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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.

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Speaker 2: On today's Therapy Thursday, We've got Liz Moody. So. She

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Speaker 2: is the host of the top wellness and lifestyle podcast,

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Speaker 2: The Liz Moody Podcast formerly Healthier Together. She's a world

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Speaker 2: class expert. She's also a best selling author of Healthier Together,

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Speaker 2: Recipes for two Nourish Your Body, Nourish Your Relationships, and

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Speaker 2: Glow Pops. And her new book One Hundred Ways to

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Speaker 2: Change Your Life, The Science of Leveling Up Health, Happiness, Relationships,

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Speaker 2: and Success, is going to be published on October seventeenth

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Speaker 2: by Harper Wave. All Right, so from the creator of

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Speaker 2: the Liz Moody podcast.

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Speaker 3: Hey girls, Hi.

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Speaker 4: I am so sorry, y'all.

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Speaker 2: Am.

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Speaker 3: I'm not allowed to be sorry. You can't be sorry.

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Speaker 2: Here.

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Speaker 5: My little sister came and stayed in like my podcast

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Speaker 5: setup room and so everything, and I was like sitting

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Speaker 5: here and just like I'm missing something. I'm missing the

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Speaker 5: van And that is my freaking headboots.

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Speaker 3: Story in my life. Howld your sister younger?

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Speaker 4: She's younger.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, she's finishing her PhD in psychology right now.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I had we It's funny because Janna and I

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Speaker 2: have had babies at the same time, so our girls

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Speaker 2: are three weeks apart, our boys are three months apart.

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Speaker 2: And then I have a three month old and she's

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Speaker 2: due in like not long, like eight weeks.

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Speaker 3: Eight weeks.

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Speaker 4: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: I always want to know about sister relationships because my

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Speaker 2: oldest and my youngest are both girls, and I wanted

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Speaker 2: a sister my whole life.

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Speaker 5: But also, I love what you just said because you're like,

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Speaker 5: you're creating real siblings for your kids, but you're also

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Speaker 5: building them this community that's not just blood related, and

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Speaker 5: I think that's so so special and so under talked

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Speaker 5: about as well.

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Speaker 3: I really love that you said that, actually are we can?

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Speaker 2: I just go right in because I really like, Liz,

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Speaker 2: this matters to me because I grew up in a

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Speaker 2: pretty tumultuous upbringing, and I have not found that I

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Speaker 2: feel the safest with the people I'm related to. So

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Speaker 2: I do attempt to like throw out the lifelines to

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Speaker 2: create these relationships and keep the family tree in air quotes.

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Speaker 2: But I do feel like, I mean, it was funny,

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Speaker 2: like even when it came down to delivery room, I

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Speaker 2: asked Jana to be in with me because I thought

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Speaker 2: she's going to advocate for me, She's going to know

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Speaker 2: how to like well, love me and take care of

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Speaker 2: me better than my mom would, I mean truthfully.

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Speaker 5: So the thing is, yeah, I think that there's so

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Speaker 5: much research that shows that we need community. It's so

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Speaker 5: important for our mental health, our physical health, our cortisol levels,

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Speaker 5: for longevity. But we often assume that needs to be

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Speaker 5: something that we're like inherently related to, or there's some

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Speaker 5: sort of bloodline. I do this series on my podcast

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Speaker 5: about the pros and cons of having kids, and I

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Speaker 5: had on this therapist whose entire work is helping people

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Speaker 5: decide whether or not to have children, and she said,

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Speaker 5: a really good option can be if you're kind of undecided.

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Speaker 5: A lot of people end up being really happy having

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Speaker 5: one kid. You kind of get the experience, but you're

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Speaker 5: not as deep into it as if you have two

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Speaker 5: or three children or more than that. And I shared

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Speaker 5: that on social because it was really compelling to me.

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Speaker 5: I'm leaning towards having one kid, and people erupted at me.

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Speaker 5: They were like, oh, my gosh, your kid's going to

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Speaker 5: be so lonely. Only children are so lonely. How could

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Speaker 5: you do that to a human and I'm like, community

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Speaker 5: is going to be at the forefront of my mind

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Speaker 5: every step of the way. But that community doesn't need

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Speaker 5: to come from my uterus, you know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. And also I'm lonely and I have siblings, so

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Speaker 3: that too.

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Speaker 5: How many people do you know with siblings where they

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Speaker 5: hate each other?

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Speaker 4: You don't want that to be the.

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Speaker 5: Case, but it can happen. And I have so many

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Speaker 5: friends that that's happened to.

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Speaker 2: Like, I love him and he's great today he turned forty.

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Speaker 2: Actually I facetimed him this morning. I still call him

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Speaker 2: the baby. You know, he has a mustache and a family,

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Speaker 2: but he.

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Speaker 4: Sure he loves that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's interesting because I'm not It's not like

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Speaker 2: he's not the first person I call when I you know,

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Speaker 2: and then I even still feel a little guilty saying

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Speaker 2: out loud to you.

