Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist,
Speaker 2: and speaker.
Speaker 1: And I'm Sarah hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer,
Speaker 1: and course creator. We are two working parents who love
Speaker 1: our careers and our families.
Speaker 2: Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about
Speaker 2: how real women manage work, family, and time for fun.
Speaker 2: From figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals.
Speaker 2: We want you to get the most out of life.
Speaker 2: Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura. This
Speaker 2: episode is airing in early October of twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2: I am going to be interviewing Maya. Lisa miliaris of
Speaker 2: Doing Good Together, which is a nonprofit based in the
Speaker 2: Twin Cities that is focused on helping people raise kind
Speaker 2: and involved kit so lots of information and resources for
Speaker 2: how people can raise children who are empathetic, who want
Speaker 2: to make a difference in the world, and also projects
Speaker 2: and things for people who want to volunteer together as
Speaker 2: a family. So, Sarah, I'm curious you guys do much
Speaker 2: in the way of volunteering. Our kids have done projects
Speaker 2: of that sort.
Speaker 1: I'll say our family has not done a lot of
Speaker 1: that together, and I think it probably is time to
Speaker 1: because you get in that mindset where, oh, I have
Speaker 1: a little kid, but like we are at the point
Speaker 1: where we could be doing more of that. But I'll
Speaker 1: say the school where two of my kids still go
Speaker 1: is pretty good with really encouraging projects that are meaningful.
Speaker 1: Like the kids do this thing called market Day, which
Speaker 1: teaches them a lot of skills, but then they donate
Speaker 1: the proceeds to causes of their choice and they have
Speaker 1: to research that and they actually like send in the
Speaker 1: money and feel good about that, which is nice. And
Speaker 1: then on a more experiential level, there's just a ton
Speaker 1: of like cross age mentoring that goes on. And I
Speaker 1: think this is very like Montessorian I guess to some extent,
Speaker 1: is that like truly service in terms of like helping
Speaker 1: those outside your sphere. I don't know if that's different
Speaker 1: than what our guest talks about, but I love the
Speaker 1: idea of like older kids going into a little kid
Speaker 1: classroom and helping with reading or helping with projects and
Speaker 1: things of that sort. And that's just sort of like
Speaker 1: a natural part of what is expected from you. And
Speaker 1: I really really love that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean we haven't necessarily done something with all
Speaker 2: seven of us, because, as she talks about it, it's
Speaker 2: hard to come up with projects that little kids can do.
Speaker 2: In many cases, small children just can't be welcome at
Speaker 2: certain project opportunities because somebody has to watch them and
Speaker 2: then you're not really getting to do whatever the project is,
Speaker 2: or things or you know, equipment might be dangerous or
Speaker 2: things like that. That's it. My children, like my older children,
Speaker 2: have done a few things. Jasper volunteered with a vacation
Speaker 2: Bible camp this summer at our church. He was helping
Speaker 2: with one of the younger groups there. Ruth is going
Speaker 2: to do that the next summer. Both of them have
Speaker 2: volunteered in the four year old Sunday school class with
Speaker 2: me as well. So this see what you're talking about
Speaker 2: with doing the service for younger members of your community.
Speaker 2: Jasper maybe doing a more extensive service project this fall,
Speaker 2: which he's getting involved in. I can't really talk about
Speaker 2: the details of that at the moment, but he's been
Speaker 2: applying for that and it's been a lot of training
Speaker 2: involved in doing that. So that's great. But I think
Speaker 2: what was so cool about Miley Say's advice when I
Speaker 2: did this interview is how you can get involved without
Speaker 2: going to official events or organizations, which again has the
Speaker 2: barrier of not necessarily even being able to take children
Speaker 2: under age eight or so. She had tips for things
Speaker 2: you can do at home, like projects you could do
Speaker 2: as a family that would be helpful for places, just
Speaker 2: ways to talk with kids about being more empathetic about
Speaker 2: thinking about problems and to start this conversation. So that was,
Speaker 2: you know, a lot of food for thought, and I
Speaker 2: think people will come up with some useful tips out
Speaker 2: of this interview. So hope you will give it a
Speaker 2: listen and we'll go to Maya Lisa Miliaris. Well, Sarah
Speaker 2: and I are delighted to welcome Maya Lisa Miliaris to
Speaker 2: the program. She is the executive director of Doing Good Together,
Speaker 2: based in the Twin Cities. So me, Liisa, could you
Speaker 2: introduce yourself to our listeners.
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, so, as you said, my ames may Lisamiliaris,
Speaker 3: and I'm the executive director of Doing Good Together. I've
Speaker 3: been in that position for about three years and I'm
Speaker 3: absolutely loving the work. It's just it's perfect because i
Speaker 3: have three kids myself. My kiddos are twelve years old,
Speaker 3: nine years old, and five years old, and so this
Speaker 3: kind of work just folds into my life beautifully because
Speaker 3: I'm always looking for really good ways to show kindness
Speaker 3: and give back with my own family, and it really
Speaker 3: gives me an opportunity to kind of do that work
Speaker 3: with my own kids and also let others benefit from that.
