Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless. The production of our Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effects oh Ship were back on the air.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to yet another carefully Reckless session with your
Speaker 1: girl just hilarious. Now listen. I took a week off
Speaker 1: because between the holidays and everything else I had going on,
Speaker 1: I just launched a new business, Messy I Wear. It
Speaker 1: is my my own optical line. I'm selling glasses frames.
Speaker 1: I just added some shades to my inventory. Like, it's
Speaker 1: a lot going on. I know, if anybody can understand,
Speaker 1: all of you hard workers out there who listen to
Speaker 1: me on your way to work, do understand or when
Speaker 1: you wait home from work, you know. So I just
Speaker 1: had to take the time to explain to you guys,
Speaker 1: because I don't want to leave y'all in the dark. Now.
Speaker 1: As y'all know, I just recently closed on in a
Speaker 1: state that's a huge home in Maryland, where I still am.
Speaker 1: So I wanted to do things given, and I've never
Speaker 1: ever hosted for things given like cooked everything, serve clean.
Speaker 1: Like I've never you know, entertained and had games and
Speaker 1: all that, you know, fun and all that type of stuff.
Speaker 1: I've never been a head of something like that. And
Speaker 1: I actually did it, and I loved it. My parents came,
Speaker 1: my cousin, my son's dad, my best friend. Like I
Speaker 1: had my family there and there was no negative vibes. Listen,
Speaker 1: I didn't even get on Instagram for Thanksgiving. I took
Speaker 1: a break not only from carefully Reckless, but from social's period.
Speaker 1: So you know, I got a lot of work to
Speaker 1: catch up on. And I do want to say first
Speaker 1: and foremost that I am sorry that I left y'all hanging,
Speaker 1: but it was for a good reason. So we're gonna
Speaker 1: jump right in because I'm back to fix and mess.
Speaker 1: This person wants to stay anonymous. Dug. Now she gets
Speaker 1: straight down the business. She didn't introduce herself. She didn't
Speaker 1: tell me what the ship was gonna be about. She
Speaker 1: don't have no intro. This is where it starts off.
Speaker 1: I swear to God. Fast forward. Everything was going great.
Speaker 1: We had sex. Then weeks later he texted me out
Speaker 1: the blue saying this isn't going to work. I was
Speaker 1: devastated because I really liked him and could see us
Speaker 1: together long term. Shortly after we stopped talking, I found
Speaker 1: out I was pregnant. I reached out to him immediately
Speaker 1: to let him know we struggled with deciding to keep
Speaker 1: the baby or not. In the end, we kept our son,
Speaker 1: best decision we could have made. But then he throws
Speaker 1: a bombshall let me, letting me know that he has
Speaker 1: someone else pregnant as well and was sleeping with her
Speaker 1: during the same time we were dating. Unfortunately, she ended
Speaker 1: up having a miscarriage. I actually recently just had our son.
Speaker 1: I contemplated on truly telling him how I feel because
Speaker 1: I want us to be a family, and he showed
Speaker 1: signs that he does too. He thinks if we get
Speaker 1: together it would only be for the kid, because he
Speaker 1: is there for my daughter as well, but I don't
Speaker 1: think so. My feelings for him never went away. He
Speaker 1: then tells me after our son was born that when
Speaker 1: our son was two weeks old, that he was dating
Speaker 1: his ex again. But they're not together now, but he
Speaker 1: acts like he wants to be a family with me
Speaker 1: and the kids. Should out let it go or move on? Okay, well,
Speaker 1: I think it's quite simple. Sometimes I feel like y'all
Speaker 1: just have to hear me read y'all ship back to y'all,
Speaker 1: because listening to this, what the hell do you think
Speaker 1: you should do girl. Now, if a man is just
Speaker 1: showing signs that he wants a family, if he's just
Speaker 1: just mind you keyword. Just if he's just a k
Speaker 1: A only showing you signs and not voicing it verbally
Speaker 1: that he wants to be with you and he wants
Speaker 1: to be a family, then that's not really what he wants.
Speaker 1: See a person, not even only a man, a person,
Speaker 1: a right man and woman. When we want something, we
Speaker 1: get it no matter what. And if we want it
Speaker 1: bad enough, we speak it into existence. We we long
Speaker 1: for it, we crave it, we make time for it.