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Speaker 1: I think I think a lot of people though, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of people. As you get older,

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Speaker 1: their first people are more friends, not family. I know,

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Speaker 1: people like the first people you'll call, the first person

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Speaker 1: you want to talk to. That like you feel more

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Speaker 1: connected to your friends. I feel like not everyone, but

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Speaker 1: I feel like that's pretty common.

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Speaker 2: So I don't know because three out of three of

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Speaker 2: us feel that way. But I'm like, do birds of

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Speaker 2: a feather? I mean, I definitely feel that way, but

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Speaker 2: I will say I get a little envious when I

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Speaker 2: told my therapist is too or I'm sorry our therapist.

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Speaker 2: You all have the same therapist we do. She was

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Speaker 2: and then I was like, I talk about each other.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, She's like, well, the funniest thing is to

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Speaker 2: this day, she still this happened just a week or

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Speaker 2: two ago. She's like, I think, are you going to

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Speaker 2: want to come into the office this way today? And

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Speaker 2: I was just like, I think you might want to

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Speaker 2: see someone. I'm like, just tell me. I know, I

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Speaker 2: know you Like like, like what always gued to me?

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Speaker 2: I'm like, Amy, I already you can confirm and denight,

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Speaker 2: Like do we need to sign a waiver so we

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Speaker 2: can always do anyway?

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: But anyways, I was telling her because we were just

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Speaker 2: talking about how you know our parents.

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Speaker 3: How do I say this?

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Speaker 2: You expect different things from your parents, and I think

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Speaker 2: as you get older, you see that they're they maybe

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Speaker 2: not they they maybe have not done the work or

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Speaker 2: the they have. Maybe the stronger they have boundaries or

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Speaker 2: just all the stuff, like they haven't they haven't done it,

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Speaker 2: they haven't done the therapy. Like our generation, I feel

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Speaker 2: like is very like therapy and talking about things, and

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Speaker 2: it's like they they've just kind of stayed stagnant with

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Speaker 2: certain things. And so she was like, man, I feel

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Speaker 2: like this generation, our generation is just like had a

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Speaker 2: lot of clients come in this week talking about their parents.

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Speaker 2: And I said, for me, though, I also see the

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Speaker 2: other people on Instagram where it's like, you know, Becke

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Speaker 2: Tilli and her mom were just on like vacation Hawaii,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, I would love to do that, And

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Speaker 2: I was like, I'm envious of those people that get

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Speaker 2: to have those relationships. Then I realized I'm like, oh, well,

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Speaker 2: it's fine, I'll just take my friend and you just

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Speaker 2: have to accept the relationship for what it is. But

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Speaker 2: it still kind of stings a little bit to be

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Speaker 2: like I wish I had that.

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Speaker 5: Also, I think it's like anything else in life where

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Speaker 5: I mean, I see so many of those things and

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Speaker 5: I don't have that type of relationship either with my mom.

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Speaker 4: And what we see on social media.

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Speaker 5: Is like not the Norman. It's just the thing that

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Speaker 5: we see because of course the people who are like

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Speaker 5: besties with their mom are going to be gramming the

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Speaker 5: Hawaii vacation, you know, right, Yeah, So I think it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: it's like it's important to take a step back, and

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Speaker 5: it's I also think it's important to have these types

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Speaker 5: of conversations because same as like with friendships, our friendships

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Speaker 5: change and grow and evolve over our lives. And sometimes

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Speaker 5: the friends that we make as an adult feel better

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Speaker 5: to us because they reflect the selves that we like

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Speaker 5: to see ourselves as as at that moment back to us,

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Speaker 5: versus the people who are kind of reflecting your high

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Speaker 5: school self, or your childhood self or your college self.

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Speaker 5: And I think family can sometimes get stuck in reflecting

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Speaker 5: a version of ourselves back to ourselves that we are

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Speaker 5: no longer that person. We've evolved, we've changed, we've moved on.

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Speaker 5: And I think it's so important too if we want

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Speaker 5: to keep those relationships from our past strong give space.

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Speaker 5: I have a tip in my book actually about like

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Speaker 5: always letting people evolve in front of you.

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Speaker 4: With our partners.

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Speaker 5: I think we do this all the time with our

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Speaker 5: romantic partners. We kind of trap them in the people

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Speaker 5: that they were when we met them, when we've been

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Speaker 5: doing all this work in the past decade, and why

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Speaker 5: wouldn't they have been doing that same work as well.

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Speaker 2: So I have a question around that because something very

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Speaker 2: similar just happened to me around the friendship part. And

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Speaker 2: it's someone that I had been friends with for you know,

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Speaker 2: ten plus years, I'll say that, and I remember sitting

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Speaker 2: there having a conversation just going, we're just we're so

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Speaker 2: different now that so we've grown a part so much

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Speaker 2: that I don't know if I would be friends with

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Speaker 2: this person if I met them today. But I feel

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Speaker 2: like I'm almost not that I have to be friends

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Speaker 2: this person. But it's just, you know, I was even

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Speaker 2: thinking like wedding lists, and I'm like, well, she'd be

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Speaker 2: hurt if I didn't invite her, but she's not a

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Speaker 2: I don't I would be hurt.

