Speaker 1: M Hey, everybody, welcome to Behind the Bastards, the show
Speaker 1: where we tell you everything you don't know about the
Speaker 1: very worst people in all of history. I'm Robert Evans
Speaker 1: hosting your show today, and with me is my friend Iffy. Hey,
Speaker 1: how's it going doing great? If he is a comedian
Speaker 1: actor podcast heer? Uh, you want to talk about some
Speaker 1: of the stuff you're up to right now? Yeah? You
Speaker 1: know you can listen to me tuesdays on this very
Speaker 1: network Nerdificent Monday's Katie Dinner with Matt Niffy talking spicy
Speaker 1: and you know, just every night pretty much, not every night,
Speaker 1: but you can see me at comedy clubs doing staying ups. Well,
Speaker 1: we are today talking about a very famous nerd who's
Speaker 1: not famous for being a nerd, but is famous for
Speaker 1: blowing up the World Trade Center towers, um Osama bin Laden. Uh. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he is our subject for today. Uh. Now, when I
Speaker 1: started working on this podcast, I figured it was going
Speaker 1: to be like a biographical overview of his weird life
Speaker 1: and we're going to talk about all these things from
Speaker 1: his past and you know, all the all the stuff
Speaker 1: he got up to as a as a young man
Speaker 1: and a kid. Uh. And then I spent an entire
Speaker 1: week looking through the archives that the CIA posted of
Speaker 1: everything that was on his hard drives. And so now
Speaker 1: this podcast is going to be mostly about that, because
Speaker 1: it is no matter what you've read about it, it's
Speaker 1: so much fucking crazier than what you would guess. Um.
Speaker 1: But first we are going to start with a little
Speaker 1: bit of an overview of the man, the myth, the
Speaker 1: big and tall gentleman himself, Osama Ibben Mohammed Ibben Awad
Speaker 1: ibbin Laden. He was born on March tenth, nineteen fifty seven,
Speaker 1: to Mohammed bin Laden's tenth wife, Ali Agammon. And as
Speaker 1: you might guess, Mohammed bin Laden was richest shit. He
Speaker 1: was like a self made man, rags to riches sort
Speaker 1: of thing. Started off as a day laborer, built a
Speaker 1: billion dollar construction empire. Uh then fund married God knows
Speaker 1: how many women um in the Looming Tower. Lawrence Right
Speaker 1: describes Mohammed bin Laden's household as being run like a corporation.
Speaker 1: Each wife would manage your children and then report to
Speaker 1: him about how they were doing, so he didn't have
Speaker 1: to do any parenting. Yeah, that's a pretty sweet deal. Um,
Speaker 1: here's a great quote. Uh, the children rarely saw the
Speaker 1: great man, who was off in away on business. Whenever
Speaker 1: he returned, he would call them into his office and
Speaker 1: gaze upon his vast brood. During the Islamic feasting days,
Speaker 1: he would kiss them and give each child a gold coin.
Speaker 1: Otherwise he rarely spoke to them. Osama once said quote,
Speaker 1: I remember reciting a poem to him, and he gave
Speaker 1: me a hundred rials, which was a huge amount of
Speaker 1: money in those days. So that was like Osama's dad. Wow. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it is like once a week he would call them
Speaker 1: all in and give them coins. And you know, there's
Speaker 1: there's like an alternate universe where that money he got
Speaker 1: from that poem made Osama bin Laden become this great poet.
Speaker 1: He's looked at differently in universe six to six, where
Speaker 1: I'm not a stand up comedian, I'm a computer programmer.
Speaker 1: Uh rich off a bitcoin. I thought you were going
Speaker 1: to say that you did nine eleven and this alternate
Speaker 1: Sama bin Laden where I do it. Um? So yeah.
Speaker 1: You you could describe ben Laden's relationship to his father
Speaker 1: as distant. It's possible he only actually saw him a
Speaker 1: couple of times. Um so yeah, Um Mohammed divorced his
Speaker 1: wife shortly after Osama was born. Um, this is an
Speaker 1: a sign that he grew up in a fractured at
Speaker 1: home because mohammedan Laden's thing was like marrying and divorcing
Speaker 1: a ton of women, but then he'd helped them pick
Speaker 1: new husbands. Yeah, which is weird because like Osama wound
Speaker 1: up with his new dad being his real bio dad's
Speaker 1: uh employee, which is like a strange situation for everybody involved. Seriously. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Um so yeah, he never really knew his dad very well.
Speaker 1: He was raised by his mom and like the rest
Speaker 1: of us television, Um, his favorite show was Bonanza. His
Speaker 1: favorite genre was American westerns. Um, which actually puts him
Speaker 1: in the same boat as Stalin and Hitler, who were
Speaker 1: both obsessed with American westerns. It's almost like there's something
Speaker 1: with westerns like that ideology. Yeah, and it makes sense
Speaker 1: that Clint Eastwood is a piece of ship like that.
Speaker 1: It all comes full circle. Yeah, Clint Eastwood, John Wayne
Speaker 1: just both big dicks and and yeah it's it's I
Speaker 1: guess a of course, a bunch of monsters and dictators
Speaker 1: would love a genre where like the basic premises like
Speaker 1: unstoppable killing machine with a gun, rides into town and
Speaker 1: murders everyone who annoys him. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the story of the Old West. Um. Although another one
Speaker 1: of his favorite shows was a Western called Fury, which
Speaker 1: was about a young orphan who befriends a black horse
Speaker 1: that helps him heal the wounds of his past. Um
Speaker 1: and Solomon Laden loved horses. Was obsessed with horses. Will
Speaker 1: get into that in a little bit. Um. It's worth
Speaker 1: noting that for the last few years of his life,
Speaker 1: been Laden wore a cowboy hat every time he went outside. Um.
Speaker 1: Apparently he thought this would hide his identity from US
Speaker 1: drones and satellites. I think he was just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to be like the man with no name.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, which is that's a cool move if you're
Speaker 1: the most wanted man in the world donning a black
Speaker 1: cowboy hat. Hell yeah. I support Bin Laden in that, um.
Speaker 1: Bin Laden was a weird, quiet kid. He had trouble
Speaker 1: making friends and focusing on sports. He always seem to
Speaker 1: have his head in the clouds. He didn't really find
Speaker 1: his crew until high school, when he joined up with
Speaker 1: the semi clandestine Muslim brotherhood. One fellow member said only
Speaker 1: nerds were in it. Um, it's kind of like an
Speaker 1: alt right four chance sort of thing, where like there's
Speaker 1: these weird conservative corners of like the nerdy Internet, where
Speaker 1: like people are just being turned into fascists and yeah,
Speaker 1: like this was that equivalent of that. Like they're all
Speaker 1: these like nerds who think that like this hard lined
Speaker 1: interpretation of Islam should rule the world, and like they
Speaker 1: don't really get along with every anyone else. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: this is like an old trend in the world. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it seems very very cyclical. Yeah. Um, he was stubborn.
Speaker 1: Like I said, he was obsessed with horses, but he
Speaker 1: was also excited by danger. There's a quote from his
Speaker 1: friend Khalifa, who said, uh, and this is again from
Speaker 1: Blooming Tower. We were riding horses in the desert and
Speaker 1: we were going very fast. I saw fine sand in
Speaker 1: front of us, and I told I, saw my this
Speaker 1: is dangerous. Better stay away. He said no, and he continued.
Speaker 1: His horse turned over and fell down. He got up laughing.
