Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2: On today's Therapy Thursday, We've got Liz Moody. So. She
Speaker 2: is the host of the top wellness and lifestyle podcast,
Speaker 2: The Liz Moody Podcast formerly Healthier Together. She's a world
Speaker 2: class expert. She's also a best selling author of Healthier Together,
Speaker 2: Recipes for two Nourish Your Body, Nourish Your Relationships, and
Speaker 2: Glow Pops. And her new book One Hundred Ways to
Speaker 2: Change Your Life, The Science of Leveling Up Health, Happiness, Relationships,
Speaker 2: and Success, is going to be published on October seventeenth
Speaker 2: by Harper Wave. All Right, so from the creator of
Speaker 2: the Liz Moody podcast.
Speaker 3: Hey girls, Hi.
Speaker 4: I am so sorry, y'all.
Speaker 2: Am.
Speaker 3: I'm not allowed to be sorry. You can't be sorry.
Speaker 2: Here.
Speaker 5: My little sister came and stayed in like my podcast
Speaker 5: setup room and so everything, and I was like sitting
Speaker 5: here and just like I'm missing something. I'm missing the
Speaker 5: van And that is my freaking headboots.
Speaker 3: Story in my life. Howld your sister younger?
Speaker 4: She's younger.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's finishing her PhD in psychology right now.
Speaker 2: Okay, I had we It's funny because Janna and I
Speaker 2: have had babies at the same time, so our girls
Speaker 2: are three weeks apart, our boys are three months apart.
Speaker 2: And then I have a three month old and she's
Speaker 2: due in like not long, like eight weeks.
Speaker 3: Eight weeks.
Speaker 4: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: I always want to know about sister relationships because my
Speaker 2: oldest and my youngest are both girls, and I wanted
Speaker 2: a sister my whole life.
Speaker 5: But also, I love what you just said because you're like,
Speaker 5: you're creating real siblings for your kids, but you're also
Speaker 5: building them this community that's not just blood related, and
Speaker 5: I think that's so so special and so under talked
Speaker 5: about as well.
Speaker 3: I really love that you said that, actually are we can?
Speaker 2: I just go right in because I really like, Liz,
Speaker 2: this matters to me because I grew up in a
Speaker 2: pretty tumultuous upbringing, and I have not found that I
Speaker 2: feel the safest with the people I'm related to. So
Speaker 2: I do attempt to like throw out the lifelines to
Speaker 2: create these relationships and keep the family tree in air quotes.
Speaker 2: But I do feel like, I mean, it was funny,
Speaker 2: like even when it came down to delivery room, I
Speaker 2: asked Jana to be in with me because I thought
Speaker 2: she's going to advocate for me, She's going to know
Speaker 2: how to like well, love me and take care of
Speaker 2: me better than my mom would, I mean truthfully.
Speaker 5: So the thing is, yeah, I think that there's so
Speaker 5: much research that shows that we need community. It's so
Speaker 5: important for our mental health, our physical health, our cortisol levels,
Speaker 5: for longevity. But we often assume that needs to be
Speaker 5: something that we're like inherently related to, or there's some
Speaker 5: sort of bloodline. I do this series on my podcast
Speaker 5: about the pros and cons of having kids, and I
Speaker 5: had on this therapist whose entire work is helping people
Speaker 5: decide whether or not to have children, and she said,
Speaker 5: a really good option can be if you're kind of undecided.
Speaker 5: A lot of people end up being really happy having
Speaker 5: one kid. You kind of get the experience, but you're
Speaker 5: not as deep into it as if you have two
Speaker 5: or three children or more than that. And I shared
Speaker 5: that on social because it was really compelling to me.
Speaker 5: I'm leaning towards having one kid, and people erupted at me.
Speaker 5: They were like, oh, my gosh, your kid's going to
Speaker 5: be so lonely. Only children are so lonely. How could
Speaker 5: you do that to a human and I'm like, community
Speaker 5: is going to be at the forefront of my mind
Speaker 5: every step of the way. But that community doesn't need
Speaker 5: to come from my uterus, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And also I'm lonely and I have siblings, so
Speaker 3: that too.
Speaker 5: How many people do you know with siblings where they
Speaker 5: hate each other?
Speaker 4: You don't want that to be the.
Speaker 5: Case, but it can happen. And I have so many
Speaker 5: friends that that's happened to.
Speaker 2: Like, I love him and he's great today he turned forty.
Speaker 2: Actually I facetimed him this morning. I still call him
Speaker 2: the baby. You know, he has a mustache and a family,
Speaker 2: but he.
