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Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot Ill, a production of iHeartRadio. Well, welcome,

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Speaker 1: Hi everybody. I'm taking deep breath. Sometimes you gotta take

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Speaker 1: a deep breath. It's been quite a week, you know,

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Speaker 1: lots of lots of stress and having to set people

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Speaker 1: straight here, there and all over the war. I am

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Speaker 1: here fortunately with my beautiful sister friends, Agia Grad and

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Speaker 1: Dan's I love that. Darling, Hello Doll, Hello Darling, and

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Speaker 1: the lovely lovely lies Saint Clair. I am present, he

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Speaker 1: is present, Yes, double all the meanings to that. I'm

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Speaker 1: Initially I was talking about stress, friends, but I am

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Speaker 1: I have I've definitely had some moments, and here is

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Speaker 1: one of them. Years ago, I guess it was like

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Speaker 1: nineteen ninety six. Oh that's how long it was. But

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Speaker 1: I still feel it in my body. Oh yep, I

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Speaker 1: still feel it. Apartheid had ended and they were doing

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Speaker 1: the whole Truth and Reconciliation Commission, remember that. And I

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Speaker 1: remember sitting there and I was listening to these stories

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Speaker 1: and it was like, you know, I'm I'm very sorry

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Speaker 1: that I put your daughter in a tire and I

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Speaker 1: poured gasoline on it and I set it on fire

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Speaker 1: and I rolled it down the street till it hit

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Speaker 1: your house. I'm sorry, I was wrong. And I got

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Speaker 1: about maybe about thirty five minutes into this and I

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Speaker 1: felt something. I still feel it. I feel this immense

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Speaker 1: amount of there's no there's no other it's only rage.

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Speaker 1: It's it's just rage because later here I am. I

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Speaker 1: was in South Africa, and there were times when you know,

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Speaker 1: I wasn't necessarily served immediately although I was there first.

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Speaker 1: You know, there were times when, you know, going through

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Speaker 1: the neighborhoods, I'm looking at this community of huts um.

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Speaker 1: That's the that's the only thing I could think to

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Speaker 1: call it right now, no disrespect police. And I'm hanging

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Speaker 1: out in Um. I think they call them shanties. Shanties,

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Speaker 1: thank you. And I'm hanging out and I'm in a

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Speaker 1: bar barbecue spot, and I have to go to the

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Speaker 1: bathroom and there's, you know, a hole in the ground,

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Speaker 1: and I gotta, you know, go to the bathroom in

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Speaker 1: this hole. And I just and then you continue on

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Speaker 1: in South Africa and it's like it's so much wealth

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Speaker 1: and I know that this this, this whole country was

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Speaker 1: stolen um and it just enraged me that these people,

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Speaker 1: these these murdering people were forgiven, forgiven, and they were

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Speaker 1: allowed to keep their land, They were allowed to keep

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Speaker 1: all all the benefits of being there. They were not

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Speaker 1: put in prison for murdering children and women and people. People,

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Speaker 1: just people murdering people. And I'm telling you that my

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Speaker 1: blood pressure went so high. I've never had a problem

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Speaker 1: with blood pressure, despite what some people might think. But

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Speaker 1: I've never had problem with blood pressure. But when I'm

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Speaker 1: telling you that my blood pressure went so high that

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Speaker 1: I could hear a sound because I thought, finally, finally,

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Speaker 1: somebody is going to pay for the atrocities done to

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Speaker 1: brown people. Oh so well, bless your optimism, my love.

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Speaker 1: Just I hoped. I hoped, and I hoped, and it

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Speaker 1: made me sick. Oh, today we're talking about rage, and

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Speaker 1: we have the privilege and the pleasure Layah or age.

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Speaker 1: If you would be so kind to please introduce this

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Speaker 1: beautiful woman, this this bright spirit that we have the

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Speaker 1: privilege of looking at. You guys don't but but you

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Speaker 1: must look looking fine, look and see if you would

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Speaker 1: please introduce her. M I gotta get myself together. Yeah, y'all,

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Speaker 1: y'all will definitely need to Google at this point of

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Speaker 1: the podcast to get into her to get into her light.

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Speaker 1: But y'all know that I'm not as gifted with the

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Speaker 1: intros as Joe Joe Growl because I have so many

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Speaker 1: thoughts on your on that I have so many thoughts

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Speaker 1: another a circle back. But so forgive me if I read,

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Speaker 1: because I just want to make sure that we say

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Speaker 1: the proper things about our current about our guests today.

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Speaker 1: Our guest today is Ruth King. So how she explains

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Speaker 1: it is that rage sits at the crossroads of personal transformation.

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Speaker 1: Those of us seeking more self aware will inevitably stumble

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Speaker 1: upon personal rage on the path. And rage is not

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Speaker 1: to be understood as a useless emotion. It's empty of

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Speaker 1: story or knowledge, but it's clarity and untapped fuel. Embraced

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Speaker 1: with compassion, the energy trapped in rage becomes an intimate

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Speaker 1: and empathic teacher, offering balance, integrity, and inner peace to

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Speaker 1: your healing journey, relationships and service. And so Ruth King

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Speaker 1: is the founder of Mindful of Race Institute, LLC. And

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Speaker 1: it's a celebrated author, educator, and meditation teacher. She is

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Speaker 1: an elder, a heart activist, African American with Chocta our roots,

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Speaker 1: great grandmother and Native Californian She currently resides on Now,

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Speaker 1: did I read this word right? Unseated Territory of the

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Speaker 1: Hataba Indigenous Nations in Charlotte, North Carolina, with her wife,

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Speaker 1: doctor Barbara Riley. There's so many more things we could

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Speaker 1: tell you about Ruth King, but you know, I had

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Speaker 1: to read that word for word because y'all needed to understand,

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Speaker 1: like what power she enters this conversation with. So, ladies

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Speaker 1: and gentlemen, welcome to j dot Il Ruth Kang. Baby

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Speaker 1: girls who needed such a Buddhism on this. You're beautiful,

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Speaker 1: All of you are beautiful, and you know, I just

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Speaker 1: it's a lot to be said, right, I mean, I

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Speaker 1: so connect in the seventy five year old body with

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Speaker 1: the generational rage inheritance right of what our people have lived,

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Speaker 1: what we still carry in our bodies. So I so,

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Speaker 1: you know, and it's not like it's that far away. Uh,

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Speaker 1: It's it's not like it's this thing that happened way

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Speaker 1: that them. So we see if we look, we see

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Speaker 1: the shape, the skeletal shape of white supremacy that impinges

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Speaker 1: on every aspect of our lives. And of course, I

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Speaker 1: mean one of the reasons rage is such an important

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Speaker 1: focus is it's it's so appropriate for us to have

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Speaker 1: the emotion of rage, and it's equally important to befriended. Right.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, right, So it's like, okay, so this did happen,

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Speaker 1: This shit happened. And the truth of the matter is

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Speaker 1: anything can happen to us at any time. We're vulnerable

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Speaker 1: in that way. Some of us, these black bodies, are

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Speaker 1: more vulnerable than most. So we're vulnerable in this flesh,

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Speaker 1: in this body, we're vulnerable. We're sensing if we're nature right,

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Speaker 1: we feel life where artists, we're creators, we give birth,

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Speaker 1: you know, I mean, we're all of that. So it's

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Speaker 1: no way to not be touched by our history and

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Speaker 1: not to inherit. What's I'm finished And one of the

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Speaker 1: things I talk about in my work after giving offering

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Speaker 1: a Celebration of Rage retreat for fifteen years across the nation,

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Speaker 1: a place where women could come and be in the

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Speaker 1: raw expression of rage, without consequence, without judgment, without projection,

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Speaker 1: in ceremony, in vibration, in emotional release, not just for catharsis,

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Speaker 1: but to rest then in the space that gets created

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Speaker 1: from the release of what we've been holding. Right, So

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Speaker 1: the eye. That's one way of being thinking about befriending.

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Speaker 1: How do I just climb back and reclaim this body

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Speaker 1: that I've been shocked out of right in a way

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Speaker 1: that I then can rebirth myself. But we don't get

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Speaker 1: to do it out there. We have to reclaim the domain.

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Speaker 1: So these rage retreats were places where we can be

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Speaker 1: in ceremony. We can be in sacred states to tell

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Speaker 1: our stories, not just to be heard, but to be

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Speaker 1: but to release the toxic inflammation that represents in our bodies.