Speaker 1: Another time, we were riding in a jeep. Whenever he
Speaker 1: saw a hill, he would drive very fast and go
Speaker 1: over it, even though we didn't know it was on
Speaker 1: the other side. Really he put us in danger many times,
Speaker 1: which is like I like that. I mean that that
Speaker 1: makes me connect to a Sama a little bit because
Speaker 1: he was a fan of the fun. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: all this stuff aside, he had a he had a
Speaker 1: soft heart for hidden nice jumps off of dude. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was just getting that like, it's not really fun
Speaker 1: if you can't die. Yeah, I identify with that a little. Um.
Speaker 1: So Yeah. Osama married for the first time in seventy
Speaker 1: four when he was seventeen years old. His wife was
Speaker 1: fourteen uh, which yeah yeah um. Marriage and his wartime
Speaker 1: experiences in Afghanistan didn't seem to change his fundamental nature
Speaker 1: as a gawky nerd. One person who met him as
Speaker 1: a young man in Afghanistan said that shaking hands with
Speaker 1: him was like shaking hands with a girl, which is
Speaker 1: a misogynistic way of saying. He was not very aggressive.
Speaker 1: He was known to cover his mouth with his hand
Speaker 1: while laughing, which is of adorable. Um. He's love of
Speaker 1: horses matured into an outright obsession. One man who met
Speaker 1: him in nineteen eighty five described their first conversation. We
Speaker 1: were in a prayer hall in a guesthouse. People asked
Speaker 1: him to talk, so he talked about horses. He said,
Speaker 1: if you love a horse, he will respond to you.
Speaker 1: That's what was in his mind. Horses. So just a
Speaker 1: horse love and dude. Yeah, um, yeah. So there's a
Speaker 1: lot of debate over how been Laden got radicalized and
Speaker 1: pushed into an ever more direct confrontation with the US
Speaker 1: Looming Tower, which is being turned into TV show right now,
Speaker 1: and makes the case that Zawahiri, the Egyptian co leader
Speaker 1: of al Qaeda, kind of radicalized him into attacking America.
Speaker 1: Another book I read for this just titled Asama bin
Speaker 1: Laden about Michael Scherer Um assures us that that's bullshit.
Speaker 1: It's a line in the Saudi's pushed to diminish the
Speaker 1: culpability of their native son. Ben Laden would have wound
Speaker 1: up swinging hard for Uncle Sam without zawahirii's help. Either way,
Speaker 1: it seems like both of these are just saying not
Speaker 1: of the U s IS destabilization of the Middle East
Speaker 1: has nothing at all to do with it. It's definitely
Speaker 1: these other people. Yeah, it was something other than him
Speaker 1: just being piste off sticking their dick everywhere in Russia's
Speaker 1: sticking there. Yeah, that's one of those things. Is like
Speaker 1: a kid I remember growing off, I was like, why
Speaker 1: did my eleven happened? Mom was like, well, they were
Speaker 1: angry at us for letting women be free and having alcoholics.
Speaker 1: Like no, we keep bombing them. They just just whenever
Speaker 1: we want, like this, this is going to be a
Speaker 1: small tangent, we'll bring it back. But it could have
Speaker 1: been any country that is screwed over by are just
Speaker 1: tug of war with the other superpowers in the world.
Speaker 1: All it took was just someone with the gumption and
Speaker 1: just enough anger, and you have yourself in Osama bin Laden. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's like there, and there was probably a thousand
Speaker 1: other people who had the same anger and similar plans
Speaker 1: and just not the means. One of them happened to
Speaker 1: be a rich kid who was like you know, had
Speaker 1: established himself as a as a jihadi leader. But yeah,
Speaker 1: um and he like it is if you look at
Speaker 1: sort of the evolution of terrorism, like Osama fits right in.
Speaker 1: Like in seventy two, when he was in middle school,
Speaker 1: members of the Palestinian terror group Black September kidnapped a
Speaker 1: bunch of Israeli athletes at the Olympics. It was the
Speaker 1: biggest story in the world. People stopped caring and just
Speaker 1: watching this terrorist thing. So it was like it was
Speaker 1: like a lesson as a young man that like, oh,
Speaker 1: media is the biggest thing about committing terrorism. Like that's
Speaker 1: what's important. It doesn't matter how many people you kill.
Speaker 1: It matters where you kill them and whether or not,
Speaker 1: like it gets traction on the international news. Um and
Speaker 1: you know, obviously bin Laden was good at getting traction
Speaker 1: in the international news. By the end um and uh,
Speaker 1: he established a press office in the early nineties, and
Speaker 1: he sent out constant streams of messages and declarations in
Speaker 1: his pre nine eleven years. The problem was nobody read them.
Speaker 1: Some of this was down to the fact that he
Speaker 1: sucked at writing titles. One article he sent out was
Speaker 1: quote message to his Muslim brothers in the whole world
Speaker 1: and especially in the Arabian Peninsula, which is not clickable. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: nobody's gonna tweet that ship, yeah at all, Like not
Speaker 1: even you won't believe what happens next, Yeah, you won't
Speaker 1: believe what I have to say to Muslim brothers in
Speaker 1: the whole world and especially in the Arabian Peninsula. There
Speaker 1: there you go. All right, well we'll pitch that to BuzzFeed.
Speaker 1: Um In bin Lan moved to Afghanistan. Uh. He and
Speaker 1: his colleagues were free here to like set up training
Speaker 1: camps and practice openly with weaponry for a while. It
Speaker 1: was a pretty cool time and profits and princes. Mark
Speaker 1: Weston describes it. The machine guns his followers used were
Speaker 1: mostly Russian and Chinese a K forty sevens, but also
Speaker 1: included Israeli oozys and American. In sixteens, the militants learned
Speaker 1: how to use dynamite, hand grenades, mortars, shoulder fired rockets,
Speaker 1: C three and four explosives. Some nights they watched Hollywood
Speaker 1: action movies, partly to relax, but also to gain tips.
Speaker 1: That actually sounds like a pretty sweet life, like blowing
Speaker 1: stuff up in the desert all day and watching action
Speaker 1: movies at night. Like, I know, I love that they
Speaker 1: use it for chips, because I'm sure those tips weren't
Speaker 1: that great. A lot of terrorists holding guns sideways, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I used to imagine them watching True Lies and being
Speaker 1: so on board for that. Oh yeah, that's what we
Speaker 1: got it. We got to get us a harrier jet.
Speaker 1: Watching die Hard, Die Hard, did nine eleven. He heard
Speaker 1: it here, folks. Um. Yeah, Bin Laden was a computer guy.
Speaker 1: He always had a computer with him because he was
Speaker 1: a hipster. He used an old MacBook UM, which he
Speaker 1: powered using an ancient gas generator that no one else
Speaker 1: was allowed to use. UM. If you grew up in
Speaker 1: the immediate post nine eleven period, you might remember like
Speaker 1: those old diagrams of his fortress in Afghanistan where it
Speaker 1: would show like he has all these different chambers and
Speaker 1: munitions rooms and hydro electric generators. That was all lies. Um.
Speaker 1: He had a mountain fortress, but it like wasn't a
Speaker 1: G I. Joe set. It was just like a bunch
Speaker 1: of caves with a shitty generator and a power book.
Speaker 1: He spent nine eleven in a cave, barely able to
Speaker 1: get a radio signal to here about the attacks. Um.
Speaker 1: But when he fled Afghanistan, he brought a media truck
Speaker 1: with him that had been upgraded with satellite TV receivers
Speaker 1: in radio antenna, so he could monitor the news about
Speaker 1: himself as it happened. That was always a priority of him.
