WEBVTT - Sex, My Ex & Babies 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.119 Welcome to Carefully Reckless. The production of our Heart Radio 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:16.320 and the Black Effects oh Ship were back on the air. 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:19.200 Welcome back to yet another carefully Reckless session with your 0:00:19.239 --> 0:00:21.759 girl just hilarious. Now listen. I took a week off 0:00:22.040 --> 0:00:26.560 because between the holidays and everything else I had going on, 0:00:27.240 --> 0:00:30.319 I just launched a new business, Messy I Wear. It 0:00:30.520 --> 0:00:33.879 is my my own optical line. I'm selling glasses frames. 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:37.240 I just added some shades to my inventory. Like, it's 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:39.800 a lot going on. I know, if anybody can understand, 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:41.839 all of you hard workers out there who listen to 0:00:41.880 --> 0:00:44.479 me on your way to work, do understand or when 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:46.280 you wait home from work, you know. So I just 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:49.360 had to take the time to explain to you guys, 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:51.640 because I don't want to leave y'all in the dark. Now. 0:00:52.240 --> 0:00:54.720 As y'all know, I just recently closed on in a 0:00:54.880 --> 0:00:59.280 state that's a huge home in Maryland, where I still am. 0:01:00.160 --> 0:01:03.600 So I wanted to do things given, and I've never 0:01:03.640 --> 0:01:07.600 ever hosted for things given like cooked everything, serve clean. 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:11.959 Like I've never you know, entertained and had games and 0:01:12.000 --> 0:01:14.119 all that, you know, fun and all that type of stuff. 0:01:14.240 --> 0:01:17.320 I've never been a head of something like that. And 0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:20.280 I actually did it, and I loved it. My parents came, 0:01:20.360 --> 0:01:23.720 my cousin, my son's dad, my best friend. Like I 0:01:23.800 --> 0:01:26.520 had my family there and there was no negative vibes. Listen, 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:29.680 I didn't even get on Instagram for Thanksgiving. I took 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:33.959 a break not only from carefully Reckless, but from social's period. 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:36.240 So you know, I got a lot of work to 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:39.000 catch up on. And I do want to say first 0:01:39.040 --> 0:01:41.320 and foremost that I am sorry that I left y'all hanging, 0:01:41.360 --> 0:01:43.039 but it was for a good reason. So we're gonna 0:01:43.080 --> 0:01:45.119 jump right in because I'm back to fix and mess. 0:01:45.480 --> 0:01:48.520 This person wants to stay anonymous. Dug. Now she gets 0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:51.280 straight down the business. She didn't introduce herself. She didn't 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:53.080 tell me what the ship was gonna be about. She 0:01:53.120 --> 0:01:55.080 don't have no intro. This is where it starts off. 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:58.480 I swear to God. Fast forward. Everything was going great. 0:01:58.520 --> 0:02:01.640 We had sex. Then weeks later he texted me out 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:04.600 the blue saying this isn't going to work. I was 0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:06.960 devastated because I really liked him and could see us 0:02:07.000 --> 0:02:09.960 together long term. Shortly after we stopped talking, I found 0:02:09.960 --> 0:02:12.320 out I was pregnant. I reached out to him immediately 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:15.200 to let him know we struggled with deciding to keep 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:17.280 the baby or not. In the end, we kept our son, 0:02:17.639 --> 0:02:20.760 best decision we could have made. But then he throws 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:22.760 a bombshall let me, letting me know that he has 0:02:22.840 --> 0:02:25.600 someone else pregnant as well and was sleeping with her 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:29.880 during the same time we were dating. Unfortunately, she ended 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:33.560 up having a miscarriage. I actually recently just had our son. 0:02:34.000 --> 0:02:36.800 I contemplated on truly telling him how I feel because 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:39.080 I want us to be a family, and he showed 0:02:39.080 --> 0:02:41.840 signs that he does too. He thinks if we get 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:44.120 together it would only be for the kid, because he 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:46.360 is there for my daughter as well, but I don't 0:02:46.360 --> 0:02:48.840 think so. My feelings for him never went away. He 0:02:48.919 --> 0:02:51.200 then tells me after our son was born that when 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:53.840 our son was two weeks old, that he was dating 0:02:53.880 --> 0:02:57.120 his ex again. But they're not together now, but he 0:02:57.160 --> 0:02:58.920 acts like he wants to be a family with me 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:02.440 and the kids. Should out let it go or move on? Okay, well, 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:05.120 I think it's quite simple. Sometimes I feel like y'all 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:09.280 just have to hear me read y'all ship back to y'all, 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:12.399 because listening to this, what the hell do you think 0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:15.360 you should do girl. Now, if a man is just 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:20.119 showing signs that he wants a family, if he's just 0:03:20.120 --> 0:03:24.280 just mind you keyword. Just if he's just a k 0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:27.960 A only showing you signs and not voicing it verbally 0:03:28.040 --> 0:03:29.440 that he wants to be with you and he wants 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:32.200 to be a family, then that's not really what he wants. 