Speaker 4: Sure he loves that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's interesting because I'm not It's not like
Speaker 2: he's not the first person I call when I you know,
Speaker 2: and then I even still feel a little guilty saying
Speaker 2: out loud to you.
Speaker 1: I think I think a lot of people though, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people. As you get older,
Speaker 1: their first people are more friends, not family. I know,
Speaker 1: people like the first people you'll call, the first person
Speaker 1: you want to talk to. That like you feel more
Speaker 1: connected to your friends. I feel like not everyone, but
Speaker 1: I feel like that's pretty common.
Speaker 2: So I don't know because three out of three of
Speaker 2: us feel that way. But I'm like, do birds of
Speaker 2: a feather? I mean, I definitely feel that way, but
Speaker 2: I will say I get a little envious when I
Speaker 2: told my therapist is too or I'm sorry our therapist.
Speaker 2: You all have the same therapist we do. She was
Speaker 2: and then I was like, I talk about each other.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, She's like, well, the funniest thing is to
Speaker 2: this day, she still this happened just a week or
Speaker 2: two ago. She's like, I think, are you going to
Speaker 2: want to come into the office this way today? And
Speaker 2: I was just like, I think you might want to
Speaker 2: see someone. I'm like, just tell me. I know, I
Speaker 2: know you Like like, like what always gued to me?
Speaker 2: I'm like, Amy, I already you can confirm and denight,
Speaker 2: Like do we need to sign a waiver so we
Speaker 2: can always do anyway?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: But anyways, I was telling her because we were just
Speaker 2: talking about how you know our parents.
Speaker 3: How do I say this?
Speaker 2: You expect different things from your parents, and I think
Speaker 2: as you get older, you see that they're they maybe
Speaker 2: not they they maybe have not done the work or
Speaker 2: the they have. Maybe the stronger they have boundaries or
Speaker 2: just all the stuff, like they haven't they haven't done it,
Speaker 2: they haven't done the therapy. Like our generation, I feel
Speaker 2: like is very like therapy and talking about things, and
Speaker 2: it's like they they've just kind of stayed stagnant with
Speaker 2: certain things. And so she was like, man, I feel
Speaker 2: like this generation, our generation is just like had a
Speaker 2: lot of clients come in this week talking about their parents.
Speaker 2: And I said, for me, though, I also see the
Speaker 2: other people on Instagram where it's like, you know, Becke
Speaker 2: Tilli and her mom were just on like vacation Hawaii,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I would love to do that, And
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm envious of those people that get
Speaker 2: to have those relationships. Then I realized I'm like, oh, well,
Speaker 2: it's fine, I'll just take my friend and you just
Speaker 2: have to accept the relationship for what it is. But
Speaker 2: it still kind of stings a little bit to be
Speaker 2: like I wish I had that.
Speaker 5: Also, I think it's like anything else in life where
Speaker 5: I mean, I see so many of those things and
Speaker 5: I don't have that type of relationship either with my mom.
Speaker 4: And what we see on social media.
Speaker 5: Is like not the Norman. It's just the thing that
Speaker 5: we see because of course the people who are like
Speaker 5: besties with their mom are going to be gramming the
Speaker 5: Hawaii vacation, you know, right, Yeah, So I think it's like, yeah,
Speaker 5: it's like it's important to take a step back, and
Speaker 5: it's I also think it's important to have these types
Speaker 5: of conversations because same as like with friendships, our friendships
Speaker 5: change and grow and evolve over our lives. And sometimes
Speaker 5: the friends that we make as an adult feel better
Speaker 5: to us because they reflect the selves that we like
Speaker 5: to see ourselves as as at that moment back to us,
Speaker 5: versus the people who are kind of reflecting your high
Speaker 5: school self, or your childhood self or your college self.
Speaker 5: And I think family can sometimes get stuck in reflecting
Speaker 5: a version of ourselves back to ourselves that we are
Speaker 5: no longer that person. We've evolved, we've changed, we've moved on.
Speaker 5: And I think it's so important too if we want
Speaker 5: to keep those relationships from our past strong give space.
Speaker 5: I have a tip in my book actually about like
Speaker 5: always letting people evolve in front of you.
Speaker 4: With our partners.
Speaker 5: I think we do this all the time with our
Speaker 5: romantic partners. We kind of trap them in the people
Speaker 5: that they were when we met them, when we've been
Speaker 5: doing all this work in the past decade, and why
Speaker 5: wouldn't they have been doing that same work as well.