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Speaker 1: Because I'm over here going, oh, we're doing.

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Speaker 2: The math carrying the one looks like we got extended

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Speaker 2: on them. But you start to like, I start to go, okay,

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Speaker 2: it's I think it's okay. Obviously people grow apart, But

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Speaker 2: to have that like kind of realization that I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I don't even know the effort that I would not

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Speaker 2: that's not the effort because I'm like, I still care

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Speaker 2: about this person, but I just like, they're not going

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Speaker 2: to be on the short list, and I think their

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Speaker 2: feelings would be hurt. But at the same time, we're

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Speaker 2: just so different.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: It's like a It is tricky though, because to your point,

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Speaker 2: I don't think everyone's sometimes doing the same amount of work.

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Speaker 5: So but that can be something we look for in

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Speaker 5: friendships too, right, It's like the in our relationships and

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Speaker 5: our friendships and our relationships with our family, Like we

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Speaker 5: can say it's important to us to spend time with

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Speaker 5: people doing the work, and then we can kind of

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Speaker 5: scale back the time with people who aren't doing the work.

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Speaker 2: Is that one of the hundred things one hundred ways

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Speaker 2: to change your life in your book?

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Speaker 3: Nine?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Can we have distance to divide the book? The last thing, well,

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Speaker 3: the last.

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Speaker 5: Tip is actually one of my favorites. That one is

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Speaker 5: take the risk, and that's based on research from Dan

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Speaker 5: Pink that shows that by and large, in our lives,

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Speaker 5: we regret the risk that we don't take far more

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Speaker 5: than the risk that we do take, even if those

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Speaker 5: risks end up as failures, like even if we don't

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Speaker 5: succeed at the risk, we still regret it less if

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Speaker 5: we take it. So tip number one hundred, I think,

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Speaker 5: is what we're saying.

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Speaker 3: And do you have one in there for how to

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Speaker 3: break up with a friend.

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Speaker 5: I don't have one for how to break up as

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Speaker 5: a friend. I have how to make new friends as

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Speaker 5: an adult.

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Speaker 4: I have ones for.

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Speaker 5: How to turn friends into best friends, which I think

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Speaker 5: we do not talk about enough because I think a

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Speaker 5: lot of us feel like we have those acquaintances, we

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Speaker 5: have those people we see at work at yoga, but

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Speaker 5: we want that rider, dive bestie, that call in the

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Speaker 5: middle of the night bestie. So we have a tip

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Speaker 5: about that, but not how to break up with a friend.

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Speaker 5: But I did have a friendship expert on my podcast

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Speaker 5: once and she was a huge fan of never severing

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Speaker 5: ties completely. She's a fan of kind of a two

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Speaker 5: prong approach one having a conversation, because if you're at

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Speaker 5: the point where you're ready to sever ties, you have

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Speaker 5: nothing to lose by just saying to this person, I

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Speaker 5: wish we had more of this type of conversation. I

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Speaker 5: wish we did more of this type of thing, And

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Speaker 5: actually just getting it out there in the open what

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Speaker 5: you would like from the friendship, and then if nothing

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Speaker 5: happens with that, she was a friend or she was

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Speaker 5: a fan of putting people in sort of different categories

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Speaker 5: in your life and being okay with that. Like, not

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Speaker 5: everybody has to be a wedding friend. Not everybody has

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Speaker 5: to be a middle of the night bestie. Some people

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Speaker 5: can be people you see a party. Sometimes you send

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Speaker 5: a quick text to when you see something exciting has

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Speaker 5: happened in their life life on social media, and that's

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Speaker 5: completely okay.

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Speaker 2: Give us the impath guide to doing that, because I

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Speaker 2: think that's where we struggle. Yeah, like I would, I'm

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Speaker 2: going to invite just because I feel bad that I

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Speaker 2: don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

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Speaker 4: Well, I think it ran for a wedding.

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Speaker 5: I think it really depends on how big your wedding is,

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Speaker 5: what the vibe of it is, et cetera.

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Speaker 3: But the vibe is close friends.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's the finest friends you can have

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Speaker 5: a conversation. I think we're all trying to live our

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Speaker 5: life as best we can. And I think sometimes there

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Speaker 5: is a tip in the book, Tip three I think

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Speaker 5: is think about your death, and it's one of my

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Speaker 5: favorite tips. That's a little morbid, but I think sometimes

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Speaker 5: zooming out and getting the perspective of, like, what are

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Speaker 5: the things that are going to matter to me at

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Speaker 5: the end of my life. Is it going to matter

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Speaker 5: more that I didn't hurt this friend's feelings about whether

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Speaker 5: or not they could come to my wedding, Or is

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Speaker 5: it going to matter more that my wedding had exactly

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Speaker 5: the vibe that I wanted it to have. And those

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Speaker 5: answers are going to be different for different people. But

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Speaker 5: zooming out and thinking about yourself literally, like lying on

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Speaker 5: your deathbed, which of those things is going to be

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Speaker 5: more important?