Speaker 3: So I've really been excited to find this position and
Speaker 3: to continue this great work. And my staff is just
Speaker 3: wonderful and coming up with great ideas. So I hope
Speaker 3: that you'll be able to take some good ideas away
Speaker 3: from this podcast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, awesome. Well, why don't you tell us a little
Speaker 2: bit about what doing Good Together actually does?
Speaker 3: Yeah, So our mission is really about empowering families to
Speaker 3: be able to raise kids who care and contribute, and
Speaker 3: so with that, we have four basic programs that we run.
Speaker 3: Most of them are actually free for people to use,
Speaker 3: so it's a really great resource and tool our website
Speaker 3: to be able to just find ideas if you're looking
Speaker 3: for this particular topic. Unfortunately, we run pretty well in Google,
Speaker 3: so it shows up a lot. But our programs are
Speaker 3: parenting with Purpose, So that's kind of our first program,
Speaker 3: and the idea of this is that we want to
Speaker 3: provide people with ways to incorporate kindness daily into their lives.
Speaker 3: And so we have kind of a section there on
Speaker 3: how do you do that? What does that look like?
Speaker 3: Talk more about what that is kind of as we
Speaker 3: go on, Laura. Then we also have a booklist, So
Speaker 3: we've got booklists that are really categorized for busy parents
Speaker 3: who want to try to really boost their kids reading
Speaker 3: in mindfulness or empathy or social justice. So we have
Speaker 3: a curated list that's available at the library or that
Speaker 3: you could purchase on Amazon if you wanted to and
Speaker 3: just be able to get that booklist. And we have
Speaker 3: conversation starters. We all know that we're busy, and so
Speaker 3: having this opportunity to just kind of like, hey, these
Speaker 3: are some vetted books, here's some great conversations that we
Speaker 3: can have after a long day. It just kind of
Speaker 3: helps parents to be able to do that efficiently and effectively.
Speaker 3: And then we have different kinds of projects that are
Speaker 3: listed on our website and they're all projects that you
Speaker 3: can do from home very easily with minimal time, but
Speaker 3: a lot of impact. And there are ways to give
Speaker 3: back in and it's kind of starter projects, right, like
Speaker 3: ideas of how to do this in a very easy
Speaker 3: kind of way to just fold into your family life.
Speaker 3: Kind of our first program and I send out a
Speaker 3: newsletter monthly that kind of tags to these different ideas
Speaker 3: that we have, and we have quite a deep bench
Speaker 3: of opportunities and ideas and things like that, because we've
Speaker 3: been around for twenty years, so we're actually celebrating our
Speaker 3: twentieth anniversary this year, so that's kind of exciting. Our
Speaker 3: second program is family service fairs, So we actually provide
Speaker 3: in a couple of places in person, So in the
Speaker 3: Twin Cities and in Miami, we do these family service
Speaker 3: fairs where kids and families come together, usually at a
Speaker 3: community center or a school, sometimes even a private organization
Speaker 3: that's looking to have something for their staff. We'll do
Speaker 3: these popourri of different kinds of opportunities, and that way
Speaker 3: kids get kind of an introduction to different ways to
Speaker 3: give back that are meaningful and kind of crafty that
Speaker 3: they can do with their parents and the really geared
Speaker 3: for kids kind of four through twelve. So we do
Speaker 3: that with in person, as I said, in the Twin
Speaker 3: Cities in Miami, but we also actually do consulting throughout
Speaker 3: the rest of the Nation on how to do that,
Speaker 3: and we even have some DIY guides and how you
Speaker 3: can do that yourself. So really kind of great ways
Speaker 3: to kind of introduce volunteering in a meaningful way and
Speaker 3: get kids to get the depth and breadth of different
Speaker 3: types of opportunities because kids, just like adults, have their
Speaker 3: specialty of what they want to do to give back, right,
Speaker 3: so it kind of gives them an opportunity to have
Speaker 3: that breadth of experience. Our third program is actually volunteer Opportunities,
Speaker 3: So we actually put out a listing in ten different
Speaker 3: metro areas of curated volunteer opportunities that exist for families
Speaker 3: to go volunteer together. So, Laura, it is super easy
Speaker 3: to find volunteering on your own, but when you want
Speaker 3: to go with your kids, it gets more complicated, right,
Speaker 3: you have to you know, there aren't as many opportunities,
Speaker 3: So we curate that list to take the legwork out
Speaker 3: for parents so they can know they get a nice
Speaker 3: opportunity and there's a number of different choice is that
Speaker 3: they have that they can choose from. It. It populates
Speaker 3: Senior Inbox monthly, so we have that great program and
Speaker 3: then we have a membership as our last program. Since
Speaker 3: we've been around for so long, we have lots of
Speaker 3: different projects that we've done with different organizations, with museums
Speaker 3: or professional organizations that asked us to do special projects
Speaker 3: or create a workbook, and so we usually co brand
Speaker 3: that and put it into our kind of membership kit.