Speaker 2: So I have a question around that because something very
Speaker 2: similar just happened to me around the friendship part. And
Speaker 2: it's someone that I had been friends with for you know,
Speaker 2: ten plus years, I'll say that, and I remember sitting
Speaker 2: there having a conversation just going, we're just we're so
Speaker 2: different now that so we've grown a part so much
Speaker 2: that I don't know if I would be friends with
Speaker 2: this person if I met them today. But I feel
Speaker 2: like I'm almost not that I have to be friends
Speaker 2: this person. But it's just, you know, I was even
Speaker 2: thinking like wedding lists, and I'm like, well, she'd be
Speaker 2: hurt if I didn't invite her, but she's not a
Speaker 2: I don't I would be hurt.
Speaker 1: Because I'm over here going, oh, we're doing.
Speaker 2: The math carrying the one looks like we got extended
Speaker 2: on them. But you start to like, I start to go, okay,
Speaker 2: it's I think it's okay. Obviously people grow apart, But
Speaker 2: to have that like kind of realization that I'm like,
Speaker 2: I don't even know the effort that I would not
Speaker 2: that's not the effort because I'm like, I still care
Speaker 2: about this person, but I just like, they're not going
Speaker 2: to be on the short list, and I think their
Speaker 2: feelings would be hurt. But at the same time, we're
Speaker 2: just so different.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: It's like a It is tricky though, because to your point,
Speaker 2: I don't think everyone's sometimes doing the same amount of work.
Speaker 5: So but that can be something we look for in
Speaker 5: friendships too, right, It's like the in our relationships and
Speaker 5: our friendships and our relationships with our family, Like we
Speaker 5: can say it's important to us to spend time with
Speaker 5: people doing the work, and then we can kind of
Speaker 5: scale back the time with people who aren't doing the work.
Speaker 2: Is that one of the hundred things one hundred ways
Speaker 2: to change your life in your book?
Speaker 3: Nine?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Can we have distance to divide the book? The last thing, well,
Speaker 3: the last.
Speaker 5: Tip is actually one of my favorites. That one is
Speaker 5: take the risk, and that's based on research from Dan
Speaker 5: Pink that shows that by and large, in our lives,
Speaker 5: we regret the risk that we don't take far more
Speaker 5: than the risk that we do take, even if those
Speaker 5: risks end up as failures, like even if we don't
Speaker 5: succeed at the risk, we still regret it less if
Speaker 5: we take it. So tip number one hundred, I think,
Speaker 5: is what we're saying.
Speaker 3: And do you have one in there for how to
Speaker 3: break up with a friend.
Speaker 5: I don't have one for how to break up as
Speaker 5: a friend. I have how to make new friends as
Speaker 5: an adult.
Speaker 4: I have ones for.
Speaker 5: How to turn friends into best friends, which I think
Speaker 5: we do not talk about enough because I think a
Speaker 5: lot of us feel like we have those acquaintances, we
Speaker 5: have those people we see at work at yoga, but
Speaker 5: we want that rider, dive bestie, that call in the
Speaker 5: middle of the night bestie. So we have a tip
Speaker 5: about that, but not how to break up with a friend.
Speaker 5: But I did have a friendship expert on my podcast
Speaker 5: once and she was a huge fan of never severing
Speaker 5: ties completely. She's a fan of kind of a two
Speaker 5: prong approach one having a conversation, because if you're at
Speaker 5: the point where you're ready to sever ties, you have
Speaker 5: nothing to lose by just saying to this person, I
Speaker 5: wish we had more of this type of conversation. I
Speaker 5: wish we did more of this type of thing, And
Speaker 5: actually just getting it out there in the open what
Speaker 5: you would like from the friendship, and then if nothing
Speaker 5: happens with that, she was a friend or she was
Speaker 5: a fan of putting people in sort of different categories
Speaker 5: in your life and being okay with that. Like, not
Speaker 5: everybody has to be a wedding friend. Not everybody has
Speaker 5: to be a middle of the night bestie. Some people
Speaker 5: can be people you see a party. Sometimes you send
Speaker 5: a quick text to when you see something exciting has
Speaker 5: happened in their life life on social media, and that's
Speaker 5: completely okay.
Speaker 2: Give us the impath guide to doing that, because I
Speaker 2: think that's where we struggle. Yeah, like I would, I'm
Speaker 2: going to invite just because I feel bad that I
Speaker 2: don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
Speaker 4: Well, I think it ran for a wedding.
Speaker 5: I think it really depends on how big your wedding is,
Speaker 5: what the vibe of it is, et cetera.