0:03:32.680 --> 0:03:35.000 See a person, not even only a man, a person, 0:03:35.280 --> 0:03:38.160 a right man and woman. When we want something, we 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:40.960 get it no matter what. And if we want it 0:03:41.000 --> 0:03:44.080 bad enough, we speak it into existence. We we long 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:46.320 for it, we crave it, we make time for it. 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:51.120 It's not an option, it's literally a priority. So you 0:03:51.160 --> 0:03:54.040 would know if that's what he wants. You seem very 0:03:54.120 --> 0:03:58.080 unsure when you speak about what he wants, but you 0:03:58.120 --> 0:04:01.360 are certain when you speak about what you want. Now, 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:03.160 I have a couple of questions for you, and you're 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:05.080 gonna have to come back and write me because I'm 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:08.800 a little confused. You say, when you first started the story, 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:12.400 fast forward everything. But see you can't fast forward because 0:04:12.440 --> 0:04:15.160 I don't know how long you guys been dating. Because 0:04:15.760 --> 0:04:17.200 if I'm just going off of what you said, you 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:19.480 kind of caught feelings a little quickly and that's probably 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:23.960 because you guys were having unprotected sex. People don't understand 0:04:24.720 --> 0:04:28.080 there's a release of energy and hormones that you swap 0:04:28.920 --> 0:04:32.360 that goes out of a woman into a man and 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:37.760 vice versa. When you have unprotected sex, you're attaching yourself. Okay, 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:42.359 men can do this far better than women can. Women 0:04:43.080 --> 0:04:44.920 you have sex with a condom, okay, it may be 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:49.080 a little easier to detach yourself, but sex is very personal, 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:53.320 very sensual. It's mental and more emotional for women than 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:56.120 it is for men most of the time. So you're 0:04:56.160 --> 0:04:58.760 attaching yourself to him. And you didn't tell me how 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:00.520 long you guys have been together and tell me where 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:02.360 you met. You didn't tell me anything. So now I 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:04.680 don't know any red flags other than the fact that 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:08.080 after y'all had sex, not too long after did he 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:10.920 tell you that y'all made me to break that's because 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:14.479 he was probably cheating on somebody with you. He was 0:05:14.520 --> 0:05:17.279 dealing with you, but there was someone before. You trust 0:05:17.320 --> 0:05:20.120 me because you then later find out after you had 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:22.359 just something that he was actually involved with his ex 0:05:22.920 --> 0:05:25.520 and even after your son was born, so he had 0:05:25.520 --> 0:05:28.919 lied about it. He had eventually come clean. But I 0:05:28.960 --> 0:05:30.840 think you should let it go because this is a 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:32.680 back and forth thing. You don't want this to be 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:36.520 a Tara Mina and Peter situation. You don't want that. 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:38.680 I don't know if you guys are familiar with loving 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:42.720 hip hop New York, but Amina, Tara and Peter was 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:46.600 like a love triangle. You know. He had babies with Tara, 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:48.839 and then he would go back and forth. He married 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:52.400 this new girl name Amina without Tara's knowledge of knowing anything, 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:54.800 but he was supposedly still in a relationship with Tara. 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:58.760 I want to go marry someone, got her pregnant, then 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:01.560 goes back to Tara when him and Amina ain't doing good, 0:06:01.680 --> 0:06:04.000 or when they are doing good. He's just having his 0:06:04.040 --> 0:06:06.960 cake and eating it too. He's bouncing between two women 0:06:07.279 --> 0:06:09.680 but getting them pregnant each time. So I think they 0:06:09.680 --> 0:06:12.200 each have like three kids. No, I mean it has 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:15.920 two kids by him and Tara has three or four. 0:06:16.000 --> 0:06:18.000 I think Tara has because she had to to begin 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:21.320 with by him. You know, either way, you don't want 0:06:21.360 --> 0:06:23.920 that type of situation. All three of them are doing 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:25.560 way better now and I love all three of them, 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:28.200 by the way, but you don't want to be caught 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:31.359 in a situation like that, because as long as a 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:34.520 man is able to be on and off in your life, 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:38.360 he will. That's not something he'll ever cut off. You 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:41.280 have to do it, and I think what he said 0:06:41.400 --> 0:06:44.760 is right. He said he thinks if you guys got together, 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:47.200 it would only be for the kids, because he is 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:49.240 there for your daughter as well, which is good. That's 0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:51.159 good that he's a stand up guy. And he also 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:54.640 accepted your package along with you. But that doesn't mean 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:57.479 you have to accept his baggage along with him. He's 0:06:57.520 --> 0:06:59.919 not gonna leave his ex alone. I feel that they 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:04.000 are bonded in another way because they miscarry their baby. 