WEBVTT - Whine About It: How to Change Your Life 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:05.399 Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:06.880 --> 0:00:09.720 On today's Therapy Thursday, We've got Liz Moody. So. She 0:00:10.039 --> 0:00:12.600 is the host of the top wellness and lifestyle podcast, 0:00:12.680 --> 0:00:17.360 The Liz Moody Podcast formerly Healthier Together. She's a world 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:22.200 class expert. She's also a best selling author of Healthier Together, 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:25.439 Recipes for two Nourish Your Body, Nourish Your Relationships, and 0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:27.760 Glow Pops. And her new book One Hundred Ways to 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:31.720 Change Your Life, The Science of Leveling Up Health, Happiness, Relationships, 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:34.920 and Success, is going to be published on October seventeenth 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:37.559 by Harper Wave. All Right, so from the creator of 0:00:37.600 --> 0:00:39.000 the Liz Moody podcast. 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:40.440 Hey girls, Hi. 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:43.280 I am so sorry, y'all. 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:43.760 Am. 0:00:43.760 --> 0:00:46.560 I'm not allowed to be sorry. You can't be sorry. 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:46.840 Here. 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:49.880 My little sister came and stayed in like my podcast 0:00:49.920 --> 0:00:52.800 setup room and so everything, and I was like sitting 0:00:52.840 --> 0:00:54.680 here and just like I'm missing something. I'm missing the 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:57.040 van And that is my freaking headboots. 0:00:56.880 --> 0:00:59.520 Story in my life. Howld your sister younger? 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:01.040 She's younger. 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:04.200 Yeah, she's finishing her PhD in psychology right now. 0:01:04.440 --> 0:01:07.400 Okay, I had we It's funny because Janna and I 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:10.399 have had babies at the same time, so our girls 0:01:10.440 --> 0:01:12.399 are three weeks apart, our boys are three months apart. 0:01:12.520 --> 0:01:14.479 And then I have a three month old and she's 0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:17.920 due in like not long, like eight weeks. 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:19.040 Eight weeks. 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:20.400 Oh my god. 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:23.160 I always want to know about sister relationships because my 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:26.839 oldest and my youngest are both girls, and I wanted 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:28.399 a sister my whole life. 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:31.040 But also, I love what you just said because you're like, 0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:34.360 you're creating real siblings for your kids, but you're also 0:01:34.400 --> 0:01:38.039 building them this community that's not just blood related, and 0:01:38.080 --> 0:01:40.880 I think that's so so special and so under talked 0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:41.600 about as well. 0:01:42.080 --> 0:01:44.920 I really love that you said that, actually are we can? 0:01:45.000 --> 0:01:46.960 I just go right in because I really like, Liz, 0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:51.000 this matters to me because I grew up in a 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:56.160 pretty tumultuous upbringing, and I have not found that I 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:59.720 feel the safest with the people I'm related to. So 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:03.720 I do attempt to like throw out the lifelines to 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:07.840 create these relationships and keep the family tree in air quotes. 0:02:07.920 --> 0:02:10.919 But I do feel like, I mean, it was funny, 0:02:10.919 --> 0:02:12.600 like even when it came down to delivery room, I 0:02:12.600 --> 0:02:14.520 asked Jana to be in with me because I thought 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:16.239 she's going to advocate for me, She's going to know 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:18.040 how to like well, love me and take care of 0:02:18.040 --> 0:02:20.680 me better than my mom would, I mean truthfully. 0:02:21.560 --> 0:02:24.160 So the thing is, yeah, I think that there's so 0:02:24.400 --> 0:02:27.880 much research that shows that we need community. It's so 0:02:27.960 --> 0:02:31.200 important for our mental health, our physical health, our cortisol levels, 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:35.120 for longevity. But we often assume that needs to be 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:38.000 something that we're like inherently related to, or there's some 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:40.960 sort of bloodline. I do this series on my podcast 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:42.880 about the pros and cons of having kids, and I 0:02:42.919 --> 0:02:47.000 had on this therapist whose entire work is helping people 0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:49.760 decide whether or not to have children, and she said, 0:02:49.880 --> 0:02:53.240 a really good option can be if you're kind of undecided. 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:56.440 A lot of people end up being really happy having 0:02:56.480 --> 0:02:59.600 one kid. You kind of get the experience, but you're 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:01.720 not as deep into it as if you have two 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:05.160 or three children or more than that. And I shared 0:03:05.200 --> 0:03:07.400 that on social because it was really compelling to me. 