Speaker 3: So if families want to become members they have kind
Speaker 3: of a greater number of resources.
Speaker 2: Awesome, that sounds like a lot of useful stuff. One
Speaker 2: of your things talking earlier, said we're raising kids who care.
Speaker 2: I'm curious how you would define like a kid who cares?
Speaker 2: What does that mean on a practical level, If we're
Speaker 2: looking at children ages four to twelve, what does it
Speaker 2: mean for them to care?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a really good question. So for caring, there's
Speaker 3: so many different pieces of it that kind of come
Speaker 3: together to make the idea of a kid caring. Right,
Speaker 3: So there's the pieces of it that are dealing with
Speaker 3: their own personal ability to be mindful for themselves so
Speaker 3: that they can then be kind to others. It can
Speaker 3: be as simple as talking to someone on a playground
Speaker 3: who maybe is looking a little sad or lonely. For
Speaker 3: our littlest friends, right, it can be helping someone hold
Speaker 3: a door. It can be helping someone by picking up
Speaker 3: something if they drop it. It can be very simple
Speaker 3: kinds of act that caring. It can also be going
Speaker 3: further right, having that piece of empathy, that idea that
Speaker 3: you can kind of flip your perspective one point eighty
Speaker 3: and be able to see something from someone else's perspective.
Speaker 3: And that's something that we know is kind of a
Speaker 3: developmental milestone for kids, and that we as parents are
Speaker 3: guiding and helping that along and trying our best to
Speaker 3: practice that sort of empathy muscle with our kids as
Speaker 3: we go. And so I think Karen can look a
Speaker 3: lot of different ways. It's really interesting our theoretical kind
Speaker 3: of underpinnings. And I don't want to bore you with
Speaker 3: a lot of data, so I'll get you just a
Speaker 3: sound by on this. But the idea is that there
Speaker 3: was a study from Harvard a while ago. Basically it's
Speaker 3: said that what parents want more than anything, they want
Speaker 3: kids that care, they want kids that are good people.
Speaker 3: They want them to care and to do good right.
Speaker 3: But in that same study, it's said that kids believed
Speaker 3: that their parents actually wanted more than anything high grades
Speaker 3: and achievement. So is that interesting? There's this rhetoric gap
Speaker 3: between what parents actually want most of all and what
Speaker 3: kids believe that the parents want. And so when we
Speaker 3: have a rhetoric gap like that, we have to stop
Speaker 3: and think and say, well, why is that? I wonder
Speaker 3: what that is? And of course I don't want to
Speaker 3: diminish the fact that academics is very important for kids, right,
Speaker 3: especially I come from Minnesota. Right, there's some great disparities
Speaker 3: in academics. We want to be really careful about saying
Speaker 3: how important that is. But at the same time it
Speaker 3: has to go hand in hand with caring with kindness, right,
Speaker 3: And so we have to think about what do we
Speaker 3: do as parents that might shape that image to our children,
Speaker 3: and how do we fix that? How do we shift
Speaker 3: so that kids realize that being caring is really something
Speaker 3: that we all do want absolutely.
Speaker 2: Well, we're going to take a quick ad break and
Speaker 2: then we're going to come back for some practical things
Speaker 2: that parents can do on that front. Well, I am
Speaker 2: back with Miley so miiliaris, who is part of Doing
Speaker 2: Good Together based in the Twin Cities, with the mission
Speaker 2: of helping to raise kids who care. We've been talking
Speaker 2: about how we define that and empathy and all that.
Speaker 2: So I'm very curious what one can actually do as
Speaker 2: a parent on a practical level to boost empathy in children.
Speaker 2: I don't know if this is something that people have
Speaker 2: or not, if there are people who are more naturally
Speaker 2: gifted on this front than others. I, with my broad observation,
Speaker 2: maybe that that is true. But what can we actually
Speaker 2: do to nudge our children maybe more toward the empathetic
Speaker 2: side wherever they happen to be on the continuum themselves.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have a number of different things, so maybe
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be like five. How's that? So number one
Speaker 3: would be kind of make space for it, right, make
Speaker 3: space for taking some time to be mindful with your kids.
Speaker 3: And that can be as simple as if you have
Speaker 3: time as a family to sit down at some point
Speaker 3: for dinner or breakfast together, if that's a possibility for
Speaker 3: your life, taking a moment at the start of that
Speaker 3: to just take a breath together, right, to just say,
Speaker 3: all right, we've had busy days, We're coming to this space.