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:07.039 That's not an easy pill to swallow. That's very hard, 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:10.160 you know, and I don't know the circumstances. You didn't 0:07:10.160 --> 0:07:12.720 really tell me everything, but I do know that this 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:16.560 does not look good for you if you proceed to 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:19.840 pursue this as a relationship. He's already telling you everything 0:07:19.880 --> 0:07:22.320 you need to know. It doesn't matter about the signs 0:07:22.400 --> 0:07:24.840 that he shows. I mean, that's just good sex. I mean, 0:07:24.880 --> 0:07:26.680 that's that's because you know he has you right there 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:31.360 for whenever. But I think you should check back in 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:33.960 with me and let me know how it goes. I 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:36.680 think it needs to pay attention to red flags and signs. 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:40.640 I think you're so busy wanting that family dynamics so 0:07:40.720 --> 0:07:43.520 bad that you're you're turning a blind eye to everything 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:45.960 else that he's doing. You know what I'm saying. You're 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:47.920 making it out not to be that bad, and it 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:51.240 will end miserably for you if you keep yourself in this. 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:54.360 You know, so check back in with me, let me know, 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:56.720 give me a little bit more clarity on the back 0:07:56.760 --> 0:07:59.760 story of you and your man or whatever he is, 0:08:00.040 --> 0:08:03.400 her man, y'all, man whatever, let me know. Now we 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:05.679 got a commercial, and if you click off of this podcast, 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:11.880 I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. Moving on, Hey, Joss, 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:14.520 I've been celibate kind of by choice for almost a 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:17.120 year now, and this ship is difficult. I have a 0:08:17.160 --> 0:08:20.000 baby daddy that I would like to use for the 0:08:20.080 --> 0:08:26.600 parallel tango, but we ended things rocky. We had a 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:31.480 very hostile, very volatile relationship at times. So that kind 0:08:31.480 --> 0:08:34.559 of makes me think twice on the fun buddy situation. 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:37.400 So should I just keep on waiting for the one 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:39.679 to come along? Or should I just get my rocks 0:08:39.679 --> 0:08:42.880 off with baby daddy. It's too much stuff going around 0:08:42.960 --> 0:08:44.960 these days, so that's why I want to stick to 0:08:45.040 --> 0:08:48.520 someone I know. And it's hard being celibate, especially when 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:52.320 I'm ovulating. I hate being a woman sometimes. Also, even 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:55.080 though we ended things rocky, we're still cool with each other. 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:58.240 Please help me figure this out. Thank you, and then 0:08:58.280 --> 0:09:01.320 she sent another message. Sorry, last thing though, don't have 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:04.520 to be included with the mess unless you want. But 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:07.079 on your last episode of Fix My Mess, the girl 0:09:07.120 --> 0:09:09.880 with the inconsistent baby daddy sounds a lot like mine. 0:09:10.480 --> 0:09:12.760 Like to the t, could you ask her if his 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:15.800 name is Corey because he never told me about having 0:09:15.840 --> 0:09:18.240 another child or baby mother. I'm trying to see something. 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:22.600 Thank you in advance, girl, No, girl, I ain't asking 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:27.200 how that that is so funny. Let's get back to 0:09:27.320 --> 0:09:30.720 your mess and then we'll address Corey and them. Okay, 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:33.840 so you have a baby daddy that you do but 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:35.800 you don't want to jump back in bed with because 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:38.839 y'all have y'all had a toxic ending, a rocky ending. 0:09:38.840 --> 0:09:42.600 I wouldn't call a toxic because y'all had a rocky ending. Okay, well, 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:45.120 it doesn't matter if you guys had a rocky ending. 