<v Speaker 1>Jim who is known as Jewel. So since I last

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<v Speaker 1>talked to you, um, you've written more music, you're working

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<v Speaker 1>on a new CD project, and you're writing a new book.

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<v Speaker 1>I am and momming it up and momming it up.

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<v Speaker 1>How many kids? Yeah? I have one boy, he's eight

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<v Speaker 1>years old. Oh come on, can I give you one

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<v Speaker 1>or two more? Would you like to borrow them for

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<v Speaker 1>the weekend? Oh my gosh, I don't know if I

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<v Speaker 1>could handle it. Bring them on over, let's try it.

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<v Speaker 1>My husband and I just adopted number twenty last month,

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<v Speaker 1>so you can handle it. Oh my gosh, trying to

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<v Speaker 1>keep track of of birthdays is not not an easy task. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it must just be like a constant between that. I

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<v Speaker 1>really can't imagine it is a constant. But your son

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<v Speaker 1>is eight and is he the kind of kid that

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<v Speaker 1>when you're a mom to him, you're a mom to

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<v Speaker 1>twelve because all of his friends are there? Or is

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<v Speaker 1>he more quiet and introspective and not really the flophouse

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<v Speaker 1>for the gang to get together every week. I definitely

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<v Speaker 1>would love of my house to be the giant flop house. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>he's definitely more of a kind of one on one person.

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<v Speaker 1>Although he just formed a band. He's the drummer in

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<v Speaker 1>a band, so I'm anticipating his bandmates come over. I

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<v Speaker 1>created a rehearsal space in my garage because I want

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<v Speaker 1>all the kids at my house he's the drummer. Does

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<v Speaker 1>he take does he take after mom? Does he have

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<v Speaker 1>any of your amazing vocal skills? Yet he has a

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<v Speaker 1>really beautiful voice. The ton of it just murders me.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's probably because I'm his mom, but it just

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<v Speaker 1>slays me. Um. And he's going to sing a song.

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<v Speaker 1>I think he's singing a Tom Petty song in the band.

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<v Speaker 1>So I don't know if it'll be a thing, but

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<v Speaker 1>it's nice just to see him exploring and bonding the

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<v Speaker 1>kids this way. He's eight. We don't care if it's

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<v Speaker 1>a thing today. It's a thing. That's all that matters,

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<v Speaker 1>because when they're six or eight, or ten or fifteen

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<v Speaker 1>or eighteen, my job, your job is to help them

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<v Speaker 1>to explore all those areas they think they might be

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<v Speaker 1>interested in. Yeah, it's so fun. It's like watching him

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<v Speaker 1>play dress up and seeing what they like and what

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<v Speaker 1>fits them and trying something else. It's wonderful discovering seeing

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<v Speaker 1>them a human, discover who they are is an incredible

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<v Speaker 1>process exactly and why I would never, ever, ever if

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<v Speaker 1>you paid me a bazillion dollars and said you can

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<v Speaker 1>be a time traveler and go back to be a teenager.

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<v Speaker 1>I would never want to go through that again because

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<v Speaker 1>it's so exhausting trying on those different aspects of you. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>but what's so sweet is your kids luckily have a

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<v Speaker 1>really safe environment where it's fun, you know, where it's allowed.

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<v Speaker 1>It's so important I think that the world we live

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<v Speaker 1>in today, Although there are a lot of things that

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<v Speaker 1>terrify me, one of the things that I love the

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<v Speaker 1>most about it is the fact that I think I

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<v Speaker 1>know with my kids, they have much more permission to

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<v Speaker 1>be who they are and much less societal pressure to

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<v Speaker 1>fit into someone else's norm or to feel wrong about

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<v Speaker 1>about being true to who they are. Yeah, I think

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<v Speaker 1>they have a lot more role models of people willing

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<v Speaker 1>to be loud and proud of who they are as

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<v Speaker 1>it changes, and that we get to keep rewriting who

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<v Speaker 1>we are. It's so important because we have to life

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<v Speaker 1>asks us to change constantly. I'm not who I am

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<v Speaker 1>at forty five. You know who I am at forty

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<v Speaker 1>five isn't who I was out even ten years ago.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a constantly evolving artwork, and it's great that people

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<v Speaker 1>are feeling more and more permission to actively engage in

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<v Speaker 1>the process of that self creation. I think one of

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<v Speaker 1>the saddest things in the world is when I watch

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<v Speaker 1>people that I love resist change or refuse to acknowledge change,

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<v Speaker 1>or shut their eyes and plug their ears and go

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<v Speaker 1>la la la la la, I'm not changing. I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>doing this. I don't you move something in my life? Agreed.