Speaker 3: But the vibe is close friends.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's the finest friends you can have
Speaker 5: a conversation. I think we're all trying to live our
Speaker 5: life as best we can. And I think sometimes there
Speaker 5: is a tip in the book, Tip three I think
Speaker 5: is think about your death, and it's one of my
Speaker 5: favorite tips. That's a little morbid, but I think sometimes
Speaker 5: zooming out and getting the perspective of, like, what are
Speaker 5: the things that are going to matter to me at
Speaker 5: the end of my life. Is it going to matter
Speaker 5: more that I didn't hurt this friend's feelings about whether
Speaker 5: or not they could come to my wedding, Or is
Speaker 5: it going to matter more that my wedding had exactly
Speaker 5: the vibe that I wanted it to have. And those
Speaker 5: answers are going to be different for different people. But
Speaker 5: zooming out and thinking about yourself literally, like lying on
Speaker 5: your deathbed, which of those things is going to be
Speaker 5: more important?
Speaker 4: And then do that?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: Well, I'm gonna have to change my middle of the
Speaker 2: night friend because I tried to call Hey in the
Speaker 2: middle of the night the other night because I was
Speaker 2: having like I was I'm violently ill from food poisoning,
Speaker 2: and she didn't answer the phone, so I heard it
Speaker 2: from I couldn't because I'm like, she's got a baby.
Speaker 2: She's like, oh, I'm always awake. There's something else too,
Speaker 2: And I don't know if you've got a tip for this,
Speaker 2: And again I think this is like my people, please
Speaker 2: are piece of me, which is interesting because sometimes I
Speaker 2: can be so opposite. But when someone is having a
Speaker 2: conversation and they're just continuing continuing to talk, in my
Speaker 2: inner I was like, I don't want to keep talking
Speaker 2: right now, and I just would like to be like,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I have to go, or like I need
Speaker 2: to just because I need to just stop. I need
Speaker 2: to I need to do stuff today, or like I
Speaker 2: but I feel bad interrupting the person to just I'm
Speaker 2: going to share something that I can say because I've
Speaker 2: never done it to either of you. Okay, my phone dies, No,
Speaker 2: I mean in person, the lions say your phone dies.
Speaker 2: I just I just hang up and then and then
Speaker 2: I'll text him ten minutes later and say, whoa my phone.
Speaker 3: You're gonna get a lot of text from people.
Speaker 2: Here's only a few of them, but there's people you
Speaker 2: can't catch a breath. I'm like, all right, it sis
Speaker 2: my cause I get like two minutes to myself these days.
Speaker 3: I shall say I gotta go. You would, But this
Speaker 3: person was like telling me, like the story, I'm just like.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. If I'm on the other end
Speaker 1: of that, and do not take this the wrong way. Like,
Speaker 1: I'm picking up on the fact that you're not wanting
Speaker 1: to hear my conversation.
Speaker 3: But if you're that observant, you're not going to people
Speaker 3: or not. That's the thing.
Speaker 1: So many people don't pick up on that, and I
Speaker 1: do that too, like I'm picking up the hint. I
Speaker 1: am walking away while you're still speaking.
Speaker 2: Some people just don't, like I remember when I hugged.
Speaker 2: When I hug people like and they're like, they're not hugs.
Speaker 2: I'm like, who okay, And I know that now for
Speaker 2: the next time, you know, because it's like you're.
Speaker 3: Talking about me. We're just say you're talking about me?
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 2: I remember the time that I met Catherine.
Speaker 3: Are we talking abou a different one?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: She's like, how to go?
Speaker 2: And I was just like, well, I gave her a hug,
Speaker 2: and I don't know if she's a hug like a
Speaker 2: hugging person.
Speaker 3: So I was like and I was like, oh yeah.
Speaker 2: Tip five in her book is don't hug people that
Speaker 2: don't want to be hugged.
Speaker 3: It's not a better way to live a good way to.
Speaker 1: Live a healthy life if you don't love to be hugged.
Speaker 1: It doesn't like for me, it's the holding on for
Speaker 1: a long time that's the biggest problem. Yeah, they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like if you the extended hug is where you
Speaker 1: start to get a little uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Well, Julie like rubs my rubs my arm. That's that's
Speaker 2: where I'm just like, all right, stop takling my arm.
Speaker 3: That's funny. Julie does get romantic with all of them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so we'll get I need some more tips
Speaker 2: to live my best life.
Speaker 5: I mean, so we have eighteen categories in the book.
Speaker 5: Is there something that you feel like you in an
Speaker 5: area of your life that you feel like you would
Speaker 5: like to do some work on?
Speaker 3: Jam Where to start? Let me?