Speaker 1: He wanted to know what people were saying about him
Speaker 1: and about the stuff that he was doing. UM. So
Speaker 1: post nine eleven, bin Laden is officially famous, but he
Speaker 1: still frets over his inability to connect with more people
Speaker 1: on an intellectual level. Folks paid attention to his murders
Speaker 1: but not his ideas, which is a problem all the
Speaker 1: great Hartists have. Um when all kind of courier interviewed
Speaker 1: by The Guardian in Pakistan stated, every time I took
Speaker 1: a new tape, he told me how important my mission
Speaker 1: was and how this time the Muslims of the world
Speaker 1: would finally listen, and how I must absolutely deliver the
Speaker 1: tape to the right people. Which if you've seen any
Speaker 1: of those videos, it's just been loading talking to a
Speaker 1: camera for hours. Like there's none of the flash the
Speaker 1: ices videos where they've got like Dutch angles and see
Speaker 1: that's where it's the next step that you have illusion there,
Speaker 1: Like see the reason it didn't catch fires He never
Speaker 1: took a course and after effects. Yeah, yeah, he didn't
Speaker 1: have anybody who could do like speed ramping and stuff.
Speaker 1: To like make it look cool. You got to put
Speaker 1: that Ally mcbeel baby in it. That'll give people listening,
Speaker 1: you know. Um, if you'd one way, it looks like
Speaker 1: Osama kind of fell into the trap a lot of
Speaker 1: celebrities wind up and where they sort of obsess over
Speaker 1: media image and flip out every time they're misquoted or misinterpreted.
Speaker 1: Um Osama strikes me as someone who, if he was
Speaker 1: on Twitter, would be like James Woods, Um, just like
Speaker 1: furious anytime somebody argues with him. Um. Obviously, he went
Speaker 1: on the run when the US invaded Afghanistan even like
Speaker 1: spent like five years in constant movement uh, successfully fleeing
Speaker 1: from the most powerful war and surveillance apparatus ever conceived.
Speaker 1: Then he moved to a compound in the suburb of
Speaker 1: a Bodhabad, Pakistan in January if two thousand six, Um,
Speaker 1: you don't stay hidden for five years in the compound
Speaker 1: from the United States by staying connected to the internet obviously.
Speaker 1: So his compound didn't even have a phone line, um,
Speaker 1: but he still had access to the Internet, and it
Speaker 1: was like the courier version of dial up Internet. So
Speaker 1: he would type out emails to people and like a
Speaker 1: word document, and he would save him onto a thumb
Speaker 1: drive and then have a courier drive out to like
Speaker 1: an internet cafe in another country or just miles and
Speaker 1: miles and miles away and the courier would send those emails,
Speaker 1: wait for responses, download them back to a drive, and
Speaker 1: then drive back to ben Laden. Um. But he didn't
Speaker 1: just do that with emails. He also, like would download
Speaker 1: other things for bin Laden too. Um. Oh yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a good spicy Yeah. So you know, you're sitting in
Speaker 1: a compound that has no phone connection, no television, no
Speaker 1: internet for five years, you're gonna get bored. You're gonna
Speaker 1: ask people to download some stuff for you to watch. Uh,
Speaker 1: And that's exactly what bin Laden did. An Associated Press
Speaker 1: report on this manpowered internet connection noted that the courier
Speaker 1: took other data back, which included, you know, everything you
Speaker 1: can imagine, even pornography. Okay, do we have the type?
Speaker 1: Do we have any info on the type? Well, so
Speaker 1: that's a bit there. There has been a bit of
Speaker 1: a battle over releasing what type of porn was on
Speaker 1: Osamam and Lanza, because my guess is Simpson's cartoon porn.
Speaker 1: It's it's weird how close you are. Um. Here's how
Speaker 1: Reuter's reported on it when sort of the story first
Speaker 1: broke quote the pornography recovered in bin Laden's compound in
Speaker 1: a Bodabad Pakistan consists of modern electronically recorded video and
Speaker 1: is fairly extensive. The officials said they were not yet
Speaker 1: sure precisely where in the compound the pornography was discovered
Speaker 1: or who had been viewing it. Specifically, these officials said
Speaker 1: they did not know if been Lattin himself had acquired
Speaker 1: or viewed the materials, so it's it's a mystery. We
Speaker 1: know that the non pornographic videos and movies that he
Speaker 1: had were about a hundred and sixty gigs worth, so
Speaker 1: if they're saying that he had an extensive porn collection,
Speaker 1: we can assume that the quantity of porn was substantial,
Speaker 1: and the tens to hundreds of gigging its range. His
Speaker 1: porn was apparently kept in a wooden box like we
Speaker 1: all do. Yeah, and it was I shouldn't say his
Speaker 1: point because we can't say for certainty who the porn
Speaker 1: belonged to. And when I first heard that, I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: so he's probably living in a house with like a
Speaker 1: fucking hundred bodyguards or something like. There's probably like a
Speaker 1: fucking company of guys there and who knows who it is?
Speaker 1: But no, no, no, there were three other men in
Speaker 1: the house with him twenty three year old son and
Speaker 1: his two uh couriers who were both in their thirties.
Speaker 1: So that's a minimum chance that the porn has been
Speaker 1: Laudon's poem. I'm gonna knock it up to because I
Speaker 1: feel like the couriers, they have access to the internet cafe,
Speaker 1: they can go, they go, they can go masturbate away
Speaker 1: from the can they don't. They can use that time.
Speaker 1: You know, you go to a internet cafe one about
Speaker 1: three am, it's partially empty. The guy in the front,
Speaker 1: he's like falling asleeps curriers and just make sure they
Speaker 1: have loose fitting hands. They do what they do. So
Speaker 1: it says either his son or him maybe both. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So that's We're gonna go back and forth on this
Speaker 1: because I've got more details trivial. I've spent probably a
Speaker 1: good two days just trying to figure out who did
Speaker 1: the porn, and maybe it's everybody's maybe like they maybe
Speaker 1: they had like a fucking like a note on the
Speaker 1: fridge that was like just write down, Okay, you want
Speaker 1: you know, uh ladies spanking each other like part nine
Speaker 1: and uh you want some of that boukaki stuff and yeah,
Speaker 1: you want you want the Mickey Mouse porn. Okay, when
Speaker 1: we'll get some of the Mickey Mouse porn on there,
Speaker 1: like yeah, oh yeah, that's that you know prison rules?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah that that that might make sense to um. Obviously,
Speaker 1: the CIA knows the answer to the question because they
Speaker 1: know where the hard drives were found. So like, if
Speaker 1: the porn was in Osama's bedroom, then we know what
Speaker 1: it is. It was in one of his courier's bedroom,
Speaker 1: then maybe it's a currier it was in his son's bedroom.
Speaker 1: But they're not telling anyone. Um. They seem to have
Speaker 1: a weird dedication to hiding the truth whatever it is
Speaker 1: about Osama's porn. We didn't even know for sure it
Speaker 1: existed until May of two fifteen, when the Office of
Speaker 1: James Clapper, Director of National Intelligence, confirmed that quote some
Speaker 1: point a graphic material had been recovered during the raid
Speaker 1: that killed Bin latin Um. Clapper spokesman noted, we are
Speaker 1: not going to release these materials due to the nature
Speaker 1: of their contents. Um. So. In two thousand and fifteen,
Speaker 1: noted journalistic Paragon bro Bible filed a freedom of information
Speaker 1: request with CIA. Wro bro Bible doing hard hitting journalism.
Speaker 1: Here is a quote from their request, we are adults.
Speaker 1: We can handle it. We would like to know what
Speaker 1: kind of porn the world's most wanted man jerked it too.
Speaker 1: Does being under the constant threat of capture require extra stimulation?
