Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot Ill, a production of iHeartRadio. Well, welcome,
Speaker 1: Hi everybody. I'm taking deep breath. Sometimes you gotta take
Speaker 1: a deep breath. It's been quite a week, you know,
Speaker 1: lots of lots of stress and having to set people
Speaker 1: straight here, there and all over the war. I am
Speaker 1: here fortunately with my beautiful sister friends, Agia Grad and
Speaker 1: Dan's I love that. Darling, Hello Doll, Hello Darling, and
Speaker 1: the lovely lovely lies Saint Clair. I am present, he
Speaker 1: is present, Yes, double all the meanings to that. I'm
Speaker 1: Initially I was talking about stress, friends, but I am
Speaker 1: I have I've definitely had some moments, and here is
Speaker 1: one of them. Years ago, I guess it was like
Speaker 1: nineteen ninety six. Oh that's how long it was. But
Speaker 1: I still feel it in my body. Oh yep, I
Speaker 1: still feel it. Apartheid had ended and they were doing
Speaker 1: the whole Truth and Reconciliation Commission, remember that. And I
Speaker 1: remember sitting there and I was listening to these stories
Speaker 1: and it was like, you know, I'm I'm very sorry
Speaker 1: that I put your daughter in a tire and I
Speaker 1: poured gasoline on it and I set it on fire
Speaker 1: and I rolled it down the street till it hit
Speaker 1: your house. I'm sorry, I was wrong. And I got
Speaker 1: about maybe about thirty five minutes into this and I
Speaker 1: felt something. I still feel it. I feel this immense
Speaker 1: amount of there's no there's no other it's only rage.
Speaker 1: It's it's just rage because later here I am. I
Speaker 1: was in South Africa, and there were times when you know,
Speaker 1: I wasn't necessarily served immediately although I was there first.
Speaker 1: You know, there were times when, you know, going through
Speaker 1: the neighborhoods, I'm looking at this community of huts um.
Speaker 1: That's the that's the only thing I could think to
Speaker 1: call it right now, no disrespect police. And I'm hanging
Speaker 1: out in Um. I think they call them shanties. Shanties,
Speaker 1: thank you. And I'm hanging out and I'm in a
Speaker 1: bar barbecue spot, and I have to go to the
Speaker 1: bathroom and there's, you know, a hole in the ground,
Speaker 1: and I gotta, you know, go to the bathroom in
Speaker 1: this hole. And I just and then you continue on
Speaker 1: in South Africa and it's like it's so much wealth
Speaker 1: and I know that this this, this whole country was
Speaker 1: stolen um and it just enraged me that these people,
Speaker 1: these these murdering people were forgiven, forgiven, and they were
Speaker 1: allowed to keep their land, They were allowed to keep
Speaker 1: all all the benefits of being there. They were not
Speaker 1: put in prison for murdering children and women and people. People,
Speaker 1: just people murdering people. And I'm telling you that my
Speaker 1: blood pressure went so high. I've never had a problem
Speaker 1: with blood pressure, despite what some people might think. But
Speaker 1: I've never had problem with blood pressure. But when I'm
Speaker 1: telling you that my blood pressure went so high that
Speaker 1: I could hear a sound because I thought, finally, finally,
Speaker 1: somebody is going to pay for the atrocities done to
Speaker 1: brown people. Oh so well, bless your optimism, my love.
Speaker 1: Just I hoped. I hoped, and I hoped, and it
Speaker 1: made me sick. Oh, today we're talking about rage, and
Speaker 1: we have the privilege and the pleasure Layah or age.
Speaker 1: If you would be so kind to please introduce this
Speaker 1: beautiful woman, this this bright spirit that we have the
Speaker 1: privilege of looking at. You guys don't but but you
Speaker 1: must look looking fine, look and see if you would
Speaker 1: please introduce her. M I gotta get myself together. Yeah, y'all,
Speaker 1: y'all will definitely need to Google at this point of
Speaker 1: the podcast to get into her to get into her light.
Speaker 1: But y'all know that I'm not as gifted with the
Speaker 1: intros as Joe Joe Growl because I have so many
Speaker 1: thoughts on your on that I have so many thoughts
Speaker 1: another a circle back. But so forgive me if I read,
Speaker 1: because I just want to make sure that we say
Speaker 1: the proper things about our current about our guests today.
Speaker 1: Our guest today is Ruth King. So how she explains
Speaker 1: it is that rage sits at the crossroads of personal transformation.
Speaker 1: Those of us seeking more self aware will inevitably stumble
Speaker 1: upon personal rage on the path. And rage is not
Speaker 1: to be understood as a useless emotion. It's empty of
Speaker 1: story or knowledge, but it's clarity and untapped fuel. Embraced
Speaker 1: with compassion, the energy trapped in rage becomes an intimate
Speaker 1: and empathic teacher, offering balance, integrity, and inner peace to
Speaker 1: your healing journey, relationships and service. And so Ruth King
Speaker 1: is the founder of Mindful of Race Institute, LLC. And
Speaker 1: it's a celebrated author, educator, and meditation teacher. She is
Speaker 1: an elder, a heart activist, African American with Chocta our roots,
Speaker 1: great grandmother and Native Californian She currently resides on Now,
Speaker 1: did I read this word right? Unseated Territory of the
Speaker 1: Hataba Indigenous Nations in Charlotte, North Carolina, with her wife,
Speaker 1: doctor Barbara Riley. There's so many more things we could
Speaker 1: tell you about Ruth King, but you know, I had
Speaker 1: to read that word for word because y'all needed to understand,
Speaker 1: like what power she enters this conversation with. So, ladies
Speaker 1: and gentlemen, welcome to j dot Il Ruth Kang. Baby
Speaker 1: girls who needed such a Buddhism on this. You're beautiful,
Speaker 1: All of you are beautiful, and you know, I just
Speaker 1: it's a lot to be said, right, I mean, I
Speaker 1: so connect in the seventy five year old body with
Speaker 1: the generational rage inheritance right of what our people have lived,
Speaker 1: what we still carry in our bodies. So I so,
Speaker 1: you know, and it's not like it's that far away. Uh,
Speaker 1: It's it's not like it's this thing that happened way
Speaker 1: that them. So we see if we look, we see
Speaker 1: the shape, the skeletal shape of white supremacy that impinges
Speaker 1: on every aspect of our lives. And of course, I
Speaker 1: mean one of the reasons rage is such an important
Speaker 1: focus is it's it's so appropriate for us to have
Speaker 1: the emotion of rage, and it's equally important to befriended. Right.