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:11.400 I'm leaning towards having one kid, and people erupted at me. 0:03:11.440 --> 0:03:13.200 They were like, oh, my gosh, your kid's going to 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:16.920 be so lonely. Only children are so lonely. How could 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:19.640 you do that to a human and I'm like, community 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:21.880 is going to be at the forefront of my mind 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:25.000 every step of the way. But that community doesn't need 0:03:25.040 --> 0:03:26.760 to come from my uterus, you know. 0:03:27.639 --> 0:03:30.280 Yeah. And also I'm lonely and I have siblings, so 0:03:30.639 --> 0:03:31.160 that too. 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:34.119 How many people do you know with siblings where they 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:35.200 hate each other? 0:03:35.280 --> 0:03:36.520 You don't want that to be the. 0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:38.920 Case, but it can happen. And I have so many 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:40.000 friends that that's happened to. 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:42.880 Like, I love him and he's great today he turned forty. 0:03:42.920 --> 0:03:45.120 Actually I facetimed him this morning. I still call him 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:47.600 the baby. You know, he has a mustache and a family, 0:03:47.720 --> 0:03:47.960 but he. 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:48.840 Sure he loves that. 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:52.600 Yeah, but it's interesting because I'm not It's not like 0:03:52.680 --> 0:03:55.280 he's not the first person I call when I you know, 0:03:55.960 --> 0:03:59.000 and then I even still feel a little guilty saying 0:03:59.080 --> 0:03:59.680 out loud to you. 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:02.360 I think I think a lot of people though, yeah, 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:04.160 I think a lot of people. As you get older, 0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:08.920 their first people are more friends, not family. I know, 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:12.040 people like the first people you'll call, the first person 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:14.960 you want to talk to. That like you feel more 0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:18.280 connected to your friends. I feel like not everyone, but 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:19.600 I feel like that's pretty common. 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:21.279 So I don't know because three out of three of 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:22.839 us feel that way. But I'm like, do birds of 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:25.039 a feather? I mean, I definitely feel that way, but 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:28.000 I will say I get a little envious when I 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:31.040 told my therapist is too or I'm sorry our therapist. 0:04:32.760 --> 0:04:37.560 You all have the same therapist we do. She was 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:39.840 and then I was like, I talk about each other. 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:43.680 Yeah yeah, She's like, well, the funniest thing is to 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:45.880 this day, she still this happened just a week or 0:04:45.920 --> 0:04:48.280 two ago. She's like, I think, are you going to 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:50.680 want to come into the office this way today? And 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:51.880 I was just like, I think you might want to 0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:53.760 see someone. I'm like, just tell me. I know, I 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:57.919 know you Like like, like what always gued to me? 0:04:57.960 --> 0:05:01.359 I'm like, Amy, I already you can confirm and denight, 0:05:01.400 --> 0:05:02.599 Like do we need to sign a waiver so we 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:04.159 can always do anyway? 0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:04.560 I don't know. 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:06.960 But anyways, I was telling her because we were just 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:10.520 talking about how you know our parents. 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:12.400 How do I say this? 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:16.400 You expect different things from your parents, and I think 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:18.800 as you get older, you see that they're they maybe 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:21.920 not they they maybe have not done the work or 0:05:22.200 --> 0:05:27.200 the they have. Maybe the stronger they have boundaries or 0:05:27.360 --> 0:05:29.000 just all the stuff, like they haven't they haven't done it, 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:31.200 they haven't done the therapy. Like our generation, I feel 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:33.240 like is very like therapy and talking about things, and 0:05:33.279 --> 0:05:37.200 it's like they they've just kind of stayed stagnant with 0:05:37.480 --> 0:05:40.479 certain things. And so she was like, man, I feel 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:42.880 like this generation, our generation is just like had a 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:45.400 lot of clients come in this week talking about their parents. 