Speaker 1: I imagine it would be hard for him to focus
Speaker 1: on his dick, So I figured he had to watch
Speaker 1: some really nasty ship. Um, so so fun because I
Speaker 1: was half expecting me Probible. They're like, this is an
Speaker 1: official request from the government that you know they're gonna
Speaker 1: they're gonna have a little bit of professionalism. Nope, they
Speaker 1: went the full Probible. They are consistently pro Bible. You
Speaker 1: gotta say that for them. Um, they have a brand
Speaker 1: to protect, because what if the CIA released that request
Speaker 1: and they're like, oh, we don't look, bro, we don't
Speaker 1: look that's not bro enough. Oh my gosh. Shockingly, the
Speaker 1: CIA did not respond positive leave to this professionally worded
Speaker 1: information request. They refused to send over bin Lawton's pornography,
Speaker 1: saying quote with regard to the pornographic material Osama bin
Speaker 1: Lawton hadn't his possession at the time of his death,
Speaker 1: responsive records, should they exist, would be contained in the
Speaker 1: operational files and the CIA is not required to disclose
Speaker 1: operational files UH during f o i A requests, and
Speaker 1: operational files include files that either talk about how foreign
Speaker 1: intelligence or counterintelligence programs work. So basically, if it will
Speaker 1: give away something we do and intelligence, they don't have
Speaker 1: to reveal it, or if it will give away a
Speaker 1: foreign government or terrorist groups scheme that we don't, the
Speaker 1: CIA doesn't let them to know they've cut onto they
Speaker 1: don't have to release it, which brings me to my
Speaker 1: first conspiracy theory of the day. Uh And then is
Speaker 1: the theory that al Qaeda's leadership was using coded pornographic
Speaker 1: videos to communicate with each other and disseminate information around
Speaker 1: the world. Here is a quote from an MSNBC article.
Speaker 1: At the time, US officials had pursued a probe into
Speaker 1: whether al Qaeda was using special software that would allow
Speaker 1: the email transition of porn photos implanted with hidden messages
Speaker 1: that could be deciphered by recipients with the right code.
Speaker 1: We thought this was the way that messages were being transmitted,
Speaker 1: said one official. It sounds crazy, but if true, it
Speaker 1: actually makes a lot of sense. Gehaties are sort of
Speaker 1: notorious for having huge amounts of porn on their laptops.
Speaker 1: Chael Flynn, Uh, the totally not disgraced the National Security Advisor,
Speaker 1: said that some of the laptops they recovered from these
Speaker 1: guys were porn. While this sounds like a nutty theory,
Speaker 1: in two thousand and twelve, police in Berlin arrested to
Speaker 1: twenty two year old Austrian with a digital storage device
Speaker 1: and memory cards hidden in his underpants. Which, let's if
Speaker 1: you're if you're smuggling Al Qaeda porn into another country,
Speaker 1: don't put it in your underpants. Like nobody's gonna see
Speaker 1: like a laptop and a thumb drive and think that's suspicious.
Speaker 1: But if they find it in your underwear, it's immediately suspicious.
Speaker 1: Like that's the worst way to do that. The first
Speaker 1: law of being a cop is that anything in someone's
Speaker 1: underwear is illegal. Yeah, so we're about to break so
Speaker 1: we can sing a song for Lady Capitalism and uh.
Speaker 1: Then when we get back, we're going to talk about
Speaker 1: what the German police found in that young man's underpants drives. Uh,
Speaker 1: and then we're going to get into exactly what Osama
Speaker 1: bin Laden was watching, playing and maybe fiddling his diddle
Speaker 1: too while he was hiding in a boat a bad
Speaker 1: But first, uh some capitalism from me, and we are back.
Speaker 1: We are back, and we are talking about al Qaeda's
Speaker 1: plan to hide operational messages in pornography and the twenty
Speaker 1: two year old arrested in Berlin with a digital storage
Speaker 1: device hidden in his underwear. Uh So, the authorities find
Speaker 1: the stuff and his underwear decide to look into it.
Speaker 1: They find a bunch of stuff, including a password protected
Speaker 1: folder that includes a bunch of porn. One of those
Speaker 1: porn videos was titled kick Ass, and hidden inside the
Speaker 1: porn video they found another file called Sexy Tanya and
Speaker 1: this file, when opened, included more than a hundred unencrypted
Speaker 1: al Qaeda documents detailing everything from operational procedures to plans
Speaker 1: for future attacks. Um So, it was like they were basically,
Speaker 1: because videos are so big, you can actually like hide
Speaker 1: a folder of text documents inside of it without it
Speaker 1: being super obvious. And so that's what they were actually doing.
Speaker 1: Um So, it's possible that some of the porn station
Speaker 1: about a bad was meant for clandestine communication. Um but
Speaker 1: it also sounds like there's way too much of it
Speaker 1: for that to be the only reason. And more to
Speaker 1: the point it's not quite true to say that we
Speaker 1: don't know anything about the kind of porn that in
Speaker 1: the Bin Latten compound. Some of it managed to slip
Speaker 1: through the CIA as well Silence. On November one, two
Speaker 1: thousand seventeen, the CIA released four hundred and seventy thousand
Speaker 1: of the files that were found during the raid that
Speaker 1: killed Bin Latten. These files represent the collective mass of
Speaker 1: a hundred thumb drives and ten external hard drives. The
Speaker 1: CIA's lists cut out most of the porn, but they
Speaker 1: didn't get all of it. Included in the collection that
Speaker 1: you can find right now on the CIA's website were
Speaker 1: two very old, very smutty video games, Paris Stryker Girls
Speaker 1: in Fantasy. I think you would classify them both as
Speaker 1: weird old Japanese porn games. They weren't the kind of complex,
Speaker 1: weird Japanese porn video games where you plays the principle
Speaker 1: of like a vampire high school and you have to
Speaker 1: fund all of your children before the full moon or whatever. Um.
Speaker 1: The basic premise of both games is that you hover
Speaker 1: around a map, avoiding gagoose while you gradually uncover crudely
Speaker 1: sustrated drawings and pictures of nude and semi nude women.
Speaker 1: Presumably most players masturbate once they've uncovered the whole image.
Speaker 1: I feel like I just have to show you these
Speaker 1: because you won't understand how bizarre they are. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm interested to see the kindie has, but I'm very,
Speaker 1: very familiar with anti dating, since these are not that complicated.
Speaker 1: All right, Yeah, yeah, it's like an ony head in
Speaker 1: the middle, and it seems like they're making squares, They're
Speaker 1: they're making moves, they're making good moves, uncovering gay Like
Speaker 1: the best way to describe this would be, you know,
Speaker 1: like when people try and make a full two D
Speaker 1: picture but with eight bit technology. Yeah. Oh, and she's
Speaker 1: just scantily clashed. It's not even nude. This one's not nude.
Speaker 1: Oh wow. So both of those games are like that,
Speaker 1: and some of them may are nude. I'm showing you
Speaker 1: a picture here. It's like the uncovered picture there and
Speaker 1: you can see your breasts. Uh so it's some of
Speaker 1: them are nudes. It's clearly like the kind of porn
Speaker 1: video game that you would play in nineteen because nothing
Speaker 1: better exists, you know, like those uh those playing cards
Speaker 1: that are you know veterans would jerk off to Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's similar to that. Yeah, it's it's yeah. And I
Speaker 1: have a theory. I think that these smutty video games
Speaker 1: from the mid nineties actually hold the secret of who
Speaker 1: all of the porn and the porn stash belonged to.
Speaker 1: So we know that the point exists. We just don't
Speaker 1: know if it was beIN Lawton's or you know, his
Speaker 1: kids or his uh couriers. Um. I think that these
Speaker 1: games are proof that the porn might have belonged to
Speaker 1: Ben Lawton because Paristroker Girls in Fantasy ninety five we're
Speaker 1: both made respectively. Been Lawton would have been a mature
Speaker 1: adult when they both came out, with the potential to
Speaker 1: have access to the Internet and with the ability to
Speaker 1: have access to computers and video games. His son would
Speaker 1: have only been six or seven years old at the time.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna guess if his son had porn video games,
Speaker 1: he would have had like Leasures, Yeah, yeah, something a
Speaker 1: little bit more advanced. Um, these are deep cuts for
Speaker 1: smut games. These aren't like these aren't anybody's first pick.