Speaker 1: So yeah, right, So it's like, okay, so this did happen,
Speaker 1: This shit happened. And the truth of the matter is
Speaker 1: anything can happen to us at any time. We're vulnerable
Speaker 1: in that way. Some of us, these black bodies, are
Speaker 1: more vulnerable than most. So we're vulnerable in this flesh,
Speaker 1: in this body, we're vulnerable. We're sensing if we're nature right,
Speaker 1: we feel life where artists, we're creators, we give birth,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, we're all of that. So it's
Speaker 1: no way to not be touched by our history and
Speaker 1: not to inherit. What's I'm finished And one of the
Speaker 1: things I talk about in my work after giving offering
Speaker 1: a Celebration of Rage retreat for fifteen years across the nation,
Speaker 1: a place where women could come and be in the
Speaker 1: raw expression of rage, without consequence, without judgment, without projection,
Speaker 1: in ceremony, in vibration, in emotional release, not just for catharsis,
Speaker 1: but to rest then in the space that gets created
Speaker 1: from the release of what we've been holding. Right, So
Speaker 1: the eye. That's one way of being thinking about befriending.
Speaker 1: How do I just climb back and reclaim this body
Speaker 1: that I've been shocked out of right in a way
Speaker 1: that I then can rebirth myself. But we don't get
Speaker 1: to do it out there. We have to reclaim the domain.
Speaker 1: So these rage retreats were places where we can be
Speaker 1: in ceremony. We can be in sacred states to tell
Speaker 1: our stories, not just to be heard, but to be
Speaker 1: but to release the toxic inflammation that represents in our bodies.
Speaker 1: We need ceremony for that, We need other bodies for that,
Speaker 1: and we need to not be interrupted when that's happening.
Speaker 1: We need to break some shit, tear up some rooms.
Speaker 1: This retreat offered all of that, a place where you
Speaker 1: can really, you know, kind of release through these bodies
Speaker 1: a lot of that trauma. It already happened for the year.
Speaker 1: The retreat I know, I'm like were happened. The retreat
Speaker 1: happened for years. It was in the Bay areas, in
Speaker 1: the Bay Area. Bay already vibrates someplace. Yeah, b yeah,
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I'm surprised. I read a whole boar.
Speaker 1: It was like a whole barnyard that had all kinds
Speaker 1: of music equipment hooked up and big basin uh space
Speaker 1: to dance, and we worked in blindfolds and we we
Speaker 1: we really you know, we had altars and we moved
Speaker 1: around like earth bound. More real talk after the break.
Speaker 1: I hate to even interrupt. Oh my God, Lord, forgive me. Okay,
Speaker 1: I want you to circle back to ceremony. Oh this word,
Speaker 1: so I know that, like the special being word right
Speaker 1: now is intentionality. But ceremony, Like, let's talk about that,
Speaker 1: like why the need for ceremony? And I know you
Speaker 1: did kind of speak to that a little bit in
Speaker 1: your explanation. If you could expound on that, like what
Speaker 1: is the importance of creating that specific space and specific
Speaker 1: activities around release and rage? Oh that's good, that's really good.
Speaker 1: So so um ceremony is you could say that it's
Speaker 1: sacred community. You know, when we could sit in our
Speaker 1: own room and read a book and get knowledge, but
Speaker 1: when we're in community, intentional community, where we all know
Speaker 1: why we're walking through this door. We all know why
Speaker 1: we're coming. Y'all share that in common. It may be
Speaker 1: dressed up differently, but we're all coming for that reason.
Speaker 1: And the reason for this rage work was to investigate,
Speaker 1: to release what's being held that's killing us, to release
Speaker 1: it in a sacred place. And we need other bodies
Speaker 1: to witness that, to not to that, to affirm that,
Speaker 1: m to pray with us with that, to um, to
Speaker 1: get that it's older and bigger than us. To ceremony
Speaker 1: to me also brings them the elements of working with
Speaker 1: the earth, planting this shit in the ground, burning up
Speaker 1: some of the you know, using the fire element to
Speaker 1: burn up some of the stories we carry that are
Speaker 1: no longer true if they ever were, and look at it,
Speaker 1: just some of the internalized ways we believed or drank
Speaker 1: the kolid right. So we need places where we get
Speaker 1: to aarate that we put it out, and then by
Speaker 1: hearing other people's story, it's like, damn, I didn't even
Speaker 1: know that happened to me, But that we wake up.
Speaker 1: We wake up in ceremony again. If we come in
Speaker 1: with intention, I'm coming in here. I'm interested in healing
Speaker 1: more than I am and being right. Okay, you have
Speaker 1: to want something more than your story. You have to
Speaker 1: be willing to look at a bigger story and join
Speaker 1: a bigger ocean, like we're all rivers kind of making
Speaker 1: our way to the ocean. We're joining the ocean. Is
Speaker 1: this something that's alike to like shouting in church or
Speaker 1: you know, we talk about community, and you know different
Speaker 1: groups of folks they talk about community or uma or
Speaker 1: the fellowship, this kind of idea that this has to
Speaker 1: happen under an umbrella of something bigger than ourselves. Well,
Speaker 1: you know, I was raised in the Pentecostal church, saying
Speaker 1: in the choir, there's a lot about what I remember
Speaker 1: about the church was that growing up was that the
Speaker 1: person who got happy and spoken times was not the
Speaker 1: same person that needed to know what that meant. Oftentimes
Speaker 1: the person that's spoken times, somebody else in the community
Speaker 1: knew what that meant. So there was this call and response.
Speaker 1: You see that also in the yodel of a tradition
Speaker 1: when you go to the Bimbays and there's the dancing
Speaker 1: and drumming and the African risha's are making themselves revealed. Right,
Speaker 1: whoever is invoked in spirit is not necessarily be the
Speaker 1: one that is bringing a message, but providing a certainly
Speaker 1: energetic release that is recognized within community. So I guess
Speaker 1: you could say that when you come into an intentional space.
Speaker 1: Whether it's a church or a bimbay or a rage retreat,
Speaker 1: you come in with intention. You're coming into holy ground,
Speaker 1: you're coming into being held and whatever gets released, it
Speaker 1: doesn't I mean, everybody's not releasing in the same way,
Speaker 1: but everybody comes with the intention of letting go, and
Speaker 1: a lot of people come with the intention of letting go.
Speaker 1: They may not let go in that space, but they'll
Speaker 1: let go at some other time, But it doesn't mean
Speaker 1: it's not being cooked, right, So I think, yeah, there's
Speaker 1: not a program of it. It's like you come in
Speaker 1: the door and you open up to the sky and
Speaker 1: you're you have permission and space to release, have that
Speaker 1: be narrated so that you can then see something bigger
Speaker 1: than what you can just see it from what it is,
Speaker 1: and usually it's bigger than what's the story you're holding
Speaker 1: about it, And so you come with a certain curiosity
Speaker 1: to kind of open to that. Not with a heart
Speaker 1: I got to know, but I'm willing to surrender and
Speaker 1: see what this rage is here to try to teach me,
Speaker 1: because there's wisdom in it. It's usually an energy that
Speaker 1: helped us survive, but it doesn't always help us heal. Right,
Speaker 1: so we have to survive but not necessarily heal. Woa
Speaker 1: now that baby, Jill, Jill, go ahead, you know you
Speaker 1: know how that is applicable. Come on, ma'am. It may
Speaker 1: help you survive, get through it, but not heal, but
Speaker 1: not heal. And you be running around surviving and believing
Speaker 1: that you have coped, that you have made it. You
Speaker 1: send messaging around having made it when you are simply
Speaker 1: in survival mode, you have not healed, and you are
Speaker 1: teaching other people your raggedy ass survival techniques. And it
Speaker 1: goes from generation to generation and then something pops up
Speaker 1: and all of the stuff from the other thing that
Speaker 1: you've been holding onto explodes. The other thing about it
Speaker 1: is that it's rage is initiatory, but it's not transformative.