Speaker 3: Let's just stop for a second, and let's just take
Speaker 3: a breath together. It can be that simple to kind
Speaker 3: of change the tone of how we are. It's amazing
Speaker 3: breathing can really help in that way. Next it would
Speaker 3: be to kind of use that time to take a
Speaker 3: moment in that space together to reflect a little bit
Speaker 3: about your day and about gratitude, and even shift to
Speaker 3: your older kids being able to kind of lead that
Speaker 3: sort of a check in with your family, Right, how
Speaker 3: are you today, how did everything go? Is there anything
Speaker 3: you're grateful for? Or even turning it to a future
Speaker 3: focused what are you going to do next week to
Speaker 3: help people? What are you going to do to be
Speaker 3: kind next week? So just that's shift to just take
Speaker 3: a few minutes out of that time. Another great space
Speaker 3: that I love to kind of advocate for working toward
Speaker 3: empathy and having great conversations is the car. I don't
Speaker 3: know if you have that situation as well, Laura, but
Speaker 3: I spend a lot of time driving my children around
Speaker 3: to various things, and so spending time in the car
Speaker 3: being able to reflect a little bit during that kind
Speaker 3: of dead time is really a great way to spend
Speaker 3: time together and to really use our time wisely. So
Speaker 3: I like doing that kind of reflecting on that, having
Speaker 3: a gratitude journal that kids can reflect in on a
Speaker 3: regular basis is a great way. So starting with kind
Speaker 3: that self care and that gratitude piece I think is
Speaker 3: a great trainer for empathy. Then I would say the
Speaker 3: third thing would be kind of working toward reading, right,
Speaker 3: So using those books to help kids expand their context
Speaker 3: and to be able to really focus on whatever topic
Speaker 3: it is that you're wanting, whether it's kindness or empathy.
Speaker 3: Reading is just an incredible way for kids to be
Speaker 3: able to engage and to be able to just get
Speaker 3: a different context and to start thinking about things from
Speaker 3: a different perspective. Followed by, of course, conversation and having
Speaker 3: those little conversations with your kids about the book is
Speaker 3: really helpful and that will help them to place the
Speaker 3: care that you're giving. When you do some kind of
Speaker 3: a volunteer piece, right, whether you're volunteering at home or
Speaker 3: doing something as a family, or helping out with chores,
Speaker 3: or even going outside the home and doing some kind
Speaker 3: of a volunteer activity, those are really great ways to
Speaker 3: kind of connect and be able to build that muscle.
Speaker 2: Awesome. Well, let's talk a little bit about the projects
Speaker 2: that you recommend. I mean, you mentioned that your website
Speaker 2: has resources of things that are home based that families
Speaker 2: can do to give back, get kids involved. I wonder
Speaker 2: if you could give an example or two of what
Speaker 2: that might look like.
Speaker 3: I absolutely can. So one of the things that's that's
Speaker 3: a really great thing is my kiddos are beautiful artists.
Speaker 3: I'm sure yours are two. They color and color and color.
Speaker 3: My twelve year old when she was little, I think
Speaker 3: I tried to save everything and it took me not
Speaker 3: very long to realize that wasn't going to be a
Speaker 3: sustainable sort of work for me. And so I've taught
Speaker 3: my kids to kind of curate their art and had
Speaker 3: conversations about what that is. But the artwork that isn't
Speaker 3: kept for me. When they have a beautiful picture, I
Speaker 3: love to take that already done project, right, something that
Speaker 3: they've spent time and really given some thought into and
Speaker 3: done a beautiful job, and to allow that to kind
Speaker 3: of less someone else. Right, go into a community and
Speaker 3: really really help with so like a nursing home or
Speaker 3: assisted living facility. There are actually practical ways to do
Speaker 3: this too. As a parent. You can set up a
Speaker 3: little magic mail center where you have scissors and crayons
Speaker 3: and markers, and we have even an already printable sheet
Speaker 3: with addresses on where you can send to different nonprofits
Speaker 3: that accept this beautiful artwork. So your kids can actually
Speaker 3: take their own artwork and their own time that they're
Speaker 3: already doing this and do something great with their beautiful artwork.
Speaker 3: It's not extra time for the family, but it's an
Speaker 3: opportunity to give back in a meaningful way that really
Speaker 3: really helps everyone. Kind of in the situation another great neighbor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, give me another one. Let's keep going.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure, neighborhoods stewardship is a good one. So
Speaker 3: kind of going outside with your family and having maybe
Speaker 3: a walk to the ice cream parlor or wherever you're going,
Speaker 3: and just taking some gloves and some bags and doing
Speaker 3: a little neighborhood cleanup right helpful for all of us,
Speaker 3: really makes you feel good. Simple project, you're already headed
Speaker 3: in that direction, and you're doing some really good work
Speaker 3: for the community. Simple and easy, very seamless, and kind
Speaker 3: of part of your daily life. So kind of adding
Speaker 3: to the things that already exist in your life to
Speaker 3: add a spin of kindness and a twist of giving back.
Speaker 3: Would you like some more.
Speaker 2: Awesome Well, let's pivot to more traditional volunteering because again,
Speaker 2: it is a bit of a barrier for a lot
Speaker 2: of families. I mean I've certainly done a number of
Speaker 2: volunteer projects, but the number that would allow small children
Speaker 2: there for various good reasons, right, I mean, whether there's
Speaker 2: equipment or whatever that you know they can't make sure
Speaker 2: that the kids are being watched, or something that just
Speaker 2: is very limited. I mean I imagine that discourages a
Speaker 2: lot of people from even trying.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I think that that is a huge barrier.