Speaker 1: It's not an option, it's literally a priority. So you
Speaker 1: would know if that's what he wants. You seem very
Speaker 1: unsure when you speak about what he wants, but you
Speaker 1: are certain when you speak about what you want. Now,
Speaker 1: I have a couple of questions for you, and you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to come back and write me because I'm
Speaker 1: a little confused. You say, when you first started the story,
Speaker 1: fast forward everything. But see you can't fast forward because
Speaker 1: I don't know how long you guys been dating. Because
Speaker 1: if I'm just going off of what you said, you
Speaker 1: kind of caught feelings a little quickly and that's probably
Speaker 1: because you guys were having unprotected sex. People don't understand
Speaker 1: there's a release of energy and hormones that you swap
Speaker 1: that goes out of a woman into a man and
Speaker 1: vice versa. When you have unprotected sex, you're attaching yourself. Okay,
Speaker 1: men can do this far better than women can. Women
Speaker 1: you have sex with a condom, okay, it may be
Speaker 1: a little easier to detach yourself, but sex is very personal,
Speaker 1: very sensual. It's mental and more emotional for women than
Speaker 1: it is for men most of the time. So you're
Speaker 1: attaching yourself to him. And you didn't tell me how
Speaker 1: long you guys have been together and tell me where
Speaker 1: you met. You didn't tell me anything. So now I
Speaker 1: don't know any red flags other than the fact that
Speaker 1: after y'all had sex, not too long after did he
Speaker 1: tell you that y'all made me to break that's because
Speaker 1: he was probably cheating on somebody with you. He was
Speaker 1: dealing with you, but there was someone before. You trust
Speaker 1: me because you then later find out after you had
Speaker 1: just something that he was actually involved with his ex
Speaker 1: and even after your son was born, so he had
Speaker 1: lied about it. He had eventually come clean. But I
Speaker 1: think you should let it go because this is a
Speaker 1: back and forth thing. You don't want this to be
Speaker 1: a Tara Mina and Peter situation. You don't want that.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys are familiar with loving
Speaker 1: hip hop New York, but Amina, Tara and Peter was
Speaker 1: like a love triangle. You know. He had babies with Tara,
Speaker 1: and then he would go back and forth. He married
Speaker 1: this new girl name Amina without Tara's knowledge of knowing anything,
Speaker 1: but he was supposedly still in a relationship with Tara.
Speaker 1: I want to go marry someone, got her pregnant, then
Speaker 1: goes back to Tara when him and Amina ain't doing good,
Speaker 1: or when they are doing good. He's just having his
Speaker 1: cake and eating it too. He's bouncing between two women
Speaker 1: but getting them pregnant each time. So I think they
Speaker 1: each have like three kids. No, I mean it has
Speaker 1: two kids by him and Tara has three or four.
Speaker 1: I think Tara has because she had to to begin
Speaker 1: with by him. You know, either way, you don't want
Speaker 1: that type of situation. All three of them are doing
Speaker 1: way better now and I love all three of them,
Speaker 1: by the way, but you don't want to be caught
Speaker 1: in a situation like that, because as long as a
Speaker 1: man is able to be on and off in your life,
Speaker 1: he will. That's not something he'll ever cut off. You
Speaker 1: have to do it, and I think what he said
Speaker 1: is right. He said he thinks if you guys got together,
Speaker 1: it would only be for the kids, because he is
Speaker 1: there for your daughter as well, which is good. That's
Speaker 1: good that he's a stand up guy. And he also
Speaker 1: accepted your package along with you. But that doesn't mean
Speaker 1: you have to accept his baggage along with him. He's
Speaker 1: not gonna leave his ex alone. I feel that they
Speaker 1: are bonded in another way because they miscarry their baby.
Speaker 1: That's not an easy pill to swallow. That's very hard,
Speaker 1: you know, and I don't know the circumstances. You didn't
Speaker 1: really tell me everything, but I do know that this
Speaker 1: does not look good for you if you proceed to
Speaker 1: pursue this as a relationship. He's already telling you everything
Speaker 1: you need to know. It doesn't matter about the signs
Speaker 1: that he shows. I mean, that's just good sex. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's that's because you know he has you right there
Speaker 1: for whenever. But I think you should check back in
Speaker 1: with me and let me know how it goes. I
Speaker 1: think it needs to pay attention to red flags and signs.
Speaker 1: I think you're so busy wanting that family dynamics so
Speaker 1: bad that you're you're turning a blind eye to everything
Speaker 1: else that he's doing. You know what I'm saying. You're
Speaker 1: making it out not to be that bad, and it
Speaker 1: will end miserably for you if you keep yourself in this.