0:09:45.160 --> 0:09:47.400 How are you guys with co parenting because you say 0:09:47.520 --> 0:09:50.000 y'all are still cool and all that. But if you'll 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:53.600 cool with each other but not cool enough to have 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:56.520 sex every now and then, that means it ended on 0:09:56.679 --> 0:09:59.360 some infidelity type ship. That means it ended where you 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:02.520 can't trust Tim, but you know him so you're most 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:04.920 comfortable with him. There are a lot of things going 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:07.360 out here these days, and your baby father could be 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:09.480 one of the carriers or what the fun is going 0:10:09.520 --> 0:10:12.520 on out here. You never know because you haven't had 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:14.560 sex with him in a year, So that's kind of 0:10:14.559 --> 0:10:16.880 like having sex with someone new too. I'm pretty sure 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:18.800 you don't know everyone that he sleeps with. You don't 0:10:18.800 --> 0:10:20.800 know everything that he does, and he don't know your 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:23.360 every move either. I know, being celebrate as hard. I 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:26.439 actually did it for eleven months one time. It is hard, 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:29.600 but that's when I introduced myself to toys. Now, if 0:10:29.600 --> 0:10:34.880 you're not one of those women who don't enjoy self pleasure, 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:38.199 you know um and you know we got all types 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:42.559 of toys, bullets, roses, all types of goddamn toys out here. 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:45.480 If you don't like to partake in that kind of stuff, 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:47.200 I do understand there was a time that I wasn't 0:10:47.200 --> 0:10:49.480 comfortable to play with a toy either because I didn't 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:52.160 know where my own spot was. I didn't know like 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:54.520 what spots the hit. I thought that I needed a 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:57.520 man to sexually satisfy me. I really was under that 0:10:57.559 --> 0:11:00.120 impression that a toy could never do that, because that 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:04.840 before you get introduced to toys, you're like who sucks themselves? 0:11:04.880 --> 0:11:09.920 Like who who literally takes enjoyment and pleasuring themselves? But 0:11:10.080 --> 0:11:12.600 if you don't know how, then I get it. If 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:16.320 you feel like you're ready to break your celibacy, then 0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:19.600 do so. I will not hold you to the chains 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:23.360 of celibacy if that's something that you want. You know 0:11:23.480 --> 0:11:25.920 now you are a woman, and yes we do have 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:28.800 needs just like men. But just like you're back and 0:11:28.800 --> 0:11:31.280 forth in your mind about sucking your baby daddy, that 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:33.199 would be anybody that you would meet. You can jump 0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:35.360 on a dating site, meet somebody, you can start going 0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:38.559 out meeting people ship like that. I would take my chances. 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:40.679 I'm just gonna let you know what I would do 0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:42.839 because I don't have really a concrete answer for you 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:44.720 because it's something you ain't telling me about you. That 0:11:44.760 --> 0:11:48.080 baby daddy. But this is what I would do. I 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:51.760 would meet someone new and let them know up front 0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:55.120 what I want, you know, and then however it goes 0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:58.079 is however it goes. I remember doing that with my 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:03.440 last relationship. I only wanted sex from Daniel. That was, 0:12:03.559 --> 0:12:06.319 you know, my most recent relationship. I only want a 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:08.439 sex woman. Then I fell in love with his dass 0:12:08.480 --> 0:12:09.960 like you know what I'm saying. But I was up 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:12.720 front with what I wanted and so was he. We 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:16.440 both never really wanted a relationship from the jump. That's 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:18.320 just something that we developed as we went along to 0:12:18.360 --> 0:12:20.679 get to know each other as friends, and as two 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:23.000 friends that was having sex two people that were having 0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:25.160 sex every now and then, well a little bit more 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:27.040 than every now and then, you know what I'm saying. 0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:29.640 So I think it's worth giving it a shot meeting 0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:31.679 somebody new. Now. If you don't feel like doing that work, 0:12:31.960 --> 0:12:33.440 then that's fine because you do have to get to 0:12:33.480 --> 0:12:36.080 know anybody that you lay down with. Yes, these days, 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:38.400 back in the days, in the future days, whatever, I 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:40.800 don't really think that anybody should go around just having 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:44.200 sex with people that they don't know. However, like I said, girl, 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:46.240 you don't know what the funk your baby daddy been into. 0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:49.080 And I also understand that there are a lot of 0:12:49.080 --> 0:12:50.920 things going around out here, but there are also a 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:54.200 lot of condoms still being sold too, unless you just 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:57.160 ain't one of them. I advise you to protect yourself 0:12:57.200 --> 0:13:00.800 whatever you do. And then if you really don't have 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:03.200 no real intention on ever opening that door with you 0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:05.760 on your baby daddy again, I wouldn't do that anyway. 