Speaker 1: So it's a kind of energy that lights us up,
Speaker 1: sets us on fire. But it's a comma, not a
Speaker 1: period you got you know, it's not transformative energy. It's
Speaker 1: it's it's luminous. It's a lot of truth in it,
Speaker 1: but it's not the endgame. It's not enough to just
Speaker 1: be righteous in it. We have to listen deeply and
Speaker 1: it belongs to us. A lot of times we think
Speaker 1: it belongs to these folks out here, but it's really
Speaker 1: trying to whisper in our ear. Hey. You know, it's
Speaker 1: a protector in a way. It's a protective energy. It
Speaker 1: alerts us to something, some boundary that's being violated, or
Speaker 1: some story that hasn't been cared for a well, or
Speaker 1: some ancestor that's trying to tell you to clean this
Speaker 1: shut up so we don't have to keep carrying it
Speaker 1: to the next generation. Right. I mean, it's a kin
Speaker 1: to how the body responds to everything. Right, So like
Speaker 1: the body does some wowshit to let you know something's
Speaker 1: not working, something hasn't connected exactly. It puts fluid around
Speaker 1: a joint, bam, you know, just trying to protect. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was watching them the other night. I watched it
Speaker 1: again just recently for many reasons. But there was a
Speaker 1: point where there was a brother in there and he
Speaker 1: was being antagonized by his mind. I suppose that's the
Speaker 1: best way I could call. He was being in agonized
Speaker 1: by his mind, a memory of a thing not being present,
Speaker 1: not being able to protect, and he at some point
Speaker 1: this this expression of rage was just super powerful. He
Speaker 1: was he was saying he was the beast of the field,
Speaker 1: and it was it was grunting, and it was it
Speaker 1: was spit flying, and it was tears and all the things.
Speaker 1: I think maybe, I mean, that's one way to express
Speaker 1: I think is that a scary for people because it
Speaker 1: was scary watching. See, That's that's why we need some ceremony.
Speaker 1: We need some sacred space for that kind of expression. Now,
Speaker 1: one of the things I think is so important for us,
Speaker 1: especially as women, to understand around rage is the way
Speaker 1: we've been conditioned to disguise it so sour. Our immediate
Speaker 1: association with rage is that image jil you just describe,
Speaker 1: you know, a person that's you know, on er what
Speaker 1: I call the defiance disguise of rage in my book.
Speaker 1: But I'm talking about six ways we tempt to roll
Speaker 1: with rage, to be like that all the time, right,
Speaker 1: because it is scary to people, So we've learned ways
Speaker 1: to kind of package that. So it's not helpful always,
Speaker 1: but it's a cover on top of an emotion that
Speaker 1: a we're afraid of and be we know it could
Speaker 1: scared to shit out of other people, so we keep
Speaker 1: it on the wraps and it takes on other shapes.
Speaker 1: So there's these six ways that it shows up. One
Speaker 1: is a dominance. We try to control everything so that
Speaker 1: we're never controlled. So that's one form of a cover up.
Speaker 1: I know y'all probably aren't going anything about that, but
Speaker 1: it happens to be my primary. If I can just
Speaker 1: control everything, I'm going to, you know, keep this on
Speaker 1: the wraps. Another one is the defiance type, which is
Speaker 1: the seething I'm out, I'm in your face, Um, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm not having it kind of outward expression, which is
Speaker 1: what we usually associate with with rage, but it's it's, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, it's one way. And then we have distraction,
Speaker 1: where we're busy all the time consuming everything in our reach,
Speaker 1: trying to get get this, that and the other, filling
Speaker 1: ourselves up with all kinds of material things to try
Speaker 1: to feel what feels insatiable, right, this kind of craze
Speaker 1: and craving that we think can keep us just under
Speaker 1: wraps with rage. And then we have devotiony disguise of
Speaker 1: rage as a person who's helping everybody at the expense
Speaker 1: of ourselfs um as a way of keeping everything nice
Speaker 1: and under wraps and let me just try to take
Speaker 1: care of you and never quite taking care of themselves.
Speaker 1: That's another way of kind of bypassing the fuck you
Speaker 1: kind of way that we really want to bring it,
Speaker 1: but we can't really feel like we can do it
Speaker 1: that way. Too much truth, too much truth, roal, slowdown,
Speaker 1: slow down, okay boo. Yeah, that part doesn't make a
Speaker 1: lot of sense to me, because if you know, if
Speaker 1: you're if you're trying to help somebody, but you're not
Speaker 1: in a good way, like I guess that would have
Speaker 1: to be so, and it's not really self aware because
Speaker 1: I will go somewhere else, I will go somewhere and
Speaker 1: get quiet on you real quick. I need help. I
Speaker 1: need to I need to gather myself fuck because I
Speaker 1: cannot imagine trying to help when I'm not. Okay, there's
Speaker 1: two more. There is the depression disguise, which is someone
Speaker 1: that shuts down to kind of like a teapot's seeping.
Speaker 1: You kind of keep the top on, keep the lid on.
Speaker 1: It's a heavy lid, but you walk around with this
Speaker 1: kind of weight that's suppressing not just rage, but a
Speaker 1: lot of other emotions. And then there is the dependence disguise,
Speaker 1: a person who is never quite able to be of
Speaker 1: her own voice because her dependent her survival is dependent
Speaker 1: upon other people to take care of her, so she's
Speaker 1: compromised on what she says and how she rolls because
Speaker 1: of this kind of dynamic. I'm saying these quickly, but
Speaker 1: in the book totally centers around these six disguises, their shadows,
Speaker 1: and their wisdom, because they all have wisdom. So many
Speaker 1: of our baby boomer moms were experience and would all
Speaker 1: of them. You might identify with one or two, and
Speaker 1: because they all have shadows, it'll look like you're identifying
Speaker 1: with all of them, but you're not. It's usually we
Speaker 1: roll with one or two as our lead, and then
Speaker 1: we attract our opposites. Like the dominance disguise is going
Speaker 1: to attract the dependence disguise because they kind of mirrort
Speaker 1: what the others need. The distraction is going to at
Speaker 1: marry half kids and pets that are the depression disguise
Speaker 1: because the hyperactivity of a well of a distraction disguise
Speaker 1: moving all the time. Their biggest fear is a depression
Speaker 1: disguise has kind of collapsed and pulled in. But they
Speaker 1: end up attracting each other and then being at war
Speaker 1: with each other until they befriend each other, and then
Speaker 1: the wisdom's able to shine through. So there's kind of
Speaker 1: a typology in this that's a lot of fun to understand.