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Speaker 4: And then do that?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm gonna have to change my middle of the

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Speaker 2: night friend because I tried to call Hey in the

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Speaker 2: middle of the night the other night because I was

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Speaker 2: having like I was I'm violently ill from food poisoning,

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Speaker 2: and she didn't answer the phone, so I heard it

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Speaker 2: from I couldn't because I'm like, she's got a baby.

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Speaker 2: She's like, oh, I'm always awake. There's something else too,

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Speaker 2: And I don't know if you've got a tip for this,

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Speaker 2: And again I think this is like my people, please

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Speaker 2: are piece of me, which is interesting because sometimes I

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Speaker 2: can be so opposite. But when someone is having a

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Speaker 2: conversation and they're just continuing continuing to talk, in my

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Speaker 2: inner I was like, I don't want to keep talking

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Speaker 2: right now, and I just would like to be like,

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I have to go, or like I need

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Speaker 2: to just because I need to just stop. I need

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Speaker 2: to I need to do stuff today, or like I

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Speaker 2: but I feel bad interrupting the person to just I'm

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Speaker 2: going to share something that I can say because I've

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Speaker 2: never done it to either of you. Okay, my phone dies, No,

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Speaker 2: I mean in person, the lions say your phone dies.

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Speaker 2: I just I just hang up and then and then

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Speaker 2: I'll text him ten minutes later and say, whoa my phone.

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Speaker 3: You're gonna get a lot of text from people.

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Speaker 2: Here's only a few of them, but there's people you

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Speaker 2: can't catch a breath. I'm like, all right, it sis

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Speaker 2: my cause I get like two minutes to myself these days.

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Speaker 3: I shall say I gotta go. You would, But this

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Speaker 3: person was like telling me, like the story, I'm just like.

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Speaker 1: But here's the thing. If I'm on the other end

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Speaker 1: of that, and do not take this the wrong way. Like,

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Speaker 1: I'm picking up on the fact that you're not wanting

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Speaker 1: to hear my conversation.

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Speaker 3: But if you're that observant, you're not going to people

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Speaker 3: or not. That's the thing.

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Speaker 1: So many people don't pick up on that, and I

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Speaker 1: do that too, like I'm picking up the hint. I

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Speaker 1: am walking away while you're still speaking.

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Speaker 2: Some people just don't, like I remember when I hugged.

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Speaker 2: When I hug people like and they're like, they're not hugs.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, who okay, And I know that now for

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Speaker 2: the next time, you know, because it's like you're.

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Speaker 3: Talking about me. We're just say you're talking about me?

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Speaker 5: No.

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Speaker 2: I remember the time that I met Catherine.

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Speaker 3: Are we talking abou a different one?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: She's like, how to go?

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Speaker 2: And I was just like, well, I gave her a hug,

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Speaker 2: and I don't know if she's a hug like a

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Speaker 2: hugging person.

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Speaker 3: So I was like and I was like, oh yeah.

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Speaker 2: Tip five in her book is don't hug people that

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Speaker 2: don't want to be hugged.

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Speaker 3: It's not a better way to live a good way to.

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Speaker 1: Live a healthy life if you don't love to be hugged.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't like for me, it's the holding on for

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Speaker 1: a long time that's the biggest problem. Yeah, they're like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's like if you the extended hug is where you

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Speaker 1: start to get a little uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: Well, Julie like rubs my rubs my arm. That's that's

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Speaker 2: where I'm just like, all right, stop takling my arm.

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Speaker 3: That's funny. Julie does get romantic with all of them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so we'll get I need some more tips

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Speaker 2: to live my best life.

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Speaker 5: I mean, so we have eighteen categories in the book.

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Speaker 5: Is there something that you feel like you in an

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Speaker 5: area of your life that you feel like you would

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Speaker 5: like to do some work on?

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Speaker 3: Jam Where to start? Let me?

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Speaker 2: Can I grab my whiteboard because I've got uh yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think let's start with like I struggle with like finances.

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Speaker 2: So again, I just bought to new how I bought

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Speaker 2: a new house. She's also dating to Scottish men. So

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Speaker 2: I get I talk about this a lot, especially Thursday therapies.

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Speaker 2: But something you said take a risk, and I was

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Speaker 2: like this the first thing I thought. I was like, well,

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Speaker 2: this house is a risk because I just don't know

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Speaker 2: how it's going to look in a couple of years

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Speaker 2: or whatever, and because everything is so not promised today

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Speaker 2: and obviously but just work wise. So I'm just curious,

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Speaker 2: do you have any other tips when it comes to

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Speaker 2: just living your life? And I know you say take

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Speaker 2: risks and stuff, but not you know, feeling held down

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Speaker 2: because you're afraid of what might happen.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely, I have a lot of money anxiety. I call

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Speaker 5: myself like anxiously attached to my money and an attachment

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Speaker 5: issue relational style. But I think my favorite tip in

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Speaker 5: the book about money, It's twofold one, is to take

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Speaker 5: the decision fatigue out of money as much as possible.