Speaker 2: Can I grab my whiteboard because I've got uh yeah,
Speaker 2: I think let's start with like I struggle with like finances.
Speaker 2: So again, I just bought to new how I bought
Speaker 2: a new house. She's also dating to Scottish men. So
Speaker 2: I get I talk about this a lot, especially Thursday therapies.
Speaker 2: But something you said take a risk, and I was
Speaker 2: like this the first thing I thought. I was like, well,
Speaker 2: this house is a risk because I just don't know
Speaker 2: how it's going to look in a couple of years
Speaker 2: or whatever, and because everything is so not promised today
Speaker 2: and obviously but just work wise. So I'm just curious,
Speaker 2: do you have any other tips when it comes to
Speaker 2: just living your life? And I know you say take
Speaker 2: risks and stuff, but not you know, feeling held down
Speaker 2: because you're afraid of what might happen.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, I have a lot of money anxiety. I call
Speaker 5: myself like anxiously attached to my money and an attachment
Speaker 5: issue relational style. But I think my favorite tip in
Speaker 5: the book about money, It's twofold one, is to take
Speaker 5: the decision fatigue out of money as much as possible.
Speaker 5: So I think we spend a lot of time thinking
Speaker 5: about the little parts of money that are just weighing
Speaker 5: on our brains, whether it's do I Robby at Sati,
Speaker 5: who's somebody that I interviewed.
Speaker 4: He wrote I Will Teach You to Be Rich.
Speaker 5: It's a great book as a Netflix series, et cetera.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he came on the podcast for Thursday Therapy. He's fantastic.
Speaker 2: Did he help no matter how much?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: He's like, no matter, He's like, what would you feel
Speaker 2: comfortable having in your account? And I was like, you know,
Speaker 2: trying to talk to him about it. He's like, I
Speaker 2: promise you you'd still not be happy when you have
Speaker 2: that like mindset. He's just like, you're always going to
Speaker 2: be like, no, that's not enough, or I need I
Speaker 2: need this, and yeah.
Speaker 4: He's well, And I think it depends.
Speaker 5: One of the things that's going to call it for
Speaker 5: him is that he automates so much of his decision
Speaker 5: making around money, so like he has a role that
Speaker 5: if he goes to bookstre and he wants a book,
Speaker 5: he doesn't think about it. He just buys the book.
Speaker 5: He knows that's something that he can always afford. And
Speaker 5: by taking the decision fatigue off the table of like
Speaker 5: do I buy this book? Do I not by this
Speaker 5: book making these little rules about money. So for me,
Speaker 5: a rule that I've been lucky enough to make about
Speaker 5: money is that I don't think about how much money
Speaker 5: I spend at the grocery store.
Speaker 4: I used to debate about it.
Speaker 5: I'd hem and haf I should buy like the expensive
Speaker 5: ollie pops and poppies and whatever. And I'm just like,
Speaker 5: this is not impacting my finances in the long run.
Speaker 5: Why am I spending my time thinking about this? But
Speaker 5: I also think that He has a really nice zoom
Speaker 5: out perspective of like, we are making money outside of
Speaker 5: taking care of our basic circumstances to enable our best lives.
Speaker 5: So what does your best life look like? If you
Speaker 5: think your best life is in a beautiful home that's
Speaker 5: going to make you feel cozy and secure and you're
Speaker 5: going to make all these wonderful memories with your friends
Speaker 5: and family, then that's something that it probably makes sense
Speaker 5: for you to spend more money on. And then outside
Speaker 5: of that, and I think a really important thing for
Speaker 5: that is like freeing yourself of the societal shoulds. Like
Speaker 5: I do not give a shit what kind of car
Speaker 5: I drive.
Speaker 3: That's yeah, same, literally.
Speaker 4: Could not care less.
Speaker 5: But sometimes I'll get that little inkling when my friend
Speaker 5: drives away in like a really cool car, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 5: should I care about that? I don't give a shit
Speaker 5: about designer bags, like having a Chanel logo on my
Speaker 5: bag does nothing for me. But sometimes I'm like, well, well,
Speaker 5: people think I'm less successful if I don't have this
Speaker 5: logo on my clothes. And I think kind of removing
Speaker 5: any of those shoulds and noticing when they spring up
Speaker 5: is really important. But it sounds like you have, like me.
Speaker 5: Outside of that, you need to feel safe and secure,
Speaker 5: and I think recognizing that after a certain level, and
Speaker 5: I think there's definitely a level where money is going
Speaker 5: to be the thing that makes us feel safe and secure,
Speaker 5: and we need to recognize all the people who don't
Speaker 5: feel safe and secure because they don't have enough money.