Speaker 1: So I have to think there's something he came across
Speaker 1: when he was a young man and was like never
Speaker 1: got over Yeah, yeah, you know, like that one vid
Speaker 1: that you saw when you were in your teens and
Speaker 1: you're like, let me, let me see that again. Let's
Speaker 1: revisit that. Yeah. I think this is that for ben Laden.
Speaker 1: The other possibilities that it was one of his couriers.
Speaker 1: They were thirty and thirty three, respectively at the time
Speaker 1: of the raids, so they could have been fourteen or seventeen.
Speaker 1: The youngest of them who would have been fourteen when
Speaker 1: these games came out, Abu Ahmed al KUWAITI gave computer
Speaker 1: training to other Jihati, so he was computer savvy. Um,
Speaker 1: so this might have been his. But it's pretty much
Speaker 1: down to either him or oh b l And considering
Speaker 1: he was an Afghan kid who grew up speaking Poshtu
Speaker 1: and moved to Kuwait as a younger person, I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess he didn't have a lot of money at
Speaker 1: age fourteen and wasn't playing on the computer. We'll never
Speaker 1: know for sure, but we do have some pictures have
Speaker 1: been latten at the time, and he looks like a
Speaker 1: man who spent his golden years weekly jerking off to
Speaker 1: pixelated breasts. I mean, oh yeah, like he he has
Speaker 1: that nerd Pancho which is your your comforter for your body,
Speaker 1: and a beanie on that is a sad old man's
Speaker 1: masturbation king. Yeah. These pictures are all available from the
Speaker 1: on the CIA, but we will also be hosting all
Speaker 1: of these pictures, uh and links to where you can
Speaker 1: find the CIA's files on Behind the Bastards dot com
Speaker 1: so you can watch Ben Lawden's weird point obsession along
Speaker 1: with us. UM, we're gonna move on from porn for
Speaker 1: now though, although there's a little bit more of that
Speaker 1: coming later. UM. I've spent a truly terrifying amount of
Speaker 1: time coming through the files the CIA did release, and
Speaker 1: the stuff that's there is actually more baffling than his
Speaker 1: mythical porn stash could ever hope to be. First off,
Speaker 1: I'd like to read a selection of the copyrighted works
Speaker 1: the CIA found ants with the z yeah oh yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah, the Woody Allen Bugs Life
Speaker 1: rip off yeah, which blatant Yeah yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1: He would have been I'm surprised we didn't find the
Speaker 1: movie on there. It might have been after he was killed. Um,
Speaker 1: but he had Batman Gotham Knight, which is interesting. BBC's
Speaker 1: Great Wildlife Moments, which I guess everybody likes a wildlife
Speaker 1: documentary also means possible stoner. Also possible stoner biography Osama
Speaker 1: bin Laden, So he was watching documentaries about himself cars,
Speaker 1: so no bugs life, but he went with but he
Speaker 1: went with cars, No bugs life is the symbol of
Speaker 1: the decadent American regime or something. Maybe ANTS is more
Speaker 1: his ideological So that's yeah, that's a that's a medium
Speaker 1: post for someone listening because ANTS is about overthrowing, uh,
Speaker 1: like military technocracy, so dictatorship forming in a yeah, so
Speaker 1: I can see that chicken Little um. CNN presents World's
Speaker 1: Most Wanted, which also focused on Ben Laden Final Fantasy
Speaker 1: seven something me and ben Laden have in common. Heroes
Speaker 1: of Tomorrow, which I don't know what that is. Home
Speaker 1: on the Range ice Age, don of the Dinosaurs. Man,
Speaker 1: these choices, these choices in the footsteps of Ben Laden.
Speaker 1: CNN documentary National Geographic Kung Fu Killers, National Geographic Inside
Speaker 1: the Green Berets, National Geographic Predators at War, which makes
Speaker 1: sense because they're they're trying to kill you with drones.
Speaker 1: You probably want to watch a doc uh, And then
Speaker 1: National Geographic World's Worst Venom, which between that and the
Speaker 1: Kung Fu Killers, I feel like he was planning another
Speaker 1: attack with like kung Fu fighters and bees with rattlesnake
Speaker 1: send down ninjas with venom tipped shurkins, and he was
Speaker 1: gonna That's how he was gonna take us out. Lucky
Speaker 1: Louise stopped him, thank god. A documentary on Peru, the
Speaker 1: movie Resident Evil, which makes me feel a little bit
Speaker 1: sorry for him if that was one of the things
Speaker 1: he had to watch. Um, the Three Musketeers, and of
Speaker 1: course the Morgan Spurlock documentary Where in the World is
Speaker 1: a Samamin Laden? Um? So yeah, that it was just
Speaker 1: pure narcissism, like you start to get cocky after they
Speaker 1: don't catch it for seven or look look at I'm
Speaker 1: just here masturbating the old nineties games. Um. Once the
Speaker 1: CIA released Everything, nerds on Twitter set to work trying
Speaker 1: to discover bin Laden shared any fandoms with them. They
Speaker 1: found a distinct preference for anime, uh including Naruto Shaputin,
Speaker 1: Psycho Ninja Daishu five, which I'm guessing as a Naruto thing.
Speaker 1: I know, I don't know that second, I don't know
Speaker 1: what the rest of it is. But they were like
Speaker 1: Arabic dubbs of which again might have been been Laden's.
Speaker 1: It might have been one of his nerdy couriers, might
Speaker 1: have been his kid, no way for us to know exactly. Um.
Speaker 1: They found more realms of video games, including a save
Speaker 1: file from Grand Theft Auto Chinatown Wars. That was the gym.
Speaker 1: That was the gym. Yeah, so he had like emulators
Speaker 1: and stuff, and it was a bad dump file, so
Speaker 1: it wasn't a good emulator. Like, so whoever was downloading
Speaker 1: this stuff wasn't great at it. Um. Now, anyway, you
Speaker 1: may all not know this, but I am actually a
Speaker 1: professional journalist, and so when I saw the cia S
Speaker 1: dump file, I immediately started investigating too. The first search
Speaker 1: term I entered was the word ass. I found one
Speaker 1: file titled as two dot w m A, but for
Speaker 1: the research indicated this was just a weirdly named file
Speaker 1: for a g Hotty video. Uh. There was an ass
Speaker 1: with three sas dot jpeg. But it wasn't as exciting
Speaker 1: as I had hoped. It was like an Arabic image
Speaker 1: macro joke with like a cell phone. Um. So, so
Speaker 1: far I was kind of disappointed. But then I searched
Speaker 1: for butt, and I descended into a yarn wrapped hole
Speaker 1: of madness, but did not turn up any pornography. But
Speaker 1: it did bring up a file called the Art of
Speaker 1: Crochet by Teresa Radiant Crochet Butterfly, where the butt came from.