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:47.680 And I said, for me, though, I also see the 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:49.480 other people on Instagram where it's like, you know, Becke 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:51.440 Tilli and her mom were just on like vacation Hawaii, 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:53.080 and I'm like, I would love to do that, And 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:55.240 I was like, I'm envious of those people that get 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:58.120 to have those relationships. Then I realized I'm like, oh, well, 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:00.520 it's fine, I'll just take my friend and you just 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:02.359 have to accept the relationship for what it is. But 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:04.599 it still kind of stings a little bit to be 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:05.520 like I wish I had that. 0:06:06.440 --> 0:06:08.919 Also, I think it's like anything else in life where 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:11.599 I mean, I see so many of those things and 0:06:11.600 --> 0:06:14.600 I don't have that type of relationship either with my mom. 0:06:15.160 --> 0:06:17.880 And what we see on social media. 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:19.560 Is like not the Norman. It's just the thing that 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:21.279 we see because of course the people who are like 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:23.240 besties with their mom are going to be gramming the 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:28.200 Hawaii vacation, you know, right, Yeah, So I think it's like, yeah, 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:30.120 it's like it's important to take a step back, and 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:32.039 it's I also think it's important to have these types 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:36.799 of conversations because same as like with friendships, our friendships 0:06:36.880 --> 0:06:39.560 change and grow and evolve over our lives. And sometimes 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:42.840 the friends that we make as an adult feel better 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:45.560 to us because they reflect the selves that we like 0:06:45.640 --> 0:06:48.720 to see ourselves as as at that moment back to us, 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:50.640 versus the people who are kind of reflecting your high 0:06:50.680 --> 0:06:53.039 school self, or your childhood self or your college self. 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:56.520 And I think family can sometimes get stuck in reflecting 0:06:56.560 --> 0:06:59.840 a version of ourselves back to ourselves that we are 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:03.440 no longer that person. We've evolved, we've changed, we've moved on. 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:06.440 And I think it's so important too if we want 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:10.240 to keep those relationships from our past strong give space. 0:07:10.280 --> 0:07:11.840 I have a tip in my book actually about like 0:07:11.960 --> 0:07:14.280 always letting people evolve in front of you. 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:15.600 With our partners. 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:17.480 I think we do this all the time with our 0:07:17.560 --> 0:07:20.680 romantic partners. We kind of trap them in the people 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:24.040 that they were when we met them, when we've been 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:26.640 doing all this work in the past decade, and why 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:28.800 wouldn't they have been doing that same work as well. 0:07:29.320 --> 0:07:31.960 So I have a question around that because something very 0:07:32.000 --> 0:07:36.880 similar just happened to me around the friendship part. And 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:42.160 it's someone that I had been friends with for you know, 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:47.360 ten plus years, I'll say that, and I remember sitting 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:51.000 there having a conversation just going, we're just we're so 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:55.520 different now that so we've grown a part so much 0:07:55.520 --> 0:07:57.600 that I don't know if I would be friends with 0:07:57.640 --> 0:07:59.960 this person if I met them today. But I feel 0:07:59.960 --> 0:08:02.520 like I'm almost not that I have to be friends 0:08:02.600 --> 0:08:05.840 this person. But it's just, you know, I was even 0:08:05.880 --> 0:08:07.600 thinking like wedding lists, and I'm like, well, she'd be 0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:09.480 hurt if I didn't invite her, but she's not a 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:17.760 I don't I would be hurt. 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:20.480 Because I'm over here going, oh, we're doing. 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:22.800 The math carrying the one looks like we got extended 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:25.600 on them. But you start to like, I start to go, okay, 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:29.040 it's I think it's okay. Obviously people grow apart, But 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:33.280 to have that like kind of realization that I'm like, 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:36.200 I don't even know the effort that I would not 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:38.199 that's not the effort because I'm like, I still care 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:40.719 about this person, but I just like, they're not going 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:41.880 to be on the short list, and I think their 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:45.560 feelings would be hurt. But at the same time, we're 0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:46.520 just so different. 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:46.920 I don't know. 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:49.880 It's like a It is tricky though, because to your point, 0:08:49.920 --> 0:08:53.720 I don't think everyone's sometimes doing the same amount of work. 0:08:53.880 --> 0:08:56.920 So but that can be something we look for in 0:08:56.960 --> 0:08:59.880 friendships too, right, It's like the in our relationships and 0:09:00.000 --> 0:09:02.480 our friendships and our relationships with our family, Like we 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:05.240 can say it's important to us to spend time with 0:09:05.280 --> 0:09:07.480 people doing the work, and then we can kind of 0:09:08.200 --> 0:09:10.880 scale back the time with people who aren't doing the work. 0:09:11.280 --> 0:09:13.880 Is that one of the hundred things one hundred ways 0:09:13.880 --> 0:09:15.440 to change your life in your book? 