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Speaker 5: So I think we spend a lot of time thinking

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Speaker 5: about the little parts of money that are just weighing

371
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Speaker 5: on our brains, whether it's do I Robby at Sati,

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Speaker 5: who's somebody that I interviewed.

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Speaker 4: He wrote I Will Teach You to Be Rich.

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Speaker 5: It's a great book as a Netflix series, et cetera.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he came on the podcast for Thursday Therapy. He's fantastic.

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Speaker 2: Did he help no matter how much?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: He's like, no matter, He's like, what would you feel

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Speaker 2: comfortable having in your account? And I was like, you know,

380
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,120
Speaker 2: trying to talk to him about it. He's like, I

381
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,080
Speaker 2: promise you you'd still not be happy when you have

382
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Speaker 2: that like mindset. He's just like, you're always going to

383
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Speaker 2: be like, no, that's not enough, or I need I

384
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Speaker 2: need this, and yeah.

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Speaker 4: He's well, And I think it depends.

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Speaker 5: One of the things that's going to call it for

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Speaker 5: him is that he automates so much of his decision

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Speaker 5: making around money, so like he has a role that

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Speaker 5: if he goes to bookstre and he wants a book,

390
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Speaker 5: he doesn't think about it. He just buys the book.

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Speaker 5: He knows that's something that he can always afford. And

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Speaker 5: by taking the decision fatigue off the table of like

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Speaker 5: do I buy this book? Do I not by this

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Speaker 5: book making these little rules about money. So for me,

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Speaker 5: a rule that I've been lucky enough to make about

396
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Speaker 5: money is that I don't think about how much money

397
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Speaker 5: I spend at the grocery store.

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Speaker 4: I used to debate about it.

399
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Speaker 5: I'd hem and haf I should buy like the expensive

400
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,320
Speaker 5: ollie pops and poppies and whatever. And I'm just like,

401
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,040
Speaker 5: this is not impacting my finances in the long run.

402
00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:22,359
Speaker 5: Why am I spending my time thinking about this? But

403
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Speaker 5: I also think that He has a really nice zoom

404
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:29,320
Speaker 5: out perspective of like, we are making money outside of

405
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:33,639
Speaker 5: taking care of our basic circumstances to enable our best lives.

406
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,720
Speaker 5: So what does your best life look like? If you

407
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Speaker 5: think your best life is in a beautiful home that's

408
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,399
Speaker 5: going to make you feel cozy and secure and you're

409
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Speaker 5: going to make all these wonderful memories with your friends

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Speaker 5: and family, then that's something that it probably makes sense

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Speaker 5: for you to spend more money on. And then outside

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Speaker 5: of that, and I think a really important thing for

413
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,879
Speaker 5: that is like freeing yourself of the societal shoulds. Like

414
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,840
Speaker 5: I do not give a shit what kind of car

415
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Speaker 5: I drive.

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Speaker 3: That's yeah, same, literally.

417
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Speaker 4: Could not care less.

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00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,399
Speaker 5: But sometimes I'll get that little inkling when my friend

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Speaker 5: drives away in like a really cool car, and I'm like, oh,

420
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Speaker 5: should I care about that? I don't give a shit

421
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,159
Speaker 5: about designer bags, like having a Chanel logo on my

422
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:16,000
Speaker 5: bag does nothing for me. But sometimes I'm like, well, well,

423
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,720
Speaker 5: people think I'm less successful if I don't have this

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00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 5: logo on my clothes. And I think kind of removing

425
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,959
Speaker 5: any of those shoulds and noticing when they spring up

426
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Speaker 5: is really important. But it sounds like you have, like me.

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Speaker 5: Outside of that, you need to feel safe and secure,

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Speaker 5: and I think recognizing that after a certain level, and

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Speaker 5: I think there's definitely a level where money is going

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Speaker 5: to be the thing that makes us feel safe and secure,

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Speaker 5: and we need to recognize all the people who don't

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Speaker 5: feel safe and secure because they don't have enough money.

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Speaker 5: But after a certain level, that need for safety and

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Speaker 5: security is not around money. It's around something else that

435
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,520
Speaker 5: happened in your past and your childhood, and working on

436
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,320
Speaker 5: addressing the root cause of that is going to help

437
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,880
Speaker 5: you so much more than making more and more money.

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Speaker 2: Well, sure, I mean I came. I came from my

439
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:04,440
Speaker 2: mom who we'd always cut coupons, right, So it's like, hey,

440
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,119
Speaker 2: we were a coupon family, you know. And it was

441
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,360
Speaker 2: like we couldn't get that because it was too much

442
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,600
Speaker 2: or you know, and so I had to quit things

443
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,160
Speaker 2: because we didn't have I had to quit figure skating

444
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:14,639
Speaker 2: because we didn't have the money for it, and she

445
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,639
Speaker 2: had to work three jobs. So there was like so

446
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,200
Speaker 2: then I didn't I don't really think I had security

447
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,800
Speaker 2: until later in my early thirties, to be honest with you.