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Speaker 1: We need ceremony for that, We need other bodies for that,

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Speaker 1: and we need to not be interrupted when that's happening.

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Speaker 1: We need to break some shit, tear up some rooms.

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Speaker 1: This retreat offered all of that, a place where you

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Speaker 1: can really, you know, kind of release through these bodies

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Speaker 1: a lot of that trauma. It already happened for the year.

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Speaker 1: The retreat I know, I'm like were happened. The retreat

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Speaker 1: happened for years. It was in the Bay areas, in

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Speaker 1: the Bay Area. Bay already vibrates someplace. Yeah, b yeah,

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I'm surprised. I read a whole boar.

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Speaker 1: It was like a whole barnyard that had all kinds

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Speaker 1: of music equipment hooked up and big basin uh space

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Speaker 1: to dance, and we worked in blindfolds and we we

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Speaker 1: we really you know, we had altars and we moved

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Speaker 1: around like earth bound. More real talk after the break.

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Speaker 1: I hate to even interrupt. Oh my God, Lord, forgive me. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I want you to circle back to ceremony. Oh this word,

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Speaker 1: so I know that, like the special being word right

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Speaker 1: now is intentionality. But ceremony, Like, let's talk about that,

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Speaker 1: like why the need for ceremony? And I know you

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Speaker 1: did kind of speak to that a little bit in

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Speaker 1: your explanation. If you could expound on that, like what

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Speaker 1: is the importance of creating that specific space and specific

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Speaker 1: activities around release and rage? Oh that's good, that's really good.

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Speaker 1: So so um ceremony is you could say that it's

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Speaker 1: sacred community. You know, when we could sit in our

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Speaker 1: own room and read a book and get knowledge, but

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Speaker 1: when we're in community, intentional community, where we all know

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Speaker 1: why we're walking through this door. We all know why

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Speaker 1: we're coming. Y'all share that in common. It may be

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Speaker 1: dressed up differently, but we're all coming for that reason.

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Speaker 1: And the reason for this rage work was to investigate,

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Speaker 1: to release what's being held that's killing us, to release

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Speaker 1: it in a sacred place. And we need other bodies

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Speaker 1: to witness that, to not to that, to affirm that,

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Speaker 1: m to pray with us with that, to um, to

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Speaker 1: get that it's older and bigger than us. To ceremony

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Speaker 1: to me also brings them the elements of working with

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Speaker 1: the earth, planting this shit in the ground, burning up

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Speaker 1: some of the you know, using the fire element to

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Speaker 1: burn up some of the stories we carry that are

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Speaker 1: no longer true if they ever were, and look at it,

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Speaker 1: just some of the internalized ways we believed or drank

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Speaker 1: the kolid right. So we need places where we get

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Speaker 1: to aarate that we put it out, and then by

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Speaker 1: hearing other people's story, it's like, damn, I didn't even

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Speaker 1: know that happened to me, But that we wake up.

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Speaker 1: We wake up in ceremony again. If we come in

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Speaker 1: with intention, I'm coming in here. I'm interested in healing

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Speaker 1: more than I am and being right. Okay, you have

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Speaker 1: to want something more than your story. You have to

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Speaker 1: be willing to look at a bigger story and join

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Speaker 1: a bigger ocean, like we're all rivers kind of making

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Speaker 1: our way to the ocean. We're joining the ocean. Is

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Speaker 1: this something that's alike to like shouting in church or

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Speaker 1: you know, we talk about community, and you know different

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Speaker 1: groups of folks they talk about community or uma or

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Speaker 1: the fellowship, this kind of idea that this has to

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Speaker 1: happen under an umbrella of something bigger than ourselves. Well,

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Speaker 1: you know, I was raised in the Pentecostal church, saying

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Speaker 1: in the choir, there's a lot about what I remember

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Speaker 1: about the church was that growing up was that the

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Speaker 1: person who got happy and spoken times was not the

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Speaker 1: same person that needed to know what that meant. Oftentimes

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Speaker 1: the person that's spoken times, somebody else in the community

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Speaker 1: knew what that meant. So there was this call and response.

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Speaker 1: You see that also in the yodel of a tradition

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Speaker 1: when you go to the Bimbays and there's the dancing

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Speaker 1: and drumming and the African risha's are making themselves revealed. Right,

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Speaker 1: whoever is invoked in spirit is not necessarily be the

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Speaker 1: one that is bringing a message, but providing a certainly

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Speaker 1: energetic release that is recognized within community. So I guess

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Speaker 1: you could say that when you come into an intentional space.

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Speaker 1: Whether it's a church or a bimbay or a rage retreat,

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Speaker 1: you come in with intention. You're coming into holy ground,

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Speaker 1: you're coming into being held and whatever gets released, it

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Speaker 1: doesn't I mean, everybody's not releasing in the same way,

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Speaker 1: but everybody comes with the intention of letting go, and

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Speaker 1: a lot of people come with the intention of letting go.

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Speaker 1: They may not let go in that space, but they'll

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Speaker 1: let go at some other time, But it doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: it's not being cooked, right, So I think, yeah, there's

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Speaker 1: not a program of it. It's like you come in

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Speaker 1: the door and you open up to the sky and

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Speaker 1: you're you have permission and space to release, have that

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Speaker 1: be narrated so that you can then see something bigger

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Speaker 1: than what you can just see it from what it is,

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Speaker 1: and usually it's bigger than what's the story you're holding

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Speaker 1: about it, And so you come with a certain curiosity

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Speaker 1: to kind of open to that. Not with a heart

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Speaker 1: I got to know, but I'm willing to surrender and

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Speaker 1: see what this rage is here to try to teach me,

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Speaker 1: because there's wisdom in it. It's usually an energy that

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Speaker 1: helped us survive, but it doesn't always help us heal. Right,

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Speaker 1: so we have to survive but not necessarily heal. Woa

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Speaker 1: now that baby, Jill, Jill, go ahead, you know you

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Speaker 1: know how that is applicable. Come on, ma'am. It may

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Speaker 1: help you survive, get through it, but not heal, but

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Speaker 1: not heal. And you be running around surviving and believing

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Speaker 1: that you have coped, that you have made it. You

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Speaker 1: send messaging around having made it when you are simply

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Speaker 1: in survival mode, you have not healed, and you are

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Speaker 1: teaching other people your raggedy ass survival techniques. And it

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Speaker 1: goes from generation to generation and then something pops up

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Speaker 1: and all of the stuff from the other thing that

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Speaker 1: you've been holding onto explodes. The other thing about it

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Speaker 1: is that it's rage is initiatory, but it's not transformative.

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Speaker 1: So it's a kind of energy that lights us up,

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Speaker 1: sets us on fire. But it's a comma, not a

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Speaker 1: period you got you know, it's not transformative energy. It's

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Speaker 1: it's it's luminous. It's a lot of truth in it,

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Speaker 1: but it's not the endgame. It's not enough to just

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Speaker 1: be righteous in it. We have to listen deeply and

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Speaker 1: it belongs to us. A lot of times we think

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Speaker 1: it belongs to these folks out here, but it's really

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Speaker 1: trying to whisper in our ear. Hey. You know, it's

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Speaker 1: a protector in a way. It's a protective energy. It

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Speaker 1: alerts us to something, some boundary that's being violated, or

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Speaker 1: some story that hasn't been cared for a well, or

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Speaker 1: some ancestor that's trying to tell you to clean this

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Speaker 1: shut up so we don't have to keep carrying it

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Speaker 1: to the next generation. Right. I mean, it's a kin

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Speaker 1: to how the body responds to everything. Right, So like

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Speaker 1: the body does some wowshit to let you know something's

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Speaker 1: not working, something hasn't connected exactly. It puts fluid around

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Speaker 1: a joint, bam, you know, just trying to protect. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was watching them the other night. I watched it

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Speaker 1: again just recently for many reasons. But there was a

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Speaker 1: point where there was a brother in there and he

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Speaker 1: was being antagonized by his mind. I suppose that's the

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Speaker 1: best way I could call. He was being in agonized

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Speaker 1: by his mind, a memory of a thing not being present,

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Speaker 1: not being able to protect, and he at some point

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Speaker 1: this this expression of rage was just super powerful. He

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Speaker 1: was he was saying he was the beast of the field,

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Speaker 1: and it was it was grunting, and it was it

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Speaker 1: was spit flying, and it was tears and all the things.