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:08.559 I would stay away from that because then that prohibits 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:12.640 both of you from future relationships outside of each other. 0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:16.360 You're always gonna start having these feelings come back because 0:13:16.360 --> 0:13:18.760 you're all about to start being intimate again. You can 0:13:18.840 --> 0:13:21.520 get pregnant again because obviously you don't like condoms all 0:13:21.600 --> 0:13:25.480 right now, I'm I'm joking, but you gotta really really 0:13:25.559 --> 0:13:28.480 sit and think about it. Is it worth me laying 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:32.000 down with Corey again. Well, he suspect that we're trying 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:34.080 to get back together, Well, that then open the door 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:36.840 for me to have all these feelings to come back. 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:40.840 You have to think and be careful about that. Anyway, 0:13:40.960 --> 0:13:43.280 check back in with me, girl, But I'll check on 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:45.880 that Corey situation. I'll reach out to the girl and 0:13:45.920 --> 0:13:48.920 I'll let you know have a good day. Hold up, 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:50.840 Hold up, I know the ship getting good, But listen 0:13:50.920 --> 0:13:52.880 to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:58.439 you love me, you'll listen. Moving on to the last one. Hey, Jess, 0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:00.400 I need you to fix my mess. So have an 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:03.160 X that will just call A. We dated for about 0:14:03.160 --> 0:14:05.360 a year and a half back in twenty nineteen. We 0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:08.400 broke up mostly because we grew apart. However, at that 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:12.040 time I started having an emotional relationship with someone else, 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:15.360 and he was also texting a previous ex of his. 0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:20.040 Despite the situation, we did end on good terms and 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:23.120 have remained friends, even casually hooking up here and there. 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:26.960 Here is where it gets messy. My ex a has 0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:29.000 a girlfriend. He started dating her a couple of months 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:31.600 after we ended things. I'm not proud to say we 0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:35.000 have hooked up several times during their relationship, and recently 0:14:35.000 --> 0:14:37.200 he messaged me telling me that he misses me, he 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:39.840 misses our relationship and wants to spend time with me, 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:42.920 not just sexually. When we were together, he was going 0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:45.000 through a very rough time and I stuck with him 0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:47.640 through it all. I never stopped loving him, and I 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:51.040 believe the feeling is mutual. However, I recently started dating 0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:53.120 someone who I really enjoyed spending time with and he 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:55.920 treats me like nobody ever. Has Not to say my 0:14:56.040 --> 0:14:58.960 ex treated me bad because he didn't, but our relationship 0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:02.160 wasn't perfect. Also, from the first date, it was like 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:05.600 we instantly clicked. So what do I do? Just do 0:15:05.680 --> 0:15:08.200 I talk to my ex to see how serious he 0:15:08.320 --> 0:15:11.000 is and where he sees things going? Or just move 0:15:11.040 --> 0:15:14.960 on with my new boo? Who will call D And 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:17.360 I also forgot to add the mess. My male best 0:15:17.360 --> 0:15:19.960 friend of about twenty years recently expressed to me and 0:15:20.080 --> 0:15:22.840 my father that he has feelings for me, and I 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:25.680 can't say I don't feel the same. But he also 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:28.120 explained that he's scared to ruin our friendship, which I 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:31.080 am too. However, I find him very attractive and we 0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:34.000 have shared explicit photos and videos with each other and 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:39.000 still talk frequently to this day. Girl, you a goddamn busybody. Okay, 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:42.600 First of all, you're not even in the love triangle? Baby? 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:45.080 You in the love square? How is you? And three 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:47.240 niggas all right? Now? Wait a minute, I got to 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:50.920 go one nigga at a time. I can't be Jesus 0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:54.760 christ All right, let's start from the beginning. So your 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:57.960 ex boyfriend A, y'all were together. I get that, and 0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:00.320 y'all dated for a year and a half. You saying 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:04.160 y'all broke up because y'all grew apart. But before y'all 0:16:04.160 --> 0:16:06.720 broke up, y'all both were talking to other people. He 0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:08.680 was talking to an X and you just started talking 0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:11.920 to somebody that you had been interested in. So y'all 0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:15.040 ended up breaking up, like you said, but on good terms. 