448
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,800
Speaker 2: So it's so new that you know then he was

449
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,280
Speaker 2: basically saying, like your house and your car the things

450
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:30,560
Speaker 2: you shouldn't spend money, and I was like.

451
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:30,920
Speaker 3: Oh crap.

452
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,600
Speaker 2: I was like, I really I was about to move

453
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,919
Speaker 2: into it, you know, because he was giving us percentages

454
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,240
Speaker 2: of like what to you know, and I'm like, well,

455
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,760
Speaker 2: I'm over it. But at the same time, again, I

456
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,520
Speaker 2: don't care what kind of car I drive, So I

457
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,280
Speaker 2: was just like, I went less on that.

458
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,840
Speaker 5: And I also disagree with that slightly, Like I think

459
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,399
Speaker 5: it's he's obviously the expert, and I sed to his

460
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,680
Speaker 5: expert advice largely, But I think we have to think

461
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,320
Speaker 5: about what our home means to us. And I think

462
00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:57,919
Speaker 5: even if your home isn't going to be the best

463
00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,920
Speaker 5: investment that you ever make, and Remy has really interesting

464
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,119
Speaker 5: numbers around that that are contrary to a lot of

465
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:06,960
Speaker 5: what we hear, our home matters emotionally, and I think

466
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 5: getting really clear on what your home means to you

467
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 5: from an emotional level can be helpful. And it sounds like,

468
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,400
Speaker 5: especially if you had a lot of insecurity and lack

469
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:18,199
Speaker 5: of safety in childhood, creating that secure and safe space

470
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,160
Speaker 5: for yourself would be really really.

471
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,320
Speaker 2: Important, yes, especially peace that and that's the piece that

472
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,359
Speaker 2: makes me want to cry because I'm like, all I

473
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,639
Speaker 2: want is just a safe place for not only me,

474
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,760
Speaker 2: but for my children, you know, and just like that

475
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,080
Speaker 2: the things that I would never want to happen in

476
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,159
Speaker 2: past homes to happen here, like this is like my

477
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:36,880
Speaker 2: sacred like ground.

478
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 3: So I'm like, and now you would Steve.

479
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,960
Speaker 2: I always go to Steve Harvey, but he's just like,

480
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,800
Speaker 2: you know, it's it's and I don't know if this

481
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,439
Speaker 2: is a tip that you'd agree or not agree, but

482
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 2: he's like, you should be uncomfortable, like you will work

483
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:53,720
Speaker 2: harder when you're uncomfortable. And I'm misquoting it, but basically like, yeah,

484
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,320
Speaker 2: it's I can pull up the exact one, but it's

485
00:20:56,440 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 2: just like I'm constantly uncomfortable. Yeah, but this home does

486
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,639
Speaker 2: matter to you on a different level. I think that's

487
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 2: the thing too, Like it's it's not a superficial thing

488
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,720
Speaker 2: to me at all. It's a new chapter.

489
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,720
Speaker 3: It's you. I mean, this is it right?

490
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,199
Speaker 2: I just think failure, though, is in me is a

491
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,959
Speaker 2: deep route too from like past. So it's like I

492
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 2: don't want to fail. So that's you know, I lot of.

493
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:20,399
Speaker 3: Tips about that.

494
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,000
Speaker 5: I love failure. I just did an entire podcast about

495
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 5: how to get out of a slump, and one of

496
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,160
Speaker 5: the listener questions that I addressed was like, I am

497
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 5: too afraid to take to take risks and to do

498
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 5: things I want to do in my life because I'm

499
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:36,240
Speaker 5: afraid of failing. And I was, like, every successful person

500
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,479
Speaker 5: that I know has failed so many times.

501
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,200
Speaker 2: Oh, I mean I have many, and those I've learned

502
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,280
Speaker 2: the greatest lessons from them.

503
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 4: You learn the.

504
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 5: Greatest lessons, including the lesson that like, you can take

505
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,160
Speaker 5: those risks and you will be okay and you are resilient.

506
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 5: And I think you can only teach yourself that through practice.

507
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 5: So you learn like the practical lesson like oh I

508
00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 5: should do this differently next time, I shouldn't trust this

509
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,360
Speaker 5: person whatever, but you also learn the lesson of like

510
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,840
Speaker 5: I can fail and I can be okay. And I

511
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,159
Speaker 5: also think to an extent, life is sort of a

512
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,200
Speaker 5: numbers game. So if you take a lot of rest,

513
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,400
Speaker 5: you're probably gonna have a lot of failures and some rewards.

514
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,159
Speaker 5: But if you don't take rests, you're not going to

515
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,920
Speaker 5: have any rewards and you're not gonna have any failures.

516
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like you do a really good job

517
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:32,360
Speaker 2: at though, like you just are like we're doing this

518
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,200
Speaker 2: when it comes to like your kids, and.