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Speaker 1: I think maybe, I mean, that's one way to express

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Speaker 1: I think is that a scary for people because it

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Speaker 1: was scary watching. See, That's that's why we need some ceremony.

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Speaker 1: We need some sacred space for that kind of expression. Now,

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Speaker 1: one of the things I think is so important for us,

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Speaker 1: especially as women, to understand around rage is the way

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Speaker 1: we've been conditioned to disguise it so sour. Our immediate

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Speaker 1: association with rage is that image jil you just describe,

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Speaker 1: you know, a person that's you know, on er what

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Speaker 1: I call the defiance disguise of rage in my book.

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Speaker 1: But I'm talking about six ways we tempt to roll

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Speaker 1: with rage, to be like that all the time, right,

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Speaker 1: because it is scary to people, So we've learned ways

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Speaker 1: to kind of package that. So it's not helpful always,

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Speaker 1: but it's a cover on top of an emotion that

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Speaker 1: a we're afraid of and be we know it could

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Speaker 1: scared to shit out of other people, so we keep

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Speaker 1: it on the wraps and it takes on other shapes.

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Speaker 1: So there's these six ways that it shows up. One

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Speaker 1: is a dominance. We try to control everything so that

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Speaker 1: we're never controlled. So that's one form of a cover up.

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Speaker 1: I know y'all probably aren't going anything about that, but

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Speaker 1: it happens to be my primary. If I can just

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Speaker 1: control everything, I'm going to, you know, keep this on

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Speaker 1: the wraps. Another one is the defiance type, which is

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Speaker 1: the seething I'm out, I'm in your face, Um, I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm not having it kind of outward expression, which is

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Speaker 1: what we usually associate with with rage, but it's it's, uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's one way. And then we have distraction,

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Speaker 1: where we're busy all the time consuming everything in our reach,

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Speaker 1: trying to get get this, that and the other, filling

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Speaker 1: ourselves up with all kinds of material things to try

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Speaker 1: to feel what feels insatiable, right, this kind of craze

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Speaker 1: and craving that we think can keep us just under

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Speaker 1: wraps with rage. And then we have devotiony disguise of

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Speaker 1: rage as a person who's helping everybody at the expense

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Speaker 1: of ourselfs um as a way of keeping everything nice

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Speaker 1: and under wraps and let me just try to take

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Speaker 1: care of you and never quite taking care of themselves.

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Speaker 1: That's another way of kind of bypassing the fuck you

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Speaker 1: kind of way that we really want to bring it,

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Speaker 1: but we can't really feel like we can do it

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Speaker 1: that way. Too much truth, too much truth, roal, slowdown,

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Speaker 1: slow down, okay boo. Yeah, that part doesn't make a

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Speaker 1: lot of sense to me, because if you know, if

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Speaker 1: you're if you're trying to help somebody, but you're not

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Speaker 1: in a good way, like I guess that would have

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Speaker 1: to be so, and it's not really self aware because

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Speaker 1: I will go somewhere else, I will go somewhere and

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Speaker 1: get quiet on you real quick. I need help. I

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Speaker 1: need to I need to gather myself fuck because I

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Speaker 1: cannot imagine trying to help when I'm not. Okay, there's

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Speaker 1: two more. There is the depression disguise, which is someone

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Speaker 1: that shuts down to kind of like a teapot's seeping.

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Speaker 1: You kind of keep the top on, keep the lid on.

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Speaker 1: It's a heavy lid, but you walk around with this

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Speaker 1: kind of weight that's suppressing not just rage, but a

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Speaker 1: lot of other emotions. And then there is the dependence disguise,

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Speaker 1: a person who is never quite able to be of

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Speaker 1: her own voice because her dependent her survival is dependent

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Speaker 1: upon other people to take care of her, so she's

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Speaker 1: compromised on what she says and how she rolls because

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Speaker 1: of this kind of dynamic. I'm saying these quickly, but

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Speaker 1: in the book totally centers around these six disguises, their shadows,

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Speaker 1: and their wisdom, because they all have wisdom. So many

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Speaker 1: of our baby boomer moms were experience and would all

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Speaker 1: of them. You might identify with one or two, and

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Speaker 1: because they all have shadows, it'll look like you're identifying

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Speaker 1: with all of them, but you're not. It's usually we

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Speaker 1: roll with one or two as our lead, and then

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00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 1: we attract our opposites. Like the dominance disguise is going

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Speaker 1: to attract the dependence disguise because they kind of mirrort

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Speaker 1: what the others need. The distraction is going to at

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Speaker 1: marry half kids and pets that are the depression disguise

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Speaker 1: because the hyperactivity of a well of a distraction disguise

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Speaker 1: moving all the time. Their biggest fear is a depression

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Speaker 1: disguise has kind of collapsed and pulled in. But they

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Speaker 1: end up attracting each other and then being at war

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Speaker 1: with each other until they befriend each other, and then

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Speaker 1: the wisdom's able to shine through. So there's kind of

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Speaker 1: a typology in this that's a lot of fun to understand.

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Speaker 1: And when we kind of take it to the level

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Speaker 1: of typology, it's not personal these disguises because we're all

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Speaker 1: conditioned around it to as a defense making us. So

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Speaker 1: you have a right to defend ourselves until we know better.

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Speaker 1: You know, we have another way, y'all. Be kind to

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Speaker 1: each other. This is all I'm gonna say. Be kind,

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Speaker 1: be kind, be kind, be kind. Doctor King is trying

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Speaker 1: to help y'all understand that we are all carrying this

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Speaker 1: shit over around. We'll be kind. The name of doctor

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Speaker 1: Ruth King. I'm a doctor. Yes, No, I'm not a doctor. No,

358
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Speaker 1: because she is a doctor's she is healing the people today. King. Okay, Yes,

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00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,879
Speaker 1: and there you are annoying to And if somebody somebody

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Speaker 1: want to fight me, fight me, join you on a night.

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Speaker 1: I bet I haven't see me in the street, see

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Speaker 1: me in a streat at a place right there in

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Speaker 1: the back alley. We could just go right there. I've

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00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 1: been there many times. We're gonna take a quick break

365
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 1: and then we'll be right back the name of doctor

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Speaker 1: Ruth King's book. The book is Healing Rage Women, Making

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Speaker 1: Inner Peace Possible. Inner Peace man o, Inner Peace Woman.

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Speaker 1: That thing it just sounds good. It's got a good

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Speaker 1: vibration on an inner piece, like an easy thing. But

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Speaker 1: it does sound good. It does. It feels good. It

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Speaker 1: sounds good, and nobody said it was easy. Yeah, it

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Speaker 1: just sounds like hard. It seems like a lot of

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Speaker 1: self reflection and a lot of opening opening the zipper

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Speaker 1: and letting your whole self come on out and dealing

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Speaker 1: with things bit by bit. My talk good about the

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00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:04,919
Speaker 1: same thing is it's just like when you when you go, um,

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Speaker 1: it's there. It's like a it's this like a prayer.

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00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,760
Speaker 1: I mean, it's all the things. Huh you said, it's dancing,

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00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 1: it's like a prayer circle. Or women also or telling

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Speaker 1: their stories oh yeah, oh yeah. And then we're also

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Speaker 1: interrupting some of the habitual ways, you know, all of

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Speaker 1: the all of the automatic assumptions and automatic things that

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00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 1: come out of our mouth. Like I remember growing up

384
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 1: when um my mother used to say, you better shut

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Speaker 1: your mouth, you know, get in that corner and shut

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00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:40,040
Speaker 1: your mouth right. And now I find myself telling my

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00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:44,399
Speaker 1: grand and great crimp and kids. You better get in

388
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 1: that corner and take a breath, you know, you know,

389
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,160
Speaker 1: you don't have to shut your mouth, but you can't

390
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,440
Speaker 1: take a deep breath and talk at the same time.

391
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 1: So it's kind of the same thing, but it's given

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00:27:56,920 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 1: more permission to just Hey, come on back home, coming

393
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 1: back here. Right, that's a beautiful evolution that a lot

394
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 1: of your peers have not evolved to. So how on

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00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 1: the daily just how do you deal with that? Having

396
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:18,480
Speaker 1: all this knowledge, knowing about rage? And it's interesting even

397
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:20,879
Speaker 1: what Asia said, you know, be kind to each other.