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<v Speaker 1>When we get rigid, we are really in conflict with

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<v Speaker 1>the very nature of what being a life is. And

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<v Speaker 1>that's hard and stressful. I went to an eye doctor

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<v Speaker 1>several years ago. I had had perfect vision. Oh, my

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<v Speaker 1>life beyond perfect vision. Like I could see the spot

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<v Speaker 1>in the eye of the owl that was in the tree,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, hundreds of yards away. And then I couldn't

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<v Speaker 1>see the spot in the eye of the owl. And

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<v Speaker 1>then I couldn't see the eye of the owl, and

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<v Speaker 1>then I couldn't see the owl. And I went to

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<v Speaker 1>the eye doctor and he asked me my age, and

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<v Speaker 1>I told him, and he says, yep, he said, this

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<v Speaker 1>is what happens when your body changes. Your lens becomes rigid.

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<v Speaker 1>M that's a metaphor. And he said, as you get older,

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<v Speaker 1>it becomes less pliable, like the lid of a mayonnaise

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<v Speaker 1>jar or margarine container, and he said, the older you get,

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<v Speaker 1>the more rigid that gets, until it's like a china plate. Mhmm.

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<v Speaker 1>I thought, you know, that kind of applies to the

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<v Speaker 1>way we look at life sometimes. Very true. It's a

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<v Speaker 1>great metaphor. I want to talk to you more about that,

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<v Speaker 1>but we need to pause here for a quick assage. Jewel.

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<v Speaker 1>Hold on, Okay, let's start where we just left off.

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<v Speaker 1>Tell me, Jewel, what has changed in your life since

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<v Speaker 1>we last talked, and how you're embracing it and what

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<v Speaker 1>the journey is showing you today. Like if I were

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<v Speaker 1>on a horseback ride with you right now, what would

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<v Speaker 1>I be seeing from Jewel's life. It's interesting the book

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<v Speaker 1>I'm writing is actually about change and the nature of change.

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<v Speaker 1>A lot of this grow and we become different, but

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<v Speaker 1>we can't say we've actually changed. And for me, in

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<v Speaker 1>my life, I noticed it seemed like there was a

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<v Speaker 1>ton of change. So I went from, you know, living

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<v Speaker 1>in a saddle barn on an Alaskan homestead with an

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<v Speaker 1>outhouse to being on the cover of Time magazine. That's

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of change. Uh. I got the scenery to change,

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<v Speaker 1>but I realized the road I was on was the same.

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<v Speaker 1>So when you look out the window of my life

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<v Speaker 1>as it were, I would go from green pastoral meadows

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<v Speaker 1>to arctic darkness to gilded, fancy places. But the experience

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<v Speaker 1>I was having was repetitive. UM. I was dealing with

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of intensity and betrayal and herd and grief

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<v Speaker 1>and trauma. And I couldn't get out of that cycle.

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<v Speaker 1>So I had changed, but I hadn't changed at all.

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<v Speaker 1>And I wanted to understand what is the nature of change?

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<v Speaker 1>What don't we understand about change? Uh? And so I

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<v Speaker 1>started investigating and studying all kinds of different cultures, um,

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<v Speaker 1>all kinds of different philosophies, from youngion to ancient aboriginal cultures,

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<v Speaker 1>and really starting to find and create metrics around change,

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<v Speaker 1>and then creating series of exercises that help us fundamentally

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<v Speaker 1>change those patterns. UM. The books about how we form

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<v Speaker 1>reality through a series of misunderstandings that we inherit as

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<v Speaker 1>we grow up. You know, as much as we inherit

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<v Speaker 1>our genetic material, we also inherit belief systems and emotional systems,

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<v Speaker 1>and that wires our brain, and that informs and prompts

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<v Speaker 1>us to make decisions based on those assumptions and so

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<v Speaker 1>it's about how can we examine those, pull them apart,

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<v Speaker 1>and reattach them to create meaningful change in our life.

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<v Speaker 1>So a good topic because it's what I'm really interested in. Wow, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>break that down in English for for for for those

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<v Speaker 1>of us that don't have the vocabulary that you do. You're, You're,

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<v Speaker 1>You've got quite a vocabulary, and and simplify it. The

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<v Speaker 1>books just about change and how we create ourselves and

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<v Speaker 1>if we don't like certain aspects of how we behave,

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<v Speaker 1>how can we become something else? And really simple, doable

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<v Speaker 1>steps of how to do that. It's through neural wiring

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<v Speaker 1>and neural plasticity. So our brain is always listening to us,

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<v Speaker 1>our body is always listening to us. Every time we

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<v Speaker 1>have an emotion, biochemicals flutter system and it prompts us

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<v Speaker 1>to take an action. So it's just basically looking at

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<v Speaker 1>how we bomb those things together and how we might

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<v Speaker 1>reattach them. So if I feel shane easily, let's say

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<v Speaker 1>shame was a feeling in my household, and every time

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<v Speaker 1>I felt shame, it was a horrible feeling that felt intolerable,

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<v Speaker 1>and so I would attach shame to let's say anger, anger,

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<v Speaker 1>feels stronger and less vulnerable, and so now I feeling

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<v Speaker 1>really isolated. I haven't really changed my experience of shame.