Speaker 5: But after a certain level, that need for safety and
Speaker 5: security is not around money. It's around something else that
Speaker 5: happened in your past and your childhood, and working on
Speaker 5: addressing the root cause of that is going to help
Speaker 5: you so much more than making more and more money.
Speaker 2: Well, sure, I mean I came. I came from my
Speaker 2: mom who we'd always cut coupons, right, So it's like, hey,
Speaker 2: we were a coupon family, you know. And it was
Speaker 2: like we couldn't get that because it was too much
Speaker 2: or you know, and so I had to quit things
Speaker 2: because we didn't have I had to quit figure skating
Speaker 2: because we didn't have the money for it, and she
Speaker 2: had to work three jobs. So there was like so
Speaker 2: then I didn't I don't really think I had security
Speaker 2: until later in my early thirties, to be honest with you.
Speaker 2: So it's so new that you know then he was
Speaker 2: basically saying, like your house and your car the things
Speaker 2: you shouldn't spend money, and I was like.
Speaker 3: Oh crap.
Speaker 2: I was like, I really I was about to move
Speaker 2: into it, you know, because he was giving us percentages
Speaker 2: of like what to you know, and I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: I'm over it. But at the same time, again, I
Speaker 2: don't care what kind of car I drive, So I
Speaker 2: was just like, I went less on that.
Speaker 5: And I also disagree with that slightly, Like I think
Speaker 5: it's he's obviously the expert, and I sed to his
Speaker 5: expert advice largely, But I think we have to think
Speaker 5: about what our home means to us. And I think
Speaker 5: even if your home isn't going to be the best
Speaker 5: investment that you ever make, and Remy has really interesting
Speaker 5: numbers around that that are contrary to a lot of
Speaker 5: what we hear, our home matters emotionally, and I think
Speaker 5: getting really clear on what your home means to you
Speaker 5: from an emotional level can be helpful. And it sounds like,
Speaker 5: especially if you had a lot of insecurity and lack
Speaker 5: of safety in childhood, creating that secure and safe space
Speaker 5: for yourself would be really really.
Speaker 2: Important, yes, especially peace that and that's the piece that
Speaker 2: makes me want to cry because I'm like, all I
Speaker 2: want is just a safe place for not only me,
Speaker 2: but for my children, you know, and just like that
Speaker 2: the things that I would never want to happen in
Speaker 2: past homes to happen here, like this is like my
Speaker 2: sacred like ground.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, and now you would Steve.
Speaker 2: I always go to Steve Harvey, but he's just like,
Speaker 2: you know, it's it's and I don't know if this
Speaker 2: is a tip that you'd agree or not agree, but
Speaker 2: he's like, you should be uncomfortable, like you will work
Speaker 2: harder when you're uncomfortable. And I'm misquoting it, but basically like, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's I can pull up the exact one, but it's
Speaker 2: just like I'm constantly uncomfortable. Yeah, but this home does
Speaker 2: matter to you on a different level. I think that's
Speaker 2: the thing too, Like it's it's not a superficial thing
Speaker 2: to me at all. It's a new chapter.
Speaker 3: It's you. I mean, this is it right?
Speaker 2: I just think failure, though, is in me is a
Speaker 2: deep route too from like past. So it's like I
Speaker 2: don't want to fail. So that's you know, I lot of.
Speaker 3: Tips about that.
Speaker 5: I love failure. I just did an entire podcast about
Speaker 5: how to get out of a slump, and one of
Speaker 5: the listener questions that I addressed was like, I am
Speaker 5: too afraid to take to take risks and to do
Speaker 5: things I want to do in my life because I'm
Speaker 5: afraid of failing. And I was, like, every successful person
Speaker 5: that I know has failed so many times.
Speaker 2: Oh, I mean I have many, and those I've learned
Speaker 2: the greatest lessons from them.
Speaker 4: You learn the.
Speaker 5: Greatest lessons, including the lesson that like, you can take
Speaker 5: those risks and you will be okay and you are resilient.
Speaker 5: And I think you can only teach yourself that through practice.
Speaker 5: So you learn like the practical lesson like oh I
Speaker 5: should do this differently next time, I shouldn't trust this
Speaker 5: person whatever, but you also learn the lesson of like
Speaker 5: I can fail and I can be okay. And I
Speaker 5: also think to an extent, life is sort of a
Speaker 5: numbers game. So if you take a lot of rest,
Speaker 5: you're probably gonna have a lot of failures and some rewards.