Speaker 1: You know, so check back in with me, let me know,
Speaker 1: give me a little bit more clarity on the back
Speaker 1: story of you and your man or whatever he is,
Speaker 1: her man, y'all, man whatever, let me know. Now we
Speaker 1: got a commercial, and if you click off of this podcast,
Speaker 1: I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. Moving on, Hey, Joss,
Speaker 1: I've been celibate kind of by choice for almost a
Speaker 1: year now, and this ship is difficult. I have a
Speaker 1: baby daddy that I would like to use for the
Speaker 1: parallel tango, but we ended things rocky. We had a
Speaker 1: very hostile, very volatile relationship at times. So that kind
Speaker 1: of makes me think twice on the fun buddy situation.
Speaker 1: So should I just keep on waiting for the one
Speaker 1: to come along? Or should I just get my rocks
Speaker 1: off with baby daddy. It's too much stuff going around
Speaker 1: these days, so that's why I want to stick to
Speaker 1: someone I know. And it's hard being celibate, especially when
Speaker 1: I'm ovulating. I hate being a woman sometimes. Also, even
Speaker 1: though we ended things rocky, we're still cool with each other.
Speaker 1: Please help me figure this out. Thank you, and then
Speaker 1: she sent another message. Sorry, last thing though, don't have
Speaker 1: to be included with the mess unless you want. But
Speaker 1: on your last episode of Fix My Mess, the girl
Speaker 1: with the inconsistent baby daddy sounds a lot like mine.
Speaker 1: Like to the t, could you ask her if his
Speaker 1: name is Corey because he never told me about having
Speaker 1: another child or baby mother. I'm trying to see something.
Speaker 1: Thank you in advance, girl, No, girl, I ain't asking
Speaker 1: how that that is so funny. Let's get back to
Speaker 1: your mess and then we'll address Corey and them. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you have a baby daddy that you do but
Speaker 1: you don't want to jump back in bed with because
Speaker 1: y'all have y'all had a toxic ending, a rocky ending.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't call a toxic because y'all had a rocky ending. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if you guys had a rocky ending.
Speaker 1: How are you guys with co parenting because you say
Speaker 1: y'all are still cool and all that. But if you'll
Speaker 1: cool with each other but not cool enough to have
Speaker 1: sex every now and then, that means it ended on
Speaker 1: some infidelity type ship. That means it ended where you
Speaker 1: can't trust Tim, but you know him so you're most
Speaker 1: comfortable with him. There are a lot of things going
Speaker 1: out here these days, and your baby father could be
Speaker 1: one of the carriers or what the fun is going
Speaker 1: on out here. You never know because you haven't had
Speaker 1: sex with him in a year, So that's kind of
Speaker 1: like having sex with someone new too. I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: you don't know everyone that he sleeps with. You don't
Speaker 1: know everything that he does, and he don't know your
Speaker 1: every move either. I know, being celebrate as hard. I
Speaker 1: actually did it for eleven months one time. It is hard,
Speaker 1: but that's when I introduced myself to toys. Now, if
Speaker 1: you're not one of those women who don't enjoy self pleasure,
Speaker 1: you know um and you know we got all types
Speaker 1: of toys, bullets, roses, all types of goddamn toys out here.
Speaker 1: If you don't like to partake in that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: I do understand there was a time that I wasn't
Speaker 1: comfortable to play with a toy either because I didn't
Speaker 1: know where my own spot was. I didn't know like
Speaker 1: what spots the hit. I thought that I needed a
Speaker 1: man to sexually satisfy me. I really was under that
Speaker 1: impression that a toy could never do that, because that
Speaker 1: before you get introduced to toys, you're like who sucks themselves?