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<v Speaker 1>I just sort of have a different, more tolerable version

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<v Speaker 1>of it in this isolation. And now isolation feels uncomfortable,

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<v Speaker 1>and I might attach it to I don't know, something

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<v Speaker 1>really intense, an intense experience to distract me from it.

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<v Speaker 1>And so we keep making all these emotional connections that

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<v Speaker 1>don't really let us change. They're just different forms of

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<v Speaker 1>the same kind of yucky feeling. And so in the book,

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<v Speaker 1>it's learning how to take a feeling like shame, for instance,

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<v Speaker 1>and saying, all right, instead of attaching it to anger

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<v Speaker 1>and feeling isolated, I'm going to sit with this feeling

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<v Speaker 1>and connect it to something entirely different, like compassion or connection,

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<v Speaker 1>and that actually allows your feeling of shame to really transform.

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<v Speaker 1>And when that happens, you're gonna make a very different

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<v Speaker 1>decision in your life, and that will create a very

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<v Speaker 1>different reality in your life and allow you to really change.

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<v Speaker 1>I had a counselor one time that said, for the

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<v Speaker 1>next six months, I don't want you to do X,

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<v Speaker 1>Y and Z, and I looked at him I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>you gotta be kidding me, like, like, you might as

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<v Speaker 1>well tell me to stop breathing. I have to do X,

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<v Speaker 1>Y and Z. Actually it was only X, not even

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<v Speaker 1>Y and Z. Forget why and Z. I can't even

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<v Speaker 1>live without X. And he's like, no, if you want

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<v Speaker 1>me to continue to work with you, Delena, you've got

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<v Speaker 1>to make a commitment that, to the best of your ability,

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<v Speaker 1>you will not participate in in these decisions for six months,

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<v Speaker 1>because I would like you to heal and be able

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<v Speaker 1>to move forward with your life. And I said no,

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<v Speaker 1>no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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<v Speaker 1>just terrified. And he's like, okay, tell tell me what

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<v Speaker 1>what is terrifying? And I'm like, that will hurt And

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<v Speaker 1>he said exactly. You got us sit with the pain

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<v Speaker 1>and process it instead of keep running from it behind

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<v Speaker 1>these behaviors that you're getting accolades for. Wow. Mm hmmm. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>We experience emotional pain in the same part of our

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<v Speaker 1>brain that we experience physical pain, so our brain really

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<v Speaker 1>can't tell the difference between a broken leg and a

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<v Speaker 1>broken heart, and that's why it's really psychologically terrifying for us.

0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:34.640
<v Speaker 1>But the more we learn that we can sit in

0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:38.760
<v Speaker 1>an intense feeling without distracting ourselves from it with other behaviors,

0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:41.880
<v Speaker 1>we can start to experience what the actual intent of

0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:44.560
<v Speaker 1>that is, and usually it's one in connection. Most of

0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:49.439
<v Speaker 1>our coping mechanisms or unhealthy emotional patterns, we think they're

0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:52.360
<v Speaker 1>keeping us safe, but ultimately they become painful because they

0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:55.240
<v Speaker 1>keep us from connecting. When somebody says to you, you

0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:58.560
<v Speaker 1>need to abstain from that behavior, it's hard to exist

0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:01.240
<v Speaker 1>in a vacuum, and so need a new behavior to

0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:03.839
<v Speaker 1>replace the old one. And that's how you actually build

0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:06.560
<v Speaker 1>new neural wiring. And so it's saying, if I'm going

0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:09.480
<v Speaker 1>to abstain from this behavior, I'm going to replace it

0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:11.920
<v Speaker 1>with this behavior, and I'm going to build a new

0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:15.640
<v Speaker 1>neural pathway. This has been such a fascinating conversation Jewel,

0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:18.400
<v Speaker 1>that I'm going to break it up into two parts

0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:21.800
<v Speaker 1>so that our listeners don't miss out on a single thought.

0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:25.240
<v Speaker 1>I've known for a very long time that you are

0:14:25.280 --> 0:14:27.760
<v Speaker 1>a whole lot more than just a pretty face that

0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:32.640
<v Speaker 1>could play guitar, but whoa girlfriend. You're changing the world

0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:36.400
<v Speaker 1>and I love that all of you listening, Please please

0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:41.040
<v Speaker 1>please check out Jewels important new film project Lost in

0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:46.920
<v Speaker 1>America about homeless youth at www dot Lost in America

0:14:47.040 --> 0:14:51.400
<v Speaker 1>film dot com. Her new single, No More Tears is

0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:54.360
<v Speaker 1>the title track to the film. Join us on the

0:14:54.400 --> 0:15:00.000
<v Speaker 1>next episode as we continue this brilliant conversation about her

0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:03.640
<v Speaker 1>yet to be released not even titled yet new book

0:15:03.840 --> 0:15:16.600
<v Speaker 1>and more Unlove Someone with the Lila