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:17.360 Nine? 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:17.680 Yeah? 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:25.199 Can we have distance to divide the book? The last thing, well, 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:25.800 the last. 0:09:25.679 --> 0:09:27.640 Tip is actually one of my favorites. That one is 0:09:27.720 --> 0:09:30.280 take the risk, and that's based on research from Dan 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:32.800 Pink that shows that by and large, in our lives, 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:35.360 we regret the risk that we don't take far more 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:37.280 than the risk that we do take, even if those 0:09:37.360 --> 0:09:40.120 risks end up as failures, like even if we don't 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:42.520 succeed at the risk, we still regret it less if 0:09:42.520 --> 0:09:44.640 we take it. So tip number one hundred, I think, 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:46.240 is what we're saying. 0:09:47.120 --> 0:09:48.320 And do you have one in there for how to 0:09:48.320 --> 0:09:49.160 break up with a friend. 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:52.520 I don't have one for how to break up as 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:54.440 a friend. I have how to make new friends as 0:09:54.440 --> 0:09:54.920 an adult. 0:09:54.960 --> 0:09:55.679 I have ones for. 0:09:55.640 --> 0:09:58.199 How to turn friends into best friends, which I think 0:09:58.240 --> 0:10:00.920 we do not talk about enough because I think a 0:10:00.960 --> 0:10:03.640 lot of us feel like we have those acquaintances, we 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:06.760 have those people we see at work at yoga, but 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:10.040 we want that rider, dive bestie, that call in the 0:10:10.080 --> 0:10:11.560 middle of the night bestie. So we have a tip 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:13.120 about that, but not how to break up with a friend. 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:15.440 But I did have a friendship expert on my podcast 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:19.679 once and she was a huge fan of never severing 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:21.800 ties completely. She's a fan of kind of a two 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:25.120 prong approach one having a conversation, because if you're at 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:27.960 the point where you're ready to sever ties, you have 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:31.400 nothing to lose by just saying to this person, I 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:33.959 wish we had more of this type of conversation. I 0:10:34.040 --> 0:10:36.000 wish we did more of this type of thing, And 0:10:36.040 --> 0:10:38.160 actually just getting it out there in the open what 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:40.920 you would like from the friendship, and then if nothing 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:43.400 happens with that, she was a friend or she was 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:46.800 a fan of putting people in sort of different categories 0:10:46.840 --> 0:10:48.720 in your life and being okay with that. Like, not 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:51.720 everybody has to be a wedding friend. Not everybody has 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:54.280 to be a middle of the night bestie. Some people 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:56.760 can be people you see a party. Sometimes you send 0:10:57.000 --> 0:10:59.440 a quick text to when you see something exciting has 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:01.720 happened in their life life on social media, and that's 0:11:01.880 --> 0:11:02.960 completely okay. 0:11:03.480 --> 0:11:05.960 Give us the impath guide to doing that, because I 0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:08.839 think that's where we struggle. Yeah, like I would, I'm 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:10.719 going to invite just because I feel bad that I 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:12.120 don't want to hurt someone's feelings. 0:11:13.360 --> 0:11:15.320 Well, I think it ran for a wedding. 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:18.560 I think it really depends on how big your wedding is, 0:11:18.640 --> 0:11:20.320 what the vibe of it is, et cetera. 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:22.320 But the vibe is close friends. 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:25.160 Yeah, I think it's the finest friends you can have 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:29.520 a conversation. I think we're all trying to live our 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:32.280 life as best we can. And I think sometimes there 0:11:32.320 --> 0:11:34.360 is a tip in the book, Tip three I think 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:36.160 is think about your death, and it's one of my 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:40.439 favorite tips. That's a little morbid, but I think sometimes 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:43.000 zooming out and getting the perspective of, like, what are 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:44.560 the things that are going to matter to me at 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:46.280 the end of my life. Is it going to matter 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:49.360 more that I didn't hurt this friend's feelings about whether 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:50.959 or not they could come to my wedding, Or is 0:11:51.000 --> 0:11:53.160 it going to matter more that my wedding had exactly 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:55.160 the vibe that I wanted it to have. And those 0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:57.400 answers are going to be different for different people. But 0:11:57.520 --> 0:11:59.880 zooming out and thinking about yourself literally, like lying on 0:11:59.880 --> 0:12:02.280 your deathbed, which of those things is going to be 0:12:02.320 --> 0:12:02.920 more important? 