Speaker 1: And when we kind of take it to the level
Speaker 1: of typology, it's not personal these disguises because we're all
Speaker 1: conditioned around it to as a defense making us. So
Speaker 1: you have a right to defend ourselves until we know better.
Speaker 1: You know, we have another way, y'all. Be kind to
Speaker 1: each other. This is all I'm gonna say. Be kind,
Speaker 1: be kind, be kind, be kind. Doctor King is trying
Speaker 1: to help y'all understand that we are all carrying this
Speaker 1: shit over around. We'll be kind. The name of doctor
Speaker 1: Ruth King. I'm a doctor. Yes, No, I'm not a doctor. No,
Speaker 1: because she is a doctor's she is healing the people today. King. Okay, Yes,
Speaker 1: and there you are annoying to And if somebody somebody
Speaker 1: want to fight me, fight me, join you on a night.
Speaker 1: I bet I haven't see me in the street, see
Speaker 1: me in a streat at a place right there in
Speaker 1: the back alley. We could just go right there. I've
Speaker 1: been there many times. We're gonna take a quick break
Speaker 1: and then we'll be right back the name of doctor
Speaker 1: Ruth King's book. The book is Healing Rage Women, Making
Speaker 1: Inner Peace Possible. Inner Peace man o, Inner Peace Woman.
Speaker 1: That thing it just sounds good. It's got a good
Speaker 1: vibration on an inner piece, like an easy thing. But
Speaker 1: it does sound good. It does. It feels good. It
Speaker 1: sounds good, and nobody said it was easy. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: just sounds like hard. It seems like a lot of
Speaker 1: self reflection and a lot of opening opening the zipper
Speaker 1: and letting your whole self come on out and dealing
Speaker 1: with things bit by bit. My talk good about the
Speaker 1: same thing is it's just like when you when you go, um,
Speaker 1: it's there. It's like a it's this like a prayer.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's all the things. Huh you said, it's dancing,
Speaker 1: it's like a prayer circle. Or women also or telling
Speaker 1: their stories oh yeah, oh yeah. And then we're also
Speaker 1: interrupting some of the habitual ways, you know, all of
Speaker 1: the all of the automatic assumptions and automatic things that
Speaker 1: come out of our mouth. Like I remember growing up
Speaker 1: when um my mother used to say, you better shut
Speaker 1: your mouth, you know, get in that corner and shut
Speaker 1: your mouth right. And now I find myself telling my
Speaker 1: grand and great crimp and kids. You better get in
Speaker 1: that corner and take a breath, you know, you know,
Speaker 1: you don't have to shut your mouth, but you can't
Speaker 1: take a deep breath and talk at the same time.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of the same thing, but it's given
Speaker 1: more permission to just Hey, come on back home, coming
Speaker 1: back here. Right, that's a beautiful evolution that a lot
Speaker 1: of your peers have not evolved to. So how on
Speaker 1: the daily just how do you deal with that? Having
Speaker 1: all this knowledge, knowing about rage? And it's interesting even
Speaker 1: what Asia said, you know, be kind to each other.
Speaker 1: I feel like the folks who are conscious of all
Speaker 1: these things that you're telling us, yes, we will be
Speaker 1: kind to each other. But there's a whole population out
Speaker 1: there people who are not conscious of all the rage
Speaker 1: and the meanings, and black people and black women in
Speaker 1: rage and on the daily when you go outside, Yeah,
Speaker 1: what are some easy I don't even want to say easy.
Speaker 1: How do you code? Yeah? Yeah, it takes a minute, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think this is like a quick six.
Speaker 1: You have to want it bad. You have to want
Speaker 1: peace bad, right, Like, so what gets you to that?
Speaker 1: You know, like, um, it's hard to talk to people
Speaker 1: that are in a perpetual states of crises to sit
Speaker 1: down and take a breath. But you almost need to
Speaker 1: be in that habit where you discover that stillness and
Speaker 1: silence is one of the best medicines you can give yourself.
Speaker 1: And in fact, you're the only one that can give
Speaker 1: that to yourself. And and it almost feels like an
Speaker 1: impossible consideration when life is so fast paced and so
Speaker 1: challenging because of being like you don't deserve it, because
Speaker 1: I yes, So you have to want it bad, right,
Speaker 1: you have to you have to want it. So I
Speaker 1: when I was twenty seven, I had open heart surgery.
Speaker 1: It was a micro valve prolapse. I you know, I
Speaker 1: had a baby when I was fifteen. I was a
Speaker 1: single mom, and I we kind of grew up together,
Speaker 1: and I just made tons of mistakes in that journey.
Speaker 1: And as you continue to grow, if you're looking at
Speaker 1: your children and you care, you know, you have a
Speaker 1: minute to kind of step out of the craziness and
Speaker 1: see your impact, then that's a beautiful thing. I mean,
Speaker 1: that gives you often a reason to want to maybe
Speaker 1: kind of try some things on differently. But the heart surgery,
Speaker 1: what I realized in the recovery of it, where I
Speaker 1: couldn't be in that fast paced, dominant disguise and distraction disguise,
Speaker 1: or feeling myself up with so much activity that I
Speaker 1: didn't feel my life because I was in recovery. And
Speaker 1: I hear a lot of people talking about this today
Speaker 1: who are going through recovery with COVID where they've been
Speaker 1: forced to stop. Right. When you're forced to stop, you
Speaker 1: kind of left with yourself and if you're listening, if
Speaker 1: you have and oftentimes we're invoked into listening and kind
Speaker 1: of surrendering into our physicalities more, we start to feel
Speaker 1: the life we've been living if not running from right.
Speaker 1: And when we start to do that, we start to
Speaker 1: feel the achiness and soreness. Is why most people just
Speaker 1: prefer to keep running from it of the life we've
Speaker 1: been living, because it really requires we want to heal
Speaker 1: that we make some different choices. And the first choice
Speaker 1: I think we need to make is to pause, is
Speaker 1: to pause, and to turn our intention inward and drop
Speaker 1: it down, and to take a few breaths just to
Speaker 1: give ourselves a break and to question right. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think we have a lot of questions that we
Speaker 1: need to ask ourselves, like, is what I'm doing right now,
Speaker 1: is how I'm thinking right now contributing to more distress
Speaker 1: or a release from distress? You know, given my thoughts
Speaker 1: right now and what I'm heated up about, what am
Speaker 1: I giving birth to? Because we're always giving birth to
Speaker 1: something through our actions, through our attitudes. You know, is
Speaker 1: there a way in this moment that I can comfort myself,
Speaker 1: something I can do for myself that's not dependent upon
Speaker 1: it coming from the outside. Can I hunt myself? Can
Speaker 1: I swanfend the insides of my hands? Can I feel
Speaker 1: my feet touching the earth? Can I travel with the
Speaker 1: exhale of my breath just so I can rest just
Speaker 1: a little right here and now? Little things like that.