Speaker 1: Like who who literally takes enjoyment and pleasuring themselves? But
Speaker 1: if you don't know how, then I get it. If
Speaker 1: you feel like you're ready to break your celibacy, then
Speaker 1: do so. I will not hold you to the chains
Speaker 1: of celibacy if that's something that you want. You know
Speaker 1: now you are a woman, and yes we do have
Speaker 1: needs just like men. But just like you're back and
Speaker 1: forth in your mind about sucking your baby daddy, that
Speaker 1: would be anybody that you would meet. You can jump
Speaker 1: on a dating site, meet somebody, you can start going
Speaker 1: out meeting people ship like that. I would take my chances.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna let you know what I would do
Speaker 1: because I don't have really a concrete answer for you
Speaker 1: because it's something you ain't telling me about you. That
Speaker 1: baby daddy. But this is what I would do. I
Speaker 1: would meet someone new and let them know up front
Speaker 1: what I want, you know, and then however it goes
Speaker 1: is however it goes. I remember doing that with my
Speaker 1: last relationship. I only wanted sex from Daniel. That was,
Speaker 1: you know, my most recent relationship. I only want a
Speaker 1: sex woman. Then I fell in love with his dass
Speaker 1: like you know what I'm saying. But I was up
Speaker 1: front with what I wanted and so was he. We
Speaker 1: both never really wanted a relationship from the jump. That's
Speaker 1: just something that we developed as we went along to
Speaker 1: get to know each other as friends, and as two
Speaker 1: friends that was having sex two people that were having
Speaker 1: sex every now and then, well a little bit more
Speaker 1: than every now and then, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So I think it's worth giving it a shot meeting
Speaker 1: somebody new. Now. If you don't feel like doing that work,
Speaker 1: then that's fine because you do have to get to
Speaker 1: know anybody that you lay down with. Yes, these days,
Speaker 1: back in the days, in the future days, whatever, I
Speaker 1: don't really think that anybody should go around just having
Speaker 1: sex with people that they don't know. However, like I said, girl,
Speaker 1: you don't know what the funk your baby daddy been into.
Speaker 1: And I also understand that there are a lot of
Speaker 1: things going around out here, but there are also a
Speaker 1: lot of condoms still being sold too, unless you just
Speaker 1: ain't one of them. I advise you to protect yourself
Speaker 1: whatever you do. And then if you really don't have
Speaker 1: no real intention on ever opening that door with you
Speaker 1: on your baby daddy again, I wouldn't do that anyway.
Speaker 1: I would stay away from that because then that prohibits
Speaker 1: both of you from future relationships outside of each other.
Speaker 1: You're always gonna start having these feelings come back because
Speaker 1: you're all about to start being intimate again. You can
Speaker 1: get pregnant again because obviously you don't like condoms all
Speaker 1: right now, I'm I'm joking, but you gotta really really
Speaker 1: sit and think about it. Is it worth me laying
Speaker 1: down with Corey again. Well, he suspect that we're trying
Speaker 1: to get back together, Well, that then open the door
Speaker 1: for me to have all these feelings to come back.
Speaker 1: You have to think and be careful about that. Anyway,
Speaker 1: check back in with me, girl, But I'll check on
Speaker 1: that Corey situation. I'll reach out to the girl and
Speaker 1: I'll let you know have a good day. Hold up,
Speaker 1: Hold up, I know the ship getting good, But listen
Speaker 1: to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If
Speaker 1: you love me, you'll listen. Moving on to the last one. Hey, Jess,
Speaker 1: I need you to fix my mess. So have an
Speaker 1: X that will just call A. We dated for about
Speaker 1: a year and a half back in twenty nineteen. We
Speaker 1: broke up mostly because we grew apart. However, at that
Speaker 1: time I started having an emotional relationship with someone else,
Speaker 1: and he was also texting a previous ex of his.
Speaker 1: Despite the situation, we did end on good terms and
Speaker 1: have remained friends, even casually hooking up here and there.
Speaker 1: Here is where it gets messy. My ex a has
Speaker 1: a girlfriend. He started dating her a couple of months
Speaker 1: after we ended things. I'm not proud to say we
Speaker 1: have hooked up several times during their relationship, and recently
Speaker 1: he messaged me telling me that he misses me, he
Speaker 1: misses our relationship and wants to spend time with me,
Speaker 1: not just sexually. When we were together, he was going
Speaker 1: through a very rough time and I stuck with him
Speaker 1: through it all. I never stopped loving him, and I
Speaker 1: believe the feeling is mutual. However, I recently started dating
Speaker 1: someone who I really enjoyed spending time with and he
Speaker 1: treats me like nobody ever. Has Not to say my
Speaker 1: ex treated me bad because he didn't, but our relationship
Speaker 1: wasn't perfect. Also, from the first date, it was like
Speaker 1: we instantly clicked. So what do I do? Just do
Speaker 1: I talk to my ex to see how serious he
Speaker 1: is and where he sees things going? Or just move
Speaker 1: on with my new boo? Who will call D And
Speaker 1: I also forgot to add the mess. My male best
Speaker 1: friend of about twenty years recently expressed to me and
Speaker 1: my father that he has feelings for me, and I
Speaker 1: can't say I don't feel the same. But he also
Speaker 1: explained that he's scared to ruin our friendship, which I
Speaker 1: am too. However, I find him very attractive and we
Speaker 1: have shared explicit photos and videos with each other and
Speaker 1: still talk frequently to this day. Girl, you a goddamn busybody. Okay,
Speaker 1: First of all, you're not even in the love triangle? Baby?