519
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I was thinking about the grocery store thing,

520
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,520
Speaker 1: though I'd probably have a lot more money if I

521
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 1: actually looked at how much I'm spending at the grocery store.

522
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:46,200
Speaker 1: That I'm just like whatever, I'm gonna get whatever I want.

523
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:48,480
Speaker 2: But I'm going to go on these great vacations, like

524
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:50,240
Speaker 2: and that's my priority.

525
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,000
Speaker 1: Like I will probably not end up. I mean, I

526
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 1: would like a bigger, nicer house, but that's not like

527
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 1: my top. I spend more time in my car, so

528
00:22:58,560 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 1: I kind of want my car to.

529
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:00,399
Speaker 3: Be you know.

530
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,680
Speaker 1: So it's just priorities are just so different. You're always hosting.

531
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 1: I never really hosted my house, you know. So it's

532
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 1: just all different. So vacations are top for me. And

533
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,479
Speaker 1: I'm just kind of my husband is always freaks out

534
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:14,959
Speaker 1: about money. He definitely has anxiety around money, and I'm

535
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:17,399
Speaker 1: just like, this is what we're gonna do. My priorities

536
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,679
Speaker 1: traveling and you know, so it's just a balance just

537
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 1: and everyone has different priorities.

538
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm married a preacher's kid who grew up with nothing,

539
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 2: So we have a huge scarcely mentality issue at our Well.

540
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:28,720
Speaker 3: I grew up with nothing, but I kind of went

541
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 3: the opposite way.

542
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,160
Speaker 2: Same same like, I'm like, God has proved so many

543
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,680
Speaker 2: places where I thought I would hit a low yeah,

544
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,159
Speaker 2: and I've just never it. I see it's a I

545
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 2: get scarcy mentality to say never, but just always has

546
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,760
Speaker 2: provided for me. So I feel like it's okay. Then

547
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,639
Speaker 2: why aren't you moving into the neighborhood because you're so

548
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:50,840
Speaker 2: My next question, because my husband's in music, is there

549
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:54,400
Speaker 2: a chapter on scarcity in the music industry?

550
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 5: I mean, I am in a career that's also sort

551
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 5: of inherently up and down. You never, it's dependent on

552
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,719
Speaker 5: your audience and people being engaged in algorithms and are

553
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:08,360
Speaker 5: people gonna buy my buck? Are people going to listen

554
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:10,120
Speaker 5: to my podcast? And I think the thing that's helped

555
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:15,359
Speaker 5: me most is building belief in my own resilience. And

556
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 5: I think that for your husband, he will building the

557
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 5: belief that no matter what the world throws at him,

558
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:27,439
Speaker 5: he has the skills, the mindset, the ability to handle

559
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:31,159
Speaker 5: that thing because we can't control obviously so much of

560
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,120
Speaker 5: what's coming from the outside. But over the years, I've

561
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 5: been able to build a belief that like, I can

562
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 5: I can pivot. I'm scrappy, I'm adaptable, and I think

563
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:44,120
Speaker 5: that that serves me more than any outside assurance possibly could.

564
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, and he's a hustler, Like it's the thing that

565
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 2: I'm most like. All the people that I'm most drawn

566
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 2: to are these like the grit having hustler people. I

567
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,119
Speaker 2: think we all are like never going to settle for

568
00:24:57,359 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 2: just like hanging out on a couch.

569
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,639
Speaker 5: Well, and I think that's like a cool compliment to

570
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,240
Speaker 5: give him instead of like, oh, this is so cool

571
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 5: you worked with it. I don't know what he does

572
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:06,040
Speaker 5: in the music industry, but I feel like, if oh

573
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 5: this is so cool you worked with this artist, you

574
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 5: got this award, those are cool, but he's already those

575
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,880
Speaker 5: are things that are ephemeral and they can go away.

576
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,679
Speaker 5: But instead like saying to him, I so admire how

577
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 5: scrappy you are. I love that you're a hustler. I

578
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:19,920
Speaker 5: think that's so cool. Like I think it's amazing that

579
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 5: you're gonna do whatever you want and succeed no matter what.

580
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,359
Speaker 2: And I told him, I'm like, dude, you didn't marry,

581
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,800
Speaker 2: like we will team up and we will handle shit

582
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 2: like I'm a stay at home mom now because I

583
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 2: can be. I still want to do things and need

584
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 2: to do things, but also like we're just never going down.

585
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 2: I think he's witnessed so much of I think he

586
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:47,120
Speaker 2: doesn't understand the balance of like what he has seen

587
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 2: is because there's an equal level of effort that matches

588
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:54,400
Speaker 2: what he's seen and our level, even his level sleeping

589
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:57,960
Speaker 2: is gonna well surpass where his family came from, Like

590
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 2: he can't, you know, so we just won't be that.

591
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:04,120
Speaker 3: We can't be. We're like it's not in our DNA well.