Speaker 3: And the thought that there's a lot of volunteer opportunities
Speaker 3: where kids are not invited makes you have to kind
Speaker 3: of get a babysitter and take extra time to go
Speaker 3: do that. So we try to take that out of
Speaker 3: the equation by curating those lists that really show different
Speaker 3: opportunities that families can do together where you can include
Speaker 3: your young children and you know, things like that include
Speaker 3: things like meal drop offs or baking lasagna together, or
Speaker 3: helping sometimes with food assembly. I know there are places
Speaker 3: here in Minnesota where that food assembly can be as
Speaker 3: young as five years old, and kids get that opportunity
Speaker 3: to kind of work together outside and create a great
Speaker 3: meal for lots of folks. We even have kind of
Speaker 3: adopted pantry sort of options. It's a great one too.
Speaker 3: This one's kind of a hybrid between at home and
Speaker 3: going out. But each time you go shopping, you know,
Speaker 3: bringing something that might be on a food list from
Speaker 3: a pantry that's close by to your house, so that
Speaker 3: you have that list printed because they really do need
Speaker 3: specific food for those pantries, So making that a time
Speaker 3: to call with your child and see what that list is,
Speaker 3: and that way you have it when you go food shopping,
Speaker 3: or when you do your order, intentionally putting an extra
Speaker 3: can or two in there so that you're filling up
Speaker 3: a bag to be able to build a relationship with
Speaker 3: a foodshelf. Going to nursing homes is a great one
Speaker 3: as well. Being able to bring kids with you can
Speaker 3: really be a cheerful kind of shift for folks that
Speaker 3: are really lonely and just a chance to just enjoy
Speaker 3: each other's company. When it's something like that, it's hard
Speaker 3: to tell whether you're really giving or receiving, right. I mean,
Speaker 3: it's such a beautiful friendship and kind of relationship that
Speaker 3: you can build with some of the elders in that
Speaker 3: community that it can be a really wonderful experience for
Speaker 3: folks together. Additionally, things like doing Valentines and creating a
Speaker 3: great party for your kids where they're creating valentines for
Speaker 3: a community to really brighten someone's day as a wonderful
Speaker 3: opportunity as well. So lots of different things exist, and
Speaker 3: our listings show tons of different opportunities, from environmental ones
Speaker 3: to working with animals, creating dog toys and cat toys
Speaker 3: and things like that for various communities. It just there's
Speaker 3: lots of different ways to contribute to just finding them,
Speaker 3: and we try to take the legwork out of that.
Speaker 2: And how would you recommend talking with kids about the
Speaker 2: financial part of giving back? You know that honestly, many
Speaker 2: people think of they're giving to the world both in
Speaker 2: terms of what they can do with their time but
Speaker 2: also with their money. And I know a lot of
Speaker 2: our listeners are generous donors to various places. But how
Speaker 2: should you start involving children in that?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I often give talks with philanthropic organizations
Speaker 3: and it's a great time to talk to kids about
Speaker 3: philanthropy because when you build a child right who is
Speaker 3: excited to give and excited to do kindness and can
Speaker 3: save a little bit, you're actually kind of building a
Speaker 3: better world in a sense because there's this opportunity for
Speaker 3: kids to understand that philanthropic giving, and studies show that
Speaker 3: it actually it takes a parent or a grandparent or
Speaker 3: I love caring person to kind of show that philanthropic
Speaker 3: kind of generosity. It creates someone who's actually going to
Speaker 3: be a philanthropist in the future. So one of the
Speaker 3: things that I like to do is to first talk
Speaker 3: to kids and say that you know, everyone at some
Speaker 3: point in their lives is going to need some help
Speaker 3: in some way. Right, at some point in our lives,
Speaker 3: we're all going to have a chance to be able
Speaker 3: to give in some way, right, So it's important to
Speaker 3: first know that we all need help at some point,
Speaker 3: and we're all going to give at some point. And
Speaker 3: I don't mean just money, right, like in a broad spectrum,
Speaker 3: but then to kind of narrow that down and to
Speaker 3: think a little bit about how we spend our money.
Speaker 3: So there's ways to kind of section off. When kids
Speaker 3: have some money that they might want to save, you
Speaker 3: can kind of take and put it in different categories
Speaker 3: so that this is spend and this is saved, and
Speaker 3: this is donate, right, So that's a great way to
Speaker 3: do to do that. But then I like to have
Speaker 3: the kids actually create a little giving box, something that
Speaker 3: can be an upcycled sort of little project, a box
Speaker 3: or a container of some kind, and make it really beautiful,
Speaker 3: and then work with your kids to figure out what
Speaker 3: is their passion because you know, we all like to
Speaker 3: give to various and different causes, right, we really want
Speaker 3: to focus on what's important to us, right, donors, adults,
Speaker 3: owners as well, and so trying to find your kid's passion.