398
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 1: I feel like the folks who are conscious of all

399
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,159
Speaker 1: these things that you're telling us, yes, we will be

400
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 1: kind to each other. But there's a whole population out

401
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:32,480
Speaker 1: there people who are not conscious of all the rage

402
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 1: and the meanings, and black people and black women in

403
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 1: rage and on the daily when you go outside, Yeah,

404
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 1: what are some easy I don't even want to say easy.

405
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 1: How do you code? Yeah? Yeah, it takes a minute, right,

406
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think this is like a quick six.

407
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 1: You have to want it bad. You have to want

408
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 1: peace bad, right, Like, so what gets you to that?

409
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 1: You know, like, um, it's hard to talk to people

410
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 1: that are in a perpetual states of crises to sit

411
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 1: down and take a breath. But you almost need to

412
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 1: be in that habit where you discover that stillness and

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00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 1: silence is one of the best medicines you can give yourself.

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00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,040
Speaker 1: And in fact, you're the only one that can give

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00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:27,239
Speaker 1: that to yourself. And and it almost feels like an

416
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 1: impossible consideration when life is so fast paced and so

417
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 1: challenging because of being like you don't deserve it, because

418
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Speaker 1: I yes, So you have to want it bad, right,

419
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 1: you have to you have to want it. So I

420
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 1: when I was twenty seven, I had open heart surgery.

421
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:53,000
Speaker 1: It was a micro valve prolapse. I you know, I

422
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:56,040
Speaker 1: had a baby when I was fifteen. I was a

423
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: single mom, and I we kind of grew up together,

424
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: and I just made tons of mistakes in that journey.

425
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 1: And as you continue to grow, if you're looking at

426
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 1: your children and you care, you know, you have a

427
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 1: minute to kind of step out of the craziness and

428
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 1: see your impact, then that's a beautiful thing. I mean,

429
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 1: that gives you often a reason to want to maybe

430
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 1: kind of try some things on differently. But the heart surgery,

431
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:31,240
Speaker 1: what I realized in the recovery of it, where I

432
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 1: couldn't be in that fast paced, dominant disguise and distraction disguise,

433
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 1: or feeling myself up with so much activity that I

434
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 1: didn't feel my life because I was in recovery. And

435
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 1: I hear a lot of people talking about this today

436
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 1: who are going through recovery with COVID where they've been

437
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 1: forced to stop. Right. When you're forced to stop, you

438
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 1: kind of left with yourself and if you're listening, if

439
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:04,200
Speaker 1: you have and oftentimes we're invoked into listening and kind

440
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:11,240
Speaker 1: of surrendering into our physicalities more, we start to feel

441
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 1: the life we've been living if not running from right.

442
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,080
Speaker 1: And when we start to do that, we start to

443
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 1: feel the achiness and soreness. Is why most people just

444
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:24,440
Speaker 1: prefer to keep running from it of the life we've

445
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 1: been living, because it really requires we want to heal

446
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 1: that we make some different choices. And the first choice

447
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 1: I think we need to make is to pause, is

448
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:40,520
Speaker 1: to pause, and to turn our intention inward and drop

449
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 1: it down, and to take a few breaths just to

450
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 1: give ourselves a break and to question right. I mean,

451
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 1: I think we have a lot of questions that we

452
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 1: need to ask ourselves, like, is what I'm doing right now,

453
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 1: is how I'm thinking right now contributing to more distress

454
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 1: or a release from distress? You know, given my thoughts

455
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 1: right now and what I'm heated up about, what am

456
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 1: I giving birth to? Because we're always giving birth to

457
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 1: something through our actions, through our attitudes. You know, is

458
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 1: there a way in this moment that I can comfort myself,

459
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:33,160
Speaker 1: something I can do for myself that's not dependent upon

460
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:37,840
Speaker 1: it coming from the outside. Can I hunt myself? Can

461
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 1: I swanfend the insides of my hands? Can I feel

462
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 1: my feet touching the earth? Can I travel with the

463
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 1: exhale of my breath just so I can rest just

464
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 1: a little right here and now? Little things like that.

465
00:32:55,080 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 1: I think we're invited to gentle ourselves and to wholeness

466
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 1: and to our own sense of health, but we have

467
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: to want it right. I don't know about everybody that's

468
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 1: listening to Jay Dadela podcast right now. I don't. I

469
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 1: don't know you know where you are. I don't I

470
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 1: don't know what you're thinking. And this might sound like, oh,

471
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 1: that's that whole tep shit. You know, you know, do

472
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 1: you have me tep tep okay um. What I'm gathering

473
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 1: about all of what you've said, doctor Kang, is that

474
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 1: that is that peace costs costs, you have to pay

475
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 1: for it. That doesn't mean, you know, financially, it means

476
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 1: that you have to give up something to get something.

477
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 1: Is that right? Or am I reaching invest in? Invest

478
00:33:56,000 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 1: in that? You say, say more about white you think

479
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 1: you might be giving up something or you have to

480
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 1: give up something? Say more, well, I say that our

481
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:16,799
Speaker 1: ugliness is one of our favorite habits, because if it wasn't,

482
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 1: why would we be so ugly on a regular basis?

483
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 1: You know, I mean as humanity. I'm just speaking out

484
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:27,400
Speaker 1: about all of us. And that means that you have

485
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 1: to give up the thing that you may enjoy the most.

486
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe the the pain or frustration or rage, if

487
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 1: you will, shows up in alcoholism. Maybe it shows up

488
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 1: in um, you know, from oscurity, if you will. I

489
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 1: don't like that word. I don't like that word, but

490
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 1: you know, maybe it shows up in the mates that

491
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:57,360
Speaker 1: you choose, what you what you do with your time,

492
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:02,360
Speaker 1: you might really enjoy, you know, getting getting lit on

493
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 1: a regular basis. What you got to give that up? Gail?

494
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 1: Or you have to address it differently. Yeah, I'm glad

495
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 1: I asked you more of what you meant, because I

496
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 1: do think in that sense you have. The way I

497
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 1: would say it is, you have to want something more

498
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 1: than your habit, whatever that habit might be. You have

499
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:31,480
Speaker 1: to Yeah, yeah, so I guess you could say you

500
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 1: have to give something up, but a lot of people

501
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 1: don't respond well to I got to give something up.

502
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:39,800
Speaker 1: But if I could take it to the level of

503
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 1: you have to want something more, you have to want

504
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 1: something more than what you got in order, you know,

505
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 1: then maybe you'll consider that in order to have that,

506
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 1: something has to shift. So I have aunt who and

507
00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,360
Speaker 1: she and I will talk for hours about kinds of

508
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 1: different things. And a while ago and this kind of

509
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 1: stayed with me for a very long time when she

510
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 1: told me about, um, you know, I would talk about

511
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,000
Speaker 1: my interactions with people, maybe my mate, maybe friends, maybe

512
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 1: my children, whomever. And she was like, you know, you're

513
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 1: kind of responsible for the place where you are an agent,

514
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:21,000
Speaker 1: Like you know, if you ever enlighten yourself to a

515
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 1: certain level, you have to respond according to what you know.

516
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 1: So if you know a thing and you know, maybe

517
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:31,480
Speaker 1: the person you're upset with doesn't know that thing. You

518
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 1: can then revert to respond to them the way that

519
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 1: you know where they are at. You have to respond

520
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: according to what you know. So if you know how

521
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:41,600
Speaker 1: to handle it in a certain kind of way, your

522
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:45,279
Speaker 1: response is a space you have, You're you're responsible to

523
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 1: respond in that way. Now, I want to put a

524
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:52,919
Speaker 1: pin in that, because my real question is my real question.

525
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:57,080
Speaker 1: You're not talking to your aunt right now, right, I know, right.