0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:03.640 And then do that? 0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:04.800 Right? 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:06.400 Well, I'm gonna have to change my middle of the 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:08.319 night friend because I tried to call Hey in the 0:12:08.360 --> 0:12:09.680 middle of the night the other night because I was 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:12.600 having like I was I'm violently ill from food poisoning, 0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:14.719 and she didn't answer the phone, so I heard it 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:20.839 from I couldn't because I'm like, she's got a baby. 0:12:20.920 --> 0:12:36.199 She's like, oh, I'm always awake. There's something else too, 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:37.800 And I don't know if you've got a tip for this, 0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:39.800 And again I think this is like my people, please 0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:42.480 are piece of me, which is interesting because sometimes I 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:46.880 can be so opposite. But when someone is having a 0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:52.240 conversation and they're just continuing continuing to talk, in my 0:12:52.240 --> 0:12:54.240 inner I was like, I don't want to keep talking 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:55.440 right now, and I just would like to be like, 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:57.559 I'm sorry, I have to go, or like I need 0:12:57.600 --> 0:12:59.520 to just because I need to just stop. I need 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:01.880 to I need to do stuff today, or like I 0:13:02.160 --> 0:13:05.920 but I feel bad interrupting the person to just I'm 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:08.719 going to share something that I can say because I've 0:13:08.720 --> 0:13:12.120 never done it to either of you. Okay, my phone dies, No, 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:15.800 I mean in person, the lions say your phone dies. 0:13:15.840 --> 0:13:18.760 I just I just hang up and then and then 0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:21.200 I'll text him ten minutes later and say, whoa my phone. 0:13:21.200 --> 0:13:22.840 You're gonna get a lot of text from people. 0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:25.000 Here's only a few of them, but there's people you 0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:26.720 can't catch a breath. I'm like, all right, it sis 0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:29.280 my cause I get like two minutes to myself these days. 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:32.800 I shall say I gotta go. You would, But this 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:35.480 person was like telling me, like the story, I'm just like. 0:13:37.040 --> 0:13:38.760 But here's the thing. If I'm on the other end 0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:40.680 of that, and do not take this the wrong way. Like, 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:43.160 I'm picking up on the fact that you're not wanting 0:13:43.160 --> 0:13:44.080 to hear my conversation. 0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:46.079 But if you're that observant, you're not going to people 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:47.400 or not. That's the thing. 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:49.040 So many people don't pick up on that, and I 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:51.200 do that too, like I'm picking up the hint. I 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:53.480 am walking away while you're still speaking. 0:13:53.559 --> 0:13:57.120 Some people just don't, like I remember when I hugged. 0:13:58.400 --> 0:14:00.200 When I hug people like and they're like, they're not hugs. 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:01.720 I'm like, who okay, And I know that now for 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:04.160 the next time, you know, because it's like you're. 0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:06.160 Talking about me. We're just say you're talking about me? 0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:06.280 No. 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:09.080 I remember the time that I met Catherine. 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:13.480 Are we talking abou a different one? 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:13.920 Oh? 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:14.240 Yeah? 0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:14.560 Yeah. 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:16.480 She's like, how to go? 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:18.160 And I was just like, well, I gave her a hug, 0:14:18.160 --> 0:14:19.160 and I don't know if she's a hug like a 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:19.840 hugging person. 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:23.800 So I was like and I was like, oh yeah. 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:26.120 Tip five in her book is don't hug people that 0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:26.880 don't want to be hugged. 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:28.880 It's not a better way to live a good way to. 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:30.880 Live a healthy life if you don't love to be hugged. 