Speaker 5: But if you don't take rests, you're not going to
Speaker 5: have any rewards and you're not gonna have any failures.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like you do a really good job
Speaker 2: at though, like you just are like we're doing this
Speaker 2: when it comes to like your kids, and.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I was thinking about the grocery store thing,
Speaker 1: though I'd probably have a lot more money if I
Speaker 1: actually looked at how much I'm spending at the grocery store.
Speaker 1: That I'm just like whatever, I'm gonna get whatever I want.
Speaker 2: But I'm going to go on these great vacations, like
Speaker 2: and that's my priority.
Speaker 1: Like I will probably not end up. I mean, I
Speaker 1: would like a bigger, nicer house, but that's not like
Speaker 1: my top. I spend more time in my car, so
Speaker 1: I kind of want my car to.
Speaker 3: Be you know.
Speaker 1: So it's just priorities are just so different. You're always hosting.
Speaker 1: I never really hosted my house, you know. So it's
Speaker 1: just all different. So vacations are top for me. And
Speaker 1: I'm just kind of my husband is always freaks out
Speaker 1: about money. He definitely has anxiety around money, and I'm
Speaker 1: just like, this is what we're gonna do. My priorities
Speaker 1: traveling and you know, so it's just a balance just
Speaker 1: and everyone has different priorities.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm married a preacher's kid who grew up with nothing,
Speaker 2: So we have a huge scarcely mentality issue at our Well.
Speaker 3: I grew up with nothing, but I kind of went
Speaker 3: the opposite way.
Speaker 2: Same same like, I'm like, God has proved so many
Speaker 2: places where I thought I would hit a low yeah,
Speaker 2: and I've just never it. I see it's a I
Speaker 2: get scarcy mentality to say never, but just always has
Speaker 2: provided for me. So I feel like it's okay. Then
Speaker 2: why aren't you moving into the neighborhood because you're so
Speaker 2: My next question, because my husband's in music, is there
Speaker 2: a chapter on scarcity in the music industry?
Speaker 5: I mean, I am in a career that's also sort
Speaker 5: of inherently up and down. You never, it's dependent on
Speaker 5: your audience and people being engaged in algorithms and are
Speaker 5: people gonna buy my buck? Are people going to listen
Speaker 5: to my podcast? And I think the thing that's helped
Speaker 5: me most is building belief in my own resilience. And
Speaker 5: I think that for your husband, he will building the
Speaker 5: belief that no matter what the world throws at him,
Speaker 5: he has the skills, the mindset, the ability to handle
Speaker 5: that thing because we can't control obviously so much of
Speaker 5: what's coming from the outside. But over the years, I've
Speaker 5: been able to build a belief that like, I can
Speaker 5: I can pivot. I'm scrappy, I'm adaptable, and I think
Speaker 5: that that serves me more than any outside assurance possibly could.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and he's a hustler, Like it's the thing that
Speaker 2: I'm most like. All the people that I'm most drawn
Speaker 2: to are these like the grit having hustler people. I
Speaker 2: think we all are like never going to settle for
Speaker 2: just like hanging out on a couch.
Speaker 5: Well, and I think that's like a cool compliment to
Speaker 5: give him instead of like, oh, this is so cool
Speaker 5: you worked with it. I don't know what he does
Speaker 5: in the music industry, but I feel like, if oh
Speaker 5: this is so cool you worked with this artist, you
Speaker 5: got this award, those are cool, but he's already those
Speaker 5: are things that are ephemeral and they can go away.
Speaker 5: But instead like saying to him, I so admire how
Speaker 5: scrappy you are. I love that you're a hustler. I
Speaker 5: think that's so cool. Like I think it's amazing that
Speaker 5: you're gonna do whatever you want and succeed no matter what.
Speaker 2: And I told him, I'm like, dude, you didn't marry,
Speaker 2: like we will team up and we will handle shit
Speaker 2: like I'm a stay at home mom now because I
Speaker 2: can be. I still want to do things and need
Speaker 2: to do things, but also like we're just never going down.
Speaker 2: I think he's witnessed so much of I think he
Speaker 2: doesn't understand the balance of like what he has seen
Speaker 2: is because there's an equal level of effort that matches
Speaker 2: what he's seen and our level, even his level sleeping
Speaker 2: is gonna well surpass where his family came from, Like
Speaker 2: he can't, you know, so we just won't be that.
Speaker 3: We can't be. We're like it's not in our DNA well.