Speaker 1: This has turned out to be one of dozens of
Speaker 1: crochet videos found on a Solomon Lawden's hard drive. As
Speaker 1: far as I can tell, many of these videos are
Speaker 1: by Teresa Warrior, a semi popular crochet expert who puts
Speaker 1: up regular videos on YouTube. To this day, most of
Speaker 1: her videos get sixty to two thousand views, so she's
Speaker 1: moderately popular. Um. This has led to one of my
Speaker 1: favorite bin Laden related happenings. Random commenters descended on Teresa's
Speaker 1: videos to let her know Sam bin Laden was a
Speaker 1: fan because the CIA released the list stuff last November,
Speaker 1: so like, as soon as it happened, people are like
Speaker 1: telling this lady what happened. And if you go through
Speaker 1: your ARCI her archive of like all of her videos,
Speaker 1: you'll find a bunch of commenters being like, congrats on
Speaker 1: being on Ben Lad's hard drive and stuff. And I
Speaker 1: found the YouTube comment thread where she first learns about
Speaker 1: this and it's utterly bizarre. So I'm just I'm gonna
Speaker 1: read this comment thread. Chris Wilson is the comment. Hi, Teresa,
Speaker 1: I thought you would like to know that the file
Speaker 1: for this video appears within the CIA's published directory of
Speaker 1: Osama bin Laden's computer files. Have a nice day, just
Speaker 1: a weird way if oh man, Teresa responded, thanks, Chris,
Speaker 1: exclamation point, exclamation point. That is pretty cool that Osama
Speaker 1: bin Laden his wives and children like to watch my
Speaker 1: YouTube channel. I wish the bin Osama bin Laden's family
Speaker 1: well and hope they're still croche. She doesn't know who
Speaker 1: Osama bin Laden is. Do you think they will talk
Speaker 1: about this on any TV or the news programs? Theresa, Theresa,
Speaker 1: get out of there. It was like, no, we we
Speaker 1: killed a lot of we killed a son. Like his
Speaker 1: wives are probably not doing great either right now. I
Speaker 1: hope the next replies like, yeah, they actually captured it
Speaker 1: on this movie called Zero Dark thirty. Chris responded, Only
Speaker 1: time can tell, and I'm sure they are still at it.
Speaker 1: They're still crochet. Perhaps a video dedicated to him will
Speaker 1: get their attention. I'm sure countless subscribers of yours would
Speaker 1: love to learn how to crochet Osama's likeness to oh
Speaker 1: no to response, you mean like I did the Barack
Speaker 1: Obama crochet? You think they would like your crochet some
Speaker 1: in Lot No, Teresa, Absolutely, Teresa. What are you doing? Teresa?
Speaker 1: You're in too deep. The Internet is wonderful. Bring you
Speaker 1: bring your head up, prayer, Teresa. So. Um. A lot
Speaker 1: of the videos and PDFs and JPEG's on the dump
Speaker 1: files or what you'd expect. There's videos like shelling US
Speaker 1: embassy in the Green Zone with two Katusha rockets, videos
Speaker 1: of convoys being bombed, and stuff US military handbooks, long
Speaker 1: religious tracks, exactly what you'd expect of Lot to have
Speaker 1: on his hard drive. But there's also a lot of
Speaker 1: weird stuff. There's a documentary called sex Crimes in the Vatican,
Speaker 1: and the entirety of a fifteen part BBC documentary called
Speaker 1: The History of Britain, which is just an in depth
Speaker 1: history of Britain. Um, here's here's a here's um. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna put my fourteen year old cap from for all
Speaker 1: these weird videos. Look, sometimes you look at any documentary
Speaker 1: about sex, you can get some extra jerk material in there.
Speaker 1: You can get some extras, some sneaking. There was one
Speaker 1: I think HBO or Showtime had this like show that
Speaker 1: was like Sex around the World, and it was like
Speaker 1: all the weird sex stuff around the world, and it
Speaker 1: was like presented as a comedy, but since it was
Speaker 1: like late night HBO, it was uncensored. So I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, I'd saved him all the vhs, so your
Speaker 1: your theory is that his sex crimes in the Vatican.
Speaker 1: He was like, well, maybe maybe they might show a
Speaker 1: little thing, you know in there. Well I bet he
Speaker 1: was disappointed, very disappointed. Um. One of the neat things
Speaker 1: about the CIA's archive is that all of the stuff
Speaker 1: that they have on there, like you can download for
Speaker 1: yourself that whole BBC documentary series because it's all on
Speaker 1: the CIA's website. Um, so yeah, they've like released a
Speaker 1: bunch of stuff Like ants isn't on there. They just
Speaker 1: let you know what was on his heart they did.
Speaker 1: They didn't put ants up for they didn't put ants up.
Speaker 1: What I was gonna jump to was like, wow, I
Speaker 1: can see ants through the CIA. I did get really excited,
Speaker 1: um when I found what I thought might have been
Speaker 1: hidden porn in the dump file, a video titled zom
Speaker 1: women managed underscore video dot RM. I figured it had
Speaker 1: to be like a manage video, what else could that,
Speaker 1: But instead it was a thirty minute long lecture featuring
Speaker 1: a guy who looks like Dom DeLuise if he were
Speaker 1: a choronic scholar. Yeah that's yeah, yeah, that's Dom DeLuise
Speaker 1: as an Islamic religious expert. Um. Anyway, uh, speaking of
Speaker 1: false positives, I also came across a YouTube rip file
Speaker 1: titled girls Fight, which again seems like that might have
Speaker 1: been porn. It turned out to be a thirty second
Speaker 1: video of two little girls maybe three years old, actually
Speaker 1: fighting each other, like pulling heron's, shoving and stuff. I
Speaker 1: think it was like a viral internet video for some
Speaker 1: part of the world because they weren't speaking English. Um.
Speaker 1: It was weird, but probably not porn. Um. But Laden
Speaker 1: seemed to have a preference for documentaries in his old age,
Speaker 1: including a Nova special called Welcome to the Eleventh Dimension
Speaker 1: that was about complicated theoretical physics ship. He had another
Speaker 1: Nova documentary on string theory. Um. So he was nerding
Speaker 1: out on physics, which is again surprising for Ben Laden.
Speaker 1: After a few hours of coming through the videos, you
Speaker 1: start to get the sense that bin Laden was one
Speaker 1: of those parents. He uses YouTube to help him raise
Speaker 1: his kids, which is why I gonna guess he had
Speaker 1: cars and ants and stuff. He also downloaded YouTube videos
Speaker 1: that were like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, English learning videos
Speaker 1: for kids, that sort of thing. He also downloaded a
Speaker 1: lot of internet meme videos. My favorite is this bizarre
Speaker 1: video of a baboon freeing itself from the jaws of
Speaker 1: a crocodile um, which I don't know if we need
Speaker 1: to watch, we might as well. You should might as
Speaker 1: well see that. Don might as well see what that's
Speaker 1: talking about. If it were ahead, Got you sacrificed idiot
Speaker 1: trying to eat? Not an option here? Did the baboon
Speaker 1: claw the crocs eye? Oh yeah, I imagine he would
Speaker 1: showed his son the videos like people are going to
Speaker 1: have your back, so you've got to be able to
Speaker 1: get out. We can't have the jaws of life yourself
Speaker 1: claw America's eyes out to escape its mouth out. All right,
Speaker 1: we are going to break again to uh do some
Speaker 1: more ads for things that you can buy and uh
Speaker 1: spend money on and keep this glorious cycle going so
Speaker 1: that we can make more podcasts and tell you more
Speaker 1: things to buy. Uh, But when we come back, we're
Speaker 1: going to talk about Tom and Jerry and more to
Speaker 1: the point, the weird nineteen nineties, very nerdy card game
Speaker 1: that somehow intersects with some of Bin Laden and the
Speaker 1: nine eleven attacks. So all of that and more. After
Speaker 1: some ads boop and we're back. Uh, we're back, and
Speaker 1: we're talking about the contents of osaman Laden's many hard
Speaker 1: drive lives. We've gone through a lot of weird stuff
Speaker 1: so far. But one of the strangest things that I
Speaker 1: came across while I was spending an entire week browsing
Speaker 1: osaoman Laden's media folders was something like a hundred episodes
Speaker 1: of Tom and Jerry. Tom and Jerry episodes are by
Speaker 1: far the most common type of video content I found
Speaker 1: on Osama's hard drives. Um, Like, if you just want
Speaker 1: to have all of Tom and Jerry for yourself, you
Speaker 1: can download Tom and Jerry from the CIA as well.