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:33.960 It doesn't like for me, it's the holding on for 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:38.720 a long time that's the biggest problem. Yeah, they're like, yeah, 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:41.120 it's like if you the extended hug is where you 0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:43.000 start to get a little uncomfortable. 0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:45.960 Well, Julie like rubs my rubs my arm. That's that's 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:47.880 where I'm just like, all right, stop takling my arm. 0:14:48.200 --> 0:14:50.640 That's funny. Julie does get romantic with all of them. 0:14:50.720 --> 0:14:53.760 Yeah, okay, so we'll get I need some more tips 0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:55.600 to live my best life. 0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:58.680 I mean, so we have eighteen categories in the book. 0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:01.000 Is there something that you feel like you in an 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:02.960 area of your life that you feel like you would 0:15:03.040 --> 0:15:04.360 like to do some work on? 0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:08.520 Jam Where to start? Let me? 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:12.600 Can I grab my whiteboard because I've got uh yeah, 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:16.320 I think let's start with like I struggle with like finances. 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:18.680 So again, I just bought to new how I bought 0:15:18.680 --> 0:15:23.920 a new house. She's also dating to Scottish men. So 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:27.040 I get I talk about this a lot, especially Thursday therapies. 0:15:27.880 --> 0:15:29.440 But something you said take a risk, and I was 0:15:29.480 --> 0:15:31.000 like this the first thing I thought. I was like, well, 0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:32.640 this house is a risk because I just don't know 0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:34.040 how it's going to look in a couple of years 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:38.920 or whatever, and because everything is so not promised today 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:42.240 and obviously but just work wise. So I'm just curious, 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:44.560 do you have any other tips when it comes to 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:46.760 just living your life? And I know you say take 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:51.280 risks and stuff, but not you know, feeling held down 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:53.600 because you're afraid of what might happen. 0:15:54.160 --> 0:15:54.400 Yeah. 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:57.960 Absolutely, I have a lot of money anxiety. I call 0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:01.119 myself like anxiously attached to my money and an attachment 0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:05.200 issue relational style. But I think my favorite tip in 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:09.160 the book about money, It's twofold one, is to take 0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:11.360 the decision fatigue out of money as much as possible. 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:12.960 So I think we spend a lot of time thinking 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:15.960 about the little parts of money that are just weighing 0:16:16.040 --> 0:16:19.920 on our brains, whether it's do I Robby at Sati, 0:16:19.960 --> 0:16:21.240 who's somebody that I interviewed. 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:22.800 He wrote I Will Teach You to Be Rich. 0:16:22.840 --> 0:16:25.120 It's a great book as a Netflix series, et cetera. 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:28.400 Yeah, he came on the podcast for Thursday Therapy. He's fantastic. 0:16:28.480 --> 0:16:29.760 Did he help no matter how much? 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:30.080 Yeah? 0:16:30.120 --> 0:16:32.320 He's like, no matter, He's like, what would you feel 0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:34.520 comfortable having in your account? And I was like, you know, 0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:36.120 trying to talk to him about it. He's like, I 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:38.080 promise you you'd still not be happy when you have 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:40.800 that like mindset. He's just like, you're always going to 0:16:40.800 --> 0:16:42.320 be like, no, that's not enough, or I need I 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:43.800 need this, and yeah. 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:45.200 He's well, And I think it depends. 0:16:45.440 --> 0:16:46.880 One of the things that's going to call it for 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:49.200 him is that he automates so much of his decision 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:51.400 making around money, so like he has a role that 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:52.880 if he goes to bookstre and he wants a book, 0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:54.520 he doesn't think about it. He just buys the book. 0:16:54.520 --> 0:16:56.440 He knows that's something that he can always afford. And 0:16:56.480 --> 0:16:58.800 by taking the decision fatigue off the table of like 0:16:58.840 --> 0:17:00.160 do I buy this book? Do I not by this 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:03.000 book making these little rules about money. So for me, 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:05.560 a rule that I've been lucky enough to make about 0:17:05.560 --> 0:17:07.680 money is that I don't think about how much money 0:17:07.720 --> 0:17:08.879 I spend at the grocery store. 0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:10.879 I used to debate about it. 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:13.280 I'd hem and haf I should buy like the expensive 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:16.320 ollie pops and poppies and whatever. And I'm just like, 0:17:16.400 --> 0:17:19.040