Speaker 1: I think we're invited to gentle ourselves and to wholeness
Speaker 1: and to our own sense of health, but we have
Speaker 1: to want it right. I don't know about everybody that's
Speaker 1: listening to Jay Dadela podcast right now. I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't know you know where you are. I don't I
Speaker 1: don't know what you're thinking. And this might sound like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's that whole tep shit. You know, you know, do
Speaker 1: you have me tep tep okay um. What I'm gathering
Speaker 1: about all of what you've said, doctor Kang, is that
Speaker 1: that is that peace costs costs, you have to pay
Speaker 1: for it. That doesn't mean, you know, financially, it means
Speaker 1: that you have to give up something to get something.
Speaker 1: Is that right? Or am I reaching invest in? Invest
Speaker 1: in that? You say, say more about white you think
Speaker 1: you might be giving up something or you have to
Speaker 1: give up something? Say more, well, I say that our
Speaker 1: ugliness is one of our favorite habits, because if it wasn't,
Speaker 1: why would we be so ugly on a regular basis?
Speaker 1: You know, I mean as humanity. I'm just speaking out
Speaker 1: about all of us. And that means that you have
Speaker 1: to give up the thing that you may enjoy the most.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe the the pain or frustration or rage, if
Speaker 1: you will, shows up in alcoholism. Maybe it shows up
Speaker 1: in um, you know, from oscurity, if you will. I
Speaker 1: don't like that word. I don't like that word, but
Speaker 1: you know, maybe it shows up in the mates that
Speaker 1: you choose, what you what you do with your time,
Speaker 1: you might really enjoy, you know, getting getting lit on
Speaker 1: a regular basis. What you got to give that up? Gail?
Speaker 1: Or you have to address it differently. Yeah, I'm glad
Speaker 1: I asked you more of what you meant, because I
Speaker 1: do think in that sense you have. The way I
Speaker 1: would say it is, you have to want something more
Speaker 1: than your habit, whatever that habit might be. You have
Speaker 1: to Yeah, yeah, so I guess you could say you
Speaker 1: have to give something up, but a lot of people
Speaker 1: don't respond well to I got to give something up.
Speaker 1: But if I could take it to the level of
Speaker 1: you have to want something more, you have to want
Speaker 1: something more than what you got in order, you know,
Speaker 1: then maybe you'll consider that in order to have that,
Speaker 1: something has to shift. So I have aunt who and
Speaker 1: she and I will talk for hours about kinds of
Speaker 1: different things. And a while ago and this kind of
Speaker 1: stayed with me for a very long time when she
Speaker 1: told me about, um, you know, I would talk about
Speaker 1: my interactions with people, maybe my mate, maybe friends, maybe
Speaker 1: my children, whomever. And she was like, you know, you're
Speaker 1: kind of responsible for the place where you are an agent,
Speaker 1: Like you know, if you ever enlighten yourself to a
Speaker 1: certain level, you have to respond according to what you know.
Speaker 1: So if you know a thing and you know, maybe
Speaker 1: the person you're upset with doesn't know that thing. You
Speaker 1: can then revert to respond to them the way that
Speaker 1: you know where they are at. You have to respond
Speaker 1: according to what you know. So if you know how
Speaker 1: to handle it in a certain kind of way, your
Speaker 1: response is a space you have, You're you're responsible to
Speaker 1: respond in that way. Now, I want to put a
Speaker 1: pin in that, because my real question is my real question.
Speaker 1: You're not talking to your aunt right now, right, I know, right.
Speaker 1: My real question is that, Okay, so you do that
Speaker 1: for so many years you feel like, Okay, I can
Speaker 1: access a certain calm, I can access a certain kind
Speaker 1: of knowledge when I go out into the world. But
Speaker 1: there's a I've had times where I've like envied people
Speaker 1: who can just be mad, who can just can have
Speaker 1: a grown up ass tantrum. Excuse my language. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I really because I have a potty mouth who already
Speaker 1: said some things, you know, she says. I know I'd
Speaker 1: accustoded love. First of all, I love a potty mouth
Speaker 1: black woman. I just understand that is the thing in
Speaker 1: my heart that But my thing is that, you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes I just want to be able to have that release,
Speaker 1: like it's like, and then there are times when I
Speaker 1: know part of my language. I'm old that and I
Speaker 1: and I'm so used to subduing it out of responsibility,
Speaker 1: out of a certain emotional responsibility, that I can't even
Speaker 1: access the rage that I want to to have, have
Speaker 1: that release. And sometimes that can be a really difficult
Speaker 1: thing for me. And and a lot of times it
Speaker 1: comes out as, oh girl, you got more patience than me.
Speaker 1: Oh girl, are you so nice? I wish I was
Speaker 1: like you, And I literally on an inside, am like
Speaker 1: losing my ship. I've been called a pussy because of that.
Speaker 1: Maybe I prove her kindness. I choose it. I do
Speaker 1: the best I can wherever I can, because years ago
Speaker 1: my mother married a man and the man wasn't a
Speaker 1: nice man, and he was he was physically abusive, and
Speaker 1: I acted out as a little person. So up until
Speaker 1: about maybe twelve, I caused harm like I didn't fight.
Speaker 1: I mean and I one day I realized if I
Speaker 1: didn't catch this, I was going to go to jail.
Speaker 1: And that made me decide that I was going to
Speaker 1: do the best I can to do anything I can
Speaker 1: not to physically harm anybody. Because it was pretty bad.
Speaker 1: I will say so. I I do believe in going
Speaker 1: outside and put my feet in the grass and scream aloud,
Speaker 1: I do have my mountain. Y'all opposites in this moment,
Speaker 1: and I go ahead, and my shooting gun m in
Speaker 1: this moment. As as Asia just said what she said,
Speaker 1: you say, well, you say what you say, you go ahead. Now,
Speaker 1: I just I was just I was listening to the
Speaker 1: bother room and I was listening to how Asia is
Speaker 1: basically saying that she suppresses and then come out to
Speaker 1: others as her being soft. And I was listening to
Speaker 1: Jill say that she must suppress or else she will
Speaker 1: fucking kill somebody. H So that that's what I heard.
Speaker 1: But Ruth, what is your interpret take? Well, you know, yes,
Speaker 1: and yes, here's a thing. I mean, range is a
Speaker 1: legitimate emotion, the energy of it, the stories that run
Speaker 1: in our minds, that it stimulates and circulates around the
Speaker 1: truth of it, you know. Um, And then we're left
Speaker 1: with them what do we do next? What do we
Speaker 1: do next? And I think what we do next becomes
Speaker 1: a kind of dance. It's a cop of cosmic dance
Speaker 1: because we are relational in all of our outputting and thoughts.
Speaker 1: So it's what we do next. So if you have.
Speaker 1: You're saying one thing and feeling another. This boiling that
Speaker 1: can happen inside. It's it's for you to attend to.
