1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:11,880 Speaker 1: Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. I'm 2 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:16,079 Speaker 1: Danny Shapiro, and this is family Secrets, the secrets that 3 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, 4 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 1: and the secrets we keep from ourselves. I've heard from 5 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:27,200 Speaker 1: so many about your own family secrets and realize that 6 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 1: what we are creating for each other on this podcast 7 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:33,240 Speaker 1: is a community, a community for those who are looking 8 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:37,400 Speaker 1: for a safe and supportive space to unburden themselves. To 9 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:40,240 Speaker 1: that end, we've created a number for listeners to call 10 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:44,280 Speaker 1: in to record stories to share here in this space. 11 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,520 Speaker 1: This week, I'd like to share a few of those 12 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:55,280 Speaker 1: stories from our community. Thanks for listening. In May of 13 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 1: two thousand nineteen, I got my d n A results 14 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 1: back from ancestry dot com and I saw that I 15 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: was Irish. Well, I couldn't understand how that could be, 16 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:08,559 Speaker 1: because my father was dark skinned, dark hair, and had 17 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:12,360 Speaker 1: kind of a mysterious background, deeply even serious. But nobody 18 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,600 Speaker 1: knew really what his his genetic background was, and he 19 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 1: was the reason I wanted to get my d n 20 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:19,160 Speaker 1: A in the first place, to find out where he 21 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,840 Speaker 1: actually came from. We thought maybe he was Jewish, we 22 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:27,880 Speaker 1: weren't sure so when I saw Irish, I was completely shocked, 23 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,600 Speaker 1: and I looked at my husband and said, I went 24 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:32,399 Speaker 1: on Earth, how can this be? And I looked back 25 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,120 Speaker 1: through some of my relatives that I had never heard of, 26 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,840 Speaker 1: of course, you know the old story, and one of 27 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:41,120 Speaker 1: them had the same last name as my father's mentor 28 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:45,160 Speaker 1: in the fifties. I was sixty four at the time. 29 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:49,160 Speaker 1: I'm the youngest of four. I contacted some of these 30 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 1: people after the shock war off and told them this, 31 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 1: and I was told that there was a journal entry 32 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,760 Speaker 1: by the wife of my biological father that I found 33 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 1: now that her biggest regret in her life was when 34 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 1: she rented the upstairs or which she let her husband 35 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 1: turn the upstairs into an apartment and rented it to 36 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 1: that young woman, her husband and three children while I 37 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:15,240 Speaker 1: was number four, and so my father's mentor as my 38 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:19,960 Speaker 1: biological father, he was fifty to my mother's thirty at 39 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 1: the time, and so he's long gone. My mother was 40 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 1: nine before when she died in two thousand eighteen, so 41 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,960 Speaker 1: she was dead by the time I found out this information. 42 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:34,520 Speaker 1: My birth certificate father lived to seventy nine, had no 43 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:38,280 Speaker 1: heart problems, had cancer, and lived a very good life, 44 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,239 Speaker 1: and I had a wonderful relationship with him and my mom. 45 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: I don't think he ever knew. But my biological father 46 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,760 Speaker 1: dropped dead of a massive heart attack of the age 47 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 1: of sixty one when I was seven years old, and 48 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: I did know him. We called him Papa. He came 49 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:57,960 Speaker 1: to the house and he hung around. He always brought 50 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,480 Speaker 1: me presents as a little kid. And we moved from 51 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,920 Speaker 1: that state to another state when I was five years old, 52 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,560 Speaker 1: and I never saw him again, and I just knew 53 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 1: him as a family friend. Hi, Danny, I first just 54 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:22,679 Speaker 1: wanted to thank you. I owe you a great debt 55 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 1: of gratitude, not only for inheritance, but for this community 56 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:31,360 Speaker 1: that you've created through family secrets. It's occurred to me 57 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:37,040 Speaker 1: often over this past year that the only thing worse 58 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 1: than having to go through something like this and being 59 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:47,240 Speaker 1: isolated and traumatized is doing it alone. So I just 60 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:51,080 Speaker 1: wanted to thank you for giving voice and space to 61 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 1: all of us. I found out last June, after thirty 62 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:02,520 Speaker 1: five years, that a father that raised me, my dad, 63 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 1: whom I adore, was not my biological father, through a 64 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 1: three in the test. My sister had taken one a 65 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 1: year prior to me, and when the results came back, 66 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 1: it identified us as half sisters, similar to how you 67 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:24,600 Speaker 1: expressed in Inheritance. I was very confident that there has 68 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 1: been some sort of mistake, but of course there wasn't. 69 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 1: I texted a screenshot of the ancestry that was broken 70 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 1: down into European countries to my dad and he responded 71 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 1: by saying, whose DNA is that, um, which sort of 72 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 1: stemmed this crazy twenty four hour period. I've always had 73 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 1: a really strained, tenuous relationship with my mom, and despite 74 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 1: not having contact with her at the time, I called 75 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,600 Speaker 1: her and asked flat out if there was a possibility 76 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:03,440 Speaker 1: that this could be true. In her usual manner, she 77 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:07,480 Speaker 1: responded by asking how dare I accuse her of such 78 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 1: a thing and how she could have possibly raised such 79 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:15,480 Speaker 1: an ungrateful child. As the months went on, I became 80 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:19,280 