526
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 1: My real question is that, Okay, so you do that

527
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:04,520
Speaker 1: for so many years you feel like, Okay, I can

528
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 1: access a certain calm, I can access a certain kind

529
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:10,600
Speaker 1: of knowledge when I go out into the world. But

530
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 1: there's a I've had times where I've like envied people

531
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 1: who can just be mad, who can just can have

532
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 1: a grown up ass tantrum. Excuse my language. I'm sorry,

533
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:24,280
Speaker 1: I really because I have a potty mouth who already

534
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:26,760
Speaker 1: said some things, you know, she says. I know I'd

535
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 1: accustoded love. First of all, I love a potty mouth

536
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 1: black woman. I just understand that is the thing in

537
00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:37,279
Speaker 1: my heart that But my thing is that, you know,

538
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 1: sometimes I just want to be able to have that release,

539
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 1: like it's like, and then there are times when I

540
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 1: know part of my language. I'm old that and I

541
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:51,480
Speaker 1: and I'm so used to subduing it out of responsibility,

542
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 1: out of a certain emotional responsibility, that I can't even

543
00:37:55,760 --> 00:38:00,120
Speaker 1: access the rage that I want to to have, have

544
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 1: that release. And sometimes that can be a really difficult

545
00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:06,719
Speaker 1: thing for me. And and a lot of times it

546
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,440
Speaker 1: comes out as, oh girl, you got more patience than me.

547
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:12,759
Speaker 1: Oh girl, are you so nice? I wish I was

548
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:16,560
Speaker 1: like you, And I literally on an inside, am like

549
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:22,719
Speaker 1: losing my ship. I've been called a pussy because of that.

550
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 1: Maybe I prove her kindness. I choose it. I do

551
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 1: the best I can wherever I can, because years ago

552
00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 1: my mother married a man and the man wasn't a

553
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:40,320
Speaker 1: nice man, and he was he was physically abusive, and

554
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 1: I acted out as a little person. So up until

555
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:56,839
Speaker 1: about maybe twelve, I caused harm like I didn't fight.

556
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:01,080
Speaker 1: I mean and I one day I realized if I

557
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 1: didn't catch this, I was going to go to jail.

558
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,320
Speaker 1: And that made me decide that I was going to

559
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:11,839
Speaker 1: do the best I can to do anything I can

560
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 1: not to physically harm anybody. Because it was pretty bad.

561
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:27,719
Speaker 1: I will say so. I I do believe in going

562
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:31,720
Speaker 1: outside and put my feet in the grass and scream aloud,

563
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,839
Speaker 1: I do have my mountain. Y'all opposites in this moment,

564
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:39,800
Speaker 1: and I go ahead, and my shooting gun m in

565
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:42,439
Speaker 1: this moment. As as Asia just said what she said,

566
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 1: you say, well, you say what you say, you go ahead. Now,

567
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:53,120
Speaker 1: I just I was just I was listening to the

568
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:54,759
Speaker 1: bother room and I was listening to how Asia is

569
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,759
Speaker 1: basically saying that she suppresses and then come out to

570
00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:00,719
Speaker 1: others as her being soft. And I was listening to

571
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 1: Jill say that she must suppress or else she will

572
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:07,919
Speaker 1: fucking kill somebody. H So that that's what I heard.

573
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:11,279
Speaker 1: But Ruth, what is your interpret take? Well, you know, yes,

574
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:15,239
Speaker 1: and yes, here's a thing. I mean, range is a

575
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:22,439
Speaker 1: legitimate emotion, the energy of it, the stories that run

576
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:26,880
Speaker 1: in our minds, that it stimulates and circulates around the

577
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:32,919
Speaker 1: truth of it, you know. Um, And then we're left

578
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 1: with them what do we do next? What do we

579
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:41,000
Speaker 1: do next? And I think what we do next becomes

580
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:46,360
Speaker 1: a kind of dance. It's a cop of cosmic dance

581
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:52,120
Speaker 1: because we are relational in all of our outputting and thoughts.

582
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 1: So it's what we do next. So if you have.

583
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:03,800
Speaker 1: You're saying one thing and feeling another. This boiling that

584
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:08,360
Speaker 1: can happen inside. It's it's for you to attend to.

585
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 1: You know, maybe maybe the response is right jel if

586
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 1: you're like choosing to be nice, but it still feels

587
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:20,759
Speaker 1: like it's cooking on the inside. Right there's so they're

588
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 1: still rage happening. I think nice and kind are two

589
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 1: different things. Okay, so being kind and nice, how are

590
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:29,359
Speaker 1: you seeing a different I just want to be clear.

591
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 1: Nice is like polite. Um, you don't actually have to

592
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:38,880
Speaker 1: feel that way. You could just be like, hello, good morning,

593
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 1: how are you today. You don't mean it, you're not

594
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:44,640
Speaker 1: really asking you, but you're being nice, And then kind

595
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:49,919
Speaker 1: um is a lot more genuine. I gotta deep, dig

596
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:55,719
Speaker 1: down in now and fine of fine where sometimes it's deep,

597
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:58,520
Speaker 1: sometimes it's right at the surface. But I look for it,

598
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:02,400
Speaker 1: like what is the thing that's going to keep me

599
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:12,959
Speaker 1: out of jail? Out of jail? Okay? So the prisons girl,

600
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,839
Speaker 1: when they take them away, what were doing? How what's

601
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:18,760
Speaker 1: the motivation gonna be? I don't know. I'll find another

602
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 1: one because I don't like that. I don't I don't

603
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:24,400
Speaker 1: particularly like that girl. I don't particularly care for her

604
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:28,960
Speaker 1: because the way she responded and I'm saying it like,

605
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:32,759
Speaker 1: it's not not me, but okay, the way I responded

606
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:36,839
Speaker 1: as a child was not to me, Qui I wasn't

607
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:41,239
Speaker 1: gonna live very long, and you know, yeah, yeah it was.

608
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,840
Speaker 1: It was. It was all kinds of stuff violent that

609
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 1: I it's it's so you're choosing kindness, and the motivation

610
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 1: behind it is to keep your ass out of jail.

611
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:58,840
Speaker 1: So I'm listening to that piece. Yeah, the motivation around

612
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 1: my kindness these days is because I feel better. It

613
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 1: does feel good when I make that choice. That's a

614
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:11,760
Speaker 1: different aspiration, that's a different energy behind it. It's because

615
00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:16,320
Speaker 1: I'm not imprisoned with how I'm holding and being with

616
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:19,360
Speaker 1: what's happening right now. It's still screwed out, mind you.

617
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,960
Speaker 1: I still think you're you know, you're not somebody I

618
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:24,959
Speaker 1: want to be sitting on the front rule of my life.

619
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,360
Speaker 1: But I still have a few things I'm going to

620
00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:31,359
Speaker 1: get around to saying to you. But right now I'm

621
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 1: choosing to stop prisoning myself with how I'm holding this energy.

622
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:40,440
Speaker 1: So in those situations, I might just be sitting there

623
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 1: breathing for a minute and reminding myself of my intention.

624
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 1: So if the intention is I ain't going to jail,

625
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,880
Speaker 1: if I say that, I won't go to jail, or

626
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,320
Speaker 1: there could be that spin on it where you know,

627
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:59,240
Speaker 1: there's a certain kind of distant politeness that's happening because

628
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:02,080
Speaker 1: that person has the permission to go off. But I

629
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:05,000
Speaker 1: know I can't do that, or its probably best that

630
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:08,160
Speaker 1: I don't, Right, So I think in those moments, and

631
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:11,800
Speaker 1: maybe not at that time, but at a deeper time

632
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:14,400
Speaker 1: or a time when you can get yourself still and

633
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 1: ask a deeper question, like, you know, how do I

634
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:20,800
Speaker 1: want to be moving in the world period? And what

635
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:23,880
Speaker 1: does you know? What does kind? Kind is? I remember

636
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:28,480
Speaker 1: being dead right, Okay, I was righteous. I was so

637
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 1: righteous about how I felt. Whether I said it or not,

638
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 1: people could read me like a book because I was

639
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:38,400
Speaker 1: saying so much in my silence. You know, you know

640
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 1: how we can be with that look? Right? Yes? Yeah,

641
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:44,800
Speaker 1: so I was rolling like that, but I had open

642
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:49,040
Speaker 1: heart surgery. Okay, I'm telling you these kind of cooked

643
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:51,840
Speaker 1: ways that we're holding it. If the intention is not

644
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 1: clean and bless, it is killing us is more worried

645
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 1: about how that kay and the rage that that's not

646
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:08,239
Speaker 1: being like transmuted expressed. That's what I'm worried about too.

647
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 1: When Asia was talking about keeping that in, I kept

648
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:13,399
Speaker 1: thinking to myself too, like there are so many people

649
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:15,680
Speaker 1: out here that don't feel like they have the permission

650
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:19,120
Speaker 1: to go off. So it's a continued suppression, like you

651
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,239
Speaker 1: can do that. I can't. That's not something that I'm

652
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 1: allowed to do because or else if I do it, Oh,

653
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 1: I'm crazy. I'm this. It's gonna be a whole bunch

654
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:28,239
Speaker 1: of other repercussions. But you're allowed to So I'm just gonnam.