Speaker 1: You know, maybe maybe the response is right jel if
Speaker 1: you're like choosing to be nice, but it still feels
Speaker 1: like it's cooking on the inside. Right there's so they're
Speaker 1: still rage happening. I think nice and kind are two
Speaker 1: different things. Okay, so being kind and nice, how are
Speaker 1: you seeing a different I just want to be clear.
Speaker 1: Nice is like polite. Um, you don't actually have to
Speaker 1: feel that way. You could just be like, hello, good morning,
Speaker 1: how are you today. You don't mean it, you're not
Speaker 1: really asking you, but you're being nice, And then kind
Speaker 1: um is a lot more genuine. I gotta deep, dig
Speaker 1: down in now and fine of fine where sometimes it's deep,
Speaker 1: sometimes it's right at the surface. But I look for it,
Speaker 1: like what is the thing that's going to keep me
Speaker 1: out of jail? Out of jail? Okay? So the prisons girl,
Speaker 1: when they take them away, what were doing? How what's
Speaker 1: the motivation gonna be? I don't know. I'll find another
Speaker 1: one because I don't like that. I don't I don't
Speaker 1: particularly like that girl. I don't particularly care for her
Speaker 1: because the way she responded and I'm saying it like,
Speaker 1: it's not not me, but okay, the way I responded
Speaker 1: as a child was not to me, Qui I wasn't
Speaker 1: gonna live very long, and you know, yeah, yeah it was.
Speaker 1: It was. It was all kinds of stuff violent that
Speaker 1: I it's it's so you're choosing kindness, and the motivation
Speaker 1: behind it is to keep your ass out of jail.
Speaker 1: So I'm listening to that piece. Yeah, the motivation around
Speaker 1: my kindness these days is because I feel better. It
Speaker 1: does feel good when I make that choice. That's a
Speaker 1: different aspiration, that's a different energy behind it. It's because
Speaker 1: I'm not imprisoned with how I'm holding and being with
Speaker 1: what's happening right now. It's still screwed out, mind you.
Speaker 1: I still think you're you know, you're not somebody I
Speaker 1: want to be sitting on the front rule of my life.
Speaker 1: But I still have a few things I'm going to
Speaker 1: get around to saying to you. But right now I'm
Speaker 1: choosing to stop prisoning myself with how I'm holding this energy.
Speaker 1: So in those situations, I might just be sitting there
Speaker 1: breathing for a minute and reminding myself of my intention.
Speaker 1: So if the intention is I ain't going to jail,
Speaker 1: if I say that, I won't go to jail, or
Speaker 1: there could be that spin on it where you know,
Speaker 1: there's a certain kind of distant politeness that's happening because
Speaker 1: that person has the permission to go off. But I
Speaker 1: know I can't do that, or its probably best that
Speaker 1: I don't, Right, So I think in those moments, and
Speaker 1: maybe not at that time, but at a deeper time
Speaker 1: or a time when you can get yourself still and
Speaker 1: ask a deeper question, like, you know, how do I
Speaker 1: want to be moving in the world period? And what
Speaker 1: does you know? What does kind? Kind is? I remember
Speaker 1: being dead right, Okay, I was righteous. I was so
Speaker 1: righteous about how I felt. Whether I said it or not,
Speaker 1: people could read me like a book because I was
Speaker 1: saying so much in my silence. You know, you know
Speaker 1: how we can be with that look? Right? Yes? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I was rolling like that, but I had open
Speaker 1: heart surgery. Okay, I'm telling you these kind of cooked
Speaker 1: ways that we're holding it. If the intention is not
Speaker 1: clean and bless, it is killing us is more worried
Speaker 1: about how that kay and the rage that that's not
Speaker 1: being like transmuted expressed. That's what I'm worried about too.
Speaker 1: When Asia was talking about keeping that in, I kept
Speaker 1: thinking to myself too, like there are so many people
Speaker 1: out here that don't feel like they have the permission
Speaker 1: to go off. So it's a continued suppression, like you
Speaker 1: can do that. I can't. That's not something that I'm
Speaker 1: allowed to do because or else if I do it, Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm crazy. I'm this. It's gonna be a whole bunch
Speaker 1: of other repercussions. But you're allowed to So I'm just gonnam.
Speaker 1: And we're also using that language about death, having others
Speaker 1: doing this this harm to you that would that your
Speaker 1: body will respond to, and we're just talking about it
Speaker 1: before you came on about saying to people you're not
Speaker 1: gonna kill me. But what I'm getting from what you're
Speaker 1: saying is that it's like, well, yeah, I gotta be
Speaker 1: having that conversation with myself too. I will not I
Speaker 1: will not do the harm to myself. So I mean
Speaker 1: when you just feel like yelling, right, AGA, that means
Speaker 1: yell when you feel like, don't always suppress that, then
Speaker 1: that's what that means, right, I ain't gonna lie to you.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be transparent right now. I'm really I'm really
Speaker 1: going through a period of my life where my filter
Speaker 1: is leaving me and I see it come out in
Speaker 1: certain kinds of ways. And I have been really like
Speaker 1: I've been expressing to my children about it, like talking
Speaker 1: to them about it so that they don't take it personally,
Speaker 1: but it comes out. It's like I just tell them
Speaker 1: all the time, like okay, listen. I know that maybe
Speaker 1: you're not used to hearing me talk like that or this,
Speaker 1: that and the other, but it's like, right now, my
Speaker 1: ability to hold it it's not the same. And though
Speaker 1: you may have not known me, you don't. You didn't
Speaker 1: know me my whole life. You know me your whole life,
Speaker 1: and then only half of that time have you been
Speaker 1: aware enough to know me as a person. So like
Speaker 1: this right now, you got to understand Mom is a
Speaker 1: human and I'm going through a change in the way
Speaker 1: that I relate to the world outside of my self.
Speaker 1: And it literally just happened earlier today, Like I talk,
Speaker 1: I just talk, and my older kids are like bloom.
Speaker 1: I think what could be important when I think back
Speaker 1: of growing up and the lack of filters that I
Speaker 1: felt was in my family system. What could make a
Speaker 1: difference is balancing that when you come out of periods
Speaker 1: like that, that you flood that system with love and
Speaker 1: when you talk about what you learned from you know,
Speaker 1: one of the things you know, Like I talked to
Speaker 1: my grandkids now about what I'm learning about myself when
Speaker 1: I find myself in periods like that, because they're going
Speaker 1: through really challenging times in their lives. And so I
Speaker 1: find myself telling stories about when I was in times
Speaker 1: like that. This is what I learned, this is what
Speaker 1: I figured out when I was in that space, This
Speaker 1: is what I'm discovering about myself. And and I think that,
Speaker 1: along with the freedom to just say whatever you're saying,
Speaker 1: helps the kids understand the fullness, not just the explosion. Right,
Speaker 1: I amn't always like an explosion. Sometimes it's just an honesty.