Speaker 3: What is it that they're really passionate about. Are they
Speaker 3: passionate about helping kids? Are they passionate about helping elders,
Speaker 3: about the environment, about animals? Whatever it is? Right, and
Speaker 3: help them to figure out what that is, and that
Speaker 3: can be done through reading and talking with them and
Speaker 3: giving them some of the experiences, and then have them
Speaker 3: save their money in that little way to give back
Speaker 3: so that they're able to kind of take their change
Speaker 3: and make an impact in some way. So I think
Speaker 3: that's a really really simple and easy way for parents
Speaker 3: to kind of help.
Speaker 2: Awesome, Well, we're going to take one more quick ad
Speaker 2: break and we'll be back talking a little bit about bullying,
Speaker 2: which is another topic that is on a lot of
Speaker 2: people's minds. Well, I am back with Maya Lisa Miliaris,
Speaker 2: and we are talking all things doing good together, So
Speaker 2: my Lisa, maybe we can talk a little bit about
Speaker 2: bullying because that's obviously a topic that where the rubber
Speaker 2: hits the road when it comes to empathy. And maybe
Speaker 2: some tips for our listeners about how to talk with
Speaker 2: their kids about the topic, not so much that the
Speaker 2: kids are a bully themselves or are being bullied, but
Speaker 2: if they're aware of it happening, how they can help
Speaker 2: create an environment that's more supportive of everyone.
Speaker 3: Yeah. No, I think it's a really big topic right now,
Speaker 3: and I think conversation is really the key, and I
Speaker 3: think a good conversation is always grounded in literature. So
Speaker 3: I love the idea of reading books about bullying. And
Speaker 3: we have actually a great book list on bullying if
Speaker 3: you want to check it out to be able to
Speaker 3: kind of start that conversation because books are just such
Speaker 3: a natural, organic way to have a good conversation with kids.
Speaker 3: And then you can follow up that conversation with questions
Speaker 3: like have you ever felt excluded? How did it feel
Speaker 3: you know, have you ever noticed someone else who was excluded?
Speaker 3: Did you say anything to them to try to make
Speaker 3: them feel better? You know, how can we make others
Speaker 3: feel included? What does inclusion look like? Right? So getting
Speaker 3: them really thinking about the idea of exclusion, because we've
Speaker 3: all felt that at some point in our lives, right,
Speaker 3: at some point, kids, little kids can even identify with
Speaker 3: that at some point, right, And so being able to
Speaker 3: have that kind of identification and a conversation about that
Speaker 3: really helps to ground it in something that they know
Speaker 3: and be able to get them thinking about how kindness
Speaker 3: can make a difference. What can you do to be
Speaker 3: kind to someone else? How could you show kindness to
Speaker 3: someone who maybe is feeling excluded or is looking like
Speaker 3: they need a little bit of help. And then of
Speaker 3: course always talking to kids about the safety of talking
Speaker 3: to an adult as well, it is imperative in most cases,
Speaker 3: and bullying as well.
Speaker 2: Awesome, excellent tips. Well, we always end with a love
Speaker 2: of the week. So this is something that you are
Speaker 2: just personally enjoying right now. It is I'm sure it's
Speaker 2: becoming fall up there in the Twin Cities in Minnesota.
Speaker 2: I'm in Pennsylvania, so a little south from you, guys,
Speaker 2: but it's definitely beginning to be fall here. I was
Speaker 2: driving to the kids school this morning and saw just
Speaker 2: a little bit of color on the leaves. And so
Speaker 2: the weekend after we were recording this, we were actually
Speaker 2: going apple picking. And there's just something about apple picking
Speaker 2: that makes it feel like fall. So apple picking is
Speaker 2: my love of the week this week. So how about you.
Speaker 3: Oh, that's amazing. Actually, I've been into all things pumpkin
Speaker 3: because I kind of jump into October a little bit earlier.
Speaker 3: I love I love Halloween and pumpkins and all things pumpkin.
Speaker 3: So pumpkin anything, pumpkin lattes, pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin and bread.
Speaker 3: That's what you're gonna find at our house this week.
Speaker 3: So that's the thing of the week for me.
Speaker 2: Awesome, Awesome. My co host Sarah often does a Trader
Speaker 2: Joe's Pumpkin run in October where they just go and
Speaker 2: buy like everything pumpkin and Trader Joe's and try it
Speaker 2: all out and see how it goes. I don't know,
Speaker 2: there's gonna be like pumpkin samosas, pumpkin oreos. I don't
Speaker 2: even know. Theya.
Speaker 3: You can turn pumpkin into everything. I love it.
Speaker 2: You can do pumpkin and everything all right, Well, Mylei,
Speaker 2: so you could just tell us again, how can we
Speaker 2: find Doing Good Together or related resources for people maybe
Speaker 2: who aren't in the Minnesota area.