Speaker 1: more and more fixated on finding out who my biological 81 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,240 Speaker 1: father was UM, sort of getting to the bottom of 82 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 1: that despite my mom not sharing the information with me. 83 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 1: So my husband was kind enough to offer to hire 84 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 1: a private investigator to try and find out who that 85 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 1: man was. I have three kids, and one day at 86 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 1: the pediatrician's office, building out for hims. I realized that 87 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 1: all of their life and all of my life, I 88 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 1: had been giving an inaccurate biological history for all of us. 89 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:52,200 Speaker 1: Though that sort of stemmed my interest in finding out 90 00:05:52,279 --> 00:05:56,359 Speaker 1: who the person was. One night, when my husband and 91 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 1: I went out for a date night, people are in 92 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,599 Speaker 1: the car and our neighborhood and told me that the 93 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:05,920 Speaker 1: private investigator had found my biological father. He started by 94 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:09,640 Speaker 1: telling me that the man was deceased, which devastated me. 95 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,480 Speaker 1: I was just totally distraught, knowing that I was never 96 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,200 Speaker 1: going to get to see his face. But then my 97 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:20,839 Speaker 1: husband asked if I remember telling him about the lake 98 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:24,800 Speaker 1: I used to go to as a young child, and 99 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 1: I instantly knew the name that was about to come 100 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: out of my husband's mouth before he said it. It 101 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 1: turned out that it was the name I thought, and 102 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:38,000 Speaker 1: my biological father was what my mom always told us 103 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:41,720 Speaker 1: was a family friend. I spent time with him until 104 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,800 Speaker 1: I was about seven years old and we moved to 105 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:47,720 Speaker 1: a different state. So the memories I have of him 106 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 1: are very murky, which saddened me because I knew him. 107 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:57,400 Speaker 1: But I can't pull up the memories that I have 108 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:01,960 Speaker 1: of him. I do remember by the way that he smells, 109 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:07,200 Speaker 1: and I also remember as a child loving him, so 110 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:12,000 Speaker 1: I do find some comfort in that. About a month 111 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 1: or two ago, my sister gave me a huge box 112 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 1: that she had taken from my mom's garage. Going through 113 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:20,000 Speaker 1: it slowly and meticulously, in my basement, I found a 114 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:24,000 Speaker 1: bunch of old slides, and as I held a couple 115 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 1: of strips up to the light coming through the window, 116 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 1: I thought that it might be photographs of my biological father, 117 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 1: at least what I thought I remembered him to look like. 118 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 1: I know it is starting to sound crazy and like 119 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 1: some sort of movie, but I live with the fact 120 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 1: every day that this saga is actually my real life. 121 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:52,200 Speaker 1: I took the slides to a local photo store, and 122 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: because of the pandemic, they told me that it was 123 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 1: going to be a while. They were very backed up. 124 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:01,440 Speaker 1: So for about a month, I opened my email every 125 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:07,960 Speaker 1: morning anxious about what I might find. Until one afternoon 126 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:13,480 Speaker 1: I opened up my email and the photos were there. 127 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:18,480 Speaker 1: I and I found myself looking into the eyes of 128 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 1: my biological father. So in the same flies that I 129 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:29,280 Speaker 1: had digitized and found the pictures of my biological father, 130 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 1: there was a photograph of my five year old six 131 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 1: year old self sitting on the lap of a teenage 132 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:40,320 Speaker 1: girl and standing next to us with another teenage girl 133 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 1: whose profile I recognized instantly because it looked so much 134 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:52,600 Speaker 1: like my own. Since then, I've found the contact information 135 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:56,120 Speaker 1: for one of my half sisters. It turns out I 136 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,160 Speaker 1: have three other half siblings other than the two that 137 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 1: I've grown up with. I've written her an email over 138 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,199 Speaker 1: and over and over again, and I'm sitting on it. 139 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:10,120 Speaker 1: Mostly I think out of fear because I feel like 140 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,520 Speaker 1: sixteen and seventeen and eighteen. When I look back into 141 00:09:13,559 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 1: those photos, I just feel like teenagers have an awareness 142 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 1: about their parents behavior that a toddler or an elementary 143 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:27,520 Speaker 1: school child wouldn't have, and I'm nervous and afraid about 144 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 1: what I might find out when I contact them. Um 145 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: fourteen months into this, I'm keenly aware that I just 146 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:40,080 Speaker 1: have only begun this journey. It breaks my heart every 147 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,000 Speaker 1: day when I look at my kids and I know 148 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 1: that my dad is not biologically carried in them. But 149 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:53,839 Speaker 1: I am hopeful that some good will come out of this. 150 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 1: And I just thank you again for giving me a 151 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 1: community and the place to voice my story. If you'd 152 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:24,560 Speaker 1: like to share your story, call one eight eight eight 153 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:29,120 Speaker 1: Secret zero and record your story. We won't be able 154 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 1: to run all the stories, but we do want to 155 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 1: shine a light on as many as we can. The 156 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: number again is one eight eight Secret and then the 157 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:53,680 Speaker 1: numeral zero. For more podcasts for my Heart Radio, visit 158 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,560 Speaker 1: the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you 159 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:57,880 Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.