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:18.360 He got in a relationship with somebody, and then you 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:21.280 got in a relationship with somebody. But y'all still both 0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:24.320 cheat on your partners with each other. Let me tell 0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:27.600 you why that is, because nobody can just get over 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:31.000 someone that easily. Now, you were there for him, he 0:16:31.120 --> 0:16:33.800 was going through a dark time. You never stopped loving him, 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:36.920 so y'all shared a different type of bond. Okay, So 0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:39.920 I imagine he doesn't have anybody else who's ever done 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:43.680 that for him. I may be wrong, but he'll always 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:47.240 have a special place in his heart for you because 0:16:47.280 --> 0:16:49.360 you were there when he was down and he was 0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:51.640 going through that rough and dark time. And people do 0:16:51.760 --> 0:16:54.840 need those type of people. You need friends, you need family. 0:16:54.920 --> 0:16:57.640 You need support when you're going through times like that, 0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:02.160 and you obviously ever left him filling down, you always 0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:05.800 were there. That's something he'll never forget. So that's why 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:08.800 no matter who he's with, he'll always cheat with you 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:14.719 no matter what. Okay, now, you now you do know 0:17:14.800 --> 0:17:17.160 what you reap is what you saw. And you said 0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:20.320 that you knew that he had a girlfriend, yet you 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:22.520 were still sleeping with him. But y'all were cheating on 0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:23.879 each other when you are were with each other. So 0:17:24.000 --> 0:17:25.879 y'all just a bunch of damn cheatas anyway. So I 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:28.160 ain't gotta give you no advice on that, because girl, 0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:30.080 you all over the place. Then you got a damn 0:17:30.080 --> 0:17:31.920 best friend that came out to goddamn what work and 0:17:31.960 --> 0:17:34.000 told you and your dad that he loved you, and 0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:36.120 you said, I can't say I don't feel the same. Well, 0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:39.640 how the hell do you feel the same about him 0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:43.120 that he felt about you? But you're debating on leaving 0:17:43.160 --> 0:17:45.920 the nigger that you with right now for your ex a. 0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:48.639 I can't keep up with you. Now, You've got to 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:52.680 stop this now. The question is what do you want? 0:17:53.480 --> 0:17:55.359 Are you ready to settle down and be in a 0:17:55.400 --> 0:17:58.879 relationship are you? Are you ready? And even when you 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:01.800 do get in the relationship up and settle down, are 0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:05.920 you still gonna cheat with A or anybody? Or be? Be? 0:18:06.000 --> 0:18:08.080 I'm gonna give best friend be because you know that's 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:11.199 best friend because I'm pretty sure D don't know that 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:13.680 you're cheating on him with A, and I'm pretty sure 0:18:13.760 --> 0:18:15.879 they don't know that you really secretly in love would be. 0:18:16.359 --> 0:18:19.760 You need to really self internalize everything. You need to 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:22.800 just sit and think about what it is that you 0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:25.200 really want. Are you even ready to be in a relationship. 0:18:25.240 --> 0:18:27.639 That's why people have to stop thinking that love is 0:18:27.680 --> 0:18:31.000 just a game. Okay, you have to stop thinking that. 0:18:31.359 --> 0:18:33.199 And you may not even realize that's how you treat it, 0:18:33.200 --> 0:18:35.280 but you're treating this like a game, almost, baby, This 0:18:35.359 --> 0:18:37.879 is like a competition. And there's three different guys on 0:18:37.920 --> 0:18:40.479 the line who obviously all three of them love you, 0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:43.600 and you love all three of them, you know, but 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:46.359 you need to really really figure out what it is 0:18:46.440 --> 0:18:48.679 that you want so you can be in the right 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:53.080 mind when you choose the right one. Okay, girl, check 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:55.399 back in because you're a busy body, all right, And 0:18:55.480 --> 0:18:57.200 just like that, we come to the end of yet 0:18:57.240 --> 0:19:01.480 another Carefully Reckless Just Fix My mess session. It's been good. 0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:04.520 Tune in each and every Wednesday, and then my deepest 0:19:04.600 --> 0:20:19.320 pam boys peace h H. Carefully Reckless is a production 0:20:19.359 --> 0:20:22.080 of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more 0:20:22.119 --> 0:20:25.280 podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, 0:20:25.520 --> 0:20:28.680 Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.