Speaker 3: Absolutely so, right on our website doing Good Together dot
Speaker 3: org is the best way to look at our resources,
Speaker 3: and we have tabs that are really simple and easy
Speaker 3: to use, so parenting with purpose, and volunteering and read
Speaker 3: with empathy. So find those tabs and click on it.
Speaker 3: You can sign up and get our newsletter. Most I
Speaker 3: see ninety five percent of our resources are free an online,
Speaker 3: and you can always become a member if you'd like
Speaker 3: as well.
Speaker 2: Awesome sounds great. Well, Mialisa, thank you so much for
Speaker 2: joining us.
Speaker 3: Thank you for having me really really grateful to be
Speaker 3: part of this conversation.
Speaker 2: Well, we are back. Lots of great tips from Miya
Speaker 2: Lisa about how you can raise children who care, kids
Speaker 2: who are empathetic both for the larger world, for their families,
Speaker 2: for their communities, for being involved with making sure other
Speaker 2: children feel included at school, all those wonderful things. So
Speaker 2: today's question is actually a version of a comment that
Speaker 2: was left on my blog, And this came after we
Speaker 2: had our seven year anniversary a best of both Worlds
Speaker 2: and talked about how we're trying to encourage people to
Speaker 2: believe that they can have the best of both worlds,
Speaker 2: that they can have a thriving and wonderful career, that
Speaker 2: they can have a happy family life, that there's no
Speaker 2: contradiction between these two. And then we had this comment
Speaker 2: from somebody who was broadly wanted that and was having
Speaker 2: some practical issues with that. So, Sarah, maybe you can
Speaker 2: read this slightly compressed version of the comment.
Speaker 1: Sure. So, this person writes, the one thing missing from
Speaker 1: today's segment on childcare is the acknowledgment of how hard
Speaker 1: it can be to find and that sometimes not having
Speaker 1: enough of it isn't due to lack of choice or guilt,
Speaker 1: but really just reality, Or isn't due to choice or guilt,
Speaker 1: but just the reality of not being able to find it.
Speaker 1: She writes, I'm fully embracing the need for childcare, but
Speaker 1: finding someone to take my money is really challenging, and
Speaker 1: quite frankly, is making me question whether I can have
Speaker 1: the best of both worlds. She writes that her schools
Speaker 1: before and aftercare opened with a wait list, so no
Speaker 1: new family's gotten in and this is their second year
Speaker 1: in a row for that to happen. She also posted
Speaker 1: for an after school babysitter in four Facebook groups, reached
Speaker 1: out to many many others, friends and family, et cetera,
Speaker 1: but could not find anyone. There are some local grandparents
Speaker 1: that can help, but not on a regular basis. So
Speaker 1: right now what they're doing as cobbling together some days
Speaker 1: with a neighbor. But it's very challenging due to kids'
Speaker 1: sports schedules, and the mental load of having to keep
Speaker 1: it all straight is a lot, and it's all falling
Speaker 1: on the person who wrote this comment. So she wrote
Speaker 1: this is to say that trying to figure all this
Speaker 1: out and maintain full time working hours as school starts
Speaker 1: has proven impossible. She wants it to be a success
Speaker 1: story of how we can make it all work, but
Speaker 1: right now it feels out of reach. Oh so so
Speaker 1: so hard.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I mean totally understand it is hard. It
Speaker 2: is hard. There is the logistics of getting childcare. I
Speaker 2: know that when we were looking for daycare before Jasper
Speaker 2: was born, I actually went and visited a couple places
Speaker 2: and got myself on the list when I was about
Speaker 2: four months pregnant so that he could go when he
Speaker 2: was three months old, and that was about the time
Speaker 2: frame that people were looking at to get spot, to
Speaker 2: get an infant spot in these places. Which the problem
Speaker 2: is then some people, some well meaning people, tell young
Speaker 2: women having their first baby, well, why don't you just
Speaker 2: wait and see how you feel like if you want
Speaker 2: to go back to work, And it's like, well, if
Speaker 2: you wait to see how you feel, if you feel
Speaker 2: like going back, you will not have a spot if
Speaker 2: you want, you know, daycare for young children, and so
Speaker 2: the choice is going to possibly be made for you.
Speaker 2: So that's not really great advice. This is not this
Speaker 2: particular listener's issue, but one thing we do always want
Speaker 2: people to check is to make sure that you are
Speaker 2: paying both a little bit above at least the going rate.
Speaker 2: So figure out what truly people are getting paid for
Speaker 2: nanny jobs in your area, and then make sure whatever
Speaker 2: you're offering is going to be a bit over that
Speaker 2: in order to get more people who are interested in
Speaker 2: because obviously some of this is just an economics issue
Speaker 2: that if you pay enough, you can almost always find somebody.
Speaker 2: The problem is the amount you might have to pay
Speaker 2: may make no sense for what this is if it's
Speaker 2: a certain sort of job market wherever you happen to be.
Speaker 2: So you know, we understand that this is this is complicated,
Speaker 2: and yeah, it's unfortunate. Sarah, what would your thoughts on this?