Speaker 1: You in the love square? How is you? And three
Speaker 1: niggas all right? Now? Wait a minute, I got to
Speaker 1: go one nigga at a time. I can't be Jesus
Speaker 1: christ All right, let's start from the beginning. So your
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend A, y'all were together. I get that, and
Speaker 1: y'all dated for a year and a half. You saying
Speaker 1: y'all broke up because y'all grew apart. But before y'all
Speaker 1: broke up, y'all both were talking to other people. He
Speaker 1: was talking to an X and you just started talking
Speaker 1: to somebody that you had been interested in. So y'all
Speaker 1: ended up breaking up, like you said, but on good terms.
Speaker 1: He got in a relationship with somebody, and then you
Speaker 1: got in a relationship with somebody. But y'all still both
Speaker 1: cheat on your partners with each other. Let me tell
Speaker 1: you why that is, because nobody can just get over
Speaker 1: someone that easily. Now, you were there for him, he
Speaker 1: was going through a dark time. You never stopped loving him,
Speaker 1: so y'all shared a different type of bond. Okay, So
Speaker 1: I imagine he doesn't have anybody else who's ever done
Speaker 1: that for him. I may be wrong, but he'll always
Speaker 1: have a special place in his heart for you because
Speaker 1: you were there when he was down and he was
Speaker 1: going through that rough and dark time. And people do
Speaker 1: need those type of people. You need friends, you need family.
Speaker 1: You need support when you're going through times like that,
Speaker 1: and you obviously ever left him filling down, you always
Speaker 1: were there. That's something he'll never forget. So that's why
Speaker 1: no matter who he's with, he'll always cheat with you
Speaker 1: no matter what. Okay, now, you now you do know
Speaker 1: what you reap is what you saw. And you said
Speaker 1: that you knew that he had a girlfriend, yet you
Speaker 1: were still sleeping with him. But y'all were cheating on
Speaker 1: each other when you are were with each other. So
Speaker 1: y'all just a bunch of damn cheatas anyway. So I
Speaker 1: ain't gotta give you no advice on that, because girl,
Speaker 1: you all over the place. Then you got a damn
Speaker 1: best friend that came out to goddamn what work and
Speaker 1: told you and your dad that he loved you, and
Speaker 1: you said, I can't say I don't feel the same. Well,
Speaker 1: how the hell do you feel the same about him
Speaker 1: that he felt about you? But you're debating on leaving
Speaker 1: the nigger that you with right now for your ex a.
Speaker 1: I can't keep up with you. Now, You've got to
Speaker 1: stop this now. The question is what do you want?
Speaker 1: Are you ready to settle down and be in a
Speaker 1: relationship are you? Are you ready? And even when you
Speaker 1: do get in the relationship up and settle down, are
Speaker 1: you still gonna cheat with A or anybody? Or be? Be?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give best friend be because you know that's
Speaker 1: best friend because I'm pretty sure D don't know that
Speaker 1: you're cheating on him with A, and I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: they don't know that you really secretly in love would be.
Speaker 1: You need to really self internalize everything. You need to
Speaker 1: just sit and think about what it is that you
Speaker 1: really want. Are you even ready to be in a relationship.
Speaker 1: That's why people have to stop thinking that love is
Speaker 1: just a game. Okay, you have to stop thinking that.
Speaker 1: And you may not even realize that's how you treat it,
Speaker 1: but you're treating this like a game, almost, baby, This
Speaker 1: is like a competition. And there's three different guys on
Speaker 1: the line who obviously all three of them love you,
Speaker 1: and you love all three of them, you know, but
Speaker 1: you need to really really figure out what it is
Speaker 1: that you want so you can be in the right
Speaker 1: mind when you choose the right one. Okay, girl, check
Speaker 1: back in because you're a busy body, all right, And
Speaker 1: just like that, we come to the end of yet
Speaker 1: another Carefully Reckless Just Fix My mess session. It's been good.
Speaker 1: Tune in each and every Wednesday, and then my deepest
Speaker 1: pam boys peace h H. Carefully Reckless is a production
Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more
Speaker 1: podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app,
Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.