Speaker 1: They're closing the grip on the ants. Yeah, they're they're
Speaker 1: keeping a tight hold on ants, but they're letting Tom
Speaker 1: and Jerry out to the world. Um, which I guess,
Speaker 1: go figure. Um. I kind of assumed at first that
Speaker 1: the videos were for one of his, like like his
Speaker 1: daughter or something. But the more I thought about it,
Speaker 1: the more it made sense to me that bin Laden
Speaker 1: would be a fan of cartoons where a wily, cunning,
Speaker 1: tiny mouse consistently outwits and brutalizes a larger, more powerful cat.
Speaker 1: Um Again, it's kind of like the crocodile thing, Like
Speaker 1: I can imagine him like looking at this and being like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's me. Yeah, I'm Tom. I'm gonna fucking hit America
Speaker 1: with a hammer run into a tiny hole, which is
Speaker 1: kind of what he did. Um So earlier in the podcast,
Speaker 1: I mentioned that someone in the bin Laden compound was
Speaker 1: an anime fan. Uh Gizmoto actually did a pretty decent
Speaker 1: dive into this with an article titled someone at Osaman
Speaker 1: Laton's Compound sure loved anime. They found a file with
Speaker 1: what to me looked like a nonsense name, which but
Speaker 1: just munch of numbers and letters, and then Msalm's dash Anime.
Speaker 1: It was an MP four file, but it turns out
Speaker 1: that im psalms dash anime dot net is an Arabic
Speaker 1: language anime form in Saudi Arabia. This form includes a
Speaker 1: lot of fan translations of various animals, and the only
Speaker 1: one that this could be was from an episode of
Speaker 1: the series Detective Conan, also known as Case Closed in
Speaker 1: the US. Twelve episodes of Detective Conan were included on
Speaker 1: the drives. The quote from the Gizmodo article here in short,
Speaker 1: a computer recovered at the last place, so Salm bin
Speaker 1: Laden was alive. Contained at least a dozen non consecutive
Speaker 1: episodes of an animated show from Japan in which a
Speaker 1: boy detective solves rhimes. Oh yeah, I remember that show.
Speaker 1: It was an adult swims. He's actually a man, but
Speaker 1: a spell was put on him and he turns into
Speaker 1: a little boy. Thank you for that, Just just for context.
Speaker 1: He wanted turning turn He turns into a little boy,
Speaker 1: much like what happened in Laden. Yeah. So these drives
Speaker 1: also included some more porn, but anime porn. Uh, an
Speaker 1: episode of an anime. I'm just gonna pause you. It's
Speaker 1: called hint I. Okay, it's anti different hint It's not
Speaker 1: an anime porn. It's hint tie. Well, okay, so maybe
Speaker 1: you'll tell me, you tell me if this, if this
Speaker 1: seems like HINTI, you're just like erotic anime. Like it's
Speaker 1: called Bible Black. Oh that's that is I bit I
Speaker 1: constantly do, which is it is a very brutal hintie
Speaker 1: Bible Black. Yeah, it takes place in the world where
Speaker 1: there's a lot of witchcraft in there, and like there's
Speaker 1: like lots of weird aspects to this hint i because
Speaker 1: like you know, some women they grow penises, some you know, explode,
Speaker 1: like the people are getting murdered. It's a Bible Black
Speaker 1: is a very popular hintai. It is hint oh shit, Okay,
Speaker 1: so you're aware of what this is. Oh yeah, I've
Speaker 1: seen Bible Black. Okay. So one of thinks me and
Speaker 1: Bin Loton have in common is the other one, okay,
Speaker 1: fantasy seven. Um, So this kind of narrows down. I mean,
Speaker 1: it doesn't necessarily narrow it on the rest of the
Speaker 1: porn because I feel like a lot of different people
Speaker 1: put in requests for or everyone in the comment probably
Speaker 1: put in some requests. But this was a translation of
Speaker 1: an episode of Bible Black. He wanted the story interesting, yeah,
Speaker 1: he wanted this well. It was like it was like
Speaker 1: an Arabic dub of it, translation of it or whatever. Um.
Speaker 1: And so the anime form. The Aapules from was a
Speaker 1: Saudi anime form in the two couriers were both Afghan
Speaker 1: natives whose native language was Pashtu, so I assume they
Speaker 1: spoke Arabic but not native speakers, which makes me think
Speaker 1: that this hint I had to be either been Laden
Speaker 1: or his sons, both of whom were Saudi's and native
Speaker 1: Arabic speakers. That's my that's my read here is that
Speaker 1: the hint i has either been Laden's or his sons.
Speaker 1: So that's where we are so far with that mystery. Um,
Speaker 1: you can lose a lot of hours and they been
Speaker 1: latton archive and it is it's not uncommon to run
Speaker 1: across videos about like American women and Jewish men converting
Speaker 1: to Islam, right alongside funny cat videos from YouTube. He
Speaker 1: seemed to have a thing for funny cat videos, which
Speaker 1: we all did. Yeah. Um, there's a number of saved
Speaker 1: game files for Nintendo games like Marrow and Luigi, Partners
Speaker 1: in Time and Metroid Prime Hunters. Yeah. Um. I suspect
Speaker 1: these were Forbin Laden's son Um because of a quote
Speaker 1: I found in the Looming Tower where he basically points
Speaker 1: out that when they were hiding out in Afghanistan and board.
Speaker 1: He would let his younger sons playing Nintendo because it
Speaker 1: would entertain them. The guests the Nintendo games were probably
Speaker 1: been Lawton's kid. Well, he goes out back and check
Speaker 1: out Bible black Yeah, Somemoman Latons furiously pounding it to
Speaker 1: Witchcraft anime. Yeah. Um. So there are some really strange
Speaker 1: things in the video archive and you could just go
Speaker 1: through and click them and download all these different random files.
Speaker 1: Most of them will have names that you can't quite
Speaker 1: parse out what they're about. Um, and it's all very strange.
Speaker 1: One video is just a thirty second clip of a
Speaker 1: guy walking through a muddy yard. It looks like the
Speaker 1: kind of when you're figuring out your cam quarter and
Speaker 1: you're like try like it looks like that sort of video. Um.
Speaker 1: One is a three minute clip of Ron Paul talking
Speaker 1: about how the War on Terror was a bad idea,
Speaker 1: which is I feel about that? Of course? Run Paul
Speaker 1: wound up in the Salomon Ltons archive. Um. There's a
Speaker 1: discussion with an Islamic cleric about video games. Um. There's
Speaker 1: a British ad for cyclist safety that asks you to
Speaker 1: watch how many passes a group of basketball players make
Speaker 1: and there's like a moonwalking bear that runs through in
Speaker 1: the middle and like, if you're focusing on the passes,
Speaker 1: you don't see the bear. And then it pauses and says, okay,
Speaker 1: did you count the passes right? Did you see the bear?
Speaker 1: And it was like it was like a cyclists safety video,
Speaker 1: but it they downloaded it from a site called a
Speaker 1: bunawaft dot com, which seems to be like the Eboum's
Speaker 1: World of the Arabic Yeah, parts of the planet. Um.
Speaker 1: Then I found a video of a journalist being beheaded. Uh.
Speaker 1: And then I found right after that followed a wild ride.
Speaker 1: You went on, like what a wild ride? You're like, okay,
Speaker 1: we got some Bible black Oh, this is kind of funny.