655
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 1: And we're also using that language about death, having others

656
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 1: doing this this harm to you that would that your

657
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,120
Speaker 1: body will respond to, and we're just talking about it

658
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:43,080
Speaker 1: before you came on about saying to people you're not

659
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:46,719
Speaker 1: gonna kill me. But what I'm getting from what you're

660
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 1: saying is that it's like, well, yeah, I gotta be

661
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 1: having that conversation with myself too. I will not I

662
00:45:53,239 --> 00:45:57,160
Speaker 1: will not do the harm to myself. So I mean

663
00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:00,640
Speaker 1: when you just feel like yelling, right, AGA, that means

664
00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:02,879
Speaker 1: yell when you feel like, don't always suppress that, then

665
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:04,800
Speaker 1: that's what that means, right, I ain't gonna lie to you.

666
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:08,440
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be transparent right now. I'm really I'm really

667
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:12,480
Speaker 1: going through a period of my life where my filter

668
00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 1: is leaving me and I see it come out in

669
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,320
Speaker 1: certain kinds of ways. And I have been really like

670
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:22,440
Speaker 1: I've been expressing to my children about it, like talking

671
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:24,800
Speaker 1: to them about it so that they don't take it personally,

672
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:28,359
Speaker 1: but it comes out. It's like I just tell them

673
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:31,839
Speaker 1: all the time, like okay, listen. I know that maybe

674
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 1: you're not used to hearing me talk like that or this,

675
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: that and the other, but it's like, right now, my

676
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:41,359
Speaker 1: ability to hold it it's not the same. And though

677
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 1: you may have not known me, you don't. You didn't

678
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 1: know me my whole life. You know me your whole life,

679
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 1: and then only half of that time have you been

680
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:51,600
Speaker 1: aware enough to know me as a person. So like

681
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 1: this right now, you got to understand Mom is a

682
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,839
Speaker 1: human and I'm going through a change in the way

683
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 1: that I relate to the world outside of my self.

684
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:05,640
Speaker 1: And it literally just happened earlier today, Like I talk,

685
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:09,280
Speaker 1: I just talk, and my older kids are like bloom.

686
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:13,319
Speaker 1: I think what could be important when I think back

687
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:16,759
Speaker 1: of growing up and the lack of filters that I

688
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 1: felt was in my family system. What could make a

689
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 1: difference is balancing that when you come out of periods

690
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:28,759
Speaker 1: like that, that you flood that system with love and

691
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 1: when you talk about what you learned from you know,

692
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:34,759
Speaker 1: one of the things you know, Like I talked to

693
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:38,640
Speaker 1: my grandkids now about what I'm learning about myself when

694
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:41,640
Speaker 1: I find myself in periods like that, because they're going

695
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 1: through really challenging times in their lives. And so I

696
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:48,720
Speaker 1: find myself telling stories about when I was in times

697
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:51,040
Speaker 1: like that. This is what I learned, this is what

698
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,680
Speaker 1: I figured out when I was in that space, This

699
00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 1: is what I'm discovering about myself. And and I think that,

700
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 1: along with the freedom to just say whatever you're saying,

701
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:10,239
Speaker 1: helps the kids understand the fullness, not just the explosion. Right,

702
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:14,760
Speaker 1: I amn't always like an explosion. Sometimes it's just an honesty.

703
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:17,400
Speaker 1: It's just a or the way that I choose my

704
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:22,719
Speaker 1: language where and yeah, very frank, Yeah, balance. So I'm

705
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 1: getting balance. But I'm also curious. And I know we

706
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:28,719
Speaker 1: talked about this from a very kind of personal woman

707
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:32,160
Speaker 1: to woman space, but so much of your work is

708
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:35,560
Speaker 1: helping us to understand this, as in relationship to being black,

709
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 1: And I really want to talk about that because the

710
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:46,359
Speaker 1: way that we read our behaviors and so, like I'll

711
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:48,440
Speaker 1: go back to what you talked about earlier about these

712
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:52,439
Speaker 1: six different ways, right, we read these behaviors of black

713
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:55,640
Speaker 1: people as a whole and all of these kind of

714
00:48:55,719 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 1: trauma responses or these six different ways. I can even

715
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 1: look into us as a community and see those ways,

716
00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 1: And I'm trying to help in my mind, I'm trying

717
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 1: to make a connection here around that, around the kind

718
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:11,080
Speaker 1: of empathy that we can look at each other with

719
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:14,759
Speaker 1: in our own kind of responses to rage, so that

720
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 1: we're not participating in a harmful conversation about how those

721
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:23,560
Speaker 1: things are viewed, you know what I'm saying. So anyway,

722
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:26,239
Speaker 1: I would love love to kind of talk about that. Yeah,

723
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:31,120
Speaker 1: it's not an immediate solution to the way we roll

724
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:35,320
Speaker 1: with our projections on each other because we're conditioned to

725
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:42,120
Speaker 1: We're already dealing with internalized depression around issues often around

726
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:45,880
Speaker 1: esteem or you know how much space we feel like

727
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:51,320
Speaker 1: we can occupy different levels of people feeling they have

728
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:56,360
Speaker 1: permission to come out without apology and other people, you know,

729
00:49:56,760 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 1: I mean, so this is complex to say to the least.

730
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:05,280
Speaker 1: But I think when we understand, we get a system

731
00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:09,960
Speaker 1: in our own heads around how we're seeing and perceiving things.

732
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:14,919
Speaker 1: We're able to talk to other people about that. Right,

733
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:19,680
Speaker 1: So I like having systems of meaning in my heart

734
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:23,319
Speaker 1: and mind so that I can make sense and kind

735
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:26,160
Speaker 1: of I don't want to say analyze, but I can

736
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:30,360
Speaker 1: kind of interpret what's happening in a loving way. A

737
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:33,640
Speaker 1: bit part of what you're saying has to do with

738
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:37,439
Speaker 1: is there a way for me to be with those

739
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 1: I love, those in my community, people in our tribe

740
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:46,560
Speaker 1: and remove the judgment from it? Can I exchange judgment

741
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:52,320
Speaker 1: for compassion? Yes? Can I see myself and everybody I

742
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:55,640
Speaker 1: look at? Can I stand a little bit of myself there?

743
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:58,600
Speaker 1: Because you know we can? Yes, And that begins to

744
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:02,360
Speaker 1: develop and right in a certain kind of empathy and

745
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:07,400
Speaker 1: intimacy with the craziness we might see, or this struggle

746
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:10,080
Speaker 1: that we might see over here, or this addiction we

747
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:12,719
Speaker 1: might see there. I mean, we've all been addicted to something. Right,

748
00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:16,840
Speaker 1: if we could train the heart mind to be in

749
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:21,640
Speaker 1: relationship to our perceptions in that way, right to where

750
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:25,720
Speaker 1: we put in the forefront, as you're saying, Jill kindness.

751
00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:30,160
Speaker 1: I'm choosing kindness, you know, I'm choosing to to to

752
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:35,440
Speaker 1: see through the lens of kindness. Even the ugliness. I

753
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 1: can still filter it through this kind of light, this

754
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 1: this this way of holding people even I mean, I'd

755
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:49,080
Speaker 1: see a lot of craziness in my own family. Don't

756
00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:52,759
Speaker 1: even get me started on it's just a lot, uh,

757
00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:57,040
Speaker 1: you know. But I want to what I try to do.

758
00:51:57,320 --> 00:52:00,480
Speaker 1: I have a sister who passed away a few years

759
00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 1: ago of pancreatic cancer. It came and it hit her quick,

760
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:08,719
Speaker 1: and she left quick. But she really was difficult and

761
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:13,279
Speaker 1: hadn't talked spoken to me in many years. And I

762
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:17,160
Speaker 1: did a lot of trying to connect with her. I

763
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:19,320
Speaker 1: knew she was ill. I wanted to be there. I

764
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 1: wanted to kind of be with her. She wouldn't have it.