Speaker 1: It's just a or the way that I choose my
Speaker 1: language where and yeah, very frank, Yeah, balance. So I'm
Speaker 1: getting balance. But I'm also curious. And I know we
Speaker 1: talked about this from a very kind of personal woman
Speaker 1: to woman space, but so much of your work is
Speaker 1: helping us to understand this, as in relationship to being black,
Speaker 1: And I really want to talk about that because the
Speaker 1: way that we read our behaviors and so, like I'll
Speaker 1: go back to what you talked about earlier about these
Speaker 1: six different ways, right, we read these behaviors of black
Speaker 1: people as a whole and all of these kind of
Speaker 1: trauma responses or these six different ways. I can even
Speaker 1: look into us as a community and see those ways,
Speaker 1: And I'm trying to help in my mind, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to make a connection here around that, around the kind
Speaker 1: of empathy that we can look at each other with
Speaker 1: in our own kind of responses to rage, so that
Speaker 1: we're not participating in a harmful conversation about how those
Speaker 1: things are viewed, you know what I'm saying. So anyway,
Speaker 1: I would love love to kind of talk about that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not an immediate solution to the way we roll
Speaker 1: with our projections on each other because we're conditioned to
Speaker 1: We're already dealing with internalized depression around issues often around
Speaker 1: esteem or you know how much space we feel like
Speaker 1: we can occupy different levels of people feeling they have
Speaker 1: permission to come out without apology and other people, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, so this is complex to say to the least.
Speaker 1: But I think when we understand, we get a system
Speaker 1: in our own heads around how we're seeing and perceiving things.
Speaker 1: We're able to talk to other people about that. Right,
Speaker 1: So I like having systems of meaning in my heart
Speaker 1: and mind so that I can make sense and kind
Speaker 1: of I don't want to say analyze, but I can
Speaker 1: kind of interpret what's happening in a loving way. A
Speaker 1: bit part of what you're saying has to do with
Speaker 1: is there a way for me to be with those
Speaker 1: I love, those in my community, people in our tribe
Speaker 1: and remove the judgment from it? Can I exchange judgment
Speaker 1: for compassion? Yes? Can I see myself and everybody I
Speaker 1: look at? Can I stand a little bit of myself there?
Speaker 1: Because you know we can? Yes, And that begins to
Speaker 1: develop and right in a certain kind of empathy and
Speaker 1: intimacy with the craziness we might see, or this struggle
Speaker 1: that we might see over here, or this addiction we
Speaker 1: might see there. I mean, we've all been addicted to something. Right,
Speaker 1: if we could train the heart mind to be in
Speaker 1: relationship to our perceptions in that way, right to where
Speaker 1: we put in the forefront, as you're saying, Jill kindness.
Speaker 1: I'm choosing kindness, you know, I'm choosing to to to
Speaker 1: see through the lens of kindness. Even the ugliness. I
Speaker 1: can still filter it through this kind of light, this
Speaker 1: this this way of holding people even I mean, I'd
Speaker 1: see a lot of craziness in my own family. Don't
Speaker 1: even get me started on it's just a lot, uh,
Speaker 1: you know. But I want to what I try to do.
Speaker 1: I have a sister who passed away a few years
Speaker 1: ago of pancreatic cancer. It came and it hit her quick,
Speaker 1: and she left quick. But she really was difficult and
Speaker 1: hadn't talked spoken to me in many years. And I
Speaker 1: did a lot of trying to connect with her. I
Speaker 1: knew she was ill. I wanted to be there. I
Speaker 1: wanted to kind of be with her. She wouldn't have it.
Speaker 1: She wouldn't answer the phone, and she died. You know,
Speaker 1: she wasn't trying to see me. You know, she died
Speaker 1: without I felt a bit unfinished with her personally, but
Speaker 1: I didn't feel unfinished in my own heart because I
Speaker 1: understood she just could not get over the rage of
Speaker 1: how she dealt not just with me, but with a
Speaker 1: lot of people. But what happened. And this is a
Speaker 1: promise I have for us always is that when I
Speaker 1: went to the gathering for her in our family, it
Speaker 1: was her kids that centered around me. Right, it was
Speaker 1: them that I had a chance to hold in my
Speaker 1: arms and comfort and tell them how precious they were
Speaker 1: because they hadn't heard that from their mom. Right, it
Speaker 1: was them that I had a chance to love up
Speaker 1: without a lot of words, but just to be there
Speaker 1: for them, and through my own example, right through my
Speaker 1: own example, was able to show them an alternative, somebody
Speaker 1: that could roll a bit more with their heart. So
Speaker 1: I think we need these examples, you know, these kind
Speaker 1: of pillars, and they're there in our communities. We need
Speaker 1: to put them on the big lights and tell their
Speaker 1: stories more often when we're putting our kids to bed
Speaker 1: or sitting around the kitchen table, you know, tell those stories,
Speaker 1: tell those stories of strength and tenderness to to you know,
Speaker 1: we need that language back, We need our stories back.
Speaker 1: We need to remember what we who we are and
Speaker 1: how we all. We need to bring in the poets
Speaker 1: and the you know, the the artists, more conversation after
Speaker 1: the break. This is a dumb question. I'm assuming our
Speaker 1: hearts have all been broken by our people, right in
Speaker 1: some form of fashion, like just a little crack. We
Speaker 1: always come back. It's never total broke, but like in
Speaker 1: that frame of mind, like in a more general because
Speaker 1: that's where I am in my head right now. I
Speaker 1: have some heartbroken things generally about the interactions of black
Speaker 1: men and women and some of the history behind it.
Speaker 1: How do you how about that aspect of things when
Speaker 1: you're dealing with your phone, your votes, and it's on
Speaker 1: that level because you are so aware, so I know
Speaker 1: at any given time you could be angry and if
Speaker 1: you want to, yeah, don't, don't put me up there
Speaker 1: on a pass. So because I'm feel like my market
Speaker 1: breaks just like yours, I just think maybe because of
Speaker 1: my practices or maybe my age, or because I'm devoted
Speaker 1: to not suffering, that I made a kind of regroup
Speaker 1: and getting myself back up again. What I what I like?
Speaker 1: I just had a really challenging time. I just had
Speaker 1: a great granddaughter, the second one, and you know it's
Speaker 1: she's coming into a situation that's really challenging. And they
Speaker 1: live in California. I'm in North Carolina. I went out
Speaker 1: this weekend and planted a Japanese maple tree dedicated to her,
Speaker 1: and that's where I'm going to be putting my prayers
Speaker 1: and the earth around this tree. It could be a
Speaker 1: potted plant in your room, you know, But it's kind
Speaker 1: of a way that I'm just offering it up because
Speaker 1: I can't fix it. Right, there's things we just can't fix,
Speaker 1: but we we can't turn away either, Right. I'm not
Speaker 1: my heart's not closed, and if it's hoping, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: feel all of life. So that's the deal where you
Speaker 1: make you go, Okay, I'm here. It is can you sit?
Speaker 1: And this is a This is why meditation just comes
Speaker 1: down so sweetly. Say it again, Ruth, say it again me.
Speaker 1: The meditation just allows me over time, intraveniously, little drops
Speaker 1: at a time, allows me to just sit with this
Speaker 1: craziness without going crazy more and more. Okay, you're talking parables.