Speaker 5: And going back to what we were talking about with feeling,
Speaker 5: you know, insecure, feeling like everything might go away, I've
Speaker 5: had to realize that the thing that's going to make
Speaker 5: that feeling go away is it going to be making
Speaker 5: more money. It's going to be giving my childhood self
Speaker 5: what they never got, which was love, acceptance, the reassurance
Speaker 5: that I've got this. I did not get that as
Speaker 5: a child, and so I've been really working on giving
Speaker 5: that to myself, and that's honestly impacted my anxiety and
Speaker 5: my sense of safety and security far more than any
Speaker 5: amount of money. I've ever been able to make.
Speaker 2: That's a real out of your book, And that might
Speaker 2: be it, But what is the what is the number
Speaker 2: one for you out of the hundred that you're like,
Speaker 2: this is what I will live and die by, Like
Speaker 2: your kind of thing that gets you through your to
Speaker 2: make your best life.
Speaker 4: So the thing is it does change.
Speaker 5: I really wanted this book to be a resource. First
Speaker 5: of all, it's really pretty, So I wanted it to
Speaker 5: be the kind of book you would put out on
Speaker 5: your coffee table and you would flip through as part
Speaker 5: of a morning routine or when you want a motivation
Speaker 5: moment you're just kind of like, if I can't get
Speaker 5: off the couch, I'm scrolling on social media a lot.
Speaker 4: You pick it up, you read a tip.
Speaker 5: The tips are about five to ten minutes of reading
Speaker 5: each and you get the science and then you get
Speaker 5: action to do with that science. So I wanted it
Speaker 5: to serve as a resource for there's a time you're
Speaker 5: really struggling with gut health issues, we have a section
Speaker 5: for that. If there's a time where you're struggling with friendships,
Speaker 5: we have a section for that. If there's a time
Speaker 5: you're struggling with relationships. We have a section for that,
Speaker 5: but right now, the tip that's really resonating with me
Speaker 5: is about rewiring your neural pathways for happiness. Have you
Speaker 5: guys heard about this concept at all? I love it.
Speaker 2: So.
Speaker 5: It's from doctor Rick Hanson. He is a psychologist at
Speaker 5: UC Berkeley, and he does all of this amazing work
Speaker 5: about how we can literally rewire our neural pathways so
Speaker 5: that we feel more happiness on a moment to moment
Speaker 5: basis in our lives.
Speaker 4: That we do that is by when we feel good
Speaker 4: things when we notice a sunset.
Speaker 5: These gonna be like little little little things when you're
Speaker 5: in a hug, if you like that hug for a
Speaker 5: little bit longer to just kind of sit in it,
Speaker 5: when you're smelling your dog's like fur, your kid's hair,
Speaker 5: or anything like that, These little tiny moments you want
Speaker 5: to sit in it a little bit longer than you
Speaker 5: normally would sit in it, and then you want to
Speaker 5: turn up the dial on feeling it a little bit more.
Speaker 5: You just kind of want to like, oh, yeah, the
Speaker 5: sunset is so good, my cat's first smell so good.
Speaker 4: And what that's going to do.
Speaker 5: That lingering in that amplification is going to literally rewire
Speaker 5: your neural pathways. Your neural pathways are like a meadow,
Speaker 5: and if you were going for a hike, you're kind
Speaker 5: of like making a path in the meadow, making a
Speaker 5: path in the meadow, making a path in the meadow,
Speaker 5: And those are all different thoughts that you're thinking. So
Speaker 5: if you're thinking, I'm so stressed, the world is against me,
Speaker 5: I'm never going to complete this, I'm ugly, I'm stupid,
Speaker 5: those are paths that you're making in that meadow in
Speaker 5: your brain, and your brain is going to take the
Speaker 5: most easy path to take. So if it is the
Speaker 5: most well trodden path, I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm stressed,
Speaker 5: I hate the world. Your brain's like, cool, got it,
Speaker 5: that's the path I'm going to take. That's an easy
Speaker 5: way through this meadow. But what you're doing through this practice,
Speaker 5: through amplifying the good and setting in the good, is
Speaker 5: you're making new pathways and you're cementing those pathways, and
Speaker 5: you're making them much easier. So the next time your
Speaker 5: brain doesn't know where to go, instead of feeding you
Speaker 5: be thoughts that make you feel like crap, it's going
Speaker 5: to feed you really good thoughts. That are going to
Speaker 5: make you feel amazing.
Speaker 2: I love that, well, Liz, Thank you so much for
Speaker 2: coming on everyone, Get one hundred Ways to Change your
Speaker 2: Life The Science of leveling up health, happiness, relationships, and success.
Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing some of your tips with that.
Speaker 5: Thank you guys so much for having me