765
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:25,759
Speaker 1: She wouldn't answer the phone, and she died. You know,

766
00:52:26,200 --> 00:52:28,959
Speaker 1: she wasn't trying to see me. You know, she died

767
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:33,440
Speaker 1: without I felt a bit unfinished with her personally, but

768
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:35,880
Speaker 1: I didn't feel unfinished in my own heart because I

769
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:41,279
Speaker 1: understood she just could not get over the rage of

770
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:44,160
Speaker 1: how she dealt not just with me, but with a

771
00:52:44,239 --> 00:52:46,759
Speaker 1: lot of people. But what happened. And this is a

772
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:51,680
Speaker 1: promise I have for us always is that when I

773
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:55,880
Speaker 1: went to the gathering for her in our family, it

774
00:52:56,120 --> 00:53:00,360
Speaker 1: was her kids that centered around me. Right, it was

775
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:02,800
Speaker 1: them that I had a chance to hold in my

776
00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:06,319
Speaker 1: arms and comfort and tell them how precious they were

777
00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:09,920
Speaker 1: because they hadn't heard that from their mom. Right, it

778
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,719
Speaker 1: was them that I had a chance to love up

779
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:15,080
Speaker 1: without a lot of words, but just to be there

780
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:19,680
Speaker 1: for them, and through my own example, right through my

781
00:53:19,840 --> 00:53:24,760
Speaker 1: own example, was able to show them an alternative, somebody

782
00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:28,040
Speaker 1: that could roll a bit more with their heart. So

783
00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:32,480
Speaker 1: I think we need these examples, you know, these kind

784
00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:36,200
Speaker 1: of pillars, and they're there in our communities. We need

785
00:53:36,239 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 1: to put them on the big lights and tell their

786
00:53:39,239 --> 00:53:41,839
Speaker 1: stories more often when we're putting our kids to bed

787
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 1: or sitting around the kitchen table, you know, tell those stories,

788
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:52,279
Speaker 1: tell those stories of strength and tenderness to to you know,

789
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:55,000
Speaker 1: we need that language back, We need our stories back.

790
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 1: We need to remember what we who we are and

791
00:53:59,560 --> 00:54:01,680
Speaker 1: how we all. We need to bring in the poets

792
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:09,439
Speaker 1: and the you know, the the artists, more conversation after

793
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:23,279
Speaker 1: the break. This is a dumb question. I'm assuming our

794
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:26,040
Speaker 1: hearts have all been broken by our people, right in

795
00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:27,880
Speaker 1: some form of fashion, like just a little crack. We

796
00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:30,680
Speaker 1: always come back. It's never total broke, but like in

797
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 1: that frame of mind, like in a more general because

798
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:35,000
Speaker 1: that's where I am in my head right now. I

799
00:54:35,040 --> 00:54:38,720
Speaker 1: have some heartbroken things generally about the interactions of black

800
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:41,600
Speaker 1: men and women and some of the history behind it.

801
00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:45,319
Speaker 1: How do you how about that aspect of things when

802
00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:50,160
Speaker 1: you're dealing with your phone, your votes, and it's on

803
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:53,279
Speaker 1: that level because you are so aware, so I know

804
00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:55,719
Speaker 1: at any given time you could be angry and if

805
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,040
Speaker 1: you want to, yeah, don't, don't put me up there

806
00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:01,280
Speaker 1: on a pass. So because I'm feel like my market

807
00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:06,400
Speaker 1: breaks just like yours, I just think maybe because of

808
00:55:06,880 --> 00:55:12,040
Speaker 1: my practices or maybe my age, or because I'm devoted

809
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 1: to not suffering, that I made a kind of regroup

810
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:22,200
Speaker 1: and getting myself back up again. What I what I like?

811
00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 1: I just had a really challenging time. I just had

812
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:29,759
Speaker 1: a great granddaughter, the second one, and you know it's

813
00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:33,920
Speaker 1: she's coming into a situation that's really challenging. And they

814
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:38,399
Speaker 1: live in California. I'm in North Carolina. I went out

815
00:55:38,520 --> 00:55:44,759
Speaker 1: this weekend and planted a Japanese maple tree dedicated to her,

816
00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:48,280
Speaker 1: and that's where I'm going to be putting my prayers

817
00:55:48,520 --> 00:55:51,719
Speaker 1: and the earth around this tree. It could be a

818
00:55:51,920 --> 00:55:55,359
Speaker 1: potted plant in your room, you know, But it's kind

819
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:59,640
Speaker 1: of a way that I'm just offering it up because

820
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 1: I can't fix it. Right, there's things we just can't fix,

821
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:07,360
Speaker 1: but we we can't turn away either, Right. I'm not

822
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,680
Speaker 1: my heart's not closed, and if it's hoping, I'm gonna

823
00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:13,759
Speaker 1: feel all of life. So that's the deal where you

824
00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:17,200
Speaker 1: make you go, Okay, I'm here. It is can you sit?

825
00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:20,560
Speaker 1: And this is a This is why meditation just comes

826
00:56:20,640 --> 00:56:24,080
Speaker 1: down so sweetly. Say it again, Ruth, say it again me.

827
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:30,600
Speaker 1: The meditation just allows me over time, intraveniously, little drops

828
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:33,840
Speaker 1: at a time, allows me to just sit with this

829
00:56:35,440 --> 00:56:42,360
Speaker 1: craziness without going crazy more and more. Okay, you're talking parables.

830
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:46,160
Speaker 1: You're talking parables, and it is like that's my favorite

831
00:56:46,239 --> 00:56:49,880
Speaker 1: kind of talk. Baby baby, baby talk to me. Who

832
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:55,719
Speaker 1: is so I mean doing really so effortlessly, and it's

833
00:56:55,719 --> 00:56:59,719
Speaker 1: about it. It's about practice. And honestly, like you know,

834
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:03,720
Speaker 1: you know in my Alan Irison voices like this about practice.

835
00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:08,440
Speaker 1: It is another thing I just want to drop in

836
00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:13,000
Speaker 1: this because this is far from hopeless, right, Okay, I

837
00:57:13,120 --> 00:57:17,040
Speaker 1: know it feels like you gotta be the one to practicing.

838
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:23,640
Speaker 1: But if there's enough of us practicing, that's potent. You know,

839
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:26,960
Speaker 1: we're we're connected. You know, everybody don't need to send

840
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:29,000
Speaker 1: to practice. Some of us can't do that. But if

841
00:57:29,040 --> 00:57:35,000
Speaker 1: there's enough of its practicing, that's rich, that's composted, suffering

842
00:57:35,320 --> 00:57:40,240
Speaker 1: into into soil, that's so sweet for our vegetable garden,

843
00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:44,680
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, So if you're sending it them and

844
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,560
Speaker 1: ten of us a singer, you want us are sending

845
00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:51,960
Speaker 1: and sending those prayers and offering up that light. Yes,

846
00:57:52,080 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 1: it's happening. And this is so beautifully anti capitalistic. It's

847
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 1: so anti all of this shit. No, seriously, because it's

848
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:03,440
Speaker 1: like everything is so individualized. And you have said so

849
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:07,200
Speaker 1: many times in this conversation and and circle back to

850
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:11,200
Speaker 1: community and circled back into the importance of a gathering

851
00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:20,880
Speaker 1: of a gathering of minds, a gathering of practices. Right,

852
00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:31,920
Speaker 1: see how you have pulled this thing into you continue

853
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:35,720
Speaker 1: to say this thing and it's like it is on

854
00:58:36,040 --> 00:58:38,320
Speaker 1: some level a thing that we have a hard time

855
00:58:38,360 --> 00:58:41,560
Speaker 1: wrapping our minds around. I read this, and I'm not

856
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:43,520
Speaker 1: gonna get super deep into this, but I read this,

857
00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 1: this study a couple of days ago about just like

858
00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:50,480
Speaker 1: the lot of aristocracy and how like that kind of

859
00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:52,400
Speaker 1: pulling yourself up by your own boot straps, and if

860
00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:54,120
Speaker 1: you work real hard, you're gonna get what you what

861
00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:56,840
Speaker 1: you work for. And now black people, you know, buying

862
00:58:56,920 --> 00:59:02,120
Speaker 1: into this da YadA, And what I walked away from

863
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:07,800
Speaker 1: it was that this sense of like the collective power

864
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:10,840
Speaker 1: that we have in our minds and what we will

865
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:14,360
Speaker 1: accept and not accept is directly going to be associated

866
00:59:14,400 --> 00:59:17,800
Speaker 1: with our physical health and with the future, the future

867
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:21,000
Speaker 1: that our children feel comfortable enough with demanding for themselves.