Speaker 1: I was just reflecting on how this must vary so
Speaker 1: much by community, and I feel bad that it sounds
Speaker 1: like there are pockets out there where there just are
Speaker 1: not solutions because where I happen to live, and I
Speaker 1: actually I can imagine this because even on like a
Speaker 1: micro level of communities like where we used to live,
Speaker 1: I don't think there are quite so many options. But
Speaker 1: like where we happen to be, there you could always
Speaker 1: do like the JCC has aftercare and the dance place
Speaker 1: has aftercare, and there's like there's such a market for it.
Speaker 1: And I guess two working parents is so common here
Speaker 1: and part of the culture that I think there's like
Speaker 1: been economics that have grown to support that even if
Speaker 1: you're not hiring an individual. And so the sad truth
Speaker 1: is that it may be very geographical and if you
Speaker 1: live somewhere where almost everyone has a very highly paid
Speaker 1: like full time nanny and there's usually only one person
Speaker 1: working in many families. I could see how maybe you
Speaker 1: wouldn't have the growth of these kind of industries and
Speaker 1: then you're stuck. Or it's sort of like just the
Speaker 1: community's grown very very fast and the area hasn't been
Speaker 1: able to keep up with that kind of demand. Because
Speaker 1: you said there is a program, and yet it's sold
Speaker 1: out in like two seconds.
Speaker 2: So this is so, so, so hard.
Speaker 1: And I'm hoping that with creativity you'll be able to
Speaker 1: come up with some ideas I agree with, like making
Speaker 1: it a really really attractive place to work, not even
Speaker 1: just the going rate, but what you're offering for vacation
Speaker 1: time and benefits, and like maybe if you only need
Speaker 1: someone for X hours, but you're willing to pay for
Speaker 1: why hours that a little bit higher number that might
Speaker 1: be helpful. And then even thinking about whether if there
Speaker 1: are a lot of other peop people in the same boat,
Speaker 1: could people get together and create some kind of group situation.
Speaker 1: But all this is like a lot of work, and
Speaker 1: I just want to acknowledge that this does totally suck.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like in my family, I do a
Speaker 2: lot of the management of childcare providers and such, and
Speaker 2: I don't think my husband understands the amount of effort
Speaker 2: and time I put into making sure that everyone is
Speaker 2: happy so we can keep people for years and years.
Speaker 2: But it is definitely still something that has to get
Speaker 2: done and it is work, and we yes, definitely want
Speaker 2: to acknowledge that and also just want to have school districts.
Speaker 2: You know, we often warn people that school is not childcare,
Speaker 2: you know, on this program, like it's not set up
Speaker 2: to be that, and that's what people are sometimes surprised
Speaker 2: that it doesn't match working hours, and some districts feel
Speaker 2: no obligation to do anything about the fact that working
Speaker 2: hours are different from what their school is offering. But
Speaker 2: I would hope that people who are presum in the
Speaker 2: business to serve children would be doing their best to
Speaker 2: get the funding to establish you know, or working with
Speaker 2: contractors to establish more before and after care programs and
Speaker 2: to offer more slots in order to meet the demand
Speaker 2: of the ones of the kids who are there. Because yeah,
Speaker 2: this is a problem a lot of people have, and
Speaker 2: it's there needs to be the industry of solutions and
Speaker 2: ideally lots of options. As Sarah was saying, like you
Speaker 2: could go to the JCC, you could go to the y,
Speaker 2: you could go to maybe a church offers something. Maybe
Speaker 2: you know there's a gym near you that has an
Speaker 2: aftercare program or whatever, or that there's two different things
Speaker 2: that are going on at school, and so you could
Speaker 2: choose an after school club track or just a more
Speaker 2: of an everyday games and stuff track. That's what it
Speaker 2: should look like, and I'm very sorry that in your
Speaker 2: community it doesn't. So we're giving a real empathy and
Speaker 2: we hear you. We hear you, and we hope you
Speaker 2: come up with a solution. Just I would say one
Speaker 2: upside is eventually the kids are older, you know, and
Speaker 2: this becomes less of an issue. For kids who are
Speaker 2: say twelve and older. Often there are more activities after school,
Speaker 2: like at the middle school level, so they could go
Speaker 2: join us sport and stay after every day till four
Speaker 2: forty five and take the activity bus home, and then
Speaker 2: you no longer have that issue and they can stay
Speaker 2: by themselves too, so you do aid age out of it. Eventually,
Speaker 2: Fingers crossed you find a solution that works all right.
Speaker 1: Well, hopefully we offered some soul as to that complicated question.
Speaker 1: Thank you for sending that in. We love hearing your
Speaker 1: honest thoughts, so keep them coming.
Speaker 2: And this has been best of both worlds. We'll be
Speaker 2: back next week with more on making work and life
Speaker 2: fit together.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the
Speaker 1: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram,
Speaker 1: and you can.
Speaker 2: Find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has
Speaker 2: been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us
Speaker 2: next time for more on making work and life work together.
Speaker 2: Op