Speaker 1: Oh dear god. Um. And then right after the beheading video, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was follow Me, which is a British TV show
Speaker 1: dedicated to teaching people how to speak English through like
Speaker 1: lame Monty python type sketches. Oh man. And then I
Speaker 1: ran into Pigeon Impossible, a six minute animated movie from
Speaker 1: two thousand nine about a secret agent with a nuclear
Speaker 1: briefcase and a pigeon. I hate that. I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: stone and watch that later from the you can download
Speaker 1: it from the CIA's website. It's going to be just
Speaker 1: really fueling. If you are too poor for a net licks,
Speaker 1: the CIA has your back right now with a very
Speaker 1: specific type of content. UM. My favorite thing from the archive, however,
Speaker 1: is not a video or a save game file or pornography.
Speaker 1: It's an issue of a newsletter titled smoking Gun Proof
Speaker 1: the Illuminati Plan to bring down our culture. It was
Speaker 1: written by the Cutting Edge, which is like a hardcore
Speaker 1: Christian organization. Uh, they have newsletters in a website, they
Speaker 1: put out books. The big deal seems to be prepping
Speaker 1: people from the New World Order, which they've done since
Speaker 1: the early days of the internet. They're still around today
Speaker 1: and still claiming the ends night, just as they were
Speaker 1: when Bush was in office. They've written like books about
Speaker 1: how Harry Potter is trying to like convert kids to
Speaker 1: witchcraft and stuff like they're they're those people. And this
Speaker 1: particular document, which as far as I can tell, is
Speaker 1: the only document of theirs that been Loaden had in
Speaker 1: his possession UM, is a far right tract claiming that
Speaker 1: the end of the world is coming, the Antichrist is
Speaker 1: about to be born and usher in a liberal fascist
Speaker 1: health state, and the clues to all this to the
Speaker 1: Illuminatis plot were laid down an card game published by
Speaker 1: Steve Jackson Games called Illuminati New World Order. No. As
Speaker 1: you may know, Steve Jackson Games are the guys who
Speaker 1: make Munchkin. Uh. They make great games, wonderful company uh
Speaker 1: in Nile working on a cyberpunk game. Their offices were
Speaker 1: rated by the FBI. It had something to do with
Speaker 1: it. It It is. It is a wacky s story. It
Speaker 1: had something to do with ship. They were writing about
Speaker 1: hacking for like a basically this shadow run D and
Speaker 1: D style type game. Um, it's a long story, like
Speaker 1: all of their computers were confiscated by the FBI. They
Speaker 1: had to like fight the bureau to get their ship
Speaker 1: back and almost bankrupted the company. Um. But shortly after
Speaker 1: all that happened, in like nine three, they released a
Speaker 1: card game called Illuminati, which is Have you ever read
Speaker 1: the Illuminatus trilogy. It's by a guy named Robert Anton
Speaker 1: Wilson another guy named Robert sha who were like both
Speaker 1: editors at Playboy, and it's it's a silly book, gigantic
Speaker 1: silly book about like what if all of the conspiracy
Speaker 1: theories and history were simultaneously true, even the ones that
Speaker 1: conflict each other. So it's like that kind of wackiness,
Speaker 1: and the card game is based in that. So you
Speaker 1: take uh control of a conspiracy like the Followers of
Speaker 1: Cathulhu or the Bankers of Zuricher like one of these
Speaker 1: global conspiracies, and everyone picks a different conspiracy and he
Speaker 1: fight it out with cards like George Bush, the c
Speaker 1: i A, the Pulitzer Prize, like all these different like
Speaker 1: things that, Yeah, so you're basically building a conspiracy. They've
Speaker 1: got like cards that are mind control lasers and stuff. Uh,
Speaker 1: the game is a really light tone. There's a Hillary
Speaker 1: Clinton card and it she's holding like a rope and
Speaker 1: it's attached to if you pull up the Bill Clinton card,
Speaker 1: it's attached to a leash around his neck. So it's
Speaker 1: like very tongue in cheek, very silly game. Um. The
Speaker 1: argument in the tract is that Steve Jackson stumbled upon
Speaker 1: the truth about the Illuminati and hid all of the
Speaker 1: secrets about them in this ridiculous card game. He hit
Speaker 1: influm things like weather control satellites, like making them his cards.
Speaker 1: Um Like it's it's it's stuff like this. Well, they'll
Speaker 1: be looking at like a card that says weather control satellites,
Speaker 1: and it'll be like the card will state like you
Speaker 1: can use this on any land you control, and and
Speaker 1: then like the tract will be like, see, this is
Speaker 1: proof that the Illuminati has the ability to control the
Speaker 1: weather and all of the parts of the world that
Speaker 1: they dominate, and like it's goodness, it's completely bug funck nuts.
Speaker 1: I can't imagine why bin Laden would have a far
Speaker 1: right Christian tract about this really weird card game in
Speaker 1: his reading folder. Um, it's my only guess is the
Speaker 1: Illuminati is real. Well, so that does seem a little
Speaker 1: bit plausible when you go far enough down the rabbit
Speaker 1: hole of studying these cards, because the addition of the
Speaker 1: game I have because I played this game since I
Speaker 1: was a little kid, came out in. One of the
Speaker 1: cards in that game is a card called Terrorist Nuke.
Speaker 1: And why don't you take a look at the illustration
Speaker 1: on the terrorist new card released in nine What the
Speaker 1: fun no describe that card to me? The Terrorist Nuke
Speaker 1: card that was the designed in has two towers and
Speaker 1: one of them being hit. And even though it's supposed
Speaker 1: to be a nuke. It's not a nuclear explosion. It
Speaker 1: looks as if it was hit by a plane and
Speaker 1: it's the tower that got hit first in reality, and
Speaker 1: it's exploding right in the place where the tower got hit.
Speaker 1: That's so weird. And Osama bin Laden was reading conspiracy
Speaker 1: theories about this card game in the last years of
Speaker 1: his life. Wow, wow, well damn yeah, so we figured
Speaker 1: it out be our last podcast before we are taken
Speaker 1: out by the c I A. So sorry. It was
Speaker 1: nice knowing all of you. Sorry we brought you in face. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I know. We're going down. We're all going down. All
Speaker 1: the pictures, including pictures of the terrorist new card, will
Speaker 1: be available on Behind the Bastards dot com, so you
Speaker 1: guys will be able to check out all of this craziness. Um,
Speaker 1: we want you to see it too. It is. It
Speaker 1: is truly bizarre and inexplicable. Um. That is it for
Speaker 1: today's episode of Behind the Bastards. I have been Robert Evans.
Speaker 1: You can find me on the internet at I Write
Speaker 1: okay on Twitter, Um okay is two letters. You also
Speaker 1: find my book A Brief History of Vice on Amazon. Uh,
Speaker 1: if you wanna plug your stuff, yeah, I'm if you
Speaker 1: why anyway on Twitter and Instagram, I F y W
Speaker 1: A D I W E. You can get my album.
Speaker 1: It's on anywhere you can buy comedy albums. It's the
Speaker 1: community college drop out. You can listen to Nerdificent wherever.
Speaker 1: You're listening to this podcast every Tuesday, UH with How
Speaker 1: Stuff Works, Candy Dinner every Monday. It's it's a fun
Speaker 1: time and you can follow behind the Bastards if you
Speaker 1: want to find us on social media where it at
Speaker 1: Bastards pod. You can find us again online behind the
Speaker 1: Bastards dot com and we will have all of these
Speaker 1: wacky images and videos up there, so check us out. Uh.
Speaker 1: This podcast drops every Tuesday, so we'll be back next
Speaker 1: week with another crazy story about someone just as terrible
Speaker 1: as Osama bin Laden, maybe even worse. I'm Robert Evans,
Speaker 1: my buddy Iffy, and we are out for a week.
Speaker 1: M M m