868
00:59:21,560 --> 00:59:25,680
Speaker 1: And so if we are not in our minds understanding this,

869
00:59:25,880 --> 00:59:27,880
Speaker 1: if we're not taking a step back from this kind

870
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:33,760
Speaker 1: of individual way of thinking and this individual input outcome thing,

871
00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:38,720
Speaker 1: that this is not African. It is not good for us.

872
00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:42,680
Speaker 1: It is detrimental to us as a community politically, socially,

873
00:59:42,760 --> 00:59:48,080
Speaker 1: but more importantly physiologically, like it is going to be

874
00:59:48,520 --> 00:59:52,680
Speaker 1: to our detriment for many, many more generations. And you

875
00:59:52,920 --> 00:59:56,400
Speaker 1: saying this to me is so in line with what

876
00:59:56,640 --> 01:00:00,040
Speaker 1: I needed to hear and validating something that I it

877
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:04,040
Speaker 1: really just read that I am understanding fully that it

878
01:00:04,160 --> 01:00:06,200
Speaker 1: was meant for us to have this conversation. And I'm

879
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:11,280
Speaker 1: so grateful and I want to shout out Amber, our producer,

880
01:00:11,880 --> 01:00:14,560
Speaker 1: because she needs to be acknowledged in her bringing of

881
01:00:14,680 --> 01:00:18,880
Speaker 1: you into our space. Indeed, she needs to be acknowledged

882
01:00:18,920 --> 01:00:24,000
Speaker 1: this agree. She is the youngest of us and yet um,

883
01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:26,520
Speaker 1: you know, we have this thing with age, but she's

884
01:00:26,520 --> 01:00:30,960
Speaker 1: the youngest of us and exceptionally wise, she educates us

885
01:00:31,480 --> 01:00:35,120
Speaker 1: every time we have a conversation, and believe it or not,

886
01:00:35,320 --> 01:00:37,520
Speaker 1: this is the conversation we needed to day for a

887
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:43,520
Speaker 1: lot of reason. It's so good. Well, I just want

888
01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:47,520
Speaker 1: you to know that it's it's happening. We you know this.

889
01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:52,320
Speaker 1: It feels like it's you know, our herolin is. You know,

890
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:55,800
Speaker 1: sometimes it can feel like we're starting all over again everything,

891
01:00:55,920 --> 01:00:58,760
Speaker 1: but it's it's just not true. It's real, but it's

892
01:00:58,800 --> 01:01:05,240
Speaker 1: not true. You know. We are definitely have much to

893
01:01:06,240 --> 01:01:13,120
Speaker 1: celebrate in terms of our resilience and our artistry and

894
01:01:14,560 --> 01:01:17,560
Speaker 1: just the way our hearts just continue to shine. And

895
01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:21,360
Speaker 1: it's important to remember that what's I'm finished, just reborn

896
01:01:21,680 --> 01:01:26,000
Speaker 1: and at some point we we we really do want

897
01:01:26,040 --> 01:01:30,360
Speaker 1: to be that kind of generational legacy, and seed planting

898
01:01:31,200 --> 01:01:34,280
Speaker 1: is a big part of what we need to remember

899
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:37,040
Speaker 1: that we're doing all the time, whether we're conscious of

900
01:01:37,120 --> 01:01:40,440
Speaker 1: it or not. Whatever we put out there gets seated

901
01:01:40,480 --> 01:01:43,640
Speaker 1: in it a bloom. So becoming more and more sensitive

902
01:01:43,720 --> 01:01:46,920
Speaker 1: to that is an important piece. And that's why the

903
01:01:47,080 --> 01:01:51,360
Speaker 1: rage retreat is returning. When room no, I can't read

904
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:56,040
Speaker 1: you know this whole body, I have something. So what

905
01:01:56,120 --> 01:01:57,960
Speaker 1: you're saying is that when we get to come to

906
01:01:58,000 --> 01:02:02,040
Speaker 1: the training around how we can then bring that to

907
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:06,760
Speaker 1: where we are you and carry on your legacy. I

908
01:02:06,920 --> 01:02:09,880
Speaker 1: love that. I do have a free webinar that I'm

909
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:15,080
Speaker 1: offering around let's talk about race um how to work

910
01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:18,240
Speaker 1: with our emotional distress. So that's a free offering that

911
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:21,600
Speaker 1: that's going on right now, a training half an hour

912
01:02:21,720 --> 01:02:25,640
Speaker 1: training for anybody that would like to begin to work

913
01:02:25,680 --> 01:02:27,680
Speaker 1: with how the nervous system and the brain and the

914
01:02:27,760 --> 01:02:32,440
Speaker 1: body is doing this dance and how to detangle so

915
01:02:33,160 --> 01:02:38,880
Speaker 1: that I would hope that serves. I'm so happy, and

916
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:45,720
Speaker 1: then she is with I hope that serves. Yeah, I

917
01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:54,440
Speaker 1: love that. Yeah, guy, And this is where I start crying. Oh, okay, good,

918
01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:57,120
Speaker 1: And this is where it begins. This is why I

919
01:02:57,200 --> 01:02:59,800
Speaker 1: start crying because I'm even gonna lie to you like

920
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:03,520
Speaker 1: you're giving my mother this entire time. So anybody who

921
01:03:03,880 --> 01:03:07,520
Speaker 1: lie you like you know my mom, like your face

922
01:03:07,640 --> 01:03:12,440
Speaker 1: and smile. It's like fully giving Susan And it is

923
01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:18,200
Speaker 1: like wowing me to hell out. But oh baby, you

924
01:03:18,320 --> 01:03:20,680
Speaker 1: set a lot of people at your feet today. Oh

925
01:03:21,280 --> 01:03:24,320
Speaker 1: I want them right here in my heart. Yeah, thank you?

926
01:03:29,600 --> 01:03:34,120
Speaker 1: How do you eat an elephant? One by it? Time?

927
01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:42,120
Speaker 1: Taking a moment to just massage my heart space after

928
01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:46,800
Speaker 1: that release of an episode, y'all, I am fangirling so hard.

929
01:03:47,440 --> 01:03:49,920
Speaker 1: I have been following Ruth King for over a decade

930
01:03:50,120 --> 01:03:52,680
Speaker 1: and having her on the show is literally just a

931
01:03:52,840 --> 01:03:56,240
Speaker 1: dream realized. I hope that you are all feeling a

932
01:03:56,320 --> 01:04:00,840
Speaker 1: little freer and giving yourself more grace and more space

933
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:05,160
Speaker 1: to process whatever we go through. We're just not alone,

934
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:10,760
Speaker 1: you know. Ruth is leaving us with so many juicy

935
01:04:10,840 --> 01:04:14,440
Speaker 1: goodies to continue our healing work. First off is a

936
01:04:14,560 --> 01:04:18,520
Speaker 1: free webinar Let's talk about race and what to do

937
01:04:18,640 --> 01:04:22,280
Speaker 1: with emotional distress. She also has a self city course

938
01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:27,040
Speaker 1: called Healing Rage Guidance that educates the heart and transforms

939
01:04:27,040 --> 01:04:29,560
Speaker 1: the mind. I'll drop a link to both of these

940
01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:37,560
Speaker 1: as well of all of Ruth's publications in the show notes, Happy, Messy, Beautiful, healing,

941
01:04:38,560 --> 01:04:53,440
Speaker 1: Love you Hi. If you have comments on something you

942
01:04:53,560 --> 01:04:57,439
Speaker 1: said in this episode, call eight six six Hey Joe,

943
01:04:58,000 --> 01:05:00,640
Speaker 1: if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight

944
01:05:00,840 --> 01:05:04,400
Speaker 1: six six four three nine five four five five. Don't

945
01:05:04,440 --> 01:05:06,720
Speaker 1: forget to tell us your name and the episode you're

946
01:05:06,760 --> 01:05:10,160
Speaker 1: referring to. You might just hear your message on a

947
01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:14,400
Speaker 1: future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents

948
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:20,720
Speaker 1: Jay dot Ill. The podcast Jay dot Ill is a

949
01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:26,400
Speaker 1: production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the

950
01:05:26,520 --> 01:05:31,320
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

951
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:32,280
Speaker 1: favorite shows.