592
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:08,040
Speaker 5: And going back to what we were talking about with feeling,

593
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:12,680
Speaker 5: you know, insecure, feeling like everything might go away, I've

594
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,479
Speaker 5: had to realize that the thing that's going to make

595
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:16,919
Speaker 5: that feeling go away is it going to be making

596
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 5: more money. It's going to be giving my childhood self

597
00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 5: what they never got, which was love, acceptance, the reassurance

598
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 5: that I've got this. I did not get that as

599
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 5: a child, and so I've been really working on giving

600
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 5: that to myself, and that's honestly impacted my anxiety and

601
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 5: my sense of safety and security far more than any

602
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,080
Speaker 5: amount of money. I've ever been able to make.

603
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,199
Speaker 2: That's a real out of your book, And that might

604
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 2: be it, But what is the what is the number

605
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 2: one for you out of the hundred that you're like,

606
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 2: this is what I will live and die by, Like

607
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 2: your kind of thing that gets you through your to

608
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:55,160
Speaker 2: make your best life.

609
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 4: So the thing is it does change.

610
00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 5: I really wanted this book to be a resource. First

611
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 5: of all, it's really pretty, So I wanted it to

612
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 5: be the kind of book you would put out on

613
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 5: your coffee table and you would flip through as part

614
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 5: of a morning routine or when you want a motivation

615
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 5: moment you're just kind of like, if I can't get

616
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:12,480
Speaker 5: off the couch, I'm scrolling on social media a lot.

617
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:14,360
Speaker 4: You pick it up, you read a tip.

618
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,639
Speaker 5: The tips are about five to ten minutes of reading

619
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 5: each and you get the science and then you get

620
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 5: action to do with that science. So I wanted it

621
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,360
Speaker 5: to serve as a resource for there's a time you're

622
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 5: really struggling with gut health issues, we have a section

623
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:28,880
Speaker 5: for that. If there's a time where you're struggling with friendships,

624
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,199
Speaker 5: we have a section for that. If there's a time

625
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 5: you're struggling with relationships. We have a section for that,

626
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 5: but right now, the tip that's really resonating with me

627
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:40,440
Speaker 5: is about rewiring your neural pathways for happiness. Have you

628
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:44,399
Speaker 5: guys heard about this concept at all? I love it.

629
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 2: So.

630
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 5: It's from doctor Rick Hanson. He is a psychologist at

631
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,400
Speaker 5: UC Berkeley, and he does all of this amazing work

632
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 5: about how we can literally rewire our neural pathways so

633
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 5: that we feel more happiness on a moment to moment

634
00:27:58,320 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 5: basis in our lives.

635
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,640
Speaker 4: That we do that is by when we feel good

636
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 4: things when we notice a sunset.

637
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 5: These gonna be like little little little things when you're

638
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 5: in a hug, if you like that hug for a

639
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 5: little bit longer to just kind of sit in it,

640
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:16,200
Speaker 5: when you're smelling your dog's like fur, your kid's hair,

641
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:18,840
Speaker 5: or anything like that, These little tiny moments you want

642
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,159
Speaker 5: to sit in it a little bit longer than you

643
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 5: normally would sit in it, and then you want to

644
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,919
Speaker 5: turn up the dial on feeling it a little bit more.

645
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:27,879
Speaker 5: You just kind of want to like, oh, yeah, the

646
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,160
Speaker 5: sunset is so good, my cat's first smell so good.

647
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:32,520
Speaker 4: And what that's going to do.

648
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 5: That lingering in that amplification is going to literally rewire

649
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 5: your neural pathways. Your neural pathways are like a meadow,

650
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 5: and if you were going for a hike, you're kind

651
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:46,720
Speaker 5: of like making a path in the meadow, making a

652
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 5: path in the meadow, making a path in the meadow,

653
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 5: And those are all different thoughts that you're thinking. So

654
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,480
Speaker 5: if you're thinking, I'm so stressed, the world is against me,

655
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 5: I'm never going to complete this, I'm ugly, I'm stupid,

656
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 5: those are paths that you're making in that meadow in

657
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,760
Speaker 5: your brain, and your brain is going to take the

658
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 5: most easy path to take. So if it is the

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Speaker 5: most well trodden path, I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm stressed,

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00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 5: I hate the world. Your brain's like, cool, got it,

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00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,240
Speaker 5: that's the path I'm going to take. That's an easy

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Speaker 5: way through this meadow. But what you're doing through this practice,

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Speaker 5: through amplifying the good and setting in the good, is

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Speaker 5: you're making new pathways and you're cementing those pathways, and

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Speaker 5: you're making them much easier. So the next time your

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00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,800
Speaker 5: brain doesn't know where to go, instead of feeding you

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00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 5: be thoughts that make you feel like crap, it's going

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00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 5: to feed you really good thoughts. That are going to

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Speaker 5: make you feel amazing.

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Speaker 2: I love that, well, Liz, Thank you so much for

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00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 2: coming on everyone, Get one hundred Ways to Change your

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00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 2: Life The Science of leveling up health, happiness, relationships, and success.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing some of your tips with that.

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Speaker 5: Thank you guys so much for having me