Speaker 1: You're talking parables, and it is like that's my favorite
Speaker 1: kind of talk. Baby baby, baby talk to me. Who
Speaker 1: is so I mean doing really so effortlessly, and it's
Speaker 1: about it. It's about practice. And honestly, like you know,
Speaker 1: you know in my Alan Irison voices like this about practice.
Speaker 1: It is another thing I just want to drop in
Speaker 1: this because this is far from hopeless, right, Okay, I
Speaker 1: know it feels like you gotta be the one to practicing.
Speaker 1: But if there's enough of us practicing, that's potent. You know,
Speaker 1: we're we're connected. You know, everybody don't need to send
Speaker 1: to practice. Some of us can't do that. But if
Speaker 1: there's enough of its practicing, that's rich, that's composted, suffering
Speaker 1: into into soil, that's so sweet for our vegetable garden,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, So if you're sending it them and
Speaker 1: ten of us a singer, you want us are sending
Speaker 1: and sending those prayers and offering up that light. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's happening. And this is so beautifully anti capitalistic. It's
Speaker 1: so anti all of this shit. No, seriously, because it's
Speaker 1: like everything is so individualized. And you have said so
Speaker 1: many times in this conversation and and circle back to
Speaker 1: community and circled back into the importance of a gathering
Speaker 1: of a gathering of minds, a gathering of practices. Right,
Speaker 1: see how you have pulled this thing into you continue
Speaker 1: to say this thing and it's like it is on
Speaker 1: some level a thing that we have a hard time
Speaker 1: wrapping our minds around. I read this, and I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna get super deep into this, but I read this,
Speaker 1: this study a couple of days ago about just like
Speaker 1: the lot of aristocracy and how like that kind of
Speaker 1: pulling yourself up by your own boot straps, and if
Speaker 1: you work real hard, you're gonna get what you what
Speaker 1: you work for. And now black people, you know, buying
Speaker 1: into this da YadA, And what I walked away from
Speaker 1: it was that this sense of like the collective power
Speaker 1: that we have in our minds and what we will
Speaker 1: accept and not accept is directly going to be associated
Speaker 1: with our physical health and with the future, the future
Speaker 1: that our children feel comfortable enough with demanding for themselves.
Speaker 1: And so if we are not in our minds understanding this,
Speaker 1: if we're not taking a step back from this kind
Speaker 1: of individual way of thinking and this individual input outcome thing,
Speaker 1: that this is not African. It is not good for us.
Speaker 1: It is detrimental to us as a community politically, socially,
Speaker 1: but more importantly physiologically, like it is going to be
Speaker 1: to our detriment for many, many more generations. And you
Speaker 1: saying this to me is so in line with what
Speaker 1: I needed to hear and validating something that I it
Speaker 1: really just read that I am understanding fully that it
Speaker 1: was meant for us to have this conversation. And I'm
Speaker 1: so grateful and I want to shout out Amber, our producer,
Speaker 1: because she needs to be acknowledged in her bringing of
Speaker 1: you into our space. Indeed, she needs to be acknowledged
Speaker 1: this agree. She is the youngest of us and yet um,
Speaker 1: you know, we have this thing with age, but she's
Speaker 1: the youngest of us and exceptionally wise, she educates us
Speaker 1: every time we have a conversation, and believe it or not,
Speaker 1: this is the conversation we needed to day for a
Speaker 1: lot of reason. It's so good. Well, I just want
Speaker 1: you to know that it's it's happening. We you know this.
Speaker 1: It feels like it's you know, our herolin is. You know,
Speaker 1: sometimes it can feel like we're starting all over again everything,
Speaker 1: but it's it's just not true. It's real, but it's
Speaker 1: not true. You know. We are definitely have much to
Speaker 1: celebrate in terms of our resilience and our artistry and
Speaker 1: just the way our hearts just continue to shine. And
Speaker 1: it's important to remember that what's I'm finished, just reborn
Speaker 1: and at some point we we we really do want
Speaker 1: to be that kind of generational legacy, and seed planting
Speaker 1: is a big part of what we need to remember
Speaker 1: that we're doing all the time, whether we're conscious of
Speaker 1: it or not. Whatever we put out there gets seated
Speaker 1: in it a bloom. So becoming more and more sensitive
Speaker 1: to that is an important piece. And that's why the
Speaker 1: rage retreat is returning. When room no, I can't read
Speaker 1: you know this whole body, I have something. So what
Speaker 1: you're saying is that when we get to come to
Speaker 1: the training around how we can then bring that to
Speaker 1: where we are you and carry on your legacy. I
Speaker 1: love that. I do have a free webinar that I'm
Speaker 1: offering around let's talk about race um how to work
Speaker 1: with our emotional distress. So that's a free offering that
Speaker 1: that's going on right now, a training half an hour
Speaker 1: training for anybody that would like to begin to work
Speaker 1: with how the nervous system and the brain and the
Speaker 1: body is doing this dance and how to detangle so
Speaker 1: that I would hope that serves. I'm so happy, and
Speaker 1: then she is with I hope that serves. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: love that. Yeah, guy, And this is where I start crying. Oh, okay, good,
Speaker 1: And this is where it begins. This is why I
Speaker 1: start crying because I'm even gonna lie to you like
Speaker 1: you're giving my mother this entire time. So anybody who
Speaker 1: lie you like you know my mom, like your face
Speaker 1: and smile. It's like fully giving Susan And it is
Speaker 1: like wowing me to hell out. But oh baby, you
Speaker 1: set a lot of people at your feet today. Oh
Speaker 1: I want them right here in my heart. Yeah, thank you?
Speaker 1: How do you eat an elephant? One by it? Time?
Speaker 1: Taking a moment to just massage my heart space after
Speaker 1: that release of an episode, y'all, I am fangirling so hard.
Speaker 1: I have been following Ruth King for over a decade
Speaker 1: and having her on the show is literally just a
Speaker 1: dream realized. I hope that you are all feeling a
Speaker 1: little freer and giving yourself more grace and more space
Speaker 1: to process whatever we go through. We're just not alone,
Speaker 1: you know. Ruth is leaving us with so many juicy
Speaker 1: goodies to continue our healing work. First off is a
Speaker 1: free webinar Let's talk about race and what to do
Speaker 1: with emotional distress. She also has a self city course
Speaker 1: called Healing Rage Guidance that educates the heart and transforms
Speaker 1: the mind. I'll drop a link to both of these
Speaker 1: as well of all of Ruth's publications in the show notes, Happy, Messy, Beautiful, healing,
Speaker 1: Love you Hi. If you have comments on something you
Speaker 1: said in this episode, call eight six six Hey Joe,
Speaker 1: if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight
Speaker 1: six six four three nine five four five five. Don't
Speaker 1: forget to tell us your name and the episode you're
Speaker 1: referring to. You might just hear your message on a
Speaker 1: future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents
Speaker 1: Jay dot Ill. The podcast Jay dot Ill is a
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Speaker 1: favorite shows.